#anyway lot of rambling but this is really a life experience

[shire-ivy]

Finally saw Wicked live in Broadway this week and let me say that something has changed within me, something is not the same

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A redraw of the official icons of the ten named slugcats from Rain World, arranged in two rows: Survivor, Monk, Hunter, Nightcat, and Gourmand in the first, Artificer, Rivulet, Spearmaster, Saint and Enot/Inv in the second. Each is drawn in roughly the same pose as in the original art and fitted with speculative interpretations of their biology, and the second image is a “dead” version of this. For example, all ten have slug-like rhinophores in place of ears, cuttlefish-like colorful eyes with strangely-shaped pupils, cephalopod-like beak "teeth", expressive barbels or oral tentacles at the corners of mouths, spiny radulas, and the frilly mantle fringes of sea slugs, though otherwise their faces are squishy, simple and mammalian-shaped.

Cream-colored Survivor and yellow Monk both share triangular, bicolored spots matching their eyes (which are tan and brown, and two shades of blue, respectively), small, bumpy fringes, and relatively neutral looks on their faces. Defensive-looking Hunter is mostly a dull orange-pink, though their blobby fringe is a more violent red and their back is purple and marred with lumps. Nightcat is navy blue and flecked with dots of yellow and teal, their rolled rhinophores are a lighter blue, and their shading fractures into stars in some places. Gourmand is almost uniformly tan, their wide, very ruffly white mantle fringe bordered by a spray of white spots, and their beak sticks out from either corner of their smile. Primarily red Artificer, snarling, has yellow markings of multiple sorts, a prominent yellow dewlap and their characteristic dark scar taking out a chunk of its face. Rivulet is a darker blue than usual, with long barbels, red gills and rings, countershading, and a cheerful expression, sticking out their radula. Spearmaster is purple with orange accents, eyes and spots, a large fringe and spines down their back. Saint’s green caryophyllidia are marked by small, yellow diamonds, and their long, thin radula extends far below them. Enot is decorated with mottled red stripes, blue patches, yellow stars, and an uneven and almost cartoonish imitation of blush, though generally the same deep blue as Nightcat, a passive or almost slightly smug look on their face and their rolled rhinophores out to either side.

In the second image, nine of the slugcats’ eyes are crossed out, indicating that these are death icons. They look fairly the same, with mostly expression differences. Survivor is caught in the beginning of a threat display, a karma flower sprouts from Monk’s side, Hunter is burdened with overgrowing, purple and blue rot, Nightcat’s rhinophores are pinned back, and Gourmand looks mildly disheartened. For the final row, Artificer bites its radula between small plumes of smoke, Rivulet drops their expression, Spearmaster looks very startled, Saint looks almost entirely the same besides half-open eyes and their markings greater in number, and Enot grins confusedly. End ID]

If you'll excuse the unusually lengthy ID: the arena meme introduced by @pansear-doodles at long last after a nearly year-long wip status (or, rather, finished a month ago today to honor my own first time playing it!)

Design notes and shout-outs under cut! :]

The following people are some of those who’ve inspired my designs most since I started this eight months ago (or just inspired me to get a little weirder with slugcat biology), among many others for sure, and I thank them for it–but this is simply to bring attention to artists I find cool, and in no way an obligation to interact or anything :]

> @saturncoyote , @carpsoup , @charseraph , @gallusgalluss , @bitsbug , @dopscratch , and @0hmanit (and a special mention to dddeerbo and hunterlonglegs, who’ve since deactivated)!

Survivor: Surprisingly the hardest to pin down the colors for, since nothing with its sibling's palette seemed to match up right (I did have to add in a little blue somewhere for Monk, the beginning of making it clear how much I’m simply going based off of vibes for the colors of scug innards). I consider them, Monk and Gourmand to be part of the same gene pool of slugcats, and even possibly the same colony even if the latter isn't really related, so took a bit of Gourmand's coloring and fit them in with their inspiration: Goniobranchus verrieri. They serve as a bit of an introduction to my ideas of scug traits (i find it really fun how many people have thought to add so many silly sluglike fixtures of biology completely independent of me, buuut here I’m mostly talking about species variation), and like in-game they’re pretty average! They, Monk and Hunter have a couple scars sourced from a piece of Joar's concept art that I'm failing to find, those across the bridge of the nose, under the eyes, and across the rhinophores, respectively, and my Survivor interpretation features many on the back of the neck, as a result of survived lizard bites.

Monk: Their coloring is primarily based off the fact that I associate them with blue fruits, honestly, a bit because I was compelled to establish a familiarity with Rivulet, and lastly inspired by the spots of Goniobranchus kuniei (and geminus, less important to me as one of my characters is a kuniei instead, but more fitting). Between the yellow + blue and the circular marking in the center of their face, they’re meant to bear a little resemblance to an iterator that shares similarities with the characterization I’ve given them, and similar coding of her sibling can be seen on Survivor’s markings around the eyes. As both a “default” slugcat and one whose campaign I haven’t played, though, I can’t say I have much more to point out about em.

Hunter: The whole rot thing made for a really fun time drawing them, and while the color change on their back is a result of this, it’s also an excuse to relate them to Babakina festiva, arguably my favorite sea slug (mostly for sentimental purposes). And to Spearmaster, a fellow messenger slugcat, and it serves as a gradient between Hunter’s pink and the “traditional” color of Rot seen in the DLLs. Aside from their affliction, they’d actually be the plainest in terms of design, as they don’t have any patterns or quirks of body type, just the red + purple and strange lumps + possible malnutrition. I can’t remember if NSH had created them in particular or just...caught + released or something, but it probably wouldn’t be strange for a lab-grown slugcat to be simple like that.

Gourmand: Like the two above, they’re rather plain in terms of coloring and adaptation, and like the two above, I find that fun. I decided it would be nice to avert the “all slugcats being of the same body type, and Gourmand’s out of place as the exception” thing by just...adding more fat to all of them, really. I did want to emphasize their sheer bulk even so, both fat and muscular (not like I couldn’t have still gone further with it, of course, but slugcat anatomy can be a little obfuscating sometimes, and they were intended to look rather plush considering personal size headcanons and therefore the lack of proper gravity), and the thick and flounced mantle looked like a good addition, as per their sea slug Glossodoris hikuerensis. Unlike Survivor and Monk, I didn’t attempt to hold their resemblance to any particular other character (which means a little less to balance out the “default gene pool” thing), so those are all the design notes I have for em.

Artificer: The second slugcat I’ve ever played, or finished the campaign of, my favorite for at least a long time, and the first thing I did was give them yellow accents, the shape of which have troubled me slightly (not quite like the spots or stripes of the others). They’re both a little more appealing and more explosive-looking to me, and considering how early on I played Arti, actually present in some of my older art. It does give them a little resemblance to Saint (completely intentional, two slugcats with strange relations to karma), as well as the fact that its radula is green for familiarity with one of its children (at some point it was going to have all-green markings, even!). I’m generous with their scars, partly because it was fun to overemphasize the one on their face and partly because it does seem like a reckless slugcat, on top of the dangers of its explosive abilities–I’ll probably just keep adding more forever. Mostly-red sea slugs aren’t too common, but Hexabranchus sanguineus works for sure. The ridged, yellow dewlap can expand for combustion purposes, or something along those lines. Arti’s where I began experimenting with a lot of the mildly-offkilter features seen in my interpretation of slugcats, as they’ve once again been a favorite from the start.

Rivulet: I've obviously given other slugcats spots, deeply enjoy the bubbly-soda markings of other peoples' slugcats, and thought seal riv would be cute. Despite not too closely resembling it, they've been government-assigned Hypselodoris bennetti, for color reasons and for a couple sentimental ones. Originally, the colors of every scug were meant to match up with the custom colors I gave them at the beginning of their campaigns, (though Arti, Gourm and Spearmy are the only three who actually apply here, since I've only played through half the slugcats: I gave arti the yellow as mentioned above, gourm brown eyes and spearmy light pink spears, furthered by the outskirts pearl accompanying me and that palette all the way to moon. Tolerance training for eternity in hell cause I already knew about the maroon pearl quest). I initially gave them the colors of the bi flag for fun... but with the limited palette of this image, I was left without pink for a while and decided to see how they'd look in red. I then realized how they now wonderfully matched Moon, and besides, red's a sort of camouflage in deep water! As a side-note, the difference between their eyes and those of others always bothered me a little for anatomical purposes, and the cephalopod eyes were probably influenced by this!

Spearmaster: Inspired as much as possible by @notyourfunnyman ’s wonderful spearmy: designed in a way that helps it fit in with scavengers, at least between the long sensory tentacles, big ruff, back spines and slightly thin/distended anatomy, a form of defensive mimicry. I always had annulate rhinophores in mind, for a little diversity sure, but mostly because the shape reminds me of radio antennae and communication towers (seems fitting for the comms array and being a messenger slugcat)! I started searching for a real-life slug to give them just by looking up their rhinophore shape...and was met immediately and coincidentally with annulate-topped nudibranchs that fit them more perfectly than I could've imagined: Flabellina and surrounding clades, I think Paraflabellina ischitana works very nicely. The orange was completely unplanned, but there wasn’t a place for light pink among the other slugcats’ palettes, and importantly it likens them to both Hunter and Seven Red Suns a little more.

Saint: I am very much a non-furred slugcat enjoyer, with respect to those who aren’t, so figuring out the only visibly furred slugcat was an interesting challenge. I’ve decided that they likely have other, milder adaptations for help in the cold, mainly just more efficient fat storage, and what looks vaguely like fur is instead a bunch of tubercles (called caryophillia, for the second reminder out of three). Their inspiration doesn’t have these, however, Miamira sinuata’s numerous yellow and blue spots (not to mention...whatever’s going on with that shape) and general effect of being the only really green nudibranch I could find were probably perfect for a strange green echo. Not pictured, but their beak-teeth are tiny and flat to make a surface for grinding soft food against with the lack of a functioning radula, which is tipped with a specialized spiny “grapple-hook” for better traction/grip (not to mention the numerous little teeth running down the whole thing).

(Best part of hiding this under a readmore means edits will be seen by all reblogs, I'm mostly sure, because I completely forgot to mention! The spots on their forehead are simple eyes. Their camera eyes appear closed in-game, I like to believe their complex eyesight is rather poor anyways or otherwise reason that they aren't seeing out of those, and while this was far from her REASON for attunement with the world, it does help compensate for mainly viewing it through a canvas of simple light and dark. This, and the fact that their swapped-out "fur" is not only to commit to a lack of hairs but contributes to sensory input!)

Nightcat/Enot: I guess you could say I found the “these two are technically the same person” compelling. (E.g. similar colors, both very strange and enigmatic, and Enot/Inv/Sofanthiel’s remark during the dating sim about getting removed from Arena Mode.) I doubt they’re the only two slugcats in their body, considering humans with DID tend to have more than a few (and I find it very funny that a slugcat bearing resemblance to Nightcat appears in Gourmand’s ending. They’re allowed in the colony and Enot isn’t </3), and I have to credit @faelingdraws ’s art for being what convinced me on it! Their design inspirations come down to trying to balance a few different ideas: making the patterns and palettes of both look oddly similar (special mention to the stars, since those are fun to draw), basing them off of Felimare sechurana and juliae respectively, using blocks of color with the same placement as in Enot’s official art, and specifically making Enot look...biologically reasonable and imperfect, whilst also clearly trying to imitate human displays of emotion (what with...the eyes and blush on that one piece of official art).

Lastly, here’s just a lineup with notes on body shape and size. Most of the nicknames (existing to give a little more space, that’s all) are obvious, and while I can’t remember why I shortened Nightcat to Nox, it is in honor of my friend by the same nickname :]

[shannonsketches]

something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle

[dreamyintersexouppy]

sending love to all head mates with complex relationships to the body, language isn’t build to adequately describe our senses of identity and that’s fucking rough sometimes! However y’all choose or opt out of labels, I respect your choices!

thank you! but i think that's the thing about it, tma/tme (from how i understand it novas a good explainer but idk if im a good rememberer) isn't opt in or out, it just describes something that exists already, and while my identity as a boy is real queer how i get treated while fronting is still more affected by how people see the body. it feels like a tma if you don't know me/don't know im fronting and tme if you do but even that seems strange (nova says: that sounds like just tme to me cuz of the opportunity to opt out but it could be more complicated). i think the language is good but i also think it matters more to me to be an ally to nova and all my transfem friends than to think forever about where i sit in a framework that wasn't made to benefit me. in the end that stuff is for trans women and as funny as the joke of boy headmate in tma body is i think my position as boy headmate makes me not the authority on actual meaningful discussion

[geee-three]

rewatching alien stage after round 7 heres my thoughts on a prsk version:

sua -> haruka mizu -> an till -> akito ivan -> toya luka -> mafyu hyuna -> shiho

[sun-marie]

It's been a while since I last thought seriously about Dr*gon A*e (even prior to falling in love with BG3) and I think a big part of that is I'm not as big a fan of the setting and the worldbuilding as I used to be. Like to me it really does feel like BW looked at typical fantasy settings and went "hmm okay but what if there was Catholic-enforced racism and abelism". And like. Cool thought experiment bro. Do we really need three games made by primarily white guys about that.

[remyfire]

You rotten scoundrel!!! I just read your fanfic “Like a Silent Song” and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!! YOU SCOUNDREL!!! You write Radar so good, how DARE you!!!

I am attacked by insults and praise at every angle and do not know which to believe!!!! /j

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! ;v; I'm still not entirely confident in his voice, so hearing you say you thought it worked well means a lot to me. Thank you so much!!

[songofwizardry]

things i liked in 2024

for the past few years, i've kept a running list in my notes app of media i really enjoyed over the course of the year, and last year i finally wrote it up properly and put it on tumblr, which was fun! so we're doing that again. with some vague categories, and links where possible, here we go—my 2024 media list:

words (prose, poetry, etc—book links go to storygraph):

non-essential work by Omar Sakr [poetry collection]: i did not read as much poetry as i wanted to this year, but i discovered Omar Sakr online and his work just hit me very hard. my favourite is probably on finding the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in Dante's Inferno.

the gardener's hand series by Felicia Davin [prose, fantasy trilogy]: i read a lot more books this year, and i'm very happy about that! i absolutely adored this series. i started it on a recommendation from a friend (thank you @everyoneinspaceisgay), and not only was it extremely readable, i loved the worldbuilding and the magic in particular, our main characters are so compelling, and it's just a really queer series. not just in the 'oh there's a gay relationship at the centre of this', it is very very queer. loved it. can't believe i haven't heard more about it tbh.

the adventures of amina al-sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty [prose, fantasy]: i knew i was going to love this book, because i adored the daevabad books, but god, this was good. amina is such a good protagonist, there were djinns and magic and high sea hijinks, and while a decent chunk of the reason i loved daevabad was because seeing a fantasy world filled with the islamic mythology and folklore that i grew up with made me really happy and excited, this hit that even more—amina sails the indian ocean, and that's my coastline! i grew up on the Swahili coast, my community's immigration history is shaped by the indian ocean, and i had no idea before i read the book that the indian ocean and its coastlines and trade routes would form such a major part of the story. it was excellent. i got very excited at multiple points. you should read it.

paris daillencourt is about to crumble by Alexis Hall [prose, romance]: my partner is a connoisseur of queer romance. she recommends to me a lot of queer romance, but this one has maybe been my favourite. idk what it was about it—the birmingham references, the joy that was the love interest Tariq, the intense quotability of it all (i have so many screenshots, particularly of quotes from Tanya, who is a secondary school science teacher and who was just extremely relatable to me), the nostalgia it gave me (they're disastrous just-about-twenty-year-old gays and one of them lives in, i quote, 'a house with four other students in birmingham with one bathroom and rising damp', it took me back to 2016 in a very vivid way tbh), it was just great. if you need a gay romance, you should read this one.

honourable mentions go to the two t kingfisher books i read this year (nettle and bone and a house with good bones, both excellent and creepy in a wonderful way) and bury your gays by chuck tingle, which was the perfect thing to read in the depths of summer.

video (ish):

we built a TUBE MAP out of LEGO with working trains! by Geoff Marshall [youtube video]: i don't know how to describe this other than this is a delightful bit of nerdery. so much nerdery. the lego is great, the little trains are incredible, but it's the work that goes into it and the justifications about which lines should be above and below the others that make this video incredible.

bingo - game changer season 6 episode 5 [video, dropout exclusive]: game changer just... keeps doing wild and weird and wonderful things with their format, and i don't know how they keep doing it but they do and i'm having way too much of a good time here. it was really hard to pick one episode from the most recent season to go with. this could easily have been a recommendation for deja vu or beat the buzzer instead. i guess what i'm trying to do is recommend the whole season. anyway, i loved bingo because it did something that got me into game changer to begin with—set up what feels like an innocuous game, so you know there's a twist coming, and slowly, layer by layer, reveal the twist. except this one goes places. it reminded me of some of my game changer favourites (tell us about yourself, lie detector) except boy does it take things to a wholly ridiculous level. sam reich, never stop please.

chris grace: as scarlett johansson [video, dropout exclusive]: (link goes to youtube clip from the show, which is sorta... spoilery?) i don't even know how to describe this. it's a stand-up special about racism, it's about scarlett johansson, it's a one man show, it does some absolutely incredible things with its form and format and works with the medium of dropout presents so well, it made me cry and also left me a little shell-shocked in places, it's funny, it's... look, it's a lot and it's really fucking good. i tried looking for a solid review of it to try and explain what it's like, but i didn't succeed. i think you just gotta watch this one to understand it.

rogue - doctor who season 14 episode 6 [tv show episode] - the most recent season of doctor who has just been... fun, okay. like, i think doctor who is at its best when it is not taking itself too seriously and it's a bit ridiculous and also ridiculously heartfelt. this episode was basically made for me. historical shenanigans! aliens with very specific abilities! d&d references!!! (was not expecting that and got SO excited by it.) the doctor getting overly attached to someone and then losing them promptly! emotional high stakes! banter! a+ work all around. i'm told the bridgerton gays loved it as well (my only reference for this is my partner). it was great. this is what doctor who is about, folks.

the importance of being earnest - national theatre revival [theatre]: ("salmon, this isn't video no matter how far you stretch the definition of video." look, i'm aware. idk where else to put it though, and also, it's going to be in cinemas in february and then it will be video, so i'm just ahead of the times. go with the flow.) i keep saying it feels like i've waited fifteen years to watch this exact production of earnest, and i will keep saying it because it is true. i will write up a better post about it sometime soon (promise), but this was so much fun—it was incredibly camp, it starts off with a drag interlude, it's unabashadely gay and also incredibly pretty (the sets were amazing), and it just felt like a love letter both to the text of the play and to the spirit behind it, yknow? i had an absolutely amazing time watching it, and it's one of my favourite things i've experienced this year. when it's in cinemas, you should watch it if you can.

honourable mentions go to: heartstopper season 3, for pulling absolutely zero punches this season, making me feel extremely nostalgic and a bit old, and for the side-characters of the two gay teachers that i have gotten way too fond of; the good place, which i had obviously watched all of as it aired but that i rewatched with my partner this year, and the ending is still so so so good; and to the nein hells (critical role c3 e111), which was an absolute fucking riot—chaotic and hilarious and still heartfelt, and a very good summation of why i love this ridiculous d&d show.

audio (briefly, because this list has gotten very long and out of hand):

this year i started listening to let's learn everything, which is a truly delightful sci-comm podcast (that i discovered via hearing the cast on Tom Scott's lateral). all their episodes are great commute listens (and remind me to have enthusiasm about science when i am tired which is helpful when my job is... yknow teaching science and being enthusiastic about it), but i particularly enjoyed the episode that has interviews from the Ig Nobel ceremony and the episode about epigenetics and the World Games.

i also kept listening to if books could kill which does a great job of tearing to shreds terrible airport books. i don't have any specific episode recs from this year, but if you've never listened to them before, the episode on the secret is a good place to start!

ok, this has gotten a lot longer than i intended, so i'll stop there. if you've read this far, thanks for coming on this journey with me! i've enjoyed making these lists. 2024 was really wonderful in some ways and... relentless and exhausting and very difficult in other ways. i'm hoping for a bit more time and a bit less exhaustion in 2025, and i'm going to try to keep up my reading, to write a bit more, and to hopefully watch more actual play stuff, because i really didn't watch as much of it as i wanted to this year.

let's see what 2025 brings—new critical role stuff? another season of game changer that will blow my mind again? (definitely.) more doctor who? an alecto the ninth announcement? (if we are very lucky maybe.) we shall see! happy new year, folks!

[theplatypusblue]

All the segments of teen Wu in season 9 are so funny cuz everyone’s just like “Wu, do you know where the dragon armor is?” and Wu’s actual unironic response is “Yeah it came to me in a dream ☺️”

And since they literally have no alternatives in this situation they just. Go in whatever random direction Wu points them in. And I get that’s kinda the point of the whole faith thing and everything but it’s so ridiculous that it’s both funny and terrifying at the same time.

[divine-construct]

i love being an artist because i started seeing every day objects as great art references and then i started seeing strangers on public transport as great art references and then i started seeing the way the light falls into my bedroom every evening as great art reference and then the way my roommate’s hair curls in humid weather and the way my qpp looks when he’s asleep and the way my friend laughs at me when i accidentally do something stupid and. eventually i found that everything is a great art reference. everything is art. the mere existence of the universe is art! and isn’t there nothing greater than being able to be part of this all? to be able to live and experience everything? to be art?

[milimeters-morales]

im finally getting ads completely in spanish now including the close/exit/proceed/shop now buttons that are on them ^_^ gonna start a journal soon for it as well!

[elegyofthemoon]

it's wild thinking about how it's been a whole decade since i actually got into/discovered fragile dreams and it still sits as a game pretty important to me because of how much it inspired me to write

i won't say it's the best game ever. there's moments where the game itself lulls while you're exploring the empty post apocalyptic world. sometimes you'll find yourself wandering without any other music but the sounds of your footsteps, drifting aimlessly through the area, but i think that's what makes discovering the memory items even more endearing. in the empty world where you are a lone survivor, you try and seek out the contact of another human, but all you have are the memories left behind by one

memory items are probably my fave/best thing in fragile dreams, but that could also be because that specific thing is what inspired me to get back into writing. all these little mundane items, yet they each hold a lot of sentiment - a lot of story to them. the ones that were part of a series is honestly really nice when you think about the connections between each human individuals.

if the glass cage project's goal was to bind everyone together, it was pointless because there have always been connections between humans. just not ones as explicit as being able to read another person's thoughts and feelings. it was in the little mundane items. it was in the little moments shared between each other.

[inkykeiji]

i was just completely blown away by your post about agnes and what you said, it really really really resonated with me. i relate to everything you said and i remember reading in a post a while back that he was in the hospital and you felt conflicted about seeing him. i understand that. i also have a complicated relationship with my dad and i just love him so much but i could also be so upset with him because of the things he's done to me and my sister and my mom. oo i can't type too much!! -🧁

oh wow cupcake, thank you so much for this!!! i really appreciate hearing your thoughts, and it’s once again super comforting to hear that there’s someone else who can relate to it as well <33

tw: mentions of drugs + abuse

family in and of itself as a concept can be and often is so incredibly complex, especially when there’s something like drugs and/or abuse thrown into the mix. a lot of people (esp people online, i find) like to act as if these relationships are black and white, as if these feelings and these experiences can be easily and neatly sorted into defined categories when the fact of the matter is, they aren’t, and they can’t. obviously, abuse is bad—this is an objective fact we can all agree on. but when that abuse comes from a family member, a parent, someone who was supposed to be there for you and raise you and love you, it really muddies things.

i love my father, but i do not like him. i am hoping i can find it in me to forgive him for what he’s done to us before he dies, but i’m not sure it’ll happen. i still hold so much anger and bitterness and just generally negative feelings towards him, and in my twenty-something years on this earth i have only JUST begun to work through this shit. and he doesn’t have much time left.

[gothicfied]

(Squid game s2) Can you write a comfort fic about an insecure reader has past trauma and has endured Highschool bullying. When she joins the games and is in the group (Gi-hun, Dae-ho, Jun-hee & others) but once they meet Jun-hee she gets pushed aside and has to join another group in the second game. Feel free to change or add anything, the pairing could be Daeho x reader but it’s up to you <33

Never alone again - Kang Dae-ho / Player 388

Pairing: Kang Dae-ho / Player 388 x Reader

Summary: After seeing you almost die, Dae-ho swore he wouldn't leave your side ever again.

Warnings: Mentions of death/dying, gunshots (typical squid game stuff), other than that it's just fluff, not proof read (english isn't my first language)

Word Count: ~ 1.2k

A/N: hii! tysm for the request and I hope I did it justice.

You believed Gi-hun from the start. You believed he was right, no sane person would just say stuff like that, right? That they kill each player who gets eliminated? He seemed too damn serious for it to be a lie. And lo and behold, he was right. People. Shot dead. Right in front of you. Red-Light-Green-Light was a traumatic experience. You wanted to quit, you wanted to go home, go home and hug your parents and just be grateful to still be alive.

It was like the universe had turned against you. How wasn't everyone scared out of their minds like you? Was money really all that mattered to them? A heated discussion broke out during the first voting, angry voices yelling at each other, accusing Gi-hun of lying. You took all the courage you had left in you to try and stand up for him, at least make it known that you sided with him. Past experiences, especially your school time, usually made it hard for you to speak up, but that shouldn't really be an issue right now — You could end up dead, that's what worried you. After the voting, that didn't go your way at all, Gi-hun showed gratitude for your courage to say something and suggested you'd stick with him from now on.

Added to your group were In-ho, the last player who actually voted 'O', Jung-bae and Dae-ho, who were both former marines. While eating the lunch provided to you by the guards, those two immediately bonded over their former occupation, which you found endearing. Even though you were currently still to shy to join in on their conversations, you were content with just having a group you could stick to — Because you were sure you absolutely wouldn't survive in here alone.

"And, what's your name?" Dae-ho asked, as hd took a seat on the stairs next to you, happily eating his food. When you told him he gasped, almost chocking in the process. "That's my sisters name!" he laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. You just replied with a little "Oh? No way." and then he began rambling about his life, about his four sisters, about how his father sent him to be a marine and so on. He closed his monologue saying "Anyway, that's a really pretty name." and then proceeded to ask you for your leftover food. He made you laugh, which was nice considering you all were stuck in this hellhole.

In Dae-ho's opinion, you two had a lot in common, even if you didn't at all. He suggested you slept in the bed right under his which was.. well, free now after the first game. At night, you couldn't help but overthink your interactions with not only him, but the other three guys, too. They were so nice and welcoming. All of them had a special attribute that will probably be useful in the coming few days.. and you? You had the feeling that you brought nothing to the table.

The next day, a vast majority of the players went into the second game with the impression that this will be Dalgona, like Gi-hun predicted. Apparently not. The female voice over the speakers ordered the players to form groups of five. "Ah, how perfect," In-ho smiled, "guess we'll be a group then." You looked between the men, nodding in agreement and just when you were about to say something-

"Excuse me, are you maybe searching for one more person-?"

"Oh, no I'm sorry, we're actually already five peo-"

"I'm pregnant."

The girl cut Jung-bae off, resting her hands on her pregnant belly. You raised your eyebrows in shock and no one really seemed to know what to do next. Oh, you felt bad for her. She must've been very desperate if she entered the games while being pregnant. You five were just looking at each other confused, until you took a deep breath: "It's okay, I'll find another group. She needs to be with people she can absolutely win with." You looked at the girl and she looked back, slowly giving you a grateful smile. "No it's okay I'll go-" Dae-ho tried to say, but you waved him off, shaking your head.

"Well.. No, you can't just.."

"Dae-ho," In-ho said in a low tone, putting a hand on his shoulder, "she's pregnant." he said, like Dae-ho needed a reminder of what was right in front of him. You weren't that important to the team anyways, and that girl needed your help. So, it was decided, and in the end you did find a team of three players who voted 'X', like you, and one who didn't. You felt fairly safe with these people and even if you didn't, you didn't have much of a choice.

The game was a six-legged pentathlon with five mini games you had to split between each team member to complete. Watching the first few teams go was an absolute adrenaline rush, given the small amount of time of five minutes, the first few players were shot on sight pretty early on. This made you nervous to the point where you could throw up. Your original group was sitting a few meters away from youd current one and you did lock eyes with Dae-ho quite a bit, him giving you reassuring glances or a thumbs up. You mustered up a smile, trying yo calm your thoughts down.

I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this-

Oh but you could. Your team, which came before Gi-hun's, barely made it over the finish line with three seconds to spare, making the crowd of waiting players roar and cheer and yell "Good job!". The most time you lost was at Gonggi, thankfully not your mini game. Being able to beat yours on the first try filled you with the confidence you needed, which was probably the only thing that kept you up on your feet. Speaking of which, the shackles, that bound your left leg together with the player next to you, were taken off of them and you were free to go. Well, back into the dorm area.

Anxiously, you sat on your bed and waited, for your team. Players streamed in, one after the other, just not the ones you were so desperate to see. You were biting your fingernails, your thoughts being flooded with the fear of them all just dying, being left alone to survive this shit.

Suddenly, you heard a voice call out for you. It was Dae-ho (who else?) who basically sprinted to you. Before you could even stand up to reciprocate his hug, he pulled you up into his arms, squeezing the air out if his lungs. "Do you know how scared I was?" he sounded really out of breath. You didn't reply, just hugged him back the best you could and watched Jung-bae laugh to himself, watching the two of you. "I'm so glad you're alive! I'll never let you do that again, okay? Next time, I'll be the one to find another group.. not you okay?" His word vomit just wouldn't stop.

"Let's hope there won't be a next time."

"Obviously there won't be, I won't ever let you leave again."

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

These are a couple doodles from yesterday, Gideon as a younger teen, before the growth spurt, maybe 14? He's discovered he's a vampire, and has a lot of recovery to do, since he's severely blood deficient.

I'm gonna let myself explode about my vampire gideon ideas, under construction, under the cut: (I don't write fanfiction, I just throw up my ideas on a tumblr post, apparently :'D)

This is what I love about tumblr - it's a place where I can throw the doodles (something that isn't finished *artwork*), and let myself be really delusional about fictional characters. So I'm gonna take a moment to ramble about the ideas I have for Gideon as a vampire.

If you're a fellow Gideon Head, HI THERE... anyway, here's my thought process on a potential vampire-gideon backstory???

I've always liked the idea of gideon being a vampire, and also becoming a much better person when he's older. And that got me thinking, maybe those two things are linked. Maybe the vampire thing is somehow tied into his reformation.

But I tend to lean towards building my ideas off canon (as opposed to making an AU). And if gideon was a vampire, and knew this during the events of the show, it would have come to light at some point. So, either he doesn't know he's a vampire, or he becomes one later. Becoming one later works narratively, but he's already so vampiric, with the white hair, pale skin, sunscreen, evil, etc. So I'm like, let's go with that.

So, gideon has gone his whole life without knowing he's a vampire, and without drinking blood. I'm thinking that being a vampire in this case (my gravity falls fan version of what a vampire would be) wouldn't adhere to typical vampire conventions. You don't NEED to drink blood to survive.

Here's the idea I got yesterday: after the events of weirdmageddon, gideons experience motivated him to become a better person. It was the awakening, basically. But in the subsequent years, he's still a little shit. Maybe he's in juvenile detention, or prison again. But now, he has the self awareness to know that what he's doing is wrong. This is where my ideas get a little fuzzy, so bear with me. Bud has his suspicions, and as a last resort, puts gideon on some sort of mission trip type of cross country trip, when he's in his teens. And along the way, maybe at the end, there's this secret group of vampires that open gideons eyes to what he really is.

Basically??? Without blood, gideon is very evil. He's an evil little shit. This may not be how it is for every vampire. Maybe some grow very sickly without blood, just get hungry, etc. The effects of blood deficiency vary from vampire to vampire. But Gideon becomes very unhinged. And he'd essentially been Blood Hangry for his whole life. That being said, some of it was just his personality that he needed to work through, but drinking some blood helped a LOT. Blood isn't food for him, it's more like his medication.

Once he has that discovery, he spends a long while, I'm thinking maybe even a year, just recovering from the deficiency. He's almost always drinking blood to keep up his levels, and he's very rarely seen in public to keep the vampire thing a secret. That's what these drawings were supposed to be, him in his pseudo bedridden state. This period in his life would be one big blur; mostly spent binge watching soap operas and being all cozy. In contrast to his usual suit + tie, he's dressing for max comfort: sweatpants, sweatshirt, a knit hat over his ridiculously big hair, and always wrapped in a blanket. Not sure if somehow he feels cold when drinking blood?? But for some reason, I feel like he'd always be wearing like 10 layers and laying under a heated blanket or something.

Eventually, he'd only need to drink blood about once a month for maintenance.

Character development wise - even as an adult, Gideon isn't sure if he's truly a good person. Is the blood deficient version of himself the true gideon? Or is this well adjusted man who he truly is? And there's an issue of the chicken and the egg, too. Gideon was born a vampire. Did these genes activate because he was predisposed to being evil? Or did the vampire thing happen by coincidence? Does being a vampire make him evil, or is it the other way around? He doesn't know, and he never will.

The one thing I'm not sure I like about this idea: i'm worried that I'd be writing off his villainous personality as an illness that can be cured with a thing. Obviously, it would be better if he faced that head on, and figured out how to be better. So I'm still grappling with that. But for now, this is an idea I'm entertaining. Of course, I think it would be interesting if there was a plot point where his usual source of ethically sourced human blood was compromised for a time, and he had to grapple with his personality going topsy turvy.

It's actually embarrassing how much I just wrote???? If you've made it this far, wow, I applaud you. I guess this was just my idea of having a good sunday night, writing down my silly thoughts on gideon gosh darn gleeful. Let me know your thoughts too!!!! I'd love to know if you have any ideas, or questions, or ways to strengthen this potential backstory.

[clone-wars-retteyo-au]

#Man I want a clone language #Something similar to amatakka or something #Please someone teach me how to create a language #And a culture #I beg you #All I want is big brother rex sing to his adorable little baby brothers in a super cool clone language <- OP's tags

Me: *Breathing heavily, shaking with anticipation to talk all about my ideas for a clone Galactic Basic-Mando'a Creole language with hundreds of words and phrase unique to clones that could not easily exist in other languages and is clone culture specific*

Me: *Remembers my pages of notes on an original clone sign language that becomes one of the main languages used in clone society in my AU and is a part of everyday language and I'm so proud of it*

Me: *Shaking like a maraca*

Okay, so I've read lots of fics where the clones speak mando'a, and actually I kind of liked the idea. But it's come to bother me that I get more and more of the feeling that the clones are presented as mandalorians and not their own culture.

The main problem I see is, that the clones aren't viewed as sentient life by most people, especially the kaminoans and their trainers, who, at the beginning of the whole cloning process, were nearly only mandalorians. Of course there were a few people like f.e. Kal skirata, who, if I remember correctly, actually adopted a bunch of clones, but let's be honest, that's not the case with most of the other trainers and especially not the kaminoans.

So, I've thought about it and I believe that it's not that improbable that the clones actually picked up quite a few words of mando'a. Maybe a few of the older clones were even thought a bit by some of the nicer mandalorian trainers. And imagine a few little clone cadets hearing those mandos talk in their own language - of course they'd want to learn it and share it with their brothers.

But most mandalorians that are on kamino don't even like the clones and definitely don't accept them as some of their own culture. So using mando'a in front of them could be dangerous and be punished. Talking your mind freely was dangerous enough as it is. The clones weren't supposed to have too much of their own free will, after all.

So they start developing their own words, their own language. It could be inspired by mando'a, but not too much. Because they weren't mandalorians, they weren't accepted by those people. They weren't accepted by anyone but their own brothers.

Not to mention that it was something of their own. Something they could claim and cling to and that belonged to only them when not even their own bodies and especially not their future belonged to themselves.

So in the middle of the night, after a too long, too painful training session, the clones would lie side by side with their brothers and comfort each other with their own words. Words that weren't used day by day to make them feel small and helpless, but words that were spoken softly and in a comforting and loving way.

The clones would also start developing their own sign language very early on. Not the classical military hand signs or something like bsl or asl or something, more like little movements of their heads and fingers. Maybe they'd use something similar to morse code as well.

They were mostly supervised and talking in your own language would be the worst thing you could do. None of the nat borns, especially none on kamino, could know, how much of their own free will they had. They'd risk being reconditioned for it.

So the clones would mostly communicate with very subtle signs. They grow more and more perceptive, especially when it comes to their brothers. For outsiders it might even look like they're barely moving a muscle while they have a full conversation going on.

The spoken language would be reserved for the few times they aren't directly supervised. Maybe older clones would cheer up the younger ones, that they find secretly crying and grieving, after yet another brother has been decommissioned for a stupid reason. They'd whisper softly to them in their own words - not the nat borns words. Never.

Some of the bolder clones might whisper in secret while in the mess hall and eating the same tasteless rations they've eaten for all of their cursed existence.

They'd develop stories to tell each other whenever possible. Stories that are of parents and their children, of flowers and trees, of funny animals that run around on wide fields and high mountains, stories of freedom. Of all the things they didn't have, but wished they did.