#anyway it's very gay and spoilers ends sad but they can undo that with a hand wave whenever they want so i am unbothered

[ineffably-human]

Just saw sonic 3 and holy shit man

Gonna tell the kids this was nandermo

[hubristicassholefight]

Swordswoman showdown FINALS

Hornet (Hollow Knight) vs Xena (Xena: Warrior Princess)

(Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")

Propaganda below cut

Hornet

Technically its not a sword but she wields a needle in a setting where swords do not exist and she wields it in an exceedingly swordlike fashion so. She counts; Girlboss demigoddess spider lady. She's been protecting an entire kingdom for longer than many of the other characters have been alive. She systematically kills her siblings for being too weak. She's simply the best.

#im pretty sure hornet can beat like. anyone in a fight.#have you ever fought hornet#its so fucking hard getting past her every time i play hk i go literally insane.

#i remember getting stuck on the first hornet fight on mt first play through and bring likr#''omg the boss fights in this are so hard!!!''#like what. you're not even half way through what are you talking about#you can't even DASH honey. you don't know what's diffcult or not in this game.

So, SPOILERS

but I feel like the "she systematically kills her siblings" part needs a little clarification. See, one of her siblings was used as a living prison for an angry god and that uh. Didn't work out for the sibling in question or anyone else.

This account is itself heavily abbreviated but it's likely that any other sibling Hornet encounters will be trying to take over as the god's new prison. She appears to challenge any sibling she sees to battle, in order to test their resolve against herself and her needle - would they actually have a chance against that god?

We never actually see her kill any siblings, but she does quite pointedly tell one of them that (to paraphrase) "My needle is lethal and I would feel no sadness in a weakling's demise."

Feels like a relevant quote. In any case, if they can't beat Hornet, it seems like her needle would be a far more merciful end than what the god would grant.

Anyway, a bit of additional material for @swordswomanshowdown :

As is the case for any cool swordswoman, it's not just her sword that's lethal, it's her with it. And Hornet's needle was custom made for her - the creators have said that, while other needles exist, hers was made specifically for her to wield, and its construction allows her to use her spider silk better in combat.

And another thing that I think makes her a good swordswoman: she's actually pretty thoughtful about how she uses it. There's a least one instance where she tries to warn someone off before fighting them! At the same time, when she does fight, she seems to enjoy it - during her boss battles, you can hear her laugh sometimes, as if exhiliarated. She's really got it all, as a swordswoman!!!

#HORNET SWEEP CMON PLEEEEEEASE#shes gay. shes the only sibling with a gender. shes a spider named HORNET. look like croissant. whats not to like

Xena

Warrior Princess

She wields a sword and chakram. Just had to submit a biconic swordswoman.

i love her. she made me gay as a kid. Anyway, her weapon of choice is her sword, she is obviously very good with it

#unfortunately i have to choose and i have to choose xena#a) utena had no warcry. b) xena fought gods. c) xena has kickass goofy comic book combat which is my favorite

xena didn’t just fight gods. she fucked up a girl’s life so bad that she (calisto) devoted her entire being to destroying everything that xena loved that ended up with calisto becoming a god in order to destroy xena, which didnt work because xena entombed her in lava. and then when xena and gabrielle encountered calisto in the (christian) afterlife (different from the greek one which they also fought her in), calisto dragged gabrielle to hell so xena became an archangel in order to save gabrielle and then sacrificed herself in order to undo all the harm that she did in calisto’s life and then when not!jesus (played by timothy omundson) revives xena and gabrielle, calisto impregnates xena with the reincarnation of calisto’s soul in order to end the cycle of hate. xena doesnt just fight gods. she creates and destroys them

#this isnt even mentioning her fighting julius ceasar several times#telling brutus that caesar is not his friend#xena and gabrielle’s souls reincarnating across centuries in order to kick ass and fall in love all over again#or the time xena became a god but tbh that ep is kinda ‘uhhhhh…..’ even if they did hire a consultant for it

#I think everyone here knows to vote for Xena. I think a couple people here might have some propaganda for Xena saved already#everyone remember that Xena/Gabrielle is CANON and that's a pretty big deal also#(does anyone have that Xena Loves Trans People interview around because that would also make good propaganda)

I love Xena ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️

[booasaur]

hey, you should check out the haunting of bly manor, its good, not scary at all and super gay!

And another anon:

Are you going to watch the haunting of bly manor?

Spoilers below:

I’m not suuuure yet. I was pretty settled on not watching but then I learned something and am measuring what it means to me.

Like, okay, so ordinarily I would have just watched the show from the start, but like everyone else, even before it dropped I heard that it was going to have f/f so when it did, I immediately sought out spoilers for the end. And you know how I am about endings! I do love f/f and I love main character f/f most but even in TV form, I don’t like BAD endings, especially when they’re built to be tragic and evoke that kind of emotion from you, like, grief, loss, it’s all worth it for who you love and no! It’s not for me!

To add to that, in the first one, as much as I did love Theo, which was a lot, I didn’t really care that much about the f/f arc and my lasting impression of the show was being utterly devastated for Nell and Olivia most of all. I didn’t care about the other siblings getting their happy endings (though, again, I DID love the other two sisters especially). They just...Olivia loved her family so much and they loved her and then they all lost each other like that. And Nell, god, she just suffered her whole life, never being free from the haunting, her siblings treating her like that, and then she dies early, realizing she was the cause of her own suffering. 

So...that was actually what I was looking to be “fixed” in this one. Seeing that the Nell actress would be the lead and even Carla Gugino was returning gave me some hope, given my particular attachment to them, BUT, aside from the news that this would have f/f, we also heard that the people who weren’t happy with the first one would be happy with this one. ...There are only so many ways to interpret that and I guess that’s what they decided to fix, that the generally happy ending overall was now gonna be sad.

And you know, I’ve gone back and forth on the BYG, like, apparently Jamie was first gonna be a guy, the actor who played Luke, even!, but was changed for honestly, understandable reasons, they did play twins in literally the first season of this very show. This wasn’t a case where the f/f ship got the bad end because they didn’t prioritize it enough or couldn’t think of anything else to do with them. To the writers, this was the best version of this story, what they were going to give to a m/f couple anyway. They like bittersweet gothic romance, okay. But I don’t, heh. I wouldn’t have liked it for m/f! And then I’m not sure we ARE at the point where we can just translate m/f stories directly into f/f, they’re NOT the same thing. 

I’m not like, gonna complain in general or campaign or anything, just, it all affects how I think about it. So yeah, I was deciding I wouldn’t watch but then I learned that they did actually get a good few happy years in there and now I’m considering that. That does kind of undo some of my objection, where it was like, dammit, this kid just suffers and then dies. But I’m still not sure, I just don’t liiiiike sad things. And that’s the final message they want to end on, right, the self-sacrifice, the grief, the separation, the loneliness. The Beauty in it. And I don’t really appreciate or enjoy that. Not that I can’t see it, if you’re into that sort of thing it seems just as emotional and evocative as the first. Just...not my thing.

[scrawnydutchman]

Samurai Jack Review

NOTE:

This review contains spoilers. They will be highlighted in bold letters for readers convenience. If you have not seen this show yet or have yet to catch up on it, particularly the finale, skip over the bold lettered sections and come back to read them when you have.

My friends, the long awaited conclusion to the story of the Samurai who gotta get back, back to the past, has come to a close. The series concluded last weekend and much like the series as a whole, it did not disappoint. It had all of the heart, all the goofy humor, all the well choreographed action, all the calculated artistry and color that makes this series so great. But let’s take a step back a bit and take a look at the entire series, all 5 seasons, and see how the show holds up with all the sums of it’s parts. Before we do so, however, I feel obliged to claim minor bragging rights.

I CALLED THE ENDING!! . . . . sort of. Those who follow my blog know that before saturday came around I made a post predicting how the series would end (you can read the whole thing here: https://scrawnydutchman.tumblr.com/post/160827392693/samurai-jack-finale-prediction) but in a nutshell, I predicted that Jack would give up, find allies with everybody in the lands he liberated, they would all go on all out war against Aku, Jack would have a showdown against corrupted Ashi, Ashi would liberate herself from Aku’s control and realize she has all of Aku’s powers including opening time portals, she would fling Jack into the past the moment he was flung into the future by Aku and kill him right there.

I was mostly right. Jack’s allies go on all out war? Check. Jack has a showdown with corrupted Ashi? Check. Ashi frees herself from Aku’s control? check. Ashi flings Jack into the past at the moment Aku flung him into the future to kill him? Check. Though my prediction had a FEW miscalculations, which we will get into in a bit, frankly I’m just so proud of myself that I came that close to predicting it spot on.

Okay, now that my bragging is out of the way, let’s tackle each aspect of the show, starting with Story.

Story:

One of the major strengths of Samurai Jack is it’s beautifully simple premise summed up nicely by the voice acting legend himself, Mako.

“Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness, unleashed an UNSPEAKABLE EVIL. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is AKU.”

I’ve said before many times that this premise is brilliant, because it’s so broad in it’s explanation and it’s setting is ripe for storytelling possibilities. The future is a distant mysterious place, and as such you can tell any story you want in it. A bunch of rave kids falling victim to mind controlling music? Go ahead. A strange homage to Alice in Wonderland? Go for it. A hilarious quest to quell the troubles of a flatulent dragon? Yes, even that. But on the flipside you can also tell stories more heavy in drama, culture and lore, and you can really up the emotional weight of the situation Jack is in. It’s a premise that’s practically destined to become a beloved television series, and so it has. 

Characters:

To compliment this ever broad ever expanding world Tartakovsky has created we have a great likable protagonist who is just as much a curious fish out of water as we the audience are, so it’s very easy for us to project ourselves onto good ol’ Jack. But the best thing about Jack is that he’s motivated: He’s gonna get back to the past even if it takes him over 50 DAMN YEARS. Much like I said in my other and most popular blog post “Why Boyscout Characters are Underrated” It’s more important for a lead to be motivated then relatable, because that’s what ends up driving the story and the drama.

*side note: ever since this show ended the most wonderful gifs have popped up, and it fills me with glee*

Being the stellar lead Jack is however, many would argue that the best part of this series is Aku, hands down. And I would agree with that. Aku. Is. AWESOME!! Easily one of the most entertaining antagonists in all of animation history. He’s the embodiment of evil and does some truly despicable shit, especially to Jack. So much of this series is just painful to watch because it’s Jack coming SOOO close to defeating Aku but Aku causes him to fall just short. He’s just so gleeful about ruining peoples lives and subjecting them to horrendous sadness and frustration. He is what every great character is tenfold . . .motivated (because again, motivated > relatable).

That said, Aku gets to be really goofy in this too, which is a huge part of his charm (arguably the biggest part). He’s just so hammy and joyful about being so evil; I love it.

This show has a whole SLEW of great supporting characters though. The Scotsman is charmingly brash and loud and boastful, but a very loyal friend to Jack (admittedly after a rocky start). Scaramouche is a hilarious villain from the 5th season that relieved me when he came up in the first episode and proved to me that the 5th season hadn’t lost the silly charm of prior seasons. The characters from one shot episodes like the “Jump Good” guy, the British dogs, the rave kids, they’re all delightful and charming. Demongo was a great one time villain. But by far, the best supporting character . . .3 syllables . .  . SAH . . . MOO . . . RHAI

*Side-Note: One of the predictions I made about the finale was that Sah-Moo-Rhai would help in the fight against Aku and prove to be a competent swordsman. I was sadly wrong.*

Now all of these are well and good, but one of the most interesting and integral decisions made in season 5 was the introduction of Ashi to the Samurai lore. She is also very entertaining and, while her character growth isn’t as well developed and paced as say Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender, She is still a solid and likable contribution to the shows final season that I welcome with open arms . .. even if many of the fans disagree with me on how things turned out. Yeeeah we should probably address that real quick.

Many people, certainly fans on Tumblr, were very disappointed with the revelation that Jack and Ashi had a romance. They felt it was incredibly forced, they felt a non-platonic relationship between a man and a woman in a show was beyond cliche, and they thought it stripped Ashi of her agency and her being her own character because in the end all she proved to be was a trophy for Jack, the male protagonist of the show, to win. They’ve even gone as far as boasted shit like “GET THIS HETERO-BULLSHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!” (replace hetero with homo and suddenly it seems like a real asshole thing to say doesn’t it?). I suppose I agree with the sentiment that blossoming relationships between male and female leads in a show is a cliche as old as time. But there’s a reason why it is so . . . . it’s because heterosexual relationships THEMSELVES are as old as time. Cliches are a product of evident truths that mankind has known about to some degree ever since literature first began. fit and well toned people are attractive, love triangles are just oozing with drama, and capes, while a practically useless accessory, look FUCKING AWESOME. It can be nice to break these stereotypes every once in a while for variety, but it shouldn’t be necessary every time. And an audience that would LIKE to see Jack and Ashi together shouldn’t have to have their little ship ruined because you “can’t stand hetero-bullshit”, (as if the relationship would somehow be more tolerable and less contrived and forced if Ashi was a man and they were a gay couple) because surprise surprise the show creators aren’t just trying to entertain YOU and YOU alone. Just like how Legend of Korra fans shouldn’t be able to ruin Korrasami for you, you shouldn’t shit on anyone for liking Jashi. Whatever happened to “love is love” anyway? As for the point about Ashi being stripped of her agency, 1. She CHOSE to engage in a romantic relationship with Jack. She CHOSE to join his side after being proven wrong. She’s not stripped of agency just because she fucking loves a dude and is just as competent a fighter as him, okay? She even plays a major role in how Jack ends up defeating Aku. 2. She’s not even a prize for Jack in the end anyway, because she ceases to exist after all of that . . . we’ll get to that in a bit.

Design:

Much like the story itself, the design is beautiful in it’s simplicity. It’s composition and color choices are BREATHTAKING! Not a single black outline in sight, everything is angular with defined shapes so you can tell which character everyone is even in silhouette, and the scenery  . .OH MY GOODNESS the scenery. The colors compliment each other majestically, whether they need to blend together or create contrast. the imagery is awe-inspired; the show never lost it’s touch in terms of how everything is shown and communicated. This show is the literal definition of “every frame a painting”.

The sound and directorial choices of this show are great too. Genndy bases this show heavily on the suspenseful and quiet epics of samurai movies (as you can probably tell) and to an extent westerns. The show really challenges kids to have patience and sit through to the well-worth-it pay off, and it makes for some edge-of-your-seat excitement complimented with spectacular action choreography and animation. This show has some of the most imaginative and dramatic fight scenes ever put in western animation. The first and second episodes of season 5 were perhaps some of the best fighting animation I’ve ever seen in anything EVER.

But to be fair the fighting compliments the humor of the show at times too, and I ain’t complainin’

Conclusion (+thoughts on the ending):

Overall, this is a very satisfying show that’s praised over and over for all the reasons listed above and rightfully so. Genndy Tartakovsky has created something beautiful and has easily cemented himself as one of the greats of American animation. What else can I say . .  . . OH! how about the ending??

So like I said above in one of the bold lettered spoiler sections of the review, I pretty much predicted what would happen. And setting aside my pride for a moment the ending is only . . .  .okay. Yes it’s a big climactic fight, yes it’s a good twist and surprisingly it ends on a pretty somber note, so it’s by no means a horrible ending and this turnout makes the most sense all things considered, it just feels a bit rushed is all really. I wish it was twice as long as it ended up being quite frankly but eh, what you gonna do? I WAS surprised by a twist they end up going with about Ashi not being able to be with Jack because she fades from existence after Aku is defeated . . .right on their wedding day. Fucking OUCH. Jesus, Jack goes through decades of torture in the future only to finally get a final fuck you by having to let go of the woman of his dreams? That’s just cruel man. For a while when she remained in the past I was thinking “wait . . shouldn’t she fade from existence by now? how is she still here? and now they’re getting married? are they seriously going with this ending? I mean it doesn’t make a lot of sense but--” and then she falls over in her wedding dress and I was like “OHHH FUCK YOU! THAT IS NOT COOL! THAT IS JUST MEAN! GIVE THIS DUDE A BREAK!” Needless to say that was the most trolly ending we could have gotten. I can’t help but feel like the non existent Aku is having his last laugh.

But yeah, Samurai Jack . . . it’s really good. Go watch it. Now. You fools.