#anyway it's late and I'm tired and I'm rambling so this might make no sense and it's probably filled with mistakes

[lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me]

could you write a quick thing abt hoon and comfort? like the s/o and hoon had an argument and then he makes it up to her. idk if it makes sense but hoon has been running thru my mind lately (never forgetting riki ofc tho)

-⭐️

missed date (request) ♪ park sunghoon

warnings: fluff, comfort, angst if you squint REALLY hard, pet names (angel, babe), gender neutral reader, really bad humor (its completely me), mentions of cuddling, hoon is so sweet :(, i think thats all!

this wasn’t the idea y/n had for the night. it was supposed to be the perfect night. sunghoon was supposed to come over and they were going to cook together and watch movies. that was until he didn’t show up. as y/n ignored the pinging phone, all from sunghoon trying to apologize and explain. the texts ended suddenly, but soon after, a thud comes from the window. what was that? they wonder. they look out the window to see their boyfriend outside, another rock in his hand ready to throw at the window. they open it and yell down at him “what the hell are you doing here sunghoon?”. “to apologize. please let me in y/n it’s really cold. i know im an ice skater and you call me elsa, but the cold does in fact bother me anyway”. they smile faintly at their boyfriends joke. “fine, i’ll be down in a second. go to the door” he smiles up at them as they close the window. they open the door and are immediately pulled into sunghoons arms. "i'm so sorry angel i didn't mean to forget. vocal practice ran late and i was just so tired that i went straight back to the dorm and fell asleep and i didn't wake up to my alarm-" he rambles on trying to explain himself for skipping their date. y/n couldn't help but smile at his adorable, apologetic state. "hey, it's okay hoon. don't worry" they say. "its not okay! you're upset and i'm such a shitty boyfriend!" they feel bad for him as he clearly felt terrible for the accident. they calmly explain to him "babe, im not upset. it was an innocent mistake. i'd much rather you get rest and accidentally miss our date, then not get rest and come tired or completely forget and we fight. its okay. i'm not mad.". "are you sure you're not mad?" he asks. "not at all" they say, smiling faintly at their worried boyfriend. he responds with a smile back, the adorable fangs that had charmed y/n peeking through. "come on, i expect serious cuddles after our missed date" y/n half jokes, "i couldn't think of a better way to make it up to you" sunghoon replies, the adoring tone clear in his voice. he loved his partner, and he couldn't think of a better way to spend his night then cuddling and watching movies with the person he loved most in this world.

masterlist

luckys note!: THROWING ROCKS AT YOUR WINDOW AT MIDNIGHTTT is what this imagine reminded me of and i LOVE it. if there's any 5sos fam reading this: hey im one of you🤭 but i hope this was good this is like my first written imagine so it might be a bit wonky LMAOO so im open to ways to improve my writing!! i hope you all enjoyed and i hope this is what you were looking for ⭐️ !!! thank you sososo much for your request i very much giggled and smiled a lot while writing this

© lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission.

(📍) PERM TAGLIST IS OPEN!

@siya-bean @ivyannemarie

(🎀) ANON/EMOJI LIST IS OPEN!

⭐️

[666writingcafe]

New Voice Messages (Part Three)

Lucifer

"Hey. I know it's late and you're probably asleep, so you don't have to respond to this right away. I should be asleep, but I keep tossing and turning whenever I try, so I gave up on that hours ago. I'm currently sitting on the rooftop, looking up at the night sky. Well, and recording this message, but that's self-explanatory, I feel. *sighs* Don't mind my rambling. I'm both incredibly tired and slightly tipsy. I finally got around to trying the bottle of Demonus that Diavolo gave us as a housewarming gift, and it's pretty decent. I had a couple glasses of it before coming up here, thinking that it'd help put me to sleep. Obviously, it hasn't, but it was worth trying, I suppose. I at least feel like I can respond to your note without choking on my words or banging my head in frustration. *briefly pauses* Given the way you signed off on it, I'm going to assume that you trust me enough to not abuse your old name. That's also why I'm outside. Less likely to be overheard using it by my brothers. If that's okay with you. If it's not, feel free to tell me off for it the next time we meet. So, MC. *pauses again before lightly singing MC's name* Have I ever told you it's a pretty name? Saying it is comforting somehow. *clears his throat* Sorry. Like I said, I'm a bit drunk."

"Feeling more in control now. Might still ramble a bit, but hopefully not as much as before. *takes a deep breath* The first time I read your note, I ended up crying. Not because you said something wrong, but because it was...sweet? Is that the word I'm looking for? *briefly pauses as a gust of wind gets picked up on the mic* It'll have to do for now, I guess. Anyway...it's interesting how you and Diavolo said more or less the same thing, and yet I'm more inclined to listen to you than I am to him. Perhaps it's the difference in tone? I could definitely tell that he was getting frustrated with me towards the end of our phone call. I know there's a part of him that sees me as a really shiny toy, one that he's quite territorial over. If I were to leave his side, he'd throw a massive fit, I'd imagine, and he might start a war over it. Which is silly. I'm not worth fighting over. *pauses* And yet everyone seems to for some reason. It's like I cause people to lose their minds. I don't know if it's due to the amount of titles and prestige I've had or my physical appearance or something else entirely, but they seem to all go into hysteria after spending any significant amount of time with me. Except for you, MC. You don't care about Lucifer Morningstar, former Lightbringer, Avatar of Pride, yadda yadda yadda. You simply see me as me, if that makes sense. You want to make sure that I'm okay, and you don't expect anything in return. It's a way of repaying back the kindness bestowed upon you in your situation, I suppose. And it'd be cruel of me to ignore all of that and still plunge to my death. So I'm staying. *pauses* You're right. This does feel weird. You better make good on your promise, MC, or I may end up changing my mind again. *chuckles* Don't take that last part too seriously. I'm merely messing with you a bit."

"You know, I wonder what my brothers are thinking about this...offer being made to us. I already know Mammon and Beel would stay, and Belphie's going to do whatever Beel does, but I'm not sure about Levi and Asmo. I mean, you were there when Asmo was yelling at me about leaving the Celestial Realm. Do you think he's eagerly packing his bags as we speak, or--"

A Few Hours Later

"Sorry about the abrupt ending of my last message. Mammon caught me on the rooftop. We ended up talking for a while. *pauses* The two of us have an interesting relationship. Kinda similar to the one I have with Satan. Mammon's sort of my brother and sort of my son, except he didn't spring out of me like Satan did. He's the first angel I felt the need to protect. Everyone else was prepared to throw him away, even though he was merely a child. I couldn't sit back and let them treat him like that, especially not after I held him in my arms as he was crying. He was around the Chihuahua's age when that happened. *clears his throat* I apologize. I know you don't like me calling Luke a chihuahua. I really am trying not to. *pauses* So yeah. Satan's technically the third oldest, since he came into existence in my mind shortly after I took Mammon under my wing. Levi came into the picture when Mammon was a teenager, and the others when he was just becoming a fully-grown angel. *pauses again* It was actually Mammon that insisted that we take care of them, and he was so earnest about it that I couldn't say no. I mean, the fact that he was willing to do for others what I've done for him...I was quite proud of him. Still am, even though he insists on putting on a persona these days. I know deep down, he still cares about everyone. *pauses yet again* Is it weird that I feel comfortable sharing all of this with you, MC? It might be the alcohol still affecting me, but somehow I don't think it is. I...I think I've come to trust you. Completely. I haven't even gotten there with Diavolo yet, and I've known him a lot longer. *chuckles* You truly are special, little lamb. *silence* Shit. That wasn't supposed to be said out loud. I better go before I start calling you more silly nicknames. Good night, MC."

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[iguessitsjustme]

When It Rains It Pours Ep 7 Thoughts

Today…has been real up and down for me. And right now I am tired and I am grumpy and I am hungry and I am sad. But I've seen that this show has a happy ending so I am also excited. I may not be as talkative in this final liveblog as I normally am (or I might be there's no telling). But before I watch, I want to just take a moment to thank everyone that told me to watch this show. Being in this fandom and talking to you guys has been truly the highlight of my last few weeks. I came to this show late but everyone was so excited for me to watch and it has been an absolute delight talking with everyone. I hope to keep seeing y'all in other fandoms after this show ends (also I hope we keep talking about this show. Just because it's ending doesn't mean we ever need to stop. If y'all have thoughts about this show even two years from now and want to scream with someone, I'm sure the entire fandom will be happy to resume the screams). Anyway ramble over. Liveblog, as always, is under the cut:

Before I get into this liveblog actually, I will pay one william dollars to anyone that doesn't wake me up at 5 in the goddamn morning with loud noises and persist with those loud noises for an hour. One william dollars. I have had A Day and there is a reason I am Tired.

Asking the important questions.

Something something coffee something something my brain isn't working today *chomps on some fried chicken*

It is not lost on me that Sei is now wearing colors now that Fujisawa isn't around.

It can be if you want it to be baby boy

Hagiwara making sure to get Sei's friends contact information for him. Making sure that Sei isn't alone and abandoned. Making sure Sei has someone to talk to. I am FINE.

Sei actually reaching out and going to get drink with him. I'm FINE.

Falling in love with kindness my beloved.

Can't wait to rec this to my irl BL friend. They're gonna LOVE it.

Aw man I was hoping Fujisawa just wouldn't be here. I knew he would be but let a person be in denial will ya?

I need that car alarm to be shut the fuck off. I am TRYING to WATCH.

Dear Fujisawa, I do not care that you've always liked Sei. You raped him. 

Okay okay so. Here's the deal. Fujisawa feeling guilt for Sei's parent's accident definitely explains a lot. It explains a whole hell of a lot. BUT. It does not excuse anything. Sei was miserable. Sei was isolated from his friends. Sei was raped. It breaks my heart to think what could have happened had Sei's parents not died. But they did. And it brought out the worst of Fujisawa. And while I understand where he is coming from and why he did the things he did, I do not condone them. Many things can be true at once and the circumstances these two were placed into were awful and complex. But the choices they made in those circumstances are what led them to this moment. To the pain and the hurt. Fujisawa should not feel guilty about Sei's parents. He did not cause them to die. He did, however, rape Sei. That is a thing he did. Honestly, these two need to leave each other's side or else they will be miserable forever. Even without the rape. The guilt Fujisawa feels will forever hold them down in misery. This time when I say Sei needs to be set free of Fujisawa, I mean it more than just Sei needs to be free of his control. He needs to be set free from Fujisawa's feelings of guilt that have trapped them both. And Fujisawa needs to be set free too. Or he will make the same choices with anyone else he tries to move on with. I still say he goes off the cliff though. Cause I'm still angry at him even if his actions make more sense to me now.

Noisy neighbors go AHWAY. bite bite kill kill

Had to move rooms because dear god the noises did not stohp. I am having a bad fucking day let me tell ya

Sei is a good person for setting him free. I still feel no sympathy for him.

Every car needs to die forever.

C'mon you two! Meet up! I need it. I need it so bad. Do you understand how bad I need to see you two meet up today? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

BITE BITE DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

SCREAMING

BOY. I KNOW THIS HAS A HAPPY ENDING BUT BOY.

Sei go get your man. Please. I'm begging. I am running out of episode. Please. Go get him.

YES THAT'S RIGHT GO TO THE MUSEUM. TO GO GET YOUR MAN. GO SEI GO

Has he met me?

Anyway umbrella my beloved. I do not have the brain power tonight but I want to write a post about the use of umbrellas in this show. I'm also very busy this weekend (yay birthday plans) so maybe next week? When I can find a spare second. But I need to talk about the umbrellas. I also want to talk about the soundtrack. Especially when it comes to Fujisawa but there's so much. I might need to just pick a Fujisawa scene. Feel free to help me decide if there's a specific scene you want me to attempt to analyze the soundtrack of. Anyway. Back to umbrella my beloved.

I am glad it was Sei who confessed first. That feels important somehow.

Do y'all see. Do you understand. Why umbrellas. Are my beloved? Does this help you to understand?

God bless

They have to say this because it was so well done and the themes were so universal and applicable that it feels real. The plot and characters may be fictional but the feelings, emotions, and community this show brought are real and I am ever so grateful for it.

As I have already complained numerous times today, my brain is not here to do any sort of wrap up or anything. I might do a post-show thoughts later on once I've had time to process and also I get my brain back. I did it for 4Minutes I might do it for this one because there is a lot I want to say. I also might not because busy. We will see. And I kind of want to rewatch this last episode once I can feel my brain again so I feel like I can fully appreciate it.

Thank you to everyone who has read my liveblogs I cannot believe that more than 2 people were reading these and enjoying my silly little thoughts. I love each and every one of you. Please feel free to keep tagging me in things or talking to me about this show or literally anything else for the rest of all time (I am currently having a bot problem so I might need to restrict my reply settings but if that happens my DMs and ask box are always open). Peace and love I'm gonna go cry about umbrellas now.

[howdoesagrapewrites]

𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥

Cw: sleep deprivation, hallucinations, suicide, self harm, poly!reader x lovesick!Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, force feeding but not in a fetish way, vomit (only mentioned), drugging, selective/situational mutism, the hallucinations catholicism related (sorry I'm hispanic), kinda comfort at the end?

Notes: Tumblr wouldn't let me upload this?? I tried several times so I decided to just post it alone. Anyways, this happens after a variation of the events in Even as the void consumes them but the reader didn't succumb to stockholm syndrome

"Open. Up" Gayatri's voice was nothing but an echo, a disturbance in the sound waves. You can feel she has her hand on your jaw, trying to force it open. You had vomited everything that had entered your system the las three days, it's not even intentional at this point, it's like your body rejects whatever its presented. It makes sense, in a way. Your body is rejecting them, just like you do.

You stubbornly clench your jaw in a silent protest. Not that there's other way to oppose her, the second your lips are slightly spread, she'll force the food down your throat.

You recognize their patience. They have been trying to feed you for, an hour? You are tempted to leave it uncertain, as time is not something your tired brain can afford to care about.

Every escape plan has failed so far, the one time you could leave the building, you were returned by the police. And after your second attempt, you moved, they got a house instead of an apartment, you could see through windows, it was a completely unknown place, you assumed it was Mumbattan since Pavitr had "work" here, but aside from that, is hopeless.

Gayatri's hand lets go of your jaw, she's getting increasingly frustrated at your resistance. You see her holding back tears. You could go on a whole ramble about how she must feel seeing you starve, and sleep deprive yourself, a person she loves dearly, in theory. However, you don't allow yourself to be moved by their sob stories anymore, you're too tired, you're too damaged.

"Have it your way. This little stunt won't be successful, you won't die." She says as she gets up from the chair and exits the living room, have you been rested and functioning properly, you would've listened to her whispering something more. "I can't let you die"

As of late, you only sleep when you're passed out, only get nourished when they leave you no choice. You really wished there was a less painful way to go, but they made sure you couldn't hurt yourself, no knives, no razors, no pills (not even ibuprofen), they baby-proofed the entire house so you wouldn't hurt yourself with the corners of the furniture, Pavitr wanted to remove the door from your room so he could watch you 24/7, but Gayatri talked him out of it. You don't know if it's genuine respect for the little privacy you had left, or just because being exposed also meant that they were exposed as well, and you've seen how she storms out because she doesn't have the strength to keep her tears from falling, you hear their endless rantings at night, it always ends the same way: they wail about the lost time, about the things you said or did, or about the teeny tiny impression that they might have screwed up, it's all the same, they'll end up curled up in each other's embrace, conjuring excuses and hope-filled speeches about "things going back to how they were".

You see the plate laying beneath you. Full of maggots, you gag and feel the now familiar burn in your dry throat. You fight the urge to slam the plate away, this happened before, everytime they leave, food turns to maggots, they can't see it, but you know what they're really feeding you. It's better, you definitely have no appetite now.

You head to your room, now filled with the floral wallpaper you hate. When you saw it for the first time, you made your nails bleed from scratching the walls, you hated it, you yelled at them, berated them in every way you knew how. It was the only thing you'd ask for in this hellhole. If you can't have freedom, please let the yellow flowers stay with you. Eventually they got some, but not enough to cover the whole room, no longer 5,128 flowers. You said you wouldn't speak a word to them until they got you the rest, but you know that's not the real reason why you don't talk anymore.

"Don't talk, go make bread" an old man whispers

"Your eyes taste like how the color purple tastes like"

You hear a knock on the door, followed by more voices.

"You're ungrateful."

"Break the door"

"Don't answer the door"

"I really want to sleep"

"Pigeons are nice because they know things"

Voices always calm down when Michael shows up. The glow hurts your eyes, the divine light hurts the sinner.

"Father shall not leave thee, you face the calvary for those who are innocent"

Those who are innocent.

Pavitr is not innocent, you recall it now.

He gave you a spoonful of something, then he pecked your closed lips. You don't know you weren't moving, it feels like you were watching a movie about yourself.

Pavitr is not innocent, so you aren't doing this for him.

What are you doing?

Y/N collapsed on the floor, the loud thump alerted the other two people.

"They'll be better now, you can rest" Pavitr reassured to the woman next to him

"They keep trying to hurt themselves, they won't let us nurse them back to health" there was an audible tear in Gayatri Singh's voice, cracking, a little hoarse, tired.

"We can't blame them for being ill. Remember, love, in sickness and in health" Pavitr picked the body, it was malnourished, skin thin like a sheet of paper, multiple little injuries that never healed properly. He put them in the bed, freshly made, no one has slept there in a while.

"In sickness and in health" Gayatri repeated, with hope, as she tucked her lover into the bed, she made sure it was comfortable, even for someone who won't know the difference.

They kiss their slumbering lover's hands, then sit down, in well needed silence.

"We need to call the physician to see if they can put them in IV therapy or something" Gayatri said, her worries still exacerbating

"One day at a time, jaanu, one day at a time."

[voiceofsword]

hi mimi :] guess who got new "matching" voicelines . i think i might be a bit delusional but it's a saga in my HEART and i will now rough tl/paraphrase them for you as i haven't the time to do it properly atm ( i'm at work but i had to inform you asap )

niki: i'm developing new recipes for a cooking segment on a new show i was put in charge of ! i'm thinking of focusing on spring vegetables ..

rinne: ( yawn ) i went out with niki early in the morning to dig up bamboo shoots, and we stayed there until pretty late in the evening, i've been so tired .. i think i'll sleep a bit now

niki: rinnekun told me spring was a great time for picnics, so i'm going to make a bento ! what would go nicely in it .. 💭

i swore there was another one but i don't feel like checking the shop atm to see if i missed a line . will update you if i did o7

WAUUGHHH THANK YOU... IVE SEEN A FEW COMICS ABT THEM BUT HAVENT GOTTEN THEM MYSELF so thank u so much for keeping me updated. now i will ramble

thinking about rinne being like (grumble grumble) why am i up this early (grumble grumble) damn you niki (in spite of agreeing to drive him the night before).... but still driving him, and joining him in digging up the bamboo shoots, and they end up having such a good time that he forgot he was even that tired at all to begin with. cue rinne and niki sitting in silence for like 5 mins in the car before he starts playing stuff from a playlist he made for the two of them and they immediately start singing/humming along

and in the following bento line i can imagine that happening almost before rinnes, like oh, bc rinnes doing this for me ill make us some food since he said spring is nice for picnics :) itll be fun and yummy food is always good~ (not just thinking about the food, obviously, but specifically remembering that tiny detail and wanting to Share That with the person he loves)

so by the time they have a few bags of bamboo shoots and are exhausted and covered in dirt nikis like ta dah!!! i made us bentos!! and rinnes thankful but also like omg, is this a date, does niki like me? i wouldve gotten dressed nicer 😳😳 nikikyun, you shoulda told meeee (super teasing, everyone knows theyre dating, hes being silly) and niki jokingly smacks him like no way! not like you wouldve done the laundry today anyway!! (but makes no attempt to reject the date idea) and and and.

idk i just started thinking about this scenario, i always love the "oh i have to do this thing" and the other immediately joining in like "well duh obviously i gotta go with you" both in the more serious sense and with more everyday activities like this, as much as they complain they treasure each others company so much IM DEADDDDDDD

[dearreaders-things]

rambling directors commentary of my vampire!au julian x mc fic? yes? yes.

i mentioned it on ao3 but: inspired by the lovely vampire headcanons post from @iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia bc who doesn't love a vampire's s/o offering their blood to be drunk?

title! bittersweet ugh this one absolutely fell into place while i was writing, i loved it and immediately went in to make sure it was like a recurring motif through the whole fic

i did consider spelling it bittersuite, shout out billie eilish, but ultimately decided against it because the "suite" doesn't quite fit or make sense with the story. however i LOVE that song and listened to it a lot while writing. probably the vibes match.

that one tumblr post abt julian saying upsy-daisy when someone's fallen? yes.

but i love writing him as like a Doctor!! that man is a Scientist and i'm tired of ppl pretending he's not! all the talk of recessive genes and unfalsifiable hypotheses and scalpels, yeah that was a nice lens to look through

dude maybe the most fun part of writing vampire stuff is deciding what lore to fold in. completely disregarding things if you feel like it and getting to add whatever you want? very cool. i mean, such is the nature of folklore :D

i think the vampire backstory of this was also inspired by ali hazlewood's novel bride. shout out to that.

the "metal burns you" stuff i'm pretty sure is from fae stuff? anyways that was a cool association. i also really liked finding a reason to give astrella, my oc, scars in this au. i feel like my fics lately have been a big flashing sign saying "author has dermatillomania!!!" but anyways

also the symbolism with astrella touching something she shouldn't?? mhm mhm that was such a good moment when i noticed it

also also it gave me a reason for her and julian to have matching gloves, which is an image that held over from a different fic of mine (obv in that one it's canonverse so the reason for it was they were both plague doctors. but still.)

sensory description is big in this fic and i love it. also the different kind of levels of mental awareness, going from kinda sixth sense for heartbeats stuff in the beginning then going into the full on psychic bond by the end? chef's kiss. i got a chance to use sooo many tasty words.

“Even before you knew what I am. How many times have you offered up your neck for my teeth?” was the first line i had in mind for this fic. i mean you can see why. look at it.

ok if you made it this far thank you for coming to my ted talk, can you tell i had so much fun writing this

let me know if you enjoyed this rambling, i might write up some more thoughts on the other fics i've written recently! (they probably won't be anywhere near this long lmao i just have feelings)

[wildflower-rain]

long post with just my musings about nothing. more a journal entry than anything else. all lighthearted stuff.

dont know if im in a mood but im considering stepping away from this blog and the internet in general for a bit.

been on here to much lately or something plus some other stuff. idk i may disappear briefly.

hesitant to do so because i think my unintentional attempt to keep stuff in this blog's queue is why my brain hasn't just rejected it. like thats not a big consideration point but it is there.

tbf there aren't many points here at all. i just kind of started thinking about this like two hours ago so yk, i may wake up and forget i said anything.

been less engaged in some ways anyway. and more in others. been on here for long periods but i normally try add a bit of commentary in the tags if only for my own memory and amusement. but i haven't seen much that ive really wanted reblog to begin with and ive had nothing to say about anything. also as i think i said in the last two posts here now i just dont have anything to say at the moment. nothing understandable and shareable at least. got real life stuff happening too. had a lot of work to do. and a lot of stress. not actually that much stress probably , not compared to normal because like every situation is a high stress situation to me. just how i work. but i may well be forgetting how stressed i've been. i'm not sure.

idk. this blog does help me sort out my brain some. which is a point to the the other side. this post is basically a journal entry. and thats really how i use this blog most of the time. rambling about random stuff. its more consistent than any journal i've kept or have tried to keep. wondering if it would be unreasonable to make a private sideblog to actually just use as a journal because apparently tumblr gets the thoughts out of me.

i should make a journal tag. maybe. i don't know. for some reason i have more faith in tumblr not losing all my stuff than my other digital note taking and journal stuff. and generally i think better in typing. i do have a physical journal. i just don't think as freely in it, my hand gets cramped or i cant write fast enough for my thoughts. so i like digital stuff. and apparently my brain sees tumblr as more likely to not lose my stuff and die than anywhere else. at least out of places that i like the format of. don't like the idea of dumping this all in a word doc for some reason. it would make more sense. i could stick things on a usb but no, instead here i am with my billion word tumblr post that anyone can see. maybe ill start copying things into word docs after the fact idk.

i dont know why im so afraid that all my shit will be deleted. i really havent lost that much digital stuff over the years, nothing important to me i dont think. not accounts, not saved info, not my own pieces of stuff.. maybe one or two things i dont remember. i dont know why i just dont trust stuff to not get lost becuase of some screw up. idk. its 3:30am i'm going to sleep now. i had more work to do but im tired and i need to do more stuff tomorrow so i might as well get some sleep.

goodnight tumblr. or goodmorning or whatever time it is when this gets released, imma queue it.

[thesafecafe]

Hi, not a request, just popping in to like...vent? I guess. I'm not a Desi atiny so my opinion isn't really important here in the grand scheme but I am feeling bad because the situation is so sucky. I feel for our Desi friends because, as a black person, this situation has happened countless times. Desi atinys deserve several apologies and it's up to them whether those suffice or not.

But at the same time, I'm so tired, you know? Like sick and tired of being sick and tired? I just want to like a group and be able to stan them no problems but, inevitably, that becomes impossible and then I end up feeling guilty for liking them, or being upset, or even not wanting to be upset because I'm just tired of it all.

I guess I just wanted to know how you were feeling.

Of course, feel free not to answer this if you don't feel like it.

Have a good day.

Friend, Idk how I didn't see this ask, but dw!

And yes, they deserve apologies! I hate that this happened, it's legitimately one of the worst feelings in the world when something like this happens, especially from a supposed to be safe space for, and I hope they get the apology, and corrected behavior, that they deserve! And songs like that should be banned anyway, cause literally what the hell possessed the creator to make it in the first place 🤨?

I know how you feel though. I have been in that place where you feel guilty for liking a group, and being tired of the consistent disappointment somewhere. It was one reason I fell out of some groups, because it's like, you don't feel safe, valued, nor seen, and it's like when does it stop, yk? Like, certain groups I interact with from a distance, because I don't hate them, I just didn't feel like I was welcome.

As for how I feel, I was, and am, very disappointed. It hasn't affected me as badly as it would have though, because I think I kind of detach very easily, and tend to only interact with certain content for my own mental health; like, I know they're Ateez, and are known for being less/unproblematic, but I also constantly remind myself that they, and others, probably didn't always harbor the more open ideals and attitudes that they show us, and won't be unproblematic forever.

I try to think of it like "would they be so open if they were just normal people living in Korea" or would they be less ashamed of/feel the need to apologize if they weren't in the limelight, etc. That's not to say they aren't open minded and willing to learn in their daily/personal lives, (and they SHOULD be, seeing as they have a global fan base and know that other cultures exist around the world), but I try and make myself remember that they WILL mess up at some point so I'm not as hurt by their actions, (not that they're right, nor am I excusing the behavior), but especially with being taught that it's okay all your life and living in a homogeneous country with no one of a different ethnicity actively saying "that's not right, this is disrespectful" etc.

But not researching or thinking about how it might affect the people that watch you, look up to you, and support you is definitely something they shouldn't have done. Whether in the public eye or not, they should learn (especially now), apologize, and grow from their mistakes; and I also really hope that they do the right thing and give Desi Atiny the apology they deserve!

(I hope this ramble made sense, it's late and I need to sleep)

[pochipop]

Hi! May I request a BNHA character headcanon of them reacting to Y/N getting locked out of her dorm room and coming to them to ask to stay with them for the night? If yes, thank you soooo much!! And I'd love it if you could include Izuku, Bakugo, Tenya, Shinso, Shoji, and Shihai! - 🦑

“ BNHA !! ” 🏷️— LOCKED OUT OF YOUR DORM ROOM.

＃CHARACTERS! —IZUKU, BAKUGO, TENYA, SHINSO, SHOJI, SHIHAI.

＃CONTENT WARNING(S)! — NONE.

＃MASTERLIST! — HERE.

＃ALT ACCOUNTS! — @yyolkchi (spam/sketch posting account!) & @ddollipop (mature fic account!)

𖦹. ━ IZUKU !!

Izuku stares at you in surprise when you knock on his dorm room door late at night. It's a few minutes from curfew, and his first line of thought is that something has gone wrong.

"Y/n?" He tilts his head to one side, "is everything okay?"

Physically, sure, everything is fine, ―nothing life threatening is happening, there's no intense dangers lurking around the corner as far as you know, and no risk is being posed to your life as of now. But a silly mistake of yours has rendered you bedless for the night, and at the risk of looking like an idiot, you've gone to Izuku to seek some refuge from the dorm halls.

Sleeping on the ground outside your room doesn't seem like very much fun.

"More or less," you rub the back of your neck awkwardly, "I just. . . Did something kind of stupid, and I need your help."

"If I can, you know I will!" He assures you, in typical Izuku Midoriya fashion, and you have to keep yourself from grinning, "―but, maybe we should wait until morning to talk about it. I don't want either of us getting in trouble for breaking curfew."

"That's the thing," you fiddle with your thumbs, "I actually um. . . Locked myself out of my dorm room, and I came here to ask if it would be okay to stay with you for the night?"

His emerald eyes widen in surprise. Whatever he'd been expecting you to say, that hadn't been on the long list of possibilities. Not that it's an inherently outlandish request, he just hadn't expected something like that from you.

"Won't we get in trouble for that?" He asks, "―maybe we should just go and tell Mr Aizawa about this, I'm sure he'll be able to help!"

"I thought about that, but I feel bad interrupting his personal life like that. He always looks so tired during the day, it feels wrong to make a fuss over this when I can wait until morning to ask instead," you explain.

"Oh. . . Yeah, that makes sense," Izuku agrees, "but oh! Maybe I can use my quirk to break the lock on your door!"

He holds his fist with a confident smile, and you take a small step back.

"I-I appreciate the offer, really, but that seems like it'd do a lot more harm than good. Plus, the noise would probably send everyone into a panic, especially with everything our class has been through this past month. . ." you trail off.

"Right," he nods, ". . . then, I guess this should be fine. It's not like we're doing anything bad, and we'll go straight to Mr Aizawa in the morning!"

"Straight there, promise!" You nod, and Izuku steps aside so you can enter his dorm.

It's not the first time you've ever been in his room, but it is the first time past curfew, and somehow, that gives it a totally different vibe. You glance around at his massive collection of All Might items, from posters, to action figures, to DVDs. It's odd, of course, but it's endearing to you nonetheless. You recall he was embarrassed and flustered over you seeing it the first time, but now, he seems to have mellowed out almost completely.

"So um. . . How should we do this? I don't have any extra blankets, but it's not very cold tonight, so I could do without one. Thankfully, I've got plenty of pillows, though! If I sleep on the floor, you can keep the blanket on the bed, ―I'd rather not have it get dirty anyway," he rambles a bit.

"No, I'm the one inconveniencing you! I'll take the floor, no worries about that, and I don't mind not having a blanket for the night," you insist.

Izuku frowns.

"That wouldn't make me a very good friend, and I'm sure my mom would scold me for letting any guest sleep on the floor," he tells you.

"It's okay! It's my fault for locking myself out of my room like an idiot," you assure him, "I'm just thankful you're letting me sleep in here with you at all. I can't imagine the way Bakugo would make fun of me if he saw me sleeping in the hall. . ."

Eventually, the two of you reach a conclusion. Neither of you sleep on the floor, ―instead, you share Izuku's bed, but agree to keep your backs turned to one another and not cross the imaginary line drawn down the middle of the mattress. Before drifting off, you thank him again for letting you stay here, and he says goodnight before closing his eyes.

𖦹. ━ BAKUGO !!

Bakugo is annoyed when he opens the door to see you standing there, and you instantly regret coming to him of all people. This was probably a bad choice, you acknowledge, but you'd been hoping he would take some pity on you in a way the rest of the class wouldn't. He's always stood out to you as someone whose actions speak much louder than their words, ―despite how high his volume seems to always be.

"What do you want?" He grumbles, voice hoarse, much gruffer than usual, "don't you know what time it is?"

"I'm sorry for bothering you," you apologize, "I know it's late."

"Not sorry enough to not do it," he says, wearing his irritation on his. . . Arm, you suppose, because he's shirtless at the moment, so there's no sleeve to wear it on.

"Just tell me what you need, or go away and let me go to bed."

He's just as blunt as ever.

"I locked myself out of my dorm room," you tell him, and it comes as no shock to you that he bursts into laughter at your admission.

You stare at the floor as he cackles at your expense. It's funnier to him than you'd expected it to be, but you only have yourself to blame, really. You're the one that came to him, knowing exactly how he is, after all. It's not like you have the right to complain, although he could certainly stand to be less of a dick about this.

"That's hilarious," he says when his laughter finally dies down and his usual scowl returns to his face, "but what exactly do you want me to do about that? Blast the door down for you?"

"N-No!" You quickly shake your head, "that just turns one issue into another. I came here to ask if you'd let me spend the night in your dorm until I can get help from Mr Aizawa in the morning. . ."

This might have been a big mistake, actually. You're kicking yourself for it by the time Bakugo heaves a heavy sigh.

"It's not like I can leave you out here," he says matter-of-factly.

Your eyes widen as he moves to the side to let you in.

"Don't just stand there," he snarls, "get in here before I change my mind."

You do. He rolls his eyes and mumbles "yeah yeah," when you thank him. Stepping over a weight he left sitting in the middle of the floor, you nearly fall over it backwards when he decides to throw a pillow at you from across the room.

"There's a spot on the floor," he points, "now go to sleep. Don't expect any more hospitality."

With no other options, you do as he says. The floor is hard, of course, and your back will probably feel this night for a few days, but it's better than nothing. At least he gave you a pillow. . . Thankfully, after ten minutes of tossing and turning periodically on the floor, he caves and tells you to just get on the bed, insisting that it's only because you're annoying him with the movement. He warns that if you touch him, he'll blast you into another dimension entirely, ―but that's fine. His bed is a lot more comfortable, and he's a lot cuter when he's not screaming. You could almost fall for him.

𖦹. ━ TENYA !!

Tenya is quick to lecture you as soon as he opens his door and sees you standing in the hall.

"Do you know what time it is?" He questions, "we only have a few minutes until curfew, and it's doubtful now that you'll be able to make it all the way back to your own dorm room before then. As the representative of class 1A, I can't allow you to ignore the rules, and―"

"I locked myself out of my room," you interrupt his speech, a hefty blush tinting your cheeks as he silences himself for a few moments and lets your words sink in.

"That. . . Is an unfortunate situation," he replies, tone switching from authoritative to empathetic, "although I'm not sure what to do with that information. It would be inappropriate to interrupt Mr Aizawa at this hour, and opening the door ourselves would more than likely cause a lot of ruckus, which also goes against the rules for the dorms past curfew. . ."

"I know," you tell him, "―which is why I came here, to ask if you'd let me stay the night with you."

Tenya's eyes widen at your request. He blushes, ducking his head in hopes you won't see it, clearing his throat to keep his voice from breaking the next time he speaks.

"I see," he states, and an awkward silence follows.

"I'm sorry," you apologize, "I. . . I probably shouldn't have asked you this, I just didn't know who else to turn to this late."

"No, I assure you, there's no need to apologize, you did the right thing. As the class representative, it's my job to take care of things like this when I'm capable of doing so," he tells you, which eases your nerves a bit.

He thinks for a minute longer before coming to a decision.

"Come in," he concludes, "you can sleep here for the night, and then I'll report everything to Mr Aizawa first thing in the morning. It may be a bit irresponsible of me to allow this, but it would be far crueler to turn you away."

You thank him as you step inside, stifling a giggle at his extensive collection of glasses. He's doing you a solid favor, after all, so now isn't the time to be poking fun at him. Maybe in the future, though.

"How exactly did you manage to lock yourself out of your room, anyway?" He asks as he closes the door behind you.

"I'm not even sure," you admit, "I went outside for a bit to get some air, and when I came back inside, I realized the door had locked behind me, and I didn't have my key on me."

"In the future, I'd suggest carrying your key with you whenever you leave the room in case of circumstances like this," Tenya notes.

"I'll definitely be keeping it with me from here on out, don't worry about that. Lesson learned, I promise," you assure him.

"Well then. . . Should we lie down for the night? Tomorrow morning is likely to be busy for you," he notes.

"And for you," you quip guiltily, "―and I'm sorry in advance."

He brushes it off.

"Don't worry about that, I wake up early every morning. It would be shameful for me to ever turn up to class late."

Unsurprisingly, Tenya is a true gentleman. He makes sure to tell you that he'll stay on one side of the bed, and when he portions his blanket between the two of you, he makes sure you've got more than him. Before handing you a pillow, he fluffs it up. The way he whispers sweet dreams is almost too much for your heart to handle. . . And for a moment, you consider ways to lose your key just to wind up here again in a few days time.

𖦹. ━ SHINSO !!

Shinso's expression is majoritively unreadable when he cracks his door open and spots you standing in the hall outside. Internally, his heart skips a little beat and confusion thrums through his veins, but he's. . . Excited, dare he admit, to see you here so late at night. He suspects you're the only person who'd have enough of a gall to do something like this.

". . . need something?" He inquires, raising an eyebrow.

His voice is as monotone as always, but on the inside, he's a much different person. Almost like a small child, curious and careful.

"Yeah um. . . It's a little embarrassing, but I was hoping you could do me a favor?" You request, and Shinso cocks his head to the side in inquiry.

"A favor?" He asks, "―what kind of favor?"

You're not exactly giving him much to go off of here, although he can sense that you're truthful about the fact that it's embarrassing. The way you're struggling to meet his eyes properly is more than enough of a hint.

"Well, see, the thing is that I somehow locked myself out of my dorm room, and I was wondering if you'd let me. . . Sleep here with you for the night?"

Your request shocks him to the core. He's never exactly seen himself as the type of person that anyone could come to for things of this nature, —nonetheless you. His mask of stoicism slips for the moment, and his lips part in surprise.

"You. . . You want to sleep here, with me?" He asks

He's not making this easy on you. You swallow down your pride and speak up again in reply, even though you wish you could sink into the ground and disappear right about now.

"If you're okay with that," you clarify, "but if you're not I. . . I understand why, and that's fine too."

Shinso's still working through his own shock, and he doesn't have the sense in the moment to pick up on the desperation and twinges of shame that entwine with the words you speak.

When he doesn't say anything, you back away from him further.

"I'm sorry," you apologize, "I shouldn't have asked this of you. I'm gonna go try to pick the lock again, hopefully that'll pan out in the end or something—"

"No!" He cuts you off so unexpectedly that it startles you, and you flinch before him, which he scolds himself for.

"Sorry, no, I didn't mean to raise my voice, I just. . ."

His words trail off, but after a deep breath, he finds his way. Or, he finds what he can only hope are the right words.

"You can stay the night," he says, "it's no trouble. I'm just not used to people relying on me, so when I realized you'd come to me out of everyone else, I was a little dazed. And I still am, but that's not important, so just come inside. My room is a little messy though."

He's at a loss as to why you'd come to him over anyone else. Midoriya, the ever-helpful boy he is, seems like a perfect candidate to Shinso, —far better than him. Iida as well, so reliable and always willing to lend a hand to anyone in need. Kirishima even, so kind and compassionate, ready to give anyone a smile and word of encouragement at any given moment. . . So why him?

Shinso wonders that for the rest of the night, but he never does ask. Instead, he makes sure you're comfortable and watches as you fall asleep, sparing glances your way throughout the night whilst he struggles to let sleep overtake him. He thinks to himself that you look so peaceful when you're resting, and he can't help but wonder what you're dreaming of. But come morning, he doesn't ask about that either.

𖦹. ━ SHOJI !!

Shoji panics a bit when he opens his door and sees you standing before him. The two of you are friends, of course, but he's always sensed that there was an unacknowledged distance between himself and you that was just. . . Understood. He's always felt that there were invisible lines he couldn't cross, as well as ones he needed to read between. This, however, seems to be in total opposition to that. You're here in front of him at this hour, and he's just trying to keep it together.

"Is something wrong, y/n?" Shoji asks.

"Ah, well, I guess you could put it like that," you answer with an awkward accompanying laugh, "I'm sorry for bugging you so late at night."

"That's okay," he assures you, "what happened? You're not hurt, right?"

He doesn't see any injuries on you, —your clothes aren't dirty nor disheveled, your body language seems at least semi-relaxed, and with all of that noticed, he comes to the conclusion that, whatever it is that's happening, it's probably not dangerous.

"No, not at all," your words confirm his suspicions and ease his heart all the same, "I just made a stupid mistake, and I need to ask someone for a favor, so. . . Here I am."

Your wary smile tells him that it took a lot of courage for you to do this, and even more so, you seem exhausted to him. Whatever's going on, he's more than willing to help.

"Ask away, if there's anything I can do for you, I'll certainly try my best," he tells you.

"Somehow, I ended up locking myself out of my dorm," you admit, embarrassing as it is to do so, "and I don't want to bother anyone about it until morning. . . Other than you, I guess, which I'm still sorry about."

The look in his eyes tells you that you don't need to be. You still are, but the fact that he doesn't feel it's necessary is elating.

"All that being said, I came here to ask if I could stay with you for the night? I understand if you don't feel comfortable enough to say yes, but you were the only person I thought I could ask something like this of."

Shoji's a little stunned, but he agrees rather quickly nonetheless. He's sure you'd do the same for him if the shoe were on the other foot. Since the last time you saw his room, he's upgraded a bit. . . Not by much, per say, but anything is noticeable given the lackluster state of it previously. He has a nicely sized bed now, although it doesn't look like the most comfortable one you've ever seen, and a few books are lying in the corner of the room. You just hope they're for recreational reading and not studying, —it's clear that he deserves to indulge in a hobby or two.

He's a big guy, so it can't be helped that he nudges you a few times throughout the night. But, he always apologizes, even if you're fast asleep. Shoji is hyperaware of your presence and does his best to give you the space he feels you probably want. Crossing your boundaries is the last thing he'd want to do. You'd mind a lot less than he knows, but hey. . . That's a conversation for another time.

𖦹. ━ SHIHAI !!

Shihai does his best to cover up his nervousness when you knock on his door a few minutes before curfew. As much as he wants people to believe that his confidence has no limits, —it does, and they're far easier to reach than he'd ever feel comfortable letting on.

"Hey," he greets as casually as he can currently muster.

"Hey," you parrot, a little breathy in comparison, "are you busy right now or anything?"

He shakes his head, opening the door a little wider so that he can lean against the frame, hoping that will make him seem much more nonchalant than he feels.

"Nope. . . I was just getting ready for bed. Is there something you need?"

Here it comes, —the part you've been dreading the most since deciding to come to him for this. It's not that you fear he'll laugh at or mock you, but man. . . Admitting this mistake you've made to someone like him, who seems to have everything together, feels like a real blow to your ego. Even so, you still felt like he was the best option. He's a lot of things, and a hero is one of them, even if he hasn't officially been granted that title yet.

"This is a little embarrassing," you preface, "but uh. . . I locked myself out of my dorm room, and I need somewhere to sleep for the night. I was hoping you'd let me crash on your floor or something?"

The fact that you've come to him makes him feel a lot of different things at once, none of which he can accurately put a name to. All Shihai is sure of is that "crashing on his floor," as you put it, isn't exactly an option.

"Ah come on, the floor?" He gives you a small chuckle, hoping it sounds more charming than it feels as it erupts from the back of his throat.

"I have a bed, and it's plenty big enough for two. No need for you to wreck your back or anything."

You sigh in relief as he invites you inside. That went a lot better than you could have imagined, —although, in all fairness, you'd mostly been thinking of the worst-case scenarios in the first place. Shihai tries to keep up his facade as best he can manage. . . Maybe one day he'll let you see the vulnerable parts of him, let you see the little boy with big dreams and high hopes that lives inside him, —but today is not that day, and tonight is not that night.

He bristles when you turn in your sleep in the early hours of the morning. The top of your foot brushes his calf, and his heart croons. All of this is so sudden, and to him, it feels so intimate. Something about the feeling of your skin as it brushes against him so innocently, in a moment where you're so unaware that it's even happening. . . He resists the urge to sneak a peek at your face as you rest beside of him, comfortable enough to let your guard down when you're lying next to him. Instead, he resigns himself to this spot at your side, a few inches of space between his hand and yours, and he listens closely for the sound of your gentle breathing, allowing it to lull him to sleep.

[pfreadsandwrites]

Romantic sex with Yamato Tenzou on honeymoon after wedding????

i'm so sorry, i think i saw this ask briefly when i was checking my phone during my trip, then promptly forgot all about it till I just saw the '1' in my inbox and was like hmm? whats that?? and THEN I REMEMBERED!

anyway! im not gonna write a fic, sorry if thats what you wanted, but that just isn't on the cards at the moment. So I don't really know what you want me to do with this beyond talking about it a little 😭 i'ma ramble and hope for the best.

Yamato definitely seems one for sensual, romantic, intimate sex more than anything else tbh, so I see honeymoon sex as the absolute epitome of that for him. Just filled with so much love and passion for his s/o. The first two ideas that came to me were:

a) sex on the beach. or, because, that's not very romantic in practice, sex at maybe a beach house or something? or after a night time walk alongside the beach (seriously nights by the beach are the most sexy times i swear). but maybe not sex on the literal beach cuz who wants sand in your orifices. not me.

b) ryokan! maybe the honeymoon is at an onsen. And just yeah you both are wearing yukatas and on futons and things get a little heated and it's very down to earth and very, very lovely. maybe a monkey steals your clothes. idk.

But yeah, I feel like the sex is slow, very slow, but lengthy and passionate. He'll be a little more... autonomous? Is that the right word? I just mean that he'll be a bit more zealous, a bit less being led along by his s-o, taking the lead? a bit? more than he does usually, but I just mean that generally, when the sex isnt super intimate or romantic, he tends to just get swept along by whatever his s/o wants. If that makes sense, lmao. I don't mean that he's necessarily a sub, he's just not the most... active guy in the world. But this is one of those instances where he really wants to show you what you mean to him, what this means to him, how happy he is to be married to you and how much he wants to give you an amazing time as opposed to having an amazing time together.

so yamato's thing is making you feel safe and protected whilst realising your own autonomy and independence at the same time? both inside and outside of the bedroom. Like he'll be there for you but you'll never have your own wants or needs compromised. That can be bad cuz it means he won't tell you about hsi wants or needs in the same way, and you might realise too late if you've been selfish. cuz, tbh, there will be times where you *should* have to compromise your wants in a marriage, but yamato'll try to avoid that for your sake to his own detriment.

some slightly more explicit hcs:

i feel like yamato is as sturdy as a literal tree and i feel like he would last for a hella long time... with the caveat that it's much harder when you're on top

he makes nice noises <3 they're deep and guttural.

lots of burying his face into your neck, and collarbone kisses etc when he's on top. very affectionate and passionate <33

he has a thing for nipple play, both giving and receiving

oral is his go to for foreplay

not very kinky, but i feel like he wouldn't be above using wood style in the bedroom. you may have to convince him a lil, tho

And that's it for now! Sorry these arent very good, a bitch is tired

[dreaming-soundly]

Random Universe Idea that popped into my head

There's a friend group where one of the friends is immortal One day after one of the friends gets into a life-threatening accident(he survives though) the immortal one breaks down It freaks the others out because the immortal one is very calm and stoic 24/7 and even though they obviously like the group they're a bit distant (the others assume they're just not used to mortals like them, but they don't care and include and treasure Immo anyways) It turns out Immo wasn't always that distant, but they've watched those they care about pass on so many times it broke something in them, and they were attracted to the group and couldn't keep themselves away but they wanted to keep their emotions shut down so badly because they didn't want to lose people they cared about again (It didn't work, they cared so, so much and now they were going to have to watch their loved ones pass away again) Immo can't die, they're a true immortal and after nearly watching one of their friends die they kinda shut down in depression (later it is revealed by the friend that nearly died that although Immo didn't say((and assumed that guy forgot)) they saved him from the near death and they were in tears hyperventilating before running away after dropping him off at the hospital) So the group of friends decides enough is enough they can't allow their friend to be hurt like that so they go on a quest to get themselves immortality too

Kinda a twist on the villains big evil journey to become immortal

Plot twist; Although they were already long Immortal at the time, Immo has come across this friend group before (They, just like basically every other soul, reincarnate. Its just a thing that exists, I might go further in the world building later, however just keep in mind that souls are a thing, they reincarnate, and some beings can sense souls. It's not an immortality thing though, and if you have enough aptitude you can be taught, not matter what species((yes there is a soul-sensing goose, no I will not eleborate))) They're not always in the same country, or circle, or age-group, ethnicity or anything like that but whenever they meet they're always friends (Its weird to even them because sometimes it's a 6y/o girl being bff's with this kinda creepy 21y/o or this bubbly 23y/o himbo being the best friend of this 87y/o harsh veteran) They're not always born in the same time but when they are all born together, no matter how unlikely it seems and no matter how far apart they will always meet and Immo will never be able to stop themselves from meeting the group They never remember anything though, which hurts a lot, and also makes stuff a tad uncomfortable, because even though they accept anything about the others and don't really question each others shit, sometimes Immo mentions something that happened in a previous time, and then shuts down because they don't want to replace their friends by these are their friends in a way(?) Even though they don't remember and it just hurts So overtime Immo because very stoic and reserved and silent to the point of developing both slight haphephobia and touch starvation and just overall the big sad

I'm planning on having the group mostly have a different type of immortality (some will be connected though) and there will be one that will reincarnate with memories but still die

The others, unlike Immo, also won't be true immortals, not really

More later probably

Ask questions if you have them I might answer

Also, spelling mistakes? Probably, I am very tired, this is a late night ramble

[warwickroyals]

Okay, so earlier (technically it was yesterday for me) I asked where I should start reading your story. I then proceeded to not wait for an answer and start from the very beginning. I'm currently about to start page 19 in chronological order, and I am very much enjoying it.

Your writing is amazing, and so is your cinematography. Also, romance montages, my beloved. I am now fighting the urge to make one of my own sims. (Must fight the urge. So many spoilers.)

It's wild seeing how drastically Nick and Alex flip flop over time, especially having read your most recent posts. I'll be very curious to see this all play out.

Also, I love Phillip a lot, and I can't wait to see how everyone reacts to Jean being a part of his life. Cause she is amazing, and I love her. I understand both her and Phillip's sides at this point. Phillip has seen firsthand exactly what the press can do to people, so I totally get him not wanting to fuck Jean up like that, even if she thinks she wants it or thinks she can handle it. But on the other hand, he's very much pushing Jean away, which isn't fair to her. She wants to be a very serious and important part of his life, and he won't let her near the part of his life that has fucked him up the most.

Sorry for providing rambling commentary several months late, but I'm enjoying myself. I would really, really love to keep reading, but it's after 12:30 in the morning, I have an 8:30am class tomorrow (or rather, today), and I still have to take a shower. Was getting hooked on a sims story at 9pm a good idea? No. Did I do it anyways? Yes. Do I regret it? Currently no, but ask me again in the morning.

(Sorry, I'm rambly at the best of times, and even worse when tired.)

(Also, when I say "got hooked at 9pm", I did NOT read 18 pages in 3 hours. I only read like, 10-12 of them in 3 hours. :p)

Okay, I'm actually shutting the fuck up now!! I will hopefully finish tomorrow!!! I must be getting close now, seeing as the dates are only "two months ago".

OMG! No, never shut the fuck up! I love hearing all your thoughts, and it warms my heart whenever people engage with my writing like this. It's the best type of feedback. Thank you for all of the compliments and I'm glad that I've inspired someone in some way :)

Nick & Alex - I think they might just have the most complicated relationship out of all of my characters; they 100% are the most complex sibling relationship at least. I'm actually working on a scene between the two of them right now, and I think it's really amazing how jealousy is the driving factor for a lot of the hostility between the two brothers. Growing up, there has always been an underlying sense of bitterness and rivalry, but recently, especially after Margaux's birth, it's gotten out of control. Nicholas resents Alex because he thinks that he's irresponsible beyond reason, but he also envies Alex's position as second in line. It seems to him that Alex is constantly able to mess up without any meaningful consequences. Alex, on the other hand, thinks that Nick is too full of himself and that his being the heir has rotted his ability for empathy and understanding. Alex is also jealous of Nick being the older, more intelligent, brother. On top of the jealousy I think a lot of their current issues come from projecting their insecurities onto each other, especially when it comes to their relationships with their parents and women. They need to talk it out! Things will get better for them at some point but, as long as they refuse to communicate, it'll only get worse.

Phillip & Jean - I'm very glad people like Jean as much as I do because I wasn't sure about how she would be "received" if that makes any sense. Phillip in my opinion has always been paranoid, but a lot of his paranoia is validated by his life experiences like you said. As a child, he watched the media pressure destroy his mother's well-being; as an adult, it ruined his marriage. Even first-hand, a lot of his defining moments were him having to hide his mental illness and addiction struggles because of how exploitative the press was. So I understand how hard it would be for him to be publically in a relationship with Jean, someone who's so unconventional. But at the same time, like you said, it's not fair for Jean who also has abandonment issues of her own. I'm so glad that, in the time between Chapters 2.5 and 3 they've established a really strong relationship! Although they're not as prominent in chapter 3, there is a lot of conflict generated from their relationship and how both the press and family react to Jean as a permanent addition to Phillip's life. Their relationship is a really important element of the story.

Oh, boy, now I feel like I'm rambling, but I'm always down to ramble about my characters, so thank you for entertaining me for a little while. I can't wait to get to your other asks 😭

[generallybarzy]

not despite, but unconditionally.

an: written for my lovely lovely friend @softboybarzal who i love dearly so so so so much 🖤🤍💜 happy late asexuality day!!!! I hope this is everything i think it is and I hope it makes you feel all soft and happy because of it. I really put my heart in this one for you and everyone else out there who feels like someone won't love and accept them because of their sexuality. I love all of you sm and I promise you will find someone who cherishes you like barzy does in this fic.

tagging: @softboybarzal ​ @fallinallincurls ​ @matbaerzal ​ @npatrickz ​ @canadianheaters ​ @selenophileangel ​ @deleausvp ​ @colecaufield ​ @hockeyhughes11 ​ @nazdaddy ​ @barzysreputation ​ @comphybiscuit ​ @aboveaveragehockeyboys ​ @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself ​ @petey-patty ​ @starswin​ @heatherawoowoo ​ ​

word count: 2.6k

After only a handful of months with Mathew, you already knew he was an amazing boyfriend- always attentive, but never suffocating, endearingly clingy and cuddly and soft, and the most caring and gentle man you had ever met in your life. Something you loved about Mat- but, god, how could you choose when there were so many things to love?- was how open he was to listen, to learn about you, to know you. How good the two of you were at communicating with each other, and how much he listened and made sure he understood what was wrong when you were upset. But, this beautiful talent of his came with downfalls, and that downfall- for you, anyway- was that you could never pretend to be fine around him. He knew you much too well. He knew everything about you. 

Well, except for one thing.

So when you walked through his apartment door for your Friday night cuddles with a gloomy smile and a far-away look in your eyes, he knew something was wrong. 

“Heyyyy, baby.” He bounced over to the door, always energetic, and grabbed your bag and coat from you. He bent down and lay a big smooch against your lips, smoothing a hand through your hair, and you subconsciously leaned into his touch. While he knew you always loved being near him, there was something so withdrawn about you lately. He smiled his comforting little smile, watching you with soft eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, bubs. I’m just tired, long day at work, that’s all.” 

It was a lie, you knew it and Mat did too. Maybe you were tired, maybe you did have a long day at work, but he could see there was something else there. Even so, he smiled softly and kissed your cheek, vowing to himself that he’d get it out of you after a bit of cuddling. “Okay. How about we go cuddle and watch some Netflix, ‘kay? I have a hoodie ready for you to change into in my room, and I’ll start the hot cocoa, okay?”

“Thank you.” 

“Always.” He lay another kiss on your head before shooing you off to the bedroom to change. “Go get cozy, babe.” 

The moment you stepped into Mat’s bedroom, you knew how this night was going to go. Mat’s room was all tidied up, the bed was made and the drawers were closed and his nightstand was de-cluttered, and while he wasn’t necessarily a dirty person, it was obvious he had cleaned up today, and you knew why. Whenever you would come over and see he had cleaned his room, he would later try to take your relationship to the next level by turning your cuddle session into a makeout session, and the only reason those makeout sessions didn’t become more was that you would shoot him down and say you were sleepy. Granted, you loved the makeout sessions, you loved to fall asleep on him, and you loved how understanding he was that you weren’t in the mood. You just weren’t sure if he’d be so understanding that you were never gonna be in the mood.

After you stripped out of your clothes and into Mat’s big hoodie and a pair of sweats, you opened the door to go back out to the living room, where Mat was fluffing some pillows up and putting on Netflix. “Hey, just in time!” Mat set the drinks on the coffee table and pulled you into his side and flopped down onto the couch, snuggling into you like you were a teddy bear. 

“So snuggly tonight, Maty.”

“Only for you.”

The movie dragged on, at least thirty minutes passing with barely any talk between you. Your mind was racing with what you were going to tell Mat when he inevitably tried to make a movie and you rejected him again. He was going to be so upset, you knew it, he was going to break up with you right here. You didn’t want to think about it

Then, just like you knew would happen, you felt his lips against your ear. 

You welcomed it, gladly, you always loved when he kissed you. What worried you was what would come next. You couldn’t keep lying to him about this, leading him on, you had to tell him. “Mat, baby, stop.”

"What's wrong?" 

"Ah, I'm just… I'm too sleepy to do anything." 

Mat was silent for a few moments, before sitting up completely, bringing you up to sit next to him. "Are you just saying that?" God you didn't want to have this talk, you didn't want to fight, you didn't want him to leave you. You could feel the tears in your eyes. “Oh, hey hey hey.” Mat scrambled to collect you, bringing his hands up to cup your face and wipe away the tears, kissing your face tenderly. “Please, babe, I know something’s wrong. It’s fine if you don’t wanna have sex tonight but like, this might make me sound like a dick but I’ve waited and tried again and again and I’m just worried. Is there something wrong? Is it just that you’re not attracted to me or...? What? I promise I won’t be mad, I’m just trying to understand, ya know?”

“No, I’m attracted to you, I promise. I just…” 

“What is it?” Mat’s voice was quiet and gentle, his brow furrowed. He was genuinely trying to understand. 

“I- You might not like it, Mat, and uh, if you want to leave me after this… if it’s too much for you, I’ll understand. I won’t blame you.” 

“Hey, hey…” Mat tilted his head down to try and catch your gaze, his eyes gentle, his fingers even more gentle on your chin. “Okay, you know I’m not pushy, but babe, I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to, but I need you to tell me this. You’re worrying me.” Mat saw the hesitation on your face, the way you couldn’t meet his eyes, and reached out slowly. “Can I hold your hands?” He saw the way your hands reached out instinctively for his and took that as his okay to hold them, marveling at how small your hands were in his. “Take your time, talk when you’re ready.”

You took a few deep breaths, and could only bring yourself to glance up at him momentarily. You couldn’t delay this any longer. "Mat, I don't want to have sex with you." 

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he shook his head softly. "Um, okay, yeah that's okay. I won’t push you to. We can wait as long as you need." 

"No, no, I… I mean, like, ever." 

"I… I don't understand"

“I’m uhh. I’m asexual, Mat.”

“Okay.” Mat glanced down to the floor for a moment, biting his lip and furrowing his brow. You could see the gears turning in his head, and you loved him so, so much just for trying his hardest to understand it. After a moment, he looked back up at you, gentle questioning in his eyes. “Okay, so, what exactly does that mean for you, specifically?”

You were taken aback. Never before did anyone ask you what your sexuality meant to you. No one ever asked where you fell on the spectrum, they just pushed you aside because all they hear was no sex, and decided you weren’t worth a sexless relationship. You were at a loss for words. “I just, I guess I don’t get turned on, if that makes sense? Physically, yeah, I can get aroused, but in my head, I don’t feel the sexual attraction. Trust me, you’re hot and all, but it’s just… nothing… clicks, down there, ya know? I don’t get the urge to have sex or anything.” 

Mat nodded quietly, listening intently, so you continued. No one had ever given you space to ramble about your sexuality. No one had ever listened. And if he was gonna break up with you anyway, might as well get it all out. "I'm conflicted when it comes to sex, honestly, because I don't really want it or need it but I'm willing to do it for you if you really want it, ya know? I'm okay with making you feel good, but it just doesn't do anything for me."

“Well, if it doesn’t feel good for you, why would we do it?”

“It, it’s not that it doesn’t feel good. Well, for some people, it doesn’t. It’s a spectrum.” You saw Mat nod, and it made your heart swell how much he was willing to listen. “Some people hate sex, some people are okay with it, some people like it, we just don’t… necessarily need it. I’m okay with it, sometimes. I’m sure it wouldn’t feel too bad if I was doing it out of love, for you, but I just… don’t need it. I would do it for you, to make you feel good, ya know? But it doesn’t do anything for me.”

“So, that’s what was bothering you so much?”

“Yeah.” Mat was silent, his eyebrows furrowed up in thought. You could feel the tears coming back, even though Mat was so willing to listen, you knew he wouldn’t be willing to stay with you and give up something he wanted as much as sex. "I just, I know you want to have sex, and I just… I knew I needed to tell you, but I was trying to delay it because I just... I love you so much and I don’t want to ruin that. I know you want sex and I can’t promise you that, and I just…” Tears were streaming down your face now, and you could hear Mat frantically hushing you. “I just really really don't want you to leave me because of this."

"No no no baby, don't cry.” His arms surrounded you quickly, cradling you close against him. Your nose found the crook of his neck, settling there against that comforting scent that was just so him. His warmth surrounded you, you could feel his heart beating against your chest, his arms heavy around your back, keeping you close, and you felt safe. “Shh, baby. Please don’t cry over this. Please. I love you.” He lay kiss after kiss on your face, soft little pecks all over your wet cheeks. “I love you.” 

“But you’re gonna break up with me, aren’t you?”

“No!” He leaned back from the embrace, keeping his arms tight around you and catching your eyes with the most serious look you’d ever seen in your relationship. This was the first big, serious talk, after all. “Let’s get that into your pretty little head first, okay. I’m not breaking up with you. I. Am not. Breaking up with you. Ever. Tell me babe, what am I doing?”

“Not breaking up with me.” You smiled tearily and he beamed down at you.

“That's right, you're stuck with me." His lips fell to a tiny half-smile. "Listen, I love you, and we’re not breaking up. But, I don’t want you to think that you’re holding anything back from me. You’re not. It’s not that “you don’t wanna have sex, but I guess I can still love you despite that”, alright? It’s not that I still love you despite your asexuality, or even though you don't want sex. It's that you're asexual and I love you. Two. Independent. Facts.” He punctuated each word with a kiss on your forehead, his hands cupping your cheeks gently. He tilted his head then, glancing towards the ceiling as he thought over his word. “Okay, that might’ve been a little confusing but hang in there for me. It’s that… You don't want to have sex and you're my girlfriend and I respect that. Saying I love you despite this makes it seem like your sexuality is something I should have a problem with, but it isn't. It's another part of you, and I love you. All of you. My love for you isn't dependent on the idea of us having sex, okay? What's that “U” word I’m thinking of? For when I love you no matter what?"

Your throat was tight and your voice shaky as you sputtered out. "You, um, you mean un- unconditional?" 

"Yeah. Yeah. I love you unconditionally, okay? I love you for more than just sex. You're more than that... We're more than that, okay? A lot more. We’re all those dumb inside jokes we have that no one else is allowed in on, we’re weekly movie nights with hot chocolate and snacks. We’re hugs and kisses and cuddles on the couch after one of us had a bad day. We’re those shy kisses while surrounded by my teammates after we see each other on the concourse after a game, and me showing up at your work with lunch and embarrassing you in front of your coworkers, going out with all of our friends, and sneaking away to talk on the roof when the lights and the noises get too overwhelming. We’re about supporting each other in life, no matter what. That’s us. Sex doesn’t matter. If you decide later that you wanna try sex, I’m okay with it. If you’re okay with oral but no penetration, I’m okay with that. If you wanna touch me but don’t want me to do anything to you, I’m okay with that. If you decide you don’t want any type of sex ever, I am a hundred percent okay with that too. You know why? Because you’re so worth it.”

“Mat...” As much as you wanted to believe him, there was something nagging away at you, saying of course Mat wants sex, he’s hinted at it before, and what attractive young man like him wouldn’t? “Are you sure? You might be giving up sex for the most part.” 

"I’m a hundred percent sure. No, no, a trillion percent. Trust me. As long as I can stay here with you and cuddle you and love you and be with you, I'll be happy. Forever. Five-ever." He poked your cheek cutely, and a smile finally broke out on your face, prompting a stunning smile from Mat as well. “I promise you.” He leaned in again and pressed his lips to yours, passionately and with a smile, knowing that finally, you were comfortable again. “And I’m a big boy, I can get myself off if I need to. Promise.”  

“Mat!” You pulled back from him with a laugh.

“Hey, seriously! I don’t need you to do anything for me you don’t want to. I wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend if I forced you into stuff, would I? I’m completely fine going without, forever if I need to.” You buried your face in Mat’s chest, breathing in his cologne and soap, trying not to cry, this time not out of anxiety, but happiness. “I never want you to be scared to tell me anything, okay? I’ll promise you, I’ll always listen.” Mat squeezed his arms around you and lay back on the couch, pulling the blankets up around you and tucking you in tight against him. You snuggled down against him, your heart swelling with the absolute love Mat was willing to give to you. You couldn’t believe you were lucky enough to have him.

“Thank you so much.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I would never break up with you over something like that. Never. Now, how about we get back to the movie, huh? I’ve had enough serious talk tonight.” 

“I love you, Maty.” 

Mat smiled, his heart pounding against you. He smiled, knowing this was it for him. He smiled at the thought that he was lucky enough to call someone as amazing as you his person, his better half, the person he loved the most in the world. Sex wasn’t even a small price to pay. It meant nothing to him, sex wasn’t even on his mind, as long as he could stay in moments like these with you, forever. This was truly, honestly, all he needed. 

“I love you too, baby. Unconditionally.”

[key-lime-soda]

RE: resippy tiem :)

Okay, so what I said earlier in that one response to that one ask: It was like... almost sorta an overstatement when I said that I had multiple recipes prepared, as 1) I have many more for Maiko (which I will elaborate on tomorrow or something, it's getting kinda late) 2) I don't have like... exact recipes? More like, general ingredients and ideas that'd fit together for Jackson, which I normally forget but I very likely will look through the Jackson Trace Time Tab (doesn't exist, i'll just look back at like. what i've seen of him) and I can gather more ideas coherently then and 3) It often isn't like! A full recipe! Sometimes I just look at some of Jackson's dialogue and go "Hm. Yeah. That's a grilled answer if I've ever seen one." and then go on with my day.

Anyways! Going back to Maiko's Recipes, (not sure if I even brought that up) you once said that she enjoyed making french toast of sorts: I think that she'd like to ham that stuff up with decorations, just because like! I think she's somewhat of an overachiever in an early stage, and also she cares about the appearance of something quite a lot-- that's what being too invested in cooking competitions can do to someone, man. Citing this ask, Maiko enjoys rice pudding and french toast, implying she enjoys sweet foods with a strong savory undertone, and ones that start out simple but can be modified to the chef and eater's likes and dislikes- which I think shows the level of care between father and daughter here, even in a miniscule way.

Before this, from this ask, the wording of how Maiko wants to join a cooking competition somewhat implies that she favors cooking over baking (or at least that's how I interpreted it) which may be in part due to nurture, Jackson favoring savory, more 'fast-acting' foods over sweeter pastries, with some exceptions, the exceptions being that he seems like the type to go to a local bakery for a croissant when he was busy with work. This might also be a hint into Jackson's personal preferences in food- like I might have mentioned offhandedly before, he seems like the dude to like warmer foods, and also more spicy foods. And like. Based in grains and stuff? He also isn't like, super-heavily carnivorous, not eating meat more than??? Once a day?? But that's just straight up headcanon territory. Also-- So many sauces are just... so fitting for Jackson. I had an actual recipe earlier, but I doubt I could find it in my mindscape now.

One of the recipes I had laid out for him was almost a sort of birria taco? But weird, with more vegetables, a greater citrus-y (specifically lime) presence and a thicker broth. Like. A rich, multi-leveled flavor with a solid base sorta dish. I think the meat inside the weird taco (like i MIGHT have said, i can never describe these recipes thinking back on them) was chicken, which doesn't say much other than I like chicken tacos.

ANYWAYS this was a long and rambly ask, really sorry about how incomprehensible this is, i'll probably swoop back in with more recipe stuff tomorrow-ish? Because i am Tired and Not Thinking As Precisely As I Should Be- Goodnight!

(also sorry if I mischaracterized either of the guys mentioned in this-- i tend to get lost in my own headcanons with characters, very sorry if this did happen)

wow ok that's a lot to unpack (I'm smiling like an idiot btw)

your way of interpreting characters is so interesting??? like u think of food components when you hear certain things. I'm gonna study u so much cuz that's really cool. I think I kinda do the same but with colors? I hear noises and think of colors if that makes sense.

also I love ur headcanons. plz never apologize for making them, it makes me so happy. I'd say half of them are right tbh so congrats!!

few response notes! :3

Maiko would definitely go all out and make the fanciest French Toast ever. She wants to make her dad proud, y'know? And as much as he appreciates it, he still inhales the whole thing in like 3 minutes because this man is always late for work.

Rice pudding is like a comfort food for her. Reminds her of Jackson cuz he's the one who always makes it for her. She likes to make French Toast because it's Jackson's favorite breakfast. He probably doesn't like it too sweet though.

She does favor cooking over baking because she hates using an oven. It's so hot inside and has a risk of burning yourself and that scares her. If your properly trained, you can easily avoid burning yourself with a stove (as long as you avoid hot oil too, which isn't her forte either)

Her love of cooking came from watching cooking shows all day when she was really little. Cartoons only play in the mornings back then so she'd watch a Food Network kind of channel in the afternoons. Maiko is autistic, and cooking is her special interest.

Jackson actually does really like meat. Beef is probably his favorite. He doesn't eat it that often because he's not that wealthy and can't afford it (remember: he's a private detective who gets paid the bare minimum, and lives with a college student. they're both broke losers)

He definitely eats a lot of rice. Inherited from his dad, who grew up on a rice farm.

that taco goes hard /pos

this was fun, I'd love to do this again <333

[hyukmoon]

Class trip.

Synopsis | you're a teacher going along on a trip for a week with your class and a colleague you despised for a good amount of time now. Things turn around and you don't know what to think about him anymore.

Teacher!Xiaojun x Teacher!gn!Reader

warnings | kissing is the most rated things happening in this, all over awkwardness from you, terrible humor, pretty much just fluff and a there's only one bed situation

word count | 2.2k

things to note | this is the first thing I wrote here, so I'm open to constructive criticism, also [P/A] means prefered form of address bc you're a teacher and all that (not proofread yet)

Let’s preface this. You never really wanted to go onto this trip. You genuinely loved the children in your class, but to go onto this trip for an entire week seemed to be a compromise in the least. Neither were the other teachers your preferred ones nor was it your say where the class trip was going to take place. To be honest, you even found the colleague you were going with a bit annoying.

“It can’t be this bad, you might even enjoy it there. Our fellow colleague is pretty to look at and the worst that could be happening on that trip is that one of the children puts their finger into a pencil sharpener again.”, your friend Yasmin and also, teacher said. Your tired face was working, she shut up. Of course, your fellow colleague was incredibly handsome.

You would and could never argue against that, yet every time you heard their kind and expressive voice you felt like you were blinded by the sun. He just seemed to exude everything you lacked. It is not that you weren’t a good teacher, every time you were out of breath or already done with everything only half through the day, he almost smiled compassionately at you sometimes even winked for that matter.

Xiao dejun, who also went by Xiaojun was the topic of your discussion, a man that handsome you wouldn’t be able to make up in your dream and smart enough to make up for every “inconvenience” you faced with him.

Well, he was that smart to bring you coffee every morning into teachers lounge, share his chewing gum with you and sometimes write you notes if you seem stressed. “Jeez, what’s your problem in the first place? I’m kinda sure he is into you. Every time he looks at you, he literally has heart eyes and bringing you coffee every morning? Please.”, she rolled her eyes at you.

“I don’t think so, I just subbed some of his classes a few times. You know how nice he is.”, nervously you now shy away from looking into Yasmin’s eyes.

Xiaojun didn’t like you, you would feel terrible if he did. Tweaks of shame overcame you; this trip was not going to work out.

Fully packed and all over suspiciously you started counting again the fourth graders on the bus while also having a very good view of the chocolate brown hair of the teacher going along on the field trip. This time his hair didn’t fully cover his forehead, his glasses eyeing you as well. Suddenly his hands tapped on the seat next to him. Heat rose up to your cheeks gradually making it harder to move forward to sit next to Xiaojun. “Mila’s parents called me, she’s sick so don’t worry about her. Just sit down [Y/N], I brought some tea.”, he smiled while pointing at his thermos can. “Uh, sure. I have some cookies with me if you want.”, the last sentence closely sounding like a question as you quietly took the seat next to him.

Not only were you now stunned about the fact that there was a possibility for him to view you in a light like this in spite of you being so passive towards him in the past. Yet there is still the lingering feeling far, far up in your head that you were only imagining things and Xiaojun read everything wrong. “Are you feeling well? We can also sit farther in the front if you feel better there- “, he worriedly stroked your shoulder. “No, it’s completely fine. Just fine.”, you interrupted his ramble and put up your mouth into a cramped smile. His eyes returned that favor, crinkling up into a smile as well.

The bus drive didn’t take as long as you might have thought, your counterpart on the excursion was more than enough to keep you on your toes. Casual glances along a few accidental brushes over your hand kept you in your seat. Now counting again all the children in the lobby of the youth hostel you anxiously eyed Xiaojun again. The amount of children matched up, so your job was done for now, you were most likely only seeing them for dinner. The only thing to do for you now was to go up to your room and contemplate how to not have a physical reaction every time your favorite colleague called your name. Very obvious, you had of course no crush on him or anything like that. He was just blessed with beautifully shaped eyebrows and a voice that could make the worst words you knew sound like a ballade. You moved up from the hotel lobby with some of the grade schoolers to the elevator.

"[P/A] [L/N], do you think when I make Lasagna with my mum it’s the same as cake?”, Xia, a girl from Xiaojun’s music class asked while her classmates giggle about her question. A few loud no’s were to be heard with the occasional high pitched laughs from her friends. “That is a very good question I have never thought about before”, you stopped for a second, what exactly does it mean to be a cake? It is still baked in an oven with layers and contains the tomato sauce as frosting? “I am pretty sure it is. Even though I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow though, I am not a baking expert. I promise I’ll look it up for you, yes?”, you were pretty content with your answer. “Hmmm. Okay. They wanted me to ask.” Xia answered while pointing at the three boys in the back of the elevator which earned her some distraught faces from her classmates. The familiar sound of the elevator bell ringed. “Anyways, if you have as burning questions as these please come to me or …, we’re happy to help. Also, if you feel homesick or sick, I’m always in my room, just knock.” As soon as the last syllable was said stormed the children to their respective rooms and left you there looking at their body shaped dust cloud remembering the cartoons you watched at their age.

You walked down the long corridor towards the light brown lacquered door which showed in golden numerals written the 420. Your shoulders visibly sank down, finally you were able to take a nap. The door opened and closed maybe a millisecond later. Seeing a wide back heaving some shirts on to the rooms ear chair made you catch your breath. His glasses missing and his usually kempt hair was now chaotically drifting across his forehead into separate directions. More importantly though, he was most likely about to put on a fresh shirt, and you stood across the dark brown carpet in the door with a perplexed face.

“Sorry!”, you yelled and closed the door to just sink down with it in your back. Xiaojun packing out his suitcase along his pullover wasn’t what you were expecting to after talking about lasagna and wanting to fall asleep for at least good 30 minutes to then decide if it’s worth it to start to watch a movie. Yet you were barely discussing the fact that he was in your room. Neither did it make sense nor were you able to really comprehend the situation right now.

The door opened and you jumped up onto your feet. “[Y/N]? Why were you in my room?”, Xiaojun quiet voice slid through the gap of the door. “I swear there’s an explanation to this. I think they might have given me the wrong keys or something like that, I didn’t look at you or anything-”, he interrupted your nervous chatter to push the door open and face your confused state. “It’s fine, we’ll figure it out together.”, the usual quirky smile you normally saw when he was trying to cheer up one of his students appeared on his face. Your breath stopped at the together while a comfortable warm feeling churned in your stomach.

“Then let’s go downstairs and work it out with the staff!”, he gifted you another wink which not only gave you the final confidence to grab onto his arm before heading again into the elevator but to for the first time give him a wink back.

“The school only booked one room for the teacher. I can’t really do that much about it, most rooms are already full and other guests will arrive tomorrow, so I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”, the hotel worker returned to the computer in front of them. “What are we supposed to do now?”, you sighed and gazed at the visibly pondering man. “Honestly, no idea. There isn’t much we can do, so I guess we could talk about it in my room?”

The walk to his room had to be filled with an uncomfortable silence, neither you nor he were able to say something that made the current situation less painfully horrendous. Almost as if the newly gained confidence left your body, you didn’t even dare to make more than an unfunny joke about your nonexistent room or more like transferred room for another alone soul. His room was already coddled with the scent of freshly washed clothes along his close to quiet cologne. “So here we are.You take the bed and I’ll sleep on the ground.”

“This is so inappropriate, dear god.”, you started to sigh again caressing your temples. “Also, no, please take the bed, the school probably forgot to book another room because I said yes to this trip so late.” Even though Xiaojuns throat seemed to struggle a bit with his next proposition, it was still loud and clear what he said. “We can also share the bed... We’re two grown adults.” He laughed awkwardly; you were pretty much speechless.

“Yeah, of course. Two adults. Nothing to worry or think about.”, you tried to brush off any thought you could possibly have about your opposition. No thoughts about his warm breath in your neck while holding you loosely in his sleepy state to waking up to his beautifully messy bed hair in the morning.

“I’ll take a shower if you don’t mind, some of the children were kinda fussy today and I just need a few minutes.” You nodded and unpacked your suitcase, followed by changing into some comfortable shorts and large shirt.

The second you were done; you sank into the still cold sheets of the large bed. He didn’t make you wait for him very long, barely noticeable however his eyes rested on you when he entered the small apartment again.

Neither did it take too long to sit along with you on the bed. “Are you sure you’re comfortable with us doing this?”, his soft voice hit you unexpectedly. “I can also sleep on the floor, or we switch everyday to do it.” You shook your head simply and crawled up the bed to make yourself comfortable under the duvet. “I’m so tired, just don’t steal the blanket, okay?”, barely able to keep your eyes open you sank even more into the mattress.

You really thought it would be easy to sleep next to him, yet the thought of holding his face in your hands didn’t leave your mind. Even asleep he had a stunning presence around him. “[Y/N]? Do you like me?”, Xiaojun turned around to see your surprised expression. “Of course, I do. I just thought that because you were so good at everything, you did all of these things just to spite me.”, you quietly confessed. “[Y/N], I wanted you to like me. You’re a wonderful teacher and I really admire you. You’re so funny with the other colleagues and generally so, so gorgeous.” Xiaojuns eyes lingered on your lips. They stayed there.

“Can I kiss you?” You nodded. His lips brushed softly across your bottom one. You took the opportunity to gain closeness to his warm side before shifting your hands onto his back. Slowly you began to pepper small kisses along his jawline resulting in a small whine from his side. His hands started to wander across your waist to rest on your lower back and pull you in even closer.

Not a lot longer after he started to skim your neck with his teeth. You rested your head now in his freshly scented neck. Again, his lips on yours moving over to just behind your earlobe, nipping on it and breathing into your ear: “Do you want me to continue?” Still resting his soft lips on your ear goosebumps rose up your spine. Waiting for another hint of pressed lips against your skin your arms lethargically crawled up and grazed his cheeks.

“Ah right, the children.”, your voice hitched he was still so close to you. “We could discuss this maybe on a date?”, he looked almost hopeful when his dark and strangely staring eyes met yours in the dim lit room.

“Us kissing and almost doing the deed? Sure. I’m much better at physical presentations though.” You pressed a delicate kiss against his lips. “Since when so provocative?”

“You bring it out in me.” “I’m glad it’s me and no one else then.”, he smiled into the kiss he gave you now. Not long from this you actually found the peace and quiet to fall asleep in his embrace.

[heresathreebee]

Brackish and Briny Waters (five)

[Ralph Lamont x Female Reader]

Summary: Ralph apologizes and you've got baby brains, but sometimes life does nothing but kick you down. Previous Masterlist Next

Tag(s): 16+ | 1.7k words | more angst, baby fever, alcoholism, ghostly vibes

AN: GODDAMN Part 5 took me a lifetime to finish. As always no beta readers just poorly side eyeing this by myself and hoping it makes sense

THE NEXT MORNING

You barely stir when you hear the door open. You've all but forgotten last night, and yet you flinch when Ralphie tries to cuddle with you. He sighs somewhere near your ear and hugs you from behind anyways, lips brushing the nape of your neck and breath fanning over your back as he simply lies there, quiet as the grave. 

There's no bruise but you can still feel his hand gripping your arm from last night. "You're being a huge dick…" 

"... I know." 

That is not good enough. You roll over to face him and watch his face twist when he notices the tract marks of dry tears on your face. He swallows and almost unconsciously takes your hand, smoothing his thumb over the back of your palm in a way that was meant to comfort him rather than you. 

"I'm sorry." He opens his mouth again but he flounders for words. After a deep breath he continues. "We can't call Reagan. Because he won't do anything for us…" 

You wait impatiently for him to explain. 

"Sweetheart, if we called Reagan last night, he would have fucking laughed at us. It is step one down that slippery slope to the couple who cried wolf." He put a hand on your shoulder and looked you in the eye, "do you really think he would have done something?" 

You think about it. If Ralph hadn't stopped you from calling him, what would you have said to Reagan? 

I smelled exhaust fumes. Not an emergency, he would say. 

I think he found us. What do you want me to do about it, too late now, he would ask.  

We're in danger. I'll send a squad upstate, they should be there in 4 hours, he would joke. 

"It was real," you insist. "I smelled fumes." 

"I know. I believe you." 

You squint at him threateningly and he doesn't give an inch. He doesn't seem like he's mocking you. 

Ralph could be an asshole, but Reagan was infinitely worse. At least one of them gave a shit about your safety. The realization Ralph was right scared you more than anything. You were alone in this… 

Well, alone together. 

You sigh and bury your face in his neck. Your hair is tangled as shit and probably tickling his face, but your husband simply wraps you up in a tight embrace and holds you against him. It's all the apology you need. 

END OF THE FIRST MONTH

Adjusting to your new life hit you like a sack of bricks early on a Monday morning. You woke up from a dream where you still lived in your tiny little apartment two minutes walk from everything. In a reality which felt more like a fever dream, Ralph was late for work, donning a tie and tweed jacket and kissing you goodbye for the day. 

You never realized how much space there was in the new master bedroom. In the apartment, a queen sized bed nearly touched the walls and barely left room to creep around two night stands and a dresser, but in the new house you had room to lay on the floor and stretch, maybe put another piece of furniture in here like a bookshelf or something. 

And the whole damn house was like that. You had an entire second floor to claim as your own! There is almost too much space… too much space for just the two of you. 

God there's that thought again drifting into your mind unbidden, unfurling like a fern at the first droplet of sunshine. How many people does it take to turn a house into a home? Three should be plenty, your mind offers. 

You busy yourself with measurements, regrouting the loose tiles in the kitchen floor, and scrubbing the blackened hell out of that downstairs bathroom. It seems to come to life beneath your hands and you can feel yourself getting excited to show guests the improvement. 

The thoughts of turning your little twosome family into three persist over and over until you can't stand it any longer. Maybe it's finally time… 

Ralph's late getting home by 5 minutes instead of 5 hours but he still looks tired. No mud tracks on his pants or hard set eyes. He's halfway up the stairs before you realize he's probably going to bed early. 

"Hey!" 

Ralph stops like it pains him. His head sags and his hold on the railing is tight like he'll fall if he lets go. The way he's wobbling he might. He is barely able to meet your eyes as he glances over his shoulder and when he does he simply grunts. 

"I made dinner," you squeeze your hands together behind your back, "angel hair pasta and that sauce you love." 

Ralph's eyes flicker in thought. "Be down in a second." 

You wait nervously to see if he does come down. What if this is a bad idea? What if he doesn't take you seriously? Oh god what if he hates it, what if he calls you an idiot for even considering it? 

Ralph does come back downstairs, hair wild from running his fingers through it. He seems to gain a small amount of energy while eating, not wanting to talk himself but asking how your day has been going. 

You're definitely rambling right now. Ralph listens and listens, chuckling along but at some point he grows concerned and envelopes your hand with a worried expression on his face. "Jesus, I've never heard so many words come out of your mouth at once, it's like you're writing a dissertation over there. Are you OK, baby?" 

You snap your mouth shut. God, you hadn't even come close to talk about kids for all your rambling. And then there was that weird smell… 

Your blood runs cold as you recognize it. You lean a little closer to Ralph and he almost instinctively flinches away. If there's one thing you are sure of, one thing you could swear on god– Ralph Lamont has never flinched away from a kiss before. So he has something to hide. And that something has a sharp scent and explains his slow reactions and tired eyes better than anything else could. 

"Have you… have you been drinking?" 

It's the way he can't meet your eyes when you ask him. You know. It's beyond out of character, so much so that it's confusing and a little frightening for you. 

A little drink here and there is, to you, to be expected especially considering the wealth of your new company. So why hide it? Is there something else he's not telling you?

You suddenly feel sick and too hot, ripping your hand away from his and getting up to leave the table. 

He knows you get in your head sometimes and practically yells your name to stop you. "I'm… I don't know why I…" 

Ralph sighs and buries his face into his hands, ashamed. All this suspense is twisting knots in your stomach. You sit back down gingerly, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down. 

"Ralph," you warn, "you had better start explaining yourself right now before I lose it." 

Ralph stares a hole into the table and worries his lip. The truth is he doesn't know what to say because he doesn't know why he did it. The students are easy, you are easy. Even in the toughest of times, at his lowest, he didn't drink so… what the fuck was coming over him?, he asked himself. 

Something clicked. It rolled like fire in his belly given dry wood, smoking curling to the top of his throat and out of his ears. "They hate me." 

"Who? Who hates you?" 

"Everyone." 

You looked him in the eye for the first time tonight and saw something dark looking in there. It makes you uneasy. "What makes you think they hate you, baby?" 

Ralph's grip on his fork tightens until his knuckles are white before he gingerly sets the dishware down and deflates. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head with a sardonic grin. 

"You wouldn't understand… and how could you? You never leave the house." He looks at you and there's a growing instability rising in his movements. "You… you don't see it. It started out as little nothings that I could ignore because it didn't matter that they didn't like me: I was new.  

"Then it became lots of these little nothings. Staring and whispering and hushed silences. Tip toeing language and poking and prodding and testing me and my limits and it just… it just… it never got better…" 

Rumors. It dawned on you that his frustration seemed intimately familiar to you as you had had to change schools once or twice due to a few terrible rumors that snowballed and got way out of hand. And you can imagine the sort of rumors that accompany a man with little interest in making friends who has a wife nobody knows anything about. 

If you wanted to stay here long, you would need to change a few minds. You set aside your fear for a moment and make him look at you. You can see the unshed tears in his eyes and feel pity for him. 

"I want to do that dinner party," you announce. "With all that's gone on, you probably didn't have the grand introduction you deserve. Let me show them how much you mean to me." 

Ralph's shaking his head but he already knows you'll win this fight. For him it feels like begging for something he doesn't even want. He agrees because he already promised you could when you were ready and you needed to find new friends asap. 

His sleep that night is fitful and the room's shadows seem to reach out like claws seeking his immortal soul. When the haze of whiskey finally dies down in his system he sleeps dreamless and wakes to feel somehow more hollow with despair than before. 

Ralph Lamont has the distinct feeling things are going to get a hell of a lot worse before anything gets better…

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