#anyway it’s 1:30 am and i need to do schoolwork tomorrow but i live and breathe libraries rn

[gaydiesaster]

reblogging with my tags bc dammit i’m a library sciences master’s student who frequently uses public libraries and am about to start working in a rural library and i am incredibly passionate about this.

[id. tags that read “#okay as a library sciences student i feel inclined to add: include on-site social workers/services in libraries #librarians (esp public librarians) are not trained to provide social services such as homelessness and crisis support and cannot help #and those resources SHOULD be readily available! people should know how to access them! #i read an article recently about how a city affected by winter storn blair opened up libraries as warming spaces #the problem is the librarians were not prepared for this. a huge number of them couldn't even get to work bc public transport was down. #so now librarians who are even MORE overworked than usual have to act as crisis counselors #Imk if yall want a link to the article. i am more than happy to share! #library diary”]

i am also including a link below to the article mentioned.

public librarians have been talking about this for a long time. professors i work with are studying this. can public librarians substantially support the needs of people in crisis? it’s not an easy question, but most of the time, the answer is no. this is what leads to librarian burnout. this is why libraries are so understaffed. because the city, county, and state governments that employee the librarians and support staff (who often don’t have a library sciences graduate degree) don’t want to provide adequate services or protections for the homeless, people in crisis, or those needing additional support. sure, we can help find resources such as shelters, food pantries, or resume proofreading, but we are not prepared for when a person experiencing a mental health crisis comes in the doors or when a person is overdosing and needs narcan. a popular librarian, Mychal Threets (his tiktoks have been posted here several times), was included in a NYT article about this very topic and how these circumstances led to his own mental health struggles and departure from his job that he clearly has passion for.

please continue to support your public libraries, but also understand that we are facing a crisis as our governments continue to fail in providing social services to people in need. we need help. we need advocacy. please allow us to continue to serve you. we want to be community centers and third spaces, but in doing so, we need additional support from social workers and other community advocates.

Republicans not wanting to fund libraries is part of their plan to make the next generation illiterate. That is why they are banning books too.

[lilosaur]

◡̈⋆ʜᴇʟʟᴏ(*´∇`)ﾉ is it okay for me to request scenarios for mitsuya, inui, angry and kazutora helping their s/o who struggles with online classes? many thanks if you decide to do this one 💖💖

Yess! This was something I could relate too so much, I prefer in person myself it was such a struggle for me doing online. Thanks for requesting! 🤎

༑ ࿐ྂ。Helping You With Online Classes ♡.°⑅

⟶ ticket no. 11 ɞ

w/ Mitsuya Takashi | Inui Seishu | Kawata Souya | Hanemiya Kazutora

ʚ Mitsuya Takashi ɞ

It was late into the night around 2:30-ish am your eyes were heavy and body drained and worn out while the bright screen reflected in your eyes. Your phone buzzed and you debated picking it up, your arms were so tired. Your phone rang again, maybe this was the third time? You were already losing your train of thought. You reached over to grab your phone, it was your boyfriend? What was he still doing up at this hour?

“Mitsuya? Why are you still up?” You questioned waiting tiredly for a response.

“You never answered my text love, I wanted to make sure your alright. You sound tired though, why are you still up?” He responded, you were confused you didn’t hear a sound of tiredness in his voice.

“Oh um I’m still working on some homework that’s due tomorrow morning.” Your voice cracked and your tiredness could be heard from over the phone “it’s kind of confusing though”

“Hmm do you want me to come over and help you with it?”

You didn’t want him to stay up any longer either, he had a busy life with taking care of his sisters and looking after his friends, you can probably figure this out all on your own anyways. “No no, it’s fine I’ll just be up a little longer.” You lied, you knew this would take a few more hours at least but you didn’t want Mitsuya to worry too much. You both said goodnight as you hung up the phone. You tried your best to look at notes, documents, and even looking up stuff online but everything was worded differently. Your teacher was honestly garbage she made everything sound so confusing when explaining.

It was almost 3am now, you only completed 3/9 of the questions on your assigned worksheet you didn’t even know if your answers were right. A faint knock could be heard from your window which scared the living crap out of you. You peaked through your curtains to see Mitsuya standing outside with coffee and a smile.

Mitsuya told you that he can help you with your school work, he may not have ideal grades but maybe he’d be able to help a little bit. If not then maybe he could email your teachers for you if you get anxious about it.

You and Mitsuya were able to get all questions done, he was so proud of you, for pushing through each day one step at a time. You two ended up passing out on your bed, what a nice night…kinda.

༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚

ʚ Inui Seishu ɞ

You and Inui were spending time at a coffee shop talking about how your days were going and new stuff that happened. You had your laptop with you since you two happened to see each other at the cafe but you planned to just do some school work. You told Inui you were gonna do some work but you can still talk, he said he’ll try to be quiet as he pulled out a book to read. You were having a hard time understanding the concept and filling out open note stuff is so hard for no reason. okay but like open note stuff is so annoying like multiple choice >>>>

You about half way into a paragraph answering the third question but your mind hit a blank, you felt so confused. You looked back at other documents, worksheets, and notes you took but it seemed like this was something your teacher explained in class. Let’s just say your teacher wasn’t exactly the best at teaching.

Inui looked over to you and your facial expression said it all, the confusion all over your face and your leg tapping on the floor up and down.

“Do you need any help y/n?”

You didn’t really want to trouble Inui with your schoolwork even though you were heavily struggling, you took a moment to think about it but before you could even respond to him he was already walking over to your side of the table hovering over your shoulders and his eyes directed at your laptops screen. You looked up at Inui, you could tell he was really thinking about the question.

“I’m not really the best with this y/n but maybe we can look it up or ask someone smarter than me.” Inui said while looking back down at you, concerned and confused look on his face he couldn’t seem to decipher this problem either as it’s wording was very strange.

Inui helped you contact someone who was in your class and you were successfully able to complete both sheets of work. Inui gave you a nice hug afterwards to let you know how proud of you he is, he knows it’s hard for you with online classes but you still push through everyday!

༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚

ʚ Kawata Souya ɞ

You had to cancel your plans with Souya because your parent/s wanted you to get your school work done before tomorrow morning. You’ve been struggling to even log onto your laptop and show up to your classes. Online school is still just as draining as in person if not more.

You felt so bad for kinda ditching Souya today so you made sure to send him a more detailed message about why you really cancelled and your so sorry and you’ll make it up to him. You just hoped he wasn’t too effected from this. Souya tried calling you multiple times but your phone was set on ‘do not disturb’ mode, you finally took a break from some of your work which your not even half way done when you FaceTimed him.

“Hello? Souya?”

“Hi y/n..” You heard Souya's low voice, he was definitely a bit sad over not being able to hang out.

“Are you done with your homework yet, maybe we could still hang out for a bit.” He asked politely.

“I’m sorry, I’m still working on it. It’s really confusing. But maybe we can hangout tomorrow!” You tried to stay positive knowing that this work was going to take a long while. You honestly felt so bad letting Souya down but your work had to be done.

“Hmm, we’ll maybe I can help you with it. I’m pretty good with anything y/n.”

You never really realized it but Souya really did have good grades. He helped guide you through what problems you were struggling with and he was even able to help you understand all the concepts better. It didn’t even take up too much of your time, you guys got it done in about 1 hour and your pretty positive most of the answer are right…sort of.

You two both talked for a bit before falling asleep while still on FaceTime together, after all it was still a school night. Souya was definitely very proud of you and happy to help, you’ve been pushing through this whole time all alone so he’s thankful he could help make it a bit easier for you! :)

༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚

ʚ Hanemiya Kazutora ɞ

You and Kazu were getting a late night snack, you had taken a break from your time consuming study guides and worksheets, barely making it half way through part one of the study guide. It was a struggle but you’d hope that maybe after a snack with your lovely boyfriend you’d feel a little more motivated.

You guys decided to get brownies from a little corner shop and to share a soda. You found a bench to sit at and eat, you two chatted and somehow got to the topic of school. Kazu said he pretty much didn’t take school seriously at all and his grades didn’t really matter because he wasn’t going anywhere good in the future. You told Kazu all about your online school, you didn’t like it one bit. Kazutora understood where your coming from since he despised school just as much as you did.

You told Kazu you were kind of in a hurry because of your school work, Kazu took your little hints and insisted you let him help you out. He wouldn’t let you say no either, he knows you don’t like online school and you have troubles with completing work. Kazutora wasn’t the smartest but he wasn’t the dumbest either so he’d help you as much as he could.

You let Kazu help you and fortunately you were able to finish up most of your study guide and one of your worksheets. Kazutora offered for him to have a ‘talk’ with your teacher but you almost yelled at him to just leave it be..you’ll manage somehow.

You and Kazutora ended off the night with a walk around town talking about all your troubles in the world. Kazu told you how proud he was, you were able to get most of your work done even if it wasn’t right or you still missed some questions it was a start. One step at a time and you’ll be there soon, wherever your trying to end up in life if you just push on a little longer you’ll be there in no time.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this one. If you struggle with school in general just know your not alone, a lot of people have mental problems formed from school but I promise with a little bit of effort and if you push through just a bit longer you’ll make it to where you want to be. I believe in you all! :)

[cosmosogler]

today i... got up really late! because i stayed up pretty late!

my brother came in my room yesterday at 1:30 am and asked why i wasn’t sleeping yet. i told him i was too tired to sleep. he said “that doesn’t make any sense.” it was around 2 before i actually got in bed. and i had to get up during the night once or twice.

something interesting happened in my dream last night. i was in a town in the hills. the houses were all pretty nice architecture-wise, but they all seemed kind of cramped space-wise. anyway something came up and i was supposed to get on a plane to “japan.” i lamented that i had not fully charged my gameboy, because that was a really long flight and my batteries don’t last very long. and then i stopped and stood there for a minute while i tried to figure out how long the flight would be. i realized i didn’t know where on earth this dream was taking place. it kept me a little occupied for the rest of the dream even as things started happening again and i had to run.

usually my brain plays it kind of fast and loose with location in my dreams. it’s hard to tell how far apart places REALLY are when i have the crawl spaces to get around with. sometimes i’m on a plane for “five days” but it’s never as long as staying in one place for “five days.” sometimes i get the feeling that time has passed but i won’t know why or how much or what happened while i wasn’t paying attention. it’s like when you zone out of a conversation for a few seconds and when you have the energy to start paying attention again the topic has changed and you’re totally lost but people are asking for your opinion.

those dreams turn into long confusion/frustration meditations on the nature of forgetting and memory and how that affects your perception of time and why i have to do my schoolwork and i can’t just skip ahead to the end of the year. 

anyway. i got up at 10:30. i spent the morning and some of the afternoon reading a bunch of tabs i had open last night that i didn’t get around to. i was looking at geek culture feminism! it’s demoralizing. builds character. or something.

but like... these are issues i’m going to have to deal with on any team or working for any company. i need to have some idea of how to approach the problems beforehand. i want to make informed decisions about my career and how i’m going to interact with the many, many men in it. and knowing common derailing tactics is helpful, even when there’s not really a way to combat them directly.

i had lunch at like 1:30. we have a tub of aunt sharon’s salsa leftover from the party. she always makes like a gallon. i poured a full bowl of it and went to town with the tortilla chips. i got sick but man i could eat that salsa until i explode. i’m gonna ask her for the recipe tomorrow. 

around 5 mom came to collect eve for her dinner. i went downstairs and had to encourage eve to eat. she got through most of her bowl... she really wasn’t interested though. when we took the dogs outside to go look at the monsoon on the horizon mom noticed that eve’s leg is raw and bleeding from the chewing. she told me she has gauze. so when the dogs came inside we settled eve on the mattress in the living room and bandaged up her leg. eve actually didn’t object which makes me think she’s not getting any sensory input from the leg any more other than “OH GOD WHY???????” she’s put her nose against the bandage a few times but hasn’t tried to nibble on it or take it off. 

if it gets infected before friday she’s going to get sick and that’ll make the surgery more dangerous.

it’s hard to, like, look at her and imagine she’s going to spend the last chunk of her life with three legs. she’s had four legs for the ten years i’ve known her and the three years before that. but honestly she’d had the tumor(s) for like four years now, which is almost a third of her entire life. it was gonna happen. she hasn’t been symmetrical for a long time anyway.

my parents went out on a date. so i started listening to the adventure zone. at 6:30 i got up and made myself some spaghetti for dinner. mother recently bought spicy tomato sauce so i was excited to drown out every other flavor with parmesan. after dinner i listened to another 45-ish minutes of the first episode, took a break for a while, and then came back to it. and then i listened to the second episode and then it was a little after 11. 

purely audio media is really hard for me... i can only focus on one thing at a time and if my eyes have nothing to look at i get anxious. i talked about it with asher a bit. so i found a compromise: i fished for bottle caps while listening to the podcast. since that takes minimal attention and basically no reading i could devote my “reading” brain to keeping up with the story. 

it happens in class too sometimes. if the teacher isn’t writing on the board i sometimes zone out for just a few seconds and lose track of the lecture. and then i can’t go back and re-hear what just happened so i spend a while struggling to figure out if i’ve heard that term before or not and what it means, or what the name of the equation is, or whatever. but if the teacher is just reading a book passage aloud and i can follow along then i COMPLETELY lose track of the lecture and any anecdotes the professor adds. because i read way faster than i listen and reading always takes priority over sound. 

maybe that’s because i grew up doing homework while the tv was on? unsure.

anyway that’s about my day and it’s only 12:10!!! so if i don’t screw around for an hour and a half, i could go to bed at a reasonable hour.

tomorrow i gotta call the university again to figure out how my finances are gonna work. i will fill up the office’s voicemail boxes if i need to. this is like the third time i haven’t been called back. it’s nerve wracking to try to balance “not asking hard enough” with “asking too hard.” i’m annoyed that the school has put me in the position of nagging anxious freshman. they’re giving me the run around and i don’t like having to make a million phone calls. nau always gave me the run around too. it was hard to get anything done when i had to contact fifteen different people but i only had the energy to make nine phone calls that day/week or whatever. 

[carbonsequestrian]

man i dont even know if i should share this because it’s super weird/ poorly written/ doesn’t make any sense but i feel like i keep too much too myself so here is a block of text i wrote and didn’t edit and if you read it, i love you.

Well, id like to kick off my music blogging career with a piece about a song that has continued to inspire me since the moment I heard it about 5 years ago. Something about the song awakens this dragon in me… or rather, something about the song awakens a knight that is about to go and slay a dragon, and that feeling crashes into every fiber of my being resulting in me feeling fucking powerful. Idk what the secret is. I wish I had found this sound when  I did a song analysis project for my freshman writing seminar back in college. (I chose Sublime’s Santeria for that project… and it was a shit show. Believe it or not, trying to write 10 pages about a song that doesn’t inspire every fiber of your being is insanely difficult. Lesson – if you have to write a lot, write about something you fucking love and admire.)

 The song is Don’t Waste Time Doing Things You Hate by And So I Watch You From Afar of their self titled 2009 release. I think it’s their debut album. Anyway, the band makes instrumental rock music. Stuff that superheroes and supervillains alike would use as a theme song. I discovered them from Worldhaspostrock on youtube, so check them out.

 Of course, now that im sitting down to write about the song I cannot think of any words to say about it. Lovely how that happens. Especially after bragging about how easy it is to write about something you love. HA>

If you’ve ever done something you hate, you sure know how that feels. Part of you feels trapped -momma didn’t raise no quitter – and another part of you is too busy daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing to formulate a plot to get you there. Feeling stuck doing something you hate is exactly how I felt when I discovered this song. I chose my major at college based on what a guy who I’d met over the internet was studying, he called me pretty and would send me ‘good morning’/ ‘sweet dreams’ texts, so we were obviously super serious. And I was going to study the same thing as him and we would conquer the world together, duh. Lo and behold, I hated my major. And because I hated my major, I didn’t really fit in with any of the people I met through my major. There was one chick who I liked because she hated it too, but we were very different people. I did sports in college instead of joining a music group (being in an acapella group was a last minute goal of mine) because A. everyone in my family was super sporty B. no one in my family thought very highly of music and C. I was fucking terrified of it. Every bit of it sends anxiety chills down my spine and up my toes. Singing in front of people in a room? Singing with people? Having people rely on you to do your thing correctly in order to achieve a desired result? Fuck that’s anxiety inducing. And let me make this clear, I don’t have stage fright. But I do have Perfectionist Block (a totally real issue, created by me, ill discuss it further in another post) which makes me extremely hard on myself.

 So anyway, to paint the picture – 20 year old me is in the library for the 50th hour that week (no kidding, I went to Cornell, and seriously spent 6-10 hours a day in the library studying during regular term. Finals/ testing weeks, it’d double) looking for upbeat instrumental music that could make me feel like a bad ass and I find this band. The first song I found by them was The Voiceless, off the same album. That song fucking slaps. I must’ve listened to it 30 times before saying “hey, why don’t I check out their other stuff?” and thus gave this album a listen. I was so stressed that week, so tired, felt so lost and alone. I hated every fucking minute of my life but I was pushing through it because I wanted to make my mom proud. Every morning I would angrily get ready for class, pissed off that elitism and this desperate urge to prove oneself through menial shit such as ‘ivy league’ degrees would push someone to find the line of their breaking point and balance on it. All for what? If I died tomorrow, who could speak of who I am? At cornell, I was a cornell student. That was it. By being there, I wasn’t anything of myself anymore. I wasn’t strong, I wasn’t funny, I wasn’t good with animals, I wasn’t a hard-worker, I wasn’t smart – though, those last traits were implied – I simply became a product of an institution. One that I loved, don’t get me wrong. I had been looking for reassurance/ acceptance/ approval my entire life, and that letter that I got from a world renowned school was it – so I thought. But then I got there and my imposter syndrome went wild. I wasn’t truly smart, or good at learning. In fact, high school had been so easy for me that I was able to scrape by with great grades without ever working on schoolwork outside of school (I’d do my work during lunch, when I would eat in the chorus room/ my English teacher’s room since I had no friends.) at school, I thought I’d made friends, but they ditched me when I needed them most. In retrospect, I should’ve been more forgiving – no one’s perfect -  but ill blame my poor socialization through high school here. I saw kids who worked their asses off day and night. A 16 year old math prodigy lived in my hall. And I had nothing to show for my intelligence outside of the fact I was able to take enough HS classes in middle school that I’d manage to have 4 hours of school my senior year (typically, that time would be so that kids could take extra APs. But I said fuck that.)

 Truth is,  I was so insecure and unsure of myself that being thrown into the lava pit that is college – any college, not just an ivy league – was emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I found myself getting drunk to the point of almost dying most nights. Every time with strangers. I’d often go to the bridges, where so many had leapt to their deaths before, and ponder if that’s where I belonged. Crashing amongst the rocks and water in the gorges. Man, I was fucking depressed. And a ball of anxiety. I had no real identity, you’d ask me what I liked or what I wanted from my life and I’d have no real answer. My answer would vary based on what youtube videos I had been watching that week. I was so scared of being judged.

 Point is, I found nothing that I felt a connection to. Not my major. Not my peers. Occasionally my surroundings, but typically only in the morbid, I’d like to throw myself off this sort of way. Life is so much more complex than those things, and truth is, ill never really be able to explain away all of the different shit in my life that was bringing me down. Making me feel worthless. Dumb. Like I didn’t belong. And the first thing that I felt like understood this, was this song. Even writing that out I feel like it confirms my worst fears, that I am worthless/ delusional/ crazy/ not even a real person. How does one go through 20 years of life and can only feel connected to a pile of noises that a stranger has made and recorded? Wavelengths generated by someone else’s finger tips never felt so good. They resonated through my brain and spoke to my soul. It was like I was being sucked into a black hole and obliterated to nothing. And that was what I needed, because I was able to look at who I was and take a chance to rebuild. To change.

 With no one to talk to, no one who understood me, and no real goals or aspirations in my life/ being too crippled by fear to even take a chance to achieve my goals/ aspirations in life, I darted in the complete opposite direction. Left that ‘dream school’ for a state school 2000 miles away. I still waste plenty of time doing things I hate, but every day I try to do my best to find the things I love. It’s been a long hard road, and I am so unsure of myself. I realize I’ll never have the validation I seek, at least not externally. Still, going to cornell is my greatest achievement and those close to me hold a grudge that I left without fulfilling my diploma. And looking back, I could’ve done it. Taken some time off, sought a therapist outside of the free service offered, opened up to some of the people I had met. Hindsight is 2020. And im here now.

 This song means the world to me. The suspense of the guitar plucking in the intro is an emotion I was swallowed in. the anger and noise of the guitars from 1:11-1:30 was how I felt every morning when I looked at the day ahead. The desperation of the guitars at 2min how I looked at the people around me, who appeared to have their shit all together. Their heads above the water. Looking at me drowning below the surface. But I had a smile on my face, so I must have been fine. Then the clarity that comes at 3mins. The music starts to feel like it’s getting itself together. 3:35-4:15, when big changes happen. And the la la lalalalalas. That’s how I was, just “la de da-ing” my way through life, not really thinking about what I was going to take from this world and my short time getting to experience it. The song gets progressively happier, and calmer, as I hope my own life will be, though I’m still in my 3min phase when it feels like it’s starting to get itself together.

 Ill always hold onto the hard times I went through at school. And ill wish everyday for a time machine, so I could go back in time and tell 18 year old me to just chill and ‘discover yourself, man’ before going to a place that has so much potential. Because the truth is, I was too insecure to be successful at such an institution. I still think I’m too insecure. But at least now I know, and I’m not living under this idea that because I got into a good school I am a good person and good things will come to me.

[braantly-blog]

Picture Us. Chapter 1- Something’s in the Air

~Hi, I’m Brantly, and I’ve been in the Shawn fandom a little bit under a year now (just made this Tumblr dedicated solely to Shawn today lol). Anyways I’m writing a fanfic about Shawn, and the next chapter will be uploaded to wattpad by Saturday. https://www.wattpad.com/story/124011450-picture-us-shawn-mendes Thats the link to my profile! Also I like people, so feel free to message me!~

It’s 10:53pm on a Sunday, and besides a few regulars, the coffee shop I work at is dead, which is a rarity seeing as though the place is open 24 hours. Any other time Carla’s Coffee would be brimming with people, but the rain hasn’t let up since noon. New York truly is the city that never sleeps. I have only been here a little over five months, but so far New York has been the distraction I needed. In this city, there is constantly something to occupy my wandering mind, so that’s why I hate slow nights like these. My thoughts begin to consume me, and my heart starts to ache for the life I left behind in Toronto: my mom and her comforting advice, for Hayden, and what could’ve been.

“Earth to Emma…” Lola’s voice brings me out of my unwanted trance. She is one of the few friends I have here.  One of the only downsides about moving to New York was knowing literally no one, and not to mention the absurdly high rent. I turn to her and hum back a response. She smiles and asks, “Have you thought about that party I invited you to tomorrow night?”  “Lola…I don’t know. I have an exam Tuesday morning, and I really don’t think completing it with a hangover would be in my best interest,” I laugh, “Besides, who goes to parties on a Monday night? You sound like you have a serious problem, Lola.” Pretending to be offended, she gasps, “It’s not a crime to have a little bit of fun! As far as I’m concerned, every night is Saturday night. Plus you’ve been studying for this test for a week now; you could ace it in your sleep. Pretty please, Emma!” Lola was right; I had been studying for this exam for quite some time now. When I wasn’t working here, I was either at school, or doing schoolwork. I liked to keep myself occupied at all times. I give in as I see a customer entering our store, “Fine, but I don’t get off until nine tomorrow.” “Perfect, just come to my place afterwards, and we’ll get ready together. The party starts at ten, which means it won’t really be alive until eleven,” she says as she walks away, pretending to be occupied with something else.

I make it out of Carla’s by 11:30, and begin the forty-minute journey from Soho to my shared apartment in Brooklyn alone, in the pouring rain. Usually Elijah, a coworker who lives relatively close to me, accompanies me home, but today his shift ended a few hours before mine. He offered to wait around for me, but I declined. I didn’t mind holding my own because it was a rather safe transit, as most of the time was spent on the subway and I always carry pepper spray. I also didn’t mind the transit time because work was pretty close to school, and I spent most of my days on that side of the city. I dread my apartment. The pre-war building smells of musk and mildew. When I signed the lease in January I didn’t think much about the fact that the building didn’t have AC, but now as summer approaches I deeply regret my stupidity. The air is stuffy and overbearing, and it doesn’t help that my apartment is on the fifth floor. While making the long trek up the seemingly never ending stairs, I always found myself getting sticky. However, it could be worse. I could still be in that dorm room on the same floor as Hayden’s.

I’m drenched by the time I get on the train. What good is an umbrella when the rain is coming at you in all directions? The train is almost empty besides the few scattered passengers throughout. I take a seat near the doors, and set my canvas bag in the seat next to me. I put in my headphones and take out the braid my long brown hair is in, so I can shake it out. In the middle of this process, a boy who looked around my age gets out of his seat and moves to the one directly across from mine. I can’t help but to notice how attractive he is. We briefly make eye contact, before my eyes divert elsewhere. His eyes are a warm chocolate color. Typically I’m not a fan of brown eyes, despite that being the color of my own, because I think they look mundane. But somehow, his eyes look stunning.  At first I think nothing of him changing his seat, he’s probably just in a hurry to get off at the next stop. But when the train makes its next stop, he makes no effort to move. I look up at him again. This time we hold eye contact as the train pulls forward, and he cocks his head to the side and smiles. Suddenly this encounter is a bit eerie. I look away, as I’m still sure I’m just overthinking the whole situation. I watch through my peripheral as he pulls out a notebook, and begins harshly dragging his pencil across the page. This wouldn’t alarm me usually, as I have seen a lot of people doodle and journal on the train, but the fact that he routinely looks up from his book to gaze at me makes me feel odd. This goes on for the duration of my train ride.

I grab my canvas bag, take out my umbrella, and walk to the doors as the train approaches my stop. I allow my eyes to glance over to creepy boy one more time, and my heart stops as he closes his journal and stuffs it into the backpack resting by his feet. I pray that this is just a coincidence that he’s getting off at the stop after mine and is just preparing, but soon he joins me by the doors, standing a little too close for comfort. Suddenly I feel like I’m the victim who dies in the first two minutes of every SVU episode. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This is probably his stop too, I tell myself. I live in Brooklyn, there are a lot of people who ride this train, and get off at this exact stop. He surprises me when he lets out a laugh, “Nice weather we’re having, right?” His voice is soft and smooth, which eases me. He doesn’t sound like a killer, but nevertheless I’m grateful, because I am now more likely to be able to identify him in a lineup. I look up at him, and am about to reply when the doors open, and I bolt out.

The station is only five minutes from my apartment, but I make it to the building in two. I look around for creepy boy before entering the building, but he’s nowhere to be found.