#anyway if journey ends never happened rose’s story also would’ve been sad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cherrysung · 4 years ago

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pairing: soulmate!jaemin x reader

genre: guardian angel au / fluff / slight angst

warnings: language, sad themes, character death (car crash), suggestive (not explicit, I suck at smut), my shitty writing (I’m so sorry)

summary: the glimmering boy from the accident would often visit you in the depths of your dreams with eager eyes, your imagination the only place where he could allow you to see him. that is, until you finally became an adult.

word count: 10.2k

note: this is my first time writing a long fic, it might seem rushed or confusing but I’m sure I’ll improve with time, so feedback will be greatly appreciated. anyways, I truly hope you enjoy the story from the bottom of my heart! also, thank you @glossyjaems for hyping me up on this!

cherrysung’s navigation

The rain poured violently, hitting the car windows in near agression as you mindlessly watched the drops race down, ‘till they eventually disappeared from your view. The roads were hugely engulfed in a sea of haze, and it was complicated to decipher the direction in which the car was heading towards, amidst all the fog surrounding. You remember a gentle song playing quietly from the radio, and if it weren’t for the furious banging of the weather, you’d be fast asleep. Asleep, in the warm arms of your mother, who held you so dearly. No one expected what was to come. The anxious stirring from your father, the deafening crash, the cries of the woman who now held you tightly with fear, or the pitch black darkness that consumed everybody in an instant.

Four years, you were only four years when you lost your entire family; and you were supposed to leave with them. Softly, the song kept playing, when you caught a gleaming silhouette in the distance. Just like that, consciousness slipped away from you.

Years went by quickly, time left but memories stayed. The helpless screams of your father and your mother’s tears that fell onto your chubby cheeks; you remember them vividly. You thought memories were supposed to be cherished, but yours only managed to haunt you every progressing day of your life. A life that was meant to be taken away from you, a life that was meant to be spent with your loved ones. You lost one option for the price of the other and you weren’t sure what was worse, there was no way an answer from something as intricate as existence could be obtained. All you knew was the shimmering light before blackness tugged at your vision. Tall, lean and majestic; you wished it would’ve been one of the few memories that did stay, but it seemed like it was fading away more and more as the clock ticked by.

Attached to several tubes and beeping machines, you had woken up disoriented that day, completely unaware of your surroundings. So confused, you couldn’t even process or fathom what just had happened; the death of your parents, or the cuts and bruises that stung your delicate, baby skin. A nurse was walking by the room you were in when she noticed the small of your figure sitting up on the hard hospital bed, immediately bursting through the door with shock plastered on her young face.

You were not expected to survive a coma. You were not even meant to survive a deadly car crash. No one was really expecting you to wake up. In the midst of all the chaos that had eventually formed by the surprised nurses and hospital staff, you could only stare through the small-framed window, at the bright spark that shined outside in the empty streets. Only for your eyes to see.

Growing up with your grandparents had its perks. They were very pure beings; always trying the best they could to keep a content smile on your bruised face, always trying to show you the love their own children couldn’t. Their mythical, fantasy tales were your favorite; the ones where everything and everyone was magical, where anything could happen because suddenly animals and plants could talk, and the Earth wasn’t as soulless. Your lovely storytellers successfully distracted you from the harsh truth, that an innocent child like you had to learn at a very young age their family; the woman who birthed you and the man who held you in his arms for the first time, were gone. Just like they had left, the time came where their own parents had to step off the journey of life, too. This time, you were fully alone to face the frightening reality and malicious threats of those who weren’t happy. Fifthteen years old, you were now totally by yourself.

Or so, you thought.

Forming part of your grandparents’ usual anecdotes and short stories, was the tale consisting of soulmates. Soulmate, someone destined to be by your side forever. You knew they loved talking about myths and legends, so believing that something as harsh as life already had prepared an individual to cherish you, seemed impossible. More so, when it took your parents from you in the worst way possible. Naturally, you brushed the thought aside despite your grandmother’s last words, asking you to wait for the letter, one that was soon to come. You didn’t know what she was talking about, and quite frankly, you were too distressed to care; helplessly watching the world take yet again, someone from you.

Every night after the accident that almost took your life, images began forming in your head. What were images turned into short dreams, and soon, they were a common occasion every time you slipped off into slumber. After giving a final goodbye to your grandparents, those visions only seemed to increase. There, you would always meet him. The boy with excited eyes, somehow he always appeared remarkably delighted to see you, although you couldn’t understand why. Who was he? Why was he in your nightly thoughts all the time? You didn’t know, but you didn’t mind either. He was divine, always formally dressed in a white suit; black, lustrous shoes and hair combed back so carefully accompanied by a slight part enough to show some of his forehead. A person so tremendously handsome, you usually wondered how your young mind was even able to create such a heavenly man.

You never failed to meet him in your dreams. Enveloped by all the loneliness you had been left with, you looked forward to see him until the sun decided to rise from within the towering mountains and over the vast horizon; the sultry warmth of a new day bringing you out of the place where only the two of you knew. Life was mostly dull unless you were having your fair share of time with the celestial boy in the depths of your imagination.

Age seventeen came through, gifting you with the fading of majority of the scars that had been left on your skin as a daily reminder of what happened years ago. One of them, though, chose to accompany you forever. It was fine, you assured yourself, no matter how dark it sounded, it was the closest thing to your parents that you had. Rather than despising it, you’d enjoy it.

The town you lived in wasn’t all that special. It was small and far from the bigger cities, home to a low population of friendly people. Everyone knew each other; and everybody knew what happened the winter of 2006, when your parents died. The year your whole world came crashing down; like the angry ocean waves would hit at the random, jagged rocks that stuck from beneath the water. In spite of the tragedy you had to endure, nobody treated you with shameless pity, and instead taught you that yes; life can be threatening, but it can also be marvellous. You realized that living is unexpected; one day you’re breathing, the next one you could be gone. It’s difficult to accept the fact that everybody’s fate is exceptionally different. Sometimes they might leave with pride, sometimes they might leave with fear. Of course you didn’t know what the world had in store for your future, but you certainly didn’t want to keep drowning in your sea of miserable grief.

Sighing, you put an end to your train of thoughts as you plopped down on your bed’s soft mattress. Your grandparents’ wooden house was the same as it was the day they left; cosy, warm and vintage. You would often dream here about what the actual cities looked like, your last time catching the bright, colorful lights being the same day of the accident. Grandma didn’t want to tell you much as she usually avoided describing the occurence in detail, but she did admit you were on your way to visit her and the rest when the early winter storm caught up with the unplanned trip. Maybe, if your father would’ve chosen to spend one last day at your old house, they would be here today.

The endless questions and memories that consumed you everyday were enough to lull you off into a deep sleep.

Suddenly, everything around you looked magical and extraordinary in the sea of green, healthy grass that kissed at your bare feet oh so tenderly. Several flowers that accompanied the slightly flowing ocean of emerald were colorful; blues, pinks, yellows, purples. Every single shade thinkable was present. A sky so heavenly azure, and a small amount of white, fluffy cotton clouds decorating it beautifully. You discovered, you were no longer in reality. You were in your dreams. Far off in the distance, your eyes spotted the same white suit you had grown accustomed to seeing, and your feet immediately headed in the direction of the clean attire. There he was, the same boy who was nothing but absolutely ethereal, sitting on the soft field of tulips and roses under a large oak tree. He didn’t have to search to know you were there; he felt your presence from miles away, even when you were not meeting him in your lovely thoughts. After all, he had always been there with you. You just weren’t aware of it.

Despite the tall grass that occasionally tangled with your feet, you reached him easily, quietly taking a seat next to him on the velvety ground. “Hello.” He simply greeted, still looking off into the horizon as he slowly grazed his hands through the flowers surrounding him. Features so enchanting, his face looked like it had been sculpted and carved by the gods themselves. A defined nose and jawline, narrow eyes that only conveyed pure compassion, with a final touch of the smoothest skin you had ever seen before. He was literally glowing with beauty.

“Hi,” you replied shortly with a small smile, “we meet again.” He turned to glance at you, his eyes surveying lightly over your own features. He thought you were breathtaking.

He slightly nodded his head, the setting sun offering a nice dew to his warm skin. “We do.” A pause took over, and you wondered why he was so quiet today; usually, you were used to him being more talkative, even flirty. Before you could say anything else, he spoke up with a graceful smile. “You’re turning eighteen soon, right?” You could only nod, a huge knot forming in your chest at the thought of spending yet another birthday without the company of your family, you wished they would’ve been able to watch you turn into an adult. “Don’t be sad, just because they’re not with you physically, doesn’t mean they’re also not with you emotionally. If you think about it, they have never left.”

It had become a common feeling to be taken aback by his sudden rightful guessings of your thoughts. You never understood how he was able to tell what you were currently thinking, and honestly, it didn’t seem like you’d ever know, for his answers had always been along the lines of having a strong intuition.

By now, the bright sun had almost completely set behind the horizon, engulfing the vast grasslands with warm hues of oranges, yellows and reds; while the quick approaching night brought with itself a sea of blues, purples and pinks. The colors mixing together created a stunning evening sky, a view so captivating you could misinterpret it for a famous Italian painting. “I guess you’re right,” you agreed with his previous statement, “but I just wish I was able to spend a day meant to be so special with my family. In the flesh, I mean. I’m tired of spending my birthday by myself. Turning eighteen was supposed to feel exciting, but I can’t seem to find eagerness anywhere within my emotions when I know I’ll be on my own again.” Exhaling with slight disappointment, you softly pulled at a honeysuckle beside you and allowed yourself to savor the sweet taste of the nectar that it gingerly left on your tongue. You wondered if there was anything else more sugary than the tasty honey of the tiny flower.

“I understand.” He replied with a slight nod as he watched you grab another honeysuckle. Then, he did something he had never done before, and his hand grasped yours delicately. You were certain this was only a dream, still, you could feel him. You could feel his skin and the warmth that radiated from his hand, along with the creases on his much bigger palm. Somehow, the skin there wasn’t soft like you imagined, in fact, it was sort of rough; either way, they still managed to feel silky as they held your own. “But hey,” his eyes twinkled with happiness as he beamed, “I promise you, you won’t be spending your eighteenth birthday alone this time. I promise, really.”

“I hope you’re right,” you let the boy intertwine his fingers with yours, “I’ve been meeting you in my dreams for the longest time. Things like this don’t happen, so I believe you might be telling the truth.”

His eyebrows furrowed adorably as he shook his head, “I always tell the truth, lying is wrong. Besides, I would never do that to you.”

“Indeed.” You grinned lightly, and only now had you remembered this had been the first time in a while where you had shown genuine merriment. Night had taken over, and now the dark sky was covered in multiple little stars that, although from your perspective they barely sparkled, you were sure they glowed the brightest if close enough. Sometimes, what shines the most is not always the first thing noticed. The boy holding your hand frequently questioned why you couldn’t see that on yourself; why you couldn’t see how dazzling you really were, like the twinkling balls of fire that called themselves stars. Sighing with joy, you kept staring up at the endless heavens, the lively moon being your only source of light. “Hey?” You spoke up again, earning yourself a hum from the handsome boy. He didn’t seem to age, he still looked the same as he did the first time you ever saw him in yours dreams. Now, you realized his features resembled the same as a regular teenager like you, except he was obviously striking. “I’ve been meeting you here for as long as I can remember, but I never got your name.”

He chuckled, thinking you sounded cute. His free hand gently pulled at a fully bloomed rose, its scarlet red shade so bright and vibrant in the scarce night light. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that yet, love.” He shook his head, releasing your hand and instead replacing his own with the beautiful rose. “Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough, you just have to wait a little bit more. Then, you will get an answer to all your questions. They say patience is key.” Standing up, he carefully pulled you up with him too, pressing a faint kiss to your forehead. “Lovely, it’s time for you to leave.”

“But I don’t want to.” You muttered, not quite looking forward to another lonely day.

The boy laughed lowly as he began walking in the opposite path from where you initially came from. “Dont worry, you see me here everyday, right? I’ll be waiting for you here on your next dream. And the next one, and the one after, and the one after. I will always be waiting. Just do me a favor, will you? Take that rose with you, consider it my early birthday gift. Keep it, and care for it. Also, remember my promises, I won’t ever break them.”

Just like that, he disappeared in the multitude of blooming flowers, as you felt yourself fade away from the world you wished was your reality.

You woke up from your deep slumber, a smile etched across your face as you thought of your little secret, who you always encountered in your dreams wearing the same white suit. Your conscious itself was still adapting to the daylight of a new day and the comforting heat radiating all the way from your window. Hair disheveled, and eyes puffy from sleep, you had not woken up yet completely. As your senses adjusted, strangely enough, you felt something smooth against your arm, only then noticing the red rose resting nicely next to you while its petals softly kissed at your skin. A gasp left your lips instantly, and you quickly scurried off the bed as fast as lighting to stare incredulously at the flower laying on it. You were a hundred percent sure that was not there before drifting off. Yet, as freaked out as you were, the boy’s words filled your mind, and you reluctantly picked up the gorgeous plant to place it in a vase of fresh water.

The brand new day carried on as always, unwanted and repetitive. Many outsiders who traveled from the bigger cities claimed your small town was breathtaking; here, they didn’t have to deal with the awful sounds or smells that the multiple factories over there emitted, they didn’t have to deal with the large streets full of traffic and impatient car horns from people who were desperate to get home. Here, your town was everything but the opposite. Streets were not paved, instead, they were nice dirt paths created by the town’s own people so cars could drive by easily. It was mostly rural; adorned with greenery, flowers, crops and the overall touch of unbothered Mother Nature. A huge pond occupied by different, colorful fish was located in the center of the town, also serving as a usual meeting spot for friends or couples who wanted to have a lovely day out. Lastly, the most special detail; a large river stream ran through, which had been decorated between the passing years with several tiny shops and homely bakeries that had slowly started forming alongside it. Generally, it reminded you of pictures from Venice, Italy that you’d see on the internet.

In spite of how gifting your little town was, it’s not like you could enjoy it when you had no one to explore it with. You had your fair shares of adventures around it when you were young, but as you inevitably grew older, so did the cravings for companionship, for a friend. A friend you didn’t have. Growing up without any parents somehow prevented children at school from befriending you, claiming it was weird to not have a mother or a father. You never blamed them, nor did you resent them; they were merely young kids, who were almost just as clueless as you.

Due to many unpleasant experiences, you began believing this town had nothing else in store for you other than remind you of the unforgettable truth, so you often refrained from going out when it was unneeded. Living alone had also slowly become bearable; either way, you had to learn how to because there was nobody else who would be able to guide you through life. There was no choice but to become independent at an early age.

After taking a warm shower and placing the unexpected rose in a vase, you decided to make yourself some chamomile tea. While waiting for the water to boil, your eyes spotted a rusty note that was messily folded, laying on the kitchen counter. It appeared almost crumpled, like it had been bunched up in a rush. You confusedly stared at it for a short moment, trying to remember whether there had been a note there last night when you cleaned the kitchen isle. A sudden whistle interrupted your puzzled thoughts just as you were about to open up the strange looking letter, bringing you out of your daze as the loud hiss reminded you the boiling, hot water was finally ready. Cursing under your breath, you quickly whipped around in a hurry to turn off the stove, forgetting about the wrinkled paper altogether.

The rest of your day went by unbothered, the night sky catching up quicker than you had presumed. Regardless, it didn’t faze you. Rather than upsetting you, it only caused a huge wave of excitement to travel along your body; you knew what the night meant. You let out a squeal that bounced off the walls as you observed through the window the dark sky that had engulfed the whole town, decorated by the bright moon that had replaced the yellow, warm sun. It was only seven at night when you read the time on the digital clock hung on the thorough, wooden walls. You hurried off to your room, where you quickly readied yourself for sleep.

Not long after, you found yourself barefooted in the same place as always, although this time autumn season had began. Unlike reality, time worked distinctly in your dreams. When it was nighttime in the real world, it was daytime in your thoughts. Yet, you couldn’t understand why the season suddenly changed, you weren’t quite sure this had happened before. Right in front of your eyes, the oak tree you were so used to see standing gracefully with flowing, vibrant leaves, was slowly becoming leafless while the few ones that did manage to stick to the branches jumped between different, several warm and golden tones. The grasslands that were once a blanket of only verdant green with the occasional colorful flowers that would stand out, was now an ocean of faded orange mixed with a faint tint of pinkish red. Underneath the oak tree sat him, but this time he was not dressed in the same white suit from always; he was wearing casual clothes, and his typical perfectly brushed hair was left down and fluffy, covering most of his forehead.

White denim jeans paired with a white denim jacket, and a loose light, grey t-shirt tucked carelessly inside his pants; he seemed to already know what you were wondering, and answered your question before you even got the chance to take a seat on the dried autumn grass. “Everything is different because something important is nearing. No,” he giggled when he noticed you lean forward with a new question ready to be asked, “I can’t tell you what the special occasion is. Chill, you’ll find out in no time.”

Whining, you slightly sulked with an annoyed look plastered on your face, “I’m tired of all these weird clues.”

“Don’t worry, the answers are closer than you think. Quit sulking, drama queen.” He grinned warmly. The scenery appeared ridiculous when compared to his radiant smile, it was a battle he’d win right away effortlessly. A sudden breeze passed by, offering a pleasant warmth that felt sensational as the air slowly became cooler every time the season developed more. Whenever you met up with him, you always had new things to interrogate him for, but just recently your inquiries had gotten much bigger as you found yourself in stranger situations leading towards him. You turned to glance at him, despite his side profile being the only sight you could get from your current view, you knew he still looked unreal as ever. “I noticed you kept the rose.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, “how do you know?”

“Can’t answer that either.” He shrugged with a cheeky grin, exhaling with calmness as he rested on his elbows, basking in the warm, soft breezes that blew by every now and then. His chestnut brown hair moved fluidly along with the infrequent winds too, letting his forehead show up for a split second. You thought he seemed so peaceful like this. Truthfully, he always looked peaceful, but today his features were particularly serene as they emitted a feeling of tranquility, even you felt it. He hummed, opening his eyes for a short moment before closing them again, “you forgot to read the note. I’ll get rid of that one and send a new one when you wake up. Make sure to read it, no excuses.”

A small huff of disbelief escaped your lips, as they soon turned into a smile. “Are you sure you’re not a witch? You were the one who put the rose on the bed, right? Because how else would that magically be there? Please answer me before I go insane.” You massaged your temples gently to simmer down all the jumbled emotions that had fallen upon you. “I thought you were just part of my imagination, but I’m doubting that now. Oh my God, what are you? There’s literally no way I can bring a flower out of my dreams-”

“Just part of your imagination, what am I? An imaginary friend? Sorry,” he laughed, “I’m not that. Yeah, I was the one who placed the rose next to you; but no, I won’t answer how.” You could tell he was having fun watching you experience an existential crisis in the middle of your dreams, it entertained him more than he would like to admit. “Today you seem very curious, that’s no good. So, we will be parting ways sooner than we usually do.”

“Wait, no, what-”

With only the snap of his fingers, it was nighttime, like a light switch had been flicked and suddenly the brightness was turned off. Due to the fast approaching winter lurking just around the corner, it was freezing cold, the temperatures so low you stared at the unfazed boy like he was crazy. You immediately began shivering, and he calmly took the time to place his denim jacket over your trembling shoulders. Honestly, the piece of clothing didn’t really provide you with much cover, but the warmth of his body that had stuck to it was enough to decrease the clattering of your teeth and the goosebumps that had formed on your arm the moment the temperatures abruptly dropped. “You can take that with you. For now, we have to go. Goodbye lovely, we’ll see each other soon.”

Your body shot up on bed in shock, anxiously feeling around your shoulders where indeed, a jacket comfortably rested on. His jacket. You felt like crying from all the utter confusion, so many questions swirling in your head that you wanted to desperately ask. Breathing irregular, you stood up with a slight stumble as you made your way towards the bathroom with a failing vision until you were able to grip the small counter, your reflection showing back on the flimsy mirror. There was no tone to your skin, which was accompanied by a light dampness; your throat felt like it was stinging and your nose was extremely runny. Was this a cold? A sharp pain hit at your temples before a grunt left your lips, demanding you to get some rest. Using all the strength you could muster, you went back to bed, falling weakly on the soft mattress.

“You fucker, now I’m sick.” You gritted through you teeth with irritation. As if on cue to your words, another crumpled ball of paper flew onto your forehead, gently bouncing off and onto the bedsheets. You cursed again, rolling your eyes before opening up the letter. It looked old, the delicate paper was covered in several creases and ink stains that were smeared all over the page; inside, was the messiest handwriting you had ever seen before. Squinting, you tried your best to make out the tangled words that were scribbled down.

Before I even start; you got to stop cursing young woman. The Heavens are watching and won’t be happy at you. Now, off to the actual letter. You must still remember your grandmother telling you about it, this was the note she was talking to you about. How are you? I hope you’re dealing alright with that nasty cold, honest, I knew you’d catch one after that weather. It’s alright though, it won’t last longer than three days, enough for you to spend your awaiting birthday without any bothersome sicknesses. How does it feel to be turning eighteen years old in four days time? Maybe you didn’t believe me, or maybe you did, but I’m still keeping promise to my words, and I assure you; your eighteenth birthday won’t be spent alone, neither will be your other birthdays to come. You’ve come so far in life, you have battled so much and yet you’re still overflowing with strength. You definitely deserve answers to all the questions you’ve often wondered about.

Remember all those fairy tales you would hear all the time from your grandparents? The ones you loved so, so much? Many of them were really only that; tales and nothing more, just something to keep you entertained, except for one. No, soulmates are not a lie, or merely another created narration from your lovely storytellers, they’re a real thing. You’ll meet your soulmate soon, I promise. I could tell you who it is, but I’d rather wait and watch you find it out yourself. For the meanwhile, you can look at your wrist the day you turn eighteen, you’ll notice some words engraved on it. They’re meant to be your soulmate’s first words ever said to you; in person, so the flesh and bones. I feel like I gotta make that clear because you’re so dense. When you do finally meet them, the words will fade away. Overall, you’re going to get a gut feeling when you meet the right person, you won’t even need to check your wrist to know. Everybody is destined to meet their soulmate sooner or later, you would know about it more if you ever left the house, lazy. Since you don’t, you’re not really aware of how many people out there have already found their fated lover. Even your folks were destined soulmates. Everybody is.

You certainly are curious. No, don’t be scared, stop thinking I’m a witch, I’m not. Yes, I can read your thoughts and I can feel your emotions. Yeah, even though I wrote this way before you read it. I can already decipher them from days, hours, minutes and seconds before. What’s up, I hereby officially present myself to you as your Guardian Angel. Just as one gets assigned a soulmate, they can also get assigned a Guardian Angel, way before they’re even born; life is weird. Truth be told, your family already knew me. This is why your grandmother asked you to wait for the letter, otherwise she knew your stubborn self wouldn’t have budged. Someone like me can only do much, I don’t really form a part of what The Heavens decide; therefore, I wasn’t aware that you were involved in a car crash along with your parents. As your Guardian Angel, I can only save the one assigned to me, that being you. And, as far as decisions go, it had also already been determined by The Heavens they would be taking your parent’s lives early. I don’t know why, but they must have their own reasons. One thing I can assure you though, is that their last breath was peaceful. All they wanted was for you to be fine, and they knew you’d be.

No one from your family had a Guardian Angel for themselves because it’s actually a rare thing to get one assigned. You were part of the small percent who did attain one. I’m not just a creation from the depths of your dreams, but it was the only place through which I could communicate with you for the meantime. Our situation though... it’s a little complex, or different, but very special since it barely ever happens. Little to no chances, I mean. Again, I’ll leave that for you to figure out. Look out for my visit on the 28th, your birthday. Once you turn eighteen, I’m allowed to see you. Not in your dreams, or thoughts or imagination, just reality. See, right? I promised you. You won’t be spending your birthday alone anymore, and I never break my promises.

I also want you to know, your parents and grandparents; they’re fine, they’re resting well. I really am sorry that I was not able to do anything to save your parents, trust me, if I could have, I would’ve. Thank you, for always thinking so fondly of me and calling me your hero when you were young, even though you didn’t even know what I was. I’m glad you looked up to me. Don’t worry, and don’t cry, remember I can feel when you’re unhappy; I can already tell as I’m writing this letter that you are in tears. Don’t be, I know you frequently worry about your family, if they left happy or sad; or, if they left in peace or not. They’re totally happy in The Heavens, where nobody suffers. You don’t have to be concerned over them anymore, they’re in peace and their wish is for you to be too.

Yes, silly, Guardian Angels can age. Mine was just frozen at twenty until I meet you. I still have a lot of explaining to do but you have to figure out the important part first.

I hope this letter answered all your big questions, it seems like it did. I apologize again, that I couldn’t save your parents. But, do believe me, they’re all fine. Stop crying, it makes me sad too. I can’t wait to finally meet you, I’ve been already waiting more than eighteen years. Anyways, I’ll be ending this here, lovely. I know your grandma said it was only a note but this got longer than I had planned, oops. See you soon,

Na Jaemin, your Guardian Angel.

Your hands shook as the crippled letter fell from your trembling grip, tears running down your face uncontrollably. You wouldn’t say your cries were of anguish, but rather, peacefulness. Peace because now you finally knew your parents were fine, and peace within yourself after that discovery. It was a question you initially thought was impossible to get an answer for. For the longest time, you had felt guilty you were given a second chance while they were not; but, although you still firmly believed they were taken unfairly from you, at least you knew they were okay. Words were not enough to express how you currently felt. So, the world that you thought to be so ugly and malicious actually had things such as soulmates and Guardian Angels? You always doubted they existed, much less were you able to process you were gifted with the two. It never crossed your mind that the boy in your dreams, Na Jaemin, was the reason why you were even alive.

You always told yourself the world had so much to make up for after taking away your loved ones. Little did you know you had been meeting with the most important person in your life for the entirety of it. Suddenly, it was you who had to make up for so much. The question was, how would you do something greater than what Na Jaemin did for you? He was after all, your literal savior.

And you’d be meeting him soon.

November 28th finally arrived, your cold long gone as the time hit twelve o’clock at midnight. Anxiously, you looked down, and time felt like it had slowed. Although the seconds kept counting down just fine, you couldn’t help the shock that ran through your veins as you watched black, cursive words gradually show up on your wrist. ‘Hello, lovely.’ You exhaled with a shaky breath, gliding your finger over the words swiftly; they looked like they had been tattooed on your wrist for a long time now despite their recent appearance. Astonished, you cursed before glancing around your bedroom, unsure of what to do and completely ignoring the angel’s previous scolding for your bad habit of swearing. It all seemed unreal to you, but the constant burn of the pinching you inflicted upon yourself assured you it wasn’t. Your heart rate was beating at rapid speeds, and you began wondering if it would eventually thump out of your chest to escape from all the unstoppable adrenaline rushing chaotically through your entire body.

“Alright, calm down, fuck.” The angel could only watch you in amusement from afar, shaking his head at your raw language.

The midnight winds were tremendously cool as the winter temperatures continued to drop, the heater or the cosy clothing you currently wore were not enough to fully rid you of the icy atmosphere. You wished you’d meet the angel in your dreams, so you could be welcomed by a warm and sultry weather. Unfortunately, you had not gotten to see him after the day you read the long, messy letter he wrote. It was weird to not have the daily visions you had grown so accustomed to.

Somewhere during the very early hours of the morning, you managed to drift off into a deep sleep, unable to meet the angel once again. You woke up to a much more pleasant climate air, and you would’ve been happy about it if it weren’t for the many doubts you awoke with. It had been four days since you had last seen him. The usual scenery you always magically appeared in with the help of your brain didn’t develop in the deepness of your thoughts; you didn’t care about your birthday anymore, you cared for the boy from your dreams. You still had to learn to call him by his actual name, but it was harder than you expected when he had basically been nameless for most of your life. Na Jaemin, you had never heard that name around your town or anywhere else, it was just as unique as him.

“I heard you calling?”

You shrieked, tumbling off the bed and onto the hardwood floor as your chest heaved up and down in fear. Quickly, you stood up on your feet, where you locked wide eyes with the charming smile you always admired, a grin beaming with pearly whites showing through that could light up the whole world. There he stood gracefully, unlike you, wearing the same attire he had been sporting the last time you saw him; of course, minus the denim jacket you occasionally hugged to sleep. Instead of the same brown hair he always had, it was now a light shade of blonde, to the point where it nearly looked silver. Eyes still widened in alarm after his unexpected arrival, you carried on taking in his features and tall figure; lean and majestic, exactly as you had described him the first time. He was absolute breathtaking, and his beauty only seemed more glorious face to face; you were utterly speechless.

An almost quiet giggle went past his lips, a smile still adorning his features as he carefully approached you upon noticing your frozen state. There was a slight glow that outlined his physique, similar to the one you always caught sight of as a child, but not as strong. With gentle movements, his hand softly came up to cup your cheek, tenderly caressing at the skin before pulling you into a warm embrace. You gasped, his swift actions successfully bringing you out of your daze; and ultimately, with shaky hands, you wrapped your arms around his torso tightly as well. He hummed lowly in satisfaction at the feeling of your returned hug, already loving how it felt to finally be held by you.

Hugging him felt oddly nice to you, there was an emotion inside that you couldn’t quite describe, but you knew for sure it was a feeling you had never experienced before. You felt free and no longer alone, like you had known him your entire life; not just because of the dreams where the two of you conversed, it was a feeling more personal than that, like he had always been there with you. Not all your senses worked in your nightly thoughts, and only now were you able to bask in the sweet smell that engulfed him; he smelled like home. Like the tall, grassy grounds he was always sitting on under the same familiar oak tree as he waited for you. Like the roses and tulips that were fully bloomed in all their grandeur by summer time, and like the warm sunrays that never failed to make his skin naturally glow with dewiness. You had never smelled anything in your dreams, because it simply was impossible, but you didn’t have to; you knew right away he was the epitome of the place where you always met up, in all the five senses. The enthralling landscape, the soothing sounds of nature, the sweet taste of honeysuckles, the feeling of the flowing grasses, the earthy scent of threes and flowers; all put together into a human body.

Not only did he feel like home, but his embrace also provided a sensation of comfort and safety that nobody else could emulate. Your heart was beating rapidly, but this time it wasn’t out of shock, it was nervousness. You felt like you had made the biggest discovery ever, yet you were not sure what the find was. Still, everything somehow felt right amidst the thundering thump of your chest that rang loudly in your ears.

“Hello, lovely.” He whispered in your ear, feeling the smile on his face as his lips gently pressed against the side of your head.

Overcome with emotion, a tear ran down your cheek before slightly pulling away so you could properly look up at him. “Thank you, for saving me. Thank you so much... Jaemin. How will I ever repay you?”

“Silly,” he simply chuckled, “you don’t have to repay me with anything, meeting you is enough.”

You nodded as he ran his fingers through your hair, confessing, “I feel very comfortable around you, even though I just met you. Well, in person, I’m still confused.”

“It’s totally normal,” Jaemin replied as he pulled away from his tight embrace, softly patting your back, “technically, I’ve always been here, you just couldn’t see me. Reminds me; happy birthday, lovely.”

Heart fluttering at his words, you began feeling all giddy and fluffy inside despite not understanding the reason why. You could not fathom why he was having such a huge impact on you already. “I have a question.”

“Not surprised.”

“Do you, perhaps, have any wings or a halo?”

Jaemin giggles in amusement at your question, shaking his head. “I don’t, but I used to. We only have wings and halos when we’re in The Heavens, not on Earth. I’m meant to form part of Earth from now on, so I can’t really show you, except for the glow around my body. That, I choose whether I want you to see it or not.” You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it. “Yeah, I’m still a Guardian Angel, your Guardian Angel specifically.”

Your cheeks flushed a faint tint of pink, muttering as you looked down at your feet, “stop reading my thoughts.”

“What? Are you scared I’m going to hear something naughty or weird one day? Don’t worry, I’ve heard plenty of those. Also heard multiple times you think I’m god-worthy handsome. Thanks, by the way. Its okay, it’s normal for me now. Just keep your thoughts in check, where did you learn all those dirty things, young lady?”

“Jaemin!” You screeched in embarrassment, your cheeks only becoming redder than they previously were, his grip tightening around you lovingly.

The boy shook with laughter, a melodious sound to your ears that you wanted to keep hearing for the rest of your life, and if it weren’t for the awful embarrassment you were experiencing, you would’ve surely relished in the contagious cackles more. Being with Jaemin was natural, it didn’t feel awkward at all, you instantly knew you could trust him with anything; besides, meeting him in your dreams for the past fifteen years was enough time to warm up to him.

“Come on,” you grabbed his hand, letting go not long after when a jolt shot through your arm. “What the hell! What was that?”

“You better stop cursing around me,” Jaemin jokingly warned, narrowing his eyes at you, “you have to find that out for yourself. I never thought you’d be this clueless, to be honest.”

“And lastly, this is the basement; tour is finally done! This used to be my grandparent’s house from mom’s side, where I spent my whole childhood in. My dad’s parents lived a little farther away and their house wasn’t roomy enough to take me, but they still visited here constantly; it felt like they all lived together, honestly.” You explained to the tall boy. You had decided to show him around, still rocking your hideous pajamas, but he didn’t seem to mind.

Jaemin hummed as he listened to you, eyes skimming over the wide, empty room; of course, he already knew every single part of your house like the back of his hand. He had been watching you your entire life, chances are he even recognized it better than you. Though, as he gazed at you with loving eyes, you seemed too excited showing him around so much that he chose to remain quiet and carry on pretending he was unfamiliar with everything surrounding him.

Your grandparent’s house was extremely welcoming; as most houses in your town, this was also built solely out of pure wood. It wasn’t exactly a cabin, but rather a small suburban home. Everything inside consisted of mostly vintage items left behind by your folks, the only modern objects around being the ones they had bought for you. As for the backyard, it wasn’t really spacious, but it was well appreciated and cared for since majority of the homes in the town didn’t have one. Your grandmother was always making sure her garden looked appealing at all times; and in memory of her, you would regularly keep it neat in spite of your hatred for gross bugs and itchy plants.

“I used to always come down here when I wanted to play with old stuff, like landline phones or typewriter machines, I thought they were quite fun.” You smiled automatically at the fond memories. “Oh! I also remember accidentally catching Grandpa and Grandma kissing, it was disgusting.”

Jaemin laughed, recalling the time you found your grandparents being way too romantic for your young mind to comprehend, and your startled eyes before running off as soon as you had identified the scene in front.

You sat down on the dusty wooden floors that were in strong needs of some good polishing and sweeping as you called Jaemin over. Complying, he took a seat next to you, creating a feeling of familiarity just like you would usually sit together in your dreams; except this time, the two of you were in a basement desperately screaming for a deep clean. You were certain his white clothes would be totally dirty by the time you left the room. “I forgot to tell you, you were right about the whole soulmate words thing.”

“Did you think it was a lie?” He cocked an eyebrow, paired with a sly smirk.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant!” You waved your hands in the air fearing he had gotten the wrong idea.

Giggling, he nodded and brought your hands down gently, “I know what you mean. Tell me about it.” He might’ve been a holy being, but he had never experienced love for endless decades. Now that he finally found you, he couldn’t stop the crazy thumping of his heart.

“Okay so, I stayed awake until midnight yesterday - well, today, actually... anyways - besides the point.” Jaemin smiled adoringly at your cute stutters and fumbled ranting. He had learnt years ago that you stumbled over your own words when you were ecstatic about something. Hearing your thoughts in the distance was nearly impossible when he was so close to you, and it was inevitable to catch what your mind was currently thinking. You were talking, but your mind kept saying he looked ethereal right now next to you, going as far as comparing him to the most prepossessing events from Earth itself and claiming he was still prettier. “So, as I was telling you, I stayed awake ‘till midnight and you were right! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I noticed small letters appear on my wrist out of the blue, it was freaky to see it firsthand. Do you want to see?”

A cocky smirk was threatening to show up on Jaemin’s lips sooner or later, whether it be for your thoughts about him or what you were about to find out; yet, he fought the feeling and simply agreed at your request. It felt like euphoria was devouring him whole, but outside, he maintained a serene stance when you raised your wrist up to his eyes. As expected by him but not by you, the words were no longer there. A piercing shriek that hurt his ears left you upon realizing your wrist was not marked with the cursive letters anymore. Jaemin could only internally crack up at the sight of you scrambling away in panic, rushing towards the small window on the wall to get a better look of your arm with the aid of the sunrays. There was, in fact, nothing there.

The angel pondered playfully, humming specially loud so you’d be able to catch the mischief in his tone, “I thought you wanted to show me something? I don’t see anything there.”

Eyes wide like they were about to jump out of their sockets, you turned to look at him with a frightened expression, whining. “What do you know that I don’t?”

With a grunt, Jaemin got up from the floor as he brushed off the dust on his clothes, rolling his eyes at your question. “Silly girl,” he approached, your feet moving backwards the closer he got, eventually stopping when your back hit the wall behind you, “you’re so bad at this game.” He smiled cheekily before flicking your forehead.

“Ow!”

“Lovely, what did I explain it meant when the words faded away? Do you remember what I first said when I arrived?”

Oh. You realized what the current situation was. Jaemin was your fated soulmate, and as always, you did not notice because you were distracted; unsurprisingly, distracted by him. “But you’re not exactly human? How is it possible?”

He shrugged, running a hand through your hair, “Heaven and God are complicated. Angels can have human soulmates if that’s how The Heavens decide it, the only benefit you get, is you get to know when you’ll meet them - unlike humans who have no idea if they’re even gonna be fated to somebody or they’ll leave the world tragically because of their wrongdoings. The downside is that angels can take thousands and thousands of years to meet their soulmate; I was lucky to only have to wait three hundred.”

“Three hundred years!? But how come you’re twenty years old, how did you become an angel? Does me feeling all happy and sappy around you have to do with all this?” You were freaking out, but you didn’t want him to misunderstand.

Jaemin nodded, pulling you down onto the floor with him again, “there are two different types of angels; angels and Guardian Angels. Angels are people that died before their innocence was tainted which is basically all newborns or young children; teenagers and adults can too, just not as often. Guardian Angels are beings created by God himself, so unlike angels, we never existed in Earth first.” His hands were fiddling nervously with the end of his t-shirt, fingers adorned with a few silver rings. “We’re only allowed to meet our soulmate until they turn eighteen, so our age freezes at twenty while we wait. Angels can’t see their soulmate like I did in your dreams, but since I’m your Guardian Angel, I’m required to watch and care for you at all times. So, it’s acceptable to reveal myself to you discretely. And yeah,” he sheepishly giggled, “that’s why you feel all happy and sappy around me. I do too.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I guess. Someone dumb like me can only handle so much information, Jaemin.”

He snickered. “Yeah, you’re right.”

You pushed him away playfully, a small smile lingering on your lips before a blush took over your features. You never had a boyfriend previously, and you had no idea what to do from now on. Jaemin looked lovely as ever, the attraction you had for him only heightening as the bond became stronger. His once fully white clothes were now slightly covered in dust, as so was his face. Despite that and his tinted cheeks that you assumed were like that because he intruded your thoughts once again, he was the same handsome boy from your dreams that never failed to make you smile. Now, he’d be by your side for more than your usual six hours of sleep, and you were thrilled, to say the least. Meeting him for real got your heart rushing and doing flips, you didn’t know what that initially meant; but now you were sure it had to be love. It felt strange to feel something as deep as love for someone you met minutes ago. Then again, Jaemin was more than a soulmate; he had basically been with you the entirety of your life, your love went higher than a mere soulmate bond. “So, what do we do now?”

Rosy cheeks, the angel was still not able to look at you after listening to your thoughts. He knew he had to stop doing that, but it wasn’t easy when they sounded so loud and tempting in his ears. “Can I kiss you? I’ve really wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you.”

A series of wild coughs took over you upon hearing Jaemin’s confession, your reaction only making him feel giddier than he already was. “I - sorry,” the attack in your throat gradually slowed down, “I’m just, Ive never had my first kiss before, I’m new to all of this.”

He scurried closer with cheeky eyes, the darkening daylight that managed to show through the tiny window in the room signaled that the sun was beginning to set, the basement now drowned in a vibrant, saturated mandarin shade. Your breath hitched instantly when he cupped your cheeks, his eyes fully sparkling with love and adoration for you, gaze traveling down your features until it landed on your lips. He wet his own unknowingly, slightly parting them as light, irregular puffs of breathes left him. Jaemin leaned in, closing the short gap that was once between the two of you until the same jolt of electricity from before warmly hit you.

His lips tasted sugary sweet, like he had been previously sucking at the nectar from the honeysuckles you loved to have in your dreams. Now, you were certain that there was indeed something sweeter than honesuckles. Not only did he taste sweet, he felt sweet too. His mouth moved against yours slowly, the rhythm at which you two kissed was a little bit sloppy, but neither of you cared about it; hands still gently holding your cheeks while your own found their preferred location, lightly grabbing at his shoulders. Jaemin pulled back, chest heaving with pants as he attempted to catch his breath, leaning in again after whispering lowly against your lips.

“Hadn’t had my first kiss either.”

“Na Jaemin, you’re supposed to be an angel from Heaven!”

The boy ignored your protests, keeping you trapped between his body and the wooden wall as he continued a fiery assault on your neck, lips trailing all the way down to your collarbones where he mercilessly sucked hard reds and purples at the delicate skin.

Months had quickly gone by after finding out the angel was your fated special someone, and time flew peacefully as your feelings for each other grew more and more at rapid lengths, if it was even possible to be any more infatuated than you already were. A lot of remarkable things had happened once Jaemin officially stepped into your life; you weren’t low-spirited anymore like you used to be, coming to terms with yourself that Jaemin was happiness itself, it was impossible to remain miserable with someone as bright as him around. Although your biggest dream had always been to visit the wonderful cities that you knew awaited outside your small town, you decided to stay here; often reminding you of the views you’d always encounter in your imagination whenever you met up with the angel, instead of your parents like you used to believe.

Christmas was the best holiday you had spent, drowning in all the love Jaemin cherished you with while his arms held you tightly to his body as you both cuddled in front of the warm fireplace, under large, fluffy blankets. Or, the softness of his lips that pressed against yours in utter passion after he had shamelessly placed random mistletoes all around the house as an excuse to kiss you all throughout winter. It was little things like that, that made you fall deeper for him. Spring was slowly coming to an end as summer prepared to engulf everybody in the heat of its shining sun and the hot temperatures that gradually became warmer every day. You couldn’t wait for the orangey sunsets that were soon to come so you could take Jaemin out to the small shops located along the river, accompanied by the relaxing sounds of the streaming fresh waters and forgotten 70’s songs that the old ladies from the stores never failed to play.

With time, you found out Jaemin was tremendously clingy and overwhelmingly sappy. For a while, he seemed absolutely pure, the tittle well deserved since he did belong to the vast heavens that he described as divinely glorious. You believed him, for his looks and personality where the exact same. Though, your perception of innocence that you had for him might’ve gone overboard, because even a harmless angel like him could sometimes overflow with a burning fire of love and want.

“Are you even allowed to do things like this?” You whined under his towering frame, refusing to let out any sounds of satisfaction. He was supposed to be a holy and saint being, yet here he was, licking and biting at your skin with no remorse. No matter how hard you tried to keep quiet, the shocks of pleasure that his naughty kisses sent throughout you entire body were inevitable and tough to neglect, when the feeling was so exquisite.

He was panting with need, wasting no time in taking off both your shirts as his hands instantly began roaming around your unconvered, warm skin, pulling you impossibly closer to him, “it’s fine.” His hands slowly moved up towards your flushed face, taking their own sweet time to run over your tummy and all the way up to your chest, which received special extra attention, until he eventually reached your cheeks and brought you into a rough kiss. Jaemin’s lips devoured you like there was no tomorrow, like he was a starved man, occasionally biting gingerly at your lower lip before lightly swiping his tongue across, engaging the wet muscles in a battle he would surely win. “Please, touch me.”

You pulled away shortly with ragged breaths, lips a cherry red and fully swollen from all the endless sucking he had inflicted on them. “Na Jaemin, are you sure this is right? I’ve never done anything dirty yet I swear I feel like I’m corrupting you so bad-”

“Stop swearing, it’s wrong.”

Jaw dropped in disbelief, you glanced up at the shirtless boy who still had you pressed against the wall with no way out, “I - you’re saying that while trying to get into my pants! I’m pretty sure swearing is the least of concerns here.”

“I’m not the one who’s thinking about sex all the time, you expect me to go through my day calmly when you’re thinking such naughty stuff?” Jaemin whined with a pout, running his fingers through his blonde locks in frustration before unexpectedly picking your flustered self up. He hurriedly carried you towards the bedroom, ignoring your loud screams demanding to put you down as he gently threw your body onto the soft mattress. “I’m literally a teenage boy, I have needs and your thoughts don’t help,” he kept complaining, “this is totally normal, it’s fine as long as it is with your soulmate, I promise. Now, please, woman.” The angel proceeded to leave a trail of feathery, wet kisses down your neck again, eyes landing on your bra straps before they locked with your gaze and wordlessly asked for permission.

Nodding slowly, you pulled Jaemin down and locked lips once again; though, this time it felt like all your unsaid emotions were pouring out into the desperate kiss, love being the biggest one swimming in the pools of several, different sentiments. He returned the kiss delicately as your hands slightly tugged at the little hairs that rested on the back of his neck, eliciting tiny moans and groans that rumbled in his hard chest. Breaths of pleasure that you swallowed escaped his mouth, the kiss progressively becoming messier and harsher as you allowed yourselves to get lost in the euphoric feeling of your bodies pressed close together, the warmth the radiated from your bare skin igniting a huge fire of arousal within the two of you.

“I love you. So much.” Jaemin pecked your lips one last time with a sincere smile, hands gliding over your shoulder blades as they unclasped your bra, gently sliding off the straps with eyes that twinkled with nothing but absolute love, lust and devotion. “I’m gonna take you higher than Heaven.”

“Jaemin! Don’t be rude!” Right then and there, you knew you were exactly where you were meant to be; in the arms of your lover as he showed you a deeper intimacy than you had ever shared before. Despite all you had gone through, life gifted you with the greatest present, Na Jaemin. You didn’t have to dream anymore to feel at home, he brought it with himself.

A celestial angel, indeed. Life was no longer unbearable for you, it was the best thing ever; and you were ready to live it at its fullest.

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astudyinsarcasm9 · 6 years ago

Text

Pink Diamond and her character ark. Who is she supposed to be in the SU narrative? A villain? An anti-hero?

I’ve been meaning to make a bigger post about PD and her role in SU as of now.

First off: the Human zoo.

I am of the opinion that her character could’ve been written better. And by that I mean that if they wanted to make her truly morally questionable they should’ve stuck by the characterisation we got before ”A single pale rose”.

What do I mean?

Well, before that we thought and we were told that the Human Zoo was Pink’s and that Blue was just maintaining it in her absence, as a way to remember her. Garnet said PD would take humans there as trophies of her conquest. Now, I can imagine PD made up that story as a way to maker herself seem more evil in a bid to make the CGs have even more reasons to fight her. It certainly seems more evil than saying Blue and Yellow started the Zoo to shut up Pink.

The sad fact is the Human Zoo is really consistent with PD’s personality. She came to be infatuated with humans and until Greg she only saw them as play things so it makes total sense that she’d have a Human Zoo. It fits her to a T. She’d think she’d be doing a good thing by caring for them and providing them with basically a paradise version of Earth.

Hell, I would’ve loved a couple of episodes focusing on Pink Diamond slowly discovering the Earth and humans, watching them interact and deciding she likes them because they can evolve and change, unlike gems. Then, naturally, she would’ve wanted to take one or two for herself, to keep them closer to her, as she was not really allowed to be on Earth in the first place. So she asked Yellow and Blue to make the Zoo for her which they did. Maybe afterwards, after wandering on Earth some more she finds out how gems are made and how their creation strips the Earth of its life and then decides to fight for Earth. It would’ve made so much more sense. Instead of showing her see ONE human and deciding: OMG I need to save this planet. It felt lazy.

SU has a really interesting story and some really interesting characters and I really wish they did what Adventure Time did and just dedicate a couple of episodes to certain characters to develop them better. And with SU’s narrative it would’ve fitted nicely.

Second: Her weird characterisation.

Anyway, after ”A single pale rose” we found out the zoo was not hers at all and she had nothing to do with it. Gah! In the same episode we also find out she was always, more or less, a sweet, naive diamond which really does not go well with her debut when we saw she was incredibly spoiled and entitled. Ok, one can make the argument that she was younger, and when we saw her in ”A single pale rose” she already got her colony and already got bored of it and realized what a chore it was to be a diamond.

The problem with that is NO ONE WANTED TO SEE THE END RESULT.

Let me offer an example:

Zuko!

Zuko started out as the villain of the series. He was set in his views, he wanted the Avatar so he could go back home. Still, during Book 1 and Book 2 he went through a change. He had an inner battle with himself trying to decide which path to take and what his morality was in the end. Only in book 3 does he realize exactly where he stands, what he feels and what he has to do and during the second half of it he joins the protagonists and truly embraces his change of heart.

Now, imagine we were never shown Book 2 and we went from angry, bitter, entitled Zuko, who felt everyone was beneath him, up until a point when Iroh taught him humility, to the Zuko we had in the second half of Book 3 where he suddenly was on the good side and was nice and mostly pleasant. It would’ve sucked, right? We wouldn’t have seen the wonderful development he went through to get to that crucial point in his life.

Same with PD

When we first saw PD all she wanted was to be considered as one of the diamonds and be given the same respect as them. She wanted a colony. She was bratty she was spoiled. In the same vein Zuko wanted nothing more than to be back home, to be accepted back in the royal family and treated with the same respect as the other members. Except, unlike Zuko, we didn’t see PInk’s journey into becoming who she was. Hell, we’re not even sure we know who she was because as soon as we were told she had flaws, they were taken back and we were given the PD we know now.

All we saw was: PD wanting a colony and saying she is a diamond too and therefore should be treated as such - time skip - PD got her wish but got bored of it and because of said boredom she went out on the planet and discovered it had life, saw a human and decided she wanted to save it. To save it so she can live on it. But we’ll talk about that in a minute.

For some that would be pretty clear. Yeah she got bored of her colony. that’s it.

Yeah but, wouldn’t it have been more interesting to have some episodes gradually showing PD going from bratty and entitled to sweet and nice? To see her gradually lose interest in the colony, to see her observe what having a colony meant? To see her be neglected by the other diamonds, as it was implied was the case?

I don’t know. For me the PD from Jungle moon and the PD from A single pale rose seem like entirely different characters.

I’m sure the episodes were thought out long before they actually got feedback from us. But my bet is that between Jungle Moon and A single pale rose someone decided that the first PD was not what they wanted PD to be so they made the change.

The war!

People are really torn when it comes to the gem war.

I for one think that the creators wanted to have their cake and eat it too. What do I mean by that?

Pink Diamond chose to fight for the Earth because she saw what gem production was doing to the planet. It is assumed that while going out with Pearl and seeing Earth she observed how life was being affected by the collonisaton.

This is what PD says in ”A single pale rose”: We can leave our old lives behind. If this is really my world, I want to give it to the Crystal Gems. I want to live here with human beings! I wanna live here with you! We'll both finally be free!

This means that she wanted to free Earth more for the sake of her being able to be free on it, than because its life was affected. She wanted to be free of her duties as a diamond, she wanted to be free and live with humans and with Pearl.

Ok, after she met Garnet we were told she started to fight for other gems, but I don’t think that was entirely right. If she did want to fight for all gems she would’ve tried to liberate all the gems from under the diamonds, but she made sure not to harm the other diamonds (Bismuth, wink-wink). So she just wanted the safe route out.

That’s what I meant by the creators wanted their cake and to eat it too. They should’ve picked one or the other, because, as it is, PD comes off more as somebody who wanted to get out of her duties and just found the perfect excuse to do so. Im sure she cared for life on Earth but I am more sure she cared more for her own freedom.

This is why PD’s characterisation suffers a lot. That’s why people argue over it. Because these two beliefs cannot be reconciled.

I would’ve rather seen a PD who, while having her colony, saw, gradually, how her own colony affecter life on Earth. Maybe Pearl took her on the planet, multiple times, to see the damage. Maybe, one day, she’d ask Pearl what was going to happen to the planet after she was done colonising and Pearl would show her the plans and she’d be horrified. A lot of maybes.

But instead, even in her last moments as PD she didn’t say: ”Pearl, I want to save this planet. Look at it, I am destroying it and pretty soon nothing will be left if I don’t act.” Instead she once again reaffirmed her desire to be free of being a diamond.

In my eyes she is sort of an anti-hero. I am sure she had the best intentions but they were selfish intensions first and the noble ones afterwards. At least that’s what her characterisation is telling me.

And it is sad. The show is going to incredible lengths to sanitise her, as if she was just naive and misunderstood. Yes she was naive but she was also misguided, selfish and immature and until she met Greg she lacked empathy, for humans anyway.

And another thing: The show also went to great lengths to show us how gems are under a dictatorship, how there’s a caste system in place, how fusion means a death sentence etc. Yet, PD never talked about it. Rose never talked about it. Rose never meant a point to fight back against that system. Ok, one can make the argument that as PD she had no idea. Ok, cool, but as Rose I’m pretty sure she found out. And even as PD she had to know, to some degree how other gems were treated. She at least knew fusion was unheard of and by extension punished, so she must have known how gems were treated under the diamonds.

Bismuth was the only one who saw that and who wanted to take action against it. Pearl knew, heck, she was a slave by Homeworld’s views, and did not express a desire to save other gems from such a fate. Garnet knew and didn’t care even though Ruby almost got shattered because of that same system. And when Bismuth expressed the desire to free the other gems Rose bubbled her because of course she did she couldn’t have allowed the shattering of her dictator sisters.

And I hear some of you say: yeah but they are her sisters and her family. Yeah, cool but, and I go back to Zuko, when Aang was to face the FireLord, Zuko did not kill Aang or trap him somewhere so he couldn’t fight the Firelord because the villain happened to be his father.

In the episode ”Sozin’s Comet, Part 1: The Phoenix King” Zuko says this to Aang:

”You'll have to take the Fire Lord's life before he takes yours.” And this ”Well, that sweet little kid grew up to be a monster, and the worst father in the history of fathers.”

See? Zuko acknowledges that Aang has to kill his father for the greater good, to liberate the fire nation people, to save the world. AND he also acknowledges that Ozai is a terrible person.

This is how the Bismuth-Rose should’ve went if Rose gave two shits about the homeworld gems.

Some say SU is a kids show and can’t portray such things but iIT CHOSE TO TALK ABOUT WAR AND GENOCIDE AND LIFE LOSS - and as such, exactly like ATLA earned itself the right to go into more serious topics, despite being a show mainly aimed at kids.

If you talk about war and all that implies then have the balls to do it right and tackle all the issues.

All in all I think PD was a missed opportunity to have a great character ark for someone considered to be part of the villains but the reforming and taking the side of good and going against the system she was a part of. Exactly like Zuko.

I am really interested to see what will happen next but I suspect that as far as PD is concerned her character ark is pretty much over for now. There’s nowhere to go.

In the end she was just a selfish person who wanted to escape her life and duties because she found them boring and in doing so she found a really good reason for it: The colony was hurting the life on Earth. So she took that to heart and saw it as the perfect opportunity.

Let’s not forget that because of her we have gem experiments, the Cluster, corrupted gems etc. She couldn’t have known some of these would happen but she was a diamond so at least she could’ve known that the Diamonds have the ability to fuck shit up should they chose to.

Feel free to leave comments and discuss.

As always this is just my opinion and is not written in stone.

#steven universe #su critical #pink diamond

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wittystiles · 7 years ago

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The Agreement | Part Two | Stiles Stilinski

Author: wittystiles

Title: Part Two - The One With The Morning After

Summary: Stiles wakes up the morning after, not hungover, and with more memory of what happened then probably good for him. You on the other hand, didn’t fair as lucky. The two end up having a difficult conversation, that resolves itself in an odd way.

Warnings: Cursing. Mentioned sex.

A/N: Listen, y’all. This story is just pure nonsense, and I love it. It’s gonna be so emotional (both good and bad), and I look forward to sharing this journey with you all. As always, thank you to @ellie-bee242 for being my helping hand. Ily, wifey.

Stiles yawned softly, snuggling closer to the body he held in his arms. His mind was beginning to wake up from his alcohol heavy slumber, and it was already feeling like he was going to be having an easier morning than he probably deserved. He could feel soreness on his neck, but didn’t dare move to feel why.

The body in his hold stirred, and he halted his breathing, his eyes shut firmly. He wanted, desperately, for his bed companion to stay asleep. For her to keep herself unconscious for just a little while longer so he could fully enjoy holding her. She settled against him more, her head heavy on the pillow they were sharing, and he began breathing normally.

Though he had polished off two bottles of wine, he could still nearly remember the whole of last night. Of the way she tasted when they kissed (of cheap red wine, sweet vanilla buttercream and salt from popcorn), the way her chest rose and fell as she was underneath him. Stiles licked his lips at the thought of her underneath him, her eyes screwed shut and moans falling from her lips.

He had to take in a deep breath to clear his mind, deciding it best to keep those thoughts out of his mind while his hips were pressed against her. He imagined something coming up would be awkward.

(Y/N) began to rouse again, and he was sure this time she would wake up. He wrapped his arms around her tighter, and nuzzled his face against her neck, getting more comfortable. “Morning,” he heard (Y/N) whisper more to herself than to him. He dared to open his eyes a crack, peeking at her as she moved around on the bed. Her hands had come up and were covering her face, the balls of her palms grinding against her eyes. “I fucking hate getting up.” She declared, squirming a bit to get more comfortable on the bed.

“I know,” Stiles nearly yawned out. He loosened his hold on her to make it easier for her to move around, making sure to still keep her pressed against him though. She was the only thing keeping him warm, the sheet and comforter having been kicked off onto the floor at some point in the night.

The two of them laid together in (Y/N)’s bed for a few beats before (Y/N) came to a sudden realization. “Oh, God!” She nearly shouted, scrambling away from Stiles, who was now wide eyed and alert.

“What? What?” He asked, pushing himself up to look at her. “What happened? Are you okay?”

She shook her head a little bit, staring at him. “You’re naked.” She nodded to him, her eyes flitting from his face to his thighs, back to his face.

He nodded, covering his crotch with his hands. “You are too,” he acknowledged. (Y/N) looked down at herself and huffed, reaching over the edge of the bed, finding the first shirt available and tugging it on.

“There, now I’m not.”

“That’s my shirt,” Stiles pointed out. “How am I supposed to get not naked if you’re wearing my clothes?”

“I’m not concerned about your chest, Stiles.” (Y/N) said, narrowing her eyes. “It’s your pecker that’s a problem with me.”

“Wasn’t last night.” Stiles mumbled, standing from the bed, keeping his crotch cupped by his hand. “Let me just…” He walked around the end of the bed, finding his boxer-briefs still inside of his jeans. He shook them out and quickly stepped into them. “There. Now my pecker isn’t a problem, (Y/N).” He took a seat on the bed again, rubbing his face with his hands, trying to whisk away the last traces of sleep that were clouding his mind. “You don’t remember last night, do you?”

(Y/N) sighed, “no. I remember most of last night, Stiles. I just figured that I wouldn’t wake up with you naked in my bed.”

“You fell asleep on me last night after…” Stiles sighed. “I didn’t have a chance to get up and get dressed, ‘cause I fell asleep shortly afterwards myself. Sorry. I’ll get dressed and head out if you want?”

“No,” (Y/N) shook her head. “No, I’m not gonna kick you out. You’re not a one night stand, Stilinski. Well, in the sense that you’ve got to hurry out in the morning.” “Oh, thank you. I love being an almost one night stand.”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, pushing up from the bed. “So, we fucked huh?” “Memorably, clearly.”

(Y/N) made a face at him that was half annoyance, half sorry. “I remember some of it, Stiles. I remember watching Santa Clarita Diet, and I remember drinking so much wine.. Too much wine. And I remember bits and pieces of, us… I was saying ‘we fucked huh’ as an opening to discuss what the fuck we were thinking last night.”

“You were thinking a lot of things. Where should I start?”

“Maybe at what spurred us to have sex?”

Stiles danced his fingers together, his lips pursed into a thin line, trying hard to think of how to phrase what happened so it didn’t sound as weird as it was. “Well. We were in the middle of watching Friends, right? Right. And suddenly you were upset, so we were talking. You were telling me how you wanted a relationship, but not really. You were also telling me how you wanted a baby.” Stiles cleared his throat, crossing his legs underneath him. (Y/N) was staring at him with an eyebrow raised. “You were super serious about it too. I’m talking you were going to go start screwing strangers serious.”

(Y/N) gasped, “I would never!”

Stiles shrugged, “I don’t know. Weirder things have happened.” He moved his hand back and forth between them. “Anyway, one thing lead to another and the next I know we’re agreeing to have a baby together.”

“What?”

Stiles shrugged again, letting his shoulders slump forward afterwards. “Yeah.” He didn’t know what else to say, and suddenly his throat felt really dry. “In our defense we were really drunk… We aren’t ever the best decision makers when we’ve been drinking, should we remember when you stole from Derek?”

(Y/N) set her jaw, “no. We never talk about that anymore, Stiles. You know better than that.”

Stiles smirked a little, his mouth pulling back on the corner. “Well, still. We aren’t ever the best thinkers when we have alcohol in us. Staying true to ourselves, we made a rash and rushed decision while we were wasted. That decision being that you and I were gonna have a kid. We thought it was wonderful last night, and got working on it right away. As you know by remembering that we had sex.”

“Wait,” (Y/N) furrowed her brows. “You didn’t?”

“Nope.” Stiles shook his head, knowing she was asking about condoms or not. “You almost mentioned I should, but remembered our whole stupid plan, and then decided against that.”

(Y/N) widened her eyes a bit in shock, “Goddamn it!” She nearly shrieked. “How could we do something like that?”

“Well, (Y/N). You see, when two people-”

She glared at him, pointing her index finger in his direction. “Stiles, I swear to God. You give me some sex talk and I’ll break your neck.”

Stiles closed his mouth, flexing and unflexing his fingers on his thigh. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).” He sounded genuinely sorry, sadness evident in his tone. (Y/N)’s expression softened. “It’s not just your fault, I’m sure, Stiles. I’m sorry too.” (Y/N) stood from the bed, shimmying into her discarded pair of underwear. “We should maybe go get plan B or something, then? Shouldn’t we? Just in case?”

Stiles’ face fell, but he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, sure. I mean. Wouldn’t wanna risk you actually getting pregnant, right?”

(Y/N) sighed, “right.”

Stiles stood from the bed then, pulling on his jeans. He was getting the zipper pulled up when he sighed, turning to look at her. “You know. Maybe you don’t remember what we talked about, and that’s cool but. If it counts at all, I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted a kid. And I don’t think you were either. So, yeah maybe you regret it now but. At the time I think we probably thought it really was a good idea. You know? And I dunno. I would’ve been happy to raise a child with you.”

(Y/N), pulling Stiles shirt off, sighed. “I was serious, too, Stiles. Probably. I mean, I do want a child but. Not like this. Not over a drunken plan with my best friend.” She held out her shirt to him, frowning as she did.

“You know, for the record, which I’ve said too many times today… You were the one who basically came up with this idea.”

(Y/N) frowned, “sorry Stiles.”

The two wound their way through the aisles of the Walgreens down the street from (Y/N)’s apartment, wearing the clothes they’d been wearing yesterday. Their hair was messy from sex and sleep, and they both could use a shower. (Y/N) had spent the entire walk thinking about the events of the last twenty-four hours. Stiles spent the entire walk thinking of what could have been.

“Where the hell could it possibly be hiding?” Stiles whined as they looked down the rows at everything.

“I dunno,” (Y/N) sighed. The two reached an isle that was lined with condoms, pregnancy tests, and - “Aha!” (Y/N) called, grabbing Stiles by the elbow, yanking him down the aisle. Stopping at a glass case, she grunted. “Are you serious?”

“People steal, (Y/N). It’s a bad, bad world out there. Stores have got to protect their expensive merchandise.”

“Shut up,” she sighed. “Can you just go find someone who works here, please? So they can unlock this stupid case and we can get the hell out of here?”

Stiles nodded, “yeah. Sure, (Y/N).”

(Y/N) watched Stiles walk off, turning her attention to the boxes behind the glass, reading them over. As much as she tried, she couldn’t keep her mind from wandering a bit as she stared at the colorful cardboard. Her eyes would roam over to the right where even more colorful cardboard sat. Pregnancy tests.

(Y/N) shuddered a bit, thinking of having to buy one of them. She realized, then, that she would be crushed to have to take one that turned out negative. Which, she would do as way of confirmation that the pill worked a few weeks after taking it, just to be sure.

“Hey,” Stiles said, walking up to her, causing her to jump a bit. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “They’re short staffed today according to the little old lady that was in here yesterday watching me stare at popcorn for too long.” He sighed. “She’ll come over as soon as she’s done with her check out line.”

(Y/N) nodded, biting on her bottom lip as she crossed her arms over herself. “Right.” She didn’t bother turning her head to look at Stiles as she spoke. “You really want a baby?” She asked, tilting her head to the side a little bit, reading over one of the boxes for the ninth time.

“Yes?” Stiles said in a drawn out way, clearing his throat. “I do? Don’t worry about it, I can wait clearly.” He stepped closer to her, looking over the boxes. “What about that one?” He asked pressing his finger to the glass to show which box he was referring to. “It looks trustworthy to do the job. You don’t have to worry about paying, I’ve got it.”

“What about none?” (Y/N) asked, turning finally to look up at him. “I’ve been standing here for a while, waiting for you to get an associate, and. I’ve been thinking. I really do want a baby, and I have for a while. You know?” Stiles nodded.

“And you would be a good father.”

“I would?”

She sighed, “what if our drunken agreement just became like… the agreement?” Stiles eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” (Y/N) pushed on his arm to get him to walk away from the display case. She began leading him out of the aisle and towards another. “We’re not getting any younger. Right? And you’ve got your life figured out, don’t you?” Stiles nodded. “I’ve got mine mostly put together, and I��m happy where I am. We’re basically like family anyway, aren’t we?”

“We are?”

“So, lets just do it, Stiles.”

He shook his head, “you’re not serious?”

“I am.” She said, stopping the two of them in the liquor aisle. She picked up a bottle of vodka, holding it out to him. “Say you will.” “Will what?”

“Get me pregnant.”

Stiles widened his eyes, stammering a bit before taking the bottle from her. “I will. Say you will.”

“Will what?”

“Have a baby with me.”

“I will,” (Y/N) said with a smile.

Stiles pulled her into a hug, holding her around the shoulders to press her against him. “Thank you, (Y/N).” He said with a smile, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thank you too, Stiles.”

He let her go, looking down at the vodka bottle. “What’s this for though?”

“How else do you expect me to end up in bed with you?” (Y/N) asked with a wink, heading down to find juice.

“If I remember right you seemed to enjoy it just fine last night.”

(Y/N) let out a loud laugh, holding up two bottles of juice. “I was also drunk last night, Stilinski. I would’ve liked anyone. Don’t flatter yourself.”

Stiles pointed at one of the two juice options, trying not to smile. “You’re looking to do it again, though. Could just have faith that the first time took and leave it there.”

(Y/N) set the other bottle down, “where’s the fun in that?”

“So you admit it was fun, then?” Stiles asked, taking the juice they chose from her, holding it under his arm, the bottle of vodka firmly gripped in his hand. “Would it make your day if I said yes?”

Stiles nodded. “Then no.” (Y/N) winked, poking his ribs playfully, heading for the checkout counter. “Let’s just hope that I don’t put myself through this for nothing.”

“Through what?”

“Sleeping with you.”

Stiles rolled his eyes, setting the items down. “Let’s just stop pretending like you don’t want to.”

(Y/N) made a face, mocking him a bit. She smacked his hand away, offering her ID and debit card to the woman at the register. “Thank you.” She said, taking the bag from the woman. The two walked out, (Y/N) holding the bag out to Stiles to carry.

“You know,” (Y/N) hooked her arm around Stiles arm, leaning against him a little. “I’m remembering more and more of what happened last night. Are you sure you even slept with me? Cause, I don’t think I remember feeling anything?”

“Ouch,” Stiles groaned. “You’re in a particularly rude mood today.”

“Hate sex is the best kind of sex, Stiles. Just tryna get you mad.” She struggled not to laugh. “Since we’re trying to conceive should I start calling you daddy in bed? Really get you in the right head space?”

He choked on his own saliva, stopping in his tracks. “Would you stop?” He asked, cheeks flushed. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Don’t act like you don’t already know.”

Stiles shook his head, taking a deep breath, starting to walk again. “I know the thought of sleeping with me while sober is truly disgusting (Y/N), but. I read an article once, I think, that was discussing a study that showed alcohol use can actually lower your chances of conceiving.”

(Y/N) looked up at him, raising her eyebrows. “Really? You know, I think I read that in one of my medical journals somewhere. Maybe we should scrap the vodka today, just. Go at it uninhibited.”

Stiles shrugged, “your choice.”

“Looks like I’m gonna have to remember every second of today’s suffering.”

Stiles kicked his shoes off by the door while (Y/N) removed her jacket, watching her walk further into her apartment. “Should I make us breakfast or something? I’m sure you’ve got something in your kitchen I can throw together as actual meal.”

“No, Stiles. I think I wanna get another round in before I make you leave and order too much Chinese food for one person.”

“Another round?”

“Think about it.” (Y/N) muttered, putting her cell phone on the charger by her couch.

“OH!” Stiles made a mock shocked face at her. “(Y/N), I can’t believe you.” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, you can, Stiles. So.” She rest her hands on her hips, looking him over. “How do we start all of this?” She indicated towards him with her chin.

Stiles took a deep breath, resting his hands on his hips as well, mimicking her stance. “Well, (Y/N). Generally we get undressed, either on our own or with each others help. But that’s if you’re feeling particularly inclined, and usually that’s done while sloppily kissing. That’s often times followed by foreplay before -”

(Y/N) groaned loudly, “you knew what I meant Stiles! I know how to have sex, you dickhead! It hasn’t even been 12 hours since the last time!”

Stiles licked his lips, smiling a little. “Well, then why’d you ask how we start it?”

(Y/N) rolled his eyes, “I don’t know how you go about fucking your best friend for no other purpose than to have a child with him.”

“How’s this?” Stiles closed the space between them, grabbing her hard by her hips, pulling her flush against him. One hand stayed on her hips while the other went to cup her cheek, their lips pressing together in a firm kiss.

(Y/N) pulled away from the kiss, keeping her body against his. “A solid start, I’d think.”

Stiles chuckled and released her hip and cheek, reaching down to pick her up by her thighs, attaching his lips to hers, carrying her towards the bed again. “Deja vu.” He muttered when he set her down on the edge of the bed.

“Mhmm,” (Y/N) said, already busying herself with getting his jeans unbottoned. “Lets not do that thing where you talk a lot.”

Stiles went to retort but felt her hand reach into his boxers, and suddenly he forgot what words were.

Tags: @ellie-bee242, @redstringlovers, @lovefilledtragedy, @behind-my-hazeleyes27, @sumcp, @cuillere, @daddyxraeken, @omgimafuckingmermaid

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