#anyway if accomplished nothing else today maybe that dog will have a fighting chance at dissolving some stones. MAYBE

[desperatepleasures]

biggest accomplishment of today was turning a word doc into a slightly different word doc second biggest accomplishment was possibly convincing someone who has a dog with bladder stones to actually try prescription food instead of trying to make the food at home

[escapetodreamworld]

I’ll protect you. Angie x fem!reader

Request: Can you write a one shot where reader saves Angie from the Collins? Requested by anon.

Words 4,259

Warnings: Angst Hurt/Comfort Character's we don’t care about die.

Thank you to the groupchat, we really do share a mind sometimes, you'll know what I'm talking about. There's also i little nod at the end about something we talked about.

A special thank you @arewecoolio who helped me a lot with this story. Thank you for hyping me up when I thought this was going to be a terrible fic, thank for giving me tips to help it run more smoothly. Ily.

You didn't even think twice when your powerful hearing picked up on her cries. You pushed yourself off your knees where you were scrubbing the tile floors, and sprinted as fast as you could through the manor. You finally reached the servants quarters, and didn't bother knocking on her door, barging right in. What you see makes your heartbreak and anger rise and burn in your throat.

Angelique’s curled into a ball sitting on the floor in between her bed and dresser. Tears rolling down her face, as a big bruise forms on her cheek, dried stream of her blood running from her lip down her chin.

You enter her room, closing the door behind you, you take a few steps towards Angelique before stopping. You drop to your knees and crawl the last couple feet towards her, stopping a foot away. Angelique hasn't acknowledged your presents, so you're careful not to touch her, you don't want to scare her.

"Angelique." You say softly, trying to get her attention. She continues to stare ahead, straight through you. "Angie, please, talk to me." You try again, voice cracking. You used your nickname for her, hoping it will snap her out of her trance.

She continues to stare at nothing, after a few moments of silence she speaks, so quiet that someone with normal hearing would have had a hard time understanding it.

"Master Collins caught me staring at Barnabas"

"Is that why you got that bruise? Because you stared at his son." You ask, your voice so low it comes out more as a growl. Angelique nods. "Angie, you can't keep doing this, the man is going to get you killed." You explain, hoping she finally listens to you. She doesn't.

"I just need to get his parents out of the way, then we can be together." She says, completely ignoring what you said. She stands up eruptly, moving through her room, grabbing a spell book from her hiding place. she turns back to you, her bruise and dried blood gone from her face. "Cover for me?" She asks.

You want to say "No way!" Tell her he's not worth it, tell her she's not thinking clearly. But you don't, you just nod your head. She grins and leaves the room, leaving you completely alone. Just like every other time she ditches you for Barnabas. You used to be inseparable, always following each other around, well you followed Angelique around. But there wasn't a day you weren't together. 

At least until Barnabas Collins started showing interest in Angelique, after that, they were always sneaking around, doing things that could get Angie beaten if anyone found out. And you had to just sit there, praying the day they get caught would never come. A small part of yourself, hopes they do get caught, because then Angie would have to stop seeing him, and spend time with you again. You hate that part of yourself.

You admitted to yourself a long time ago that your feelings for Angie went way beyond friendship. Many times you catch yourself watching Angie while she watches Barnabas. Wishing she'd look at you like that. That intense stare, following wherever he goes.

It makes your blood boil knowing he doesn't love her, he only uses her, and Angie is to blind with love to see it. If they ever got caught, nothing would happen to him, he would go about his life like nothing happened, never sparing Angelique another thought.

And his parents, they would see that Angelique disappeared, you'd never see her again. And it would be all his fault, all because he was a man whore. The time that they get caught will come sooner or later. Angelique's right, his parents have to go. It's the only way she'll be safe. You can't wait for Angie to find a way, it could take days, weeks even, and the chances of getting caught are higher every day. You have to help her, you can't stand the thought of never seeing her again.

You sit there, on Angie's floor, trying to think of ways to ensure Angie's safety. There's only one thing that comes to mind, and you hate it, it disgusts you, makes you feel ill, but it's the only way, you'll have to kill them yourself, tonight. during the full moon.

Rising from the floor, you leave to find master Collins and lady Collins. It's getting dark, and the full moon is starting to rise. And every night master and lady Collins take an evening stroll. Everything's coming together perfectly. You would never do what you're about to do, but it's for Angie, you tell yourself. You hide in the trees near the manor, all you have to do is wait. And try not to chicken out.

 The moon finally reaches peak position, you realize with dread. You step further into the shadows, letting the transformation take its hold on you. You've learned not to fight it, it only hurts if you do. After a few moments it's done, your legs and feet are longer and you're covered in hair.

A noise alerts you to two people approaching. the Collins on their walk, You  crouch down to not alert their dog, and wait for them to get closer. Oddly before they can get close enough, a giant seahorse gargoyle falls onto them, killing them. You stand there, shocked before realizing Angelique must have found a way of getting rid of them. You run further into the wood, knowing the sound that statue made will make a servant or two investigate.

By the morning when you transform back into your human form, everyone knows of master and lady Collins passing. On your way to bed you're practically tackled by Angelique, she throws her arms around you. You're surprised but hug her back, when she finally pulls away she drags you into her room. 

"Where were you last night? I came to your room last night to tell you something important but you weren't there." Angelique asks. Worried.

"Oh, I was out again, you know, watching the stars and full moon. I fell asleep out there again." You lie. You're a terrible liar but you know how to distract Angie so she forgets about it. "What did you have to tell me?" You ask quickly when it looked like Angelique was going to comment on your lie.

It works. Angie forgets, she immediately starts grinning. "I did it, I killed them." She whispers, so proud of what she's accomplished.

"I thought you might've had something to do with that accident." You say, even though you knew she had everything to do with it. Her grin gets wider.

"This means Barnabas and I can be together." She says, excitedly. Your heart drops, you forgot why she wanted them gone, so she could continue sleeping with Barnabas. Your heartbreaks, you don't hear what Angie's saying, it all sounds underwater to you. But you do notice that she starts to leave, practically skipping to the door. She turns around to say something else to you before she leaves.

"Oh, and (y/n), maybe don't fall asleep outdoors anymore. There could be werewolves." She says, jokingly. Before smiling and leaving you alone in her room once again. Her joke ringing in your ears, you never told her what you were. You didn't want her to know, the thought of her ever seeing you in that ugly form disgusts you. You feel bad for hiding it, but it's for the best.

Despite two of the Collins dying, everything continues on like normal, do your chores, then do whatever you want as long as you're not in the Collins family's way. Of course, it's only Barnabas now. Which means more freedom, but it comes at a price, that price for you is you never see Angie, and when you do all she does is complain that Barnabas isn't spending time with her. You want to be annoyed, but at least you're seeing her when she's complaining.

That's how it goes for weeks, only seeing her when she complains to you about Barnabas not sleeping with her. You're getting mad about it, all she does is tell you how she threw herself at him again and he just sends her away. But today is different.

She storms into your room while you're reading, she's angry, something about seeing Barnabas with some girl. How they were kissing and confessing their love for each other, you know Barnabas told Angie he didn't love her, you can see how mad Angie is. It makes you angry, but not for the reason she wants.

"Maybe you should just let him be happy, he clearly loves this girl." You snap, you couldn't hold it in anymore. All that anger is finally coming out.

"Excuse me! I tell you he's cheating on me and your suggestion if I let him!" Angelique yells, her anger now focusing on you. You don't care, you're going to say what needs to be said anyways.

"He's not cheating on you! He was never courting you! He was just using you, and you let him!" You yelled, frustrated. Why couldn't she just see that he doesn't love her.

"Whose side are you on?" She asks, angrily. You growl and grit out "yours" "are you sure? Cause it sounds like you don't care about me." She says, and that weakens you. Your shoulders slump, and you try your best to take deep breaths, releasing all your anger.

Once you've calmed down you address her. "I'm sorry Angie, I do care about you. It's just, miss you, i never see you anymore." You say sadly, look down at your hands, hoping she accepts your apology. 

You hear her sigh, and feel her hand on your face, lifting your head up  to look at her. Once you look at her she rubs her thumb over your cheek. You close your eyes, relaxing into her touch. "I am sorry too, you must have felt abandoned. I promise not to do it again. I just need to figure out how to get rid of this whore that's trying to take Barnabas away from me." She says, still rubbing circles in your cheek. 

"I don't know Ang, push her off a cliff." You say, not really thinking about it, still caught up in the feeling and her warm hand on your face. But when she stops drawing patterns in your face, you open your eyes. Angelique has a wicked grin on her face, you've never seen her like this before, it scares you.

"You're a genius, my dear." She says, and you blush at the praise and pet name. But before you can say anything, she's withdrawing her hands and walks away. Once again leaving you. You sit there, staring at the door, you can't believe it happened again. She left you again, after promising. You close your door and cry.

You don't leave your room for two days, And no one checks on you. You know you'll have to leave your room before tonight, you can't risk changing into a werewolf while in the manor. But you stay in bed till you know you can't wait any longer, finally you sneak out, towards the servants staircase. But when you hear people on the stairwell, you quickly decide you don't want to see anyone and get asked questions, so you turn on your heels, heading for the main stairwell. 

You hear a commotion from below, it sounds like a man shouting. You peer over the railing, listening to what was happening. You can't see anyone but you can hear them. 

"You're a wretched woman, you're vile and evil, you killed the woman I love, you cursed me to be this monster, and you have the audacity to try and place your lips upon me!" You hear Barnabas shout, and he finally comes onto view. You're shocked by what you see, Barnabas is paler than you've ever thought possible, his fingernails are longer and sharper, almost like yours when you change. And the most terrifying part about him, he's covered in blood. "What did you do Angie?" You whisper to yourself.

You see Angelique following after him, a frown on her face, she grabs Barnabas's arm, spinning him to look at her. "Don't you see, I did this for us. So we could finally be together." She says, touching his face. Just like she did with you. A growl tries to escape your throat, you clasp your hands over your mouth. You realize in horror that you stayed too long, that the moon has risen. Backing away from the railing you hunch over, transforming, you try to stop it, hold it off just a little longer, but it's too strong.

Suddenly you hear a crash coming from below. Rushing back to the railing you see Angelique crumbled on the floor, on the complete opposite side of the room, from where she stood earlier. Barnabas slowly approaches, glaring down at Angelique, it's clear what happened, Barnabas threw her off of himself.

Barnabas lifts Angie up by her throat, you can see her struggling to breathe. And the next thing you know you're running full speed towards the two of them, slamming into Barnabas. You and him go tumbling to the floor, you hear Angie drop to the floor behind you, coughing and gasping for air.

You and Barnabas get up quickly, he stares at you in shock, you glare back. Your tense, ready to attack, "(y/n)? What has this witch done to you?" Barnabas asks, looking you over, deeply concerned about the state you're in. He reaches out to touch You, you growl and he pulls back. You can hear the coughing subside behind you, then a strained voice. 

"(Y/n)?" Angelique says, shock clear in her voice, despite how rough it was. You send Barnabas another glare before turning to Angelique, dropping to your knees before her. 

"Angie, are you alright?" You ask, carefully reaching to touch the bruising on her neck. You ignore Angie's eyes burning into your face, and focus on searching her for broken bones.

You touch her wrist, feeling for breaks. Angelique clasps her hand around your wrist, not painful, just enough to get your attention. you look at her, and you wish you could look away. "Why didn't you tell me?" her eyes bore into you so intensely, almost searching your very soul for the information she wants.

"I, I didn't want you to see me like this." You say, finally breaking eye contact. Staring at her bruises instead, until the familiar feeling of her hand on your cheek pulls you back in.

"I could have helped you." She says sadly, eyes showing the hurt she feels. You shake your head, pulling her hand away. "No spell can fix me Angie, you know that." You tell her, crying. Saddened by her concern for you. Stepping away from her, you turn back to Barnabas.

Barnabas was still standing there, watching your interaction. You send him another glare as you slowly advance on him. You can see the concern in his eyes, concern for his safety. He starts talking, rambling about what Angie did, how she deserves to burn for her crimes. You strike, your back hand to his face sends him into the wall. You ignore the gasp you hear coming from Angelique. You advance on him again, this time, once he gets back up, the fear in his eyes is gone, replaced with hate and determination.

He charges at you, and you're in a fight of teeth and claws, both trying to rip the other apart. You'll be damned if he's the survivor of the battle, you'll be the one winning this, even if it means Angelique never looks at you again, at least she'll be safe. 

Barnabas throws a nasty punch to your stomach and in your moment of weakness, he grabs you, throwing you across the room. You hit the floor, sliding, you use your claws on the tile to slow you down, the sound is terrible but it stops you from hitting the wall behind you. Your back up, running at Barnabas, he charges you too, you leap up, striking in from the air. The blow causes him to be knocked over. You are on him, hands wrapped under his neck, trying to get it to break. He shoves you off, pushing you away a few feet, you run back towards him, only to get kicked. Thrown into the statue pillar, a sickening crack is heard and you're not sure if it came from you of the statue, too disoriented to tell.

 You struggle to your feet when you hear Barnabas approaching, but he's next to you before you can, lifting you into the air by your throat. You struggle, trying to pry his hands away with your own, kicking him. You know the kicks hurt but he stays strong, choking you out. "I'm sorry about this (y/n)" he says, remorsefully, squeezing tighter. It's become very hard to see, you really just want to close your eyes. You can barely make out the scream coming from somewhere in the room.

"ENOUGH!"

Suddenly you drop to the floor, pain shooting through your knees from the impact, you gasp for air, struggling to inhale any. Your vision slowly comes back, you're able to see Barnabas, floating in mid air struggling to get out of the invisible hold he's in. You continue taking deep breaths, focusing your very limited vision on Barnabas, worried he'll drop at any second.

You flinch when you feel someone touch you, you jerk away from the touch, only to be pulled back into it. The smell of vanilla, and the unmistakable stench of magic hit your nose, you relax into it. Welcoming the touch you've been pulled into. You finally take your eyes off Barnabas, and focus on Angie. Taking in the tears on her cheeks, and the slight quiver of her lip.

"You idiot, you almost got killed, why should you do something so stupid?" Angelique asks, furiously. But you can see the concern all over her face. You smile, sheepishly. "You're welcome." Angie didn't like that answer, not one bit. Glaring at you, her way of saying "Don't joke." You stop smiling, You clear your throat, wincing in pain when you do. Angelique frowns, moving her hand over your throat, barely grazing it, you flinch when you feel it, causing her to pull back slightly.

Angelique carefully moves her hand back towards you, keeping eye contact. You don't flinch when she touches you this time, your neck feels tingly, then the pain in your throat is gone. "Now, tell me why you thought fighting a vampire was a good idea." Angie says, sternly. removing her hand from your throat.

"He hurt you, I couldn't stand by and watch him choke you to death." You explain to her, causing Angie to sigh.  "So you thought you'd kill him. Sweetie, that's not like you." Angie says, running her hand through your messy hair, you wince when she touches a spot on the back of your head, both of you realizing you must have hit it, Angelique starts healing it. "I would do it for you, I would have killed his parents that night if you didn't beat me to it." You say, revealing that information caused Angelique to frown.

"You were going to kill Barnabas's parents for me? Why would you do something like that for me?" Angie asks, her brows scrunching in confusion. "Why are you so willing to hurt people or get hurt for me?" She questioned, and you realize this is the best opportunity to tell her.

"I would do anything for you, I love you." You tell Angelique, looking at every little detail on her face, memorizing it. When you meet her eyes you shiver, she's looking at you the way she does Barnabas, that intense possessive stare, the look you always wished was directed at you. You can help looking at her lips, Angie notices, her lips forming into a smirk.

She uses the hand still holding the back of your head to slowly pull your head towards hers, you're so excited, you're about to kiss the girl you've been dreaming about. But before you can press your lips to hers, you remember something and pull back. It confuses Angelique, but you quickly explain.

"My teeth are a lot sharper in this form, I could hurt you." You tell her, showing her your sharpened teeth. She looks at them and laughs. "I'll be careful." She says, leaning back into. You pull back again. "That's great but I might forget and cut you. Maybe we should wait till the sun rises?" You say, glancing towards the window. Angie pouts but nods, understanding your concern.

"Thank gods, I didn't want to see that disgusting display" you hear Barnabas growl. Angie's and your heads snap up to Barnabas, glaring daggers. You growl back but Angie acts quick, Barnabas is slammed into the ground, the tile shattering upon his impact. He's then thrown into the wall opposite the two of you, and finally he's positioned again in the spot he was hanging from earlier, his unconscious body above you.

Your eyes are brought back to Angie by the always familiar hand on your cheek, you lean against her hand, a content sigh leaving your lips. Angie smiles at you. "I love you." She whispers, kissing your cheek, very close to your lips. You're so happy, but one fear looms over you, along with his body.

"What are you going to do about Barnabas?" You ask Angie, you're deeply worried about her response. Her soft smile turns into a wicked grin, the same one you witnessed after telling her to push that girl off a cliff, it's worries you but gives you hope at the same time.

"I think the town's people would be very interested in knowing about our local vampire." She says, eyes wild. She grins at you then sneers at Barnabas's body.

The plan was simple. Angie tells the town's people about Barnabas, leads the angry mob to the manor, and you stay hidden so no one sees you, and she'll be back to you by sunrise. So far it's went well, they came for Barnabas dragging him out of the house, you've been hiding in Angie's spell room, the one place no one can find, unless Angie wants them to find it. The sun is almost risen, you'll turn back soon, but Angie isn't here yet. You're worried, what if Barnabas told everyone she was a witch and they believed him, what if he broke free and killed her. What if she just doesn't want to come back to you.

You've paced the room for what feels like forever, worrying yourself into a panic. You're about to sneak upstairs to see if there's any sign of Angie when you hear footsteps echo down the stone steps. The latch on the door clicks open and the door swings open, Angie strides in, a smirk plastered on her face. She closes the door behind her with a flick of her wrist. 

"I'm sorry, those idiots wanted to try stoning him first, they didn't realize it would work, finally, they decided to bury him deep in the woods in a chained up coffin." She explains, washing the dirt from her hands in a wash bowl. "I marked the place he was buried, just to make sure we remember and so no one can unearth him." She continues saying.

You've listened silently, just content on watching her. You're so relieved she's back, safe, not one scorch mark on her. She turns around, catching you staring, she smirks and winks at you. You blush at being caught. Angelique stalks towards you, like she's hunting her prey. As she reaches you the sunlight shines through the window, basking the room in a golden color, all you can think about is how beautiful the color makes Angie look. But her grin makes you know she's thinking something very different.

Angie reaches out, grabbing your skirts pulling you closer to her, you gasp at the feeling of her body pressing against yours. Angie leans in to whisper something in your ear. "As cute as you look in the other form, this one's my favorite." She says, then kisses below your ear.

You gasp, both at the feeling of her lips and breathe on your ear and because you forgot what the sunrise meant. You're human again. You pull back so you can see Angie's face, and you can tell she can't hold off anymore. You lean forward, and Angie surges forwards meeting your lips, it doesn't take long for a whimper to leave your lips, but Angie swallows it, pressing further into you.

It's bliss, pure bliss, you've never been happier than in this moment, and you know, it'll feel like this for a very long time to come. You'll do anything to keep Angie happy, and in the following centuries, you do just that. Sure Angie is happy with you, your relationship hasn't lost any if it's intensity or love. But you're in love with a devious little witch, and she thinks it's fun to mess with the Collins family, she even asks you to help sometimes, so when she begs and seduces you into going to bite the Collins kid. You do it.

[indiguus]

first lines of last 20

@stellarm tagged me. i got a feeling it'll be a bunch of very short simple sentences for first lines. 😅 btw, i'm skipping those ficlet collections. guidelines: list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all.) choose your favorite opening line, tag some friends!

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20. why don't you kiss me? [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] After months of hellish training and strict diet, Buck got into the best shape of his life. And more importantly, he got his spot on the LAFD firefighter calendar. Some might think it vain but he felt accomplished -- challenging himself and succeeding with discipline he didn't even know he was capable of. Nobody could take this victory away from him.

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19. floating [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] "I'm going on a coffee break!" yelled Buck, without turning his head as he stepped out of the tent.

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18. speeding [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] It was a small sip of wine that Buck almost choked on. If it was to happened it would be a great deal more embarrassing than getting choked by a piece of bread. And yet across from him, Maddie reacted like this was well within the confine of her expected outcomes when those words left her lips.

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17. fighting [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] It was a regular medical call for the 118. Hen & Chim was treating a woman for dehydration and what appeared to be a severe migraine attack. Buck was distracting the woman's 5 year-old daughter trying to keep her calm.

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16. feasting [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] "Mi querido, Evan!" Buck was spotted the moment he walked and immediately got pulled into a tight hug, as the restaurant owner ambled over to him. Without missing a beat, he guided Isabel over to a nearby empty booth to sit down, with a hand on her elbow and settled himself opposite her.

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15. cleaning [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] Buck wasn't a sloppy guy. He put a lot of effort into keeping his apartment clean and comfortable, because after a 24-hour shift he would like a clean bed with fresh sheets to pass out in. Or maybe a comfortable couch with no crumbs to pass out on after 6 hours of Fortnite.

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14. soaring [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] Evan Buckley did not like to fly. No matter what the statistics said, he did not feel comfortable stuck in a metal tube floating thousands of feet above the ground.

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13. Can we not rewrite our history? [9-1-1, Eddie/Buck] "What the fuck are you doing here?" Buck growled low, once everyone else cleared out of the locker room after Bobby introduced Eddie to the team, with Buck's back facing outward and his head seemingly stuffed into his own locker.

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12. ko `u `uhane [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] "Could you tell the story again please, Danno? Pleeeeeeeeease?" Even with Danny's resolve, it was impossible to give in to Grace's pleading accompanied by her earnest stare.

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11. Quiet [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] In contrast to Danny, Steve didn't make much noise. He wasn't quiet but neither was he talkative. Utilitarian, one might even categorize Steve as when it came to spoken words – unless he was arguing with Danny. In the physicality sense, Steve carried himself with a feline grace gliding between spaces without making much sound. And when he stood up to or someone, he would become a towering 12-feet thick steel reinforced concrete wall – imposing, unmovable, and most of all silent.

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10. The Menace [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] If anyone asked, Danny had a well rehearsed presentation about his partner completed with visual aids if required.

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9. Solus [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] Car ride with Danny was many things -- entertaining, frustrating, or aggravating. Boring though, it never was. Nor was it ever quiet.

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8. Boxed [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] It took Steve hours after the fact to realize. There was a game on the TV for background noise, as Steve sat down to process the day's events while having a Hapa Brown Ale. It was unfair to compare the hand-to-hand combat skills between Danny and him, but Danny could fight with the best of them and Steve had unadulterated faith in Danny having his back. Normally Steve would be too engaged in subduing other perps to observe Danny, though today was different.

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7. Agreement [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] Freddie tilted his head back eagerly exposing more of his neck to Danny, silently begging for lips, tongue and teeth, at the same time Danny's two well-lubed fingers breached him. It was a deftly practised dance for them, this familiar foreplay. With the tip of his tongue, Danny traced the often traveled path from clavicle up to earlobe humming softly while savoring the salty tang of Freddie's skin.

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6. Frayed [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] His body and his story keep moving forward. There is no stopping or slowing down. However that inhale of air filled with slightly spicy musk has been locked away in the sensory vault in the deepest recess of his mind. That moment in time, a pair of strong arms embracing him before he left the tiny motel room, propels him forward and gives him the will to survive.

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5. When I Climb the Stairs and Turn the Key [Stargate SG-1 & Stargate Atlantis, Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard] "I'm too old for this shit," Jackson muttered from his crouched position behind a nearby boulder. Cam shot him an exasperated look while spears, arrows and darts continued to rain down on them. Because Jackson always said things like that - how he should do more research and fewer front line missions, but at the first mention of a Maya-like civilization, he jumped on-board immediately. All previous declarations conveniently forgotten. So, the chance of him ever feeling too old for field trips through the gate was slim to none.

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4. Proximity [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] Danny rants. It's an irrefutable truth like humans need oxygen to survive. Danny rants and complains like nobody Steve has ever met. Danny even rants about things that not necessarily bother him but he does it anyway just because he can. To dissect and discern which ones really matter, is something Steve has learned early on.

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3. More Than Three [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] "Seriously?" Steve grunted in mild frustration, trying to lock his face down to military blank because he didn't need more names to his expressions. He didn't have faces.

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2. Faded Memories [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] Swallowing down the rest of his beer, Steve set the empty bottle on the bar top behind him without looking, his attention homed in on the blond across the empty dance floor. It was early evening on a Wednesday, and this man was the best in the club at the moment -- not that he wouldn't stand out in a full house on a Saturday night. A good half foot shorter than Steve, the man's shirt might be covering his skin, at the same time it enhanced the display of his musculature.

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1. Downward Dog [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny] Danny's hiding something. Steve is sure of it. He's certain it's nothing to be paranoid about because he knows Danny, trusts him implicitly; but the thing is, Danny's hiding something.

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tagging: @tari-aldarion, @agentlemuse, and @finduilasclln.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #460

“i let it fall - my heart  /  and as it fell, you rose to claim it”

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived? We have a tradition of opening one of the smaller presents on Christmas Eve. If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose? PANTS. I need new pants BADLY. What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc? It really depends on why I was crying and how hard. Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term? Old survey. I really thought he'd be assassinated more than any other president, honestly. Last time you felt suicidal? A couple weeks ago, but they were only passive thoughts. Last time you had butterflies? Sometime today, thinking about things. Biggest asshole you know? Some relative of my sister's in-laws' is so fucking rude. Literally no one likes him, but because he's family, he comes to events, anyway. Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them? No. What song did you last listen to? I'm listening to No Resolve's cover of "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele. I have seriously been into rock/metal covers lately. Ever ridden in a police car? Yes. That's how they transport you from the ER to psych hospitals here. Ever witnessed a murder? JESUS, no. Have you ever lied under oath? No. Have you ever failed a subject before? I failed Algebra I during my last college attempt. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? Noooo. I wouldn't. I want tarantulas, which are venomous (the potency ranging from what side of the world they come from), but even the worst of their venoms isn't fatal. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Yes. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Yeah. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? It's possible, idk. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? None, I think? When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I use a mouse. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? BOY THAT WOULD SUCK Have you ever been tempted to steal? No. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Moonwatcher. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself? Mom, walking to her bedroom after a shower. Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? Pyramid Head from the Silent Hill franchise. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? When I'm driving, no music. I can't focus. Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I'd LOVE a sphinx. I doubt I'm ever getting rats or dogs again, but I do think they're cute. Females, anyway. I'm sorry but hairless male animals are just laksdjfk;lajdwkl;wj for obvious reasons. All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? J, T, D, S. What did you and your ex fight about most? "The" ex, uhhhh... I don't really know. We didn't fight a lot. Don’t you love long hugs? YEAH especially if I'm crying or just in general need comfort. And long kisses? If we're serious and the timing is right, yeah. Have you ever purchased condoms? No. Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No previous ones, no. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. Even I wasn't THAT low. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. My guilty conscience would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? No, and you're fucking garbage if you have. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm humiliated to tell people I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? omfg NO. I would absolutely pull over sobbing, move the animal to the side of the road, and hopefully there will be some wildflowers nearby to rest on it. I'd call whoever picks up roadkill, too. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Take me out to Olive Garden like a basic white bitch & feed me spicy shrimp fritas and u have approximately a 90% chance of getting laid. :eyes emoji: What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Ohhhh I know there's one, but I'm blanking. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? That is like an impossible question. There are so many possible, epic adventures. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? Yup, in the past. Like shut the fuck up, are you the one dating them???? Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? I've done this many, many times. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Idk, there's a lot of people I know like that. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Fall in love. Nothing matches that feeling to me. What would you rate 10/10? markerplayer What do you hope never changes? My resilience. I never want to give up when something knocks me down. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? UM THAT IS MY MOTHER Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to? Girt. Like. Now. But I'm waiting until I actually see him again. This needs to be said to his face. Where is the person you have feelings at right now? He's maybe asleep or just waking up? I don't actually know his exact hours and I know they alternate, but I think he primarily works the night shift at his job? Are you happy with your relationship status? I'm not anymore. I want to be with ^ like very badly. When did you last cry? What for? Today. I'm terrified of loving someone again in the fear of getting very hurt or plain traumatized again. Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? No. When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone? I usually hate questions that assume I can see the future, but I can tell you I plan to whenever I see He Who I've Mentioned a Gazillion Times In Today's Survey Spam. Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently? My dad, in the past. Not currently. What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself? If you wanna count hospital stays, like... a month? Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like? I've been made fun of online once because of my weight. The insult never left me. Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like? No. It's awful. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?” What a dick move. Some people don't like hugs. Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. Anyway, no. I hate my legs WAY too much. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? My sister's in-laws and her husband. Who has your heart? I'm never giving that to another person again. I've got it. But to answer the general question that's being asked, I've fallen like head over heels for Girt. Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I think it's pretty... I don't know the right word. It just seems immoral to me? Especially when you start cloning things with an actual conscience. I can see a lot of problems arising from it. Are you impatient with really shy people? Well no, given I'm one of 'em. Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? Throughout. What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently? Recently? Idk. Would you ever get a fashion mullet? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mullets are so ugly alsdkfj;aljdl;jwe Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? Isn't it historical, documented fact he was a living person? Even if that is true though, I don't believe in his "miracles." Do you believe in spiritual gifts? No. Do you believe in callings? No. If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? UM hell yeah. Pls take pictures of me that help me believe I'm even just 0.001% pretty.

[my-personal-writing-wonderland]

You truly are something else

Part 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Pairing: Sandor Clegane x reader

Warnings: self doubts, one or two slightly sexual references and Joffrey being Joffrey in the future chapters

Summary: You’re the younger sister of Margaery Tyrell and you accompany her to Kingslanding. Since you are a child you feel inferior to your sister and the fact that she is about to get married once again doesn’t really help to build your self-confidence. You dream of a man who loves you for who you are and makes you feel special but are you able to find love in a city reigned by a tyrant like Joffrey?

A/n: This is my first game of thrones series, so I hope it’s alright. There will probably be five or six chapters. Sandor is likely to be very ooc, so please be gracious.

Important: Sandor didn’t leave Kingslanding during the battle of blackwater in this story.

(Pictures aren’t mine)

Your POV:

What did this stupid man think he’s doing? Interrupting your conversation as if the kings guard (which name you still sadly don’t know) didn’t even exist. If there is something you truly hate it’s noble man looking down at others only because they aren’t as high born as them. Finally, you had the chance to talk to someone who seems interesting. Someone who’s different than the rest and doesn’t seem to care about all the superficialities the others around you seem to love so much… and than this over confident lord had to interrupt you two. Normally, you would have smiled it off like the noble lady you are but for some reasons, you couldn’t hold yourself back this time.

No matter how important it is for your house, you will never marry someone as self-righteous as him.

Sandors POV:

The next few days Sandor catches himself admiring you from afar. He immediately notices you beside your sister. You look stunning to him no matter what you are wearing. You’re beautiful in a natural way, without styled hair or extraordinary jewellery. Without even talking to you he learned much about your personality. One day he catches you walking around the halls when a young male servant, maybe 15 or 16 years old, walks past you, trips and accidentally spilled some wine over your dress.

The boy is beyond frightened, knowing the punishment if this happened with Joffrey or Cersei would be severe. But you just laugh, see it with humour and guarantee the poor boy that it’s fine, you will just change your dress. The servant can’t even believe that he won’t be punished for what happened and apologized as well as thanked you again and again, even after you told him it’s really fine and no problem at all.

He saw how kind hearted you were to the servants. You always thank your handmaiden and the others around you like it’s the most natural thing to do, like everyone treats their footman like that.

Once again he realizes you truly are something else. Not that it matters, right? There is no way you would be interested in someone like him. A guard dog with nothing to offer. House Clegane isn’t wealthy or powerful. It’s a house only born to serve.

Your POV:

Today you are forced to have dinner with Margaery and the king. There is nothing you would rather avoid than spending time with this spoiled child. You have no idea how your sister can listen to him all day, the little time you had to spend with him during your stay in Kingslanding was more than enough for you. But you can’t just say no to a king, a cruel unpredictable one nonetheless.

So you make your way to the gardens where you’re supposed to meet them. You’re not surprised to spot the Hound next to the king, as loyal and observing as ever.

The last few days you noticed he spends his free time without any company. Every time he doesn’t stand next to the king, he is alone. The thought he could be lonely makes you sad. You wish you had the chance to approach him but your grandmother and brother kept you rather busy the last few days, mostly talking about engagement offers from some lords and knights. But you don’t want a man who rather sends your family an offer than talking to you in person. Are really all man this pathetic?

Speaking of pathetic, during the dinner Joffrey makes it his duty to put you down with hurtful remarks.

‘Say (y/n), how is it possible that your sister already had a marriage and now marries again while you’re still alone. Isn’t it embarrassing for you that you bring shame over your whole house?’

'If you continue to eat so much it’s no surprise you will never get a husband. You’re lucky your family is wealthy, otherwise you would never find a man.’

'Your sister told me your grandmother already tried to marry you off. I bet she would be glad to finally find a man desperate enough to marry you. I mean he would have to live with you while having your more beautiful sister right next to him. That’s a shame for every man. Luckily for me, I’m a king. I’m able to demand to get the pretty sister and no one can say something against it.’

All you wanted to do is cry but with all your power you try to hold the tears in. But according to Joffreys stupid smirk your face shows exactly how he makes you feel.

Hurt. Angry. Embarrassed.

Who does he think he is? Being a king shouldn’t give him the right to talk to you like that. You would love to slap some sense into this stupid brat and scream your opinion right in his face but you know you and your family would suffer for an outburst like that. So you stay silent and try your best to endure his hurtful words, like they don’t kill you from the inside. You already know you can’t compare to Margaery so you don’t need someone to remind you about that.

During the dinner your eyes focus on the cup before you, you don’t even dare to look at the Hound, scared to see something on his face that indicates he sees you exactly like Joffrey. You don’t even want to think about it. You just want this dinner to be over before you can’t hold back your tears any longer.

Almost as if the gods heard your prayers a servant comes and tells Joffrey his presence is required in the small council room. There seems to be a problem but you don’t understand what it’s about because of the servants quiet stuttering. Not that it matters, anyway. As long as Joffrey leaves you couldn’t care less.

And thank the gods, after a few moments the boy king says his goodbye and leaves without another mean comment towards you.

Before your sister has the chance to say something you run away from the gardens, back into the castle. You can’t hold in the tears any longer and in the moment you really don’t want the kings guard to see you cry like a little child. You would hate crying in front of people, most of all in front of a strong warrior like the Hound.

Therefore, you follow the next best idea that comes to mind: crying while sitting on some stairs and hoping no one will find you there. Without noticing your feet carried you to an rather umbusy side of the castle, so with some luck you’re able to hate yourself in peace without curious looks from others. No matter how hard you try to fight your doubts you can’t stop thinking about how much happier you would be if you looked like your sister. Since you were a child everyone compared you to her, so of course you started to feel inferior to her. Because of your sobs you don’t even hear someone approaching you. Only when you see a pair of boots right in front of you, you notice you’re not alone. 

Shocked, you look up only to see the face of the man you couldn’t stop thinking about these last days.

Why is he here? Did Joffrey send him to accomplish you back to him, only for him to bully you some more? Or does he want to continue making fun of you just like his king did a few moments ago?

You truly don’t know how much more you can stand today, you feel like you’re drowning in your negative thoughts. So why can’t he leave you alone?

The moment you look at him to tell him to fuck off you see something in his eyes which you never saw before in them. Compassion. Compassion and sympathy, like he knows exactly what’s going through your head in this moment. You’re unable to recall the last person who looked at you like that and even through you barely know this man, you feel strangely at ease in his presence.

Like everything will be alright.

'You shouldn’t cry because of a cunt like him.’, he breaks the silence after a minute or two. If you didn’t know it better you would say he looks rather uncomfortable. As if he doesn’t know what to do with his hands or where to look while talking.

'Is it clever to talk about your king like that?’

'Idon’t give a fuck. Just because I stop calling him a cunt doesn’t make him one any less.’

At that you can’t hold back a smile. 'Yeah, that’s probably true. Don’t worry I won’t tell him. In fact, I will do my best to avoid him as best as possible.’

'Won’t be easy once your sister marries him.’ His face turnes serious again, you begin to think it’s probably his usual look. 'You need to ignore him. Everyone in the court has to live with him and his temper.’, he continues with a grunt.

Talking with him feels surprisingly refreshing. It’s different than with all the other lords and ladies in Kingslanding. He freely speaks his mind without a second thought, a characterist you cherish a lot in people.

'Easier said than done, I guess. It has to be hard to work for him everyday.’

'Well and that’s why I drink.’

You have to laugh at his answer. That’s not what you expected him to say but it definitely lightens up your mood.

This man truly is something else.

[kimboatfloats]

Today’s Special: Not Motivated

Telling people about your next big idea robs you of motivation.

Okay. So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong the past 40 years.

I’ve been internet spiraling tonight into the depths of psychological essays on motivation and getting things done. On finishing. Because ultimately I am always a starter, but not a finisher. I get distracted. I lose interest. I basically give up.

My mother has always called me the Quitter. I don’t think she meant negative things by it because it’s truth. Sometimes truth is pretty painful. I start things, then when they get even an iota of difficult, I quit. This also blends into relationships. If someone upsets me, I retreat. I won’t fight for your friendship, I’ll just disappear. It’s not that you’re not worth the effort, it’s that I’m not capable of making that effort.

But back to motivation. I have only ever wanted to be one thing in life: a writer. Over years it was honed into a novelist. A novelist of fantasy or science fiction novels. Then a novelist of romantic fantasy or romantic science fiction. That’s it. That’s all. I’ve wanted that since I remember. In my Grade 1 primer I have a Q&A thing that Miss Bosiak asked and it went like this:

What do you want to do when you grow up, Kimberley? [in her super neat and beautiful printing]

write [in my childish scrawl with a backwards ‘e’ that took up 3/4 of the page]

(As an aside, I’m so grateful Miss Bosiak used the “Kimberley” form of my name. So many people spell it Kimberly and that pissed me off)

Anyway, so I stop - start. I write. I type away at 20,000 words for a novel and then it’s sputtering and dead. I read books on how to write novels. I read books on how to plot novels. I don’t finish those books. I finish those books and attempt to implement the new skillset on finishing what I’ve started and then I just don’t. I tell people I’m writing a novel. I don’t do anything about it. I tell people about the plot. I don’t finish. I hand over starts of manuscripts. First chapters. I read more and more and research other successful people in the field. I go to panels to listen to published authors. I watch videos.

And I know that in order to finish writing, one must write. But I sit in front of my computer, I have bought Scrivener because it’s the best right? The best! And I stare at Scrivener and I putter and I write a few sentences. And then I worldbuild in another document because that’s much easier. Then I think, oh I should do fanfiction! That’ll motivate me.

And I write nothing.

I start a fanfic and get a chapter done and post it to Fanfiction.net, Smashwords, or AO3 or Hit Record whatever writing app is de rigeur and forget that my account even exists until 3 years later I delete it.

And I try NANOWRIMO over and over. Camp Nano. DESPERNANO. Anything to just get butt into chair and story into fingers into keyboard into paper into pen into ink and ultimately...

I have hundreds of starts. 

No finisher.

Every time I’ve told someone, “I’m working on a novel!”

or 

“I’m writing something I’m so excited about it blah blah blah!”

And maybe, maybe I just shouldn’t have done that in the first place. 

I finished reading The Science-Backed Reasons You Shouldn't Share Your Goals by Amy Rigby. The most telling pull-quote I got from the article was this: 

So if your goal is closely tied to your identity, it might be best to keep it to yourself. This way, premature praise won’t fool you into feeling like you’ve already achieved your aim.

The research mentioned in her article is about certain types of praise. When we receive it, we feel the same kind of feeling as the sensation of accomplishment and so motivation for that thing you intended to do just poofs.

Also, that thing that I want to do, that’s entirely and intrinsically linked into my identity is that I want to be a writer. EVERYONE AND EVERYONE’S DOG AND CAT WANT TO DO THAT. So I’ve heard, “I’m writing a novel too!” A lot when I mention that I’m working on a project. Or, “I’ve written a novel.” Or “So and so is a writer you should talk to them about it.” Or ... the absolute worst... “So many people want to be writers, there’s like no chance of being published.”

It’s pretty demotivating to start thinking of the millions of would-be writers out there. The ones that wrote amazing novels and they sit, currently unread, in Amazon. Or unread on AO3. Or unread on writeblr.  And there’s me. Thinking I could write something that has some kind of ability to break through that miasma of millions and maybe get read by someone else and even *gasp* enjoyed enough to perhaps be sold? What kind of hubris I must have to even think that I could do such a thing.

And I quit.

So. Not telling anyone. Anymore.

[yaldazameanie]

(Not your typical) Note to Self:

No no no no no. Not today or any day. This is your reminder. There will be more. This is your wake up call. You’ve come too far to go down this road again. Listen up. You are worth more than this. You are better than this. You are so incredibly loved. Do you know how many people love you? You are sooooo loved, why focus on the opposite? Don’t do that to yourself, you will have bad days, weeks, more even, you’re human, and you happen to have mental illnesses, but that’s okay. You’re a fighter. You fight for those that you love. So fight for yourself. You may not see it right now, but you do love yourself. I love you. Always. You forget this sometimes, more often then not, but I do love you damnit. Love me. Take care of me. You were doing so well! You made so much progress. I know you don’t think so and don’t see it sometimes, but you have. You took time to think, to learn more about yourself, you reached out for help, you treated yourself to new things, new places, new opportunities, and you’ve accomplished so much! Be proud of yourself! You are so much more than enough. No matter what you think right now. I know, it’s hard to see right now, especially when you feel like this and think “I should have done something sooner” “I should have communicated more” “I shouldn’t have pushed away” maybe, but you needed the space to get yourself together so that you could focus on getting better, you had to get better for you and him. I know, okay, I know, it hurts, but you had shit to do so don’t blame yourself. You didnt fuck up. You stop that. You did not fuck up. You needed to make sure you were ready and okay enough to go back into something so that you would never have such a meltdown happen again. The last thing you needed was to rush into things and hurt anyone anymore. You had to think, a lot, it’s a big decision and you did, you were just too late. I know it’s heartbreaking but, you can’t live in regret with what if’s? Shit happened. You can’t change it. I know you want to, I do too, but you can’t force these things. There is no time machine to rewind. I know you’re hurt and shocked and upset, that’s normal, but everyone is different. Some people can let go and heal easier than others. There is no one to blame. It happened and I know you hate that it did, but this is life. You’re so stubborn and hopeful kid. You love so hard … you give so much, you’re sensual in all aspects. It’s a strength, but can be a weakness. I mean, look at where you are now because of it. Questioning your entire being. I know you want a chance, but you shouldn’t have to beg for one. How is that fair to you? You know that. You know. You’re just stubborn and beyond hopeful and don’t beat yourself up for what it, that’s who you are, it’s not pathetic, you just had to try. That’s who you are, all in. I understand. Listen to me and listen to your beautiful and wise mother. Anyone that doesn’t want your love, doesn’t need to have it. Don’t beg someone to be in your life if they don’t want to be, and don’t beg them to love you, why? Cause if they want to be in your life, they will be. If they want to love you, they will love you. It’s fairly simple. Yet feels complicated, right? The heart has a hard time getting around that concept. You can’t blame yourself. You can’t blame him either. No one is to blame. Shit happens. It sucks, but what can you do? Nothing at this point. You’ve done all you can do. Don’t force anything. You can’t. That’s not how it works. You tried. You really did. Let time work it’s course now. You know your worth. You aren’t replaceable. In the sense that there is only one you. You’re you and there is only one of you, unless you got a clone runnin’ around somewhere, which last time I checked, you don’t. You do apparently have a lot of doppelgangers though… aaaaanyways I know you will always have love for him and be there for him because that’s just who you are, don’t be ashamed of that, and quite frankly, you just are ridiculously in love. That’s okay. Look, I know you’ve locked him in your heart, he’ll be there, it’s kinda stupid to not think so, he was a huge part of your life, you’ll miss him and think about him, but you’ll learn to live with it in time. It’s what I keep hearing so I’ve decided it is true. You are tough, you also put on the tough front, but deep down you’re the biggest softie, like a damn cat, you act like you are sooo tough at times, but you just wants to be accepted and loved and feel warm and purrrrr. Although you’re better at pretending to be a dog than a cat, your throat won’t let you purr. Haha. You’re pretty ridiculous. Still love ya! I digress. But I know one thing, it’s that you don’t lie. Always straight forward. Stay that way. It’ll get you places. It’s why people trust you. You love who you love. You forgive. If people let you go, you take them back, remember your breakup with Karen? You play a dangerous game with your heart girl, but what’s life without some risk? Who knows what the future holds? There’s that damn hope again … I know. I knooooow. Okay. I know. Hope is kinda killer. It hurts. It hurts like a bitch. It hurts to all hell. The thought of someone else with the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with? Fuck. You spent 7 years together. I get why you have hope. It’s gonna be painful. Breakups are compared to the pain you feel when someone passes away, cause in a sense you lost someone. It will hurt. Let it hurt. It’s part of life. You’re learning. You’re a hopeless romantic. You watch too many movies or something. I blame The Office. Just kidding. Maybe… I digress. Again. I know it will take time, but let it be. For your sake. You’re so frickin’ stubborn. You’re not giving up. Don’t think of it that way. You just can’t lose yourself and you won’t. I won’t let you. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Let’s leave it at that. Now. Seriously though, listen to your mom. She knows your worth, so should you. She always means well. Always. She’s tough and can say things that hurt, but she loves you more than you’ll ever know. Her intent is never to hurt you. Never forget that. You are a part of her. Literally. Ya know? You came out of her? You know. You’re a smart cookie. Anyway. Your father, your silly crazy father, he wants his baby girl smiling and happy. He wants to help. He is there to give you that hug you need and let you cry on his shoulder. He does the stupidest shit to make you laugh, and it works! He’s here. Enjoy your time with him. He’s here. Your brother even loves you. He may not mentally be all there, but he knows what’s going on. He understands. He wants you happy. Let them be there for you. They’re your family and you are lucky to have one that loves you and cares so much about you. They taught you how to love. They love all your friends and the people that you’ve brought into your life as if they were their own. Nothing but love and warmth and kindness from them. Thank them for giving you life. Thank them for raising you to be this strong and beautiful woman. There are times when you won’t want to have been brought into this world, but hey, you’re here kid. So make the most out of it. Life is hard. Of course. No one. I mean, no one, has ever said it would be easy. Are you kidding? It’s always going to be hard, it’s tough, but you are tougher. Life will throw things at you, but that’s okay. Cause you’ll get good at catching. You’re learning. Always learning. Always growing. Did I mention… You are enough. You are enough. You. Are. Enough. You’ve gotten so far. You’ve achieved so much and made progress and grown so much. Stop selling yourself short. You’ve been accepted into a great college. You’re about to get a degree dude. You have a job where the managers actually care about you and your well-being. You’re going to travel with one of your best friends aka your sister. Your friends are beyond supportive. They have your back and you have theirs. Your friends. Oh man. You mean so much to your friends. You have been told time and time again, that you are such a beautiful soul, that you are so passionate and supportive, protective (maybe too much at times), and loving. You are so forgiving, you always want to see the best in people and you are there for them, now let them be there for you. They will be there. They are there. Look at how much support you have. They are checking on you, they are there for you, they hold you, they listen, they are proud of you, and above all they love you. So much. You do not break yourself down for this. You get stronger from this. You learn. You progress. You do not and cannot let it consume you and bring you down anymore. It’s time to get back on track. You have so much potential. So much love to give and feel. You are not empty. You are the exact opposite. You are so goddamn full. Overflowing even. Maybe stop being so guarded, let some of it out. You may feel empty right now and that’s okay, I mean c'mon, who wouldn’t in this situation? Add depression and anxiety to the mix. Shiet. That’s a hell of a ride you’re being taken on. I get it. But you aren’t empty, you are full of life. You’re still here and that itself is such a major accomplishment. You’re here. There were times when you really didn’t think you would be, but you’re here. You are worth it. You are worth it. You are worth. Don’t ever let anyone make you question it or make you feel otherwise. That includes YOU girl. You will question it from time to time, but girl, you know you’re amazing, right? At the end of the day, you are enough and worth it all. This is a part of life and you are learning. You take it a day at a time. You let yourself feel. Let me repeat. Let yourself feel. No matter what it is. Cry. Let it out. Let it pass. Love, Laugh, Live, then cry again. You will have good days and you will have bad days, everyone does, we are human with feelings. It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and there it no rush. Take your time. It’s how you heal. You have to let yourself heal. You’ll learn and grow from it. Stop picking at your wounds. They’ll leave scars, yes, (cause you really pick at things too much, like ya face … stop it.) but consider it a battle scar, a tattoo, to remind you that you’re capable of putting up a fight against this thing called life. Love yourself. I know you do. Treat yoself! And that doesn’t have to involve money. Take a walk in the park. Breathe in the air. Let it fill your lungs. Feel the life around you. Take in the beauty that is in this world. There’s so much if you let yourself see it, and dude, pups. All the pups! Don’t let your view be clouded by the ugly things in this world. It is faaaaar from perfect. Acknowledge it, know it is there, but know that it is not the only thing in this world. There is good in it. Always. Keep your head up kid. You got this. Love, Yalda