#anyway i'm so sorry this is half my opinions abt lawyers as a former legal file clerk

[bronanlynch]

so dgs2 sure is a video game huh. anyway here are my lawyer file clerk rankings (this one is more unhinged than usual I’m so sorry I played most of dgs2-5 in one day and I think my brain kind of melted)

ryutaro: I do generally have a ‘no working for teenagers’ rule in these but honestly ryutaro does seem to be the best boss of any of the teenage lawyers, and at least knows what it’s like as the person doing the admin stuff and therefore wouldn’t be too annoyingly demanding abt it. 6/10, would generally prefer as a coworker rather than a boss

auchi: sure seems like he’s going through some stuff and taking it out on everyone around him which would make him unpleasant as an employer. also I would not be able to keep up the polite conversation where every single day he expects me to tell him how much his hair has grown back and every day I have to pretend that it’s grown at all. 2/10, no thanks

ryunosuke: last time I said that because he has susato he wouldn’t necessarily need another file clerk but reforming the entire japanese legal system would create a lot of paperwork so I am now fully on board with working for him. he meets so many of my standards: he consults his notes in court which means he needs his files done correctly, he’s polite to the people he works with, he believes in truth and justice and making the world a better place, and his cases are always absolutely fucking wild so the documents I’d be filing would be interesting to read. also, if he’s doing for mikotoba, with his government connections, presumably he has access to some decent government funding which probably means decent benefits for me. 10/10, I am emailing him my resume as we speak

van zieks (with masked apprentice): I’ve got to be honest with you, if I show up to my first day of work and my boss is like “so this is your coworker, he’s not allowed to talk to anyone and he has to wear that mask at all times, it’s not punishment” I am going to think that I’ve just accidentally joined a cult, and I will immediately be turning around and asking the non-existent hr department to assign me to literally any other prosecutor. no, learning that it’s my boss’s boss’s idea would not make me feel any better. might be convinced to stay if I see my new coworker uncork a wine bottle with a sword because seriously how is he doing that. .5/10, for sheer morbid curiosity

van zieks (post-game): so obviously there are still a few drawbacks here but honestly, on the whole, after he goes through his character development, I think he’d be a pretty decent option. partially this is because of what kazuma says about how when he’s especially picky abt something he just does it himself, which I appreciate in a boss, because it means he would rather do something himself than expect me to do something impossible and then yell at me for failing to live up to his expectations. (yes kazuma was talking abt van zieks organizing his wine collection for that bit, but shh I’m extrapolating) anyway, it would be hypocritical to dock points for him being a neurotic perfectionist so there’s that too. I do also appreciate how much he hates rich people who get away with shit because they’re rich. me too, buddy. like I’m still fundamentally opposed to carceral justice systems and think that while putting rich people in jail for their crimes may appear to present a short-term solution (and I suppose if I had to choose, it is preferable to putting poor people in jail for crimes that they’re driven to by unjust societal pressures & are more likely to receive harsher punishments for) it will not provide a long-term answer to the overarching problem of uh. having an aristocracy let alone a monarchy. but. there are worse people to work for. 6.5/10, would prefer not to be affiliated with the british government but

stronghart: including him because he was previously a prosecutor and tbh even setting aside the blackmail and the murder conspiracies, he just seems like an absolute fucking nightmare to deal with. if I asked my boss a simple question abt information I needed in order to do my job and he responded by telling me exactly how much time down to the second that he was going to let me speak for or exactly how late to his next meeting he is, I would lose my fucking mind. also, he constantly has people doing shit that is just simply not their fucking job. why was van zieks preparing the meeting room for the forensics conference! I hate people who think they’re too good for that sort of work but it is quite literally not his fucking job. 0/10, please I can give myself enough time anxiety without a boss doing it for me

klint van zieks: now. listen. please see my rating of byrne faraday for my known weakness for prosecutors who do vigilante shit bc they know that the courts are rigged and will never convict the wealthy & powerful. I’m including him for completeness’s sake but I fully do not think I can be objective here because unfortunately I cannot blame him for thinking that the british aristocracy is an evil institution (see above). anyway. Idk. everyone who worked with/for him seemed to respect him a lot so like, I’ll believe that he was a pretty ok boss. 5/10, loses points on principle for being a british aristocrat himself, sorry :/ (and also lack of data)

kazuma (post-game): I love him, is the thing. I am even less capable of being objective abt kazuma than I am abt anyone else. he is literally just the perfect man. he’s competent, he’s rude to people who deserve it but he doesn’t seem like he’d go out of his way to be rude to like, innocent minimum wage employees, and he seems reasonably organized without being overly demanding abt it. I think my one caveat here is that I’m honestly not sure how long he lasts as a prosecutor for the british government before realizing that no, the system is still bad and wealthy/titled people still can cause harm without facing consequences, and that’s the point where he either quits his job or decides that maybe murder is the answer after all, and neither of those are great for long-term job security as his employee. to be clear, I support him fully in either endeavor. 10/10, my roommate was right I’m glad I left him room to improve his score

(previous games here: aa1 | aa2 | aa3 | aa4 | aai | dgs1 )