#anyway i'm not truly bothered just embarrassed lol. you know how it is with me and overthinking stuff anyway

[suddencolds]

.~

[seaofreverie]

How it feels to tag the official account in my fanart post on insta and then they don't share it in their stories

[sweepseven]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Another post in a seemingly unending series of posts in which I talk about writing to make me feel like I've accomplished any actual writing. Results so far are middling.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

53! How and when?? (The answer is "Kà and a pandemic.")

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

228,456

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Cirque du Soleil at the moment, but a long running rp is soaking up the majority of my creative thoughts just now. That's its own whole thing with a blog and fics and AUs upon AUs.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Wing Dust (Miraculous Ladybug, T, perpetually bemused that I wrote this in the first place and yet here it is at number one)

Downpour (Mad Max Fury Road, G, my first for a fandom that did so much for me as an author)

War Song (Mad Max Fury Road, T, strong contender for favorite fic I've ever written)

Idle in Neutral (Mad Max Fury Road, G, I forget I wrote this one all the time and whenever I get kudos for it I'm like whom??? I love that it has a life all its own.)

Mantle (Mad Max Fury Road, G, another one I continually forget about lol)

That's the curse of writing for tiny fandoms! The ones I have loved most, that have mangled my brain for months on end are destined to have like a dozen readers total. On the other hand it's very gratifying to know I'm writing for a small handful of people extra extra psyched to find content. And in the meantime I have these, many of which I've let myself forget, that have found their audience anyway. It's a very rewarding feeling, like I could make the effort, move on, and still leave people happy years later.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Most times yes!! And I'm so so lucky to get the most thoughtful comments of all on my most niche fics. Makes it all more than worth it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Walkabout and I love it. Cirque du Soleil Kà, T.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tea Series by a mile. Didn't know I had it in me until pushed by @studiokawaii , and I'm so glad they did. Cirque du Soleil Kà, T.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Honestly so few people are aware of them that it's not really a risk. What is hugely embarrassing is the confirmed knowledge that Cirque artists know about and have read some of them. But there's nothing I can do about that, lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! Somehow I feel like I'm always writing it, and then I look at my total body of work and am like "...where is all of it." Historically it was mostly M/M, but Kà got me actually writing F/M for the first time. Most common themes are experience vs. inexperience and tense power dynamics. I'd love to write more dub con.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Only ever one. Decree, another for Mad Max Fury Road, in which the Vuvalini are each granted one single potentially worldshaping wish à la Puella Magi Madoka Magica. I know why people don't click on it, but I'm fond of it!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No and tbh I can't imagine anyone would bother.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I'd be open to it if anyone cared to take on the project! I love translated fics. What a nice thing to do, granting someone else's work the opportunity for new eyes.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but again @studiokawaii and I have had some great fic/art collaboration in the past couple years with inspiration coming from both directions.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Snape/Harry. I never talk about it, I've never written it myself (I think?? maybe in high school I did), but honestly it's been so long that I think there's no unseating it now. The amount of care, dedication, creativity, and talent coming from that group, even after so long, is truly unique and remarkable. All time favorite ship to write has been Counselor's Son/Twin Sister by a landslide.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It pains me, but I think I'm kidding myself if I try to claim The Shape of Things To Come doesn't qualify. I love the idea, I know exactly where I want it to go, but something about the enormity of the ground that needs to be covered in order to get there has spooked me.

I also have two highly embarrassing WIPs - one for Shadow & Bone and another for fucking Teen Titans - that I doubt will ever be finished. I just adore both ideas and it's fun thinking they've at least taken some kind of shape somewhere, even if they never make it out into the world.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Creating believable characterization and distinctive voices from very sparse source material. At least that's what I've been told, which I take as an immense compliment. I also think I write tension rather well, whether it be sexual, conflicting emotions, or threatening hostility.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well right now my ability to finish anything feels pretty fuckin weak. I struggle with action scenes, like physical fights or scenes in which a lot is going on in multiple places at once. Hitting a natural rhythm with them is very difficult for me. Pacing for longer fics doesn't come easily to me either, and I always worry if my longer work reads like a bulleted list of stuff I knew needed to happen rather than an actual story with a true and natural flow. That's part of what's bogging me down with Shape of Things.

I also love commas too much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends. You can't just throw it in there imo - it's a great opportunity for mindful characterization and shouldn't be treated like checking a box, or worse, a reminder to your audience that the source material doesn't match the language you're writing in. I'm not multilingual so the most you're likely to see from me are vague hints at certain dialects and accents in Kà, for instance, since they're not speaking any real language anyway.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Teen Titans. It's still out there somewhere, likely a somewhat embarrassing blip on the radar of some long forgotten LJ community. I got some early encouragement there that put me where I am today. Nurture and welcome new writers, people!!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Borderline Suspect. I put so much into it. It was a real milestone fic for me, unlike anything I'd ever written before, and it stands so apart in my memory that I just can't choose any other. At the time I thought it was everything I could possibly want to say about Ka and CS/TS, but when it was through I found myself more motivated and inspired than ever.

Some of the most valuable and rewarding feedback I've ever gotten came from this fic, and the intensity of the response, however contained by the size of the fandom, has made me feel incredibly lucky. People came out of nowhere to talk to me about it, send art for it, push me through writing lulls with comments that turned entire days around. I made new friends because of it. I don't see myself writing anything quite like it ever again. Even if I did, I couldn't dream of a more gratifying response. Cirque du Soleil Kà, E.

[oh-my-damn]

Okay I need some advice. I’m 22 and it’s never really bothered me that I’ve never had a boyfriend, had sex, etc. It truly doesn’t bother me in the slightest but last night me and my gfs were out and we ended up talking to some guys, just laughing and talking ya know? One guy asked for my number and my friend immediately was like ‘omg are you sure she’s a virgin u know’ and laughing trying to make it out as a joke but I knew she was being bitchy. I’ve notice this recently quite a lot with her like I got offered this business apprenticeship last week and I was so excited and she just kinda shit on it like ‘wow Business so fun doing that for the rest of your life’

Anyway lol, that was super long and I’m sorry but yeah. Pls tell me I’m not weird for being 22 and a virgin, I’m like the only one in my friend group and I can never forget because they remind me constantly lol

Okay, first of all.

I'm going to say this in the nicest way I can which is not at all. Dump her. Immediately.

That girl is not your friend.

I've had a friend like that. She would talk about my sex life to try and embarrass me, especially if we were amongst guys. She would literally spill details about my sex life at the table if we went out. Intimate details I'd told her in confidence. I am very open about sex and always wrote it off as her trying to be interesting because she didn't have much going on herself, but I should have seen the redflags when they first happened.

She was a bad fucking friend and ended up trying to ruin my life and get my severance at my job, when it closed down after I'd been there for seven years, taken away from me by lying to corporate (we worked at the same place, I was her boss).

Shady people have no place in your life. That is toxic, unacceptable behavior, and while it might be scary to cut people out of your life, I promise things will get so much better and easier once you do.

Would she be there if you truly needed someone? Would she come comfort you if you called?

Because if the answer is no or even if you're in doubt, then keep her at a distance. She may have insecurities that you trigger (she might be jealous of parts of your life or who you are etc) and it will only get worse because only insecure people treat their "friends" that way. That is not a friend.

Second of all, you're not weird for being a virgin at 22. I lost my virginity at 14, and it was a very lovely experience with my boyfriend at the time and I felt completely safe and have never regretted it since. But that is not how it goes for everyone.

I always tell my friends that your first time should be treasured; it should be with someone you feel safe and comfortable with, and it should be on your terms. Preferably with someone who understands the weight of the act of it being your first time and someone who cherishes you.

Of course, everyones experience is different, but I've always said to my friends that I hope they have a wholesome, safe, intimate experience, and whenever they've said "maybe I should just get it over with" I always talk them out of it.

It is not a bad thing to want to wait for the right person or right time - that's smart. You will remember this for the rest of your life (I've remembered mine, and I've cherished it, and it helped give me a very healthy relationship with sex. I understand everyone is different and have different experiences, so it might not be the same for everyone, but you asked for my advice and this is my experience)

Don't rush it and don't feel bad for taking your time. You should feel that it's right when it happens, and that the person you do it with is right, too.

Don't sweat it hon. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen.

But as for that friend....

Cut her off. Cut her out. She's no good and she won't get any better bc if you trigger her insecurities, it will spiral until it reaches a boiling point and it could end up affecting you way worse than you'd ever imagine.

Fake friends aren't friends, they're actually obstacles we need to get over in our life to make it better. ❤️

[maya-matlin]

I'm embarrassed to even admit this (and am thankful that you have anon on!) but I actually like Lucas Scott more than Dan Humphrey. Please don't think I'm disagreeing with anything you wrote in that Jess vs Dan vs Lucas vs Jughead analysis, because it really was brilliant and totally on target. But Dan kind of desperately wanting to be accepted by the snotty high society Upper East Side crowd even while judging and mocking them (and apparently secretly stalking and humiliating them all as gossip girl lol) just bothers me and for me isn't at all something Lucas - or Jess or Jughead- would care about. Lucas is a lot of not great things, but he's truly not into status, pretentious or desperate for acceptance. And as you've pointed out, Lucas is actually a decent and generally honest human being outside of his romantic relationships---I just can't ever see him playing a secret 'gossip girl' type role in OTH or even caring enough about gossip to constantly read and write about it. Even if we pretend Dan wasn't Gossip Girl, which he shouldn't have been for several reasons, he's got more of a Julian thing of caring more about status and popularity than Lucas, Jess or Jughead imo. I still like Dan and think he's a great match for Blair---I just also think he's a little more deceitful, hypocritical and into status than Lucas, Jess or Jughead...but then again he's a character on Gossip Girl, where pretty much everyone is fairly terrible in that way :) As for Lucas---yeah, he's indecisive and lies to himself and therefore others about his romantic feelings, and the center point in any love triangle always justifiably grates on everyone's nerves lol. And like the other three guys mentioned here, he can definitely be judgy and self-righteous. But there's a lot I like about Lucas too---he's smart and cerebral, he's brave and protective, he's very insightful (except when it comes to himself lol) and I really do think he cares about people deeply. But I get that that doesn't excuse his flaws :) Thanks for reading this - I have no idea how or why it's so long!

Aw, you don't have to be embarrassed! I respect your privacy, though. It's funny I gave the impression I don't like Lucas. The truth is, I like him a lot and spend most of the show actively enjoying his character. Seasons 1 and 5 were pretty terrible (though season 1 at least gave him a solid foundation compared to season 5's constant fuckboy behavior). I bash Lucas because I genuinely care and get so frustrated because I know he's capable of being better than he ends up being. His whole arc went to shit because of multiple love triangles and the bizarre idea that he needed to be "in denial" over his feelings for Peyton, multiple times, rather than just owning up to the fact he had complicated feelings for multiple women at the same time. And unfortunately, this behavior manifested itself in multiple instances of cheating because the dude was desperate for love and needed validation when it came to his love life. Anyways. Needless to say, I also prefer Lucas to Dan simply because I'm way more invested in One Tree Hill than Gossip Girl.

I appreciate the compliments. 💙 It really wasn't anything. Just random thoughts I threw together LOL. Your critique of Dan is fair. The thing about Gossip Girl is that the morality is upside down. Everyone screws over everyone and it's generally accepted that the wealthy elite can do no wrong. Dan doesn't quite fit into this crowd yet benefits from much of the privilege due to attending the same private school and later becoming Lily's stepson and eventually, Serena's husband. So he ends up being an honorary member of the core group, though he grew up in a very different environment, meaning it's much easier for Dan to be judgmental of the other characters. I think I just ignore the "Dan is Gossip Girl" reveal? There's no real way to make sense of it or to claim everything adds up based on what we saw on screen throughout seasons 1-5. It was a mistake for any character we saw on a regular basis to be revealed as Gossip Girl. But if I'm forced to acknowledge the reveal, you're correct that none of the other three would ever in a million years do such a thing. This implies there was a part of Dan that was so desperate to belong and to fit into the upper east side that he schemed, manipulated, stalked, gaslit and essentially pretended to be a different person to keep up the ruse. It's very dumb, as is the idea that everything was actually a secret love letter to Serena, someone he'd stopped seriously loving years before. To be fair though, I still haven't seen the final season of Gossip Girl. Your point about Dan being a Julian type is probably accurate. The thing about comparing those four characters is that it doesn't 100% add up. They're similar archetypes, but don't necessarily play the same roles on their respective shows. Dan was never presented nearly as heroically as Lucas was. By the time season 2 premiered, it was pretty clear the morality of the show had shifted with Chuck Bass becoming the male lead. The focus shifted to awful, privileged people doing underhanded things while looking beautiful (and Ed Westwick was there too) rather than viewing these characters through the eyes of the less privileged Humphreys. I mean, it was always a stretch due to Rufus being a rockstar, but in Gossip Girl world Dan is the poor one.

I have nothing to add to your thoughts about Lucas's strengths, but I 100% agree. Lucas has a lot going for him and is truly good at heart. He just doesn't need to be in a relationship until he gets some therapy. Unfortunately, he masked his problems by rushing down the aisle and starting a family. At this point, I have to assume he and Peyton are divorced, but that's just my wishful thinking.

[jadeee]

Hi honey for the writer Ask if its still on 😅🎢✨⛔🙋🍆❌🎯🎨🤗💞🧠(Howie)🤩😬📚🤯💔🤭 please? -sarah

i love that you put practically every emoji, hahaha! tysm for spamming me with these asks

��� what's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

the first thing that comes to mind would be "hot & bothered". the teasing scene at the table during the meeting is very bold. i can see teasing between nicky and mc but in front of others who don't know them all that well is questionable. close 2nd would prob be the find the cannoli scene in vendetta but i'm not even embarrassed. it just makes me laugh or smile every time.

🎢which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

it should be "vendetta" bc there's drama, violence, action, and romance but i automatically thought of "let's get out of here". i wrote that before "vendetta" and it was challenging bc i had to make sure the movements were described accurately since it was in a moving car.

✨give you and your writing a compliment. go on now. you know you deserve it. 😉

aww! well, when i reread my work i love the emotion it evokes. i feel tied to the characters and like i'm watching it unfold before my eyes.

⛔do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

yeahhhh ... so a few months ago i had an idea for a nanami story {lemme just say that i truly was done writing fanfiction except for "vendetta" which was, and is, still unfinished as a series. i wanted to focus on ocs and original plots but i got swept away by nanami kento and just had to write smthn about him. i had severe brain rot}

i was inspired by this post i saw of men on their knees in front of women/their lovers and thought of nanami on his knees for his s/o, wtv the reason may be. the premise was that he was late for a special dinner at a fancy restaurant that they made reservations for months ago. he got held up at work and was going to meet mc there, but then told them to go on without him anyway. so he ends up meeting mc at their shared home and they're livid, just ready to lay it on him. they don't get the chance to bc as soon as he sees them sitting in the loveseat in their living room he's apologizing like crazy. mc doesn't have the heart to go off so they just do some light teasing instead. i imagine it would've went smthn like

"i don't believe you."

"how can i prove it to you?"

"you can beg."

he took a deep breath and walked toward you. he placed his hands over yours which were on the armrest then sank down to his knees. then he rested his face in your lap and brought your hands to his cheeks, "is this better?"

🙋‍♀️ do any irl people know you write fanfic?

yes. i've told a handful of ppl and surprisingly it's become smthn a few of my coworkers and i bond over.

🍆do you write the spicy stuffs? if so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

i do, or at least i have. my most popular is a hc about nicky treating mc, if y'know what i mean {i know the policy changed with mature content on here so i'm treading very carefully lol}.

❌what's a trope you will never write?

i can't really think of one atm. the ones that i know of are --- OH WAIT i have one, so anything to do with age gaps and minors getting involved with older characters, like lolita-type stuff 🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️ idk if it's a trope but it won't be happening here.

🎯have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? care to share which?

i'm not sure i've ever had anyone guess what will happen in a story or chapter {i'm referring to "vendetta" here}.

🎨how do you feel about fan art of your stories?

oh i love it! i remember a couple people made something based off of vendetta and it really took me by surprise. i couldn't believe they were influenced to the point of creating smthn.

🤗 what advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

do it for yourself and not for others. don't worry about who will and won't see it. just write, don't think too much about how or when bc it'll come together in the end, and enjoy it.

💞 who's your comfort character?

i don't have one rn but since this is focused on fanfiction, i would say nicky and nanami. nicky just feels so familiar at this point and with nanami, he's so relatable. from my pov, he wants a simple life. he doesn't wanna work at an office and he doesn't really wanna work as a sorcerer. if anything, cooking at home and going to get bread from the bakery is all he wants to do most days {and travel from time to time} and that's very relatable.

🧠pick a character (howie) and i'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

my favorite hc about howie is prob the boyfriend hc bc it's so wholesome. he'd really be the sweet and thoughtful boyfriend. the thought of mc being swallowed whole by his shirts and him wearing their shirt which is a smidge too tight 🥹

🤩who is your favorite character to write?

nicky! his personality really allows for this nice mix of playfulness and seriousness/melancholy. i admire his charm and wit as well. i loved writing the more hidden sides of his character too, like in "midnight" or "what are you hiding?" overall, he has this nice balance that gives me a lot of room to play with as a writer.

😬which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

definitely any of my nsfw works bc i'm reserved for the most part at work. it takes a while for me to open up completely so i think ppl would be like 'idk she was into that' or the complete opposite 'it makes since bc she's so quiet'. my friends wouldn't really care tbh, they'd prob make jokes or gimme ideas. my family?! 💀 i'd prob be doused in holy oil.

📚would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

yes! when i was younger i often thought it was a bad idea to pursue your passion as a career or major in college bc then you'd have deadlines and guidelines; and i saw that as a sorta crutch on my creative freedom as an artist but now i believe the complete opposite.

🤯what's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

i would say fantasy. in terms of fanfiction, i've mainly written romance with a bit of drama and some action. i've tried writing fantasy before and it requires a bit more artistry - there's world building, figuring out the land, if there are animals, what kinda powers characters have, how magic works, and sm more.

💔is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

if mc died before their wedding night. there's smthn about seeing a good-hearted person get what they deserve only to lose it in the end. i don't take joy in it, there's just some sort of unspeakable pain there where you can't look away.

🤭do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

#madebyjade bc it's like my signature in a way and it's smthn i made and stuffed bits and pieces of myself inside.

[heliosoll]

"I know I'm being very cordial in this response but I do hope it comes across that I'm sorry about hurting your feelings." Bestie shut up that is your sincerity 😭 the way you handled that whole situation has me 🥺🥰 love u and this safe and drama free blog!! Also not sure if im overstepping here but i did want to give my unsolicited personal opinion (yikes) just because i think it would give some perspective to u maybe idk jskaka. You've mentioned a few times that you to some extent see yourself coming across as blunt or maybe even me@n (censoring that bc u r not spoiler alert) and i was trying to think of how to word and explain this and i must have ✨️manifested✨️ the answer bc u literally gave me the perfect example in the tags of the ask u posted after that. A lot of shifting/loa bloggers have that really weird coddling+mean thing going on, kinda condescending and makes the bloggies feel ashamed or a bother to ask for help. There's also a lot of entitlement between those who have and have not and then mixed in with the frustration from people who are not believing in results and all that stuff, you know how it is. You aint got none of that bs here. You're very patient and I'd like to think more than blunt, it's a better word to say simple. You don't try to fluff it up or 'ive answered this a hundred times already, yall need to stop overcomplicating lol'. It has a lot to do with the way someone speaks yanno? Even in a few asks ago, you were very empathetic and gentle in saying that you know it's frustrating to hear but persist in there not being a problem and then even suggested that blanket affirmation. That kind of understanding nature is so rare to come by and its the reason why for the last few months u have become the sole shifting blog i follow and while yes i am the one who 'did' everything, it was under your guidance that i have let go of so much anxiety and disbelief. You promote the barebone necessities on this blog and that's literally all u need to shift. No limiting beliefs or backwards bragging. Your shifting post can literally be summed up by 'intention is all you really need' but you made a whoooole post about the ins and outs plus fine print. Like any question someone could possibly have, any loophole or limiting belief that could arise, you think of it beforehand and address it before it can be asked. I see that dedication and I applaud you for that like you really out here feeding a bunch of shifters for FREE 🤧 Anyways my life is so much better after finding this blog and learning how to do things the proper way. Thanks for all the effort and not enforcing any miniscule limiting beliefs. I think most people would agree that ur very friendly, kind and generally a good person, not mean at all. I've never once felt frustrated, discouraged or uncomfortable here. You're like the cool senior who looks sharp but is actually really sweet and tells all the freshman which courses to take and how to pass the class. Tldr; ur not blunt, ur just stating the facts as u should and we love u for it. This blog has brought me a lot of sollace (see what i did there) so i wanted to take the time to write this all out bc ur like my fave person evurrrrr. This is uhhhh also a bit of a doozy to post so u can absolutely delete this after u read it lmao anyway love u bestie 💓

I don't think I'll ever be able to truly express how much this means to me. This is literally the nicest ask I've ever gotten! And a little embarrassing to admit but this made me tear up a bit. Everything you said is exactly how I wanted this blog to be for people. I wanted it to be a safe space for all kinds of shifters - new and experienced. I wanted it to be an easy going space with no limiting beliefs and acceptance of all different kinds of beliefs.

I can't thank you enough for this 🥺 It makes me really happy to know that so many people feel safe and comfortable here. And I'm so glad I was able to help you too! Every now and then I wonder if I'm actually helping people so it was really nice to hear :')

This ask helped me a lot actually because I can see where you're coming from! I think I just get worried that some of my more "to the point" answers could come off as mean to people but I can see why they wouldn't as well. I don't really know what else to say this is just such a sweet message and I'll be thinking about it for a long time. Thank you so much for taking the time to quell my worries and bring in a new perspective 🥺 It really helped!!

[whatiwillsay]

Hey Cam... It's the roommate anon from Nat's blog, and I'm kinda totally freaking out a little bit again (kind of my brand at this point), and I know that you're a lesbian (at least, I think you are?), and I'm just trying to stay like calm at the moment.

And this is like a personal question and stuff, so I totally get it if you don't wanna answer, like no pressure at all. You can just delete this ask, and it'll be totally fine, I won't mind.

But did you ever like really struggle with accepting your sexuality, and did you ever get in these kinds of moods where you just felt really anxious about everything and like you really needed to try to be straight again?

It's such a dumb, stupid, embarrassing thing that's triggered this. Basically, roomie's wearing this like white T shirt that's very thin, and all she did was lean back on the couch and put her hands behind her head, except it was giving me really gay thoughts, and now I'm having a HUGE resurgence of internalized homophobia and really honestly and truly freaking the fuck out :/

No, like I'm literally hiding in one of our bathrooms right now. I locked the door, and I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub typing this... all over a T shirt. Like it's so stupid, and I know that I'm gonna laugh about this later, but right now, I'm just so anxious.

And I kinda wanna just go back to guys. Like I feel like I really need to go back to guys and that I need to go back to being "straight", but I'm just trying to ignore that.

And I kinda feel like I can't breathe properly, and my chest just feels tight from the anxiety, and it's like so silly, right? Like it's so dumb. I mean, it's not like I haven't literally seen more than that before, but I think it's just because I know that I'm a lesbian now that I just feel really anxious about it. Things were different when I was "straight". I never felt anxious about any of this when I was "straight". Like nothing like this ever bothered me.

And now, my mind's like, "Go watch a homophobic video on YouTube." You know those rant videos that conservatives make where they just go on and on about how we're like immoral and wrong and all of that? My brain is really trying to convince me to go and watch one of those.

And I just eally needed some kind of distraction, and so I came on Tumblr, and I saw you on my dash, and I was like, "Okay, Cam's a lesbian, right? Maybe she can help."

(If you're not a lesbian, I'm sorry, idk where I got that idea from.)

But is this stuff even normal? Because in my mind, it does feel really ridiculous. Like oh wow, a hot girl's wearing a thin T shirt, let's go and lock ourselves in the bathroom and essentially try to do conversion therapy on ourselves. Like it's so silly, right. I know that it's dumb. And I know that I'm gonna be making jokes about this later. But right now, I'm just not feeling great about it at all.

Do you have any advice? And did you ever go through anything like this yourself with the internalized homophobia and the anxiety and this need to try to be straight when you first realized that you liked girls? Is this like a common thing, or is it more of a rare thing?

My head just hurts. You don't even have to give like proper advice, like even just a sentence would really help. You could even just reply with an emoji lol, and I would still appreciate it.

Also, could you maybe link me to any of your favorite Dianna interviews or videos? You don't have to, but I feel like it might just be a good distraction for me because I don't really know anything about Dianna or her personality at the moment, and so I've been meaning to watch some Dianna videos, but I wasn't really sure which ones to start with. Thank you

ok anon i want you to take a deep breath and look down at your hands and quickly count all your knuckles on each hand and try to ground yourself and then repeat after me, “what i’m going through is scary and hard but that’s part of being human and cam loves me a lot and is with me in this moment and isn’t gonna let me go through this alone.”  because i am with you! and i do love you! and i’m not gonna let you go through this alone (none of us are!) 

that feeling of repulsion at your natural attraction is really normal and i (and many others) have felt that.  girl i was just out on a walk and a very good looking girl ran by me on a jog and i deadass turned around and started to walk home i was so thrown by how hot she was and like it made me feel a bit paralyzed!  like that happened 15 minutes ago to me and i’ve been out to myself for quite a while!  it’s normal (esp for women i think) to feel overly self-conscious about our feelings and attractions because i think we’re so sensitive to people creeping on us we would never want to feel like we’re creeping on someone else.

but girl your roomie lets you see her naked i’m pretty sure she won’t mind you appreciating her form a bit and also noticing someone is attractive is not some kind of invasive or bad thing to do so please go easy on yourself!

here’s a dianna interview i like!

and if you’re so inclined you could listen to me and @thatskepticalbitchcara on our podcast 👀👀👀

here’s a link to my favorite episode

anyway i’m glad you anonned me, please always feel free to do so if you like! i love hearing from you and i love your story and i saw you told rep you had an internet crush on me and i just want you to know the feeling is mutual! 

sending you so much love and strength angel it’s gonna be ok! ❤️❤️❤️

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

Hiya! I was debating on whether or not to ask you this, considering that you're probably busy with valentine and other matchup asks, but here it goes. I was wondering if you can match me up with a AOT male, taller then me (I'm 5'5 lol). If that's possible? Here I go-(I'm sorry if this is long!)

✨I have blue/greenish eyes, and red dyed hair (I put this last, idk know why-)

✨I'm an aquarius and honestly, I truly live up to my sign. I'm a Ambivert cause even though I love hanging out with my friends and get along with them, there are times where I just need to get out and be alone for a bit and just let out everything in me.

✨for my personality, I got a turbulent advocate, INFJ-T (I don't know if that helps-) I'm usually quiet and shy around new people, and keep to myself around them unless they come over and talk to me, or I hear them say something that is an interest of mine then I can break out of my shell and start talking.

✨After speaking up to a person and getting to know them better, I'm a very bubbly person, I try to be kind by treating people the way I want to be treated and only rarely am I angry unless someone really press my buttons. I also use humor to cope with, pretty much everything, and I always try my hardest to make someone laugh, because whenever I hear someone laugh, my heart melts because of it. Idk why it just does.

✨considering my height, and my weight, I'm a chubby girl, thick thighs and all. It took me a long time to love myself and try to accept myself for who I am, since I was bullied quite a bit during my childhood for my weight and other things. However, even though Im starting to love myself, there are times where I become insecure but I usually keep it to myself unless someone makes me blurt it out.

✨speaking of insecure, I have really bad anxiety. Whenever I'm under pressure during a situation I have no idea how to fix, I start to pick at my skin, usually digging my nails into my skin to the point it draws blood. And whenever I'm around a lot of people, like at a store for example, I always feel like their eyes are on me which makes me feel very insecure and I keep my arms around my stomach to try to keep my nerves down. Whenever I feel my anxiety rise, my body start to twitch, especially my hands, so in order to calm it down I start to sketch out a drawing or listen to music to help me calm.

✨I was mentally and physically abused as a child so it takes me a while before I can truly open to someone. I always feel like I'm a burden to people when I speak out about my problems or my feelings, so I tend to keep them to myself. However, there are times where I just can't keep it in anymore, so I just let it all out to someone by either crying or speaking at high speed (pretty much gibberish) and tug really hard at my hair. Because of this, I love it when someone understands me or, even if they don't know what I've exactly been through, they're still there to help and support me no matter what.

✨I usually don't use words or describe my emotions in these types of situations, so I express it to my partner by actions. Such as hugging them tight, or crying in their shoulders. Because I'm always worried I'll say the wrong thing to someone. And whenever I do say something wrong, I apologise to them, but it still lingers in my head for a while before I can come to terms with it.

✨In many situations, I try to use my brain before acting out, but there are times where my emotions get the best of me.

✨I have an immense fear that I'll be forgotten by the people I love, or I lose someone close to me. It didn't bother me back then, but now it's become a big fear of mine.

✨ANYWAY- aside from the "that" stuff, I get really flustered whenever someone compliments me, or even remotely flirts with me. Sure, I flirt back or compliment to someone as well (even if it's cheesy sometimes-) but when it's directed to me, I blush SO hard and smile because Ive never been complimented a lot during my past, so I take compliments to heart a lot of the time.

✨My hobbies are Drawing/Painting, Reading, Writing, Video games, and Hanging out with my friends.

✨Drawing has always been my favorite hobby as long as I can remember. Through out the years, my art style has gotten better, even though I still don't have an officially art style for myself. I especially love to draw or sketch out the people I love, ocs, animals, and mythical creatures. Mostly dragons/wyverns since I've always been entranced by mythology and mythical creatures. Drawing, or sketching in general has helped me a lot with expressing my emotions and my creativity on paper.

✨Animation has always been my biggest aspiration and I'm currently saving up money so I can study in animation.

Anyways, I think imma stop my matchup ask here so I hope all of this information about me helps! Again, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with this matchup!

Hi Onyx!!!! You are NEVER bothering me!!! Thank you for sending in such a detailed bio for me! I just wanted to say, a lot of how you describe yourself sounds like me! Maybe its a fellow Aquarius thing? You are so so brave to be able to share so much about yourself with me, and I am so very thankful you felt safe to do so! <3 rooting for you and here for you if you need an ear, or shoulder. 

Alright, now. I have excluded Levi, Armin, and Connie because I believe those are the ones that are shorter than 5′5. 

I think the single thing that made me choose who I did for you was your love for art! I would match you up with....

Jean! 

We saw how much of an artist Jean was, and honestly that part stuck with me. 

Jean would be a good match for an ambivert such as yourself because I feel like he is a good balance of quiet contemplation and keeping to himself mixed with a very particular personality that can lean towards outgoing and sarcastic. 

I feel like Jean would be very respectful of what you wanted, and in time, would get more perceptive towards your needs. Did you agree to go out with your friends but as the day drew closer seemed a little hesitant about going out? He would be willing to be your scapegoat, telling your friends that he had something come up and you couldnt hang out anymore, or that there was some sort of leak or issue he caused and he needed you to stay behind to help with it. Essentially, he would be partner and that friend you call to bail you out of unfortunate situations all rolled up into one! 

At first, Jean would be the one who prompts you to talk and share more about yourself, but over time, as you grow more comfortable with him, you’d be the one dominating conversations, and he'd be absolutely fine with it! Just listening to you talk with an occasional hum or comment. 

Jean I think would be a mixture of actions and words. He is a little more vocal about sharing his emotions, but not by much. Hes mostly in his head with things and can come off as a little cold, but if you knew how he communicated his love, it would be obvious how much he cares. He does the little, mundane things to make life easier for you rather than profess his feelings all the time. When he notices how you cope with stressful environments, he'd be a great help. He'd gently take your hands and help you unfurl your clenched fist, or lacing your fingers with his to prevent you from picking at em. He would be that rock you need at the store, ushering you into a quiet aisle with an arm around your shoulder, making sure you're okay before resuming the shopping trip, planning out the optimal routes to take in order to minimize time spent in the store. 

The two of you would rarely get into arguments, mainly due to the fact that he could never really argue with you, also, you are just...never really angry. He would know better than to push your buttons or pick a fight so its usually pretty smooth sailing. 

You and jean’s everyday talk would be cute to listen to, him taking every opportunity to flirt or throw in a cheesy pickup line to make you smile. “good morning! its a beautiful day!”

“morning! You’re right. Gorgeous.” and hes looking straight at you and not at the blue skies smh 

Jean might be a little embarrassed or self conscious about his art, but would love to watch you sketch. He would go along with you to the park, or just out to explore new spots, sitting beside you quietly, sometimes laying his head in your lap as you sketch. That would be his ideal lazy afternoon. 

Overall, you two would be super cute! Everyone thinks so, but most importantly, the two of you would support each other, each helping the other grow in the best ways! 

Valentines Day Event 

[surrealsunday]

This is kind of embarrassing but what the hell, I'm gonna ask anyway. There is one moment in chapter 10, it stuck in my head and I can't stop thinking about it. “That can definitely be arranged. The other way too. If you want.” And that… is a thought. A very, very intriguing thought." So, I don't know if you take any requests, but maybe you could write something like drabble, where elu really want to try it the other way? Hopefully I'm not too pushy, please don't feel yourself obliged.

Not embarrassing to ask this at all! I totally get it. I actually went really back and forth on whether to write this for the epilogue. In the end I decided on the sex scene I included and felt it would have been a little overkill to have this scene as well (yes I hear you yelling at me lol). But it really was a scene I considered writing. I’m not sure if I’d write it as an addition or a one-shot. I will think it over. Mostly because... this might be a scene in the next fic. Of course that will be different characters and a different dynamic for Lucas and Eliott but it felt like the scene would be even more appropriate in that case - just fit the mood of the fic a little better and the narrative. So I was sort of saving my creativity for that one. But I won’t say never for this... truly I never really know how inspiration will strike. And it’s not pushy at all to ask - I’m flattered! Not at all bothered! <3 <3 <3

[hoardingthoughts]

Oh god. I just went to see all the things I've posted here the previous days. I'm full of embarrassment, and I am tempted to delete them, but a part of me tells me I shouldn't because those things that I said were true (during the moments of writing them) and show who I am. I feel like deleting them would mean that I'm not being true to myself. Besides, I know no one is going to see them. Maybe some will but won't care enough to read. I've lost the one and only follower I had (shout out to you, whoever you are.) So, yeah. I want to stay true to my feelings. I know it sounds like I'm being egotistic and unreasonable. “You just can't accept that you got carried away and started posting a bunch of embarrassing things. Now that you've calmed down and realized how harsh and vulgar they were, you refuse to accept that the things you said were far-fetched. It's like, voting for a politician then realizing how corrupted that politician actually is then realizing how you voting them was a mistake, then choosing to deny yourself anyway and continue to support them not because you truly like them, but because you can't accept the fact that you are stupid for voting the wrong person.” Weird analogy. Did you get that? Anyway. I sound like I'm just making excuses. I know, I regret saying and posting those things either, I don't very much agree with them now, but the idea here is that what I said before was somehow true upon the moment of saying it. Still confused? Think of it as like this. On March 1 I got angry at my friend. Then told him I hate him. Then on March 2 I wasn't angry anymore, and decided that I no longer hated him. So, technically, you could say what I said on March 1 about hating him was a lie and just a product of my rage. It might not be true on March 2 anymore, or March 3, or on any of the succeeding days (assuming that I never come to hate him again.) But it was true on March 1. It was true, because that day I was really angry at him and I hated him. Whatever. So that's the point. If I delete my previous posts, it's also like ripping pages off from my diary after realizing that what I wrote was complete bullshit. Well, it wasn't really bullshit. It made perfect sense on that particular day it was written. It just sounds bullshit to me in the present, because I'm not in the same mood I was when I wrote it. (I've figured this out when I wondered why I never got to fill my diary. I kept ripping pages off.) When you write in a diary, and you look back to the entries you made the previous week, previous months, previous years... you are bound to regret some of what you've written. But what do you do? Do you rip it off, burn it, and forget that it ever happened? Well some people might do just that, but I know the convention is that you're not supposed to. So. Another reason I'd like to keep those posts is that I want to have something to reminisce. You know, for a good laugh. Oh look what I said on March 23. Oh look what I said that year. I was so stupid back then, my god, can't believe I said that. I wonder what was on my mind. I don't want to get bothered. If I let it get to me, I know I'll just end up keeping on deleting every single post I will make, until this account becomes constantly empty, and all posts that are supposed to be accounts of my life become temporary. So. Sorry for all this cringe. Really. To my one follower, you can unfollow me now lol. Besides, I prefer it this way, it's very silent, and no one cares. Sometimes it's refreshing to know that no one cares.

[jhopeislovelifehappiness]

Hii!! Sorry to bother so much, but if you have time could you do a : "Are you jealous" x "I'd say Im sorry but I'm not" of Yoonseok please? Only if you have time and feel like it :)

Not sure this is the direction you wanted it to go, but here’s what I came up with lol

Hope you enjoy ^_^

Hoseok woke up one morning, the sun shining in through his window. He opened his eyes and smiled. Yoongi was beside him, only half dressed and drooling slightly. He laughed lightly at the scene before him, mostly because he was happy to have the privilege of getting to see it in the first place. He turned on his side and faced Yoongi and wrapped his arms around him. Yoongi opened his eyes. An annoyed look came across his face when he saw all of the sunlight streaming in through the window. Hoseok gave his boyfriend a long good morning kiss and then lept out of bed; he had a lot of practicing to do today.Yoongi made an angry sound and rolled back over in bed as Hoseok walked out the door.

Hoseok was the happiest he had been in his life; he and Yoongi had been together for a month or so, and he was so glad that he didn’t have to wonder anymore whether he was crazy for having such wild thoughts about Yoongi.Hobi tried to focus on his work, but Yoongi was the only thing on his mind. In an attempt to clear his mind for a while, Hoseok went back to the living area and sat down. Peace and quiet… at least for a little while.After only a few minutes, Hoseok’s precious silence was interrupted by boyish giggles from in the other room. He recognized the laughs as Jimin’s and Yoongi’s. He tried his best to ignore the noises, but he couldn’t stand it. What in the world was so funny?Hoseok walked over to the doorway of the room and took a look inside. Jimin and Yoongi were lying next to each other on Jimin’s bed, watching something on his laptop. Yoongi’s leg was draped over Jimin’s.“What’s so funny?” Hoseok asked.The two boys looked up and smiled.“Yah, Hobi, you should watch this!” Yoongi yelled.“Okay…” Hoseok said hesitantly.It was an epic fails compilation–nothing Hoseok hadn’t seen before. He didn’t find it very amusing, not when his boyfriend was having such a grand time with Jimin because of it. Hoseok wondered if he was being ridiculous for being somewhat angry about the situation, but even if he was being ridiculous he couldn’t change how he felt if he tried. He became quiet and attempted to laugh at some of the funnier videos, but Yoongi could tell that something was up. After the video ended, Hoseok rose and told the two boys that he needed to get back to work. On his way down the hallway, Yoongi ran up to him.“Hey, is something wrong?” he asked Hobi.Hobi didn’t want to be silly. Yoongi was just having a good time with a friend. No big deal, right?Before he could answer, Yoongi said,“Are you jealous?”Hoseok sighed.“Maybe just a little bit.. but it’s only because you looked like you were having such a good time with Jimin…”“You don’t need to be jealous,” Yoongi said.“Okay..” Hoseok said. “Sorry.”“It’s okay, you have nothing to be sorry for.”The conversation was painfully awkward, so Hobi said, “Okay,” and went on his way.

Hoseok found it a bit easier to practice after that.

After a few hours of work, the rest of the boys entered the practice room. They spent hours and hours doing reps of songs and perfecting their moves. Hoseok worked hard, so hard that he just couldn’t work anymore. He went back to his room and fell asleep quickly; it was only 5:00 pm.

When Hoseok woke up, it was 2:00 am. There was no sunshine coming through his window, and Yoongi was not beside him. He laid there for a long time, not moving, staring at the ceiling. Eventually, however, he got up to go to the bathroom. He could use a shower.Hoseok grabbed his things and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. All was quiet in the other rooms, until he reached the bathroom door. There was the sound of giggling inside.Hoseok’s heart flared at the sound. It was Jimin and Yoongi. There was quiet mumbling between the two boys that he couldn’t quite make out, and then there was moaning. Lots and lots of it…Hoseok was utterly distraught. His boyfriend was cheating on him, with their friend. Jimin probably had no idea that Yoongi had been sleeping with Hoseok at all. They had never really spoken about it to anybody. But Yoongi knew what he was doing, and that was what made it worse.Hoseok’s eyes burned with the tears that he tried to hold back. It felt as if there were a gaping hole in his chest. He thought that Yoongi loved him… He must have thought wrong.Hoseok walked quietly back to his room and cried. He fell asleep on a damp pillow that morning.

When Hoseok woke up again, it was 9:00 am. He hadn’t expected to wake up that late, but it was a day off for him anyway. He turned on his side, but Yoongi was not there. He soon recalled the events that had occurred only hours before, and suddenly the world felt cold. Hoseok wrapped himself up in his sheets and laid there motionless.It felt like hours had gone by. Hoseok needed to use the bathroom and his stomach growled frequently, but he didn’t feel like getting up. He didn’t want to see Yoongi, or Jimin, or the bathroom either. It would all be too much.There was a knock on the door. It was Yoongi. Hoseok didn’t care. He did not reply.Yoongi let himself into the room, and Hoseok pretended to be asleep. It didn’t help that Yoongi crawled under the sheets next to him and quietly encouraged him to get up.Hobi was too fed up to even pretend. He opened his eyes instantly. Yoongi stared into his eyes. “You were awake?”Hobi said nothing.“What’s wrong?”Still nothing.Yoongi sighed and looped his arms around Hoseok.Hoseok was disgusted with Yoongi’s touch. He wanted nothing to do with him, and yet there he was letting him hold him. Oh, how weak he was.Hoseok got out of Yoongi’s embrace and sat up.“I heard you and Jimin last night,” he said blankly.Yoongi stiffened and sat next to Hobi.“Yeah?”The fact that Yoongi did nothing to try to apologize or make things better only brought tears to Hobi’s eyes.“Yeah,” he whispered. His voice would not work.Yoongi tried to speak,“Look-” he began, but he couldn’t find the words. “I-” he tried again. Yoongi sighed sadly. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”Hoseok couldn’t believe his ears. After all that he and Yoongi had together, he had no sympathy?Yoongi began again, “I’m kind of bad with commitment, and…”Hoseok scoffed.“That’s your excuse?” he said quietly. He wanted to sound harsh but he couldn’t speak that way to Yoongi.“That’s not what I meant. I don’t think you understand,” Yoongi said. “I care about you both.”Hoseok pitied himself for feeling hopeful at that statement.“Well you obviously don’t,” Hoseok argued. “I bet you didn’t even tell Jimin about us.”Yoongi nodded in agreement.“You’re right, I didn’t. It’s because I knew something like this would happen.”“Then why didn’t you just break up with me or whatever and run over to him? You even told me that I had nothing to be jealous of!” Hobi said.Yoongi looked disappointed. Not in Hoseok, but in himself.“I care about you both…” he said.“But you don’t.”“I do.”Hoseok was done arguing.“Can you please leave?” he asked angrily.“No,” Yoongi said. “I care about you, okay?” He reached out to Hoseok, trying to hold his hand, but Hoseok swatted him away.“What’s wrong with you?” Hoseok asked, bewildered.Yoongi became embarrassed. His cheeks flushed, and he looked down at his hands.“Look,” he said. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way…”Hoseok groaned.“I’m serious!” Yoongi said. “Please just hear me out.”Hoseok nodded impatiently for him to go on.“I…. I believe that… it’s possible to love more than one person at a time, okay?” Yoongi stammered. “I know it’s weird, and I’m sorry that you had to get caught up in my… unorthodox lifestyle, but I’m not sorry for what I did. I just… I really like both of you and I didn’t want things to be weird for you guys.”Hoseok was speechless.Yoongi looked up and him and sighed. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do this anymore, we can stop if you want.”“No,” Hoseok said. “I want to be with you. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me earlier.”Yoongi tried to keep his cool, but he knew now that keeping things from Hoseok was in fact a bad decision.“I- I don’t know what to tell you.”“Maybe an apology would help,” Hoseok said angrily.Yoongi made a face.“Okay, I’m sorry.” Hoseok gave him the evil eye, and Yoongi added, “I truly am.”“Thank you,” Hoseok said. “Now maybe we can work something out–together.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: Not to cause drama but your man can't stay away 😂💓 insisted on giving me the caravan keys himself this morning babes Janis: 'Cos he's not my man, go hog wild Grace: OH HUNNY NO 😭 WHAT HAPPENED? OMG DID HE GO TOO FAR WITH THE PRETTY WOMAN SITU Janis: No, sadly I'm not 3 grand better off for it, Grace. Janis: Just run its course, I'm over it. Grace: I can't believe he'd use you like that! 🐖 After you took him on hols too OUTRAGEOUS 😧 Grace: You'll be okay though babe you are better off if he's gonna be like that Grace: OMG ITS THE CURSE OF SKERRIES! REMEMBER ME AND TY Janis: Maybe I used him? Ever think of that Janis: Nah, I don't...which one was that Grace: That's right gurl ♀ take control of the narrative Grace: You dumped him, consider it announced 💋 Grace: He had that well buff neck tat, remember? Janis: Its the truth. Nothing happened anyway, not proper. Janis: I'd rather keep it to myself but if you must, cheers Janis: Ahh, borstal boy Grace: 🙊 Gotcha 😇 Grace: Is that in 11? He was from there Grace: Anyway you should come on my juice cleanse Janis: No Grace, lol never mind, don't worry about it Janis: How am I gonna work out with nothing but a belly full of juice? I need protein Janis: but I wouldn't hate the vitamins and electrolytes, sometimes Grace: Oh Jan-Jan EVERYONE else manages it 🙄 but you are going through a break up 😢 just don't eat your feelings too hard. Asia's still trying to lose lbs 2 boys later 🙈 Grace: Yayyy! Come to town with me. It's lush there. 😜 drinks aren't bad either lol Janis: That's because you all only do half an hour of light cardio at best Janis: No I'm not, and there are no feelings to eat, I'll be in better shape now he's gone, more time to hit the gym, no more cafe shit Janis: Asia just wants an excuse to get fat, in or out of a relationship Janis: Not today, I'm busy but tomorrow lunch maybe Janis: I cba to be at school for any more time than is required Janis: might throw a sickie Grace: Rude! I know you're hurting but there's no need to come for me and my gym routine Grace: You don't have to pretend with me, babes 🤗 Grace: Unfair, Jan! She's been to WW and everything! It's so sad. Such a struggle Grace: YES! I'll phone in too. We can have a duvet day together. SISTER TIME SICKIE Grace: 💕 You'll feel better in no time Janis: I truly ain't. Janis: And if you don't want me to come for it, try harder, same goes for Asia. Janis: If she actually wanted it, she could, simple as. Janis: Nah, you have to spread my side of the story, don't you? Need you on the frontlines Janis: Plus, I'm going nan and grandad's, not home Grace: EXCUSE YOU BITCH I WAS AT THE GYM FOR 3 HOURS LAST NIGHT Grace: Okay yeah good point, can't let him chat shit about you after everything ugh Janis: Taking selfies? Lol, alright, alright, well done you Janis: I'm sure he won't.. Janis: It'll be everyone else Janis: Don't try and 'come' for him, Grace, that would be so embarrassing. Just set other people right, that's what I mean, right? Grace: thnx 😘 Grace: Boys can't even help themselves Grace: Oh Jan I'm not gonna fight him!! 😂 Don't worry I got this Janis: Yeah but just don't even chat to him Janis: I know YOU can't help yourself Janis: but I don't need it, Grace Grace: 🤐 Going to him for goss? Please. I'd never. Grace: He'd only lie anyway Grace: I can't 🤞 to hold the girls back tho Janis: For God's sake, its none of their business Janis: This is what I mean, everyone getting involved, can't people just leave it Grace: Bailey did lock lips with him first, babe Grace: You can't blame her for feeling wronged Janis: Yeah I can, when she practically grabs up on boys like Trump Janis: Its not on Janis: If she wants to try again, she can, she don't need to drag my name into her piss-poor attempt at chat Grace: Your ex WOULD say it went down like that 🙄 Grace: He's so gross! I shouldn't have let you near him 😧 Janis: It isn't just him Janis: she's getting herself a worse rep than she already had Grace: OMG JANIS STOP SLUT SHAMING MY FRIEND Grace: I can't believe my twin is such a bad feminist Janis: I can't believe you're siding with the abuser, and not believing a victim Janis: If you wanna chat that bullshit Janis: so leave it out Grace: You shouldn't throw words like that around. It's no joke Janis: It isn't. Janis: Let JGG know before she gets in trouble Grace: YOU STILL LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU? 😭 SO SAD Grace: I get you siding with your boy now Grace: poor Jan-Jan. I'll get him back for you don't worry Janis: No, it wasn't that deep, it was only a few months, get real Janis: Never did Janis: I don't want him back, focus on getting him for yourself, like you always wanted Grace: Oh honey...whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie Grace: I hate hearing you like this Grace: He really did a number on you 😢 Grace: We'll say no more about him Janis: I'm not you, Grace. I don't have to pretend it was love in the moment, or after, just to make myself fell better and to let the world know I'm not a skank. Janis: Good, stop talking, you've got no idea. Grace: DON'T TAKE YOUR MOOD OUT ON ME I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP Janis: Well you're not so stop trying, thanks Grace: Well now I know what to get you for christmas ffs! Grace: You need therapy, girl Grace: No-one else can talk to you when you're like this Janis: I hope you've not pulled me in secret santa, 'cos you're almost as bad at gifting as 'helping' Janis: you can't either, you just like the sound of your own voice Janis: and i'm the fucked up one, lol Grace: Mum and dad will send you, you know, they're always chatting about it Grace: see how edgy you are then Janis: good luck, i'm capable of keeping my mouth shit for more than five minutes Janis: no wonder all your boyfriends use yours then bounce, who could bare you Janis: if we weren't related to you, none of us would Grace: Maybe that's your problem, babe. Jimmy obvs wasn't feeling the strong silent type Grace: At least I've had boyfriends you've done it once and think you're an expert Grace: No wonder he got fed up Janis: Yeah, he's really after a girl just like you, that's why he does everything possible to avoid you Janis: You're the clueless one, Cher lol Grace: It's hilarious to me that you think I was ever interested in your fuckboy barista Grace: Both lads he works with are well fitter for a start Grace: I was happy for you, doesn't mean I'd be happy to go there Janis: You're so blatant the old dears having their pot of tea went to fucking pray for you after Janis: The idea you think you're slick enough that he didn't notice, I didn't notice, that the whole fucking town isn't aware who you want to ride next, is what's hilarious Janis: Sort yourself out, its embarrassing Grace: Nothing could be as embarrassing as having you for a sister 😂 Grace: Go cry to nan babes I'm over it Janis: The feeling's more than mutual, GracieGuru Janis: No one crying but you, as per Grace: As if I'd waste the mascara. Get a life Janis: I've got one, and it isn't yours to share; a fact you haven't been able to stand since you fell out of mum with me Grace: 😂 WHERE? You've got no friends, no lad and you hang out with our grandparents most nights Grace: so much to envy Janis: and yet, I'd sooner that than yours Janis: and that's what's really sad Janis: poor wittle gracie poo Grace: Next time you go running just keep going like Grace: Nobody'll mind here Janis: Yeah, 'cos they all love you Janis: You don't fit in Janis: Changeling baby, nowhere else to go Janis: Mum always liked taking in strays Grace: Must've been why she kept you Janis: Burn Grace: If you fit in so well why are you never here Grace: Too busy thinking you're above me to bother with the rest. That's sad Janis: Cos I can't fucking stand you, Grace Janis: and if I'm anywhere within a mile radius of you, I'm liable to kill you Janis: and you aren't worth the prison time Grace: Wow I'm so intimidated Janis: You aren't meant to be Janis: No one here but you needs to front Janis: Its the truth, you make my life hell Grace: Chats the girl who does nothing but Grace: You only went out with the barista because you THOUGHT I was interested Grace: Such a loser move Grace: Don't expect me to feel bad for you Janis: Jokes on you because I didn't go out with him Janis: He wanted you and your marauding band of molesters to get the hint and leave him and the others alone Janis: and you just made yourself look more and more idiotic every time, just been laughing about you behind your back this whole time Janis: It was a laugh Janis: So, do you get it now, hun? I'm not devvo, I'm just bored of making a fool out of you when you're happy to do it by yourself every day of your life Grace: Like I'd believe that. He dumped you because you're so crap you can't even make a candlelit bath sexy, cope with it Janis: Believe what you want, sweetheart, I'm not the one that's full of shit Grace: Yeah you are Janis: Oh honey...whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie Grace: @yourself next time babes Janis: you already did Janis: i bow to your infinite wisdom Janis: you should write a blog, oh wait- you already do and no one fucking reads it, 'cos you're a basic bitch giving children life advice like you have any idea what you're doing Grace: And you do? 😂 Faking a relationship for MONTHS to mess with me when all I've been is supportive about you getting a lad in the first place Grace: Such a good one of yours Janis: Yeah, this is hilarious Janis: like you ain't reacting exactly how I hoped you would, you pathetic bitch Janis: I knew it was fake, you need to catch yourself on Janis: fake friends, fake fun, fake boyfriends, fake happiness Janis: its honestly sad, you need therapy Grace: Yeah I need to catch myself on to how pathetic you are for literally living a cliche so bad it wouldn't air on CW Grace: To think I thought you were actually sorting yourself out. That's sad Janis: and yet, you and your gal pals lap up every episode Janis: just like you did here, so predictable i could set a watch to you Janis: what, to be like you? you're so sorted? Janis: no one wants to be like you grace, no one would ever want that Janis: you can joke and hashtag about goals, but if having to see you is anything like having to be you Janis: i'd sooner join edie Grace: That's a sick thing to say. Don't bring her into your bullshit, Janis Janis: MY bullshit? Janis: This ain't nothing but you, as per Janis: You're like fucking black mould, spreading everywhere, ruining everything, suffocating us all Janis: and I can talk about her all I fucking want, fuck you Janis: just cos you wanna pretend she didn't exist Grace: No I don't I just don't think it's fair that you use her death to play the victim with me now Grace: To say you'd rather die than deal with your bs is gross Janis: Yeah its only okay when you do it Janis: woe is you Janis: suicide is so gross ew Janis: what a problematic cunt you are Grace: You using it to guilt me is Grace: If you want to kill yourself don't put that on me Grace: You gonna leave me tapes? Fuck off Janis: Why not? Janis: Someone's at fault Janis: we all know who's fault it was Edie died Janis: its no secret Grace: And I'm at fault for your EVERY issue, sure Jan Grace: Don't take any responsibility at all Janis: Did I say that? Janis: You're a cunt, own it Janis: Don't pretend you care, 'cos I didn't ask you to and it does fuck all for me or you Janis: I'm not interested in being your sister, never mind anything beyond a familial tie so drop dead, sincerely Grace: I do care, bitch. How dare you. Grace: Yeah like death fixes anything. I'd still be your sister. Cope with it Janis: At least you'd be my dead sister, that's easier Grace: Yeah because you handle it all so well Janis: Better than I handle having to be anywhere near you Janis: Don't you get it yet? I hate you Grace: Then don't be. Run away to Grandad's. Nobody is bothered I already told you Janis: You are, you delusional cunt! Janis: You always try to talk to me, you won't leave me the fuck alone Janis: who started this conversation Janis: I do everything that's humanly possible to avoid you and you still won't sto

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Hii!! I'm really sorry it took me so long, but here i am once again. You also had a busy week? Eveything okay? You babysitted your cousin again? Jajajajajaj noo. That would be very sad. Do not miss the concert because of that! Bring them ans then you'll see. I saw pics of one of his concerts were people had ballons and it looked wonderful! (1)

Hi love!!  Seriously, don’t worry about how long it takes you to answer me. I know your busy, and you have to study and all that, so… And yeah, last week was a bit busy, so out of normalcy, jajajja. Bc I never have things to do,lol.Yeah, I’ll bring the balloons 🎈 and I’ll see what I do. If it’s a success I’ll take a pic to show you,jajaja. That concert that Niall streamed the other day? They have balloons, jejejeje. It’s from where I got the idea 😅.

I know what a Diskman is, but i nevver had one. Anyway, i was not laughing of Andy and Lucas. I cannot judge since i have only heard one spng that was included in the Singstar Karaoke🤷. Wow, you had a good time in the 2000. You saw the most famous ones!! Ed was magical. His live was so good!! He was there all alonne and he pulled it off so well. Very lively😍 I almost cried when it ended (2)

Jajajajaaja, I know you weren’t laughing at it, jajajaja (but I totally was, lol, it’s so embarrassing). But I guess I was a teen and they were our own one direction,jajajajajajaja (no! Nada que ver!!) You think? I’ve always thought I didn’t go to a lot of concerts. I love music and concerts, so I guess I just wish I could go to a lot more,jajajajaa. Oh Ed… I’ve seen some videos of his concerts, and I want to go to one. He came to Spain around my birthday in 2014? And I wanted to go, but the place was very small and the tickets were sold out in a few minutes. I didn’t fight for them too much, either,jajaja. I’m happy you enjoyed it!!! That feel at the end of a concert is the best and the worst at the same time.

Noo! He is not disgusting. Poor baby. JAJAJAJAJ. You really managed to find a larrie at the concert? It could have been any fan, or even a het one, and you found the larrie? Lucky girl!! Yep. She is updated on everything. Only thing she doesnt follow is Harry’s suits, which is a pity because they are The Best and I dont even like fasion but still they make me want to chance my mind. I would love to see him at the Met Gala. He would be the king of the event. (3)

Oh, my baby, I love him, jajajaja, but he’s so weird… 🤣🤣🤣🤣.Not only did I find a larrie. I sold her my tickets,jajajaja. But lol, we were so afraid someone would hear us talking and say something to us 😅😅.Genuine question: how does she keep updated? I’m always missing things, and I live in tumblr, jajajaa. I don’t know how people can keep up with everything!    I’m always thinking I’m doing something wrong,jajajajaj.Harry’s suit are in another league. I admire him just for being brave enough to wear them. He would be the king at a Met Gala. But it bothers me that they always talk only about what women wear at those events. He should start walking red carpets to show the world how do you wear suits,jajajaja.

Is it later already? Can we talk about you being a witch? Yay!! You already started the tag. I now have a tag😎 i feel cool. (I’m jealous of your cousin-in-law (?) too. Uni would be much easier with that ability). I feel a bit stupid, but i cannot understand how they can say he is slow while at the same time he is doing all of that, but, Go little boy!! I’m cheering on you! (4)

Jajajja, we have this joke in my family where we say I’m half witch,jajaja. It’s just I’ve have night dreams sometimes, that predicted the future? Jajajajaj like once I had a dream about a girl how comes to the shop. In the dream, she was at the hospital,very ill. Well, I had been a few weeks I haven’t see her, and I told my sister about my dream. I didn’t thought anything about the dream. But that same evening that girl’s mom went to the shop. And my sister told her about my dream. And the mom told my sister that her daughter has been hospitalized for more than a week, very ill (but she was already recovered). My sister called me immediately after,jjajaja.Then, another night I dreamed with two crows. I was walking down an empty road, and they were flying behind me. One closer to me than the other. (Ufff, I still get anxious thinking about it). When I woke up I looked up the meaning of dreams, and find out that crows mean death. Well, the next month my brother-in-law’s granny died. And the next week my cousin. (See? One closer to me that’s the other…) I was so scared back then… And well, I’m always having those gut feelings, or whatever they are. Like last year I predicted the date when that baby girl I’ve talked to you about was going to be born,jajajaja. My sister is always asking me to see the future,jajajaja. But it’s something I don’t control,p (and don’t fully believe, jajajaa) eh eh!!! I just remember another thing!!! Jajajaja, fandom related, even. One day I was taking a nap, when Suddenly Louis came into my dream telling (about something he had bought for D*nielle😅): it’s Gucci! It’s Gucci!! Well, I woke up after that and opened tumblr. And there were new pics of Louis wearing that jumper with a bee and a fence phrase? And everyone was crazy screaming IT’S GUCCI!! IT’S GUCCI!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣. And I was still half sleep thinking: I did it again…😅.

Yeah!! You ARE cool. And now have your own tag!!jajajjaWell, I don’t understand that about my cousin, tbh. And I don’t know how to explain it either. He knows (or memorizes) those things, but I’m not sure if he understands what they mean. But also then he has trouble understanding simple things. Like if he wants to eat something (chocolate) and you tell him that he has to eat dinner first, and then he can eat the chocolate, he doesn’t get it. And it’s not like other stubborn kids. It’s just he doesn’t understand what late means. Or he doesn’t like to have his hair cut, because he thinks it won’t ever grow out again. Same with cutting his nails. I’ve discovered now that he doesn’t mind having them filed out (Limadas), so I do his nails whenever he has them too long,jejeje.

Yes!! You really did manage to put rainbows on the cake. How smart and sneaky. And it looks so good😍. You did all that? JAJAJAJJAA Listen, i would trade my non existent masculinity for those marshmallows and i dont even like them. Thats how good they look. Yeah, nop. I’m not going to do that. We arent that close anymore, i probably wont see her for a couple of months and i dont think she would listen. She only sent it to me bcs “ tu eres feminista y toda esas tonterias” and wow. Okaaay. (5)

I’m pleased to inform you that that cake was a totally success,jajajaja. Someone saw while I was making it and asked me if it were for a gay parade? I just told him it was for a baby. Well, I make another similar one yesterday and he saw it again. And he started making rude comments about gays, and how they’re expanding like a disease, just because it’s a trend now to be gay. AND I CAN’T YELL AT HIM!!! 😡😡 I just sent him a very mean look (convine these 😒🤨 emojis and that was my face) and ignored him till he went away. I HATE THAT PEOPLE!! So ignorant. But they’re worse, bc the talk like they know what they’re talking about or like they are right. And NO! Aggggg.🙄“Tú eres feminista y todas esas tonterías” wow, why didn’t she ask you for more help!! She sounds so kind… (since this is written, I’m reading that how better I please,jejje. Maybe he’s kinder that how that sounds…). Well, there’s nothing worst that people how doesn’t want to learn and hear, so… sometimes it’s simpler to ignore them 😒.

I tried explaining it to my others friends though, pointing the flaws of the sentences and they just thought i was being picky. So…i tried, but they are not going to change their minds. Which, fair enough. Oh nooo. Poor kittens :( My examens are starting next week. But this week i have to finish some assignments and they are nightmares. I have cried many times this week because of them. I hate theeeem. (Not much to keep you informed but okay. I will). (6)

Uggggg, I don’t have any advice for you. I never went to uny, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ Take it the more easy you can, but it’s something you have to go through to reach you goal, so. Look at that,jejeje, your goal. And after all this work, summer is waiting for you, so, another thing to look for up,jajaja. Good luck with everything.

Also, that story was horrifying but useful i guess?? That CD sounds heavenly. I would buy it too (but like, in a year or so bcs thats how i work xd). It wasnt “tomorrow”. And still, no news. I’m waiting for some announcement. I just want something to change. I hope the future brings only good things to Lou. Pretty please? Yeeees. Liam was/is everywhere and i’m all in for that. L, you are doing amazing sweetie. 😍 (9 of 10)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 YOU’RE SO FUNNY!!! Jajajajajaja.Yeah, it wasn’t tomorrow, nor yesterday, nor ever. I’m so impatient!!! Did you see he reappeared today?? He’s just so cute. He has had his hair cut again. I love his hair like that 😍😍. Please, let it be an announcement soon!! (I’ve read theories about him letting his contracts run out so he can free, and if that’s the case, I’m all for it, lol, even if I have to keep waiting for another year (please no)).Liam is truly everywhere. It makes me so happy. The other day the played For You in Pasapalabra (I don’t know if that’s a common thing, bc I don’t watch tele5). And yesterday they talked about him in all the programs at Los40. Mentioning his appearance at the festival. And the have tweeted something’s about him. And I don’t care if they use him as clock baiting, if they talk about him, I’m happy.

(Just read that you were working today. I reckon you didnt babysit your cousin. Oops. I never guess correctly). You went to the doctor? I dont want to pry, but are you okay? I hope you are good!!!💕 1 day until Niall show!!! It’s already thereeeee😱😱😱😍 Ooh. My weekend was dull, i studied and that was it. Thanks for asking!! What about you? Anything interesting? Have a good night!😘😘😘 (10)

Yeah, I had to work yesterday, AND babysit too, jajaja. But we have some spare space at the shops, so I took my cousin there, and between my mom and I , took care of him. So, yes, you were correct. Your memory is better than mine (a lot better).Yeah, I went to the doctor. Everything is okay, thanks for asking,jeeje. They just have to check my lungs and heart for some surgery I want/need to take (but I don’t talk about it yet, jejeje, bc I don’t want to jinx my luck,jejjje).TOMORROW I’LL BE SEEING NIALL!!!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! How is your sister doing???? Jajajjajaja I’m so nervous/excited!!!! Jekjdnffieornvonerv I did my nails this morning, and of course, I got and Irish flag on one of them,jajajaja.. I can’t wait anymoreeeeee. I hope I can take good videos,jajaja, and that we’re close enough to see his nostrils,🤣🤣🤣🤣.The most interesting thing of my week haven’t happened yet,jajaja. I’ll tell you everything on Sunday (bc Souter day I’ll be dead and have to work 😩😩😩).Tell your sister to have the time of her life. And ask her to FaceTime you for a bit so can see Niall at least!!(still wishing you could go too. Another time, I guess).Have a good day/weekend/week. And don’t stress yourself about answering.

Pd: for how long do you have exams? I hope it isn’t too long. Are they finals? (I know nothing about this 😅)