#anyway i'm going to sleep and idk if i'll be on much tomorrow since i'll be at an amusement park yay

[xdjville]

nct dream's voicemails

pairing: nct dream x gn!reader

genre: really all of them are different genres so idk buckle up; angst, established relationship (mark); comfort, established relationship (renjun); friends who have a thing going on and the dreamies are menaces (jeno); classmates, acquaintances but you're kinda cute (haechan); sick reader, fluff, established relationship (jaemin); basketball player and his "friend", bonus: he's drunk (chenle); idol x non idol, established relationship, kind of angsty if you squint but not really (jisung)

cw: cursing in mark's and jeno's, chenle's under the influence and he calls reader "pretty"

#mark

"i'm sorry. look, i... i know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, i get it. i shouldn't have said any of that and i'm so fucking sorry. i hate what i did and i have no excuse for being an asshole to you, but it's been almost two hours since you left and honestly i'm so worried i'm losing my mind. you don't have to come back yet, or call me back if you don't want to, but please, for the love of god, just let me know you're somewhere safe. shit, i'm so, so sorry. let's talk when you're ready, okay? i'll sleep on the couch tonight, so if you come back you can take the bedroom. i'm sorry. i love you."

#renjun

"hi, y/n. i'm sorry for calling so late, but, uh, i wanted to check up on you, you seemed a bit off today. maybe i'm imagining things, i don't know, but i couldn't stop thinking about it so i still wanted to ask. you don't have to tell me now, we can talk about it whenever you're comfortable, or not at all if you don't want to. just know i'm here for you, okay? it's normal to have worse days, so i'll try not to worry too much. i hope you'll feel better when you wake up in the morning. call me tomorrow, hm? we can go to that new ice cream place you told me about. sleep well, love you."

#jeno

"jesus, can you guys shut the fuck up– hey, uh, sorry for that, it's jeno. um, i'm calling because we're going to get some drinks at the bar down the street later tonight, and i– we were wondering if you maybe wanna tag along? we thought it could be fun hanging out outside of class since the semester is almost over. it's fine if you're busy though, no pressure. we're going out around, uh, nine, i think? so if you're up, call me back and i'll give you the details, yeah? alright, that's all, talk to you later. seriously, you guys are such fucking–"

#haechan

"uhm... hi, it's donghyuck. you probably didn't pick up since you don't have my number, but, uh, i called tell you that you left your sunglasses at the library yesterday. i asked mark for your number because we won't see each other untill chem next week and i thought you might need them, so... if you'd like to get them back just let me know? we could meet at the library again, or at get a coffee... or something. or i can give them to you in chem. whatever works for you! i don't mind either. just, uh, just let me know, okay? bye."

#jaemin

"hi, baby. how are you holding up? you must be sleeping, that's good. you need a lot of rest, hm? i hope by the time you're listening to this you will be feeling a little better. did your fever go down yet? there's food from my mom that i left in your fridge, you should eat that, i'm sure it's going to set you up. remember to stay hydrated too, yeah? i'll drop by with some groceries tonight, so let me know if you want anything specific. now rest well, love, i'll see you later."

#chenle

"y/n... you told me to call you when i get home, so why didn't... why aren't you pickin' up? well i– i'm home now, and, uh... renjun drove me there, so don't worry. anyways... i wanted t'say thank you, for coming to the game today. i honestly think we won only because you were there. you looked like... really, really... pretty. like... super pretty. when you, uh, hugged me after the match, i almost kissed you, you know? you're like my lucky charm... yeah, my lucky charm. i wanted to kiss you really bad. i wish you were here now so i could kiss you. can you come over tomorrow? mhm, 'm gonna go to bed now. bye, y/n–"

#jisung

"hey, how are you doing? it must be the middle of the night for you, you're probably asleep. i hope i didn't wake you up, i'm sorry if i did... i called you because i wanted to hear your voice. i, uh... i miss you, a lot. we had a day to ourselves to explore a bit, it was fun! it really was. but the whole time i couldn't stop thinking about how much more fun it would be with you there. i didn't want to kill the mood for the others, but i couldn't help missing you more today. did you miss me more, too? maybe it's like a soulmate thing... god, i sound so cheesy right now. anyways, the guys said they miss you too. chenle said we should all get hotpot together when we're done with the tour. sounds nice, right? oh, this voicemail is getting long... let's talk when you wake up, i'll call you after the concert. i lo– i miss you. sleep tight."

#taglist ➼♡ @bambisnc @suzayaaa

©xdjville

[kayrrhin]

hello!

i saw your commissions were opened after a fic i read, idk if you write for multiple characters but i’d like to request for robin, law, cora, yamato, and ace, with no peculiar pronouns for the reader, it can be fluff or nsfw, as you feel more comfortable with!

feel free to add more or not write for some ofc, no pressure it’s totally understandable, don’t overdo yourself, please and thanks!

I'm going to be honest, you made a commission which literally features all of my all time favorite babies so let's goooo, i also assumed it was all separated since there were no specification, good reading!

3am baking

characters: Robin, Law, Corazon, Yamato, Ace

fluff, use of pet names, ft. teenager law in Cora's part

Reader's gender is not referred so it can be any gender

Warnings: use of swear words, a bit suggestive at Law's part, french

Robin:

"wow, so far it looks good!"

You looked at the cupcakes you and your girlfriend were making, so far there was only the dough but wow it looked good.

"I'm amazed that we're able to make such good cupcakes at this time of day, at least so far the dough is good!"

You grin at the archeologist and wipe some of the flour off her nose.

"Thanks, love."

You smiled and began to put the dough into the moulds, putting them in the oven.

"Now all we have to do is wait!"

Robin put her arms around you from behind and kissed your temple,

"I just hope Sanji doesn't take this the wrong way"

You chuckled a little

"The only thing Sanji might do is cry because we made it ourselves and he didn't cook it for us, or be amazed because it's going to be super good!"

You kissed her cheek and smiled proudly.

"haha, I guess you're right, I have to say though, what a strange urge to want to cook at such an hour, darling"

"Yes, I know, but at least we'll have snacks to read"

She smiles sweetly and kisses you, her soft lips resting on yours.

"Actually, I just hope they're still good tomorrow"

You looked up in a thinking manner for a bit,

"aaah you're right...it's probably going to be a little drier depending on how it goes..."

Your lover chuckled and kissed you.

"Don't worry too much, with a bit of tea it's going to be great, love"

After a little while you finished the cupcakes and boy were they good, as was the sleep you got afterwards.

Law

"You're messing up your sleep schedule right now."

Your boyfriend said, watching you make cookie dough,

"Oh, you're one to talk! At least it's not to overwork myself but to make cookies!"

You smile and continue to work on your work of art, but you feel someone approaching you.

"Let me help you at least, it might be fun... I guess."

He seemed a little embarrassed but helped you with the cookies anyway,

"Aaaw, thanks, love!"

You smiled at him and continued to bake, when the dough was separated, the surgeon put them in the oven, setting the temperature correctly.

"Can you put a timer on please?"

"Yep, I got it!"

You set the timer and start waiting, Law lifts you up to sit on the counter and kisses you on the forehead.

"I'll never understand how you can cook for ten people in the middle of the night"

He then kisses your jaw and puts his hands on your waist,

"I'll say it's my will to eat that gives me this strength, or a mental breakdown"

He chuckled and kissed your lips, slowly moving down to your neck, kissing it and leaving a few marks here and there, he started to get a little more impatient only for the timer to remind you both that the cookies were still in the oven,

"Yes! My cookies!"

You got off the counter, took out the cookies and turned off the oven.

"wooow, these look dashing!"

"Yes. They are."

You laugh, seeing your boyfriend a little frustrated by the sudden stop,

"Come on, sweetheart, we can continue where we left off for a few minutes, the cookies still need to cool."

"I don't know if I love you or hate you, [Name]-ya"

Corazon

"I'm surprised we made it this far without burning the kitchen down!"

You've finished putting your mixture on the plate to put what will soon be brownies in the oven,

"Me too, you've really taken the easiest thing to do"

Your lover wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to his giant body.

"Yeah, I figured at 3am, burning the house down wasn't the best way to make something"

You laugh, nuzzling your face into his chest, him, resting his head on top of yours.

"You're right, I'm not sure Law would like us to set the house on fire."

He pulled his face closer to yours and kissed the tip of your nose, then your temple, and lips.

"He'd probably kick our asses if we did, I wonder who the real adults are"

You both laughed and stayed like that for a little while, to be fair the reason he hadn't set the kitchen on fire was because you were making sure he wasn't near anything that could catch fire, mainly his coat which was left in the living room for that specific reason.

"I think the brownies are good, let me turn off the stove"

You did so and smelled the brownies,

"wow, that smells really good, mi vida, we did a great job!"

He kissed you on the cheek and stumbled, causing you to lose your balance.

"OH FUCK—"

You looked at the brownies that were about to fall out, but they were replaced by a pillow.

"hah?"

"Can you be careful??? First I wake up because you can't keep it down, when I get up you're immediately about to injure yourself, and you're the adults here?"

"Right! Sorry we woke you up..."

"and thanks for saving us from a third degree burn!"

The teenager looked at you both and sighed.

" It's okay, plus it smells good, it would be sad to let it go to waste"

You look at your partner and both laughed

"Well, I guess it couldn't have gone without at least one little mistake"

Yamato

"Woooh! [Name], look, it's growing!"

You giggled at your golden retriever boyfriend who was looking at the gateau au yaourt in the stove.

"Yeah, that's the baking powder, baby"

Your boyfriend looked at you in awe, it was the first time in a long time he'd cooked in a real kitchen, so when you said you wanted to make a cake at 2:56am, he looked at you and instantly got up, already jumping towards the kitchen.

"This is so cool! And it smells so good too! My love, you are so good at baking! You are a god/goddess!"

Your boyfriend lifted you up in his arms, you laughed at his gesture.

" Pretty boy, I think you're over-reacting, I only have basic cooking skill"

He laughed and peppered your face with kisses, which made you giggle.

"Love, can you put me down? I need to turn off the oven"

"Oh yes, sorry!"

He puts you down and lets you reach the oven, you turn it off and take out the chocolate cake, the smell of the cake reaches your nostrils, but you smell something else, like vanilla.

"Wow, that smells good, you know why it smells like va...ni...la?", Finishing your sentence, you turn your head to notice the empty bottle of vanilla extract on the counter.

"Um... it smelled good, and like vanilla so..."

"Please tell me the bottle wasn't full."

You prayed for a second, imagining that the strong taste of vanilla was too much for your taste buds and mentally cried, but your boyfriend assured you that the bottle was almost empty when he did so.

"Ok, time to try it then, I really hope you're not lying because it smells like vanilla hell right now".

You took a bite and ate it, it was indeed very good and the vanilla taste wasn't overwhelming, which reassured your taste buds, you kissed your lover and took the cake to bring it in your room.

"Ah! I told you I didn't put it all in!"

Your boyfriend exclaimed, proud that he had not made a dumb mistake (for once).

"Yes, you did! I think it's time to eat it while reading about Oden, don't you think, big guy?"

"YES!"

Ace

"oui, oui, baguette ! Quoisan !"

Your boyfriend laughed as he helped you prepare the croissants.

"Ace, shut the fuck up, it's 3am if Tatch hears us, we're dead"

The last time Tatch caught you, you were punished by cleaning the bathroom for 3 months, but you both had a sudden urge to cook after a long make out session.

"Come on, this time we're doing a good job and the ingredients were paid by us, this time if he catches us he won't have anything to blame us for"

He smiles as he rolls the dough into a croissant shape.

"You're right but still, I'm not sure having two dumbasses in your kitchen at 3am is the best way to wake up, even if you just want a glass of water."

the freckled boy finished making the shape and placed a napkin on the plate to let it sit and walked over to you and threw his arms around your waist.

"But I like to cook at night with my dumbass and my dumber self"

He chuckled and kissed your cheek.

"Pff, you're so cheesy, what's happening to you so suddenly, love? A second ago you were speaking broken French if I remember correctly."

You look at him, amused by his sudden display of affection.

"Hey, it's not my fault that my heart races when I see you."

"Oh, you're in your flirty state again, finish the croissant, idiot, and kiss me afterwards."

You both chuckled and he put his lips to yours, he was so goofy, my Lord.

"You two again???"

"Fuck, Tatch, wait, we can explain!"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for offering to stay at a house that isn't mine?

weird title but bear with me. this happened a while ago. (most everyone involved is in their 20s except Grandpa who is idk maybe 70s?)

I, my Sibling, and their Partner went to a multi day event. we drove down together and stayed on site. my Boyfriend and his Brother were visiting their Grandpa who lives 2 hours from the event. since the last day of the event ended kinda late the plan was: we would stay that night at my aunt's apartment in the same city as event and then the next day Sibling would drop me off with Boyfriend and I would drive back home with Boyfriend.

we do the event. it's fun and all that and as expected the last day closes out around 9 or so at night. we get to my aunt's apartment closer to 10pm. staying there falls through for reasons. we need a hotel for the night but that's a lot of money so none of us particularly want to do that. but since we have to at least hotels are cheaper farther from the city. so we drive ~1 hour to the cheaper hotels. we stop at a fast food place to regroup and figure out which hotel is cheapest. it's around midnight.

I realize it's just another hour or so to my Boyfriend's Grandpa's place. Sibling and Partner know Boyfriend and they get along. they have also met Brother in passing. however they've never met Grandpa let alone been to his house. I float the idea to them: I'll first check with Boyfriend if it's cool but I'll drive us to Grandpa's house since that's where we were going tomorrow morning anyway and we can sleep there tonight. Sibling and Partner are cool with it if Boyfriend/Grandpa are cool with it.

I call Boyfriend and explain. he says as long as I'm up for driving this late and we're all cool sleeping on the floor it's fine. we arrive around 2 in the morning. everyone is understandably asleep but I call Boyfriend and he lets us in. there are air mattresses set up and we're all extremely exhausted so we all promptly pass out.

Sibling and Partner wake up before I do. they didn't really bring anything in and most of their stuff is already in their car so they pack up quick. I'm still waking up when Brother says to me something like "get them out of this house now." Sibling and Partner are just about ready to go as far as I can tell. they say thank you to Boyfriend and Grandpa then they leave.

I explain the situation to Grandpa then apologize and thank him for letting us stay the night. I don't know Grandpa that well but he doesn't seem upset that we crashed at his house. he's polite though so it's hard to tell. Brother is irritated. he's making snippy comments at me about being intrusive and putting a burden on Grandpa. Boyfriend doesn't say much. I ask Boyfriend if I was out of line and he shrugs it off and basically says it is what it is.

when I asked Sibling later if anything happened while we were at Grandpa's house they said no. they basically woke up, had a brief conversation with Grandpa and Boyfriend, then they left. they felt a little weird since they were crashing and dashing but neither Grandpa nor Boyfriend seemed to mind.

I know it's not okay to invite random extra people to sleep in someone else's home. and I know we had other options. and it was maybe manipulative for me to call Boyfriend so late at night. it turned out okay in the end but that's no excuse. so yeah: am i the asshole for offering in the first place?

What are these acronyms?

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story

Finally arrived at home after a long day at the hospital. N. & I had planned to see each other later, but we'll catch up on our date tomorrow. I was so tired... My family was exciting waiting for me at home. My Mom made dinner. She and Ana immediately wanted to see my Baby's first Ultrasound pic.

My Mom took my Baby's pic and hung it up on the wall next to Ana’s and my photo in a empty, nice frame, where Daniel's & my pic was before.😔 A nice gesture to show me, that she is happy about my Baby. Though the situation was still a bit tense. My Dad wasn’t upset or anything, but he usually didn’t say anything, when we talked about Nico's & my Baby. He was also happy for me, supported me and all this, but he was more reserved when it came to my pregnancy. He was worried about my Baby’s development & health due to the meds I was taking.🙁

After dinner I played with my cat. Ana & I constantly took pics of Lucky. He’s so cute, he really enjoed posing for us. Lucky loved it at my parent's place. He was so happy here. Meanwhile it became his new home.

I missed my room & my bed, while I was at my grandparents. Here it's just more comfortable for me. My bedding smelled wonderful. Soft & pleasantly fresh. Idk how my Mom does it, but she, her/our home and stuff, always smells perfect. I was even often asked at work by co-workers, who sat next to me in the office, what kind of nice smell this is on my clothes? Anyway! Even though I slept well, the next morning I didn't feel good.

I realized that I usually felt nauseous in the morning after waking up since I was pregnant. I had to eat something to get rid of my nausea. I just didn't know that yet at that time. My Mom heard me in the bathroom. I coughed and choked, my stomach was empty but my body still reflexively tried to throw up. Anyone who’s ever been pregnant knows what I mean. However, after I was.... done, I was totally exhausted but I felt a relief. As I washed my hands, my Mom came to me in the bathroom. She immediately started scrubbing the toilet.😅🤦‍♀️She's such a neat FREAK!

Me: Mom? What are you doing? I was just about to clean the toilet.

Mom: It's ok. You can take a shower so you will still have enough time for breakfast before going to work. I just wanna help you... I know how you feel rn. It's.... not fair.

Me: Not fair? What do you mean?

Mom: Well, having a child... Everything always stucks with us women. Pregnancy, delivery and even later. But you're not alone, A. Your Dad are there.

Me: I know. Thanks. But N. will help me too. He wants that.

Mom: Why isn’t he with you? He promised to be there for you. But to me it seems... Nico doesn’t add anything to all this. I mean... your Baby will need a room, a bed, a stroller and many other little things. Like I said, your Dad and I will handle all this. But I think Nico or his parents should add something too. They are doing a lot better financially than us, A. I hope you don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to argue with you or him. But you should tell his Mom. They need to know you’re pregnant. He will soon have to go abroad again. His parents should also help a bit.

Me: You're right! I'm gonna talk to him later. But about N. & me, you're wrong! It was my fault.

Mom: When he was sleeping with you, he didn’t mind you being married. Now that it’s getting serious, you’re pregnant, he suddenly got doubts?

Me: Yea, that's right. He'd say I failed him. He trusted me, but I hesitated with the divorce. You know?

Mom: Look, I’m staying out of your.... relationship. But some important details, you should make clear to him!... For Nico nothing has really changed. He will continue to play soccer, live abroad and you will be here alone with your child. Make sure he will support you financially! Tell his family, A.!

And again, my Mom was right! 🙁I'll be here alone. I have to sort all these things out with him. We don’t have much time left. Only 2 months! In September he has to go back abroad.

Previous/Next

[characterworkshoppe]

Hi everyone! Just wanted you guys to know I'm going through a lot rn...

My future in my college course hangs in the balance due to ⭐️reasons⭐️

And it's making me panic so much more...and breathing isn't going well for me...and I'm nauseous...and my arms hurt...because idk...my doctor could explain it but I can't...

So if I'm quiet for a while, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm just really going through hell rn...

And tomorrow I have an appointment with a psychiatrist...and might potentialy get diagnosed with adhd or something...

Which might sound like a good thing, but my mother isn't exactly disability friendly and is especially not nice about people with adhd or add since my dad had it and she calls people with this particular condition names and stuff...

So on one hand...yay if I know more about myself the more I can figure out ways to help myself...on the other hand...yeeesh don't want my mother knowing about it...

I cried a lot today...

and it's hard for me...I'm either breathing weirdly breathing shallow like not taking a full breath or holding my breath and not realizing it...

And rn I can't relax at all...like I keep tossing and turning in bed and I just don't feel great....plus crying gave me a horrid headache...

I feel so scared and alone...and just not well at all...

Anyways sorry if I'm not particularly interacting for a while...it might take a few days but I'll talk more later...

Remember to drink some water, eat something, take your meds, go to sleep, and do anything you need to! You are loved! Just because I'm not doing so well doesn't mean I don't care about all of you, so please take good care of yourselves! Hugs!

Idk I'll tag a few people so you guys know what's going on

@funnypansexualanimorph @ask-crow-aus @slymewitch @kissmetwicekissmedeadly

Anyways...I'll be back a bit later, sorry

Sending love and hugs

[mamamittens]

Been thinking on it a bit and I might just nix the valentine's event. It's been nice having a breather and if anything, I may just do some art pieces as a mini celebration for the day.

If I could finally just get to it, I'd like to start making more progress reading One Piece. I'd say watch it but it's... Weird to describe, it's been so long since I've watched a series I've got no patience and a hard time regulating my... Energy? Like, I need to skip embarrassing, foot in mouth scenes or I can't watch. The older style of the beginning is also a bit... Weird to see after seeing so much modern anime. The whiplash I'd get going from start to finish would be something else, that's for sure.

Ah, overstimulation. That's what it is. Everything is new and in a format I'm unfamiliar with, a format I used to know well but not any more, so it's easy to get frustrated even as I'm happily watching it. Overwhelmed, as it were. Too much new stuff where I'm used to piecemeal.

That and it'd be 3 whole ass months nonstop and idk if I've got the focus for that.

Used to watch episode after episode of animes on bootleg sites as a kid and now I can barely bring myself to crack open the literal, physical copies I've got. (I've got so much anime on my shelves. If we did serious, no exception lockdown for a year, I'd probably be set without opening any streaming sites for at least half of that)

It'd be nice to actually be able to answer some of these asks rather than draw a total blank because I've never heard of them... Or I've completely forgotten who tf they are. Then again OP's cast is so massive I'd probably forget most of them anyway.

Then again, I've only recently started watching new movies in theaters. So for years my only exposure to new media was through second hand stuff. Memes and fanfiction, stuff like that. In light of that, it's no wonder I have such a hard time starting and sticking to series anymore. I collect the movie tickets and the stack is pretty thick (need to find a way to put them in a scrapbook to properly preserve them...)

Something about the jump and emotional investment exhausts and terrifies me... I don't know.

I've got a lot of things I need to do but tomorrow is always closer than it seems. And before I know it, today is yesterday with nothing to show for it.

Projects left unfinished that I used to spend hours work shopping before even opening Word. Passion projects gone cold and obligations that leave a stale taste in my mouth.

I wonder if this is just what growing old is. Hesitating at something new thinking about everything that's already there.

I don't know. But I do know I need to go to bed now or I'll sleep through 5/7 alarms for work in 5~ hours.

[egg-emperor]

also not spoilers actually but I did see Eggman but only twice. he's barely showing up in the scenes and he miiight have more dialogue around the island but I've only seen him once there since the scene at the start that the article screenshot was from because finding him around a map I can barely build and can't see him on at all is really difficult

it seems he can't be bothered to be involved much so far lol. maybe he will be more later and I'll be pleasantly surprised if he's part of the action as deserved but at the moment he seems a bit lazy and not into it which is strange but funny and understandable. I mean Sage is there to do the work and the old man also deserves to put his feet up sometimes XD

and trying to find him or just get to any scenes he's mostly not even in so far is a pain. Idk what the fuck he's doing or where he's going to off to to just sit there doing practically nothing besides observing and learning so far like the rest of the game. hoping he gets to do something cool after but as long as he's in character ultimately and I get to see more of his beauty I'll be satisfied

anyway despite all the exhaustion and pain and suffering it's always worth it for him. just a way to prove my undying love and devotion against all the tests hehe. I like the tiny amount I saw so I hope it continues. I wanna talk about it because I like the characterization I saw but will have to later in the day/tomorrow in other timezones as I don't have the files over on my phone to post about any yet. will mark as spoilers when I do.

and he was looking very handsome and I was the in character things was the one thing about this update so far that gave me that big smile and heart racing joy 🥰💜 I wish instead of playing all this just trying to get to him but struggling and barely getting to see him, I could just jump into that Egg Mobile with him when I saw him on the island once instead and say fuck all that ancient bullshit idgaf and just make out with him so deeply and passionately and then straddle him and he'd hold me in his big manly bear paw hands and then we- I'm really sleep deprived and that's all I can think about rn alright dfjsnngskgnskgh

I hope I shall soon proceed to dream about a more pleasant experience with this update where playing goes much more smoothly and I get to see way more of him way sooner. and if I had it my way it'd also consist of that scenario 🥴

[fizzingwizard]

I've had such an awful spring

Got the flu in March

Bad cold in May which hung around forever and totally messed up my voice

When my voice finally was coming back, I got covid!

I'm grateful that my coworkers have been supportive. But I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow, even though it'll be just one day, because I'm exhausted just lying down all the time and at work I have to be go go go pretty much the whole time.

I'm not sure what happened, but anyway, I was told that I had to self-isolate "until Thursday." That was vague, I wasn't sure if it meant Thursday is the last day of self-isolation or Thursday is the first day I go back to work. So obvs I just asked my manager. I made sure to sent the message in two languages just in case. She confirmed "Yes you must self-isolate until Thursday." Which didn't clear anything up for me. So I said, "Alright, see you Thursday?" and she said "Thank you!"

Well y'all, today was Thursday. I had a HORRIBLE sleep on Wed night. It was one of those sleeps where you're kind of awake still and there's a mental reel of nightmarish fun house images under your eyes that doesn't stop. Usually that gets my heart racing, but this time it just made me not sleep well.

So I woke up groggy and got ready for work. It took ten minutes longer than usual even though I did nothing that isn't part of my normal routine. The summer heat is setting in. All the yellow flowers that were by the river last week have died and the purple ones that only come out in the mornings in summer appeared over the few days that I had to stay home. Got on the crowded train, and I don't know what happened but after ten minutes of standing pressed in line sardines, I suddenly got light-heated and nauseous. It got so bad that I had to bend over, then eventually crouch down on my knees. At that point the nice man sitting in front of me was kind enough to give me his seat so I could put my head between my legs. The vertigo eventually passed, but I had a weird hot feeling in my head the rest of the way. The night before I had gotten light-headed in the shower too, but felt better after cracking the door.

I have passed out in the shower once before, but never on a train, so that was freaky. I don't know what caused it, I haven't heard that fainting is a symptom of covid, but who knows. But more likely I suppose it was the combination of having been home without much exercise for several days, not eating much due to not having an appetite, and then suddenly moving around a lot more in the heat. Hopefully that's all it was, I guess I'll find out tomorrow...

Anyway, I get to work and my boss says, "You're here? You're supposed to come back tomorrow!"

xD

Whaat but I thought I confirmed I was supposed to come in today. Lol. Idk man. Anyway, I just said, "Then came I go home??" and went aaaaaall the way back buhahaha. It was a waste of money since I won't be able to have my travel expense covered. But I did get to buy pancakes for breakfast. And strawberries for tonight's dessert. Tbh I was really grateful for the surprise extra (albeit failed) self-isolation day. I didn't feel up to looking after the kids at all. Don't wanna try tomorrow either but if lack of exercise contributed to the light-headedness then it's best that I try to get back to my normal life as soon as I can.

The doc did give me meds, but was clear that I couldn't have antivirals. I assume the best treatments are being rationed for the people most in need. So I have some meds to help with the symptoms at least. One is making me feel a little weird but I'm not sure which. However, it's not a big deal, just a weird feeling, my arms and back feel hot... idk. Will keep an eye on it.

Gotta say this bout with covid was anything but fun. The symptoms I expected were not the ones that gave me the most trouble. My sore throat is not nearly as bad as what I had in May, and the cough is just a cough. The worst of all was the body aches. They were nightmarish. I took ibuprofen but it barely helped. My head, neck, back, and joints ached and all I wanted to do was sleep but there was no comfortable position. Then after that is the phlegm. Mainly because it tastes horrible, is constant, and is making me always nauseous from swallowing it. I feel like I have constant heartburn. I do have meds to help with the phlegm, but so far they haven't made a difference on the nausea.

Le sigh

However, counting blessings. I have multiple friends who are immunocompromised for various reasons who have struggled so much this whole time trying to be safe. I'm lucky I'm generally healthy and I'm even glad being recently sick meant that I really haven't gone anywhere or seen anyone in almost a month, so I hopefully didn't pass the covid germs around. Fingers crossed summer will be better than spring.

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Monday Jan 27

Left my beautiful beach house this morning, it was a lovely little vacation and I'm glad I decided to do it :)

Drove 4.5 h to New Orleans, I've been laying in my hotel room since I got here, had to do some paperwork and delete a thousand things from my Google storage;

Random pain in my shoulder/ribs, not sure what to do about it... Feeling antsy.

Parking for work tomorrow is in a garage so my van won't fit, texted bossman and he's like "I know about your van, we are working on it" but no info beyond that lol I just wanted to know who else is working at that site so I can ask for a ride (: idk maybe that'll be a morning problem. Worst case I'll take an Uber I guess. Once R gets here he said I can ride with him but who knows if we'll be at the same site, sounds like there's a lot of different little projects going on around here. It's fine! I know nothing! I'm just here! We're probably doing pipe and drape tomorrow! Lmfao!

The book I'm reading is partially set in New Orleans so it's fitting that I'm here right now. These books have been perfectly aligning with themes in my life in the weirdest ways? Kinda surreal but very interesting.

I had popcorn and a granola bar for dinner, I had 1.5 bags of chips and a Celsius on the drive, I had coffee for breakfast. I just ate half an edible and I'm going to lay here and read and hopefully sleep early. Roomie got in, left to go to the store, will be back soon; she's a chatty one but it'll be good to get to know her better.

Random pain in my body for no reason?? Stressing me out bro. Also my period started 11 days early and that's also stressing me out, I wonder if these things are related. Maybe I've been vaping/smoking too much. Maybe I've been sitting/laying around for too many days.

Funny that my little vacation was ending and my first thought was "now I gotta focus on losing 10 pounds" lmfao my brain is silly. I do need to get back on that shit though, I'm in that awkward middle ground where like, I don't feel fat but I also don't feel skinny. Could be skinnier. Maybe it's time to focus on that again (:

My birthday is on Wednesday!!!!!!! I'm gonna do my best to enjoy it and have fun and not cry and hide from everyone!!!!!!!! I'm going to embrace the attention and receive love from people who see and know me!!!!!! It's fine I exist and it's ok!!!!!!

Anyway. I think that's all I had to say. It's 8pm, gotta wake up by 6:45ish.

[frogsandfries]

About fifty percent of the time, instead of taking a nap, I need to start taking a short walk outside and getting some food.

My sister bought those halloumi fries from Aldi, and I tried to make them because I hadn't read the ingredients and I thought cheese fries on tacos would be good.

The package didn't say anything about drying the cheese off or optionally coating them, which personally, I think would have been better. So I'm going to toss them in the freezer, because that's how I know to make a coated, fried cheese.

Then I tried making tacos, but I wanted them to be onion-y, but I used onion salt, so the taco meat came out salty. We're almost out of onion salt, so once we are, I had her get some onion powder, so we can use that instead.

My sister doesn't like my cooking, which is fine because I'm bad at cooking and have little interest in trying to build my skills.

I just got the crock cleaned back out after the rice disaster that I made Friday night. I think I give up on trying to make any rice that isn't minute rice. I feel like rice shouldn't be so hard. One rice to two waters, let sit in hot water until cooked. Except, in NM, the water always boiled off prematurely and here, for some reason, my rice always comes out gloppy.

Although, I finally figured out popcorn again, and this time I left myself a note on my phone where I'll always find it as long as my notes app exists (color note, I've been using it since 2012 and relatively recently, they made the search function more accessible, so now you can readily search for keywords).

Once I figure out rice, I'll make a note about that too. Because I'm going to figure out how to make rice.

Tomorrow, I'm going to make burger soup hopefully before the ground beef is no longer edible.

And then I need to get a move on making beef stew before that meat goes bad.

But for now, I guess I'm not really sure what to do. My wrists are really tired. I can barely make my grocery lists, but maybe I could dig out my keyboard and type up my Beauty and the Beast fic.....nah, that's too much effort.

Idk maybe I really am just tired. It kinda makes sense. My wrists have felt muscle pain for days. I still can't quite use my thumbs to pull on stuff. I've never really been the most resilient person, in body at least. Probably because I've put all my resilience in my brain.

Well, while I'm rambling, so the other day, I was having trouble sleeping, even though I was tired. I had just drifted off when the new dog barked. So I yelled across the house that it was quiet time. I had just drifted off for the second time, when he barked again.

So I got pissed off and stormed off to find the sheet that had been in my cats' carrier but it had had to be washed after traveling across the country and then just got shoved somewhere. I took that down and covered the dog's kennel. I guess I was cussing to myself and my sister didn't appreciate that and told me we need to lay off the cussing at the animals.

Here's the thing. I just cuss. I'm just foul-mouthed. It gets worse when I'm angry because it goes from about once a sentence to about every other word. I'm not usually angry directly at the animals. It's usually more about not knowing why they're behaving in unusual and disruptive ways. My sister was concerned that my foul language could lead to violence toward the animals.

First, I would like to point out: never. I would never hurt an animal physically (on purpose), and sure as fuck not because they're acting out. Second, storming around the house, cussing because a dog snatched away the sleep I was managing to get, on my way to try to solve a problem, seems far less violent than standing over a working dog screaming at them to shut up shut up shut UP because he's been in his kennel 97% of the day and you're PMSing. Jussain.

Anyway, the point of this anecdote is: This morning was the second morning of covering him. I came down late this morning (late for me) to find that he'd decided he was all done being covered.

When I covered him this evening, my sister's original dog wanted to be covered too. Luckily, I'd grabbed both red sheets because I couldn't tell the difference. I decided since it was my decision to cover the new dog, I would take the risk if he chewed it up. I used her sheet to cover the first dog.

So now both dogs are covered up.

For now.

Until one or both of them decide they've had enough of being covered up.

[nathank77]

12/22/24

2:37 p.m Added to Significantly/Changed I wrote an essay.

I did leg day today. I did squats and this other calisthenic added on to what i normally do. It was a nice workout. I've been stretching recently in the stretching cage. Working on my trap a lot. I had to do my legs bc I def had an effective workout...

My trap is probably 95% healed... I might do it tomorrow. Sometimes I think it's 100%, I'd rather be safe than sorry... I wasn't even doing my back more than once a week for a long time and my traps got insanely big very quickly. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

My biceps hurts and my forearm on only one side. My abs are fine. I actually didn't do any dumbbell exercises on arm and chest day.. I did all machines to maintain proper form. I did lift 40 pounds on just biceps though... I mean maybe that's why. I'll work around it if it hurts tomorrow.... maybe I've been working out so much I've been working around delayed onset muscle soreness... maybe I should do that instead of letting it hurt lol

But yea I'll figure it out tomorrow. My rib cage is starting to show a little and I can feel it. That's a first since basically childhood other than when I was super skinny when I was with cecile.

I can see that dip where my V is going to be when I get nice obliques. My hips are starting to be just skin. Im surprised how effective strength training can be with weight loss. The scale isn't moving... but my stomach is starting to be a thin person's stomach.. I still got a pouch though but it migrated to the center of my belly lol

I got a good hip flexor workout too. I did seated knee tucks.. and the squats. I did this calisthenic where you sit on a box and then stand and just keep doing that. God that killed. I did it until I couldn't stand anymore. I sat and I was stuck lol

I'm excited to do abs tomorrow and work around my bicep that should hopefully be fine by tomorrow. And maybe do my back..

I shaved my face and head today so I'm ready for Christmas. I still don't know what to do about that... do I stay with my mom or go to my dad's? Idk..... the blood has been on my mind still.. but getting less traumatic...sorta... her face got fucked up. Not really fucked up. But it's hard looking at her.

And Idk what to do about Christmas. I wouldn't need more xanax to sleep to stay home on Christmas day but I'll need it both the day before Christmas eve and Christmas eve if I go to my dad's. She will actually be sitting here alone. I do want to see my siblings, dad and Lori on Christmas...

I'm really confused by this and I have mixed feelings. Don't I deserve to see my siblings and my normal family and be around a Christmas tree and have a Christmas dinner and not be around fucking stupid Riley and feel safe and be able to eat??? But then I leave her alone. Idk what to do. She isn't making me feel bad about it at all.... truly... but I feel awful about it anyways.

Idk what to wear to my dad's for Christmas eve. I got all those nice clothes out of that one storage unit skye had me go through a few months ago. I mean I got my orange under armour shirts and a few other nice shirts. I got a bunch of buttons ups and vests and ties. It was a really clean one. I didn't have to go through some guys fucking underwear for that one. I got A LOT of nice clothes from that one. I mean I got my 3 pairs of dickies in different colors. Unfortunately the dress pants didn't fit me... maybe they would now but they are long gone.

I was thinking about wearing a dress shirt and a vest over it with a tie... and just my dickies and high tops bc I'm Nathan fox and yea that's who I am lol or ill just wear a hoodie and a t shirt.. I worry that I'll stain the clothes it's one of my biggest problems... I have decent clothes I won't wear unless I'm not going to eat... bc what if I ruin my nice clothes?? Idk. I sorta want to dress nice. I never see people. I have virtually no reason to ever wear those dress clothes. I always wanted to wear a vest over a button up and look nice and I could...

That Nike hoodie i got from the last storage unit is really nice.... really really nice. Almost new. And I love the color it's green like army green. But I mean i don't want to wear it bc what if I ruin it? It isn't black... I got a blue Adidas ones. It's nice but not amazing. It's thin. I'm going to keep asking my sister bc yea I'm poor enough to decide going through someone's underwear is worth it to find a few treasures...

I like the snow boots. I wish I could buy my own... but I mean i know they were a win... I know they are expensive... but if I could buy my own I wouldn't be worried about posion ivy being on them ...

My poison ivy obsession has gotten so bad i think it's on everything even things Riley never touched...if I don't know where it's been.

I also got a pair of Jordan and a pair of Nike black high tops. Both the boots and Nike high tops are 10.5 i mean tbh I think the Nike high tops are too big... the boots i actually think are a perfect fit funny enough... id need to wear them more to know for sure... but they actually seem to be perfect..

I got jordans too in prob a 9....the Jordan's fit very comfortably but they are kinda not worth keeping bc of condition..... it makes me want a pair of Jordan's though. Considering their condition and how fucking comfortable they are... also they do look nice... all high tops... nice styles..but like hundreds... probably bc they are comfortable... huh?

If I actually quit smoking... I'm going to be disgusting with shoes... I already rewarded myself. You don't even want to know how many shoes i bought myself. Let's just say that shoes are no longer a problem... yes I need like a pair of running shoes... and a pair of boots... maybe a pair of dress shoes.. but high tops... umm i do not need any lol going to 3 cigarettes a day deserved a fucking reward.

Speaking of I got to worry about cigarettes soon. I can probably make it 5 days max with what i have.

I haven't told anyone I'm getting hearing aid and I'm really scared to mention it.. idk how people will react about it. I'd rather tell them, than have them notice and bring it up.

I've been thinking about my dad recently. And especially bc of Christmas with my mom.. both my parents are getting older. My dad is losing it a little with the storage units... his basement which is half finished cause they are adding an extension to it is FILLED with storage unit stuff... Mike was such a cunt about saying i need to ask my dad if I could stay there when I kept saying you dont get it I've been to their house they actually DONT HAVE ANY ROOM for me.

I want to talk to my dad more. I don't want to leave my mom alone... idk what the right decision is.

[thatcollegestudent133]

Year Ending...?

Omg you guys, I always remember I have an account on here by 2am on a random day. (I'm sorry😭)

The year is almost over! It's November and mama's ready to go homeeee! (Like seriouslyyy)|

This year has been crazyyy for real. Like I'm in my final year already and it's so crazy because I started this blog in my second year. I actually can't believe that in less than a year I'm going to be done with college🥹

It's been a journeyy fr🥹🥹

Anyways, it's 2am and I'm working on my research project that was due two weeks ago (sorry, supervisor😭😭) with a swollen cheek (my gums are swollen bad) blasting loud music (because why would I work without music?) and a bad backache (HELP)

Well, could be worse though.

I really want to send it out to my supervisor tomorrow because I have LOTS to do with so LITTLE time

I have a campaign project to do (100% of my grade in that course), two workbooks to finish (cover to cover, 60% of my grade), a 5-week internship to complete (includes writing a report, 50% of my grade for that course) another 3-week internship to do (the other 50%), pay a visit to the place I did my internship to interview them (40% of my grade), mock defense (idk how much of my grade it is), mid semester exams (30%) and tests (30%)!

Can I get a hell yeah? 😭😭

So, as you can see, your girl is SWAMPED, and that doesn't even cover it. I'm WATERBOARDED with work and I only have till December 7th to finish all of this, and some have specific deadlines. I also work on 2-5 hours of sleep per day and still have to check in on my little brother who just started his first year in college, but I'll be fine.

I just wanted to rant here for a bit since I'm frustrated and tired, and my cheek is throbbing and I have to get up in three hours. Let me go sleep now.

Thanks for the listening ear, babes! Ttyl!❤️

Don't be a stranger! (I'll try not to be lmfaooo😭😭)

Byee💕💕

[darkmoonkestrel]

daily kestrel 17:

we ended up pulling out the giant 10 ft blanket for the bed last night, we deemed it cold enough (or rather, at least not too hot) to use it, and it was so cozy that i begged off making Peyton's traditional morning iced coffee to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep. had some really weird dreams about like... sanctioned dungeon crawling type of activities? idk how to describe it but it was an interesting alternate universe type of situation

i got to work early today and was bounced around for most of the day, including starting in the cafeteria. i then went to the early 2s room, the older 2s room, my room for a little bit, the kitchen to help unpack a food order, and did breaks for the mobile infants and infants teachers before going back to my room after break. it was a busy day, but overall pretty good. idk how i always end up doing lunch breaks in the mobiles room when it's spaghetti for lunch day though, this is like the third time and those kiddos get spaghetti in places you didn't know it could be (the back of the head??)

i stopped and got myself some whoppers as a little treat on my way home, a reward in advance for going to the optional chat my professor does for my online class every week that i've missed the last few weeks. turns out i was the only one there, so i just ended up chatting with my professor about AI and book banning and class assignments and diversity and stuff for a solid 30 minutes, but i actually enjoyed it, so that was good. at least it absolves my guilt for missing the next few bc I def don't plan to go back to them until the "highly recommended" one next month. i also noticed that my professor had steam on his computer when he was screen sharing with me and i really should have been like "so what do you play" but we were having an Academic™️ conversation so i didn't wanna ruin the vibes

i got Peyton & Paige little treats as well and Peyton's were gummy worms that we ended up using for a three way "throwing them into the other person's mouth" contest, with me still in the office, Paige on the couch, and Peyton in the office doorway alcove. he finally ended up catching one, after several rounds of both me and Paige missing our throws at him and him pelting us with worms. i net positive'd four worms to keep and eat, and one is lost somewhere in the office to be discovered at a later date. it's little things like this that make me appreciate how much i love living with my partners and the daily shenanigans we get up to

i'm still in the office and i was going to finish up this reading assignment for class but i'm not feeling it anymore so I'll just try to knock it out over lunch tomorrow. it is now time for some more slime rancher 2 before bed, and then another early day (7am work this time, so at least Peyton will get his morning coffee tomorrow bc i have to be awake at 6:15 anyway)

ETA: Paige bullied me into wearing my glasses at the house since we were talking about her eye exam tomorrow, and I took a 30 minute break in playing slime rancher to watch cat videos, the true purpose of the internet. i got really far in slime rancher which at my current place in the game just means unlocking a whole bunch of areas to explore, but i am being dragged to bed for my own wellbeing

except we're all super giggly tonight so we're playing around and haven't gone to sleep yet oops

[mamamittens]

Alright, ngl, I fully planned on writing this week but work decided it was time to do inventory again. At the literal last minute.

I. Hauled. Ass.

And tomorrow I'm probably going to be counting a fuck ton of shit sooooo RIP IG

Anyway, as a small apology lemme talk about the au of Sweet Child, Grow (now the nickname for "How our Seeds Grow"). And fittingly, I'll start with the name!

I actually didn't think too much about the name before rolling with that but it's kinda genius in hindsight because now the two read as "Oh, sweet child of mine, how our seeds grow" which sounds awful wistful don't it? And sweet. I like it. And it's very poignant considering the au is all about little reader growing up with the WBP.

Also! I did write a fair bit for the next chapter but it felt short and I thought I could more or less squeeze in a few chapters now that the narrator (child reader) is way less angsty about being kidnapped and not as observant so there's less wordage to get across here. And as I did I realized I accidentally wrote in a little plot hole in the first one.

See, reader's supposed to really love animals. But what happened to their den den mushi? The snail from the beginning? So I'm taking a moment to answer what no one has asked.

They didn't get to keep the snail until well after they returned since it's apparently pretty easy to convert them into 'phones' so to minimize shenanigans, they just withheld it until they felt they could trust reader.

And since in Grow the reader is just a scared kid, they get to keep the snail with a normal shell. Reader named him 'Cream' even though they weren't supposed to because it's not 'their' snail. It's the marine's snail. Little reader has gotten better at hiding how attached they are to their issued snail at whatever base they're on but not very well.

As a treat, here's a little snippet!

Oh! And before I forget!

I'll try to remember y'all that asked to be tagged in the next update but I make no promises! If you're super concerned about it though as soon as it comes out you can also read not only Sweet Child but Grow as well on AO3! Or maybe follow the tag for the story??? Idk how reliable that is, I don't really follow specific tags on Tumblr ngl

AO3 is currently experiencing some minor issues (8/30/23) though, so please be patient if it won't work immediately and perhaps check back later!

Anyway! Thanks for being patient everyone, as well as the fairly positive-ish neutral reaction to my new rule concerning asks for updates! It's a lot less stressful thinking about which fics to update now that I have a hard line. I'm afraid the personal clash between pathological demand avoidance and people pleasing is incredibly uncomfortable to grapple with at the best of times. And it leaves me feeling like either a raging bitch or a doormat 😬

I'm hoping to get some writing done soon but with inventory in full swing tomorrow I won't be surprised if I just pass the fuck out when I get home. Istg I opened cult of the lamb for a quick sesh and next thing I knew it was 9 (my bad entirely. I know damn well that game is very hard to put down- always one last thing I can do before going to bed but it's never just one is it???)

Speaking of which! I gotta go to sleep now lol

[theycall-vn]

broke down a chunk of chapter 2's outline into pieces so i can write it easier, and started writing some bits of it

spent like an hour staring at the designs of different "toys" and comparing it to the rough idea i have for bb's dick. mostly trying to think of... texture. the design i have is...

okay i want the design to be a surprise, so... how to word this without giving too much away uhhh

based on. nature. but certain parts, true to form, are too delicate to really work so i'm trying to like... keep it as close as possible with these details, but making them... durable enough withstand usage

comparing toy textures to it makes it easier for me to figure out how to do that

anyway

poked around with how i wanna tally the endings, which is. complicated. idk how i wanna go about it anymore. not the endings themselves, just... how to GET those endings. i don't remember my thought process for it and APPARENTLY i forgot to write it down

maybe sleep will reset my brain, i'll see tomorrow

did some thinking for the itch page, but i barely count it as work because it was just that: thinking

lol

and i didn't even start it today, but i also plan to get a number for all the points you can earn so i can like... keep track of it in the future. tally that also, ya know

cause i don't want relationship progression to be too quick OR too delayed. but i still wanna make it so you can explore it as early on as possible since you don't even meet bb til chapter 1

it's just. considering Circumstances, being able to progress that almost instantly is... a lil too unrealistic with how i'm writing the mcOH MY GOD JUST HAD A THOUGHT FOR A SPICY SCENE ONE SECOND

okay added it to chapter 3. oof, got possessed there. anyway

uhhhh

yeah

didn't do much else and i'm stopping early today cause i have stuff to do afk

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary294

7/9-10/24

tuesday - wednesday

i think tomorrow i'll be done with the j-card design.

then i am on metadata duty on the wavs for my album...then uhmm,.... yeah. i should be good to send that over to the guy for cassettes.

but also tomorrow, i have to do errands w/ my gf, so we'll see i guess, that could complicate things, but probably not.

i'm pretty sleepy and today has not been too crazy, i did more stuff for the design ofc, i finished the drawing, and it looks good i think. i might as well just put it here since i don't think it's like, any kinda surprise, the j-card, since it's ultimately all based on the other album art.

no comment on the content i think it speaks for itself (mostly .... the censor bar... #lol).

anyway right now, before bed i am listening to pig destroyer's prowler in the yard for what feels like the first time. i think i've listened to terrifyer (that is how it's spelled) though actually. i really like it, one of these things that makes me want to mess around with riffs and stuff... #crazy.

one of the difficulties i am having with the cover art right now, for the j-card, is a way to keep it, i don't know how to phrase this in a way that really makes sense, but digital feeling maybe, is one way, tethered to the internet, or like, an image which contains some relation to the act of looking at disembodied things online. i think the original cover succeeds at that, especially with the collage at the bottom, i feel like i am getting there on this, but it's not fully there. it's also such a mess of things, to go for that, but also, to have so much else going on in my head re:images and things i am pulling from, just stuff i like, you know, though i guess also i am explicitly trying to use all these things in a way that is reminiscent of like, surrealist assemblages, their collage work, that kind of thing. idk, it is hard, is all i know. not too hard though. just a little.

today i had a dream about being stuck in someone's house in the u.k., playing the wii. that's all i will really get into. it was not a good dream, not a bad dream though. just strange how it clung to the wii as something.

anyway, i am tired rn, and i need to sleep for tomorrow, cuz errands usually will go on for ohhhh sooooooooooooooooo lonnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggg!

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!