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microsuedemouse · 3 years ago

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all right! okay! @mana-sputachu requested (via twitter) some Danganronpa TogaFuka with song number eight!

(send me a ship and a number from 1-100; I'll write a short scene inspired by the corresponding song from my Spotify top songs this year)

btw this was the last one I had in progress but I'm loving these and if anyone else wants to send me a prompt please dooooo

this one was really interesting! ToFu is a really unique ship, and I knew that pretty much any song I got for them would take some creative finagling to make work for them in an honest, non-AU sort of way. the fluffy and romantic doesn't fit very well. however. this song is about coping as a kid with your parents' divorce, and how that divorce can kind of fuck you up even into adulthood. and while neither Togami's nor Fukawa's parents were ever married or in love to begin with, the ways those parents' dysfunctional relationships affected them as kids was definitely something I could work with. it's also a song about writing a play, which works well for Fukawa :~) anyway. this is angsty, for the record, but I'm very happy with it.

also, quick disclaimer: apologies if it seems like I'm less versed in the finer details of canon here than I usually am with my writing. it's because I am! I've watched the first season of the DR anime and read up on a lot of game lore, but that's about it. I'd like to watch more and maybe even play the game(s) at some point, but god knows when I'll get to that, lol.

also yes hi I know this ship is uhh, Controversial, so just to be clear ahead of time: I won't be responding to any clowning or bad faith messages about it. I'll just block ya. I'm too tired to deal with people being rude and/or obtuse on the internet

My Play | 1 189 words | G

but when I show you my play will you pretend you didn't know if I make a mistake? it's gonna get really, really, really, really bad before it's okay

“The first thing I ever wrote was a p-play.”

Fukawa spoke quietly, her face tipped downward, gaze fixed on her own hands where they were tangled together on the tabletop. She fidgeted uncertainly when Togami lifted his eyes from his book of Shakespeare and regarded her for a moment.

He still had the instinct, sometimes, not to engage. But Naegi and Kirigiri had been on his case about that, lately. She’s come so far, they’d admonished him. She’s working so hard. Please just try to be nicer to her. We only have each other.

“I thought the first thing you ever wrote was a love letter,” he said finally.

She looked up sharply, seemingly astonished that he was responding. Then she swallowed and tried to school her face into a more neutral expression. “I-I didn’t think I ever… t-told you about that.”

Togami shook his head. “You didn’t,” he explained. “Jack did. She… likes to overshare, sometimes.”

She winced slightly, flushing. “I-I’m sorry. Even aside f-from the obvious, there’s s-so much she did that I h-have to apologise for.” She licked her lips. “That’s… p-part of why I’m trying so hard to keep her under c-control.”

“You don’t need to apologise for her actions. I wouldn’t,” he heard himself say. Fukawa seemed startled. In an attempt not to show that he’d surprised himself, he cleared his throat and continued, “Not even the most powerful person in the world can truly control another person’s behaviour. Jack might share your body, but she is another person. That’s how it works.”

“I… I guess,” she agreed softly, staring.

And there was his opportunity to end the conversation. By rights, he should. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d shown too much, and it would be wisest to put a stop to things now. Instead, he closed his book and leaned forward, just a tiny bit. “Was Jack lying to me, then? If you wrote other things before the love letter?”

“W-well, not exactly.” She flexed her fingers, twisting them more tightly into each other. “I-it’s just that the letter was… the f-first thing anyone else ever read. A-and, I had that teacher who saw it, and t-told me I wrote well, and to… to k-keep working at it. But I’d wr-written things before.”

“Like a play.” He propped his elbow on the arm of his chair and rested his chin on his fist. He had no idea why he was doing this with her, but at least Naegi and Kirigiri wouldn’t have any grounds anymore to claim that he hadn’t given her a chance. Yes. It was practical, if he looked at it that way.

Fukawa nodded. “I-I was… seven or eight, I think. No one ever really p-played with me very much, so I had to m-make my own fun a lot of the t-time. Somehow, I g-got it in my head to write a p-play. I think the idea c-came from school, or something. I was… c-convinced that if I performed a g-great play for them… my p-parents would be impressed with me.”

“And were they?” Togami prompted, when she petered out. It was a banal question. He had no reason to ask, and no interest in her answer, really. Then he added, “What was it about, anyway?”

“I-it… it was about a superhero who rescued a little g-girl… and then a-adopted her. And all of his superhero f-friends helped him take c-care of her.” She looked down again, this time low enough that her hair fell across her face and completely hid her from view. When she continued, her voice was even quieter than before. “I-I asked everyone in the house to c-come watch me, but n-no one did. They… p-probably would have hated it, a-anyway.”

And just like that, Togami was wildly out of his depth. There were hundreds of things in this world that he could do far better than anyone else he knew, but this… this was not something he’d ever been taught to handle. It was true that ever since Hope’s Peak, he’d come a long way, as far as understanding the value of connecting with other people. He’d learned first how to rely on others, how to let them rely on him, and since then he’d begun to learn what it really meant to have friends, rather than just strategic allies. But this was well outside of his realm of expertise. Naegi, maybe, would know how to handle this in a rational manner.

And then he remembered something Naegi had said to him, once, and the other Killing Game survivors, besides Fukawa herself. Komaru didn’t tell me everything Fukawa told her, he’d confided in them. But what Fukawa went through as a kid… I know sometimes it feels like we’ve been through the worst the world has to offer. I know we made it through the Tragedy and everything else, and it feels like we know what it means to really suffer. But I think maybe Fukawa had already survived that much pain before we ever even met her.

Togami hadn’t cared very much at the time, so evidently he hadn’t even bothered to remember it all that well, until this conversation jogged it back to the surface. Now, it seemed more important. It also seemed embarrassingly obvious, given that most of the literature on her disorder agreed that it was typically the result of considerable trauma. He supposed it hadn’t made a difference to him, when Naegi had shared this, what she had been through; he had no patience for her either way.

He was a little surprised that it made this much of a difference to him now.

And maybe, over all this time she’d spent working so hard to gain better control of herself, he’d been losing some of his own once-tight self-control. Because before he even realised what he was doing, he swallowed and reached out, brushing a hand against her hunched shoulder, and said, “My parents never loved me, either.”

Yet again her head snapped up, and she stared at him in shock, this time with eyes shining and tears beginning to track down her cheeks. Togami was uncomfortably aware that he was staring straight back, his own confusion and uncertainty beginning to show on his face. He couldn’t seem to help it.

They looked at one another for what seemed far too long. Then Fukawa sniffled, bringing a hand up to her face and scrubbing at her eyes with her sleeve. “I’m not really… much of a p-performer,” she managed, voice still a bit thick. “B-but if I decided to write a-a new play… would you r-read it, Bya… um, T-Togami-sama?”

His mouth felt dry. “I… yes,” he answered, very slowly, and yet again he didn’t know why. Why on earth would her decision to be vulnerable with him – for far from the first time, too – trip him up so much? Why was he indulging her this way? What was wrong with him? “Yes, I think I would.”

She began to smile, and something, certainly, must have been very deeply wrong with him. Because he began to feel better.

#Courtney writes #my fanfiction #danganronpa #dangan ronpa #togafuka #Byakuya Togami #Toko Fukawa #Touko Fukawa

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thecassadilla · 4 years ago

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Of All the Apples

Pairing: Kristanna

Word Count: 3,752/AO3

Summary: Though Kristoff is uncertain about his relationship with Anna, he agrees to go apple picking with her, where he is forced to confront his feelings.

Author’s Note: Though Kristoff is uncertain about his relationship with Anna, he agrees to go apple picking with her, where he is forced to confront his feelings.

Author’s Note: Okay, so there may be a teeny bit of projection here - I really wanted to go apple or pumpkin picking at some point during this month. I doubt it’ll happen, so I may as well just write about other people doing the things that I want to do, right? Anyways, for some strange reason this was *incredibly* difficult to write - I think I revised it 30 times. I still don’t know if I’m completely satisfied, to be honest. I don't even know if it makes any sense?? But I'm just going to post it anyway. Enjoy!!!

Hearing the doorbell ring had become a familiar and expected sound. Every single day, around the same time, Anna rang the bell and patiently stood on Kristoff’s doorstep. She waited to be invited inside, even though he had told her multiple times to just come inside when she felt like it. He left the door unlocked for a reason, after all.

“Come in!” he called. He heard the door open and close from where he was, and dainty footsteps made their way towards the living room. In no time at all, she had made it to the couch, quietly collapsing into the empty spot next to him. For some reason, it made him think back to the first time they had met.

He remembered it like it had happened yesterday instead of a year ago. He’d just moved into his new rental - the tiniest house on the street - which happened to be right next door to the grandiose mansion Anna and her sister had inherited from their deceased parents. Anna, still very much a stranger at this point, had shown up on his doorstep with a store bought box of chocolate cupcakes. After apologizing profusely for not baking them herself, oversharing about her lack of skills in the kitchen, and apologizing again for assuming he’d like chocolate, she handed him the box and welcomed him to the neighborhood. That very day, he fell in love with the girl who lived next door.

She walked into his life on her own volition and for some reason that he couldn’t understand, she kept coming back. Since their initial meeting, much had changed. Before he knew it, she was spending more time at his house than she was at her own, and they were sharing intimate conversations and passionate kisses. Their relationship evolved before his own eyes - from neighbors, to friends, to starting an incredibly fulfilling sexual relationship.

Despite the fact that he was completely and utterly in love with her, he spent nearly every waking hour convincing himself that she’d never want to be more than what they currently were; that every shared moment between them was some form of pageantry as opposed to something very, very real.

Instead of believing in the possibility that she could be as in love with him as he was with her, he attempted and failed to keep her at an arm's length; she was intoxicating and it was too difficult to stay away from her, no matter how much he knew that it would hurt when it ended and she moved on with someone else. So, he kept his feelings to himself and never defined their relationship.

But today, something was off. She wasn’t acting like her normal, perky self; she was quiet.

“What’s wrong?” he finally asked.

“Nothing is wrong per se,” she answered with a sigh. “But I have a question for you and I think that I already know what the answer is going to be.”

“Go for it,” he encouraged her.

“I know you hate going places, but I really want to go apple picking tomorrow, and I was hoping that you’d want to come along with me.” She gave him a hopeful smile, batting her eyelashes at him.

Though she always attempted to make plans with him outside of the house, they rarely went out in public together and when they did, it was only to the grocery store. He was too afraid to be seen with her because in his eyes, a guy like him didn’t deserve a girl like her. “Oh. I don’t really think I’ll be useful -”

“You’d be useful!” she insisted enthusiastically. “Because you’re so tall! And I would really love to go with you. Can you please come apple picking with me?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Somehow it was the best answer that he could come up with. He didn’t have a real reason to say no, but he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to say yes, either. He cleared his throat. “Elsa’s busy?”

She forced out a laugh. “Bold of you to assume that Elsa wants to spend her day off with me.”

“I’m sorry,” he frowned.

Any hope she had quickly melted away and her shoulders slumped in defeat. “It’s okay, I get it. I can go by myself, I guess.”

She moved to stand up, and acting on an impulse, he grabbed her hand, knowing that he may come to regret it. “Wait!”

She turned to face him. “What?”

“If it’s really that important to you, then I’ll go with you.”

She hardly gave him a chance to finish before she was throwing her arms around his neck. “Thank you, Kristoff!”

He awkwardly patted her back. “You’re welcome.”

She pulled away suddenly. “Oh crap, I forgot my phone charger at home! I’m just going to go grab it and I’ll be right back, okay?”

He nodded, and she smiled before rushing out of the house.

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He wasn’t sure what time she had snuck out of his bed that morning, but she was gone when he woke up just after ten. She hardly ever woke up before him, and it was even more unusual for her to have left at all. He rubbed at his eyes a few times before reaching for his phone, and sure enough, she had sent him a text explaining her whereabouts. She was right next door, in her own house, getting ready for their excursion. He sighed, knowing that she must have been extremely excited to have gotten up so early when they weren’t even leaving for several more hours.

So, he climbed out of bed, aware of the fact that for the first Saturday in a long time, Anna wasn’t with him. He had grown used to their sleepy weekend mornings together, half-dressed and sitting at his kitchen table with plates of pancakes in front of them. Without her there, he followed his weekday routine; he ate, showered and got dressed, keeping it casual with jeans and a black t-shirt layered under a red flannel. And then, he waited.

When the time had finally come, he went out and stood by her car, hoping that she’d be out soon. His jaw nearly dropped when she finally did. Clad in a grey v-neck sweater and light wash skinny jeans, she paired the outfit with ankle boots. Her hair was half-up, half-down and softly curled.

“Hey,” she smiled when she saw him waiting. “You ready to go?”

“Born ready. You look great, by the way.”

“So do you, I really like that flannel. You should wear red more often.”

“Thanks,” he blushed, looking down at his shirt. “Aren’t you worried about getting dirty though? We’re going to be walking around in the dirt.”

She laughed. “I don’t plan on rolling around in the dirt.”

“I know, but I don’t want you to ruin your shoes or something.”

“It’ll be fine,” she assured him, before unlocking the car doors and tossing her purse in the backseat. “Climb in.”

He did as he was told, sliding into the passenger seat.

“This is kind of a rare occurrence, huh? Me driving you somewhere,” she observed aloud as she started the engine. She crossed the seatbelt over her lap and glanced over at him.

He shrugged. “I like driving.”

“Yeah, but you’re not my chauffeur. I should drive you around more,” she remarked. “Which would mean that we’d have to go out more.”

He shook his head. “I don’t...we shouldn’t -“

“Oh god, do you think I’m a bad driver?”

“What? No!”

“I swear, I’ve only gotten one speeding ticket in my entire life and I wasn’t even going that fast.”

“Anna, your driving is fine. I was just going to say that you don’t have to worry about driving me around because we shouldn’t really be going places together.”

“Okay then,” she responded, noticeably taken aback. “May I ask why you think that?”

“It just seems like a bad idea.”

“So going to dinner after this is out of the question?”

“We could order takeout,” he suggested. “Or I can cook for you.”

She muttered something inaudible and for a few miles they sat quietly, listening to the radio. He stared out the window and admired the fall foliage, hoping that the day would go by smoothly.

Anna finally spoke up when they were about a mile from the orchard. “So, I want to get enough apples to bake a pie -”

He snorted. “You? Bake a pie?”

“Yeah,” she answered confidently. “I know I’m not great in the kitchen but I’ve never made an apple pie before and I want to try. I could really use your help.”

He glared at her. “Do I look like I’ve made an apple pie before?”

“No, but you’re more competent in the kitchen than I am.”

“Cooking is straightforward. Baking is precise. You mis-measure one ingredient and the entire thing is ruined,” he explained. “That’s why whenever you mention wanting dessert, I always go to the store and buy it.”

“I know the grocery store sells pre-made pie crusts. We can stop there after the orchard, and then that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“I did a little research about the orchard that we’re going to and they sell pies in their store,” he pointed out. “You can save yourself the stress and just buy one.”

“But what’s the fun in that?”

“I guess that’s why we’re going to a farm to buy apples and not to the grocery store,” he remarked, rolling his eyes.

“This is what people do in October. Apple picking, pumpkin picking, corn mazes. It’s fun!”

“They do that stuff to get likes on the Internet, too.”

She didn’t answer, but simply pursed her lips.

He sighed. “Let me guess, you want me to take pictures of you for Instagram?”

“Maybe.”

“Why don’t you stop at a Starbucks and get a pumpkin spice latte to pose with while you’re at it?”

“Rude.”

“It’s what people do in October,” he said, mimicking her sentiment from moments ago.

“Stop criticizing fall, it’s my favorite season. And I’ve never had a pumpkin spice latte, so ha,” she said, before sticking her tongue out at him.

“I’m not criticizing fall. I’m criticizing what people do in fall.”

“As we’re pulling into the parking lot of an apple orchard, to pick apples.”

“Your idea, not mine,” he reminded her.

“You agreed to come, mister.”

“Because you need someone to grab the hard to reach apples for you. Remember?”

She shook her head, though a knowing smile spread across her face. “Can you at least try to have fun?”

“No promises,” he answered, a small smile of his own appearing.

The lot was packed with cars, but she was able to find an empty spot with ease. They climbed out of the car, and walked toward the picking area. The attendant at the entrance handed Anna a basket, provided some instructions for them to follow, and told them that the apples would be weighed for purchase when they finished their walk-through.

When they finally entered the picking area, Anna spoke up. “What should we do first? Apples or pictures?”

He shrugged. “Up to you.”

“Apples first, then.”

There were kids and families everywhere, running from tree to tree, snapping pictures, and chattering away. They walked side-by-side along the center path, trying to avoid bumping into the other people. After walking a few feet, her fingertips brushed against his and he bit down on his lip, trying as hard as he could to ignore it. She moved to take his hand in her own, but he gently pulled away and took a step to the side to create a bit of distance between them.

“Do you not want to hold my hand?” she laughed.

“Oh, um,” he started, looking down at his palm before offering it to her. “I do.”

She accepted with a smile, and laced her soft fingers through his. “This is really nice, we should do stuff like this more often.”

“Apple picking is a seasonal thing,” he remarked, trying to deflect.

“That’s not what I meant,” she giggled. “I meant we should go out more in general.”

“Hey, this tree has a lot of apples.” He pulled her toward it, hoping that it would distract her. He dropped her hand and motioned to the tree. “Pick away.”

“Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not.”

She handed him the basket, and reached for an apple that was hanging near her head. “Yeah, you are. Is something bothering you?”

“No,” he lied. She gently placed the apple in the basket before trying to take it back from him. “Only one apple?”

“This place is huge, we don’t have to get all of our apples from this one tree.”

“I’ll carry the basket for you,” he insisted, hoping that it would prevent her from noticing that they weren’t holding hands anymore. It didn’t work.

“Can you hold it in your other hand? Or should I just walk on the other side?”

“I’ll hold it in my other hand.” He transferred the basket and she immediately took his hand again.

They walked for a while, occasionally stopping at trees and picking a few apples before repeating the same routine. When they were approaching the last section of trees before the weighing station, Anna paused.

“Since we’re almost done and there aren’t that many people over here, we should stop for a few pictures now,” she said, dropping his hand and digging through her bag. “If you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

She dug out her phone and handed it to him, dropping her purse by his feet and taking a few steps towards the trees. He placed the basket down next to it before opening up the camera app on her phone.

There was no simple way to describe how beautiful she looked as she posed for the camera; between the sunlight that was bouncing off of her hair and the radiant smile that was spread across her face, she was absolutely ethereal. He was so entranced, that he hardly noticed that she was moving toward him and continued snapping pictures until she was much closer than before.

“Can I see how they came out?” she asked, holding her hand out. He placed the phone in her hand and she swiped through them. “They came out great! You’re a pretty good photographer.”

“I guess,” he shrugged.

She slid her phone into her back pocket and then held out her hand again. “Give me your phone, I’ll take a few pictures of you.”

“I don’t need any pictures of myself.”

“You can post it to your Instagram!”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve only posted to Instagram, like, three times. I hardly use it.”

“It’s never too late. Don’t you want your friends to see what you were up to this weekend?”

“Not really. I don’t have a million friends to impress.”

“I don’t have a million friends and I’m not trying to impress anyone,” she scoffed. “I just think that it would be nice.”

“Which is why I took pictures of you for your Instagram. You don’t have to worry about me.”

She opened her mouth to argue back, but was interrupted when a woman approached them. “Hey, would you mind taking a few pictures of my boyfriend and I?”

“Of course!” Anna answered, accepting the phone from her.

The couple posed and Anna snapped a few photos before handing the phone back.

The woman looked through the pictures. “Thank you so much, they look really good. Do you want me to take a couple for you guys?”

Before he could say no, Anna was handing her phone to the woman. She grabbed his arm and dragged him back a few steps. Before he knew it, she was pressed into his side, her arm wrapped tightly around his lower back. He was unsure what to do with his own arms, and at the last minute, he draped his arm around her shoulders. He was positive that the pictures would perfectly encapsulate the tension he was feeling in his face, but he did his best to smile. After what felt like an eternity, the woman handed the phone back to Anna.

“Thank you so much, I really appreciate it,” she said to the woman, who smiled in return.

“Please don’t put those on the Internet,” he begged once the couple had wandered away.

“Why? You look great,” she said, holding the phone out to him. He took a quick look, and just as he expected, they looked way too couple-y for her to casually post it online.

“Just...don’t.”

“But we look so adorable! I want all of my friends to see it.”

“You’re probably better off just posting the pictures of you alone,” he insisted. “Your friends may get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea?”

“You know, they may make assumptions.”

She looked up from her phone, and stared directly into his eyes. “What assumptions do you think they’ll make?”

He didn’t answer, instead choosing to look away from her.

“I need a legitimate reason for not posting this picture,” she insisted. “Tell me, what assumptions do you think my friends will make?”

He hesitated, thinking of how to properly phrase the thoughts running through his mind. “I don’t want people to think we’re a couple when we’re not. It’s weird and embarrassing.”

“We’re not a couple?” she asked incredulously, her eyes nearly popping out of her head.

He was suddenly questioning everything he was certain of a mere moment ago. “Are we?”

“I assumed we were! We’re always together, and you know all of my secrets, and not to be too candid in a public place but we have a physical relationship - oh god, have I been reading this wrong? Are we just friends with benefits? Is that why you didn’t want to hold my hand? Are you, like, embarrassed of me?” She blinked a few times, not taking her eyes off of his.

“No!” he exclaimed loudly, causing a few people to turn around and stare in their direction. Grotesquely aware of the fact that people were paying attention, he continued in a hushed voice, “I didn’t think you’d want to be my girlfriend.”

“Why on earth would you think that?” she squawked, raising a shaky hand to her chest.

He could feel his world crumbling around him. “I’m me and you’re...you. You’re amazing and gorgeous and funny and I’m a boring, grumpy homebody.”

“You’re so much more than that; you’re kind and caring and respectful.”

He took a breath, trying to hold it together. “I don’t think I’m as great as you think I am.”

“I’m in love with you, Kristoff,” she confessed suddenly, the words tumbling out of her mouth with little regard as to how they’d be received. “I wasn’t planning on telling you like this, but you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I need you to know that.”

Though the revelation had hit him like a ton of bricks, for the first time ever, he felt at ease with his own feelings. “I love you, too.”

“You do? You aren’t just saying that because I said it?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I mean it. I’ve felt this way for a long time but I’ve been too much of a coward to say anything, too busy convincing myself that you’d be better off with someone else.”

She was in his arms, then, squeezing as tightly as she could, her cheek smashed up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin atop her head. “You silly, silly boy, we have got to work on this self-deprecating attitude of yours. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry,” he grimaced, biting down on his lip.

“And for the record, I don’t think that I’d be better off with anyone else.”

He nodded against her instead of answering.

“I would kiss you but people are staring at us,” she said, pulling back slightly so she could look up at him but still keeping her arms firmly around his waist. “We should get out of here.”

“Good idea.”

“Can I please take you out to dinner tonight? I know you don’t -”

The smile on his face was enough for her to stop speaking mid-sentence. “That would be great.”

She heaved a sigh of relief, finally letting go of him so she could grab her purse and the basket. They walked hand-in-hand to the weighing station, where she bagged and paid for the apples they’d picked before walking back to the parking lot.

“Thank you for convincing me to come today, Anna,” he said as they walked to the car. “I’m really glad that I came.”

“I’m really glad that you came, too. And I’m glad that we were able to clear up that misunderstanding.”

“I’m sorry for scaring you like that. I spent a long time convincing myself that there was no possible way that you’d want to be with me, and it became believable.”

“I wouldn’t spend every single day with you if I didn’t want to be with you,” she assured him. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure,” he nodded.

“I’ve lived on our street for my entire life, and tons of people have come and gone, obviously. I can faithfully say that I have only ever welcomed one person to the neighborhood, and that was you.”

“Really? Why?”

She smirked. “I needed an excuse to talk to the cute boy who was moving in next door.”

“Oh,” he chuckled, feeling his cheeks warm up.

“I haven’t stopped bothering you since,” she said, matter-of-factly.

They climbed back into her car, and buckled their seatbelts before she started the ignition.

“And by the way, you should check Instagram,” she remarked, as she started to back out of the spot.

He dug his phone out of his pocket and launched the app. He had a few notifications, but the most recent one led him to a post that he’d been tagged in. Anna had posted the picture of the two of them with the caption: “All the apples in the orchard, and I’d pick him every time.”

He smiled to himself before liking the picture. “Would you mind sending me the pictures we took? I want my friends to see them.”

#kristanna #kristanna fanfic #anna #kristoff bjorgman #frozen #frozen fic #my writing

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celawrites · 4 years ago

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Day 21

The sun’s hues blind me while I type. But if I were any other basic person, I would take a selfie and bask in the sun. Too bad I’m not. I stretch and head out of my car. It’s currently 7:07 and since I had a good rest on the car, I settle for continuing the story on school grounds.

Madison is there when I head over to my usual seat. I move out of the way and let her stay there. I was here to type and manifest ideas, not deal with her shenanigans.

“So” She sneers. “How’d you do it?”

I ignore her. Some days I wish I could block people irl. Well, I guess murder works as well but I mean too many legal issues. A restraining order? She hasn’t done anything bad to me though.

“I asked you a question bitch”

I continue typing. I’m rather glad that I’m currently typing an analysis on a love rival, this is actually the perfect material for the new character.

“All you ever do is stay silent and type. What happened to that strong persona you have when he’s around huh? You haven’t changed one bit” she snickers.

I spare her a glance and continue typing.

“Not gonna answer me huh? Tell me. How many of them did you sleep with you slut,” She hisses out. “There’s no way any of them would befriend you after the rumor that surfaced about you”

My hands remain busy on my keyboard as I give her the only reply she’s getting. “Is that all?”

“What do you mean? Tsk. So you admit that you seduced half of the school into voting for you?”

In my mind, I snort at her assumptions, but I ignore her words. The sun is already in the sky by now, and Sun should be joining us any moment.

“Just so you know, I actually am Serenity. And I will not hesitate to send my fanbase after you and ruin your life. So I suggest that you stay away from what’s mine”

“So I’m an object now?” Sun walks over to us.

“Ah, good morning darling!” Madison beams, a fake one, you can kind of tell how her arms are tense.

“Good morning Sun, took you longer than usual”

“There was a little traffic on the freeway. Good morning Madison” he nods and settles down next to me. “What’s today’s prompt?”

“Antagonist design. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.” Despite Sun not knowing who I was, he still knew that I had a passion for writing.

“Mm.”

“Hey darling. Do you want a signed book from me? I’m hosting a fan-sign soon and you seemed pretty invested in the book last year.”

“Serenity doesn’t host fan-signs. For all we know, she could be a he, and they could be an old woman in her forties. So no.” Sun sighs.

“Stop frowning, you’re gonna get wrinkles.” I hum, noticing how he creased his eyebrows.

“Says the one with permanent eyebags”

“So which cafe are you guys headed to this Friday? I wanna join you guys!” Madison is glowing, I kind of need medicine or something, she’s too fake.

Sun and I both remain silent. Madison shuffles uncomfortably in her seat and Sun leans over and reads my analysis to ignore her. “Vinicia. A woman known for her charms, she owns one of the largest underground empires in the city. Constantly picking a fight with Seph. She controls almost every high-level street fighter possible”

He hums. “Known for being an angel in real life. Constantly helping out anyone and everyone, only a few know how two-sided she is. Sounds familiar”

“Does it? I was just thinking about every other basic antagonist”

“Not in-depth enough. Why is she that way? Is she bored? Does she want to avenge someone? And also, what’s her empire called? What does it consist of? Is she really as innocent as she makes up? Does she have any hints that you can tell that she isn’t?” Sun points out.

“It’s only the early stages Sun. It’s not like I have a deadline for these prompts”

“True huh” I do have a deadline, and the deadline is in a week. I was supposed to turn in all my character plans for my next book yesterday, but things happened and I was given another week.

“So Madison.” I hum. “What’s your next book going to be about?”

She tenses, and at this point, there are multiple students around who are also curious. “A-ah. I posted it on my blog a little while back! It’s about love. But you know, there’s also an antagonist and stuff”

I hum, and Sun snickers. “Serenity doesn’t give such vague answers. If you’re going to pretend to be her, then at least play the part. Her next work is on magic”

“B-but I am Serenity! So what if I tend to overshare on the internet? You guys can just get all of this information on my blog!” Madison stammers out.

The first bell saves her from any more questions, and everyone scrambles to get ready for class. I text Sun the answer to one of the math questions as my confession today and snicker when he flushes red. ( i < 3u )

The day passes like normal, and when Sun runs up to me after school, I’m more than confused.

“cRESS”

“What’s wrong Sun?”

“Take me out”

“With a gun or on a date?”

“Either. I’m tired and I don’t want to go on a date with Madison”

“PFft.”

“sUN~” Madison runs over and Sun speeds himself to the front seat. I laugh and slip in myself. A knock is heard on the window and Sun opens the window. His hand is in mine, a habit that I let him develop because of his anxiety. I rub soft circles on his hand, and though we’re not dating, at this point we could be friends with benefits but only benefits of cheesy stuff.

“Is something wrong?”

“So what about our date?”

“I’m already hanging out with Cress today.”

“Can I join in? It’s not a date right?”

“ah-”

“It’s a date” both Madison and I look at him in shock. EXCUSE ME? I DID NOT AGREE TO FAKE DATE YOU IDIOT HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME CRUSHING ON YOU FOR THIS I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS HISSS.

Sun shrugs and motions for me to drive. Deciding to be cheeky, I grin. “I’ll tell you if he’s a good kisser later Madison! See you!” I step on the gas and leave.

“I hate you” I mumble.

“You’re in love with me” Sun hums.

“And you’re being a jerk by playing me”

He remains quiet for a bit. “I panicked. I’m sorry”

I remain quiet and opt to drive to an empty parking lot instead.

“You owe me a 3am McDonalds run now”

“Alright. What are we doing here anyways?”

“I need vibes. I can’t type without them. If you have any questions or need anything, feel free to swap seats with me and drive there” I hum.

“Alright”

He’s quiet until he catches me off guard with a question.

“So you think I’m a good kisser?”

I choke. whERE THE FUCK IS THAT COMING FROM?

“W-what?” I cough.

“You said you’d tell Madison if I was a good kisser or not”

“I mean I had to think of something cheeky to say. You’d be sorely wrong if you think I’d let an opportunity like that slip by.”

“So you didn’t want to kiss me?” He smirks.

“You’ve never kissed someone before. You’d be sorely wrong if you think I’d agree”

“Says the one who’s never dated someone before”

“I’m hURT”

The bantering goes on until it’s nearing 4pm, and I drive him home. His brother is quick to ask me for the details but I only tell him that we hadn’t done anything except correct my horrible grammar on my stories. Z only huffs.

The rest of the day passes silently, and my home is quiet as usual. Nighttime approaches, and I’m in bed again.

Previous : Masterlist : Next

#angst?#fake dating #people panicking bc Sun is a dumbass #fluff #writing #fiction #first person #project #quarantine project #bitchy people smh #365 days #365 days of writing #365 days of rejection #I dread the day that I have to apply to college ngl #my ocs #dumb people

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sunnysynthsunshine · 6 years ago

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My letter

(Note: I’m aware I can’t personally directly send this to him, but I still felt like sharing this with you, my dear comrades, I was feeling really rubbish yesterday but after typing out all of this I felt a lot better, a lot of the thoughts in this letter are what has been buried under the subtext of some of my poems and that one writing piece I did, some of the topics discussed reference mental health, personal aspects of my life and spirituality so TRIGGER WARNING!..you may keep reading)

Dear Doctor Rik Mayall

Hello!,

I’m Kelsey, I’m a huge fan of your work, old and new, a 17 soon to be 18 year old from Northern Ireland I, unfortunately, wasn’t around to see your Bottom stage shows when they came to Belfast, I was too little at the time.

I did know some of your work though, that short-lived King Arthur cartoon was a show I’d frequently watch, and I remember when you’d voice the Andrex puppy and narrate who let the dogs out!

In later years I’d eventually watch that Young ones show you did, I fell in love with that show, your character too, that show helped me at a time after I finished secondary school when I was feeling really depressed because of drama going on with someone who used to be my so-called friend who I had learned later was manipulating me.

Your show made me realise a lot about myself and the world around me, as someone raised tory you helped me express the true socialist and anarchist views that I wanted to show, I’m now the me I always wanted to be,I’ve met a lot of my new mates the ones in my college and the ones off the internet because of you, because of either them and I mutually liking one of your shows or me introducing them to your shows and them enjoying it.

I used to study drama as you did, but then I had to study media instead, my dance instructor really tainted my confidence, however, I did get a good grade in LAMDA, the drama school that Nigel Planer and Peter Richardson went to, I just did the exam though,I still love drama and I write poetry (like your character did) and my own comedy monologues while it took time to realise I lowkey wanted to be a comedian as well as an actor and artist,but I used to think I wasn’t capable enough, but I’ve written 7 monologues since last summer up to now and I’m quite proud of my progress.

My media course is going well too, I’ve often referenced you in some of my sources for projects like my Moving Image class and one time we had to pitch a film idea and poster, so I chose that Drop Dead Fred film, because it’s one of my favourite films of all time and I felt like the only reason it didn’t get the proper praise it deserved at the time was due to bad marketing.

Outside of that, times have been less than stellar, a bloke last October manipulated me, I just wanted to be friends with him, but he ended up being very mentally abusive,I have Autism so sometimes I hyper fixate *gush* about my interests too intensely,and sometimes I overshare and make weird pop culture references only a few people get,it’s ok at times but other times it can weird people out and it makes me seem annoying to others when I don’t intend to be.

That and my childhood was quite lonely, and often I get traumatic flashbacks from old and modern incidents, and some of the flashbacks are made up and create “intrusive thoughts in my mind, I hate that, I haven’t had my other issues diagnosed, because I’m too busy to find therapy, my country has a backwards mental health system, and some people in my life don’t completely understand the issues I go through.

You and other icons in my life, help encourage me to keep going through the tough times and I’ve been able to help others going through similar problems too, I am so thankful for my friends and I’m so thankful for your presence in my life.

Barbara is a very lucky woman and so was Lise when you were with her and your work has heavily inspired my own.

I feel like whenever I’m acting or when I watch you acting, I see a spiritual philosophical wall beside us, I’ve read and watched all your interviews, most of your tv and filmography and your book is fantastic.

I feel like our personalities are similar, we are both kind, but cynical, we have our cold moments and times when we just want to be cuddly teddy bears, we love audiences but we’re also shy and sometimes timid,I can’t list all the traits here basically I can go from entranced and hyper-fixated to Pessimistic and Quiet and Timid to Mellow and Loud to dazed, relaxed and happy. Quite a mix of traits, in the past I was an ignorant coward, now though I’ve learned from that and I’ve grown a lot as a person literally and figuratively.

I have taken your mantras to heart, after I got kicked out of my old performing arts course I reenacted your Theatre monologue and posted it on the internet, It got lots of positive feedback not too long after that I continued the poetry,eventually the monologues and in between I got my first job as an assistant stage manager on a local theatre production of West Side Story.

I have a lot in common with both you and your characters,well mainly the positive traits, the negative traits I try to work on, even through our appearances, people have said I look like you, that has helped me accept myself, my identity and my own appearance, I’m far from a portrait but if I’m compared to you then I’m also very gorgeous,I also sort of scrapped through my GCSE’s, technically some of them were BTEC’s, they’re like extension course things, but then some of them I was average at anyway and the performing arts course didn’t let me show my full potential while there I mainly did villain and minor character roles. I shouldn’t be defined by a piece of paper, I should be defined by who I am, a wonderful, creative, smart, kind and beautiful person...like you.

Some of the “poems” I’ve made were tributes to you, and how while yes you had your flaws too, you to me are the perfect person, never before have I been so inspired or so connected to someone who wasn’t a Japanese cartoon (apologies, if that sounds odd, while I liked celebrities not many of them were relatable to me)

I even sometimes dream about you, I dream about being apart of the comic strip, I dream about performing alongside you, I dream about simply hanging out with you, going to pubs, Bowie concerts and that Groucho club you were banned from.

While there were some moments in my life, that I can’t remove or were learning curves for me, to have been around at the time, would’ve been interesting, yeah there’s the political rubbish but that hasn’t changed in the 2010s either, we still have Thatcher but her name is Teresa now, and a talking orange called Donald Trump is ruling America but he’s also literally just a white blonde Hitler.

I understand there are time rifts and time zone differences in the universes around us, but I do really wish I could’ve met you in person, sometimes the lucid dreams give a similar experience except you in those is like an animated hologram,I often try to “spiritually communicate” with you,sometimes it works other times I just end up talking to an imaginary clone of you,I can tell because they look like how you did in the 90s, and not the chill grey-haired grandpa you are now, sometimes I see your real self in those dreams, other times I only hear your voice.

I want to carry on the legacy, I don’t just want to spread my own ideas while teaching the world about your masterpieces, I want to spread the love, I want to remind the world to laugh at misery,I want to bring more light into where you left off,you aren’t dead,your just not physically with the world anymore, your mind, spirit and memory are still alive, in most people,your memory lives on

People still talk about you, I think about you, while the tories are still twats, the young revolution of the new generation is getting more attention.

I’m going to be one of the youths leading it, I’ll never lose my wisdom and you’ll always have a presence in my life and the world.

as long as I, your kids and all your fans try to retain your memory, you’ll never “die”.

After all, you're the Rik Mayall, are you going to let God prevent you from occasionally visiting earth, visiting your family and friends? Of course not, I’m sure they miss you very much, and I’m sure Ade is sorry about that drama he caused about the Bottom spin-off.

Making the universe more bright and colourful

Lots of love as a fellow fan, performer and admirer but also as someone who sees you as a philosophical figure

xoxo

Kelsey

a.ka

That twit on earth from Northern Ireland who will never stop thinking about you

You utter pan-global phenomenon

I could only be talking about the one, the only, the Doctor Rik Mayall~

#british comedy #mysticism #lucid dreaming #vent #personal #spiritual #philosophy

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louder-than-love · 7 years ago

Note

1-100 pls 🙈

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I DIDNT EXPECT THIS but thanks for all the interest though lmao :D

1 - Who was the last person you texted?

if tumblr messages count then it was my sweet friend @way-beyond-wildest-imaginations :)

2 - When is your birthday?

10th of October

3 - Who do you want to be with right now?

a friend

4 - What sports do you play?

N O N E BECAUSE I’M L A Z Y

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts?

a friend called Ahsen

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment?

Sappy by Nirvana or Wo die wilden Maden graben by Casper

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with?

someone who can help me get out of there as fast as possible

8 - What do you feel right now?

joy because I’m finally listening to the new Foo Fighters album and it’s amazing

9 - What chocolate is your favorite?

milk chocolate

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?

0,00

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account?

end of January 2017, I don’t know the exact date right now sorry

12 - Who is your favorite blogger?

well, @rearviewmirror10 @rock-basstard @coolbuttmetal @wellwelldroogieboy post some quality stuff so I’d say they are my favourite bloggers? idk though

13 - Where do you want to be right now?

at a concert

14 - What do you want to be in the future?

happy and satisfied with myself :)

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why?

like 1 minute ago because Dave Grohl is perfect (yes I’m an ultimate fangirl)

16 - Are you happy?

sometimes more, sometimes less

17 - Who do you miss?

being thin lmao

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life?

why not

19 - What was the best thing you were given?

my grandma bought me a so called “Lira”, which is a Turkish coin made out of gold and many Albanian girls get some of them when they get married, anyways she bought one for me before she died so I can wear it on a necklace or smth if I should ever get married and this is just one of the most precious things I ever received from someone.

20 - Who was the last person who called you?

my father’s friend haha

21 - What is your favorite dish?

pizza, lasagna, those Asian noodles... there’s a lot of stuff

22 - Who is your bestfriend?

on tumblr? @rearviewmirror10 @inside-a-break @wellwelldroogieboy @iowainc @way-beyond-wildest-imaginations they’re all really cool people and I like them a lot and it’s a pity that they’re all living like 1898873249874832km away from me

23 - What is your biggest regret?

I basically wasted my whole youth and I experienced like almost nothing and I feel like I’m going to regret this a lot later

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner?

which partner?

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with?

my brother

26 - Name someone pretty

Stone Gossard

27 - Who was the last person you hugged?

I don’t remember, probably my friend

28 - What kind of music do you listen to?

mostly rock, metal and grunge. But also some hip-hop/rap idk I like a lot of stuff but that’s like what I listen to the most

29 - Are you over your past?

I think so?

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts?

my neighbour called Vivian

31 - What kind of person do you want to date?

someone who is nice and humourous, with a good heart and a kind soul, someone who I feel comfortable around and most importantly: someone who likes me back (good joke huh)

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night?

most of the time

33 - From whom was the last text message you received?

my father

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt?

JEANS hell no I don’t wear skirts

35 - How’s your heart?

idk? my physical heart ist fine I hope?

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”?

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment?

I like Josh Klinghoffer :)

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?

i never had one

39 - Do you have any phobias?

not that I know

40 - Did you try to change for a person?

yes

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone?

Well, a few friends and I bought a concert ticket for a friend for her 18th birthday earlier this year and she really really enjoyed it so that was probably it? But idk, I’m that type of person who rather gives smaller gifts

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship?

never have been in one so

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood?

In a neutral one tending towards happy because the new Foo Fighters album is so good

44 - Name someone you can’t live without.

my brother, I don’t know what I would do without him, life wouldn’t be the slightest bit enjoyable without him (I know this is cringey but it’s true)

45 - Describe your dream date.

watching tv shows, eating pizza and listening to music together? I’m not that much of a fancy person

46 - Describe your dream wedding

it would be perfect if John Frusciante was performing there and it would be even more perfect if I was marrying him lmaoooooo

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s?

0,00

48 - Have you ever been kissed?

romantically? no. I’ve only had those little kisses you do with friends, nothing special

49 - How long is your longest relationship?

never been in one

50 - Do you regret your past?

some aspects of it

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else?

yes

52 - Have you ever cried over someone?

yes

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone?

no I don’t really hold grudges

54 - Are you a crybaby?

sometimes

55 - Do people praise you for your looks?

people only praise my shit hair and my flannel shirts because everything else on me is ugly

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t?

yes

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?

yes

58 - Do you like getting hurt?

who the hell likes to get hurt lmao?

59 - Does anyone hate you?

probably

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”?

no, I don’t slap people because violence doesn’t lead to anything

61 - What hair color do you prefer?

all of them, I’d like to have black or red hair though

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it?

my appearance, my demotivation, my low self-esteem, I also wish I was less of a hypocrite because I tend to hide a lot of shit to not hurt anyone. I also wish I could be able to express what I honestly think of a situation/people/anything else without being afraid to do so, that shit only leads to a lot of bottled up anger and it sucks

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment?

I love John Frusciante and Chris Cornell an Eddie Vedder

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself?

who hasn’t?

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school?

I’m not at school anymore heheh

66 - Can you live without internet?

NO like my whole social life is taking place on the internet at the moment

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone?

Porch by Pearl Jam would remind me of my special someone IF I HAD ONE

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears?

depends but not really

69 - Are you a crybaby?

sometimes

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical?

yes many many times

71 - Are you a KPOP fan?

72 - Do you study hard?

not at all

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love?

not yet but I would do this at any time

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight?

I wish

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat?

yes

76 - Did you have an accident last year?

luckily no

77 - What kind of person are you?

a person who is obsessed with music I guess

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone?

yeah but I would NEVER do it

79 - Have you ever been jealous?

yeah

80 - How can you prove your love to someone?

by trusting them fully because I can’t trust anyone fully lmao

81 - What are you thinking right now?

“stop oversharing your stupid shit on tumblr bitch no one cares”

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts?

my cousin Ajlin

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase?

yeah

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel?

i don’t know

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone?

many many times

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone?

not really because I give in too fast in order to avoid conflicts

87 - Do you have trust issues?

kind of

88 - Are you broken-hearted?

not really

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?

Courtney Love because Love is her last name and I wish it was mine too

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it?

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?

when I have an optimistic moment, then I do

92 - Who do you want to marry?

John Frusciante

93 - Do you believe in destiny?

not really

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”?

yeah but I’m probably not right

95 - How do you look right now?

shitty as always lmao, but if you mean outfit then: I’m wearing a white baseball shirt with long grey sleeves and blue skinny jeans

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies?

not sure...

97 - Have you found your true love?

does John Frusciante count?

98 - What should you be doing right now?

sleeping

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.

Doesn’t Exist

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

yes

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storybookprincess · 6 years ago

Text

gardenrue replied to your post “today has been tough. i’ve been crying a lot (half from the nearly...”

I know it might not mean much coming from a stranger on the internet, but if you ever want to talk you can message me. If that'll make you feel less alone.

hello lovely & kind person!!! it actually means a ton even coming from a stranger on the internet, so thank you <3 seriously, it’s so so kind of you to reach out & i’m extremely grateful for & touched by the support. really i can’t express it well but it means a great deal.

i’m doing much better now. still a little weepy but much much less hopeless & isolated feeling!

i apologize for the emotional vomiting all over your dash (probs gonna go delete that post now). i rlly should stop oversharing about my illness on the internet & just write in a journal or smth so i’m gonna try to be better about that moving forward. shouting into the void really helps me process things but i rlly should shout into a google doc instead. anyway sorry for the whining lately i’ll try to be better about it & thank you vv much for your kind words!!! seriously!!!

#gardenrue #liv replies

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foursprouthealth-blog · 7 years ago

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How Not to Break Up on Social Media

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/health/how-not-to-break-up-on-social-media/

How Not to Break Up on Social Media

My Facebook friends were really sad for me. Some random people just “liked” my status. Some mutual friends were shocked. “But you were the perfect couple!” one told me. “I no longer have faith in love!” another cried. Some dudes slid into my DM’s. My brother said, “What’s with the official statement? Sorry sis, ur no celebrity.”

EDITOR’S PICK

displayTitle

It wasn’t my idea. When I’m not spewing my guts in personal essays, I’m a pretty private person. And my brother was right: There’s something so self-aggrandizing and delusional about assuming people care enough that you need to make a grand announcement about a life change. I agreed to this weird Facebook announcement because after four years together, I was desperate to be rid of my ex.

Post breakup, we scheduled a meeting at our old place to hash things out one last time. He brought along love letters I’d witten him and read them out loud at me through sobs as I sat impassive on the couch. My mom and my therapist kept texting to make sure he hadn’t murdered me. His last request before he left (without murdering me, thankfully) was that we come up with a positive, heartfelt statement to our Facebook following.

I’m not entirely sure why he wanted to do that, but I have some guesses: I think that, partially, he didn’t want to be asked about me, but he’s also the kind of person who believes in weird formalities like that, ones that aren’t necessarily so much outdated as they are outlandish, like his dogged insistence that it’s necessary to send a personal thank-you to everyone who wished him happy birthday on Facebook. Or at least, that’s who he was. I have no idea who he is now.

So we simultaneously posted these status updates (oh yes, we both posted the exact same one, at the same time). I try and think about how I would have chosen to announce our breakup on my own, and I want to say: Well, I wouldn’t have. Easy.

I want to say, Whatever, Facebook is for old people anyway. Nobody gives a crap. I’d just change my relationship status and hide it from my timeline and let people figure it out when they figure it out. Adjust my privacy policy as needed. The people who need to know will know because I’ll tell them.

It’s so much more complicated than that, though. Because when you deal with a breakup, you do kind of want to post something. I did, anyway—I was so eager to be rid of my ex, and I wanted everyone to know I was no longer attached to him. I was eager to move on and wanted everyone to know it was time to think about their single male friends for me. It was a terrible, traumatizing breakup, and I just didn’t want to be asked questions.

#gettinbackinthegame / Illustration by the author, Mikayla Park.

All of this sort of begs the larger question, “What do we use social media for?” For some people, it is legitimately a form of socialization. For others, it’s to bookmark articles and memes and pictures of small animals. For another group I will never understand, it’s to have pointless political arguments. For everyone, however, it should be entertaining. And you have to admit, in the age of social media, breakups—other people’s breakups, that is—are interesting at the very least and entertaining at the very best.

Look me in the face and tell me you haven’t enjoyed combing through your old high-school rival’s Instagram, trying to figure out if she split from her perfect-seeming hubz. You end up being a self-congratulatory Nancy Drew (But see, wait, zoom in on her hand, is she wearing her ring? I can’t see her ring.)

Tell me you haven’t screenshotted some weird-ass song lyrics your old BF posted, the ones that kind of maybe indicate that he’s split from the side chick he was banging while you were together and he maybe left you for, then texted the lyrics to all your friends (What do you think this means? She didn’t “like” it or anything… No, I can’t see her stuff, she’s private.) Then again, I’m sure people were shook AF when my ex and I posted those bizarre matching status updates (Omg are they serious? What happened? … Also how f***ing weird is that post?)

The Great Ring Detective / Illustration by the author, Mikayla Park.

The thing is, they’re shook, and then they’re not. Thanks to the instant gratification machine that is YouTube and Instagram, our generation has the attention span of a turtle (maybe that’s insulting to turtles, I don’t know.) You text that screenshot to your friends and then, five minutes later, you’re deep in discussion over a screenshot of a potentially insulting text Becky From Work just sent you.

People cared that we broke up, don’t get me wrong. I got lots of very nice phone calls, texts, and invites for coffee afterward… it’s just that people don’t care for that long. The phone calls ceased, people stopped asking me how I was. Guy friends stopped hitting me up in my DMs. People move on. They have to: Everyone has their own sh*t. In five minutes, no one will remember that weird status update you posted or didn’t post—they’ll wonder and forget that you weren’t wearing your ring. Let them.

#singlelife / Illustration by the author, Mikayla Park.

Is this the first time someone has tried to tell you, hopefully very nicely, that no one really cares? It’s not a bad thing! It’s honestly kind of the best ever. Because when it comes to announcing your breakup via social media, you can very honestly do it for you, baby.

Enjoy your five minutes of fame. Drag people down a rabbit hole of mystery if you want to. Post a bottle of prosecco and a pint of Halo Top on the grocery conveyor belt captioned hashtag single life; screenshot your Bumble profile, hashtag getting back in the game. Get wasted and overshare on Twitter, break the internet by airing your dirty laundry, and then delete the tweet like 45 minutes later. Hit your before-this-last-relationship crush up, slide into those DM’s, and let them know you’re single—instead of hoping the Facebook algorithm will show them for you (it won’t.) Post this:

Don’t think about it too much. In five minutes, it will be yesterday’s news. My breakup status is literally the only thing I regret about my entire breakup, and believe me, it does not keep me up at night.

Do the important things. Call your therapist (and if you don’t have one, what are you waiting for?). Go home and have a good cry with your mom. Rally your people because that’s what friendship is for, these very moments when you feel like you’re not enough because you’re suddenly one instead of two. Take every piece of advice with a grain of salt or ten. Everyone means well, but they can only see so far outside of their own experience. Don’t give up on love. And always, always, always, for f*ck’s sake, keep it interesting.

Mikayla Park is a teacher/nonprofit creative person residing in the slums of Beverly Hills. Find her, and her two charming rescue dogs, everywhere at @mikaylapark.

#Health

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