#anyway i just need to edit it and i can do that after work tmrw so

[dojunie]

GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED WRITING CH3

COVID ANON AND ALSO THE REST OF THE ANONS WHO HAVE KEPT UP WITH MESSAGING ME AND ARE ALSO GOING ON WINTER BREAK SOON, THIS IS FOR YOU <3

[wildgrave]

so i rarely use tumblr anymore but i feel obliged to keep y’all up to date... please my fanbase... so here is life updates: edition 3,001,922

classes start in two days and i am absolutely unprepared but i feel like anyone who is prepared is a filthy liar and also reads hemingway for fun, probably. so far i’ve spent $350 on my textbooks, one of which was just a piece of paper with an access code written on it (and i’m pretty sure my prof wrote the textbook which i feel makes it even more sadistic that it cost $140). my books for english lit haven’t been posted yet, but i’m guessing that’ll be aother $150 at LEAST. why is getting an education so expensive??? where are the “this is how bernie can still win” memes when u need them??

on the plus side, I MOVED INTO MY APARTMENT!!! i have already made many friends, 90% of whom are cockroaches that i have had to kill with my BARE HANDS (and also a paper towel). but i like to think that we have a kinship. they eat my food, and in return, i am forced to learn how to clean up after myself. also all of our walls are lined with borax which does not work but makes us look like we’ve watched too much supernatural and are trying to keep out demons.

my roommate is really chill. she loves early 2000s pop and fighting republicans on the internet and honestly, what more could i ask for?? she also makes a mean marg which doesn’t hurt (unless you count my liver, in which case it hurts a lot).

she also allowed me to do this to our living/dining/kitchen area:

and i’m super pumped about my bedroom as well!!! i need to take more pictures in order to properly portray the ~ambience~ but in the meantime these will have to suffice:

honestly i really have enjoyed living here though! it’s so WILD that i’m able to just walk out the door and do things that i wanna do. i can basically walk to everything i need to walk to, including school, and i can come and go as i please. and i can take NAPS when i want to. and i can go grocery shopping. and i feel like a bonafide adult!! i feel like it has been rly good for me to be independent because it’s kinda forcing me into learning how to exist and be a functioning human being.

i don’t have any WILD stories, mostly because i’ve only been here for 4 days, but don’t worry guys!!!! i will absolutely make atrocious decisions and they will likely occur very soon. i mean, i almost got stick n pokes with a girl after knowing her for half an hour, so it’s only a matter of time.

but really, even though i haven’t been wildin, i’ve had more fun in the past few days than the rest of summer combined. i feel so fulfilled. there are already people that i feel like i can be more genuine with here than people i’ve known for my whole life. i feel like i can start afresh -- i’m starting by working on wearing less makeup. i went out to dinner with some friends the other night completely barefaced!!! that was mostly bc the circumstances forced it, but still!!! v proud of myself

i’m also pleased b/c i can already tell i’m not gonna have a problem with managing freedom/too easy access to alcohol and such. i mean, my roommate and i are STOCKED. but since it’s SO easy to drink/smoke whenever i want, i don’t feel like i have to. i didn’t finish my beer and i stared at it for like ten minutes before realizing that i can have beer WHENEVER i want and don’t have to stay pressed about not wasting it/drinking anytime i have the chance. like... growing up in the suburbs, you CONSERVE that shit. mostly bc ppl are stingy and you ask for a shitty light beer and ppl are like “haha yeah venmo me $5 tho” like??? BOI...

anyway i was a lil worried that i’d start going wild but i’ve been home every night by 11pm, solely because i KNOW i can go out and party when i want to. i don’t have to seize every opportunity. ya girl can just turn in early and listen to the noise of drunk college kids absolutely screaming outside of the fast food place (which i live DIRECTLY above) until 4am. honestly, i’m already used to it...... it’s basically asmr

but stuff in general is good! i need to schedule meetings with potential therapists (which i have been putting off for literal months) and i have been a bit anxious at night, but that’s not incredibly abnormal for me. tmrw is my last day before school and i plan on spending it doing laundry and repotting my plants on our balcony. i am 100% prepared for life as a domestic single woman who is essentially married to her cacti.

[cherubicharm-blog]

jan 4 2019

happy new year!!! i’m coming to you live from monmouth university!!! i have mentorship here and it’s my first day back here after break. Here’s the thing though: it’s completely empty. I’ve been sitting outside the lab for almost 2 hours... doing nothing. I really don’t know what to do. I think it’s still break for the students, but idk. I'm going to head to the student center or find an empty classroom to do some homework in. maybe i’ll watch a movie or something too!

yesterday i saw A Simple Favor and honestly it was a good story but i can never see blake lively as anyone other than serena van der woodsen from gossip girl. sorry. over break i submitted all of my college apps, and I'm really nervous. what if i don't get in anywhere? what if.... i fail all of my classes? what if.... i disappoint my parents.... :( I'm scared. my cousin got into yale early, and her sister goes to harvard. it makes everything worse, and the pressure is even higher on me. 

anyways I've been drinking chocolate milk (organic valley cartons) every day and now i feel my tummy turning. am i lactose intolerant? idc honestly i will just never give up cheese i can’t do it. I've gained like ten pounds the past break which, although is a good thing, i need to get into shape for real. i start fit soon and I'm going to up my workout at the gym. hopefully i’ll be able to get fired up real soon! 

today the plan is: I'm going to eat, work, and do some reading before i go to sleep. i have to edit and submit penn tmrw. and then..... i need to study for math because math is not easy. i might go shopping for more clothes but I've already bought so many so i think i need to chill. 

i have my mit interview on monday and i have no idea what to say about myself. so many issues on top of issues on top of issues. i have a lot of friends, like a good 5 people i can talk to whenever i have something on my mind (like close ppl). but i don't have a best friend, and i kind of want one. i miss it.

i bought canvases and acrylics the other day, and i started painting again. if i like how it turns out ill post it here. until next time ~

[diary-iguess]

wahppn

J: nothing bad it was just really hot and i changed clothes twice

wake up 7 o clock for my interview, eat one piece a bread and some orange juice

ace di interview

dem tell me fi fill out the application twice

some yout try sell me a jelly candy

it cant open, but eventually does

Monique forwards

i meet her friend in the painting studio and we go get a box lunch

i sit down and eat the food

im sweating my life away

R: pepper?

J: before meeting the hustling yout, i left my portfolio in the hr office so mi did have to go back for it

no it's just hot af inna kingston

and i was wearing a long sleeve shirt

Paige seh him nah fwd fi di shoot

Thevrtistisjvmvicvn is sitting next to me, but i'm talking more than he

me a wonda how he can go school in full business attire and not become a puddle of sweat

Yanah appears and asks if she can have something nutritious

on campus

like a shake

Juice immediately says no dawg

Juice is working on a mythological drawing, but the paper he's using is trash and i tell him so

he says something about how it will still sharpen his skills and i said he needs watercolor paper if he's going to mix it with watercolor

is my story interesting?

i'm interested in telling a good story

R: I'm more interested in your friend's names

J: thevrtistisjvmvicvn said he wants to be a curator, but hasn't curated any shows yet

i tell him do that shit

lmao

R: Thevrtistisjvmvicvn, Yanah, Monique and Juice

I actually fucking love Juice

Now i know there are places I can't say that out loud

J: i ask my father if he can pick me up because Paige nah forward

he replies hmm

lmao have you seen the film?

my phone is dying and i have no credit because the tuck shop only selling $500 credit today

*back to the story*

i'm telling you this from my laptop

R: What parent says "hmmm"? was this a text?

J: yes

i knowwww

like

can't even K me

wtf

my shoes too big for me, so i stand on them instead of wearing them for a bit

Juice is playing music on his phone and one of the songs is from frank ocean's second project that he released the same time as blonde

my mind is blown

R: That must be some song

J: Yanah returns from the tuck shop with water still disappointed that there is no health food available

more mindblowing that he released two projects at once

i tell theartistisja that i like doing projects with many layers of meaning and process

i talk about my ananse storybook thesis and how i want everyone to know ananse is a deity and amina blackwood meeks taught me that

i say something like "yea, she's rad"

i talk about how the first time i met easton lee, i believed someone when they joked that he was 100 years old

and hoped that he didnt remember when i asked him if it was true

im dying laughing rn

my cousin invites me to sit and do work together at starbucks later

my father sends me a message "M is here, please call her through K-dollasign"

R: googled Easton Lee

J: lmao what did you find? he and my grandmother are friends

they're both legendary chinese-jamaicans

R: I can see he's definitely chinese-jamaican

J: yes and so is my grandma lol

R: author, poet

not bad

1931

J: but no doubt their swagger is enwrapped in their proximity to afro-jamaicanness

wow he's 87 this year

or 86?

M is my grandmother

i message K-dollasign

"i heard grandma M is here"

he replies "makes sense"

but intonates that he was not previously informed

i try to decode my father's message and K-dollasigns response

"makes sense"

he must be referring to Shutterbug's wedding

the same one i wasn't sure i was invited to

R: LOL

wow

are you going?

J: wait nuh man

R: lol

J: okay so i reach home, turn on my laptop

charge my phone

i frantically whatsapp my relatives

fb message uncle Macbook to get in touch w grandma

i try to search the internet for clues as to when this wedding will be

my sister says i should just ask Shutterbug if i can come

so i do that

uncle Macbook replies me with a different number to call, i call, get grandma

she says "no, no, no, you can't come to the wedding, the guests have already been counted and there's too many"

my heart sinks

i say, okay, well i can still see you today?

my cousin Carlton who wants to go to starbucks has arrived at my house

R: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

J: i try to devise a plan with Carlton and grandma and my dad all talking at once to pick grandma up and she says something about not wanting to be stranded and i say we would never let that happen to her

the phone isn't working very well and at some point my father has the phone

i return to my whatsapp messages on the laptop and Shutterbug has replied!

"hey, we were overcapacity a few months ago, but there's some space now. if you can make it on sunday, please come"

i tell grandma what she said

"okay, but how are you getting there? and where are you going to stay?"

i had not thought of this second part

the wedding is in mobay

R: MUFUFUFUFU

on a beach

duh

just sleep on the beach and get dressed in someones room in the morrow

J: i quickly say "aunty Rose's"

and she has already said she's very busy today and the plan to see me nah work out

"see you in mobay then!"

okay bye grandma, i love you!

"i love you too sweetheart"

now i have to whatsapp aunty Rose and see if she will shelter me

and K-dollasign to see if i can drive with him

R: funny at points but not a bad day

J: Carlton still deh yah a try reach liguanea fi get some food

the story did not get resolved yet

lol

it wasnt a bad day just long af

R: wait what

J: let me try summarize

R: Well I mean, between Yanah's Healthy snack Crisis and the Wedding Snafu, I thought the day was sealed with you tryna get aunty Rose

J: I was also supposed to meet Pearl at starbucks for 3pm

when Carlton and i pull up to starbucks, Rose a walk up deh too

synchronicity

R: 'the hell? Starbucks is a spot now?

J: that's the culture of the company

im like baffled as to both my grandmother and father asking me if starbucks is an appropriate place to link and do work together

that's how they've been selling the place for at least the last ten years

i order a tall strawberry and cream frappe w coconut milk and Carlton is very excited to get a pumpkin spice frappe, no latte because he doesn't want to burn his tongue

yesterday Pearl showed me a video she edited featuring this black guy with ginger hair, Souffrant

Souffrant appears before us in starbucks and sits at our table

i'm supposed to edit my own video with Pearl's color correction advice, but i'm still trying to figure out my travel situation

before we went to starbucks, we walked to tastees and my mom replied to my frantic messages about grandma and the wedding with "ur not paying attention to what i tell u"

there's like a whole thing where i'm trying to get my cousin Jazz's number to ask if i can go from kingston to mobay with him because K-dollasign is unavailable.

aunty Rose says of course i can stay with her and of course she has Jazz's number

resolve dat, so mi have a place to stay and a drive

there are several unrelated phone calls that need to be made but mi still nah no credit, so i borrow Souffrant's phone

then the next chapter is me, Carlton, and Pearl trying to walk to sov after i finally finish editing my video.

i take some really dope shots of the sunset

pause for incoming illustration

R: i mean

sure

make hay

all of the birds with 1 stone

J: -picture of sov-

R: this is sov

dark

but its sov

J: it's the golden sunset reflecting off the walls

then we all go to kfc and then i try look for some shoes to wear to the wedding, but then mi nuh even know if it's really a beach ting, but never fear, my likkle sister is here to whatsapp me the link to the wedding info website the couple set up!

it's a garden brunch affair ting

so we think to go to lee's instead of payless and when we reach back in fronta payless di people dem close

so now i will go to the thrift store tmrw to cop a whole new fit from the dress to the shoes.

when i reach home my father is going to the airport and grandma (dad's mom, not the one i was tryna see earlier) asks me to come with them which i would have done anyway.

driving back from the airport, grandma's bajan soca music continues to play in the car, but it seems louder now without dad's voice. i try to talk to grandma about herself. i ask about high school. she says, "do you expect me to remember 50 years ago"

i'm like yes of course

she said

"well

i was head girl"

of course! i say

and she was also in charge of sports such as running

the drive back home is very slow because grandma cant really see in the dark

when we finally reach home and i lay inna mi bed, mi wonda why mi so tiyad

and now i know why

thanks for tuning in, this has been an appreciation for the life we live, by Jeana like jeans pants

totes forgot the best part where K-dollasign pulled up on Carlton and me in traffic when we walked back to the plaza to get to the car

then another man pulled up on us and Carlton cuss me jokingly bout how i know everyone and we probably see someone else weh mi know

#fabulous

R: like bloodcleet jeans pants

yea, cause clearly you're a superstar

beer people, links and visits

J: