#anyway i got drunk as a coping mechanism bc he was destroying me
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#therapy being next week is awful.#anyway i got drunk as a coping mechanism bc he was destroying me#he hsnt even done anythingb ut i miss him#n combind w me cutting off my best friend 24hrs ago#i dreamt i lost 3 teeth#but they didnt fall out#i chomped them out - which is . ftting#anyway#its fine ill be fine.#but how do u cope w losing 3 ppl u wanted forever in 6 months#which is what those teeth symbolise im ngl#theres no other way they fit#am drunk n abtto do smth stupid in 1.5 hrs#im calculting this move bc#if i dont i will feel stupid#but if its after 1am i can blame it on alc#and given the only time hes ever mssged me is after 12#i am doin that#but at 1am ish.#do i care how it turns out? not rlly#bc it can go two ways:#wetalk and fix it. or he tells me he doesnt want me and theres my answer yknow?#and thatll be crushing for like a month but at leat i know#i havent broken nc in 2yrs bc it never goes well for me BUT#he broke it first im just . asking Why he did#was told (by multiple dources) to keep it liht and bring lve into it#but i canr.. bc im still confused#like. i want you#i wish my inability to move on was based on fear but uts not#its out of genuine inability to move on bc i still love him n idk how to cope w that anymore so im takin matters into my own hands atp
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