#anyway i apologize i havent even opened my laptop since wednesday

[allylikethecat]

Formal apology that I don’t think I’m going to have yesterday’s chapter that I said I would have up today done 😭 I am unfortunately still struggling (or restarted the struggle when I rode and then like helped moved all of the jumps in the arena) and looking at screens while my head is pounding is alas not very fun and I am so, so sorry but so very grateful for the patience and continued support 🩵

[namuneulbo]

week nineteen

this week was so much fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

monday was a normal school day and after that i spent a lot of time packing.

tuesday was yet another normal school day and in the evening l was part of a tiny concert thingy and performed two songs so i went to support her. there was no where to sit so me, e, m and s had to stand through the entire thing.

once i came home i finished up packing and around 11 my mom drove me to the train station. it was a lot of firsts for me that night so i got a bit overwhelmed and cried a bit. nothing too bad but i got a bit teary-eyed. it was my first time travelling alone, it was my first time on a night train and it was my first time on day ferry in YEARS. i havent been on a day one since i was like,,, 10?

i didnt sleep too good on the train (i had a compartment) but i slept way better than i wouldve on the ferry. i slept w the window cover open so i could look outside when i couldnt sleep. it was quite nice just very loud and shakey.

idk if ive mentioned this before but im terrified of sleeping at ferries and in general a lot of stuff about ferries freak me out a bit. i think its just the concept of a big heavy ass boat in the middle of nowhere... HOW DOES IT FLOAT? anyways, the day ferry was a lot better. i get quite anxious at night so i think not being anxious helped a lot w not shitting myself. i went w the newer boat that i used to like less than the old one but after travelling w it alone i learnt the layout of it more and i understand it now and the internets good on it so i honestly have no complaints about it now. i had prepared for shitty internet so i had my phone filled w games that dont need wifi, i brought my mouse and mousepad so i could play sims (although i ended up just making sims which doesnt really require a mouse) and a book (more specifically we will get through this night).

oh right, i forgot to tell u where i was going, right?

i went to stockholm.

once i got there wednesday evening, i met up w my sister at the subway station. she helped me charge my subway card and then we went straight home since it was evening and we were both tired.

thursday was quite uneventful tbh. not that it was bad, just we had no plans. i did go into the city by myself which was exciting. i went to three stores, the first one being punkt shop. i had in mind to get some patches to iron on my jeans bc of an eyeliner spot i got on them so i wanna cover them in patches. minhyuk would be proud of my custom jeans.

anyways, i didnt find any cute ones there so i continued my journey to bengans to look at albums. ig i originally didnt plan on buying any but i did have in the back of mind a thought going “if they have shape of love or a wjsn album, im gonna get it” and what did i find? ONE SINGLE SUPER YUPPERS! ALBUM. it actually wasnt there the first time i looked when i just looked around quickly but i went back to really study their sortiment and there it was thanks to the person who put it back and only got one version of it instead of both. the purchase was so impulsive i literally grabbed it the second i saw it, did a lil jump in happiness and went to queue to the cash register. the people in front of me had all been looking at the kpop section at the same time as me and i had accidentally started queueing in front of them so i asked if they were queueing and they were like "yeah" and i apologized and went behind them. one of them (HOLDING A MONSTA X THE DREAMING ALBUM) was like "omg wjsn!!" and i was all like "yes! omg! theyre my fav group!" and they were like "save me, save you is their best song!" and i was like "totally!" (i lied, i dont have a fav song). i then took that moment to mention monsta x too since OBVIOUSLY there was a fucking ujungbebe in front of me!!!!!!!!! (for context, i ult monsta x and my fav gg is wjsn.)

ALSO HI IM SORRY IF THE SPACES ARE WEIRD IM WRITING THIS ON MY PHONE ON A BUS AND I WAS WRITING IT ON MY LAPTOP BUT IT DIED SO UHHHH ILL FIX IT ONCE IT HAS SOME BATTERY !!!!

well, i walk out feeling happier than ever bc i now have my first wjsn album and my first gg album in general. i went by tiger to, once again, look for patches but they had none.

friday. THE day. conan gray concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i went to queue in the morning and arrived around 10 am. i happened to walk past two ppl on my way there and it sounded like they were talking about conan so i turned around and asked if they were going to the concert and they were so we walked to the venue together. in my itzy era. not shy! not me! itzayyyyy!

well,, i queued two hours alone before l arrived. i did kind of expect it to be awkward but not THAT awkward. we hugged and then barely talked. like i said earlier i was in my itzy era on friday so i even brung myself to ask questions and she only replied w short answers and stuff and it was hard to keep any convo going w her. i dont blame her though, she mightve been really shy and i know what thats like.

so u know, technically i kept myself company all of the seven hours i spent queueing. i didnt talk to the ppl i met at the subway station either. only every now and then wed exchange some words. i went on two bathroom breaks, one when i went to the closest mall to get something to eat and to also pee and one like an hour before enterance. i was so stressed for no reason on the second one. i had been contemplaiting it for like 40 mins before deciding to actually go.

since i had vip1 tickets i was part of the group who entered first. i realized there and then that i couldve just arrived at that time instead of queueing bc everyone got mixed up and the number system we had made in the afternoon was all thrown in the trash. we walked in and got our goodie bags. i didnt check them before coming home that evening but they consisted of a tote (THAT IS THE CUTEST TOTE EVER AND IT WAS A REPLACEMENT FOR SOME CAR DICES BUT I PREFER THE TOTE SM MORE), a necklace, a lil wooden box and a signed post card thingy.

since i had vip1 we entered first bc of the q&a. i had been a bit stressed in the last queue inside the venue bc i thought i would get a shit spot but i ended up getting one person in front of me and throughout the concert i got pushed to barricade so i spent like 70% of my time w a barricade spot !!!!!!!!! i was so happy since i brought a pride flag and it was so big i couldnt hold it up unless i was barricade.

the q&a was amazing. i was a bit sad they couldnt use all questions but conan was the sweetest ever. hes so effortlessly funny. we werent allowed to film so i didnt but i think it was nice to really be in the moment. i could feel myself just staring at him in awe. he also sounded sm like what he does on video???? like ive noticed that a lot of the time, celebrities have a more high-pitched voice irl but he sounded really like what im used to. hes also even prettier irl???????

then we waited more and mallrat came on and her and her dj were amazing and so hot. i hadnt listened to her music beforehand but she killed it live !!!!

then.... conan. omg. HE WAS SO GOOD. hes such a good performer and i was just in awe the entire time. i feel like i had quite a good mix of in the moment and recording too but i think my goals for my next concert is to be yet a little bit more in the moment but i think kot being allowed phones during the q&a kind of,, helped w that since all my focus was on him obviously. we also had like eye contact for 5 secs so were married obviously.

now. to the best part. oh my fucking god. okay. so. during people watching he walked down the staged and went to run past us and like give us a running high-five and i touched his hand !!!!!!! well, our fingers BUT it was something BUT it gets better,,, the second time when hes running the other way he grabs my pride flag and holds it for the rest of the song!!!!!!!! oh my god, i love him endlessly. i was shaking so much and i couldnt even sing along i was just,, in shock. like, yeah, obviously i was trying to get him to take it since i was trying to make it as visible to him as possible and waving it during and after songs so i was expecting it but yet when it happened it felt like a dream. conan gray has held my pride flag. i can die happy.

after the concert a security guard gave it back to me and i was smiling so widely and while walking w it it felt like the biggest flex ive ever done in my entire life and i think it was tbh.

saturday. i went out to eat w my sister and her boyf. we had vietnamese food and it was so good omg?????????? i loved it and the restaurant was so pretty.

later we walked through monki and weekday before heading to the store. they had just gotten fully stocked w vegan chocolate so my sister wanted a bunch of it. we went home and watched some program while having a salad for dinner and the salad was so good ?????? i always eat sm good food while im at my sisters place bc her boyfriend cooks so well.

we then played board games and had some snacks. it was a really nice way to end my short trip. i also got my sisters boyfriends old the 1975 sweater which is lit !!!!!! i love the 1975!!!!!!

oh and my sister and her boyf lives w their friend and shes the sweetest human ever. shes always so invested in what im doing and what i like and she makes me feel so included all the time. like when i was looking through the album i got she saw and got so invested and asked me a bunch of stuff and she complimented it sm and made me feel so listened to even though she doesnt listen to kpop :(

so yeah, i left this morning and my sister accidentally turned off her alarm in her sleep so she couldnt say goodbye. i was a lil sad bc i love hugs even if theyre the sad kind. i think i get a lil extra emotional when i hug my sister too bc my familys not that touchy but when my sister moved out we always hugged when we met and before we left. like, the first time i remember like,, having skinship w her is when i was like 14 and we were holding hands so we wouldnt get lost in the sea of ppl at a twenty one pilots concert. bruh, i feel like crying, i love her sm.

i went up on the wrong side of the subway station so i had a little longer walk and i got a bit stressed towards the end even though i knew id arrive in time to the ferry terminal. this time i went w the older boat and omg it sucked ass? i cant believe i used to prefer it over the new one. its so shaky and has so little charging stations and has such ball-sucking wifi. never again. i did get to watch some yt videos though and i had a lil conan gray marathon in the morning while the internet connection was good and then watched monsta x stuff throughout the day. ive been in love w the inssaopp videos w minhyuk and hyungwon. i can feel them becoming comfort videos. i love inssaoppas editing and concept and stuff, its really funny and then add my fav kpop group in the entire existence of kpop groups to it + my ultest ult bias of ult biases???? perfection.

im writing this on the bus omw to the train station. ill be waiting at that train station for two and a half hours and i was really nervous about it earlier since its in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere but theres quite a lot of ppl on the bus so i feel safe and much less anxious rn. this thing literally scared me more than the ferries when i realized it after booking the trip.

sotw: conan gray - people watching