#anyway don't ask me how the happy end happens I'm not actually writing a fic here I just like to dream

[prince-liest]

more self-indulgent jgy abo headcanons

I read a fic so long ago that I no longer remember the fandom nor characters involved, but the thing about it that really stuck in my mind was that it was an abo-verse fic that used the concept that omegas have an ingrained biological need for physical (including platonic) affection, to the point where ���touch-starvation” was a medical diagnosis

this is obviously extremely up my alley for ALL my blorbos, but consider jin guangyao in particular:

unlike the usual ‘omega pretending to be a beta’ trope, I think that once he is established at jinlintai, he would not really try to let people assume that he’s a beta. being an omega leads people not only into underestimating him, but also into offering him a certain degree of safety in providing a veil of stereotype-associated demureness, placidity, etc. it is more to his benefit for people to see him as a polite young man, perhaps even one who, yes, is a war hero - but people can’t quite imagine what kinds of things he must have done for that. surely nothing too bad.

but at the same time, this is the character who couldn't even serve tea to people as nie mingjue’s deputy without people making a show of wiping off their fingers after touching the cups. people know he is an omega, people judge him for being an omega on top of all the other things he is already judged for, but I suspect that most of the relevant and appropriate people in jinlintai avoid touching him unless absolutely necessary. in a world where casual contact is thoroughly commonplace just due to the socialities set up by their biology, jin guangyao has a personal space bubble of like 2-3 feet because he's the dirty son of a prostitute.

he walks through the halls, ostensibly the second young master of the tower, and feels like he is drowning in the physical manifestation of loneliness.

who does he have left? family? jin zixuan is not close to him, and frankly is likely an alpha raised by alphas to whom it would not even occur to that such needs need to be minded. jin guangshan certainly is aware, but is using it as leverage, allowing and denying contact as he see fits to manipulate jin guangyao the same way he does with his fatherly affection. there are his sworn brothers, but his relationship with nie mingjue is fraught: certainly da-ge wouldn’t withhold contact as punishment or leverage, but that doesn’t mean he wants to touch jin guangyao anymore, nor does he really understand how the necessity of it feels when he grew up with nie huaisang, an omega who has never been shy about taking whatever affection he wants. and er-ge... he just isn’t around enough.

lan xichen is still the best option, and by the time they have the opportunities to see each other, jin guangyao is pressing nails into his palms to stop from just plastering himself up against lan xichen’s side, which surely would be humiliating for both of them. but still, he’s so aware of it any time they’re in the same room, meting out as many small touches as he can get away with without embarrassing himself. lan xichen slips his fingers over jin guangyao’s wrists as he pulls him up from a bow, intending warm affection. jin guangyao doesn’t want to let him know that it feels like being allowed to gasp for a single breath of air before his head is shoved back underwater.

(with nie mingjue, it is worse. da-ge is just as aware as jin guangyao is when they touch, but for all the worst reasons.)

it is the strangest blessing whenever jin guangyao sees nie huaisang. it’s embarrassing, a little - the knowledge that nie huaisang understands, unlike most people in jin guangyao’s life. but nie huaisang takes that embarrassment onto his own self willingly, never hesitating before making a fool of himself in the way that only a terminally younger brother can, and simply flinging himself into his san-ge’s arms. it’s nostalgic, too: nie mingjue isn’t quite so aware of how important touch is with how proactive nie huaisang can be, and so during his days as deputy, it was often nie huaisang who gave meng yao what he could not ask for.

the cultivators at jinlintai look down on him just as the ones in the unclean realm did, but now there is no willing young master to soothe away the tangible, physical ache of it. more often than not, jin guangyao tucks his hands into his sleeves to hide the way his fingertips shake.

anyway this is my petition for jiang yanli to take two looks at this situation and promptly wrinkle her brows just the slightest amount, expressing quiet concern to jin zixuan that it’s strange how she doesn’t see anybody touch his half-brother very much, does she? and jin zixuan is a little confused, a little embarrassed, a little off-balance - he doesn’t feel close enough to jin guangyao to be that casual, but he’s an alpha, he doesn’t get it until jiang yanli explains to him, with a beta’s patience, the value of family bonds to an omega as well as jin zixuan’s responsibility as a brother (older brother? younger? his father claims older, but there’s no way to truly know - ), and isn’t it wonderful, having a little brother?

and then someone pats jin guangyao over the head until he’s feeling a little less strung-thin and out of options, he realizes he has to keep jin zixuan and jiang yanli alive lest he actually lose his mind (sympathy for da-ge? oh no...), and etc etc things end happily ever after, the end, QED.

[wolfiesmoon]

Hiiii! (I hope this is the place to make requests aaaaa haven’t done this in a W H I L E) but can I request pocky challenge headcanons for Floyd, Vil, and Idia? :)

Hope you’re having a great week and I love your writing :D

the way i freaked out over receiving this omg i'm so happy u like my writing😭😭😭

i love pocky challenge fics and you really fed me with the characters you chose since I have like 3467346826428 vil and idia drafts i can't get into rn. also we already know how my brain is rotting over floyd the eel boy at the moment

ALSO ALSO ALSO you aren't dating yet in these!! you're still just friends (but not for long😈)

(@kairiscorner i borrowed ur idea of picking out what flavour would fit them to add a little spice, I hope u don't mind!)

☾⋆⁺₊ Floyd Leech + Pocky Colorful

he gets really excited when you pull out the box of pockies 😆i mean, sharing food with you????? that's, like, the third best thing he can do with you!

and these pockies look rlly funny too, what does "colorful" even taste like? He's kinda in a mood to find out 😌

and gets even MORE excited when you mention the challenge!!!!

I mean, kissing AND sharing food with you?! he calls that a win for sure 😤😤😤😤

you're rlly surprised at how casual he is about it considering you just challenged him to try and kiss you essentially

but okay, i guess it is kinda Floydcore to just casually agree to a pocky game with no blushing or getting flustered (i suppose this means he likes you back??? what a mystery he is...)

you laugh to yourself at the silly grin on his face as u pull out a pocky and place one end into your mouth, leaning towards him to let him take the other end

he does so and you close your eyes, feeling kinda giddy all of a sudden

but you can still feel his downturned peepers staring a hole into you, curious to see every facial movement and reaction you may have👁️👁️

he must be really excited then!! (even if you feel extremely unsettled rn)

you slowly bite down on the stick, getting nervous. you can definitely hear him crunching on it too...

you can feel his breath, your noses bump for a moment and you think "THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT"

but then you hear a *snap* and the pocky falls out of your mouth... what just happened?

"I bit into it a bit too hard..." You open your eyes to see Floyd pouting like a toddler who was told he can't have candy

"It's okay, we can do it again!" you take out another pocky stick, placing the end in your mouth and looking at him expectantly

must be hard having such sharp teeth sometimes💔

"Now I don't feel like it anymore." Floyd huffed, getting up and walking away💀

That little... you still love him anyway tho🤷🏻

☾⋆⁺₊ Vil Schoenheit + Apple Yogurt Pocky

initially, he'd refuse since pockies are sweets and he needs to watch his sugar if he wants to keep his model figure and his clear skin

but he supposes sugar is nice to enjoy every once in a while (especially if he gets to share it with you)

but THEN you ask him if he's ever heard of the pocky challenge before😈

"I have heard of it in passing but I don't know what is actually is, why?" he raises an eyebrow, recalling some comments from his fans talking about it after the Pocky commercial he was in

"Becauuuuse, I think you should do it with me." you blink at him innocently before going on to explain the rules and seeing his eyes widen 😌

"So, what you're saying is... If neither of us back out, we kiss?"

WAIT WHAT

You actually expected him to turn you down immediately and chew you out for even making the suggestion since you're just friends but this certainly took a turn for the better

"Precisely." you smirked

"Just so you know, I'm not one to back out once I set my mind onto something." he smirked back at you, taking out a pocky stick from the box and placing it in front of your mouth for you to bite onto

the stick slowly begins to get smaller as your lips inch closer to his and you grip the couch you're currently sat on nervously

You take another bite and suddenly feel his lips on yours🤭

SUCCESS! SUCCESS! SUCCE-

"Oh? This is an interesting flavour~"

wait... you recognise that voice😨

"ROOK?!" the two of you separated and yelled at the same time, then turned your heads to see Rook casually enjoying your Pocky beside you

"Did you both enjoy the flavour as well?" Rook smiled innocently at you, taking out another one from the box

Vil pinched the bridge of his nose, mumbling something under his breath while you just sat there in shock🧍🏻

☾⋆⁺₊ Idia Shroud + Sakura Pocky

being the candy enjoyer that he is, he would never turn down free pocky (especially not his favourite... which speaking of, how did you know that one is his favourite?)

(ortho supplied you with that information)

however, his smile dropped when you started talking about the challenge all of a sudden

and he became all red instead🤭

"You got all that?" you asked, waving the pocky stick in front of his face with an innocent smile

"D-Do I- Do I...."

babe, he cannot form a sentence right now, much less process anything you just told him. you cannot POSSIBLY expect him to give you a clear answer right now🙄

"Oh, do you not wanna do it? That's fine." you get up, ready to leave (you're doing this on purpose, manipulation is key😈)

but no, seriously, you weren't going to make him do anything he was uncomfortable with, and you kinda expected a reaction like this anyways😭

"N-No, No, I want to..." he grabs onto your sleeve awkwardly, literally shaking from embarrasment

you're actually kinda worried, will he even survive till the whole kiss part?

No time like the present to find out, you suppose

you place the pocky in your mouth, waiting for him to bite into the other end. he does and immediately screws his eyes shut, WAAAY too embarrased to look at you

the distance between the two of you slowly closes but when there's just a bit of the pocky stick left he lets go and immediately runs away, hair slightly red at the ends😫

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god...." he whispers to himself over and over, thinking about how he almost kissed you just now

atleast he got to eat his favourite flavour...????

"Did it fail?" Ortho came out of his hiding spot and you nodded, pouting slighly☹️

"That's plan G crossed off the list. You wrote down '7 minutes in heaven' for plan H. Though I do not know what that is, I will assist you in any way I can."

[kedreeva]

Hello, I've been following you since Good Omens~ I'm currently writing a fic, and it is growing bigger than I expected. So much so that I'm kind of at a lost on how to outline/draft it. If you have any tips you don't mind sharing on how to better plot a story, I would really appreciate it. :)

I can tell you what I do! It requires a little background.

Back in HS, I had a class about writing essays. Basically, it goes like this- you write on a page "intro, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, conclusion." Then you go back, and after each #1 (or as many as you want), you fill in a major argument/point you're making on your topic, and then under each #1, you write 2, 2, 2, 2, or however many you want. The trick is that each #2 must relate to what was said in its matching #1. If needed, you can add #3s under any #2 that needs it, again each #3 must relate to what was said in #2. It's mostly fill-in-the blank writing from there, and then you go back and fill in the intro/conclusion to match what you wrote.

ANYWAY story PLOTTING is kind of the same thing, to me, except instead of the intro/conclusion being the last thing I do, they're the anchors of the rest. I look at where I want the characters to be at the start, and where I want them to be at the end, and then I look at what needs to happen in the middle to get from point A to point B. I write down what major events need to happen (like #1s), and then under those, which building events need to lead up to them (like adding #2s), and if any minor events/character developments need to happen to get to the building events (like #3s).

Once i know what needs to happen, I block out any chapters, particularly if I know I need to get certain chapters to end on certain notes, and once i know what the chapter frames look like, I do a quick "first draft" kind of sketchy write up (as if I'm quickly summarizing for/telling a friend what happened) of a scene-by-scene. That way I know what to expect going into a chapter, and I know what to expect for the overall.

Importantly, if I don't really know what happens, I leave that room in the outline. USUALLY it becomes apparent what needs to happen, as I go through writing, because stuff happens (in the story) while I'm writing that makes it clearer. if not, then I write it wrong and see why it's wrong, and that sometimes makes something clearer. If THAT doesn't work, then I go to friends or strangers and ask for help. There's a lot of people out there happy to rubber duck with you, or to be beta readers, you just have to be very clear about what you actually need from them (for example, if you want storybuilding advice you can tell them to avoid picking at grammar or spelling, especially since whatever it is may change as you edit or rewrite).

Also importantly, it's okay to change your mind AND it's okay to edit previous chapters as needed while you are writing. EVEN if they are already posted to AO3. Anyone reading a WIP is likely to understand that the story is under construction and sometimes that means stuff changes. Sometimes, when you're writing along, you find out if you make a change to something in the past, it rewires a bunch of stuff down the line, or at least opens a door for you to get where you wanna go with the plot.

And sometimes... sometimes you just need to take a break. Sometimes you're trying to pour from an empty cup.

Good luck with it!

[reignpage]

Frequently Asked Questions

When sending an ask, what are the rules?

All requests regarding smaus and fics will be sent straight to the trash Send a request regardless and you risk being blocked But you are free to ask questions and how jjk men would react etc I'm always very happy to answer questions Also, be aware that if you send a complaint or something negative, it'll likely go in the bin I do this for free so constructive criticism isn't of interest to me

When do you post?

Whenever I have time, sometimes multiples times in one day, sometimes every other day, but I'm generally known to post daily

Why do you like angst so much?

Contrary to popular belief, angst isn't my favourite genre to do, I actually like smut and fluff just as much

What app do you use to make your smaus?

I don't use an app. I use my own messages and I'll send myself texts.

Will you do other characters like Ino and Shiu?

I do add Ino, Hiro and Shiu sometimes but they're special guests. It's a little difficult for me to write for them because of timing and because l don't know them well enough so I don't want people to start expecting them. They're a treat.

Why aren't you answering my requests?

Unfortunately, I can't answer every request, it's too much A lot of the times, I'm just not inspired by a request either because it's too specific or too broad But just because I haven't answered immediately, doesn't mean I'll never do it

Do you read your inbox?

Of course, I read all comments and messages sent to my inbox I may not reply to every nice message, but that's usually because I like to keep most of them in my inbox for me to scroll through when I'm feeling low

How do you make the coloured fonts?

I followed screampied's tutorial, it's on their faq I use stuffbydavid

Do you have a tag list?

No and do not ask to be tagged either, it won’t happen

Will you be making dark content often?

Probably not frequently, but it’s certainly a possible. I won’t restrain myself because of a minority of people’s own discomfort.

Will you ever write for Yuta?

Probably not, he doesn’t interest me, and I get irritated by people who ask for him to be added. Requests are closed anyways but requests for any characters to be added pisses me off so you could end up being blocked

Why are you so mean?

What are you? 10 years old? Get off the internet, seriously. Some people are disrespectful to me so I give back the energy they give me in the first place, and also I have very little tolerance for stupid comments or impatient people

And as common sense dictates, free speech is a right but freedom from consequence is not. I reserve the right to respond any way I choose, just as you can utilise the anonymity feature, I can utilise the block button

[strangersteddierthings]

Wiggly-Worm Wednesdayyyy 🧠🪱

It's wiggly Wednesday again - time to share a recent brainworm and tag your friends to do the same!

I got tagged by the absolutely wonderful @carolperkinsexgirlfriend! Thanks Koko! I have so many brain worms happening all the time always and I never like... just open a new post and chat about it.

Anyways, current brain worm is that Steve engages in Eddie's hobbies in fic all the time, but we don't see many fic where it's the other way around. So, like the nebulous fic idea in my brain is the traditional start - Steve wants Eddie to do something jockish and Eddie doesn't want to. They fight about it, and Steve's like "I never get to do the things I like because we always have to do the things you like" and Eddie, defensive asshole that he is, says "then do the things you like without me! Why do I have to be involved?" and Steve looks like Eddie's just slapped him. Eddie doesn't feel very great about this argument anymore, but they end on an 'agreement' that Eddie thinks is okay: neither of them will engage in a hobby that they, themselves, don't actually participate in and just do things together they both like.

This seems fine until it's been like 2 weeks and Eddie's seen his boyfriend only twice without having another person (or several people) around as well. Fic would go into detail about when Eddie has and hasn't seen Steve and he feels sad about missing him but Eddie's a dumb boy in his first ever relationship so he doesn't know how to deal with that emotion, so he just gets mad and, again, defensive.

Something something confrontation where Eddie asks if they should even be together because Steve doesn't want to be around him and Steve has to be like "you told me not to! It was your fucking line drawn in the sand! I do want to come listen to your practice, and I do want to watch you obliterate Mike's character for the millionth time, but you said if I didn't participate, I couldn't go. So, I didn't. And I wanted you to come do things with me, but you don't 'participate' in my hobbies, so I didn't bother to ask you."

And Eddie learns that Steve's just been hanging out with Robin and Lucas a lot, going for hikes, or playing basketball, or some other jock activity, and that Steve's spent more time with his uncle and Jim fucking Hopper because they watch sports on the TV together.

Fic ends with them talking it out, Steve confessing that he was worried that Eddie not liking any of his hobbies was just the first step to Eddie realizing that he doesn't even actually like Steve. They work it all out, end on a happy note with maybe Eddie joining Steve and Wayne the next time they watch a game on TV because he doesn't have to like [insert sport here] to enjoy the chance to snuggle his boyfriend on a couch.

I'm gonna write the fic one of these day, but until then enjoy this lil look at it!

No pressure tags: @skepsiss @afewproblems @rebelspykatie @nburkhardt @i-less-than-three-you and anyone who wants to do this!

[purple-obsidian]

Wellll, since you said it was okay, allow me to analyze this fic like I'm in an English lit class.

First off, what I've been thinking about the longest is him tugging the blanket over her at the end. It's such a small gesture, but it's gonna mean so much when there's almost never any casual intimacy. I would be thinking so hard on what it means. He's offering just the slightest hint of comfort after what seems like a constant battlefield and why? He feels guilty? He wants to show her that he's there? Its the only thing he can offer her when he's so hurt himself? Those are the kinds of actions that would make you stay because he still has to love her. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself when you're alone on the couch.

Next, the scene set up to him cutting her cheek. Oof. I can only picture what he saw in himself in the mirror. I mean, doing the same thing your torturer did to you to your partner? Ouch. And that fact that she still has to try and comfort him and be strong when he's the only that literally hurt and scared her? Ugh. That was painful and she's trying so hard only to get beaten down emotionally every single time. No wonder she was dark circles cause I'm drained just thinking about it. But that would also make me feel guilty because he went through so much more.

And the fact that she had to learn how to react to him! She's only trying to do right by him and gave him space when he asked- aka leaving the apartment- and he hunted her down over it? Wild. But he probably thought she was leaving him. I'm thinking how panicked he was until he found her and then the anger set in once he saw her. I feel like he probably wouldn't have noticed she left very fast. I'm picturing she leaves the apartment very quietly to not disturb him.

On one hand I'm seeing a public scene, but I feel like he would just follow her until she was alone so there's no witnesses. Now that rooftop scene. That's where I feel like she would go to wait to go back to the apartment. Cause it's a comfort, so much so she actually uses it to dissociate. I'm not a writer so I really can't put it into words. The only problem with a confrontation on that rooftop would that any fight that would happen there would taint the memory. So maybe she goes somewhere else that used to be special?

Anyway, I really loved the fic and obviously I have lots of thought. I am still thinking about how he laughed at her in front of his men in the first part. So thank you so much for writing them!

[this is related to my ak jason x reader fic for those who may be confused]

it makes me so happy to hear your thoughts! i put a lot of thought into the little things like the blanket and other details to weave in symbolism and parallels that aren't all explicitly called out, so it makes me happy that they're noticed 💜

that mirror scene was a really intense moment for our poor jay, he had some realizations that he didn't process very well. and the reoccurring theme of 'oh he suffered more so i shouldn't complain or speak out about my suffering' is not doing reader ANY favors.

for that reference to him hunting her down, i initially pictured it to be something like reader gives him space after a fight where he tells her to leave, so she goes for a long walk or to a bodega to get food or whatever or just running a relatively normal errand, with the intent of coming back in a few hours. the only reason his men let her leave the building is because they heard him yelling and telling her to leave too. jason freaks out 20 minutes later and goes off on his men for letting her leave, maybe fires someone idk, and starts searching like reader is america's most wanted.

[i don't think he would go as far as to hurt or fight with his hired men for letting reader go, like he's emotionally unstable and very much not okay but he was still sharp enough to be the arkham knight and go through all that and plan shit out, he's still a fucking tactical genius in my opinion so i don't think he would be THAT unhinged, esp. around people who have shown him loyalty, yanno? but if reader ended up hurt or they actually got away and never came back, that would be another story, but until he knew for sure he would just wanna leave and find reader A-S-A-P like homeboy is DESPERATE to get his person back.]

i like your idea about the rooftop. like if reader needed to calm down first, that could definitely be one of their first choices. with the errand idea, i had a scene in mind where reader is carrying a bag of groceries or some library books or whatever item[s] from whatever errand[s], and rounds a corner to literally walk into the brick wall that is jason and drop their shit while he's still as a statue just fuming. or possibly, he walks up to reader while they're on the sidewalk talking to a random person about directions or the weather, and he's just a menace and yells at them to leave reader the fuck alone, threaten some violence, before dragging reader away by the wrist or even picking reader up and throwing them over his shoulder.

and the memory of him laughing at her in front of his men? i almost wrote that out as a mini-flashback in the first part, like how i did with the rooftop memory in part 2. maybe i'll have to do a little snippit or something to flesh that out some more for ya ;)

thanks for taking the time to share with me! i see your second ask, oh boy i have some thoughts 😈

xoxo sid

[saintobio]

Hi saint!!! I hope you're doing well. You've been very active these days, and I hope you're still taking time for yourself!!🫶

First thing first...BLACK CANVAS!!😭😭👏

GIRL, YOU BROKE MY HEART. It was actually a very realistic, heartwarming but still heartbreaking ending, but I'm glad sukuna had the chance to prove himself and to feel good with the person he is. It makes me so incredibly happy. It's still a little bitter how he was able to move on and get engaged after just two years, but it's for the best of both him and mc. As regards mc, I can't understand if she's in a relationship with satoru? She seemed to be attracted to sukuna and to have some feelings still, but I don't know 👁👄👁

As for sy, the sneak peak you posted yesterday kinda broke my heart. I feel like both mc and satoru are struggling, and mc, being traumatised and skeptical towards gojo, can't let him explain the situation. I kinda wish she would hear him out🥲

And I wonder what akemi situation actually is👁👄👁 and I also wonder if mc will misunderstand something since, in the sneak peak, she interrupted gojo right when he was about to tell her (supposedly)

I've ranted enough!! Thank you so much for interacting with us Saint!! Sending you love🫶🫶💗

i am doing great, thank you 🥹 i’m working from home for the next 2 weeks so i’ve been having so much free time lately.

also for blank canvas bahaha i was satisfied w the ending :’) but what i wanted to show in sukuna’s engagement is this topic you guys might’ve read somehwere, where the man would usually ask the next woman in his life for marriage when he feels ‘most ready’. so he could be with someone for 10 years and not get married, and then jump onto the next relationship for 2 months and immediately feel like he’s ready to be tied down. that’s kinda how it went for him. but still, he acknowledges that yn was the right person wrong time.

and yes, yn is in a relationship with bc!satoru. but since there was no proper closure between her and sukuna, she was unable to control her feelings around him. by the end of bc, she definitely let go of their past now, and she’s fully ready to commit to satoru.

(gaaaah let me just add bc!sukuna was so fun for me to write abt bc my irl bf is also a biker and i’m his proud backpack lollll he’s also looking to get an r1 soon 🤧 i might just fulfill my bc fantasy there)

now for sy! the reason miscommunication happens between gojo and yn a lot is bcos they’re so scared of being hurt and ‘not chosen’ to the point where they’d just not hear the other person out. i think this specifically points to yn bcos she just has that perception that everything gojo does will always end up hurting her, so she’s just not trying to hear it anymore regardless of what he has to say 😅

anyway, this is probably my longest answer here so i’ll cut it here now. again, thank you sm for reading and supporting my fics <33

[romana-after-dark]

Roman's 1000 follower fundraiser game!

Hello friends!!!

I am so happy to see I have 1200 followers! Thank you so much everyone who got me here, old followers from when I first wrote The Wrong Way, to new followers with my Logan Howlett era, to everyone that know me from my main and followed me to dark fics! Words cannot express how much yall mean to me and how much the support I've gotten through the hard things means.

I want to do a celebration, but something that won't overwhelm me. I'm switching work stuff around, however, so I should have more time and be less exhausted and sad.

So I’m doing a fundraiser game!

The charity: I will be donating to my favorite charity, Smile Train. when I was 6, I saw an add for Smile Train and asked my mom if I could donate. My mom said we didn't have enough money to both donate, and do the yearly church fair, so I had to choose. Of course, I was 6 so I chose going to the fair. And I felt bad about that every since. So, my go to has always been Smile Train for charities ever since. When I was in middle school I saved every allowance for a year and did some extra chores to save enough for a whole surgery! Now, I'm not that ambitious this time bc I am in fact, poor. But I can set aside some for the needy. I considered doing Palestinian Children's Relief Fund, but I found out Smile Train actually partners with them so it works!

How it works: So, As y'all've probably noticed, I love music so much, that almost every title of a fic is either a song title or a song lyric. Sometimes I say it, sometimes I don't.

THROUGHOUT THE END OF NOVEMBER!

Look though my masterlist here or on my main, @romanarose. Find at least one fic titled after a song.

Send an ask with UP TO 5 Song title/fic title connections. No More. This is to allow everyone a chance, and to no overwhelm me.

One title = 100 words. You find 3 song titles? you get a 300 word blurb. find 5? 500! 500 is the limit.

If you send a fic title that has already been pointed out in an ask from another person, sorry, it'd not counted! (Unless I'm really feeling the writing). Send 4 titles but 2 have been used already? You get 200 words!

Send me what you want. it doesn't have to be dark! I'll make an exception. Characters I'll write for bellow!

For every fic title/ song reference, I will donate $1 to Smile Train! The more songs we can find, the more money they get (without overdoing my bank account. However Nov has extra friday which means more pay for me.) Questions you may have: "What if someone else said the fic title, but it was published and I didn't see it, or it's still sitting in your asks because you are always super fucking slow at doing these ROMAN" Yeah you're right I'm always slow at these. I guess you're SOL, buddy. If it's already sitting in my asks, I won't commit to adding it to your word count. BUT if my creative juices are flowing, I may have mercy

"What if all of my song titles I found have been used already?"

Well, frankly, I'll probably write you something still! I'm not mean.

"What if you didn't use a song title, but we find a song with it anyway?"

Well, that's up to my discretion. If it's a song I know that may have influenced the title subliminally I might count it! But if it wasn't in intentional thing, no guarantees. But Again, I'll be flexible.

"How are we supposed to know what goes on in your weird little old man head."

Uhhhhhhhhh bestie I dont even know what's happening in there!!!! Just have fun with it. See if you recognize songs or lines. It's okay

"What about chapters?"

Great Q, voice in my head! Since most fics I don't have chapter titles, I'll allow it! If I have a bonus chapter, or a chapter i just wanted to title and its a song, go ahead! Only exception is Rooms on Fire. Sorry, but i'm pretty clear those are intentionally all songs. It's too easy.

"$1 is per fic title is awful cheap."

Bestie my checkings over drafted today!!! I got it covered and figured out, this is just a little something I wanna do with LITTLE extra money but I still have debt I gotta work on it's tough out here!!!

Any more questions send them in! YOU HAVE UNTIL DECEMBER 1ST WHICH IS WHEN DEAD DOVE DECEMBER STARTS AGAIN!

Logan Howlett

any Triple Frontier boys sans Tom

Moon Boys

Wade Wilson

Kylo Ren

Scott Summers

Remy Lebeau (but not dark for him I can't see it. Will allow dark reader though!)

Tommy Miller

Javier Pena

Han Solo (no non con, maybe dub con)

Steve Murphy

And yes, I've said I'm done with Joel but I will allow for Joel this time because it's for charity and he pulls people in.

and although I've never written them, I'll write for the Bikeriders Cal, Benny, or Johnny but no non con. I'll play wit dub con, and dark reader

I will also write canon character x canon character, so if you want some Scogan or Johnny x Benny or FishBen, Im in! If a pairing is something I feel just doesn't lend itself to the scenario you give me, I might tweek it. Everything is up to my discretion!

I will also write crossovers!

And I will write any of my oc's and anything in universe. So fen, if you wanna read you and Lorenzo go crazy! If you want a blurb shipping Scott and Dolly in OGS, just ask!

Open to it all

This is my little celebration my rules and discretion, but I want this to be overall fun!!! Just a good ole time! Don't take it too seriously, and we'll raise money in the mean time!

[cosyvelvetorchid]

I would LOVE more Fics of Tommy coming out to Hen (preferably pre-buck)

Sorry for the delay in getting to this one. I had to find the story to write in my head. Anyway here it is an I hope you like it!

As always you can send me bucktommy/saltommy/Tommy prompts to my ask and I'll write something.

Thanks 🩶

********

Sal had been gone for 2 weeks. For 2 weeks his best friend, his only family, his secret lover was gone. For 2 weeks Tommy had been lost. For 2 weeks he had been flitting between moping and biting everyones head off. He was angry. Not just at Sal for screwing himself out of a job at the 118, but angry at himself.

He knew getting involved with Sal was a bad idea the day they drunkenly kissed for the first time in Tommy's kitchen. He tried to put an emotional distance between them. Not just because they were best friends who also worked together but because he'd been hurt too many times before and had no faith in finding any kind of happiness with someone.

But neither of them could resist the other. Slowly Sal crawled under his skin. He began to see parts of Sal that nobody else saw. The softness Sal never let anybody else see. Like his love for forehead kisses - giving and receiving, or that he always liked it when Tommy would rest a hand on his leg when they ate together because he found it comforting.

Slowly Tommy's walls broke down and he let Sal in. And he hated himself for that now. He hated that he'd allowed Sal's calloused fingers to wrap around his heart, when he knew better.

"Come on." Hen told Tommy in the locker room after their shift. "You're coming home with me."

"Didn't know you wanted to switch sides." Tommy joked.

"Hilarious." Hen said, deadpan. "You're coming home with me to have dinner with me and Karen."

"No, I'm.. thanks but I'm not in the mood." He threw his holdall over his shoulder.

"It's not a request, Tommy. You've been miserable for the last 2 weeks, and no offense but it's starting to get annoying. So, you're going to have a nice evening having dinner with my wife and I. Or you can call her yourself and tell her she's wasted the entire afternoon cooking for you." She raised an eyebrow at him. Tommy knew saying no to Karen was not an option. He sighed.

"Fine."

*****

"Seriously you'd think working in a lab would mean everyone behaved professionally but I swear it's like a soap opera. If they're not back stabbing eachother they're having secret affairs." Karen regailed as they sat in front of their empty plates.

Firehouses weren't that different, Tommy thought. Hen stood and began sticking their plates. Karen stopped her.

"No, I'll get these babe. Why don't you and Tommy go sit on the veranda and ill make the coffee." She gave Hen a knowing look that Tommy didn't really understand.

"Come on." She gestured to Tommy and lead him outside. They sat on the wooden deck chairs facing the garden.

"So have you spoken to Sal at all?" Hen just jumped straight into the subject. Tommy didn't have the energy to change the subject.

"No." He simply said.

"Why not? Just because he's at the 122 doesn't mean you guys can't still be best friends. You live like, what? 4 miles apart. You can hang out all the time."

Tommy sat silently. His brain swirling with the last conversation Sal and he had had 2 weeks ago. Sal's words cut through him like a knife. He knew Sal didn't mean the actual words he used - he was just lashing out instead of dealing with his feelings, which was not uncommon for him - but he meant the reason behind them. Sal didn't actually think Tommy was a mistake, or that he didn't feel genuine feelings for him like he'd said he didn't, but he did want to end things. He did feel not remotely ready to be in a real relationship with a man. He did want to end.. whatever it was that they had.

"Did something happen between you? Did you have a fight or something?" Hen asked. Tommy again didn't answer. He didn't know how to.

"I mean you've had fights before and after some time to cool off you usually work it out. I'm sure this will blow over." She added.

"No. It won't." Tommy finally spoke.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm gay." He blurted out. He forced out a breath and put his elbows to his knees, letting his head hang down. There was an element of relief flowing through him at finally being able to say it out loud, but it was mixed with fear. It was stupid, he knew, because Hen was gay and he knew that she wouldn't say or do anything bad. But he'd lived his whole life in fear of people knowing the truth and that fear wasn't easy to look past.

"Did he say something?" Hen asked after a few moments of silence. "I know he can be an asshole but Sal never struck me as homophobic."

"He's not. He didn't.. " Tommy sighed.

"Then what happened?" Hen questioned again. The cat was out of the bag now so Tommy spoke.

"He and I.. we.. we've been dating. Sort of. I don't really know what it is. Was. He, uh.. he ended it when he left." Tears threatened his eyes and he sniffed them away.

"Oh." Hen responded knowingly. Suddenly Tommys behaviour over the last 2 weeks made complete sense. She scooted her chair closer to his and leaned forward.

"Okay, first of all, am I the first person you've told? About your sexuality I mean?" She asked. Tommy nodded.

"Yeah."

"Well, then I'm proud of you, Tommy." He looked up her. Hen was the first person who had ever said they they were proud of him that he actually respected. He'd heard it from his dad once as a kid, and Gerrard had said it a few times, but he didn't want their pride. He respected the hell out of Hen. Not just as a firefighter, but as a gay woman navigating a male dominated and very cishet field, with more strength than he'd ever seen someone wield. Her pride meant more to him than anybody else.

"Thanks." He said, his voice cracking. She smiled and reached and hand out to take his.

"Second of all, what happened with Sal?" Tommy explained how their relationship had gotten started and how Sal had had decided he couldn't do it anymore.

"He just said that he didn't have feelings for me and that now that he would be at the 122 the space would better for us to go our seperate ways." He wiped the tears away that had pushed their way out. "Thing is, I know he didn't mean those exact words. I know, I felt, he had feelings for me - he was just running scared. I tried to convince him that he didn't have to run and we'd figure it out but he was just too terrified of people knowing the truth."

"I'm sorry, Tommy." Hen said gripping his hand a little tighter. Tommy nodded.

"Thanks." He said after a while.

"For what?"

"Just.. being you." He looked up at her and gave a soft smile.

"Hey, I march to the beat of my own drum. Always have." She smiled back.

"But.. I'm not ready for others to know about me yet. So-" Hen held up her hand to stop him.

"You don't have to worry. This stays between us until you're ready. And if you need someone to talk to you know you can always come to me. Or Karen. The last thing either of us want is for you to be dealing with this alone. And I'm not talking about Sal."

"I know. Thank you." He lifted his arms and embraced her into a warm, tight hug.

"Didn't know you wanted to switch sides." Karen teased with a tray of coffees in her hands.

[cnnmonbimee]

please tell us your thoughts about Nene's feelings (re: Ch. 115)! ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

DON'T MIND IF I DO, ANON!!!

Before that, thanks for the ask! I do have a lot to talk about Nene's feelings in these recent chapters but didn't know where to express it, and then you showed up in my inbox like an angel!! Bless you!!!

My thoughts are pretty jumbled to be honest and I'm not used to writing long posts so I apologize in advance if this gonna be a bit messy lmao. But here goes!!!

Let's talk about Nene's feelings 🤍

One thing we know for sure now, is that Nene is inevitably in love with Hanako. And her love for him is big. Might be just as big as Hanako's for her now.

Another thing that I noticed in the recent chapters is how the tables kinda have turned? I'm not sure if it's just me, but I always feel like before this we've been given more emphasis on Hanako losing Nene. Whether in canon, fanarts, or fics, I think I see more of works that explore on Hanako losing Nene (whether she dies, or lives, it's about him letting go of her.)

But in the recent chapters, I can see that it's happening the other way around! Nene is losing Hanako. Again and again. She lost him for a while in Picture Perfect, she lost him during the Severance, and now she's losing him again. Every time she feels like she has him in her grasp, he keeps moving away and away.

(Sneakily showing you this one scene from the musical where Hanako was moving away from Nene after she held him from behind. She had him in her grasp but he's moving farther away...)

I love how AidaIro are giving more emphasis on Nene's feelings these days. I'm sure some yall have noticed this too. It's not just in canon, even in AUs we can see how Nene is openly showing her feelings towards him to the audience. Last year' Christmas event when she became the Santa Claus of love and shot him love arrows. And even her song for ASHK ending, Koi! Koi Koi, explored on her growing feelings for this certain ghost boy. And I'm loving every second of this!

We all know that Nene before this has always been in a denial when it comes to her feelings for Hanako. Like. It's obvious that she has a liking to him even in the earlier chapters. But she'll never admit it. Nene used to deny or deflect any claims made to her about her feelings for Hanako.

But she loves it when he calls her name.

And she didn't deny when Mitsuba confronted her here! She didn't deny when Mitsuba asked if she loved Hanako.

She wanted to go back to Hanako when she was whisked away by Tsukasa.

She thinks of Hanako here. She thinks of Hanako there. Just as how doomed Hanako is for falling in love with Nene, it's no different for her too. She's doomed. Because she loves him now. And this love she has for him is undeniably big.

I really like how she actually forgot this jerk here lol. Girlie moved on so well she actually took a few seconds longer to recognize the guy that she worked hard for in the span of three years just for a failed confession (and an insult).

Anyways!!! Back on track with chapter 115!!! I'm excited to know what Nene's gonna do now. She was determined to change the timeline back when she couldn't find Hanako here, but now knowing that he'd lived and became a teacher just as how he's supposed to, would she have a change a heart?

I might be overly dramatic for this, but I like how hananene is always about sacrificing. Let's look a bit into the difference between Hanako's sacrifice for Nene to live and Nene's possible sacrifice for him now.

Hanako's sacrifice in order for Nene to live was both selfish and selfless. It was more so in a gray area in my opinion. He was selfless for wanting her to be happy even without him, but selfish for doing and deciding things alone without actually asking what she wanted. He wanted her to be happy, but he wanted to be the one who gave that happiness to her, even without being close to her.

(A little sidetrack here again but I noticed that Hanako selfishly loves Nene by pushing her away, and selfishly loves Tsukasa by keeping him close. I just love to see the differences!!)

Meanwhile, Nene's choice of whether she's willing to sacrifice her own feelings in order Hanako to be happy here in this timeline would be just black and white selfish and selfless. It'd be selfless if she decides to leave the new timeline as it is so that he'd never die and never become Hanako and never meet her. Otherwise, it'd be selfish if she still wants Hanako back and decides to restore the timeline. Because it means that she'd need to take away the life that he deserved to live, just for the sake of getting Hanako back with her. And honestly if you think of the logic which one is more rational? Even if she gets Hanako back, that doesn't change their circumstances. He'd still be a ghost and she'd still be a human with a very close deadline. Either way they're doomed!

Needless to say, I'd still support Nene whatever she chooses. If she wants to sacrifice her feelings for his sake, you go girl! Because that's a really Yashiro Nene thing to do. But if she wants to be stubborn and still bring back the old timeline, YOU GO GIRL! Because I think that it's still a very Yashiro Nene thing to do, just a little more selfish because she loves Hanako now :3c Love is about being selfish and selfless, and I love the fact that we can see it very clearly in HanaNene!

Yugi-sensei also seems a little suspicious in this timeline, if he turns out to have bad intentions and Nene knows about it, that might be an encouragement for her to bring the old timeline back, but who knows? I'm so excited to see what's gonna happen next.

Anyways I think that's all :3!! Sorry I got sidetracked a lot I just have soooo much to say and I'm really loving the angst potential in this new arc. Thanks again for the ask anon you made my day 💗

[legendofmorons]

Hello! Hi! How are you?? Could you do the Chain with a gn! reader who is a rito from wilds time? And how the chain would react?

If you don’t/can’t do to do this then you can delete it! But have a good night/day!

Hi! I'm sorry for how long this took, but I'm always happy to try to write what y'all come up with! If you wanted or now want a fic for this, let me know!

Feathered friend (Chain)

I am totally imagining that the reader is a crow type but that dosen’t actually affect anything it just makes me happy lol

So, Wild and you probably met during his first adventure.

For this one, y'all met at Rito Village (probably the second divine beast Wild tackles)

You and Wild probably became friends.

He probably has tried to race you via paragliding.

Anyway, you probably ended up in a new world because while I know Wild loves adventure, I can NOT imagine the chain loving the cold of the hebra region.

So, we'll say you and the chain have ended up in the world of Spirirt tracks before that Link was born

Lots of trains.

You end up running into the chain in castle town.

You draw a good amount of attention, the rito aren't anywhere in the main land.

(As spirit tracks is known to take place after wind water and phantom hour glass I assume that the rito stayed on Dragon Roost island)

Wind actually spots you first, and is particularly nostalgic after seeing Niko

He just wanders over to you happily

"Hi! Are you from nearby?" Wind would ask

You smile and explain that you are not.

He asks if you're from Dragon roost island, and you say no

Thankfully Wild spots you before Wind can ask too many questions, he comes over too

"(Y/n)?"

Of course Wild is thrilled to see ypu! He asks about how you've been.

Then he realizes that your here. In train hyrule.

What happened? He wants to know.

Are you hurt?

Wind is delighted to meet any of Wild's friends.

They probably drag the chain over to meet you, some are more curious than others.

Sky is amazed, he adores all birds but it seems weird to call you a bird like a crow.

Sky, Hyrule, and Four all ask about different parts of your culture and history

Four is thrilled to learn about any weapons you might like

Sky is thrilled to know about history and oddly enough the hammocks

Hyrule wants to hear about the hebra region flora and fauna

Warriors, Twilight, and Time are friendly but not really giving too much about themselves away.

Wars does ask about music.

Twilight just asks about how you met wild. And also probably what it's like in rito village

Time just listens, adding a comment or two

Legend dosen’t really know what to do. I don't remember if he would have encountered a rito befor

Either way, Legend is also mostly listening, but sometimes he'll ask for details on a story you tell.

Wind will NOT let you rest until he has an arsenal of stories about your world and weird things Wild has done.

If you join the chain, which is probably the way it would go since you're all in the wrong time, they warm up to you.

Wind likes to invite you to join in on the shenanigans

You are also the Favorite judge for any competitions

[peach-and-bugs]

Hi, I hope you are well, I fell in love with Nat's one-shot, so I was encouraged to ask for a request, well there are two that come to my head with different characters.

"Wow, you really never got out of your angsty teenage stage, did you?" with Teen Shauna (sorry it's just that you see those eyes and they bring back a lot of melancholy).

"Please tell me you didn't hold on to that all these years" with Lottie (1996) and Lottie (2021). I think with this one you can play with flashbacks of seeing what happened in the desert and their relationship in that timeline in 1996 as a reunion in 2021 somewhat angsty.

Sorry the request is so long, although I would like to add that I can imagine both requests with f reader, anyway thank you very much for everything, take your time and take care of yourself. ❤️

💚Flower stems for heartstrings - Lottie Matthews (1996 & 2021) x fem!Reader💚

Fanfiction master list

disclaimer: don't repost my work. I only post on Tumblr and on Ao3. anything else is stolen and should be removed immediately

Summary: y/n finds evidence of her teenage best friend (and secret crush) being alive after all, and a possible way of finding her thanks to modern internet and goes on a personal quest to find her and the truth, all while reminiscing about their teen years...

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, fem reader that dresses both "masc" and "fem", underage drinking and smoking weed, extremely angst but with a good ending

Word Count: 8,758

A/N: woohoo! We've surpassed word count on my longest oneshot with this fic, the record previously being 6,990. And ngl, this might be one of my favorites to date! Lottie is an extra special gal who deserves an extra long one-shot, so of course I'm going to give her extra attention. What can I say, I'm not immune to favoritism. This one was actually so fun! I loved getting to write about excited, young (and medicated, let's be fr) Lottie bc I think we forget just how much the wilderness took a toll on her. She was so lively before, it makes me so sad. But, I hope I was able to give her a little bit of that liveliness back in this fic! I think in the request "desert" was supposed to be wilderness, but I wanted to have the reader be left behind, which adds a whole different kind of angst to the situation. As always, feel free to leave questions or comments in my comments or ask box, and happy reading!💚

Lottie Matthews Tag List:

General Tag List: @summergeezburr

-💚-

You’d only ever felt the way you did now only twice before in your life. Once when word got around that flight 2525 had mysteriously gone down in flames with no trace, and once again when you learned she’s been shipped off to god knows where for some kind of treatment. You hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to her then and she was gone. 

It was a sickly green feeling that had you kneeling over with weak knees and a stone throat. Lottie Matthews, the girl you’d had your heart set on for all of these years, wasn’t gone. She wasn’t locked away or dead like gossip has always said. She was alive and well and looked like she was thriving. And how did you find this out? Through Instagram, of course. That might have been the worst part of all of this. 

One minute you’re mindlessly scrolling through your feed when an ad for a farmers market in some part of upstate New York, rather than New Jersey where you resided. But the ad featured a booth selling honey, and low and behold, there she was. Well, the photo didn’t give a clear picture of her face, but you refused to deny that it was her, despite how it made you sick. How could you forget that smile of hers after all? 

You had to put your phone away after that, but it didn’t help you sleep. A few hours into staring up at the ceiling, restless with gnawing curiosity, you decided sleep wouldn’t come till you found an answer. Rather spontaneously you packed a bag and got into your car. Was this the smartest thing to do? Hell no, but you had the weekend off for work anyways, and nothing stopped you from going, so you drove through the nightstand into the morning and drove by coffee, a podcast, and the straining urge that you needed to know what was going on.

-💚-

At some point in the night, you found your mind wandering as your eyes trained on the empty highway before you, highlighted by your headlights. You reminisce a time long before, even more than 25 years ago. Back when you had been a freshman in high school during your lunch period. You moved to Wiskayok, New Jersey late in the year, giving you an even later start to your first year of high school. You’d relatively been left alone and had decided you'd be alright with that. Not everyone can have friends right? So, alone you sat outside on the school's field, picking at the grass underfoot having already finished your lunch. 

Some students around you sat on the track or the stadium's bleachers with their friends, enjoying company and comradery or whatever and you didn’t like to admit how it made you jealous. But what was there for you to do to change it? You refused to look desperate and walk up to random groups of people who would probably talk about how lame you are behind your back-

“Hey, you alright?” the sudden voice in your direction yanked you out of your self-deprecating thoughts. Looking up you had to squint your eyes to try and make out who was talking to you as the sun shone in your eyes till they tilted their head, blocking it. After some adjustment from the sunspots in your eyes, you were greeted with a shy yet warm smile. 

“Um, yeah, I’m fine,” you uttered awkwardly, swallowing the frog in your throat that had your voice croaking. The girl chuckled and tottered down to the ground to sit beside you in the grass. She dressed well, was one of the first things you noticed. Her pink skirt and tall white socks were very countering to your grass-stained jeans, scuffed hightops, and t-shirt. 

“You sure, because you’re all by yourself,” she said rather matter of factly. 

“Well, maybe I like being alone. Think of that,” she arched her brow curiously. “And as far as I know you’re alone too,” she chuckled again with a little huff. 

“Tuche,” was all she replied, but she had a stupidly shiny grin on her face. Next, she reached out her hand to shake. “I’m Charlotte, by the way. But most people call me Lottie,” you hesitated for a standing moment, only staring at her hand as you kept yours loosely wrapped around your knees till you gave in, shaking her hand in greeting. 

“I’m y/n,” 

“Well y/n, tell me about yourself,” she spent the rest of that lunch period at your side, asking questions about you in exchange for the little tidbits you were willing to give her. It was so strange, looking back now, how a because girl decided you looked lonely you'd be driving to upstate New York on a random Thursday night due to your desperation to find her again. 

Lottie had always been charismatic. She liked people. She looked at them like puzzles made special for her to figure out. Maybe that was her way of avoiding herself, or maybe she just had a natural curiosity for those she didn’t understand. But from that day on, she hadn’t left you alone. She’d excitedly greet you in the halls, and invite you out with her friends and to late-night parties. She was the one who integrated you into the community and helped you find a place. 

But she also became your best friend. However, you struggled to feel like you were hers sometimes. She was so bright and colorful, full of life and boy was she popular. She always had someone with her, unless she found the time for you exclusively, which dwindled more and more as high school progressed. Of course, this is a concern you could talk to her about but you didn’t want to bother. In truth, you feared your feelings were driven by selfishness. You thought you'd never voice it, but oh, how you undoubtedly adored Lottie Matthews. 

You felt her encase you when she was close and her laugh was enough to have you swooning. You thrived in her presence and basked in the littlest bit of attention she may offer you. Her touch was electrifying and when she grabbed your hand when she greeted you you felt what had to be magic. But of course, you could never tell. Sure, you knew you were gay and you were so fortunate that you’re mother said it was ok, but you’d never tell, ever. Even if the ache felt like it was squeezing you, you couldn’t lose Lottie. You didn’t want to scare her away and be a freak. 

Part of you wonders if that’s why you'd lost Lottie after all. You hadn’t been honest with her. No, that wasn’t rational. A secret didn’t take down an airplane. 

-💚-

You didn’t arrive till mid-afternoon, late morning, the sun high above as you made your way towards this market. They had their location posted online, so with a quick search and an input to your mapping app you were all set to go. Moments like that reminded you of how on your road trips with your mother growing up she'd have you read the map in the passenger's seat beside her, your finger tailing over the highways towards the little star sticker added on to be your final destination. Strange how so little time felt like it had passed since then yet a whole life as well.

Venders had been set up for some time now and enjoying the comfortable air as they mingled and shopped. You hooked a tote bag over your shoulder to look less conspicuous (although there inherently isn’t anything conspicuous about a middle-aged queer woman at a farmers market, still. You felt a need to keep a low profile). You wandered for some time, looking for a stall that said something like sunset honey, or maybe it was sunnyside. Something involving both the sun and honey, and it looked like the people working wore a lot of purples. 

Honestly, it was a very nice market in itself. Had you had ulterior motives for attending you would have quite enjoyed it. That is still you grew distracted by a florist’s stand. The owner had lovely premade bouquets that ranged in a variety of colors and sizes, but what caught your eye where the assortment of white and pastel metal buckets housing small assortments of different flowers, meant to be starters for gardening. In particular stood out the small purple flowers known for growing naturally back home, in Wiskayok. You tentatively reached out to stroke the petals. 

You hadn’t formally been invited to the party, but it was one of those words get around kind of things, she no one was actually invited, right? At least, that's what you'd told yourself as you got ready in your room, obsessively messing with your hair in the mirror. It was one of those beer-guzzling bonfire things that the seniors hosted on the outskirts of the woods now and then. This time, however, the justification was the girl's soccer team going to nationals, and after the whole pep rally earlier in the day, it did sound justified. 

You pulled back from the mirror to look back down at your clothes. You'd layered a black plaid dress with thin straps over a white sweater that’s sleeves cut off just below your elbow with tights and docs. You tugged at your coller, attempting not to grimace. Sure, you liked dressing feminine now and then, but when it came to events like this you couldn’t help the anxiety, especially with drunk boys. But still, you wanted to look nice, even if the drinks being served were from a beer keg. It just felt like one of those nights, you figured. You sighed and forced yourself to leave as there was a car horn honking outside, grabbing your backpack along the way as you went. It’d be good to have a quick getaway available to you if need be. 

“Have fun, hun! Make good choices for me, ok?” your mom called to you from the couch, watching one of her late-night shows while sipping tea and crocheting something as you went downstairs. You smiled, walked up beside her at the end of the couch, and kissed her forehead. 

“I will, mama, I promise,” you forced a tiny smile. She hummed her thanks and smiled, opening her eyes to take a look at you.

“Show me this little number you assembled for me,” she said, taking off her eyeglasses and gesturing up and down with her crochet hook as she readjusted in her seat to get a better view. You stretched out an arm, the other firmly holding your backpack to your shoulder, and did a turn around for her. She smiled wide and gave you playful applause. 

“Cute! And do you like it? Everything fits well?” 

“Yes, Mom, I promise,” you sighed, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. It was a new dress you hadn’t worn yet and you knew she was only doing the classic mom routine but you had to go!

“Alright, you go have fun. And tell your friend Charlotte good luck at nationals!” she called after you as you shut the door front door and locked it. You turned, illuminated by your porchlight, and waved to your ride. Van had the passenger window of Taisa’s car down and she waved back with a confident grin on her face. You could hear Depeche Mode playing on the radio as you approached the car. You opened the door and slid inside with a quick smile. 

“Thanks for the ride, Taissa,” you said, trying not to sound as shy as you felt. She smiled in the rearview mirror, checking her surroundings as she turned down the radio. 

“Yeah, no problem girl,” she said with effortless confidence. You didn’t know Taissa or Van, or much of the school's soccer team all that well, but in your mutual connection to Lottie over the past four years you’d tagged along with them quite often and they’d always been nice to you.

“We couldn’t say no after Lottie was so adamant we were nice,” Van joked quite loudly to Taissa, giving you an up and down with that grin again. You stared for a second, unsure of what she was trying to imply till Taissa smacked the goalie in the arm with the back of her hand, hissing her name to make her shut up as she started driving. The redhead let out an undignified yelp.

“She’s being an asshole. And confusing. Lottie wanted you to come and she knew we’d be the best people to pick you up is all,” you still had a confused look on your face, your shoulders hunched inward. 

“Um ok, thanks?” you said it more like a question. 

“What she means, is that we like you. And we’ll tell you we like you,” Van chimed in again. She wasn’t as helpful to you as she thought she was.

“Right, ok. Is there something else going on that I’m not cluing in on?” Tai and Van shared a knowing look. 

“Ok, so the other day Lot kept going on about how she worries that you don’t feel like we’re all friends, and doesn’t want you to feel like you’re just her other friend that tags along, ya know? So we figured we pick you up and tell you that, because some of the other girls on the team aren't the best at communicating, ya know?”

“Oh. So we're friends?” you sounded far more surprised and eager than you would have wanted to. “And Lottie told you all that? About me, I mean?” Van grinned once more, fully turning around in her seat. 

“Yeah, dude! I think you’re really cool actually!” you began to smile more than before and leaned back, straightening up your posture. 

“And, yes, Lot had all that to say and more,” Tai added on. You were thankful for the dark car hiding any color that might have rushed to your face. 

“She talks about you all the time,” Van blabbed on. Tai gave her a look that told the goalie to keep quiet now. Just as she did you pulled up to another house in the neighborhood that has Lottie sitting on the front porch. She shot up when she saw the car but took a last-minute look at the front door like she was waiting for something. Van maneuvered in her seat to hang out the window. “Hurry up slowpoke or we’ll be late to our party,” Lottie all but yelped and ran to the car after that, toward your side of the car. 

You didn’t have enough time to move out of the way and before you knew it Lottie had flung the door open with an exhilarated grin, laughing as she climbed in over your lap to collapse in the seat beside you in the back. She’d picked to wear all pink, which was just so fitting for her. You noticed in particular that she was wearing one of her shorter skirts that she giggled to you about hiding from her mother. 

“Shut the door and go!” she said through giggles, and once you had the time to process what was happening you did just that, closing the now-opened door to your right, and Taissa was off. Lottie lunged forward in her seat and punched Van in the shoulder, laughing all the while. “God, fuck you! I could have been caught because of that,” she griped as Van dramatically clutched her arm. 

“Ugh, what’s with beating on the goalie tonight? I gotta stay fit for nationals and I’ll be covered in bruises at this rate,” 

“Whatever. You’re always covered in bruises, and not all of them are from soccer,” Lottie implied, her hands gripping Taissa’s headrest in front of her so she could lean forward and talk to the two girls up front. That is till she scooted back to give you her full attention. 

“Well, you’re liking fine as hell tonight hot stuff! Have you been hiding this little number?” Lottie asked, reaching out to touch the material of the dress you were wearing along your leg. You managed to force a laugh and playfully swatter her hand away with shifty eye contact. 

“It’s new. My mom got it for me during our last mall trip. She wanted me to expand my wardrobe or whatever,” you played off causally. Lottie gave you a knowing smile and sighed as she turned to look out the window. 

“I think it looks great, just like you always do,” she murmured rather quietly. You weren't even sure you were supposed to hear her. Not long after Tai parked and you all got out of the car. Van yelled something at the crowd that had already gotten things started and there was a low collection of howling and yelling in response to her. Lottie got out of the car before you but stopped and waited by your door for you to get out with her. She said nothing but had that perky smile on the whole time as she watched you expectantly.

“So, whatcha wanna do?” you asked. She shrugged. 

“I dunno. Maybe get reeeeeally drunk,” she toyed, reaching out to take your hand like it had become second nature. Tai walked up to the two of you from the driver seat of the car, double-checking as she locked it shut and shoved her keys in her jacket pocket. She made a purposefully obvious glance down at your entwined fingers then back up to Lottie.

“Careful Lot, people might talk,” she said with what Lottie took as a comfortable coolness but it sent a shiver down your back that caused you to think about pulling away. 

“Pfft! I don't give a flying fuck! Let them talk!” she announced quite loudly, leaning forward with her free hand on her hip. She turned her gaze back to you and wiggled her brows as she grinned. “Come on. Get a drink with me,” she urged, tugging you away from Taissa. 

“Don’t listen to her. No one is looking, and if they are they don’t care. What’s wrong with holding hands anyway?” Lottie babbled on as she pulled you in line for a beer with her. She was still holding onto your hand quite tight as she jumped into rambling about something related to her French class. Maybe a recent test? You weren't exactly sure. Despite everything she’d said before, it felt like everyone was looking, but not because of you. Because of Lottie. She was the pretty, popular girl while you were just the weirdo she hung around. With that idea in your head, it was pretty hard to not be self-continuous. You were so in your head that you didn’t notice her shoving a beer in your hand. 

“Wha- oh, thanks,” you stuttered. You'd let go of her hand to get your drink, opting to use both hands to hold it. Lottie frowned as she was handed her drink ans thanked the guy passing them out. 

“Hey, you alright? Lost you for a sec,” she murmured. She’d become so gentle all of a sudden. Were you really that fragile? She forced a smile and nodded.

“Yeah, I'm great. Just haven't gotten into the party mood yet, I guess,” 

“Oh, ok. Do you wanna step away, clear your head a bit?” you shook your head no. 

“Nah, I'm good. I’m just gonna grab something from my bag in Tai’s car, ok?” Lottie tilted her head, almost like she was trying to look at you from a new angle. 

“I can go with you,” she offered. God, why did she have to be so attentive and sweet?

“I promise I’ll be fine-” you started only for a distraction to catch your eye. “Hey, Shauna and Jackie are over that way. I’ll meet up with you when I’m done,” you offered, dialing up that chipper tone as high as you could. She finally gave in and nodded, making her way over to her other friends while you crept away to dash toward Tai, wherever she was. You eventually found her after dodging around cars and trees listening to Van argue with a group of boys about something sports-related probably. That honestly wasn’t a huge concern of hers at the moment. 

“Hey, Taissa. can I borrow your keys?” Taissa arched a brow. 

“You’re not trying to use my car to go joyriding or to fuck, right?” 

“What? Oh my god- no. I just wanna get something from my bag. It’s in the car,” 

“Where's Lot?” why is that relevant right now?

“She’s with Jackie and Shauna,” you began messing with the loose hair falling in your face, averting your eyes from her. Tai gave you an up and down before tugging at Van’s jacket. 

“Van, go with y/n to my car, ok?” 

“I was just in the middle-” Van started till Tai arched a brow and she gave in. Tai dropped her keys in the redhead's hand and you were off to the car again. 

“Do you already wanna leave?” Van asked, walking backward in front of you. 

“No, I just want something from my bag,” Van slowed to walk in stride with her hands in her pockets, watching you as you watched everyone who passed. 

“Care to share?” you just looked at her and finally managed a laugh.

“I’ll share when we get there,” upon reaching the car and unlocking it, you grabbed your bag and made your way to a more secluded edge over the party where you’d be left alone, Van trailing close behind till you set your solo cup on the ground, sat down saddle style on an old, knocked-over log to rummage through your bag. You pulled out a baggy you’d been holding onto and a lighter.

“Damn, y/n, I didn’t think you the type,” the goalie said as she dropped down across from you. “Where’d ya get it?” she asked, taking the joint you pulled out to share. 

“My older brother. He lives with my dad while he’s going to school and I visited him over Christmas and he gave me a few that I use quite sparingly. 

“Divorced?” she asked, referring to your parents. You shrugged.

“Kinda, but not really? It’s weird. They still like each other and get along but they aren't exclusive by any means. Dad works in Cali while mom moved here to look after her mom who’s a few houses down from us,” you explained as you fidgeted with the lighter, fixated on the way the flame moved up and down, on and off. Van snatched it out of your hand during an “off” moment to light the joint now placed firmly between her teeth. 

You simply watched her process, lighting the joint and then taking in a long breath before holding and letting it go with a sigh as though she was relieved before passing it to you. She did the same, watching your breath in with your eyes shut only to exhale into the dark, finishing off with a small cough before passing it once again. You could see streetlights from the main road from here, you realized. 

“You’re into Lot, aren’t you?” her voice was low to not attract attention, but she was confident in what she had asked. You paused, staring out at the lights just a short walk away. Normally, an insinuation that you were gay would have you panicked. It could have been the weed, but maybe you'd relaxed and found some sliver of comfort in the redhead, your new companion.

“I think I do,” you whistled through your teeth at your admission. You turned to meet her eyes when she nudged your shoulder with the side of her hand, passing the joint off again. “Think I’m a lost cause?” Van snorted and shook her head.

“Oh, hell no. That girl’s crazy about you,” Van said with a sigh, leaning back on her hands where she was sitting on the log. “Now, I don’t know what type of way she feels. Sexual, romantic, or just friendship. But there's something there. Lot’s banked a lot on you,” you began to smile again, soft and mellow as you took another hit. After that one, you leaned down to take a chug of your beer. You offered to pass again, but Van had turned her attention back to the party, particularly to Taissa who looked like she was getting shit from Shauna. Even from over her, you could tell she was wasted given how she stumbled around. Van groaned and got up from where she was sitting.

“Keep it. I gotta deal with this,” she huffed as she left. You watched her go, eyes trailing after her to meet with Lottie’s, who was staring right at you, arm crossed over her chest and cup in hand. She seemed to hesitate between you and her arguing friends, but when the debate got particularly loud she turned with a furrowed brow. You watched her go and kept watching till Jackie derailed the entire situation, pulling all the girls away likely to yell at them. With that done, you sighed, leaning back to fully lie on the log, the joint between your lips and legs dangling over either side as you shut your eyes. 

“You hiding from me over here?” you opened your eyes. The joint was nearly out as it had just been sitting between your teeth for who knows how long by now. Lottie stood over you, arms still crossed as she held onto her nearly drained drink. you shook your head, sitting up as she sat down beside you on your left, much closer than Van had been. You readjusted, sitting properly with both legs over one side of the log, shoulders hunched. Lottie's arm brushed against yours when she moves. “You didn’t come back,” she simply steed with no malice or accusation in her voice. You shrugged. 

“I was getting overwhelmed I guess,” you murmured. “Didn’t feel like talking,” 

“You seemed chatty with Van” Again, she simply stated fact. You sighed and leaned down to take another drink. Lottie took the joint from your hand. You watched, then reached for the lighter to give it a second wind. She held it between her forefinger and thumb for you and once it ignited once more it found home between her lips. You watched, sipping your beer. She smoked far prettier than Van had.

“Van’s a good listener guess. Doesn’t talk too much,” Lottie snorted out a laugh at that. 

“I don't think anyone has ever said ‘Van Palmer doesn’t talk much’” you chuckled out a soft laugh to match hers. You looked away, out at the lights again. Lottie took another breath in, letting the joint sit between her fingers with her crossed arms. She watched the lights with you, though she might not understand the fixation you seemed to have on them. That is, till she paused, turning fully to watch you. She tilted her head again, unexpectedly brushing her fingers over your temple to guide loose hair obstructing her view out of the way and behind your ear. “Let me kiss you,” she murmured, almost as though she was pleading. You turned back to her. Her hand settled on your cheek, fingertips curiously brushing over the apple of your cheek.

“Don’t kid me,” you whispered, eyes glazing as you darted down to her parted lips. 

“Never,” she shook her head ever so slightly. It made her hair sway. You swallowed hard but shakily nodded. That was enough of a yes for her to move in. She immediately dropped the joint in her hand and the hand tracing your cheek found home on the back of your neck. Her now free hand rested behind your ear, stroking your hair as you latched onto her waist, using your left hand to hold you up on the log. 

She kissed like she knew exactly what she was doing. As though this had all been part of a longstanding plan. She’d envisioned this just as you had, and fuck was it perfect. Her lisp whereas urgent as your own and had it not been a public space you might have let her do anything she wanted to you right then and there. She scrunched her fist into your hair, unintentionally pulling ever so lightly on your scalp and eliciting a sudden moan from your throat which only egged her on further till she had to pull away with you chasing after her. 

You opened your eyes wide, lips still parted as you gasped for breath in and out. And then, of course, you got shy, anxious voices telling you she’d regret this immediately. You began to turn from her but the hand in your hair let go and moved to trace knuckles over your cheek and subsequently turn your eyes back to her. She shook her head, murmuring no over and over, soothing you like a child about to cry. And at that thought, the thought of crying alone, you felt the tears spike in your eyes. She watched your brow crinkle as your lip trembled and she pulled you into her chest, holding you as close as she could. 

The hand on your neck found your back as the hand on your cheek moved to cup the back of your head. You buried into your neck as you cried, and she rested her cheek against your scalp, murmuring over and over how it was all ok. She kissed your hair, rubbed your back, and rocked you from side to side as your hands vigorously clung to her sweater, fearing letting her go, because what if the magic would be over and gone when she was out of your hands? 

But reluctantly you needed to let her go, and eventually, that point came where you emerged from her embrace, the scent of her shampoo and perfume fading from you quickly as you met her puffed, teary gaze. She moved to hold your cheeks in her hands as her breath shook. You held your hands around hers, kissing her palm with a weak smile. Fortunately, that had her let go of a watery laugh. But neither of you spoke yet. You just sat in warm silence till you readjusted to be side by side once more, your head lulled to her shoulder with her cheek at your temple.

“Fuck, what do we even do after that?” you breathed, eyes training down to the long discarded joint and red solo cups with only sips left of beer in them, though yours has spilled at some point, soaking the ground under it. 

“I leave tomorrow,” she murmured back. You dressed your lips together before letting go of another sigh. 

“I know… we should have waited” she chuckled sleepily.

“I don’t think so,” you hummed your why. “I’ll be excited to get back here. Well, more excited than I already was to see you,” you chuckled, though your tongue dripped with wordless sarcasm. 

“Don’t forget about me,” 

“Oh, how could I ever after that?” she teased with another giggle. You smiled, nuzzling your nose into her shoulder. With the change in direction, you got an idea upon seeing a small purple flower growing just beside her shoe.

“I know how,” you started, reaching across her side to pick it, leaving a nice, long stem to tuck behind her ear and in her hair. You sat back to admire your work and smiled. “Purple suits you,” you decided, tucking some of the hair behind her ear for a better look at your work. She chuckled with a sniffle, her fingers gently wrapping around your palm, catching you to kiss your fingertips. 

“Mam, are you alright?” you were dragged out of your daydream like a shockwave and had to take several moments to ground yourself again, taking in a deep breath. You blinked repeatedly, shaking your head before forcing a smile. 

“Yes, I’m so sorry. I was remembering something I needed,” you said with a forced chuckle. The florist smiled, though he seemed a little unsure. You turned back to the flower, petal still gently settled between your fingers. “I’ll take this, while I’m here,” you said as you cleared your throat, gently picking up the small white bucket and giving it to the florist to ring up. 

“Ah, Ruellia caroliniensis. But it’s better known as Carolina Wild Petunia. A good choice. Pick it for any reason? I ask everybody that,” he asked, making meaningless small talk. Your eyes stayed focused on the waving petals of the plant as it was gently jostled around. 

“It just reminded me of someone I knew, I guess,” he smiled thoughtfully and nodded with a soft hum of acknowledgment before he asked you for cash or charge. You picked charge which resulted in you digging through your purse for your card. 

“Oh my god! y/n! A shrill voice called when you weren’t looking and just as you pulled out your debit card. You gave the florist you’re card before turning to look who it might be only to have the Misty Quigley herself approaching you with the wide smile and outstretched arms that you felt you had to reciprocate. She squeezed you quite tight and when she let go her hands remained at your side for a moment as she seemed to look at you in awe.

“Well, what the heck are you doing here?” she asked tilting her head with that smile still plastered across her lips till she gasped “Oh! Are you looking for Nat too?” you furrowed your brow and frowned. 

“What? No, I’m-”

“Uh, mam, you’re purchase?” the florist interrupted. You turned from Misty to grab your new belonging, which he had been so kind and bagged for you as well as outstretching your card back to you. 

“Yes, thank you so much! I truly appreciate it!” you said as chipperly as you could before ushering Misty out of the man’s stall and towards a clearing. “What, what are you talking about with Natalie?”

“She got kidnapped!” the blond exclaimed, adjusting her glasses. “She was taken from the motel she was staying in back home and we’re here to find her,” she blabbered on. 

“Hold on, when did Nat get out of rehab and who is we?”

“I dunno, a few weeks ago I think? So much had been going on and it's been hard to keep track and ‘we’ is me and Walter,” you were still confused about the situation and about to ask who Walter was when the man himself showed up. He’d be trailing behind Misty for some time, just casually in the background. He was so average you hadn’t even noticed him. The man waved and offered a smile. You tentatively returned the wave but still seemed confused. 

“I’m not here for Natalie. I didn’t hear about that at all. No, I’m looking for Lottie,” you said rather bluntly. Misty frowned and it was now her turn to be confused. 

“Lottie? But she’s been in Switzerland for years-” 

“Well I thought that too will I saw this,” you whispered, hissing through your teeth as you frantically pulled out your phone and the screenshot you’d taken of the farmers market Instagram post, zooming in on Lottie and shoving the device into her hands.

“No, that can’t be her,” 

“It is. I just- it’s not a great angle but I know it’s her,” you insisted. Misty began to scan the photo curiously, zooming back out when she let out a dramatic gasp and began excitedly smacking at your arm. 

“Purple people!” you yelled. “Purple people!” she repeated it to Walter this time, which summoned him to rush over and huddle around your phone.

“The purple people took Natalie!” she explained with far too much excitement for your liking. 

“Could they have taken Lottie,” Misty shrugged. 

“I dunno, maybe. But only one way to find out!” She shoved your phone back in your hand and began aggressively powerwalking away with Walter tight on her heels. You hesitated momentarily before shutting your phone off and shoving it into your purse, hustling after them. 

“Wait! Do you know where to go?”

“Yes! Of course! We found out from the other stalls,” she called back. “Get in your car and follow us!” she sounded far too excited for this whole ordeal, but what other options did you have to find Lottie? You ran back to your car, got in, and started with heavy breath ready to take the next step on this crazy adventure you found yourself on. 

-💚-

After quite a bit of driving, they pulled off into a bed and breakfast parking lot and parked. You parked beside them and got out with a frustrated expression. 

“We're not going tonight.” Misty rolled her eyes and she pulled her suitcase out of the trunk of what you assumed was Walter’s car. 

“Someone,” she was heavily implying someone to be Walter, especially with the annoyed, flat-mouthed looks he gave him “wanted to wait till morning because he thinks the cult will expect us at night,” you gave her a look that asked “really” and Misty threw up a hand, shaking her head as she grabbed onto her luggage. 

“I know! Trust me, I know, but captain’s orders,” she huffed as she followed Walter into the B&B. You paused, letting out an exasperated sigh before going to grab your duffle back and your plant. You hear Misty muttering about not using her real name as she and Walter get a room. 

“And it's just for one room, right?” the concierge asked. There was an irritatingly comedic back and forth of yes, and no, then both of them settled on no, two rooms would be fine. 

“And, um, you can put mine under the name Lady Mallowan,” Misty gave herself a name straight out of Clue or a shitty romance novel and you couldn’t help rolling your eyes. 

“Seventeen and eighteen. Up the stairs to the right,” then went back and forth with thank yous as they clumsily took their keys, then started deliberating about luggage when Walter offered to take the suitcase off of Misty’s hands. 

“Just one room under y/n l/n is fine, please,” you said simply. You saw Misty and her new boyfriend exchange an appalling look and you had to refrain from laughing. 

“Room nineteen,” 

“That’s great, thanks” You dropped your things upon entry, but gently placed your plant in its bed on the nightstand before collapsing on your bed with a long sigh. Of course, you'd need to get up and change, but for now, lying on your back in a bed that wasn’t yours was all you could feel like doing. That is till you got up from said bed and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a small paper cup of water that you set on the nightstand as you sat on the edge of the bed. You tentatively opened the bag that held your plant and took it out, setting it on the stand to be out and in the fresh air. You gave it a light drink from the cup before you returned to the bathroom for a shower. 

-💚-

You were woken by Misty’s knock at you’re door bright and early at seven-thirty and back on the road by eight after grabbing complimentary breakfast to go. It was a rather long drive to wherever you were going, but you once again found ways to fill the time. That is till Walter took a screeching u-turn that almost caused a car crash on a winding, wet wooded road, but that was a conversation for later. You pulled up beside them and followed as they now stood excitedly outside a green gate that happened to have a matching bee on it. All you carried with you was your tote bag with your plant tucked away inside. Why you felt the need to bring it, you weren't sure, but it felt necessary. 

“The bee is where the purple people are!” Misty insistently explained.

“Ok, do we need to call them ‘the purple people” 

“Well, yes, but that's only till we get a better name for them. But anyway,” without another word of it, Misty ducked under the gate herself and began walking up the road. 

“Ok, we’re getting hit by a car if we do that-” you started but she shook her head. 

“It'll be fine. It looks decently short,”

“Well what about my car?” you urged. 

“Just lock it! Who’s pulling over in the rain to rob an unattended car out here?” you sighed with exasperation. 

“I dunno, maybe people from the cult we’re actively visiting,” you mumbled to yourself. 

“What was that!” 

“Nothing!” you huffed, following after Misty and now Walter, who had started moving shortly after her. She’d been right though. It was a rather short walk with no cars. You found yourself in what looked like a parking lot in the middle of the woods blocking off yet another road with an even larger fence in front of it. Misty and Walter were actively messing with an intercom system that seemed to have worked as they excitedly returned to your side. 

“Alright, so the man on the other end, I think his name was Jack or Jackson- anyway, he’s getting Natalie and she's coming to meet us here,”

“But what about Lottie?” Misty adjusted her glasses and folded her arms with a shrug. 

“I thought we could have Natalie confirm that, because we know she’s in there-”

“You don’t believe me,” you interrupted as she began trailing off.

“Well, we do not want to be making outlandish accusations to strangers, I mean-” she got easily distracted by the sound of someone walking down the pebbled path.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Nataline started with heavy irritation. 

“Oh, thank God you're safe,” Misty would have hugged her by now had the gate not been in her way.

“Safe? What are you talking about?” her attention turned to you and her eyes widened with further confusion “Hi, y/n,” she added tentatively. You awkwardly waved as she gave you a nod. 

“And who the fսck is this?” she gestured to Walter now. 

“Walter,” he simply introduced himself with a wave and a light chuckle before going on. “I've heard nothing but wonderful things about you” Natalie scrunched her nose, clearly not caring all that much about what impression Misty had given him of her upon first meeting. 

 “We're here to rescue you!” Misty eagerly interjected again. “I mean, you-you were kidnapped, right?”

“No. Uh, yes, technically I was, but it's no big deal, okay?” the notion that Natalie’s kidnapping wasnt that big of a deal was bewildering to Misty as seen on her face, but honestly you understood her reaction. 

“Lottie sent some people for me, but I'm not being held against my will,” she muttered, twisting her neck as she spoke. “Well, not anymore” It was now your turn to perk up. 

“I'm sorry, Lottie?”

“I told you she was here,” you hissed through your teeth at Misty, moving closer to the fencing. 

“Wait- as in Lottie? Lottie, who was committed to a mental institution in Switzerland? That Lottie?”

“Yes, Misty, that's the one,” Natalie turned to you once more “I'm assuming you had your theories or whatever?”

“Oh, I’m not here with them-” you paused. “Ok, originally I was coming here all on my own, but we ran into each other, and well,” from there you gave up.  

“Wait, Natalie, Natalie!” Misty derailed the conversation once again. “​​You're gonna have to elaborate, 

“Look, she runs a place here, and she's helping me reflect or whatever. So, you and your Hardy Boy can go home,” she looked Walter up and down again about Hardy Boy.

“But…”

“I'm doing a fսcking thing here, Misty. I don't need you getting in my way,” she’d lost patience with the blonde’s interruptions and persistence and in all honestly, you felt bad for her given how she shrank back at the raised tone. But she quickly toughened back up, turned on her heels, and marched back in the direction you'd come. 

“She seems nice,” Walter tried to lighten the mood. Natalie sighed with either exhaustion or irritation, watching them go before her eyes drifted to you, still standing in front of her. “You’re not done too?”

“Natalie, I need to see her,” she let out a scoffish chuckle and sighed through her nose. 

“Oh, I’m sure you do,” 

“I’m serious, Natalie,”

“Oh no, I can tell you are, don’t worry. Just- just give me a minute, alright. Let me ask my guy,” she began to turn but waited for you to nod before actually leaving. You stood still, turning to check your surroundings once more just to be as sure as possible. Natalie returned quite quickly with a man behind her. She shrugged, seeming surprised by the verdict herself as the gate’s electric lock began to unlatch letting you in. 

“Uh, my car is still parked with some of my things,” Natalie was already shaking her head. 

“We can have someone come and retrieve it all later,” Natalie’s companion started ad Natalie turned, already heading up the hill for a second time. 

“But you're not gonna need it!” she yelled behind her. Due to her eagerness to leave the scene, you were left walking beside the strange man who let you in. 

“So, I'm assuming you’re Jack or…” you drawled off but he chuckled, appreciating your intention. 

“Jeferson,” he cleared. 

“Right, ok. Nice to meet you,” you nodded, your hands clutching quite tight to the straps of your tote bag. “Look, I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m only here to see Lottie not join your… well join whatever you're up to,” he laughed again and nodded. 

“Don’t worry. She knows you're here,” a shive rushed down your spine as you realized what was happening. “I’m instructed to take her to you, actually,” 

“Oh. wow, that’s just great. Yeah, great,” you whispered to yourself as you bit your lip, questioning if this was going to be a good idea after all. When you looked up again, taking a deep breath you were met with quite a beautiful scene before you. It was a nice, well-organized camp on a lake with cabins and what you assumed were social areas all around and throughout the woods. You paused for a moment to take it in and wonder, did Lottie make all of this? 

“Charlotte is waiting this way, Ms. l/n,” Jeferson interrupted your wonderings. 

“Mhm, I’m coming,” you had to manually tell your feet to move before you could follow him to the separate cabin that must be Lottie’s. He had already walked up the stairs by the time you approached the porch, taking a moment to appreciate its handiwork before trudging up the creaking wood. Jefferson opened the door but didn’t enter, only gesturing for you to go in. 

“Charlotte will be here as soon as she can step away,” he explained as you cautiously walked in. You nodded, turning around to give him your thanks but he was already shutting the door, leaving you to your own devices. For a moment you stood completely still, watching the wooden door anticipating her walking in at any second, but after a few seconds of stillness, your foot began bouncing with building anxiety squeezing at your chest. 

“Shit,” you hissed, turning to look around your surroundings and find something to help you calm down. You put your bag on the table, but take the time to take the plant out and set it beside your bag. You rubbed your sweating palms on your pants and began to wander around the single room you found yourself in. Her main space was split into a small lounge-ish office space with a kitchen on the other half. 

You assumed the bathroom and her bedroom were down in the back of the cabin and with a craning of your neck you could see in one of the rooms but you decided it best to leave that be. Wandering around the office space you ran your fingertips over the edge of her desk. You peaked over the edge, curiosity winning momentarily before you restrained yourself, instead turning to the art hung on her wall featuring deer and other wilderness things before resigning yourself to the couch facing her desk. 

You flopped down rather unceremoniously but couldn't help sitting stiff, hunched forward with your knee bouncing in anticipation. Your eyes trained on her desk again, which was mostly bare of anything decor-like other than the two small picture frames. You forced yourself to look away till your nerves kicked in again and you were back up and taking the large one into your hands. It featured a classic team photo of the soccer team back in high school, but earlier on during your sophomore year. 

You chuckled lightly scanning over the baby faces your old friends used to have. Having something familiar to look at was relaxing, you decided. Maybe not the most morally correct thing, but this was an exceptional situation. So, you moved on to the small one, thinking none of it till she got a look and your heart dropped again. Pressed pristinely against the glass was an all too familiar flower, nearly identical to the one you'd been carrying for the past day and a half. Only this one had far more wear to it, clearly showing its age. It had faded in color over time, taking on hues of parchment brown rather than the vibrant purples you’d been familiar with. You traced over the shapes of the petals, likely dry and dusty to the touch by now over its safety net of glass. That is till you heard the carbon door abruptly shut.

And oh, she was perfect. She was sickeningly, stunningly perfect but all you could do was freeze where you stood, grip tightening around the small wooden frame in your clasp out of fear you might drop it if you didn’t squeeze tight. And she stood just as stunned at you. Age had encompassed her face all this time, but it was still her face. The one you had ingrained in your mind, so much more detailed than any photograph. You felt your chin begin to quiver.  

“Please tell me you didn't hold on to that all these years" You had to force it out with your breath ad your brow bowed with the strain of keeping it together. And then she laughed. She laughed her laugh, now blossoming with the beautiful thing that is age, just as every other part of her was. She moved toward you as though she was floating. She took her caftan off so smoothly it was like the breeze itself removed it for her. And before anything else, she took the frame from your hands, fingertips brushing together only for a moment. She returned it to its place before shakily turning back to you, tears drizzling from her eyes as she smiled.

“How could I not,” she murmured with a laugh full of exasperated joy as though she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her hands hovered over your arms as though she feared touching you would break the illusion, but with the way your lip trembled and tears rolled from your eyes as you held back a strangled sob she couldn’t refrain herself. It all felt so new and old all at once and oh, how overwhelming she was, her hands cupped at your face, thumbs stroking at your tears as you let it all go, sopping into her. 

Just as she had years before she murmured sweet nothing promising that you were safe and you were here, but not only you. After so much time she needed the reassurance of reality just as much. She pulled you in, just as before and your nose found its rightful place in the curve of her neck as her cheek found your scalp. She held you up and close as your knees began to shake and you had to grip onto her shoulder blades for what felt like dear life. You needed to feel her to truly know that she was here, she was real and she was yours, as were you.

[uriekukistan]

Fanfic Writer Interview

thank you @alonelystargazer for tagging me!

no pressure tags @earthtodora @sunnyyflowerrs @kentuckyfriedmegumi and @kat-likes-writing !!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

counting the ones i moved to "anonymous" i have 36 for 3 fandoms

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Family is Embarrassing

Dancing With a Stranger

summer lovin'

koi no yokan

honey and lavender

all itafushi. i write other fandoms/ships sometimes but yeah im mostly known for itafushi. if i can even call myself known.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

okay so i DO but im just really slow right now because of uni. like i have 100+ comments stacked up im so sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass. but usually i try to bc i like to let readers know that i appreciate the support <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

....this is hard i have a few that are pretty bad. the one that hurts me the most is right where you left me (ghost au)....idk it's like sad and happy. they both sortaaa get what they need but also like they dont get to be together, and i think (hope) it was obvious from the start that a happy ending wasn't on the table for them

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

contrary to popular belief i write a lot of happy endings!!!!!! i want to say koi no yokan even though it's not out yet, not because it has the objectively happiest ending, but because the whole thing is so angsty and a lot of people have said they doubt that i'll actually give a happy ending. and i will! anyway, i'd say its the happiest because its like. relieving at the end. without giving too much away.

Do you write crossovers?

i don't think i'd write a crossover in the traditional sense where characters from two medias interact, but i've written au's where i put the characters from x show into the universe from y show. that's probably as close as i'll get to a crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

four times...ngl i was a bit confused abt one bc it felt like they hadn't read the fic, one time they just hated the ship and took it out on the fic, and the other was recent......that once kinda upset me bc of the second ask they sent.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

uh. hm. i have. i'm very shy abt it so i would never post it in a way that'd tie back to me, and only a few ppl actually know abt the details.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i've seen.........but im also chronically offline these days

Have you ever had a fic translated?

also no, but i do frequently get comments in spanish which is cool

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

tbh i think it'd be fun, but i'm also so particular abt my process that i think it'd frustrate the other person. however....there would potentially be a few ppl i'd be interested in writing with. but once again, i'm shy

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

itafushi ofc. my number one forever, i don't think a singular ship has ever grabbed me by the throat like this before

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

sigh theres so many. i recently published a new fic and i'm like not even feeling motivated to write the next two chapters......i feel bad abt that bc i did already share it. this is why i need to write all if not most of the multichapter before i share it. most of the things i have rn are just ideas tho bc i havent had time to write much that's new

What are your writing strengths?

oh god......um i think i do a good job creating an emotional atmosphere and taking the reader inside the pov character's head

What are your writing weaknesses?

description for sure. i'm just not good with visual things, whether its art or descriptions in writing. i'm also not observant which doesn't help like i couldn't tell you anything about what's happening around me right now which is Not Good. either way it hinders my writing fs. also i think sometimes i struggle w pacing and characterization. and dialogue. um. honestly i think i have a lot of weaknesses, i'm not the fondest of my own writing unfortunately.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

hm. i think it has a place ig, but personally i would never do it, despite the fact that i'm trilingual and definitely have the capacity to.

also this is an unpopular opinion, and i think it comes from my time studying japanese in university, but when i see like "gojo-sensei," or "itadori-kun" type things, it does make me cringe a bit. like i know that is what they are saying but like if i did that in class it would be marked wrong so i've just been trained to read it as incorrect.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

ngl rn im only interested in writing for itafushi. i would like to write more for tokyo ghoul soon though

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

at this present moment.....right where you left me. there is also a budding au in my drive that i'm quite fond of but i'm waiting to share more details on that

[misc-obeyme]

i really think i would have preferred it to end sooner, you know? one last og game season to finally progress our relationship with barbatos and give luke time to process the fact that simeon's human now, then wrap it all up with an actual *ending*. it was supposed to end a long time ago i think. it would have been sad, but not as sad as watching this degradation in quality and seeing solmare flanderise all their characters and get progressively money hungry.

idk its just. theyre in a hole and they seem to think that if they keep digging, one day they'll make it back to the surface. ill stay where i am on the outskirts of the fandom, im still attached to the characters but i dont know if ill bother with any new content. but to you and everyone who was still regularly playing and staying up to date with the new lessons i can imagine how much it would suck to have that suddenly come out of nowhere. they really should have given way more advance warnin, they really fucked everyone over. who knows! maybe ill get involved with the fandom again like i used to be. i still think it's important to keep the fandom alive, it's been so impactful to so many people. it's been so impactful to me -- i really had some of the best fandom experiences of my life here, and i know im not alone in that. im glad you're not leaving entirely, and the same goes to the other asks who said they're still gonna draw/write even with the game ending. if the fandom's managed to stay alive despite. (gestures vaguely at whatever happens at solmare hq) i don't think this has to be the end of it.

(sorry for the fucking Mini Essay i guess i had more thoughts than i thought lmao)

No need to apologize, this blog is famous for essays because I have a problem lol.

Anyway, I have to agree with you. I think it would have been much better story-wise if they did one or maybe two more seasons in OG to wrap everything up and then ended things.

Especially because all of the potential they set up with Nightbringer's first two seasons was completely squandered. They could have gone in a good and interesting direction after that, but they didn't for whatever reason.

I have no problem admitting that I'm not quite as heartbroken as I would have expected to be. I've seen a lot of stuff going down in this fandom, both good and bad. And for myself personally, it's mostly been good. I'm here because I have a Barbatos obsession and he was vastly neglected by the games from the very beginning lol.

I feel like I can expand on what we've been given in a way that will be FAR more satisfying to me personally than whatever new content they would be giving us anyway.

I write fic because I want to interact with this characters in a way that is specific to me, you know? I share it because sometimes other people like what I do as well.

I do think the fandom will stay alive for some time. My experience is that fandoms live on far after their source has ended. People also join fandoms after the source has ended. I don't know exactly what that's going to be like for OM, since I'm uncertain about the availability of the apps going forward. But I do think there will be people still engaging with the fandom for some time.

Whether you decide to remain as you are or get more involved, I'm happy you're in the fandom and I hope that you enjoy interacting with it!

[saltyr3mix]

Damien headcanons Damien headcanons ! !

I saw the user name and new exactly what you were going to ask lol.

I'm agian under the assumption your looking for the same thing I did with Winnie and Sara? If you guys want like cannon head cannons. Let me know! But for now I like that format of just comparison.

so. Damiens not my favorite guy. I have said some maybe regrettable things about him in fits if anger because I struggle with writing him. But there are a few au's, not many unfortunately, where I don't mind him as much. This list will likely be shorter than the other two.

to learn from the tragedies : he's gonna show up at some point. Haven't decided if it's in book one or two yet. But the vision here right? Oliver has like, imprints of memories. Damien doesn't have any memories of the previous timeline. Lewis and the Twins no everything. Oliver starts gushing about this guy he saw and they immediately know who it is and encourages Oliver to go reach out to him. Mean while Oliver is like, "what the hell all I did was see him in the store I don't even know his name! How am I supposed to contact him!? How do you all know who is!??"

"Not many people have a singular purple eye, dude."

"that was real?..... I thought it was like cosplay or something."

"nope he can see ghosts."

"I'm suddenly a lot less interested-"

"no no no you haveeeee to talk to him! Just....trust us. We'd never lie to you!"<------ has active lied to his face 6 times today about how bad the future actually was too experience.

So yeah! Television is an end game ship for tlfft. Hopefully it will get introduced soon.

Shattered Dreams: I mean he had some cool moments. But wasn't really thought out like at all. I thought giving him a prosthetic arm was cool! I don't know why I did but I did that. This fic was written before season two and so a lot of Damiens character had yet to be explained so I took him in my own very poor direction and had no idea what u was doing with him the entire time.

I will make them create my world: ooooo this ones fun. How do I explain this with out spoilers. He's a very background character in the twins centered chapter. But I've tossed around the idea of making him more prominent as a sort of antagonist? But I'm not sure if it would work. I have so so so many ideas for this chapter and I haven't finalized an ending for it but it could be anywhere from Damien and Oliver getting married happily with nothing wrong and them being completely ok and the horror focusing more on how the world moves on and is completely fine in your absence. Or we could mess everything up and have them die or twisted into toys in the horror of another world taking over and contortioning your loved ones into freaks of nature with out you being able to stop it. Either way Damiens safety is entirely dependent on which brand of eldritch existential horror I feel like giving the twins that day.

This happens in a lot of my fics actually-

Buried masks: ok. This is going to be hard to hear for some people. Damien. Never gets taken my Sara. She actually hates him. She goes out of her way not to interact or associate with him. The only time she acknowledges his existence is if Oliver is talking about him or like hes unavoidably right in front of her. She's crazy buts she's not a jerk. Anyway she hates him because he stepped in and took her job as Oliver's support system. She doesn't like sharing. She has this whole concept with saving people and wanting to be their angel and their light and their support. To the point she will force people into a position to rely on her so she can feel like she's helping them. When her best friend turns to someone else for that help? She is not happy about it. She traits with the same way, but needs him to help keep lewis under her control.

Oliver, as much as she loves him and hates that Damien also cares for him. Still feels confident that he would turn to her first. And thats all she needs. To be his savior.

So she doesn't drag him into it. He and Damien actually get to go out and enjoy the rest of their lives together. As long as Oliver keeps looking to Sara for guidance he won't be affected. She can help him with out all the added psychological torture!

That is unless. In the same vein wiatt is dragged down to control lewis.....she needs his help in calming and swaying over some....other members.

This was supposed to be about Damien. uh oh. Can you tell I like this au a lot?

On a less cryptic lore heavy note. Yeah Damien is our main outside the basement perspective. He's running all the cases trying to find the evidence and he actually does solve something that saves a lot of people!!! He followed all the clues and cracked open a terrible terrible story. But the victims in that story weren't his friends.

Steven universe au: I kind of made a post earlier explaining all of his lore today. But! If your looking for more I'd very happy send you over to Danger/Theater who loves Su!Damien very very much and could probably come up with some more head cannons or content for you.

Superhero au: where to fucking start. He was speficly designed to be the main character of this au. It was supposed to center around him.

And then they're were other opportunities involving human experimentation and angst and twins and like- come on those are my favorite tropes I had to indulge a little bit!..... Although maybe I did just actually completely switch the angle of the spot light-

STILL!!!! if consider him the core of the au. Maybe not the main character at times but everything comes back and ties back to his actions. He sort of has a lot of control over everything and so when he makes a decision the entire plot shifts with that. Even when not in focus when he decides he's going to start bothering Error on patrols that caused a whole chain of reactions that lead to Errors eventual spiral and breakdown and him finding out all the shit that's been happening and it's Ghost that comes back and takes him out of it.

And all that yapping barely actually talks about his character ok- so. I want to see HLTBM!Sara and Superhero! Damien get in a moral debate with one amoy. Cause they stand for a lot of the same things. Character was out through something very very traumatic and that manifested in ways that hurt a lot of people with out them really wanting it to. But of course there's the gray area with Sara knowing full well shocking and kidnapping people isnt very nice. And Ghost being just a straight up serial killer, homicidal, villain for the first half of the fic. Unlike Sara though Damien does get improvement. Although I personally won't call it redemption on my own morals. But he stops killing people pretty quickly once Oliver brings it up.

L to Hayden west who got in Damiens way before Oliver could bring that up.

But yeah superhero au Damien is very special to me. He's the only version of Damien i don't Loath writing, in fact I look forward to it! He's so fun!!!

this was still all very vague but I've said do much- shoot me another ask if you want more about just him because I could write essays on that man.

One shots/you will live until I die: die die die die die die . I'm sure Danger has screen shots some where of the things I've said about this man. Do you know? Do you know how fast I could have gotten any of these types of fics done. If I wrote him out?! Do you know how many times I had to go through and re-write singular lines for him!? Have I beef with this fictional character you can't even comprehend.

Buttttttttt in the end. I guess he turned out....... Ok-ish? i still want to light every scene with him in it on fire but it's not because of how he's written. UTS BECAUSE IF HIW LONG IT TOOK TO WRITE-

deep breaths. I really hope you enjoy them because when I say I dedicated an entire week to a single scene with him in it. I'm not kidding. It killed me.

For the most part I do what I always do with those fics and stick to cannon, which was the mistake, I only like Damien when he's evil and deranged. Cannon Damien does not match my writings level of freak.

maze au: he doesn't get to be cool. Sorry. Your man gets to be a sleep deprived, paid, stalker of Oliver while he's in the maze. Damien works for the maze and helps give reports on his assigned constant, Oliver! Who's actually really endearing and kind of cute .

Thinking about having him a vaguely similar role to ash and me like THE watcher, the clearing has to keep dealing with. Norman is already a Plant but like Starr doesn't actually trust him. So yeah Damien is the wall man. People just see him around on the walls and pretend that they didn't!

Maybe he'll come down and say hello today! Probably not.

The more I think about it I want to make him a half demon to. But not like full half demon. Like he has shaper nails and teeth and is scary good at seeing in the dark and can hear any whisper. But has absolutely no strength or speed or physical traits. He's a loser.

Oc au: umghhhhhfrgcadg so i play Damien. And I do really really bad at it. Cause I try to follow cannon and we've addressed that issue. Currently he's dealing with a ton of survivors guilt because he and Oliver were the only ones to make it out of the facility collapse alive. Both the kids he brought with him died, both to his own advice.

He told Shroud to stay put. And he told hunter to run. Not great for either of them.

There was a point he beat the shit out of Sara! That was fun! Their.....siblings in this au? Or at least very heavily implied that they are. And so they just started scraping.

Poor Vianca though. God if I was better at playing him maybe they could have had a cool sibling dynamic. But alas it just came of as very very awkward because for most of her lore I was playing her, Sara and damien, who all would have been siblings but I did it so bad at yeah- there are some reasons why this au is called the secret au. It's the silly one where I don't think about it like a writer just a Creator and im not supposed to care how pretty the final result is if I had fun. And I did have fun! But when it comes to Damien things just get messy.

THATS IT. IM DONE!!! THIS SHOULD NOT BE THIS LONG!!!! I DID UT BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SHORTER!!! ITS NOT!!!! BUT I DID IT ANYWAY SO HA! I WIN!!!

[aaronstveit]

What was the hardest/most challenging part about writing deep end?

Also, Barriere du Maine. I love so much that it exists in this universe. Do you have any insight as to what exactly went down? Or any chance this would be a one-shot eventually? (👀👀👀👀👀)

hi!!! thank you sm for asking as always 🫶🏻

the hardest part of deep end for sure was the plot itself. i royally suck at plotting. it's why i so rarely write longform fic. generally i can come up with a beginning, something really horrible to happen somewhere in the middle, and a vague idea of an ending. filling in all the gaps is torture. and then, when i finally figure out what i want to happen in the middle, i rearrange it a thousand times trying to make it make sense. i am pretty much incapable of writing things out of order. i can write little snippets of scenes that i want to come later, but i can't write a full scene out of order. my brain simply does not allow for it. which means that i will stall at a random place for weeks at a time even though i know what should happen in later scenes. i have not figured out how to get around this yet unfortunately </3

also i found the ending really difficult! i mean, i knew i wanted a generally happy ending, despite who i am as a person (if you haven't noticed, i really love angst). but i suck at writing endings in general, and trying to end something this long just felt... herculean. i feel like there is no real way to end deep end without getting kinda cliché and mushy, but also i feel like they've kinda earned their clichéd mushiness? we'll see how y'all feel about it. i did have to add a scene to the epilogue just recently because of two things that were bothering me. and i have a really bad habit of coming near the end and starting to freak out because what if it actually sucks? i'm back at this place right now honestly, i was editing chapter 25 last night and i was like ummmmm this sucks i need to rewrite this whole thing. even though i know for a fact that isn't true and i've also rewritten it like 5 times. but my brain just freaks out near the end and goes doomsday so i just have to power through!

as for the barriere du maine:

i just typed up a very long paragraph about what happened at the barriere du maine that began with "i don't think i'll ever write a one-shot about it because it exists in my head more as a concept than a scene" and then proceeded to be a few hundred words about exactly what happened. so i think i might actually write a one-shot about this after all. congratulations 😭 i genuinely never intended on actually writing what happened at the barriere du maine in deep end but now i'm like oooooh that would be fun. i will give you a little information now though: the incident at the barriere du maine did not happen during the planning of a protest, but during an actual protest itself. the protest would have ended badly whether or not grantaire failed in his task, and any of the amis (even enjolras) would have failed at this task. enjolras knew this when he sent grantaire to do it, and sent him anyway. grantaire was also minorly injured in his attempt at the task, and enjolras may have actually felt guilty about this, except that grantaire got drunk after he "failed" at the task at the barriere du maine, and that pissed enjolras off. and what pissed enjolras off more was that he knew he was being unfair to grantaire, but he didn't understand why. he could not figure out why grantaire got under his skin in such a particular way, or why he treated grantaire so poorly in comparison to how he treated the others.

every time i go to answer an ask i swear to myself that i'm going to keep it short and then i never do 😭 no wonder deep end is like 3 billion words long. on my victor hugo slay i guess! thank you for asking 🫂🫂🫂