#anyway brain soup has me in a hyper focus on uh very. very dark things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

flowercrowngods · 1 year ago

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(cw: suicidal ideation & dissociation in time travel au steve, snippet from chapter 9)

It’s only been a week and he sort of wants to die. For the first time in his life that thought is there, boring into him with sudden clarity. He blinks it away, terrified and nauseous, a pit opening in his stomach at this realisation. He shoves it to the side, choosing to ignore it (Like everything else, then? Robin calls him out, and Steve blinks her away, too), instead focusing on the entrance hall and double doors that have appeared in front of him. He’s pretty sure they’re real, but there is still doubt, still uncertainty, still fear that he is losing it. That he is losing. He takes shaking steps towards them even as his body continues to feel further and further away from him.

#how ironic that the national's got my back (don't you understand? your mind is not your friend again)#anyway i'm just rambling to get these thoughts out of my head and i hope they get hidden under the 'show more tags'#but uh #i made time travel au steve lowkey suicidal and i think it's biting me in the ass. i think it's triggering me at intense levels #but it makes sense to me #and maybe that's part of the problem #suicide tw #uh how do i tag this to keep y'all safe #i hope this is enough #anyway brain soup has me in a hyper focus on uh very. very dark things #and this just occurred to me. and maybe this is the reason or part of it. and i know i dont have to keep writing but that's not the point #because of course he wants to die. of course he doesn't want to keep going. not like this. it makes sense. but god.#if you ever wonder why the chapters are so far apart then the reason for that is that i try not to lose myself in between the lines

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