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aro-is-gay-af · 4 years ago

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The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 3

I reckon, that if you’re reading Part 3, then you know two previous ones. In case you didn’t read them yet: Part 1 | Part 2

Thank you for all warm words and praise! It means world to me.

I also love this series, folks! I need to admit, I did get addicted to it a little, so I thought it’d be great to set updates schedule. It won’t be precise, but you can expect another part roughly in two weeks time from now.

As per usual, sorry for any confusion and grammatical mistakes.

Warnings: Rape (mentioned), Depression, PTSD, Forced Pregnancy, Blood

Word count: 6200

No summary this time. Also, this one has very sweet parts in it!!!

ENJOY!

The next day, you had your appointment with the doctor. A doctor was apparently a woman and you were sure the kings were paying her something extra for the visit to be immediate. Unfortunately, she didn’t know any English, as she was a local gynaecologist. Your mates didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, so before the visit, Aro asked you, who you’d like to be the translator for you.

The ideal situation would be a woman, but you didn’t trust anyone in the castle, except the kings. For this reason, your first shot was Aro, as he had already seen your memories. There was nothing that would shock him, you also didn’t need to hide anything from him and you knew, he was the best at dealing with others. You figured it’d be an ideal solution and you had to admit to yourself that you simply wanted him to accompany you.

The whole visit took place in your room, which meant a lot of carrying the necessary equipment, but more mental comfort for you. In those two days, you managed to get quite settled in and didn't want to leave the castle. You felt safe and secured in your suite. Kings seemed to notice that, as it was Marcus, who proposed, it would be a great idea to have an appointment without the need of leaving your room.

While you both were waiting for the doctor to come, it was the first time you had seen Aro with brown eyes. He looked really out of place. You shared this thought with him, by saying you prefer when his eyes are normal. That’s what it took. Two days, to consider red eyes normal. As usual, he was polite and revealed to you that he also hated the colour, let alone the lenses.

When the doctor finally arrived, you were already a nervous wreck. Aro tried to distract you, asking questions mainly about your house in Forks and whether you had already spoken to Bella about family heirlooms. He succeeded for a while, but it couldn't last forever, could it?

The lady was extremely kind and gentle. The truth was, it was hard to hide how stressed you were about this visit. You didn't want anyone to touch you, not when you weren't ready, and this time you definitely weren't. Despite the doctor's initial efforts, you were unable to shake her hand in greeting. She only smiled sadly, as if understanding perfectly what you were going through. Aro assured you beforehand, for he had not told her anything and only if you wanted to, you should share your trauma with her.

The doctor, seeing your nervousness, decided that you should talk first. While she asked you questions, you noticed that she chose her words carefully and only then did you realise that she was also stressed, but in her case it was probably Aro's presence that made her uncomfortable. Although Aro tried not to impose his presence on her, you understood why it might overwhelm the doctor. You felt confident being in the same room with Aro, while she probably sensed danger, even if she could not rationally explain it to herself. You promised yourself that you would try to learn at least the basics of Italian before the next visit.

She needed to ask you about exactly everything since, unfortunately, you didn't have any medical records with you - neither from the obduction, nor from the subsequent visit to the doctor, where you confirmed the pregnancy. You made a mental note to tell Bella about it, so she could send your documents, along with the things she was supposed to take from your house.

Aro was great in his translator role. Of course, you were still looking at the doctor, while answering the questions, but Aro’s voice, at least, soothed your shattered nerves just a little bit. When the questions started to get more complicated or more intimate, Aro used such words as to not make you feel uncomfortable, while still conveying the meaning. The more difficult part started, when you had to describe the situation from the hospital and how long it took for the bleeding to stop. Every word seemed linked to a particular image or smell from that night, until finally, you were unable to say anything at all.

The doctor was very understanding, probably having already guessed what exactly was your weird behaviour all about. You didn't say anything directly, you only described the situation from the hospital and then told her the details of this strange bleeding after the rape. Mainly because the doctor was very concerned about it. She explained to you that it was definitely not normal, even if you had wounds inside.

The worst part, however, was the examination. You didn't even want to think about whether you would have to undress, but it turned out to be unnecessary. The doctor had a great intuition, even if she herself was under a bit of stress. You told her that, indeed, you had been to the check-up before and that was how you found out you were pregnant. And that the doctor then checked if all the wounds had healed. The lady didn’t discuss the issue, for which you were very grateful.

After the interview, the doctor told you to lie down on the bed and only pull your blouse up, high enough for your belly to be visible. You didn't feel comfortable with this, but you preferred this way to undressing from the waist down. This was the first time you didn't feel comfortable lying on that bed. You knew that once the visit was over, everything would return to normal, but it wasn’t meant to become a memory you would return to with pleasure.

As it turned out, your first trimester was long over. The pregnancy was about 14 weeks old and that would explain the slight curving of your belly. Before the appointment, you were not sure if you would even look at the monitor to see the baby, but you did. You could not deny yourself this. The room fell silent and you could not tell what you were feeling.

The doctor pulled out some kind of a strange device and after a moment, you could hear the baby's heart. You glanced in the direction of Aro, who was obviously alarmed by your face. You grimaced, too overwhelmed to say anything to him. Up until this point, you were sure that the decision, if you should terminate the pregnancy or not, would be fairly easy. Now, you were certain that nothing in your life could be simple enough.

Over the next few weeks, your day usually looked the same or similar, yet you managed to do something completely different every day. You were glad you had so much to do, because you didn't have time to think about what had happened. You didn't want to analyse it over and over again. The kings respected your choice - unless you yourself mentioned the traumatic events, not a single insinuation or implication about it fell from their lips.

Your days were filled with various activities. Every day you spent at least some time with each king in private - you knew you needed this to create and strengthen your bond. To keep you from being inundated with information, you learned something new from each of them about vampires and their lifestyle. After all, it was supposed to become your lifestyle in the nearest future. You discovered that thinking about your transformation caused you far less anxiety, than any memory associated with rape. Even after you learned that it more or less consisted of burning alive for a few days.

During your time with the kings, you tried not to show the insecurity you had acquired about your body, and yet, you were sure they knew anyway. However, the time spent with them was what you treasured most. With each of them you did something different, as you wanted to know what they like to do in their free time. Marcus, as he had promised on the first day, taught you Italian for two hours every day. It was not easy, but after a few weeks of intensive course and communicating in broken Italian, not only with Marcus, but also with the other two, you were able to maintain basic conversation.

Marcus was a great teacher, but that wasn’t the only reason why you loved spending time with him. He was the one who had the most time for you - he wasn't as busy as Aro or Caius, and besides, he had countless amounts of patience. He wasn't tired of your constant questions, not only about vampirism, but also about his past. You would often sit for hours in the library or in the gardens, which, by the way, were breathtaking. You both loved books and your only regret was that you weren't able to read most of their vast collection. Marcus assured you, you would have all eternity to do so. You could talk with him endlessly, as these conversations were truly effortless – even the most difficult topics seemed simple and uncomplicated.

You were surprised to learn about a gift of his. Your human mind was unable to comprehend it in the full sense of the word. Mostly because of this, he was the one to explain to you, what your bond even was and how exactly it worked. You have learned that after your transformation, you will feel the bond even more strongly. It is not often that one person has as many as three matches and is able to feel the bond while being human. Marcus explained to you that for now, both your mind and body are only subconsciously sensing the presence of the mates, as it’s impossible for human senses to do anything else.

It was so remarkable to you that you discussed it for hours. You also learned that the bond can be broken, as it is not forced in any way. However, this would be emotionally painful and very few vampires would choose to take such a desperate step.

One afternoon you were spending time in the garden again. You loved being outdoors, but for your own safety you did not go outside the castle grounds. Together, you decided that it would be safer to do only after your transformation. Besides, you didn't want to go anywhere. You were safe under the watchful eye of your mates and Renata, who, apart from the time spent with the kings and in your room, followed you in a constant manner.

The gardens were gorgeous and you wondered, who was taking care of all those magnificent flowers. You were strongly convinced that this was exactly what Eden might have looked like. You and Marcus had your favourite bench. You spent a lot of time outside, especially on sunny days. When you first found out why sitting in the sun might be a problem, you couldn't take your eyes off Marcus. He shimmered brilliantly, but your eyesight couldn't stand it for too long, because of the blinding effect. The gardens, however, were fenced off and inaccessible to the common passer-by, so you were safe to stay, as long as you wanted to.

“I asked Aro recently, if vampires can be killed in some way,” you began cautiously, not wanting to scare him away from this conversation. No one had talked to you about it, however, it still crossed your mind what state Marcus was in when you first saw him. You were willing to swear you looked exactly the same after your mother died. Now, knowing what all the mating bond was about, you were convinced that Marcus had lost someone dear to his heart.

As per usual, he smiled gently at you.

“I'm sure his answer was sufficient, my dear. What are you aiming at?” he asked, looking at you obliquely.

You took his hand in yours. With Marcus, physical contact was as easy as a conversation. He, however, never initiated any touch. He waited for you, just like he was waiting now, to reach for his hand or gently grasp his arm. The only movement he allowed himself was to stroke your hair every now and then, but only when he was absolutely sure you were willing.

“I wanted to ask what happens to the bond, when the vampire…is no longer here,” you said bluntly, not taking your eyes off him. Your understanding was unique. Marcus was gentle in manner, patient and extremely caring towards you. In no way did you want to ruin, what you had built over those few weeks.

His smile turned into one of the saddest you've seen on his face. By the time he answered, you regretted asking at all. You didn't want to cause him pain. You squeezed his fingers in your palm.

“Until you came to Volterra, I was sure that a vampire could only experience this special, unique bond once in a lifetime. I did experience it, yet this story does not have a happy ending,” he said, with utmost sadness in his voice.

Your heart ached, as you watched his suffering and grief. You had asked the question unnecessarily, but now there was no turning back. You continued to stroke his fingers, holding his hand securely in yours.

“When one of the vampires connected by mating bond dies, it does not mean that the bond disappears. It exists, but only on one side. It cannot be cherished, it cannot be repaired in any way. It isn’t reciprocated. What remains are the memories, and they are the only reminder of what the bond really meant, when it existed,” he explained in a distressed voice, slowly and carefully.

Holding his hand, you laid your head on his shoulder and sighed heavily.

“I'm so sorry this happened to you,” you whispered after a moment, feeling tears stinging under your eyelids. Even now, you couldn't imagine losing any of them and you couldn't possibly envision the amount of pain Marcus had gone through.

He embraced you carefully and gently hugged you to his side.

"Don't fret over it, cara. I've made my peace with it. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten. I still miss her, after all these years," he said with longing in his voice, stroking your shoulder gently.

After a long moment of silence, you were in a genuinely poor condition. Tears dripped down your cheeks and your breathing quickened. Not only because of the pain Marcus must have gone through, but also because of your own yearning. You had come to terms with the death of your parents, but you missed them so much. You wanted to have them at least a little longer. Now, standing on the verge of immortality, you wished you had spent more time with them.

Marcus placed a kiss on your hair.

“Sob it out, dear. Nothing helps the soul more than honest tears,” he whispered, and you were ashamed, because you should be the one providing comfort for him. However, the memories were too fresh and you couldn't hold it back.

Once you had calmed down a bit, he handed you a handkerchief to wipe away your tears.

“I wish I could change my memories. Even if it was only for a brief moment to be able to forget that I will never see them again. To be able to forget what this…this monster did to me,” you whispered, snuggling tighter into his shoulder.

You heard his sigh and his embrace around your shoulder tightened.

“You have been terribly abused, cara. No one deserves such a fate. The most important thing now, is to get on with life. Our loved ones would not want us to dwell on their deaths,” he said, as wise and thoughtful, as ever. The hatred towards your abuser was palpable in Marcus’s voice.

“You are so good to me. I don't deserve this,” you whispered after a while, your voice swollen with emotion. He only smiled indulgently.

“You deserve the very best, dear. I've already lost one mate. I won't let anyone hurt you.”

“I’m sure she would be proud of you,” you said with compassion, after another moment of silence.

“I’m not quite certain about that,” he said, placing another kiss on the top of your head.

But you were sure. You were also sure, you would do anything to prevent Marcus from experiencing something like this again. You knew all too well the taste of grief.

You truly had little time to think about the rape and pregnancy at all. If you weren’t with Marcus, it was Caius who loved to kidnap you, so he could spent some private time with you. Caius was the complete opposite of Marcus – absolute chaos, you could say. You had no idea how the brothers even got along. You had already noticed that Marcus rarely spoke, while Caius was rather impulsive and liked to discuss things in detail. However, until you started spending time alone, you had no idea what he was really passionate about.

It turned out that his greatest passion was art. He would show you countless paintings he himself had painted throughout the centuries. He could talk for hours about types of paint and how to mix colours properly. Although you were not very good at painting, you tried to learn a little with Caius’ help. When he was alone with you, he was still abrupt and impulsive, but in a charming way. He never imposed himself on you and you discovered that annoying him was really great fun. So banter and frequent teasing were the order of the day.

You often spent afternoons and evenings with Caius. He taught you how to paint, but not only. Art history was his passion and you loved to listen to him tell stories. His voice was mesmerising and hypnotic. He also eagerly answered all your questions about vampire race. You listened about the horrible children of the moon and how Caius singlehandedly had almost slaughtered them all. He warned you that after the transformation you would be violent and impulsive, that you would have nothing on your mind but to satisfy your thirst. This frightened you slightly, but at times when things got weird or dangerous, Caius assured you that you would always have full support of your mates. You never doubted that. You knew they would help you to grow accustomed to your new life.

Caius loved every variety of art you could name. When he asked you for permission to sculpt you, you were so surprised that you made a strange sound. He said that, of course, he wasn't going to overstep your boundaries and you yourself would choose some beautiful casual attire, so he could portray your beauty in sculpture. All you had to do was dress once as he asked and stand in the right pose. He remembered every detail of your posture, including your facial expressions. Often, he would sculpt you, while you would talk about insignificant things also learning how to sculpt...well, things that didn't resemble anything. Yet, you wanted to be as good as he was.

You were in your nineteenth week, when he invited you for a long painting session. His studio was huge and consisted of nothing but breathtaking works of art. You were decorating some random sculpture that you had never seen before. Caius also loved contemporary art, so you could go wild. Taking classes with him was better, than any therapy. You could smear paint on everything - the canvas, the sculptures, yourself, and even him, because he was usually in a good mood and you could enjoy it. He never showed you even a trace of anger, and you, fooling around with him like that, were genuinely pleased and happy.

When you finished, the room looked rather bad, not to mention the clothes or your hair. Caius would never have appeared that way to the guards, let alone on trial, but with you it was different.

“I wanted to show you something,” he said, wiping the paint off your cheek.

You took his hand. Caius, like Marcus, did not invade your personal zone, unless you specifically gave permission. However, carnality and touch were important to him, and so, once you were more comfortable in his presence, he liked to show you affection by stroking your cheek or your back, and intertwining his fingers with yours, when you held hands. You didn't mind his cold skin – by now you were accustomed to it, as three of them had similar body temperature. You were the hottest here. Literally.

You walked slowly to another room.

“I didn't tell you, but I finished craving” he said, and you could hear the excitement in his voice. You smiled at him. That was the main reason why you had agreed to have yourself sculpted in the first place. You wanted to get close to him on a level, which was inaccessible to do in any other way.

“Before you show me, will you tell me as to where you even got the idea of carving me?” you asked, amused. Caius was much taller than you, you had to slightly lift your head to look him straight in the eye.

At first, he smiled archly, but immediately his smile softened. He pulled at the material that covered the sculpture, so that it fell to the floor. You were simply speechless. The woman, who stood opposite to you was over four metres tall. The sculpture was made of marble and the woman looked, as if she was an actual person. There was something elusive about her. Her face, thoughtful yet serene, her hair flowing freely over her shoulders onto her back. She was clad in a fine fabric that flowed in waves down to her bare feet. She looked nothing like you and yet, you two looked exactly alike.

You had no idea that you started crying. The woman was beautiful. You could feel the power and dignity emanating from her, and on the other hand, she seemed to you as if... fragile and ephemeral. Caius had captured in this sculpture all the feelings you had been feeling, without even knowing it.

You felt his hand on your cheek, his fingers gently wiping away your tears along with some paint, which remained on your face.

“I thought I would like you to see yourself through my eyes. Exactly as I see you – without a single flaw, yet with all your imperfections. I don't want you to be unable to look at yourself, because of what this animal did to you. I don't see it. I only see you, [Y/N]. The real you. Beautiful and fragile, yet powerful, without inhibitions or scruples. Capable of anything.”

The words were trapped in your throat. You wanted to say something, but you were sure, that as soon as you were going to open your mouth, uncontrollable sob would come out. You looked first at Caius, then at the woman carved in marble, then back at Caius. He only smiled gently.

“Who we are – we decide that ourselves. No one else does. To me, you are beautiful. Pure. Never think otherwise, dolcezza.”

Without warning, you hugged him so hard, that it hurt. You forgot that his skin was different from yours. He embraced you without hesitation, even though you were all covered in paint. You wept, cuddling into his chest, as he soothingly stroked your hair and back.

Once you had slightly calmed down, you looked up at him. His blond hair looked like a halo over his head. He amazed you in every sense of the word.

“Thank you. Thank you for letting me see this,” you whispered poignantly, and then went straight back to hugging him.

“There's nothing to thank you for, my lovely [Y/N]. I would like you to accept yourself as you are. Because you are truly magnificent.”

The only person you talked straightforward about pregnancy was Aro. Was it because of his gift? Most likely, and you simply felt you could trust him. From the moment you first found yourself in his arms, the bond between you two only strengthened. Also, a memorable visit from the doctor was also significant, and then, together with him, you went through the documents that Bella had sent you. To say he was furious, was an understatement. Yes, Aro saw your memories, but the reports were written from a third-person perspective. And the other evening was really awful – you couldn't stop crying because you couldn't block out the flow of memories.

You were close with each other; close enough for you to try to overcome your insecurities, to talk about how you really felt about this whole situation you found yourself in. It was far from easy, but Aro was a really patient specimen. In the course of these talks, you discussed practically everything. You knew that every scenario had to be worked out and discussed, because there were many different options of the outcome.

Despite many conversations, you were still unsure about keeping the baby. You didn't know if you wanted to, if you would be able to raise it and then tell it that it would forcibly have to become a vampire. After the doctor's appointment, things did not get any easier for you. You heard the heart and knew that the child was not to blame for its father’s actions. You were raped, but this child had nothing to do with it.

So you waited. You waited for a miracle to decide for you or for the baby to move when you were thinking of having it removed. It’d be a sign not to do it. However, nothing of the sort was happening and fate was not deciding for you. Aro convinced you that, even if you decided to have an abortion, there was nothing wrong about it. No one would blame you for it. The only person to blame here, was the monster who raped you.

You hadn't decided what you would do about the pregnancy, but you and Aro knew what would happen, if something went wrong. For your mates, it was your health and life that came first. Aro assured you of that a thousand times over. Because of this, if anything went wrong with the birth or if there were any complications, you were to be changed immediately. Also because of this, Aro talked to you about all aspects of your transformation. He was the one who introduced you to what transformation actually looks like. He didn't scare you with the pain you were about to go through, but only gave you the facts. Facts that you needed to know.

When you weren't talking about such serious matters, Aro also loved to spend time talking to you, but about different topics. He seemed to know all your thoughts, but you were still able to surprise him. He explained to you, that the human mind was more disordered and chaotic, than vampire one and that he certainly didn't see everything. Your brain chose the memories, often associated with strong feelings and emotions, which were meant to be remembered. You were joyful about this, because you could talk endlessly and he kept finding out something new about you. And you kept finding something new about him. You knew from the first moment that he was extraordinary, and the more you talked, the more you became certain about it.

Besides, Aro adored dancing. You were not convinced about this form of activity, but it was the intimacy of this act that convinced you. In his arms, no one was able to hurt you. You felt safe and, after many attempts, quite confident in your movements. He literally beamed, being able to teach you to dance and to be so close to you. You found nothing in his eyes but the infinite adoration he had for you. When you found out the reason behind this, your heart almost broke with sorrow and compassion.

“I must confess something to you, cara mia,” he whispered, holding you securely in his arms. It was evening, you had long since been prepared for sleep. He found your long nightgown to his liking, when he came to check how you were doing and if you needed anything. You rested your head on his shoulder. There was no music, he was the one giving the rhythm to your movements, yet it was the most wonderful dance you had yet had the chance to dance with him.

“Do tell, please,” you said, trying not to lose the rhythm. You were tired, as throughout the day you sorted through the things Bella sent you from Forks. In addition, you worked with Marcus to sell your house, because you were, after all, a little concerned about what hands your family home would pass into.

“I have been bound over the centuries to both men and women. My ex-wife, Sulpicia, whom you know and, to the best of my knowledge, whom I permitted to leave, was my faithful companion, basically from the beginning of my immortality. However, until now, I did not know what it meant to have a true mate.”

He tilted you gently, wishing to look into your eyes. You continued to sway to a non-existent rhythm, completely oblivious to your surroundings. You furrowed your brows.

“Are you serious?” you asked in a whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. The light emanating from the candles, illuminated half of his face. He smiled, and you were unable to take your eyes off his red irises.

“Yes, my dear. I have waited over three thousand years for you. I must tell you, that I could wait another three millennia, only to see your beautiful face,” he said affectionately, holding you tighter against him to stroke your flushed cheek with his fingers.

Your eyes welled up with tears and he slowly bent down and kissed your forehead.

“That's enough for today, cara mia. You must rest well. Caius has something planned for tomorrow, but he didn't want to reveal what, under any circumstances,” he said amused, giggling under his breath. You loved when Aro was in a good mood, because then you were in a good mood too. Before he walked you to bed, he wiped away your tear. You squeezed his hand in yours, then climbed onto the bed. He covered you carefully with a duvet and stroked your hair.

“I'm glad I came here,” you whispered, looking into his eyes. “I never want to leave you,” you said with force. He smiled softly at you and stroked your hair once more.

“We will always be by your side, [Y/N]. Good night, cara.”

His voice so soft and tuneful that as soon as he snuffed out the candles, you drifted off to sleep in an instant.

Apart from the fact that almost everything was going great and your mental state was in constant improvement, your relationship with Bella had severely worsened. In the beginning you talked every evening. She still couldn't understand why you were selling the house and why you wouldn't, at least, want to visit Forks. After a while, you got fed up with explaining it to her. There were an awful lot of things she wasn't happy about and she didn't hide it. She kept criticising the Volturi without knowing them and having no idea, what they were actually doing.

You loved her like a sister, but because of that, she could annoy you exactly like one. Because of her pinching remarks and your lack of patience, you called each other less and less. You didn't want to keep getting annoyed and you were tired of explaining things to her. Besides, you didn't like that she didn't say a single good word about your mates. You at least tried to accept Edward. Suddenly, what he did to her was all forgotten and you couldn't understand it. You didn't know, what was happening to your sister and your stay in Italy didn’t exactly make things better. You still hoped that once you saw each other after the transformation, you would be able to explain it all to one another. You didn't want to lose Bella, the last person you considered family.

So you talked less and less or not at all, and when you did, you avoided difficult and sensitive topics. It was not like with Bella at all and it made you anxious. You were at ease with each other, almost always, and you didn’t get why she was so bitter and hateful towards your knew, chosen life. Especially, because partially your presence right then, in the trial chamber, was the reason for her to be alive at all.

Shortly after Caius presented you with your sculpted self, you were to spend the whole day together, the four of you. These were the days you loved the most. Although you cherished the time spent with each of your mates separately, the presence of all three put you in an ecstatic mood. You usually spent your afternoons like this – there were still a lot of things to do and solve, and a lot of trials to carry out.

Being in Volterra for so long, you learned a lot about the existing laws and how to enforce them. You knew that kings were not flawless, but it was logical to you that keeping the entire vampire world in line, required some sacrifices. Some greater than the other ones.

You usually sat down in the study, where you had ended the very first day, at a round table. You listened to the discussions and arguments, but also just spent time with your mates. You often sat on Aro's lap or tried to calm Caius down, when he became too agitated.

You were extremely excited since the morning, because they promised you a whole day outside. It wasn't often that all three of them wanted to spend time with you in the gardens, so you couldn't restrain your exhilaration. However, there were also days, or rather moments, when, under any circumstances, you could not leave your room. Such a moment was to occur today, after breakfast. You slept for a long time, almost until eleven o'clock. When you ate your breakfast, it was Renata who informed you that it was time to eat. Of course, you knew what it was about.

The only situation, in which you could not leave your chamber, was at lunchtime. Not yours, though, but the lunchtime of all the vampires, who inhabited the castle. For your own safety, usually for about two hours, you were not to leave and to occupy yourself with whatever you wanted. The only two hours, in which Renata or anyone else was not around you. Not many people knew about your stay in the castle and because of this, the kings decided that Renata should eat with the rest of the company.

You did not consider it strange in the slightest. Of course, you tried not to think about the fact that people would die, but you knew that they were chosen at random. Which meant that they could just as well have been run over by a car or they could have died in a fire. You did not think about it. You were just enjoying your two hours of freedom. Sometimes you sunbathed on the balcony, prepared your outfit or just played on the computer. These were little things that still reminded you of being human.

This week, when Renata told you that she would be gone for a while, you were already enjoying a long soak in the bathtub. The home spa was one of the favourite things you and your mum liked to do together. You poured hot water into the tub, applied a mask that you had prepared yourself with a few ingredients and relaxed.

Since you had no idea when, you were no longer afraid to look in the mirror. Sure, your body shape was far from ideal, but at least you weren’t terrified to look. You weren’t terrified to acknowledge that, yes, your body was raped, but you were recovering from it. And that you started to think that your body didn’t cause any of this.

After some time you spent in the bathtub, you felt a little dizzy. It wasn’t exactly a good sign, so you figured it’d be wise to get out of the tub. When you rinsed yourself off with clean water, you stood up, and that was the moment of terror. The room immediately started spinning, like you were on roundabout for the last forty minutes. You felt nauseous, but there was nothing near you to which you could cling to. You managed to step out of the tub, on the marble step, and then you felt it. Pain, excruciating pain, suffocation. Streams of blood went down your legs and before you fell onto the ground, you could only see white marble floor all covered in sanguineous blood.

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nobody-knose--archive · 4 years ago

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i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

#lemon demon #spirit phone #pretty sure this is my first bit of spirit phone content on my blog. hi greater lem dem fandom nice to see y'all. go listen to deporitaz #loolin liveblogs #i enjoyed this less for the content the commentary contained & more for the way i handled it. more pleasant than some times ive had #tis i #i havent listened to spirit phone in general in ages. i know why. so this was nice #to the world and back again

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benhaardy · 6 years ago

Text

constellation || b.m.

(what a man ^)

REQUEST: Hello! Could u do a college!bri with reader in which she’s like majoring in something completely different than Bri but they have a mutual friend (could be Roger) and Bri is so infatuated with her because her major is more like arts and stuff and idk lots of fluff?

A/N: eeeeee i loved writing this smmmmm i really hope yall like it even though it’s prettttttyyy specific tbh lol but if you don’t like arts or whatever bri is still a cute lil loverboy in this just imagine him but with your own work? writing or music wise or anything else really. i hope you enjoy cause i lovvvveed writing this. absolutely loved it. i use that phrase too much. anyway, i just really really liked this one it took me like two whole days to do it lol sorry that took awhile and to people w other requests i got u im still workingg on yalls.

requests are clooooseeed at the moment and i am currently working on the ones i have. you can still send them in but they will not be done/started until i am finished with this batch.

the “rings” / “halos” mentioned aren’t like an angel halo w the circle floating above. its like the paintings that depict the virgin mary? i’ll link a pic right here.

as always, tried to make this as neutral as possible for the reader, but it is fem!reader. there might be something pertaining to height…? but i doubt its anything substantial lol shoutout to y’all tall peeps.

this can be read as normal queen or borhap!queen.

happy new years folks! hope y’all enjoyed yours as i have enjoyed mine. hope you enjoy this fic like i did too lol :p thanks for sending this request in!

Wordcount: 2.4k

Warnings: one fuck word. fem!reader. p fluffy. was beta’d halfway, but proofread. APOLOGIES i don’t know much about space or the sky or stars… all info i got about constellations were from this website (lifesaver lol i really hope its accurate). i’m writing this at 4 am, all worth it lol i looooved this story. anywhere here’s constellation *pulls out guitar*

You stepped back to observe the basic outline that you drew on the canvas. It was a shell of what you wanted to actually paint, currently, but in a few hours, it would be quite the opposite. You moved the easel and canvas around so it wouldn’t be against the light of the large panels of glass surrounding you in what was supposed to be a breakfast nook which you had converted into your art “room”.

You were ready.

You took a deep breath and went to grab an old shirt that you could put on before painting. Going through the kitchen, then the foyer, then the stairs, you went straight to Roger’s room, a place where you could find a crappy ripped, and possibly faintly sweat-scented top to throw on. Your favourite flatmate wouldn’t mind, now would he?

You rummaged through his drawers, careful not to make a mess of his nice shirts or the ones he wore to gigs. Finally, you found an old Hendrix t-shirt that was already splattered with paint. Perfect. You took off your shirt, threw on the new one and put the old top in the laundry.

As you went down the stairs, you heard a noise that sounded like it came from the kitchen. It was probably one of the dogs messing around with your canvases. Quickly, you jogged towards your art room, where a familiar blonde boy was crouching down, viewing the propped up half-finished painting that was drying. There was a tall, curly-maned man shuffling through your masonites.

“Uhh…hello?” You said, confused. Who was this? Obviously, there was Roger, but he hadn’t brought anybody home except for the occasional girl. Rog stood up from his place and the other man had turned around to look at you, sheepish.

Your best friend came around the easel to hug you around your neck, a cigarette in his fingers and your arms around his waist. “Hello, love,” he said. He let go and moved to face the new guy watching both of you. “Y/N, Brian. Brian, Y/N. Brian, this is my closest friend and she loves painting. Y/N, I’m in his band now! Smile!”

You exclaimed, “Oh my god, Rog! That’s amazing!” You were glad his endless practice and jam sessions were working out. Roger was back to looking at your other paintings. Now, you faced Brian. “Hey, Brian. What do you play?” you noticed his hand still on the hardboards. “What were you looking for?” you questioned.

“Oh, sorry.” Brian took his hand off the boards. “I play the guitar.” You made a mental note of that. “I just noticed this one up on the front here… Is this Rog?” He pointed to the first board, which was a painting of Roger from the shoulders up. He had a halo of fire surrounding his head in a circle and he was looking up above. The background was of the night sky, the constellations Leo, Phoenix, Lynx, Hercules, Draco, Vulpecula, and Auriga around him, multitudes of small stars smattered in the blank spaces.

“Yeah, it is. It’s part of a new series I’m doing. It’s my friends and constellations that relate to them. I saw the stars in a book and I thought it looked great so, yeah. It’s fine if you want to take a look.”

Roger was shuffling through who-knows-what when he added, ”Bri majors in physics and all that—the stars.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve always been interested in space and such but my passion has always been in the arts. I major in fine arts.”

Bri smiled and nodded, still examining the painting of Rog and tracing the constellations. “This is gorgeous,” he whispered to himself as you were distracted by Rog giving his input on one of your other paintings.

You positioned yourself in front of your easel once more, the boys off to the living room to practice with each other. You primed your canvas, mixed your colours, and set out your brushes. A picture of your subject was taped up on the canvas holder of your easel and the book of constellations was set up on the table next to you. Roger and Brian’s session was great background music for your painting time. You found yourself tapping your foot to the beat.

A few hours later, your painting was done. It was modelled after one of your classmates in your European History class. You stood back and put your hands on your hips. You painted her from the side, sitting on her calves. She wasn’t wearing anything, her chest only covered by a wave of water that led up to another halo surrounding her head. She was looking down at her hands, clasped in her lap with the constellations and stars above her. Her curly, caramel brown hair was splayed out behind her and upon her shoulders, droplets of water among them. You were quite pleased with your first (somewhat) nude where you captured the curves of her body true to what she looked like.

You heard Roger and Brian finish up their set and go into the kitchen. The fridge door and cupboard opened and closed. They walked into your space, Roger with a towel around his neck and Brian a little more disheveled than before. Brian’s top buttons were undone, exposing two necklaces. “Hm,” you thought as you watched him drink from his glass of water standing in the doorway, “Hmmmmmmmmmm.”

Your best friend went around and looked at your artwork. “Damn, who is that?” Roger asked, clearly interested in who your painting was of. He took a sip of water.

You took the picture off the easel and replied, ”None of your concern, Rog.” You shook your head, snickering along with Brian.

Brian walked to your other side and viewed your painting himself. You looked for his opinion on his face. “Wow, Y/N,” he mumbled, “Aquarius, Cassiopeia, and Eridanus are they?

“Correct.”

“This is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. The way she looks, so sensual yet innocent. Wow, Y/N. This is great,” he said quietly.

“Thank you, Brian. That means everything.” Brian smiled at you, bashful.

A new friend (and basically, new flatmate) was made that day.

A few months had passed. Smile had been doing great. Roger, Brian, and you were close as ever. Often, you went to their practices and sketched your surroundings, often Roger drumming or Tim singing. You loved seeing Brian’s vibrant smiles but him still paying careful attention to his playing. You would sit at the bar and sketch, or do homework, or just drink. Roger’s cheeky grin and Brian’s reserved but bright twinkle were always there for you up on that stage.

You were at the park with Bri at his invitation while Rog was off with his girl and Tim was somewhere doing something else. He met you with a blanket, his physics textbook, and a few writing utensils and you met him armed with a sketchbook and a bunch of pencils. It was a sunny, British summer day. You greeted each other and found a tree to sit under. Brian spread out the blanket for both of you and you sat down.

Much of your days with him weren’t always so silent. You had helped each other study often. He was often at your side when he was done practicing with Rog, the adrenaline that coursed through him making him seem like a child, a contrast to the calmness of your art process. After shows, he would be so talkative, willing to speak for a long time about anything and everything. You two would frequently be the only two left at the bar after a gig, Roger giving you his customary sly smile behind Bri’s shoulder as you conversed into the late hours.

He loved hearing of your endeavours in art and your classes and never failed to ask to see the new drawings of the new. Usually, you were shy to show other people what you had made but you just had this openness around him. You knew if he had any judgments he would say them in a constructive manner but he never seemed to put too much attention on your mistakes, rather being a “fix it and move on” type of person.

You liked him a lot, really. It didn’t help at all that he was intelligent and attractive and helpful and just a great guy all aro— never mind. Check off all of the boxes for “things you want in a man”. You tried not to pay attention to it too much.

Both of you were off to your own devices, buried in your work. A slight breeze came about, feeling wonderful against your skin. You looked back at Bri sitting against the tree, the wind shifting his hair and his book in his lap. You went back to your own thing.

“Y/N?” Brian spoke up after a while.

“Yeah?” You replied back, still focused on your drawing.

“Could I watch you draw? If that’s alright with you. You pick out the perfect colours and compositions and everything. It’s fascinating. Everything just comes together exemplary.” He spread his hands out at “exemplary.”

“Of course, Bri,” you said, flattered. “Of course.”

Bri moved closer to you, pretty much right behind your shoulder. You flipped to a new page in your book and set to work. He watched your pencil as it flew across the paper, depicting a sleeping dog with a couple that was sitting the next tree over. You could feel his eyes settle upon your face momentarily, heat rising up to your cheeks.

“You know, Y/N. You make a pretty funny face when you’re drawing,” he laughed. Brian played with a piece of grass absentmindedly but still paid attention to your drawings and now your eyes.

“Oh yeah, Bri? What’s that face you’re speaking of?” You took a look at him. He pursed his lips and pushed them out to the left; he drew his eyebrows together and pretended to draw in thin air. You giggled together at his silly (albeit, quite realistic) impression of you.

“To be fair, you have one too, when you’re playing,” you teased.

“How so?” Bri acted like he was offended.

“Well, I can’t really do it and nor is it as severe as mine… but when you play, it’s as if nothing else in the world matters to you but in a good way. It’s like, ‘Who cares about uni? Who cares about anything else?’ You kind of just look like it’s you and your guitar against the world, right? It’s quite nice, watching you play,” you said, voice getting quieter as you continued.

“It is true. Us against the world.”

Two weeks had passed. Rog went out with his girlfriend after a session with Bri so you were left alone with the guitarist. He was in the living room making up his own compositions and writing songs like he normally does while you stayed in your little studio. A little lamp was clamped to the table next to your easel so you could have a soft light on your canvas. You painted until Brian came in, standing at the threshold.

“Hello, love,” you said gently. You set down your brush and stretched.

“Hi, babe,” he replied back, advancing forward.

You remembered what you were going to show him and in a split second, you practically screamed, “No, Bri, wait!” He put his hands up and froze in his spot. “Just stay there, okay? Close your eyes.” The guitarist lowered his hands and obeyed.

You quickly moved to take the painting on your easel and prop it against the wall alongside the other drying ones. You looked through the finished paintings and came across the one you were looking for. After grabbing it, you set it up once more. The finished product after hours of work was finally on display. You came back around Brian and guided his towering self to your normal space in front of your painting spot. “Open your eyes.” He did.

You both looked at the piece of artwork in front of you. There was a large smile on his painting self’s face and his eyes were closed. His head was tilted back, up at the stars surrounding him. Bri’s curls were framing his face, small stars speckled throughout them. A ring of water was around his head. “Cancer, Circinus, Leo Minor, Lyra. Pyxis, Telescopium, Camelopardalis,” he said, so quiet you could barely hear it. You watched as he admired the painting of himself, one that you put so much work into to make special.

You nodded. “It’s you, Bri. That’s what I was drawing in the park. I was just doodling but I looked at you and you just looked so—pretty?” You both laughed at your words, but you continued on. “That’s the word. Pretty. With the sunlight and everything, the grass was so vibrant… you were glowing! I couldn’t help it, so I drew you for reference. And then I painted you,” you said, calm and shrugging your shoulders. “I thought it was fitting, you in space, looking like you were at home. I wanted to incorporate something music and the closest thing I could do was Lyr-“

“Oh my goodness, Y/N. This much thought? You didn’t have to do any of this, I’m so grateful, I love it so much! But I’m just Brian, I don’t deser—”

“I wanted to do this, Bri. Trust me. You listened to me rant on and on and on about how my what I was doing didn’t look good, or what I was drawing, or how I was drawing something. You are so encouraging and attentive and just amazing, Bri, I couldn’t help it. It was really no problem. You deserve it. And there’s-there’s one more thing.” This was it! You weren’t really planning on telling him your feelings after showing him your piece but now here you were.

He asked, oblivious, “What thing?” Bri was beaming at his portrait and now beaming at you.

“I really like you, Bri. A lot. You’ve been there for a lot and we’ve supported each other and I just-” He hadn’t said anything. The same surprised look was still on his face. Fuck. “And I mean, like, you know, I j-“

He seemed extremely taken aback at your declaration but his face melted into tenderness. “I like you too, Y/N.”

You exhaled, “Thank god!” Both of you laughed, the shared relief between the both of you evident.

Brian leaned in and you closed the gap. His lips felt amazing against yours after all this time waiting and the moon shone softly upon you both as you shared this moment.

Brian :

Cancer: The Crab ~ his astrological sun sign

Circinus: The Compass ~ helps people find their way, ever helpful

Pyxis: The Compass ~ mariner’s compass, i feel like he j knows himself really well and he’s a water sign so lol

Telescopium: The Telescope ~ self-explanatory lol

Leo Minor: The Little Lion ~ his hair. roger got the “big” lion by default so i gave bri the little lion!

Lyra: The Harp ~ closest thing to music

Camelopardalis: The Giraffe ~ :pppp

Roger :

Leo: The Lion ~ his astrological sun sign

Phoenix: The Firebird ~ he fiery

Hercules: The Strong Man ~ i’d like to think he would request this himself once he saw the series of pieces you were doing.

Draco: The Dragon ~ why not, plus i feel like he’d like it

Vulpecula: The Little Fox ~ he got the foxy moxy.

Auriga: The Charioteer ~ apollo and his chariot, rog is the sun <3

Lynx: The Lynx ~ not a very easily seen constellation, so you need good eyesight to see it. i thought it was ironic because of rog’s bad eyes LOL

The girl in the painting (you know who you are :)):

Aquarius: The Water Bearer ~ her sun sign

Cassiopeia: The Queen ~ self-explanatory hah

Eridanus: The Celestial River ~ water, relates to sun sign

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wandaluvstacos · 7 years ago

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I find like u give good advice even for stuff u have no direct exp with xD So I feel upset my bf still watches porn, because he's getting off to other women. I never liked visual porn, but I would read erotica/ romance, including ur books lol

I feel so honored that you would come to me with this question, anon, considering I have zero experience dealing with men who aren’t family, friends, or coworkers, but considering I have a weird fascination with dating advice, I will do my best.

I have a lot of feelings about porn (well, visual hetero porn), as everyone does, but I’ll try to avoid that because we’d be here all night and I’d get a million “sex positive” folks in my inbox asking me why I hate women’s sexual liberation or something. SO INSTEAD OF THAT, I’ll say this: everyone likes porn. Speaking as an aro ace, I read and write stuff with pornographic elements, and I don’t want to fuck or date anyone. It’s not about real life people, and it’s not even about me. In fact, I do mostly mxm stuff to avoid thinking about me, as a woman, having sex with dudes. So your boyfriend is probably thinking of those women as players in a fantasy, not something he plans on ever doing.But you seem to know that, and your struggle is in fighting this “irrational” jealousy over porn girls. I don’t know anything about your boyfriend or your relationship, so I can’t say your fear is unfounded or irrational. He could be a sleazeball, I don’t know. I’m more interested in how he watches porn. I’m pretty sure every single allosexual man watches porn, so there’s no escaping it. Is he just, like, chilling on the couch in the living room watching it on speaker while you make dinner? Or did you type something into Google on his computer and it did an autofill thing? Because I like to think that if I were interested in dating men, I’d follow an “out of sight, out of mind” approach. I wouldn’t be jealous, but I personally believe that the vast majority of hetero porn hates women-- some of it violently so--and it would be hard for me to reconcile that with someone I loved who I believed respected me. I also know dudes really love porn, and it would be unfair to ask anyone from watching it if they enjoy it. So my approach would be “I know you do this thing and it’s fine, whatever, but I don’t want to see it or hear about it.” If he can’t follow this one request (which is easy, I think), then it shows a lack of respect toward your limits. It’s okay to have negative feelings toward porn, and to feel a bit hypocritical, because honestly, I don’t think erotica written by women is nearly as hateful as a lot of porn made for men is. It’s okay to want distance from it and to ask a partner to enjoy it privately. It’s important to work on your own insecurities and to avoid blaming your partner for them, but you can also ask that someone else not test them. I’m pretty sure most guys, if given the chance between masturbating alone in their room to porn girls and having a girlfriend they love and have sex with, most would choose the second (and the ones that don’t are either gay, on the asexual spectrum, or hate women).I hope this was at least a little bit helpful, lol.

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meanderfall · 7 years ago

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[1/4] Now onto the question! I actually think it's a good thing when people ship him, because people with disabilities (both physical and developmental) are often thought of as sexless. I'm pretty sure Caboose does understand sex given his cow comment and having read the book with Church, but regardless of whether he does or not he very likely still has a sex drive (even if only a low one) and there's a good chance that he experiences sexual attraction too.

[2/4] I don't mind that people headcanon him as aro and/or ace (I'm aroace myself so I'm usually all for more ace or aro representation), it's when they do it because they think he's too childlike to want or understand either that it becomes a problem (people also tend to make him the only ace one, which adds to the stereotype that ace folks are childlike). You see that a LOT in people with developmental disabilities, where they want a romantic/sexual relationship but they're thought of as too

[3/4] naive/childlike to maintain a relationship, or are desexualized completely. It's actually a big problem irl, because as a result they don't get much if any sex ed, which leaves them vulnerable to STIs, pregnancy, and abuse. But I digress. I do think the lack Caboose's interest in romantic relationships may have some grounds in the writers desexualizing him, but regardless of if that's true or not I think it's important to note that a lack of interest in pursuing that kind of relationship

[4/4] doesn't mean that he doesn't experience sexual desire or attraction. And also that not knowing where babies come from doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't understand sex. For example, it could have just been a small memory gap due to his traumatic brain injury or bad sex ed, although metatextually that part was probably just Burnie falling into the trap. Oh! And by the way, I do indeed follow you, and I got so happy and excited when I saw that you asked me a question, you have no idea!

Thank you so much for answering me, Anon! I was kind of thinking the same as you, but I really wanted to hear your take on it, because Caboose and how he’s been treated is really important to you, and you yourself said that the entire issue of infantilization was important to you and you would have a better and more informed opinion on the entire thing than me! (Admittedly, I never really thought too hard on this before, because Caboose just wasn’t a character I was too interested in. I liked him, but he wasn’t my fave, and I tend to only really think about ships that my faves are in.)

And agreed! If he’s the only who’s aro and/or ace in the group then it really sends a bad message, about both people with developmental disabilities and ace/aro people :/

And dude, seriously? I had no idea that was a thing. I’m pretty sure once you hit puberty and/or reach the age of 15, you really should have had some sex ed, and given the proper tools to avoid diseases, pregnancies, and abuse. That shit is so important.

And shit, you right, about Caboose possibly experiencing sexual desire and attraction. (Tbh, I tend to ignore the whole sexual attraction side of the equation all the time, because I’m ace and I was never in an environment where I felt I was wrong or a freak for never experiencing sexual attraction, so I just assume that’s the norm for, well, everyone. Even fictional characters. It’s always such a trip man, when I step back and I’m like “the people around me experience sexual attraction. It’s a daily part of their life. It’s part of how they see the world. Woah.”) But man, even if he was ace, he probably stills feels sexual desire, though his sex drive might be low.

And point, about how that lack of knowledge doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand sex. (I was also kind of thinking that could’ve been explained by his traumatic brain injuries, but, uh, I tend to think of my answers up in my head, and then I write them down, and they always inevitably change, and the flow’s different, and I end up not putting in points I wanted to, either bc it doesn’t go in, or I freaking forget bc im too busy thinking about how to write the next section OTL.)

Anyway, I continue to thank you for coming to talk with me and indulging me! I continue to love having my perception of characters changed, so this is so much fun

I hope you have a lovely day/night!

#rvb #long post #i was going to tag this as my meta but it isnt lol #its the anon's meta #i'll just tag it as #rvb meta #instead #thank you so much anon #i love talking with you <3 #Anonymous

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squirenonny · 7 years ago

Note

Hey, I got caught up in the periphery of some tumblr drama and ended up running into some aphobic stuff. Do you have any aro or ace headcanons for Team Voltron (and friends)?

D: I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve run across some aphobic stuff myself lately, so it was very cathartic to get to write these headcanons. I hope they make you smile, as well. Because good news! All the paladins are ace/aro-spec. All of them.

Pidge – Aro/Ace

The Oblivious!Ace. Literally does not consider sexual/romantic attraction as a viable explanation for someone’s action until well after everyone else around figured it out

Didn’t realize Shiro and Matt have been dating since before the Kerberos mission

“Pidge, you literally walked in on us watching rom coms together.”

“Anyone can like rom coms.”

“I was sitting in Shiro’s lap. We were sharing a blanket!”

“I thought you were cold!”

Is super cuddly, but has learned that being cuddly, especially with boys, is a Romance Thing and so mostly only does it with family. Loves that Hunk will hug literally anyone, no strings attached, and was ecstatic when Lance immediately took the cuddles as a Sibling Thing instead of anything else.

Mildly sex repulsed, but super supportive of whatever sex life anyone else wants to have, so turns into an awkward vague-support monster.

*buries face in hands* “Guys, I love you and I support you and I want you to be happy, but please just don’t ever tell me. Anything. At all.”

“We weren’t planning on it??”

“Cool. Be safe or whatever.”

“Pidge!”

*puts on headphones and Does Not Think about whatever may or may not be happening*

All the Ace Puns. All the Aro Puns. Unironically into the cake jokes, and uses the “sounds fake but okay” line on anyone who starts getting sappy about their S.O.

Loudly and repeated points out that the Green Lion is already aro colors (green, gray, black, and yellow). Painted Green’s claws and tail in the black/gray/white/purple stripes of the ace flag.

The original Space Ace

Hunk – Pan/Demi (+polyamorous)

Used to think he was 100% ace/aro because he’s never dated and never really wanted to. Kinda started to develop a crush on Lance leading up to the start of the show, but it never went anywhere, and Hunk wasn’t inclined to push it

Was mad that everyone else was teasing him about Shay because he legitimately didn’t feel anything romantic toward her.

It’s like three months later after they’ve been space-Skyping nonstop that he sits back and realizes, wait….

Not really sure what to do with any of his feelings, completely flustered by everything, and it only gets worse after the Weblum incident when he realizes, oh, wow, hi Keith. Hi. I guess this is a Thing now.

Used to go to Pidge about ace/aro stuff until the two of them slowly realized that Pidge doesn’t have the context to help him figure out anything. So he’s in completely over his head and trying to figure out how anyone does?? Anything???

There are apparently rules for dating and people apparently know how to get from crushing to dating, but Hunk does not know any of this and it’s frustrating as heck

Cue lots of moaning into a pillow while Pidge pats his foot sympathetically but offers no real advice.

Shiro – Gray-Asexual/Biromantic

Shiro has always been on the ace spectrum, and found the ace community a few years before Kerberos, but has a hard time pin-pointing where on the spectrum he falls.

Was largely sex-neutral (wouldn’t instigate things for his own sake, but would follow his partners’ lead and/or do stuff for their sake)

His perception of “what is sexual attraction” vs. “what is romantic attraction making me want to do something I know they like” is very cloudy, and it’s only made worse because he’s at least 90% sure he has experienced some degree of sexual attraction where Matt’s involved, just… not consistently or predictably

It’s confusing

After his year of imprisonment he has a hard time with intimacy, especially physical intimacy

It’s a very complicated issue—part of it is that he’s self-conscious about his scars and doesn’t like taking off his shirt where anyone can see. Part of it is that if he’s in the wrong headspace, any kind of touch is stressful, painful, and/or panic-inducing, and it certainly doesn’t turn him on.

Reluctant to identify as a-spec now because so much of it is tied up in his PTSD. Generally tries not to think about it, except to be grateful that there’s no pressing need to address these particular questions

After they find Matt, he and Shiro have a long talk about it, and they agree to be non-physical for the time being.

Doing romantic but non-sexual things (fully-clothed cuddles, holding hands, long late-night conversations, making dinner together, star-gazing, ect. ect.) helps with Shiro’s anxiety, even if there are days where he’s pretty sure he’s sexually attracted to Matt but still too sex-repulsed to act on it.

Just in general, Matt is the best supportive bf and always takes the time to reassure Shiro that they’re doing good and Shiro’s happiness and comfort is more important to Matt than sex

Lance – Bi, Idemromantic or WTFromantic

Okay, so Lance has always known he’s bi. Because. I mean. People are really pretty? And he’s def been attracted to all sorts of folks

The weird part is romance because, like… Huh?

He figures for a long time that it’s just because he doesn’t have a lot of relationship experience, but he dates a few people and it’s still

Weird

It’s very hard for Lance to distinguish between platonic and romantic feelings. He needs it to be Clear

I flirted with you and you flirted back: *ding* Romantic

You flirted with me: ….processing….processing… *ding* Romantic!

We are rivals! *bzzt* Not Romantic! Not at all Romantic!

Basically Lance depends on context clues to figure out if a relationship is romantic or platonic, which usually boils down to “If we didn’t start out with pick-up lines or other overtly romantic things, we’re friends and we will always be friends.”

So if someone… hypothetically… wanted to move from the “friends” category to the “boyfriends” category, they would… hypothetically… need to say so explicitly, otherwise Lance just

will not

switch mindsets

Found the word idemromantic while searching for an answer to the question, “Am I just weird, or do other people get this, too?” But has a deep spiritual connection to the term “WTFromantic” because it accurately sums up his love life

Often confused for the Straight One in any given friend group, but that’s because he’s learned that dude + dude is automatically platonic, so he doesn’t even go there, and flirting is enough to cement him as allo in a lot of people’s minds

The other paladins lowkey thought that too when they first met him, so Allura was stunned when Lance admitted to her that he (a) likes dudes and (b) doesn’t understand romance at all.

Keith – Arovague

(Arovague being an ace/aro-spec orientation that’s highly influenced by neurodivergence.)

Because Keith is autistic

specifically he’s touch-averse and has other sensory issues that make anything sexual or even largely anything remotely physical very much a no-go for him

and he doesn’t get social cues in general, romantic norms in particular, and just. People. As a whole.

Oh, and also alexithymia (difficulty identifying your own emotions and putting them into words)

He doesn’t usually think about romance/sex because it just gives him a headache and he has better things to be doing

Like he’s not… opposed to having a relationship? In theory? He’s not sold on the sex thing, but he can see the appeal in having a boyfriend. He’d like a boyfriend in the same way he’d like more close friends like Shiro. He just doesn’t know how to go about finding either.

Also he’s just not really ever had many people he likes, let alone is attracted to

Even when he experiences attraction, it takes him a long time to realize it because he has a hard time sorting out his emotions anyway

He’ll figure out pieces of it—like that he gets nervous when his crush is around or that he’s happy when they’re together, but it just… doesn’t process as attraction?

Or he’ll consider that it might be attraction, then second-guess himself, then spend all night wondering if he’s making things up

It’s exhausting, and Shiro has honestly probably heard way too much of Keith not actually ranting about his love life (if only because Keith doesn’t think it IS a love life.)

Vents to Pidge a lot and Pidge, who wouldn’t recognize attraction anyway, is 100% on board with ace/aro Keith, which of course only further cements Keith’s belief that he is Free from the Chaos of Sexuality

Never really figures out if he’s actually experiencing attraction, but enjoys his relationships anyway, whatever they are—romantic, platonic, or something in between.

#voltron #pidge #keith kogane #takashi shirogane #hunk garrett #lance mcclain #ace stuff #aro stuff #headcanons #this was fun #i should do more for other characters #but this is already getting out of hand #long post #ch: sporse code #ch: this kid is a genius #ch: no one commands the black lion #ch: sharpshooter #ch: i know who i am #anon

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silver-stargazing · 7 years ago

Text

Storytime with Joel and The Bots

My submission for @aggressivelyarospec AggressivelyArospecWeek. I wrote about Joel Robinson from Mystery Science Theater 3000, who I headcanon as aro/ace and also as someone who, at one point in his life, wanted children of his own.

Please note that this is entirely a headcanon and that you are more than welcome to have a different headcanon from mine. Draw a picture, write a song, compose an awesome play, make a goofy post, whatever it is that helps you express your important headcanons! I’d honestly love to see more headcanons about these wonderful characters!

And for context: this takes place a few days after Women of the Prehistoric Planet, so this would be very early in the show’s run and only a few months into Joel’s captivity. The only thing you need to know is that they had a couch briefly on the bridge.

AO3

Word Count: 2572

“C’mon, Joel! Hurry up!”

From the Satellite’s kitchen, a slightly muffled voice responded.

“One more minute, Crow! My hot chocolate’s almost done.”

“How long does it take to make one cup of Swiss Miss?” Tom Servo shot back. “It’s like you’ve been in there for hours. Did you fall into the stove again? Do we need to call LifeAlert?”

“You keep up with that sass, Tom, and there’ll be no RAM chips for any of you guys. Now I said a minute and I meant it.”

The Bots both groused for a moment. Then the bridge of the Satellite of Love fell into a restless silence as its robotic crew waited impatiently on their big comfortable couch.

The past few days had really tested the patience of the Satellite’s crew, both robots and human alike.

They’d had to sit through a particularly dreadful film called Women of the Prehistoric Planet and deal with a doomsday device that did nothing but aggravate them even further. Then, once the experiment was finally over, they ended up flying through a nasty solar storm that resulted in a brief black-out, shorting out many of the Satellite’s essential functions including the heating.

According to Gypsy’s calculations, the Satellite would return to normal after a few days of system updates and reboots. Until then, though, no heat.

To compensate for the coldness, warm blankets and pillows had been dragged out of every nook and cranny and stockpiled onto the bridge. The Bots had their built-in heaters, but the chill of the Satellite mixed with the general frigid coldness of space was more than enough to get everyone to bundle up. Crow and Tom were wrapped up tightly with several multi-color afghans, Gypsy had a bright pink shawl tied up around her head and body, and even Cambot had on a little winter hat made from spare fabric.

Joel Robinson, the sole human occupant of the SOL, walked into the room holding a small stack of books and his coffee mug. He looked to all the world like he’d just come out of a blizzard. He had three different layers of Gizmonics sweaters on over his regular jumpsuit plus a cozy wool jacket. His hands were covered in several gloves, each with a built-in heating unit of his own design. His face was barely recognizable under the length of scarf covering it, but from the warm crinkle lines around his eyes, the Bots could tell that he was actually enjoying the change in climate.

“Peculiar weather we’re having for June, huh?” he joked. “Reminds me of those summer days back in Minneapolis.”

He placed the pile of books down in between Tom and Crow and set off to the far opposite of the room where Cambot lay nestled on a pillow.

“Sure you don’t want to join us, little guy?” asked Joel softly while adjusting the bot’s tiny hat.

The bot narrowed his lens and nestled even deeper, indicating he was comfortable where he was currently.

Joel nodded and gave Cambot a little pat on the head before returning to the couch. The little bot had always been a bit more standoffish by nature, anyway. Always happy to simply be around his family but not directly interact with anyone. Joel could understand that.

Grabbing a heap of blankets, Joel settled himself neatly between Tom and Crow on the couch. He cradled his hot coco in his gloved hands, cherishing the taste of chocolate and appreciating the warmth. It was so warm, in fact, that it was almost enough to put someone to-

“Hey, don’t go to sleep yet!” Tom called out, jerking Joel straight out of his daze.

“Yeah, remember?” said Crow, nudging the pile of books with a small golden claw. “Stories?”

“Stories!” Gypsy exclaimed excitedly.

Storytime was a relatively new tradition on the Satellite of Love. A week ago, when Joel first found the couch in the loading bay, he also came across an old box full of fairy tale and folk lore books. Why they were there in the first place, he never knew why (then again, he’d learned by now to stop asking too many questions when it came to the Satellite anyway).

Originally, he read the stories to test the Bots’ comprehension skills and experiment with how much information they could retain. Overtime, though, storytime turned into less of a lab test and more of a nightly gathering for the residents of the Satellite to take a break. To hear stories that were designed to lift their spirits up rather than break them down. Sure, their evil overlords down in Deep 13 would probably take away both the stories and the couch as it would mess with their data, but for now, everyone on board appreciated their time spent together.

“Well, all right. We’ve got storytime and then a letter from Earth to read after that.” He began to flip through the stack of books. “Which story should we read tonight? We’ve got Little Red Riding Hood, Jack and the Beanstalk, Pinocchio-“

Tom shuddered.

“Never again with that one. Way to traumatize me away from show biz, story.”

“Not me!” said Crow enthusiastically. “Hollywood ain’t seen nothing ‘till they sees the likes of Crow T. Robot! I’ll be up there with the legends. Steven Spielberg, Billy Wilder, Francis Ford Coppola…”

“Yeah, more like Ed Wood, Coleman Francis, and Sandy Frank,” muttered Servo.

“Hey!” Crow squawked indignantly.

“Girl!” croaked Gypsy, distracting everyone from the brewing fight between Crow and Tom. The purple robot pointed her head in the direction of the book stack.

“Do you want us to read a story about a girl, Gypsy?” asked Joel, proud of her for taking the initiative in choosing a book. She was usually so shy and introverted around the rest of the Crew during their nightly storytime.

She nodded her head vigorously. Both Tom and Crow groaned.

“A girl book? Aww Joel? Do we have to?”

“Hey, you should have said something before Gypsy. Besides, I happen to recall that you, Mr. Tom, have chosen the last three stories in a row.”

Servo sighed.

“Alright, we can give Gypsy’s story a try.”

They silently rummaged through the story books, occasionally showing a book to Gypsy only for her to reject each offering.

Crow waved a book in front of Joel’s face.

“Ha-ha. Hey! She looks just like how you used to look!”

On the cover was a young woman with impossibly long blonde hair. Rapunzel.

“Very funny, Mr. Smart Guy,” replied Joel dryly. His right hand ghosted over where his old hair length used to be. That extra hair probably would have helped to keep him a little bit warmer, he lamented.

“What do you think about this one, Gyps?” asked Crow, holding the book up for Gypsy. “She’s got really long hair just like you’ve got a really long coil.”

“Yeah! Yeah!” she responded, nodding her head eagerly.

Crow passed the picture book off to Joel, who then held the book up for Cambot to see.

“You all right with Rapunzel, Cambot?”

The bot’s lens widened and his whole form whirred with excitement. Joel smiled at the quirky response.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

He quickly drained the remaining dregs of his hot chocolate and set the mug aside.

Cracking open the book, he gave a dignified “Hem” and began:

“Once upon a time in a far-off kingdom…”

And so, Joel recounted the tale of the maiden Rapunzel, of the evil witch who imprisoned the young girl in a tower, and of Rapunzel’s noble prince. He paused occasionally to address any questions and allow for riffing from his captivated audience (that was, after all, what the Bots were originally designed for. To make jokes at stories no matter how good or bad they were. Joel found no point in discouraging them from what they were built to do).

“And Rapunzel and her Prince rode off to the Prince’s kingdom where they lived, happily married and with several wonderful children, for many long and loving years. The End. So, what did you all think of the story?”

“Yay!” exclaimed Gypsy, enthused by the story’s happy ending. Cambot similarly buzzed with delight.

“Thought the second act could’ve been stronger. And that ending? Is it believable in that era that a peasant would marry into nobility? The whole kingdom would be thrown apart by scandal! It would be like Wallis Simpson and King Edward all over again!” Tom argued before adding hesitantly “It was nice that the Prince got his eyesight back, though.”

Crow, meanwhile, seemed to have his focus elsewhere entirely, his ping pong eyes darting everywhere in concentration.

“Crow, buddy, what’d you think of Rapunzel?”

“Wait a second…Joel!” Crow finally cried out. “Joel Joel Joel Joel Joel! Remember how I said you looked like the lady?”

“Yeah, I remember. And I should really have a talk with you about-”

“Oh, I was joking then, but Joel! What if you did grow out your hair long enough so that it could reach Earth? We’d be saved!”

The human could only chuckle at the Bot’s suggestion.

“I don’t know if that would work too well,” was all he could respond before laughing again.

“What? Why not?! We’re all basically stuck in a tower like Rapunzel anyway. Let your hair grow out, toss it out the airlock and wait for a wayfaring prince to come and rescue us! C’mon, it’s foolproof!”

“Crow, space and human hair do not work-”

“Oh yeah, and then maybe you and the prince could get married and we could all live in a castle!” Servo chimed in. Joel could honestly not tell whether Tom was being serious or not. “Get ourselves some servants, a few butlers, a swimming pool, the whole nine yards!”

“Marriage? Now that’s the most far-fetched thing you guys have said yet!” snorted Joel, before realizing what he had just said.

He awkwardly coughed and gave an outwardly light laugh. Scratching the back of his head, he hoped for something, anything to change the subject. He really didn’t feel ready to have this conversation yet (if ever).

“What’s so odd about you and marriage, Joel?” Tom inquired innocently.

“Yeah, are you already married or something?” came the follow-up question from Crow.

“Wife?” asked Gypsy.

“No, not married. It’s just, I’ve never considered getting married before. Well, actually…at all. Just never been for me, I guess.”

“How do ya’ figure?” said Crow.

Joel opened his mouth, paused and closed it again, considering what to say next.

To him, it had always been so simple. He had long accepted that he would rather be in a lab cooking up a new gadget or planning his next invention than pursuing any sort of romantic relationship. Romance was about as appealing to him as an arsenic and hamdinger sandwich.

But how do you explain that lack of attraction? The Bots only had a scant understanding of human behavior, most of which came from awful B-movies. Joel would have to choose his words carefully.

“It’s like…some folks have lives and stories a lot like Rapunzel and her Prince,” he finally said. “They find someone who they deeply love all romantic like and they hopefully live happily ever after together. But that’s not everyone’s story.”

“Some folks, myself included, have stories more like…more like Geppetto.”

“What? The old geezer from Pinocchio?” Crow responded incredulously.

“Yeah, does that mean we’re going to get a cricket infestation and Crow’s beak is going to grow longer than it already is?” joked Tom.

“No no. Just that Geppetto is so full of love but not in the same way as Rapunzel is for her Prince. He has more of this wonderful platonic love. A love for his craft. A love for life,” Joel reached over to pat Gypsy on the head. “A love for his creations.”

“Aww,” she said.

“I think the word they were using for that back on Earth was ‘aromantic’.”

“Well, I always thought you smelled lovely,” said Tom.

Joel smiled at the word-play.

“That’s ‘aromatic’, you goof. And I don’t remember installing any smell sensors in you, either.”

“Wouldn’t be opposed to an upgrade,” Tom quickly replied. “You know, my vocal box still keeps glitching on me from time-to-time.”

“I’ll see what parts I can scavenge to build you a new voice box. Might take a while but we’ll fix it.”

Joel paused and looked upwards.

“Hey, Magic Voice. How are we doing with those system updates? Any estimates?”

“Five more hours, Joel,” chimed a light mechanical but still recognizably female voice over the Satellite’s intercom.

He gave a weary sigh.

“Thanks. Looks like I’ll have to make some actual coffee this time. It’s going to be a long night.” He shifted, getting ready to stand up. “Maybe I’ll sniff out some RAM chips while I’m in the kitchen. Gypsy, honey, you want to help me search for some?”

“But-but Joel?” Crow finally said, still processing what Joel just told them. “If we can’t marry you off, how are we going to convince a wandering prince to save us?”

Joel could hear the worry in the golden bot’s voice. He placed a gloved hand on Crow’s shoulder.

“We don’t need any Prince to save us. Crow, you just came up with an escape plan in minutes! Why would we need a stuffy old prince to get us out when we’ve got a couple of expert jailbreakers right here? We’re all smart enough to get home safely together.”

“Well…” Crow started, reconsidering his plan. “We could always modify the plan so that I climb down your hair to Earth.”

“There we go!”

“Yeah! And then, in a thrilling conclusion to our epic odyssey, I’ll lead an expert commando squadron of elite ninja warriors to infiltrate and bring down Deep 13, getting you all back to Earth! I should really check to make sure my ninja contacts are all up to date…”

“Give me an outline of the plan in the morning and I’ll see what I can do for you, buddy” said Joel, getting ready to return to the kitchen. He stopped, suddenly remembering the letter in his jacket pocket.

“I almost forgot, the Mads sent us a letter before the black-out earlier. There’s not going to be an experiment this week until they get the projector fixed but we can still read it.”

“Who’s it from, Joel?” asked Tom.

“From a Mr....Isaac Asimov? From Minnesota, Earth?” Joel looked at the address then back at the Bots. “You guys didn’t have anything to do with this, did you?”

They all shook their heads, even Cambot. The human still suspected otherwise.

Joel opened the letter and smiled wider than he had in months.

It was a crayon drawing of a red jump-suited person being hugged by a red gumball machine, a golden bowling ball pin, a purple snake, and a camera on a wire.

The SOL crew.

Joel felt a tear leak from his eye. Years back on Earth spent in misery, coming to terms with the fact he’d never have a family like he’d often wished for. All that felt immediately shut down by this letter

Here was his family all along, sticking it out together on a satellite orbiting the Earth. An unconventional family? Sure, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The letter simply read:

“HAPPY FATHER’S DAY JOEL ROBINSON!”

Joel’s honestly really important to me in regards to headcanoning him as aro/ace. Here’s a cool and relaxed man who I see as aromantic who has a family and is a wonderful parent to his kids. As an aro/ace person who might like to have kids of her own one day (maybe), it’s kind of reassuring to know that Aromantics can make for great parents.

This is also actually my very first fanfiction and probably my first time writing creative fiction since I was 14 (discounting any songs that I’ve written as writing those feels like a completely different experience). So I apologize if the characters seem OOC. Never was the best with dialogue, so it was probably a poor decision to have my first fic be comprised largely of dialogue...

#aggressivelyarospecweek #mst3k #mystery science theater 3000 #joel robinson #aromantic #mst3k fanfic #also a late father's day fic for joel. Happy Father's Day Robot Dad!#adorable space robot family #sol crew #crow t robot #tom servo #gypsy #cambot #magic voice #fanfic #stargazer writes? maybe?#aro headcanons #stargazer writes

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thedramafilesblog-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Appearing before the Dramacourt: Hwarang: Poet Warrior Youth Eps 13-14 (we decided to combine these two eps because yet again there wasn’t much happening in ep 13)

***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read The Rules section first for our reviewing and rating system***

Issues:

Whether armies are useless when it comes to hungry peasants?

Whether the Hwarang are actually useless?

Whether it pays to be nosy?

Whether the best way to flush someone out is to start killing people?

Whether anything has really happened in this drama so far?

The Rule(s):

Always. Look up anything in history. Peasant Mobs > Armies.

Apparently so. What were you guys doing while Scarface/Peasant Mob was stealing your food and gifts?

It never pays to be nosy. Minding your own business keeps you out of unnecessary trouble.

Not really. There are much better, more effective ways to flush someone out than killing people. Carrots > Sticks.

Again, not really. It’s been 14 episodes and the plot has quite literally CRAWLED. Nothing earth shattering has happened.

Application:

RedRosette J: Guys. Honestly, this drama is really starting to get on my nerves. Whenever I think of Mondays, I now associate it with Hwarang and the annoyance of having to watch it. It’s not cute anymore and it’s just dragging its feet. When you have a very busy schedule, this snail’s pace plot doesn’t help. Episode 13 was especially brutal and slow except for the major plot development as far as I’m concerned being the kiss that we were Ban Ryu-Soo Yeon shippers were all waiting for! Yay! Finally. It was a bit of an awkward kiss, but I love these two so I’ll take an awkward kiss over no kiss. And omg smiling Ban Ryu will be the death of me. Thank you. Other developments in episode 13 was this whole thing to send the Hwarang guys on a road trip with the Pointless Princess and Sun Woo getting more of an inkling of Ji Dwi’s secret.

Jubiemon J: I agree too that Hwarang is beginning to feel like a chore. After I finish an episode, I always wonder whether anything has even happened. I keep asking RedRosette this question as well. Has the plot even moved along? Nothing major comes to mind. Episode 13 at least had that cute kiss.

Girl who’s team are you on???

BOO!

This scene was super cute!

*rolls eyes*

Ye olde road trip

*squeal*

*even more squeals*

OMG that smile!!!

RedRosette J: Episode 14 was even harder to get through. The whole robbery thing and the evil Crown Prince and it was all so meghhh. The only decent thing in episode 14 was we got to see Soo Ho and Ban Ryu bond and it turns out that Soo Ho knows about Soo Yeon’s crush on Ban Ryu. Super cute these two. We also got to see Ban Ryu making the choice to stick with the guys rather than follow through with his dad’s nefarious plan. You Go man! #teamHwarang. There was some other stuff with Han Sung and Dan Sae and a bunch of stuff with the Queen that I just skipped (Ugh!).

Jubiemon J: Episode 14 . . . was cringe-worthy because of that robbery. Hungry peasants vs army . . . hungry peasants win? All of a sudden . . . Hyungsik said not to kill them and then they run off. Later at night, the peasants steal food and Hwarang did nothing? Huh?! What a mess! And now from light-hearted bromance stuff we were promised, we have the heavy political things going on. Aiya.

LOL!

Aww look at you guys bonding!

Please just get over it and be friends already!

When you and your bro about to get told off by gramps…

Not totally cringey…

Issue 1: Whether armies are useless when it comes to hungry peasants

RedRosette J: I would argue yes. Angry peasant mobs are quite effective in achieving results. If anyone has seen any episode of Spongebob, they would know that those angry fish people mobs are super effective achieving results. Similarly, hungry and angry peasants are way more effective than armies. I would think that it would also render an army ineffective against them. That is, a well disciplined one; an army led by a tyrant probably wouldn’t give a shit and would just kill everyone, but one led by a leader with half a brain would be unlikely to kill off all the peasants. Also, if people’s revolutions have taught us anything, its that common folk do have the power to get what they want. The only caveat to this is that is almost always involves some sort of violence. or Twitter. So yea, arguably an army would be useless when confronted by hungry peasants.

Jubiemon J: I think so too. In the end, they outnumber the Hwarang. What bugged me here was that the peasants spontaneously backed away after Ji Dwi was saying that they couldn’t kill them. That made me think that it was pointless for the peasants to have tried to steal food. The next day, Hwarang peeps were saying how all the food was stolen… Okay . . . so you guys were in charge of guarding stuff and you just let them take things . . . ugh…. I mean I know the peasants are starving, but the way they phrased it seemed like Hwarang was totally ignorant of people coming in to steal things in the middle of the night.

Dem peasants tho

Issue 2: Whether the Hwarang are actually useless

RedRosette J: So there’s plot hole that bothers me in this. These guys are supposed to be the smartest bunch of people, yet they are outsmarted by Scarface and his posse of hungry peasants? Really? You expect us to believe that they left a whole carriage of gold and expensive treasures and food unguarded while they were on a road trip to a neighbouring kingdom who may have threatened war on yours. Hmmm. Let’s think about that for a second. Does this make sense? considering that these guys are supposed to be super educated and receiving all this warrior training that they would make such a rookie mistake? I’m sorry but if you really needed to advance the plot in this whole ‘lost everything while on the road’ direction, you could have done it so much better. Have the peasants steal while distracting them or something. This whole scene was iffy and wasn’t working. It made the Hwarang seem useless. If they can’t safeguard a carriage of gold, how are they supposed to safeguard a whole Kingdom?

Jubiemon J: Hwarang doesn’t seem to be very effective because as soon as they all hear that Aro is imprisoned, they start fighting the guards. Okay, Ji Dwi was like no, you cannot use your swords, but you are still fighting? Same thing as provoking some war? Ugh. Really, the evil Prince from the other country was right. They were all fighting for 1 woman that was accidentally imprisoned? Lol . . .

Nice move guys -_-

Issue 3: Whether it pays to be nosy

RedRosette J: No. This is like a basic grade school level concept: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Again, they have to go and make Aro a martyr character who makes friends with the “help” and tells stories to the “poor” and is so perfect and nosy that her nosiness gets her in trouble. Ugh. It doesn’t pay to be nosy. Why are you in everyone’s business? I think even if you had to be nosy, you need to think about it carefully before you act on it. Aro’s actions put everyone in jeopardy. There’s a difference between being a nice person and then putting an entire Kingdom at risk. I’m not a fan of Aro and her shortsightedness. *sigh*

Jubiemon J: I feel like Aro is the type of person that thinks she is super smart but in reality she is not. (Pet peeve here.) I mean look at V’s character. He knows he’s not as bright as others and accepts it. Aro, on the other hand, often has a know-it-all vibe. Unfortunately, she doesn’t think deep enough or far enough.

All this means is that you’re a gossip -_-

*rolls eyes*

This is what happens when you don’t mind your own business!

And this happens

Issue 4: Whether the best way to flush someone out is to start killing people

RedRosette J: Not really. Killing people just creates so much unnecessary drama and can cause international incidents. It’s one thing to try to get someone to confess to being the ‘Faceless King’ or whatever, but it’s a whole other story when there’s diplomacy on the line. In this case, the delegation from Silla went to Baekje to avoid going to war and if the psycho Prince of Baekje starts killing off citizens from Silla for a pointless reason, I think that that would be a reason to go to war. But then again, this is when it’s looked at from a modern diplomacy point of view. I guess during Ye Olde Times, a few peasants getting killed probably wouldn’t warrant an “inter-Kingdom” incident. I still think that there are much better ways to try to get the King to show his face rather than killing people. They could have taken Aro hostage (which is essentially what happened anyway. Those poor peasants were collateral damage *shakes head*). Or they could have induced him with some kind of benefit (not that that would happen given Ji Dwi’s character, but still it would be worth a shot). Regardless of the strategy, anything has to be better than killing people. It’s so extra and unnecessary.

Jubiemon J: I guess what the show really wanted to illustrate was how messed up the Prince was? There’s just more drama when you start doing mass threats. It’s kind of funny in a way because he went from . . . Princess, marry me and then after a few mins, he changes to . . let me kill all these peasants. -0-”

The delegation

The psycho

Issue 5: Whether anything has really happened in this drama so far

RedRosette J: Jubiemon and I were talking about this because we’re both so frustrated about how slowly this drama is moving and about how nothing really seems to happen in the episodes. The plot is very very slow and as for the significant developments, I can count on one hand the major things that happened. We’re currently at episode 14 and nothing mind blowing has happened. *sigh* It’s very disappointing considering that there was so much hype around this drama. I also recently found out that there are 20 episodes and not 16 like I had initially thought. OMG. I’m not going to be able to write anything decent on these posts unless the plot picks up in the next episode -_-

Jubiemon J: Yup, I’ve mentioned this before but this drama is just so boring now. I liked the bromance between Do Ji Han and Choi Minho, but now that there’s so much heavy political tension . . . *yawn*. I also think Aro and Sunwoo’s romance hasn’t even been fully developed or nothing interesting or cute has happened between them. Sigh. Can’t we keep it lighthearted for once? Skip the politics.

Our expressions are worse than this every time an episode starts

RedRosette J Aside: The only other characters apart from Soo Ho and Ban Ryu that I like are Dan Sae and the Old Helper dude. Hands up for awkward friendships!

Conclusion: Appeal Dismissed.

Rating: 2 = Yell At The Writer (Please write something, anything to make the plot move faster!!)

File No: Hwarang: Poet-Warrior-YOUTH-EPS-13-AND-14 Appearing before the Dramacourt: Hwarang: Poet Warrior Youth Eps 13-14 (we decided to combine these two eps because yet again there wasn’t much happening in ep 13)

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