#anyway anhone who has given birth you are incredible i can scarcely imagine

[softness-and-shattering]

My experience is that people *would* describe birthing like this, motnhs of nausea in pregnancy etc. And then they saw me looking at them in horror and hastily add "and its the best thing Ive ever done and Id do it all again, just wait till its your turn, you'll understand" and Id mumble something and walk away.

I asked someone once, if its so difficult and painful and uncomfortable, how does anyone choose to do it more than once? She told me, she thinks Gd makes you forget a little so you'll be willing to do it again.

And sometimes theyd talk about how magical it was alongside the gory detail, how worth it it was to have their kid. Ok worth it for kid is at least a point I can understand logically if not viscerally.

And I kind of expected that Id grow out of it and one day id be like, oh that doesnt sound like complete and utter body horror anymore.

And like, I visit the idea occasionally. Mostly I dont get further than "Im disabled and struggling to look after myself and get care for myself. At this stage it would be beyond irresponsible to add in a baby. I worry I dont adequately look after my cats". Its not entirely off the table forever but its certainly not polished up on a shelf for me to admire, you know? If surrogacy was a real option that could be a real consideration but its enormously expensive and for good reason obviously. The body horror of it doesnt go away, I just wonder if its worth the outcome sometimes.

Im just still baffled how many people describe how awful it is and then assure me its the best decision they ever made. I dont doubt this truth for them. I just cant believe they thought it would be reassuring to me.

giving birth sucks tbh. not only do you and the baby you’re birthing almost die, usually you shit yourself and often you tear your taint. then you have to push an organ out of your body (placenta) and if even a little of that remains in your body, you can hemorrhage to death or develop an infection that essentially rots your body from the inside out. even if you had a relatively “easy birth”, you bleed for weeks on end. even after that stops, your body and brain is changed for the rest of your life, the pregnancy leeched minerals from your bones, that can cause osteoporosis later. minor urinary incontinence is not uncommon, brain scans of people who gave birth show permanent changes in their brain, you’re never quite the same.

I say all of this not to say giving birth is disgusting but it is a harrowing and visceral experience. society downplays how fucking awful it is and makes it out to be a ~magical~ experience but it isn’t a magical transformative experience for everyone. it can be an extremely traumatic experience for someone who wanted to carry a pregnancy to term, much more so for someone who did not want to be pregnant in the first place or someone who knows their baby won’t survive the birth. anyway, abortion is a right. pregnancy and birth aren’t just inconvenient, it’s fucking awful.