#anyway I'm going to go chop treats and hide now

[grison-in-space]

Okay, so: I've mentioned that I have service oriented tasks in mind for Matilda, but I haven't actually talked a bunch about what I'm aiming for. In part this is because one of the biggest things I would find supportive doesn't seem to be a Thing at the moment.

Generally speaking, I need an executive function support dog. I think I can make this happen without overtaxing my dog, but I'm getting stuck thinking about what I want to teach and how to chain it, so I'm going to think out loud for a minute.

So: autism, ADHD, constant masking, and an objectively stressful ten years in Texas (fire! flood! school stabbing! literal abandonment! we have them all!) has left me with some burnout problems. I dissociate a lot and I need to figure out how to train that as an alert, but especially in the evenings I tend to get stuck. Most of my coping techniques relied on either stores of energy I largely just don't have or on anxiety over consequences to serve as a motivator. While I can still do my job pretty well (thanks, hyperfocus!), I miss a lot of care opportunities (things like: consume lunch. Drink liquids. Take afternoon meds). And I can tune out anything at this point.

I have found that there's a distinct sensory component to this, though: visual and especially tactile stimuli work way better than auditory ones. It's just that there isn't really anything that can do a mix like that right now. I've rigged some things to help but it's not ideal, and I've passively/accidentally trained every previous dog I've had to sit outside flailing distance and subvocalize until I get up anyway; surely it should be possible to teach a dog to help with this. Say, by progressing from a touch or lick to a nose punch to crawling into my lap to lick my face on a timed cue.

By the way, friends, you lose shit in burnout. Learn from my mistakes; try to mask less, fuck. I have a lot of grief I'm still processing over things I did ten or fifteen years ago that I can't do today; my capacity is just so much lower than it used to be. I am on an upswing--the move helped a lot, just getting away from Texas, and the new job environment has been helpful, and so have some med adjustments... but I'm not as fast or as hard driving as I used to be, and there are some things I won't get back.

Anyway. Plans. Public access groundwork is actually not worrying me too badly at this stage: we're working on dog reactivity, foundations, and settling, and she sees enough weird places I'm not too concerned about now. But it's the tasking pieces I'm hung up on. I have thoughts, at least, for the dissociation alerts and grounding part of the problem: I know how I hold myself and how I don't move in certain ways when I'm dissociated, and "touch" shaped into licking my hand or nudging me is something I can use for that.

But what would be really helpful is setting alerts for Tilly to go into Pester Mode on a timer. I think I can use a phone timer for this, probably, although I would really like it if I could make Gcal notifications work as a cue to set timers to. I can use "human stands up" as my stop cue for the behavior, and the start cue is of course the timer itself. Once summoned by the timer, I know what I would like her to do.

I'm just sort of stuck on how to go about starting this. I do not want to invoke Pester Mode without the timer, and I would ideally like Pester Mode to be reliably turned off if I stand up. I do not want to trigger Pester Mode for anyone but me. I can think of like half a dozen ways this task could go hideously wrong.

It's just that it would be so helpful if I could program a bunch of very specific reminders based on my Gcal schedule and then have a stubborn little dog break any hyperfocus and help me transition into a new behavior at those periods. Unfortunately, now that Matilda is old enough to begin thinking about beginning to shape the beginnings of this, I find myself stuck. What would you do, dogblr?

[ladykailitha]

Paper Hearts Part 4

I finished it!! It will have 8 chapters. I'm excited for you guys to see where this goes! I'm still working on Sweet Home Indiana and will be focusing on that until ITS done. Then we'll be back our regularly schedule WIPs.

We have Eddie's big plan and Steve gets his flirt on.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

****

Steve slipped into the kitchen and there in his mother’s neat handwriting was a note telling him that there were leftovers in the fridge and that they would be home again next Friday.

He sighed and opened the fridge. He immediately closed it when he saw what the leftovers were.

Boiled cabbage with chopped bacon and carrots. It wasn’t bad if it was made correctly, but his mother boiled any flavor and nutrients out of the poor vegetables and then tossed in cooked bacon to hide its sins.

He opened the cupboard and pulled out a small can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup and made that. He was craving the sodium. Eddie’s beef was good to get his body to stop shaking, but he had sweat so much he needed to replenish the salt he’d lost.

Once Steve had eaten and drank another glass of water he went to go get a shower and get ready for bed. It was no use trying to get back to his homework now. He had managed to blow up his whole evening by getting lost.

He had no idea how he got to Forest Hills or even why his feet carried him there in the first place. He could feel the weariness seeping into his bones from running for so long.

He undressed and got under the scorching water, letting the heat carry away his pains. His mind ran through all the things that Munson had done for him. The guy had no reason to be nice to him, but he had been more than gracious.

Then it hit him. Munson had called him Stevie, and without thinking Steve had called him Eds.

Eds.

Where the fuck did that come from? They weren’t friends, they could barely be considered acquaintances. Was his brain reaching out to the guy subconsciously? Is that why he ended up at the trailer park? Everyone knew that’s where Munson lived. Who knew how many times the guy had been called trailer trash, but the older teen seemed to rise above the insult.

Steve shook his head, spraying water everywhere. Just because Munson picked up lost sheep, didn’t mean he’d be willing to taken in an injured wolf. Because that’s what he was, reformed or not, Steve would never be a sheep. He would always be a wolf. A predator.

But at least as a wolf he could protect those kids with everything he had. And he would, even if it killed him.

The water had long since turned cold by the time Steve stepped out of the shower. He completed his after shower routine mostly on autopilot as he kept going over his interactions with both Munson men. He didn’t really have good interactions with dads or in this case uncles. But Munson’s uncle Wayne treated him with kindness and he could see where the older boy got it from.

He dressed into his pajamas and slid under the covers. He rolled over on his back and tucked one arm under his pillow, staring up at the ceiling.

Steve thought back to the apology. One Munson really didn’t have to give but did anyway. He thought about the other jocks that bragged about hurting his hand. He held it up and looked at the fading bruise. It wasn’t as though he was even basketball anymore. Hurting his hand wouldn’t do anything but make it hard to do his homework and all he had to do is show his teachers his hurt hand and he’d get extensions for that. Like he had for his concussion last November.

But then again Tommy H. never had reasons for the people he hurt either. He just liked the power he got seeing the person helpless.

He placed his hand over his heart and let himself drift off the sleep, brown eyes and dark curls haunting his dreams.

****

Eddie had originally bought the red heart for himself like he had told the two juniors. But staring at it now, he had a better plan for it. Because that last wall, that last bastion of defense crumbled to ashes when he realized that despite the fancy car, the big house, and the expensive clothes, Steve Harrington was more like Eddie than he thought possible.

Wayne’s approval of the boy cemented that for him. Because if he could take one look at Steve and decide he was worth saving, then Eddie raring to go full steam ahead for a rescue mission.

Eddie could tell that the hearts were made from simple construction paper, like the kind found just about anywhere. He knew it would be technically cheating to just simply make more instead of buying them, but he had no intention of contributing to a dance he was never going to go to because one, it wasn’t his year; two, the whole gay thing; and three, the one person he would want to go with if the gay thing wouldn’t get him hate crimed, wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Well, all right, that might have changed with the whole rescuing him from wandering alone in the dark thing.

He forgave Eddie about being a dumbass, so maybe there was hope for, at the very least, a vast decrease in hostility. And he was willing to take what he could get.

He decided to wait until tomorrow after school to get the construction paper and hope that the high school hadn’t bought up the town’s supply.

On his way out the next morning, Wayne stopped him.

“You don’t have to tell me, son,” he said gently, “but you got feelings for that boy?”

Eddie froze and turned slowly to face his uncle. “What gave you that idea?”

Wayne chuckled and shook his head fondly. “Boy, when you’d go on rants about the Harrington boy, you’d describe his floppy hair, his hazel eyes and how unfairly good looking the kid was. I didn’t say anything because it did sound like he’d been a bit of an ass. Only after last night I got to thinking and was wondering is all.”

Eddie closed his eyes and opened them slowly. He let out a long shuddering breath, his bottom lip quivering.

“I–I don’t...” he closed his eyes again. This wasn’t Al. He wasn’t going to get beat for admitting it, but still it was so hard to say. So he just nodded.

Wayne came up and wrapped his arms around his nephew. “It’s a hell of a lot tougher batting for the other team, but I trust your judgment. Just promise me that if he shows signs of liking you back, you take the chance to tell him how you feel because...”

“You miss one hundred percent of the chances you don’t take,” they said together.

Eddie dropped his bag to the floor and hugged him back. “I know, old man. But I promise if there is a chance, I’ll be brave enough to take it.”

“Get going,” Wayne said, voicing cracking with emotion.

He pulled back and nodded. He reshouldered his backpack and got in his van.

He had a lot to think about and that really wasn’t conducive to paying attention in class or to his friends as they talked about their upcoming D&D session.

Gareth kicked his shin causing him to yelp.

“What the fuck, dude?” Eddie hissed.

“What the fuck is up with you?” Gareth hissed back. “You’ve been going on and on about the mind flayer for weeks and now that it’s literally this weekend, and you’re off in some other realm.”

Eddie blinked at him for a moment before his brain came back on. He shook his head to clear it.

“Yeah, sorry, man,” he said around a pretzel. “Weird night last night.”

“What happened?” Jeff asked, tilting his head to the side.

So Eddie told them. “He was like a ghost, guys. If Wayne hadn’t seen him too, I would have thought I was hitting Mary Jane a little too hard, you know?”

“I didn’t realize he was getting bullied,” Brian said, frowning. “I would have thought with Hargrove giving the dude a wide berth, that everyone else would have too.”

“Untouchable,” Jeff agreed. “The fact that jocks are now splintering into factions tells you what kind of control Steve actually had on them.”

Eddie rubbed his chin. “I don’t know how true this is, but if Harrington wasn’t lying, he’s a real sweetheart, too.”

Then he leaned forward and explained about the pink heart scheme.

“So,” Gareth said, steepling his fingers and resting his chin on them, “you’re telling us is that we have been seriously remiss in our duties in collecting lost sheep.”

The older teen sighed and shook his head. “I’d like to collect him, but I’m afraid the wolves might decide to rip him apart before we got him to safety if we tried.”

Jeff winced. He knew what Eddie was talking about. Steve Harrington wasn’t the usual lost sheep. He might be bullied now, but as King, Harrington had run far too long with the wolves to think that they could protect him one hundred percent of the time.

“So what are we going to do?” Brian asked. “Because if we let this slide, we’re throwing our lot in with the bullies and that’s something I refuse to do.”

A grin spread out over Eddie’s face, closed lips and dimples entrenched into his cheeks. “We’re going to make the school think that he’s just as popular as he ever was.”

The other three boys looked at each other in confusion.

“So what have you got?” Gareth asked, his own grin starting to take over his face.

****

Eddie made sure to get to class early so he could see where Steve was going to sit. He tried to tell himself it was about the dude’s hand, but it wasn’t working. He wanted to see if the former Hawkins royalty would chose to sit with his old friends or by him again.

He didn’t have long to wait. Steve walked in not long after he did, just as the bell rang. He didn’t even look at his old desk near the front and beelined it for the chair he had sat in on Friday.

The teacher picked up on the change immediately and wrinkled her nose. “I am to suppose that you are taking up permanent residence in the back with Mr. Munson, Mr. Harrington?”

Steve half shrugged as he began to pull out his things for class. “I got more work done, Mrs. Dixon and I really want to graduate on time.”

Mrs. Dixon nodded. “Agreed and as long as you continue the level of attention from last week, you are permitted to stay there.”

About half way through class while Mrs. Dixon was grading papers, Tommy H. turned around and kicked Steve’s chair. “Suck up,” he hissed.

Steve puckered his lips and wagged his eyebrows. “Why? Do you want to be next?”

Tommy turned back around, his face bright red.

Eddie raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side as he considered everything about that interaction.

A little blossom of hope sprouted in his chest and he fought to keep it down. Steve had insinuated that other people were gay for years, but to Eddie’s highly trained gay ears, that sounded like Steve was offering to suck Tommy H.’s dick and that Tommy didn’t exactly turn him down.

Curiouser and curiouser, he thought tapping his lips thoughtfully. More research would have to be done.

He pulled out a different notebook, the one he used for campaign notes and song lyrics.

He wrote girls over one column and boys over the other and began tallying what he knew about the former King of Hawkins.

A shit ton went into the Steve liking girls column, but there was surprisingly more in the liking boys column then he would have thought possible. He looked up to catch Steve smirking at him.

Eddie quickly covered his notebook and stuck his tongue out at Steve.

The other boy shook his head and went back to doing the assignment. Eddie was more careful about what he left out in the open because he didn’t want Steve teased for it nor did he want him to see that Eddie was trying to figure him out.

The bell rang and the notebook was suddenly whisked off his desk.

“Hey!” Eddie cried, looking up to see Steve dancing away with the notebook teasingly. “Stevie!” He grabbed his bag and chased after the other boy. But the other boy was a jock and Eddie was wheezing for breath by the time he caught up with him at his locker.

“Give that back,” he huffed.

Steve gave him a bright smile and handed it back. “I just made a minor addition.”

Eddie frowned as he flipped through the pages but didn’t see anything. Steve took it back and turned to the correct page and leaned close so that only Eddie could hear.

“I trust you’ll keep my secret,” he whispered and then dropped to one knee to start getting into his locker.

Eddie gulped at the sight and turned to the paper to avoid saying something stupid. There in bold capital letters under his girls/guys columns was the word BOTH.

He looked up at Steve who had stood up. Steve winked at him and then walked away, leaving a shocked Eddie behind.

****

Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Tag List:

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

@spectrum-spectre @slv-333 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie

@chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666

@goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

@vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer

@yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination

@dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual

@fullpoetrybread @disrespectedgoatman @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @moonshadows-13

@swimmingbirdrunningrock @croatoan-like-its-hot @lolawonsstuff @lololol-1234 @dotdot-wierdlife

@ravenfrog @dauntlessdiva @thelittleclare @steddieyourself @dam28lh

[kathjack]

"They should've made an emphasis on Sallie May being trans before" "There should be things that openly indicate she's trans aside from the horns" "The merch shouldn't show her with a bulge if she's trans, logically she should hide it"

My brother in Christ shut the fuck up

Aight, I get where most of you are coming from but let me just say that Sallie May is a big breath of fresh air from a lot of canon trans rep I've been seeing in the internet about big projects such as Helluva Boss, let's go point from point

This contains spoilers from Hell's Belles

Sallie May is a transgender Imp, this is not something that was decided just now for the short as her first appearance in the moon harvest festival already shows her with the thick line horns (Which are exclusively from AMAB (Assigned Male at Birth) Imps

If there's only one point these people made that I agree with is the fact that the horns thing should be something implied in the show, not specifically with the intention of outing a trans character but something simple that could give more context for those who do not check the wikis or the social medias that often

Other than that, I feel like they haven't actually meet a trans person irl because they believe that her being trans should be something that everyone should catch the first time they see her, that someone should inmeditaly point out she's trans, yet, they get upset at the fact that she's proudly showing a bulge on the merchandise They want the show to scream verbally about her being trans but not casually

You have no idea how relieved I felt when, at no point in the episode, her being trans was mentioned or outed, none pointed out her horns or voice and instead the problem was her feeling left out of her sister's life, and, again, not because she's trans and feels like Millie doesn't view her the same or some bullshit, but because Millie doesn't go home as often and felt a bit mad when she had to do her work In fact! Her not getting genitalia reconstructive surgery is also a thing that is cool about her, she got tits but didn't chop off the dick and is not insecure about it, most of times trans people are put between not getting surgery or getting ALL of the surgeries AND being extremely insecure about their genitalia, and yes, there's a lot of trans people that feel that way, but I think that aspect of her is really good representation for those that don't want to get surgery or only want to either reduce or enlarge their chest, not everyone gets dysphoria the same way and this doesn't make her less of a woman for that

Even if it's okay to have characters where one of the main issue of the comes from being trans (I have a few myself), It's also nice to see character that are trans but the main issue with their life comes from something completely different and not related

So for people upset about her passing so well you can't immediately tell she's trans Surprise! That's a lot of us want, that's what a lot trans people irl try, to just be a person of the gender we really are, to be normal and not needing to always out of ourselves, to be treated the same no matter what I make a lot of jokes about my lack of dick and my excess of tits, I only out myself as trans when formally presenting to someone and that is just because I'm not allowed to be trans so I don't pass as a boy at all and need to specify, but me being trans is something that most of my friend only bring into the conversation to make a friendly joke or when I bring it up

Sallie May is not only good representation, is one of the best I've seen in a while in the modern adult media, because she's subtle yet obvious You may not like Viv (Me too girl /non gendered), but I got to give it to her, the lgbt+ representation she does is on point

Anyways now that I tackled down that issue is time to actually talks about this short as a whole see ya

[another-whump-sideblog]

Hiya, how are you doing today?

1. "it's just a fucking [object of phobia/irrational fear], stop being so childish."l

2. caretaker has their own issues so whumpee's sometimes get swept under the rug

For the bad caretaker prompts, please and thank you!

Hi! My day’s been decent enough. I didn’t actually reblog the bad caretaker prompt list (you probably meant to send this to someone else lol), but I’ll do this anyway cause it’s fun and I always want prompts!

Caretaker has not slept in three days.

This, unfortunately, is not the first time, and it won't be the last. But it is the first time they've gotten this sleep-deprived since letting Whumpee move in.

Normally when things get this bad, Caretaker handles it on their own. They like handling it on their own, someone else helping just means needing to worry about making sure they feel like they're helpful on top of everything else. And they would be able to handle it on their own, if Whumpee could leave them alone for two goddamn seconds-

They had been getting a handle on managing full-time work and full-time school and their health and keeping their apartment clean and maintaining social connections and- that's it right? Yeah. They were getting a handle on it, they had a schedule that worked, they were fine, and then their sibling called them crying and begging for a place to stay after years of radio silence (they ghosted Caretaker, their own sibling, with no explanation whatsoever, who does that?) and how could they say no without feeling like a monster? They couldn't. So their schedule is all messed up, and sleep is always first on the chopping block when they need more time.

Something happened to Whumpee. Caretaker knows that. When they first picked up Whumpee they had to take them to the hospital instead of home like they planned because they were badly injured (which they should've mentioned in the phonecall). They have scars they didn't have before and they wake up screaming almost every night. And more than that, Caretaker sees how much quieter they are, how they sit statue still instead of fidgeting like they used to. Caretaker knows something happened, but it's really hard to care when they're freaking out over something like-

"It's just a fucking frying pan, stop being so childish! Why can't I even make some eggs without you freaking out?? Why does everything have to be about you!? I'm not going to hurt you! I've never hurt you! Stop treating me like I'm going to snap at any moment!"

Whumpee's pleading stops. They are so still and so quiet. Their eyes don't leave the frying pan.

Caretaker drops the frying pan and lets it clatter to the ground, making Whumpee flinch. "There are bigger problems in the world than fucking frying pans! I have a life, Whumpee! Fucking- stop it, I haven't done anything wrong!"

Whumpee's eyes are still on the fucking frying pan.

"Unbelievable. I've done so much for you, you don't get to treat me like some sort of monster!"

Whumpee stays still and silent and focused on the frying pan.

"Whatever. Come find me when you're ready to talk like an adult." Caretaker storms off to their room.

--

They wake up hours later. Fuck! They don't even remember going to sleep, and they're so behind on schoolwork-

But that'll have to wait. They groan into their pillow. Why did they say those things??

Whumpee isn't in the kitchen where Caretaker left them. Luckily, Caretaker knows their favorite hiding spots by now, and finds them huddled up in the coat closet.

Whumpee flinches when they open the door, then squeezes their eyes shut.

"Hey." Caretaker sits down next to them. "I'm not mad. I'm... sorry I flipped out earlier. Are you okay?"

Whumpee seems to think about their answer for a long time, then shrugs.

"It wasn't okay for me to say any of that stuff. I didn't mean it, I'm just- I just took a nap and that's the first time I've slept in three days, and I have so much stress right now- but that's not an excuse. Just- it wasn't really because of you. It was because of those things. And me not... handling them properly. So I'm really sorry."

Whumpee doesn't say anything.

"I just... I can't do this, Whumpee. I can't. I can't handle my job and school and myself and the apartment and you. I want to help. I love you so much, Whumpee, but I can't do this. I can't give up my sleep to comfort you after nightmares, I can't- I'm not kicking you out. I just... I need you to find someone else to go to. When I can't be there."

Whumpee nods. "...okay." Their voice is still too quiet, nothing like how they used to sound. "I understand. I'm sorry."

"No, no, you don't have anything to apologize for. It's... fine for you to freak out over small things. You can do that. I was- I got defensive- I felt like you were blaming me. But you weren't, I don't think, you were just... feeling scared. So you can feel scared or feel anything and I'll make sure to remember you can be scared or sad or anything and it doesn't mean you're blaming me just by feeling it. I just... can't always comfort you when that happens. When you freak out over small things. I need you to be able to comfort yourself or have someone to call."

"I wasn't blaming you." Whumpee confirms. "It honestly... has nothing to do with you, usually."

Caretaker laughs. "Right. Nothing to do with me."

"It'll be easier when I'm healed more. I can't do work or school for you, but I can help keep the apartment tidy."

"...yeah. That would be nice." Caretaker really doesn't want Whumpee to help them clean- Whumpee always does it wrong- but now doesn't seem like a good time for that discussion.

The two of them are quiet for a while, but neither of them get up to leave. They just sit with each other, hidden away in a coat closet. It doesn't take long for Caretaker to fall back asleep, and for Whumpee to drape some coats over them in a makeshift blanket.

[peppermintquartz]

Twisted Metal (TV series) AU, pro wrestler kayfabe personas

Violence, fluff, Joestafa (except it's also Sweet Tooth)

Look, it's me. If there's Joe, imma write Joestafa one way or another.

Title to be decided. Tentatively "Under the Mask".

*

Mustafa stops only when he hears the change in sound from the crunch of bone to the sticky-wet slap of flesh. Then he steps back, every joint and muscle aching, and sees what he's done to Agent McFuckface.

With a grunt he slams the hammer in his hand into the dead agent's skull and leaves it there.

As he's catching his breath and trying to work out where to go next, he hears applause behind him. Whirling around, Mustafa sees Death coming towards him.

Well, a huge machete-wielding man in a chest harness and white pants with red dots who's wearing a clown mask that has orange hair sticking out the sides is close to being the embodiment of Death as makes no difference, really.

"That was intense! You looked like you really worked through your issues," the clown says.

Mustafa shrugs. "Some of them."

The clown approaches. If Mustafa were less drained of emotion after beating in the face of the last of his pursuers, he'd be afraid. As it is, he's thinking if the clown will chop his head off immediately or just remove his limbs one by one. Both would suck, except one would suck less.

"Look, man, if you're gonna kill me, I'd appreciate a quick death," Mustafa says.

Despite the mask, the clown looks offended. "Kill you? Why would I do that?"

Mustafa raises an eyebrow and points at the blood-stained machete in the other man's hand.

"Oh, this? Don't worry about it. I am not killing someone who's just put on a passionate and focused performance. It was stunning!" He tilts his head and, through the eyeholes, he winks. "Get it? Stunning?"

Mustafa glances at Agent McShithead. He chuckles. "Yeah. Took his breath right away."

The clown laughs uproariously. "I like you! You're funny!" Suddenly the machete swings through the air, right towards Mustafa's neck.

It stops before the blade breaks skin.

Mustafa glances down, then his gaze follows the weapon all the way along to the massive arm and trails up to the clown's masked face. "That was fucking impressive, man. That control."

"You didn't even flinch." The clown sounds different now, almost serious. "Most people would've flinched. Or screamed. I've heard so much screaming."

"You said you wouldn't kill someone who put on a stunning performance. And you said you like me."

"I could've been lying."

"A guy like you? Nah. You have no need to lie." Mustafa spits on the dead agent. "Fuckers like him and his boss lie."

The clown lowers the machete and tilts his head quizzically. "You sound like you got a story."

"You wanna hear it? I don't wanna bore ya."

"Hmmm. I'm trying to come up with a new play. My previous one was a flop." The clown stares at Mustafa. "Maybe I can use some inspiration..."

Mustafa waits. He has nothing else to do, anyway. He can't go back east to Topeka, take out a sharp implement, and ram it through Agent Stone's head the way he wants to. He remembers the way his mom had looked at where he was hiding just before-

"Alrighty then! How about you come with me to my place, I'll treat you to some white tiger steaks, and you can share all about how you got to the point of beating a man's brains in over a dinner." The clown holds up both hands. "I'm not trying to get in your pants, just so we're clear. I am a gentleman."

"Pity," Mustafa quips, offering a small smile. "Food sounds good. Lead the way."

The clown's voice seems to hold a smile. "By the way, I'm Sweet Tooth."

"Mustafa."

"Like the Lion King?"

"No, that's Mufasa. M-U-S-T-A-F-A. Mustafa."

The clown - Sweet Tooth - tries the name out a couple of times as they walk, and finally gets the right inflection. Then he points to a burnt shell of a hotel, with the word "RAGE" left on the wall. "Home sweet home."

Mustafa stares. Then he shrugs again and sticks his hands in his pockets. "You got a shower in there, Sweet Tooth?"

[mejomonster]

just a rant about gender and dysphoria and happiness and frustrations i guess?

im gonna go on a few more tangents fuck it ToT so for one: while i love that binders exist (truly they're amazing), i personally hate wearing them because for me they feel just like a bra, and a bra makes me feel Not-Great, and i'd much rather wear layers and bigger clothes to hide my chest (while being pissed all genders cannot simply wear no shirt and no Nothing and be treated the same), because the simple thing of Some Constricting Thing on My Chest makes me feel more dysphoric ddkdkd

and then second: so when i was lets say a teenager to in college, i did a lot of varying with my self expression. high school saw me volley from very butch to lazy femme looking frequently. i chopped all my hair off, then got wigs so i could still do those high glam looks when i wanted. in college i tried out long bleached hair deep side part with undercut and cut off sleeve t-shirts (think Pat in Bad Buddy if he was a punk lesbian) and then 1 inch hair when i got fucking sick of long hair like i always do (and many a dad sweater). i got a tiny waist and big fucking hips. big shoulders. so im an hourglass i guess, when i wear anything that fits me. its pretty easy to read 'feminine' to a stranger, when all u gotta do is put on clothes that fit, 1 line of eyeliner, and there u go (and i'd learn later w a face like mine there was no need for the eyeliner... or the rest).

but for a while i just did not Want to Ever read feminine, unless i was on a date with a cute girl, so at work nonstop i wore loose pants to hide my waist size, baggy sweaters, binder, my hair was cut off, no makeup, my usual glasses. on paper i shoulda looked like a hipster guy i guess. in reality every fucking day some customer would say 'ma'am, miss, young lady' to get my attention. and lo and behold i find out i just wont really ever read as butch to a stranger. not with my face -3-)/ i mean yeah. maybe if i took testosterone, if it changes the shape of my face enough. i already have a mustache. i've grown it out, and bleached it, and shaved it, and even at it's longest strangers were like 'hi miss could u help me'. and that was i dunno. an interesting thing for me to realize. to realize that for every stranger i meet, generally, they're going to look at me and think 'marilyn monroe' no matter how i decide to present visually.

and well. i DO like some feminine presenting appearance things. i like lolita dresses, i like dying my hair every color i can get a hold of, i love eyeliner because that part of the teen emo phase never left me. i like bright colored eyeshadows, and drawing fun things with my eyeliner. i like dressing up as high femme as i can if i'm going on a date with a femme, because it's fun to dress up with someone else going to the nines. i like my waist, it's like Link! and Raiden! and Axel! And if they are guys, i can be a guy too (and honestly this is to all guys - you a guy? then you ARE a guy. you don't have to prove that to anyone, or meet some arbitrary standards, there's a wonderful rant Enterprise Incidents Podcast did about 'what is a man? a woman? anything they want' because humans come in infinite diversity and what is a man to one man is not the same as another, its just who that guy themselves IS.)

and well. i decided - if strangers are gonna misgender me no matter what, i might as well stop trying to change my looks to what 'strangers' might prefer from me, and instead just look the way i want to anyway. and of course, college was a good time in some ways. i found tumblr, i found other bisexual people and felt a hell of a lot less alone, i found trans people sharing their experiences, and realize Ayyyyy Dysphoria is what i felt all through high school now it all makes sense why i kept praying for god to turn me into a dude! I already AM a dude! feeling SO much like u are one... u probably ARE already one.

(y'all have no idea how uninformed my knowledge was of trans people in high school was... my school had zero out kids, most kids as naive and uninformed as me - some who would later realize they were trans like me, and the only info i had on trans people was the movie Boys Don't Cry which... that movie's got a host of issues. But what teen mejo took from it was: no one in the world would acknowledge me as a man unless i got surgery. And since i never heard of transgender before, i assumed that meant 'ur gender has to match ur body' hence the praying for years to just wake up a guy. jokes on me! i was already! wishes do come true dkdkdkd. Anyway. It wasn't until getting to college, finding educational resources online, and finding community on tumblr, that i realized Simply Already Feeling I Was a Guy internally... made me one.

And also the much broader, more healing realization for many people including cisgender people: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, whatever makes you HAPPY, you are the gender you feel you are and that's literally all it requires. You already ARE whatever you are, and your heart knows. Or your heart doesn't, and you explore. But my point is: cisgender men can wear makeup and love it and still be men. Cisgender women can shave their heads and grow lots of body hair and be 6 feet tall and love fishing. Your gender doesn't mean you can't like something or can't do something or can't be something, you can like/do/be WHATEVER YOU WANT. No matter who you are.

And being trans doesn't change that. Yes, there's additional factors: a trans woman who doesn't want big boobs and loves short hair is at risk of being misgendered by strangers more... but so are cis women. So are all women. That doesn't mean masculine hobbies or looks or likes makes you a man, it's just whatever. Strangers making judgements happens for so much bullshit, it doesn't mean they get to define you, strangers opinions do not Decide what you are. Only you do. Cis men and trans men can love makeup, can love baking, whatever the fuck! What makes you a man? Feeling you are a man. What makes you a woman (or anyone)? Feeling she is. Simple as that. What can you do/be/look like in this world? WHATEVER the fuck you WANT.

So yeah. I go through all those realizations in college. (and to get down in the weeds, I probably related to bigender the most as in line with my feelings, which i just label as nonbinary for strangers because... to be honest the number of people who even knew what Nonbinary was when i realized i felt nonbinary was miniscule, even less then the ppl who knew what bisexuality was. i mostly feel like a dude. i still connect with being a woman. maybe its because im nonbinary, but i feel like gender is so dumb in some ways. i'm so happy for y'all who feel gender euphoria, and i recognize a huge portion of people find solace and comfort in strongly feeling like their gender. but at the same time i feel like straight ppl could figure out how to only be attracted to the ppl they like now, even if gender didn't exist. knowing humans, we'd make up a new system to divide humans into classifications like a gender-equivalent construct based on nose shape or eyebrows idk. so its not like humans are about to stop caring about gender, and there'd still be some made up human way of splitting people apart they'd probably use to build inequality idk. humans already do that with a lot of other concepts they made up besides gender.)

the point i'm circling back to is: gender is great for many a person, and the only important thing to really remember is you can be whatever you want in this world, you're allowed. if you're a boy, if you're a girl, if you're nonbinary, if you're agender, whatever body you have, whatever hobbies or likes or talents or whatever. you do not have to be trapped in a box, you're allowed to be Fully You. Whoever that is. You're allowed to conform to expectations of A or B or whatever, you're allowed to do your own thing, you're a human being and whoever you are - is you. You are not broken just because YOU are a bit different than someone else.

and then a third tangent: i hope for cis people to internalize that fucking realization too. I dunno if it's people older than me, or younger, or in the same boat, but sometimes i am just hit Hard by the terror i'll be hearing cis people distraught about. i'll hear how horrified they, a cis woman, are to be 'masculine' or simply to be 'not interpreted by strangers as feminine Enough' (whatever the fuck the Enough Impossible-Standard is that society perpetuates to them - usually a white classist patriarchal conservative ideal, where an ideal woman is 1. white. 2. long haired. 3. wears full makeup. 4. is very skinny 5. is upper class and wears expensive things 6. has no body hair 7. is 'demure' and submissive and caretaking and sweet and innocent OR sexy and appealing to others etc).

So many cis women I see crying, full on horrified, because they're overweight. Dieting to dangerous degrees, because they're overweight (like most of the population in my country, their weight is perfectly average it's not like most other ppl aren't just like them), and overweight = ugly = poor = black = masculine = man in the fucked up mainstream ideals of beauty and white womanhood. So many cis women freaking out they have boxy bodies instead of curves, have hair on their face (newsflash all humans have at least this thin peach fuzz on their face - if you are not white and blonde then Yes, Sometimes that peach fuzz is darker colored or you get a mustache like me) and just shaving it isn't enough - they still feel they aren't inherently allowed to be a 'woman' because of it. SOOOOOOO many of these cis women would benefit greatly from the recognition of a woman as 'anything.' A woman IS anything. Any appearance, any hobbies, any likes.

So many cis men horrified they don't live up to a strict fucked up box of an ideal as well - terrified they don't make enough money to be a 'real' man. Terrified they aren't skinny enough, or aren't muscular enough, or aren't assertive enough, or can't provide Enough to others, or show Too Much emotion. (A lot of these limiting gender ideals coming from the same white patriarchal upper class ideal, so by design MOST men will probably never manage to reach such ideals - the ideals causing them to fight each other, to prove who's 'most alpha', the ideals causing them to abandon themselves - because to be a 'real man' is to not cry or show weakness or admit to struggling to live up to the ideal, the ideals causing them to lash out at others - and rewarding them for it, because if they harm others then they'll help perpetuate this fucked up system by hurting more people and putting the pressure on more people To Strive to Live Up to The Ideal in the hopes of finally gaining enough acceptance to avoid further attacks). Every incel in some degree is so internally distraught trying to live up to the Ideal Real Man, who 'gets bitches' and feels they'll never really be a 'real man' until they can too. Every dude sucked into the manosphere has heard so much awful stuff about what a man has to do in order to 'prove he's a man and Deserve to be treated as a man' that they've taken to heart. And now they're perpetuating that harm, hurting MORE guys and insisting even more other guys aren't REAL unless they conform as well (and hell - probably still don't deserve to be respected as Real Men unless they also get rich and successful).

How many of these cisgender people would be so much fucking happier, and hurt significantly less people (and stop hurting themselves) if they just realized, really fucking took to heart, that a person is their gender JUST BECAUSE they feel they are. My guy, do you think you're a guy? CONGRATS you're a real man and whatever kind of guy you are IS a real guy. Miss over there, you are desperate to prove you're a woman? You ALREADY are. You do not need to diet more to prove that, or change your hobbies or quit your fucking job.

It's frustrating to see that giant system hurting people on so many levels. Just everywhere.

[soggykookiesandcream]

ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ​ - ʙᴏɴᴜꜱ

5 years later...

Taemin's POV

"Why are you with that fool? He doesn't even talk to anyone at school," a boy snickers talking to Jungwon as I fist my hands in my pocket, "You see that girl there? She's rich. She's about to be famous and debut as an actress soon. That Taemin- He's not even popular. You've been with him for five years and he still hasn't introduced you to his parents?"

"Okay, okay," Jungwon chuckles, "Let's unpack. First off, he is not a fool. Second off, I don't need a popular 'pick-me-girl'. I have Taemin, he makes me the happiest person on earth. Third off, he's not ready to introduce me to his parents yet. He's promised me that he'll get us to meet soon and he always keeps his promise. He's a good boy. Now, the next time you come to me bitching about my boyfriend, I'll make sure to throw you out that window," Jungwon points to a window nearby and turns around walking away. I smile softly walking into my class. 

I make him the happiest person on earth.

And I'm a good boy!

I'll make sure that guy is thrown out that exact window you pointed at, Jungwon. I will.

I will also introduce you to my parents. 

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

"Jungwon," Taemin smiles as he hugs him from behind.

"Yes, Taeboy?" Jungwon asks chopping vegetables for dinner.

"Taeboy loves you so much," he kisses his neck softly.

"Uh, uh," Jungwon shakes his head, "Don't turn me on when I'm trying to cook. I will chop your hands," he says when he feels Taemin's hand go further down his hips.

"But I need you, wonnie," Taemin smiles pressing his hips onto Jungwon's back. 

"You always need me, don't you?" Jungwon chuckles placing the knife down and pushing all the chopped items into the pot. 

"Mhm," Taemin snakes his hand around Jungwon's waist caressing his stomach, "Do you want to meet my parents?"

"What? Is that even a question?" The older boy smacks Taemin's bottom, "Of course, I want to!"

"I've asked my parents and they invited you over on Saturday night for dinner," Taemin says with a grin.

"Really?" The older boy does a little dance of happiness before skipping over to their room, "I'm gonna choose what to wear. I really want to impress them."

"Can you please take care of that later and take care of me first, please," Taemin follows his boyfriend like a puppy. Jungwon looks at Taemin's awkward posture trying to hide his bulge shyly.

Jungwon hums scanning the younger's figure with his lips between his teeth, "I'm gonna need you to show me some tricks before I give you treats, Taeboy," Jungwon ruffles Taemin's hair.

"Yes," Taemin clutches onto Jungwon's shirt, "Anything. Any trick you ask me."

"Good boy," Jungwon smirks pulling Taemin onto the bed by his collar, "You're gonna be a good boy for me, right?"

"Yes," Taemin whines as Jungwon runs his finger up his thighs, "Good boy. Good boy only for you."

"You know the drill, baby," Jungwon grabs Taemin by his hair, 

"On your knees."

500 words

A/N- This has been in my drafts for a while now and um I have finally found the courage to post this lmao. We got sub!Taemin. Anyways, I saw a comment saying "Yang Jungwon?" But honestly, no. I didn't take Jungwon from Enhypen. I just googled Korean names and that name sounded nice so I just took it lol. You can imagine him or anyone you want lol idm. Also, I might upload another bonus chapter. I don't know lol I really want to move on from this book but I just keep getting more and more ideas for this book 💀

[boycigs]

SO WHAT YOU'RE MURDERERS ? : CHAP 2

masterlist. previous chapter. next chapter.

genre; crack, slightly suggestive, check cw from masterlist

taglist ; @gabytodd @rome-alone @milkyfab @defnotphantomofficial @satsuri3su @one-green-frog @royal-shinigami @sanemiss @astrozuya @8-29pm @yuuisasimp @kawouya @massivebde @kusuinko @spqce-bun

bibi's note ; please note that since reader is izana's brother. (MALE READER) he will have similar features, lavender eyes. thank you so much @softiefeli for proof reading <3 ily, reblogs and comments are very appreciated!!

Your class wasn't half bad. A lecture explaining the content for next week and talking about the start of mid-terms. Now on the way to Bonten HQ.

Thoughts going through your head of why Mikey couldn't have sent for someone to get you. Ah well, going through these parts of the city was interesting. Just a few more blocks and you decided you're done walking for the day.

The building wasn't as you expected, but they're criminals. Hiding in plain sight.

As you opened the doors to the building there was a lady behind the desk who just acknowledged your presence.

"Ah, Good evening sir. May I help you?"

As you glanced down at her the words softly spilled from your lips, something resembling 'meeting with Manjiro Sano'.

"Meeting with the big boss huh? You're gonna wanna take the elevator to the top floor, get out, turn left and take the second right door-" she handed you a piece of paper with a tiny, quickly drawn map. "Just in case."

"Thank you."

Now on the way to see your brother. Although one thing you could say was the elevator music was crappy, not even the original tunes.

"Office, office, ah map‐" you pulled out the poorly drawn 'map' and started to follow it.

15 minutes later after searching and passing by a couple of interesting-looking employees that eyed you with wide eyes. You made it to a very loud office room. One distinct voice boomed with an anxious tone. "BOSS, WAS THAT IZANA, OR AM I SEEING THINGS?"

As you knocked on the door, it was like a spell. All those voices ceased, plus a large thump which worried you.

Finally, someone came and opened the door, and the first thing that caught your eyes was; the semi-familiar shirtless Ravenette passed out on the floor with what seemed to be a head injury, two purple heads, (both having features making them look like jellyfish) now pointing at you and screaming "ITS YOU", to which the taller one hummed along with you 'Video Games' by Lana del Rey, and a short man who looked like your brother, but deathly pale.

"What's going on here ? and, you ! must be Manjiro right?" you questioned, pointing at the short platinum blond.

"That's boss, and why do you look so much like Izana Kurokawa? Are you two related? Are you Izana Kurokawa ?! Did you really die ?!?" The toned lanky-looking one bombed you with questions.

"Uh, Izana's my brother, and by that logic, I'm Manjiro's adopted brother." You stated before your lips slightly turned, the feeling of still having family warmed you inside.

"It's really nice to finally meet you, 'Invincible Mikey', oh and here ya go. 'Zana said you liked 'em." You handed him a taiyaki as well as opening one for yourself, while he started to introduce everybody with his mouth full.

"Thanks, and you as well (name). Now, those two purple jellyfish are Ran and Rindou Haitani, the one on the floor is Kakucho Hitto. The pink one is Sanzu, beware he's probably on something-" You snickered, cutting your brother off. "It's fine, that's how I get through uni."

"Anyway, the other blonde in red is Koko, Takeomi is Sanzu's more civilized brother and mochi is, somewhere. That's Bonten. Everyone, treat him like you would me. Otherwise I won't hesitate to put you on the chopping block."

The short blonde looked the younger haitani in the eyes before speaking again. "Rindou I trust that you'll get this info to the executives that aren't here right now."

When Mikey finished introductions he ordered his executives off to whatever task they had at hand before you came, and took you to his office to talk more with you.

[jaeminscoffee]

Confession.

Pairing- Park Jisung x reader

Genre- Fluff, Crack. best friends to lovers!au

Word count- 2.11k

Warning- kinda rushed and not proof read because I'm an idiot.

Summary- It's been established that Jisung cannot confess without blushing and looking away from your godly self.

You hate weekends, why? Because it takes years to come and just seconds to go, snatching away all the time for you to rest. 

You wake up with a groan, the sound of your phone ringing loud as a result of you forgetting to put it on mute last night. Your hands wander all over your side table, picking up the phone in your hand to cut the call and get back to sleep. It was Saturday for god's sake. 

You turn around, after tossing the phone somewhere on the bed, pillow kept in a tight embrace as you close your eyes for a second sleep, only for your phone to ring again. 

Whining at the ridiculously loud music, you pick up the call this time, wanting to get it over with, "Whoever the fuck is calling me this early, if you don't have anything important to say I'll chop you up and feed you to my-" "Good morning to you too" you hear a deep voice chuckle from the other side of the phone, making you sit up immediately, stopping the threat you'd started in your morning voice. 

"Oh Jisung, hey yeah good morning, I've totally not been woken up by you" you smile wide, having been lucky enough to hear your best friend's, or your crush's voice the first thing in the morning. 

You hear him let out a hearty laugh, making you pull the phone away slightly from your ears, still keeping it close enough to feel yourself get all warm on the inside because of his laughter. 

"Sorry, sorry" he said, calming himself as you wave your hands frantically, stupid move because he can't see you, you immediately wave him off, verbally this time. "It's fine, I had to get up from my slumber some time soon anyways" you reply, trying to rub the sleep away from your eyes. 

"So, why did you call me?" You ask the boy who went silent for a moment. Coming to a conclusion that 'Because i wanted to hear your voice' would be too cringe, he replied "Oh that, yeah like, Wanna, i mean-- if you're not busy this afternoon, we could go get lunch? Or coffee? If you're not busy though"

"Since when did you start caring if I'm busy or not?" you ask, tone suspicious, "Hey! What do you mean? I always asked you if you're busy or not!" he said, voice clearly portraying he's offended. "Last time, if I remember it right, you barged into my room after my mom let you in, said 'you busy? Of course you're not' and dragged me out to go bowling when you clearly knew that i delayed my submission by a day and i had time only till the next day to submit it unless i wanted my grades to be low" you answer. 

"Okay, see listen. Listen. I helped you complete the project later or not?" he inquired. "You spilled coffee on my starting page, then made me rearrange the entire project because your blind ass didn't see the page numbering i'd made at the top and mixed the entire thing." you reply with a sassy tone, laughing as you hear Jisung whine out a bunch of complaints. 

"That was one time" he growled, "Anyways, be ready by 2 I'll come pick you up." he sighed. 

"Okay! Where are we going?" you ask. "Chuck-E-Cheese" and with that, he cut the call, making you scoff. 

Who eats Chuck-E-Cheese for lunch? 

It's only when you checked the screen you realise it's almost 12, early right. You drag your body out of the bed, having less than two hours to get ready for a hangout with your best friend. 

By one you are done having your breakfast (brunch), taking a long shower and throwing out half of your closet to want to look presentable enough to show up in public, pulling your hair only to resort to wearing a baby pink oversized hoodie with a black knee slit skinny jeans. 

By one thirty, you are done putting on some light makeup, curling the ends of your hair, spraying on some perfume and by three forty five you were by the front porch, waiting there for Jisung. 

"Oh? Didn't actually expect you to be all ready and out" Jisung said, arriving not five minutes after your wait. "Why do you say that" you ask, walking up to him, "No you see, i thought i'd have to drag you out of bed like the last time" He laughed out, probably having flashbacks of when you tried putting up a protest by throwing punches all over. You shake your head. "For suspecting me and my responsible self, you're paying." 

The pair of you start walking, the place being not too far away, "Fine with me" He chuckled, throwing his hands around your shoulder, pulling you close, making you stumble. You let out a 'tsk' holding his hand that hung around your shoulder, continuing to walk close to each other, igniting small talks all throughout the walk. 

Upon reaching the entrance of the fast food joint, Jisung jogged first up to the door, holding it open for you. You throw your head back, laughing, looking at him with the 'oh so we're doing this now?' look, as you dramatically bow at him, stepping into the place that smelled of grease.

"I am such a gentleman" Jisung self compliments, making you chuckle and hit him softly on the shoulder. The two of you walk up to a free table, you set your sling bag on the chair beside yours as he keeps standing, "I'll go order, what do you want?" you ponder for a while, watching him pull out his wallet from the back pocket, "I'll just get some fries." you pull your lips into a straight line, looking at Jisung. 

"So double cheeseburger and an oreo shake, got it" he says, "Wait no, Sung I'm really not hungry" you protest, about to stand up from your seat, "I will force feed you if i have to" he narrowed his eyes at you, warning you.

You sigh, throwing your hands up as a sign of giving up, knowing he wasn't joking, "Good girl." he smiled at you and made his way up to the counter to place the order as you place your hands over your cheeks to calm down the heat, how does one look that fucking good in a plain black hoodie and jeans?

"Okay extremely random but, you look so comfortable and cuddle-able right now" Jisung said, sitting down in front of you after doing whatever he was supposed to do. You flinch at the sudden voice, immediately feeling your blood rush up to your cheeks, Jisung noticing it "Oh! Is my y/n blushing??" he asked in a stupidly high pitched voice, raising his eyebrows in a teasing manner, head slightly tilted towards the side. 

You choke on your own saliva at his sudden claiming, you shake your head frantically, "Who's blushing! It's just a little cold in here" you say, avoiding his eyes and keeping yourself busy with the string of your hoodie. 

'Okay why is it so hard to just say whatever i want to say to her. '

"Y/n" Jisung called out as you two waited for your food to arrive, you looked up from the milkshake bottle, eyes a little wide signaling him to keep going. "You see, i have something extremely important to tell you," he started, as you smile at him softly, patiently waiting, "Hm? I'm listening" 

You place both your hands on the table, slightly leaning your body forward to hear him clearer. "If i go back home without telling you this, Renjun will probably commit a murder" he murmured, more like to himself but you hear him clear as day. "So? What are you waiting for? Go ahead and tell me?"

Jisung cleared his throat, opening his mouth "I feel like i-" "Here's your two double cheeseburger! Enjoy your time at Chuck-E-Cheese!" the waiter cut him off, placing plates in front of your two as you send a friendly smile in his direction. 

You sit comfortably in your seat, looking back at Jisung once the waiter was out of sight. "You were saying? You feel like you..?"

"I feel like I'm going to absolutely love this burger" he said in an overly excited tone, his usually deep voice coming off high pitched. "That's what Renjun wanted you to tell me?" you look at the boy weird. 

"Well not really.." he said slowly. "Spit it out, Park, you seem like something's bothering you" you ask after biting out a small chunk out of the burger. 

"Okay. Okay. I got this. Yes, something is bothering me." you were about to speak up again, but he lifted his hand up, signaling you to just let him do the talking. 

"You are bothering me actually. In fact your very existence is bothering me. That's how I feel about you. Why does someone this perfect exist? It bothers me that you're so close to me yet I feel so empty because you aren't my girlfriend??-" he look up for the first time since he started blurting out his feelings,

"Also stop smiling at me like that, i won't be able to complete my sentence if you keep looking at me like that" he bit down on his bottom lips as you see hues of red taking its place on his cheeks. 

You laugh at him, but continue looking at him, "So like, what I'm trying to get at is that, after multiple curses thrown at me from the others I realized that I'm madly in love with you? And i thought that if i treated you like how i treat my dudes I'd feel better but nope, i just fell deeper because-Hey! I told you to stop looking at me like that!" Jisung whined as you broke into a fit of laughter. 

"Sorry, sorry" you raise your hands up in defeat, looking down at your half empty drink instead, feeling yourself grow hotter every passing second. 

"As I was saying, I like you. Scratch that, I love you. So will you.. You don't have to if you don't want to.. Will you be my girlfriend..?" he completed with his voice coming out strained from nervousness. 

You looked up at him once he was done, watching him scratch the back of his head had you smiling so wide, your cheeks had to have started to cramp. 

"Okay first of all. Of all places, you chose chuck-e-cheese to confess?" you laugh out again as Jisung started crouching in his seat, hiding his face in embarrassment. "It was an on spot planning. And you love the oreo shake here!" he reasoned as you dismissed him.

"Second of all, you're giving me THE look, how do you expect me to say no, idiot?" you retort, watching his eyes go as round as the yolk in sunny side up. "So.. That means?"

"Hey boyfriend" you smile wide at him, biting down your lips to stop yourself from squealing out. "Woah, that was easier than i thought." he says, face clearly portraying that he was shocked but ended up smiling wide at the name you called him. 

"Boyfriend.." he muttered, picking up his now cold burger as the two of you kept talking for the entirety of the lunch. 

The walk home was the best, cheesy even from how clingy the two of you were, but it was cute. Hand in hand as you joked about how you in reality were just showing sympathy by accepting his confession because he was your best friend making him whine harder than he already was. 

Reaching up your doorsteps with walk filled with your constant taunt thrown at Jisung "Come here you!" he pulled you into an embrace, catching you off guard, resulting in you stiffening against his chest, soon melting down at the warmth of his body. 

You try pulling away to look at him, but he held you tighter, "No wait, don't pull away just yet", you smile wide, face pressed on his chest, as your hands wrapped around his torso tighter, the same way he had around you. 

Jisung pulls away this time, cupping your cheeks as you look down, avoiding his teasing gaze as the crimson at the top of your ears becomes a little more evident. 

"You're cute" he said, pulling you back against his body as you mumble out a muffled thank you. 

"you might be cute, I'm cuter though." he quickly added, placing his chin on top of your head. You open your mouth to speak,

"What a great boyfriend I've got" 

[mollyphoria]

Moodboard #3

I was not able to make another moodboard since February because there's not much difference from what I was feeling from back then to now. It was pretty much all the same. Still wanting to get away and have freedom, yk same old shit but it wouldn't be a surprise that some things did change throughout this 5 mos like :

My lovely Calico cat Jimina gave birth to 5 kittens originally. She was pregnant at the start of this year and blessed the world with 5 cute mini jiminas on March 9 (same birthdate of BTS Suga)

3 of the kittens inherited her orange and white fur while the other one inherited the dark, striped fur completely devoid of any white fur. Only one kitten out of 5 got her triple color coated fur.

Sadly only 3 survived. Jimina hid the kittens briefly first and then abruptly one day she brought them up again already grown up, able to walk and with their eyes open but she only had 3 kittens with her. I never got to find out what ever happened with the other 2 babies with one of the missing of the kittens was the one that fully inherited the Calico cat status of Jimina which devastated me the most and I'm still heartbroken to this day that some of her babies didn't get to live like their siblings. I don't want to think that they died, I want to actually believe that they somehow survived without their mother miraculously but it's only the plausible reason why they never showed up at all 😞

The 3 surviving kittens tho is a lot of fun! They were rumbustious and full of energy. They were always playing and running around in my mom's garden. Climbing up a tree or an orchid branch, playing hide and seek through the plethora of plants. It was a treat to see them just having fun and I took lots of videos. I decided to name them after the BTS maknaes nicknames which is Kookie, Mochi and TaeTae. All 3 kittens have a very distinct personality from each other like you could immediately tell that Kookie is more introverted than the other two, his more reserved and prefers to be alone most of the time, TaeTae is more adventurous and playful but he doesn't trust that easily while Mochi on the other hand is the most extroverted and trusting out of all (FYI: I named them first without knowing their personalities believe it or not). Overall they brought so much life and extra joy in me. Now that they are 4 mos old, they don't play that much anymore, I guess it's really part of growing up regardless of what species. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now onto my summer. I was dreading it's arrival. It's not fun when you don't have an AC at your house in the hottest season. But anyways this summer I've been having this strong desire to experience Italian summers. I just wanted to be in Italy soooooo bad. I just want to ride my bicycle anywhere in rural Italy in a summer floral dress and eating a delicious gelato after while listening to Love my way by the Psychedelic furs. Yes this strong desire got even stronger after watching the movie Call me by your name. It envoked so much nostalgia within me which is weird because I've never set foot in Italy before but the feeling of longing that I experience just thinking about spending your summer in Italy is very strong.

Additionally, speaking of bicycles I successfully finished my remodeling or rather repainting of an old bicycle we have here which is perfect for summer aesthetics. I mentioned before on my previous moodboard back in February that I was in the process of painting this bike and I included a picture of a bike that I would like my own bike to look like after I'm finish with it. And I'm very happy and satisfied with the end result overall! And I would love love to ride it around Italy!...... perhaps.

These are 3 of the most impactful things that had rocked my world within the past few months and they are in a form of a documentary, an animated podcast and an anime film!

1. Grey Gardens

I first discovered Grey Gardens when I was actively looking for any good documentary to watch so I went to Reddit recommendations and one user suggested grey gardens. Its description peaked my interest enough to go check it out and luckily the full documentary is uploaded in YouTube for free. And I must say I'm glad that I took the chance to watch this wonderful hidden gem!

Little Edie quickly got my full attention on her. She's one of the most wonderful and fascinating people to exist in our world and her mother big Edie was just as interesting of a character as well. The way they live their life, spending most of their time in a rundown mansion near a beach was truly a sight to behold in a weird, peculiar manner.

What gives me the most profound impact about this documentary is the topic of wasted youth with wasted potential and the ironic part when your very own lifeline equally imprisons you as well. And we see this most evidently with little Edie. There was a part in this doc that stuck with me the most and it's when the mother-daugther duo was sunbathing in the balcony and little Edie mentioned about wanting freedom from her mother and the grey gardens then big Edie answered:

"you can't have freedom when you're being supported"

And this has struck a chord on me so strong because I relate to it so much especially with my current situation. I also crave freedom from where I am right now but I couldn't because I'm not capable of freeing myself.

What's more tragic was little Edies rebuttal to her mother's hotknife realistic take which was you can't have freedom both ways. That you couldn't have freedom when you're not being supported as well. And it's very true. If you decide to go out in the world by yourself you will definitely be freed from the shackles of your former home & life but you will subject yourself to another imprisonment.

Basically We're never truly free in this life.

2. The Midnight Gospel

I think I've heard of TMG when it was about to launch on its release year and I remember i was anticipating for it to come out because i just took one look at the official poster & I knew I would like the animation then I learned Pendleton ward is a part of it & I'm a huge fan of his creations so it's a double treat but I didn't had the opportunity to watch it back then bcoz of my busy shitty life & I actually don't have Netflix. But I remember i downloaded one of its ost first things first.

Now fast forward to this year. I now have the time to watch every content out there that I missed from all the years of slaving my life away for absolutely nothing. one of those is TMG & it was a perfect timing. Ever since i took an hiatus from the rat race I decided to strengthen my spirituality & this time I want to try delving deep to Buddhism and certain philosophies which I don't have the time and energy to learn before and TMG was a great and perfect medium for me to learn further about this subjects as they tackle topics like mindfulness and meditation and much more other significant things, not to mention the superb,epic, psychedelical, full of awesomeness animation on top of equally superb awesome soundtracks is*chefs kiss ( I still have an LSS to the prisoner's song.. 🎵drinking blood from a stump of a prison guard that I just chopped up....🎶)

I felt like the universe intended for me to watch this later than sooner because if I had the opportunity to watch it back then, I think I wouldn't/couldn't appreciate this show as much as I do now. So thanks universe!

TMG is honestly one of the best show to ever grace the planet imho. An easily perfect 10/10 for me.

3. To the Forest of Firefly Lights

Now I've watched a lot of animes last and this year and I can tell in full confidence that this is the best of them all. I'm sure it's subjective but this one checked all the box for the most compelling story & amazing artwork for me.

Maybe I long for something similar with the characters, It was just so fascinating and huntingly beautiful to have someone or something (whatever your preference is) from a different realm to be by your side. Maybe I would also like to look forward for summer season to come for once, to get excited and get rejuvenated on a hot summer that otherwise would make my life hell. Or maybe and most definitely I just needed someone like Gin as a source of my utmost happiness and comfort.

Overall this anime had made me feel so much warmth in my heart with its unadulterated poignancy and I just couldn't get enough of it. What a masterpiece ✨

Ps: I recommend listening to Warning Sign by Coldplay after watching to the Forest of Firefly Lights 🌹Check it out ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

[ny-watcher]

#LCDLF - Here we have the 16 ( La Casa De Los Famosos ) Housemates

This is a Late Post but I'm adding it here for Reference

La Casa de Los Famosos -aka- Big Brother VIP Premiered August 24, 2021 on Telemundo Exactly 3 Weeks ago as of this Writing. 2 Housemates have already been Evicted but there is alot more Game to go since the Show will Last 3 Months.

The Showrunner for this Edition is Pablo Alonso the same Person who Produced Gran Hermano USA in 2016 - 5 Years ago - So this is his 2nd attempt at bringing a Latin Big Brother Edition to the USA Audience. The 1st Attempt Gran Hermano USA was riddled with Controversy for allegedly being Scripted and Rigged and therefore considered a Failure by the Public - Which made it Last for only 1 Edition and was Quickly Cancelled.

However, I didn't get my hopes up too High for this Edition since I knew once it was going to be on the Telemundo Network and Pablo was involved this lead me to expect that History would repeat itself. Pablo and the Rest of the Production Team don't understand what this format is about - they treat it like like the are doing a Tele-Novela instead of a Reality Show and it's Sucks.

For Example: The Nomination System

The Housemates Nominate 2pts one Housemate 1pt the Second -After all the Voting is done and Tallied the 3 Housemates with the Most Votes go on the Chopping Block go up for Eviction - Simple Right? Wrong!

The Leader of the House wins the Power to Save one of the Nominated Housemates in Danger of being Evicted - So whats the Problem? Once the 3 Housemates are Officially up for Eviction - They Open the Voting Lines for the Public to start Voting one of the 3 Housemate out of the House - However the Leader doesn't Save the Housemate he or she wants before they open the Voting Lines he or she does it the Next Day after the Public have already been Voting for a Full Day - Suspicious isn't it?

The Day after Nominations in the Next Gala Show the Host tells the leader to Save 1 of the 3 Housemates up for Eviction who were already being Voted upon by the Public - So once the leader Saves one of the 3 Housemates all the Votes against that Person are Null in Void and the Public who were Voting for that Person find out they have wasted all their Time Voting for nothing. Then it leaves 2 Housemates up for Eviction and Show Bosses have the Nerve to ask the Public to continue Voting as if the Public who already wasted their Time and effort would even care to Vote again. Stupid System.

So whats Really Wrong with this System? Simple - Not only does it Rob the Public of getting someone out of the House if they were Voting in Mass amounts for the same Person the Leader Saved but it also reveals the Biggest Manipulation Gimmick to date when it comes to Evictions - While the 3 Housemates up for Eviction are being Voted upon by the Public- The Production Team can see which Housemate is in Danger of being Evicted - This gives them the opportunity to Manipulate the Outcome by calling the Leader into the Diary Room and convincing them on who they should Save - So if the Production Team has a FAV Housemate on the chopping Block who they want to remain in the House, they now have an Extra way to remove them from Danger and can Blame the Leader for making the Choice when Secretly it was them manipulating the Game behind the scene. This only Benefits the Show not the Public. It's an Nefarious Rigging Tactic which is Very Unfair to the Public.

Then there is the Issue regarding Rule Breakers in the House - They Give the Housemates Warnings but Don't Enforce the Rules or Punish the Rule Breakers - Instead if they continue repeating the same things over and over and the Show Bosses seem to give up and let them get away with it until they get enough pressure from the Public to do something about it - As if the problem was going to correct itself on its own or they were trying to hide it. They forget about Social Media - We see everything and then some. It's also as if they are Afraid to Ruin their Show Script or too Lazy to Discipline the Housemates for Fear it will cause a Backlash - This only causes them to lose Credibility with the Public and be disrespected by the Housemates - It's a Black eye for the Show and only reveals how people running this Edition Like Pablo and Executive Producer Cisco Suarez don't have an Idea what a REALity Big Brother Show is all about. They think they do but they really don't.

Anyway with only 3 Weeks into the Show - The Bosses are already starting to Ride the Train off it's Tracks - So a Train Wreck is now Eminent - It's Still early and they have a chance to pull the Track Switching Lever but if they don't out of arrogance and don't listen to the Public then over the Cliff or Bridge they Go! Anyway I'll keep you posted on Twitter so Follow me there @NY_Watcher Cya Later ;-)

[kittlyns]

Maybe I haven't read enough lgbt historical fantasy novels yet but the two I have read so far haven't been terribly satisfying

It sucks cuz they were both widely praised and highly recommended.

The Song of Achilles ended terribly, in my opinion. And not because they both died, no, I know that's how the story had to end. I didn't like either main character by the end. Achilles was just a prideful asshole, and despite the narrative's attempt to make me believe otherwise, Patroclus was still weak-minded and had a hard time confronting Achilles when he was wrong.

Not to mention how every woman written in the book feels like a mean-spirited caricature. There's little compassion for them. Like, I get it, it's a gay love story/tragedy. But does every woman in your story need to be brutally raped and/or an opposition for the gay lovers?

Even the only one who's treated as a somewhat serious character only enters the story by being saved from certain assault, and then dies tragically while escaping it yet again. Maybe it would have been a more compelling tragic end for her had it not felt like punishment for "falling in love" w Patroclus.

But whatever, not my cup of tea! Glad other people love it. It just wasn't for me, that's fine.

Then there's She Who Became The Sun, which honestly worked better for me. Most of the build-up is worth it. The story is compelling and interesting enough. The ending just felt so hollow. Mostly Zhu and Ma's ending.

Ouyang and Esen's ending was good! It was tragic and bitter, but the story built up to it perfectly. During their final scene, with Ouyang's speech about it being their fate, goddd that was satisfying.

But back to Zhu and Ma; Zhu was just entirely unlikable by the end. I get that the story had built up to her ending too, but it didn't feel as good. Despite all of her assertions that she has suffered and sacrificed for her fate, she really... hasn't?

I mean, aside from her childhood, and then hiding her identity and pretending to be a man, she's never shown to be on the losing side. She doesn't see consequences for her actions, at least none that affect her negatively. She doesn't lose.

She gets a man kicked out from the monastery; it's fine, the Abbott (?) hated him anyways. She takes on battles that are too advanced for her; it's fine, it works out in her favor anyways. She gets her hand chopped off; wow!! This is actually exactly what she needed! She assassinates a powerful man; yeah, no consequences at all. She then assassinates a powerful child; very slight consequence here, that being that her wife is mad at her. Oh, wait, nvm, her wife is presumably cool with it now? Sure.

Like, where is the struggle? Ma gets over any anger she has quickly, and no one else gives a shit. I'm assuming there's gonna be a sequel, cuz Zhu has to face SOME kind of adversity. Like, her hubris is going to be her downfall. It has to be.

Idk, maybe I missed the point. But it's not satisfying to me when the main character obtains their goal with petty inconveniences along the way, but no true disadvantage or drawback to add a sense of gravity to the narrative.

You know she'll succeed, because she always does. She's never truly in danger. And the only person who suffers is Ma.

Anyways, who knows. Maybe I just didn't read them deeply enough. Maybe the metaphors and symbolism are too conplex for my rotting mind to fully comprehend right now. I doubt I'll retry reading them tho.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK]

See also: @pankite​ 

CHAPTER NINE

The world was nothing but a blur through the endless stream of tears. Anna's body shook from a combination of the biting night chill and her own sobs. She had lost track of the amount of time she lay curled up under the sturdy oak by the cafeteria building with her face buried into her legs.

She replayed her argument with her sister in her mind over and over again. She desperately wished for either her Papa or Kristoff to come wrap their arms around her and tell her how she didn't just fuck up any chances she had of getting her sister back… at least, not completely. Even if Elsa accepted this, there would always be that awkward tension between them now. A silent disapproval that sent Anna into another fresh round of sobs just thinking about it.

And now she understood why her mother did all that she did. Why Idunn pretended Anna never called or sent anything to Elsa. It made her heart throb in agony to think that her mother hated her so much that she would purposefully sabotage her from being in contact with her older sister over something like her sexuality. Anna cursed her thirteen-year-old self for proudly announcing her first kiss to her mother, and for being naive enough to trust that she would accept her no matter what. That family was stronger than hate. Never in a million years did she think that Idunn would cut her off and try to turn Elsa against her!

And just as they were getting close again, Anna had to go and screw it up… possibly permanently. She didn't even have the decency to stay and comfort her sister. Instead, she took off, too cowardly to hold still and listen to her in case Elsa changed her mind and told her how much she hated her.

"Hey!" came a sudden, cheerful voice that shattered the silence. "What the heck are you doing out here, all by yourself?"

"...P-Punzie?" Anna whimpered and lifted her face from her legs to look up at the blurry form of her friend. A shudder went through her and she huddled more into herself for warmth. "W-What are you d-doing? It's late..." She wiped at her raw eyes in a vain attempt to clear them before Rapunzel got close enough to see her in the state she was in. As if her shaking voice didn't give her away first. "I-It's nothing, I- I just needed some air."

There was very little hesitation before the brunette sank down next to Anna, an arm automatically draping over her back. "It is not 'nothing'. Are you okay? What's wrong, Anna?"

The warmth that accompanied the arm helped ease Anna and she cuddled into Rapunzel unconsciously. "Punzie..." She let out a sigh and sniffed. "I- I fucked up. I got into a fight with Elsa and…" She looked at the brunette. "Um… h-how do you really feel… about gay people?"

Rapunzel stared back at her for a long moment, as if trying to think of an answer. Then she whispered, "Sorry, I'm, um, not used to hearing language like that. Can you repeat the question?"

"Punzie," Anna sighed softly. "Please, be honest with me; I'm serious." She paused for a moment, praying that she wasn't about to make another mistake. "How do you feel about people in the LGBT spectrum? You defended them earlier…" She tried to smile reassuringly to show her friend that she wouldn't be mad about her answer. "I just want to know now that we're not trapped in a tent with Pastor Frollo."

"Well…" The girl was very obviously squirming, but she rushed on, "I don't feel any certain way, y'know? They're just people. Like, I'm really struggling with that and how it relates to God and Christianity, but I don't know how to… I kinda… What's the big freakin' deal? Who cares who somebody loves or doesn't love? It just seems like there's a lot of sin in the world, bad sin, dangerous sin! And we waste so much of our time on homosexuality instead of the stuff we should be working on, like… homelessness, or murder, or domestic abuse, or… I don't know!"

Anna smiled a little wider, her chest warm with affection for the rambling woman. "I think you're a really nice person, Punzie." She rested a hand on her shoulder. "If I were to tell you someone we know is gay, would you treat them different?"

At that, Rapunzel scoffed. "Probably. Like, not on purpose, though. I just have never had any gay friends. I mean, there's a boy in my class everybody's pretty sure is, but like, without knowing for… sure…" Then the thread of their conversation started to catch up with her, and her eyes widened. "Wait. You're telling me… somebody here is? A gay kid came to Bible camp?!"

"Yeah," Anna said with a half-snort. She decided to take the plunge, releasing Rapunzel's shoulder so she could nervously hug herself again. "It's me."

"It's… you're… wait, what are you saying? You're a lesbian? No. But you don't… I mean you're so…" Swallowing hard, Rapunzel started hugging her own knees. "M-maybe I should stop saying things before I say a thing that's really stupid."

"Bi, actually. I have no feelings for you or any of the other girls, before you ask," she said bluntly, "nor do I randomly want to bang you, Punzie. I like girls just like you like boys, but I doubt you want to jump every guy's bone, right?" She tried to grin but it came out as more of a half-smile, half-grimace.

"A-ah." Her cheeks were filling with pinkness, and at first Anna was worried that she really had thought those things. But what she said next was, "S-sorry, I don't normally spend much time thinking about… um…" Lowering her voice to barely a whisper, she finished, "Ess-ee-ex."

Anna relaxed and let a tired giggle past her lips. "That's okay. Just thought I would get those stereotypes out of the way before you asked about them." She leaned against the tree, the stress finally taking its toll and she looked ready to fall asleep. "Anyway, I told Elsa. She… I won't say took it badly - because really, she didn't - but I thought I might as well stay away for now so she can… sort out things, I guess."

Her voice was a little more hushed in a worried way. "Ohhh. So… oh wow, you came out to two people in the same day. And in a campground full of Christians! I'm… maybe this is the wrong thing to take away from this, but you're pretty brave."

"I feel more tired than brave," Anna confessed. "I just… I don't want to hide it anymore and sit there like a good girl while people talk down on people like me. Elsa… well, we got into an argument and it came out. I came out. With you, I just feel like I can trust you." Anna sighed, "Is it okay if I crash in your cabin tonight? I- I don't think I should go back to mine yet."

"She took it that bad?" Rapunzel asked, reaching over to perch a hand on Anna's bicep. "That sucks… I'm really sorry. After the past few days, I started to think maybe you could be the one to unfreeze the Ice Queen, y'know? But maybe…" Shaking her head, she said, "Nah, I shouldn't say anything about her, either. I talk a lot more than I should, if you haven't noticed."

"Elsa's not a bad person," Anna insisted to her friend, frowning. "She's our Mama's kid just as much as I'm Papa's… actually, Elsa took it much better than I expected. I just can't face her right now." She stood up on numb legs, groaning at the pins and needles that were only intensified from the cold. "Thank you, Punzie, for listening..."

"Wait!" Popping up next to Anna, she caught her by the elbow. "You don't have to run off. Um… yeah, Snow is sleeping over with Aurora and Belle. So if you wanna use her bunk…"

"Thanks." Anna smiled at her and they started walking towards the cabin. There was a pleasant silence between the two, just the quiet song of cicadas in the distance. Then Anna's face fell.

"I don't know how I'm going to face the kids tomorrow… I mean, they'll know something's up…"

Shrugging, Rapunzel said, "I dunno, either. We'll just have to see how it shakes out when we get there, right? I mean, maybe you can just pretend everything's the same and, um, see if Elsa will follow your lead?"

"Yeah, I'll try that. Better than nothing, anyway."

Entering the cabin made Anna let out a sigh of pleasure at the warmth. "You know, it's been a long time since I had a sleepover," she exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood, and added, "If you aren't tired, we can watch a movie, or do each other's hair or something!" The thought of a fun night helped Anna take her mind off her sister and the day ahead.

"No movies; camp rules, remember?" But then she hastily followed up with, "But I would! Totally! Um… yeah, my hair's a choppy mess, but if you wanna put it in little braids, that sounds cool! And I can put yours in a French braid — my mom taught me!"

Anna's face fell briefly, having forgotten that rule, but it lifted again when Rapunzel offered to play with her hair. "I would like that," she said, and started working on freeing her hair from their own braids, shaking it free and running her fingers through until her hair fell in soft auburn waves, roughly to about her shoulder blades.

Having mostly just her dad and Kristoff, Anna didn't do things like this often. It had been Elsa or Mama who used to do her hair when she still visited, and Esmeralda taught her how to do her signature twin braids on her own without making them look like a sloppy mess. So she was really excited to see her hair in a different style than what she was used to.

"It's so pretty and soft," Rapunzel whispered once she was running a brush through it, voice warm and as soothing as the motions. "I'm jealous; I tried to go blonde when my hair was super long, but the treatments kinda fried it and I ended up just chopping it all off."

She hummed in sympathy but was mostly distracted by the therapeutic feel of the brush and the soothing sound of Rapunzel's voice. "You look good the way you are now," she reassured, eyes closing. "I mean, I'm sure you would've looked great with long blond hair, but the way you look now suits you." She cracked an eye open to throw a warm smile over at Rapunzel. "Besides, long-haired blondes are my type, so that might've been awkward." She couldn't help but worry that the joke was a little much but it was out now.

"O-oh, really?" The laughter that followed was distinctly nervous, but mainly good-natured. "I, um… thank you? Wait, that's probably not the right thing to say here…" She let out a little growl of frustration at herself. "I promise, I'm not gonna be this dumb in a few days. You're really cool, I could tell from the first day! This is just… y'know, new territory. An adjustment for my hetero brain."

A chuckle was followed by Anna resting her hand on Rapunzel's arm and giving it a pat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't make jokes when you only just found out…" She paused and smiled softly to herself. "Thank you again, Rapunzel, you don't know how much this means to me."

After a few more contemplative seconds, she said, "I can guess. When I fight with my parents, I just have to lock the door to my room upstairs and wait it out for a while because I can't face them. Or they can't handle talking to me without being, y'know, all parental about it and acting like I'm just a stupid kid. Sometimes, it feels like I'm gonna be in there for the rest of my life. So… even though I don't really get what you're going through, I definitely understand what it's like to need space."

The smile that next graced Anna's lips was a tad bitter. "I still feel bad. Dropping a bomb and then leaving her like that. I just didn't know what else to do… Elsa's always liked being alone when she feels overwhelmed and I couldn't stand the way she looked at me." She shivered and hugged herself.

"Well… she's probably in the same place I am. It's new. And like you said, she's overwhelmed. Give it some time, okay? Talk to her tomorrow. And even if she's still freaking out, then that just means she needs more time, right? It's probably harder for her 'cause she's known you longer."

"You're right," Anna sighed. "All I can do is sit and wait for tomorrow and see where we go from there." She desperately hoped that Elsa would still want her in her life. That they could go forward together without being split apart for a second and possibly final time. The optimist inside her piped up that Elsa wouldn't do that — that she would love her all the same, and Anna decided to believe that for now.

Despite the cold whisper from the other half of her psyche that told her she had thought that about her mother, too, and had been burned for it.

"Hey, how's that braid coming?"

"About half done," Rapunzel told her with a smile, fingers making quick work of entwining the three groupings of hair. "So… um, you and girls. How's that working out so far?"

"My first kiss was from a girl." Anna's voice wasn't as cheery as usual but it was clear by her fond tone that she had perked up from the question. "My friend Mulan surprised me by kissing me just before she had to go back to China to be with her family. And not just a friend-kiss. That's when I really started thinking about my sexuality. I went on a date with a few boys here and there, and even went out with a guy named Hans for a couple of months, but there is something about women that I find I like a bit more." She giggled, "Then my ex-girlfriend Esme waltzed into my life, and there was no more doubting where my main interest lay."

"And I haven't even been on a real date-date with Flynn yet," she breathed in wonder. "And here's you, figuring out you're… mostly-gay, or whatever, and kissing two girls when I've barely kissed the one boy! Like, we're about the same age, right? I always thought I was saving myself for marriage, and that it was a really good thing. Is that dumb? Should I be dating more, even though I think Flynn is the right man for me?"

"If it feels right, that's all that matters, Punzie." The warm words of her Papa from the day she had confessed her conflicted feelings came back to Anna, so she passed them along: "If you think Flynn is the man for you, then you don't need to date anyone else. I don't find it dumb that you're waiting for marriage, or not kissing, especially if you aren't comfortable. You should do things at your own pace and not feel ashamed for it." Anna shook her very gently, to make sure she was still listening. "If this Flynn loves you, he will wait until you are ready. If he doesn't and tries to push you, he isn't worth it."

At those words, Rapunzel smiled and let out a soft chuckle. "Well… he does push for kisses. But not too much. And he never, ever brings up going further; he knows we're waiting and it's as important to him as it is to me." Then she added in a whisper, "But maybe I do want to try kissing now; I mean, we're over eighteen, right? And we're still together after a year of courtship."

"If you feel you're ready, then kiss him," Anna encouraged. "And don't just not do it if you think that it's something the Bible frowns upon. Kissing isn't a sin, believe me." She remembered sharing that particular worry with her father and having him exaggeratedly regale all the times her Bible-strict mother used to kiss him before they were married, much to Anna's embarrassment. "Congratulations on that, by the way! A year!"

"Thanks," she giggled with a bashful smile. "He's such a dork, but he's my dork." Then she patted Anna's shoulders. "All done! You know, I think I have an extra shower cap, if you wanna bag it up so it'll still look nice tomorrow."

Anna stood up and walked over to the mirror over Snow's desk. She was instantly struck by just how different and pretty she looked with her hair draped into a single, elegant braid down her back. She looked kind of like a redheaded version of Elsa, and the thought made Anna smile.

"I think I'd like that; we'll see what the kids have to say about my new look." She spun on her heel and felt the slight smack of the braid against her shoulder, which made her giggle. "What do you think, Rapunzel?"

"I think you look fantastic!" she gushed, clapping her hands. "And not just because it's my handiwork, I swear! Like, your hair is just made to be braided, dude!"

Snorting at the little "dude" thrown in there, she looked back at the mirror and smiled, admiring the image looking back… and her traitorous brain wondered how Elsa would react to seeing her like this. Would she be impressed at how mature she looked? Would she say anything?

"I think we should head to bed now," Anna announced after a long moment. Her enthusiasm was curbed by the unexpected bout of tiredness that came with the thought. She cursed herself inwardly for ruining her good mood again. "It's really late."

"Yeah," Rapunzel admitted with a sad little nod. "I mean, if you need to talk more, I'll be just a few feet away, though. Don't be afraid to speak up! Oh, and um, I don't have an extra toothbrush or anything, but I have some jammies! If you want 'em. They have little green lizards all over." After a second, she added in a mutter, "I like lizards."

It didn't take long for Anna to get dressed and ready for bed, her hair carefully tucked into a shower cap to keep the beautiful braid intact while she slept. The pajamas were a little small on her since Rapunzel was shorter, but Anna didn't mind as she slipped hesitantly into Snow's bunk.

"She won't be mad?"

"Nah. I'll explain if she is, but I kinda doubt that'll happen. She's not petty." As she snuggled into her bunk, Rapunzel whispered across, "Hey, Anna?"

Anna snuggled into the blankets, which were made from some very warm, soft material that felt like heaven against her bare patches of skin. "Yes Punzie?" she replied when she got comfortable, already feeling the toll of the day taking over and the dark blanket of unconsciousness starting to settle in her brain.

"I… I know it was hard to trust me, with your secret and all… but I…" Her voice was a little more strained when she spoke again. "I'm so glad I stood up to Pastor Frollo today. So, so glad."

"Thanks for standing up to him, Rapunzel," Anna murmured sleepily, hiding a smile into her pillow. "I'm really glad you did, too. It's really nice knowing someone cares." She blinked and let out a sigh. "You're a good friend and I'm really glad to have met you."

She struggled to stay awake and say more, but the bed was too comfortable and the pull of sleep too tempting. With a last hum, she closed her eyes and gave in.

                                         To Be Continued...