#anyway I'm back on my cowboy bs

[wombywoo]

road trip 🏍️

[eiseryn]

Modern AU Outfit Designs (Lei ft. NPC friends)

Back on my outfit design BS, but this time for outfits in the modern AU. I've written a little stuff (fanfiction???) for the modern AU which takes place in a university setting!

Throughout her university and med school days, Lei actually had long hair! So in the modern AU, I decided to draw her hair long~ Also it really hits different 🥺 She's cute with short hair too but long hair Lei feels younger and softer to me.

For the outfit, I wanted to make winter/autumn outfit designs for another series of drawings I'm actually working on (I have like 50 bajillion WIPS) and so I made these as concept art / outfit designs. I wanted to include plaid elements so for Lei, her skirt is a green plaid! She's also wearing sheer tights, which is something she really likes, and she has some sort of heat-tech thermal white turtleneck as well as a fluffy probably sherpa wool? jacket but I didn't play with the textures enough for that (whoops). She's wearing white heeled boots the same colour as her turtleneck. She likes wearing heels cuz she's not very tall (158.5cm but she says she's 160cm when people ask). She also has a diamond shaped green dangly necklace - I like drawing her with diamond shaped green gems.

And of course, I designed her friends' outfits to be matching. I really wanted to have a plaid element among all four of them, and I realize that the four of them together are red, yellow, green, blue.🥺 Like sports day colours or something.

I designed Elise first, and gave her a classic red plaid circle scarf - those were super popular a few years ago! I decided to give her some red plaid legwarmers as well to add some colour to her otherwise plain suede jacket and black jeans/leggings (not sure which one it is). Her hair ribbons are red too, but I didn't put plaid in them (too small). She has a pretty simple outfit, because I imagine she wears simple but classy clothing. The Keeper (COC DM) later described her style as dark academia though, so I think I might draw her in some stuff like that later!

Ceres was pretty hard to design TBH. I wanted to give her a long skirt because she is shy and I thought it would be cute! I gave her fleece leggings under for the warmth. I also wanted to give her an accessory which I decided to be a headband which goes super well with the bangs that cover her face (in my opinion). I made them both yellow plaid, but the long plaid skirt contrasts and matches with Lei's short plaid skirt (bestie things 🥺 - Lei totally made them buy matching outfits). She has brown leather cowboy boots because fashion~ I wanted to give her a short jacket to contrast her long skirt and this is where I struggled I ended up making it the brown of her boots and added fur trim for a more winter/warm look. She's also wearing fur ball earrings because I wanted her to have a sort of fluffy look to her.

Vail! He looks so soft anime boy here and I love that 💅 I wanted to give him a simple parka with the inner lining of it to be the blue plaid so he'd match the rest of Lei's friends with the whole plaid design. I gave him jeans with a thigh belt which COULD be a gift from someone (👀👀👀if you know what I mean). Underneath the black parka I just threw on a simple winter turtleneck sweater to contrast all the black. I imagine it's pretty warm and made of thicc wool/ knitted material. I threw on some silver dog-tag/chain necklaces to ~ accessorize ~ a little more since he wears small silver earrings (apparently).

And voila! We're at the end of my unhinged rant about fashion/ outfit design! I'm sorry that I did not try to draw hands here. It's true I draw them badly anyways but I really didn't try this time. Sowwy.

[cryoriku]

hey you know it's really awesome and cool when ur a grown adult and after getting in a fight with ur mother who still insists on disrespecting and mocking you at any chance, ur adoptive father who has only ever been a source of fear since you were very little calls and instead of screaming at you he's very level and is legitimately concerned about my mental state.

some of his takes are still very shitty. even tho i routinely try the pacifist approach with her she can't stop mocking me and disregarding my boundaries and he acknowledges how aggressive she can be, he still puts the burden on me to be better and suck it up for the sake of maintaining a relationship (which is bs. both sides need to work or i shouldnt have to put up with it after all the abuse i dealt with as a child). and he thinks i need to just get back on meds which is such a backwards stereotype way of thinking that isnt accurate bc i stopped my last new meds bc they didnt really do much for me and gave me bad side effects.

it makes me feel like shit and embarassed now for being depressed and like all the efforts i have been making on getting out of my apartment more often and eating healthier and stuff arent being seen and just the worst of me is. it sucks too bc our mental health took a new redive after one of our ex's told us how we seem to not want to get better. which is an insanely fucked up thing to say and not worth listening to so we have tried to just ignore it but it haunts us still along with toxic ex friends whove talked about how pathetic and disgusting we are for being mentally/emotionally weak. which is wrong and bullshit and hirrible and WE HAVE gotten better before we want to be better again we're sick of living in a rollercoaster we want to be ourselves again 100% of the time and not just some of it, but believe it or not it's hard to keep your head above water much less swim to shore when people are constantly shoving you back down and wondering why youre not succeeding in breathing. dont you see how hard I'm trying?

plus with our dad it just gives us a fucked up moral dilemma of ik how estranged and distant his family is like theyre allergic to showing courtesy or affection and he was raised to be a good mannered cowboy and just sit and take when his mother does him wrong because it's family and he doesn't wanna lose it, so the same is true here, but I've already had it in my head for years that at some point i may have to cut ties. I'm just fucking caught. I'm trapped by the good moments we have, the good aspects of my parents and my sister. I'm caught by the fact my dad doesnt have a close family and everybody in my moms family has that same genetic ego that makes everyone think theyre better than everyone else or made them isolate and hide and die from drug overdoses alone in their bathroom. I'm caught by my baby niece who i don't want to leave alone with these people. I'm caught by my dog and grandma, until they pass, anyway. I'm caught by the stupid child in me who still *craves* a mother, *craves* a father, craves this idea of a family i never really had except in blurry photos if you dont look too close.

any fucking ways..... if anybody is able to get a therapist who can actually help me and not waste a year of my time trying to put me on drugs because they dont know how to do shit with systems and trauma to actually email me back, that would be epic.

i also want everyone reading this to stop seeing people as only their struggles or their trauma or their disability and start seeing them as PEOPLE with personalities and likes and interests first. believe it or not we don't think about our trauma or hardship a lot of the fucking time and it's real weird and a total fuckin bummer if thats all you seem to see. so, yeah.

have a happy sexy naughty bitchy sephiroth labor day guys