#anyway I would've maybe grouped the groups differently unless there was a reason why it had to be exactly those people

[autistic-britta-perry]

carre was lost at times on what they were saying :/ (thank god for cellbit)

[sally-mun]

sorry i keep putting stuff in here but I thought of an interesting question this morning about the guardians. (and I don't mind if this takes you ages to do it's really fine lmao)

Where would you place your Guardians (to make it easier you can do the more 'younger' half of the family) in a ranking of... morally questionable or worse to actually morally good.

My money is on Locke or Sojo being at the bottom maybe unless we're counting Rex aka Tobor

YOU'RE RIGHT THIS DID TAKE ME "AGES" TO REPLY TO I'M SO SORRY.

Honestly tho this is a very interesting question, which is why I didn't want to answer it too quickly. The thing about the Guardians that's easy to lose sight of (as a whole, including those in BH:O we haven't gotten to address yet) is that, for the most part, most of them aren't exactly bad people, they just tend to have really shitty personalities -- or at a MINIMUM, some shitty character traits. On some level I guess I get it because it's a very isolated group that gets more and more repressed and toxic the longer it goes on, but that said I can appreciate the work someone does without wanting to grab a coffee with them.

Anyway, let me see what I can come up with here. I'll do my best.

MOST VIRTUOUS - LEAST VIRTUOUS

Athair: I think it's kind of funny that I'm putting Athair at the topic when he's largely considered a disgrace among the BH itself. But honestly, I think a lot of them know deep down inside that what Athair didn't isn't actually bad, it's just not something that directly benefited them. This is a guy that gave up EVERYTHING in his life, from a pretty young age even, to help others that were desperately in need. Athair did way more than just give up his duties as a Guardian; he gave up his relationships, his home, his reputation (especially for breaking Nemo out of prison) and even just basic comfort. The life he leads with the Lost Tribe is orders of magnitude harder than the life he has on Angel Island, but he willingly chose it because it was the right thing to do.

Sabre: Okay, I think we can all agree that Sabre can be a real tool, but the main reason he was so obnoxious was because he was so frustrated by the sheer volumes of injustice that he couldn't do anything about. He's the sort of person that doesn't let the little things go because he kind of doesn't see anything as a little thing. His sense of justice is one of his main motivations in life. The main reason why I'm ranking him behind Athair is because, while he does do a lot to enact change and also has to risk/give up things that are important to him for his morals, there's not much he can do that could ever really top the incredible sacrifices that Athair had to make for his cause.

Janelle-Li: I would say that she also has a very strong sense of justice, but that's also kind of a natural side effect when you're directly facing discrimination for most of your life. A lot of people, way more than just the Brotherhood, treated her differently simply because she was a woman, so she had plenty of drive to promote change in her world. Janelle did a ton of good for Echidnaopolis and the Brotherhood, but she took a more subtle approach to do so, mostly in the form of leading by example. There's nothing wrong with that, to be sure, but it also results in changes coming at a much slower pace overall, and sometimes it doesn't always drive home why bad behaviors are bad, so there are going to be people that never learn the lesson. I'd like to think that, had she lived longer, maybe she also would've made some bigger, bolder moves as well.

Thunderhawk: There's probably not much I can say here about Thundy that y'all don't already know, because I'm pretty sure he's almost universally everyone's favorite (living) BH member. He has pretty much the same morals as Janelle, and also shares insights into what discrimination and abuse can look like. The main reason he's ranking below her instead of equal with her is that he DOES have a bad habit of drawing lines in the sand once he's come to the conclusion that someone is bad; we saw this both in how he treated Nemo and how he reacted to Locke's treatment of Elias. All of his kind words and empathy go out the window at that point, and it can take quite a lot for him to change his mind again.

Spectre: In an interesting way, I see Spectre in much the same way I see Janelle, but the key difference between them is that he doesn't have nearly as much courage. Janelle was very vocal about her thoughts and feelings and used that as a persuasive tool when fighting adversity, whereas Spectre learned very early on that it was not safe to speak his mind. As a result, he has a strong sense of morality and why things are right or wrong, but he does very little about it. If it's something he can solve with an action, he will absolutely do so, but if it requires a discussion? Spectre is borderline useless in that situation. Unfortunately, strong morals are almost meaningless if you're unable to put them into action.

Sojourner: We all know Sojo's not a pleasant person to be around, and that he can verge into abusive territories when uninterested in holding back. He IS aware that he shouldn't do things like that, but there are two problems there: 1) He may or may not actually feel bad afterwards, depending on how justified he feels to act out, and 2) even when he doesn't feel justified, he still comes up with excuses for why things are fine and he doesn't need to change. It wasn't that bad, they'll be over it soon, it's just the way I am, life isn't fair... etc etc etc, I'm sure we've all heard these excuses before. I mean yeah, it is good that he DOES occasionally call himself out for being shitty, but if he doesn't then adjust his behavior or outlook to reduce and eliminate that quality, then it's functionally the same as not calling himself out at all.

Locke: Pretty sure you guys don't need me to go into detail here, because we all know all too well how many times Locke has crossed the line without looking back. He unfortunately has the perfect mental recipe of 1) recognizing that the things he does hurts others, but 2) convincing himself that doing so is necessary. I won't even tangle this up with the fact that he feels like his actions will be a net positive in the end, because he is DIRECTLY presented with evidence, OVER AND OVER, from lots of different people, that his information is inaccurate, that there exist far less harmful ways to achieve his goals, and that he lacks the consent of those he's affecting. Even with his belief that he's had a vision, even with the fact that he undoubtedly has mental illnesses affecting how he thinks and behaves, he actively chooses the methods that necessarily and irreparably cause others harm, purely to satisfy himself and his needs. I can't even cut him a break from the fact that his illnesses are tainting how he perceives and processes information, because he DID have that period where he was in the hospital and received some of the help he desperately needed and showed a marked improvement even in that short time -- and then chose to return to methods he knew were harmful purely for his own benefit. And unfortunately, there was no more reaching him after that.

MORITORI: MORAL OR...?

I kinda wanted to address Moritori separately from everyone else, and not necessarily because he's not "really" part of the Brotherhood. An argument could be made that he -functionally- is a part of them and therefore counts, but to me that issue is kind of a red herring. The thing to remember about Moritori is that he's playing a very different game, and on a VERY different scale. He doesn't do the horrible things he does simply for shits and giggles, he does them because he's DEEP under cover in enemy territory and trying to systematically weaken his enemies enough so that his side can be victorious. That's not really uncommon or unexpected for someone in his position; he's basically the equivalent of a CIA operative. If he intends to gain any ground for HIS side of the war between the Brotherhood and the Legion, then yeah, he's going to have to get his hands dirty.

So as far as his morality is concerned, I feel like it's kind of not fair to judge him because we're necessarily looking at him as the bad guy, because our POV is implicitly aligned with the Brotherhood's. From a BH perspective, yeah, it's very easy to say that Moritori is a despicable person that does unconscionable things -- but from the Legion's perspective, this guy has made OUTRAGEOUS sacrifices purely for their benefit. He, like Athair, literally had to give up everything in his life in the hopes of helping a people desperately in need -- and he doesn't even get the benefit of BEING with those people like Athair does. Everything he does is motivated by the idea that the Brotherhood needs to be stopped, that the Legion is relying on him, that his family needs him to do these things. If it was someone on our side doing these same things in a Nazi regime during WWII, would we judge our spy for the individual things they had to do, or would we hail them as a war hero for taking down the enemy and saving our people? And if we were to do that, does that mean that the individual acts they had to commit against the other side are now fine? They're still horrible things, but we forgive them for those things in that context. But they still did them, and people suffered for it -- just not our people, so we don't tend to extend that compassion.

Anyway, this is just a very long way to say that Moritori's morals are complicated. He does a LOT of horrible things that hurt a ton of people, but I also think that context is key, and the fact that he's under cover in the middle of a war adds at least some mud to the water. The Brotherhood would consider him less than scum, but the Legion would hail him as one of the greatest heroes of all time for single-handedly taking on the entire Brotherhood to save them. Who's right and who's wrong depends deeply on your point of view.

[haloguyfttp]

Was watching some playthrough of Penacony and one line from Himeko always jumps out to me. It got long so putting the read more if you actually wanna bother.

When confronting Sunday before the final battle (fake), there's a brief back and forth during which Himeko says something like "If people are to be free there must be nothing and noone above them."

But this sentence has a problem, and it's one I really wish HSR would actually seriously sit down to deal with, but much like Genshin's Fatui we're probably gonna wait forever since they almost definitely have it planned for further down the line, and the writers are strangely neutral about these extremely questionable groups and their actions.

The IPC control fucking everything. Sunday would've controlled at most the system Penacony was in. Maybe more if he managed to fully ascend, but there's more Aeons so he'd get their attention if he succeeded which is its own can of worms, but anyways. No matter where you go elsewhere, even the fucking Xianzhou Alliance has to deal with the IPC's bullshit, albeit they can at least stand on equal footing.

If the IPC truly wanted, they can nuke planets like in Chadwick's quest. They can colonize planets like they tried with Belobog (and succeeded with countless others). They can do whatever they want. That to me is far more pressing than Sunday, who at worst would be yet another Aeon who ultimately doesn't do anything outside their determined path.

Yet Himeko, and in fact nobody in this damn game, seems to care. Unless the IPC comes for wherever we happen to be, we don't even seem to care either. If we went to Penacony just a bit faster, they would already own Belobog.

More than anything else about HSR, this is my #1 gripe with the story as it is. The IPC only gets flak if they take it too far, like the planet nuking in Chadwick's quest, or Belobog nearly being sold for a false promise. Not to mention if the story goes where some think it will and the Aeons are destroyed or de-powered or anything like that.... the IPC would be even more solidified at the top.

My biggest concern is they won't acknowledge this. Sure they're different games and teams but I get the worst flashbacks to the Fatui given barely any consequences to their actions despite the uh.... everything that they've done.

Also as a final aside, the Chadwick quest doesn't even truly touch the IPC. Much of the focus is on Chadwick, and how his desire to make the nuke overshadowed his knowledge the IPC would likely use it for their own gain. But the quest has no interest in exploring why the fuck can 1 corporation choose to destroy multiple planets unregulated. Like, Screwllum's already here, why isn't this a launching point for some actual action to restrict the IPC's power?

Whatever I've rambled long enough. Maybe they'll finally deal with this in several years, or maybe I'm just drowning in wishful thinking. But the lack of interest in actually tackling the IPC scares me for HSR's overall future story. Especially since they continue making them more important with the Stonhearts and shit, and not in the way one builds up actual antagonists but more in a "hey get excited for these new characters" which is fucking working somehow. The outcome I'm most afraid of is that the entire story will happen yet the IPC will continue being this ultimate power and no one will question it for some reason.

[justjaemi]

Characters:

Kyla - the curly one

Oliver - the ghost

Carl - the rude one

Abi (Carl's baby) - the new one

Gloria - the mean one

Wilfred - the lamb

Everyone was getting their things together to leave class when Kyla's phone chimed and she literally couldn't believe whose vlog she was watching and more importantly - where. She was like 'Oliver I didn’t know you transferred to this school. This is going to be the best last week of school ever!'

That's when Gloria got involved and thought 'I’m going to hook them up because their perfect for each other and I’ve been dying to play match maker with some people.' Kyla did not like this and she immediately asked Gloria to stop. This concerned Gloria. On her walk home from school she went over and over in her head about all the ways things could’ve gone differently and how she could go back in time and somehow have a better outcome. 'It doesn't help that I can't think straight', Thought Gloria. "If I just came out of the closet, maybe I could clear my head and see what made Kyla so upset... Then again' she thought, 'If I just came out of the closet, a whole lot of things in my past would've planned out better"

*ding*

Suddenly Gloria was interrupted in the middle of this thought process because Carl texted her a picture of his baby out of the blue:

'at the pirate ship, loving life, wish the same for you too'

This was unexpected because she had no idea Carl would reveal the gender of him and his wife's new baby so soon but after that and for a while, everyone at school seemed to be doing great. Kyla had a reason to laugh again, Gloria had a new challenge, Carl and Abi were beaming, and it all seemed to be tied together with Oliver being at school with them. Everything was filtered with an air of new beginnings and although things weren't perfect, everybody felt like at least they were going somewhere.

At this time, it was hard not to notice a strangeness in the air. Something... unsettling... everyone had reasons to be happy. They actually, for all intents and purposes were happy, then why did they all possess an energy that left them constantly on edge... waiting for the other shoe to drop... or whatever?

Unfortunately. They got their answer.

*Earlier that day*

The guy in the seat next to Fred wouldn't stop tapping his pencil. He could barely see through his long withered hair and even if he could, he was so tired, his eyes would just gloss over everything in a watery haze. He counted the minutes on the clock until class was over. It didn't matter. All he was going to do when he got home was sleep anyway and he normally slept in class too. Fred knew our gang but he looked at them from a place that felt distant and unless they called him over to talk to them, he remained at his desk these days. At this point he'd completely forgotten about two grades earlier at his glow light birthday party. Literally everyone was there. At least that's what it felt like. In reality it was just this small group of five - soon to be six but when I tell you, Fred did not remember these days at all. I mean it. Whatever happened to Fred must've been so bad that it completely overwrote his memories because he looked back on those days like they were light-years behind him, not just two summers ago.

*beep*

The class bell exasperated Fred's already pressing headache and he heard Kyla call out in excitement from across the room. He liked to hear Kyla was happy but he heard it as if it were in a far off world apart from his own, like a T.V. screen he wasn't a part of. Again - didn't make sense. They're all friends. Why didn't he just act like he was a part of that? But he had made up his mind long ago. Nobody was going to change it. He said goodbye to only two. He said, he wanted to go 'home', where his real mother and father were, but none of us really know what that really means...

In his words, the same school they all went to… the one that left most students brimming with the light of possibility, he claims that the same school; “broke him”. How could, completely normal coming of age experiences, somehow have, not only, surpassed Fred but even escalated to levels of suicide while the entire class was ignorant to what he was going through? Let’s find out.

I think Fred probably had an abuser who put him in another head space and although he doesn't remember it at the time, I think Fred probably did battle his abuser a lot... try to keep his world 'alive' but eventually he gets worn down... he got stuck in their head space, the abusers. So much, he couldn’t get back to the regular problems him and his friends were used to having. They convinced him these kinds of problems weren’t real - and when he couldn't, Fred's abuser sent seven people to follow after Fred to trick him into thinking everyone, including his friends, also felt that way about 'his world' and why he should end it. They made him feel isolated from everyone. So while people at school were going through unique and formative challenges, he was somehow in a different world altogether... I guess the only way to describe it is this: The reasons why he committed suicide weren’t really his reasons, They were reasons somebody else made up which beforehand, he really didn't care about either way. He was taught to feel and think in a way that made him look at himself as being worthless and all the while, he was punished for paying attention to his very real problems that would've been very manageable and make him feel better and worthwhile and were things he would've ordinarily been able to connect with his friends with about also.

O.k. so that's basically it from what I got about Carl + Abi at the pirate ship... which is a-whole-nother story <3 <3 <3 Stay safe in this hellhole and I'll see you soon!

[boys-from-santacarla]

Note; I deeply apologize seeing as this is going to end up being long. Onto the information; My name is Ghost(mainly go by this one), Acid, Killer(more of a nickname), or Gore(more of a nickname). I go by he/they/xe/its, and I'm a dude, MLM and poly so it really doesn't matter much who it is. Born March 31st, being an Aries I'm a very loud and energetic person. I'm also very impulsive and get myself into deep shit, even if I don't realize I'm doin' it. I get overly loud when the topic is about something I enjoy or is into, if I try flirting on purpose it's ass but when I do it without realizing I get called a huge flirt. Big music and art geek, I have sketchbooks upon sketchbooks filled just sitting around in my room. I listen to a lot of rock like Queen, Guns N Roses, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, ACDC, Nickelback, KISS, Slipknot, KoRn, and on and on. Although I listen to every genre of music minus country(although there are few songs I can deal with). Big tattoo/piercing person, if you have one visible I will point it out and geek out about it. Although literally don't ask me to name a few songs unless I've been rambling on about it because I have the shittiest memory. I dye my hair so often it's surprising my hair is still healthy. I have literally bleached my hair, dyed it red and let that fade for a week, then dyed it blue and have been touching up the blue ever since then. If it wasn't due to money problems and the fact it's hard to borrow in my town my hair would probably have my hair a different color every two weeks. I ramble quite a bit and have the shittiest focus and memory, so you may have to pull me to the side and tell me to calm down. Would definitely compliment on the boys looks, specially their outfits. I'm a coffee and monster addict at this point, you'll see one or the other in my hand, and the occasional water bottle because I try to keep myself health. My love language is through touch and insulting people. Ex, "I fucking love you dumbass" or flipping you off playfully as a way of saying "i love you bitch". Smoking doesn't bother me, grew up around it my entire life. I love riding on motorcycles, no matter the weather, is it cold asf, nice idgaf, is it raining, shit lets go. I have a bad(good in some people's eyes) of using petnames/nicknames for everyone. Everyone has a wholesome petname from me and then I'll call them a whore or some shit. I cuss too much for my own good, I literally don't have a filter in my entire body. I will impulsively say shit, sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing. Due to my anxiety I try to stay away from large crowds, but if I'm in them (aka on the boardwalk) I will have music blaring in my ears and my ears glued into my current sketchbook. Although I currently don't have them, I'm going to add them anyways because I'm going to end up getting them when I have the money to go to a piercer or to get a kit. I want a shit ton of piercings. Such as snake bites(lip piercing), tongue, septum, all of the piercings finished on my ears, and bridge. I've stated once I'm a big tattoo geek, so I want a quite a bit of those. I'm definitely a big "oh let's do it myself" person, and I have tried giving myself a septum piercing. (it would've worked if it wasn't for the fact I did it too low to be able to flip it up to hide it) I love the adrenaline of fights, it doesn't matter if I win or loose, although I do prefer if I win. I literally get the most random urge to fight someone for the hell of it. Probably has something to do with impulsive thoughts and shit, but oh well. I'm a big respect person, I live by the motto "you respect me, I'll respect you". I have blackouts sometimes due to rage and anxiety, so I try to keep myself from having them. I have a bad habit of rambling and saying sorry too much. I tend to repeatedly say sorry whilst rambling as I tend to get overly excited and loud when I ramble. I'm a very talkive person if I know and trust you. If you're around me and you don't get your ear talked off or messed with, you're probably not liked or

you need to leave. It's one easy way you'll be able to tell if I get along with you or not. I kinda have a whatever/punk/alt style, a lot of time I just grab something decent and throw it on. Although you'll always see me wearing a belt and my platform shoes. I'm 5'0, so my obsession with platforms grew because of my need to be tall. I wear a lot of baggy clothing, I'm definitely more of a comfort over style person.

Ok, my dude, I'll definitely pair you with...

Marko and Paul

Oh, man, you three are gonna be some threesome (and not necessarily in the sexual way lol)

Just imagine THE MESS

The boys think you're adorable when you get into the romantic mood and try to flirt but end up saying bad pick-up lines, so they'll laugh, but will twirl their hair as whoerish as possible and follow the game. Or they would get on with their manly act and fight to see who will flirt back better.

Now, the chatting will be so goddamn long! You three will go on 4 hour-long conversations that'll get from a "look at this new t-shirt I got" to "so that's why Ronald Reagan was an alien". The worst part is left to the spectators like David or Dwayne since none of you three will be the sane individual and shut y'all up.

The blondes like your drawing, and ask you to draw them or random stuff and people CONSTANTLY, so you'll have many opportunities to improve your skills and try with different models. When they happen to find some of your sketchbooks, they try to impress you or simply give a small present by drawing you or something you like, or at least make the attempt since some of the "fine pieces" as they call them, they give you are like children's school projects.

And, man, about the hair, are you blessed to have the glam diva Paul by your side to give advice and constructive criticism to your hair. He will help you choose the color and will give it style from time to time if you accept. The process to dye it will be so much fun, and so chaotic; experimenting with the pigments ends up with wounds caused from the bleach and the currently used wardrobe disposed later.

A thing they love about you is that you can stand up for yourself if needed, but they rather you not to, because they know you handle yourself and the others well, maybe too well for your good. Paul tries to take care of you as much as he can so there is no need for you to possibly get hurt. It was enough trying to control Marko so he didn't get involved in some stupid street fight every night at the boardwalk to now have to worry daily about you too. Marko shares the passion for the adrenaline of this and will think it is hot as hell, but he protects you as much as Paul, maybe a bit softer than him about it tho, but if you're in the middle of a fight and it starts to get worse than expected, he dead ass will force you to back off. He'll finish the business himself, sweetheart.

As for your love language, don't worry, these dorks will accept you playful pushes with joy, and they'll give you some of them too. But if you accidentally flip and fall some meters before hitting ground, you know the rule: laugh first, help second.

Oh, and you better get prepared for the bullying. You're the smallest in the group, so that leads to a constant attack as a hobbit. Marko joins the quip, but I mean, he'll get humiliated along. Let's just say Paul gives you two a hard time about it. With all the love of course.

They love to get out with you and the others and go to the boardwalk, but they try to take you out on days it is not that crowded, or in hours where a small amount of souls are having a stroll. But, if you happen to go out on a crowded night, they will keep you focused on having a good time, but just mention your getting uncomfortable and you'll be back at the cave in less than a minute.

Paul and Marko really love your style, they think it looks badass and try to match tough outfits with you from time to time. Giving you cool shirts and leather jackets with some patches on them that they think are awesome. Don't ask why some of the clothes have strange-colored stains on them tho.

They go with you to get you ears or nose pierced from the moment you three decided doing it diy style was a bad idea cuz y'all ended up with a bleeding nose and an ear infection the first time of trying it, and because there's no voice of reason in the threesome, Star and Dwayne had to give you kids a very long lecture of not doing those things by yourself.

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [sends her some kind of coded thing where the answer equals 6 when she works it out so she knows he's not living his best life without her because they're both weird little nerds] Edie: I'm so insanely bored Edie: what lesson are you in and how many negative ⭐s is it Liam: german Liam: all the negatives Liam: [sends her a picture of his textbook with everyone's eyes stabbed out via pencil holes like miss you] Edie: awh, you wanna give me schadenfreude 😍🥴 Edie: that's generous Edie: I was just thinking that a Columbine would liven this place up Liam: write your list, I'll try & think of anyone I'd wanna keep off mine except for you Edie: but being the last ones standing is what we aim for Edie: and what I want right now Liam: anything else you want before I kick that plan off? Edie: don't need time to say any final farewells to any dickhead in this place Liam: you've got a steadier hand, I'll need you to carve no farewells onto the bullets Edie: more deserving use of my time than whatever I'm not being taught right now Edie: how's your aim though? Liam: -9 ⭐s for the lesson you're in Liam: but + it for my aim Edie: my fault for naively thinking Physics might be interesting when I picked it Edie: forgot we were catering for the braindead masses Edie: I believe it, no bullshit brag detected Liam: chemistry would've let you blow more things up Liam: & make 💊 Edie: 😤 I'm mad Edie: no amount of black holes are gonna make up for this Liam: we'll learn it online Edie: but I wanna blow things up with you now Edie: or not learn German vocab Liam: let's go blow up a 🚽 they have to let you out in case you're about to bleed or cry in front of everyone Edie: and am I? Liam: in front of me & whoever else is in there Liam: unless you wanna upload it after Edie: I do need to make the overreaction my fam had over the weekend worth the headache Edie: owed more trouble, like Liam: my dad was on one too, he's the only one not allowed to show up by his logic Liam: you want a bigger scale? every 🚽 in the building Liam: maybe school would have to shut Edie: Know that, my sister is the definition of one rule for her, another for the rest of us Edie: I reckon we could do 'em all without getting caught in the act Edie: more fun after the fact 📹 to claim it Liam: just need to get creative with our explosives, I won't have enough 🧨 to do every bathroom Liam: you in the labs or a standard classroom? Edie: labs Edie: she's scheduled a breakdown any moment now anyway, she's always pissing off to cry herself so I'll take my opportunity and cue as such Liam: 3 HNO3 + C6H7(OH)3O2  H2SO4 →  C6H7(ONO2)3O2 + 3 H2O Liam: only need nitric & sulphuric acid from you Edie: you're a hot evil genius, okay Liam: there's a story behind it but maybe I shouldn't give it to you Liam: keep that train of thought intact Edie: but I need it Edie: I can keep 'em both on track, trust me Liam: you need it? tell me about that first Edie: I love stories Edie: and I liked talking to you, a lot Edie: and I like it when you give me things Edie: so yeah, it's a need Liam: to make you happy then Liam: the year is 1846 and this german-swiss scientist was messing in his kitchen Liam: he spilled a mixture of those 2 acids I told you to get on his table & grabbed the first thing he had about to clean it up Liam: happened to be a cotton apron & he hung it on his oven door to dry after, super chill until it exploded Edie: that's perfect Edie: scientists really loved making shit happen on accident, just like all life Edie: 🧫🦠 Liam: I was an accident & look how that turned out Edie: Big same Liam: my sister too, different loser dad though Edie: yeah? Edie: we've got that in common too Liam: does seem to be pretty common Edie: happy little accidents Edie: or not so Liam: I don't wanna be like that Liam: the different girls bit at least Edie: people love repeating their parents mistakes and bullshit Edie: even when they railed on it for years Edie: I don't fucking get it Edie: make your own, at least Liam: maybe you'll think this is one but I gotta say it Liam: I don't care about claiming 🚽💥 I wanna claim you Liam: be with me Edie: You mean it Edie: no bullshit Liam: only if there's bullshit that comes with being official & exclusive all of that Edie: I think that's a really, really good idea Edie: not a mistake but even if it was, I still want it Liam: alright, it's yours, me & the gay 🖤 shit Edie: [sends him a 🥰 selfie] Liam: it's my background Edie: you were already mine Edie: [glitter moment shamelessly] Liam: took the longest shower & I'm still finding it 🗺❌ Edie: good thing you suit it Edie: we can try again though, after the literal shitstorm, a shower is a good idea Liam: yeah, wouldn't suit that Liam: german teacher can disagree as loud as she wants Edie: 😏 Edie: can keep their filth and their hands to themselves Liam: I respect that you only covered me in glitter so that those girls would think I was gay & do the same Edie: people gotta respect territory Edie: works until I perfect your tat Liam: I'll get on the school roof with a 📢 Edie: You're everything Liam: you can sample it when you write a song about me Edie: I will Edie: your friend is not getting a feature Liam: his loss Liam: I'll only gloat for a while Edie: you can go as hard as you want, I reckon Edie: you've earnt it, like Liam: I'll go as hard as you want Liam: you're my girl now Edie: I'm yours Liam: make your physics teacher cry for me then Liam: we've got shit to do Edie: 😄 Edie: done Edie: where are we meeting when I'm fully done and have secured the shit? Liam: [a location] Edie: 👍 Liam: 🔜 Edie: making people cry is a speciality of mine Liam: it won't work on me Edie: I don't want to make you cry Edie: ever Liam: good thing I can't ever, all that toxic masculinity Edie: not missing out on much Edie: even if Miss makes a proper performance out of it Edie: more fun ways to do that Liam: yeah there are Edie: 💣💥 Liam: don't have to hand you a 🧨 to cause 🎇🎆 Edie: you don't even know how true that is Edie: yet Liam: for now it's a guess Edie: I'll show you Liam: I just wanna feel something Liam: that's not only 💊🥤 Edie: I will make that happen Edie: you don't need to believe me, just wait Liam: I'm waiting Edie: you deserve to feel everything Liam: I've tried but it don't work out like that Edie: you can't? Edie: or only certain emotions Liam: there's no 💣💥 in me Edie: we can be dead inside together and make it happen to everyone else Edie: for now Edie: [show up] Liam: [just kiss her too hard because everything you do is a little bit too much boy, okay you're numb but there's too many emotions trapped under the surface that we're not addressing so] Edie: [thank god we're so overwhelmed ourselves that we can just roll with this and have it be the most extra thing] Liam: [this is why you two work] Edie: [just approaching this like you aren't her first honey not even 'cos we're fronting but feelings and trying to make you feel things] Liam: [realistically who have you ever slept with either boy unless you've gotten with one of Rio's friends casually prior to this or something like] Edie: [just out here doing the most from the jump, the fam must be like HELLO???] Liam: [shouldn't be here for it but I am] Edie: [we all are by all I mean us and them, no one else lol] Liam: [imagine how shook he'd be because didn't expect it to be like this] Edie: [awkward, like the levels you must pay attention to no one but Rio 'cos she isn't really conspicuous in how she be lol] Liam: [and if he did get with one of Rio's friends when he first started stalking her it clearly didn't work out so he's probably bracing himself for another failed attempt and then] Edie: [it makes logical sense, like tryna get in the friend group lowkey but none of her friends are really here for it[ Liam: [yeah and like in my head he started stalking Rio when his sister had just died so he wouldn't have been bringing his A game] Edie: [exactly dr phil] Liam: [but obviously nothing happened that she could clock as a red flag when she's thinking of suspects he was probably just really blah because numb] Edie: [yeah, and none of her friends are gonna chat shit on the boy who's sister just died really like it's to be expected] Liam: [it's a good cover like you said] Edie: [just sat here like it's so rude we're gonna kill Edie, as if it wasn't rude before] Liam: [I do feel so bad for him even though he literally fucks with Rio's entire life] Edie: [lol same, it's like if you could just stop doing that tah] Liam: [I think it's partly because we both know she ends up okay and living as happy a life as poss whereas he does not] Edie: [yeah, there's no hope and that's just sad, even if you were an absolute dick, like Ro, per example, still sad she dies for everyone else] Liam: [agreed] Edie: [and you aren't that insufferable boy which is just well] Liam: [nobody is, she's next level] Liam: [anyway also do your vandalism and have way more fun than you expected with that as well] Edie: [when it's just a moment for you immediately and you're all in] Liam: [do we wanna close the school or not let them destroy every bathroom in the place for various reasons lol?] Edie: [on the one hand, maybe get caught before you do every bathroom for that trouble mood, on the other, if you shamelessly upload it you'd get in more trouble for making the school look dumb and shit hmm, I think this time get caught and we'll let you be sneaky trouble causing nerds plenty of other times[ Liam: [I'm about that, we know you're both pretty distracted rn so] Edie: [it feels more legit for this instance, and we can separate you and they'd probably call Ali in for the drama of it] Liam: [you can work your way into the fam later boy you're trying to keep your gf highkey for now, I love the idea of both their mums getting called in and awkwardly meeting haha] Edie: [they'd lowkey want them to kick up a fuss and separate them for the school but Ali knows how well that works so it's like well soz you'll have to cope] Liam: [whereas his mum is the opposite, you know the sort never backs the kid and is just wholeheartedly like yes do whatever you think @ the school] Edie: [ahh the joys] Edie: [once that drama has unfurled and you're in your separate detention moments, sending him a pic from the school website of all the staff but she's digitally ❌d out all their eyes] Liam: I miss you too Edie: I hope so Liam: what else would I be doing? Edie: I don't know Edie: you are full of good ideas Liam: I was thinking about setting the fire alarm off Edie: an acceptable second to thinking about me constantly Edie: would hate to perish in a fire with all these cunts Liam: to be with you Liam: I'd get you before they made you line up in the playground for the head count Edie: then we can leave, like we planned Edie: they'll have let our mas fuck off by now Liam: 🗑🔥 Liam: boring if it wasn't for you Edie: you're like Edie: seeing a new colour Liam: maybe I should leave you there longer so you can work on your song about me Edie: don't though Edie: I know it sounds cliche but that's the only way I can explain how blindsided but transformed I feel from you Liam: you're the only person who's said it, don't think that's how cliches work Edie: I don't just say pretty things for the sake of it Edie: or anything Edie: I mean it, regardless of what it does or don't sound like Liam: I know you mean it Edie: if we both set one, it'll take them longer to get back inside Edie: hide and seek and we can finish what we started? Liam: you're on Edie: 3️⃣2️⃣1️⃣ Liam: 1️⃣ 2️⃣ 3️⃣ Edie: [ahh this poor school lol] Liam: [love that you get to be notorious though gal cos peeps gonna be talking about these antics for ages] Edie: [in this fam you have to make your own rep or life is really hard junie and grace, I said what I said] Liam: [tea though] Liam: [I'm trying to think of somewhere cool they could go and my first thought was like a junkyard vibe so they can destroy more things like life is strange and sex education unless you have any better ideas] Edie: [that's always a mood, also very akin to the barn which will clearly be your domain so] Liam: [yeah and somewhere she's probably been loads of times that she knows all the hiding places of so they don't need to be interrupted again] Edie: [live your best destructive lives] Liam: [when he would be and lowkey forget what he's meant to be doing here, such fun, not devastating me at all] Edie: [the theme of these painful two years lmao, I'm so glad you never find out babe truly] Liam: [though ngl I wish you could survive and we could see if y'all as a couple could survive that] Edie: [ahh when you can't do it all, so rude] Liam: [could've had it all rolling in the deep] Edie: [soz you've got to die my love] Liam: [soz you both have, his poor mother] Edie: [yeah that is no fun] Liam: [soz both your kids are dead babe but we need it for the plot] Edie: [some people have the worst luck truly]

[zykjhrzqkn1h4m3xyine]

1/02/2019

I woke up at 7:30 today. This isn't good, my goal is 6:00 and I'm only getting worse and worse every day. I had an epiphany, is that the word. I realised that she said that I have like one class where I'm in the same class as one of them, but since it's only one class, that means that I should only see them twice a month right? Unless I have more than one class on that day, oh god. This whole mess would've never happened if it wasn't for the choices and made and if my last name was different. Anyway, I didn't make my own breakfast today, or even eat breakfast. I guess I'll eat breakfast at school. I need the school track suit and new sport shoes. So those things I really need. So I need to separate my wish list and my need list. I saw a new method of seeing if you really need something, it's asking: would you rather be given the amount of money that something costs or would you rather have the item. It's a pretty good method.

It's now recess. So I'll talk about roll call, Gabby is in my roll call. Before school started I went to tech and I asked ms da Silva if she could separate me and Gabby. She agreed. So what happened in roll call was I sat next to Ivy, and ms da Silva separated me and Gabby by putting someone in between us. First period: it was English, I sat with Stephanie, we did some research on war poets. We didn't make a lot of jokes. But it was okay. Ema was also in English. She was also in second period.

Science was a nightmare. Ema was sitting in the row behind me, and the whole thing with Ema and when I wanted to break the friendship with her. It's exactly same thing. This time eve is the middle person and she's saying the exact same thing as Gabby that one time. The reason why I'm here now is because I told Gabby and I trusted and followed her advice. I'm not going to make the same mistake. I sitting with Olivia, Clarissa and Eve. This is only temporary, I don't consider myself part of their "group". I'm not going to make myself comfortable, because I will lose them again. Tomorrow I'm going to the library and to study. I was really scared in every subject except visual design. That's the only time I felt comfortable. Visual design is alright, we were cutting shapes to like make an abstract face, but that's pretty boring. That seems like something you would do in visual arts. I knew new people, I know Daniella, and I how know hajera. Daniella kinda looks like Irmak. I need a device in visual design that can downooad Adobe products. That's going to be an issue, I can only bring my old really clunky laptop. I don't have a laptop. I wonder if ms Papus will find it acceptable. LlWe got a code for Google classroom, I'll write code in here later. It's:

It's now after school. I'm walking home. A lot happened just then. So during lunch, in the last quarter, Eve, Clarissa and Olivia, made me talk to Ema and Ameera. They talked to me, I shook like crazy. Then I started crying, I told Ema, the reason I was like this, was not because of Ema. They asked me if I wanted to be friends with them. I said no, at this point I was already crying really hard. I told them that I didn't want this (twice) I told Ameera that I was only getting in her and Gabby's way. So that's all I told them. I told Ema that I know she can never forgive me, so it would be better if I left. I told them how I wanted to throw myself off the library every day. She said that she didn't know if she forgave me or not. I did it, I told them that I didn't want to be their friend. I'm proud. I was still crying really hard so I went to the office to ask if I could go home. Ms Maharaj saw me, and she was really concerned about me. She convinced me that I didn't need to go home. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I accidentally spilled half my miceller water in the sink. That added to an otherwise horrible day. In visual design I was informed by Ashley that I had chewing gum on my shoe. That is the most stereotypical thing that happens when the main character has a awful day in a movie. That and getting hit by water when they're walking on a sidewalk by a car. I really wanted to do film study, but that's okay. I'm glad I didn't go home. It's better if my parents don't find out about this, especially my dad. I don't want to make them upset. I don't think anything good happened today. I don't know why I'm so unlucky, my family is all really unlucky. I want to live but just not this life. It's raining a little bit on me right now, but I don't mind. My bag is heavy, but I don't mind. I need to buy a math book and a red pen. I also need to study for three hours. If time is money, I need a loan.

It's 4:30 and me and dad are going to Officeworks right now, I need a math book.

Mac is nice, but he's not going to be one I like. I need someone who wants to take care of me, and me to them. I don't even want to date anyone until I'm 16, so I'm good. I'm glad I can talk to you, so I don't accidentally overshare my feelings.

I went to office works, we didn't get a red pen, but we got two graph books, they're both 7mm, but they don't have the spiral spine. 48 pages each.

I have poetry homework today, as well as studying for science. I also need to join the classroom for visual design.

I did English homework, or at least part of it. It's kinda hard to do, but we have the weekend to do it. I'm talking with Mac and Emma. Mac has a very bad relationship with his mom. I think his mom is mentally ill, but he really truly despises his mom. She smokes but she gets angry when anyone critiques it. I think that she's ashamed of her smoking habit but that's just my opinion. I think she really needs therapy, based on the way she treats her son. Like at the age of 14, she allowed him to get a desk. He was big hopes and he's putting in a lot of effort to work towards them. He's a good kid, I hope he succeeds in life.

Mac is such a pure boy, I hope he succeeds in life omg. I already knew this but, he was beaten up, and bullied in primary school, a lot of people backstabbed him, and that's the root of his trust issues and worries.

Oh so we got on the topic of the Dolan twins. And then I said that I liked them a little, like Y'know I like their videos. And I didn't want him to think that I was a like a crazy fan or anything so I said that their fans are crazy y'know? Girls like them because they're goofy" And he responded really negatively like "well it's working they've got you" and that sort of distrust and sudden negatively made me feel really sad and scared. And I started crying. Not really hard just like in the middle of the night that kind of crying. I'm really sensitive right now, even the smallest bit of negativity can send me into tears. Because I was so scared not to make the wrong move when I was friends with Gabby and Ameera, that really shook me up. Or maybe I'm just really fragile. I don't want my sensitivity to be an excuse for my actions.

So the annoying thing about me when I cry is that my nose becomes really really red and my eyes become bloodshot and it usually lasts for about an hour, I've also noticed that the top of my lip becomes red. I'll include a photo

I've already done my skin care in this photo so it's less red but if you turn up the contrast it's going to be accurate.

The white line is when I started crying.