#anyway I FORGOT ABOUT THE ASK POST AND I THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD JUST RANDOMLY SENT ME THAT

[ashvampire]

🤔🍄

🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Ohh I have so many. In terms of tes stuff I want to write one with Nerevar and Voryn making sketchy agreements involving pirates. sounds better in my head

🍄Describe your wip/one of your wips in the format of “___ + ___ =___”  

drunk tribunal + voryn = mild dramas

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends

Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.

So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.

(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)

After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.

Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.

Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.

I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.

But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.

I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.

I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.

Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.

But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.

I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.

So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.

_

After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.

Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜

[suncrat]

I forgot that I never posted my P5R ramblings so here they are:

Socra’s Random Ass P5R Thoughts:

-I got emotionally attached to Ryuji and then Ann and then Yusuke and I refused to swap any of them out of my party throughout the entire game and it annoyed my brother (who was presiding over my playthrough) to no end

-(this also made the Okumura boss fight really annoying for me)

-Ryuji and Ann are my kids. My sillies. My beloveds.

-my brother and I referred to Kamoshida’s boss fight as “castrating Kamoshida” so in the period where I was waiting to do the fight (in the real world, not in the game) he’d just randomly ask me “when are you gonna castrate Kamoshida”

-I went from a Makoto hater to a… somewhat Makoto enjoyer? From what I’ve heard I think I’ll like her more in Strikers

-I know Kasumi/Sumire is kinda set up as the main love interest girl or whatever in Royal but I never once wanted to date her (no hate on those who do though), my initial impression of her was that she was like one of those underclassmen who you take under your wing when you’re in school and joke about being your kid and stuff

-also let me romance the bros:((((

-I didn’t date anyone but if I had to I’d probably date Hifumi

-and if Joker wasn’t a fucking kid I’d date Takemi (I am not immune to hot punk doctor)

-and if I could romance the bros then I’d date Ryuji

-I was hoping and praying for Sojiro to take in Yusuke and I was very disappointed when it didn’t happen. Like who the fuck is taking care of him??? Doesn’t he need a guardian???????? He sent a text about eating fucking bread crusts once and I have never wanted to parent a fictional teenager more in my life

-Ryuji will say the gayest shit about Joker and then the game will remember he’s supposed to be the Straight Bro Guy™ and the overall experience is of someone who is very, VERY deeply in denial that he’s a lil bit of a fruit

-Ryuji: Thank you for being there for me dude I’ve never felt this way with anyone before and there’ll always be a place for you at my side

Ryuji, two seconds later: man I sure do love women

-(closeted bi disaster Ryuji methinks)

-Anyways you can pry queer Yusuke and queer Ann out of my cold dead hands

-my embarrassing confession is that I got lost in Kaneshiro’s palace like three times

-apparently I got close enough to having Mishima be my first Maxed confidant that my brother was getting concerned

-my brother told me that “if Yusuke asks you to go on an outing and you don’t commit, I’m never letting you play on my laptop again”

-I kinda hated Morgana towards the start of the game (mostly bc he was a dick to Ryuji) but he did grow on me around the 3rd palace. Then I got to the 6th palace and got back on my Morgana hater arc. My final opinion is that he’s just a lil hater but he’s alright. He’s lucky he’s cute

-I am not really a Mishima enjoyer but I think I have far less negative feelings about him than most of the P5 fandom. It doesn’t sit right with me that the game obviously wants the player to laugh at him even after showing that he went through bullying and abuse- characters like Yusuke have funny moments/lines while also having their trauma be validated, but Mishima isn’t allowed to have that and it feels kind of shitty

-so uhhhh for some reason my game skipped the entire middle phase of the Akechi fight?????

-when Maruki was bonding with the tentacles and said something to them like “I’m yours to use” my brother gave me a look like “don’t you dare fucking say it”

-(I said it)

[ollyou]

It's seriously so annoying to see you constantly stir up drama, please stay on twitter. You send your followers after people and even if I block you the entirety of PMTOK rides your dick over everything you say and it's on my fucking feed anyways. Being in a server with you was seriously hell. Not saying who I am, so you get to guess. Get a fucking job. (Still in your server BTW, but I'll leave soon <3)

(Not a genuine response; talking about a silly dream I had under the cut)

I had a dream about us last night where you were this cool artist I admired the art of (who doesn’t exist outside the dream world) who was following me and we DMed each other on Discord all nicely sometimes, but over time you grew increasingly hostile and mean towards me and my art skills until some day after sending this ask, you just DMed me confirming it was you, and blocked me. But for some reason, you were able to keep sending me DMs and I just wasn’t able to respond, and you just kept DMing me ranting about me and how you hate me over and over again every time I thought you were done, but I eventually realized I could just react to your messages with letter emojis, and after a long time of not knowing what to write, spelled out “dummy” (but like, with a weird N emoji for the second M). You then proceeded to explode at me, in shock I would be so “rude” to you, but then I realized I was somehow able to just type full sentences using letter emojis on Discord. I kept writing responses and you read them, although I took a very long time pressing each button, making several spelling errors, but I talked about how I still think your art is cool, but what’s not cool is how randomly rude you started getting to me. I said I liked your Olivia design, which you apparently had, and posted it somewhere you could see (I kinda forgot the details about this one). You saw the drawing, and went silent before you unblocked me without telling me, and sent a transparent edit of the Olivia drawing I made. You said you liked it, and thanked me, and a minute later, it was your profile picture. I was REALLY surprised and confused about your sudden change of heart, but we kept talking for a bit, and somehow got back on good terms. You said you actually don’t mind me now, and want to be friends, so we became friends! We shared PMTOK art with one another and even eventually hung out irl, somehow (everyone I know in my dreams is capable of meeting me irl easily, for some reason). I wound up telling Sega about this, and we were just relieved we had someone who we could respect. I think you might’ve even drawn ME fanart, but I don’t remember!

The end 😇

(OH YEAH ALSO it’s probably worth it to mention i dont send my followers after people nor do i frequently get into drama unless it’s asking someone to take a post involving me or sega down ((MOSTLY TO ART THIEVES)) idk what sort of stuff this anon has been looking for but no one’s left my INACTIVE server i havent checked since January 26, 2023 and im pretty sure this is a troll)

(Oh also also @ anon: if you’re not trolling and want me to give you a legitimate response then just like… DM me dude i dont bite I’d be more than happy to help with whatever problems my existence is causing you /hj? gen? idk LOL just dm me you’ll be fine)

[whenemmafallsinlove]

What happened? Are you alright?

not really. to give you a rundown

1. a few weeks ago i was sad that taylor nation didn’t see something i tweeted. and i hadn’t been taking my antidepressants so i was already not doing well. so i tweeted i was sad about it. and bc my twitter has randomly blown up from 2k to 11k, the tweet got attention and i got hate for it. (was it really about being sad about taylor nation? no, but i don’t know how to cope with the real life things i’ve actually been dealing with so i channeled those feelings into something stupid)

2. i noticed some “friends” of mine softblocked me and asked why. never will i make that mistake again. (also, to me my mutuals are my friends… or acquaintances i guess? but my use of the word friend really upset some people)

3. when they ignored me i was sad and tweeted something along the lines of “it sucks when someone you thought was your friend softblocks you” and then also later said it was bringing up memories of when my “friends” were mean in grade school… which it did, like i wasn’t making that up

4. the main person instigating all this really had a field day with that saying it was insane behavior to compare softblocking to bullying etc etc. i blocked

5. days later i made a twitter thread of tour tips answering questions people had. like, questions people were asking me. so i was just responding. the thread blew up so i tweeted “my venmo is xyz /joking” like with the tone indicator joking because it was a joke that everyone does under their hit tweets. a couple people venmoed me a dollar and i was laughing with them about it but sent it back obviously!! but i ended up getting a bunch of hate for that and for the thread. people claimed i was just chasing clout etc. i deleted the venmo part and apologized

6. to me this is the only real thing i did wrong. i tweeted that it was funny to me that i was pissing big name swifties off with my tour thread. i shouldn’t have said that and i am sorry for it but i can’t undo the past. anyways people had a field day with the big name swiftie thing and just saying i preach kindness but i’m actually a huge asshole etc (all of this mainly started by that one person)

7. i thought i had blocked that person but i’ve been periodically going thru and removing our mutual follows to fully cut ties because i’m tired of being harassed by them. at some point i guess i forgot to block them again bc they saw me tweet about the fake taylor nation account today and posted a mean video about it. i said that i was begging them to leave me alone and they responded that they were begging me to shut up.

8. i went private and people were screenshotting my tweets and sending to that person. so id finally had enough so i blocked and also used a third party app to chain block all their followers to remove whoever was following me just to screenshot my tweets and send them to people i’ve blocked. and now everyone and their mom is making fun of me on twitter and that’s what you missed on glee

honestly with the way people are treating me you’d think i committed literal murder or something but no i literally just had the audacity to have feelings and remove a toxic person and their followers from my life. i only did the chain block because i knew that a) the person who was screenshotting my stuff clearly followed both of us and b) i didn’t want to be That Person who is like “everyone please unfollow xyz”

[lunetheaveragefan]

one day...

Hi! This is the beginning of the first fanfiction that I’m posting here! I hope people like it!

A Sander Sides high school AU

Pairing: Prinxiety and some background Logicality

Summary: Virgil is used to being alone. He only has one friend, Logan. But when Logan makes a new friend, things begin to change as two more join their group. Roman, a boisterous theater kid, seems determined to destroy Virgil’s lonely, average life. How much will Virgil’s life change?

Warnings: Some cursing and quick mentions of anxiety/a panic attack. If you notice anything else, let me know!

Word Count: 1,691

--------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER ONE

Virgil Tempest is having a bad day.

First of all, he’d woken up late. 30 minutes late, to be exact. That left him only 10 to get ready for school, so he didn’t have time to put on his foundation. Now, the feature he hated most about himself — his freckles — would be visible for all to see. 

Secondly, his favorite hoodie was in the wash, so he had to wear his old, plain black one that he hadn’t worn since at least seventh grade. It was buried in the way back of his closet, wedged between a leather jacket he’d completely forgotten he owned and the suit he had only worn once, at a funeral for some distantly related family member.

Thirdly, he forgot his headphones at home in his rush, and so now he had to suffer the whole day, unable to block out the noise of his idiotic school. He thought he had a spare pair in his backpack, but when he looked once he got to school, there weren’t any in sight. 

Earlier, he thought it couldn’t get any worse, but he is sure now that it was just building up to this.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Roman Princeford apologizes loudly from above him. To say Virgil dislikes Roman would be an understatement. Roman has a ridiculously pompous name and a personality to match. The star theater kid, popular king of the school, and friend to everyone. Well, everyone except for Virgil. Even Virgil’s only friend, Logan Wise, a class-A nerd, likes Roman. 

Needless to say, Virgil doesn’t see Roman’s appeal. Maybe, if Roman could stand to be a whole lot less arrogant, say, every day, or if he stopped being so excessively extra, or if he just took the time to do something other than theater and bragging, he might be tolerable. The key word there being ‘might.’

“It’s fine,” Virgil mumbles from the floor, where he had landed after Roman knocked into him while Virgil was walking. Roman had been talking to his usual group of fans, taking up most of the hallway since pretty much everyone wanted to listen to him, and had thrown out an arm in one of his usual grand gestures and pushed Virgil right over. He’d landed on the floor, books strewn everywhere, being watched by the whole hallway. Of course, it’s more crowded than usual thanks to the tall tale Roman was describing that apparently no one could afford to miss out on. It didn’t help that Roman had decided to make a big deal out of it, either. 

Wishing this terrible day could just end already, Virgil shifts to a crouch and begins to gather his books. To his utter dismay, Roman bends down to help him. Annoyed as he is, Virgil can’t get up the courage to tell the other boy to leave him alone. Even so, the work goes quicker with the other boy helping, and, as much as he would hate to ever admit it, Virgil appreciates it. 

They both reach for the last book on the ground at the same time, and their hands knock into each other. 

“S-Sorry,” Roman says, and Virgil thinks he hears a stutter in his voice. Roman Princeford, the theater prodigy who never messes up a line, stuttering? But when Virgil looks up at Roman, there’s a blush working its way across the other boy’s tan cheeks. Strange. This close, Virgil can see the bluish specks in the other boy’s green eyes. 

Roman must feel Virgil’s eyes on him, because he looks back at him, handing him his last book. Dread settles in Virgil’s stomach as he realizes that Roman must be able to see his freckles. Just as he remembers, Roman’s eyes drop to the other’s nose, where the freckles are the most noticeable. Shit, Virgil curses. 

Yanking the book away from Roman, Virgil turns away and stands up, and Roman soon follows suit. There’s a redness on both of their faces now, but on Virgil’s pale skin, it’s much more visible. How long was I staring at his eyes? He shakes his head, letting his dyed-purple bangs fall over his face. 

Resituating his books in his arms and weaving his way through the people, he starts the walk to his next class, art.

“Have a nice day!” Roman calls from behind him. Virgil sighs and pulls up his hood, wishing now more than ever that he had his headphones.

“Whatever,” he mutters, but the whole next period, all he can think about is Roman Princeford’s bright green eyes, tan skin, and wavy blond hair. 

I must be going crazy, he decides. I mean, I know I’m gay, but gay for Roman Princeford, of all people? I don’t know him at all, and from what I’ve heard — and experienced — he’s not someone I would ever get along with. There’s no way I could possibly have a crush on him. 

Right?

------------------

At lunch, Virgil drops down in the seat next to Logan with a thud. 

“Greetings,” Logan states professionally. “Am I misperceiving your body language and demeanor or was your day thus far below average in terms of relative happiness and unpleasantly abnormal?” Virgil looks at him around his bangs, puzzled.

“What?” Is he even speaking English? Virgil wonders.

“Pardon me, I forget that you are intellectually compromised when it comes to my copious vocabulary. Let me rephrase,” Logan proclaims. He clears his throat and lays his hands on the table, his fingers pressed together to form triangle-like shapes. “Did your day suck or are you just being your—” Logan waves a hand at Virgil’s body— “regular grumpy asshole self?”

Virgil is taken aback for a second before he rolls his eyes. 

“Roman fucking Princeford bumped into me in the hallway, and then had the nerve to say, ‘Have a nice day!’ afterwards in that disgustingly cheery voice of his!” Virgil complains, poking at his food. He doesn’t really intend on eating any of it; the school’s food is terrible, and besides, he isn’t too hungry anyway. He has some crackers in his bag if he really needs something to eat later.

“I do not understand why you antagonize him so often, but I suppose if you refuse to change your opinions of him, there isn’t much I can do on the matter.” Logan pauses, and Virgil has a feeling he knows what’s coming next: one of Logan’s rare discussions of emotions. “But you shouldn’t just assume that everyone is out to hurt you, Virgil.”

Yup, there it is. Virgil likes Logan’s company because he isn’t too tied up in his emotions, unlike Virgil. He knows the facts, and that’s relieving when Virgil is in the midst of a period of overwhelming anxiety. But sometimes, Logan thinks he knows what’s best for Virgil, especially when it comes to matters concerning Roman Princeford.

Scoffing, Virgil crosses his arms and leans against the back of the chair. “Whatever,” he sighs.

Logan takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm his temper, which has a habit of getting out of control, and responds, “Virgil, this is unhealthy. You have—” But before Virgil can find out what Logan thinks he has to do, another voice cuts Logan off.

“Heya, guys! How are you?” Virgil looks up to see a shorter student standing there. This new kid’s hair is a mess of amber curls, tumbling over his forehead and slipping behind his round, wire rimmed glasses. Tan skin covered in freckles and a round face gives him a youthful look, but Virgil knows that he’s a junior just like him. 

His name is Patton Hart, and Virgil, surprisingly, doesn’t hate him.

Patton is known for being one of the kindest people in the school. No matter who it is, Patton will find a way to cheer someone up. Back in December of their freshman year, Patton helped Virgil calm down during a panic attack around finals. Virgil harbors no ill will towards the kid, but it’s still strange that he’d show up at their table randomly. 

Then, Virgil remembers that Patton’s best friend is the one and only Roman Princeford. 

Roman probably sent Patton to tell me something. Damn, I hate that stuck up asshole. Before Virgil can open his mouth to ask Patton what he wants with them, since Logan and him are the only ones anywhere near, Logan talks first.

“Hi, Patton!” His voice is so upbeat and joy-filled that Virgil has to look over at Logan to make sure he did, indeed, speak. In the seat next to him, Logan’s face is lit up with a smile, and he looks so…well, not-Logan. And, wait, is that a blush on Logan’s cheeks?

Virgil raises his eyebrows in shock and blinks a few times to make sure what he’s seeing is real. When nothing changes when he opens his eyes, Virgil ignores the strangeness of whatever’s happening next to him and looks back at Patton. 

“Hey, Patton,” he greets. “What do you need?” He tries to keep his voice annoyance-free, so not to hurt the other kid’s feelings. Patton’s a little puffball of innocence and positive energy, and the whole school has made an unspoken agreement to keep it that way.

“Oh, I just came over to talk to Logan about our science project!” 

“We were paired together as lab partners today,” Logan explains, still with that wide smile on his face. 

Weirded out by the scene unfolding in front of him, Virgil pokes at his food one last time and decides he’s not so hungry to risk getting food poisoning. 

“Alright, then,” he says, standing up, “I’ll leave you guys alone so you can talk about your nerdy physics stuff.”

“Actually, Virgil, it’s chemistry we’re taking,” Logan informs him, some semblance of his usual professional manner returning. 

“Well, it’s still science, and it’s still nerdy, so my point stands.”

Patton giggles, and Logan seems to blush, but at this point, Virgil doesn’t trust his own eyes. 

“Well, goodbye, kiddo!” Patton exclaims, waving. Virgil laughs at Patton’s use of ‘kiddo’ even though they're in the same grade and waves back. Telling Logan that he’ll see him later, he turns and dumps his try, finally exiting the noise of the cafeteria.

[brokenkingdom-forgottenempire]

Bye, Drew..

Some..angst, I guess? A forced fic by a friend who advised me write a happy, fluffy fic for this ship but also told me to make sad fic for the same ship. The friend is either high, crazy or indecisive ... or all three. 

Summary: Roman and Drew are boyfriends who share house together, but one day Drew gets a new job in a new town. Drew moves out, and soon Roman is forgotten.

More to Roman’s p.o.v.

(16/12/20)

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He was waiting for this day to arrive. They had planned it days earlier. Roman was going to see Drew later after work. They wanted to go watch a movie together. They rarely had times to see one another ever since Drew got a new job outside of town and had to move out of their house. 

Drew would text him everyday, reminding him to eat and to rest. Roman would do the same thing. They did not have to wait for the other person to text first, they would just randomly send out a text. Ever since Drew moved out, Roman did not offer to rent out a room to any of his friends. He wanted the house all to himself. It was the house Roman and Drew used to share anyway. 

First couple of weeks had been rough for Roman. He would come home to an empty house, prepared dinner for himself and watched TV while waiting for Drew’s replies. They rarely met outside, Drew lived an hour away from him. Roman was often busy with his own work too. They were both busy with their own schedules but they would make sure their partners were well. 

Roman did not notice it at first, how Drew’s replies became shorter, how Drew would take longer time to reply to his text. The Samoan told himself that Drew just got the job, he had to perform well for the company so Drew could be extra busy. Roman, however, never stopped sending him texts. He was not bothered by Drew’s late replies at first. Soon, Drew would hardly send him a text. Roman would wait for days but still nothing from Drew. Is he okay? Is he sick? Roman was always the mother hen in their relationship so he would easily get worried about Drew.

Roman would ask Drew if he could call him? Just to hear his boyfriend’s voice for few minutes, but Drew would give him excuses after excuses to avoid any calls. When Drew did agree to have a video call with Roman that night, Drew looked distracted, tired and cold. It was Roman who had been asking questions and Drew would simply reply with a short ‘yea’, ‘no’, ‘okay’, with not further explanation. Roman thought Drew must be tired so he decided to end the call early. Before Roman could greet his boyfriend good night, the video ended. Roman sighed. Maybe Drew was not in a good mood.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. Roman did not know what had happened but he realized how cold Drew was towards him. Drew no longer send him anything. Drew would not want to answer his calls. Drew would not even reply to his texts anymore. Roman cried again that night when Drew rejected his call. Again. What did Roman do wrong? Why was Drew acting this way? 

It was closer to Christmas and Roman just wanted to see his boyfriend again. Just once. For few seconds. Roman relentlessly tried to ask Drew out for a dinner and a movie, but Drew rejected the dinner and but fortunately agreed with the movie part. Roman was happy with just that. 

That noon Roman had finished all his work early. He had prepared the needed paperwork for his boss too. He did not want to be bothered during his movie date. He asked his boss for permission to get off work an hour early to get ready. He was excited to see Drew again. Before he left the house, Roman sent texts to his boyfriend, reminding Drew about their date.

Roman drove for an hour to reach to the nearest cinema in Drew’s new area. He waited for Drew’s replies but he received nothing. Roman waited. It was windy outside. Freezing cold too. An hour turned to two. Drew was still nowhere to be seen. Roman did not want to call Drew, worried if the other man was driving but he decided to give it a try.

The line rang once, twice, thee times, several times before Drew answered. “Hello?” Drew’s voice brought a smile on Roman’s cold face. 

“Hey, babe. Just wanted to know where you are,” Roman heard another voice, an unfamiliar one. Who was that? “Are you coming, Drew?” The Samoan’s voice was filled with hopes. 

He later heard Drew sighed at the other side of the line, “Listen, Ro, sorry I didn’t get to tell you earlier, but the office is having a dinner right now and I can’t leave. Maybe next time? Besides, I’ve watched the movie yesterday with my colleague. Sorry, babe,” God, that hurt him. Roman could feel his heart shattered. Drew was ditching him? Was that it? He could not believe this. What did he do wrong? He thought Drew still cared about him- ..was he wrong about that too? Roman swallowed a lump in his throat. He could feel tears at the edge of falling. 

“You still there, Ro?” Drew asked when he realized how quiet Roman was. Roman bit his trembling lower lip hard enough to calm his voice. 

“Yea. Yea, sorry to bother your office dinner, Drew. I didn’t know,” 

“How about we meet another time, huh? My treat next time?” Roman’s head felt light. He did not know what to say. He was not sure if Drew still wanted him around anymore. His mind was a mess at this point. He loved Drew so much. He loved the Scotsman. Drew was his everything before. Drew would always care for him. Drew would at least tell him he would not be coming tonight. Drew would not leave him like this. In the middle of a new town, freezing outside of the building for hours.

“It’s alright, babe. You’re......you’ll probably be too busy with your work too. I’m sorry, Drew but I hope you eat well tonight. I have to go now, the movie is starting soon. Bye, Drew,” Roman did not wait for the other man to answer as he ended the call instantly. Tears ran down his face. Roman had to walk to somewhere less crowded as he cried. Of course, some people were looking at him but it was not like they knew who he was. Roman felt nothing but pain in his chest right now. His heart was broken. His trust was gone. The warmth that he hoped to feel tonight was blown away by the cold winter night. Had Drew really fallen out of love? Did he find someone else there? Roman’s lip was bleeding by the time he had calmed down. He did not want to scream in the middle of the street. 

The Samoan decided to not watch the movie. He went to a café to get himself a hot cup of coffee and a slice of cake. He drove back once he had bought everything he needed for himself that night. He saw Drew called several times during his drive but Roman continued to focus on the road. Sure, he still had tears leaking out of his eyes as he handled the wheel, but he tried to ignore them. Drew did not want him around anymore, what was the point of staying? 

When Roman finally reached home, it was already 10:45pm. He brought everything inside and placed them on the dining table. Roman was exhausted. His eyes hurt. He did not feel like crying anymore. He looked around the small living room area. They used to cuddle up in that sofa. They used to be happy. Drew used to be there for him. Used to. Maybe he did find someone else. Someone new. Someone closer to home. Roman sighed heavily. He could not even bring himself to cry anymore. 

Roman switched on to IG as he sat the box of cake on the small coffee table. It had been awhile since he last logged into his IG account, he almost forgot his own password. His thumb scrolling down to see latest uploaded posts, but suddenly his eyes fixated on one particular post. It was Drew’s. A video actually. Drew was laughing and joking around with another man. A friend, maybe, for now. They went to places together, based on Drew’s IG posts. A recent video was of him went ice skating with the same man. Roman closed his eyes. He was tired. His heart was tired. It was still in pain. He could not breathe properly. 

Roman logged off his account and went to text his friend instead. Mox was in town, Seth was in town, his cousins were still on vacation so he decided to text Mox. 

‘Mind if I sleep at your place tonight?’ Roman clicked send. Lesser than two minutes later, his phone dinged. A reply.

‘’Course not, big dog! Been wanting to drag you out of the house anyway. I’ll call Seth too. Sleepover party, baby!’ Mox’s reply made Roman smile again. He laughed a little before he told Mox he was packing his things up. He did not think he could sleep in his own house tonight. Not with this heartache. Roman packed whatever he needed and drove away to Mox’s place. 

Drew sent him some texts that night, asking Roman where he was and if he had made it home safely. He tried to call Roman again the next day but Roman just stared at the little device in his hand as it rang, and later tucked it away. His chest still hurt. It was like someone just set his whole ribcage on fire. Maybe it was the best for both of them. Roman locked the door to his small home. The home he used to share with Drew. He was staying with Mox for now.. Drew did not need to know that.

Bye, Drew.....

[flowitch]

supernatural and lgbtqia+ characters

DISCLAIMER: i love these characters, which is why i watch the show. i do also have many issues with the show and the writers. this isn’t a hate post for the story or the characters, just the way the characters have been treated. do not read this if you are not caught up and do not want spoilers. this is also kinda a mess but i got very passionate about this and wrote it during classes

Dean Winchester

i’m gonna start with my boy dean!! dean is mine along with many other people’s favorite characters because of how complex he is. and one of the things that adds depth to his character is his “journey” with his sexuality.

there are many examples of dean very clearly not being straight, and he is officially headcanoned (and i guess canon now) as bisexual. you don’t even need to include dean and cas scenes for examples of his bisexuality. here is a video showing examples without any cas scenes:

https://youtu.be/rQSPmmuLJB0

now that we’ve established he is bisexual, let’s talk about the contradiction between the writing of his sexuality and character. the one i’m itching to talk about first is the confession scene in 10x16.

https://youtu.be/IqBHkwi13ic

in this scene, dean says, and i quote, if you don’t want to watch the video and don’t remember, “There's things, there's...people...feelings that I- I want to experience differently. Maybe even for the first time.” there honestly is no other way to interpret this. i’ve tried to put myself in the mind of the writers and the homophobes but i genuinely cannot interpret this another way. this is very clearly about his sexuality, being that there were no love interests at the time that this would apply to (not that this would even apply to a straight couple anyway). and not only does this confession scene occur, but sam even comments on how he was in there for a long time and he could always talk to him if he needs to!!!! they could have easily not had sam say anything about how long he spent in there, being that we as the viewers have no clue as to how long he was in there. they wrote that specifically to show that what he said in there had meaning and importance.

the writers and the crew of the show play into dean’s sexuality consistently with scenes, song of the days from the crew, etc., but then deny that destiel or dean’s bisexuality is real. i think a lot of this has to do with the fact that dean has always been considered as a “macho man” who shows very little emotion and has trouble with vulnerability. and that’s true! he absolutely is. but this show had 15 years to allow him to slowly work through his feelings and his issues with his own sexuality and self. the confession is a great example of the writers being almost there and then never speaking about it again.

even if you aren’t bisexual, you can see how much biphobia there is in the world. and as a bisexual woman i can say that bisexuality in men is so looked down upon it’s disturbing. men coming to terms with their bisexuality, especially if they are considered straight and “manly”, always makes me so happy since it’s not as accepted as female bisexuality. and this is another reason why supernatural exploring dean’s bisexuality would have been so incredible. seeing a man on television who has a lot of internal issues come to terms with something so complex and life changing would have been monumental to so many people. the writers had an infinite amount of ways to go about this because of things that THEY wrote, and instead chose to ignore his sexuality and have him not respond to castiel’s confession in 15x18. it’s very clear he was in shock in that episode so i’m not mad, but it is also clear that they wrote it that way to not fully make deancas canon.

dean winchester is bisexual, and the writers wrote him that way. nobody pulled this out of their ass, destiel didn’t become popular randomly and for no reason, they wrote him this way. this is their own writing that they have chosen to ignore and contradict for 15 seasons and it’s disappointing.

Castiel

this entire post is being written on november 6, 2020. one day after 15x18 aired. castiel is now canonically queer, and was already sent to someplace worse than hell. because he was happy. which directly connected to his love for dean. i honestly don’t even have to write cas’ section because that is enough, but i’ll write about his mistreatment anyway.

we knew the only thing that would make cas truly happy would be something with dean. well we assumed the writers would make up some other bullshit, but we hoped that it had something to do with dean. and sure enough, it was his love confession. and what i loved about this was cas starts it off by saying two beautiful things. one, that he knows he can never have what he really wants (dean), but he’s just as happy telling dean he loves him. he doesn’t need to have him to be happy with where they end their story, as long as dean knows. and the other thing he starts off by saying is that he knows how dean sees himself. he lists off all of these extremely kind things about dean and how dean is what made cas care about the world. he is the reason castiel went from an emotionless soldier to a fallen angel that feels deep love for people.

this confession scene although tainted by the fact that he died right after, which we’ll talk about, and the fact that it took this damn long, really means a lot to me. it was so incredible seeing cas be unapologetically open, honest, in love, and himself. he was for the first time since we’ve known him, completely and totally content. he told the man he loves how incredible he thinks he is and how he loves him, and knew he was saving him from billie by doing it. we’ve never seen him that happy. and it’s heartbreaking. 

misha summed it up perfectly i think: “Tonight, watching Cas talk to Dean, I got lost in the story and forgot for a moment that I’m the one who plays that angel and I thought, “He’s how I want to be. He’s openhearted and he’s selfless and he’s true.”

this was the first time we saw cas living his whole truth, and he immediately died. in terms of just bad taste, sending someone who just came out to angel hell is very disturbing, but it’s just further proof of the writers not caring about their lgbtqia+ characters. it’s like they gave us what we wanted, but there just had to be a catch, right? these writers very clearly do not care about their queer characters or fans, and what they did to cas here shows that plain as day.

obviously i really do want dean to save cas from the empty to parallel cas saving him from hell, but do i think it’ll happen in these last two episodes? no. first off i just don’t think misha filmed for the last two episodes, but also, the writers have made it clear that they do not care about cas in general, nevermind their now love story. it just does not sit right with me that he got sent to the empty for eternity because he was finally his whole self and happy.

Charlie Bradbury (our world + au)

we have seen charlie bradbury die twice, both times for no reason at all. the first time we saw her die, it was by the hands of a NAZI, and her body was THROWN INTO A BATHTUB. like i said before with cas, that was explanation enough i mean come ON. the second time we witnessed charlie die was in 15x18, (along with the whole world i know bare with me), which we did NOT need to see. 

let’s start with the fact that for all of these characters, supernatural creates and writes them wonderfully for the most part. we fall in love with these characters because of the way they were written, acted, and the dynamic with other characters. unfortunately in supernatural, if you are queer or a woman or god forbid both, that dynamic with other characters will be the death of you. 

i’m gonna talk about each other her deaths individually. so her first death. the only reason for her death was to further sam and dean’s (mostly dean’s) man pain. although i eat up the reactions of other characters when another dies, this just felt completely unnecessary to me. the writers wrote a fan-favorite character, and decided that the best course of action was to brutally murder her to further dean’s mark of cain storyline. and i loved that storyline! i loved the scene of dean getting revenge for charlie! but it did not need to happen. the only thing the fans wanted was for her to be alive and well, get more screentime and possibly have a girlfriend. 

when directly asked why they thought killing charlie was a good idea, jeremy carver said: 

“That’s an excellent question, and it, it’s tough just because...any time you have a favorite character on a show...People die on the show. And, and, and...and, unfortunately...So...there’s so many ways to answer that. And I feel, I, I...it’s tough for me to answer. She’s an absolutely beloved character, beloved on the show...And when we’re in the writer’s room...we have to go where the story takes us. And we try and do it without, um...(insert fans booing and the cast laughing at him)...this is the world day of my life. And I’d like to thank everyone up here for the support.” (they were not helping).

not only did he not have a clue on how to answer a question that should have an understandable answer, but then the best thing that he could come up with is “we have to go where the story takes us.” but why would that possibly be where the story takes you? if supernatural had more diversity than straight white males and possibly one woman that dies or is evil, then fine kill off whoever you want even if i don’t like it. but it becomes a gender and sexuality issue when she is not only the only recurring female character at the time, but also the only recurring lgbtqia+ character at the time (minus cas). 

now the second time she’s died. mind you this isn’t our world’s charlie. they brought her back for the fans and for the cast/crew that love her and felicia. we’ve established that she’s here living her life someplace. we haven’t heard anything about her for a hot minute, and then they decide to bring her back for 15x18. i was thrilled! i could not wait to see her, and was even more excited when she showed up on my television. and then, even better, we found out she has a girlfriend who she lives with and is clearly happy/comfortable with. and then what happens, may you ask? her girlfriend, stevie, a queer woman of color, vanishes. boom another unnecessary lgbtqia+ and woman death that could have been avoided if they just wrote in sam and dean calling her for help. 

later on in the episode, everyone on earth excluding dean, sam, and jack are gone- completely vanished where they stood. charlie of course is among those people. bare with me here, i know everyone vanished and it’s not the same as the first one. but here’s my issue with it: she did not have to come back. i would have rather had donna say “jodie, the girls, charlie, they’re ready to go when you need them”, and then they all vanish off screen. but instead they went through the trouble of bringing her back, showing her happy, having her experience a painful loss, and then disappear anyway. what was the point in having her in the episode?

like i mentioned earlier with dean being representation for bisexual men, charlie was just that for lesbians!! the amount of posts i’ve seen on multiple platforms talking about how much they resonated with charlie or how heartbroken they were no longer having representation on their favorite show is awful. there was a kickass nerdy, kind, strong, loving lesbian on your show not once but twice (au charlie), and you blew it. 

Claire + Kaia (Dreamhunter)

this part isn’t going to be long because there are some exceptions: wayward sisters failed spinoff (i’m still heartbroken i want it so bad), kathryn newton’s new status and inability to be in the show, etc.. so i guess this will just be a short thing about wayward sisters and what that could mean for claire and kaia. 

they had already established in supernatural that kaia was claire’s first love. we had gotten some really cute scenes with them, and then wayward sisters was finally a possibility. if the show had gone through, which i’m not sure why it didn’t, claire and kaia’s relationship could have been a goldmine. young girls could see themselves represented by characters already adored by supernatural fans. it would’ve shown a beautiful wlw relationship between two young girls who are also kickass and can keep up with their elders/male counterparts. 

i can’t pin this on the writers sadly (lmao), but i am still upset that we didn’t get wayward sisters. it would’ve meant a lot to women and to the lgbtqia+ community. 

My thoughts

like i said in the disclaimer, i love these characters and the story of supernatural. i always will. but i can’t lie about how frustrating it is seeing women, lgbts and people of color get constantly disregarded and mistreated. the writers had 15 years to get with the times, and the growth of society. stuff that i saw in season one and wasn’t surprised by should not still be happening in season 15. having writers that are all straight white males/women is not enough anymore. it never was. there has to be something for everyone in a show as big as this. it’s not about meeting diversity requirements, it’s about actually having diversity because it’s real. there are no diversity requirements for people in society. these are just people of different races, ethnicities, sexualities, genders, etc. who want to see someone like them represented on the things that they watch. it’s a lonely feeling not being validated by a show that you love.  

i might make another post specifically for the women mistreatment and queerbaiting on this show but that’s all for my essay on why supernatural sucks at not mistreating their queer characters :)

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

I don’t trust Kat to give you context, so I’ll do it this time.

I decided to write something based on some stuff we were talking about. I don’t have the most confidence and this is more related to her stuff anyways, so while convincing me to post it, she offered to host it here. This has the added bonus of it being HER that hits post, limiting my chance to chicken out.

So enjoy this out of context thing I wrote because Kat is a bad influence.

-grungekitty-77

Eleanor knew she was an artist from a young age. From the moment she took he first picture she knew she’d found her calling. Other girls played dolls, she focused on posing them. She took photos of everything, always looking for something she hadn’t seen before. She got bored often and nothing frustrated her more than having nothing interesting to photograph.

From a young age she was hailed as a prodigy. Her eye was so unique, and she had a knack for finding things and making them interesting, things nobody realized could be that interesting. So, she had no trouble getting a start at a studio.

She hated family portraits. She hated them with a passion. They always wanted the same straight on angle and it was so painfully boring. They were frustrating to work with, they were all the same stiff smiles, one shot no different than the next. No talent or expression. She’d outright refuse them if they weren’t keeping the lights on.

She was ready for another grueling photoshoot that brought no fulfillment and wasted her talents. This family had an unruly kid.

Eleanor never really go the appeal of kids. They were loud and needy and usually a mess. They did provide more interest than their parents though. The boy screamed randomly at one point, much to his parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents’ dismay.

He laughed at their frowns and Eleanor captured it. The emotions and dynamics were the most interesting thing she’d gotten so far.

The boy got lectured by his mom and pouted. The adults were back to their static smiles, but he displayed his emotions, not looking at the camera or standing straight. Eleanor captured that too, focusing on the boy’s emotional journey.

The adults got frustrated with him as he fidgeted, and their smiles dropped. His mother pulled him aside and screamed at him. He shrunk down and started to cry. She captured it.

Then she hugged him, telling him that she loved him and just needed him to behave. Eleanor captured her favorite shot of the shoot. It was a photo she’d have framed and hung in her house for years to come and would be her favorite for a long time.

This child, crying and filled with shame, clinging to his mother, comforted by the very cause of his tears. The vulnerability, the emotions, the submission, it was all something Eleanor hadn’t seen before.

The rest of the shoot went normally, the kid even having some real fun by the end, but Eleanor never forgot how that mother had the power to control her child’s emotions like that.

Family portraits stopped being so boring after that day. Eleanor stopped focusing on trying to make something worthwhile within the stifling constraints, and instead focused on how much power mothers had over the children. How if Eleanor needed something from them, the mother would provide it. Telling the child directly rarely worked but asking the mother to tell the child always did. It was like they weren’t interacting with the world as their own beings, they could only understand what was filtered through their mothers. Eleanor became obsessed with that power. The power to control another’s reality like that. A mother was her child’s whole world, and she could shape that world as she pleased.

Eventually her artistic work gained enough of a following that she never had to do a family portrait again, much to her relief. She hated working through the mothers. She may’ve been fascinating with their power over their children, but she wanted to have her own and constantly borrowing theirs was getting irksome. She wanted to shape her own worlds, and not have to work around the worlds these women had already shaped.

She still didn’t want a baby though. She wanted the control of her subject being a mother brought, not a child to raise.

Her dilemma sent her on a path to find others like her, a path that led to a private online forum. It was full of people like her, people that were obsessed with controlling, with shaping a world and having total power over it. She finally had people that understood what was going on in her head. Not all of them approached it from the same angle as her, but they all wanted to control a subject. She made good friends.

Itssnowing: have you thought about a pet?

SkullsandRibbons: maybe….

Itssnowing: Get a pretty little thing and train it. I know where you can get a lovely little purebred. It might fill the hole.

Eleanor took her friend up on his suggestion and got Lucy.

At first Eleanor was happy to have a new subject, but quickly she got frustrated. Lucy didn’t listen. She couldn’t get Lucy to do what she wanted, and all of her shots were off center or blurry because Lucy refused to hold a position.

Itssnowing suggested she send her off to get trained and Eleanor again, took his advice.

It worked. Lucy came back ready to obey orders. Eleanor was delighted for about a month and a half.

Then Lucy got boring. She looked the same as any other pure breed. She had the same few emotions and responses; the interest ran out. Eleanor ran out of new things to capture. She hated taking repeats of shots she already had.

Lucy was sold.

Itssnowing: Why? I would love having something so pretty in my house. A living, breathing piece of art that’s just for you.

SkullsandRibbons: Why would I want something I can see anywhere? There’s nothing new about it. Nothing unique. Nothing raw! Nothing new to see. It’s boring!

Itssnowing: I guess I’m just boring then. I’d much rather a quiet afternoon at home with a pretty little thing snuggled on my lap.

SkullsandRibbons: Well you’re an office worker, I’m an artist! I need something fulfilling!

Itssnowing: Suit yourself then.

SkullsandRibbons: I’m gonna go to the shelter tomorrow, see if they had anything interesting.

Itssnowing: You want a MUTT!?

SkullsandRibbons: Absolutely! No two are identical. I might actually capture something unique!

Itssnowing: I don’t understand you… but I suppose I don’t have to understand your tastes.

Eleanor laughed at her friend. She shared almost everything with Snowing. He got all the shots she took of her new rescue. He even admitted that the pictures were marvelous, though he still had his own tastes.

Eleanor got bored too easily. She decided to foster, so that she’d get a different subject every once and a while. She definitely preferred the rescues over Lucy. They all had stories and intrigue and were far more dependent on her attention. She could brighten them right up with a little affection, and then destroy them by ignoring them for a minute. Best was that she could do it all over again and it still worked.

But dogs got boring. She needed something fresh, something entirely unique, something that screamed at her to be captured and focused on.

She was browsing the internet one day and a headline caught her interest. She’d vaguely heard about the ninja, but she hadn’t actually seen any real pictures yet, so she clicked the article just to see what kind of pictures it had.

The green ninja made her eyes roll. Scared boy trying too hard to look strong and important and nothing else. A few candid shots had potential, but he seemed to only be himself when he didn’t know he was being seen, which would be pointless to explore with a camera.

The white ninja made her cringe. He had nothing to give. Well, the interesting anatomy could be worked with, but the ninja himself was a stiff subject that had nothing to see.

The blue ninja was all energy, no form. She could probably get some good shots, but it would get very one note after a short while.

The black ninja at least seemed to know how to hold himself, though he didn’t seem to have any interest in being a good subject. He’d make a decent model for brand work, but he’d be worthless in any artistic projects.

The girl was a brat. She refused to be a subject. It was a non-starter.

It was the red ninja that made her stop breathing. Then she boiled over in rage.

He was…He was perfect. He was gorgeous. He had an effortless look with just enough edge to make you want to know more. He was stunning, and the framing was the worst she’d ever seen!

They focused on the complete wrong place, and the lighting was just….oh it burned her. Here was this boy being the perfect subject, all the stars aligned, and the photographer ruined it!

She searched him up, she had to know what he looked like when he was given the attention he deserved.

Kai Smith.

She found his social media and started to scroll through. He posted his own pictures and he had no training in photography, but at least he wasn’t ruining anything. She poured over each selfie. His eyes burned with mischief and passion, his face had beautiful angles no matter which way he turned, and he seemed to love being observed. He was preforming. Giving pieces of himself for others to see. Eleanor continues to scroll and fantasized about capturing those pieces and propping them up correctly. She could make something magical out of him. His expressions told stories, he wore his emotions like jewels and Eleanor had to know more.

She spent the next week obsessing over everything she could learn about Kai Smith, her new muse. And she found something she hated even more than boring subjects, seeing someone mishandle a beautiful subject like Kai.

They all were too focused on Lloyd, who looked uncomfortable half the time he was on camera.

Nya wasn’t always an awful subject; she seemed a lot more willing to be captured if her brother was there with her.

She was right about Cole. He had the training, but no passion for it.

Jay was an attention hog and she found herself annoyed with him. Too overpowering, he didn’t leave the artist any room to work.

Zane was everything she thought he was. No surprises there.

But Kai…

The pictures where he was angry were the best. He had such a raw emotion. He let everyone see how he felt and let the image have the power of what he felt. He let his soul be seen.

She learned all she could about him.

He had a tragic backstory. Something with teeth, no wonder he had a touch of a wounded look. He had no mother to shape the world for him. This interested Eleanor even more. Kai seemed to have filtered the world for his little sister, and seemingly Lloyd too, but he seemed to lack anyone that could reshape his world as they saw fit.

He was wayward child.

The thought made Eleanor smile. Kai had no mother to compete with. There was no woman she’d have to fight with to take control of his world. He was what she had wanted so desperately. A beautiful and interesting subject she could control.

Oh, how she’d love to have him.

[omgviolette12]

After Hours - Chapter 9

Previous Chapter

Summary: Evelyn Monroe has been a TA for professor Laufeyson’s Calculus course for four months now. He was known to be quite strict, but that never deterred her from applying for the position in order to be close to the man she had been secretly pining for. One evening, she returns to his office after opening hours… and with her bountiful luck, she walks in on something not meant to be seen.

Chapters: 9/?

Words: 2800+

Warnings: None

Tags:  @milkymaidme @dangertoozmanykids101@alexakeyloveloki @little-moonbeam-666  @marvel-ous-fics@clovermariear@lynnesm@bitchyikes@moon-child-of-a-poet, @allthecraftandthings@bubblegumspitt @shockwavee @blondekel77 @nerd–nirvana @valdemarismynonbinarylove@nightrose64 @pastelhexmaniac @iistormii

If you’d like to be added, let me know. I’ve also posted this on AO3

_____________

After getting handsy with her professor, it was as if Evelyn were on a blissful high. She was happy, extremely so that at the time she didn’t care about the mess they made of his desk, or the roundabout way they had to take to leave the building to avoid being noticed together.

Thankfully there hadn’t been a run-in with Andrès or any other lingering students, so he was able to drive her home without incident.

Evelyn was not sure why, but she anticipated the drive to be in awkward silence, or have some sort of strange tension. This was a new experience for her, so she didn’t quite know how to act around him now. She was usually good at starting conversations out of thin air, especially with this professor of hers...but she had no idea what to say, or where to begin.

While she expected to grow more comfortable in his presence after what they did together, it seemed to have made her even shyer instead.

Strangely enough, he sensed her plight. Removing a hand from the steering wheel, he stopped the fidgeting of her fingers by giving her hands a comforting squeeze on top of her lap, “You’re oddly quiet, for someone as talkative as yourself. Is something on your mind, darling?"

His deep voice startled her from her thoughts, her senses now aware of his hand dwarfing her small ones, “Oh..I’m fine. Just, um... thinking. Nothing important.”

Evelyn didn’t want him to view her as childish or immature, which she believed her current line of thinking was. She would much rather keep her thoughts to herself than portray the image of a naive, fiddling woman that she was sure he abhorred.

Loki, however, was persistent. Whatever troubled her seemed to affect him as well, and he needed to get to the bottom of it. “Evelyn, you do know how fruitless it is for you to lie to me?”

One thing Evelyn disliked, yet admired about the man was how perceptive he was to her emotions. She felt like an open book most of the time, and she wasn’t sure she liked that yet.

Sighing audibly, she turned to look at him. His eyes were focused on the road, with a smile on his lips. It softened his features significantly, however small that smile may be. Seeing his calm demeanor affected her, prompting her to speak.

“It’s just… are we together now? Like, exclusive? It's probably a stupid question, but I wanna make sure we’re on the same page.”

He merely chuckled, his eyes gaining a teasing light, “ I did recall claiming you as my woman, yes? Or do you require more...confirmation?”

Evelyn didn’t think her face could get any redder. She pouted, her expression indignant, “Can you give a straight answer, please?”

Loki gave her hands another light squeeze, his smile widening, “It wouldn’t be any fun that way. Besides, I love it when you get all flustered. It’s quite cute, really.”

She never expected the word ‘cute’ to ever leave his mouth, nor the playful manner in which he spoke to her. If this was his version of teasing, she wasn’t sure her heart could survive the brunt of it.

“But to answer your question,” his tone grew more serious, looking away from the road momentarily to glance at their joined hands, “ It would be complicated, given your status as a student. We are indeed in a relationship, but this fact cannot be made known on campus. I am sure you know why.”

“Um...yeah, I get it. I’m still your TA, so it would make sense to keep things on the down-low. I don’t mind.”

Besides the obvious ethical reasons, she didn’t want to be hounded by jealous bitches on campus. Especially the faculty. She had seen a couple of her other professors throughout various departments interact with the man, and they all had the same little ‘I want your cock inside me, teehee!’ twinkle in their eyes.

Evelyn did, however, want to tell someone. What if she needed advice? But she couldn’t tell any of her friends on campus since they were straight-up gossiping hoebags.

I could at least tell Candice, right?

“Candice? Is that your sister?”

He turned onto a familiar street, stopping at a traffic light. He then looked at her curiously with a raised brow, “As long as she doesn’t attend the school, I don’t necessarily mind.”

I said that out loud? Again?!

“Oh! Oh, really? You don’t mind her knowing...?” She didn’t think that last thought would slip from her brain and into her traitorous mouth, but she might as well roll with the dice.

“No, I don’t see why I would. She’s going to find out eventually, so there’s no point in hiding it.”

That went... better than expected. It seemed too good to be true, so she decided to test the waters a bit more, “But, I thought you didn’t want us to be public? And she could be a bit...judgy. In fact, my whole family is...”

Especially her mother. If she found out Evelyn was involved with her professor...she’d most definitely smack her into the next century.

He pondered for a moment, seeing that the topic worried her. “Public on campus, yes. But within our own private circles, it's fine to be more open. She’s your sister, not some random friend.”

He continued to drive once more, and she could tell they were getting close to her apartment, “...And regarding your family’s possible judgement, it honestly matters little to me. I only care about what you think.”

Butterflies went haywire inside her stomach, her face heating up at his words. He only cared about what she thought? Her opinion, especially within her family, was always overlooked - so she was extremely grateful that he valued what she thought about him.

She felt a bit embarrassed, clearing her throat lightly before replying in a quiet voice, “Oh...um...thanks?” She didn’t know how else to respond, so it sounded awkward to the ears.

He only laughed, eyes glinting with amusement at her reply, “Don’t be so embarrassed, I’m merely telling the truth. Ah, here we are,”

He pulled to a stop across the street from her building, and Evelyn felt a sudden sense of loss wash over her. She didn’t want to go home already - she wanted to spend much, much more time with him now that things were different between them. She was becoming so attached already, it frightened her to a degree.

Evelyn didn’t know he was calling her name until she felt a gentle pull on her chin.

"Evelyn? I asked if you've saved my number," he looked at her concernedly, brows scrunched up.

"Huh? Yeah yeah...I think I - oh, no... I didn’t actually," she pulled out her phone to check, but then remembered that she forgot to save it from his email a while back.

“Here, allow me,” he held out his hand for her phone, for which she quickly obliged.

Loki entered his number quickly, then called his own cell to save hers.

When she went to take back her phone however, she was caught unawares when he took hold of her face to draw her into a hungry kiss. His hand moved to her neck, and the kiss quickly grew in intensity as his tongue explored the warmth of her mouth.

The kiss felt almost desperate, as if he wanted to savor her before he had to leave.

When they parted for air, his eyes were dark and narrowed.

“Mine,” he murmured against her lips, so softly that if they weren’t so close, she might have missed it.

______________

A few days had passed since Evelyn had last seen professor Laufeyson - or Loki, rather. She still had to get used to calling him by his first name, although she hadn't had the time to put it into actual practice.

She was still behind in several projects, and with final critiques now steadily approaching, Evelyn feared that she’d barely have time to see him in the near future, save for their meetings.

However, the next meeting they’d have would be with the other TA’s in his class to discuss grading/proctoring final examinations, so they wouldn’t be alone.

Fortunately, she did have his number - she was just...too scared to actually use it. He didn’t contact her after that night, only texting her briefly to see if she made it inside her home without incident.

But he was a busy man, so she never expected him to be an active texter anyway.

She didn’t want to seem clingy and bombard his phone with calls and texts, but she did miss his voice…and touch.

Evelyn really wanted to slap herself. She wasn’t this obsessed back when she admired him from afar - it was starting to become unnerving.

She stretched lazily in her chair, sighing softly to herself. She’d been stuck in the studio for several hours now, yet she was struggling to complete her painting because her mind was too preoccupied to focus.

Her senior painting class was meeting up tomorrow for the weekly group critique, and she wanted at least one solid work of art to show for.

She was about to resume painting, until her phone went off with a ping!

Her heart randomly started pounding, stomach warm with butterflies. Did Loki finally send her another message?

She went to check quickly, and was promptly doused with cold disappointment.

It was the group chat she had with several of her friends on the app Line, and Andrès had sent a message.

Evelyn sucked her teeth in annoyance, before checking the notification to see what he had to say.

Yaboi Andrès: Can y'all tell me if I'm tripping balls or not???

A flurry of messages pinged soon after.

Ieatass uwu: What happened? :C

Chantel24: You're always tripping balls. Stfu.

Mandydandy:  what's tripping balls mean?

Evelyn rolled her eyes. He occasionally had stupid shit to say, and the group chat always blew up her phone when he riled them up.

She was about to turn off notifications, until he sent one message that stopped her heart.

Yaboi Andrès: It's about professor Laufeyson. Y'all know him right? He teaches math in the science dept.

Ieatass uwu: Yea Eve's his TA. What about him?

Mandydandy: Fucker failed me when I took his Statistics class last year. And I'd gladly take it again ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Chantel24: Yeah, why?

Evelyn suddenly became extremely worried. He was just going to complain about failing the class...right? It's not like he heard anything that night. They were quiet, she was sure…

Yaboi Andrès: I think he's clapping cheeks in his office y'all.

Evidently, she was wrong.

Mandydandy: !!!!!!

Mandydandy:Now I know u fuckin lying.(ಠ_ಠ)

Mandydandy: Like, foreal?

Chantel24: …….

Ieatass uwu: Laufeyson of all people? How you know? Omg…

Chantel24: Explain. This better not be stupid.

Evelyn's heart began to beat uncontrollably in her chest, her hands starting to sweat. Her eyes never left the screen as she gripped the phone tighter, watching as Andrès typed a string of messages.

Yaboi Andrès: Aight so boom. Eve left her purse in his office or whatever, asked me to pick it up. I said hell no, but changed mind cuz I'm a good friend as you know. But when I went, he told me I was failing the class and all that shit. Got me fucked up.

Chantel24: Get to the point.

Mandydandy: ^^^

Yaboi Andrès: Chill, I'm getting there. Anyway fast-forward, it's night and I just got out my last class. I'm still tight as fuck, and scared too cuz I need to pass the class. So I'm like fuck it, Imma go plead my case or just drop the course.

Yaboi Andrès: I ain't know his office hours but I went anyway, and this where shit gets spicy…

At this point, Evelyn knew she had to intervene.

She started to type furiously, her fingers shaking as she did so.

Evie<3: Andrès. As his TA, I’d appreciate if you didn’t speak about him in that manner. He’s a private, proper person who wouldn’t do what you’re suggesting. Stop typing weird shit please.

It felt strange typing that, seeing as she herself caught Loki doing the exact thing Andrès accused him off. Only this time...she was the one on the other side of the door.

Thinking about it again, she felt so off. Was she a horrible person, doing something so filthy in his office and liking it?

Evelyn started to question her morals seriously in that moment, her heart suddenly unsure. She feared she may have bitten off more than she can chew, involving herself with a professor.

She anticipated awkward situations like this would be common place, and she wasn’t sure she could tackle them.

Another ping drew her attention back to the phone as she bit her lip.

Mandydandy: Eve, bless ur heart. We all know u wanna hoppity-hop on his dick too. ‘hE’s A pRoPeR pErsOn’ my ass.

Ieatass uwu:  And I oop- ⊙.☉

She became angry in that instant. Oh, if only they knew…

Evie<3: Unless you’re itching to catch these hands, I’d suggest you watch your mouth. I’m dead serious.

Yaboi Andrès: Chill, chill! It's really not that serious.

Mandydandy: I’m just fuckin with you, dang. You know I’m like this already >.>

Chantel24: Y’all are outta pocket today.

Evelyn forced herself to shut off the screen, slamming her phone a bit too harshly on the table. If she engaged them even more, she’d only make herself out to be suspicious.

When she saw Loki next, she’d have to speak to him about this. And she was not looking forward to it.

She took off her glasses to rub at her eyes tiredly, stressed from the entire situation.

I need a damn break from this shit...

Speaking of breaks, she was in desperate need for the restroom, as she was cooped up in the studios for hours on end.

She went to the only restroom outside of the studios, washing her face with cold water to help stave off the incoming headache.

Evelyn decided to just head back and get ready to go for lunch, seeing as she couldn’t find it in herself to finish painting anyway after that conversation. She hoped some food would help lift her spirits, if only a little.

As she was heading back towards the studio, she spotted two figures in the distance, a man and a woman, right at the entrance. She’d left her glasses back on her work table, so she couldn’t see clearly.

When she got closer and the figures became clearer, her heart skipped a beat once she realized who it was.

"...And these are the student studios, I'm gathering? For the seniors?"

Loki spoke to the woman beside him, whom she now recognized as her senior painting professor, who insisted her students call her by her first name - Cindy.

“Yep! We have about 15 seniors this semester, and they all share the same space, divided into cubicles that serve as their private work areas. It does get a bit cramped, but we’re working on installing more walls and expanding...”

Cindy spoke animatedly to a seemingly interested Loki, until something else caught her attention.

Sensing her presence, the woman turned her head, with Loki following suit. And as soon as he laid eyes on Evelyn, his visage immediately lost all of its tension.

Evelyn didn’t know how to react to his presence, especially since they had an audience.

“Oh Eve! Are you busy right now, by chance?” Cindy asked, her voice unusually high pitched.

She was taken aback by the sudden question, "Huh? Oh, no, not really…?"

"Phew, good! I was giving Mr.Laufeyson here a small tour of the department, but I have to head to a meeting in a few. I don't want to cut it short, so I was hoping you could take over?"

She could feel his gaze burning into her skull, and she forced herself to focus on Cindy, "Yeah, yeah! I don't mind…"

"Thank you for your help thus far, Cindy. It was much appreciated," Although Loki spoke to her, his eyes never left Evelyn's form.

Regardless, Cindy blushed visibly, “ Oh… of course! Any time you decide to drop by, please visit my office. I’ll be sure to give you a more thorough tour next time...”

And with one more nod in Loki’s direction, Cindy scurried off, leaving the two completely alone.

When Evelyn turned once more to address him, she was startled to see that he had already moved incredibly close.

He took hold of her hand without warning, and she struggled to keep up with his long legs that took them to a secluded corner in the empty hallway.

“Profess- I mean, Loki! What’re you doing here? Why -“

Her voice was cut short by the look in his eyes. They were absolutely feral, almost black with desire.

It wasn’t long before he gripped her jaw harshly with his hand, tipping her face upward before delving his tongue inside her mouth with much urgency.

??!!!

And that was the only visible thought Evelyn could manage.

[johndykeon]

(Re: this) HIIIII ANDIE!!! I come bearing ideas. ;)))) Feel free to use them how you seem fit, or not! It’s all good (you can keep this in your inbox if you decide to write any of them, no need to reply me :P), BUT I didn’t really base them off of the prompts from Maylor Week though and I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m craving for Dom!Roger so XDDD You already know what you’re getting here lol A WHOLE LOT OF DOM!ROGER AND HIS SUB!BRIAN but you’re also free to put your spin on them, write them however you feel inspired! (& dear lord this turns out SO MUCH LONGER than I expected, they got way out of hand! I’M TERRIBLY SORRY ANDIE ABOUT THE LONG MESSY POST BELOW)

1. It’s obvious that Roger’s a good Dom and a great lay, and Brian’s pining. Kinda hard not to notice the satisfied dreamy looks on Roger’s bed partners after their nights together and nope Brian is definitely not sulking(?) or being jealous(?). He does however fantasize about what’s it gonna be like being taken care of by Roger, and once he starts thinking about it he can’t seem to stop. He knows he’s acting weird blushing randomly throughout the day and avoid looking at Roger in the face and oh boy he can practically feel Roger gearing up for an opportunity to confront him about everything but how can he tell him? Roger’s way out of his league. He’s spared from the confession part though when the day he forgot to lock his bedroom door is the day he woke up from his sex dream (featuring Dom!Roger ofc) and almost had a heart attack seeing Roger by his bedside smirking at him with heavy amusement and arousal in his eyes. (Roger was trying to corner Brian so they could talk at once when he wakes up; When he heard Brian moaning his name he immediately let himself in thinking he’s unwell and needs help. This turns out to be so much more enjoyable than he expected; He loves Brian and since the feeling’s mutual now he doesn’t have to hold back anymore) (spoilers alert haha Roger ends up making passionate love to Brian for their first time with a hint of dominance on his part, not all out D/s cuz Brian’s new to this, they’ll have to have a long talk about rules and boundaries before doing anything)

2. Established relationship, Roger’s been away on a business trip (or something like that) and Brian is missing him terribly. He knows when Roger’s been away far too long for his liking when the god damn tabloid’s blurry photos of Roger smiling and being surrounded by beautiful women and men are getting to him and his insecurity’s now acting up. Brian feels lonely, insecure and on top of that guilty for letting the tabloid affecting him like this because it totally shouldn’t, it’s just a fucking tabloid that always says untrue things. Eventually he decides to try something new to distract himself by buying a whole full set of sexy lingerie to wear in bed when Roger comes home; They’ve not done this before, the part in him that eagerly wants to be a good boy for Roger shyly hopes that he will like it. Upon returning Roger is indeed very excited to see Brian in those, he looks absolutely ravishing and wastes no time taking him to bed. But Roger being very in tune with Brian’s needs senses something’s off not long after and gently but firmly asks Brian to tell him what’s wrong. He’s gotten very good at using his Dom voice on Brian and soon Brian’s having a mini breakdown in his arms. Of course Roger comforts and reassures him and explained what was really going on in those photos, definitely not like what the tabloid’s being saying. Roger ends up making long drawn out gentle love to Brian while showering him with praises about how beautiful he looks in the lingerie and how much he loves him (basically fucking those negative thoughts and emotions out of Brian lol). The next morning when Brian wakes up all sated and basking in afterglow Roger brings him breakfast in bed and insist on feeding him, not allowing Brian to raise even one finger haha and after that they cuddle in bed for the rest of the morning.

3. Mafia!AU, when Brian was a kid in an orphanage he and Roger were best friends, they look out for each other and swear to stay together but ofc real life doesn’t work like that, Roger was adopted first while his own adoption followed not long after. Brian ends up growing up in a Mafia family; Luckily his adoptive father, the current leader of the Family was actually quite kind to him, Brian is very good at math and is extremely bright so he’s spared from all the ugly part of things and was tasked with doing all the finance stuffs for his Mafia Family. Brian doesn’t like violence even though he’s sheltered away from those and more often than not thought about leaving, but it’s not easy especially when certain members in the family always have their eyes on him and love to remind him about how he owes them for adopting him. He also tries looking for Roger discreetly whenever he can but so far all leads came up empty. Days go by while he doesn’t have a perfect life at least he’s not mistreated other than sometimes being ignored or isolated (exactly what he wants tbh); He knows some of the family members especially the actual sons of his adoptive father are quite wary of him, afraid that he’s gonna want power as well (he absolutely doesn’t thank you very much) but all this is interrupted when 1) his adoptive father suddenly has a heart attack and passed away, tension in the family rises immediately, seems like everyone’s scheming for that leader role but before any of them can come out on top, 2) they’re under attack from another Mafia that’s quickly rising to the top, and Brian’s family lost miserably; They took quite a heavy hit and now the ranks are shifting rapidly AND that’s not the end of their continuous bad luck. 4) The rival Mafia what won against them is demanding compensation, weirdly usually this is the time when the winner demands a hell lot but this time the demands seems to be more symbolic than the usual route of ripping the losing side off, which is good for them because now they really don’t have much to offer, BUT the strangest thing is, the one demand that the Mafia’s not budging on, is BRIAN. They are demanding Brian to leave and stay with them instead and they’re not accepting any rejection on this one, also are ridiculously tight lipped on why. Brian himself was not present at (or invited to) any of these “negotiations”, he’s being relayed to the news by one of his family members and dread and terror immediately filled his lungs. His future looks so bleak now he knows that he’s gonna be the chew toy, as the show of power demonstrating Brian’s family’s defeat and showing off the victory of the other Mafia. He can’t say no or run away unless he wants to be hunted for the rest of his life, and that’s assuming he’s able to escape before his own family decide to “escort” him over. He wants to at least do so with some dignity so he quietly packed up his belongings (not that there’s much he wants to keep anyway) and got in the car they sent. Upon arrival he’s shaking all over almost swallowed whole by dread and nervousness, immediately he’s escorted to what he’s being told that’s his room by someone. For a moment he’s completely distracted by how luxurious and huge it is, and the view from his window is breathtaking; He took a few minutes to explore everything when suddenly the door opens and ROGER (even though they’ve not seen each other for so many years he instinctively knows that it’s him) walks in with a relieved smile on his face and immediately pulls him into a tight hug. (Fun story so back then Roger was adopted by a Mafia family as well. With some luck and a lot of hard work and brawn he steadily rises to power and is now the leader; He knows that Brian has been looking for him all these years but didn’t want to jeopardize him by putting him in danger before his position of power is secured; He never forgot about Brian too and when he started battling for dominance within his family, he found where Brian is and thus is even more determined to fix their separation, starting by acquiring enough power to protect both of them) (spoilers alert their already simmering feelings for one another totally developed and they most definitely fell in love very soon. Roger shelters and protects Brian and never coerce or force him and is very supportive of him, Brian’s future definitely isn’t bleak anymore)

Oh my god this got so fucking long I’M SO SORRY!!!!!!

—

ok so i wasn’t actually gonna publish this bc i did decide to use one of these prompts for maylor week (unfortunately not the mob!au but hopefully that’ll be coming eventually 🤪) so i’ve just been working from this!!!! but i keep worrying that i’m gonna accidentally delete it or something lmao so i’m publishing it to make sure i can keep track of it!!!!

also can i just say,,,, BRUH these are literally all so good????? i adore them all thank you so so much for sending them in!!!! tbh it made me rlly happy and rlly soft that u cared enough to think this stuff up and send it in skdjdkd and it also gave me TONS of inspo so really, thank you!!!!!!!

[panickedvulture]

Found this in my drafts, so I’m posting it with no shame to give this blog some life while I’m busy trying to deal with post-endgame feels in the mcu sector of tumblr:

So I had a dream last night that made me realize I spend too much time on this site because it included some of my mutuals and people I enjoy like @theuriearchives ,@yagirlcammmm ,@i-think-im-ready-to-go ,@canyousevmyheavydirtysoul ,@dunjosephurieimagines , and @andbeingblueisbetter to name a few.

I have very vivid dreams and since I write all of them down I figured why not write it here where everyone can see it.

The genre for this dream: a mystery.

The setting: A beautiful cabin (apparently mine) plucked straight out of a “Visiting your SO’s family for the holidays” or a “fake-dating for a visit to your frenemy’s family” AU, my personal favorite. And there was a snowstorm going on outside.

I should also mention everybody had their own appearance. Usually I attach someone’s name with the face in their profile pic, meaning about everybody in this I previously imagined as Brendon Urie at different angles and in different lighting. But thanks to my brain randomly generating faces for everybody, I will be greatly confused in the case that I ever learn what you actually look like.

So, the topic at hand is, as it always is, Brendon Urie. Everybody’s cuddled up on the couch and on the floor in their pajamas drinking hot chocolate, eating dessert, and writing/giving ideas. In the background AFYCSO plays on an old record player, the fire is flickering beautifully alongside some black and white videos of old Panic! performances playing on one of those old big-backed TVs with lines across the screen – at this moment I feel like I am once again a preschooler laying on my stomach and watching movies in a pile of other preschoolers at my old after-school program but I digress–

Then somebody has the audacity to break into my house.

Me being the host of this gathering, I feel obligated to check on the noise. It doesn’t help that literally everyone stops what they’re doing to push me in the direction of the mysterious noise before going back to talking about the size of Brendon Urie’s dick (a conversation brought up by i-think-im-ready-to-go, just thought I should mention that).

So I get up, the second my back is turned nobody cares and I go into the bathroom only to find it flooded because this intruder flushed literally everything it could down the toilet.

To name a few things, it flushed:

1) The monstrous dildo linked on a post by beautiful-tragic-fallout (i don’t mean to call anybody out but its been on my dash with every damn refresh for the past week), who i-think-im-ready-to-go and theuriearchives make a point to explain is out of the house buying us more chocolate-covered strawberries.

2) Every single piece of Pretty. Odd. memorabilia I can imagine because someone just has it out for that album.

3) For those of you who have seen Monsters Inc, the toys Boo flushed down the toilet in that one scene.

4) An entire manuscript that my mind recognizes as smut written by @xxip-smut

5) And pink, fucking, crocs

So I walk back into the living room and round everybody up, declaring we’re on a manhunt for whoever the fuck had the audacity to break into my house, and with that we separate into groups. Accompanying me is Cam who wields a flamethrower while wearing pastel yellow pajamas with baby elephants printed on them.

Eventually after getting tired of Cam pointing the flamethrower at my head even when in ‘resting position’ and scaring the shit out of me, we go into the basement only to find everybody else chose to search the basement and the rest of you have been arguing about who actually gets to search the basement.

Long story short, the basement doesn’t get searched.

Instead to deal with the tension, dunjosephurieimagines suggests we all go back to talking about Brendon’s dick. So we go back to talking about Brendon’s dick.

We sit on the floor in a circle in this basement not realizing its dark and creepy as hell, and if you’ve seen That 70s Show the ‘camera’ moves around in this circle to focus on the face of whoever’s talking. The conversation adds up to smut, theuriearchives pulls out a blunt and i-think-im-ready-to-go pulls out a gun, we start playing russian roulette. Out of guilt for not writing a request sent to me months ago because I suck, I give andbeingblueisbetter a free shot at me. Being a saint they don’t take the opportunity yet.

So anyway, being high and creative a thought comes to us all at once. This thought…where the fuck is @loverontheleft ?

Now we’re all mad and sad and scared and alone because where, the fuck, is cece? Everybody starts asking everybody if they’ve seen her, we conclude the answer is no and we all start freaking out.

Then we realize canyousevmyheavydirtysoul (codename: Sev) is being really quiet.

We all turn and just stare like “So um….whats up?”

Flash-forward, this is all of us trying to figure out cece’s identity, sev is just sitting on the floor smiling and reacting to everything we say with reaction gifs they pull up on their phone, meanwhile we’re all screaming running around, we’ve made a literal office out of this basement and we have glasses and slip-on ties on top of our pajamas.

Then there’s a noise upstairs because we forgot there was someone who broke into my house.

Y’all turn on me and push me up the stairs to my death, I realize this is the cabin that appears in the bodyguard series at one point (wonderfully written by canyousevmyheavydirtysoul, binge it), and in front of me is the super fancy dining room table. There’s mail on it, some envelopes, and I’m like uh no and turn around to come back downstairs.

But you’re all at the bottom of the stairs staring at me and threatening me with your knives and Cam’s flamethrower – where you got the knives I don’t know. I hesitate in turning around for a second so andbeingblueisbetter shoots me.

But I’m like, you know, walk it off. So I do and I go to the table. I’m terrified, break out into a nervous sweat, but it’s fine.

I go and open the folder.

And O - fucking - kay

If you haven’t read the bodyguard series or ready to leap I’m not gonna detail any spoilers, just the main plot given right away, and even if you have it probably won’t help this make any more sense. Here….is the story:

Our beloved Cece started off as a teacher, right? But not just any teacher, Ms. fucking Milton, who started a relationship with the music teacher of her high school, Mr. Urie, who in this case is in fact Brendon Urie of our universe and lead singer of Panic! at the Disco. But the deal with him is that he got tired of the fame and through extensive work he managed to get rid of all the files that legally point to him as being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco. And for the first few years of his teaching, all the kids knew he was Brendon Urie I mean come on, but eventually the whole school and town settle on the idea that this is just one of those situations where twins are separated at birth and coincidentally given the same exact name. So boom, they do what they do – but newsflash, Cece is Y/n from the Bodyguard series and knowing Mr. Urie’s relationship with Ms. Milton, S.H.I.E.L.D pulls a Hydra Bucky Barnes situation in order to train Brendon into the best damn bodyguard the world could imagine because Cece is a valuable asset that needs the absolute best protection. Canyousevmyheavydirtysoul was like a journalist or something for S.H.I.E.L.D and witnessed all of this go down, knows every little thing about these two. So they get trained, they get close, drama happens, then they’re all put under-cover. Brendon goes back to being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco, Sev and Cece are assigned to live their current lives and specifically assigned to write their stories for this Tumblr community to get everybody off their trails.

And then I look up. And there’s cece and I think…

“She is about to fucking, kill me.”

I try to throw the folders at her but for some reason I can’t throw anything in my dreams, so I get frustrated that my arm just won’t work, Cece in the meanwhile uses this time to approach me. My mind can’t even generate her an appearance and I think that she’s wearing a disguise because she’s like a spy or something that did after all break into my house to clog my toilet with dildos.

We maintain eye contact for what my dream-self recalls as a long time. I feel this energy in my soul I have never felt before and it is not fun, I don’t like it.

She takes the folder from me and gives me a red one.

And with her eyes piercing my soul, I get this feeling that literally has my skin vibrating even after I wake up, and I hear this voice that’s like “I know you know. And I’m watching you.”

So I woke up in a cold sweat obviously and tried to suppress this whole thing but it kinda lingered in the back of my mind all day. Then the weird tiny details came back to haunt me when I saw the elephants at the zoo. 

[papikakashikahn]

Jaebum/ Eye Candy AU/Request

This one is for @ur-fav-trashcan 😊, this also took a long time to complete although it’s only 3,000 words, but I really like it, and I hope you will took! Ps to anyone reading this now: This request is from the GOT7 forum I posted acouple weeks ago. The link is right here if you wanna check it out and make a request. Anyways, enjoy!

Tonight, was the night.

You had planned this night for at least 3 months now. 3 months of treacherous attention to detail, and countless phone calls with caterers, and yet it was finally here.

It was your birthday party. The only problem? Your boyfriend of 2 years was not in attendance.

To say you were missing Jae was an understatement. He was on tour with his members in Japan for about a month now. Not having your boyfriend with you on such a special day as this was… depressing to say the least. But you put on a brave face considering it was still your birthday after all. You had planned this for months, and you knew when the day came, Jaebum would be away anyways. There was no reason to cry over spilled milk. Afterall, things like this were to be expected when you were dating an idol, but you never really understood how horrible it felt until now.

Your friends had told you time and time again just how hard it would be, getting into a relationship with an idol, but you never paid much mind to it considering you and Jaebum’s relationship was so rewarding.

There was no man on earth that could treat you like Im Jaebum did.

Jaebum gave you all of his attention whenever he could, he was protective, but not TOO protective, he was warm and affectionate, but above all, Jaebum only acted this way around you. He was all yours. And that was the best part.

It was your party you had planned for months and here you were, thinking about Jae. There was really no remedy to your situation. Alcohol didn’t help because if you were drunk, you would start crying from your sadness. Friends were nice to be around on your birthday, but then they just bring up Jae and how he’s doing on tour Everything just comes back to the fact that Jaebum is hundreds of thousands of miles away, and that just made you sad.

You were beginning to really regret ever throwing this party in the first place. You couldn’t help but snicker though in realization, that the one who came up with the idea to have a birthday party like this to begin with… was Jaebum.

~ 3 months ago ~

“Jaebum have you seen my Nike hat around? I was gonna wear it out but I can’t seem to find it in the room…” you explained, wandering around the two of you’s apartment in search of the accessory.

“Mmm...” Jaebum mumbled numbly as he stared down at his phone while laying on the couch.

You shifted your jaw around annoyed.

“Are you listening to me?” you asked him, narrowing your eyes at his figure. This time Jaebum didn’t even make a sound t0 acknowledge you were talking, he just tapped away his phone screen.

Jaebum did always give you his attention when he could… just not right at this moment.

“Jae.” you repeated, waiting for his response, but to no avail.

“JAE!” you shouted in a louder voice. Still, he remained motionless. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Jinyoung was the cuter one out of the JJ project.” you snipped at him, expecting him to turn to you at your comment...which wasn’t true but still. When Jaebum didn’t, you decided to take it upon yourself to MAKE him pay attention to you.

You proceeded to walk around the couch and crawl onto him, placing your head on his abdomen as your body laid beside him on your couch. Jaebum moved his phone to the side to reveal your puppy dog eyes staring back at him.

“Why you-no listen?” you whined at him in a childish voice. He stared down at you quietly, blinking from time to time. “You don’t like me no more?” you tilted your head at him.

He moved his phone back in front of him, ignoring you.

“No. Now go talk to Jinyoung, you thought he was cuter anyways.” he answered you. You couldn’t help but smile, grabbing his phone from him playfully. Jaebum didn’t give much protest though as you took it away from him.

“Yah! So you were listening!” you pointed out, poking his side which caused him  to flinch. After he stopped fidgeting, a smirk tugged at his lips as he stared down at you.

“...You should have a birthday party.” he announced randomly. You were taken aback at such a sudden statement.

“...But baby, my birthday isn’t for another 3 months… and by that time you’ll already be in Japan.” you reminded him as if he forgot, muttering towards the end.

He twisted a piece of your hair in between his fingers as he looked to you.

“I know, but I just thought if I threw you a big party you’ll forget i’m even away.” he explained. You scoffed at his suggestion.

“But would it really be any fun if you weren't there? I was just planning on crying at home while watching dream knight.” you snickered at him.

Suddenly Jaebum grabbed you by your face, your eyes widening at him.

“I thought we talked about mentioning those words Y/N.” he warned you. You pouted under his stare innocently.

“What about when I miss you… should I watch dream high instead?” you questioned playfully. Jaebum glared at you and your antics. His hand dropped from your face, back to your hair.

“Anyways, I was being serious. It’s important you’re with your friends on your birthday… especially when I can’t be.” he explained while looking down.

You couldn’t help but study him for a moment, a sheepish smile forming on your face. “Is someone afraid I’m going to be lonely?” you asked him mischievously. His eyes darted up to yours at your tone, his face turning red.

You couldn’t help but squeal while lightly hitting his shoulder. You ducked your head into the crook of his neck.

“You’re so cute when you’re worried about me!” you exclaimed excitedly.

Jaebum stroked your hair slowly as you kissed his jaw. “Whatever, so you’ll think about it?” he asked you with a groan. You removed your face from Jaebum's neck and propped yourself onto your elbows to look at him.

“Sure, If being with other people on my birthday makes you feel better about you not being there, then i’ll do it! Hell, i’ll even plan it.” you assured him. Jaebum rolled his eyes.

“Y/N, the point is for YOU to feel better about me not being there.” he informed you. You sighed, laying your head on his shoulder.

“In that case, just don’t leave!” you suggested cheerfully. Jaebum smirked at your comment as he traced circles on your arm.

“You make a great point Y/N.” he answered you.

You smiled as you rubbed your face into his sweater.

“...So have you seen my hat?” you asked him.

“No. But we could look in the bedroom again.” Jaebum suggested. You raised your head to check the look on his face. Jaebum's lips curled into that weird smile of his.  

“Come here!” he exclaimed before turning so that you were underneath him.

You cried out a shriek as Jaebum kissed you all over, especially in the places he knew you were the most sensitive of course.

“JB!” you shouted hitting his chest, you couldn’t help but burst into a fit of laughter.

~

You smirked remembering it, not only because of what happened after, but because of how Jae’s offer to throw you a birthday party was reduced to him giving his opinion on what color the balloons should be. Of course, he had recommended black knowing him…

Nevertheless, you refused for Jae to plan your party all by himself while he was so busy planning for GOT7’s new japanese release. In Fact, you had gotten really into the planning of the party yourself, considering you were a perfectionist.

Thinking back to it, it was nice that Jae wanted to do something for you to make you feel better about the whole tour situation… but at the moment you weren't really feeling much better. And the fact that you decided to make the balloons black, wasn’t helping either.

“So what did Jaebum get for you for your birthday?” a not-so close coworker of yours shouted over the loud music.

It was questions like these people had been asking you the whole night.

“Flowers!” you shouted to her, evoking a swoon from just how romantic of a gift it was. Earlier today you got sent a bouquet of red carnations (because he knew you didn’t like roses). When Jaebum facetimed you, he asked if you had received them and told you that he had ordered them to be delivered to you on your birthday months in advance. After members like Jackson and Jinyoung said happy birthday to you, the conversation hadn’t lasted much longer. The two of you said that you loved each other and when everybody else in the room mocked you, you ended with that. Then again… you did remember he had mentioned a few other surprises coming your way today. But you hadn't received anything else today that you could remember. Maybe he was talking about when he got home in a few weeks.

“How’s he doing on tour?” another girl asked you. Your eyes darted all over your apartment, realizing she asked you a question. “Uhh… he’s good!” you shouted to her with a smile. “Did he call you today?” another asked excitedly. “Yea what did he say?” another added.

“I think that enough questions, Y/N is trying to forget he’s away. May I remind you it’s her birthday party?” your best friend Eun Mi interrupted. The girls excited looks slowly faded at Eun Mi’s comment. “Let's go get some champagne Y/N.” Eun Mi told you, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you elsewhere.

You looked over your shoulder to the group and bowed your head as if to apologize. Thank god you had someone like Eun Mi in your life though, who could read you like a book and say what was on your mind for you. You didn’t want to dodge people’s questions, because of course that would look suspicious. You were always on your toes to make sure you didn’t make your boyfriend look bad. Jaebum was never a bad boyfriend, even when he was away on your birthday, he was still the best boyfriend in the world. It was just others that often liked to assume things when you hadn’t answered their question right away. Being so attentive to your responses was tiring, and the more they had brought up JB, the sadder you become.

“Sorry about that Y/N, I know it must be hard that he’s not here…” Eun Mi apologized as she poured you a glass of champagne.

You sighed as you took it from her. “No it’s fine.” you answered solemnly. There was about a hundred people or so in your apartment, and yet you were the one feeling lonely.

“This was such a bad idea.” You muttered to yourself more than to Eun Mi, as you straightened your dress anxiously. She tilted her head as she looked at you, drinking the glass of champagne in one shot, wanting to drown in your sadness.

“No it wasn’t, you just have to have some fun!” Eun Mi exclaimed peppily, grabbing your now-empty glass of champagne and setting it on the table beside you, Eun Mi proceeded to drag you off into the crowd as you groaned. “It’s my party and I can cry if I want to!” you shouted at him as she dragged you behind. After finding an empty spot within the crowd, she stopped and turned to you. “We should dance!” she yelled over the music which was giving you a headache by the minuet. You rolled your eyes at her suggestion, shaking your head. She stomped her foot with a whine. “Y/N, come on it’s your birthday!” Eun Mi insisted. She started moving her body in the most atrocious ways to make you laugh, which it of course did. Eun Min was good at making you laugh, even when you weren't in the mood. You decided to join in on making yourself look like a fool as well, because if you weren't having fun at your own party, how would that look?

The house music was from a playlist you had made yourself, along with everything else that made this party so spectacular. You had really put in a lot of work to this party, so therefor you had every right to enjoy it. You wouldn't let all this hard work pay off for nothing, even if JB wasn’t here. He wanted you to enjoy your birthday, and you would do just that, if not for yourself than for him.

“You seem to be having fun without me.” you had practically heard Jaebum say. It was almost like you could feel his presence right behind you. Enjoying this odd sensation, you continued dancing, ignoring how Eun Mi had stopped. After a few seconds of feeling awkward dancing alone though, you looked up at her, confused.

Eun Mi was standing frozen before you, pointing at something behind you with a shaking hand.

“...What are they bringing out the cake? It’s only-” you turned around curious as to what she was pointing at, only to find the person you were missing most in front of you.

Jaebum stood, in a black bomber jacket, with a black shirt underneath as well as black pants. Not to mention his black hair as well, was styled so that it was up (one of your favorite hairstyles). His earrings gleamed ever so slightly.

Facetime just didn’t do him enough justice. Your boyfriend was complete and utter eye candy. And everyone else in the room seemed to notice it too.

“JAE!” you screamed, jumping on him like a wild animal. You wrapped your arms under his shoulders, hugging him as if your life depended on it. Was it just you, or his shoulders had gotten wider since the last time you had seen them?

“I said something to you, didn’t you hear me?” he scoffed at you. You clung to his body still, kissing his jawline, feeling ready to cry (tears of joy).

“I thought it was in my imagination.” you confessed to him, laughing lightly. Just as you were about to pull away to kiss him on the lips (which you had been waiting an entire month for), he had slid his hand down your lower back to press you against him again. Surprised, you gripped onto his broad shoulders which you loved so much.

“Have you been a good girl for Daddy?” he whispered to you. Your eyes widened at his sudden change of tone. Did he really have to play this game with you right here? Right now? Did he understand just what he was doing?

“Of course, I always am.” you whispered to him playfully.

Jaebum’s finger tips dug into your back dimples which he knew so well.

“Good girls gone bad, good girls want me.” Jaebum muttered to in your ear, his breath fanning the under of your ear, causing you to become tense. Your face warmed again at tone.

“Okay, I’m gonna give you two some alone time before I throw up.” Eun Mi announced before leaving the two of you like she had said.

The two of you ignored Eun mi comment as Jaebum's hand gripped your side, before pulling away to look at you.

“You look gorgeous.” he stated simply. Your faced automatically warmed at his compliment.

“Thank you.” you muttered looking to the side as you tried to suppress your blush.

Jaebum slyly tilted your head in his direction by lifting your chin, charminly. “I’m gone for a month and you don’t even look at me for more than 5 seconds?” he questioned with a smirk. You grabbed onto his jacket trying to pull him into a kiss, but Jaebum refused.

“You’ve replaced me haven’t you? Who is he? I know I’ve been away but my god Y/N, you didn’t have to do this to me.” he stated sarcastically, looking around the crowded apartment. You hit his arm causing him to hold it in pain as he sneered.

“Wow, I didn’t realize how much I missed your aggressive hits until now.” Jaebum told you as you rolled your eyes at him.

You proceed to wrap your arms around his torso possessively. “I missed you.” you urged to him. Jaebum smiled to himself as he stroked your hair. “I missed you too baby girl.”

You hadn’t realized how much you need Jaebum’s pet names until now either.

“But um...how-what-why are you here?” you stammered looking up at him, your head still on his chest. Jaebum raised his eyebrows at you. You shook your head, snuggling it into his chest. “I mean, I’m over the moon about it, really Jae! But how could you even manage to make it being on tour and all?!” you asked him. Jaebum scoffed while rubbing your shoulder.

“I had off today, but I have to go back tomorrow.” he told you. You couldn’t help but pout as you hugged him tighter. He had just gotten here, and yet he was going to be leaving so soon?

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself in realization though. You looked up to him with a smirk plastered on your face.

“You left paradise for me?” you teased him. He furrowed his eyebrows when looking down at you.

“You’re my paradise.” he responded simply.

Your face turned red like a traffic light as you burrowed your face into his chest. Jaebum smiled and proceeded to kiss the top of your head as you hugged him around the waist tightly.

“Happy Birthday Y/N… I love you.”

After a moment or two, you looked up at him again.

“I love you too.” you told him happily. Jaebum smiled sheepishly at you. You proceeded to stand on your tiptoes to press the two of your lips pressed together, which again, you had been waiting an entire month for.

Your lips melted together in harmony, neither one of you able to get enough. You had lots of lost time to make up for...

Releasing from the kiss, you stared up at him, fooling around with the fabric of his jacket.

“Can we take this somewhere more… private?” you asked him, batting your eyelashes softly. He smirked at what you were implying as his hand delicately touched your neck.

“But what about the cake?” Jaebum asked you. You licked your lips, slipping your fingers under his gold chain which you imagined would look good on him just by itself.

You suddenly pulled on it, bringing your faces close together.

“But don’t I deserve a reward for being such a good girl since you’ve been gone? It is my birthday...” you purred to him, letting go of his chain as he stood paralyzed at your words. Taking his vulnerability as an advantage, you leaned up to his ear.

“Plus you’ll be getting some anyways… that is... if you’re good.” you whispered to him mischievously.

Leaning back down, you stared up at your boyfriend who had a completely different look in his eye.

You pulled him by his hand as you made your way through the crowd, in search of the stairs.

 In all your 23 years of life, THIS was the best gift you’d ever received.

[shadowed-moonrise]

ooc: elia and ashka chat logs

[ooc comments supposed to be removed but i might have missed some. there is a Lot of logs bc we forgot to post until now]

shadowed-moonrise

oh my god what is WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE

shadowed-moonrise

i got some horrifying anons!!! theyre so horrifying!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

hang on let me turn off my blacklist for a moment

uh

uh

quick question: what the fuck

(not directed at you!)

shadowed-moonrise

i just

like

wow????

they sent me a followup ask like 'didnt you read what i said, my gf likes it'

shadowed-moonrise

and............... i dont....... think she does

like that does not sound like a healthy relationship and i hope they just made it up to creep on me

flameofcertainty

"hi i'm a rapist"

"wtf"

"no but she likes when i rape her"

i just

*what the fuck*

shadowed-moonrise

right

WHAT THE FUCK.

shadowed-moonrise

i was just talking earlier abt how i dont actually like that anybody can read my hyper posts but i make them on publicblog for like Awareness right?

shadowed-moonrise

and i thought i meant like abstractly, like maybe theres somebody reading them and cackling bc they dont agree w/ my politics or whatever?

but APPARENLTY

APPARENTLY

people will send me creepy asks about raping their hyper gf

flameofcertainty

some people are just really terrible?

i guess?

what are they even getting out of this?

shadowed-moonrise

i think some people just........ enjoy making other people suffer????

or maybe somehow they thought i would be like "i think this is hot or a good thing to do or whatever, thank you for your service to the hypersensitive community"

i dunno what goes on in these peoples head

shadowed-moonrise

heads

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr just hates hypersensitives or something

it would explain a lot

shadowed-moonrise

like, okay, but what would you hate hypersensitives for

like theres somebody who hates hypos (and IS A NAT THERAPIST, AUGH) for.... not hating pollution enough, i guess

but hypersensitives are boring? we dont go outside much bc the outside is fully of scary?

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr is just weird like that?

or maybe we're easy targets?

shadowed-moonrise

oh yeah that makes sense

flameofcertainty

most meso folks don't have a button they can press to get a reaction out of us

shadowed-moonrise

if you wanna make somebody suffer its so easy to target people with a big 'make me suffer' button

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

ugh im sort of regretting making it public

i could have just not mentioned it and had a really good blacklist

flameofcertainty

most of the time people aren't that bad

and then there'll be a week or two

where people send you nothing but asks about pollution

shadowed-moonrise

i blacklist some stuff but im generally okay talking about pollution if its like, abstract, so i dont do it that aggressively and then........ sometimes............. people take advantage of that

shadowed-moonrise

i wish you could like, have vulnerabilities without people just randomly deciding to fuck with you for no reason

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

hang on

i just scrolled down

>i’ll put my foreign object ;;;;) in your body ;;;;) ;;;;)

***what the fuck***

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

oh GOD

i just got

another

flameofcertainty

oh no

how bad is it

shadowed-moonrise

bad enough im not sure i should tell you what it says

flameofcertainty

my brain is helpfully providing suggestions

why is it like this

are you okay

shadowed-moonrise

im.... probbly going to be in a minute

fuck

"the last "person" to hide their caste on this hellsite turned out to be red. i bet you aren't even hyper, you're just pretending so people won't suspect. i know what you really are."

thats what it says

flameofcertainty

aaaaaaaa

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

why would anyone send that to you

shadowed-moonrise

i dont know

i dont know

what did i *do*

flameofcertainty

i don't know

fuck

i guess if they think you're red that would explain why they hate you?

but seriously

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

i'm so sorry

flameofcertainty

why would anyone say that

shadowed-moonrise

anon hate doesnt usually get to me like this but

sob

why

the fuck

i dunno if they even really think that or they just want to upset me

flameofcertainty

i don''t

i don't know

fuck i'm so sorry

are you going to be okay

shadowed-moonrise

yeah. yeah.

flameofcertainty

is there anything i can do

shadowed-moonrise

i dont

think so

flameofcertainty

other than not be the sort of terrible person who would send those messages

shadowed-moonrise

thamk you for not being htat sort of person!

im so glad most people arent

flameofcertainty

it's really not hard

shadowed-moonrise

oh i can... go take some eytelia right now

it will only help in 40min but i might still need it then

shadowed-moonrise

brb

shadowed-moonrise

ok back

flameofcertainty

okay

anyways what the fuck

shadowed-moonrise

someday i will have coping mechanisms other than "get high in a way that coincidentally also helps"

flameofcertainty

i mean if it helps

then that's a lot better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it is

shadowed-moonrise

im gonna go curl up and not look at the Fuckening Internet, i guess

flameofcertainty

seems reasonable

shadowed-moonrise

ttyl <3

flameofcertainty

ttyl :)

shadowed-moonrise

hiiiiiiiiiiii im back im not sad anymore because im so high

shadowed-moonrise

i got another horrible anon and i dont even caaaare

flameofcertainty

i'm glad you're feeling better

sorry about the terrible anon

shadowed-moonrise

also did you know art is pretty

its so pretty

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw a video of a yellow playing the yellowest instrument ever and i wanted to send it to you but tumblr messages werent working on my everything

maybe i can find it again..........

shadowed-moonrise

http://theyre-a-geeky-witch.tumblr.com/post/138457594516/ here

flameofcertainty

that's actually really pretty

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

anyways what's up

shadowed-moonrise

i gotta work in a couple hours

by which time hopefully i will be able to handle it

idk i dont HATE it but its hard on the badbrains

flameofcertainty

i can imagine

shadowed-moonrise

like i feel ok now bc hiiiiiigh but im not very excited about leaving the house and going places

shadowed-moonrise

there will be a green party where im supposed to just pretend to be green tho!

i like those

flameofcertainty

that part sounds nice

at least

shadowed-moonrise

ive been thinking & writing a lot about how thinking-on-drugs works and greens always wanna talk about that

shadowed-moonrise

one time a client had me go to a thing pretending to just be green and it was nice and then she *told everyone she hired me* while i was in the middle of talking about my cs paper (my actual cs paper, which i actually wrote, and she implied i didnt even though i CLEARLY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD IT)

flameofcertainty

???

why would she do that??

shadowed-moonrise

i wish i had just walked away but i didnt know what to do

some people....... have a humiliation kink

shadowed-moonrise

and like, okay, ill do that if you WARN ME, but you cant just spring it on me???

flameofcertainty

i am super not a sex worker but "tell people in advance" seems really obvious

shadowed-moonrise

YEAH

shadowed-moonrise

i didnt really say anything at the time bc i was so shocked but later i like messaged her and was like 'thats super fucked up'

shadowed-moonrise

she didnt really get it but she agreed to pay me extra for like, i didnt know what service i was providing beforehand & thats more costly

but she only engaged with it in like, super businessy terms

flameofcertainty

how does she not get it

this does not seem particularly hard to understand

shadowed-moonrise

i think she was like 'im paying you for both sex work and going to a party so i can just like do whatever, right?'

and there was also some like 'greys are toys'

shadowed-moonrise

fucking blues

shadowed-moonrise

i do not usually go in that much for caste solidarity because im so bad at grey + greys are not great about that but in that moment if somebody asked me i would have supported a military government

i could explain 'pay people for services and also lay out terms beforehand' but not 'greys are.... people..... dont be a fucking asshole'

flameofcertainty

i don't think i've ever actually talked to a blue

at least not to say more than "excuse me, can i get through" or "the soap is in aisle five"

huh

shadowed-moonrise

there... exist blues who are okay

there even exist blues who are okay and hire sex workers and do kinky things about castes with them

flameofcertainty

i believe you

shadowed-moonrise

like 80% of the people who hire me are entirely fine?

flameofcertainty

they can't possibly all be terrible

otoh a terrible blue can screw you over a lot more than a terrible purple

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

im not sure what i would do if a blue client did something illegal to me because...................................... im not sure what i CAN do

flameofcertainty

probably depends on how illegal

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

and who they are

flameofcertainty

yeah

there are supposed to be reporting systems in place if they try to pay you to kill someone or something

idk if they actually do that

shadowed-moonrise

nobody has tried that and i havent heard anybody talking about that but im pretty niche and a lot of my family is green, idk

i feel like if somebody wanted to pay a grey to kill somebody theyd pick one who has ever held a gun

flameofcertainty

probably

but yeah, i'm guessing if you made an important blue mad they could screw you over pretty badly

idk

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

ugh sorry ive been talking about my shit this whole time

it has been kind of A Day i swear i am usually better at conversation

flameofcertainty

it's totally fine!

shadowed-moonrise

how is your day anyay

flameofcertainty

it's been okay

mira and i went to check out that social-dancing place

shadowed-moonrise

oooh

what kind of dance is it?

i guess i might not know purple dances??

flameofcertainty

i don't know if the name will translate

it's mostly the kind you do in a group with other people that's really traditional

shadowed-moonrise

group dances are great

if you have... similar amounts of motor skills to the other people

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i haven't done anything like it in years and i'm really bad at it but it's still fun

and i'm not bad at it in a stepping-on-feet way

which is probably good, idk

shadowed-moonrise

im pretty sure not stepping on feet is strictly better than the alternative!

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

omg babybro is home <33

flameofcertainty

baby!!!

shadowed-moonrise

he is so good!!!!!!

he taaalks and he plays with me and ive been teaching him abstract concepts bc i find it really exciting when he knows abstract concepts

flameofcertainty

tell me more about this baby

shadowed-moonrise

he can do numbers up to twelve and circles and triangles and 'many' and 'other' and i asked him what one plus one was and he said 'two ones' which means he *actually understands what it means*

he has adooorable curly hair

and a little nose

and he will boop my nose with his nose if i ask him to

and he loves my weighted blanket

flameofcertainty

baaabbyyyy

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i guess at this point he might not 'technically' be a baby anymore? but hes a baaaabbbyyy

[lemme edit a picture of my irl little brother to have green hair]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa8d578702cf6c0ed9269902f535982a/tumblr_messaging_p7ryailotL1vio47i_1280.png

https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8ec991036777a0f24c9ed84a194d921/tumblr_messaging_p7ryanbD931vio47i_250.png

baby!!!! <333

second picture featuring Grey Grandma

flameofcertainty

baby!!!!

baaaabbbbyyyyy

he's so smol

shadowed-moonrise

so small!!!!!

and smiley!!!!

flameofcertainty

happy baby!

shadowed-moonrise

i hope he is happy foreeeeever

shadowed-moonrise

his lil nose is tan bc it gets in the sun more than the rest of his face

bc he has a little baby face!!!!!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

little baby face on the little happy baby!!!!

he's so good

shadowed-moonrise

hes next to me playing with my blanket

i looove him

flameofcertainty

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i told him i was talking a friend and he says hi

although im not sure he really gets the idea of the internet yet

he seemed kinda confused

flameofcertainty

hi baby-sibling-of-ashka

flameofcertainty

he's such a cute baby

shadowed-moonrise

his name is avidik

we keep arguing about whether to use avi or idi as a nickname

flameofcertainty

hi avidik!!

shadowed-moonrise

oh no he spilled water on the carpet

its alright its a pretty waterproof carpet

he ran at me and jumped in my arms

so!!!! good!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

eeee

flameofcertainty

baby

flameofcertainty

good baby

shadowed-moonrise

oh also have you seen this yellow violinist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhPGH2YROA

seems like your kind of thing

flameofcertainty

wow that's pretty

shadowed-moonrise

oh i could take a picture of avi with my violin

he is not green, technically

although he also does not know how to play even a little bit

flameofcertainty

do you play violin too?

shadowed-moonrise

a little

shadowed-moonrise

im not like good at it

but it is fun

rn i am mostly actually learning to sign but i dont understand how notes correspond to mouth sounds so if i need to sightread i play songs on the violin first and then once ive heard them i can sing them

flameofcertainty

violin is great

shadowed-moonrise

it is!!!

i always felt like i should learn piano bc its easy but i like violin so much

one of my other brothers writes a lot of synth music

its really good

he plays it without telling us it's his to get unbiased answers and then he tells us and were like HOLY SHIT

flameofcertainty

gosh

flameofcertainty

that's really sweet

shadowed-moonrise

ok i’m not really online but I TAUGHT AVIDI A LETTER

HE KNOWS A LETTER

i’m so proud of him

shadowed-moonrise

hi hi

flameofcertainty

hi

a letter!

what a good smol!

flameofcertainty

which letter is it?

i guess it might not be a letter orvaran has

shadowed-moonrise

it's [forcetranslate]a[/forcetranslate]

or uh

[forceliteral]a[/forceliteral]

shadowed-moonrise

idk if that worked

flameofcertainty

yeah

we have that sound but it's written differently

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

it's the last one in my name

[preservecharacter] a [/preservecharacter]

shadowed-moonrise

oh

i wonder if its always the same sound

i think it can make a couple sounds in anitami

flameofcertainty

just one in orvaran

flameofcertainty

maybe two

i'm not sure if they're technically separate sounds

and then there's accents and things

shadowed-moonrise

idk if i should try to teach him to read in valtaz

he speaks some but tbh there is just no situation where you even need to be able to read valtaz

flameofcertainty

maybe someday he'll want to swap to yvalta

for some reason

shadowed-moonrise

.............i really doubt it?

i guess if he wants to retire in the Old Country

flameofcertainty

i hear older people sometimes swap for the weather

flameofcertainty

or something

shadowed-moonrise

there are apps to machine translate physical signs and stuff but i guess theyd be annoying to use all the time

flameofcertainty

yeah

if he knows valtaz he can learn to read it if he ever wants to

right?

i'm not really sure how this works

'how to teach your family foreign languages' wasn't really covered in purple school

shadowed-moonrise

i think i should probably teach him the alphabet but not like focus on it

yeah my parents swapped out of yvalta with some retirees who wanted to go there for the weather and were unaffected by the horrible contract system bc they were too old to have more kids anyway

flameofcertainty

i can't really think why else you'd want to live there

flameofcertainty

lineality maybe

but there are other matrilineal countries

shadowed-moonrise

arent most countries matrilineal?

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i think historically matrilineal was easier because like..... there can be ambiguity about who the father is if you dont have good genetic testing (and a database, in some cases), but you can always tell which person a baby literally just came out of

flameofcertainty

that makes sense for why

we're matrilineal

maybe someone who lived in ceredan would swap to yvalta for lineality, ceredan does permissions anyways

except for blues i think

shadowed-moonrise

how do blues even have kids in permissions countries

shadowed-moonrise

"ashka your family is from a permissions country" its not like they talked to blues a bunch

flameofcertainty

i think they have to impress other blues

probably they don't let you give yourself a permission

because then everyone would just do that

shadowed-moonrise

.....how many kids does the most important blue get to have tho

flameofcertainty

no idea

i think it varies by country

the one with the bears and no greys makes a big deal about the monarch only getting two

shadowed-moonrise

i guess with blues its always more "how many kids is it a good idea to have so that they can give them all a good inheritance" than "how many kids can they literally afford"

aww thats kinda cute

shadowed-moonrise

if i lived in a country where the king had like six kids i would be pretty pissed

flameofcertainty

good inheritances might be less important in permissions countries

i bet the way you impress people is with politics

or maybe real estate if you're bribing people, idk

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

it’s impressive that most permissions countries basically function okay

cuz like it seems like blues having to care so much about impressing other blues would mess with things

flameofcertainty

yeah

i don't think they function as well as most places

but that could just be propaganda

shadowed-moonrise

yeahhh idk how to tell the difference between “permissions countries kind of suck” and “permissions countries are usually small, often ex-oahk, etc, which makes stuff harder on them” and “our governments just don’t like them”

i’m low key impressed that blues in auction countries don’t make too many blue credits so they’ll be cheaper, tbh

i guess they super don’t make those decisions in spring + the international community would not be too happy about it

flameofcertainty

everyone i know from a permissions country says they suck but that's like two people

and if you increase blue credits everyone who isn't blue gets mad

shadowed-moonrise

my parents say yvalta sucks and i believe them but like idk how much it’s yvalta’s *fault*

flameofcertainty

i think the big thing is if for some reason a blue hates you a permissions granting blue can screw you over way more than a credit country blue

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a big deal

idk a credit country blue can probably get you sterilized if they try really hard but it would take them more trying

flameofcertainty

yeah maybe

flameofcertainty

i've never heard of that happening in a credit country but that doesn't mean it never does

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

shadowed-moonrise

anitam is trying out a first child subsidy

which is neat i thin

think

flameofcertainty

cool

are they subsidizing the whole credit?

or just some of it

shadowed-moonrise

noooo theyre starting with like 4%

shadowed-moonrise

and increasing gradually

bc you know how changing laws goes

sooooo sloooowwwww

flameofcertainty

i guess 4% is better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

but eventually it will be a substantial fraction of the credit i think

flameofcertainty

but probably good not to do it all at once

i know there's some countries where everyone gets one and the rest are auctioned

shadowed-moonrise

first kid free just seems so much more humane? like i understand why credits are useful and stuff but people *just not getting a kid at all ever* is awful

flameofcertainty

summary bank says alavet, av valdin, celenta, fnr, ochero, qoloc

maybe some random tiny countries that no one bothered to include

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

on the list, i mean

and yeah, i see what you mean

i wouldn't want to live in a voan country because i like knowing that if i work really hard i could get three

but it makes me sad to think about people with zero

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

i mean probably some people should get zero, like child abusers, but an auction's not going to stop them

shadowed-moonrise

hm i bet in voan/first kid free systems there’s probably a lot of four and five year olds impulsively having kids that they’re not entirely ready for but idk like maybe that’s just something they get to do

flameofcertainty

okay i'm looking at the summary bank article about the voan system

and the age when the most people have their first kid is five

flameofcertainty

but that's not most of the people

if that makes sense

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

i know when i was almost-four they made a big deal in school about how we should all get long-term all-spring birth control

i bet they do that in voa

i guess i don't know for sure

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw someone on tumblr talking about how they usually get the long term birth control and they get went on vacation to the southern hemisphere and just didn’t remember that they didn’t have the birth control and got pregnant

(they were asking if you can still get aftermarket credits in the *fall*)

:(

flameofcertainty

wow

that must suck

:(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i hope they managed to get an aftermarket credit

flameofcertainty

yeah

i bet they're cheaper in fall

since most people aren't getting pregnant

i definitely wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone i dated when i was four but maybe some people get really lucky there

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a lot of what i’m thinking about like.... most people don’t know people who are definitely good coparents for them when they’re four

shadowed-moonrise

because it just takes time to figure that out

flameofcertainty

i'd've also been a really bad parent when i was four but some of that is me-things

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that toooo

i’m four and i’m super not ready to be a parent!!

shadowed-moonrise

i feel like i know how to be a good parent in THEORY but in practice i don’t like have the energy or emotional stability

avidi was born the spring i turned four, which was really good <3

flameofcertainty

that's so good

when i was four i was living with a friend rather than my parents

but if someone had dropped a baby on me i'd have been so unprepared

and my friend was living with their parents

flameofcertainty

so there were actual responsible people in the apartment

shadowed-moonrise

nodnodnod

shadowed-moonrise

fall/winter when i was three i was spending a lot of time with friends in other cities and stuff to get awaaay but then they there suddenly like “you know what, we’re having another baby this spring” so i came back

there are some upsides to the fact that my green mom has grey babies.......

flameofcertainty

i have a little sister

i've never actually met her

maybe someday i'll be able to make myself

shadowed-moonrise

oh wow i’m so sorry

flameofcertainty

it's not your fault

shadowed-moonrise

if you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it, or whatever-

flameofcertainty

if you want the story today's a good day for me to tell it

otoh it's definitely pollution-adjacent and i don't know if it's a good day for you

shadowed-moonrise

i think i can handle it, it is a good hypersensitivity day for me

flameofcertainty

so during the voan food crisis we couldn't afford clean food past the first couple months

you'd think living on a farm would help but it had been a bad year the previous year and none of our crops were coming up that season

shadowed-moonrise

oh. oh.

flameofcertainty

and i tried to force myself to eat the polluted food but i couldn't even make myself touch it

that's not the thing yet

so i was at risk of starving to death

and my mom got one of the neighbors to give her a super sketchy probably-illegal loan

flameofcertainty

because otherwise i might literally die

shadowed-moonrise

fuck

flameofcertainty

fast forward to 3423, the neighbor comes and asks for the money back

actually he'd been doing that for a while but she'd been able to put him off

we were super not going to be able to pay it back

and the loan was sketchy enough that she wasn't really sure what would happen if she didn't

just that it would probably be worse than normal

i

i told her i thought it would be okay

when she asked

flameofcertainty

if she

flameofcertainty

people remember fall 3422 as the introduction of the orvaran system

that was just lathande

spring 3423 was when they rolled it out everywhere

even small farming towns need someone to collect garbage, and the jobs paid really well

they had to, if they wanted to find enough people

i thought i'd be okay

shadowed-moonrise

oh

fuck.

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i was really really wrong

so wrong

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah wow

flameofcertainty

that's why i wound up moving in with a friend, if i'd stayed there a week longer i'd

it wouldn't have been good

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

they didn't try to stop me

which is good

would've been silly for them to go to all that work just for me to end up dead anyways

shadowed-moonrise

hey you survived

flameofcertainty

i did

shadowed-moonrise

it was super worth it for them to do it becuase you survived

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know intellectually she's clean

but trying to be in the same room as dad or my older brother is about the same as lighting myself on fire, brain-wise

and if it's her it's worth

*worse

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

can you talk to them online or does that not work either

flameofcertainty

not really

flameofcertainty

they have my email address

they tell me things like 'you have a sister now'

she tried leaving the job once she had enough money to pay the guy back

flameofcertainty

to see if it would help, you know

flameofcertainty

it. uh. didn't.

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

i was born in 23, which. is good. because if i found out i/my parents had eaten polluted food when i was a baby

shadowed-moonrise

colorjustice says that almost all unverifiable food was actually not polluted but

shadowed-moonrise

well maybe if i payed them enough i could go through the like fucking six month cleaning process? and maybe after that it would be okay?

but im not sure it would be enough

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know what you mean

if i'd been a year younger and they'd told me it was clean i'd've believed them

if i'd been a year older i'd probably just have killed myself

flameofcertainty

one of my friends from the treatment program

uh

didn't make it

shadowed-moonrise

i had a friend in school

who was hyper, worse than me

way worse

shadowed-moonrise

he was *going to school* but just barely, he had to take a bunch of meds with a bunch of side effects to get out of the house at all

shadowed-moonrise

and he was a year older than me

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

so their class learned about the food crisis? and he left school that day like normal and he took the train home and he got in the shower with his clothes on and took all his meds at once

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

they told me he killed himself but nobody would *tell me why* because like i was hyper too and they were worried about copycat stuff

i stayed in touch with his mom, she told me later

she FOUND him

flameofcertainty

i'm so so sorry

shadowed-moonrise

that

shadowed-moonrise

i cant imagine

finding your dead child

it was pretty hard on me but she was really never the same

flameofcertainty

yeah

wow

that's

i don't really have words

:(

:( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

he was an only child

flameofcertainty

:(

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

i think they were sort of saving for another credit but they ended up spending a lot of money on like, building a room for him where he would feel clean, and stuff

and afterwards, it's not like she was going to have another kid after what happened

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

they wanted to take me out of class for the segment on the food crisis for, you know, obvious reasons, but that was winter when i was three and i’d already found out from like being online and reading stuff so i guessed what it was? and they freaked the fuck out when i was like “are you just worried about me finding out about the voan food crisis”

flameofcertainty

were they hoping to just ... pretend it never happened? forever?

it's not like it's easy not to learn about, if you use the internet

shadowed-moonrise

i guess i was going to Find Out When I Was Older

or something

shadowed-moonrise

i mean i understand the thinking there, like the last time was horrible and i could really just have found out later

shadowed-moonrise

the last time being my friend

flameofcertainty

yeah

i see where they were coming from

flameofcertainty

my school kept me out of class for anything pollution-related but obviously they weren't going to stop me from finding out about the food crisis

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah

i am so sorry you had to live through that

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

my parents thought about having me do online school while it was happening

shadowed-moonrise

it was like really really irresponsible to just tell my friend and i’m like not sure what happened there

flameofcertainty

i don't know

flameofcertainty

mesosensitives can be really bad at guessing what's going to hurt us

shadowed-moonrise

part of it is just that grey schools aren’t that well equipped for..... dealing with....... disability, i guess?

flameofcertainty

i had a classmate who thought it would help me not starve if she vividly described what it was like to eat polluted food

shadowed-moonrise

..........what

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i mean, i guess it’s good that they tried to help

but. WHAT

flameofcertainty

our teacher moved the seating chart so i wouldn't have to sit next to her

and gave me permission to not go to the cafeteria during lunch

but yeah, i am really not sure how she came to that conclusion

shadowed-moonrise

yeah wow

flameofcertainty

i guess if she thought i was going to starve to death unless she did something

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes i wish i could just live in a hyper colony

shadowed-moonrise

even though like i’m sort of a weird hyper? they might have called it sensitivity disorder nos if i didn’t take so many decontam showers for no reason

but it would still be BETTER

flameofcertainty

there would be a lot of nice things about that

on the other hand sometimes i hear about a hyper person thinking something is polluted and my brain decides 'oh, they must be right'

even though it was fine before

and i bet that would happen a lot more

shadowed-moonrise

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

if we all thought that the UNION of the things we thought were polluted were polluted.......

we would die very quickly, i guess

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

“oh this one guy (MADE UP) said water is polluted so uh goodbye cruel world i guess”

flameofcertainty

and even without that we'd need robots or something

to take care of garbage

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i think robots are more of a political problem than a technological one, maybe we could get away with “look we’re a hyper colony we can’t even TALK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD most days much less murder anybody”

flameofcertainty

i think it's like

flameofcertainty

if people spent a decade developing them then they'd have them

but they aren't mostly, because of the politics

shadowed-moonrise

right that makes sense

flameofcertainty

i'm fine with mesosensitives most days, but then *sometimes* it's like they decided to figure out how to be maximally terrible

shadowed-moonrise

honestly so many jobs should be automated not bc pollution but just bc they could be and those people could then do a more skilled job or live in the country and make art or whatever but we can’t build robots at all bc of the political thing

like assembly lines could go a lot more automated than they are and then we’d just be richer and fewer as a society

shadowed-moonrise

i feel very Solidarity with hypos but sometimes..... they too........ are the worst

maybe we could get nice hypos for our colony to take care of us

flameofcertainty

maybe

flameofcertainty

there are totally nice hypos but there are also hypos who do things like put untagged photos of pollution on the internet

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it really varies a lot

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes talking to hypos is calming bc mesos are like “but MY pollution instinct says this isn’t polluted” and that doesn’t help me at all but i have an amateur theologian hypo friend who can just talk me through the theological position and that helps a lot more

flameofcertainty

it's good that you have that

flameofcertainty

and we're not perfect either

there are hypersensitives who think orvaran system workers need to all be executed

or that if you don't do [insert absurdly specific thing here] you're not really hyper

flameofcertainty

like i can't handle being around mom but i don't want people to murder her

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i definitely like

think that there’s an objective position on pollution

shadowed-moonrise

and it’s probably not exactly the theological one but it’s closer to that than to my paranoia

shadowed-moonrise

and honestly like... i *get* it but it just takes an insane amount of arrogance to be like, “of all the billions and billions of people with pollution instincts, mine is the objective truth and everybody else, including an entire scientific field, is wrong”

flameofcertainty

mm

flameofcertainty

oh i also saw this one person saying everyone alive during the food crisis needed to be executed

that one was "fun"

shadowed-moonrise

oh my fucking

fuck that person so much

also how are they planning to run society after they’ve killed everyone over four???????

flameofcertainty

i don't know???

shadowed-moonrise

also i feel a lot of people with proposals involving doing lots of murder........... fail to account for the fact that corpses are polluted

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

anyways

how's life been

shadowed-moonrise

a WONDERFUL PRETTY NICE blue hired me and i might maybe have a crush

flameofcertainty

eeeee congratulations!

shadowed-moonrise

i don’t know how to approach this tho

“hey baby...... i would have sex with you for free (on a good day)”

flameofcertainty

uh

if they've hired you a couple times you could ask? or something?

flameofcertainty

i am kind of bad at relationship advice

shadowed-moonrise

yes i think that i will actually do is like

wait a while and see if he contacts me

and then maybe ask him out or something

flameofcertainty

good luck!!

shadowed-moonrise

how’ve you been

shadowed-moonrise

also, i saw you post an out of stock green and purple scarf and i could try to make you something like it

i can’t do literally that but i’m thinking like getting some white silk and waxing designs on it and then dyeing it one color and then drawing on the designs in the other

this might be totally the wrong way to go about it but it sounds fun

flameofcertainty

gosh, that's really nice of you

flameofcertainty

if you ended up doing this i'd have a couple of sensitivity-related materials requests but i don't think any of them would actually make the project impossible

shadowed-moonrise

i think that kind of project would be fun rn, what are your materials requests?

flameofcertainty

the main one is not from [link to list of countries that have done cleaning and integrated ex-reds]

or eles decontaminatable

*else

but i think that might mess up the dyes?

shadowed-moonrise

ok i can do that

yeah i think it’s probably easier to just buy from not those countries than to try to... decontaminate..... dyes

shadowed-moonrise

like most commercial clothes are decontaminatable and........ have colors but they know what they’re doing and i do not

flameofcertainty

yeah

uh

now i want to do something nice for you, help

shadowed-moonrise

umm i really like [space shoenberg], you could record yourself playing one of his pieces? although idk how much you can do that on just violin

flameofcertainty

i'll try my best

maybe i can find an arrangement or something

shadowed-moonrise

that’s so nice of you

you don’t have to, i’ll like, enjoy the project anyway

i’m not sure how to make green and purple work well as a color combo, do you mind if there’s other colors?

[karlasblog31]

Wednesday 30th September

I hope everything went well with the birth of your new bubba. I sent you a thought during the Covid insanity hoping you were able to have everything go smoothly and not have to be alone.

So 2020 sucks and can f*ck right off. I think we all know that. Ha!

Yes, I'm still working in CAM 🤦‍♀️. We didn't have any Covid cases in our ward thankfully - luckily we're a locked ward. We've been at pretty much full capacity the whole time though because

A) other wards shut down

B) families put off finding facilities because they knew they wouldn't be able to visit them whereas most of the time our patients could have 1 visitor (with the 2nd spike that has changed)

I emailed mental health and they only have casual positions and I'd rather do private mental health because it would really just be the same shit show I do now - trying and being abused by people who don't want my help. And Palliative Care said to message next year and see if they have positions. I have become more assertive at work, being able to tell patients to speak to me with respect/not swear at me/not to physically harm me (if they're not too cognitively impaired and KNOW what they're doing/saying). There's so many moments I wonder "if I wasn't a nurse what the hell would I do because I'm not good at things" but as Jane reminded me not all nursing is like this.

The CN (Jake) called me in on my last day before holidays and said he had gotten 2 comments about me "not coping". I, not helping my case, burst in to tears. I was coping, only just, but I realised I couldn't even fake it hard enough to please and thats what upset me. Despite the tears, I told him I was fine.

Yet only a few days before Jake had called me in to tell me there was a position for the Workplace Health and Safety Representative and they wanted me to take it. There was a vote but he told me all the management were voting for me. I got the call to say I got the position but completely freaked out that I wasn't capable and gave it away. Of course.

But I was confused how I suddenly went from being voted for a new position to "not coping" 🤷‍♀️

After that, I had (scheduled rec leave) 3 weeks off which was a saviour. I realised how bad shape I was in. I had a blood test and I was deficient in pretty much everything that gives energy. I stayed in the clinic for a week and a half - probably needed a little bit more but I wanted some of my holiday at home. So afterwards I went back to work for 2 days and fell over (not at work unfortunately) and ended up having to take another week off in a moonboot. So 4 weeks off was great. I was more patient and resilient when I came back. (But it looked ridiculous because Anabelle and I were in a moon boot and Lyse was in a cast - all separate incidences at basically the same time).

Our CNC/NUM (Wendy) told me I was finally being put up to .9 because the person I was "taking over for" finally got pension and it would take 5 weeks for the paperwork to come through. She also retired the day before I went on holidays. When I came back there was no paperwork. She popped in randomly and I asked her and she said she forgot to do the paperwork and Jake was now on it. I went and saw Jake and it is no longer happening and I MIGHT go up when someone retires later this year. Basically he's given the hours to his friend he employed. They're just screwing me around and at certain points its like "what's the point?"

Lyse and I have had our moments. I think the last big fight was about the money and her finding out I had a savings account that I wasn't giving her money out of. But I think that was before you left. She has a go at me or says things and I just let it go. I've written things that I want to say to her but never sent it.

I started contact with Mum again on Mothers Day. I found some photos and one fell out of her holding me and it said "my beautiful baby girl" on it and it changed my perspective sort of? I caught up with her and Kaitlin (I wanted it just Mum and I but for some reason Kaitlin was insistent) a couple of weeks ago. It was actually good, and our conversations have been good. Her anxiety is +++++++. She couldn't even order her own lunch and almost can't drive at all anymore.

Its coming up to 1 year on the 30th September since Dad did what he did last year (I still always put it that way when I talk about it...). And I'm finding it much harder than I thought I would; he survived, so why am I still finding it so fricking hard? He seems like a new man since moving to this new company. He's out doing things and whenever he facetimes us (he's working away) he seems so happy. I still wonder though.

Jane and I have been keen for your return. I think Jane has asked me when every appt I've had 🤣. But I said to her what am I actually meant to be working on???? I know I'm not right but I dont know where to start and how do I actually change THIS after 28 years of it. She said how the sensory group made a big difference with the dissociation stuff so that kind of thing. And self esteem etc etc.

In general I've been just very flat and vague these past few months. It seems like this is just my baseline now... forgetting time and questioning whether things happened.

Anyway... I hope you and your lil' family are happy and healthy. I have no idea what the rules will be re appointments or the world in general by the time you come back. But please look after yourself! I think its this month you're coming back so thought I would post an update. Sorry it's so long 🤦‍♀️

[geek-gem]

The Sega Dreamcast and the Sonic Adventure series

Now feel like making this and no tags well I'm wanting to be sure. But last night just was kind of interesting including went to bed early by mistake but woke up at 2:30 am maybe and was on the laptop for a bit yet tried to change the plug thing for the PlayStation 1 for the Sega Dreamcast. For anyone who wants to know also head be nice but the Sega Dreamcast was Sega's last video game console and the first of the 6th generation of video game consoles. It it almost put loved but it love again just it lived a short life yet it has its fan base including me. I'm gonna be honest I use to like sonic a lot when I was younger yet as I grew older I started to dislike the series more. Including naming sonic the blue bastard hedgehog. But also it's fan base I mean like the stuff and reboot's happening with the comics and what people want and sonic not having an identity for the series. It's a long story and I'm a guy who doesn't wanna be part of it. Yet as I grew older I learned to understand what people liked about certain parts such as the Archie Comics series and other things. Such as giving sonic more story and I'm not caring of putting a shift this thing for sonic but will try it anyway. Including just I learned to like some stuff a bit more. Along with that it was also the cause well the now distaste for the series of how it is. Including I'm terrified for having a opinion in this fandom yet luckily I have a friend who's a Sonic fan there got that who I can talk to. I'll say this I for some reason praise that Sonic OVA thing that was released in 1996 and I'm okay with Sonic X their are some things I liked about it. Yet it seems like okay I'll mention this I think some one on DeviantArt a person I never talked to they blocked me and maybe cause I have some weird thoughts some opinions of my own. Also they were one of the many people who liked the Archie Comics and even talked about how much they hated the first Sonic Adventure. Including some other games and.....also they liked Sly Cooper, Jak And Daxter, and, Ratchet And Clank and how those were better and just saying I agree. But the should I say mother fucker well just did lol the guy blocked me yet I think I never spoke to him. Yet hey remember reading one of their posts luckily some one also thinks of that upcoming Sonic movie all I think of is those Transformers love action movies. Sorry just really I think my interest got back to Sonic when my friend got me more into Game Grumps and I love their play through's of some Sonic games they've played. Also I'm gonna say I'm mainly like Arin Hanson when it's with Sonic and his games. Or mainly just what the series can do better. Even if Sonic Adventure was released in Japan first in 1998 and Sonic Adventure 2 was released in 2001 and Japan first I think also they did that a lot in the past for some Sonic games. I like some games including some of them stand out to be even some stand alone games. Yet I seem to like the Adventure series quite more. Because and I think many people as well think also that their was some good stuff with their games they weren't perfect but their were things I liked about them. If they were written better and remade during these days I might love them a lot more. Okay now about the games I deleted all of my data for them even if I never finished any of them I just wanted to anyway to get some what of a new experience. Also my Dreamcast if i don't play it a lot I have to adjust the time and date again. Yet for Sonic Adventure 1 it felt nice. Mainly played Sonic and during that honestly I seriously question if I should be recorded me talking about I want something cohesive such as the characters ages I'm just bothered by how some of the characters are stuck being their ages so one time on one day I thought to myself okay new paragraph. I thought should if the ages in their first game they appear in what year would they be born in and later on. Including I was using real years such as placing each Sonic Adventure game during the years they were released in. It's kind of funny and I sent this message to my friend on Tumblr when I was at Pizza Hut. Mainly it was for characters in the Dreamcast era such as the Sonic Adventure series, Sonic Advance but mainly the sequel cause of Cream and Cheese, and Sonic Heroes. What I discovered of Sonic's default age is 15 and he first appeared in 1991 now counting that arcade game where he's a keychain but his actual first living main game appearance as a actual character. He would of been in born in 1976 and as of now he would of turned 40 last year. You can laugh at that if you want and think of the games. For some reason keep thinking of the Resident Evil games where they have ages set for characters and I like that. So I thought of that for the Sonic series. Sorry but yeah their was that where I was randomly talking about what years characters would of been born in and saying Sonic is dead and just messing around and honestly the game plays well and for being released in 1998 original and released in 1999 to North America it's pretty good in a way, including me making stupid dark jokes like at the casino if it was a regular human. Mainly after I fought Knuckle's meh spoilers or whatever I decided to lay in bed and I fell asleep and woke up at 10 something. That time oh wait before I slept watched some The Loud House first and the I dozed off at 5 something I think or whatever. Then after taking a shower maybe was on my laptop and well forgot but I played a bit more and playing Sonic till I met Amy and played Tails but stopped at the first boss fight for him. Honestly the one game I seemed to think of the most was Sonic Adventure 2 and even it's GameCube version and HD version which long ago bought on my original PS3. Maybe it's cause it has some stuff I liked more and I just played it on Dreamcast. Honestly I think its a improvement and I enjoy it more then the original Sonic Adventure game. Stopped playing the Hero story when I got into the military base stage as Sonic, and for Dark story stopped when I got into the stage, "Sand Ocean". Including just well Loud House is also on at 8. Had to change ad to as and almost put ad again just before Sonic and just typos man. Even for the word put and again for put. I'm typing this on my phone. But theirs this guy on YouTube called Somecallmejohnny he's a video game reviewer and he's reviewed Sonic games and he's a Sonic fan and I like them. Including was watching some of him today. Some of them are long yet if you manage to make it through some of them I think just I'm being silly he's great and funny man. His reviews are maybe kind of how I see these games maybe. In fact will say this when playing the original Sonic Adventure I gonna stop pressing the same speech thing when I'm with a person and it reminds me when I kept grabbing a rocket launcher and switching my assault rifle a lot in Killzone 2 and I legit said to myself during that game this is why I'm autistic supposedly insulting myself and this happened with Sonic Adventure. Also another funny thing when in that jewelry store or whatever in Sonic Adventure just funny taking off that stone off and on. Sorry yet just.....honestly these Sonic games are ones I like. I think that Sony Sonic movie is what got me thinking again and hey wanna say Knuckles is a lol meme lol my body was moving just those reblogs about him saying and then just quiet laughing just the whole I lived thing and I say I lived mother fucker. But again sorry and you know.....I have ideas for Sonic but I'm kind of nervous and just.....honestly a almost left rabbit lol but a reboot of the Sonic series would be nice please. In fact just...kind of sad of how the series of what it's become. Along with that other Sega games are marketed or as made as much as Sonic. Yet with that news from years ago that cause of Rise Of Lyric and just the Game Grumps series of that shows what's so wrong with that game I've heard they wanna do better. I do have ideas yet they seem kind of fan fiction lol and along with the stories being more teen rated. Also it could be cause that Sony Sonic movie is in my head. Along with the Adventure games and some others. Which was why some hours ago listened to some music and thought about Sonic such as Linkin Park and others. Maybe I'll make them here just I need to think and just also I made this a bit better. But also wanna ask who wants the Game Grumps play Sonic Adventure 2 and see how that goes post just yeah I wanna see that and just what Arin lol Aron's but Arin's and Danny's reaction would be to that game. Also typos but seriously I want that to happen lol I want them to play ether version maybe the GameCube version they would go with lol if someone sends them something just I'll post them. But yeah I want that damn miss post lol....I wanna see that Game Grumps series