#anyway . sugusho!!!!! sleepy sugusho!!!!!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

lil drabble had been posted 🫡🫡 i will now make a late dinner and watch caseoh

[evermorehaikyuu]

Day 12

Title: The Pressure of The End

Note: I won’t lie, I like the title to this one. Anyways, here’s Shirabu’s angst, this takes place after the timeskip because I thought it’d be a little fun to write it. (Yes it was, it was very fun to write it.) There are warnings though, there are mentions of blood and there is a surgery, not in detail, but it is strongly implied. Proceed with caution.

˜���*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

Surgery was both a miracle and a curse. On one hand, if everything went well, you got out of the hospital room, back to full health. However, one little misguided position and the whole operation was off, the doctors having to tell the family of the deceased one that they hadn’t made it. 

It was an awful job and yet Shirabu Kenjirou had chosen it. He was incredibly smart and he hadn’t chosen to continue volleyball after high school. He had chosen one of the hardest fields in any industry and he was pulling it off greatly. He was at the top of his classes and when push came to shove, if any surgeon had had an accident, Shirabu would be the one everyone would choose.

He had studied until he couldn’t anymore. Every single day of this new life offered him so many opportunities and he would be damned if he didn’t take it. Shirabu learned to take a break only because of someone. 

Y/N L/N was in one of the top classes as well, but her job wasn’t as complex as a surgeon’s, she was a pediatrician. Both of them had met in their first year of med school and knew each other from Shiratorizawa. They had never talked; they had seen each other around the school though, so in this new environment, they only had each other.

Before long, they found themselves looking out for the other, making sure the other was okay even though Shirabu tried to deny it. 

By their third year in med school, he had fallen for her and they started going out together. Their job allowed them lunch breaks, which they spent together. It was difficult to go on dates but they were determined to continue their careers and stay together. 

“Kenjirou, you need a break, I know you want to keep studying, but it’s 3 am.” Y/N yawned, rubbing her eyes as she walked into the living room in her pajamas. Wrapping her arms around him from behind, she put her chin on his shoulder sleepily.

“I need to know this, Y/N, just in case I’m supposed to know this.” He rubbed his eyes with one hand, also knowing that he was getting tired. He had skimmed through his old textbooks until coming upon something new that he had never learned before: craniectomy. He didn’t think he’d need it, but nevertheless had studied it at least a little bit before. Just the basics, because he never thought he’d actually have to operate on the brain. 

“I know you like to study at this hour, but it’s not healthy.” Pressing a kiss to his shoulder, she buried her face in his neck. “Come back to bed.”

His eyes started drooping at her melodic voice and he agreed, going to bed with her and leaving the textbook open. The next day would be his day off after all. He’d have enough time to study what he needed to study. 

Or so he thought.

6 am brought news he hadn’t expected and he dreaded with all his heart. A phone call came in and he reached for his work phone, holding Y/N closer to him as she put her head on his chest, stirring slightly. In a sleepy voice, he answered, “Hello?”

“Shirabu, we need you at the hospital right now. Our best surgeon’s out somewhere else and it’s craniectomy. You’re the only one we know that knows at least the basics for this, everyone else is one level behind you.”

With that last word, his heart started racing in his chest, almost dropping his phone. He hadn’t studied enough for this. He only knew the basics. He was replacing the best surgeon. Shirabu cursed softly as he wished he hadn’t listened to Y/N and kept studying. “I’ll be right there.”

Quickly getting out of bed, Y/N turned over in their shared bed. She didn’t have to worry about being called immediately, he thought. She got to sleep in without any worry. Just the thought made him feel a little envious, but no matter, he couldn’t think of it right now.

Racing to the hospital and entering the room, he started getting ready for the procedure.

~

Blood was on his hands. Literally and figuratively. It was all his fault. It was his fault the patient had died, he was not prepared enough, no matter what anyone had said. If only he had actually studied and ignored Y/N, he wouldn’t be in this position.

“You can go now.” His supervisor said solemnly. Shirabu could feel the disappointment radiating off of him as he hurried out of the hospital and into his car. He got back home to Y/N sitting on the couch, reading a book.

She heard the door open and merely said, “Hey, honey, how did it--”

“I’m a murderer.” He whispered, staring at the floor as he collapsed against the door. “I should’ve studied more, I should’ve stayed up studying.” He looked up at her, desperation in his eyes. “Why did you stop me?”

Y/N set her book aside, standing up but not moving over to him. “What? Kenjirou, it can’t have been that bad--”

“Yes, it was! Because I didn’t study, I killed someone innocent, someone that expected to get out of there alive and I wasn’t able to do it!” Shirabu was grabbing fistfuls of his hair, hyperventilating. It was a normal thing in a doctor’s life for some patients to pass away under their hands, but Shirabu was brand new to that scene. 

“Shirabu, calm down, it was your first craniecto--”

“DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!” Shirabu screamed, his eyes becoming bloodshot. Never once had Shirabu lost his cool and yelled at her like that. She stepped back and stared at him, wringing her hands. Already, she was feeling guilty for what she had done, but how could she have known?

“You didn’t kill anyone, you didn’t know.”

“Which is why I should’ve paid attention and studied beforehand, but I didn’t do that, so now I’m a murderer!” Shirabu was losing his common sense and nothing could calm him down, except himself. Which is exactly what he did as he glowered at Y/N. “Why did you stop me?”

“Kenjirou, if you didn’t sleep, it would’ve been worse for you.”

“But they would’ve still been alive.” A dark smile came on his face. “So it’s not my fault. It’s yours.”

Y/N looked at him as if he had gone insane. “It’s MY fault for me wanting you to get some sleep?! I’m sorry, but what kind of logic is that?!”

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything.” Shirabu told her, clenching his fists. “Sorry doesn’t bring back a dead person and sorry does not fix this situation! Because of you, now my job is on the line!”

Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. “Because of me? Shirabu, are you even listening to yourself? You’re being delusional, you’ve been suffering from delusions of grandeur for all of your life and now that I try to help you once, the blame is on me?” 

“I guess it is.” He said bluntly, not even looking at her. “Just go. I don’t want to see you.”

Y/N was taken aback at his words and she swallowed, the lump in her throat growing bigger. Her voice came out shakily as she said. “So this is it? After all we’ve been through?”

Shirabu didn’t say anything as she left the room, going up to their bedroom and slammed the door. The sound brought him back to reality and he immediately felt guilty for what he had done. 

Hours later, after he had calmed down, he went back to the bedroom to try and apologize. But she was gone. Every trace of her, except for picture frames was gone. The bed was untidy and all her things, gone with her.

No. No, she can’t have left, I didn’t mean for her to leave. Shirabu rushed around the room, trying to find a hint as to where she went. But seeing as he was a doctor and not a profiler, he did not have the slightest idea as to where he had gone.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he hugged her pillow to him, trying to get the comfort she used to give him before he blurted what he could never take back. He buried his face in the pillow, stifling a sob that was rising in his throat. Her familiar scent was slowly leaving the object, a metaphor for her leaving him. 

Why was I so stupid? Why did I tell her to leave? All of these years together and she left, because I was ignorant and stupid and believed it was her fault when it was neither of our faults. 

What felt like a century later, he looked at the clock. 8 pm. Something glinted off of the cabinet. He stood up and picked up the shimmering object, followed by a long trail of gold. A promise ring on a necklace.

“Here.” Shirabu handed the object to her. “It’s a promise ring. I promise to never hurt you and never leave you and never cause you to leave me. I promise to protect you and be by your side whenever you need me.”

She had also given him a promise ring the next day, promising to always be by his side.

Some promises were never supposed to be made.

~

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