#anyway . hes my special guy and im allowed to get edgy with it

[mail-me-a-snail]

WILL YOU STEP IN LINE OR RELEASE THE GLITCH? CAN YOU FALL ASLEEP WITH A PANIC SWITCH?

anyway all this corpo talk got me rotating arasaka!vance at lightning speeds again. such is life. many such cases

[arunneronthird]

hi hello!! i'm super interested in getting into midnighter comics, do you have any recommendations for where to get started?? your recs have been so helpful for my comics journey so far, i truly owe you my life 🙏 just read the knight thanks to your suggestion and LOVED it, court of owls is up next

well okay this ask just made my whole day what the hell, this is what i like about comics the most, just sharing and talking about them

anyway, from the top, theres this superhero team in a world without jl, they work for the un and they are called stormwatch!

the first stormwatch comic is stormwatch 1993, i tried to read it and its genuinely awful, BUT some time after it starts, warren ellis takes over and hes genuinely a new type of god and fixes the whole thing but full disclosure i havent read it properly cause the start is so bad

the second stormwatch is stormwatch 1997, also written by ellis (saver of worlds) where midnighter and apollo (do not separate) make their first appearance! its an incredibly solid introduction and it goes from chapter #4 to #6, u can skip the rest, wont lose much context

now we start with the big guns, stormwatch is dismantled and the authority is created, a superhero (antihero) team working outside the law, and it starts with the authority 1999, where midnighter (and apollo do not separate) are finally main characters, i genuinely loved this comic so much SO MUCH

the story continues with the authority 2003, which im currently reading and is not by ellis (patron of writers), so i cannot tell u yet how itll work out but im enjoying it thus far

then (cause i havent read more stuff in between yet) comes midnighter 2007, this one is complicated? the first 10 chapters are extremely fun and enjoyable, basically episodic, mostly written by garth ennis (not quite as godly but pretty nice), then a new guy picks up the series, makes a whole saga with no apollo in it and its terrible so just... just drop it on chapter 10 ill allow it

then the n52 happens and its v confusing and scary

but then we have midnighter 2015, i have good and bad news, the bad news is its a grayson 2014 spinoff so u may be a bit lost on some context but the good news is this comic is REALLY good, its fun, its a finished story, its midnighter learning to be a person and not a killing machine, and its one of my favorite comics as of rn

lastly theres midnighter and apollo 2016 and like... i went to my bookstore to order a physical copy yesterday i am so in love with it, its aesthetically beautiful and the story is insane, basically midnighter goes to hell to save apollo but apollo is already doing a pretty good job cause hes freaking apollo

as a bonus, there are three small stories, the authority: kev, the authority: more kev and the authority: the magnificent kevin all written by ennis about a guy called kevin who actively sucks as a person and how he manages to fuck up everything all the time and piss off midnighter to no end, they are hilarious

as a disclaimer of sorts: midnighters stories, specially the ones by ellis and ennis, are comics for adults in a way batmans arent, batman is dark and sometimes scary, but these comics talk about sex, drug adiction, racism, bigotry and make fun of them, i do bow for them though, they are gritty and pretty edgy but not tasteless

[creepypocky]

Hellooo! Could I have a matchup pls? If you don’t have time you’re completely understood and you can just ignore this but if you do Thankyou very much!

Pls can I have romantic + NSFW if thats ok

My pronouns are they/them ^^

I’m into men manly dudes men like guys

My style is goth! I love all types of goth too. Black is my favourite colour. I love edgy shit, satanic shit… I love looking creepy. I really like victorian style dresses too

I’m not a creepy person though. People usually tell me that I’m cool (which I appreciate) but honestly I am very sensitive and just about cry over everything. I like to look scary because I just prefer people not approaching me or thinking I’m weak (damn I’m venting here now lol)

I’m also tall af?? Like 5’10? And hella boney skinny so I’m just a damn lanky stick next to others lol.

My hobbies are reading, writing (mostly deep poems and stuff..), drawing!! I love drawing. Especially for other people.

I like being in really quiet places and listening to birds! And my goal is to learn to beat my anxiety some day.

My favourite kind of person is someone who I can feel most comfortable around and won’t judge me or pressure me. I like specifically when I feel like I don’t have to talk and the silence isn’t awkward, which doesn’t happen much to me. And when they’re open-minded and respectful!! Love that.

My least favourite kind of person is narrow-minded people, loud people, childish. Immature people get on my nerves massively lol.

I like cats, being alone, and silence. I dislike crowded places and the dark

My zodiac is Aries

I’m MASSIVELY introverted. No doubt about it lol.

For the NSFW bit, I… definitely have a daddy kink (PFFF IM SORRY). I’m 100% switch, love being dominated, love dominating. LOVE praise, I’m a massive people pleaser so if I’m praised I just melt. But mostly I’m just into sappy romantic shit with lots of love and affection, and I would probably cry if my partner gave any other vibes. Also, pet names like darling, sweetheart, dear, love??? I’m dead. Dying. Deceased. I fall in love.

Things that turn me off… pain.. feeling uncomfortable or unloved, anything TOO rough. I am gemtle pls be somft

I loveddd reading through this, one person really popped up in my head reading this especially when you said you don't like immature people lmfao, thank you for requesting this and I'll work on it right away <3

|| I match you with: Masky! ||

Your style honestly turns him on tbh LMAO but he loves how you look beside him with your goth clothes and its kind of hard for him to keep his hands off you.

He doesn't find it annoying or weak that you're sensitive and if people ever call you weak around him they'll earn a hard punch because you're his and if they want to insult you they can go through him first.

If you ever cry about something or something makes you sensitive he won't judge you for it, (but tbh when he first met you he would make fun of you but he doesn't anymore) instead he'll just calm you down and tell you everything is okay.

If you're insecure about being too tall or being taller than him, Masky is like 6'1-6'3 so don't worry, but, he actually really loves how tall you are and thinks it's sexy. He thinks you being skinny along with it is cool too because he finds long but skinny legs beautiful. This man is kind of weird around people way shorter than him anyways because like... wouldn't that large height difference be awkward during yknow, lmfaooo.

You like writing? Sign this man up to be your main reader. No matter how many flaws are in your writing he'll be there being constructive for you and encouraging you to do more.

He loves your art too, everytime you make him a piece of art he just meltssss on the inside (probably wont admit it though lmfao) and keep them somewhere special because he wants to cling to as many things that involve you as he can. <3

When you want your alone time, he'll 100% respect you and leave you be for awhile so you can be alone to thoughts and listen to birds. But otherwise he would totally listen to the birds with his arm around you if you allowed him to because he just loves being close to you. :)

He really understands you wanting to overcome your anxiety, especially because he himself has anxiety due to his job, he constantly feels like he has to watch his back 24/7. This poor mans been backstabbed so many times pls comfort him. But he's super supportive of you and will help you get over your anxiety.

He would never judge or pressure you, especially since he knows very well how it feels to be pressured by people. It sucks. So he tries his best to always be there for you and only do things that you know you're comfortable with. He respects your boundaries as long as you respect his.

He also doesn't like childish and immature people, they're super annoying to him. When someone like that is bothering you he's always quick to make them fuck off so you can get back to having your sanity.

He loves silence too, you two will often just sit together in a blanket with a book and just read in silence and it's super wholesome. ^^

He will get you all the cats you want, regardless of Slenders permission.

If you get uncomfortable in the dark, don't worry, he'll make sure to always leave a light on around so that you don't feel unsafe. He's honestly such an overviewer and he's so protective of you.

NSFW:

This mf has a daddy kink too, and don't worry about him being too rough with you because even though I canon him as a dom he loves to be super soft and passionate with you. He doesn't want to hurt his doll to much.

He doesn't sub often, but if he's having a hard day, he loves to just lay back and let you take the lead on him. He loves to praise you and just caress your body as you're doing whatever you want to him.

He loves to kiss you while you two are fucking, he just loves the feeling of his moans being muffled by your mouth as he roams his hands all over you lovingly.

It's good that you love pet names because he's all about pet names, he loves to see the expressions on your face as he calls you all kinds of names.

<3

There you go. :))) I hope you enjoyed this matchup and I hope nothing was too inaccurate.

Have a great day/night and take care of yourself. ^^

[thenugking]

gayspacejew said: Please…i need details??

I mean I am always happy to go off on “what the fuck even was dragon age legends?” so sure. Its a flash based game that was originally available on facebook, around the time da2 came out. It got shut down because it was Terrible and is now available to download for free online. I never played it when it was on facebook but from what Ive heard, it was Even Worse back then. You have a large party of companions to help you fight countless enemies on map after map and apparently, when it was a facebook game, you were only allowed to use them once before they went on a long cooldown, and the rest of the time you had to get your friends to help you fight. I can;t imagine playing it back then because Id rather not lose all my friends, and honestly? constantly trying to get your friends to play dragon age legends with you is a recipe for losing all your friends.

Anyway the actual game is primarily a turn based combat game as you travel to save this guys son from, idk, something I guess, and occasionally make decisions which have no lasting impact on anything along the way. Also sometimes the game tells you “well if you go one way you can save that village, if you go the other way you can rush onwards” or whatever, but?? doesn't actually tell you which way is which?? But the vast majority of the game is just fighting through maps that get bigger and bigger, with more and more waves of stronger and stronger enemies. Which like, on the plus side, almost every time  plot comes up it breaks lore or contradicts canon but I really cannot stress enough quite how long and tedious this game is.

I mean, look. I expected to get through this game in a couple of days at most. And I enjoy turn based combat so that was cool. And since theres not that much plot I can turn on music while I play! After many hours when it was getting really tedious and I realised I still had a Lot more I began listening to the audiobook of Harry potter and the order of the phoenix while i played. And then to Half Blood Prince. By the time i finished Deathly Hallows, the end was almost in sight. It took maybe ten more hours to get it finished. And I gave up completing 100% of the maps somewhere in order of the phoenix.

So, moving on to the premise of the game, I guess. At the start, theres a little video of a boss fight against the Viscount of the city state of Kaiten, who turned out to be an abomination, that happened 12 years ago, with the main characters of the game. And like. I am fairly certain that these characters started off as someones rpg party, and then they went and made a flash game out of them. These characters are:

Ravi. The nephew of Viscount Abomination Guy and the current Viscount of Kaiten. Hes a templar, apparently. Except he never uses templar powers, despite that being a specialization in the game and shows zero interest in ever controlling mages. Several of the  party members are mages who just have their own little castles and towers, and at least one is canonicaly an apostate. Also Ravi is meant to be your mentor, which I didn't realise until a character said it  part way through the game.

Iselle. A Dalish blood mage who is dating Ravi. Like, he was dating her and then decided to become a templar and?? Ravi do you actually understand what templars are meant to do?? I have no idea what they saw in each other at All. I think the writers just wanted them to have a Forbidden Romance. Anyway, Iselle is the only member of the original party not to appear in the game because she got fridged and died giving birth to Ravis son. Shes also the only woman in the original party. Their son Eiton is tranquil from birth, which is Not A Thing in dragon age. (It turns out later that theres more going on than being tranquil, but spoilers if you're ever actually interested in playing this hell game. The stuff going on still breaks Dragon Age lore though.)

Sendis. The one good thing about this game; Sendis spends all his time snarking about Ravi and I love him. Hes Iselles brother and spied on her and Ravi to make sure Ravi wasn't hurting her, because he is aware that humans suck and templars in particular suck. When you first meet him, you have to kill his possessed clan, because apparently “genocide a dalish clan” is the one bit of Dragon Age “canon” Legends did decide to stick to. Sendis reminds you these are his family and friends you're killing, but theres no option to actually stop or like, comfort him at all. Also neither he nor Iselle have vallaslin. The random dalish elves you have to kill do, but not the two main Dalish characters.

Lukesh. The Wise Old Mage Mentor stereotype, complete with long white beard. He lives in a hut in the wood with Eiton to keep him save. Why did Ravi decide his son would be safer living in a hut in a forest rather than his big defensible castle, with only a mage whos probably an apostate Ravi should have arrested by now for company? Fuck if I know.

Tovez. Tovez is a ginger dwarf who fights with a two handed axe, has the battle cry “meet my axe!”, loves alcohol, is a bit of a dick but a good guy Deep Down, is disliked by a lot of Orzammar, and is the only person there who wants to go to the deep roads to find a missing paragon who went to find the anvil of the void, which they became obsessed with. I honestly dont know how bioware even let Legends do that.

Other companions sometimes get introductions when they turn up and sometimes just appear in your party with no explanation. They include a friendly talking darkspawn called the prankster and who I can only assume is Avelines evil twin, who is pretty much identical to her but left the Kirkwall Guard because she was too Edgy or something, and now hates them. Also if you buy rooms for them in your castle, you get Morrigan, Shale, whitewashed Isabela, Barkspawn, and a Drake as companions, and the downloadable game gives you default male warrior hawke. Theyre all just?? There for some reason.

Later in the game it turns out that the city state of Kaiten is???  part of the city state of Kirkwall. And Im fairly sure someones castle teleports. Theres another Circle in Ferelden thats full of Dragon cultists. At the start of the game, you get two potential companions who want to kill each other (one might be based on Sebastian??) and you have to Choose One, but later on you just have them both and they just?? snark at each other a bit. Some companions are always just several levels above others so theres no point ever using some of them. Theres a load of Novelty costumes your character can find or buy with in game money, like “dress in a gorilla suit” and “just fucking go into battle with a darkspawn sitting on the shoulders”. Idk man, this game is a fucking trip.

[terminallycheesecake]

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I do honestly #dissociation is anyone real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2? I’m pretty good at getting myself to not freak out with logic, or if all else fails, a good protection charm.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

4. What is your favorite word?

simultaneously 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

mmmm I’m not sure,, a willow tree?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

oh god i picked at the skin on my nose last night and now i have a big red scab there its so noticeable

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a black tanktop that says “EVERYTHING HURTS AND IM DYING” 

8. What do you label yourself as?

A transdude, a witchling, a homestuck, a furry, gay, pan, fickin, brother, idk akdlsjf

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room, but some bright rooms can be good too?

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

honestly I think I fell asleep before then, which is kind of unusual.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Probably now tbh? 17

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My amazing bf we tell each other this legit every time we open up the same chat i mean.

13. Your worst enemy?

I dont think I really have one? maybe like “my inner critic” or something edgy like that.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

this venty art thing that actually is really aesthetic that my moirail made.

15. Do you like someone?

my moirail, my bf, my friends, all the cats in the world, etc

16. The last song you listened to?

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

my dad lmao. but when he isn’t home like ew the mess.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

my dad.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

my brother has to fucking clean the fucking toilet ok he pisses fucking everywhere guys.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

fuck idk. alot of people say they really admire my jawline? but i never have thought of it as anything special lskdjf. I think my eyes maybe? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

taking this as in genitalia lmao if i had a dick for a day. idfk omg

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im. idk i can type faster than the average person? fuckifiknow

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

eyes. like. in the dark, just seeing a pair of eyes.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

a pizza. but shaped like a sandwhich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

add it to the collection of money in my wallet that im too afraid to spend until i find the perfect shit online. 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Canada. Right to my bf’s doorstep, so I can fuckin see him ok. @skelepunny

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I’ll find out what is most popular and sell it off to people.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Only lgbt++++++++++ no cishets allowed. 

29. What is your favorite expletive?

i want to say fuck just because i say it most, but thats boring so like. 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

onee thing can that like qualify as ONE trashbag filled with all of my favorite posessions? 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i erase my dad from my entire memory

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

canada. to my bf. this is all. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk can i give that choice to someone who needs it more? I didnt really know anyone well who’s died in my family.

34. What was your last dream about?

I met andrew hussie and gave him a whistle, he called me a filthy kankri fan and that kankri was his least favorite character.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

This question doesnt work because I am not good at anything.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

No. 

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

literally theyre basically all solid black

39. What type of music do you like?

mm alternative- hipstery sort of music

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

i dont like milkshakes? theyre too thicc

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Arkansas Razorbacks, since basically ur fuckin born into supporting a team 

43. Do you have any scars?

lots and lots

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A concept artist? I mean I want to persue animation but its just not as big of a desire to me as being like a character designer and concept artist.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

can i just be able to pass as male pl e a  s e

46. Are you reliable?

mm im not sure. I mean most of the time yes, but man you never know when those depressive episodes hit and you cant do fuckin anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are u living w/tav r u happy pls tell me im scare

48. Do you hold grudges?

nah not really. I’m a pretty laid back dude? 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a cat-ferret like a fucking noodle cat thats cute as fuck and idk man

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

every conversation with my moirail

51. Are you a good liar?

to my parents yes, but i cant lie to my friends id feel too guilty.

52. How long could you go without talking?

forever omg i never fucking talk at school anyways.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

i had a bob once when i was like 7 years old. fuck that shit.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

maybe? probably? 

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i can do an english accent,, southern,, a bad mock canadian accent to tease my bf, lksdf

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a sphinx cat lady for my dnd campaign

58. What would be you dream car?

a vholkswagon bug

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

no i dont, because i did as a kid and my parents made fun of me for it so never again

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

not too often but i stumble across that stuff occassionally

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G. because. Greyne. and my given name is rlly special to me.its me.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons by far fuckin fire breathing flying lizards.

64. What do you think about babies?

disgusting worms but sometimes ute as long as im at a far distance and they are happy

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

ehh 

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Reviews #3

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.  

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'���

Oh? We’re back already? Whelp, let’s start the shitshow again. I’m Jagerbomb, your favorite alcoholic caffeinated drink, bringing you the review of a story that you could call the My Immortal of Attack on Titan.

Welcome. I’m Coffee. Fuhuhuhuhuhuhu~ Consider this a proper welcome to the party. Though glossing over this, it doesn’t deserve such a title, yet.

Shush it you, you bloody wanker.

Well anyway, hello all, I’m Tea.

WHERE’S MY EMOTICON!?

You mean this? (ง •̀_•́)ง

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง YEAH! FIGHT ME!

DON’T MAKE ME GET THE PAN!!!!

As usual we will be incredibly offensive. Don’t take it too personally.

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!

And now we present The Wolf of Trost. Only God can save us now.

Chapter 1: Struggle for Trost: The two monsters

Oh god, what the fuck is this?

The fuck is that?

The fuck are THOSE?

I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own Jacob Patrick and his very deadly secret. Here's a quick Bio on my OC and his (lowercase)Secret (halfway.) Some things will be different due to me adding my OC. (No period, lowercase) And to keep my plot line and idea original.

Oh joy, disclaimers. What the fuck do I say here??

Where do we begin? How about with his ~deadly secret~?

I’m gonna be honest, it feels like he’s trying too hard to be edgy.

Name: Jacob Patrick II.

You know what, I forgot about the shit that happened in this. I should lay off the drinks.

Age: 15. Height: 6"2'.

 Christ in a handbasket. Fifteen years old and already 6’ 2”. It’s not impossible, but unlikely.

That’s a little young to fight titans.

Didn’t they all leave training at 15?

No, I don’t think so; you’ll have to look it up.

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง FIGHT ME

(ง •̀_•́)ง BRING IT!

Let’s just focus on the story.

Weight: 125 LBS. Hair Color: Jet Black, Wild and to his shoulders, bangs cover left eye.

That sounds inconvenient for titan-fighting.

Eyes: Right eye is a deep calming blue, while the left is bright, glowing yellow with a slight pupil.

You, my friend, have won the Special Snowflake award.

What the fuck is a slight pupil? ಠ益ಠ ENGLISH FUCKER!

Skin Color: Pale white.

So not only is your vision halved by your ridiculous hair, but you’ll also burn like my steady-growing hatred for this fic.

Birth-date: October 10th.

Aw damn, all the jokes could have been made if you said the 31th.

You have jokes?

Appearance: Slim bodied, canines are extremely sharp (Sharp enough to bite into a Titan's hide), fingernails are one inch long claws that are very sharp. Narrow waist, Thin arms and legs and slightly pointed ears.

A painful existence.

I know what was written, but I can’t get the idea of this OC going “OMNOMNOM!”. Imagine this kid dangling off a titan by his teeth and the titan just looks at him with this deadpan expression, unsure of what to do.

Special Skills: With his thin body he is extremely agile and flexible, making him one of the best at using the 3D Maneuvering gear and Blades.(NO PERIOD, LOWERCASE) Though most have seen him running UP the SIDES of the Walls and buildings. His thin frame means less resistance while running, making his speed triple above our fastest soldier. (He can) Can jump very far, close to thirty feet. He's always been able to scan the Titan's and find ways to trick them and trap them. One last skill he has is very secret and no one knows it.

Why is up and sides capitalized? We know what the gear allows you to do.

Because it ADDS unnecessary EMPHASIS.

ಠ益ಠ  This angers me greatly. He’s a goddamn Mary Sue.

Couldn’t just write a normal human boy, could you?

Most Notable Quotes: " I'ma (I’m) gonna make me a Titan burger!"

Seriously?

Permission to prepare the noose?

Permission granted.

" Yahooooooooo!"

This is kinda ripping off Naruto.

This is reminding me of those people who do Bigfoot calls.

Now we combine those together.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ'✿,｡･:*:❀･ﾟ'❁ Combining. Result: Cringeworthy.

" Oh bite my skinny ass!"

Is this supposed to be a Bender reference?

NAAAAAAH YOU DON’T SAY? Speaking of which, watching Futurama right now.

" One does not anger the beast without being mauled."

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Good Lord why?

*coughs*Tryhard*coughs*

Ya know what? I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna poke the bear. *poke poke*

*loud inhale* You did it!

" Hurt my friends...And you'll see why they call me a freak!"

What friends? You have made yourself out to be a rather unpleasant main character.

SHOTS FIRED.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一

and the ever famous Jacob Patrick II song he sings when(One word)ever drunk (which is a(Separate words)lot)

" Oh I'm gonna get that booty!"

NO.

Pffft- This would be gold it weren’t serious.

I have to agree with that. It’s almost as bad as My Immortal. Also, why is a fifteen year old drinking?

Because that’s what the cool kids do. (⌐■_■)

Personality: Out(ONE WORD)going, happy go lucky, lived on the streets since he was four, which in turn allowed Jacob's body to thin and slim due to having to steal food, clothes and books to survive and learn.

I think we’re mixing up personality with backstory and then further mixing it with appearance.

Seriously? Everything past happy go lucky has absolutely nothing to do with personality. They are also living in a society where you contribute to society, they wouldn’t let him live on the streets unless he was completely useless.

Looks like someone doesn’t understand the show.

No one will let you get away with theft is the point.

Jacob's dark secret allow caused the color of his left eye, his claws, pointed ears and sharp canines, but it has also made him prone to rage fueled attacks at random times.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ GET THIS SHIT OUTTA MY FACE!

So, I’m going to take a wild guess and say his secret has something to do with werewolves.

I mean, it’s so obvious. I read ahead...We have weirdness next chapter.

FFFFFFF- ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

 He's loyal to his friends and super protective over them.

Now I remember. Give me a drink please.

Would you like a fancy cocktail?

-,- That ain’t no man’s drink woman.

Don’t complain. Anything is better than nothing.

A lot of people call him insane, which is true. 

*Squints suspiciously* “Insane”, eh?

What? That’s not insanity, that’s just acting like a kid.

He'll do and say the most random things.

LOL IM SO RANDOM

HAHAHHA LOOK AT ME!

There you guys go, Jacob's Bio. NOW GET TO READING DAMMIT!

Rude. You know what? I won’t read it. JUST TO SPITE YOU.

*coughs*Asshole*coughs*

" Humans speaking" ' Human thoughts or flashbacks.' Time skips or locations. " Titans sounds and roars."

Okay, different text types. Fucking kill me now please. Is this necessary? Can’t just - I don’t know - write? Yep, just hold the readers’ hands some more like they just learned how to read this trash.

Apparently Author doesn’t think we can tell what’s what.

We are evidently blind.

____________________________________________________________

(Jacob’s POV) Year 850. Trost, 2:45.

I just love it when writers think they have to announce whose perspective it is. I mean, it’s not like we could have figured it out by ourselves or anything.

Me, Armin and Eren (Him and Armin are two of my three friends)

*Prolonged sigh* Show, don’t tell. Show, don’t tell. Show, doN’T TELL. SHOW, DON’T TELL.

Coffee… Do I need to get Katherine’s pan to smack this author?

…..Yes, probably. No correction, absolutely. Get the pan.

were running across the roofs of houses and buildings, well they had their 3D Maneuvering gear ready to scale the next building while I could just jump up on to (Onto. Spellcheck is your friend) it.

Right, right, right. Why would the OC need something that everyone else needs? Guess who earned a gold star for a “very good job”! ☆

HURRAY! Good job buddy!

I look back to see a Titan jump up and bite Eren's leg off.

What..? There was no prior indication that this was a problem. We’re just… going right to it, eh? Skipping everything else and interjecting Gary Stu into only the important, plot related stuff, huh?

Author is costing on plot hoping readings fill in the gaps.

Armin screamed out to him while I turned around and jumped the gap between my building and the roof with Eren, I slashed the Titan's nape as it turned to attack me, (AND) it fell with a loud thud.

Fucking Mary Sues man. Fucking run on sentences. Armin must’ve been screaming for some time while the OC did all of that.

Well all Armin does IS scream so I assume he’s good at it.

No, he screams Eren a lot, let’s get it right.

" Eren!" I shouted as I land next to him. " Are you ok man?", my answer was Eren smacking my with the hilt of his left Blade.

 Sure, he lost a leg, I’m sure he’s fine bud.

Tis only a flesh wound.

Monty Python away!

YAY!

" Of course not. But I'm fine, just go protect Armin!" Eren shouts at me. ' HE'S MISSING A FUCKING LEG AND SAYS HE'S ALRIGHT!?' I scream in my head as I jump back to stop a 10m Titan from eating Armin, who was still running. I raise my Blades high above my head, opened my mouth and shouted.

*Tying noose around neck while whistling* Hard to tell who's worse, Katherine or Jacob. Either way I’mma go on vacation. *kicks stool*

" I'MA GONNA MAKE ME A TITAN BURGER!"

LAAAAAAAAAAAAME

That is a really lame catchphrase.

Why did I think of a Simpsons character?

My Blades came down on the Titans nape, I worked fast to carve the nape out and slay the monster. " You don't eat my friends (COMMA) bitch!" I exclaim while flipping the dead Titan off.

How old are you? Twelve?

Remember, angsty teen must always flip at least one thing per episode.

Yes, lets flip of the creature that’s already dead. Was there even a gesture for this back then?

I look over at Armin and laugh, only to realize he had made his way to Eren (I guess while I was distracted he saw a Titan close to Eren).

You guess. And what’s wrong with him going to support Eren? It’s not like he can just walk out of there. Nope, just gonna leave him there to die I suppose.

For plot! :D KILL ME!

Such a good friend.

I jump the gap, only to be too late as I see a grey bearded Titan EAT Eren, leaving only his arm, which had hit Armin in the face. To be honest I have to admit that it was comical.

HAHAHA, MY FRIEND JUST GOT EATEN AND MY OTHER FRIEND IS PROBABLY TRAUMATIZED! HAHAHA SO FUNNY!

HOLY SHIT IT’S SANTA TITAN! But I’mma admit, I did laugh when the arm hit Armin.

" EREN!" Armin and I shouted.

Noooooo not the overly angry German! Nooooo!

It’s better for him this way. Goodnight, sweet prince.

I knew there was only way to save him…

Do I need to say anything about this or..?

Best to leave it be.

but it was too risky and he would probably die of blood loss if I wasn't fast enough.

I assume this Only Way was to A: Kill the Titan or B: The Deadly Secret. Fuck I don’t care anymore! COFFEE! GIVE ME THE RUM!

You better share.

Would you like ice with that?

Of course boss. I always share -,-

So I cursed myself for not helping but ran and picked up Armin before the Titan could get him. Armin was to (TOO) shocked to notice anything.

“I can’t do anything about this except for the fact that I can and no, this may or may not bother me in the near future. If it does, it’ll be for the ANGST. Oh, right Eren’s dead, better save my other not-friend so it looks like I accomplished something.”

“Look at me! I’m the Stu! Everyone should just accept the things I do and not question it!”

You cursed yourself for not helping? You didn’t have a problem about not helping before.

' Eren...I'm sorry... But I WILL kill every last Titan to avenge you!' I thought as I quickly escape the Titan.

Whelp, he’s dead. Better say something to remind the audience that they were friends with as little emotion as possible and vowing revenge.

*coughs*OVERACHIEVER!*coughs*

Revenge fixes all Titan problems. If not satisfied, you’ll get your money back guaranteed! Just pay two payments for the low low price of 19,999,999,999,999,999,999.99! Pay processing and handling.

In fifteen minutes I found Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse, Ymir, Annie Leonhart, Jean Kirstein, Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun, Krista Lenz and Mikasa Ackerman (My other friend and secret crush).

Ha, who needs these losers? It’s not like their actual characters with depth or deserving of any actual description or personality. Who cares? Just drop their names and we’re good. Am I right?

AHAHHAHHAHAHA, Cos yes, nobody knows who any of these people are now so let’s add a sentence of just names.

And of course Mikasa is targeted for “love interest”. Mikasa’s first priority is Eren’s safety; the Stu wouldn’t stand a chance. Get out while you can.

-is being sucked into a black hole- Coffee! HELP!

Shhhhh, it’s better this way.

I drop Armin as I put my hands on my knees and pant heavily while the others all come over to us, mostly to see what was wrong with Armin. Mikasa came up to me, (PERIOD) I could see the worry in her eyes.

They all walked together in a collective bunch. Clearly they’re not busy with anything like titans in the city.

Speaking of eyes, I need to drench mine in bleach.

" Where(APOSTROPHE)s Eren!?" She asked me. I looked down at my feet, still panting.

I don’t know, probably digesting inside Santa’s belly.

Maybe if you weren’t standing around waiting for the plot to come to you, you’d know.

" Titan.. (CAPITAL)ate...him.." I manage to breath out between breathes (breaths).

But it’s okay, because I, the main character, am safe with no emotional scars from the death of my apparent friend.

I used my fangs to scare the titan off, of course it wasn’t mentioned. Apparently.

I straighten up some more so I stood at my full six foot two height. I look down at Mikasa as her grip on her Blades tightens,(PERIOD) her eyes narrowed as she walked passed me before jumping and taking off with her gear.

To get away from all of these run on sentences.

To get away from the Stu or Stus.

To get away from the plot. 

" MIKASA!" I shout as I try to grab her ankle, but she was just out of my reach.

Good!

RUN MIKASA! RUN!

I look back at the group and stare at them all, my bangs moved out of the way of my left eye. The bright glowing,(NO COMMA) slit pupiled yellow eye bore holes into the group's souls. I spoke one command in a deep and dark voice. My sharp canines gleamed in the sun's light.

If you were any edgier, you’d be a triangle.

Any edgier then that and he’d be a pyramid

He keeps mentioning his bangs so much that he’s become a tassel. A toothy, triangle, little tassel.

I could swear to God that I saw Ymir turn a ghost white.

Your angst is scaring them. Stop.

Oh god not shiny fangs!

" Stay with Armin."

“He’s pretty much useless.”

“I, the Stu, shall retrieve Mikasa alone!”

With that I jumped off after Mikasa. I dropped my gear (Keeping my Blades)

You don’t need parenthesis if you juST WRITE PROPERLY.

-Tosses empty bottle away- Whelp we’re outta rum again.

by the group as I did so. ' Mikasa...please don't get eaten or killed'" YAHOOOOOOOO!" Was heard by the group as Jacob soon disappeared from their sight.

Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? If this becomes a problem, Coffee is going to kick your ass, just as sure as she’s tearing apart your awful writing skills.

Permission to prepare the ceremonial noose, ma’am?

Permission granted

(Below is the thought the rest of 104th Trainees Squad)

' Did that just happen?'

Actual writing; who needs it?

Gee I don’t know, did it? Cos if there was action and words, it happened.

(Back to Jacob's POV)

You never changed perspective in the first place.

ಠ_ಠ My brain hurts.

I jumped from roof to roof after Mikasa, I had to dropped my gear to make myself lighter

YOU JUST DROPPED YOUR GEAR BEFORE THIS DAMMIT!

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

, even while I run at full speed (Which Dot Pixis had recorded to be close to 50 mph, without any gear on)

You want to know how fast Usain Bolt can run at maximum? 28 mph. You’re trying to convince us that this Gary Stu can run almost TWICE as fast as the fastest runner without much training or experience?

I’m calling God mode. Someone get an admin. Oh wait, I am one.

I couldn't keep up with her.

For plot convenience.

Even though I could’ve used my gear to catch up with her, why did I think RUNNING would help? Oh, just to SHOW OFF MY STU-NESS!

I could tell she was using her gas in large bursts to increase her speed. Bad idea cos (BECAUSE, YOU CRETIN) you lose A(SEPARATE WORDS)LOT of gas that way. I growl in a very wolf-like manner

Wink wink, nudge nudge, tap tap, hit hit, SCROTAL PUNCH

We need a gif for a nut shot, PRONTO!

as I grip my Blades tighter, causeing (CAUSING) the hilts to creak and break, I drop them as I close my eyes in frustration... Bad idea again. I'm quickly grabbed by a Titan, a 15m Smiling Titan. ' This can't be happening!'

THE END

HAHAHAHAHHA NOPE!

" MIKASA!" I shouted out to her...but I think she didn't hear me over the sounds of dead Titans falling down.

She didn’t respond because she doesn’t care about you.

She saw you jerking off in the bushes at Training Camp -,-

 The massive jaws close down, just missing my head... I slid down it's (ITS) throat to my doom.

Suspiciously sounds like what happened to Eren a few paragraphs ago.

So original.

' I never even got to tell Mikasa that I loved her...'

…Seriously?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻  FUCK IT!

Your waifu will never know. At least she can’t point-blank reject you.

Time skip: Where Mikasa has only a single Blade left and is cornered by a Titan.

Yay, more lazy writing. FUCK YOU

DAMMIT!

(Nobody's POV)

Who the hell is Nobody and why aren’t they the main character instead?

Nobody is my favorite person.

Best character.

Mikasa stood back up from her knees, Eren's words about fighting for survival echoing in her mind. She was about to try and charge at the Titan when a 15m Titan with a muscular build, fleshless jaw that revealed the odd arangment (ARRANGEMENT) of teeth, bright emerald eyes, pointed ears and long brownish black hair ran out from behind her and slammed a fist into the other Titan's head. The result was a dead Titan and a new one standing over the body, screaming/roaring.

Well, that escalated quickly.

No smooth transition! EVER!

" NNNNNAAAAGGGHHH" (YOU TRY SPELLING OUT A TITAN SCREAM/ROAR!)

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH! Did I do it? (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Mikasa stared on in shock at seeing a Titan kill another of it's (ITS) kind. The new Titan ran of (OFF), searching for more Titans to kill. Mikasa shook her head and used her gear and little amounts of gas to find the others.

What about Eren? Mikasa, focus! That’s why you ran off in the first place.

 I’m sure everyone else is still on that singular roof.

To her shock they were still were Jacob had dropped Armin off. " Why are you all still here?" She questioned. Connie answered for everyone.

That’s what I want to know.

Called it.

" After you took off Jacob's bangs moved away from his left eye...it...it.. IT BORE HOLES IN OUR SOULS MAN!"

Much like how this story bores holes into my brain.

His hair moved and you saw his differently colored eyeball. Oh no, the horror. *deadpan*

Oh dear lord save us all. -___-

The teen shouted.

So, I have this rant I’ve been holding in for awhile.

Are you KIDDING me? You FUCKING ESTABLISHED who was talking already! Why do you feel the need to refer to him as “the teen” instead of giving him a proper description? THAT IS LAZY WRITING. ALSO do not use “shouted” or any other verbs as dialogue tags! Do you have any idea how awful that is to read? ALSO, is Connie a FUCKING FLOATING HEAD or something? Is he doing ANYTHING ELSE besides standing around and SCREAMING? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?! Are they just standing around too? GOD DAMN IT.

YOU’RE A LAZY ASS WRITER! I HAVE SEEN LITTLE TO NO ACTUAL PLOT LINE WHAT SO EVER! I get this was written in 2014 but that’s no excuse!

Ymir rolled her eyes, smacked Connie upside his bald head and looked at Mikasa.

I assume with a look of disdain paralleling the current state of my face right now.

The Pan can help with that.

The pan always helps. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

" Your friend Jacob left his 3D Maneuvering gear and ran off after you,(PERIOD)

“Good riddance, right?”

Yes we know, it was stated that he dropped his gear…..twice.

My brain hurts. COFFEE! ANOTHER ROUND OF RUM! Shit forgot, Tea didn’t buy any more. DAMMIT! BRING VODKA!

he told us to stay with Armin in this...this...just overpowering voice. Even Annie and Reiner stayed."

Apparently no one has the balls to oppose the Stu. Or were they sincerely hoping that he’d get himself killed?

I mean, I’m pretty sure Reiner could beat the hell out of Stu. Wait, read ahead, he can’t, Stu gets worse.

The tall girl said. Mikasa looked surprised. Jacob had followed her... Then it hit her.

Turns out a titan had found them standing around in a big group and decided to have a light snack.

GOOD END 1

HAPPY ENDING!

" Wait, if he followed me but didn't come back that must mean that..(... CAN’T EVEN DO ELLIPSES RIGHT) Oh God no.." She fell to her knees, a small tear made its way down her cheek.

Why is she crying for this Stu? And she just forgets about Eren?

Nobody likes the Angry German.

Everyone looked at her.

“Sorry Mikasa. You’ve been infected by OOC syndrome. I’m afraid we have to put you out of your misery.”

Could be worse, she could’ve been the Draco to Ebony.

I believe you mean “Enoby”

" 'Oh God no' what?" Sasha asked, her eyes filled with fright. Armin looked up from his spot, still having tears in his eyes. ' Where(APOSTROPHE)s Jacob... W-Whose gear is that..?' Where (WERE) his thoughts.

Really Armin? Did you not pay any attention to the Stu’s display of teenage edginess?

Armin was too busy being the only character traumatized by his friend’s death.

" I think what Ackerman-san is trying to say is that it's quite possible that Patrick-san was eaten by a Titan." Said Annie as she stood up and dusted herself off,

Since when was Annie Japanese?

“This is anime, so they must all be Japanese right?”

She’s Russian right? Either way “Since this is an anime I have to use Japanese honorifics.”

Ymir nodded in agreement while everyone else had horrified looks.

Everyone should take a page from Ymir’s book and not give a fuck. Remind me again why anyone cares for the Stu?

Maybe he was a fun person at camp?

Because he is “Author-Avatar-san”. He is loved by all.

" But what I want to know is why Mikasa took off." Sasha said as she wiped a tear away.

Where were you, Sasha? Weren’t you right there when the Stu revealed that Eren was eaten?

She was busy eating bread and taters.

In her defense, who doesn’t like bread and potatoes? They are significantly more interesting than this drivel.

DAMN.

Mikasa herself answered While (LOWERCASE) she wiped he small tears away. " Jacob...he told he and Armin saw a Titan eat Eren." This time everyone (minus Annie and Ymir) gasped. Connie stood up.

WHAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT WERE YOU ALL DOING? WHERE YOU ALL ENAMOURED BY PAINT DRYING OR SOMETHING? YOU WERE STANDING THERE. HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS ALREADY?

YAY FOR DRY PAINT!

" Now what?! HQ is overrun with Titans so we can't get gas! Jacob, who was one of the best trainees,

Of course he was, but we wouldn’t know that because it was never established in the story!

Sure, I can he would be a good Trainee… If he wasn’t such a damn Stu! WHY THE FUCK DOES HE NEED ABSURD SKILL!?

is dead along with Eren!

You know, just as a side note.

Cos I’m sure we all forgot Eren again.

We(APOSTROPHE)re all going to die!" The worried teen exclaimed.

Why must you test me so?

-Hands rum- Here, helps with headaches till the morning.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement seeing as this was true. Then Mikasa remembered that new rouge(SPACE)Titan she saw.

“Oh right, that thing seemed kind of important. I probably should have said something sooner, but for some reason, I needed to cry and sniffle over that Stu.”

“But I’m sure they’ll see eventually.”

" Wait... When I was cornered by a Titan a 15m class Titan came out of nowhere and KILLED the other Titan." She said. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Reiner spoke this time. " Don't be stupid Ackerman, Titans don't kill their own kind."

“-Despite the fact you’re probably one of the most trustworthy people here and the city is under attack. We just might have believed you if you weren’t infected with OOC syndrome.”

Sums that situation up nicely.

Annie nodded in agreement. Mikasa rolled her eyes and spoke again. " If we could lure this new Titan to the HQ we could use it to kill the other Titans. And if you don't believe me look behind yourselves." And just as she said that everyone turned around just in time to see the rouge Titan punch the head of another 15m Titan off.

This story gives me current traumatic stress disorder.

YAY~! -kicks stool and hangs again.-

Everyone looked surprised till Mikasa took off again, most regained their wits and followed her, leaving Armin and Connie.

And they didn’t leave because…?

Well so did Armin go with the them or is he still being a bitch?

" Come on Armin, lets help the others with Mikasa's plan." Connie said, as he helped the still shocked blonde up as they looked down at Jacob's now missing gear. ' Mikasa must of picked it up.' Connie thought as he and Armin followed the others to carry out Mikasa's idea.

Well, that was pointless.

(ʘ‿ʘ) I really want to burn this.

Just as they had all left, the very same Titan that ate Jacob appeared, but something was off... It's smile was some(THIS IS ONE WORD, JACKASS)how a frown.

Simultaneously. A smiling frown if you will. Otherwise known as an oxymoron.

Herpaderp! Look at me creating impossible expressions!

Then there was a deep, primal and beastial (BESTIAL) growl, but it wasn't the Titan.

It’s okay. I’m fine. I can handle this. I swear.

Oh god… Here we go again.

Then all of a sudden the Titan exploded as something ripped it's (ITS. THE WORD YOU WANT IS ITS) way out of it's (ITS, AS IN POSSESSIVE PRONOUN NOT IT IS) stomach.

It’s a-me, Hercules~.

Once the Titan's blood stopped falling from the skies (COMMA) a very strange creature roared into the skies, the roar was loud, primal and sounded like a Grizzly Bear's roar mixed with a wolves howling.

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT.

BURN IT WITH FIRE!

The creature was fifteen meters tall, it had a wolf-like head with two very large canines poking out from it's (ITS) lips. It's body was muscular and man like, but it was covered in shaggy jet black fur, the arms came down to it's (ITS. ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER)waist, but the hands were not man like. They had a due claw instead of a thumb, meaning the four finger like toes had to do the gripping, each of which had razor sharp claws that were two feet in length. The creature's legs were like a dog's hind legs, the feet were large paws with claws, (AND) there was no tail. But what stood out was (WERE, UNLESS THIS SON OF A BITCH WAS A CYCLOPS) the monster's eyes.

It was almost as if the monster was saying “Do it now, kill me. Come on, kill me. I’m right here. Kill me now.”

It’s hands stop at its waist? BWAAHAHAHAHHA! IT HAS BABY ARMS!

Can anybody say wannabe werewolf?

The right one was a deep blue with a round pupil and glowed while the left was a bright glowing yellow with a slit pupil.

Wait a minute. I recognize those angsty-borderline-constipated looks! Y’know, with a slit pupil…

Shouldn’t that say slight? Like in his bio?

Nope because who needs consistency?

The monster roared again as it dropped to all fours and charged towards a large group of Titans, a group that was in front of 104th Trainees Squad.

Let’s just do a mic check here.

Wow, that must have been some high quality paint watching if they didn’t notice titans approaching.

Or if they didn’t hear this thing roar twice.

As the wolf-like creature got closer the pounding of it's (ITS. USE THE SPELLCHECK) paws on solid ground got louder, this in turn caused Connie to look back. His entire face became a ghost white.

Becoming a ghost is your only way out.

Cos he’s Danny Phantom.

Oh, so I guess this hand grenade won’t work then?

Don’t waste our last grenade dammit.

The flamethrower then?

Y’all are running my joke into the ground.

He shouted out in horror. " WHAT THE FUCKING HELL THAT THING!?"

“WHY AREN’T WE KILLING IT?!”

PLOT CONVINCE!

This fic is painful to read.

At Connie's shout everyone else looked back as the creature bounded up to them, then past them, then right into the group of 15m Titans, and there at least six of them.

“Oh shit. Did you guys notice that? I didn’t.”

“Did you guys remember those roars we heard? No? Okay!”

EVERYONE

MORE UNNECESSARY EMPHASIS

YAY~!

was shocked to see the furry beast lunge past them and into a group of Titans of the same size. But were more shocked to see it land on it's (ITS) hind legs and stand upright like a human. The trainees stopped and landed on a nearby roof.

“Hang on a second! Let’s take a selfie!”

“Duck faces everyone!”

" Someone answer me! What IS that THING!?" Connie yelled at the others. Ymir looked over at the creature and stated the most obvious thing.

Relax, Connie. If you keep asking questions like that, you all just might have to do your job.

Lord forbid we actually use our training and get in Stu Wolf’s way.

So we’re just going to stand around and stare like a dead fish….?

" Well obviously it's a giant wolf." Pretty much everyone sighed at the statement.

It’s clear that literally no one cares enough to do anything besides state the obvious.

-bashes head in wall-

" We can see that, Ymir." Reiner said.

“Still not doing anything about it though.”

Mikasa looked over the Titans and wolf-beast. The monster had it'(NO APOSTROPHE)s jaws on a Titan's throat out, ripping it out before swiping it's (ITS. OTHERWISE YOU’RE SAYING IT IS) claws across the Titan's nape, killing it. Then another Titan bit into the creature's shoulder. The result was a pain filled roar, which drew the attention of a new comer. The Wolf turned around and tore into the attacking Titan. A new sound filled the air as the Rouge Titan, the one that saved Mikasa, jumped over the building with the trainees on it and onto another Titan, punching it's (ITS FOR FUCK’S SAKE) head off in the process. The wolf creature lifted it's (ITS *RAGE*) head up it's (ITS. SILENCE! I KILL YOU) kill, it was eating a dead Titan, to stare at the new comer.

So Mikasa, didn’t you have a plan or something? Does your plan involve sitting and staring as the plot progresses in front of you?

How can you eat a Titan if their body’s literally starts decaying right after death?

Both wolf creature and Titan had a small stare down. (COMMA, NOT PERIOD) Which then ended as they both went to killing the Titans.

“HAHA, GLAD THAT’S OVER. KILL YOU SOME OTHER TIME, GARY STU.”

“NICE MEETING YOU BUDDY!” Is only what I imagine they said.

(Mikasa's POV) I stared at the gory and brutal battle in front of me and the others.

“I have become quite skilled at this.”

“I should start a business.”

Connie was shaking, Armin pretty much almost entered a shock induced coma and everyone else were (WAS) either shocked or scared for their lives.

“Seriously, we’re just as lazy as this writing.”

Yes watching a bunch of creatures being brutally murdered could be scarring. BUT YOU ARE TRAINED FOR THIS! TAKE ACTION!

A shock induced coma? You could just say, oh I don’t know, PASSED OUT.

I turned back when I saw the large monster wolf start to eat a dead Titan like it hadn't eaten in a month. I look at the others.

“Hey, do guys wanna go grab some burgers or something?”

Again, you can’t eating a body that decays rapidly.

" We can't stay here, we need to get out of here while they kill the last Titan! C'mon!" With that I took off with the others in tow. Behind us I could hear the wolf's monstrous roar and the Rouge (ROGUE) Titan's screaming/roaring.

Quickly now! Run with your tail between your legs!

Okay, this is really hurting my brain.

The eye's (EYES) of that giant wolf thing looked so familiar... But I can't put a thumb on it.

“Weird, it’s almost like that angsty loser that got eaten earlier. I hope he doesn’t come back in some convoluted werewolf-wish-fulfillment that has absolutely no place in this world…”

*coughs*readahead!*coughs*

(Nobody's POV)

Nobody is the best character. Oh yes, they are the best.

As the trainees left, the last 15m Titan was killed by the Rouge (ROGUE. SPELL CHECK MOTHERFUCKER) Titan. The large wolf then dropped to all fours and ran off towards HQ, which had many Titans around it. The Rouge followed, but it wanted to also kill the large wolf monster as well.

“NO HARD FEELING BRO, BUT I’M GONNA KILL YOU AFTERWARDS.”

“NAH MAN THAT’S OKAY!

Time Skip: After All the Titans inside and outside HQ are killed.

Wolf beast and Titan, both fifteen meters tall, both deadly...both had kill in their eyes.

You might want to rinse out your eyes before they get infected. On second thought, don’t.

Too late! -rips eyes out and dips them in bleach-

Then in a powerful lungeing (LUNGING) punch the Rouge (ROGUE YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE TECHNOLOGY. USE IT) had knocked the Wolf down, then the Rouge jumped onto the Wolf's chest before repeatedly punching it's chest and head. This in turned angered the creature a(TWO SEPARATE WORDS)lot M(LOWERCASE)ore then(THAN) it already was.

FINISH HIM.

K-K-K-KOMBO BREAKER

In a stroke of seconds

It was a backstroke to get away from this trash.

In a stroke of seconds Stu was finished with his bush.

the Wolf had turned the tables by using it's powerful hind legs to kick the Titan in the gut, causing said Titan to be thrown off and into the side of HQ, this caused the Trainees and some Garrison cadets to stumble in their places and some rubble to fall down to the Wolf roared it's Grizzly Bear/Wolf howl roar, this caused a few 10m Titans run out all directions and to attack both the Rouge and Wolf, both were throwing Titans at the other or trying to hit the other with a dead Titan.

(Coffee.exe has stopped working.)

Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?

Don’t waste dammit.

Soon the smaller Titans were dead or thrown away like broken toys. The rest of the fight lasted ten minutes as Titan and giant mammal brutally attacked the other. Large bodies slammed into each(SEPARATE WORDS)other. Body parts were lost and teeth knocked out of jaws. Bones were broken.

Cos y’know, can’t have a fight without extensive damage.

What’s a description?

The Rouge was missing it's (ITSITSITSITSITSITS) left arm from the elbow and down and it's face was badly damaged, there were dozens of deep claw marks all over the Titan's muscular body.

All this isn’t needed.

Too much detail on literally everything that isn’t important.

The Wolf was missing it's (ITS MOTHERFUCKER) whole right arm, its

left eye and a few teeth. Hell it was missing some patches of it's (ITS, I THOUGHT WE MADE PROGRESS, GOD DAMMIT) jet black fur. There were some broken bones within the beast's body.

Seriously, stop.

Yeesh, stop. We get it already.

You just love prattling on and on don’t you?

Both were on their knees and panting heavily... Soon they both fell forwards. As soon as they hit the ground steam rose from both monsters. Soon there was a large cloud of steam.(COMMA) Hiding the large bodies.

FINALLY!

YES! DEAD, JUST THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!

Our prayers have been answered!

Everyone on HQ's roof stared in disbelief.

They quickly went back to doing nothing.

Yay, more painting drying!

They just saw the two monsters that helped them fight against their enemy fall down after both gained severe injuries. Mikasa's eyes widened when the steam cleared just enough to reveal the large bodies were halfway decaying with flesh still on the head and shoulders. But on the napes of both necks were two 'lumps'

I hope those lumps aren’t more cancer.

It is cancer. Stu cancer.

I’ll get the chemo ready.

The 'lumps' moved and tore as two human's (HUMANS) emerged halfway from the napes of the necks. Everyone in 104th Trainees Group knew who the people were.

Cos the Trainees can see that far clearly.

They have suddenly become more aware of their surrounds as soon as the action was over.

Eren Yeager and Jacob Patrick II, the supposed dead trainees.

Couldn’t just have stayed dead.

Tbh, I hate both of them. Stu’s just worse for being a damn OP copy of Angry german.

At least there isn’t more of the OC running around.

Mikasa jumped off the roof and ran towards Eren's semi-conscious body. " EREN!" She cried as she removed him from the nape fully and held him. Mean(ONE COMPLETE WORD ASSHOLE)while everyone turned and looked to see that Jacob was fully conscious and fully out of the nape.

Who gives a fuck about Eren? The Stu true main character is alive.

Whose Eren? The Angry German?

His already pale skin was even paler, like he was drained of life.

Eren, you would have been spared from this atrocity if you had died.

The Stu allows no deaths. o,,,,,o

But his eyes shone bright before they closed and he fell unconscious and almost face first into the pavement if he wasn't caught by Mikasa, who had Eren over her shoulder.

“Oh no, the Stu that I care about for some reason, even though Eren has always been my first priority and I really have no valid reason to care about the Stu in the first place.”

The one time Mikasa didn’t forget Eren was just to sling him over her shoulder like a dirty towel.

" JACOB!" She screamed, tears fell from her eyes more then (Than) they did when she saw Eren's body.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU DIE?”

“FOR THE PLOT BABY!”

Everyone on the roof had shocked faces... They just couldn't believe it... Jacob and Eren... both were monsters

The Stu more so. All the more reason to shoot on sight.

OH NO! Cos it wasn’t obvious Jacob was the wolf!

. (CAPITAL LETTER) one was what their enemy was and the other a very large canine monster. Only Mikasa was crying as she held both males close to her, one certain multi-color eyed boy had one final thought, seeing as she was holding them close to her chest, his head right one her...*coughs*..assests (ASSETS)..*coughs*.

Her financial assets.

PLOT TWIST, those weren’t Mikasa’s breasts. They were Armin’s.

PLOT TWIST! They were Bertolt’s sweet buttocks.

'Score...'

 Those were his final thoughts before he was smothered to death.

Everyone wants to die by them tig ol’ bitties.

____________________________________________________________ PHEW! That was the longest time I've ever spent on a chapter. Well, I'll see you all next time I update. JA NI!

(◡‿◡✿) You lying piece of shit. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS JA NI, YOU WEEABOO PIECE OF SHIT!

CONCLUSION

Lazy writing riddled with easy-to-spot errors, author avatar, reduction of major cast to lazy eggs, and a terrible case of OOC for all involved but easy to make fun of; I give this a 2/10.

I give this a 2/10 for lazy writing, spelling errors and putting the original cast completely out of character as well as putting a shipping where one shouldn’t exist.

Personally...I wouldn’t rate this at all, but seeing as it’s a three year old story, 0.5/10. Why? Because it shat on werewolves, AOT fans, and the anime itself.

 Well, that was fun. Let’s never tackle this again. Agreed?

This story is pretty terrible, so I can agree that we should not tackle any more of this. There are more chapters though so I say light it on fire.

Yeah I’m not doing this hell again. ONTO THE NEXT STORY DAMMIT! We need more drinks again. Tea forgot to bring the rum. ಠ╭╮ಠ

 -Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb