#anyway! still send in lots of asks and propaganda! i just might be slow to answer but I love them!!

[myfaveisfuckable]

So I'll be going on a road trip in about a week, and it's through some pretty spotty areas reception wise, so the next round will post fine and I'll be here, but the round after that I might not be as present- it depends on how well my phone does lol

I just wanted to let everyone know! I'll do my best to not let it affect the tournament too much

[piracytheorist]

character ask: yuri, please ☺

First impression: He was not immune to propaganda 😔 he's young, maybe he's got potential to get better.

Impression now: Ok he's funny at least. I'm still very wary of him but he does have his moments.

Favorite moment: I think when he was teaching Anya. While he might not have intended to actually care for Anya's studies, it was really nice to see how he handled her making a mistake. He said that it's okay that she made a mistake, and just had to understand how to do it right. That's a really kind teaching method to approach kids, especially young ones. It shows he knows how to handle kids and how to be kind to them (and he even did it better than Loid did at the start, lol)

Idea for a story: I'm just gonna copy-paste my idea from my post about Loid: Twilight has disguised himself as Yuri because for Reasons he has to infiltrate the SSS offices, but then for some reason the actual Yuri appears there too. “Yuri” and Yuri fight, and an incompetent officer finds them, aiming his gun at them. Twilight is silent, but Yuri tries to convince the guy that’s he’s the real Yuri and he should shoot the fake one. The guy says that “Only a spy would act like that” and shoots. While that happens, within a split second Twilight thinks “I have to let him die. I have to get out of here. I have to let him die.” But he just cannot do that because he knows how much it would devastate Yor to lose her brother… so he pushes him out of the way and takes the bullet instead. Maybe not anywhere too dangerous, like his arm or something. But it’s enough to slow him down as he tries to escape, and he’s finally caught while still wearing the mask with Yuri’s face. You can imagine Yuri’s shock and horror when he realizes it’s “Loi-Loi”, who is a spy and tried to infiltrate the offices and also saved his fucking life. Because as many lies as Loid has said, Yuri has now absolute proof that this man really does love his sister. I think it would fucking break him, especially once the SSS starts torturing Loid. His belief that Westalis is the enemy and anyone from it wants to destroy the country his sister lives in, versus the proof that a Westalian spy cares so much for said sister that he preferred to be arrested and tortured if it meant Yor wouldn't lose Yuri. Maybe it could be the proof he needed to abandon what he's been doing all along.

Unpopular opinion: I don't know where the icky headcanons about him being actually in love with Yor came from, but I genuinely don't think he has any intention of taking things there with his sister. Yes he is super obsessed and devoted and overprotective of her, but I don't understand how people see that and think "Oh he must wanna *** her". I mean, no, I do understand, we do live in a world that's very sex-obsessed but very sexually repressed at the same time, and thus people can reach such wacky conclusions.

Anyway, someone on tumblr said at some point that the only reason Yuri is suspicious of Loid is not because he married Yor, but because Yor didn't tell him for an entire year about their marriage, and it's understandable how that would sit very wrong with Yuri. The fact that Yuri is also jealous of Anya because she spends all day with Yor proves that all Yuri wants is to spend more time with his sister. A lot little obsessed and overprotective, yeah. Icky, I don't think so.

Favorite relationship: Honestly, I'd say with Anya. I want them to spend more time together so that she can bring out his soft and/or playful side. Everyone deserves a bit of Anya in their lives.

Favorite headcanon: I think it's actually canon from when he helped Anya study but I believe he speaks at least one foreign language fluently. For their time period that's actually pretty impressive.

Send me a character!

[genderfluidkevinday]

genderfluid kevin day headcanons bc i can do what i want and also i have the perfect url to spread my “please representation” propaganda. 

“how did you know?”

because in the quiet of nights when kevin is supposed to be asleep but he cant, not really, when his heart is still pounding from practice and every breath riko makes him terrified of being caught, he reads what he stole from the public library and it says sometimes people do not fit into the gender they were assigned and

because by sneaking searches on the internet when he can, kevin finds words. dangerous, un-raven-like words for how to love someone and how to be yourself. he finds words that mean you are not alone. 

because he wakes up one day and demands to be the queen of exy, to be seen as what he is. the best. more powerful than the king. (not entirely cisgender?)

because it feels right. 

because in the quiet between exy and family, kevin day has the time and the love to have the quiet understanding that this is who kevin day is. 

it’s kinda a shitty realization process to go through- kevin starts questioning in the ravens, then immediately goes “No TM !” and internalizes all those feelings 

kevin internalizes All the feelings, always ! compartmentalizing!

bisexuality? put it in a box!

gender identity? put it in a box!

feeling crushing inferiority? put it in a box!

mom died tragically? put it in a box!

ur dad isnt here? put it-

jesus fuck these headcanons were supposed to be happy and it got SO derailed 2 points in

anyways 

post canon, kevin starts to become more comfortable w every aspect of himself, and finally takes the time to have a gender crisis

and then, immediately, decides it was all ridiculous and he was actually a cisgender all along !

he does the dumb thing i did. which is spend about a month going “lmao i’m cis but i wish i wasn’t, i don’t need a gender!” while badly ignoring his gender crisis

it’s renee who finally helps kevin out a little

kevin, dumbass: pfft, gender is stupid, but i’m cis so whatever! renee, nb lesbian icon: are you sure? kevin, having a crisis:

renee actually sends kevin a bunch of links to pages that have lots of words, and “what gender are you” quizes, and dumb memes about being trans/nonbinary and it shouldn’t help as much as it does. 

renee is the first person kevin quietly texts at like, 2 am, and goes, “uh, can you use they, i think?”

her response is, obviously, “of course!”

so they’re like, pretty sure they’re not cis, but they bounce around labels for about a week before they end up settling on genderfluid. 

sometimes kevin day is a boy, with loud opinions and soft hands. sometimes kevin day is a girl, with messy hair and a bright smile. sometimes kevin day is neither, with clumsy limbs and determined eyes

(however- kevin day can always outclass any striker on a court.) 

it just feels right, in a way nothing else did. 

theyre like,,, super nervous about coming out, like, they can’t even come up with the courage to tell their dad they’re bi, how the fuck are they gonna end up telling anyone else? solution! don’t.

except kevin is becoming more comfortable with every aspect of themself, and being casually bisexual around the foxes (nicky makes one too many jokes about kevin’s “”hetero guy crush”” on jeremy and they end up snapping “bitch i’m bi there’s nothing hetero about it.” and nicky is immediately like !!!!!!!!!!!!!) (but thats another post)

so kevin, with the growing comfort that yes, you can be non-heterosexual and non-cisgender and still be fucking amazing at exy, they start to come out

it’s a slow process because when they tried to do it all at once, they got tongue tied and just walked away without saying anything. so they end up doing it individually. 

allison first (because renee can be there and give support AND bc allison is also A Trans), and kevin whispers, “so, I’m genderfluid.”

allison, casually: what are your pronouns? kevin: she/her. i’m a girl today. allison, with all the softness of someone who has been there: do you want me to do your makeup? kevin, with all the softness of someone who’s new to this: maybe one day.

after allison is andrew+neil, because they spend so much time together at night practice it’s inevitable it comes up

and by that i mean kevin screams halfway through night practice “THIS IS GENDERFLUIDPHOBIA” because andrew keeps blocking her shots. 

andrew flips her off.

neil asks if thats an actual term.

kevin says to fuck off and keep practicing.

next is wymack. 

oh boy. 

so kevin isn’t even sure how to be a good son- she has no idea how to go about being a good daughter. she has no clue how to be a good child. 

she doesn’t know if wymack even wants that.

but she goes to him after practice and he snaps, “what is it?” in a voice thats maybe a little less gruff than usual

and she says, “i’m genderfluid.”

he stares at her for a while.

she continues, “i’m a girl today, actually, and i just thought you should know.”

wymack asks, “you’ll tell me when it changes, right?”

kevin nods and leaves. 

its a start.

telling jean feels like a really big deal, but in hindsight its about fifteen minutes of bad puns that follow an awkwardly worded coming out. 

kevin: so like... guys right jean: yes? kevin: what if... i wasn’t one jean: are you trying to come out to me? kevin: is it working?

the rest of the monsters follows after that- aaron obviously doesnt understand, but he doesnt say anything rude. (he looks into it later). nicky, immediately, takes a supportive role.

nicky: I’M GONNA STAPLE A GENDERFLUID FLAG TO MY FACE THATS HOW MUCH I SUPPORT YOU kevin, softly: please don’t how would you play exy.

matt and dan get a less official coming out, because kevin isn’t sure how to be friends with them at all. but they manage a “so, i’m not a guy, actually, i’m genderfluid, and right now i don’t have a gender.”

dan gives them a set of pronoun bracelets for their birthday and matt gives them a book about the history of the nonbinary community and yeah, maybe this is how to be friends.

the baby foxes don’t get to find out. kevin doesn’t trust them as much, and isn’t ready to be... out out. 

kevin has absolutely no desire to change their name, at all.

kevin: why would i change my name i’m an ICON.

WAIT i lied,,, they change their middle name to kayleigh. 

the first time kevin gets invited to a girls night, she cries

its a surprise, which is hard to plan- girls nights are always on tuesdays, so they have to wait for a tuesday where kevin is free and feels like a girl

renee casually mentions that they have a history book that kevin might like, so she should come pick it up

and then in the dorm, dan and allison are setting up a movie and popcorn and renee is getting her nails painted. dan waves kevin over and tells her to pick a movie, allison tells her to pick out a nail polish, and renee actually does have a history book for her.

kevin finally accepts a make over from allison. 

she cries like five times that night and tries to brush it off as nothing but... kevin can finally exist in a space, and feel welcome, and also feel... wanted.

it’s a good feeling

kevin, wearing a crop top with the genderfluid flag on it, painting renee’s nails as they watch the trojans game: lmao can you imagine thinking i was cis? what was i thinking? i was so dumb lol.  renee, sweetly: no it was a perfectly normal reaction to being raised in a cisnormative society, and i’m very proud of you for figuring out that it wasn’t right for you kevin: dammit renee why do you have to be so kind and supportive just let me make jokes about my moron-ness in PEACE 

kevin day is the fucking QUEEN of exy !!!!!!! she’s better than you and you know it. 

each and every day kevin day hears misogonistic comments towards female exy players and each and every day kevin day wants to scream B I T C H in their face

he wanted to do this even before he figured out he was genderfluid bc kevin day drank respect women juice before realizing he was also drinking sometimes i am women juice

kevin actually 100% hates dresses a lot bc they can never find any that are a good texture and its Sensory Hell, and also you cant play exy in them?? what the fuck??? 

they end up liking crop tops and short shorts, and a few kinds of makeup, but skirts and dresses are dumb and itchy actually 

kevin goes on an impassioned rant about this at LEAST once a month

you know that really good feeling when you wake up one day and you realize you’re happier knowing who you are and maybe it’s rough and maybe it’s not perfect but you get to know who you are and your friends respect and love you for who you are and you start to realize you love knowing you too????????

yeah.

kevin day is genderfluid and this is my hill to die on thank you and good night

[hanzi83]

Next Level of Instilling Paranoia

I think the harassment has been taken to a new level with me. First I could just be dismissed as being crazy, which surely I will be labeled again. The cold and callous will post this on a sub reddit dedicated to me to further ensure I will be instilled with more paranoia, and even with something I have seen with my own eyes right now is making it a lot clearer than people in powerful positions are hacking my stuff. Maybe I am not as alarmed because I always have suspected that every tablet, every phone, every computer is tapped and I am always being monitored. Before people accuse me of being this deluded to think I am this important like the usual diatribe I am met with, I know everyone else is also monitored but some people willingly help the system because they are being blackmailed or paid. I was checking my facebook public page where trolls are attacking me, and normally seems these trolls are on meth and that is what is used to bribe them into harassing me because the comments are so random and so non imaginative. If someone is being mean to me and I know these people are paid to do this, I will stoop to their level in name calling because I know this particular people are sent to fuck with my head. I noticed comments left from me, and it was not on my actual public page but rather my personal page sending those messages. I did not post those messages, and even with me changing my password, these people will still have access and they will not stop.

It feels like I did not give in to their plan, that I suspected these soulless assholes to have, of killing myself from the constant reminder they are watching me, and even if that is a lie, it is at most cohesion to make an effort to instill paranoia and payback for even daring to attract some kind of audience, and talking about the people in position of power and since they dismiss me for being a mentally ill momma’s boy in the basement who is spewing conspiracies, but when I use my mental illness, it becomes me using it as a crutch when I am using it to my advantage since it is true. No one in their right mind could fake being this mentally ill, and while I am never proud of going off in a fit of rage and saying whatever is disrespectful because I am longing for the day I never have to be here anymore, but now that I have not killed myself or attempted to, even though there have been days the last few months where I have been going off and been more transparent about not wanting to endure all of this mental torture, that most people will not see from their view, or people who have purposely blocked the view because I am not a priority in this planet, so now they hacked my phone and make it transparent about it because it dawns on me that this is 100 percent and there is nothing I can do to change it.

I could contact facebook but they are probably run by the alt right types and they allow some of the most fucked up people on these platforms. It could be numerous people and I can throw shade at a lot of people in my life who I think would do this because a lot of them have ties to government types, some of them are part of IT and probably get paid to troll me, it could be Stern Show related since I had Wendy the Slow Adult on, and ask her questions about how Howard is not helping her, because it would be insane for someone who just offered help to Kathy Lee Gifford could help someone he exploited for entertainment and replay it nonstop for several years and then when he decides he wants all the money he could give a fuck about them, so when I bring light to that a little more, it could piss off the wrong people.

There are the usual people who have dedicated a sub reddit to me and create rumors about me nonstop, like me transitioning into a woman and wanting to darken my skin, me and some other Stern Show associate are gay together etc  or that I beat up a gay couple or that I have weapons, which I don’t and don’t plan on having access to, and try to make me out to be more extreme than I am, and fail to mention how people are dedicated to watching me and instilling paranoia and fear and if I dare snap back and get mean with them, because these people are designed to be non caring and unsympathetic individuals then they make it out to be like I am the one being an asshole like I am not being provoked. One guy I suspect is that youtuber who did the Stern imitation and since he has lost his crew and got banned as his regular name, then went the basketball route, which failed because he was copying others work without any credit, and now he became a reddit story guy who does youtube videos, and since he has been exposed by that community and doing his usual tricks of doing live streams where he sets up how he is the victim in all of this, even though he is not a victim by any stretch. He always takes from Stern in that, because people who have been the biggest bullies on the planet make it seem like they are the ones being bullied. “Don’t you do that Hanzi?” Yeah and I still think I am a victim, but what does it matter, no one believes me anyways? How many tweets, blogs, videos etc have I done ad nauseam where I say the same shit, and stuttering like a fucking jerk off and nothing has been investigated. This person who I suspect has been behind it has really tried to get me to kill myself and because I did not know who he truly was, which conveniently got put out there after months of me not wanting to be part of his show, and cosigning it, he has had a vendetta and in the process of him getting exposed by his new community and still being able to convince people he is the victim, he and others associated with him are still torturing me.

I have also been vocal about the WWE and their supposed gangster ways which I theorize because I have no facts to back me up on that matter, but it could be their trolls who also have decided to fuck with me and have held a grudge for me calling them out for shilling for the company. I have made a plethora of enemies and every one of them will continue to hate my guts. I bet if I post this on facebook, there is a good chance this might be deleted and maybe by bringing light to it they might back off but why would they back off, if no one is ever going to call out Howard Stern because it is not convenient enough. I sure as hell can’t expect any leftist to have my back, or maybe they do in spirit, but maybe because I think their voice is limited with what can be said even though it is much more than what is being said mainstream, but maybe because I call that out, why would they want to help me or expose this. They might have hints on their podcast about how people can be framed by a crime or made to look like they are crazy but nothing will ever be done.

I frankly don’t like to be here because I really feel like I am living in an episode of twilight zone but it is a never ending story of the main character bitching and no one even caring because he has burned every bridge and the people in charge no letting me die is too easy for me because it is what I want the most, and to never be seen since I am never going to be respected. I have not earned respect and the people in the system, as a collective, even though presented as individual opinion, will carry the narrative of me being entitled and a cry baby for knowing my value, even though the system tries their best to devalue you to everyone else in the world and never fill you in on the hidden rules that people will never know exist and continually have a limited view on what is transpiring. People are going to keep fucking with me. I know people in my life hate my guts and I will never trust a soul on this planet. I am in so much mental pain and I realize bitching about incessantly is not the answer, but it is better than drugging myself and boozing myself like the predecessors in the game who took what their masters served them and then continued an age of ignorance and propaganda and then further continue this propaganda by making it seem any type of leftist mentality is the problem and conflate it with the centrist mentality where systemically they support racism, homophobia and misogyny that they ingrained into most of us by making it seem fighting the system is the right to say those things and carry those attitudes. So if I have to write down my thoughts, and as boring as it gets because it is the same fucking episode over and over, it lacks substance and I have been so bombarded with nonstop thoughts and not being able to retain everything or comprehend everything I have become inept and just am counting down the clock of when I am allowed to just die because I will never belong here.

I have to continue living for some reason but these people are so dangerous and so full of vengeance towards me they will stop at nothing to be the cause of a failed attempt at suicide because they never let me succeed to begin with, and they surely would not let me succeed in suicide, they would make sure to keep me alive but under their custody because they can then abuse me even more and no one will say anything. It will be too late before any independent media outlet will ever call out Stern, barely anyone does and if they do, they do it for old material in his show which does not age well in today’s more politically correct times, but not the actual propaganda he was paid to spread and the evil things he has done to protect his spot, and it hurts so much because even I feel like my friends and loved ones have been recruited and it hurts me every time I wake up to realize people who I thought were strong willed would compromise their soul just to be included with the elite type and get advanced screenings, free tickets, access to industry sold pussy, that we cannot expose because we are creating a fake woman empowerment in the mainstream so implying that the world is run by sex etc, it would be a mansplaining type of moment from an “incel” in his mother’s basement. Even more reason to just be left for dead. I don’t belong here.

I really will never have any help and it is okay. These people will continue to do evil shit over and over and as much as writing the same shit in more mediocre ways for each blog I continue to write, I will choose that instead of doing anything to anyone or myself but please anyone in the system who claims to be good, if you read this don’t pimp out my name for your podcast or website if something happens to me and I know you won’t listen, because you won’t listen now, so when push comes to shove and something does inevitably happens to me, you will have no shame and fucking cover it and pretend to act shocked that this could have happened. These people will eventually have to kill me, they already have me on many government lists so they can justify keeping an eye on me because they can say my conspiracies are a danger to the population and I will end up doing something to someone and the only way that could happen was if they made me MK Ultra and do something. One day Howard Stern will be exposed for the piece of shit he is, and same with Vince McMahon and whoever else they recruited to fuck with other people when they speak out too much. I know people I know personally will be absolved from any wrongdoing because they were probably blackmailed or bribed and then when it becomes convenient they can pretend they were on my side the entire time.

I will never be free mentally and every single day I regret waking up to any of this and I wish I was seriously aborted. I really never did belong on this planet and I will beat that shitty drum forever. You take pleasure in my misery and taking bets in your discord serve about my self destruction and they do this with everyone else they monitor in the system, Again it is all my opinion and my mental illness that you will never take seriously because even some of these supposed independent types have sold out and have become more corporate and are actual Stern fans so they will never expose a Zionist because then you will be labeled an anti Semite. Fuck this planet forever. I will continue to wish my misery will be put to an end, I better stop writing this blog because I am just repeating myself even more than usual, and this is what happens when your head has been consumed with the possibilities of the secrecy and then having to worry about memorizing names, and retaining more valuable information that I have to just analyze this world like it is a wrestling storyline and even that has been taken from me from other people.

I can’t wait until someone in the wrestling world steals more of my thoughts from my blogs but will never have the balls to admit they were in any way influenced by anything I write but the point is I am being hacked and there is nothing I can do to stop it because it could be literally anyone helping them. Is this just a way to get me off of facebook completely since it is turning to shit? I wonder what they will fucking do next but it is going to get worse and it is probably going to really hammer home my mental illness and because I am not forgiving to those who partook in making me feel like shit they will then show how vindictive they are and the best part is they will never have to answer to any of this shit until they see it convenient to make it known but then these same people want to make some kind of peace and since I am holding a grudge against people who I think have made my days worse and really made me regret waking up and just to be hurtful toward me, where I have to be hurtful back, these people will continue to hold a grudge against me and will keep putting their steel boots to my neck until I give in and accept them for doing what they have done because I am sure it is just business but to me when you try to it known that I am being profited off of and being pimped out for others to make money and then instill fear into me about knowing my every move and posting my blogs before I even post them on tumblr. I don’t take kindly to that. I am getting bored with even writing this shitty blog because I have said all of this before and these people know I am limited with my vernacular so there is only so much I can express and nothing happens so then I will have no choice but to attempt suicide.