#anything can be a crack fic if you disregard canon enough
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Sometimes I just sit and think about Palace of the Four Sword angst and how interesting the implications are.
And sometimes I wonder why we don't crack fic it up because Legend would be losing his damn mind, the Chain would be immensely concerned, and Four would be wondering if that one magic training trial messed with Legend a bit too much.
Either that or: Legend you obviously need to try the training again. Here I'll split for you and you can fight all four of me and Legend, why are you running away while screeching like a pterodactyl?
#linkeduniverse#linked universe#palace of the four sword#it doesn't have to just be angsty#anything can be a crack fic if you disregard canon enough
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fic writing ask game: 4 and 13!!
Hello!
4. Link your three favorite fics right now.
Assuming that their wording here was meant like "your three favorite fics currently" and not a demand to link "your three favorite fics ever right this minute," here are a few I've been returning to lately! (I've really had Steve accidentally getting his feelings crushed/revealing fucked up coping mechanisms on the brain, so there's a theme!)
perfectly misaligned by @emchant3d Honestly, I adore em's version of Steve and Eddie and anything by them is going to get a rec from me, but this one is a particular favorite. Draws the tension out just long enough that the comfort feels thoroughly earned once we crack Steve like an emotional egg <3
Still So Much to Learn by @bonitabreezy I love this one because a) it speaks a bit to the fandom's casual disregard for Steve's canon style and interests and eloquently addresses how dismissing the things someone enjoys can be as harmful as dismissing the person themself, and b) such well-written hurt/comfort
the bitterness of an apology on the tongue by loverboysteve (I know they have a Tumblr but I can't remember what it is right now, if someone knows it, I'll link it!) I just. really enjoy reading about Steve having fucked up coping mechanisms he thinks are Perfectly Normal™ because this is the way it's always been, only for someone who cares about him to go "Steve, what the fuck" and then deal with the emotional fallout. I'm so glad we all seem to agree on this
13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?
So here's the thing. I have two settings when it comes to writing: strict outline, and "I know the ending, that's good enough." If I outline something, I have a lot of trouble deviating from it even when the story wants to pull naturally into what might be a better direction, so I feel like my writing is a lot better when it comes from the second method. Unfortunately, my memory isn't... as good as it used to be, so if I'm writing something a bit longer or with a lot of things happening at once that I want to keep track of, I need to outline it
On the other hand, this means that my outlines are really more like very rough first drafts. I can't just stick random words in there and hope I'll remember what they mean later, so I write down ideas and plot points in full, sometimes with dialogue attached. The only thing that might give someone a headache is the structure; I use that tiered bullet point feature in Word and indent things as the mood takes me. Trying to decipher my method of organization when I write it by hand might prove even more frustrating, but if you can get past that, you get a fairly complete story!
Fic Writer Ask Game
#devondespresso#thank you for sending this#I feel so crappy today and answering some questions was a very nice distraction <3#might be why it's a little long-winded though sorry D:#answers from solar
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i saw that your requests were open and i was wondering if you could possibly write gotham riddlebird where ed is spanked for being a little shit 👉👈 imo there simply aren't enough fics of that lmao
precious! i absolutely can because spanking is my most favouritest, so enjoy my complete disregard for canon and lust for these bbs so i hope this lil drabble is ok!! also thanks @ihavenosoul12 for discussing the necessary use of terms that really hype up Ed's obvious authority figure kink
Delicious Punishment, Nygmobblepot, word count: 543 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff
Ed was balanced, toes pressed down to the floor, over Oswald’s lap. His face, trying in vain to hide how eagerly he awaited the punishment to begin, was facing the floor, a wide smile spread across it, wrinkled at the corners of his mouth.
“Sometimes I think you behave like this in order to rile me up, Edward.”
Oswald slid two fingers under the band of Ed’s trousers and underwear, slowly slipping them down bast his rear, Ed lifting himself lightly to make it easier.
“As though you enjoy being punished for your actions. Because despite your status in my personal opinion, appearances must be kept.”
With Ed’s cheeks exposed, he removed the velvet and leather glove from his right hand, taking off the gemmed cufflink and rolling the pristine and crisp white sleeve of his shirt up to his elbow. He was making a show of it, an attempt to draw the suspense out. He soothed his palm along Edward’s cheeks, three circular motions on each one, as Ed’s body twitched on his lap, his long legs spread awkwardly on the floor behind him.
“So, do you have anything to say?”
“That would be nonsensical, don’t you think? To purposefully irritate someone, a friend no less, for personal gain?”
Oswald brought his hand down hard, his temper flaring up at Ed’s feigned ignorance at the manipulative way he encouraged the punishment. It was obvious to Oswald that there was a benefit for this in him, he had all the evidence. And that evidence was currently hardening in Ed’s trousers and pressing into Oswald’s thighs.
Knowing Ed’s predisposition to desire an authority figure, Oswald drew his hand back and delighted in his subordinate’s breath, hitching with anticipation for the hand to fall back down against him, delightful sting following. Sensing disappointment, he spoke.
“I feel an apology is in order, Edward, my friend.”
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re sorry, what?”
“I’m sorry…sir….Mister Penguin?”
The questioning tones were sweet, providing Oz his own satisfaction, a feeling of absolute power over the man on his lap. He brought his hand down again, flat against the cool and tight flesh, repeating the actions and caressing between slaps. He delighted in the submission in his friend, the quivering desire that fell upon his skin in goosebumps, hair raised. He could feel himself, his own body responding in kind.
Ed flinched, a small moan exiting his throat, dripping over his lips in pleasure and gratitude, as he felt Oswald’s cock stiffening into his stomach. He wriggled, biting down on his lips as Oswald’s palm made flat impact with him again, fingers digging into Ed’s ass when the contact was made, lips pursed and stifling an illicit groan.
“Can you promise to behave now, Edward?”
Edward only moaned lightly, his body squirming, ass raised and wiggling, desperate for Oswald’s touch.
“No more puzzles, Ed.”
“No more, sir.”
“No more riddles.”
“No, sir.”
“No more subtle hints at what you want. You are to be direct.”
Oswald’s hand made contact once more with Ed’s skin, cracking and tingling his hand at the impact. He withdrew it, admiring his work, a red blotch, lightly raised, formed on Ed’s willing flesh.
“So, my friend. What is it that you want?”
“Keep going, please...sir.”
#finnie writes#oswald x edward#riddler x penguin#riddlebird#nygmobblepot#riddler#the riddler#batman#edward nygma#edward nigma#edward nashton#gotham#gotham riddler#gotham pengpuin#oswald cobblepot
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Are you still taking prompts?
Cause if so, I'd love to see a time travel fic where post-canon WWX and LWJ get yeeted back into their younger bodies, and land just before the GC transfer. And Post-Canon WWX - who's had some years of being a part of a loving, supportive family, in a non-toxic, non-abusive environment; and therefore no longer has any misconceptions about how much the Jiangs were not his family - takes one look at JC lying there on the table in the cave after WQ knocked him out (and is now in the middle of prepping for surgery); and just goes, "LOL, yeah; nope.😆 Been there, done that; 10/10, would not recommend.😝 Hey, WQ - change of plans!😎"
(Except, you know, not written like crack. 😉)
Not necessary to include, but a fun idea:
JC gets dragged along to the past as well because he has WWX's GC; so whatever sent them back mistook him for part of WWX and brought him along.
So when he wakes up from the anaesthesia, he freaks out about not having a GC anymore. And WWX has this whole story ready to tell young JC about how, "Oops, sorry; you can't have a new GC after all" - but this is Post-Canon JC; so he knows about the transfer, and knows that this means that WWX decided not to do it again.
Which means he ends up screaming at WWX about, "How dare you not give me your GC!"
So WWX feels exactly zero sympathy.
(Before that happened he was maybe feeling a little bit bad for young JC; because that JC hadn't done anything too bad yet - but he already knew how it would turn out if he went through with it. And he was not giving up his chance to cultivate to immortality with his hubby; just so that JC could Feel Like A Real Man, and go on to murder his way through life again.)
What would be really, really great about this, is if WWX had brought JC to Qinghe or Gusu; or somewhere the other cultivation sects involved in the SSC had gathered, before JC woke up. Planning to leave him there where he would be safe. So when JC wakes up and starts screaming, everybody hears him.
And they're all like, "...WUT."🤤
"You expected him to do what?!?"😲😨😱
So instead of all the sympathy and compassion, etc, that he would have gotten over what happened at LP (that he probably did get the first time), or for losing his GC; basically the entire allied cultivation world as a whole is collectively side-eyeing him.
IDK; I just think it would be really funny.
But mainly, I just want to see WWX a few years post-canon; having the chance to do it all again, and choosing not to go through with the GC transfer. LWJ going with him is because the thought of post-canon LWJ losing his WWX makes me sad; and I want them to stay together. 😋
Post-Canon JC going back and getting stuck with the coreless body he deserved is just for my own catharsis.
(The rest of that idea is simply for the lulz.) 😉
(I decided not to include JC traveling back in time. Hope this works and satisfies you!)
“No, I don’t.” Wei Wuxian sees Wen Qing blink and stare at him while Wen Ning stills in the process of making Jiang Cheng comfortable.
“What?” Wen Qing asks but rethinks it immediately, “No, no need to answer that.” She starts packing away her instruments immediately like she’s glad that Wei Wuxian has changed his mind. He looks at her and feels aching fondness rise in his chest. She must be frustrated that he made her go through all of that trouble and yet she still chooses to move before he can change his mind again.
“What… are we going to tell Jiang-gongzi?” Wen Ning asks tentatively but Wei Wuxian notes the faint look of relief in the boy’s eyes.
“We’ll tell him the treatment wasn't possible,” He says, glancing at his… former shidi. It isn’t an easy decision to make, because he knows Jiang Cheng would suffer for it. A part of him feels like he’s being unnecessarily cruel by denying Jiang Cheng his core.
But he has already paid his debt and it cost countless people their lives. Jiang Cheng’s actions didn’t just lead to the death of the Wens. Lan Zhan had told him about the numerous ‘demonic cultivators’ Jiang Cheng had pursued relentlessly. Even his love wasn’t certain how many people died or were tormented to insanity because of Jiang Cheng’s persistence.
While Wei Wuxian doesn’t intend to let the situation get so out of hand, it is apparent that Jiang Cheng can’t be trusted with power.
He is worried about how Jiang Cheng would react. Wei Wuxian had promised him a core, after all. But whatever happens, a powerless Jiang Cheng is safer for everyone.
“We’ll tell him that rebuilding the core is impossible because Wen Zhuliu destroyed his meridians as well.”
“He has,” Wen Qing points out, “I was about to repair them.”
Wei Wuxian frowns, “And can you repair them still? Without transferring the core?” That would certainly help Jiang Cheng heal faster and accept some spiritual energy transfusions. Wen Qing looks at Jiang Cheng with a frown and nods.
“Wei-gongzi… what changed your mind?” Wen Ning asks as Wen Qing goes to work immediately. Wei Wuxian knows that if he has to help the Wens, he needs to tell them the truth. While Wen Ning would trust him and accept his explanation without too many questions, Wen Qing wouldn’t be so easy.
Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, getting his thoughts in order. When he opens them again, both of the Wens are looking at him with frowns.
He grins wryly and spreads his hands, "I have a tale for you, my dear friends."
-
Jin Guangyao needed to have his last 'hurrah'. He just couldn't leave them be, even as he died. Whatever he did, whatever tool he used, it sent a shockwave of Resentful Energy that would've killed them all.
As always, Wei Wuxian stepped forward to protect people. As always, Lan Wangji stepped forward to protect him.
Wei Wuxian gritted his teeth and changed his plan at the last moment. At first, he wanted to absorb the energy and channel it somewhere else. But with so many people just lingering instead of running, he needed a different solution.
His mind flashed, he saw Jiang Cheng, and decided.
A forbidden array formed.
-
"I needed something that would use up all of the Resentful Energy and protect everyone, including Lan Zhan."
"So, at the last moment and on the verge of dying, you chose something as improbable as time travel." Wen Qing deadpans. Wen Ning is looking at him with wide eyes. Strangely enough, both look like they believe him. Well, he did mention a few things, personal incidents, that he had no way of knowing if the Wens hadn't told him.
Still.
"I'm not the one for regrets," He says softly as he looks at Jiang Cheng, "But I thought that array was the safest solution. It doesn't harm the current timeline so everyone is safe. Lan Zhan, I know, wouldn't mind following my lead in this." He did regret taking Zewu-jun's brother away from him after such a traumatic event but there really was no other option. Not with Jin Ling so close and so many innocent people in the vicinity.
Wei Wuxian is quite certain that the blast would've destroyed everything around them, including the innocent people around the Guanyin Temple complex.
The siblings exchange glances before Wen Qing returns to Jiang Cheng's side, preparing to work on his meridians, "You're going to change things." She observes, "Save people?"
"Save you and Wen Ning. Save Jiang Yanli. Save innocents, yes."
Wen Qing freezes.
---
Lan Wangji doesn't know what Wei Ying did but he trusts his beloved. When he finds himself in the past, just before the Sunshot Campaign begins and shortly after the fall of the Lotus Pier, he doesn't hesitate.
He knows that his brother is safe and his uncle is managing things at Cloud Recesses. But he also knows that somewhere out there, his beloved is preparing himself for a risky, painful procedure.
Wangji can't let that happen. He thinks back on everything Wen Ning shared with him about the incident, particularly the location of where it occurred. He's probably too late to stop the transfer but perhaps not late enough to stop the Wens from finding Wei Ying.
It takes him days to reach Yiling without the aid of Bichen but he manages and immediately heads towards the approximate location Wen Ning had mentioned.
"Wei Ying," He breathes softly when he spots his beloved shopping for some supplies. He hadn't anticipated finding him so soon but is grateful nonetheless.
Wei Ying is dressed like a peasant and blends in well with the people around him but Wangji can recognize him anywhere.
Dressed discreetly and without his forehead ribbon, Wangji too is inconspicuous. He moves swiftly towards Wei Ying and catches his elbow, eyeing the people in red and white uniform at the far end of the street warily.
"Come." He whispers.
Wei Ying doesn't say a word, just paying the vendor and following Wangji into a more discreet location.
Wangji looks at his beloved's face, drinking in his bright silver eyes and sharp features with acute relief.
"Wei Ying, you… you look well." Strangely so, for someone who has just given up his Golden Core.
Hope stirs in his chest and Wangji reaches for Wei Ying's wrist.
His love's lips quirk in amusement, but Wangji ignores him, focusing on sending his spiritual energy through Wei Ying's meridians.
A strong core pulses in response.
"Wei Ying," Something bright and triumphant burns in his chest and he resists the urge to pull his beloved into a crushing embrace.
He would've supported Wei Ying's decision to give up his core and cultivate with resentful energy again. He knew it wasn't evil or harmful now.
But Wei Ying chose himself. His beloved had finally chosen to save himself.
"Aiya, Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying laughs, "If you keep looking at me like that, I'll do something quite shameless and embarra-"
Wangji kisses him.
He cups that precious face, pulls him close, and slides his lips over soft flesh in a tender expression of love he can't contain.
Wei Ying chose himself.
---
Jiang Cheng returns from his trip to the mountain with a thunderous expression on his face.
He disregards Lan Zhan and grabs Wei Wuxian's arm in a tough grip, dragging him away from the crowded tea house. Lan Zhan follows without a word, his expression frosty and eyes on Jiang Cheng.
"Your Grandmaster," He spits, "Is just as useless and worthless as you. All she could do is repair my meridians! My body was too damaged for anything else, she said!"
Wei Wuxian knows Wen Qing wrote the note they left by Jiang Cheng's side but he hadn't known what she had written.
It must've been reasonably convincing for Jiang Cheng to be convinced.
"That's-" He searches his mind to find words that would be appropriately sympathetic. Saying 'that's too bad' would be just rubbing salt on an open wound.
He may dislike Jiang Cheng, but some of the childhood affection still lingers. He doesn't wish to hurt his former shidi.
"I didn't know," He says finally, his heart throbbing in sympathy at Jiang Cheng's devastated expression. He briefly reconsiders his decision but Lan Zhan shifts discreetly by his side and Wei Wuxian remembers why he made that decision in the first place.
Jiang Cheng had been unworthy of the gift he had been given.
His shidi snarls and turns to Lan Zhan, "What are you doing here, Lan er-gonzi," He snarls, "Coming to triumph in our misery?"
Lan Zhan looks at him flatly, "I came to assist Wei Ying."
"Came to assist Wei Ying," Jiang Cheng mocks, his expression tight and furious, "Well, you're welcome to take him away! There's nothing left for him to destroy. Everything is gone. He invited the wrath of the Wens on our heads to protect you and that led to the destruction of my sect. He couldn't even repay that debt. His Grandmaster failed."
Jiang Cheng turns hate-filled eyes towards him, "You are a curse. My father should have left you to rot on the streets!"
"Jiang Wanyin!" Lan Zhan warns but Wei Wuxian places a hand on the Second Jade's arm to halt him.
"I'm taking you to Meishan to be with shijie." Wei Wuxian says calmly, "And then I'll go join the war efforts."
Jiang Cheng sneers before turning his head away, silent.
Wei Wuxian does as he says. He leaves Jiang Cheng in Jiang Yanli's care and heads to Qinghe with Lan Zhan. The war goes differently than before. He manages to kill Wen Zhuliu and Wen Chao early, which gives them a big morale boost. But that's the only thing that goes their way for a long time.
"I'm going to use it," He tells Lan Zhan once, when the scales tip dangerously in the Wen's favor.
Lan Zhan studies him before nodding gracefully, "I will help."
There's no way to avoid using his cultivation method, not if he wants to keep people safe. He's more careful and restrained this time and he doesn't create the Yīn Hǔ Fú. But Mo Dao is Mo Dao. It attracts disapproval from people regardless.
Wei Wuxian doesn't care and Lan Zhan stays by his side without paying any heed to the grumblings of his clan. He goes to sleep every night with Lan Zhan's guqin notes in his ear and meditates every morning with the Cleansing purging the Resentful Energy from his body.
With a powerful and active Golden Core, Wei Wuxian can't use Mo Dao liberally without risking Qi Deviation. But he uses enough to help them win the war.
Wei Wuxian successfully retakes Lotus Pier and Yunmeng from the Wens. Jiang Cheng's hatred doesn't diminish and even Jiang Yanli grows distant after a while. Jiang Cheng's suffering and downfall hardens something in his soft shijie.
Wei Wuxian accepts that consequence quietly.
He hands Lotus Pier back to Jiang Cheng and stays on the front lines, leaving most of the freshly recruited disciples behind to protect his former martial siblings. When the war ends, argues to keep the Wen cultivators in better conditions. He makes sure everyone knows how much the Jiangs owe the Wen siblings, and saves the children and elderly.
With Jiang Cheng out of the Cultivation World and Wei Wuxian's reputation as a war hero, saving the Wen remnants is easier than it had been before.
---
Everyone is baffled when Jiang Wanyin names a new head disciple and Wei Wuxian never returns to Yunmeng. People gossip, sect leaders question, and new Jiang disciple flounder.
Neither Jiang Wanyin nor Wei Wuxian confirms it but it is clear to everyone that the Jiang Sect has, foolishly, kicked out its most powerful disciple. YunmengJiang remains wealthy but the Sect's influence diminishes significantly once Wei Wuxian leaves.
Other Sects, big and small, scramble to find Wei Wuxian, ready to offer him a place and get a powerful cultivator in their ranks. Letters pour in promising wealth and prestige.
Wei Wuxian ignores them all and settles in Cloud Recesses. He's content to teach a group of eye-wide Lan ducklings now to deal with resentful energy and limit the risk of Qi Deviation. He takes them on Nighthunts, teaches them real-life lessons, encourages creativity, and becomes a well-loved senior.
New YunmengJiang disciples aren't near as strong as their predecessors without someone to teach them properly.
People gossip and speculate as the years pass. They hint that he is wrong to leave his former sect behind but he doesn't care.
Wei Wuxian has Lan Zhan and Lan Sizhui. Wen Qing and Wen Ning live happily in a small farming village not far from Gusu. They intervene before Jin Guangyao kills Nie Mingjue. They save Lan Xichen from heartache. Jin Ling is born and has both of his parents.
That's all he needs to be happy.
YunmengJiang is no longer his responsibility.
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Why Xiao isn’t just some edgelord, an essay by yours truly (or: I need sleep)
Before you read!!
This was mainly written because I kind of got tired of Xiao being labelled as ‘edgelord’ a lot of times and while I have nothing against it when it’s jokingly said (after all I call Childe a ‘clown’ all the time or Klee ‘Arson child’ haha, you get what I mean) I also feel like him getting meme’d as that leads to a lot of mischaracterization. I’m not here to attack anyone or anything!! Just sharing my personal thoughts about him influenced by his canon lore in game + headcanons I developed while writing fics for him. I hope you don’t mind my brainrot.
- I suppose that a lot of Xiao’s characterization as an ‘edgelord’ comes from his wildly dark history and the way he expresses himself (like growling when he’s thinking about his past memories) that is quite different from other characters in Genshin when he’s not like this because he wants to but because he’s been shaped by his trauma that reaches wide into the past and the fact that he doesn’t belong in the human world - he is stuck in the mortal world while having to defend it from otherworldly beings and forces that threaten to destroy the fragile balance between both worlds, and it’s a task he fulfils with pride because it was given to him by Rex Lapis, the god who saved him from his former master –
- an evil deity who had abused and used him and forced him to commit atrocities that still haunt him to this day; he never wanted to kill, he never wanted to have to take away someone’s dreams but he was helpless to resist and in the end he stained his hands with so much more blood than he ever wanted to - taking his trauma and the way he talks about it and labelling it as ‘edgy’ is plain disregarding towards the pain he went through in his early years when his innocence was stolen from him and then utterly destroyed until Rex Lapis saved him and gave him his life back, a duty he can be proud of and the chance to regain a bit of his former gentleness because that’s who he is deep inside: a kind and gentle soul that never wants to hurt anyone
- not to mention the trauma he experienced by having to watch the only family he ever had, the other Yakshas, perish one after another – whether it was because they were consumed by the darkness they fought and killed one another or because they died in battle – he wasn’t able to save any of them and while it’s never talked about in-game lore I doubt that their deaths didn’t leave a mark on him that lasts till today. To be heralded as the last Yaksha is surely not a title that Xiao is proud or happy about. - to get to his character trait of him usually keeping his sentences curt and to the point (like his good morning line ‘’We're wasting time. Let's go.’’) and him growling when he thinks about his sorrowful past that probably made people label him as edgy – does it really surprise anyone that he doesn’t talk like humans from Teyvat talk when he’s a) not human and b) has spent almost all of his life in solitude? - which would obviously lead to him being extremely used to dealing with emotions and humans; despite having such a kind and selfless heart (more to that later) but he’s just not used to conversing with humans - mainly because Adepti need to keep their distance from humans lest their adeptal energy will harm them - when Xiao kept his distance from humans all these years, it was for their own good (something he says during the first meeting with the traveller and something I think he firmly believes in because past encounters with humans never went well for them and again, he doesn’t want to hurt anyone and certainly not humans) - and while he’s gotten used to living in solitude I don’t think he actually enjoys having to live like this – he’s incredibly lonely and suffers from it - and just like every living being he longs to have someone to talk to and who understands him, even appreciates him although this is something he wouldn’t dare to wish for because it’s something that can’t be fulfilled (Lumine: sikes you thought you can stay alone forever, yeah too bad for you I’m here for you now) - it was stated in the article about Xiao and his creation process how curious he is about the human world despite trying to hide it from others (and himself too because longing for something you can’t have or take part in hurts like hell and god knows he’s experienced enough in his life) - but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t yearn to experience those feelings of warmth and love that most humans as well - and when I say love I don’t necessarily mean romantic love although I don’t count it impossible for him (though it would take a long time for him to break down his own walls and find the courage to love and be hurt, and I think abrupt love confessions would frighten him because he simply never experienced it before – a life of bloodshed and battle certainly don’t help with understanding his own or other hearts) - no, what I mean are the different kinds of love he’s seen humans share with each other – a mother’s love when she puts her child to bed with a goodnight kiss, a friend’s platonic love when they hug their friend who’s sad or simply out of joy – it’s all things he never got to experience for himself but secretly longs to experience as well (fight me on that because I’ll die on that hill) - and this also leads to me firmly believing that he doesn’t hate humans no matter how often he ‘mocks’ traditions and customs – it’s mainly to hide his own curiosity and longing to join them knowing that he doesn’t belong with humans. But he certainly doesn’t hate them no matter his words because you can’t guard and protect someone without loving and caring for them. If he truly despised humans he would have never risked his life and soul for as long as he has to protect them. - and he knows that he will never receive any gratitude for the suffering he endures, nor that anyone will pray to him, or even pray for him to come home from battle safely – all he has left by now is himself and his duty he proudly continues to fulfil to honour his fallen comrades and his contract with Zhongli – and yet he keeps fighting such a thankless and seemingly endless battle without any complaints or lamenting his cruel fate; if that isn’t kindness then I really don’t know anymore - not to mention that if he truly was an ‘edgelord’ he’d be lamenting his cruel fate or curse at everything for forcing him to live such a life devoid of any warmth and joy – but he doesn’t. Because no one survives thousands of years with a heart full of hatred and no one understands that better than him who has fought against the lingering wrath and hatred of fallen gods. - and while Xiao himself doesn’t believe that he is kind (after all both his hands and soul are stained by blood, he’s nothing more but a weapon or so he would say if someone told him he’s kind) it’s his selfless and devoted nature and his love for the simple things in life – a nice dish of Almond Tofu, flowers, the soft tunes of a flute - that make him such a gentle soul – he just doesn’t realize nor acknowledges that part of himself - so if someone loves him they have to love all the cracks in his soul and try to pour their light into them, be patient with him because it will take him a very long time to get used to all these feelings, to the reassurance that he is loved and also deserves to be loved, after all this is so foreign to him and very likely to frighten him but in return he will love unconditionally and be forever loyal as he is loyal to the land he continues to protect
...and what more could anyone ask for, right?
#xiao#genshin xiao#character analysis#uh it's just my usual brainrot#please don't mind me#i'm a clown#genshin impact
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for the fandom thing: this might be obvious but i wanna see your tog takes
Taken from this post
Thank you for enabling my rambling!
The first character I ever fell in love with:
Fell in love is a big word but I think on my first watch it was Booker because I watched the movie when I wasn’t doing too great and seeing his pain on screen felt pretty cathartic at the time for me and his ending in the movie really pushed me to get out of the bad mood I was in.
A character that I used to love/like, but now do not:
There’s not one, not really. It’s barely been 6 months and I still find all the immortals compelling in their own ways so..
A ship that I used to love/like, but now do not:
Only in a way because I still love them a lot but Joe/Nicky. It’s not because of the ship itself more because of the treatment in the fandom and also how Andy/Quynh are overlooked all the time. It kinda sours my enjoyment for them if it makes sense and it makes me want to distance from the fandom itself and do more for Andy, Quynh and Nile.
My ultimate favorite character™:
It has to be Andy. Her story is so tragic and yet she’s still so kind and has so much love in her heart. She caves under the pain after 6k years and all it takes for her to find her purpose again is a kind gesture from a stranger and Nile’s presence and energy at her side like come on. Again, it’s a cathartic thing for me but seeing someone lose hope only to find it again felt really good. And also the idea that she has seen most of human history, think of a place or time and she was probably there. It’s so out of my brain’s understanding I love it.
Prettiest character:
I was going to say Joe but he’s not pretty, not really, he’s more handsome to me. Nile is the one that made me lose it just a little, her outfit at the end with the gold hoops and braids is so so cute and the way she danced in the hair and makeup test video sealed it for me. Nile is the prettiest in the immortal fam, pass it on.
My most hated character:
Either Merrick or Kozak. Kozak because of the disregard of morals in the name of science and Merrick because he’s downright being evil with the way he operates. To me Keane feels more like a man doing his (bad) contracted work but he never goes out of his way to make it more painful like Kozak doing a biopsy without anesthetic (why? It cost nothing to give some anesthetic unless you want to cause unnecessary pain) or Merrick stabbing Joe (and in the comics even killing him) for no other reason that being pissed that Joe isn’t standing still when kidnapped.
My OTP:
Andy/Quynh. The idea of a love that lasted for 3k years, just how much of the world they must have seen together, thinking about the way they love from a time so far removed from our own with different practices and believes and social codes but also because of how long it lasted, that even after 500 years without her Andy still loves Quynh. I also really like the vibe of a rough at the edge Andy with a sophisticated Quynh. Joe/Nicky is just behind because of their devotion to one another, how they are equal in the relationship but also the way Nicky and his character resonates with me.
My NOTP:
Any ship with the bad guys? I guess? And having two sealed couple devoted to each other also makes me nope out of any fic that is not Andy/Quynh or Joe/Nicky. They are the ones for each other, it was made quite clear in canon and I don’t want to read about them breaking up or not ending together you know.
Favorite episode:
It’s not a show so I’ll do scene: It’s a tie between the van scene for obvious reasons and the last fight scene in Merrick’s building because the whole fam is fighting together as one and I’m a sucker for the found family trope and also cool action sequences (add the intro killfloor scene too, that one was so cool and honestly a great introduction to the tone of the movie).
Passing the favorite/least favorite seasons questions because it’s not a show
Saddest death:
There are not many actual deaths in that movie (funnily enough) but for me it’s Lykon’s. The way he accepts it and tries to make it easier for Andy and Quynh who are clearly struggling with it, reassuring them that he’s okay with it, that it’s time. And in the comics, Andy describes him as relieved to finally die, you feel she’s almost jealous so you know. It adds to the sadness of the scene for me. Having the youngest immortal die before her must have been something hard to accept for Andy, even if she loved him.
Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate:
Again, no one. I like them all for different reasons and to different degres but there’s not really hate for any of them.
My ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:
Does Booker count? Without excusing anything he did because his actions are grave, I think the movie does a great job at showing the why. Once he works on himself and his mental health and properly grieves his past and learns to want to live again I think he could be a great character and overall a good person.
My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:
NILE!! Nile deserves so much love and attention. She is so smart, so clever and yet so so caring. She also can crack jokes in what is the worst time in her life and I like that for her. And the way she rolls with most of it too, I don’t think I would have handled the situation as well as her. She wakes up when she should be dead? Must be great doctors, no problem here. Two guys killed each in the crusades? Okay, she can deal. Andy probably fucked Rodin? Cool, that’s cool. She can survive a several stories fall? It is a day, it is happening, nothing to see. Jokes aside, she’s a really interesting character and I can’t wait to see her development in the second movie.
My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but I still love it’ ship:
None. I don’t think there’s a possibility for a nasty ship unless you ship with the bad guys and like. Hard no for me. They are torturing them, it’s not just being enemy it’s wanting to end them it’s nothing I can personally like or find interesting.
My ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship:
I would say Nile/Booker. Sometimes I get interested and write for them and they can be really good but most of the time it’s not really on my mind.
#me when told to choose: i'll add three or four options in my answer!!#i'm sorry i'm the worst when it comes to choosing lmao#i also could produce essay-length posts on all of those characters the only reason i haven't yet is because idk how to articulate all my fee#feelings into a coherent post yet#i want to get into the whole nicky thing and why it resonates with me at some points but it'll be incredibly soul baring for me#long post#em speaks#asks#polarcell#asks games#tog
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This or That: Fanfiction Edition
I was tagged by @likeacoma AGES AGO. I have a short attention span so this took me literal weeks.
Tagging anyone who wants to do this.
Slow burn or love at first sight?: Depends on the pairing. I think I’d meet in the middle and say “mutual attraction at first sight but because everything is so *repressed,* it still ends up being an impossibly slow burn.”
Fake dating or secretly dating?: Both are so good. But I am absolutely weak for fake dating, especially in cases where it’s an “undercover as lovers” scenario.
“Oh no, there’s only one bed” or long distance correspondence. Listen, bed-sharing is like THE trope for me. It doesn’t even matter if it’s totally platonic or if it’s UST shipping fodder. I’m weak for it.
Hurt/comfort or amnesia: Hurt/comfort may very well be my favorite fic genre. Shut up, it’s not projection/coping mechanism. Also, in my experience, amnesia is seldom handled accurately or well, even in canon.
Enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers: Enemies to friends to lovers. I like there to be tension in my UST, but then I also love my ship to bond in ways that are not directly related to them as a potential couple, which is easier to do when there’s a middle-ground friendship or even close acquaintances phase.
Mutual pining or domestic bliss: Depends on the pairing. For pairings with angsty canons, I prefer domestic bliss cause it’s nice to imagine some version of reality where my ship is happy and safe and fluffy together. But mutual pining is always good too. And if the pairing isn’t angsty in canon, my brain loves finding ways of making them suffer.
Smut or fluff: Depends on the pairing, but most often smut, because most of my pairings are either rare pairs and/or tiny fandoms without much content so finding good smut for them can be extremely difficult.
Fantasy au or modern au: I’m not super into AUs that break the established rules of the canon reality too much, with a few exceptions. But considering that most of my fandoms are set in the present or the recent past, “modern AUs” seem kind of pointless for the most part. Historical AUs would I guess be the equivalent for them, but they are still essentially very different things.
Alternative universe or future fic: Depends on the pairing, especially given that “AU” can pretty much cover anything from “everyone “drives” to work on a dragon-drawn covered wagon now” to “Everything is the Same except Character X never existed.” Like those are both alternate universes. I guess future fic is my preference for characters who have a bittersweet ending in canon with some hope of a resolution afterwards (ex: Malcom/Nicola, Hathocent) but that obviously doesn’t apply to everyone.
Kid fic or road trip fic: Depends on the pairing. Some pairings I absolutely cannot see wanting and/or having kids. But for the ones that I can see this for, I absolutely adore kid!fic. I recognize that this probably makes me a bad feminist. (Though to be fair, the kid doesn’t have to be the pairing’s biological offspring for good kid!fic. It can be a younger sibling or niece/nephew or a neighbor. Or if it’s “their” kid, it could be an adopted kid as well/instead.)
Road trip fic is another one that is highly dependent on the pairing/context. I like it when there is high potential for drama and/or comedy, so certain pairings work better than others.
Canon compliant/missing scenes or fix-it: Depends on pairing. I tend to go for more canon compliant “missing or expanded scenes that don’t directly contradict canon” moreso, but sometimes canon just gets me so down that I want to read something that obliterates or completely disregards it.
Reincarnation or character death: Depends on the pairing. As much as I claim to hate character death, I’m also an angsty little b*tch who lives for the drama and heartbreak. But I am also fond of the “in any/another version of reality, we will find each other” romantic drama.
Time travel or isolated together: I feel a little weird picking this one given all that is going on in the world right now. But still, I’m not massively into time travel, unless it’s the kind of thing that is supported by the canon material. (Like I don’t read a ton of Doctor Who fic, but obviously time-travel is a major part of the canon.) However, I’d still prefer isolated together, as it provides a lot of potential for one-on-one conversation and bonding.
High school romance or middle aged romance: Most of my ships have a least a little bit of an age gap (which makes unlikely that they would’ve been in high school at the same time). And I do tend to ship a fair amount of older pairings anyway.
Arranged marriage or accidental marriage: Both are so good. I live for both of these tropes when they are done well. But overall, I think I have to go with a perfectly-arranged marriage. The intimacy mixed with the uncertainty and the reticance and the gradually-changing nature of the relationship. It’s just... it’s excellent.
Sci-fi au or magic au: Again, neither is really my favorite. But overall, I have to pick magic. With a few exceptions (Star Wars, Doctor Who, Jules Verne), I’m not particularly interested in or knowledgeable about most sci fi (and I am so exhausted with Star Wars at this point that it barely counts either).
Also, the advantage of a magic au is that it doesn’t have to be as immersive as some others. Maybe it’s just a few things that are “magic.” Maybe it’s a magical realism scenario where the magic touches are treated as totally mundane. I feel like it interrupts the established canon less often and doesn’t necessarily require the same “hard technical knowledge” that sci fi aus do.
Neighbours or roomates: oh my god, they were roommates. Serious answer, I prefer when the ship is able to have their own separate spaces and lives--at least early on the relationship. That way, it’s easier for them to have alone time if they need it and the relationship is able to develop at a more gradual (and to my mind) comfortable pace. Neighbors is also a good middle-ground scenario because there is a huge range to how close you can be with a neighbor. Some might be your close friends, some might be acquaintances. Some might even be a rival (the inherent foe yay potential of homeowner’s associations is so seldom explored.)
Body swap or gender-bend: Neither is really my cup of tea to be honest, but body swaps if done well can be good comedy opportunity. I do have some scraps of a Malcola body swap fic that has been a very tentative WIP for literal years.
Angst or crack: Depends on the pairing. As a good portion of my ships would be considered “crack” by modern fandom standards, I’m almost tempted to say crack, because it would mean that the pairing is actually getting fic written about it in the first place--which is rare enough for most of my pairings. But then, I am also a messy b*tch who lives for angst and the angstier the better.
Apocalyptic or mundane: Even were we not in the circumstances that we are now in, I would still say mundane. I scare pretty easily and so things like zombies/natural disasters/panic-induced mob mentality give me anxiety just reading/watching/thinking about. Just give me normalcy (or at least normalcy relative to the respective fictional universe).
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Fic Tropes Game!
The lovely Pie tagged me for this game -- and since she followed the rules and only tagged one (1) person - me - I now feel obligated to actually do this thing ;D Thank you for tagging me @potteresque-ire :*
Rules: Copy/paste and bold your fic preferences because why not, gotta choose one (near impossible, but go with your first gut instinct), and tag someone because, again, why not.
slow burn or love at first sight
(oh, gimme hundreds of thousands of words of build-up, thank you very much!)
fake dating or secret dating
(I mean in both something is going on that the rest doesn’t know about, but i find secret relationships just so much more interesting <3)
enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers
oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance with correspondence
(I love getting to know the characters in-depth, and reading their letters or text messages or chats - and again all the pining - is very relatable ;D)
hurt/comfort or amnesia
fantasy au or modern au
(I don’t really know what to answer here ... I’m reading fic a lot in three fandoms: Harry Potter, Merlin, and Voltron (VLD) (a tiny bit of Yuri on Ice) -- all of them have magical/fantasy elements? while I absolutely adore well-writen modern Merlin AUs where prince meets student or they’re just two students at uni, or co-workers or in the military, I also love it when canon gets re-written. And my favourite “modern” Merlin/Arthur AUs are: 1) they’re both in special ops and magic exists; 2) they’re both students and Merlin has magic and keeps saving Arthur; so it’s a compromise ;D HP plays in the 90s up to now and could go into the future depending on how old the characters are that you’re writing about, but that’s all quite modern to me already -- maybe they mean technology-wise? While I do love a well-written texting fic (see above), I enjoy it much more when the author dives into magical theory and comes up with the most amazing ideas (and not everything is just solved with muggle technology ;)) and I don’t think I’ve ever read a non-magical HP fic? Unlike Merlin fics, where non-magical AUs are quite normal, but I do prefer the ones with magic <3)
mutual pining or domestic bliss
(Yes! Give me enough pine to shame Ikea!!) <-- that’s what Pie wrote and I just have to keep it ;D it’s so funny and so true! <3
smut or fluff
oof, what a question.. I probably have to go with smut. I love fluff, but you can only read so much fluff without a story getting boring (if there is no tension ... or climax of any kind haha). and smut - whether explicit or not - can give you a lot of build-up and tension, interesting situations and definitely diverse outcomes, from declarations of love (there’s your fluff) to spectacular fall-outs, especially when I think of our favourite boys and their inability to communicate ;D)
canon compliant (missing scenes) or fix-it fic
(that one is much easier to answer for me [and it’s the first one where I choose a different answer than Pie ;D]. In VLD I want to disregard all of the last season, but especially the epilogue - completely - season 8 just doesn’t exist. in HP, I love 8th year fics or anything where the boys don’t marry Ginny and Astoria respectively right after school - which again can be viewed as disregarding the epilogue. In Merlin, I either read magical modern AUs anyway, or the fics in canon-era that I do enjoy disregard episode 5-13 completely and definitely ignore the epilogue/last 5 minutes of the series. So all my fics can be regarded as fix-it fics, and especially in Merlin & VLD that is a very common tag).
alternate universe or future fic
(definitely the future fic -- though it all depends on your definition of “alternate universe”, i love cross-overs ;D there are some between my favourite fandoms, like Merlin going to Hogwarts during the lightening era, or the VLD characters also going to Hogwarts. It’s so much fun. but those are exceptions in the vast landscape of fics. if you define “AU” as not canon-compliant, I guess everything could be viewed as an AU as soon as I disregard epilogues? But if we just don’t count epilogues, I love reading stories where the characters are a bit older, have found their place in life, or have tried things and failed and are now figuring things out or are at least realizing, that failing is part of life, but it’s much less stressful with the right partner <3).
one-shot or multi-chapter
(weird question.. If the definition of “one-shot” is still that it’s a fic that has been written in one sitting (let’s disregard editing), then i’d definitely go for multi-chapter. because i love longer fics. that said, i don’t have any problem at all with a 50k fic that is only 1 chapter. but I wouldn’t use the number of chapters to define whether a fic is a “one-shot” or not, so there’s that ;))
kid fic or roadtrip fic
(definitely the kid fic!! aaah, so cute ;D)
reincarnation or character death
(oof, I don’t like reading MCD >_< and reincarnation would imply that one or both of the characters also died at some point .. and in Merlin fics that would just mean that canon happened and Merlin has been waiting for 1000 years for Arthur to show up again... and aaah no, thank you, I read a few fics like this and they’re just too heart-breaking ugh. so yeah, no, both not for me ;D)
arranged marriage or accidental marriage
(if i’m forced to choose, maybe accidental bonds that can be reversed, like magical accidents or something like this? but in general, it’s not something i gravitate towards. I’d much rather read a soulmate AU <3)
high school romance or middle-aged romance
(see above, I love when characters have had time to learn from their mistakes in the past, I love seeing how many different ideas authors can have for the same characters and their decisions in life. so yes, let them grow up a bit ;))
time travel or isolated together
(Time travel is … difficult to get right. I’m picky about it.) <-- what Pie said
neighbours or roommates
(what question is this? OMG THEY WERE ROOMMATES!!! ;D)
sci-fi au or magic au
(I guess that is for fandoms that are in neither of those categories? like Sherlock or Yuri on ice? since HP and Merlin fall into the magical category and VLD is sci-fi and I do love crossovers, I guess I have to say: Both?! Both is good! ;))
bodyswap or genderbend
angst or crack
(well written crack is so much fun, but the problem is the well-written part. there is much more well-written angst, so i have to go with this ;))
apocalyptic or mundane
(definitely mundane here. apocalyptic just stresses me too much after a while, same goes for dystopian or any mix thereof. I don’t mind angst with a happy ending (note the happy ending ;)) - throw everything you have at the main characters, but don’t just let them barely survive and then have a bleak or no future.. that’s just ... na, thank you. i read fic to escape my worries, not to have even more ;))
~~~ I’m tagging the fab four ;D @sassy-cissa @erin-riwen @lettersbyelise @maesterchill if you’d like to play, just know that you don’t have to write anything, you can just bold your choice and move on ;D and if anyone else wants to play, please tag me in your answer <3
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vyra, i was so inspired & encouraged by you posting ur fanfiction! i loved it so much! i had written this a week or so ago, but i didn’t have the courage to figure out how to send it.
i dont know i want to put my name to it because i dont think tonbokiri and sengo are fully in character (though i would like to grow as a writer until i can write them well), and i also dont want to spam ur blog with it, but i did write it as a kind of “thank you” for streaming mihotose the other week, and i thought that, if you have the courage to post yours, then i want to have the courage to send you this gift, even if mine isn’t all that good.
because of its length, don’t feel pressured to post it onto your blog if you don’t want to! i don’t mind either way. it’s entirely up to you, because as far as i’m concerned, it’s your gift for you to do with what you like. you don’t have to comment on it if you don’t want to, or you can choose to; you don’t have to post it unless you want to; etc. im not sure if this is the best way to send you this, because im still not 100% on how the “submit” feature works, but i hope this is readable;
(put the rest of the message under the cut with the fic v )
(ok so first of all i couldn’t wait to be home and read during a break in the freezing cold and i literally could not stop crying involuntarily, literally unable to stop still) your grasp on them, i just, how raw
the way you wrote their fears and tears? tonbo being so excessive to the point of being incredibly self-destructive, thinking that his words are never appropriate when each time, they are? disregarding his own self for others, for him
sengo being so, so self-contained to the point of facade completely shattering from a single world (which reminds of his face almost choking back tears in mihotose being told he isn’t alone i’m NOT ok) wanting to take care of him instead, to make him realize no one should go that far for him, and especially not tonbokiri
thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this? i’m a bit at loss of words i’m afraid i can’t praise it as much as i think of it but i genuinely cherish it with all my heart, and please don’t downplay yourself like this in the future you don’t give yourself enough credit that i can’t put in words
“Did you sleep better, back then?”
Sengo’s face has turned back to the window, not fully, but so all Tonbokiri can see is the apple of his grinning cheek tremble.
“I would take those unpleasant memories from you, if I could,” Tonbokiri says. He says it quietly, because if he spoke any louder then his voice would crack with its own weight. “Sometimes I wish I could, if it would ease your suffering.”
Sengo laughs wetly. "And then we’d never have met.” “I’d find you still.”
i have another ao3 account invite arriving hopefully soon, so if you want this to be more clean, i could post it there maybe if that would be better. & i have never written for anyone before, and i don’t think anyone has seen anything i’ve written in a few years, so please don’t think too harshly on my characterisations, writing, dialogue, pacing, etc. because i’ve never had anyone to critique my mistakes.
(i also think i started writing this with the intention of it being an au where they had been human but very much like that spies or assassins, like i saw on your blog, so if anything seems strange, it’s because of that! i didn’t mention anything explicitly, but i wanted to give myself some room because i’m not fully familiarised with the canon yet, so that’s why some things may not be in line with canon, even though they may call themselves “spear/sword.“ i wanted to write something in between the phases of them being very traumatised by their life experiences and starting the road to recovery; between them still considering themselves weapons lacking autonomy and them starting to think of themselves as people who can make their own decisions.) as i said, i know there are places where it definitely feels even to me that tonbokiri and sengo are ooc, but i hope you’ll forgive those moments while i begin figuring out how to write them properly. even if you don’t enjoy this so much, hopefully you can use this at least as something to give you different ideas.
~ Tonbokiri is woken by Sengo.
He knows this even before his eyes are open. If he could not tell by the thin fingers brushing back his hair; or the sound of his sleep-husked voice, unusually quiet, unusually tremulous, calling his name; or even the faint smell of cherry blossoms still sticking to Sengo’s skin after they’d taken Monoyoshi to see around the city and the nearest park just the day before … if he could not tell by any of that, then Tonbokiri would know just from habit.
It is in the nature of things like them to awaken fighting; to burst into consciousness at the slightest sounds; to feign sleep while reaching for their knife under their pillow, or to listen to the sounds of the building adjusting to the new weight with wailing creaks and then to launch at their attacker. That is in their training. It had taken some time - though, not nearly as much as either of them had expected - for Tonbokiri and Sengo to adjust to each other’s presence, but now that they have, if he is woken in any manner and his body allows the haze of semi-consciousness to fog his mind, then Sengo must be near, keeping him peaceful.
He is woken by Sengo most nights in some way or another, though not usually for long. A leg thrown over his waist might catch his attention, their hips budging as they shift might stir him, fine hair in his face and tickling his nose will wake him with a sneeze, or the blankets being pulled further to one side than the other might cause him to wake just enough to pull them back. To all of these, Tonbokiri will smile, ensure that nothing in the room is out of place and disturbing him, and drift back to sleep. On less pleasant nights, he is woken by Sengo’s fitful dreaming. Not his nightmares, or at least not the fully-fledged ones - while he knows Sengo has periods where his dreams give him pain, he too often wakes himself first, quiet enough or still enough to never wake Tonbokiri, and instead lets him rest unknowing; and so Tonbokiri only ever catches the after-images of these nightmares: the restless attempt to fall back asleep again, tear tracks on Sengo’s otherwise dormant face, smiles the next day that are a little too wide … all signs of something that Sengo endured right beside him that Tonbokiri missed. Sengo brings them up occasionally, but never seriously, only to tell him something particularly gruesome that he thinks might scare Tonbokiri away, or with a wink and a fluttering hand as if he’s trying to convince them both that he’s telling a particularly overblown ghost story rather than his own memories.
They haunt him like ghosts, certainly, but they’re no less real.
Tonight, Sengo had woken him, but he’s already awake himself, face scrunched into something just a little more serious than his usual pout.
“Muramasa … ?” he murmurs. This is strange to him, and his body is reacting frustratingly slowly. Lovingly slowly; it - he - trusts Sengo implicitly; he can almost imagine his resting muscles asking what such a rush is for, if Sengo is here.
A light is already on in their room, a dim amber glow in the corner from a lamp. Just hazy enough to leave deep shadows in haloed curves around the furniture, but just bright enough to leave a pleasant highlight on Sengo’s face.
“Ah, you’re awake.“ His fingernails scratch pleasantly at Tonbokiri’s scalp, brushing through his hair. Sengo is sitting with Tonbokiri’s head in his lap; he is surprised none of the movement woke him sooner.
“Of course,” he repeats, forcing his eyelids to remain fully open despite his comfort. “Of course,” he repeats, “didn’t you call me?" He thinks he remembers Sengo’s voice, whispering his name. "Is something wrong?”
“Don’t you remember? You were having a nightmare.”
The fatigue seeps from him in an instant, leaving him cold and awake. The cold centres in his chest like ice, but Sengo’s hands near his head are still warm. So it was me who woke him first … It’s troubling to think of how he may have disturbed what little peaceful sleep Sengo had earned just with his own bothersome thoughts. “Oh,” he eventually manages. “Yes, I don’t remember at all. Thank you for waking me from it so quickly.”
Before he can apologise for waking Sengo himself, Sengo’s pout changes shape, and his warm hands travel to Tonbokiri’s chest, thawing that frozen feeling. “But your heart is racing, can’t you feel that?”
“Ah, that,” he says. He notices now that it’s been pointed out. But he smiles up at Sengo rather than think about it. “My heart always races when I look at you.”
Sengo splutters slightly in surprise, face turning a soft pink, glowing in the dusky orange lamplight, framed by highlights of long, feathery hair. Tonbokiri could stare at him for so long …
I wonder if it just got faster. He puts a hand over Sengo’s, both of them over his heart.
The flush doesn’t fade, but Sengo adopts a wry, amused smile, wrinkling his nose mischeviously, eyes twinkling. “Pardon the intrusion, then, if I’ve interrupted a dream in which I’m undressing.”
“It’s no interruption, if you’re the one who wakes me." How could even the most pleasant dream he conjure compare to the real thing? Ah, embarrassing, even the thought makes his cheek heat. "And, I am sorry,” he manages, next, before he blurts out something even more sentimental.
Sengo’s smile doesn’t vanish, but his eyes go wide and study him carefully, scrutinising.
“For waking you,” Tonbokiri explains. “I–”
He is distracted by a flash of deep red slashed across the palm of Sengo’s hand, made noticeable as he moves it from Tonbokiri’s chest to his own lap.
He shoots upwards, almost knocking Sengo backwards with his speed and size. In the light, with the movement, the red shimmers. Tonbokiri forces himself to think rationally despite his hammering heart, to come into a sitting position beside Sengo and move slower; Sengo’s muscles have clenched, shoulders tightened, and his gaze is scanning the room for whatever threat he thinks must have made its presence announced.
Tonbokiri scolds himself internally. He knows what they both are, and he was foolish to react in a way that has left Sengo waiting for an attack, and after Sengo woke him up so gently. His breathing slows purposefully, steadily, and he outstretches his hands to take Sengo’s. Slowly, so that if Sengo wanted to knock his hands away, he could.
But Sengo offers the hand faster than Tonbokiri asks, eyebrows high on his head, offering a faint, “What’s the matter?” into the open air.
Tonbokiri’s thumb presses into the heel of Sengo’s hand as he turns it to examine it closer. A thread of his own hair, dark red, had caught itself on Sengo’s ring finger. His hands had been so gentle that Tonbokiri hadn’t even felt the roots tug in his scalp, even as the strands were drawn with the movement.
His exhale is a heavy huff of relieved air. His thumbs trace the lines of Sengo’s blessedly unblemished palm. “I thought I’d cut you." The red like a river of blood deep in Sengo’s skin … all just a strand of his hair. It had just shone oddly in the light, is all. It had looked like something it wasn’t, and his mind had jumped to its own conclusions.
"You didn’t,” says Sengo, flexing his hand to better see it himself. Then, thoughtfully, almost like a challenge. “You couldn’t.”
Tonbokiri almost traitorously thinks, I have, remembers the dragonfly, then silences that weakness. No matter what his body is capable of, has done, he won’t let it harm Sengo.
“Huhuhu, even without saying any words, the things you think are so loud,” says Sengo, tapping Tonbokiri’s temple with his unhurt hand. “You didn’t, and so what would it matter if you had? I thought you told me you didn’t remember you’d had a nightmare.”
“I can’t remember it,” begins Tonbokiri. “And it would matter, if I’d hurt you.”
Sengo flicks his wrist to dismiss that thought. They’re sitting so close together, and yet Sengo’s face has turned at an angle impossible to read. “But you seem so alert, after waking." With an insincere edge, "Would it make you more at ease if I undressed right now?”
He frowns. “If I can’t remember it, I’d say it hasn’t bothered me so much,” he says. “But … you worry me. Are you alright?”
“You’re such a worrywart. Aren’t you the one with bad dreams?”
“We both have bad dreams." Tonbokiri leans closer now, and Sengo gives him reluctant eye contact. "Did it trouble you when I woke up?”
Now Sengo smiles. It’s tight on his face; a mixture of the false, teasing grins he wears for the others, and the pained, bittersweet twist that sometimes unwillingly slips onto his face. “You didn’t.”
“Trouble you?" Then he realises. He lowers his gaze. "Wake you.”
It isn’t a question, but Sengo still confirms it with a half-shrug, doing his best not to look bothered about it.
“I’m glad, then,” Tonbokiri decides. “That I had that dream and you woke me. No one of us should be awake alone at this hour.”
Sengo shrugs again, more haphazard this time, rising to cross the room to their window and look out over the night. “It’s not so bad. I used to stay up and stare at the stars, before. I would wonder which unlucky one I must have been born under." He flashes a playful grin over his shoulder, one that Tonbokiri can’t return.
Before. Before he was Mihotose. Tonbokiri himself hardly feels as if he’s been here long, although he feels so at peace with the team. But he had spent so long as the spear belonging to just one man before this; Sengo has had many handlers. Does it feel so differently for him? Does time pass differently? There are times when Tonbokiri worries that Sengo feels isolated for being the last of them to join.
"Did you sleep better, back then?”
Sengo’s face has turned back to the window, not fully, but so all Tonbokiri can see is the apple of his grinning cheek tremble.
“I would take those unpleasant memories from you, if I could,” Tonbokiri says. He says it quietly, because if he spoke any louder then his voice would crack with its own weight. “Sometimes I wish I could, if it would ease your suffering.”
Sengo crosses back, but so quickly Tonbokiri barely catches a glimpse of his face. His hands grasp Tonbokiri’s shoulders, and his purple head rests above red. “How peaceful … but then I’d have almost no memories whatsoever.”
“Then I’d wish for you to have a different life. A normal one. A human one." Speaking as if they aren’t humans. But, some days, it would be almost more impossible to believe they are.
Sengo laughs wetly. "And then we’d never have met.”
“I’d find you still.”
A drop lands squarely on Tonbokiri’s head. He pretends that it could be possible for it to rain inside their room, rather than feel the deep sorrow in his chest knowing that Sengo is crying.
“I am Sengo Muramasa,” Sengo declares. Bold, but sad. “And not that stranger who lived some normal, human life. If this Tonbokiri … if he has regrets,” he speaks softly, with no judgement, “then I’m sure that that other Muramasa is out there … instead of inside this room, where you’re trapped with the demon.”
“How can I have any regrets in this life that took me to you?" His voice is heavy and wet.
"In this life that’s given you nightmares … you have no regrets? You wouldn’t change it?”
“No.”
“You’d take all those lives again? Walk down this path that you’ve walked down?”
“If you were waiting for me on it, yes.”
A smile curves against his temple. “Liar." Two more raindrops fall from the shadow of a violet cloud above. Tonbokiri is held so closely that he can only see Sengo’s collarbone, from how tightly he is held. "Merciful Tonbokiri”–here, Sengo traces the Siddham on his chest–“he would never shed all that blood for anyone less than his old master. Let alone for something like me.”
Merciful Tonbokiri. He wants to be, he aspires to be, but. He can’t remember what his nightmare was, but he can imagine. His past has given a lot for his dreams to work with. “If there is a price to pay to keep our lives together, to be paid in blood, at the cost of all I’ve shed and all you’ve shed, I would gladly give it all, straight from my own heart." He guides Sengo’s finger from the Siddham to his heart beside it. "If you’d have me.”
Sengo makes a choked noise. His hand curls, his knuckles brush and must surely feel Tonbokiri’s pulse. “So desperate to keep your own misfortunate life, and to make me change mine?”
“Only if it’d make you happy.”
“But how could I possibly be happy if we were living different lives?”
“I’d pay it all the same, if it’d make you happy in this one.”
“Huhuhu, sometimes, you can be a little slow, Tonbokiri." Sengo pulls back so they can see each other, face-to-face. There are tears rolling down so quickly they fall into his smile. "I already am.”
Tonbokiri leans carefully up to place his mouth on Sengo’s. Sengo freezes, one hand still on Tonbokiri’s shoulder, and the other helplessly pressed against his heart. They are still so new at this, and Tonbokiri’s face turns as red as his hair and Sengo starts in surprise almost every time they’ve tried, between failed attempts where they bump noses and turn away, too flushed, before they’ve even gotten close enough.
They part reluctantly, but still so close. Tonbokiri can taste tears on his lips, and he leans his forehead forward against Sengo’s. Sengo’s lips are still parted, upturned.
“Sometimes …" He frowns at himself, for breaking the silence–the ease. For doing it so clumsily, instead of sharply and neatly like the spear he is should be able to do. "Sometimes, it feels as if you aren’t.”
“As if I’m not …?”
“Happy.”
“Sometimes it feels as if you aren’t, either.”
“There is nothing to be concerned about." But, at Sengo’s deadpan stare, he admits, "I … am. More often than not. Being here has helped.”
“That’s not fair, then; you’ve been here longer than I have,” Sengo accuses, biting his tongue playfully at Tonbokiri. “Perhaps even this demon sword could learn to live a happy life if it stays here long enough.”
“Demon sword?” asks Tonbokiri with a laugh. “I don’t think I know of that stranger. I don’t think such a thing lives here, even. The last person to come live with us was, hm, definitely a man, not a demon. One of the kindest and gentlest I’ve ever met.”
“‘Kind and gentle’? Are you certain that you and I are thinking of the same thing?”
“Well, I have met, and talked to, and experienced, and … loved Sengo Muramasa. And I think that both he and I know who he is far better than any of those strangers who spread rumours of demons. Even better than those voices who live in his head and try to convince him those lies are true.”
“'Loved,’” repeats Sengo quietly, in a strange, hoarse voice.
“Yes. I haven’t much experience with it, but I think that’s it.”
“One shouldn’t tease, you know,” Sengo rushes to say, “or play jokes. Not on this demon who is just learning to become a man. That would be cruel even to a Muramasa.”
“I would never. Isn’t it you who says I don’t understand humour very well?”
“And so what you say …”
“… I am always honest with you, Muramasa.”
Sengo laughs, a happy outburst. There are still tears on his face. Tonbokiri kisses him again, before he can think better of it. Sengo’s hands cup his cheeks, and Tonbokiri wonders if he can feel his grin.
They are still so close, chest-to-chest, that when they pull away, Sengo murmurs again, “Your heart … it’s still so fast.”
“I told you; so long as I can see you, my heart races.”
“Then it would be best for me to turn off the light, or you’ll never get back to sleep.”
“That’s alright,” says Tonbokiri. He looks to the window. It’s still so dark outside. But the shadows are hardly daunting when it is so bright in here with both of them. “I think it would be okay for us to stay up just a little longer.”
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Ah, don't worry, I won't be offended. I mean, exams, horrible. Oh, and calling me Santa is fine! Glad you're on board with the fic. In my mind, there's still a blank page, so tell me a bit about your preferences! Do you like canon better or an AU? Crack, couple or family fluff or smut? Any specific tropes/characters (as mere side characters anyway, obviously, this is gonna be fully CS) you don't want to see at all? ~CSSS
I’m assuming because you’re messaging me at 10:30, that you’re also in Europe, Santa. Either that or you have one of those jobs that requires you to be up at unholy hours, in which case I apologize. I’m going to warn you right now that this is going to be a giant wall of text. In fact, I’m going to have to cut this bitch because it’s going to clog the dashes of the poor bastards who follow me.
So, my thoughts, hopes, dreams and preferences are under the cut.
As for my preferences (and thank you for actually asking), I don’t mind canon or AU, whichever is easiest for you. When it comes to AUs, however, I’m one of those rare people who is a “eh” on Lt. Duckling with only a few exceptions to that rule. I prefer AUs where the author really knows the subject material really well and I’m kinda just submerge myself in their world. I’m a huge fan of sports and this fandom has been absolutely amazing with their sports au fics. I’m going to with my gut and guess that you’re more likely European, possibly even from the UK? (if so, hello from London *waves*) So hockey and baseball are probably not your fancy but if you’re comfortable with sport, I do love rugby and football (soccer) and if you’re comfortable doing a take on that, you’re welcome to. Just note my team preferences on the side bar. (I love Man Utd but hate Mourinho, he has zero control of that locker room)
I’m good with crack, couple, family or smut really. I prefer feels probably because I’m not sure people get my sense of humor. I guess the only to describe it is Monty Python meets Scrubs meets Animal House. I like taking the piss out of things and being irreverent. So, that’s kind of crack I’m into. As for them as a couple or as a family, I’ve got preferences admittedly. I’m not a huge fan of codependency or Emma being an absolute to bitch to Killian, which is something I’ve see frequently in fics unfortunately. I’m going to be a bit controversial when I say this but I do think we, as a fandom, tend to demean or sideline Emma in favor of making Killian perfect or whatever. Like I love him, but he’s flawed and can be a real bastard at times. In regard to the codependency thing, I prefer my Captain Swan as entities who are self-maintaining and could be successful on their own but have a mutual love and respect for each other. I firmly believe that they’re their own people and Killian is capable of being Killian without Emma and Emma is capable of being Emma without Killian. They don’t need each other, but they love each other and support each and make each other better, not functional.
If there’s anything I can ask for and I don’t mean to offend anyone but I prefer depictions of Emma Swan as more strong and bad ass than vulnerable. She’s not a damsel. She’s a goddamn superhero. She isn’t Lois Lane. She’s Wonder Woman or, better yet, she’s Rogue. If you know comics, I’m more in the camp of Emma and Killian being most similar to Rogue and Gambit or like reverse Batman and Catwoman. Emotionally scarred tough bad asses and the morally ambiguous bastards who love them. But yeah, I prefer my Emma Swan as being a bad ass bitch rather than needing to be saved. I cannot stress that enough. I love Emma Swan goddamn it.
As for Killian, I prefer actual Killian. Like I prefer the smirky, sassy, snarky bastard who puts his heart into everything, is willing to play dirty, often doesn’t think but is an opportunist dick and has habit of trying to do everything on his own asshole that is Captain Killian “Hook” Jones. So, yeah, Killian. Sometimes I feel like I see more Deckhand Hook or Colin in fandom’s depictions of him and it kinda strikes me as wrong. So, yeah, I prefer my Killian saucy, bold and morally ambiguous and less awkward shy Deckhand and Colin-esque.
Sorry I went off on a tangent there, but like I have a lot of preferences and literally no one has actually asked me this question, so I’m going to make the most of it. Like this isn’t me mad, it’s actually me excited.
As for tropes and characters, I’m a long time fan of friends-to-lovers, or even best-friends-to-lovers, probably because I’ve actually seen that shit happen. Firmly believe the best relationships are fostered in friendship so yeah, friends-to-lovers is definitely my kinda of trope. I also love banter. I’m a sarcastic asshole so I love it and will eat that shit up with a spoon. I’m also more into subtle gestures of love and affection rather than grand gestures. It’s the little things that often matter more. So, public declarations are a huge no for me.
As for characters, I’ve never cared for Neal. I think he’s pretty shit, though not the worst person in the world. Just very self-absorbed and doesn’t ever realize just much he fucked Emma over and the show kinda just glossed it over but giving someone a criminal record, especially in the United States, is one of the worst things you can do but I won’t get into that. I don’t think he’s an abusive murderous asshole but I do think he’s a prick incapable of looking beyond his own wants and desires and never truly comprehends the way his actions effect others, which in some circumstances is even worse. In other words, would prefer not to see him but I acknowledge he’s integral part of Emma’s narrative, so don’t be that kind to him but don’t make him Satan?
The other usual CS villain - Milah. I have no beef with her. I actually don’t understand the beef with her, especially from Hook fans aside from them being insecure about whether Killian would do if he had to choose between them. That’s very much a nonissue for me. As far as I’m concerned, they ran away together, they were in love and now she’s dead. She might have done a horrible thing by her husband and son but she never did anything wrong to Killian, in fact she died for him. That’s my official stance. Anti-Milah depictions aren’t the end all be all to me and in fact a lot of friends and writers have do a lot of anti-Milah stuff in their writing and it hasn’t been a deal breaker for me but I just prefer not to see it.
I’m also not that big of a fan of Rumple, I’m very take it or leave it with him. I’m actually more in the Red Beauty camp in regard to Belle’s partners but I also don’t mind her with Will either. As for characters I would love to see, I would love to see Elsa because aside from Regina (and I even put Regina loosely in this category), she’s kinda Emma’s only canonical friend. I mean even Ruby is more Snow’s friend than Emma’s. So yeah, #GiveEmmaFriends2KForever. I also have a lot of BROTPs for Killian, namely with David, Belle, Jasmine, Ariel and Tiana. (Killian Jones has a Princess Squad, you cannot take this from me.) I don’t think we see enough Killian and Jasmine BROTP, so if you can manage it, I would love to see it. #GiveKillianFriends2KForever
So yeah, sorry for this huge wall of text but I have a lot of thoughts and a lot of opinions. And I’m sorry you got stuck with me for a giftee because I’m particular and have a lot of preferences but I promise as long as just don’t blatantly disregard my base preferences and I don’t know write Killian Jones as a Red Sox player or make Emma a love sick damsel while Killian can do no wrong, I promise I will love whatever you make. But you’re already taking a step in the right direction because you actually asked. So, thank you.
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