#anyone who wants to talk shit has to wander directly to me for judgement

[thisbisexualbrainrot]

I know everyone is thirsty for Crowley(because David Tennant obviously) and I love Crowley but I gotta say I think I’m an Aziraphale girl myself. I can’t tell if I want him or wanna be him and I’m 💯 into that confusion.

Like ugh LOOK AT HIM??? How can you not love him???

[theleftovertaco]

The Boys in Lingerie

OK FIRST EVEN VAGUELY SMUTTISH POST 

Basic warnings in order please don’t interact if you don’t want to see this. Use basic judgement. You know if you’re too young to read something

Once again, I try to keep it house, gender, and year neutral so anyone can fill in the blanks where they wish, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals alike

We have standard lineup- Fred, George, Draco, Neville, Harry, Ron, Oliver, Cedric, and now Charlie and Blaise have been added!

ON TO THE FEMBOYS IN LINGERIE

Fred

You and Fred had messed around before with kinks and lingerie

He always liked how it looked on you, how the lace hugged you perfectly

Freddie is a very forthright person, if he wants to try something he will tell you in advance, and so he talks to you about him wearing some

You agree immediately and the two of you find a magazine to order some because there is no shop that sells that in Hogsmeade, unfortunately

He finds a pair of pink panties and chooses those because of course he does and when the box arrives (he has to avoid George’s questions about what's in the box) 

He puts them on and then sends you a notes asking you to come to his room while no one else is there

And when you find him

“Baby boy, you look amazing.” He smirks and spins in a circle before leaping on the bed, you following close after

George

George wandered into a strange shop in muggle London when you and him were exploring during Christmas break

He found a sex shop where they sold a lot of lingerie and before he got yelled at by the shop owner to “get out, you tosser!”

He couldn’t get the lingerie out of his head 

He didn’t think about you wearing it, well maybe a little. No he actually thought more about the cloth on his own body

So about a couple weeks after seeing those and getting back to school he plucked up the courage to ask you (he was a Gryffindor, dammit, he shouldn’t be scared)

“How would you feel if I... wanted to wear panties?” “Sure, love, sounds good if that’s what you want.” “Wait, that’s it?” “Yea.” “Ok good, cause I kinda already ordered them.” 

He darts into the restroom to put them on and then comes out to show you and holy fuck

He’s in this pale blue pair of flower lace bikini panties and walks out looking just a little timid and you fucking jump him 

Draco 

Draco saw a pair of Pansy’s underwear during a game of strip poker and while most of the other guys were ogling her, he was thinking about how the silk would feel on him

He buys a pair, but then they just sit at the bottom of his trunk for about a month and a half

Then he wears them once or twice around the common room under his trousers before he even thinks of telling you

He writes you a note during History of Magic (its not like Binns will notice anyways): “Can you come to my dorm after classes today? I want to show you something.”

So you go thinking its gonna be some gift his mum sent again but you enter the dorm and see him in a pair of silk black panties 

“Honey, you look fantastic!”

You may or may not have torn them off of him 

He may or may not have had to buy another 10 pairs

Neville

Neville sees a girl in a thong in one of his dormmates old magazines and he just gets a little spooked

Because his immediate thought isn’t about you in them

It’s about him in them

So he panics

Slowly but surely, as your relationship progresses he gets a little more bold, in general, since you make his confidence skyrocket when you’re around him

So he wears them around during the day and when he pulls you into a empty classroom you’re a little scared about what he’s gonna do because of the timid look on his face

But he pulls down his trousers to show the pastel yellow thong he’s wearing and he slips on his old cat ears

You let out an audible groan

“Kitten, you look beautiful.”

He blushes and looks down in embarrassment just a little

“Nuh-Uh, don’t you dare look embarrassed kitten, come here.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Harry

You and Harry had a very honest relationship

He is a rather frank person and is not afraid to tell you want he wants in a relationship, but of course, you know that right out of the gate

Plus after the heels debacle, he knew never to try and hide what he wanted to wear from you

So when he discovers your collection of lingerie, he straight up asks you if he can try them on

“You sure?” “Yes please.” “Yeah ok go ahead, sunshine.”

He grins and snatches his favorite pair, a red set of satin underwear that barely cover anything

“You ready love?” “Of course sunshine, come on out!”

He steps out and you are speechless to say the least

He looks amazing and you pretty much drag him over to sit on your lap while you kiss him

So now he wears panties all the damn time because why not

If he likes it and he’s confident wearing them, you’re all for it

Ron

Ron is still a bit wary about wearing lingerie

He’s been wearing more stereotypically feminine clothes, but wearing panties is a whole other game to him

But you suggested it, and he was willing to try

It takes him a bit to warm up to the idea of lingerie

Ron has you walk him through it, what would be comfortable, what wouldn’t be, and he settles on a pair of black satin ones “They’ll be comfortable, promise!” “If you’re sure...”

You do a trial run where he just kind of lounges around the common room wearing them underneath his normal clothes

By the end of the day he’s hooked on it and you are too

He likes the softness of them

Ron has always felt like he had to be strong, and measure up to his brothers masculinity, but when he’s in the lingerie, he feels like he doesn’t have to conform to that

Anyways yes he likes the panties

Oliver

Oliver saw a pair on you once under your sweatpants when you were cuddling

“Oh, what are these?” “My panties???” “They’re pretty... do they make them for guys?”

Bro was straightforward

So you buy him a pair “I trust your judgement love, buy whatever you want!”

So he ends up with a pair of red silk ones that feel amazing 

He wears them whenever possible

About a week after he starts wearing them, Angelina somehow finds out and the Gryffindor quidditch team dares him to ride on the broom in only his panties

So he tries it... before immediately slipping off and falling on his ass

“Stupid fabric.”

He manages to stay on the second time, and well, now you have a few candid shots of your boyfriend riding a broom in lingerie

Not that you’re complaining

Cedric

I need to stop calling Cedric Pretty boy, but does that mean i will? no

Pretty boy loves you in lingerie

The fabrics are always so pretty

And he has never been shy about this, so he just asks you if he can try on a pair of yours

“Yeah, of course pretty boy go ahead.” he kisses you on the cheek and runs off to find a pair

He puts on a pale yellow satin pair of briefs 

And walks back into your dorm

“Fuck, pretty boy!” “You like it?” “Baby, I adore it!”

Cedric begins wearing them around campus

He likes how his thighs look in them, and soon he starts wearing them under his skirts

If he bends over, you can see it pretty easily, he knows exactly what he’s doing

He tries to rile you up

Fucking tease

Charlie

Charlie is a very muscular person 

It isn’t that he doesn’t like traditionally feminine stuff, he just never thought he had the build for it

It takes a while for him to change his mind, since contrary to popular belief, he is actually pretty insecure

“Don’t you think I’d look strange in them, stocky kid in girls underwear?” “Well, it’s  not just for girls, and no you would not! I happen to think that you would look beautiful!”

He likes that word. Beautiful

People have always described him as handsome, cute, but never beautiful

So he agrees

Maybe it’s something about wizarding Romania that’s more accepting but when the lady at the shop you go to sees that the panties are more fit for Charlie, she winks at the two of you and says to “have fun with those”

So he puts them on and holy shit 

He understands it now

He feels beautiful

Blaise

Blaise likes being pretty lets be real

He doesn’t really give a flying fuck what people think of him

So he jumps on panties real quick

Finds the prettiest pair of emerald panties he can find and he loves them almost immediately

He likes putting on a short skirt and makeup on to top off his whole vibe because why not

Another thing about Blaise is that he is a fucking flirt 

With everyone, not just you

And while you trust that he would never cheat on you or betray you, if he gets a little too flirty with anyone else, all you have to do is creep your hand up to the satin undergarment and give it a little tug to remind him who he belongs to

You, bitch, it’s you

Ok that’s it for now idk what I’m doing next so if you want me to write something please send me an ask. Also I rarely write suggestive/smut fics if you know ways that I can make this better please for the love of god let me know.

This feels like a good time to say that this is the final set of characters. I have 10 right now, and if I keep accepting more people I’ll just end up doing 20 characters every time. I love doing these but I don’t have the time or energy to do every single character, it just would not be good for my mental health. That being said, if you want a specific headcanon of a specific character, please SEND ME AN ASK so I know that you want that directly. I would be more than happy to write it for you.

[anxiouslyfred]

The Stone Gaze

Summary: Virgil hates that he can temporarily turn people into stone and hopes that whatever the mirror superpower his soulmate has is able to counteract it.

He wasn’t quite expecting the energy and impulsiveness of Remus when they met in an Art Exhibition.

/\/\/\

Virgil hated his powers. He hated a lot of things really, but the power he had was the number one thing he hated and that barely even counted as self-hate or self-deprecation given a lot of the reasoning for it was how his powers impacted his life.

The only time he'd come close to thinking his 'superpower' (as society had deemed things not everybody could do) was when they were studying mythology and had covered Medusa. She had turned people to stone permanently as a gift to protect herself from those who would idolise or attack her. Before they learnt the ending that had seemed like a pretty cool thing to be able to do, but then she was killed as part of a heroes journey and Virgil realised how little people would think of his power should they learn about it. It was mythologically a villains power after all.

Hiding his powers wasn't enough to keep Virgil from the attention of bullies. They picked on him because he always wore his father hoodie after they lost him to illness. They'd call him names because he'd learnt to keep his hair, especially his fringe long enough to cover his eyes so nobody would get accidentally turned to stone. Eventually they'd even harass him to do their homework because his Dad pushed for good study habits.

Refusing to react to their insults or requests only reached the point they tried to beat him up once. When the leader of that group had shoved him against a wall his hair had fallen backwards, leaving a clear gaze directed to the bullies. As soon as the leader became stone the other kids had fled, crying for the teacher to come help.

Virgil's Dad had been called to the school to pick him up and explicitly direct everyone's attention to what had clearly been happening, given the position the boy had been frozen in while refusing to allow any punishment to be given to Virgil. Even once that was accepted by the teachers and school they tried to demand that he wore sunglasses or a visor to school for the safety of staff and children alike.

“I will not police the clothes my son wears because your staff cannot respect someone who doesn't meet their gaze directly. He has found that the long fringe is enough to counteract his powers and given the years he has attended this school without incident that should be perfectly suitable to carry on with.” His Dad has lectured the head teacher that day. He'd given more evidence that Virgil hadn't listened to, but the sentence stuck in his head. Once more his powers were up to him to control and prevent from being used and it felt like an even heavier weight to carry than he'd already found it.

The days of his schooling after that were lonely, isolated as he feared anyone he might befriend would try to meet his eyes. The only hope he had for getting through his life was that somewhere in their world was his soulmate; a person whose powers would mirror his own, and possibly, on the nights Virgil was willing to dream impossible things, counteract his gaze that turned people to stone.

/Over to Remus\

Roman had been the one to bring Remus into exhibiting his work. Honestly, Roman had been the twin to get them both into the art world in the first place. The charismatic, charming artist, whose painting were filled with energy most paintings couldn't capture and dreamt of finding his soulmate. When the art world had discovered he had a brother just as skilled in sculpting they were pulled around and paired together for exhibits constantly.

Remus had originally tried to explain the truth, that their works looked like they held more of life in them because that was what their powers did. Roman could bring paintings to life temporarily, and had often painted portraits of his friends and family so he could still talk to them while they were away. Remus in contrast brought sculptures to life when he touched them with a wish to talk. They'd always be in different positions than he'd awakened them from by the time the power wore off so he got praised for how realistic or believable his positions were.

None of that praise meant anything to Remus though. He sculpted things to feel less alone, to have people to talk to that wouldn't react in disgust or turn away when he said something a little more twisted than society was used to hearing. Each model he made had a mouth to talk and their own way to express their reactions so he could for a while feel accepted by someone other than his brother.

Today he had actually listened to Roman's claims that it's better for their exhibitions when the artist spends times at the display. Of course that didn't mean he was going to dress any differently that normal, just throwing on the torn skinny jeans and an off the shoulder top, with a jacket draped over his shoulders for when the air conditioning got too cold. Art Galleries always seemed to keep the space too cold, Remus swore on it.

“You can't be in here Mate.” An angry voice said, a hand accompanying it yanking him around to face a tall suited man, scowling down at him. “This is an art gallery and I don't care what the fuck you did to sneak in here you're gonna be-”

Remus had already started glancing for a nearby sculpture to reach for when the words cut off. The man whose voice had slowly been raising had now turned to stone, finger raised to point out the door.

“I'm the artist?” He blinked, properly turning now to try and find who else was in the gallery that might have done it.

A few metres directly behind where Remus was, there was a man looking like he would run any second, staring at the floor as though ashamed. “Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.” He mumbled, “The yelling startled me.”

“You're okay, dude. No harm, no wild birds around here.” Remus nodded, reaching back to poke the side of the angry man, focusing on him being alive and calm now.

“Apologies, I probably shouldn't have yelled, but seriously, homeless people aren't allowed in art galleries.” The man who had been yelling declared, having taken a deep breath as the stone released him.

Remus just raised an eyebrow at that. “Just because I haven't dressed all posh like you doesn't mean I'm homeless. And given I'm the one who sculpted most of the statues in this gallery, I believe your judgemental attitude can be taken elsewhere, or shoved up your ass since that seems to be where the rest of your personality is kept. Have your fun in hell, not in my gallery.” He spoke quickly, already directing the man away from the gallery, and nodding to the security guard that wandered between their exhibits.

He didn't delay any longer than that, caring more for the man who had turned him to stone than anything more that could be said. That had to be the complete opposite to his own powers, whether it had been a permanent transformation or just a temporary one, he wanted to know.

Luckily the man was still stood there, blinking at the spot where the angry fellow had been frozen. “He- he shouldn't... That never wears off that quickly.” He was mumbling to himself, not realising Remus had returned.

“Hey there modern day Medusa, you doing alright?” Remus tapped his shoulder, tilting his head when the acknowledgement was for the man to stare at his neck rather than look at him.

“F-fine. Sorry about that though. It really was an accident.”

“Why are you apologising for helping me calm the situation down before he did more than yell? I got him out of the stone and sent on his way. It's all hot stuff in heaven today.” Remus was genuinely confused over what was upsetting the man in front of him. Everything had been sorted out so surely they could move on to talking about soulmates already.

There was a quick glance up, to stare at his ear now, or maybe something over his shoulder. “You got him out of the stone? That wasn't my power just wearing off more quickly than normal?” There was a plea in his voice, as though scared of his own power.

“Yep, and while I can't really prove that here, given everything is already photographed and needs to remain the same to be sold, you can come see my works in progress. I'm Remus, by the way, Remus Windsor.” The offer was easy to give. No matter what people believed about needing to test contrasting powers in public to understand if they're completely opposites, he just wanted to calm this person down. Roman would understand that and hopefully leave to paint in the park or some sappy shit like that.

“Virgil and, yeah, please can we do that?” Virgil nodded, holding a shaking hand out towards him, while the other started pulling the hair that had fallen to his ears back in front of his eyes.

As Remus took his hand he was finally able to meet Virgil's gaze and grinned, tugging on it so they could run out of the gallery together, looking something between art thieves making their escape and teenagers causing mischief.

/To the art gallery\

“Princess, you better get your fat ass and any talking paintings the hell out of here. I've got my Medusa and we need to confirm this shit without an audience.” Remus barged through the doors still tugging Virgil along behind him.

Virgil was astounded by what had occurred in the last hour. He'd only visited the art gallery on a whim, curious over just how lifelike a sculptures positioning could be compared to what he'd seen when accidentally using his own power on people. He hadn't expected to almost add to the exhibition temporarily or to meet someone who could be his soulmate there as well.

Now he could only look around the studio that Remus had explained he shared with his brother. The walls were covered in paintings in various stages of completion. Some looked finished but missing the energy that the paintings back in the gallery had held, others were clearly completely done, but held back. A few canvases were merely sketches or only had their backgrounds coloured in.

Then there was the stone. There were throughout the entire studio several large boulders, some chipped into enough that a hand could be seen reaching out, or the nose of a dog. A few were just legs waving into the air, vague shapes for the rest of the body chipped away but the lips immaculately carved. There was even a potters wheel at the opposite end with a few vases and ceramic models left on a table beside it.

“Remus, seriously, you cannot just kick me out. I'm doing an oil painting.” There was a man identical to Remus stood in front of the only Easel in the gallery, now turned to them frowning with his brush poised to the canvas.

Virgil dithered for a moment before stepping forward. “Oil paints don't exactly dry quickly. You could spare a few minutes for us to figure our if we're soulmates couldn't you?” He muttered, for the first time in years looking up as someone turned to him. He wasn't going to deliberately use his powers without permission now, but having some evidence that Remus actually can reverse the medusa affect straight away would seriously take a weight from his mind.

The painter watched him for a moment before stepping closer, setting his brush down. “I'm Roman. Wouldn't it be more useful for you to prove this on a real person? Although I can understand the uses of turning Remus's sculptures back to stone at will. There's been a few incidents where they've been even worse than he can be.”

“Roman's volunteering to be tortured. Let's do it, see how long we can keep making him stone and real again in quick succession.” Remus stage whispered at him, cackling when Roman flipped him off.

Virgil just nodded, “Only once. I want to know if Remus actually can reverse this.” He cautioned, but turned his head enough to properly meet Roman's gaze, watching as grey stole over his body in a second.

Before Virgil could worry over how Remus would react to seeing that done deliberately, he was leaning forwards to shove his brother backwards, giggling along with the action. Roman was human again by the time he hit the floor, now scowling up at Remus.

“Okay, Rude. I offer to help my darling sibling confirm their soulmate is theirs and you shove me to the floor. I cannot work in such a hostile environment. I'm taking my leave of you, pray it won't be permanently.” He stood up, throwing the glare at them and leaving with all the dramatics of a pantomime dame.

Virgil had to snicker along with Remus as the door was slammed shut. Honestly, half of it was that he had to laugh or he might just burst into tears. In all his wildest dreams he hadn't thought his soulmate would be so excited to have his powers with them.

“Let's try on my figurines! I'm trying to make a dragon witch I can set lose to torment Roman when I'm heading out, and already have my Cthulhu baby, just waiting to be given life. Wanna see if you can turn them back to stone if I wake 'em up?” Remus was once again holding his hand and tugging him to the other end of the room as soon as he finished laughing.

“Before we do that, are you wanting a romantic soulmate, or a platonic one? I don't really care which we have but I'd be happier if we got to know each other first.” Virgil hesitated a moment, tugging back on his arm.

Remus waved off the question. “We'll cross that bridge when we reach it. If you want sex or not I'm making models I can sleep with anyway. They're funny to talk to if they realise how I made their bodies. Come on, meet my Cthulhu baby!” The whine was emphasised by bouncing and Virgil's arm being jumped up and down rapidly.

“Okay, okay, guess that explains why some are so twisted around as though trying to hide their bodies.” Virgil laughed, walking once more towards the table.

Virgil hated his superpower, and probably always would, but perhaps Remus can help him find a couple of things it's good to be medusa for.

[moorehollandplz]

Truth or Dare :-: T.H :-:

Authors Note: Just a little ditty that popped into my head whilst I’ve been working on a series. If you enjoy my writing please like and reblog! And check out my other stories on my Masterlist.❤️

Summary: When the fearless Tom Holland chooses Truth, Haz asks him a question he doesn’t want to answer. But, as the rules of the game state… he must answer or suffer the consequences.

⚠️ Warning: Making out, language, drinking, (smutty)fingering, and a slight mention of sexual assault.

Word Count: 2,756

“Holland!! Truth or Dare?” Haz said drunkenly waving his hand at his best friend.

“Truth….” Toms answer drew shocked gasps from everyone in the circle. This boy was not one to choose Truth over Dare, ever. “What?” Tom asked as his eyes darted around the circle. “Haz was gonna ruin me if I chose Dare! As payback for earlier!” He defended his choice as everyone eyed him with disappointment.

“Alright… Alright, chicken shit… Truth, huh?” The group laughed as Haz mulled over what to ask his best buddy. Suddenly, Haz sat straight up. “I got a good one…” he said leaning forward with mischief in his eyes. “Tom… who are those hickeys from?” Haz asked having wanted to know the answer to that question for weeks now. He had told you how he always caught Tom smiling down at his phone or with bright new hickeys on his neck. And, Tom would always brush him off avoiding the question of who they were from.

Toms eyes widened and shot to yours for a brief moment before landing back on his, supposed best friend. “I’m not gonna answer that, mate. Ask another…” Tom said but was cut off by Jacob.

“Nuh uh, dude! Them’s the rules! You gotta answer or suffer the consequences and spin!” Jacob pointed to the bottle in the center of the circle.

“And what does spinning do again?” Tom asked a little nervous. Not having to ever spin before, because he had never backed down from a Dare.

“Whichever person of the opposite sex it lands on you have to go into the closet with for seven minutes!” Jacob answered.

“And if it lands on a guy?” Tom asked crossing his arms. “Do I get a pass?”

“Nope! The girl directly to the left goes with you into the closet!” Jacob leaned back taking a sip of beer. “That’s why we’re sat boy girl boy girl.” He gestured to the circle.

“Ah… ok…” Toms eyes found yours again for a moment. “I’ll take my chances with the bottle.” He said reaching forward and giving the bottle a good spin. Round and round it went. All the girls in the circle stopped breathing. All of them would give their left tit for a chance at going into that closet with him.

Not you, though.

You sat there with a look of complete indifference as the bottle slowed. The bottle finally came to rest on you. And, you stared at it with wide eyes. You looked up at Tom and his eyes slowly raised from the bottle to yours.

“Oh shit!!” Haz yelled and everyone joined in.

“Ha! Don’t they hate each other?” One of the girls you didn’t know asked, clearly jealous that it was you and not her going into that closet.

“Yeah!” Said Jacob with a concerned look on his face. “This might end badly.”

“This is hilarious!” Harry laughed clutching his sides. “Tom and his nemesis!! Playing Seven Minutes in Heaven!!!” He fell onto his back and laughed openly. “I gotta tell Sam!! Be right back!” Harry got up and ran up the stairs.

Your eyes drifted down to Toms lips and you saw that cocky little smirk of his, dancing around the corners of his mouth.

You rolled your eyes at him and sighed standing up. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?” You looked down at Tom and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Might as well…” he rolled his eyes back at you and stood up following you to the closet.

“I’ll start the timer when the door shuts!” Jacob called after you waving his phone above his head.

You opened the door and entered the small dark space. Someone had the bright idea to put a small battery operated lantern on the floor to give the room just enough light to see what you were doing. You stepped all the way to the back trying to give Tom enough space to enter. This closet was barely big enough for one person, let alone two.

You turned to face him dropping your arms at your sides and he pulled the door with him as he entered. “That girl is so jealo…” The door clicked shut behind him and before you could even finish your sentence, his lips were on yours.

You immediately melted into him. You took his bottom lip between your teeth and he groaned with satisfaction. You released his lip, flashed him a wicked little smile, and crashed your lips back to his. He ran his tongue over your bottom lip and you parted your lips to let your tongues battle for dominance like so many times before.

“What girl?” He asked his lips brushing yours as he spoke.

“That tiny redhead… she’s cute.” You responded pulling back a little.

“Ah… I haven’t noticed. Been too focused on your lips all night.” He said pulling you back to him pressing his lips to yours again.

Kissing him had become so natural that sometimes you found yourself leaning into him, totally forgetting you were supposed to hate him in public.

The others were right. You did hate Tom. Since, the first day of Year Five when he pulled your hair. That hate only deepened as you grew, because of his arrogance and his cocky little smiles like he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Yes, you really did hate him.

Did.

Until the party two months ago, when everything changed. That was the night Tyler, your waste of a boyfriend of just over a month, tried to force himself on you. Tom really helped you out that night. No, he saved you. You didn’t even know why you had been so upset. Everyone had told you what Tyler was. Even, Tom had told you. But, you didn’t listen.

After Tom kicked Tyler out, he abandoned the party and held you while you cried yourself to sleep. No, “I told you so��s”. And, no judgemental looks as you poured your heart out to him.

The next morning when you opened your eyes to see Tom’s adorable sleeping face, you realized that you didn’t actually hate him anymore. And hadn’t hated him for a long time. Hating him was just easy. It had almost become more of a game to see who could one up the other. Whether, it be in cards, sports, or insults. And, you can’t remember when you started to realize that your little bouts with him were actually fun.

You shared your first kiss with Tom that morning.

And, two months later here you were in a dimly lit closet full on making out with him. His hands gripped your hips as he pushed you against the back wall. You moaned into the kiss threading your fingers through his perfectly styled chocolate curls. No doubt, completely ruining them for the evening.

You tugged on his hair pulling him closer to you and he groaned in response. You smiled against his lips and tugged again.

“Shit.” He hissed between kisses and his grip on your hips tightened. He pulled your hips to his grinding into you. You gasped at the feeling of his hardening arousal. Tom pulled back breaking the kiss. “Sorry…” he whispered. “Too much?” He looked down at you with concern dancing in his eyes.

You let yourself fully appreciate his beauty. His sharp jawline, slightly kiss swollen lips, honey brown eyes glittering in the dim light, and his luscious, chocolate colored curls falling wildly onto his forehead, after having been completely destroyed by you.

“No…” you responded in a breathless whisper. “Not enough.” You pulled him back to you pressing your lips to his again.

You had gone further with Tom than you had with Tyler. Not all the way. Not yet. But, it was so easy to get lost in his kisses, that you didn’t even care when hands wandered and clothes were removed. Tom always stopped himself from going too far when you told him to slow down.

Tom released your hips bringing his hands up to your shoulders. He gently pushed you back and broke the kiss again. “Y/n…”

“Tom, we only have seven minutes…” you said in a huff leaning back in for his lips.

“I know…” Tom said holding you back and looking down at the floor between you. “But… I need to tell you something.”

“We have seven minutes… and you... want… to… talk?” You said sliding your hands down to his chest, tapping your finger to emphasize each word.

“Yeah.” He looked back up at you. “It’s… important.” You’d never seen that look in his eyes before. He looked serious. Too serious.

“Come on, Tom, what could be more important than kissing me?” You said gripping the front of his shirt pulling him to you.

“I love you!” He confessed locking eyes with you.

Your mouth was suddenly dry and you loosened your grip on his shirt. “What?” Your voice was barely a whisper. Your face was the textbook definition of shock. Your eyes were wide and your jaw dropped open.

“I love you, Y/n. I’m ‘in’ love with you.” He said as he gripped your wrists holding your hands still on his chest afraid you’d pull away. You stood there in silence as he kept going. “And… I know that’s weird. Especially… since our history is, well, what it is.” He lets out a small nervous laugh. “But, I… I’ve been in love with you since Year Ten.” He paused and you looked down at his hands on your wrists.

“Tom.” You whispered but he interrupted you and kept going.

“I don’t know why my feelings changed, but one day I caught myself staring at you. I noticed how I didn’t feel the usual annoyance at the sight of you. I noticed how my heart beat felt when I heard you laugh. Fast and wild. All I wanted was to be near you. All the time. So, I started to pick fights with you on purpose. Just so I could have a reason to talk to you.” He was talking fast trying to get it all out. So, you waited for him to finish. “And, everyday I fell more in love with you. And, You don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know. And, I know… I know you want to keep us a secret. And, I’m okay with that. I am. We don’t have to tell anyone. Ever. If that’s what you want. I just… just thought you should know. How I feel. Okay… there. I finally said it.” He said leaning his forehead against yours, finally taking a breath. He was breathing heavily and you could feel that his hands had become clammy against your skin. “Please, say something, or don’t…” he shook his head. “Never mind, let’s just forget it...” He said dropping his hands back to your hips and pulling flush against him.

You pushed on his chest and leaned away from him. “Tom.” You said looking up at him through your lashes.

“Fuck… did I ruin this?” He asked looking up to the ceiling. “I’m sorry… I never should have…”

“TOM!” You cut him off grabbing his face and forcing him to look at you. “I love you, too… you div.” You smiled up at him with tears in your eyes.

Toms eyes widened and a look of relief came over his face. “Really?” He asked with excitement. His face was lit up with the most beautiful smile.

You nodded slowly pulling his face down to yours. “Very.” You kissed him. “Much.” You kissed him again. “So.” You kissed him again, but didn’t pull away. He deepened the kiss sweeping his tongue into your mouth and letting them dance together.

You moved your hands back into his hair, and Tom trailed kisses down to your neck. He gently nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin, but was careful not to leave any marks. “Tom… you can… you don’t have to be… so gentle.” You said between gasps.

“But… they’ll… figure us out.” Tom mumbled against your neck.

“It’s fine! Let them figure us out!” You said letting a small moan escape your lips.

“Are you sure?” Tom stilled his assault on your neck, but you could feel his breath lingering there.

“Go for it, Holland!” You tugged at his curls pulling his face back to your neck. You felt him smile against you before firmly attaching his lips you neck. He sucked hard and bit your neck as more slightly louder moans poured out of you.

Toms hand danced over the waistband of your leggings. “May I…? He asked as he gently snapped the elastic band. He looked up into your eyes. He always asked permission before going farther than kissing. You loved that. It always excited you making you want more of him. You nodded a smile slowly gracing your face. He slipped his hand down into the front of your leggings. His fingers brushing over your wet heat making you bite his shoulder to stifle a moan. “Fuck… you’re soaked.” He growled into your neck.

“And… who’s fault is that?” You asked stifling another moan as Tom inserted a finger into your throbbing core.

Tom smiled down at you as he pumped his finger into you. You kept eye contact with him and leaned your head back against the wall. Breathy moans of curses mixed with his name falling from your lips. “You’re killing me, love.” He groaned dropping his face into your neck. He sucked on your neck again to stifle his own moans.

His lips stayed on your neck until Jacobs alarm sounded jolting you two apart. The old habit of not being found out dying hard. Tom pulled his finger out of you and you watched as he brought the dripping digit to his lips. “Fuck… Tom…” you moaned as you watched him suck the juices from his finger.

The two of you quickly fixed yourselves smoothing down hair and clothes. You took a few slow deep breaths to calm yourselves. Hoping any hint of breathlessness could be explained by heated bickering. The only thing that couldn’t be fixed was the deep purple kiss mark on your neck. So, you pulled your hair in front of your shoulder to hide it the best you could.

The door swung open, revealing Haz’s smiling face. “Wow… you’re both still alive?” He asked laughing as Tom pushed past him.

“Yeah…” you laughed with him. “It was touch and go there for a moment, but we survived.” You said following Tom back to the circle. You took your place in the circle across from him. And, you could feel his eyes on you.

“Alright, Tom it’s your turn.” Jacob said fiddling with his beer can.

Your eyes momentarily lock with Toms and he has a mischievous smile on his face. You quickly looked away from him and focused on a spot on the wall.

“Y/n! Truth or Dare?” He said and you snapped wide eyes to his.

You felt a smile tugging at your lips as you answered. “Truth.”

“Pussy…” Haz whispered.

“And proud.” You said tossing an empty can at him. You looked back to Tom and he searched your eyes, seemingly asking permission. You nodded slightly. “Go for it, Holland.” You said the same thing you did in the closet. And, that confirmed to Tom that you knew exactly what he was asking permission for.

“Ok… Truth then…” He said leaning forward his smile widening. “Who gave you that hickey?” He asked as he reached across the circle pushing your hair back off your shoulder. All eyes snapped to your neck.

“Holy shit!” Haz yelled. “That thing’s a monster!”

“She didn’t even try to cover it up before coming out tonight.” That same girl from before said, the snarky tone in her voice making you want to mess with her.

You scrunched your face narrowing your eyes at Tom playfully. You leaned across the circle slowly raising your hand from the floor.

“Oh shit…” you heard Haz. “Here goes… they’re gonna fight!”

“Or she’s gonna slap him!” Said Harry. “Go on! Slap him!”

You smiled at their words keeping your eyes locked on Toms. “You know damn well who gave me this hickey, Holland!” You said grabbing the back of his head and pressing your lips to his.

The circle erupted into chaos, but the only sound you heard was Jacobs soft whisper.

“It’s about time.”

Tag List: add yourself here

@madmadmilk @starksparker @astronomyparkers @starsholland @gab-spidey @peterparker-imagines @peeterparkr @lilyholland @dibs-on-holland @starksmile @star-holland @spiderboytotherescue @cabbagebag @marvelousxtsh @magic-marvel @spider-bitten @spideykisses @tomhollandasf @tomholland-igarchive @hollands-poppet @curlyboyholland @infamous-webhead @hoefortomhoelland @sheismental @falalaholland @thepenisparker @h-osterfield @thelazypangolin @wazzupmrstark @summernykole @starkravingparker @thedaydreamingwriter @hollandroos @slytherinrising @tragicluver @curlyhairedparker @peterplanet @hotsterfield @badsext

[khadorek]

A Pawn No Longer

The Emerald Dream, an unknown amount of time after the death of Khadorek Blackbyrne

How long had it been? Days? Weeks? Months, even? Khadorek couldn’t tell how long he’d been wandering, but he knew he’d been at it for a long while. Ever-shifting landscapes had brought him here, to this realm of verdant life and green; one the strange occupants called ‘The Dream,’ ever looking, ever searching, ever wondering why he was here and on this strange journey. Why… a question he asked many times during his life, to himself or to any number of gods who didn’t care, both yielded the same answer, or lack thereof. His most recent iteration of the question, however, seemed to be different, as for once, an answer was coming to mind. Why was he here? The answer was simple, he believed; to reflect on what he had done, so he could truly understand what his punishment would be. In his time wandering as spirit, he’d done much in that regard. So many people hurt, killed, and otherwise failed, all because of his pride and arrogant lust for power, hidden by his naivety and desire to help. That one moment of hubris where he signed away his body was what sealed his fate; that deal struck with a devil in the guise of a man made him into more of a monster than the procedure ever could. That was his greatest sin, he thought, that’s what this has been about; all the horrible things that had happened because of him, all stemmed from that one ‘yes.’ He understood that now, and whatever his punishment would be, he accepted it, because this all happened because of him. No sooner had this thought crossed his mind did the thick greenery he had been trudging through lead to a clearing, and in the middle of it was his destination; the end of the line.

The clearing itself was not caused by some natural occurrence, no, this was caused by shadow energies leaking into the plane of life, the stuff of the Emerald Nightmare. Khadorek had told this by the steady corruption of the small life forms he found and the rising number and severity of aberrations a while back, that’s how he knew he was getting close; he knew the Dream was not in danger, this sort of thing happened all the time, at least according to the spirits and wandering druids he spoke to in passing along his way, all of which were confused by his presence, but seemed helpful to him nonetheless, though the looming question of whether or not he was alone, one they asked him without fail, weighed heavily on his mind. None of that mattered now, he’d be none of their concern soon enough. Khadorek approached the swirling rift, confident that this was where he would meet his judgement, he paused to ready himself. Peering down into the vortex, he couldn’t help but be at awe at how overwhelmingly dark it was, despite the ever-present glow from overhead; light just seemed to fall into it, fitting for a place known as the ‘Shadowlands.’ Khadorek inched closer to the edge, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, and here at the end of it all, he reflected one last time on his life; despite all the horrors that had been committed, he had done much to try and repent for them; he knew he had done wrong, but he never wanted to hurt anyone, he wanted to protect them, even if he did make mistakes in the process. Khadorek wondered if the minds behind the voices that still now clawed at his mind understood that, and if they’d find peace once he faces judgement. What side of that fine line did he fall on? During this rumination, Khadorek failed to notice the local spirits and fauna, corrupted or not, start to fearfully scamper away, not until he felt a chill run down his spine, and the realization that it had been very quiet ever since the explosion. Khadorek tensed up as someone, or something, entered the clearing and silently drifted up behind him, resting an icy hand on his shoulder, as a familiar voice whispered in his ear. His own voice, yet not.

“So… here we are… ready to pass on to whatever torments await you in the realm without light. You seem awfully calm, most men would be quivering in their boots and shitting themselves for fear of judgment. Then again, you aren’t most men, are you? Never were.” The doppelgänger purred into his ear.

“Spare me your commentary.” Khadorek said dismissively. “I appreciate your help back on Azeroth, unexpected as it was, coming from something like you, but you needn’t keep up this charade of wanting to help me any longer. It’s going to be all over in a moment.”

The copy scoffed in mock offence. “Thing?! Please, I am much more than a thing, aren’t I? Please, call me… Rhaetherion… I rather like the sound of that, don’t you?” It remarks.

“Doesn’t really matter, like I said, it’ll all be over soon for me, and likely you too.” Khad replies, attempting to move from Rhaetherion’s grasp, only for its grip to tighten.

“Well, it doesn’t HAVE to be, you know… there is another option, a second chance, if you will.” Rhaetherion suggests, and Khad pauses, looking back at its face, like looking in a mirror, save for the orange eyes. Rhaetherion grinned widely. “That got your attention, didn’t it? Now, remember when your father taught you to play Chess as a child?” Khad nodded along, his mind going back to one of the few happy memories remaining regarding his father. “Right, remember what he told you about pawns?”

“Pawns are used to sacrifice themselves to protect the more powerful pieces.” Khadorek replied, a word for word repetition of what his father said twenty years prior.

“Correct, hardly an enviable position, is it? At face value, many consider them worthless, and yet, to the clever they arguably possess the most potential out of any piece on the board. Sound familiar?” It continues, Khadorek just stares at him. “You have unknowingly lived that exact existence throughout your life; all you’ve desired to do is protect those you hold dear, and they did not but abuse, cheat, and belittle you your entire life. Every time I lashed out with your body, it was to show you their true colours, but you always remained ignorant, and though such steadfast loyalty should be commended, they all still viewed themselves as better than you, and you played along, taking the fall for them every chance you got.” Khadorek remained silent, pondering Rhaetherion’s words. “And here you are, at the end of your journey. Tell me, what happens to a pawn when it reaches the end of its journey?” Rhaetherion inquires, conjuring the image of a wooden pawn into its free hand, spinning it idly in front of Khad’s face. Khad replies slowly, as he finally begins to understand what was being suggested to him.

“It becomes the most powerful piece on the board…” Khad replies as Rhaetherion turns him so they’re looking directly at each other, and then it nods.

“The most powerful piece on the board…” It replies. “You deserve so much more than what you have been given, Khadorek, someone like you is meant for far more than being the doormat for everyone else. Since it was not given to you, it is your obligation to take it for yourself. Look around you, this is the domain of my god, the place where life and shadow meet, this is what gave you the power your body now houses; the nightmares that send lesser beings into fits of terror give you strength, and you have only begun to scratch the surface of the power you could wield. The God of the Deep will grant you this power and more, you need only fight by his side. Embrace N’Zoth, and make the world pay for all its wrongs.” Rhaetherion proclaims, and a vision fills Khadorek’s senses.

It was shortly after the fall of the Burning Legion that Nya’lotha rose from the depths. The world was still recovering from the war that laid the Dark Titan low, and stood little chance against the risen armies. This was only worsened by who lead the charge against the defenders of Azeroth; a towering human in chitinous black armour, wielding powers far too terrible for mortal minds to comprehend, and the joy he took in casting down his foes was nothing short of sickening. It was a matter of months before the world fell, such was the unnatural assault brought about by the hordes of aberrations and their twisted general. The lucky ones were the ones that died, the rest were subjugated under the sovereign rule of this monster of a man. Those who knew him in his old life were kept close by his throne to serve as his ‘favoured attendants,’ and all served without question for fear of being sent to the chamber of the hand, who wasted no time in letting people know of his ��talents.’ As the advance of the void spread across the stars, the general remained behind, content to rule over his dark kingdom.

Khadorek grinned wickedly as he strode towards the throne. His main servants, two haggard-looking worgen men, one still reeking of felfire ashes and the other with an eye sewn shut to prevent him from using his dark powers contained within, scurried over to him, asking if he wanted anything, before being sent to fetch him a drink, which they went off to do posthaste, for fear of punishment. Khadorek continue his walk towards the throne, sneering cruelly at the man impaled upon the insectoid protrusion jutting up from the ground high into the air, somehow kept horridly alive through the pain.

“How’s the view up there, Leon?” He asks mockingly, knowing full well that he long since lost the will to form sentences, something he particularly appreciated, considering what came out when he used to talk to him. Finally, Khadorek sat upon his chitinous throne, just as his drink was brought to him. He then whistles, smiling darkly as the familiar long copper hair, pale skin and docile blue eyes of his favoured concubine slinked into the room. Once more, her will had been broken, Khadorek’s former lover was rarely not at his side in some form or another, living out some dark mockery of their former life together. Calling upon his powers, he formed his limb into a whip like appendage before lashing out to viciously grab her, pulling her staggering towards the throne, leaving her standing before him. “Entertain me…” Khadorek would purr, and she would begin her dance; dark silks and fiery hair swirling around her as she did in a hauntingly beautiful fashion while Khad watched with a sneer. Twisted as the world now was, he was content with it; anything he wanted was his, and any who defied him were dealt with without mercy. Many who knew him before his rise to power asked how he could do this to them. They failed to realize the Khad they knew was long gone; sundered in the cruel epiphany that he was better than them. The Knight-Errant was dead, and in his place, was a merciless sovereign; a cruel tyrant who used terror to keep all under his bootheel.

A title came to Khadorek’s mind, one that summed up all that he now was; Nightmare Lord. He was the Nightmare Lord of Azeroth. Not a hero, a conqueror...

And for one, horrible moment… it all felt so right…

“NO!” Khadorek screamed, pulling away and falling to the ground with Rhaetherion standing between him and the vortex, disgusted and horrified that he could even have considered such a thing. How could he? No, that would not be him, that would NEVER be him; this ended now. “Get your damned lies out of my head! I will not turn on everyone I care about for power over them! My choice is made, just accept it.” Khadorek barked to his alter ego, rising to his feet and storming towards the rift. Just as he passed Rhaetherion, a hand grabbed him and flung him backwards with immense speed and power, sending him crashing into a tree. Khadorek groaned as he tried to climb to his feet, while Rhaetherion just chuckled softly, shaking its head as claws formed around his hands.

“It’s sad to hear you say that, Khadorek, my friend. I however, do not wish to vanish into nothing like you believe will happen. I like existing, and I intend to keep doing so, however, this requires a host...” Rhaetherion began, advancing towards Khadorek with psychotic malice in its eyes. “Allow me to explain to you what will happen; I will drag you to my god, where you will enjoy the remainder of time at their tender mercies, while I take your place and take your place and live out eternity as General of N’zoth’s armies. I’m sorry we couldn’t be friends, Khad but… you know how it is…” It concluded before it pounced at him. Khadorek barely had enough time to block the claws with his own blade before they tore into him. Jumping to his feet, Khadorek lunged at the creature with an anguished and furious howl. What followed was a duel of epic proportions. Insults were hurled and biological weapons battered against one another, neither able to get a hit in against one another; you can’t trick your shadow, after all. Eventually it came down to a bladelock, both exhausted by what seemed like hours upon hours of fighting. “Why… do you resist… Khadorek?” Rhaetherion snarled. “Can’t you see this is just what’s meant to be?”

“Fuck you…” Khadorek retorted. “I may not have become the hero I thought I would, but I’ll be damned if I let you turn what’s left of me into a monster. I’m not going to let my mother down any more…” Rhaetherion just began to laugh.

“You still don’t fucking get it, do you?” It cackled. “I’ve been trying to make her vision a reality all this time, you’ve just never realized that you’ve been fighting for the wrong side!”

“Wha…?” Was all Khad could get out before they were both flung backward by their own force, weapons receding as the both gasped for air on their hands and knees.

“N’zoth saw your father’s work and knew it would be perfect to create his new champion. The vision in the stars that your mother saw was of HIS creation…” Rhaetherion explained in a gasping chuckle. “She whispered them into your head since some of your earliest days, and I was planted in your mind through her words. I grew to be a part of your mind before your first memories could form, I was the reason you grew so obsessed with this ‘heroic future’ fantasy you dreamed up. I am the reason you were too proud to show your infected wound to your father, why you kept fighting, why you so willingly accepted the treatments that were almost certain to have killed you! I am the reason you survived at all! I am the reason you kept fighting when everything else told you to just give up and die! I am your pride! I am your will! I am the reason you became who you are! Can’t you see? I! AM! YOU!” Rhaetherion bellowed, while Khad just sat there in shock and horror.

“My entire life…” Khad began.

“Was a lie, a charade.” Rhaetherion finished. “I’ve been guiding you since the beginning, you’ve been under my control since the beginning.” Khad just looked at the ground, trying to process it all. “Now do you understand, Khadorek the Pawn?”

“I see…” Khadorek murmured, Rhaetherion sneered.

“Good… and what has this enlightenment made you decide to do?” It asked as Khad began to rise to his feet.

“We go to Nya’lotha…” Khad drones as he gets to his feet, and Rhaetherion sneers. “I don’t know what will happen to me, but I swear by all that’s holy…” Khadorek continued, clenching his fists and beginning to charge at Rhaetherion. “…that you will be in PIECES WHEN WE GET THERE!” He howled, ramming his shoulder into the shocked doppelgänger and sending them both down into the rift.

“This is for Mary!” Khadorek roared, grabbing a hold of his copy’s throat and punching it in the face. “This is for my mother!” Khad continued, driving his fist forward again. “This is for EVERY! LIFE! THAT YOU! RUINED!” Khad howled, voice cracking as he pummeled the apparition over and over again, while it just stared on in shock. As they fell end over end into the depths, Khadorek looked up at the light as it drifted away for the last time for but a moment, before once more returning to the entity that caused him all the pain he had endured, seeking to punish it for all the pain it caused and would have caused as they plummeted down into the all-consuming blackness…

End of Chapter 2

@the-notorious-never-do-well @murkeyglglgl​ @sephrick @gregwymor

(lol surprise, good for you for reading this far, and noticing the read more :P)

Chapter 3: Valarjar Rising

 As Khadorek continued his assault on his tormentor, both had failed to notice that the light was not getting further away, no… it was getting closer. As Khadorek wound up another blow, a hand caught his arm, halting their fall, and in that moment, he noticed the blazing corona of silvery light around them that seemed to cause Rhaetherion immense amounts of searing pain. Looking up at what caught him, and squinting through the piercing glow, he saw a woman with pail blue skin, silvered armour and hair, long and ethereal. Her helm obscured all save the lower half of her face, and two angelic wings stretched from her back, hammering in the nothingness. Her oddly-accented voice boomed out as she spoke, and Khad realized what she was, though he could scarcely believe it.

“Khadorek Blackbyrne!” She proclaimed, voice echoing with power. “Your sacrifice, both here and upon Azeroth were valorous and noble. Your desire to atone and to protect those you hold dear will be remembered for eternity, but this need not be your final fate! Odyn has judged you and found you worthy, and thus I have come to you to offer you a second chance! Are you willing to serve a greater power?!” She asked, Khad just stared for a time at the woman, before his eyes narrowed, and he clenched his fist around her arm, and offered a wordless nod of confirmation.

“No… No!” Rhaetherion gasped, a new emotion beginning to fill its dark soul; that emotion was fear. “You can’t do this to me! I am the reason you made it here, I am the reason you are what you are, damn it! You need me! YOU NEED ME!” It howled. Khadorek looked down coldly at the begging abomination held within his grasp. Raising it up to look it in the eye, it snarled in pain as the astral light tore at its form. Khadorek’s voice showed no mercy to this… thing, for what did it do to deserve such?

“Not anymore… when you meet this god of yours, be sure to tell him you failed.” Khad snarled coldly, before tossing Rhaetherion away, leaving him to snatch at empty air as it fell screaming into the void; a sound Khadorek drank in like sweet music as he was lifted up into the glorious light.

Skyhold, The Halls of Valor

There was usually a great ordeal about Skyhold when a new champion joined their ranks, and this was no exception. Preparations had been made for his arrival, and even now the great mead hall roared with commotion and life in anticipation of the great feast that would be held in the champion’s honour, as it always was. Helgar was laying out one of his more recent creations; a skeleton forged of Blue Stormforged Steel for the champion’s body to be reformed around, to allow his damaged soul to properly take root, and to allow his body to utilize the inhuman might granted to him by his… unique affliction without further damage. His power was stolen from the great enemy, so preserving it so it can be used against it properly was of considerable import; Helgar just hoped it worked.

“Everything is ready, Lord Odyn.” Helgar remarked as his apprentices put the remaining bones in position.

“Very good, Master Smith. Is the Battlelord present?” Odyn asked in his booming voice, one befitting of his stature.

“No, Lord Odyn.” Came the reply of Lord Darius Crowly, a grizzled worgen renowned throughout the Alliance for his fighting prowess. “They’re helping prepare the armies of the Broken Shore for the assault on Argus.” Odyn sighed, the Battlelord was always like this; no rest, all work.

“Very well. Has Astriid returned with his soul?” Odyn asked.

“I have, Lord!” Came the Val’kyr’s reply as she soared over to the metal colossus’ side. Hovering in her hand was a glowing orb, one much fainter than the ones she normally bore.

“He has sustained much damage… we must waste no time!” Odyn remarked before addressing the Valarjar. “Valarjar! Once more we gather to induct a mortal champion into our ranks! Like all of you, he has proven his valor and selflessness through his acts of bravery, duty and sacrifice! He has stolen power from the great foe, one that pushes his body above and beyond that which many can achieve on their own! His hardships have been many, and he has long suffered under the burden of the crimes those who sought to control him would have him do, well no more!” Odyn cast his light upon the skeleton, sending the soul into it, and then the scarred flesh began to form around it, returning life to a being many thought long dead. “To ashes he went, and from ashes he shall rise and come home to us! Behold our new champion, Sir Khadorek Blackbyrne!” Odyn finished his speech as the reformation completed. For a moment, there was silence; had it worked? Were they too late to grant the hero new life? All Skyhold seemed to hold their breath in anticipation.

All was silent and dark for Khadorek. Had everything been a flickering vision brought on by the end of his life? Had he really accomplished nothing? Suddenly, he felt his naked body lying on a cold metal floor. He gasped for what seemed like the first time in years, his new lungs taking in fresh oxygen for the first time. His eyes snapped open, looking around at the great golden hall as the adjusted to the light. His body, slow, heavy and unfamiliar, lurched to his feet as he looked around at the massive crowd. Races of the Alliance and Horde both stared at him, framed by the towering Vrykrul, both of fleh and crackling metal. At once all cheered out in unison.

“Blackbyrne lives!” The call went out, followed by two loud rhythmic bangs as tankards and fists were smashed against the long, oaken tables and the hafts of weapons and heavy footfalls crashed down against the metal floor. As Khadorek processed this, a robe was placed about his shoulders to let him cover himself, and Khadorek looked back to see the great metal giant behind him address the gathered crowds in a booming voice.

“Yes! Our champion lives once more! He shall serve as a great warrior of the Valarjar, just as he did in his former life! Let this be the first of a great many feasts in this man’s honour!”

“Glory to Odyn!” The crowd replied, once more pounding twice. “Blackbyrne lives!” The again repeated, followed by two more bangs before it became a chant of “Blackbyrne lives!” over and over again, paired with cheering and applause. Khadorek still wasn’t sure what to make of all this, though he welcomed the tankard the armoured draenei woman brought to him. One thing was certain, though, he would not let this second chance go to waste.

[anything-advice-blog]

Submission - relationship problems that are driving me insane and could hurt someone i care about

For the record, I’ll just have you know I’m a girl in high school who’s DEFINITELY somewhere on the spectrum of asexuality (I’m not aromantic and I’ve masturbated multiple times in the past and I’m pretty sure I’m bi but with a romantic preference for guys…but if I were to ever do something physical I’d probably prefer it with a girl tbh?? idk if that’s weird or if that information was neccessary but in case it helps)

So I’m kind of in a relationship with this guy, and trust me, he’s amazing. He’s extremely caring and compassionate and loves me very much. Of course, he wants to get physically intimate (nothing huge, just maybe hand holding or hugging or cuddling or whatever). We’re both fifteen and very socially awkward nerds, and openly aware of it. Neither of us have kissed anyone yet, like not at all, and he’s asked multiple times if he can kiss me, and every single time I’ve turned him down. We have many deep philosophical conversations, also some about science and politics (though he knows a lot more than I do), and he’s just truly profound and brilliant and emotional but rational. He’s very empathic, open minded and understanding, guided by a strong moral compass…not to mention he’s a huuuuge meat lover and I’m actually succeeding in turning him vegan (logic and ethics always get to him). Thing is, I’m not easily fooled by men and their lies. I’m fully conscious when someone is acting/lying or gold-digging, and when I’m being manipulated, and I’ve known this guy VERY WELL for like two years now. We were best friends before we decided to tell each other how we feel, and he is very honest and sincere. He doesn’t try to act like something he’s not and while he’s polite, he truly doesn’t care what others think of him. We’ve both had psychological problems in the past and have counselled each other and helped each other through it (although I think I’ve helped him a lot more than he’s helped me. He’s been in a constant depressive state for like three years and honestly probably would’ve still been really depressed and unhappy if I hadn’t come along…obviously a three-year depression can’t go away completely just like that but for the first time in forever he’s really, truly happy). I make him incredibly happy and I know how much he loves me. In fact, he knows I’m uncomfortable with physical affection and is literally willing to wait as long as it takes for me. I mean, dude. The guy is fucking amazing. He’s super clingy and mushy and lovey-dovey and he knows I hate that shit so he’s trying to cut down on it as much as possible and give me space to let me breathe, and he’s in it for the long term. Dude. He actually wants to spend the rest of his life with me and no other girl.

 But.

Here’s the big fat fucking problem. There’s two obstacles in the way of our happiness together. There’s me. There’s my fucked up mind. I’ve done this before with another guy, who actually happens to be one of his friends. See, this guy was (is) smart, and although he’s not as deep and philosophical as my current “boyfriend”, he was super chill and understanding. Truly amazing. He liked me for exactly who I was and constantly told me I was beautiful and smart, that I was worth it and enough and deserved the best. Kind of like my current boyfriend, he reassured me and reminded me to love myself and help me get over some fears of mine. 10/10 Tumblr’s dream boyfriend. And I eventually got bored of him somehow. My attraction began to fade until I had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever and I dumped him. The worst part is that I didn’t even dump him. I just ignored him until he got the hint. He picked up on it pretty quickly, too. After a few days of texting “I love you, I don’t want to lose you, I feel like you don’t like me anymore, what’s wrong, are you okay?” he finally just gave up. I avoided him like the plague until time made us strangers again, and now the two of us don’t acknowledge the past at all. It’s like it never happened. We just pretend it never existed and have never mentioned the giant elephant in the room, and now we just hang out regularly with our group of friends and joke like we used to.

First obstacle, like I said, is my fucked up mind. Here’s the thing about me. I’m what people call a heartbreaker, which honestly sounds cool and sexy and glamorous, the way strong empowered women who eat men for breakfast are glorified in edgy pop songs, but it’s honestly a psychological problem. And I’m not popular or slutty or anything, I’m just one of those girls, a tease who doesn’t know what the fuck she wants. And I don’t want to be one of those fantasy tough badass bitches that every heartbroken girl aspires to be, those who chew hearts up, spit them out and leave them in the dust. I don’t want to hurt good people. My current boyfriend doesn’t deserve me, but he also doesn’t deserve getting his heart broken. And I’m terrified because I can practically feel how crushed he’d be. He’d never get over it. If I dumped him, it would haunt him forever and I’d lose my best friend because we won’t be able to talk openly anymore. I’ll heal eventually (pretty soon actually), but he’d never be the same.

Another thing. I have really severe anxiety, multiple forms of it diagnosed by a professional, and avoidant personality disorder. I don’t confront my problems. Anything even slightly out of my comfort zone, I just can’t face directly. I can’t even present in front of a class. Today I cut class cause of a presentation I was totally ready for…I literally had like eleven lines of dialogue…but I skipped because the class was full of judgemental ass Enhanced students who already knew I was like four levels dumber than them. I just couldn’t deal with it. I avoid everything and then it just piles up until I just break down and have a serious twenty-minute panic attack. 

Not to mention I’m super weird with affection and don’t want to hug or cuddle or hold hands or god forbid kiss, let alone do anything even remotely sexual. I just don’t like other people touching me. Romantic physical gestures just make me tense up and I get super awkward. Now, I’m not sure if my asexual ass is just wired this way or if I’m just really young and inexperienced and will get used to it in time. Maybe it’s cause I’m fifteen and overthink everything and am always super uncomfortable, or maybe this condition is permanent. Either way, I also fear longterm commitment

Okay. Second obstacle.

Of course, there’s another guy.

This guy I’ve liked for almost five years. Literally, since the first day of middle school when I first laid eyes on him, I was completely infatuated. All my dreams and fantasies were of him. Like, in my mind, we have already been married for decades and had three children (okay not literally, my biggest fear is actually having kids…my worst nightmares are of pregnancy and labor and giving birth and raising human beings and paying rent/taxes/bills and public transit and adulting but you get what I’m saying).

And guess what? My current boyfriend and I officially started going out the day after Valentine’s Day, this year. Because on Valentine’s Day, I found out the love of my life had a girlfriend.

(Actually, he has multiple flings and one girl I think is serious, but she’s long distance and both of them are perfectly okay with each other hooking up with other people while they’re not in the same country. Every year he goes overseas for the summer and during the summer they’re an official couple, but every other day of the year they literally tell each other everything. Like about the different people in their life and who they’ve hooked up with, and they’re both perfectly fine with it for some reason?? I don’t get it. It’s not even a polyamorous relationship. The guy just has a bunch of side hoes who he feels no emotional attatchment to…and, he reassured me, it’s completely mutual…and he just sometimes gets physical with when he’s lonely. But all of them know they’re not the only girls in his life and are okay with it because he’s also not the only guy in their life and they don’t like each other, they just make out or whatever?? Honestly, I don’t understand how it works at all but whatever.)

 So my dilemma is that you can’t get over a crush…just like that. And the funny thing is, my current boyfriend is the only reason that middle school crush of mine even knows I exist now.

Okay, I think I should start using code names now;

X = current boyfriend, Y = middle school crush with a lot of side chicks

It’s hilarious because Y is the hot popular stereotypical fuckboy (or at least I thought he was…he’s not as shallow or superficial, and he’s aware of his ego and tries his best not to act as entitled/obnoxious as those douchebag friends of his that he doesn’t even like, and he’s actually really emotional but doesn’t show it and never lets himself be vulnerable) and he never once batted an eye in my direction, and NOW we are actually really good fucking friends.

All because of X.

See, X knew I liked Y, and although he liked me (a lot!), he pushed those feelings aside to help set me up with Y, because he considered my happiness more important than his own (and still does, which is why it’s so difficult to ever break his heart and I feel ridiculously guilty for even thinking like this). He got us talking, and now although Y is one of those hypersocial extroverts that adapts to their environment really easily and can fit in literally anywhere (the guy doesn’t have a specific clique, he can literally just hang out with anyone), he actually chooses to spend his lunches with my group of friends. And I’m not trying to make it sound like he’s gracing us with his superior presence and aura of popularity and coolness. He genuinely enjoys our company. I’ve noticed that although he’s ultracool and popular and everyone wants to hang out with him, he’s always just wandering alone with his earbuds in. Guy’s a loner by choice because he’s sick of his usual crowds…they’re either street thugs, drug lords and juvenile delinquents who are a really bad influence on him (I’m talking like the actual hood here, filled with criminals, gangfights and crystal meth), or the seriously dumb brain-fried stoners who do nothing but play video games and talk shit (these people are seriously stupid…they can barely form coherent sentences and have all dropped out of or failed school) OR the plastic popular crowd (who are all super fake, self centred and obsessed with their image).

He’s been making an effort to distance himself from these people. And it’s not that he’s one of us now. He’s not a meme-obsessed nerd who always cracks sick jokes about drugs and sex but has literally zero experience with any of it, because although we all have a dark, dry, fucked up sense of humor, we work hard, care about school and homework/chores and family duties, and get good grades, alwhile having our own geeky hobbies and quirks and pleasures, like computer programming or gaming or music or visual art and Photoshop. (X and my ex are both into computer programming, although X is a lot better and is basically kind of a genius when it comes to computer tech and programming. Y is a pitch perfect musical prodigy who composes amazing songs, can pick up on the chords to a new one in five minutes after listening to it for the first time, and can play the guitar and harmonica at the same time expertly. They’re both super talented and passionate about these things. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about their personalities, I don’t know what will.)

Sorry. I’m getting too into detail

Thing is, I don’t think I love either of them. Or I might love both of them in different ways. But the thing is, I don’t know what love is. I don’t know if I can love. And I want to be loyal and devoted to X and love him as much as he loves me but it’s so damn hard with Y around. I don’t think I love Y as much as I love the idea of Y. I just love the way Y makes me feel. He’s kind of unstable and unpredictable (exactly the kind of wild mad love affair you want in high school but won’t last a day after grad) and a life with him would be fun. I’d never be bored, and I’d constantly feel the same rush of adrenaline I’ve always felt around him. You know, the typical stomach butterflies and pounding/racing heart and blood rushing to your brain, making you act crazy and be bold and do daring things. I’m somewhat of a thrill seeker.

But here’s the thing.

A relationship with Y, any plain fool could see, will not last. Let’s say, hypothetically, he does feel something for me. (He probably doesn’t, although X and my best female friend have said they’ve noticed something different about his behavior around me.) What then? We flirt, he gets me to smoke a joint or two, then eventually he pushes for deeper physical intimacy and I’m super nervous around him and want to take it ridiculously slow (because, let’s face it…if I’m uncomfortable doing anything with X, I’ll be awkward and self conscious as hell with Y). After a while, he gets tired of my unwillingness to reciprocate his sexual needs and calls up one of the many girls waiitng in line.

 Now, I’m not saying he’d do this. He himself has told me today that he doesn’t want a romantic relationship at the moment, just light flings that everyone’s chill with, but if he were to meet a girl he was serious about spending the rest of his life with, he would immediately tell all of his Saturday night hookups that he has a girlfriend and he would be committed in the long term. But I have trust issues bordering on paranoia. I’m suspicious of everyone. Especially him.

 A relationship with X, however.

X isn’t as physically attractive as Y is. Y is tall and blond and toned and takes great care of his appearance. He works out at the gym and has a haircut that costs more than ten bucks and actually wears clothes that he knows make him look hot. X actually has a very handsome facial structure and in ten, twenty, thirty years, X is going to fill out his scrawny skin-and-bones build and look a lot better than Y will.

And I know he loves me and cares for me and will never leave me, no matter what, or try to push me out of my comfort zone or make me do anything I don’t want to do. He wants what’s best for me and just wants me to be happy and healthy, even if it means sacrificing his own best interests in the process. That I can be sure of. The guy has no ulterior motives. He’s genuine and open and tells me things even if it’s embarrassing (and honestly sometimes I wish he would know where to draw a line when sharing shit, if you know what I mean). And unlike hedonistic Y, who drinks and smokes, X cares way too much about his neurons and physical/mental health in general to do anything like that.

Now, you probably see no dilemma. You’re thinking, “What the fuck is wrong with this kid? Where the fuck was X when I was in high school? Is X even real? He’s literally every girl’s dream. Y is a self destructive brain damaged stereotypical misogynistic fuckboy and that will never change.”

Well, it’s the current way they make me feel.

X was the best best friend I could ask for, back when we were nothing but best friends. He was someone I shared a deep bond with, a very close personal connection that was definitely more than platonic. There was always this chemistry. We just clicked.

But right now, he’s starting to bum me out. And no. It’s definitely not him. It’s just me. I know everyone’s heard this a million times but it’s true. He’s not doing anything wrong or different. His presence is simply smothering. I feel like I can’t breathe. (Not in a romantic way. In a miserably suffocating way.)

I have no idea what’s wrong with me or why I feel this way. It’s entirely possible that I only feel like this because I’m not quite over Y yet, and if I just give it time and hang on for a few more months, I’ll forget about Y and learn to truly appreciate X.

But what if I don’t? What if we just grow so distant that in the end I push him away completely because I can’t having Y so close yet so far away?

(Okay, this is starting to sound really dramatic and edgy. But seriously.)

My dilemma is that if I dump X, he’ll be heartbroken and I won’t be able to live with myself (okay not literally but the guilt would drive me insane) and he’d be really depressed (which he doesn’t deserve and goddammit I love him, I don’t want him to be unhappy). But stay with X and not tell him anything, I’LL be unhappy. I’ll suffer because Y, the guy I’ve been hopelessly in love with since the beginning of time, the guy I’ve always dreamt was my soulmate and would be my forever, is standing right there just out of reach…not to mention it would be horribly unfair to X to hide and pretend and act like everything’s okay. I’d be living a lie.

(And the worst part, if I cheat on X with Y. Like, what the fuck am I thinking?? Who am I anymore??? Don’t worry, I’m definitely not actually planning on doing it. Ever. I’d hate myself forever.)

Either way this goes, I’m guilty. I’m either a cheater, a liar, or a heartbreaker. Whichever way this goes, I’m a horrible person.

Unless we go for the scariest but most morally right scenario. I tell X exactly what’s going on. We talk about it, then I decide if I should tell Y. The problem is, this road is so unpredictable, full of twists and turns. It’s ethical, but it’s terrifying and could result in tension all around.

My question is; seriously, is there ANY way to deal with this where EVERYONE is happy??

(I’ll take “moderately content” by this point.)

 It was extremely difficult to admit my feelings to myself. I know it’s wrong. That’s why I’m writing you. I’m so sorry about this long-ass novel. It probably sounds like the most dramatic clichè ever but human emotions are a lot more complicated than that and I want to know how to be happy without hurting anyone, because so far, every scenario I’ve played out in my head, no one really wins. I really need advice on this from someone older and more experienced. Insight from multiple sources with different opinions would be very much appreciated. Thank you so much for this blog, and for taking the time to actually read through all of this. Sorry it’s so long.

(P.S. I think I forgot to mention that X and I are kind of the unofficial school therapists. Everyone trusts X 100%, and he knows literally everyone’s deepest darkest secrets and has never uttered a word about them to anyone. Also, a lot of people seem to think I’m trustworthy and confide in me, although I see myself as somewhat of a mild gossip, and they seek help from me. Y is currently my only “patient”. He has a serious weed problem and has even considered mushrooms once but I talked him out of it, thankfully. He lives for new psychedelic/spiritual experiences and I’m helping him quit smoking and develop a more sensible, stable mindset. My “nurturing methods”, as he called them, are quite effective, according to him, and although I don’t see much progress, he claims I’ve helped him a lot since we met.

P.P.S. You know how I cut class today? I skipped with him and we had a very long and enlightening conversation and he told me a bunch of personal stuff and then I kind of told him about my problem with X and relationships in general. I said I wasn’t affectionate or romantic and didn’t like clingy partners and always pushed people away, but I didn’t tell him he was a big part of the reason my attraction to X was fading. Seriously. I’d rather die. And now Y and my mother are the only humans on earth who know X and I are drifting apart.

P.P.P.S. Y told me to keep X. He told me that he could see how much X loved me and how happy I made him, and that he didn’t deserve to be dumped like that, all of which I already knew and made me feel worse because he was right. Then he told me if I were to drop him…like, if the relationship was seriously making me unhappy…I had to do it in the gentlest way possible and be super careful not to hurt him. He also told me that I should tell X everything I told Y, because clear communication and mutual trust are the foundation upon which successful relationships are built upon. Funny enough, X said the same thing. I. Am. Freaking. Out. Please help me.)

I don’t want to do something I’ll regret. Any guidance you can offer would be very much appreciated.

hey, just another note on a past submission

You know how the asexual bicurious “heartbreaker” high school girl who sent you that submission about her current boyfriend X and the guy she’s liked forever Y? Yeah, just another note on it.

I JUST WANTED TO ADD THAT IT’S NOT URGENT, BUT IT IS VERY TIME SENSITIVE BECAUSE I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND CAN’T PREDICT MY OWN ACTIONS AT THIS POINT. 

Please tag your response with “stellaster” (don’t ask, it’s a unique personal thing that doesn’t have a tumblr tag)

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 Hey love, 

So first off, no. There is not a way that you can end things and everything can be happy, immediately. That’s the key word. We all find our ways to happiness sooner or later. We are all heartbroken and sad after a break and that’s completely normal so expecting for X to be happy even after breaking up is unrealistic. He’ll be unhappy and you can only hope that he’ll find his way and he’ll become happy again. But staying with him while you don’t love him or care for him in the way that he thinks you do, that would also make him unhappy as well. It’ll lead him to think that he’s making you unhappy and no one wants to do that to the ones they love. You also said that if you leave him and break his heart he’ll never be the same again. While this may be true, you don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing. No one bounces back after having their heart broken loving so fervently. However, he can become stronger. Will he be more cautious? Maybe, but we can hope that he’ll love again. You don’t know that someone else won’t come along and prove him that he deserves the best of everything.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to be honest with X about your relationship. Let him know that you don’t feel a strong emotion for him anymore. Let him know that while you realise it’s safe to be with him in the long run, you just don’t feel the rush of emotions that you want and you may not love him the same way he loves you. It’s important that you’re honest in all of your relationships because everyone deserves that. Everyone deserves an honest partner. I don’t know what else you want to do in regards to Y since he said he didn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship and you don’t seem to feel that it’ll be more than a hot moment of adrenaline either. But it may be better for all three for you to take some time and discover yourselves. You’re still in high school. You’re all young and there’s still sooooo many years ahead of you. So explore. If you realise that you still love X or Y later, maybe you can reconnect. While you’re discovering yourself, you can remain friends.

As for love, no one really defines love in the same way as others. So I would advise that you start thinking about what it means for you personally. When you think about love, when you think about soulmates, what do you expect from it? Don’t base it on what others think. What do you think it should mean? For me, a soulmate means a home. It means someone who accepts you for all that you are. Someone who is willing to die for you but also is willing to live as passionately for you. Someone who makes you feel safe, not just physically but emotionally as well. But a soulmate is also someone who challenges you to become better. To be a better person, to make you want to take on tasks that fear you and overcome them. That’s what it means to me. So while my soulmate may not be a romantic partner, it can be a platonic partner as well. So figure out what it means to you. And you know what? You may not figure it out for a while. You may not know for a while, and that’s fine too.

I don’t think you’re strange for having an aversion to physical touch. Touch aversion is not uncommon for asexuals. I would adivse that you look up more on asexuality and touch aversion. It’s not an uncommon phenomenon. It’ll help you find soe peace with what you’re feeling rather than feeling out of sorts and weird. Explore your seuxailty and your romantic preferences. A lot of people have different preferences and the world is no longer black and white anymore. There’s a million shades of grey in between and we just have to learn to navigate ourselves based on our feelings. So you may find out later that you’re not as romantic as you had thought. You may be aromantic or demiromantic. You may only want a QPP instead of a lover in your life. Whatever it is, exploration of self is the best adventure to go on.

I hope this helps a little. I tried to tackle everything as best as I could. I hope everything works out.

Always by your side,

Kelly