#anyone else just absolutely love this awesome thot?

[anti-kawaii-daily]

Today's Anti-Kawaii Character of The Day is Panty Anarchy from Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt! She is associated with Erokawa imagery!

[having-a-hyperfixate]

The Final Day’‘

This is absolutely going to be long and rambley af so I’mma just put a cut here. This is just one massive post for the entire rest of the game.

Rindo is back in the RG somehow. Which makes less than no sense. What was that crazy beam. Shibuya is GONE there isn’t an RG to send him back to, even if someone did want to send him back?

That beam reminded me of the Jesus beams not gonna lie.

But… Fret. Presumably Nagi and Beat too. They’re. Gone. Poor Rindo… That’s the worst kind of gaslighting. Reality itself is gaslighting this poor kid. ‘Your best friend in the world is gone, so gone that no one remembers him. You don’t even get to mourn properly because there is no one TO mourn.’  I am also not okay.

I assume this random talking to us at Hachiko is the dude I saw a brief glimpse of in a screenshot from the final trailer. Hazuki Mikagi, okay. Everything about this is supremely weird. 

Leading this weirdo around and he asked how we feel about emotions? Um, what?

Was he responsible for that beam of light?

This whole thing is extremely unsettling, I don’t think I like it. The music is all… serene, this guy keeps asking existential questions, who even comes up to some kid clearly having a bad day and demands a tour of the city.

He knows Rindo’s name even though we never told him. Not sure if that was a slip or an intentional nudge that Something is going on but there we go.

‘I should take this chance to apologize for Kubo. He’s a real piece of work.’ WHAT. YOU SEND HIM TO SHINJUKU?!?! IS THIS KID GOD!? WHAT!??!

‘Exorcised’. Like a demon. Which is a psychic rank you can get in the first game, and probably this game, ergo, a thing that exists in this universe.

Okay. So this Hazuki guy is Something Else. I dunno if he’s an Angel or higher or WHAT. He’s something. And he “exorcised” what Fuckwad had Fallen to when he decided not to stop at Shinjuku and continue on to Shibuya. But he only did this after Rindo faught so hard to stop it. And then he gave Rindo what he thought Rindo wanted. And now he’s here trying to understand why Rindo is miserable. Which to us, as humans, is obvious: the people he loved, the connections and family he had made through the game are all gone and worse, no one remembers they ever existed.

And now he’s being offered the chance to try again. This feels like a double edged sword. And I don’t care.

Okay I actually kind of appreciate the thing Hazuki is pulling here. He knows what it is that Rindo wants, I’m pretty sure he’s listening to his thoughts, actually, and in order to make Rindo own up to it he’s arguing the ‘no’ position. Giving Rindo someone to argue against so he can convince himself.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT UDAGAWA.

Bruh some of these clips were in the announcement trailer.

(I can’t wait to read the secret reports. That’s gonna be a wild ride.)

Oooooh that’s what ‘exorcised’ means. That is hardcore. He definitely deserved it but that is uh. Slightly inconvenient.

Can we actually contact Rhyme this time PLEASE. Oooh Rindo worked out Kaie is waiting for Rhyme. :O I’M FINALLY GONNA GET MY MASSIVE COUNTER OFFENSIVE FUCK YES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I’M PUMPED LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!

Who’s gonna protect them. Beat. Really. Just give them the damn pins at this point. They both know their ways around a fight and Kaie might need the backup. If we lose, we’re all toast regardless, and if we win everyone gets put back where they belong.

AAAAAAAAAAAH SHE’S HERE!!! RHYME!!!! Aw… She can’t see Neku and Shoka cuz they’re actually dead. That’s really depressing. Makes sense but like. Oof. Especially for Neku.

I love that Rhyme still has a saying for everything.

This timeline is going to be a mess by the time I get everything positioned correctly lmao

Beat’s ‘How do you know about my sister?! Right, future.’ is never going to NOT be funny. It’s very refreshing to have a time travel plot where people just listen when he tells them shit needs to happen.

Is it acutaly Shiki time ohh my god. I might cry. Please tell me she has a face now. If her face is still illegal I will actually scream.

I’m offended. We didn’t get to go see Shiki. The betrayal. OH but now we might be? Stop playing with me, game. GIVE. ME. SHIKI.

Rindo was freaking out that we weren’t gonna be able to get rid of all the Noise around the café and I definitely threw my hands up and yelled when I saw the word ‘zeptogram’. And I read it before he said it, cuz I read v. fast. Nice to see you again, idiot. Please don’t go berserk again.

I am. Very impressed that Minamimoto managed to work out where the Dissonance Noise are coming from, down to the exact energy source that creates them. He nailed it. Well done sir.

I think… he’s proposing we awaken the city and use the energy generated by the thoughts and emotions of the living people to neutralize some of the Dissonance Noise that are waiting in the pin. Erode some of its power.

“How about this: I’ll talk, you type.” Lmao.

I got denied Shiki again. Part of me is annoyed. The other part of me is like ‘are they saving her entrance for when she can see Neku again properly because I can live with that’.

OH the Hishima cutscene is voiced now OKAY. Guess that means this is the one. Rhyme is voiced too. This is gonna be it.

And she speaks Minamioto. Coo.

Huh. Neku’s power is to sync with people. Which he learned to do in the first game. From Mr H, with the harmonizer pin. (Twister is playing and I have Emotions help) And now he’s gonna do it on an absolutely MASSIVE scale. This is insane. I am 1,000% here for it. Sync, Dive, Remind. And if I had to guess, we’re doing this atop 104.

Alright Shiba. ‘Mere. Tsugumi’s eyes aren’t all freaky anymore yay. Oh snap. He’s gonna unleash the Plague Noise against the Dissonance ones. Nice. Turnabout is fair play. I’m kinda sad Fuckwad isn’t here to witness that.

Alright. Change. Our. Fate.

SHIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gave myself a headache ow.

“07734.” “Ew. Hey! Don’t just spout off numbers and walk away, you jerk!” That was amazing.

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. NO. NO WAY. I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY WAY. OH. MY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. This is the first time Neku’s seen him since Joshua failed to stop Coco from killing him. I’m. A puddle. Help. Neku looked so happy. My cat is slightly concerned haha.

Neku still holds his hands like he’s got the headphones. The same pose as in the first game when you scan. This gives me all the feels.

“They’re just mindless thoughts” Okay so I’m mentally exhausted at this point and I processed that as ‘thots’ and it was hilarious. BEGONE THOTS.

Okay this thing right here? This is a final boss. And it is cool as fuck. Too bad it’s trying to END ME. So cool. SO. COOL. Here comes phase 2 lol. I died and had to redo it. FML.

That. Was awesome. A worthy successor to the epic final strike of the first game. 999% eh?

I continue to not like Shinjuku rules. Once you’re a Reaper, leaving means you get erased once the game ends? Disrespectfully, fuck that. Oh don’t you dare, Shoka. Don’t. You. Dare.

Oh, Joshua is here. PLEASE. Lmao Shoka’s reaction. I’m sure he appreciates that, the drama queen.

*facepalms* Joshua strikes again. I’ve missed you, you little shit. You are terrible, but I missed you. Rindo, I’m pretty sure she’s fine. I think captain helpful over here reincarnated her for you. Since you saved him and his city. I guess I’ll see though.

Uzuki and Kariya continue to be adorable. I love them. And yeah, good luck calling in that debt from Minamimoto, Coco. Gooooood luck.

I’m having a lot of Joshua centered emotions right now there is too much Joshua all at once help. “I should have known I could trust you.” You are killing me dude. You really, really should have. I’m going to turn that line over in my head for way too long, I just know it, but let’s try to get through this before my brain turns off completely. “Let’s not keep her waiting.” OKAY THANKS I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN.

What Hazuki was saying about ‘purifying’ as opposed to ‘destroying’ Shinjuku makes me think that restarting it in some form was always part of the plan, so hopefully they’ll have luck with that. It’s still profoundly fucked up that any of that happened, and even more so that it was sanctioned. I’m. Going to be hung up on that for a while once it sinks in.

This poor idiot hitting on Rhyme is about to get got oh no XD

Shiki is breaking my heart. Aaaaaaaah!!! Reunioooooon.

Ooof it’s been a month since Rindo saw Shoka. Big oof. Joshuaaaaaa.

And then they almost got hit by a car lmao. OMG HE MISSED HER FRIEND REQUESTS AHAHAHAHAH YOU GOOBER. Neku really should have warned them that Joshua is Like That lol. Even when he’s being helpful it’s in the must backhanded way possible.

I would very much like to know why on earth Shinjuku needed to be obliterated though. Like. Does that… Happen often? Maybe the secret reports say.

Speaking of, time to get those, along with the rest of the trophies.

!!!! The title screen updated, NICE. Can’t let anyone who hasn’t beaten it see that but NICE.

There’s another Another Day. Oh boy. I am not ready for that madness yet.

Random thought as I was moving this from word, where I typed it: I’m really, really fucking glad they didn’t decide to deal with Mr H the way they dealt with sleezy mcfuckwad. That would have been… I don’t have a word.

[soysaurus]

002. dabi ;]

omg i shouldve known this boi would appear. (got kind of long so below cut now)

ok so just in case anyone sees this and like. wants context:

002 | Give me a character & I will tell you

How I feel about this character:

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

My unpopular opinion about this character:

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

my OTP:

my cross over ship:

a headcanon fact:

How I feel about this character:

i love him. hes such a stinky nasty gremlin boy and i have thought about him too much tbh. hes my favourite bnha chara, if it aint obvious with the copious amount of dabi shit thats been rbed onto this blog and the fact that dabi appears in almost all my bnha fics. but yes. hes an awesome funky wee devil man. i want him to get away with all his crimes. go kingggg.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

oh my god. so uh wait i need to go check a doc bc like. im very bad at remembering things i like??? so this list is not exhaustive, but also im not the biggest multishipper in the world so like. maybe it is. but off the top of my head: 1. hawks 2. rumi 3. chisaki kai 4. geten 5. my first dabi ship was shiggy tbh, and sometimes i still ship them but most of the time i dont anymore. kinda depends on how im feeling 6. jin is also a very dependant on my mood shipping chara. hes just such a great friend

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

oh fuck. i really love just. dabi and kaminari. like they would have such a chaotic relationship, esp when put in this kind of mentor and mentee context. also, dude i think he would be absolute besties (but like reluctant besties bc he also cant fucking stand her) with moe aka burnin. i love her too. ok this is me rambling and IM SORRY but as you know, i love aus. and i hc that they both just kind of grew up together bc like their families know one another bc yknow rich family connections—and maybe they didnt really talk as kids/teens, but kind of later on when they get in their 20s or something. like, they get closer. maybe bc moe works w dabi/touya's dad and he cant really get away from her.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

ah fuck haha. um, i dont know if this is an unpopular opinion bc frankly i forget whats popular and whats not haha thanks adhd. im blaming this on my adhd and not pure ignorance lollll (let me have this pls omg) but i disagree with a lot of dabi characterisation i see. i think this is because i like aus and more mellow/down-to-earth themes but i see dabi as this a lot quieter chara than i often see in fan media. like, not as attention seeking or, well, as annoying? like i feel like he keeps to himself a lot—not to say he doesnt have outbursts bc like. wow man. his emotions are very much like his quirk use. and it hurts him more than it hurts anyone else. um damn im trying to think what other opinions i have? but yeah im terrible at coming up with things off the top of my head. literally head empty no thots unless ive been reminded of something and then again its like. be there or miss that rant lol. i have terrible memory <3

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

oh backstory. definitely backstory. oK THIS MIGHT BE AN UNPOPULAR OPINION but i kind of didnt really like how his backstory was revealed and things. i think this was also the time i was kind of dropping off from bnha so the added disappointment kind of...just fuelled me to be even less invested.

um, im actually trying to remember what it exactly was but tbh i cant. i remember not liking some of his lines and just...the way he was framed sometimes. i think it might have been this glamorisation of enji at points—but im not too sure now bc i cant remember what i was thinking, only what i felt in those moments. soz </3

oh!! i think—and this was like, purely something unrealistic but just a hope/something i thought would be nice—some hints/a few connections and things with other charas when dabi was younger. this could be my dabihawks heart but like. esp w hawks. even if it was just something in the background but i love it when theres like this tiny thread of omg theyre all interconnected and theyve always been there or something. its one of my favourite things in media to see at the end (esp when i can trace it to the beginning and be like!! omg!! LOOK! THERES ALWAYS BEEN SIGNS!!) but yeah. something like that would have been awesome—whether it be with hawks or anyone else. but i feel like hawks would have been the most likely.

oh wait aaa sorry this is getting so long but i think i wished dabi had a better attitude towards his family and esp siblings. i mean, i get it. i understand that he was just replicating a very bad example of how to be a person, but yeah :( made me very :(((

my OTP:

dabihawks <3 (finally, a short answer. thank fuck)

my cross over ship:

uhHHHHHHH i dont tend to ship crossovers? mainly bc i just dont have the brains and i tend to like. fixate on one fandom at a time. but maybe dabi/nanami <3 i just like them both a lot. i JuSt ThInK tHeYrE nEaT

a headcanon fact:

he grew up as a rich kid so like. he can speak french and english and knows some latin and can understand mandarin and chinese and just. he has more of an education than some people would think.

also, he needs glasses. desperately.

OH ALSO BIG BIG BROTHER ENERGY<3 I THINK, ONCE HES SORTED THROUGH SHIT, HE COULD MAKE A P DECENT DAD. AND WELL I JUST LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM WATCHING PEPPA PIG WITH HIS KID PLEASE <33333

[wawawakalen]

i believ

alex is sleepin

and if i am correct

i can begin my alex appreciation post at 12am because my back hurts and i cant sleep god save me from back pain please

ive been also listening to welcome to the black parade on loop for the last hour. this is the best way to write a n y t h i n g

aight so, lets start simple i wanna make this like a fuckign essay you know but at the same time like a powerpoint- should i do a powerpoint? perhaps, one day i will. powerpoint. but not right now. i dont think.

this is such a mess but fuxk it im just writing everythknf down no filter just thots while mcr blasts in my ears. i need a bass boosted version actually ill brb. im listeming to bohemian rhapsody instead now-

ok im gonna stop fuxkign around now ok? ok. so, alex, pretty man, cute boy, lovely person, handsome dude, ya know? he is so precious, an absolute blessing and i will fist fight anyone who thinks otherwise istg 🔫🔫🔫

like, i dont have words to properly describe it all yknow but, like, literally so awesome, such a cool man- oh i didnt set loop on the song gotta do that- aight done, so, as i was saying, alex is just wow

got butterflies in my stomach and fluffy feelings because woaaaaaaa he so niceeee and he so cuteeee and like, hes super talented as well?? like his writinf? i swear- so creative and honestly such good writing i rate a 28283772/10 because woa man you got my whole soul devoted to the things you write aight?

and then he. just. he. he is, himself and that alone makes him so amazing and lovely, theres no words to described how captivatinf this man is i swEAAARRR

he gets my whole heart.

like,, his smile,,,,, so,, sweet and lovely and so cute,, the way he laughs,, makes me go all red and- actually let me make something real quick-

drawing on phone is so goddamn hard omg props to doc and whoever else draws on their phone like damn-

but basically, i go all heart eyed and shit because ohmygod hes so precious, i lovehim

and like, whenever he talks about anything, he could be rambling about the smallest little thing and i, i just love to hear it.

and if he talks about his interests i immedately go:

because yESSSIR YES KING LET ME KNOW ABOUT THE THINGS YOU LIKE IM SO HAPPY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY ITS LITERALLY SUCH A BLESSING LIKE MAN OK💕💖💕💖💝💝💓💝💖💝💖💝💓💝💝💓💝💓💕💖💝💖💕💝💓💕💓💝💖💝💝💖💕💓💝 you feel me?

he's just, such a great person you know,,, like,,, being around him is instant serotonin, he is, and i keep repeating this but, he is a blessing,,,, someone so unlike anyone else i know, it makes me so happy to be able to share my love with him, and i hope i make him happy too 👉👈

so in conclusion, i love alex, with my whole heart. and im not a pussy because he might probably be asleep so, tagging the man himself so he sees when he wakes up @golden-buddle

i lov u alex. thank u for existing.

me and u ^

[laketaj24]

Played Pt 4

A/N: Heyy! I removed some people from the taglist that weren’t active, if it was you... I’m sorry I’ll put you back on lol Just say the word! NSFW below the cut. 

“Ian!” You yell from your bedroom. “Shoes on now! You’re going to be late for your first day of school.” Your son had never done what you want you wanted him to, he always rebelled.

“No!” He yells from the hallway poking his little pink tongue between his lips. Ivar had enrolled him in Lothbrok Prestige, the Daycare/Preschool in the lobby of the company. It helped you with him being so close to you both. But Ivar hadn’t seen him since that day. And he’d more than likely blocked you because all of your call went directly to voicemail.

“Ian!” You growl hauling down the hallway stepping on the small red brick of a lego. You howl something furious and he points at you giggling as he walks down the hall to get away. Legos were the damn devil. Then there was your child, a menace to society since birth. He shared one distinct feature with Ivar and those were his glacier blue eyes. Always piercing rather, they were menacing or playful. “Your Gigi is going to be so upset you won’t put on her favorite shirt. You’re only going to stay for a day or so.”

“I want to stay with you!” He screams.

“No,” you say exhaling. “Look, mommy has to handle some things and you have stay with Gigi and Pop. It’s not a choice. Get your clothes on your four-year old devil.”

He pouts folding his arms over his chest as he walks over to the counter grabbing the striped shirt. “I want to stay with you.”

“You’re going to meet some new friends here soon. They’re your family and I think you’ll have fun. But you can’t do that until mommy handles the business. So, tell me that you will be good. Please.”

“Fine.” He does as you ask putting on his clothes, the little blue jean button up and his striped shirt underneath. You make it outside to the car and bends down tying his shoes and you snap a picture of him. He smiles devilishly cute and you two walk into the building.

“Ian, your Uncle Ubbe is going to take you to his office until school starts. Do you promise to behave?”

Ubbe waits patiently watching you pep talk the little four-year old. “I’m scared.” He says with a wavering lip.

Ubbe bends down in front of him. “You’re going to be okay. See here you are a little warrior, I’ll keep you safe if you keep me safe?” Ian shakes his head in agreement holding Ubbe’s hand. “Have you talked to him?” He whispers.

“He won’t talk to me. And it’s his birthday this weekend, both of them.”

“He’ll be fine eventually, he’s just pissed. Hvitserk and I plan to be at the party.” He rolls his eyes. “We have to go now Ian. Tell your mom goodbye.”

 Ivar didn’t like to celebrate his birthday, he didn’t have fond memories of the last time it was celebrated. He remembered crying over Aslaug and sifting through rubble from where his brothers lie. It was the reason he had banned Bjorn from all in house business dealing. He could do whatever he wanted to with the Lothbrok Outreach Program, but he was never allowed in the company’s business. He stared down at the picture of the young your mother had sent him. He for sure had his eyes. Glacier blue and sneaky. He smirked. He didn’t understand why you had hid it. But he didn’t dwell on it vocally. He slides his shirt over his head and pats Nia on her thigh.

“Are you gonna get up babe? We have a ton to get done.”

“It’s your birthday, so I have made some reservations and then your brothers said that they would be there.”

“I don’t want to be around anyone really. No one but you, we should just take the boat out today and celebrate alone?”

“No,” Nia sat up in the bed. She wasn’t like Y/N. She was stubborn and defensive of everything regarding him. Y/N went with what eh said for the most part always understanding his reasoning. “We can get your son and we can all go somewhere.”

“No,” he answers stubbornly. He hadn’t tried to see him two weeks. Ivar couldn’t think of words to say and he was sure that he couldn’t control his anger towards Y/N. he’d already made her work overtime and given her extra floors, all except his. “I don’t want him to meet you.”

“I beg your pardon?” she raised her eyebrow pushing him forward as she stood up from the bed.

“I said don’t want him to meet you. It shouldn’t be that difficult for you to understand babe. This is my son and I am just now at the beginning of getting to know him. You don’t need to know him. And I don’t want to offend Y/N.”

“Offend her!” She yelled. “you should have that bitch locked up for the way she hid your child from you and just left. Why does this hoe, yes, I said fucking hoe, get all the affection? She deserves nothing.”

Ivar says nothing watching her parade around the room wearing only her underwear. “Are you done?” he says once she’s silent for a moment. “She is the mother of my child and I will give her some respect for that and also, my relationship with Y/N is none of your concern.”

“Yeah. You’re right. It’s not. So, celebrate your birthday by yourself you fucking asshole.” Nia slams the door behind her and he sits on the edge of the bed. “Let her play your ass again!!!” She yells.

 You stare down at the Facebook post. He couldn’t even allow you a moment. He’d commented with his snide remark and you wanted to scream. Ivar’s distance towards you was uncanny. He’d gone out of his way to not look at you and even called your mom to talk about Ian. Yes, you were wrong. You knew that you were and that was understandable, but you wanted to talk to him. You try to perk up for the trip, but it was weighing you that he didn’t want to see you.

You’d never rode in or driven a box truck, but chance was definitely having the time of his life. He continued to sway and sing to the music as if he was at a concert. “Man, what you know about this?”

“Gangster Party? What do you know about this chance?” You laugh watching him bring out his definite west coast swag you didn’t even know he had.

He continues to dance and sway to the beat bumping into you playfully until you start to sing the lyrics. Then he turns the music down. “I ain’t forgot about my food either.”

“I know you haven’t, fat ass.” You pause twiddling with your fingers before looking up at him. “There are some things that you should know about me. And if after you hear them you don’t want to be my friend anymore or fuck or whatever, it’s fine.”

“You a murderer?”

“No?” You gasp.

“Aight, then whatever you have to say won’t be that bad.” He smirks. “Hit me with it.”

“I have a child. His name is Ian and he is the absolute light of my life, no matter how much of a tiny terrorist he is, he’s five, well about to be tomorrow.”

“That’s great news. I can crack mom jokes on you now. Oh, hell yes,” He pauses. “I’m with a MILF. This is like checking off three major ass items from my bucket list.”

“wow, you’re a dick.” She laughs but is relieved he doesn’t care really.

“I don’t mind tiny terrorists. Kids are awesome. I have like ten nieces and nephews myself and as a matter of fact I have a new one on the way next week. My sister is having her first child. So no, children don’t scare me off. What else you got?”

“When I was younger I kind of lost my shit. I was dating his brother, Hvitserk. I cheated on him with Ivar and I loved him,” you gulp at the past tense word “loved” not knowing if it was true or not. Every time you thought of him your heart still leapt even if he had blocked your number. “but I was wild. I was pretty much a slight thot.”

“Just a little thot?” He laughs. “Continue I’m sorry.”

You relish in the fact that he is so controlled in this conversation and his opinion of you hasn’t wavered. “Anyway, I cheated on him with Ubbe.”

“The cool one,” he shrugs. “It’s cool ma, you don’t even have to explain this shit to me, for real.”

“Well, I left because I did that and I didn’t want to face Ivar and then like the day after I found out about my son and I never came back.”

“His father is Ivar Lothbrok.” The box truck veers off the road for a minute when he jakes his head over and stares at you and he regains control of the situation. “I know. I have a baby by your boss and that perhaps is not the ideal part of it.”

“The dude with the soft ass voice that everybody is scared of?” Chance says.

“Soft voice? Ivar, my highly crazy ex that has no personal boundaries and often is the pettiest guy I have ever met in my life.”

“Didn’t know all that side shit.” Chance laughs.  “But look ma, every single person has a past, be that good or bad. And I don’t judge people for the shit they have done because that is not my place. You embraced that shit like a pro and I have no business placing my judgement on you. If you can live with yourself and still be doing like you are, I don’t even care. I hope this kid ain’t got no soft ass voice though.” He burst into laughter.

“Shut up.” You say laughing.

“I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to be choosing between the tow of us. I don’t know what you got going on with that or whatever, but we getting to know each other. I like you. Don’t rsh back to this guy because it’s easy?”

“Okay. I mean it. Take you time.”

 The next day you return home from the trip having unpacked most of Ian’s things in his room and everything else was at least put away for the moment. He’d stayed at your parents’ house long enough. He needed a routine and a normal life.

Your mom had actually done you a favor and called you to let you know Ivar was coming. You found odd he could bucket on Facebook but never respond to you. You push those thoughts aside when you here the door close outside. Of course Ivar was here. Two weeks was long enough. You sit in the floor with Ian watching him fly Superman over the Lego Buildings. Ivar isn’t walking with his cane and you weren’t sure why, but you peer up to him and stand from the ground. “Ivar.”

“What are you doing here?” He whispers. Your mom half hugs him and grabs her keys walking out of the house.  “Y/N.”

“He’s about to meet his father for the first time.” You whisper. “And I didn’t want to not be here. I want you to know him and talk to him.”

“First of all, if you truly wanted this knowing and talking. You would have let me see his first step.” He whispers harshly. “you would have let me here him say his first word. You would have let me hear that first cry. And for you to say that you give a fuck now is infuriating and I cannot listen to your bullshit. You want to be here. Fine. Sit your ass down and leave me alone.” He walks past you over to Ian. “Hey. Remember me?”

“Yes.” Ian drops Superman. “Fucking Horrible!”

“Ivar, but close enough.” He sits on the couch in front of him. “Your mom has something to tell you. Isn’t that right?” He says glaring at you. “Come on.” You watch him pat the seat next to him and walk over to him.

You sit next to him. He’s shaking nervously glaring at you. There was no way you would make it through the small talk without trying to cry. “Ian, I told you not to say that again.” You gripe. “This nice man is your dad.” His blue eyes grow two times their normal size and it’s obvious what he is thinking. “And his name is Daddy or Dad not Ivar. You have to call him that and you should know you have the best dad ever. He’s such a superhero. It’s where you get your powers from.”

“You’re a superhero?”

“Yeah.” Ivar answers. “Something like that.”

“Cool.” He says shoving his tiny hands in his pockets in a none caring way. He was Ivar all over trying not to care. Ivar notices the small similarity shaking his head approvingly.  

“Are you okay?” You ask.

“I don’t think I will ever be.” His phone vibrates, and he stares down at the screen. NIA: I’m sorry. He rolls his eyes. “Sorry for the comment earlier, shit just comes out sometimes.”

“I know. I didn’t mean to harm you or to make you feel left out. I didn’t mean to make you hate me.”

After ten minutes and Ian’s playful banter turns into snoring lightly on the couch. He sighs finally saying something “I don’t fucking hate you.” He whispers. “I’ve tried to hate you, trust me. What do you need for him?”

“He has everything.”

“I mean he doesn’t. Why is your mom keeping him? Where were you yesterday?”

“I don’t answer to you Ivar.”

“Well, your mom needs a break and he can enroll in Lothbrok Prestige, so he can be around children his age and close to both of us at work. And you have to leave that Mail Room. You have to be a mother and making fourteen an hour when your child’s father is a Billionaire is degrading. I’ll have stipend for you and find something to do with yourself.” Ivar stands from the ground groaning in slight pain.

“Why are you walking without your cane?”

“I had a few surgeries.” He admits. “And for the most part I can walk without assistance. I just hurt sometimes.”

“Why the surgery?”

He smiles pulling his hair behind his ears. “At first I thought you left me because I wasn’t man enough for you. So, I had surgeries and all that shit. It was stupid.” He dusts his pants off. “I’ll be at the party tomorrow.”

You swallow back your stupid tears and change the subject with him. “Great. One second.” You run down the hall. “Come back here.” You call. It takes him a minute, but it gives you time to get out his shirt from the box. “Here.” You say tossing him the shirt. The all blue shirt with SUPERDAD in white letters. “I had it made before you called me a bitch and fucking horrible. You chuckle walking closer to him. There was an ever-constant part of you that wanted to be with him.

He’s behind you, admiring the shirt. “I have done nothing in his life to be considered a SUPERDAD” he says smirking. “But thanks, you know when you were gone I used to think about what it would be like to be with you when you were gone.”

“Ivar I shouldn’t have,” your words are trapped when his hand grips around your neck. Your heart pounds listening to his breathing behind you. He’s erratic nearly shaking. “I’m sorry.”

“Shut up.” He sneers with his lips against your neckline. “I don’t want to hear your excuses or apologies.” He pushes you forward on the bed dragging his nose along your neck and then the tingles of where he had been are covered in kisses.  you melt feeling his lips on you. He flips you over pulling you up by your hair so that you’re facing him. “I don’t want to hear it. Do you understand?” You shake your head yes and he kisses you again his tongue intertwines with your while his hands grip on your back. “Turn around. ”You refuse still kissing him still until his hand is around your neck again and a grin surfaces his face. “We can do that later I want you. Turn around.”

 He’d never taken you standing up so you feel weird stripping in front of him, but you do turn around for him once you’re undressed. You feel the cool breeze blow behind you for a moment and then you feel Ivar. Ivar pulls you up gently by your hair slipping his fingers into you with ease. You’re panting as his thrusts become quicker and harder. And then he removes his fingers slamming into you with his length. It’s sharp and quick pushing you forward but his finger wraps around your hair pulling you back to him so that your hips slam against his with each thrust. You feel your ass bouncing against his hips and he snakes his arm around you rubbing circles on your clit. You drag your teeth over your bottom lip trying to stop your yelps. “Does he fuck you like this?” He growls removing his fingers from your clit gripping his fingers around your neck. You’re choked, and you wouldn’t answer if you could. He’s thrusts get harder and deeper. And your pants turn into pleas for more. “Uh Uh.... shut up.” He whispers. But you can’t, feeling him slam into you your body spasms and you fall forward on shaking legs. “You come for me already?” He grins still pumping into you. You climb the bed to breathe but he snatches you back to him throwing you on your back. “I want to watch this time.” He pleas. “Come for me again baby?”

“I can’t” You try to breathe. He doesn’t listen to you pushing your legs up higher and fucking you once more. You’re throbbing, and he covers your mouth with his and your fingers intertwine in his hair tugging hard. “Do it for me?” He goes faster, and you climb to your high and your legs collapse to the bed shaking harder than before. Your lips meet his again nervous that once he’s done this won’t be any more. Ivar comes trying to control himself and you both fall into the bed breathlessly. You watch his chest rise and fall.

“How are we going to do this huh? I can’t control myself when I’m around you. I’m not supposed to do this.” He rants.

“I don’t know. I’m not good at it either.”

He covers you with the comforter allowing you to nestle into him. “I don’t want to think about it right now.” The door freaks open and Ian jumps into the bed. His tiny feet trample on both of your bodies. Ivar just watches highly amused. “What are you doing?”

“Nana said get out of her bed.” He chuckles. “Now.”

Your face tinges with embarrassment you shake your head. “Hey, go in there with nana, and we will be up there in a few.”

“Fine!” He says leaving.

Ivar sits up in the bed. “Your mom is going to kill me, I just started to like her.” He groans. He reaches for his ringing phone. “Nia,” He answers. “I know babe, yeah, I just got out of a meeting I’ll be by shortly.” You steam anger watching him talk to her. You throw his shirt at him and he flinches at you shocked with his mouth agape. “Alright. I will babe. Okay bye.” He stares at you. “What is the matter?”

“I don’t want whoever that hoe is around my child.”

“What?” He says nearly laughing. “I don’t tell you who to fuck, don’t tell me.”

“You can fuck her. Keep her away from Ian.” You watch him laugh. “I’m not fucking playing with you Ivar!” But he continues to laugh getting dressed.

“You have some nerve… tell your mystery fuck I said the same.” His voice was SOFT, you sneer at him and once again you just wanted to slap him.

Taglist: @titty-teetee@sparklemichele @readsalot73@oddsnendsfanfics@kawennote09@valynsia @oneday-i-will-fight-luke17@kenzieam @ivars-snowflake @sincerelysinister @ivars-snowflake @suz-123 @fivesecondsofsarang @sunnyfortomorrow @2loveeverything2 @wilddrabble@letsshamelessqueen-m @kc-7 @siren-queen03 @alyse45 @romanchronicles @getinmelanin011 @doloreschanal @captstefanbrandt @harleycativy@byzantium-glytch@pebblesz892 @earthsmightiestasses @lisinfleur @unsure-but-trying @rachybakes@amethyst09 @thequintess @leaderradiante @daughterofthenight117 @jorunnravenslayer @hvitserksgirl @emilymarlow8 @perfectus-in-morte @amour-quinn@sassymcgonagal1651 @samwinchxtr @ivarsshieldmadien @bang-kim-bap @akamaiden @scumyeol @lost-and-wandering-alone @justbloodlydreaming @irishhiggins @cocobanbooom @cbouvier23 @raindrop-dewdrop @majinbuuwithatan @danceyreagan @ilvebeenabad@quaint-and-curious-being @imagine-this-motherfucker @funmadnessandbadassvikings 

[league-of-light]

PLAYOFF PICK’EM

The playoff championships are around the corner and I'm more excited than Phil is to give Katie some lingerie so he can see a girl in undies for the first time in person instead of behind a computer screen (This final pick’em of the season is sponsored by rubhub.tv, your international hub to rub one out). It's your two favorite people here, Mr. Naughty and Mr. Nice (which is which? That's a secret I'll never tell, xoxo Gossip Girl), the Sultans of Shadows, the Lords of Light, your cocomissioners of content, Willyboi and Juan Wandisimo here as we give you the final weekly pickem: Christmas Playoff Edition.  We’ll start with the consolation playoffs and then work our way to prime time, because I enjoy building suspense.

A note from the editor: I'm not entirely sure these consolation matchups are correct, but handling the Consolation playoffs has been an absolute nightmare so we're just gonna leave it and determine playoff loser by whoever has the fewest points out of the four of you. 

Bowers v. Dylan

Seeing Bowers vs Dylan in the fantasy football championship is like seeing Spotify queue up All I Want for Christmas is You. Seeing Bowers vs Dylan in the fantasy football consolation championship is like seeing Spotify queue up All I want for Christmas is You...by Michael Buble. Sure it warms your heart a little, but it's just not the same. Maybe there's some content since Bowers stole Jordan Matthews from Dylan? I don't know people, I'm trying to make this one work but it just makes me sad. And I don't want to be sad this Christmas. If I wanted to be sad for Christmas I'd go on a double date with Phil and Katie to the sex museum and then come home and watch the NFL give Man of the Year to both Marcus Peters and Michael Bennett with Jason while talking to Tom about Net Neutrality with Smiles Feldman as Evan reminds me Arielle is still a member of this league for another 3 days and Everett is not because that's just the kinda thing Evan would do and then have Harnsowl tell me this scene was the best scene in modern television, on par with Shannons feelings on the Minions movie. If I wanted to be sad I'd do those things. But now I've thought about it and so here I am deep in a pit of misery, I need to smile, Dylan please distract me and tell me who wins this matchup.

I know things didn't work out for Bowers this year, but I think he put together a really good team 🙂. He had some tough luck, but we all had fun and enjoyed each other's company, and that's what really matters 🙂. As for this game, I think my team of Jord's probably won't score too much, so I'd go with Bowers, but really, just getting to this point makes us all winners 🙂. Happy Holidays everyone!

Dear God no.

Samantha vs. Andy

These two duked it out all season for that Wildcard spot, only to have Harnsowl swoop in and steal it at the last second. I don't think there's much heart from either team at this point, which is a shame to see especially during this magical time of year. Perhaps tonight they will be visited by the ghosts of fantasy past, present, and future.  For Samantha I imagine that would look like Aaron Jones, Travis Kelce, and Todd Gurley (that's right folks, calling it now, next year she drafts Todd Gurley and breaks my heart) and for Andy we're looking at Julio Jones, TY Hilton, and Andrew Luck (rip).  Can one of these two find the fight in their heart to give this one last matchup everything they’ve got? I want a matchup that’s more electric than Dyker Heights or whatever that thing in Brooklyn is called, but I fear we’re only gonna get Christmas on the Mountain in this matchup.  Can you find it in your heart people? Do it for Tiny Tim.  Speaking of Tim, Dylan, who’s gonna win this?

I expect Mas to continue her impressive run. 2nd in Best Platonic Couple, tied 2nd for Chat MVP (a true miscarriage of justice as Phil won the award despite not being in the chat), roots for the 2nd best baseball team in New York, had the 2nd most successful fantasy football team of the Wettdgje household, was the 2nd banker to join the league, works in the 2nd largest profession block in the league (bankers, behind lawyers), and this week, she'll come in 2nd place in this matchup. Andy comes away with the victory.

Arielle v. Nico

"O man woodnt it b so funni if Will has 2 pay Arielle?" Sure, if you enjoy laughing at the fact that Nico got bumped out of the playoffs by Evan, then I guess continue to yuck it up about him potentially missing out on another $50. It's not like the man's home was ravaged by a hurricane a couple months ago, let's instead think about how funny it would be in 6 months when I Venmo Arielle/speak to her for the last time in my life. You're all monsters. Like the monsters Nico has drummed up for us in our spectacular D&D campaign. Because Nico is the best. I hope Santa brings him, Karla, and Nicole (yeah his dog is named Nicole and his name is Nico shut up don't judge him he adopted the dog and she already had a name. That's now twice you were a jerk to Nico in this write up alone. you owe him an apology) nothing but happiness this holiday. This matchup should be a blow out and your hopes for any lols will deflate quicker than Phils Christmas boner when he realizes despite buying the underwear the instagram thot promoted, Katie's instagram fittness (that’s not a typo, she spells it with 2 t’s) ass goals failed to make her booty look anything like Sarah Termini's or whatever that girl with the big donk is named.  Dylan, who u got?

This one is for the Loser's Bracket Championship. So whoever wins it is the best loser. We live in a world where Blake Bortles, the biggest loser QB in the world, is destroying NFL teams. Arielle had the worst team in the league this year, and her conduct has been so bad that it's led one commissioner to say, "Ariellle is out" and to angrily rebuke anyone who says otherwise (although I've enjoyed her recent resurgence). It's only natural that she'd find a way to be the best loser in the league and pick up the victory.

Evan v Harnsowl

O wow oooo wee this is it folks, the matchup of the week, the creme of the crop, the one and only RUBHUB MASTURBATION BOWL. A matchup that literally means nothing other than bragging rights, these two undeserving, ungrateful playoff teams deserve to play each other back and forth until the end of time. I award neither of you any points, and may god have mercy on your souls for taking a playoff spot from Nico and losing week 1 of the playoffs. Watching this matchup is gonna feel a lot like watching A Christmas Story Live! on Fox. You don't know who the hell gave this greenlight, or why they did it in the first place, but this is a flaming hot dumpster fee. And not the kind of dumpster fire where it's so fun you can't help but watch, nah this is a smoky smelly dumpster fire that the hobos use to keep themselves warm because they slipped up and became an alcoholic and their ultra Christian families abandoned them so now they all have is the clothes on their back and this dumpster fire to keep them warm this Christmas. In other words, it's just kind of sad. But hey remember this is the rubhub masturbation bowl so log on to rubhub and use coupon codes HonkIfUrHarny or SevenMinutesInHEvan for 15% off your first month (code depends on the winner).  Dylan, what do you think?

Hold on, I have no inspiration at all for this one. We might need to send this one to a special guest picker. I've got legit nothing

There you have it folks, you suck.

Phil v. Walsh

I've got to be honest folks this matchup doesn't tickle my pickle in any way/shape/form. Remember when you were a kid in elementary school on December 23rd? Lunchtime comes and you and the squad are talking about how excited you are to get presents, and little Ben Schwartz chimes in about how tonight is the 8th night of Hanukkah which means he's getting something really good cause his parents save the best present for last! There's no malicious intent, no anti-semiticism, but Ben frankly no one gives a damn. When the break ends I'll be more than happy to hear how awesome it was when you spun your magical Hebrew top for golden coins, but when Christmas is around the corner I can't be bothered. Anyway, this matchup feels a lot like that. I guess there's some excitement that Phil might win money for the first time in 5 years, but at the end of the day I don't really care. We now turn to Dylan Feldman live in the NFL Studio, Dylan, who you got?

Well Will, it's gonna be a great one this weekend, right Shannon *laughs for no particular reason*. Congratulations to Primo Content for amking it this far, but it ends today. Walsh has Lamar Miller out of *Warren Sapp off camera "Merry Christmas baby, here's a dildo... what? oh sorry, THE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*, and he has a great matchup this week against a Steelers team that will have trouble bouncing back after last week's loss. Phil is also relying on Leonard Fournette, but can he stay healthy? This is a guy who quit on his team before their bowl game last year, so we know he's not clutch. Walsh's team has heart, and that's what you need to win in the loser's bracket in the NATIONAL! FANTASY! FOOTBALL league. Back to you Boom.

Will vs. Jason

I wrote this matchup last, and now I know that I ordered it correctly because that handy dandy image I found this morning says to go I, A, O.  But you didn’t come here for Grammar Memes, you came here because this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  Let’s face it folks, no matter what happens here we’re all winners.  If this matchup tells us anything, it’s that irrational love for players is the key ingredient to making the playoffs.  I’ve got nothing else to say, so instead I’ll sing you a song. On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me.....

Twelve Nick Foles ducking

Eleven Jimmies ‘gramming

Ten Butkers a-kicking,

Nine Collins dancing,

Eight JuJus a-biking,

Seven Stefons a-digging,

Six Brandins a-cooking,

Five GOUUUUULDEN ROBBIES,

Four calling McCaffs,

Three Jared Goffs,

Two Robert Woods,

And a Todd Gurley for MVP.

That’s it from me folks. Happy Holidays, remember to have your pets spayed or neutered, Phil please use a condom tonight.  I’ll pass it off to our expert analyst Dylan.  Andylstan, what are we looking at here?

Thanks Boom. This is, of course, one of the toughest picks we've ever had to make, as both of these teams have looked truly dominant at times this year but also have had issues with injuries and seemingly some bad JuJu. To figure out the winner, we've had to develop a new algorithm that we call FORT MINOR, which stands for Final Odds Respective Teams are Memorialized Is Not Overly Rigorous. It is determined by a number of factors, weighted by their importance.

Luck (10%) - Marquise Goodwin was on another team 3 weeks ago, playing uninspired football. Now, he has no dad, no son, and he's putting up fantasy football numbers like he's Julio Jones. Nobody could have guessed Meanwhile, Sean McVay would be this good, and that's been huge for Willl this season. Jason's caught a good break in this category, but Will dominates this one. *Will - 8% Jason - 2%* Skill (20%) - Jason managed to get through the year with largely his original team. One could argue that having a better draft is more skillful. Will, on the other hand, put together a couple of blockbusters to keep his team at the top of the league. He has the slight edge here, thanks to his acquisition of Brandin Cooks (coming off of a very good week) and because of the work he did to win the toughest division in the league. *Will - 11% Jason - 9%* Concentrated Power of Will (15%) - It's in the name. Kudos to Jason, as he did show a ton of grit and determination this year, but there's no way he touches Will in his own category. *Will - 12% Jason - 3%* Pleasure (5%) - I actually think nobody got more joy out of this fantasy football season than Jason. His unbridled enthusiasm for Carson Wentz's breakout year stands apart from the rest of the league. Sure, Will has enjoyed Stefon Diggs, but he has players like that every year. Jason has been able to ride the Wentz Wagon to victory here. *Will - 1% Jason - 4% Pain (50%) - Here's where things get interesting. It comes down to a debate we have constantly in sports. LeBron or Jordan? Clemens or Pedro? Rice or Moss? How do you compare someone with a sustained run of excellence to someone whose peak has never been matched? Will clearly defeated Jason here for the first 13 weeks of the season. You would think that would make him the clear winner. We forget now, but the Dalvin Cook injury was devestating, and Allen "15 TD's" Robinson has unfairly missed out on this great Jaguars season. But they say you could hear Jason heart breaking from halfway around the world when Carson Wentz went down. In the end, that peak is too high to ignore. *Will - 20% Jason - 30%* Reasons to Remember the Name *Will - 52% Jason - 48%* And there you have it folks. FORT MINOR has determined that Will has a 52% chance of winning this week. So, by the slightest of margins, we're predicting that the Blastoise Brigade comes away with the title in a thrilling matchup. Either way, expect a great week of fantasy football. Back to you Boom, and enjoy the holidays everyone!