#anyhow fuck Trill society it is all build upon a meritocratic and pessimistic lie

[justanothergaymess]

„I don‘t know what to do, Benjamin,“ Jadzia insisted.

“What do you want to do?” Benjamin countered.

Jadzia was pacing back and forth, her expression somewhere between amusement and pain in response to his question. “Throw myself at her, profess my undying love and my complete disregard  for Trill society.”

Benjamin raised an eyebrow.

“A joke Lenara made at the reception,” Jadzia clarified. “Doesn’t sound so funny anymore, does it?”

“Not really,” Benjamin admitted.

“You don’t think I should pursue this, do you?”

“No,” he said after a moment of hesitation.

“Okay. Why?”

“Because I remember what Curzon used to say about reassociation, that it didn’t matter whether he agreed with the taboo or not, because the price for violating it was too high – exile.”

“I know what Curzon used to say... and I’m not Curzon.”

“And you’re not Torias either. You’re Jadzia Dax, and you have a responsibility as a joined Trill to never...”

“I didn’t come here to hear a lecture about my responsibilities!” Jadzia scoffed.

“You came here for advice from a friend, and that’s exactly what you’re getting,” Benjamin retorted.

“You’re right,” Jadzia sighed, her face turning downward. “I’m sorry.”

“I know this is difficult for you, I know how you feel about Lenara, but I want you to think about what will happen if you pursue this. If you’re exiled from Trill, there will be no further hosts for your symbiont. When Jadzia dies, Dax dies. That goes against everything you were taught in initiate training.”

The sound Jadzia made in response lay somewhere between a short sigh and suppressed laughter. “You know what else I was taught in initiate training?”

“Enlighten me.”

“That only a select handful of Trill qualify for a joining,” Jadzia explained while heading for the door. “Thank you for the advice, Benjamin. I will take it into consideration.”

***

“...and that’s when I left and came here. Now you are up to speed.” Jadzia was holding her face in her hands, elbows resting on her knees. Only by sheer will and the comfort of Kira’s hand on her shoulder was she avoiding to cry.

“I don’t even know why I came to your room,” Jadzia confessed. “I already have the advice of a friend, and I shouldn’t seek out another just because...”

“Hold on,” Kira interrupted. “You specifically sought the advice of a friend of Curzon’s. A friend who, according to all the stories the Commander keeps bringing up again, always helped Curzon break every social rule imaginable in the pursuit of a woman. But now you seek the advice of a friend of Jadzia’s, which is a perfectly fine path to pursue. Given that this is Jadzia’s problem and not Curzon’s, of course.”

“A problem, is it? You don’t think I should pursue this either, do you?”

Kira didn’t hesitate to answer. “Oh, I absolutely think you should pursue this.”

“It would be as close to treason as you can get within Trill society.”

“I am wanted on Cardassia for twenty-one accounts of high treason, on Aeathen IV for at least one, and on Bajor technically for three. I think. And, as you can see, it is not exactly weighing down my consciousness, is it?”

Jadzia lifted her head to see Kira’s endearing smile. “They’d exile us. The line of our symbionts would...”

“The Symbiosis Commission would want you exiled. Like any government, the Commission wants an awful lot. And like any government, the Commission thinks itself untouchable. A common mistake, as it turns out.”

“Kira, I can’t just overthrow the Commission over my heart’s desires.”

“I once started a civil uprising against the spiritual leader of my people because a friend didn’t want to return some farming equipment. Your heart’s desires are almost as noble a cause, wouldn’t you agree?”

Jadzia couldn’t contain a short burst of laughter. “It’s nice to be so appreciated.” After a moment, she caught herself again and looked away.

Kira’s fingers softly touched Jadzia’s cheek, turning her back to look into Kira’s eyes. “This isn’t about can or can’t. This isn’t about Curzon, this isn’t about Dax, and it sure as hell isn’t about Trill social standards. The only question you have to ask yourself is how much you want her, and what you’d give to be with her. That’s a question only you can answer.”

Jadzia’s usual control over her expression failed, as did her mouth in its attempts to form words. A tear began rolling down onto Kira’s fingers. “I... I...” She closed her eyes. “Everything.”