#any experts wanna confirm or disprove this.

[tossdoll]

hey guys it’s me arceus here bweoo bweoo or whatever lmao can i have your credit card info

[determinationisnotcrash]

Conspiracy! Search Between the Lines of the Movie Script!

I wrote animated actor skits between the characters as a joke on the RP part of the @gbpack-discord , but then I thought about what kind of studio would allow the use of very real laser-shooting bone beasts in movies, as well as what kind of actors would stay around laser-shooting bone beasts, and this oneshot was born.

Impact and Soichiro belong to me.

Sabre and his brother (tentative name: Tsurugi) belong to @paddie-ut

Rigel and his brother (tentative name: Kaoru) belong to @skellepuns

Sabre helplessly clung for his life to the branch at the top of the prop tree like a stuck cat. “So this is how I die… Mum… Dad… Bro… I’m so sorry… You were right, I should have just stayed home doing Super Robot Wars recordings all along…”

Impact – or rather, the creature playing the role of the beastman’s body – kept trying to leap up at Sans, eying him hungrily like it had just discovered what it would have for its next meal.

From a safe distance (knowing well that trying to interfere himself would lead to being ripped in two), Impact’s voice actor yelled. “Hang in there, Sabre! You’ll be alright! Help is on its way! As long as you sit tight and don’t move-”

CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH!

The raptor started munching on the tree, its massive jaws easily slicing through the thick material like butter! The skeletal actor facepalmed, feeling quite foolish for jinxing it.

On the other hand (or rather, paw), another actor decided he’d had enough of seeing his co-worker being chased around by beasts. With several heavy footsteps, Rigel dashed towards the raptor and tackled it, wrestling it to the ground.

In his base humanoid form, it would have been like throwing himself at a brick wall. But in that half-beast shape, not only did he have a lot extra weight to throw around, he had quite the solid constitution. The ravenous animal snapped and struggled like the beast it was, but it was completely pinned.

Just in time, the people Impact’s voice actor called over arrived! Rigel carefully handed it over, not releasing his grip until it was safely in chains.

Rigel turned upwards towards his friend, putting on what he hoped looked like a reassuring smile. “Alright, Sabre! It’s safe to come down now!”

The small half-Blaster slid down to the ground. Without a moment’s hesitation, he sprinted past the others and off the set.

“Sabre…? Wait! We’re not finished with this scene!”

***

Break Room

Sabre huddled in the break room, staring grumpily at nothing in particular. During this time, several staff passed by, such as the ones in charge of props and special effects, but it felt too awkward for them to talk.

This continued for about half an hour… before he was startled out of his sulk by the sound of a coin rolling into a vending machine slot. A claw-tipped hand holding a canned drink entered his field of vision. “Wanna talk about it?” Sabre followed the arm to see…

“You’re Rigel… no, your real name is…”

“My name really is Rigel. Rigel H. Aster. Yours?”

“Rigel H. Aster…?” Sabre’s face lit up at the familiar surname. “I know you! You’re one of the leads of Pink Dark Boy! And the main lead of The Silver Soul! As for my name… it’s also really Sabre. Sabre Midorikawa.”

Rigel’s smile remained on his muzzle, but his eyes slightly narrowed at the last sentence. “Heh, that is what I’m famous for. But Midorikawa…? The actor half the staff- no, half the world is practically in love with? Did you use connections to…? And hold on a sec, how can a blind man watch television?”

A green blush tinted the small Blaster’s cheeks. “O-oh, I’m not actually blind.” He lifted a handpaw and with a cartoonish POP sound, the socket-blackening lenses came out. “And yes, I would like to talk about it. I just can’t stand the Director’s choices anymore! I thought I had the resolve to keep coming here, no matter what, but now…”

The tall, bulky skeleton nodded, taking a sip of his own soda, but his eyes bugged out upon the unfamiliar flavour reaching his tongue. He looked down at the can. Grass Jelly…!? Then Sabre got…

“EUUUUGH!” Several splutters and coughs left the man’s maw, his entire face seemingly scrunching up. “This milk…! It expired years ago!”

“Sorry, I should’ve known not to trust in company import vending machines.” Taking both cans, the blue humanoid dragon poured them down the sink, before chucking the empty cans away. It was for the sewage plants to deal with now. He silently wished them luck. “…Anyway, people drop in and out all the time. I don’t think anyone would blame you for wanting to leave. Just one question I’d like to ask, first…”

Sabre felt uncomfortable, shifting under the dragon man’s gaze. “Depends what it is…”

“Why did you come here in the first place? Everyone around the world is aware of the Director’s extreme methods. His movies have a massive following, but he’s renowned on the streets as a terrible employer.”

The smaller Blaster’s eyes seemed to shift their focus to thin air, recounting a time that had already passed. “Can you keep a secret?”

Rigel nodded solemnly.

Sabre checked the area around him, before ushering Rigel into the restroom and locking the door. He sat down on the toilet, getting ready for a long explanation. “It’s the reason I chose to have my character be a blind man to begin with… And the reason why that ‘Impact’ creature the Director brought along makes me so uncomfortable. I’m not only an actor, you see…

“I do detective work on the side – anything from missing pets, goods, or people… to dangerous cases, involving things like human trafficking and drugs. Mind you, I don’t operate alone. The reason why I’m not beloved as a detective is that my brother Tsurugi is the figurehead of our operations.”

That name was enough to make Rigel’s hair stand on end… is what would have happened if he had any. Instead, his ectobody tensed up, going from the consistency of blueberry jelly to more firm agar jelly. “That Tsurugi… The Early Genius? You’ve gotta be pulling my leg!”

Sabre disproved him, taking out his wallet and revealing a photo of them together. “I’m dead serious.”

“N-no way…”

“Way. Tsurugi’s hailed as a genius and a fighter, but that isn’t entirely correct. He’s the combat expert who handles the battles, whereas I’m the discrete thinker. He shines in the light, whereas I loyally provide him with everything he needs from the shadows.”

Cogs in Rigel’s skull started to turn. “I see… but… wasn’t he recently…?”

A grimace formed on the shorter man’s face as he confirmed. “Yeah. It was a crime in my hometown…”

***

La Gias City, two months ago

“HAAAAAA…! TASTE THIS, MY SIGNATURE TECHNIQUE! HUNDRED STORM FIST!” With strength beyond that of mortal men, the skeleton let out a fist rush, the wind stirred up from each punch being enough to blow away all his opponents!

“Heads up, bro! They’ve got reinforcements coming from below!”

Tsurugi’s confident grin didn’t fade. “Is that so? Then…” He leaped into the air, a powerful aura flowing around him, before doing a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree spin and colliding straight into the wave of mooks coming from downstairs. “LIGHTNING KIIIICK!” The room around him illuminated brilliantly! In one fell swoop, they were all immobilised!

Sabre couldn’t help but grin upon witnessing his brother’s handiwork. He really was amazing…! “Alright, proceed! The ‘boss’ is at the top!”

“Roger that!” Tsurugi sprinted up the stairs, entering a large, grandiose office room. It looked almost like the huge, majestic boss’ offices he saw on television: larger than a personal office had any right to be, elaborate paintings on the wall, and the back wall being a transparent window showcasing the night city skyline. Within it�� he came face-to-face with the enemy.

Shouting with bravado, the man pointed a finger at the human woman behind the desk. “Well then, you’re the one behind all this! Kidnapping all those poor schoolboys!”

“Of course~!” The Evil Eleanor giggled. “My desire is nothing more than to dominate the young. So rather than brutes and savages, those boys are used to create fine gentlemen! Gentlemen for me to do whatever I wish with!”

“Such dreadful desires…! Desires befitting of a supervillain! Therefore, you must be punished as one!”

Eleanor cackled like a witch, the laugh of an evil hag erupting from the otherwise beautiful face. “Just try and stop me, Tsurugi! Come, my loyal guard dogs!”

“B-bro…! Be careful! My console is picking up several extremely high energy readings right next to you!”

The paintings to the side opened up, revealing skeletal demonic creatures that looked like they crawled out of hell itself. Curved, goat-like horns. Maws filled with vicious, blade-like teeth. They were completely covered in wicked spikes, to the point where simply approaching one would cause physical harm. And the worst part was…!

Tsurugi had seen his fair share of criminals, but the eyes of these creatures? They were something far worse than even the scummiest of lawbreakers! These beings… they radiated pure evil. An unstoppable force of nature unbound by the laws of society or the modern world! The simple sight of them made the half-beast skeleton break out into a cold sweat.

“Ufufu~ Marvellous, aren’t they? I know you’re world-renowned for your close combat fighting style. These wonderful creatures are the ultimate counter!”

“Indeed…” Tsurugi took out a handkerchief and dabbed at his skull. “You have me beat… I truly have no way of countering with my Dragon Style CQC… However!” Determination ignited in his eyes. With a snap of the fingers, several airborne mechanical drones burst through the roof and from below. “You’re sorely mistaken if you think my hands and feet were my only weapons!”

Eleanor’s face contorting into all sorts of ugly expressions, she screamed, “DO IT! MAUL HIM!”

“FULL BURRRRRRRST!”

The world become awash with light… and when it cleared, there was nothing left of the demons but ash. The skeleton let out the breath he was holding. He didn’t say it out loud for obvious reasons, but those laser drones were experimental. There was an equal chance of them detonating and blowing him up.

Warily, he approached the soot-covered mastermind. “Now tell me, why did you kidnap all those boys? What meaning is there in taking innocent children away from their family and friends? Most importantly… where are they now!?”

The only response he got was a wad of spit in his face. “Fufufu… You foolish skeleton… because you had to play teen detective, you’re marked! ‘They’ will pursue you to the ends of the Earth, until you’re silenced! Guhhh…” The life faded from her eyes. Unfortunately, it seemed that was all the information he would ever be able to receive from her.

***

The next night, Midorikawa Household

Tsurugi shifted in bed uncomfortably, that woman’s words still bouncing around his skull. It was the wee hours of the morning, yet he was unable to sleep. They… they… who were they…?

The sound of the fridge opening and being messily rummaged through, for once, was welcome. Sabre! Someone he could talk to about this!

Tail wagging vigorously, he leaped out of bed and all but sprinted downstairs into the kitchen. The creature he saw there would be the last thing he would see for quite some time. “…Y-you’re-!”

SLASH!

***

Present Day

Sabre finished his tale, a lump in his throat. “He was taken completely off-guard. The fact that he managed to fight it off anyway while blinded, unable to use his equipment, and hurt by physical contact with it is impressive, but just what I’d expect of my bro.

“No damage is permanent… he’ll heal, thanks to the funding and technology we have… but it’ll be a while before he’s able to see or move properly again. For that purpose, he’s in hiding right now while recovering. We took the opportunity to fake his death for now.”

The Blaster shuddered again at the recollection. “I felt crushed by that. If it weren’t for me wanting my brother to have all the glory… He wouldn’t have been targeted. I tried to make up for it by coming here, but… I’m starting to wonder whether it’s even worth it, if simple situations like these nearly kill me. If I’m just causing more problems…”

Rigel attempted a comforting purr, patting his friend on the back. “Sabre… It’s admirable that you’re doing something like this. I… I have a secret to reveal, too.” He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a shiny golden badge. “I’m a member of the International Police. Kit is, as well.”

“What!? I thought that was just a thing in movies!”

Chuckling, the dragon gave a friendly wink. “That’s what they want you to think!” The amiable expression, however, disappeared as he continued his explanation. “There have been a lot of funds diverted to the Director and his projects, some through legal means, others through not-so-legal means. A lot of money laundering’s been going on.

“And additionally, there’s… you know, that… thing. ‘Impact’. I became familiar with creatures like it prior to coming here. I performed an infiltration in one of the Director’s secret labs with my brother. What I found was something terrible…”

***

Lightbringer Labs, one month ago

Rigel had to physically clutch his snout to prevent the vomit from coming out. “T-this is…!” Familiar footsteps quickly approached from behind him, causing his heart to leap into his throat. “Kaoru, don’t look-!”

Too late! His brother had already seen the awful sight. “N-no… No, no, no, no, no, no, no…!” Those children were…!

In contrast to the hi-tech, futuristic outer walls of the institute, this room looked like it belonged to a deranged cult. Strange symbols, coupled with indecipherable writing were drawn in red paint(…?) all over the walls and floor, and beaten, ragged-looking children were placed in the very centre.

Cloaked figures surrounding the circle chanted out harsh, disgusting-sounding words, as a large muscular figure approached the children. It slowly raised its blade, and…! And…!! The two brothers reflexively looked away, but the sound of the splatter and the scent of blood were enough to confirm what had happened.

The room was soon filled with a terrible atmosphere – one that made Rigel even more physically sick than he already was. He had to fight the instinct to just flee that rose within him. The waves of evil aura became stronger and stronger… and a ball of shadow coalesced at the centre of the room. One of the cloaked figures grabbed it before Rigel could get a good look at it… but it was skeletal. And moving.

A smile – not genuine in the slightest and more like the fake one of a dog’s or dolphin’s – spread across the face of the staff member next to them. “Remember, you signed the legally binding contract! If you speak a word of this classified information to the general public… You’ll soon join them.”

A voice in Rigel’s mind screamed at him to tear the man apart. But he knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere, and he had to bear it for now.  

***

“Connections across the world, where they kidnap sacrifices… Labs, where they create hellbeasts… A movie, where they use real live hellbeasts… and, where they aim to portray said hellbeasts in a positive and affable light…

“I don’t know what the Director’s goal is, but it’s something sinister for sure. That’s why Kit and I decided to come here.”

This new information made Sabre’s head spin. Those children Tsurugi couldn’t save… and it was happening all across Earth…? After what felt like hours, though in reality it was a minute at most, the skeleton came to a decision. “…If the incident’s grown this large, then I have no choice but to keep going! My brother would have never turned a blind eye to an injustice like this! For my brother, and those poor children…”

Resolve starting to grow in his voice, Sabre continued, “We’ll beat that bastard at his own game! We’ll make a great movie, and find out what this Director is up to! Red, Doc, Mr Ignis, Magester, Ginger… maybe even that Soichiro guy who does lines for Impact! If we get them in on this as well, and use the creative control we’re allowed, we can foil the Director on all fronts!”

A grin spread across his face as the two of them left the toilet cubicle, heads held higher than anyone who had just taken a dump would look. Several stares went their way, but Sabre didn’t care at all. Just keep waiting, bro… soon, I’ll get to the bottom of this!