#anxiety go WILDDD

[cathopagan]

Doing a Spread to Appease My Anxiety

I don’t think it’s advisable to do readings when you feel extreme anxiety and panic, but I felt that I really needed it right now.

I have unfortunately and devastatingly lost my tarot cards so I make do with the Asterie Bot on Discord for now (hence the mismatched cards, which I find charming actually).

(spread from emeraldlotusdivination.com)

1 (top) - my current reality

The Hermit.

I’m lonely and isolated despite always talking to people because of my craving for conservation. I’m stuck in my head, constantly rationalizing my emotions, playing it cool when in fact I’m losing grip of reality, falling for the daydreaming trap and doing it whenever I can. I’m bedrotting, leaving my depression room a mess despite knowing I’ll be in a better place mentally once my physical space is. The responsibility looms over me and I see it, I hear it loud and clear, but I’m not listening to it. I wanna take paths different than what is conventional, because in my head, it may make things easy.

2 (bottom) - how I can center myself

King of Cups.

Mindfulness? Looking inwards? Looking at a new perspective? Therapy 💀? I may need to find ways to stay focused on the important things and keep my feet on the ground. Sort my priorities out and act accordingly.

3 (left) - the best way for me to relax

3 of Pentacles.

Uh, what. A distraction? Last thing that I believe I need right now, but I am advised to do something that fulfills me, which could be helping others or creating something (two things that I do enjoy doing). This makes me more anxious if I’m gonna be honest, so I could be reading into it wrong. Maybe it’s telling me to own it/take responsibility, I got here because of me so I might as well be like “yeah” and do something about it. Resonates better.

4 (right) - how I can stop worrying about the future

The Magician.

Honestly my first time getting this card in a reading as far as I remember.

I gotta just do it. If I’m stuck in daydream mode then make those dreams a reality. Create what I desire to the best of my ability. Just do it.

My Own Thoughts

I’ll… do it next week 💀 It has to be cus I’m just too busy this week. Right now, I’m meant to sleep because I have a big day ahead of me. I’ll do it and I swear on it. I think. Yes.

[intelligent-space-gay]

ohmygodddd the pure amount of anxiety I’m going to have when having my parents over when I’m older is WILDDD I’m barely okay with having them in my room !! how am I going to be okay with them in my whole ass house ??

[alleycatmimi]

So , umm .. I'm rlly rlly busy with school work these days , Like

our offline classes started only from march , so we have a lot of assignments and everything to complete , and if I start reading a book .. I have to finish it ... ( This is a problem that i have , i cant have a routine and read 1 or 2 chapters a day , if i start reading smth , i have to finish it in one go.) So if i do start reading smth , it makes me feel hella guilty ... but i also cant stop .. so it gives me anxiety...

I've never even tried audiobooks , I am very very against them..

I never read Gulliver's travells . My friend read it and she absolutely hated it so i didnt even give it a shot.

Honestly , ur right Park jimin can be wilddd when he wants to , and Jk's last button was holding my sanity , if that broke .. i would've gone insane..

I was a bit surprised by hobi's mesh shirt , he doesn't rlly go there .. but it was kinda okay ..

I absolutely loved their new red outfits , they looked HOT !! Although I was hoping that they would maybe change their setlist a little bit , include some more b- sides...

Btw , did u know about a song "Trouble" by rm and jin. I just found it , and it's..... smth else. The lyrics , the chorus , .. the MOANING.. Damn! Namjin are wilddd

I am sorry for answering this late, I am just trying to avoid being active on tumblr these days, because I have experienced some unpleasant situation with someone in here and I am trying to avoid them.

School can fuck up your mood, indeed, but you shouldn't let it fuck up your hobbies as well, sweetie. As for reading, you have to figure out how to read only some pages at time and not jump for the whole book, because you are not reading anything otherwise, which is sad, if you assume you love reading this much😇 So maybe try and tame yourself when it comes to this.

No, I haven't finished Gulliver's Travels. And I won't. It is annoying.

I am so glad you have finally found about Trouble 🤭 I absolutely love it. I had the same reaction🤭

Here is some more for you.

And here is even more.

Tell me what you think of them maybe 👉👈

[blushed-wine]

“so here we are” - gordi

sunday 11:49 pm | 24 march 2019

this is what happened. i got caught. my parents caught me with a boy. so, imagine, my foreign parents (who, by the way, until a little over 2 weeks ago, thought i was a pure, innocent, little angel), finding me in the back of a nissan, with my clothes off, completely naked, straddling a boy who they’d never seen before. saying they went absolutely bat shit insane is an understatement.

here’s what happened that night, a couple weeks ago. 

i was with this boy. and i really liked him. let’s call him asshole. well asshole was really sweet and i really thought we had a connection. but we fought a LOT. he would claim i was crazy (looking back, kind of was) and i claimed he was dumb as hell (he definitely was. still is). we always made up in the end though. but that night.. things just ended. and he didn’t give a shit. like whatever. i didn’t either. i mean i was kinda hurt, but mama didn’t raise no bitch! so i called up one of my hoes, cute lacrosse boy, you’d like him. and boom, i was set. at 1am i’d sneak out and get some of that mmm mmmmmmm. 

well 1am came and my anxiety was goin WILD. my parents were still awake, my fed of a dog was SKETCHIN, and my boy was waiting outside. i was like fuck it, i’ve done this before. they won’t notice. but little did i know!

so anyways, i climb out of a window and get into said boy’s car. i tell him to drive down to my subdivision clubhouse and park. no one would find us there, right? wRONG! 

we down a bottle of fireball and start talking. small talk. then we get down to business. everything’s going good, in fact everything’s going amazing. until probably ten minutes in. we see headlights. 

and looook who it is!

so here i am, drunk and naked in the back of a car with my parents knocking, well actually, banging (no pun intended), on the car window. haha, fuck. 

my father has really bad anger issues. he broke the poor kid’s car. and when i say he broke it, i mean he fucking eradicated it. the whole night was a blur but here are a few things i remember: 

- my father jumping on said boy’s car, like the roof, literally jumping on it and punching it. not sure what power that would do, but, whatever.

- my father punching said boy in the face. poor baby had a bruise under his eye when i saw him monday. he was a good sport about it though. 

- my father almost smashing the bottle of fireball that i snuck out of the house over said boy’s head, then deciding to smash it on the ground instead. both of my parents had cuts on their feet after that. 

- my father trying to attack said boy

- my mother holding him back

- my dather putting his power into the only other thing he could touch while being held back. aka the passenger door

- passenger door destroyed

- me trying to find my shirt in the back while all of this was happening. deadass chilling in the back, accepting my fate, knowing damn well i was about to get my ass murdered lmfaooo yolo bitch

- getting my ass murdered

- me screaming “*said boy’s name* YOU HAVE TO GO! GOOOO!”

- said boy driving away with only boxers on and backing into our car as he left. its ok we weren’t mad, he was in a panic

- my parents: GRRR *whack* ARE *smack* YOU *pulls my hair* FUCKING *more smack* STUPID

- getting called slut, whore, cheap bitch by my mother

- my father hugging me really tight and saying “it’s okay, we all make mistakes”. he’s a good man

- not being able to walk after that lmfaooo the sex was tooooo good so worth it lemme tell u 

hehe anyways that was like two weeks ago. shit was WILDDD. yeah literally made my life a living hell and now my parents don’t trust me, i’m not allowed to go anywhere ever, and my mom is even debating on letting me go to college lol. my mom was already strict as FUCK and that just.. wooo i’m surprised she didn’t die of a stroke. bless ur heart mom. nah but, my parents were really understanding and sweet about it after they murdered the fuck out of me and then let me come back to life. it was a whole “it’s okay, you’re a teenager, we know you’re going to make mistakes, just make good decisions” after roasting tf out of me. they still think im a hoe lmao but at least they know the truth now! ;)

if ur curious as to what happened to said boy, he’s fine. the bruise under his eye went away after three days and he sold his car and got another one (his family has bank). lucky for our family, he didn’t press charges. he lied to his parents and told them his car had been vandalized in the middle of the night and insurance paid for the damages. we still talk. he’s sweet.

if ur curious as to what happened to me, well. my parents forgave me. not sure if i’ve forgiven myself. also going through a ton of shit. we’ll talk about that more later. 

so yeah, if you ever think your life sucks, just think about the time my parents saw me naked on top of a boy in the back of a car! you might feel better.

yours,

k