#antivigilante

[antivigilante]

Punk!Vamp!Soap (BITW) for @gogh-with-the-flow

Face Model is Neil Ellice for COD: MWII

DO NOT REPOST, STEAL, OR REPRODUCE MY ART

Please ask for permission to use my art

(under the cut for the SFW Ver.)

Punk!Johnny

[auspicioustidings]

Imagine the MiB AU where Soap ends up like Ben 10 (the kid with the alien watch)? and he's like am naw givin it back this is ma life now *transforms into dude with 4 arms*

They thought he stole an Integrator and was using it to absorb alien genes but he's just got a magic Rolex that breaks all their laws instead.

Gaz loves mind wiping civilians and then filling in the blank with the most outlandish but above board shit.

"Your girlfriend uhhhh got deported 🚫 but it's ok 👌🏽 she cheated on you with an American no they didn't ⚠️🫣🚩 while you were out of town ✅ go to the pub and move on ☠️" He may have mind wiped several hookups when they start complaining that he's away a lot.

Soap: 🗣️ "you were being catphished by a bald guy in his 50s you will never live the shame down go to the gym and do better"

John is tired of the great unknown and actually if you asked him he really does not want to know what's up there this is a lot he just wants to work in earth's locality and go home some time but goddamn if that duty ain't call him. Astounding, the one thing that all species have in common? Crime 🌟

Los Vaqueros branch never hears the end of "illegal alien" jokes.

Rudy: But I'm scared of Ghosts Ale: Extraterrestre no Paranormal

-antivigilante 🍑

WRITE THIS OH MY GOD 🥹 I am being so fed! The constant illegal alien joke? Actually perfect, I cannot think of one thing to add because it's so good!

And I will level with you I absolutely knew this was you because Lord of Ladies matches the wording in your tumblr profile ;)

[delacruz-writ-344]

The Batman (The Animated Series) And The Perfect Joker

https://ew.com/tv/batman-animated-series-episodes-ranked/

The Batman: The Animated Series (2004) is one of my personal iteration of DC's Batman and it is for one simply complex character: Joker.

The Context of This Wonderfully Crafted Villain

Now joker has had a lot of iterations from birds of prey (2020) to Batman: The Brave and the Bold (2008) , to Batman (1966). However, the joker of The Batman is something that gives me chills. His character is something that I do not really see in DC villains, especially the other versions of Joker. This series follows the typical story of Bruce Wayne, aka, The Batman. This young multibillionaire lost his parents tragically and this led him to create his persona of Batman to fight crime and clean up Gotham City. This was followed by the creation of Joker. A factory worker that fell in a acid vat and turned into Joker, the prince clown of crime.

Yet while most Jokers look like this

https://selliliar.live/product_details/21463881.html

This Joker looks like this

https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Joker_(Matsudaverse)

Imagine watching this as a child and this was the Joker you see instead of the well groomed and mannered Joker that is most common to see. I am currently rewatching this series and I remember this face so vividly and now I understand why, it was terrifying.

Why I LOVE This Joker

He is genuinely insane. From the way he talks to the way walks. He is a maniac but not the well put together ones, he is constantly barefoot in a New York city equivalent without a fancy suit and combed hair. He is in a straight jacket and it is amazing. I would say he is unhinged but he never had a single hinge to lose.

One of my favorite things is his voices. He switches from his playful "stage voice" to his true voice which is a deep and stern voice that contrast his stage voice perfectly. He is more like a coin constantly flipping and when he does flip it sends chills through me. It perfectly shows how fractured his mind is. The crimes he does are of Joker fashion, but the things he does to one of the characters in the serious is deeply,

truly,

evil and disturbed.

The Laughing Bat Episode is the best example of this

Clay Face: Ethan Bennett

Watch the scene here!

The Gotham Police (GP) is antivigilante and Bruce Wayne's childhood best friend just so happens to be an detective at the GP. One of the cases, he follows Joker to an abandoned fair. Joker made Joker Putty and it makes anything a putty like material and it makes everything extremely malleable and with this he was robing banks, art, and defacing the Statue Of Liberty. Ethan and his partner detective Yin chased him, and Ethan gets captured by Joker and tortured. The Joker mentally broke him. After he was finished with Ethan, Ethan started to laugh at his unfunny jokes and Joker said that he was as broken as he was. This damage is irreversible, just like the physical damage the gas form of the Joker was that made him into Clay Face. Unknowingly Joker stripped Batman from his only true best friend and made him into a villain that he has to fight over and over again. And there are so many things Joker does throughout this series and each one is unique to this Joker due to his distinctive personality.

The Final Joke

This series is definitely worth the watch. I honestly think that this Joker is one of the best out there. It captures the maniacal psychotic aspects that I think that a lot of iterations leave out. Hopefully this peaked your interest enough to give it a try, I promise it is a good show that is easy to watch especially if you are new to DC or just Batman. If the whole series doesn't interest you I definitely recommend the episodes I mentioned!

[colorswapninja]

Sigurd Snake in the Sticker WIP (not finished)

Hello! I'm fielding fandom interest in Vikings Merchandise because:

There is no Vikings Merchandise

I would like to make some

I really would like some

In order to determine if I should post the rest of these, I need audience participation!

If you leave enough responses:

There will be a second post with all characters and designs

There will be characters, text quotes and logos

There will be a sequel sticker set of additional characters if interest is high enough

If you would like to be updated on the progress, ask questions or make requests/commissions, please send asks/PMs

If you would like to ensure that this project gets off the ground and done please leave likes/reboots/comments

If you would like to have fun please check out the Vikings chat by @gearhead66 called Harald's Army

Thank you

[oliverdant]

[gplusrolpremium]

Un café con... Oliver Jonas Queen

1.           Para empezar, ¿por qué no nos hablas un poco de ti?

Bueno, me defino como una persona introvertida cara a los extraños aunque cordial. También soy algo sobreprotector con quien considero mi familia y me muestro cariñoso y simpático con ellos.

2.           Si no me falla la memoria fuiste dueño de una discoteca y Director Ejecutivo de Queen Consolidated. ¿Cómo pasa uno de eso a decidir presentarse a Alcalde de Star City?

De una forma drástica, como todo desde mi regreso. Tanto el Verdant como el puesto de CEO fueron impuestos indirectamente por mi madre, en cambio el presentarme como alcalde fue como vocación propia, pues veía que mi ciudad se moría y necesitaba remediarlo de alguna forma.

3.           Cuéntanos, ¿a qué te enfrentas actualmente en tu trabajo?

Pues me enfrento a mafias que generan un caos importante y para más inri, identificar y despedir tanto a concejales como policías corruptos comprados por dichas mafias.

4.           ¿Te ves capaz de cumplir tus objetivos como alcalde?

Es lento, porque desgraciadamente la ciudad está muy corrupta pero creo que sí que podré. Con mi insistencia y rodeándome de gente leal. Unidos podremos salvar la ciudad.

5.           Estuviste años desaparecido, incluso se te dio por muerto. ¿Qué ocurrió en ese periodo de tiempo? ¿Hay algo que puedas contarnos?

Durante esos cinco años ocurrieron muchas cosas. El primero a eliminar un cargamento de misiles junto a un ex ASIS que iba en dirección a China. El segundo descubrí una droga que creaba supersoldados. El tercero en Hong Kong paré una epidemia. El cuarto regresé a la isla con el fin de recolectar una misión para el ARGUS y el quinto estuve en Rusia y me uní a la Bratva para ayudar a un amigo.

6.           ¿Qué crees que fue lo que te mantuvo con vida durante ese tiempo?

Sinceramente fue mi padre. Él me encomendó la misión de proteger y salvar la ciudad. Su deseo y el volver a ver a mi familia me mantuvo con vida

7.           Obviamente te viste obligado a crecer como persona ante la situación, pero ¿cuánto y cómo crees que has evolucionado desde tu regreso?

Muchísimo, volví como una persona cerrada y no confiaba en nadie, era más borde y cortante. Ahora aunque pueda parecer cortante me he abierto a gente, tengo amigos una niña y a una maravillosa persona a mi lado y no puedo ser muy feliz.

8.           ¿Tienes tatuajes? Si es así, ¿qué nos puedes contar de ellos? ¿Tienen algún significado especial?

Tengo tres, el primero en la espalda, es un dragón, lo tenía una compañera en la isla y me lo hicieron para recordar lo que pasó con ella. El segundo son unas letras chinas que me las hizo un brujo para protegerme de lo sobrenatural en la isla. Y el último en el pectoral derecho, representa el grado de capitán en la Bratva.

9.           Es inevitable no fijarse en el hecho de que han habido muchas muertes a tu alrededor, y si no es demasiado preguntar... ¿Qué tal has llevado ese asunto?

Ha sido muy duro, perdí a ambos padres ambos sacrificándose por mi y a mis dos mejores amigos por luchar a favor de la ciudad. Lo uso de combustible para mi fortaleza y así ayudar a la ciudad.

10.           Star City es una de esas ciudades en las que es muy evidente que hay justicieros, así como Arkham City tiene a Batman, tu ciudad está llena de este tipo de “héroes”. ¿Tú trabajas con ellos por mejorar la ciudad o hay diferencias que no os permiten trabajar juntos?

Así es, Star City tiene lo llamado "Team Arrow" cuyo jefe es Green Arrow. Muchos están en contra e incluso hay una ley antivigilante. Pero entre tanta corrupción confío plenamente en ellos, pues no lo hacen por algo a cambio si no por el amor a esta ciudad como yo, así que trabajamos codo a codo.

[tuseriesdetv]

Crítica: Arrow 6x03 Next of Kin

Star City se enfrenta esta semana a un nuevo grupo terrorista que hará todo lo posible para eliminar los traidores de sus filas sin importar a quién se lleven por delante. El Team Arrow, ahora capitaneado por Diggle, hará todo lo posible por evitarlo. Los guionistas de Arrow parece que han decidido jugársela a una sola carta poniendo al personaje más soso de la serie como el nuevo Green Arrow ¿Durante cuántos episodios tendremos que aguantar este sinsentido? Y es que Diggle no sabe utilizar el arco, requisito mínimo que deberían pedir para ocupar la vacante de Green Arrow. A esto debemos añadirle los temblores que le ocasionan la lesión que tiene en el brazo y la inseguridad que le provoca no estar a la altura de Oliver. Y es que por más que lo intente nunca llegará a la altura de nuestro arquero preferido. 

El Team Arrow se ve en varios momentos comprometidos por la falta de decisión de Diggle. lo que hace que tanto Dinah y René no confíen en él, llegando este último pedirle a Oliver que vuelva ya que Diggle es un soso y un inútil. Dinah, por el contrario, es cautelosa con el tema y toma la iniciativa a la hora de defender al equipo. Dinah se está ganando a pulso el título de Black Canary y continuando con honor el legado de Sarah Lance. 

Como cabe de esperar al final del episodio, la banda terrorista es detenida gracias a la colaboración de todo el Team Arrow salvando a cientos de personas. 

Durante este episodio, Oliver se mantiene en un segundo plano y tan solo intenta ser un buen padre. Seamos sinceros, no se le da bien, pero se esfuerza. Al mismo tiempo, desde el ayuntamiento debe velar por la seguridad de sus amigos y evitar a toda costa que se apruebe la ley antivigilantes, pero sin levantar sospechas. Y la mejor idea que se le ocurre es convocar un referéndum por el cual el pueblo decidirá si la policía debe perseguir al Team Arrow o si, por otro lado, deben encargarse únicamente de proteger la ciudad. Mientras, Felicity hace de profesora de matemáticas del hijo de Ollie, lo que provoca la vuelta de Olicity a la serie. ¿Será esta vez la definitiva? 

El episodio de esta semana nos deja con un final agridulce. Y es que descubrimos que, para calmar sus nervios y sus temblores, Diggle recurre a una nueva droga. Además, el FBI está cada vez más cerca de descubrir quiénes son los integrantes del Team Arrow ¿Qué pensará Oliver de todo esto? ¿Será expulsado Diggle del equipo? ¿Cuándo acabará el sinsentido de Diggle siendo Green Arrow? ¿Cuándo comenzará la trama principal de la temporada?

Promo 6x04 Reversal

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[antivigilante]

The Essentials

→ Pairing - Ragnarssons x Reader

→ Story Type - Multi Part. Out of Order Snippets. Time Travel!AU

→ Summary - The fortune teller said it would be temporary. You should've asked how long was temporary. You accomplished a lot today though. Like social studies and sex ed.

→Notes - yeah I wrote this a while ago and intended to rework it into something longer. Ahhh but fuck it. I'll just scribble these out.

Not a part of the quarantine challenge.

∞

A plume of smoke curled lazily in the midday sun. Resting on the jagged outcropping, you sat high beyond the town, pulling on a crumpled cigarette. It was relieving to be able to wear your normal clothes instead of the rustic, artful pieces you had been lent. But beautiful dresses aside sometimes you just wanted to throw on a (scandalous) pair of shorts and a t-shirt with tall socks in a homely pair of sneakers.

The sound of dragging and clinking drew you away from the gentle chatter of scattered men, standing around a leather backpack. The overlay was barely above the buzz of wildlife.

"I want to see the völva box."

Exhaling, you turned gently with a roll of your neck and peered at the shadowed Viking pulling himself up to sit. Somewhere to your left, the gentlest brother lay under the sun in the grass, holding your smartphone against his chest and scrolling through your library of album artwork to find a song that he'd hear through the wired ear buds.

"Sigurd's using it," you utter redundantly.

"Well now I wish to seek the Gods." Ahh, right. He didn't take turns, he merely imposed his rights.

"Well Sigurd has it so ask him maybe." Ivar snarls, and the sound jets into your ears from the proximity.

He says something else you miss and Sigurd is answering it from his spot, one ear bud in. You tune out their bickering as your let your sight wander back to the scene ahead of you.

Ubbe and Björn are having a solid one sided conversation, e latter waving his broad hands as he gestures with your passport animatedly at the spilled contents of the aforementioned ba. Hvitserk squats crouched in front of it, some books and knick knacks rest in the grass. Hvitserk continues to tumble it more in a quest for additional strangeness, beef jerky in his other fist. His spoils so far include crackers, the jerky, string cheese, a can of soda and assorted granola bars but you're certain he'll find your gum and mints too.

For all your interesting goods dredged from beyond space and time, including your phone, none so was more loved than the shining pair of aviator shades. The ostentatious Ray Bans sit across the beaming smile of Ubbe and you just didn't understand. Was it the 2 way mirror? The shade? The...aesthetic?

Ubbe stood tall in the warm sun, light reflecting off your chromatic lenses. He rolled a tube of jewel toned lipstick in his fingers, occasionally opening the cap to peer inside, sniffing. He'd inspected several tubes and brushes but he was holding the bright red stick with a generous bite mark in it.

His fascination with your various powders and colors ran deep and it explained why you were wearing a flamboyant cat eye and tinted lips.

"Face paints? Show me how these work. I want to see it." When he'd uttered it you knew that hungry smile wasn't a request.

Ivar was now waving a pocket knife he'd claimed, with a flinty look in his eye, and you sighed heavily.

Aside from these absolute treasures in secret, you were all awaiting the return of Ragnar Lothbrok. The King quickly decided the most important items were your various books and pamplets. He enthusiastically parted with your nonfiction works, and informed his sons he'd be back in a few days, shooting off a smile.

You'd say like father like son when Björn waved the leather wallet, but a while back he'd pulled you side to seriously interrogate you on the existence of your sleeve of condoms, free from some event. While his brothers raided your possessions like hyenas, his mind was already formulating all sorts of ideas. Without the thrill of conquest, him and his brothers were men of simple pleasures.

"Begone Ivar. I asked Y/N first and she said I could play the speaker box!" Music player.

"Who cares?", He pointed your pocket knife, "I want to ask the völva questions."

"I don't care about the stupid völva I want to listen to the foreign music." Sigurd speaks as if to convince him with his biting attitude.

"Idiot! It's for speaking with the Gods and you want to play silly love songs!"

"You're stupid! The box sees sagas and you want to ask how deep the ocean goes?"

You sighed again and flicked your butt away, making your way over to Sigurd where Ivar was almost upon him. You lifted the phone from his grasp and to their amazement, split the screen between music player and Google then handed it back. You didn't listen to their huddled wonders before making your exit.

"Don't swallow the gum just chewit. It's not meant to be eaten."

You don't look back too see Hvitserk's expression.

∞

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. I'm drunk and therefore my feelings are invincible. Gifs belong to @whenimaunicorn and @alessa-10

@lisinfleur @honestsycrets @ivaraddict @ivarswickedqueen @laketaj24 @whenimaunicorn @waiting4inspiration @naaladareia @gearhead66 @artemiseamoon @lol-haha-joke @alicedopey

[colorswapninja]

Sigurd Sticker WIP (not the final design)

Hello! I'm fielding interest in Vikings Stickers/merch because:

There's no merchandise for Vikings :/

I would like to sell them cheaply as possible for fellow fans/friends!

I really just want them

There will be a follow up post with all characters and designs

There will be other designs such as the Ragnarssons, Text Quotes, and Logos

There will be a sequel with other characters if there's enough interest

If you would like to make sure you're updated please send asks/PMs

If you would like to ensure this project gets done please leave comments/likes/reblogs

If you would like to make requests, ask questions or commission me, please send an ask or PM

[beaubouchard]

What follows is an interview with the Global Stock Market developer known as AntiVigilante. Recently, Bitcoin has grown in both popularity and notoriety with the well known hack attack on mtgox. -- Submitted by Tracy Phillips on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 19:58

[antivigilante]

Yeah, whatever When everyone wants to know what happened to Björn/Ivar/Hvitserk/Ubbe but you just thinkin’ about Sigurd chillin’ with David Bowie

Sigurd Snake in the Sky (Day) This is a holiday/pre-season 6 gift for @lisinfleur who is always so unfailingly kind and encouraging to me. I hope everything is well with your family and you find the joy between the stress.

But this is for everyone else in the Vikings community too! Please take the opportunity to drop me a line here or at @lordsexmachine for art/writing requests! The small kind.                                                                                unless you wanna commission me

[antivigilante]

Ivar the Hoeless. . . I'm Sorry

A comic of modern Hvitserk, Ivar and Ubbe at the club. Sigurd and Bjorn are there too. Just... not able to fit in this picture lol

@honestsycrets ANTE UP. Aaahhh I'm so tired.

still can't draw >:(

(This is the SFW version ;) )

[antivigilante]

Sigurd Snake in the Sky (Night)

Ver 2 of my original drawing. Just a cheap mspaint esque background change :/

Here’s the original colorswap.

[antivigilante]

We're almost there....

Sigurd WIP by Antivigilante

[antivigilante]

Commercial Break

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Pairing(s): Sam x Reader, flirty Bucky

Rated: T

Warnings: jokes about incest, mild swearing, military discussion

Description: For @caplansteverogers Christmas Challenge (listed as @lordsexmachine). You just couldn’t remember what he reminded you of, but corny, repetitive holiday commercials had a tendency of sticking with you forever. Especially when they were so memorably relevant.

Word Count: 3,392

Notes: Sorry it’s late. I haven’t written a fanfic since like 2008 hooooly shit I’m gunna diiiiieeeee

Also we need more Sam Wilson love. Make it happen all ye who read!

*******************************************************************************************

“Do you remember that commercial?”

The soft clinking of breakfast faded in to the kitchen from the open door leading to the dining nook. Light poured in from the many crystalline windows in the high-rise compound, creating a stunning glow. The kitchen, shaded save for one solar portal, chilled your body from the white tiles up. You sat on a granite island in the center, sipping from your regular mug. The single stream of sunlight hit your back, bathing delicious warmth on your spine.

Sam picked up the coffee maker on the counter across from you, the surface littered with stray sugar and milk splotches from the dining guests settled in the room over. You gazed at his broad back in his VA crewneck, admiring the breadth of his shoulders. A little niggling thought pinged in the back of your head that the moment was, somehow, familiar. It was one of those disjointed thoughts, a stream of consciousness brought on by a myriad of sights and sounds, and even smells and taste. Interconnected associations.

Following a decadent fall holiday season, the weeks leading up to the Winter Hols brought forth a kind of eclectic energy only prolonged anticipation could. Between tinsel and festive sweaters, not much could dissuade the Earth’s mightiest heroes from holiday cheer, even their collectively gloomy history.

Having made fast friends, you’d elected to stay at the new base for the duration of December and New Year’s, to everyone’s approval. Having scattered breakfasts, the team would inevitably split up to complete their holiday itineraries as scheduled before returning home. Evening could be counted on for a few hours of hot drinks by an artificial fire while everyone steadily built a bubble of good cheer and comfortable quiet.

You took another sip from your mug and continued your introspections as Sam opened a cupboard, grabbing a box of filters in one large hand. Setting up the first kettle of the morning, Natasha had shared a pot of coffee with the early risers, intent on getting her day started. Wanda had just polished off a bowl of oatmeal before you’d climbed up on the counter and made her way out to find Vision to help her deck the halls.

Her laughter echoed from down the way, no doubt tangling faerie lights and tinsel while a confused Vision tried to keep up. Thor had run through spinning Wanda playfully and streaming a line of tinsel himself before uttering his goodbyes to his gathered companions. Asguard was still settling into Norway and Thor was busy helping them adjust to the realm. With no hammer, he had to rely on a little help from Steven Strange to make the instantaneous trip back and forth, at least until he could do so himself.

Tony and Bruce were already back to their old habits, hunkering around the labs testing artifacts and piecing together clues from their various run ins with danger. Although lately they seemed keen on improving all technology in their midst. Precautions never ceased with those two.

A loud, raucous laugh poured in from the doorway behind Natasha, breaking your focus.  

“Alright, alright, I’m out of here!” Natasha made her way over to the sink, rinsing off her plate and cup before loading them in the dishwasher. “I’m headed to the mall out in town.”

Wanda and Natasha had begun prepping for deep winter, managing some early gift shopping in between.  You weren’t too keen on braving the crowds on tired legs for more than necessary, so you’d waved it off when the Widow now faced you again, asking if you’d like to join.

“Nah. Go on, I’m good. I think I’m gunna get a bit of organizing down first before I start making my pilgrimages to the capitalist mecca.”

“You’re not gunna offer me an invite too, Nat? That’s cold, girl.” Sam playfully protested, winking over a grin for good measure. The resident man-eating spy was still very much the most beautiful woman to grace the planet and they guys jokingly—mostly—liked to remind her. If you weren’t used to it by now, you’d feel a lot shittier about yourself. Natasha snorted.

“Not a chance Wilson. Alright, well I’m gone. See you all later.”

You uttered a bye, Sam saluting with his mug in hand. A chorus of sendoffs streamed from the remaining feasters, yelling to be heard before Nat walked off purse and coat in hand to find Wanda. No doubt Clint would be called later to meet them up and inevitably end up crawling in a vent to escape his duty. For now, he signed off to the guys and you heard his footsteps take him to the nearby living room to catch something on TV. A minute after, Bucky walked in making his way to the fridge.

“C’mon Wilson, how long does it take to make a cup of Joe, Jesus.”

“Maybe if your fat asses would refill the pot after you empty it I’d have a cup by now” he answered drily, ignoring the teasing lilt of his part time rival.

“Hey now, I can’t figure out these modern appliance doo-hickies,” he uttered sarcastically, “We used to just have percolators. Or a press. I dunno nothin’ ‘bout a latte.” He closed the door to the fridge, jug of juice in hand, eyebrow cocked.

Sometimes you wondered if Bucky was really fitting back into his old skin as the smartass from Brooklyn, equipped with the ebonics to match, or he was trying to will it into existence. He seemed to slip back into it with Steve well enough, but life changed people.

Sam rolled his eyes and placed the fancy, but standard percolator back in its base to brew again, opting to mutter about lazy super soldiers rather than push his point. He pulled the sugar bowl and milk towards him instead, fixing his coffee just the way he liked it. Suddenly feeling a bit out of place, you decided to finish your drink and head back to your room to lounge alone when Bucky turned to you.

“Hey, lamb. You gunna grab some breakfast or keep nursing that cold coffee?”

The apprehension of hanging around like a 5th (4th?) wheel dissipated a bit and you figured, why not?

“Yeah sure. What’s on the menu?” You placed your mug down. You were a bit hungry if you were being honest, but maybe that was thanks to all the smells.

“Table scraps if we don’t get back before Steve inhales everything.” Sam quipped, picked up his plate, and headed back to his seat. A loud ‘Hey!’ belted from the other room, sending Bucky sniggering.

Seated in a large but cozy booth, Steve before a hefty spread, closest to the bough window, unbothered by the chill. Cutting into his pancakes he chewed around a full mouth as Bucky slid in next to him. Sam gestured with his mug in a ‘after you’ motion, and you quickly slid in on the other side opposite Steve. Steve handed you a plate from the window seat and you began filling it as Sam settled in.

“So, we come to a decision on the Rangers?”

“Please, don’t get him started again,” Steve pleaded to the pseudo-pilot, “we can just try all the teams’ home games.” You didn’t understand the sudden hot debate about Hockey earlier, but knowing Sam, it was all part of the downtime campaign to catch up the resident centennials. When the weather began to warm, no doubt there’d be fighting over baseball and basketball too.

Bucky scoffed from his right and Sam rolled his eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time this morning. Before Bucky could start a mini-rant, you interjected a change of topic.

“What about shopping? Anyone start working on their lists for the holidays?” The three human garbage disposals turned to you, never ceasing their motions to ingest a village’s worth of calories.

“Shopping?” Sam repeated.

“Yeah,” You began, “I know we decided gifts aren’t mandatory but we all at least have one Secret Santa.”

“Oh right, the gift exchange,” Steve idled, “to be honest, I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I guess I’ll have to look around and find something special.” You wanted to tell Steve that he could search something online first instead of window shop endlessly. You felt bad about his forlorn tone, but you wondered if the window shopping might be more comfortable to him. Bucky himself seemed a bit more contemplative. Tough guys aside, things had changed and their prowess of social skills (good or bad) were out the window now.

“Well, whatever it is, I’m telling the both of you right now, If I see a bird shaped anything under the tree, I’m burning it.”

“Don’t be like that Sam!” Steve laughed out.

“I’m not saying it’s me,” Bucky alleged, leaning onto one arm as he scooped his eggs, “but you’re definitely getting a Tenga egg thingy.”

You choked on your coffee, Steve slapping the table in front of you trying to right his breathing, blushing violently. While the two Greatest Generation alumni still had much to acclimate to in the 21st century, Guy Talk wasn’t new, and it certainly wasn’t censored. With people like Sam, Clint, Tony and Thor around, there wasn’t much that wasn’t up for discussion. You were sure the dump of knowledge Bucky and Steve had accumulated was massive and useless. And now you were sure some of it was naughty.

Sam blushed lightly, snorting out a laugh. Recalling the last few seconds your mind supplied you with the egg Bucky referenced and blushed into your plate. Clint had passed around his phone at the couch a few weeks ago as the boys gathered to hem and haw at the strange new thing they’d discovered during their bawdy bonding time. You’d googled it on our phone from where you sat with Natasha, finding the video and promptly deleted your search history. Boys were stupid.

Suddenly remembering who they were sitting next to the guys righted themselves and tried to continue their meal. Steve cleared his throat, swallowing his bite and attempted to switch gears.

“So…uh, have you picked out your gifts yet, Shorty?” Steve and Bucky had taken to calling you Shorty after hearing it playfully from Sam. Sam still liked to drawl out ‘Shawty’ but the former Commandos preferred ‘Shorty’, especially after hearing it again in an old Three Stooges skit. The fact that certain slang had survived so long perked them both up.

You chewed thoughtfully for a second, preparing to answer. Truthfully, you had picked Sam, which was a welcome surprise. You weren’t sure you wanted to reveal yourself at the eventual gift exchange, waffling between spoiling the vet or grabbing him something functional. Hearing all the goofy things people were planning, or asked for, made you think it was best to keep your identity a secret forever, especially since you found yourself wanting to join in on the gag gifts. If you did get Sam a bird gift or strange toy, the reactions would be priceless. But the cost would be a loooot of teasing.

“Well, just so you know,” Bucky interrupted, “My favorite color is Blue, I’m a Large and I want a Russian Mail Order Bride.”

The shout of laughter from Sam was instant. Steve groaned closing his eyes as he bent over a smile blooming around his laughter, arm reached out to grab onto Bucky and steady himself. Bucky chuckled deeply at the display of chaos. Doubling over next to you, Sam continued to die and you jostled in your seat between the wobbling table, two hulking geriatric man-children and Sam’s bumping shoulders.

“Well if this is what you all have planned for each other, I’m scared to think what someone might have gotten me.” You sighed, a few incredulous laughs escaping you. Righting himself again, Bucky leaned back a faced you with a wicked grin.

“The gift I give to you is the gift of my presence.”

He made his declaration like reminiscent of the lordly (“God!”) tone often employed by Thor, although delivered much like his brother. Amidst the tapered off laughter, the niggling feeling from earlier returned, bursting into clarity your mind connected the firing neurons to the memory that escaped you.

“Oh!” Questioning looks greeted you between much needed sips of refreshment.

“Do you remember that commercial?”

“You’re gunna have to be more specific” Sam threw over his shoulder, pouring a refill of juice into his now empty coffee mug.          

“Yeah I know, I just wanted your attention,” you clarified, “I meant—do you remember that old Folger’s Coffee commercial? The one about the siblings on Christmas?”

A look of recognition passes over Sam’s widening eyes and he slams down his drink.

“Wait—the one with the vet homecoming from Africa?” Bucky and Steve glance at Sam before exchange looks at the sudden lack of following.

“Yeah, and his sister answers the door!—”

“And they have that aw—”

“Uh wait, wait” Steve interjects. “What coffee commercial?” He looks between the two of you.

“The worst and best commercial of all time” Sam faux-solemnly declares to the table. “I don’t think there’s a year down at the VA we don’t all argue about this commercial. It’s like the one thing guaranteed to make everyone lose their shit in the best way possible.” He pauses as if recalling a particular memory. “Seriously, that commercial is cursed.”

Bucky raises his brows at the explanation and asks, “What’s wrong with the commercial?”

Sam squints his eyes in focus and leans his head back. “Damn.” He glances over a you and smiles softly. “Shit, how did it go?” His grin grows wider and his sparklin-white teeth gleam.

You smile softly back, warmed subconsciously by the notion of direct conversation. Later, it occurs to you that you could have simply pulled out your phone and played the commercial, much to your embarrassment. When Natasha points out that Sam didn’t either you still under the knowing hum of Wanda.

“Basically,” You begin, sitting up, “two siblings reunite after the older brother’s deployment, and things go from joyful to really weird.” The super soldiers make twin noises of interest. You laugh. “I think the brother shows up at the door with his duffle bag, about to open it when his younger sister sees him from the window and opens it first all excited.” You pause. “Uhhh I think he does some dorky line like…--”

“Pft, I must have the wrong house.” Sam supplies. He looks at you in exaggerated confusion and glances around with his arms spread. God, he must’ve seen it a hundred times, but unlike you he hadn’t repressed it. You can only imagine the conversations down at the VA.

You grin pointing at yourself and deliver an equally exaggerated “Sister?!”

“I missed you so much!” You chime and Sam laughs giving you a quick hug to play along. Still grinning you drop your tone a bit suggestively to quip back. “I waited up for you all night you know.” Steve is staring at you, brows raised in rapt attention from the corner of your eye.

Sam huffs dramatically about the return from West Africa and then collapses on the table leaning towards your cup. “Ugh, real coffee.”

You push the impromptu prop towards him and snicker as he savors it like a dying man, in lieu of fake pouring a new cup.

“I brought you something from far away,” he recalls his line easily. Looking around quickly he pushes a plate of tiny pancakes towards you, made earlier by a teasing Barnes. You pretend to contemplate your gift while he glances at you. Looking up he gets his cue and looks down to inhale more delicious coffee while you stare softly at him, eyes wavering doe-like in love struck appreciation.

Then, you turn to the enhanced soldiers while grabbing the plate.

“Pretend this is a gift bow.”

Before they could understand, you lift one of the silver dollar pancakes up and slap it on Sam’s shoulder, him spitting coffee back into your mug in amusement. Reigning in his laughter at what’s about to happen, he forces out the question about the ‘bow’.

Smiling softly now in genuine fondness, you meet his gaze and say with heavy emotion, “You’re my present.”

To anyone watching, it would seem like the warm regard of a little sister who missed her brother very much. However, the prolonged staring punctuated with wide studying glances steered the mood in a deeply inappropriate direction. Sam returned your heavy stare, smile playing at his lips. His sweeps across you were a lot slower and less bashful than the commercial and you felt thick emotion knot in your throat. You liked Sam. Sam was great. And that was the end of it, really. Errant thoughts of ‘what if’ were always pushed far away. Suddenly the looks became decadently lascivious.

Grin overtaking his face, Sam met your gaze again from his evaluating. He begins to lean in and your face goes slack, staring up at him with anticipation at where the improvised scene was going. Without breaking away, he narrates to Steve and Bucky.

“This is the part where shit gets weird.”

He leans in all the way to grab you and them places a smooch on the corner of your mouth as he dips you backwards. Opening his mouth, he wiggles his tongue in the air garbling nonsense, nose pressed against you.

As you laugh, you angle away from his goofy imitation of making out between siblings. Eyes tearing up you continue to hiccup with the force of your laughter and eventually turn into Sam more lips brushing his tongue swiping across your mouth.

You giggle and place a few pecks on his open smile, still laughing, when his tongue dips into your mouth. Overcome with sudden confidence, you seal your parted lips over his for a firm kiss, drawing back with a pop before you do it again.

Sam stops his antics on contact and hangs his jaw in muted awe. His eyebrows furrow, eyes hooding, and he stills around the kiss before returning the second one, breathing deeply when you close your third kiss around his bottom lip and pull ever so gently till it frees itself. Still in disbelief, he leans forward to capture your upper lip the same way. Delicately, he pulls back until it slips from between his teeth and then fastens your mouths together.

While you return the kiss, focusing on the swirl of his tongue in your mouth, Sam traces his fingers across your arm and waist. Your hands were still supporting your angle from the seat and Sam’s knee you were thumbing gently. It occurred to you that there were more people in the room who’d eventually ask questions, but you’d face the music when it came to that.

Eventually, you both broke the tender exchange for air and in the coupled pants, Sam said from above you, “after the present bit, their parents finish dressing and come downstairs and interrupt them but before that there’s like a solid 5 seconds of sinning.”

There’s a noise of disbelief and Sam turns back to the other two like nothing happened.

His arm remains around you under the table, and you stay nestled into his side, smile daring to overtake on your face, as you face the America Twins.

Steve’s blonde eyebrows have disappeared into his hairline leaving violent red devastation behind. You wonder if it’s because of the making out between his two friends or because commercials have apparently gotten so lewd a nun would die.

Bucky on the other hand is squinting at you two in disbelief, brows furrowed. He spits a ‘bullshit’, surprising you that he still could concentrate on what was going on.

“Well, more like 5 seconds of staring, but this is basically what everybody knew was about to go down. Cursed commercial.” Sam resumes his cooling food and everyone follows suit, a lull in conversation while everyone eats, processing the sequence of events. Before you could over-analyze what just happened and what it meant, Steve pipes up in an almost tired manner.

“Well....I certainly could use some coffee now.” Sam hoots and Bucky joins in drily.

“We shoulda sold War Bonds like that.”

                                                                        Fin

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