#another thing to add to my list of triggers ig | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

selfcareparker · 3 years

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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australian-desi · 4 years

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Rest In Peace ~ Sushant Singh Rajput

Hey guys, I was going into a spiral thinking about SSR and everything he went through and I needed somewhere to write my feelings down. There’s so much noise about this on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, I didn’t want to add to the noise, bashing and overall negativity, so found this to be the best place. I’m sorry in advance if I offend anyone. This is going to be very long.

Sushant Singh Rajput the Actor and Human:

I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t his biggest fan, not by a long shot. I watched him in Pavitra Rishta every now and then because my mum was obsessed with that show and I used to be confused as to why everyone was obsessed with Manav and Archana - I was 12 years old when the show started and just felt it was another saas-bahu serial. However, to this day it amazes me how Manav and Archana were able to capture their audience for three consecutive years when their story was another saas-bahu serial. It was obviously the actors portraying them, and it takes a lot to grab someone’s attention and keep it on yourself. SSR had that energy. I remember then he came onto Jhalak Dikhlaa Jaa, I watched that show quite religiously because of my love for dance, and was bowled over by how good of a dancer he was. He had perfect lines, and his posture was amazing, I was in awe every time he danced. I remember that in that show he proposed to his then-gf in the cutest way possible, a proposal that is etched into my mind till this day.

He then left his daily soap, for a career in Bollywood, it was a very risky, bold move because it is a well known fact - Tellywood actors, are rarely able to make good careers in Bollywood. Most of them become irrelevant after their first or second movie. But man was everyone wrong about Sushant. I didn’t watch Kai Po Che, but I remember the buzz around it at the time, everyone was talking about it, and it was one of the biggest movies of that year. He then did Shuddh Desi Romance - a movie I was inclined to watch because he was in it, I was slowly turning into a fan, but I didn’t get the chance to watch it. Then came PK. When PK’s trailer was launched, SSR’s cameo was kept a secret, I remember I was in the theatre and he came onto the screen and absolutely owned it. His performance as Sarfaraz won me over, and a smile still comes to my face when I remember him in the song “chaar kadam”. SSR had an amazing screen presence, he knew how to keep the audience’s attention on himself and a lot of the time you would forget this Sushant Singh Rajput, in fact you would only think of him as his character. The brilliance in his craft was the ability to become his characters completely, to the point you think of them as a real person. The next movie I watched of his was MS Dhoni - a movie that became a sensation. Everyone who went to the movie as Dhoni fans, came back as Sushant’s fan. He deserved that and more. You could see his hardwork, his passion and his dedication in everything he did. I remember when the trailer for Raabta dropped, I was super excited two of my favourite actors - Sushant and Kriti had come together. At that point I started watching more interviews of him and got to know him a little from what he portrayed as a person. Raabta flopped at the box office, however, personally I enjoyed it and I was amazed at the chemistry he had with Kriti Sanon. In Kedarnath, I was so excited that Sara Ali Khan was doing her debut with him, and man both did not disappoint. Kedarnath was an amazing movie and Sushant portrayed his character with utmost conviction. Chichore was the last movie I watched of his and I absolutely loved the movie and him in it. The themes and overall message of that movie hit deep, and it was intelligently made, with comedy mixed with the darker themes, but not taking away from the main message they were trying to convey. Overall, even though I wasn’t a fan of him at the start of his career, he had won me over.

I also started adoring him as a person. His love for physics and astronomy; his eyes full of curiosity and enthusiasm towards the great unknowns. He didn’t finish his engineering degree, but the childlike wonder he had towards science made me excited as a scientist myself. He showed everyone that he had a brilliant mind and I’ve said this before and I’ll said it again, actors who are educated and well-spoken make me respect them more, they have a different way of thinking, they are eloquent and they show how much education can do for a person. SSR had all of these qualities. I could hear him speak for hours at a time. His instagram posts were always so deep and meaningful, it would make me thing differently, and his 50 things bucket list inspired me to no end. Especially how much he wanted to do for other people and how much he wanted to grow as a person. He also had an infectious smile, his smile used to make his fans smile and it takes a big person to do that.

SSR’s Death:

I was doing an assignment when one of my friend’s had sent me the news. I thought it was a hoax at first, but then I googled him, and it was true - Sushant Singh Rajput had committed suicide. Honestly, I’ve been distraught since then, I cried multiple times, and I can’t stop thinking about him, the pain he must’ve felt in order to take this decision, and whenever I saw his sisters or dad I cried even more, the sadness and despair I felt would be nothing compared to theirs, especially because his death was preventable. I’ve never been depressed, I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks and anxiety but I don’t know what depression is. I only know what I’ve studied, that people who are depressed have physiologically different brains to people who are not, they have decreased levels of oxytocin and serotonin, and that they have less grey matter. I’ve also been told that this causes them to not be able to function, they sleep too much, become unable to socialise, and their brain starts to turn them against themselves. However, I believe that there is always an underlying cause of depression. There are triggers for depression, a person doesn’t become depressed over nothing. I know everyone wants to know the trigger; why did he take such a drastic step, but he didn’t leave a note. He left with silence. I know it is difficult, but I feel that we should respect that, however, we should not let him die in vain.

But I’m going to be real here IT IS NOT OUR PLACE AS THE GENERAL PUBLIC/AUDIENCE OR FANS TO GO ONTO OTHER CELEBRITIES TWITTERS/FB/IG AND CALL THEM MURDERERS. How dare we think that we can blame other people for someone’s death. I don’t care how these people treated him while he was alive, let them mourn him in peace. His death has taught me one thing, not one person is toxic, not one industry is toxic, all of us are. The person who is now checking up on every single person that they usually would not care for because of guilt, the girl shouting all over my timeline that Karan Johar, Deepika Padukone and Alia Bhatt murdered SSR, the boy screaming that x person didn’t post about his death they wouldn’t be affected by this or they don’t care. Every single person. Everyone needs to stop with raging on social media. They need to take a step back and breathe, and mourn and let others mourn.

My take on Nepotism and Bollywood:

Here’s the crux of the issue. Bollywood. I’m your average desi girl, I’ve grown up watching bollywood, being obsessed with it. To the point that at a certain time I only watched Bollywood. Then the whole nepotism scandal hit. I remember thinking to myself then, what’s the big deal? Also did people really not think about this until an actress had to come speak about it on national television? Did no one realise that Bollywood has been preferring starkids over other talents for decades? I used to think that yeah, Bollywood has nepotism, but where does nepotism not exist. The truth is nepotism exists everywhere. A doctor’s child becomes a doctor. A business man’s child becomes a businessman etc. But here’s the thing, the doctor’s child has to work towards becoming a doctor, he/she has to go through the same steps that other non-doctor children have to do. The only advantage they get is, that their parents might be able to help prepare them for what’s coming, and it’s not like every doctor has doctor parents, both people get equal opportunity. The child of a doctor just has more insight. However, in Bollywood, there is no equal ground, it isn’t as if a starkid only has it easy to get their first movie. Nope, they sign their second or third movie before their first one releases. Take Sara Ali Khan for example, she had already signed Simmba, before Kedarnath had released. Now take Anushka Sharma, she didn’t get her second movie two years after the release of her first one. Nepotism does exist, it will exist, but in other industries, the people who aren’t a product of it are still able to get promoted, to do good work and receive equal opportunity. However, in Bollywood this is not the case. It has never been the case. This needs to change. This needs to desperately change. Especially because nepotism didn’t use to be as bad, as the products of nepotism were still talented, but now, they are not, and SSR’s death can bring this change, because Bollywood is losing it’s credibility, and as I consider Bollywood my own, my home, I want it to do better. Actors who come from non-film backgrounds and television deserve to share space in mainstream cinema with those who do come from film backgrounds.

Where From Here

In the past couple of years, we’ve become a horrible society. We pretend to like people when we meet them, and then bitch about them behind their back. We also think that whatever comes to our heads we can say to whatever celebrity the way we want because them being public figures is an open invitation for us to say hurtful things to them which normally we would not say if we meet them in person. We are the people who cry about nepotism, and then when a movie doesn’t have a big star in it we go “we’ll watch it at home, if we have time, why waste money going to the cinema”. We are the same people who cry about mental health issues and to raise awareness, when we think its absolutely fine to give a celebrity death threats because of a comment they made. We are also those people who cry about how SSR was treated unfairly, when we had a chance to go see his movies but didn’t. Who gave us this authority to be able to judge? Who gave us the right? If we won’t talk to other people with such disrespect in real life, why can we over the internet? WE. NEED. TO. DO. BETTER. AS. A. SOCIETY.

We need to stop shaming people, we need to support artists that aren’t star kids, but also support star kids. They don’t deserve the hate they get either. It isn’t completely their fault that they are given more opportunity. It’s our fault too. We are the ones who make them successful. Directors know that they could sell more tickets with Ranbir Kapoor on the poster than Sushant Singh Rajput, even if Sushant Singh Rajput is a better artist. We need to support both talents. We need to show filmmakers as an audience, that both artists should be given equal opportunity. That the only thing nepotism should do for a starkid is just give them insight on what a life of an actor is like. That is all. They should also go to auditions, they should also be accepted or rejected based on talent. And for the love of god, we need to stop getting celebrities to judge other celebrities based on acting skills and sex appeal. it’s 2020, we can do better.

Also to anyone who’s having any sort of dark thoughts. Please, I beg of you talk to someone. There is someone who loves you; your parents, siblings, teachers, friends, family, that brown guy in your dms. And if you truly don’t know anyone that you can talk to, talk to a therapist on a free hotline. My inbox is also always open if you want to chat.

To Sushant Singh Rajput - I will miss seeing you at the movies, your smile and your interviews, and how much of an inspiration you were to me. I hope you are at peace now, and finally found happiness.

For anyone who read this - thank you for reading my absolute ramble and I hope I made sense

Here’s a dumb joke to make you hopefully smile a little, or at least roll your eyes: What do you call bacteria found in Agra? Agraculture - does this even make sense. IDK. All I want to say is, that I’ve been an absolute dukhi aatma for the past couple of days, and now its time to smile, and look at some positives.

#Sushant Singh Rajput #TLDR #Nepotism #Bollywood #I tried my best to write less but pent up feelings came and became this mess #Live and let live #Be kind

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drop-the-curtain-123 · 4 years

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Hello!! Hope this isn’t bothering you, but might you have any more spastic Chess headcanon content? (I love the concept, it’s canon now)

wok keep in mind i’m no @i-don-t-even-care nor @anythingbutwallflower so bear with my non expertise in those listings. plus i havent even watched the show in a whole, but whatever lol. its projection a whole much lot, i’m actually scared of oversharing online but oh well-

was born with it

was born quite early actually, at like, 6, 6.5 months of pregnancy

nobody really knows why. she used to joke about how she was actually awaited and had to go save this trashy world early on

was in a “baby incubator” as she calls it for a bit after birth.

it touches her right side, so she’s left-handed. like, heavily. she can hold things with her right hand, but it's not that comfortable, so the right arm is mostly left on its own, sometimes on dinosaur-hand mode

she moves a lot of things with her trunk, like pushing a book etc instead of using her arms

her hands sometimes throw things randomly too

like just. stop working

is actually really muscular on her arms because she dragged herself with it when she was young, since, yeah, she walked later than others

she has a limp, always had. her right side, again, is weaker, from the eye to the feet, and her leg is actually a bit shorter. her right calf is notably thin and all

she wanted to be a sports medical person in canon, right? go off with it, but make it for the paralympic people

has chronic pain in the legs since puberty, something along those lines

like, all the times, feeling like muscular exhaustion/stabbing

which is why she relied on... the things she took. because really, nothing can make it go away

the leg pain? maybe painkillerS can, but the numbness and overweightness feeling on it? impossible.

shes quite a exhausted a lot

her being disabled also adds a meaning/layer on about what happened to her, happened to her

she sits whenever she can because standing up?? for no reason?? are y’all crazy?

also she wears casual, lose clothing because thights things can be annoying or trigger the tension of the already tensed up muscles

pratical hairstyles too

kate does it soemtimes, or brush her hair if cheche is out of spoons

sometimes her leg shake like a washing machine and she thinks it’s funny

kate think it’s not

IDK if chess being disabled changes anything to their dynamic

maybe kate carried chess backpack sometimes

she actually joined cheer out of spite

just because kate joked about “oh id be worse than you even, and lost without you even” i guess

she stuck out with it cause it gave her scheduled stuff to do and conforted her in her horrendous internalized “need to fit with the ableds” ableism to prove herself she can

she had kinesytherapy too but thats another topic. fyi it’s once a week

now on non-disability related stuff solely but i wanted to add it on

chess and mattie friendship?? HELLO??

chess only has one (1) girl cousin and she’s living in like. poland. or portland. she cant always remember. whatever, anyway, it’s far away /j so she gives all of her old hello kitty sunflowers hairclips, hair ties etc to mattie

they watch bad horror movies together and pair all of those dumbasses together randomly

they rank the stupidest effects of cgi or the fakest blood, sometimes with eva, our local skeptic

they do jokes about being the skeptic (eva), the hectic (mattie) and the spastic (chess) in an attic (of whom? i don’t know. maybe reese out of all people have pity of them

they can go skiing together (seriously y’all check out how us spazzers skii. it’s marvelous. google it)

i feel like she’d enjoy hanging out in silence with eva, in a public library, in those lion-seats that are definitely made for kids, theyre all have bad posture but they love it.

they dont actually study there, they just pick up books to rent and actually have a bubble out of schoolwork

one of their moms said it was a neat thing she’s read it on facebook

so they do it to please mrs. wheeler :^)

they cook too. idk what. ijust love the dynamic of mattie, eva, and chess

probably bread

i feel like theyd gift super great crunchy bread to cairo for some reason

ill rb if i add anything ig i wrote it on one setting ily’all, dont hesitate to ask me stuff related! hope you liked it!

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anais-shirley · 5 years

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Wait what’s going on in Twitter?

A video released on Shannon’s YouTube account shows Lucas and Shannon behaving like teenagers. Some fans got outraged by Lucas’ remark on how gross he thinks ship names are (especially for Shirbert). And others got upset at Lucas being disrespectful to Amybeth, when all he did was kissing Shannon right after she started saying “Amybeth”. There was another part where they listed the name of the cast members they get along with, and Amybeth was not mentioned. Honestly, just go watch the video (if it hasn’t been removed bc of all this shit show). You’ll forge your own opinion.

If you want my opinion, I think this video was boring at best and the jokes fell flat, but I didn’t see any disrespect towards Amybeth. He didn’t insult her or made any inappropriate remarks about her. He just didn’t acknowledge her. Knowing the recent events around fans harassing Shannon, I can understand that he tries to avoid some topics that could trigger fans in order to protect his gf. So for that part, I think the fans reactions are completely disproportionate. Now, regarding his remarks on certain things related to the AWAE fandom, I can understand how it offended some fans. He showed a pretty arrogant attitude throughout the video, but on the other hand it was not surprising to me. Lucas has never been into fan appreciation the way Amybeth is since the beginning, and his detachment with social media sends a clear message on how he values his privacy. Add on top of that all the shit his gf has been through with some immature fans, you can then understand why he’s so pissed. Some might argue that he should have handled that matter professionally bc fans made him successful, but again, given the context of the recent harassment, I’m not gonna blame him. He’s just turned 19 (today actually! Happy birthday LJZ!) and he reacted the same way as any other boy of his age would react.

Now, the scary part is that many so called “fans” went on his IG account to vent their anger with insults. Some have even created a petition to kill him off the show if the show gets renewed. So just imagine Lucas reading these comments on his birthday, what would he feel?

I don’t know you, but as much as I love AWAE, I’m not gonna watch it if there is no Gilbert. And I’m certainly NOT interested in seeing someone else than Lucas playing Gilbert.

So now you know the extent of the shit show performed by the so called loving members of our fandom.

#anne with an e #awae #shirbert #renewannewithane

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mikeshanlon · 5 years

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Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)

Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)

The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)

Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)

All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)

Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)

The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)

The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)

I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)

Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)

#books #lgbt #pride #lgbt books #idk what else to tag lmao pls feel free to add ur own yall!!! or correct anything i got wrong lmao

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jainarden-blog · 5 years

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A Little Bit Of Organization Wouldn’t Hurt A Bit

Today is a searching and researching online day for an end to the endless clutter I have lived with FOREVER! I am so ready to clear the decks both physically/mentally and offline/online and get to some #extremeproductivity.

This is going to involve a lot of thinking and a lot of trying out things to streamline it into this no-fluff ecosystem I am dreaming about, even as I am typing this. A big part of this is to go paperless and also to start using my IOS phone a lot more. The below may seem like a lot of places but the object of my game is to have places to put things where I can go back and retrieve them. My mind and life goes so fast a lot of the time that the clutter, even when it is just mental has a tendency to pile up and to overwhelm me. By clearing physical mess (most importantly paper) and mental overflow, I can create the space I need to be the best me. Two big goals are time to do online study and being fit mind and body.

Read on for tools and thoughts about them:

Tumblr - Reasons for Tumblr: braindumps, writing habit, connection my introvert heart desires at times, and ease of use. Tumblr is good just to write or to spend time reading. I find a lot of the people on Tumblr are pretty deep, creative and wildly entertaining. Tumblr is a good place for introverts.

Saved.io - to try and curb the worthless habit of saving fifty trillion bookmarks and adding to them daily without ever really delving into those websites or using them. No extensions for this. You just add saved.io after the http:// or https:// and to make folder (tags/labels) put a name in front of .saved.io. Super easy. Sign up for an account and have an online spot for bookmarking your heart out

Google Keep - I need something to take down my own thoughts in a browser as I am surfing/researching and do not want to make a big deal out of it. There is a Chrome extension or you can right-click to add notes with tags. Braindumps and a place to satisfy data pack-rat urges. Follows the line of thinking that I am using Google for a lot of things and it’s already there anyway.

Google Calendar - I have multiple Google accounts but one where all my emails and appointments go. I synced this as my main calendar on IOS instead of the default calendar. One calendar to rule them all! Same for the one gmail. There is also an extension to add events quickly, along with the right click option.

Feedbro - RSS feed reader - too bad Google did away with theirs. This takes away some bookmarks for favorite sites/blogs and gives me an easy and fast way to know that I am keeping up with things that are important to me. Clicking the extension lets you “Find feeds on this page,” save feeds and also to open up your feedreader. Feeds can be categorized into folders.

LastPass - I have used this for years on my computers. It is the best password keeper as far as I am concerned. AND FREE! Today, I put it on my phone. I cannot say enough about how great this tool is for your information.

Scanbot - app for scanning in documents by taking a pic of them. This will definitely come in handy for those on-the-go document situations. Things like bills, manuals, purchase papers, etc. I have at home will, most of the time, be scanned in using my printer’s scanner.

Bullet Journal (BuJo) - my offline to-do / to-did and short journal things. I have one for me and one for my computer. The one for my computer has already saved me this year when I was trying to figure out what program was conflicting with another. My memory was helped by my documentation on what programs I had downloaded and when. I also document computer problems: what happened and what helped. Everything in one book - I think everyone should have one of these and I am surprised I never thought of it before this year. My personal BuJo is not one of internet proportions. I tried that and failed miserably and lost all site of what the book was supposed to be for to begin with. I ditched the trying to make it pretty and doing weekly/monthly spreads. I am back to the original version that Carroll Ryder set forth with his inspiration and am a thousand times better for it. This is something I can hold in my hands and look back on from time to time to see exactly how my time on earth went.

SimpleNote - I have a Reminder label in this for to-do’s, but I mostly just write to-do’s on the calendar or on a post-it/index card to throw away. I also document to-do/to-did’s in my personal BuJo. No this program is going to be something I use for some time, I do believe. I decided I am going to document work with this, especially conversations. I never remember the specifics in time so this will be my second work brain. Tags will be people (initials, first name, or my nickname for them). I can then go back to specific conversations that I want to refresh myself on and also for people notes such as date of birth, family (kid/husband/wife name), and/or specific things about them. Also, dates of meetings, project dates,etc. This is in its infancy - I have high hopes for this going forward.

AirTable - This website/app has high potential. I really like that it is set up like an Excel spreadsheet. I have projects set up in it for tracking daily spending, pantry inventory, gifts, etc. etc. etc. This is so customizable!!!! In my pantry list, I can add columns to be able to know what my lowest price on an item was - so in essence, a pantry checker with a price book included. I figure the way I use it will grow as I get used to it and find its value.

mySymptoms - $$ App for tracking your health. This is the one thing I paid for. I can’t wait to get enough stuff in it for a good PDF download. It is customizable to you, just like the AirTable. You can add/delete the things you want to track and there is a big list of them: drinks, food, medications, supplements, mood, symptoms, bowel, energy, sleep, stress, exercise, environment, and other. Some of these can be extra helpful for people who struggle with certain diseases or triggers. This is certainly a make-it-all-about-you app that can show correlations between a factor(s) causing another factor(s). Or even for people who forget when or how long they took medications or supplements. In my new found goal of creating a life that serves my health - this one is a winning part of it. I will be a participant in my healthcare.

Instagram - because, at times, I like to take photos of food and things I see that I like. And because, I hate Facebook. IG also gives me an easy way to change the way the photos look and share back to myself for other uses and ways to share my account online with my online people-ha. Braindump for photos.

Twitter - because it’s fun... and sometimes informative. Twitter is the quick connection to the rest of the world and let’s anyone fit into it. My favorite parts of the twit are hashtag and whatever “new episode” tv show I am watching. It’s fun to join in with whatever other people think of an episode and throw your two cents in too. I never feel like I am sitting at my house alone on Friday & Saturday nights with #livepd. With the added gifs on posts, it can get quite hilarious.

GoodReads - This is hooked up to my Amazon account and my Amazon account is hooked up to my local library account through Overdrive. So... free books. I read every night on my Kindle app (you can read in your browser too). The books are automatically added to my GoodReads account. At this time, I am 8 books ahead on my goal to read 100 books this year.

Listal - As for movies, the best site I have found is Listal. You can tag, star and make lists for the movies/tv you watch (along with books, products, people, dvds, and games, if you wish). Many members do a Halloween movie list each year.

Pinterest - this place fulfills my yearnings to save a million quotes, presented in a pretty way and is the easiest way to make kick ass vision boards. I have multiple boards for this very thing: HouseVB, ClothesVB, ThingsVB and so on.

This is the big starting out list. I didn’t want to leave anything out because I need to be clear on what I am really using and be consistent on what accounts I use for what services. Pinterest may be a big black hole, but once set up with mostly productive boards, I can relax knowing that they are helping me visualize the things I want while also letting me do something that is fun (even if sometimes just losing time surfing the internet).The same with Twitter and Instagram. They are black holes for time. But this way they are serving a purpose of entertainment and braindumps to clear the way for good space in my life. I will follow up with this as being productive online is both an important topic for me and also a much needed topic discussion. In my research, I wish more people would post about their systems to help the rest of us out :D

#OCD #clutter #paperless #organize

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themeed · 3 years

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well i managed to crawl out for a month but uh. last night was a big trigger fest.

went to my friends with another friend. they complimented me on my weight loss and said it was obvious i had lost a shitton. (which. like 20 pounds, yeah, i... guess thats a lot but its not Enough).

other friend struggled w ed in middle school. their mom made some Comments recently and now they're uncomfy and they asked about weight loss. friend we were visiting said they could stand to lose maybe 15 or 20 pounds if they wanted, but they certainly dont qualify as fat.

which. is the same amount as they congratulated me on.

we all compared body types and fat content. comments on our thighs and stomachs and backs and chests.

and i am now. wearing my comfort hoodie. watching youtbe. dissociating. ive had 630 calories today because i know i cant restrict super hard so fast. i smiled this morning after skipping dinner and waking up hungry, that lovely hunger that aches but doesn't hurt. you know you could eat but you're not Hungry hungry even if you can feel your empty stomach. its... a good feeling.

im gonna have a sandwich and some ice cream for my second and final meal for the day and itll probably be some... 430 cal, ending around 1060 for the day.

gods. i want to go to sleep. i want to lie down and waste away.

on the way home a song from my mental loop playlist came on. then one from a self harm perspective. my friend and i listened to an anxiety vent playlist. scream sang the whole way. it didnt help. made it worse?

maybe.

im not doing so hot. im worried about my job status too. and rent and my dads birthday.

i think im gonna go pass out. this totally counts as my journal for the new List Of Organization.

i pasted it on my freezer fridge door.

ive made progress recently, in terms of philosophy and uncovering and understanding my issues. responsibility and suicidal thoughts and attachment issues and how much im hurting and have been hurt and dissociation as a coping mechanism for mental and emotional abuse and then as an anxiety mechanism too. and to cope with school and the boredom and not being able to do what i want and the lack of freedom.

i dont know if ill ever get to the point where i uncover why i hate not being free in my own definition. like thats such a core part of who i am and i am terrified of that being rooted in abuse. if i dont value freedom who am i? but also... i think ive always valued freedom. i think how i approach it has changed. when i was small i didnt care about the opinions of others and their actions or anything. but here i am now caring a Lot. and part of that is... in later elementary, from then on, peoples opinions and words started precluding actions that infringed on my routines and worldview. and then it scaled into full on abuse by my mother. words started mattering a whole FUCKING lot, and actions as well. words had to be careful, actions could be covered up with the right motive and words. a tool for power and put downs. and i hated it and feared it.

and when i started fearing others, noticed how i wasnt free to Be anymore... i started panicking and dissociating and i couldnt handle NOT being me so i stopped.

i stopped being me because i couldnt stand to see me destroyed or warped or killed by the spirits of envy and hatred all around me.

that makes it sound so poetic, but i was scared and it was terrible and awful and scary. and i cant say i regret it because im still not me.

ill never be the same me again. im not even fully me of now.

freedom is. so important to me. it sucks that that was put in jeopardy. that a singular sun in my world was destroyed on someone else's whims, for someone else's COMFORT. as if the mind of child is something okay to smother when they disagree with you.

fuck that. i hate her. i hate this. i hate that this happened. i hate that im not me. i cant hate myself. i cant even be myself and i hate that fact its frustrating.

im making progress but i dont know if i can even hit a point where i comfy enough to be me. if i can reach an understanding with the others and stope fearing. if theyll ever stop being frustrated with me long enough for us to effectively communicate. if we can. if its fair for me to expect or ask explanations for emotions and rules. if its okay. if ill ever be okay again.

im crying now.

im gonna get some water and curl up.

just asked that we all have access to this journal here in the system. i.

im scattered. hey, more progress ig.

insight, at least.

i need a therapist but i dont know if im willing to trust someone with all of these innermost thoughts and ideas and the backstory. i dont know if i can trust a strangers judgement.

what if they call me a liar and call it a day?

yea we can just move on and find a new therapist. it will hurt though. leave us with more issues. devastating to be invalidated by someone with a license. like yea the system has issues and all and you cant guarentee people dont have bias or are otherwise a good fit or even fit for the job every time. it still sucks that i have to go into this with that uncertainty. it makes it harder and easier, i think, to know that. therapists are imperfect, theyre people just like you and me. i just. thats more comforting than i thought it would be. i thought realizing they were professionals meant like. their word has to be taken as holy or some shit. no it doesnt theyre people. theyre trained, but quality control is questionable and bias is extensive and training is sometimes pretty niche. i need to look for someone specifically trained in like. 4 or 5 things. like. anxiety, depression, borderline, osdd/did, autism, add/adhd, possibly ocd, and DEFINITELY cptsd. i dont know what exactly i have but i know i have more than one and i kinda need to work through a shitton and find out whats UP. seriously. i might need medication. id like to try cbt/dbt first and work on integration/personal identity first. but holy SHIT.

im not mentioning ed beyond In The Past if i can help it ahfjfsgkf. like ed i have in hand. i know its a way to feel in control because im afraid of the world and also to approach the body i want, fulfill society standards in a way i wish i didnt care at all about but i do care at least a little despite my denial, and to combat dysphoria/prepare for top surgery.

gods above. im kinda fucked up huh. like more at once than i think is possible and i might be giving myself more issues if i dont handle my new job in a healthy way.

fuck.

anyway. yeah. im back. im not better than ever but im making progress. todays a bad mental health day so far. i want to lose another 10 pounds before i see a therapist just in case. if they say i should try losing weight i am going to glare flatly and absolutely spill how much ive lost but not the timeline or ed habits. but yknow. 165 or so before starting? puts me solidly in the Chubby At First Glance But Not Super Overweight category.

me and my friends also tried to weigh my tits the other day. kitchen scale and leaning down put them at 4.5 lbs each, theyre big enough to try, but thats probably an understimation by like, 40% just by sheer volume. thats like. 10, 15 pounds minimum of boob weight. i want it gone. gone. away please. off my body. no tits or an A cup. and an A cup is highly unlikely so full top it is.

gods. okay ive gone on long enough im going to get water and lay down now. im still dissociating pretty heavily.

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sweetlikekkul · 4 years

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tw or rather cw self harm riots injury violence death gore .. is it even possible to mute words on tumblr? idek. plus i'd be surprised if even just a single person reads this. whatever.

how many videos of gore hidden behind fancams, people being beaten, run over, injured, killed does it take to officially having had a bad day?

i think i had a bad day today

but also, fuck am i privileged to have a bad day over minor things like that, not like it is happening to me?! fuck. i blocked probably 200 people on twt today and even more if i include yesterday. but i need to all let it out and capture it once. here. let's go from mildest to worst, k? (in retrospect, screw that, how could i rank things of this caliber) all of these are from the last three days

so yeah i saw some more self harm and blood overrun arms, i wont understand why people post that on twitter, but whatever, for some it might really be their way to cope. some of them also had tw gore in their bio, were private and said not to repost. i gotta respect that ig. still absoluely not fun to see.

oh, i just remembered this one. yup i saw someone defend hitler today!! what ! the ! fuck !

justice for George Floyd! justice for hundreds, thousands more black people treated unfairly, being injured, killed!!! i really stand behind the protests and actions against the police because what the fuuuuuuck.. i saw so many more vids of cops kneeling on necks and backs, whacking kids around, beating, tear gassing calm crowds, a cop trying to arrest a guy for eating a sandwich, saying "maybe" to the question if theyre gonna shoot sb, many vids of ppl trying to run protesters over w cars, a vid of someone actually running over someones who fell bc of the car. oh and there's more.. different but more: the reports of cops setting stuff on fire themselves, white people trying to break shop windows, white ppl joking about the situation (and the viral tweets hopefully getting them expelled).

side note: i learned lots of shit too, all the petitions, how to cover up, how not to get recognised or tracked, how to extinguish tear gas, how to wash eyes out-

i will never understand how the slitz whatever people think. whatthefuck is wrong with you when you intentionally trick people into watching jumpscares or these idk haunted videos or violent gore content or people being killed. while reporting some on twitter i saw some of the scary kinda ones, and i didnt click on them, so i didnt have sound, but yeah, those were in comparison fine, personally idc, reported and moved on. and then i wanted to report some on instagram- wtf. one of them had a human getting his head chopped off with what looked like a machete. rn i dont remember the at least two more that i saw, but tf. oH and instagram told me that rn they cant deal w all reports rn, so i am p sure it is Still Online. I JUST SAW A WARNING FOR GORE HIDDEN BEHIND A BREATHING PATTERN CIRCLE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. had them blocked already and blocked two moreee.. so. add a humans arm being cut off to that list. i am aware that i am risking it myself and stuff but yeah fuck. still just gonna list it here once. not even gonna mention how many more ppl i blocked and how many there still are. saw another arm. i now once saw just a regular vid rted by an acc there and since forever i was trying to kinda see whether and for what i should report their newest vid etc bc i dont get triggered and can take it etc ig, so, yeah, but yeah hm. i should just all report them unseen. more more more.. // addition a day later: how damn privileged am i, to complain more about seeing and being shown videos like that, insteadof having it happen to me. i should be concerned over that being real situations all day every day all over the world. fuck- //

most of this happened today.. to the point i completely forgot about the pridefall rumours from yesterday and earlier.. yeah fuck, that might be a thing too.

oh AND i forgot that that same shit was happening yesterday too except i forgot all the details now and yesterday i couldnt sleep bc my head was all abt the job shit and uni and feeling like vibrating of stress - mode. so Again i just kept reading n reading fics. (this morning in my dream i was a hair width from throwing my phone on the ground "so no head?" style)

i need a break from twitter

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deansleather · 7 years

Text

In Love With You

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Prompt: Can’t Help Falling in Love- Haley Reinhart for @wildfirewinchester ‘s Birthday Challenge!

Summary: After being saved on a rogue demon hunt, you feel a sense of comfort residing with Sam at the bunker. As your feelings start to strengthen, you can’t help but wonder; can something real be built off all your lies?

If you’d like to join any of my tag lists please message/ ask or add yourself to my google doc tag list! Whatever is easiest for you!

Word Count: 2888

Warnings: fluff and angst, tragic past and dark thoughts of reader (inferred thoughts by actions, could be triggering for some), despite all that still v lovey

A/N: I’ve missed my Sammy! This fic definitely has some angst, but I do feel it’s quite romantic all the same. I hope you enjoy! And, of course, FEEDBACK IS SOOO VERY NEEDED AND APPRECIATED! EVEN JUST A LIKE MEANS THE WORLD!

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“No one ever fell in love gracefully.” ― Connie Brockway, The Bridal Season

With labored breath, Sam finally managed to spit out the exorcism chant. The demon had picked one hell of a vessel, seeing as both the highly skilled Winchesters were exhausted by the end of their fight. Halfway through, they were tempted to just kill the damn demon, vessel or no vessel, and call it a day. Sam was quickly thankful that was not their decision. The black of the demon quickly flowed out, pouring into the ground with a sense of finality. Sam looked to Dean uncertainly when a smirk came over your features, as opposed to the usual look of terror after an exorcism was successfully completed.

“I figured someday I’d come across the Winchesters,” you teased. “Yet somehow this wasn’t how I’d imagined it.”

Sam’s head swiveled from you to Dean, completely thrown off. “You’re a hunter?”

You shrugged. “Part-time. I’m obviously not serious enough to get an anti-possession tattoo.”

“…But you’re serious enough to be in the midst of a demon brothel take down?” Dean shot back, his arms crossed.

“More like bored enough, but essentially yes.” Both the brothers just stared at you. “Look, this place is like ten minutes away from my family. I’m just in the hunting world enough to know about the happenings. Trust me, I would have loved to have been able to ignore this. Ignorance is bliss and all. I know you two understand.”

There was silence for a moment, before Dean let out an impressed laugh, looking to Sam.

“Well, damn,” Dean snorted, looking you up and down. “Aren’t you something.”

You smiled, but were quickly distracted by the pang in your stomach. Being possessed was hardly a pleasant thing, but it was definitely memorable. You remembered the demon entering you, the feeling of its damned “soul” bumping into yours, the stress as you watched the Winchesters struggle by the actions of your own hands. Blood soaked through your shirt from your fight with Sam and Dean, the cut deep enough to make you weary, but not enough to keep you down.

“She’s hurt,” Sam whispered to himself, rushing to you just in time to save you from your own weak knees. Your faces were mere inches apart, and you prayed to whatever higher being there was that you didn’t faint.

“Hmm,” you purred, feeling as your eyes drooped. “You must be the pretty one everyone always talks about.”

Sam laughed, gathering you entirely in his arms with ease. “That’s probably Dean, but I’ll take it.”

You looked to the shorter brother and back to your current knight, feeling a resounding injustice in that fact. “I don’t know about that.”

“Ouch,” Dean huffed, trailing behind Sam and you. “If you weren’t obviously delirious, I might be offended.”

You smiled softly, your vision blackening more and more. “I just have a thing for hair, is all.”

The words just escaped your lips before your vision went entirely black, your body going limp in Sam’s arms. The last thing you heard was Sam’s panicked tone before going into a deep sleep.

You woke up in a simple bedroom, the blankets tucked around you softly, the open door letting a very dim light in from the hallway. You tried to sit up, but immediately gave up that plan. Your head was swimming, your entire body weak. Fighting monsters wasn’t new to you, but there was something seriously disconcerting about being possessed. The feeling of hopelessness, the complete lack of control, the disgust at what your own body was doing; it was a lot to just brush off. Then your mind wandered to what it usually does when you think of hunting; the Winchesters. They had been possessed and beaten and sent to hell, and were still standing. If they could do it, so could you.

The thought comforted you, until you remembered that they were the last people you’d seen before blacking out. Confused, you rubbed at your eyes with a slight moan, reaching one arm out in hopes of finding a light. Your hand felt up a night stand, reaching until finally you clicked on the table side lamp. You blinked at the sudden influx of bright, turning your head away to recover. You were hurt more than you had thought. Gentle footsteps sounded down the hall, but you were much too weak to care.

“Oh,” the voice said, stopping at the door frame. “You’re awake. How’re you feeling?”

His voice was unbelievably gentle, his expression one of complete concern. You blinked, attempting to clear your vision. He held a tray in his hands, the flannel of his shirt rolled up his arms and his hair wildly pulled back. He was disheveled and worried, yet entirely beautiful. You mustered what you could of a smile.

“I’m alright. Glad to see you instead of some demon.”

Sam laughed softly, placing the tray on the stand beside you. “At least I’m a bit better than those.”

Looking at him strangely, you began to question him, but he cut you off before you could.

“I brought you some soup. It’s just the canned stuff, but it’s all we had and I didn’t want to leave you here to go get something better.” He shuffled slightly, tugging his hair out of its ponytail nervously. “You’re at our bunker. We have some…connections that, uh, can help heal you.”

“The angel, I’m guessing?” You raised an eyebrow. He nodded, that lovely smile of his shining at you.

“Yeah, Castiel.” He sat down at the foot of the bed as you scooted to a sitting position, placing the tray on your lap. Gently and slowly, you placed a spoonful of chicken noodle to your lips. Sam cleared his throat.

“Well, I guess we should properly introduce ourselves. I’m Sam, and that was my brother Dean you saw before. Him and Cas are out looking into the source of the brothel.”

You nodded, taking in another spoonful before responding. “I’m Y/n.”

Sam took out his cellphone, quickly placing it on your tray as well. “I’m sure you’ll want to call your family and let them know you’re okay.”

You looked at it for a moment, a feeling of dread in your gut. “Uh… well they didn’t know I was going to hunt, so it’s probably for the best I don’t make them worry. I don’t live with them anyway, so they won’t notice for a while.” The words left a bitter taste in your mouth, making you push the entire tray away for fear of getting sick. Or, even sicker, that is.

“Alright,” Sam said, that note of worry returning. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

You shook your head, but panicked as he started to leave, tray in hand.

“Wait!” you called out. He stopped without thought, turning back on his heel to face you. “I…Can you stay? Please? I just really can’t be alone right now.”

Sam’s eyebrows crinkled at your words, yet he placed the tray back down returned to his place at the foot of the bed. You shook your head, patting the area beside you.

“C’mon,” you smiled. “If you’re going to be stuck in here with me, you might as well get comfortable.”

He smiled back, again obeying your request.

“Hey Sam,” you murmured as he finally relaxed.

“Yeah Y/n?”

“Thank you so much for helping me. I…I really need it right now.”

He rested his head against the bedframe gently, stretching out his legs beside yours. “No worries. It’s not bad for me to get some rest either.”

You looked around the room, noticing very little of Sam within it. There was the closet filled with flannel, and the gun resting on top of a dresser, but other than that it could have been any average hotel room. The bed was comfortable, but hardly lived in. You wondered if the Winchesters ever really got to sleep.

“Is this where you live, or do you just pass through here?” you asked softly, afraid to entirely disturb the peaceful silence.

“We hardly stay at any place long, but this is the closest thing to a home base besides the Impala,” he responded, his tone hushed, mimicking yours.

“Don’t you ever feel…lonely?”

Sam was silent for a moment, nothing but the sounds of breathing filling the room. After a bit, he finally responded, still in that soft tone.

“Yes and no. I mean, I have Dean and Cas, and they’re family and always will be. But sometimes…I don’t know. I just wonder sometimes if there’s more out there, you know?”

You nodded, your eyes tearing up slightly. ”Yeah, I get it Sam.”

“What about you? I mean, by the sounds of it, you seem to have people to go back to.” His question was sincere, he could have no idea how much it stung.

“I suppose,” you finally muttered, letting your eyes close. “I think I’m gonna nap. Would you just stay till I’m asleep?”

He nodded, patting your leg gently. “I’ll stay as long as you want me.”

You opened your eyes long enough just to see him blush at his forward statement, before letting yourself drift off, with a strangely content smile on your face.

Weeks passed quickly in the bunker, Sam leaving your side only when a hunt called. You healed without incident with Castiel aiding you, though you still felt the resounding discomfort of having a demon once inside you. You bonded with all the boys, began to care for all of them individually, in different ways. You felt for Dean, understood his mindset, wanted him to find some peace someday. You doted over Cas, feeling a strange sense of motherly instincts over the sometimes-naïve angel. Most of all though, you bonded with Sam.

You learned how he liked his coffee in the morning, watched how he would gently flick each page of the book he was reading, listened to his off-key humming that he thought no one could hear. He was sweet and soft and warm and the closest thing to sunshine you would ever be able to touch. You wanted his safety at all costs, prayed he could find happiness, and most of all…you loved him.

It felt strange ever thinking it, but it was true. Somehow, within a matter of a few months, he had become your main reason for living. In that way more than anything, you could relate to Dean. Strange as it may be, you had become a part of the backwards family, yet could never fully let yourself belong with them. It felt so wrong to add yourself in with these people who completely opened their arms to you, when you had never offered up any true information about yourself. It was a crime and a sin, yet the thought of leaving was unbearable.

The same thoughts swam through your mind on repeat, but you brushed them off as you made breakfast. The boys had just gotten home from a four-day hunt, and were particularly exhausted. You decided they deserved a little pampering; besides, if you were going to live there rent free, you might as well help them out.

You made up Sam’s coffee in his favorite way, copious cream and scant sugar, and began your way towards his room. You finally managed to convince him to take his bedroom back, seeing as you were no longer in need of a comfortable bed to get well in. It took a lot of back and forth and stubborn statements, but finally you were able to get your way.

You stopped just outside his door as you heard a soft conversation going on. Ever-so-quietly, you peeked in. Sam lied in bed with Dean sitting near his feet, mirroring you and Sam on your first night at the bunker. Sam rubbed his eyes, shaking his head at whatever Dean had just said. You knew you shouldn’t be creeping, yet you couldn’t pull away.

“Sam, it’s not like you’re forcing her to be here. She’s choosing to stay. Is that not enough of a hint?”

“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam refuted. “We’re definitely not ‘part-time’ hunters. I don’t want to drag her deeper into this if it’s not what she wants.”

“That’s what comes with being with us. She’s heard the stories, she knows.” Dean shook his head, sipping the pure black coffee he had gotten himself earlier. “I say you go for it. I gag each time you look at each other, which is a good sign for you.”

“You think she feels the same?” Sam asked genuinely, his eyes wide and hopeful.

“Jesus, you’re dense,” Dean muttered. “Obviously, she does.”

Your stomach was filled with both knots and butterflies. Finally, you could take it no longer, and knocked lightly at the door. Both the boys startled at your sudden presence.

“I brought you coffee.” You held up the cup, giving a half-hearted smile. “Hey, Dean, you mind giving us a second?”

“No problem, sweetheart,” Dean consented, grunting as he stood up. “I think I’m going to spend a little time in bed myself.”

You smiled sympathetically at Dean as he passed you, the hunt taking a larger toll on him than he was willing to admit. Once he was gone, you entered into Sam’s room silently, shutting the door behind you. You placed the coffee on the stand beside him. Gingerly, you spread out next to him.

“Thank you,” Sam said shyly. You nodded. “Listen, Y/n, I don’t know what you heard but if anything made you even slightly comfortable I’m so sorry-“

“No, no, no,” you assured, placing your hand over his mouth before he could continue. “It’s just… I need to tell you something Sam.”

Sam looked at you seriously, his brow furrowing in the typical Sam manner. “What is it, Y/n? Is everything okay?”

You swallowed. “Do you remember the night we met, when I said I was there to protect my family?”

Sam nodded.

“I was lying. It was all a lie. And so was the whole ‘part-time’ hunter thing. I’m more like a wannabe-retired-hunter.” You sighed, rubbing your face roughly, garnering as much strength as you could to continue. “My family died a few years ago in a hunt. It was demons, a whole bunch of them. I don’t know if they just didn’t notice me or what, but I was the only one who lived.”

“Y/n,” Sam’s voice was thick with emotion. “I’m sorry-“

“I’ve done everything these past few years to get the same fate as my family did, even burning off my god-forsaken anti-possession tattoo. So, when I went out that night to ‘protect my family’ against those demons, I wasn’t protecting anybody. I didn’t even want to protect myself, at the time. I wanted to leave my house that night and never come back.” You chuckled to yourself. “In a way, I guess I got what I wanted, just not how I planned.”

The room was heavy with silence as you both digested what you had said. You felt a huge weight off with the secret revealed, yet your stomach was sick with the thought of what may come next.

“I guess what I’m saying is, there’s no way you could ruin my life Sam. There’s no way you could drag me into the world of hunting, because I’m about as deep into it as one can get. The only thing you can do is make my life better, less lonely, and you have done that more than I will ever be able to express or thank you for.”

“Y/n,” Sam finally murmured.

“Yeah Sam?”

“Can I tell you something?”

You closed your eyes, bracing for the worst. “Yeah, whatever you need to say.”

“I’m in love with you.”

You remained tense for a moment, before the words finally sunk in.

“What? Sam, I’ve been lying to you for the entirety of our time together. I don’t deserve love, and certainly not from you.”

“We were strangers, how could I expect you to tell me your whole life story on the first night? Y/n, I don’t care what skeletons are in your closet or what past you’ve had. All I know is I’m falling in love with you, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I can’t help it.”

You grinned slowly at him, a shocked laugh erupting from your lips as the words finally began to hit home.

“Oh, Sam,” you whispered, wrapping your legs gently around his waist until you were straddling him. “I love you.”

With a feeling of joy completely foreign to you, you grabbed Sam’s face in yours and brought your lips together, his warmth sending shivers through your body. You let yourself drown in the moment, forgetting the secrets and the hurt and the past, letting the safety and comfort of Sam’s arms around you and lips on yours be the only thing on your mind. After a few moments, you pulled a way, your breathing slightly efforted.

“Guess this means we don’t have to fight over the bedroom anymore,” you teased. Sam rolled his eyes, laughing as he pulled you back in for another kiss. For the rest of the night and every night after, his arms never ceased from wrapping around you, his love always there, even in your darkest moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tags: @jarnesbrnes @spnashley @aprofoundbondwithdean @mrswhozeewhatsis @mysupernaturalfics @waywardlullabies @teamfreewill-imagine @lucifer-in-leather @sunkissedsam @chaos-and-the-calm67 @purgatoan @stardustsam @secret-stashes @supernatural-jackles @peppermintbisexual @winvhesters @nerdwholikesword @frenchybell @feelmyroarrrr @obsessedwithmisha @thinkwriteexpress @wanderingcas @diestiel @kittenofdoomage @fandommaniacx @trinityjadec @hanny-banannyyy @nothingtoworryaboat @growningupgeek @d-s-winchester @mysteriouslyme81 @jensen-jarpad @deathtonormalcy56 @jpadjackles @mogaruke @satans666thdaughter @bobbysingerismybaby @keepcalmandcarryondean

Sam Tags: @captain-princess-rose @ophcelia @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Michelle’s Sam Tags: @mrswhozeewhatsis @vintagevalentinexx @theficlibrarium @blushingsamgirl @bowtiesandapplepie @itsemmyb @ezauraemmaline @matteson-crazed @castielspahdehrah @beriala @charliesbackbitches @crzcorgi @ellen-reincarnated1967 @gryffindorable713 @gryffindorable713 @deerlululucy @walkingencyclopediaoffandom @mrsjohnsmith @manawhaat @growleytria @thegleegeneration @samtomydeanwinchester @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @i-never-said-a-pilot @thewinchestielboys @supermoonpanda @sis-tafics @amaranthinecastiel @fandommaniacx @meganwinchester1999 @kittenofdoomage @samanddeanwinchester67 @prettyxwickedxthings @ferferelli @lilyoflothlorien @myfand0msandm0re @olitzisbae @iridianuniverse @the-morning-star-falls @shortandlongstories @strange-inhumanity-blog @ackleslaugh @noisilyyoungpuppy @fangirling-instead-of-working @hellbentcrowley @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @roxy-davenport @chrisatplay @kayteonline @spnsimpleman @faith-in-dean @kreborn17 @mamaimpala @for-the-love-of-dean @winchesterfiesta @zanthiasplace @sleep-silent-angel @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @gadreelsforbiddenfruit @trenchcoats-and-bees @curliesallovertheplace @jencharlan @not-so-natural-spn @skybinx-blog @thebunkerismyhome @feelmyroarrrr @winchesters-princess @beachy2014 @fandom-book-nerd @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @tia58 @sunriserose1023 @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @jotink78 @everyday-supernatural-af @notnaturalanahi @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @supernatural-jackles @babypieandwhiskey @mysaintsasinner @chelsea-winchester @spn-fan-girl-173 @wheresthekillswitch @shelovesallthethings @iamreadinginsecret @revwinchester @klaineaholic @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @supernaturalismalife @pinknerdpanda @inmysparetime0 @hexparker

Pond’s Sam Tags: @manawhaat @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @blushingsamgirl @notnaturalanahi @bkwrm523 @whispersandwhiskerburn @impala-dreamer @deathtonormalcy56 @samsgoddess @wildfirewinchester @frenchybell @scorpiongirl1 @for-the-love-of-dean @mysupernaturalfics @spn-fan-girl-173 @deandoesthingstome @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @fiveleaf @deansleather @curliesallovertheplace @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @waywardjoy @mrswhozeewhatsis @captain-princess-rose @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious @kayteonline @supernatural-jackles @idreamofhazel @wevegotworktodo @ilovedean-spn2 @babypieandwhiskey @wi-deangirl77 @deantbh @supermoonpanda @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @chaos-and-the-calm67 @memariana91 @teamfreewill-imagine @chelsea-winchester @fandommaniacx @revwinchester @ageekchiclife @your-average-distracted-waffle @drarina1737 @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @castieltrash1 @supernaturalyobessed @mysaintsasinner @ohwritever @ruined-by-destiel @winchester-writes @deals-with-demons @maraisabellegrey @faith-in-dean @winchestersmolder @bohowitchysoul @clueless-gold @melbelle45 @winchester-family-business @writingbeautifulmen

#Meg’s Birthday Challenge #wildfirewinchester #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #not marvel #spn #mine #trashyfamilynet #mattcohenssspnfam #ultravioletcasfam #princesscasfam #deathfam #sinnerfam #octospnfam #astralisfam #jenmishfam #stardustfam #mishacollinsappreciationnet

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fqtoxicity · 4 years

Text

New Post has been published on My Quin Story

New Post has been published on https://www.myquinstory.info/so-you-want-to-take-a-fluoroquinolone-antibiotic/

So, You Want to Take A Fluoroquinolone Antibiotic?

Every once in a great while I am contacted by someone who, for one reason or another, insists that they must take a fluoroquinolone antibiotic. Because of this quandary, they inquire if there are ways to mitigate the risk of having an adverse event. If this describes you, then this article is for written for you.

Caveats

First, I have to throw in the disclaimer that I am not a doctor and any concerns regarding prescription medication needs to be discussed with your doctor. Second, you also agree to the obligatory disclaimer list on this site.

A Word of Warning

Now that we have the legal caveats out of the way I need to add one of my own. In my opinion, I would do everything I could to NOT take a fluoroquinolone antibiotic and try to opt for a safer alternative.

Obviously, my opinion is biased, but you need to know that taking the fluoroquinolones is much like playing Russian Roulette. Many people when they pull the trigger are fine, but you never know when the hammer is going to contact a loaded chamber and disaster will strike.

Another Warning

One thing is for certain, apart from a few exceptions, most individuals have no way of knowing ahead of time if they are going to have an adverse event to this family of drugs. Also, these drugs are cross-reactive, meaning if you have an adverse event to one member in this family of drugs, you will have an adverse event to another. There have also been cases of cross reaction between the quinolones and certain antimalarials (quinolines) which are chemical cousins so-to -speak. Additionally, once an adverse event ensues, there is no turning back the clock and reversing what has been done.

And Another Warning

Also, if you have already taken previous courses of fluoroquinolone antibiotics and believed you have been fine, cumulative toxicity is another factor that you must consider. Please read the article, Cumulative Toxicity of The Fluoroquinolones. Many people have taken multiple courses of the fluoroquinolones with seemingly no problems, however cumulative toxicity is a very real threat with these drugs that can rear its ugly head.

Hedging Your Bet Against An Adverse Event

Having covered the warnings, I realize that there are many different scenarios that could arise that would lead to your doctor recommending a fluoroquinolone. Far be it from me, or anyone else for that matter, to contradict what your doctor has deemed necessary for your medical care. My goal is to inform.

There are many, many variables that go into a person having an adverse event. Perhaps your genetics and environment make you an unlikely candidate for an adverse event because you are a genetically good metabolizer of chemicals and you live a fairly clean life with low toxic exposure. Also, short doses may well be tolerable for your body if your metabolism is favorable.

So if you are required to take a fluoroquinolone, or have made the personal choice to take a fluoroquinolone and have been educating in the risk/reward ratio, there are certain steps you can consider during a treatment to reduce the risk (not eliminate) of an adverse event.

1 Adjusting the treatment

Make sure that the dose is adjusted according to your weight. In other words, makes sure the doctor is not giving you a dose that is strong enough to treat an elephant. We have had many reports of people receiving much larger doses than would normally be deemed correct for their weight. Bottom line, why take more than what is needed (1).

2Take Magnesium

There is good scientific literature that Magnesium (or the lack thereof) can set the stage for an adverse event. Conversely, magnesium taken at the same time as taking a fluoroquinolone, interferes with the absorption. So, to keep your intracellular magnesium levels optimized and to avoid interfering with the fluoroquinolone dose, take magnesium at a separate time during the day. Many people in our society are deficient on magnesium and this is believed to play a part in adverse events in some people, plus magnesium has a protective role over many tissues (2).

3Drink Water During Treatment

It helps to maintain an adequate hydration of the tissues and facilitate the elimination of the drug and the metabolites through the kidneys, so drink plenty of water to remain properly hydrated.

4Avoid Steroids

Steroid use while taking fluoroquinolones is contraindicated. In other words, do not take any steroids during the treatment with the quinolone family of antibiotics, unless your doctor has deemed it completely necessary. There is research literature and plenty of anecdotal information that steroids dramatically increase the risk of adverse events. I understand that in certain circumstances your physician may have determined that taking a steroid while taking a fluoroquinolone is necessary (combined therapy). If this is the case, this advice is not to contradict your doctor’s medical advice. So, disregard this advice if you cannot avoid steroids but maybe discuss this concern with your doctor (4).

5Avoid Non-steroidal Anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs)

They amplify the negative effects of fluoroquinolones, specially the risk of central nervous system occurrences, and neuropathies. Many people unwittingly take these two together and combining these two dramatically increases the risk of an adverse event (5). You can also click here to read about Dr. Mark Noble of the University of Rochester, NY who had disturbing findings when researching Levaquin and NSAIDS.

6Watch for other Drug Interactions

Some drugs cause dangerous interactions with quinolones. All are included in the package insert so read the insert, check with a reputable website, or check with your pharmacist. There is quite a great chance that your doctor does not know or has not read it, seriously. (Levaquin, Cipro)

7Avoid Grapefruit

Grapefruit inhibits the actions of the liver enzymes that degrade the fluoroquinolones, so these antibiotics can reach very high concentrations in the blood. As a good preventive measure, eliminate grapefruit from your life, especially if you take other drugs on a regular basis.

8Watch Out for the Effects of Coffee (Caffeine)

Caffeine is a canary in a coal mine forewarning of danger. If caffeine starts to cause you problems such as restlessness, nervousness, disturbed sleep, etc… then it is time to consider that your liver is becoming overwhelmed by the fluoroquinolone you are taking. Some people have used this poor man’s test: Drink some coffee during treatment and watching out for changes. This supposes that you drank coffee before the treatment and were familiar with the normal effects that caffeine has on your body.

9Ask for Some Tests During Treatment (Especially Long Treatments)

Although what would consider long treatments is kind of subjective, for sake of discussion we will consider in this instance, those that last more than two weeks. You could discuss concerns with your doctor and ask for the normal tests plus the following:

Liver panel, especially bilirubin

Pancreas panel

Muscular enzymes (CPK, aldolase)

Immunological markers (sedimentation rate and ANA specially, and also IgE to the drug)

Cholesterol and triglycerides

Coenzyme Q10

Thyroid panel, TSH, free T3, free T4, PTH

Obviously not all doctors would be copacetic to allowing such tests to be run during the course of treatment, but in an ideal world it would be wise to monitor for subtle (and not so subtle) changes to your metabolism that would indicate a larger problem.

10Avoid Strong Sunlight (Ultraviolet Radiation)

Wear appropriate clothing and sunglasses to protect yourself against the photocarcinogenic action of fluoroquinolones.

11Perform Daily Provoking Tests

For example, do some repetitions of raising a weight like a box with the tips of your toes (resting the heels on the floor), or raising a bottle of water with the arm extended. If in a few days a strong tendinitis develops, it is time to bring the concern to stop the fluoroquinolone treatment to your doctor, right away.

Detoxing – After the Fact, Yet Another Warning

In order to bring complete gravity to the decision to take a fluoroquinolone antibiotic I would be remiss if I did not bring up one more point. I have also had people contact me who have taken a fluoroquinolone and started having an adverse event or a negative set of symptoms. They have contacted their doctor and he/she has told them to stop the medication and switch to something else. Their next question is, “how do I get the fluoroquinolone out of my system?”, “Can I detox it out?” Well unfortunately the answer is no.

While it is true that there are several substances that can interfere with the absorption of fluoroquinolones such as such as aluminum, magnesium, calcium, iron, and zinc (6), they must be present while the drug is being taken, which would defeat the purpose if you were taking it for its antibiotic properties. There is nothing that I am aware of that can chelate fluoroquinolones, or their metabolites, from the body if you want them removed in haste.

Fluoroquinolones are widely distributed throughout the body with high tissue penetration; that is what they do, and that is what the are good at. They are a synthetic product that does not ‘detox,’ at least according to the detoxing paradigms of both allopathic or alternative medicine. I have more about detoxing fluoroquinolones list in my FAQ section, you can read it here.

Since the fluoroquinolones are manly eliminated by the renal route (non-renal routes to a much lesser extent), staying well hydrated as to flush the remaining drug and its metabolites our of the body though the natural process of elimination, is about the only thing you can do, besides wait and see.

Conclusion

Obviously if you got this far you certainly read my warnings near the beginning of this article, so there is no reason to rehash them again. The main purpose of this website is to inform. Many people in our world today do not have enough information to make informed decisions when taking pharmaceuticals. It is best to have all the information available so that it spurs meaningful discussions with your doctor about the risk/rewards and safer alternatives.

The choice to take or not no take a fluoroquinolone antibiotic is a personal decision that is based on many factors. I, nor anyone else, can make the decision for you. The only thing I can do is to tell you that many, many people have taken these drugs and have regretted the decision. Many were not informed beforehand. Knowledge is power, use it wisely.

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itslikethatfrenchthing · 5 years

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039: INSTAGRAM FOR BUSINESS: YOUR INSTAGRAM STORIES QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Today’s talking point:

I struggle with knowing what to talk about on Instagram. How do you decide what you are going to speak about on your stories each day? I want to gain active followers, engage with them, and create my own engaging Instagram stories.

Today we're covering a topic that I get asked about a lot. How to create compelling and engaging Instagram Stories for your business. Instagram is big, Instagram Stories are even bigger, so that's what we're going to get into today.

THE OPPORTUNITY IN INSTAGRAM

The Market

There are 1 billion Instagram accounts worldwide that are active every month. Of that, 500 million accounts watch Instagram Stories daily. Every. Single. Day. That's a huge amount of people. It's been three years since Instagram came out with Stories, yet so many people are hesitant to try it out. There's so much more growth to happen and still lots of room for people to come out and make a wave on Instagram Stories.

Almost all the innovation on Instagram is inside of Instagram stories. They're constantly coming out with new features, it's almost a platform within a platform. IG users spend almost 50% or more time in the app now because of Stories. So because people are watching Stories, people are staying for longer in the app.

Think about real estate. When people are scrolling, there are TONS of distractions. On a story video, it is just you and whoever is delivering that story. From a marketer's perspective, that is true value.

Making Connections

The beauty of stories is that you can connect with people in such a more real and authentic way and people are actually responding well to that. People like feeling close, people like feeling like you're on the other end of a mobile phone, not in a production studio.

It allows users to respond in a more private and connected way, cultivating a level of loyalty, intimacy and closeness that I don't think is easily replicated. The DMs is just such a good place to connect deeper with your audience and it's just so easy for them to do so. (Which also signals to Instagram from an analytical perspective that you should be higher in the algorithm).

The beauty is that no one knows how many people are responding and how many people aren't responding. So unlike comments that are visible to everyone, you could be getting lots of responses to your DMs or not that many, and no one's going to know. They also don't know how many people watch your story. It's just an intimate one-to-one kind of experience.

Hopefully you all understand that stories are very, very powerful. I know some of my clients would confess that they don't do stories enough, so let's talk about some creative ideas to empower you to start creating more inside of Instagram Stories.

MASTERING YOUR INSTAGRAM STORY STRATEGY: CREATING ENGAGING CONTENT

There's an idea that if you're using Instagram Stories, you need to be posting content every single day. You don't. However, post consistently: if you decide to post once a week, stick to it. People should know what to expect from you, but it's not going to harm you if you're not showing up every single day.

Show up in a Series

Implement a weekly series. Come up with a catchy name and it becomes a trigger for your audience, it becomes something that they kind of look forward to. It becomes another layer of ways that people can connect with you. Listen to the full podcast episode for a step-by-step guide on how I run a weekly series.

Share Advice

Have a “how to” piece of content, or a piece of content that gives advice. Really the purpose of this content is to add as much value as possible. You want to create the type of content that your ideal client gets excited about every time they see a new story from you. So for this, you're really thinking about:

Tutorials

How tos

Advice stories

Keep it as short, sweet and to the point as possible. Keep in mind it doesn't have to be 100% related to your product or service - just relatable to your ideal client.

Promote

This is really, really big and can be done in so many different ways - get creative. Don't just show up and say, “we're doing 25% off today.” (Although that is great and important and it has its time and place.) Think about all the ways that you can encourage people to buy from you, so that might be highlighting a customer and celebrating wins or sharing a testimonial.

There are so many different ways to link stories into all the parts of Instagram. Use the swipe up feature if you have 10k+ followers and if not (Pro tip!) use IGTV - where regardless of followers you can swipe up.

You don’t only have to focus on promoting products, promoting podcast launches or blog posts etc. Focus on engaging with your audience by sharing things that they’ll love.

Behind the Scenes

Let's talk about some other behind the scenes things we can do to creatively to show people the work going into whatever you do.

There are so many ideas. It's just honestly looking whatever situation that you're in and writing a list of what the things are that happen behind the scenes. It could be anything, including:

Get to know where you work (or who you work with)

How products launch

New things in the works

It's so much more fun when you see the people rather than when you're a faceless presence. You might think it's boring and mundane, but the truth is everyone who is living their own life believes that their own life, situation and circumstances are boring and mundane (but everyone else is living their own lives completely different to yours.)

I find that the stories that I think are the most boring are some of my best, most engaged stories just from simply bringing people behind the scenes. Don't underestimate your own situation.

WHAT MAKES A GOOD STORY

First thing’s first: A story is called a story for a reason. Many don't realise that when you post different stories throughout the day, they should all flow. There should be a beginning, a middle and an end. Think about what colours you’re using, can you use your brand colours again and again, can you use the same fonts again and again? Can you add emojis? Can you spend 15 more seconds making it look a little different to the average story?

Write it Out

Most people are not listening to your stories. I've done polls about this before, my audience is probably split 50/50 right down the middle in terms of who watches stories, with sound on vs. without.

If you are talking into the camera, you’re missing a huge percentage of people who just flip through. Captioning your stories to get the general point across is powerful. Everyone can understand the value of whatever it is you're saying.

Plan Ahead

The big thing, don't upload in the moment. When you take a video and go to caption it, you have to re-listen to it. It takes some time. Take your stories. One after the next, save them and then later when you're at home, listen to it and just type it out. Most of the time, I like to type it out word for word because it requires less thought, but sometimes I talk a lot and I can just narrow it down.

You want to make it so that if someone sees that story, regardless of whether they hear your voice or see your face or see your little name, we want them to know it's you.

Have an Ending

Let’s go back to the beginning, middle, and end. I know a lot of people struggle with the end part. Everybody knows how to start and maybe what the middle is, but how do you end a story? You have to have a conclusion, a finale, a summary of what you said, thanking people for showing up, saying goodbye. I try and do that as often as I can because I'm so constant with my storytelling that I always say good morning, so it just makes sense to say good night as well.

Creating Engagement

Engagement is one of those key metrics that the algorithm looks for. So how do we get better engagement?

Ask people to DM

You don't just ask them once, don't ask them twice. Make it a part of the way that you show up on stories. Say “I want to hear from you about ____.” You don’t have to respond to every message, open and double tap to like their response. As long as I feel that my audience feel heard and seen, I'm good.

Use polls/questions

Include polls or questions when you can. They are the simplest features to encourage an audience to engage and respond. Every time someone engages with a poll of yours, it's signalling to Instagram, “I'm interested in your content. I want to see more.”

You can use them for silly things - If I'm going to be getting my nails done and I don't know what colour to choose, I’ll ask for an opinion.

For deeper questions, use the question & response feature so your audience can give more individualised answers. Use this to determine content: “what are you struggling with right now in _____,” and then solve it.

Try the quiz feature

This allows you to ask a question and then use up to four different answers, then choose the correct answer. You're quizzing your audience. It's so fun to do things like “get to know me and my business.” And so one of the questions might be:

How many years have I been doing what I do?

Who worked with me behind the scenes?

What is my dog’s name?

Human nature is to want to know what the right answer is. Many just guess and interact just to see what the answer is.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Want access to a library full of online marketing resources plus weekly bitesized breakthroughs to help you boss your online presence? Find it here.

What did you think of the show? Leave a review on iTunes and become the Breakthrough Blogger of the Week!

Subscribe to the show and get notified when a new episode goes live.

Come join my free FB group.

Apply to work with me 1:1 as a private client here.

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martinfzimmerman · 7 years

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Are tech stocks in danger?

If you don't remember the speculative frenzy behind the dot.com bubble in the late 1990s, it is hard to convey the scale of what happened.

The sheer excitement as technology stock valuations spiralled was a wonder to behold. Companies popped up out of nowhere and were suddenly valued at billions, even if they hadn't made a cent. Share prices doubled, tripled and quadrupled in months or in some cases weeks. The technology-focused Nasdaq index quintupled from around 1,000 points in 1995 to more than 5,000 in March 2000.

The tech bubble infected people who had never even considered investing before. Taxi drivers were dishing out share tips, I remember a London cabbie telling me how his stake in fashion retail website Boo.com was going to fund his retirement.

UK fund manager Tony Dye became known as "Dr Doom" for shunning internet stocks, which he considered overvalued and was duly sacked in February 2000. The following month, the bubble burst. Dr Doom had called it right, just too early.

The crash wiped 50 per cent off global stock markets after investors lost their nerve and venture capital dried up.

The dot.com boom and bust was a shocking event, dwarfed only by the financial crisis of 2008. Now people fear it could be happening all over again. So are we heading for another dot.com bomb and should you run for cover?

Look back at 2000 and the fallout was huge. In the US, the Nasdaq technology index tumbled from a high of 5,132 in March 2000 to barely 2,300 in late December. Companies worth billions at their initial public offering (IPO) were suddenly worth nothing at all. US dot.com top dog Pets.com was put down, losing US$300 million of venture capital. Boo.com burned through $135m in 18 months before going bankrupt (taking my cabbie's retirement dreams with it). Online retailer Amazon's stock plunged from $107 to just $7, but it survived, as did eBay. More than $1 trillion was wiped off global stock values. Within a year, the world was in recession.

Tech is back

It took the best part of a year for the dot.com bubble to deflate, and many more years before the recovery properly set in, but it got there in the end. The Nasdaq is now booming again, with a total return of 125 per cent over the past five years. It has beaten its all-time high more than 20 times this year to stand at 6,247 at time of writing.

Amazon stock hit $1,000 in May, up 44 per cent in the past 12 months alone. If you had invested $10,000 a decade ago, you would have $160,000 today.

This is making analysts increasingly suspicious. Bank of America Merrill Lynch chief investment strategist Michael Hartnett warned in May of a speculative frenzy as the sector hit highs last seen during 2000, warning that "we are in the very early stages of an overshoot".

Another Dr Doom, Marc Faber, editor of The Gloom, Boom & Doom Report, has warned that the meteoric rise of Facebook, Apple, Netflix and Google, collectively known as the FANG stocks, has left markets dangerously overvalued and share prices could fall 40 per cent from here.

The bull market has been running for more than eight years but the show is being kept on the road by a small number of US-listed technology behemoths. The FANG stocks plus Microsoft are responsible for almost 40 per cent of the gain in the S&P 500 Index in 2017.

They have added a total of $600 billion of market capitalisation this year, the equivalent GDP of Hong Kong and South Africa combined

News that Jeff Bezos, who is now worth almost $80bn and the world's second wealthiest person behind Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, sold one million Amazon shares worth $941m in May, which added to the climate of fear.

Fawad Razaqzada, a technical analyst at foreign exchange specialists Forex.com, warns that bull runs like this have a habit of ending abruptly. "If technology falls, it will undermine investor confidence and drag almost every major global index lower."

Then on June 9, the long-feared sell-off began, sparked by Goldman Sachs' chief investment officer Robert Bouroujerdi's warnings about inflated tech valuations. Apple's shares fell 4 per cent, knocking more than $30bn from the market cap of the world's most valuable company. Google parent Alphabet, Facebook and Amazon each fell 3 per cent, while Microsoft dipped 2 per cent.

There was a brief panic - then markets settled, and started climbing again. Mr Razaqzada says the question now is whether this is the start of the correction, or merely a pause in what remains a strong bullish trend. "If we see further breakdown of support levels things could get ugly really quickly. So far, it has held up well."

Beware the bandwagon

Chris Beauchamp, the chief market analyst at online trading platform IG, which has offices in the UAE, warns that tech stock latecomers are vulnerable to a slowdown or dip. "However, those rushing to proclaim the demise of the tech rally need to be careful - there will be plenty of dip buyers out there who have been waiting for a pullback," he says.

That is exactly what happened after the June 9 stumble. "Buyers rushed in to defend the Nasdaq 100 lows around 5640 which then quickly rebounded above 6000 to hit today's highs."

Peter Garnry, head of quantitative strategies at Saxo Bank, does not expect a technology crash. "You need a trigger and currently it's not there."

The sector has outperformed year-to-date and looks overextended on the charts, but there is positive news too. "The earnings momentum is there and the alternatives are unattractive for long-term investors. As a result, the rotation into technology stocks remains strong."

Calling a market crash is near impossible at any time and in this case you would be betting against strong momentum in biotechnology company share prices and earnings, as well as healthy investor inflows, Mr Garnry says. "It doesn't look like a winning bet to me."

The big technology stocks are also making big money, so their forward valuations look far from stretched. "Alphabet trades at only a small premium to the S&P 500, whereas Apple is actually trading at 25 per cent discount," he adds.

Facebook may trade at a 20 per cent premium but that can be justified by forecast revenue growth of 40 per cent over the next 12 months, against 5 per cent across the S&P500.

Mr Garnry notes that Amazon is trading at 50 per cent premium to the wider market and is in danger of having bubble-like valuations: "However, the key issue is that the alternatives to technology are not that attractive as most other stock market sectors and industries have lower growth. "Government bonds offer around 1 per cent and investment-grade corporate bonds offer around 2 per cent. So what's the alternative?"

Though he admits some parts of the technology sector could suffer a setback. "Cloud-based companies, IT security and software companies are trading at very high multiples which may likely not be sustainable if we see a slowdown in the global economy."

Growth story

Tom Stevenson, investment director for personal investing at Fidelity International, says there are worrying parallels with the original dot.com bubble. "Nasdaq is outperforming the broader market, just as it did in 1999. Also, growth is concentrated in a narrow group of companies, a typical sign that we are near the top of the market."

The dot.com bubble saw massively over-subscribed IPOs, similar to what we are seeing today. "Investors have lost interest in traditional valuation metrics," says Mr Stevenson. "Witness Snapchat's recent flotation, and subsequent volatility. Netflix combines strong subscriber growth with big cash outflows."

However, Mr Stevenson sees notable differences too. "The euphoria of 1999 is almost wholly absent. Today's enthusiasm for technology stocks is not really rose-tinted optimism but a grudging belief that in a sluggish world the sector is one of the few places that investors can find reliable growth."

Another key difference is that in the 1990s, there were just 300 million internet users. Today, there are more than three billion, 10 times the amount, many of whom could not live without their smartphone. The big players are making huge sums of money, for example, Apple posted quarterly revenue of $52.9bn in the three months to April 1 this year. In its latest quarter, Alphabet's revenues totalled $24.75bn.

Valuations are high but nothing like the 1990s. "Apple trades at around 17 times earnings, which is close to fair value whereas during the bubble, Oracle, for example, traded at 140 times earnings. It lost 86 per cent of its value in the crash. Disruptive technologies deserve high valuations."

Technology companies can enjoy massive growth while working through relatively small amounts of capital. "It took hotel chain Marriott 70 years to get to 700,000 rooms. Airbnb has 1.5m in just seven years," Mr Stevenson adds.

Finally, Mr Stevenson says there is little of the froth that we saw last time round. "The mood music is more subdued and sceptical than 17 years ago. Tech provides growth in a low-growth world."

Global stock markets are nearing exhaustion after a lengthy bull run and it is clearly a concern that investors are effectively gambling on the fortunes of just five major companies: Apple, Facebook, Google, Microsoft and Netflix.

This is not the time to throw large sums into the market, expecting it to repeat its magic. However, calling a crash is a thankless task. Even if you are right, you are likely to get the timing wrong.

The key is to make sure you are fully diversified, by spreading your investments between stocks, cash, bonds, property and other assets, and only invest in shares you will not need for at least five or 10 years.

Technology stocks could bomb again, but just like last time, they will also bounce back.

[email protected]

from Personal Finance RSS feed - The National http://www.thenational.ae/business/personal-finance/are-tech-stocks-in-danger

#Personal Finance RSS feed - The National

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