#another point: why is it not creepy to have a hundred year old man hook up with a girl of 17? it's weirdly frequent

[frogspawned]

i know i shouldn't be surprised, but you know how sometimes in stories there's this amazing wlw relationship that's developing, nuanced and devoted and beautiful, so you get your hopes up, but it turns out the romance is going to be with some mediocre dick? and the incredible relationship you’ve been invested in just fizzles and fades into a footnote in some other happily ever after? anyways i'm extremely bitter.

[theladyofdeath]

Kinky Cliché {Nessian}

31 Days of Halloween: Day 19.

All installments co-written with @snelbz​

Based on a prompt sent in by anon :  "”Is it too cliche to visit a cemetery on halloween?" For nessian pleaseeee“

Warning: language, sex.

Autumn/Halloween 2020 {Collection}

It was Halloween and Nesta sat on the couch, watching a scary movie for the tenth time that week. It wasn’t that it wasn’t a good movie or that she didn’t like Halloween.

She loved Halloween, and for that reason, she watched scary movies year round. So her favorites, as great as they were, had become predictable. And since they were the original great scary movies, all scary movies tried to be like them.

She sighed, just as Cassian walked into the living room from the hallway, freshly showered after a long day of patrol. “That was a big sigh,” he noted, heading into the kitchen and grabbing two beers. “What are you thinking about?”

“Is it too cliché to visit a cemetery on Halloween?” She asked, pausing her movie.

The movement in the kitchen paused. “No, but it is illegal.” She heard the fridge door reopen and closed and then he reappeared.

Nesta noted he didn’t have the beers in his hands anymore. She snorted. “No, it’s not.”

He sat down next to her. “Most cemeteries are on private property. That’s illegal to trespass on, no matter what day of the year it is.”

She pursed her lips and thought for a minute. “What about a community cemetery? That’s owned by the city? The parks owned by the city are ‘open’ all night.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but paused. His brow furrowed. “I guess you’re right.”

“So I ask again,” she said, turning towards him, her eyes bright, “Is it too cliché to go to a cemetery on Halloween?”

Cassian shot her an amused look. “Is this your coy way of asking me to get dressed so we can go to a cemetery?” 

“I’m tired of watching movies,” was her reply.

Cassian gasped. “Did those words really just come out of your mouth?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Come on. I’m getting my boots, putting on my coat, taking a shot of whiskey, then we’re going.”

Cassian watched her as she stood up and got to work on that list. 

With a sigh, he followed her lead. If it involved Nesta Archeron and a shot of whiskey, he couldn’t say no.

Before leaving, he decided to take one as well, after looking up the closest cemetery not on private property.

Nesta had just pulled a knitted beanie with a big black pom pom on her head when Cassian walked out of their bathroom and snorted. “Real spooky, babe.”

She glared at him in the dresser mirror.

He held up his hands in surrender and said, “So there’s an old cemetery from the Great War about half a mile away from town, it’s behind that great big church on 4th Avenue.”

She turned, her eyes lit up. “So it’s super old?”

“That thought should not excite you,” he said, shaking his head. “Yes, at least five hundred years. And the people buried there died horrible, violent deaths.”

Nesta actually squealed. “Let’s go.”

She grabbed his hand and was dragging him through their apartment.

Cassian didn’t even bother to try and protest. Before he knew it, they were in his Jeep, driving quickly to the outskirts of town. 

Nesta was excited enough for both of them, and even though Cassian tried to match that excitement, he couldn’t stop himself from yawning as they drove through the dark night.

“I think it’s up there,” Nesta said, pointing to the iron gate coming up on their right. Cassian turned, and illuminated in the headlights were countless headstones. 

Before the Jeep was even put in park, Nesta was opening her door and jumping out. Cassian couldn’t help but chuckle at her excitement. Nesta rarely became excited about such things, but every Halloween, especially when it came to the creepy and spooky, it was like she was a kid on Christmas morning. She had endless joy thrumming through her bones.

He grabbed the couple of flashlights and spare batteries he’d thought to toss in his pocket on the way out the door and followed her. Sure enough, the gate was unlocked and Nesta was attempting to get it open when Cassian came up behind her. He flicked on one of the flashlights, helping her see the ancient patching mechanism and she turned around and blew him a kiss. With a heavy thunk!, the iron gate creaked open and Cass handed Nesta a flashlight.

It was like watching a kid with free rein in a candy store.

The headstones were in good shape, considering their age. They found quite a few where time and the elements had worn away the details of the person laid to rest there, but most were at least legible.

“Baby, look this guy died on Elain’s birthday!” She said, pointing her beam of light at the headstone. 

He did the mental math in his head and said, “Yeah, just five hundred and sixty four years before.”

She shoved him. “It’s a fun coincidence, hush.”

“Fun?” He asked, chuckling. “I love you, but you have a fucked up interpretation of fun.”

“Yeah, well-.”

They both froze as they heard a noise from deeper in the cemetery. Cassian couldn’t decide if it was a moan, weak scream, or growl. Honestly, he didn’t like the prospect of any of the three.

“What was that?” Nesta whispered, angling herself behind Cassian.

Cassian had stilled. “I...don’t know.”

He took a step forward but Nesta was grabbing him by the back of his shirt. “What are you doing?”

Cassian blinked. “What do you mean? I’m going to look at what’s making the big, scary noise.”

“Seriously?” Nesta hissed. “Have you never watched a horror movie?”

“Yes, many,” Cassian grumbled. “Thanks to you.” 

“Then you know not to go toward what’s making the noise,” she snapped.

Said noise sounded again, and Cassian and Nesta were back to going perfectly still. 

“Does it…is someone fucking in the graveyard?” Cassian whispered.

“What?” Nesta asked, quietly. She hadn’t even considered having sex in a cemetery and that was saying something. “Why would-?”

Again, they heard the noise and it seemed to be getting louder.

“That was definitely a moan, and it didn’t sound ghostly to me,” Cass said, forging ahead.

They followed the sound, passing another entrance to the graveyard, where they found a black car, with a crescent moon hanging from the rear view mirror. Cass shined his flashlight towards it. “Does that car look familiar?”

“It just looks like a black car, come on,” she said, looking around and tugging on his hand.

He paused and she turned to look at him. The smirk on his face was positively wicked.

“Are you scared, Nesta Archeron?”

“No,” she said, far too quickly.

“They’re fucking in a public space, I’m a cop, it’s my duty to do some ass-kicking,” he said, simply.

“And if they’re not having sex?” Nesta asked, a brow raised.

Cassian shrugged. “Then we die.” 

With that, he took another few steps along, dragging Nesta with him. They made it closer to the car, but no one was inside. 

The moaning came again and Cassian turned around, dragging a nervous Nesta toward the edge of the cemetery, toward a line of trees.

Where they saw two figures, one pressed up against the trunk of a tree, in quite the compromising position.

“Hey!” Cassian yelled. “Feet on the ground, hands up where I can see them!”

The man backed off the woman and looked over his shoulder.

Cassian froze.

“Cass?”

“Rhys?”

“Nesta?”

Nesta’s hands flew over her eyes, “Feyre, my gods!”

Cassian began to howl, while Nesta turned around and the other two resituated their clothing.

“What are you doing out here?” Feyre asked, her cheeks still tinged with pink, from what they were caught doing or out of embarrassment from what they were caught doing, she didn’t know.

“This one wanted to visit a cemetery on Halloween,” Cassian hooked a thumb over at Nesta, who looked like she wished she’d never made the suggestion.

“It’s Halloween?” Rhys asked, and Feyre elbowed him in the ribs.

“Yep, us too,” she said, quickly.

“You didn’t know it was Halloween?” Nesta asked, looking at the two of them. Rhys shrugged. “Then why were you have sex in a cemetery?”

“She was giving me road head on the way home from dinner and I didn’t want to wait fifteen more minutes to be inside of her,” Rhys explained.

“Rhys!” Feyre said, covering her face.

Nesta gagged. “I could have lived my entire life without knowing that fact.”

Cassian laughed even louder, his hands on his knees, unable to keep himself upright. 

“How funny would it be,” Cassian began, between bursts of laughter, “if I arrested you two, and hauled you in?” He was nearly crying. “I mean, that would be a damn good holiday.” 

Nesta rolled her eyes. “You can’t arrest my sister and her husband for being weird and kinky on a creepy holiday…no matter how horrified I am.”

“On that note, we’re gonna go,” Rhys smirked, wrapping an arm around Feyre. “We were kind of in the middle of something before we were so rudely interrupted-.”

“You’re in a public cemetery,” Cassian said, still laughing.

“We’ll see you at Az and Elain’s tomorrow night for dinner!” He hollered back, heading for the car.

“I’m texting him about this right now,” Cassian yelled, pulling out his phone.

Rhys just held up his middle finger as he closed Feyre’s door and rounded the car to his side.

By the time Cassian finished his text message, their taillights were nearly out of sight and he said, “Well, that was fun. Ready to head home?”

Nesta smirked and said, “Not yet.” She took his hand and led him back into the cemetery, walking just a little farther than they had when they finally figured out the noises.

“Would you really arrest someone for having sex in a public cemetery?” Nesta asked, sitting on a stone bench they’d stumbled upon.

“Of course, I would,” he said, turning to look around himself with the flashlight. “It’s illegal, Nes. Public indecency and all that.” This place was huge. The headstones went as far as he could see.

“Would you arrest me?” She asked from behind him.

“Of course not, baby,” he turned back around to face her. “But you’d never-.”

His mouth dried out as he found Nesta sitting topless on the bench. He hadn’t even heard her unzip her jacket, but there it was, piled up on the bench with her sweater and bra.

He groaned, his eyes lingering. “You’re going to make me break the law, aren’t you?” 

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” she crooned, flipping her hair over her shoulder so that her breasts were on full display. “I’m just sitting here, in the cemetery, with my husband...” 

“Is it possible to be completely freaked out while being equally turned on?” Cassian asked, taking slow steps toward her.

“On Halloween? Absolutely,” she said, her grin making his toes curl.

Cassian turned the flashlight off before plopping down next to Nesta and pulling her onto his lap. 

Unlike her sister and brother-in-law, no one interrupted them.

[stillebesat]

Meeting Virgil (5x1) -Second Time

DECEMBER DRABBLES DAY 19 Sanders Shorts: Remy Sanders Sides: Virgil Blurb: A Special Delivery Prequel. -Five times Remy tried to give Virgil a child and the one time he succeeded. Inspiration: @book-of-charlie​ asked: What did Virgil mean by “the last 5 times?” Fic Type: STORK!AU, Winged!Remy Overall Fic Warnings: Bad Parenting implications, Injuries, Hitting, Spooky Themes  Taglist in Reblog. To Catch Up: First Time

Over the years Remy had found himself delivering children to their new parents in all sorts of places. In a variety of houses, the middle of camping trips, on cruise ships, and even one memorable moment on top of the Eiffel Tower. 

Remy grimaced as he ducked under yet another dripping branch of the millions in the forest he found himself in, the two month old baby boy, Henry, securely sheltered under his leather jacket to avoid getting soaked. 

At least the rain had let up an hour or so earlier, but he hated wandering through new growth forests like this. The trees and bushes were too close together for him to be able to effectively use his wings because the branches would snag them, slowing his already slow progress. 

He was vulnerable. And Remy didn’t like feeling vulnerable. Especially out here in a dark creepy forest.

“Who in their right mind would live in the middle of no---” An old dilapidated house suddenly appeared through the mists, like a creepy opening to a horror film. “--where.” Remy squeaked, eyes going wide, his wings wrapping around young Henry protectively as he hesitated on the edge of the trees. Was he about to encounter the Addams family or what?! 

But this is where the purple ribbon had lead, so it had to mean only good things would be found in that house. Right? It had to mean that the parents were--

A cold hand snaked out of the darkness slapping over Remy’s mouth muffling the scream that tore from his throat at the unexpected touch.

“Oh for the love of!” A familiar voice hissed in his ear as the hand dropped to his shoulder, brushing his wing as Remy was roughly turned around to see the glowering face of the Emo Edgelord who’d refused the baby girl back in NYC.

What the WHAT!? Of all the--

“What are you doing here?!” They both cried at the same time. 

The man growled, running a hand through his rain soaked hair. “I’m working, idiot, and heaven forbid if you’re the mysterious Mothman that’s been sighted I’m going to--”

Remy scoffed, pointing to himself. “Me? I just got here, genius.” His wings half spread before snapping shut. “I haven’t been in the backwoods of Virginia since the nineties!” And that had been a nightmare family vacation Remy would rather forget he had ever taken. 

“So what, you’re following me now?” The man demanded.

In retrospect...perhaps the purple line should have been an obvious sign, but how was Remy supposed to know it would be this guy when he chose the ribbon? 

Sure, he’d kept an eye out for purple ribbons to see if they would lead to him because Remy desperately wanted to prove his point that this Emo Nightmare would make an excellent dad.

But. 

He’d done over two hundred deliveries since their first encounter and while some of those ribbons had been purple and he may have followed every single one to see if they led to Mr. Rapunzel here--it wasn’t like he’d actively been seeking him out! 

Especially here. When they weren’t even in New York! 

Remy shook his head, scoffing. “Why in the world would I follow you---”

“Virge?” A distorted voice cracked over a walkie talkie at the man’s hip, interrupting them. “You still there, bud?” 

The man--Virge? Tensed, raising a warning finger. “Don’t say a word” He hissed as he grabbed the walkie, raising it to his mouth. He took a breath, voice getting slightly deeper as he spoke. “Still here, Mags, I haven’t died.” He glared at Remy releasing the button. “Yet.” He hooked the walkie back to his belt. “Why are you here ruining my investigation, Angel?” 

Remy rolled his eyes. “Not an Angel.” He smirked. “Nor the Mothman either.” Though if one of those was around he’d love to see this Mothman creature in person. 

“Riiight” Virge crossed his arms. “And your wings are white because…?” 

“I’m a S.T.O.R.K., Virge.” He pulled his black tipped wing to the side revealing the sleeping Henry. “Figured that one would be obvious to you.” From how he’d freaked out the last time, Remy doubted it would be something this guy would just forget. 

Virge tensed, going as pale as a vampire. “You brought a baby out here in the middle of nowhere?!” He hissed. “Are you crazy?! What if he catches a cold! Leather is hardly the warmest thing when it’s soaking wet and--”

Yadda yadda, Remy was well aware of the downsides to wearing leather. He’d been in his fair share of storms with that exact jacket afterall. “Well if you think you can do better.” He said holding little Henry out. “Then you take him, and wrap him in that grungy hoodie of yours. I’m sure that’s plenty warm.” 

Virge tensed but took a step forward, growling under his breath as he tugged at his hoodie, pulling it over his head. 

Huh. Was it really that easy? After how hard he had refused the baby girl, Remy had expected it to be more difficult to convince Sugarbee here to accept being a Dad--he flinched as the hoodie landed on his head.

“You shouldn’t be so smug.” Virge said tersely, rubbing his bare arms. “You look like a constipated cow. Now are you going to cover the kid or not?” 

A COW?!  

Remy let out his own growl of frustration, yanking the hoodie off to wrap it securely around Henry. He should have known. “Gurl! Why can’t you just take him?” He demanded. “I was led to you. You can’t deny that.” 

Red tinged the man’s cheeks as he glanced to the house, his grey eyes looking like the storm clouds swirling over their heads. “Oh sure, explain to my crew that I found a random baby in the middle of the woods while out looking for cryptids. That will go over real well.” Virge shook his head, taking three giant steps to the right, making a wide circle around Remy. “Get him to better parents than me, Eagle One, before he catches a cold.” 

Unbelievable. Remy whirled, wings spreading out. “He already has a good Dad, you Emo Nightmare, if you would just take him!” 

“Not a good Dad. I already told you.” Virge called back, the purple ribbon flashing to blue as he vanished deeper into the forest. 

Third Time

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (ch 19)

Chapter 19

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12, ch 13, ch 14, ch 15, ch 16, ch 17, ch 18, ch 19

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 1,012

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France, human trafficking

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​ @fallenstar-7​​​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing...

When Jimin finally awoke, he was met with a set of big blue eyes staring back at him. He gasped and tried to get away, but the action made his head ache something awful. He held his head in his hands and glanced up. There was a little boy sitting beside his bed staring at him…no. Not his bed. This wasn’t his bed. This was a dingy cot in the corner of a tiny cement room. The little boy was staring at him with wide eyes. He had ahead full of dark, unkempt hair. He was pale and shivering.

“What’s your name?” the boy asked.

“Jimin,” he said. He wanted to panic, but that probably wasn’t the best thing to do right now, for the sake of the child and for the sake of his still throbbing head. “What’s your name?”

“Caleb,” the boy said.

“Do you know where we are, Caleb?” Jimin asked. Caleb shook his head. It was then that he noticed the needle in his arm. The needle was connected to a tube, which ran up to a blood bag on an IV pole. His heart sank. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“That’s a bad word,” said Caleb.

“Sometimes, a situation calls for bad words,” said Jimin. Caleb smiled.

“Yeah, this situation is pretty fucking bad,” he said. Jimin’s eyes widened.

“Just don’t say that around your parents,” said Jimin. The smile fell from Caleb’s face.

“I don’t think I’m gonna see my parents again,” said Caleb.

“Why would you say that?” Jimin asked, carefully peeling the tape off holding the needle down.

“I’m not stupid,” Caleb said, picking at his sweater. “My mom told me that there’s people out there who kidnap kids and sell them. And that’s why I have to be careful with strangers. I saw a ton of people come in here and talk about prices, and they tasted my blood. It’s so creepy! I already had two roommates before you got here. Both of them got sold right away. I bet you’ll be next. The Dracula guys like pretty people who are adults more than they like kids I guess.”

“They don’t like kids?” Jimin asked.

“No,” said Caleb. “Well, they said that my blood is really good ‘cause it’s clean. But they said that kids are too much to deal with. I guess it’s a good thing.”

“Probably is,” said Jimin. He slowly pulled the needle from his arm and then reached for Caleb’s arm. Caleb let him do the same with his needle.

“They’ll get mad,” said Caleb.

“We’ll put them back in in a few hours,” said Jimin. “How often do they come in?”

“Not very often. Like, twice a day to give us food and put the needle in or take it out,” said Caleb.

“We just won’t let them take too much from us,” said Jimin. “Besides, my friends know where I am. They should be coming to rescue us soon.”

“That’s presumptuous,” said Caleb.

“That’s a big word,” said Jimin.

Caleb shrugged and said, “I learned it from a book. I like to read. Do you like reading?”

“I used to,” said Jimin. “Now I’m too busy to read. I go to college, so I have a lot of homework and dance practice.”

“You dance?” Caleb asked. “My big sister is in dance class too.”

“Oh yeah? How old is your sister?” Jimin asked.

“She’s twelve,” said Caleb. “I’m eight. I miss her, even though she’s a jerk sometimes.”

“I’m sure she misses you too,” said Jimin. “You’ll see her again. Hopefully soon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  “You actually showed up!” Makai shouted, standing up to greet them with open arms.

               Yoongi led the way into the room, Catalina and Jungkook following behind.

               “Yoongi is the best one for this role,” said Namjoon.

               “Why? You’re the leader,” said Catalina. “I feel like they’d expect you to be the one going in.”

               Yoongi chuckled and said, “Namjoon is too nervous. He can’t act his way out of a paper bag.”

               “I…well yeah,” Namjoon said, not trying to defend himself. “I can’t act. Or lie.”

               “So, to review,” said Jungkook. “We’re acting as Yoongi’s familiars. We’ll go in, buy Jimin, and then leave?”

               “Right,” said Namjoon. “Nothing else happens that day. We’ll execute the second part of our plan another time.”

               “I suppose I was curious,” said Yoongi, shaking Makai’s hand. Makai had that easy going smile on his face. It was disarming, Catalina needed to stay focused on hating the man.

               It was nerve wracking, being able to just walk into the facility like this. Catalina had never felt this kind of adrenaline before. She tried her best to stay calm and regulate her breathing though. Namjoon warned them that vampires can basically smell fear. They can hear when a human’s heart beats faster and smell when their blood rushes quicker.

               They were standing by the desk in the middle of the lounge-like space. This was the area Catalina and Jungkook saw when they snuck in.

               “Are you looking to buy today?” Makai asked. “Or were you just in the neighborhood?”

               “I’m not sure yet,” said Yoongi. “It depends on if you have anything I like.”

               “I’ve got quite the variety,” said Makai. “And all our products are very high quality. All very healthy and clean.”

               “That’s good to know,” said Yoongi. “Most of these kinds of organizations get their products off the streets, they’re usually riddled with drugs and diseases.”

               Catalina chose not to think about why Yoongi knew that.

               Makai chuckled and said, “I have to admit, we started our company like that. We’ve improved so much over the years though. Anyway, I can give you a tour. If you’d like, there’s a waiting room in the back where your familiars can stay.”

               “No thank you,” said Yoongi. “I’d rather they stay with me. I don’t trust you just yet.”

               “What’s not to trust about this face?” Makai asked, pouting a bit. He burst into laughter. “I’m totally joking. You have no reason to trust me, you barely know me! I hope we can be friends someday though. I like you, Yoongi.”

               With that, Makai led the way deeper into the facility. The first door he opened made Catalina’s heart drop. The woman inside was limp and pale, sitting up against the wall on a cot. Her hair was thin and her lips were blue.

               “We’ve had her for a while, so I would probably let you have her for a hundred if you’re interested,” said Makai. He closed the door and continued down the hall. He pointed at a room through a pair of archways and said, “That’s the recreation room. There’s snacks, if you guys want anything.”

               “Chocolate?” Yoongi asked.

               “Haha! Sure, let’s see,” said Makai. He went in and rummaged through the cupboards. Catalina hung back with Jungkook and took his hand. He squeezed her hand back, leaning in to whisper, “Are you okay?”

               Catalina nodded, even though she was starting to feel queasy. Yoongi came back to them with a mouthful of Dove chocolate, more in his hand.

               “Jungkook will have his phone in his shirt pocket, with the camera facing out. It’ll be recording the entire time,” said Namjoon. “This way, we can map out a basic floor plan.”

               Catalina glanced at the phone in Jungkook’s shirt pocket as they were led deeper into the facility. Makai continued showing them “products”, as he called them. There were so many. Catalina didn’t know how she’d be able to leave them all here today. She hated thinking about Jimin in this situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               Jimin tried his best to keep track of the days, but without any outside light source and an irregular sleeping schedule, time quickly began to blur together. He had no idea how much time had passed. He what he could though.

               He didn’t let the vampires take too much blood from him and Caleb, just enough so they wouldn’t notice a loss. He made sure he and Caleb ate everything they were given, to keep up their strength. Every few days, or so Jimin figured, they would have a break from being hooked up to the IV. During those days, they made sure to eat and move around as much as they could.

               But after a while, everything began catching up to them. They were slowly losing energy. Jimin hoped his friends would find him soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               Seeing these people, tired and limp, and hearing Makai list off prices like they were at a car dealership made Catalina feel sick. She knew this kind of thing went on, but to see it with her own eyes was something she would never forget. She had to keep reminding herself that they would come back for these people.

               “This one is a little feisty, but if you keep her drained, she should be fine,” said Makai, closing the door on another cell. “Did you see any you liked? Did you at least like the tour?”

               Catalina’s stomach dropped. That couldn’t have been the last one. Where was Jimin? Did someone already buy him? It hasn’t even been a week!

               Jungkook took her hand and squeezed hard.

               “Do you have anything else?” Yoongi asked. His bored façade was still going strong, or maybe it wasn’t a façade. Catalina couldn’t be sure. Did he even actually care about these humans? Either way, he was doing a good job on this mission.

               “I mean, we have other humans, but they’re not ready for purchase yet,” said Makai.

               “I want to see them,” said Yoongi.

               “Sure, were you looking for something in particular?” asked Makai.

               “Eh…not exactly. I suppose I’ll know when I see it,” said Yoongi.

               Makai pointed to him and said, “I totally understand. Ya know, it’s like buying clothes. Fashion trends change so fast and I never know what I want to buy for summer, or for winter or whatever. But when I see it, I know! Can you believe the early 2000’s are coming back? It just ended! Give it a break for a bit!”

               Makai laughed heartily as he rambled on, leading them to a different hallway. He opened a few doors and introduced a few people inside. These people looked a little less tired than the others. These ones still had a bit of color in their cheeks.

               The third door he opened was the one. Jimin stared back at them with wide eyes. The fear in his eyes melted away when he saw them. But there was another set of frightened eyes staring at them from over Jimin’s shoulder.

               A child sat behind him, clutching Jimin’s t-shirt.

               Yoongi faltered. He didn’t say anything for a moment.

               “Is this the one? Are you having your moment?” Makai asked.

               “How much for both?” Yoongi asked.

               “Oh…well, the kid isn’t for sale,” Makai said.

               “Ten thousand for the kid,” said Yoongi. “One thousand for the other guy.”

               Catalina watched with amusement as Jimin pouted, glaring at Yoongi.

               “Okay, so these guys aren’t really for sale right now,” said Makai. “So you’re gonna have to-“

               “Fifty thousand for both,” said Yoongi. Makai closed his mouth.

               “Ya know what, I like you Yoongi. So I’ll give them to you for fifty and a half,” said Makai.

               “Deal,” said Yoongi. They shook hands, Makai smiling wide.

               “I’m just warning you, this one’s squirrely,” Makai said, pointing to Jimin. “And the kid is too smart for his own good. So do with that what you will.”

               “I have these guys,” Yoongi said, gesturing to Jungkook and Catalina. “I’ll be fine.”

               “Right on, man!” Makai said, slapping Yoongi on the shoulder. “Let’s go to my office.”

               Makai’s office was beautiful; the first thing Catalina noticed was the zen garden in the corner, bamboo shoots rising from the center. The whole office was dim, with stylish, plush furniture filling the space. The sound of running water brought Catalina’s attention to the black stone mini water fountain on the desk at the center of the room.

               Makai went behind the desk and pulled out two forms.

               “Are you paying cash or bitcoin?” Makai asked.

               “What the hell is bitcoin?” Yoongi asked. Makai burst into laughter.

               “Cash it is, then,” he said once he finished laughing. “Just go ahead and sign these for me real quick. This one is a nondisclosure agreement. Don’t go posting about this on social media and definitely don’t tell the cops!”

               Makai laughed again, but Catalina didn’t find any of this funny. She wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

               “And this one is just an agreement stating that once the transaction is complete, the product is nonrefundable and fully your responsibility,” Makai said. Yoongi signed both forms, then pulled several stacks of cash out of his jacket pocket. Catalina and Jungkook’s eyes bulged. He was just carrying all that in his pocket?, Catalina thought with a start.

               Makai laughed and pointed at them. “Looks like your familiars are thinking the same thing I am. You’re gonna get robbed doing stuff like that, man! You’re stronger than the average guy, but vamps like cash too, ya know!”

               “I don’t go shopping very often,” Yoongi said, counting out the stacks of bills.

               “Clearly,” said Makai, double checking the cash, then storing it in one of the desk drawers. The two of them shook hands. “Do you want them delivered or do you want them right now?”

               “I’m parked outside,” said Yoongi. “I can take them now.”

               “Sounds good to me,” said Makai. “Just go ahead and wait outside, I’ll have someone bring them up.”

               “Don’t damage them,” said Yoongi. “I like my products pristine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               Jimin and the child clinging to him stayed silent as they got into the car, all the way until Jungkook parked the car in the lot of a Popeye’s just outside of town. Then they all piled out of the car and Catalina and Jungkook immediately tackled Jimin in a tight hug. Yoongi climbed out of the car slowly, then helped the child out of the back seat.

               “What’s your name kid?” Yoongi asked as Catalina and Jungkook fussed over Jimin.

               “Caleb,” he said in a quiet voice.

               “You’re safe now,” said Yoongi. “We’ll get you back to your parents.”

               Caleb’s eyes widened.

               The whole group of them went into the Popeye’s and ordered as much food as everyone wanted. Caleb squeezed into the booth with Jimin, the rest sitting on the other side.

               “These are my friends I was telling you about,” said Jimin.

               “Ooohhh,” Caleb said, eyeing all three of them as he munched on his fries.

               “Are you guys hurt at all? What was it like in there?” Jungkook asked.

               “I mean, it wasn’t even that bad,” said Jimin.

               “Yeah! It wasn’t even that bad!” said Caleb.

               “Okay, I mean, it sucked really bad, and it would have been worse if we got bought by someone else before you got there, but it worked out fine,” said Jimin.

               “Yeah, the situation was pretty fucking bad!” Caleb said, giggling and dunking his chicken strips into too much sauce.

               Catalina and Jungkook’s eyes widened. Jimin and Yoongi just laughed.

               “Don’t say that in front of your parents,” said Jimin, ruffling the kid’s hair.

               “I just can’t wait to see the look on Namjoon’s face when we bring a child home with us,” said Catalina. Yoongi groaned and put his head in his hands.

               “Yeah, I can’t wait either,” he said, sounding like he could, in fact, wait.

[itsallavengers]

PLEASE MORE HARLEYPETER!!!!

This was a disaster. 

“HARLEY KEENER?” Tony’s eyes were almost out of his head as he looked back and forth between Peter who was at his side, and the boy working the counter of the coffee shop. “You’ve been talking to me about this adorable barista kid for months and all this time it’s been HARLEY KEENER?”

Peter grabbed his arm and slapped a hand over Tony’s mouth, his cheeks going crimson. Oh God, he was sure the boy must have heard Tony shouting his name across the coffee shop. Tony had promised he’d be subtle.

“How the hell do you know him?” Peter whispered to him, turning them both so their backs were facing away from the counter, “you said you’ve never been here before!”

“Yeah, because Harley never told me where he worked so that I couldn’t come in and embarrass him!” Tony’s face contorted into childish delight, and he clapped his hands together until Peter grabbed them and hastily silenced him with another hiss. “Oh, this is fucking classic! I’ve known that guy since he was what, 11? I’ve just been listening to you wax poetic about the kid who’s been sending me Captain America memes for seven months!” Tony dissolved into laughter again, and Peter thoroughly regretted taking him to the place where his long-time crush worked. Tony had bugged him about it for ages, and after he’d listened to Peter go on about the boy for so long, he’d figured that he may as well just let him tag along and get a look. Peter had assumed Tony might be helpful. 

He had, apparently, assumed incorrectly. 

“Okay, well this was a fun trip, let’s go now,” Peter declared hastily, grabbing hold of Tony’s arm and yanking him away again. Or at least, trying to. Tony didn’t budge. 

“What?” Tony looked at him incredulously, “no, we can’t go now. I want to talk to Mr. Keener over there, catch up, you know? He’s been working his ass off to afford his place in New York, so I haven’t had much chance to talk to him.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows, snorting inwardly at Peter’s intense glare. “Oh, come on, you gotta admit, this is like fate. You have to ask him out now. It was practically meant to be.”

Peter glanced over rapidly to the counter, where the boy was currently flipping an empty cup absently as he talked to one of the customers, a bright smile on his face. This place wasn’t even on Peter’s route-- he’d ended up here totally by accident after leaving a party one night a few months ago. He’d come in, laid his eyes on the barista with a name tag that read ‘Harley’, and... 

Well. Peter had been hooked. 

As often as he could, he came to this little place, tucked away on the end of Becker Street. And Harley always smiled when he saw him, and he didn’t even look at Peter weird when he inevitably stumbled over his words. He’d just say something funny, make Peter laugh, then take his order with a wink and a grin. 

And obviously, every time when he’d come back to the Tower to work on something with Tony, he’d inevitably ended up going on a little rant about the boy, and what he’d done on that particular day to make Peter fall a little bit deeper for him. Whether it was helping a deaf person by talking to them in sign language, or kicking out a customer who’d been harassing a woman in the corner of the room (that was probably the only time Peter had ever seen his face look anything other than charming and happy. It had been... kind of hot, he wasn’t gonna lie). Tony had ended up having to allocate a specific ‘Harley Time’ for them, so that they’d still have time to finish whatever it was they were working on despite Peter’s little rambles. 

Of course, Tony must not have realised that when Peter had been talking about Harley the cute barista that Peter may or may not have been taking 30-minute bus rides across the city in order to see, he had also been talking about Harley Keener, Tony’s first protégé and the kid he’d been helping to start up a life in New York after his mom had died. 

Talk about coincidence, huh?

“I can’t ask him out,” Peter said with a shake of his head, “he’ll just-- I dunno, he’ll say no, he’ll laugh at me, then you’ll laugh at me with him--”

“I wouldn’t do that, Pete, come on,” Tony’s voice went softer and he nudged Peter’s shoulder, “look, I’ll call him over right now--”

“NO, Tony, don’t you--”

“Hey Harley!” Tony waved across the room, and Peter took a small moment to internally burst into flames before he put on his best smile and caught the boy’s eye. Harley looked at the two of them in bewilderment, clearly wondering why the guy who came into his coffee shop and stared at him every day was now apparently in conversation with the man Harley had known for about 7 years.

Tony walked forward, tugging Peter’s shirt encouragingly. “Lets gooo,” he whispered, and God, he looked so fucking smug. Peter was going to kill him . He was never going to speak to him again, and then never come here again either, and never leave his room for the rest of eternity, actually--

“Hi,” Harley said, looking between the two of them, “this is a strange combination of people. Tony, how did you find me, and also can you please un-find me immediately so that I don’t have to kick you out--”

“Nonsense, I’m just a regular paying customer who can and will write a scathing review on yelp if the mood takes me.” Tony pulled out his wallet and looked at Peter. “What do you want, kid?”

Harley groaned. “I told you not to track down where I work! You’re so annoying--”

“Hey, this was totally an accident!” Tony pointed accusingly at Peter. “He invited me here, I had no idea this was where you were working at all! Pinkie swear.” He held out his little finger across the counter, and Harley glared at him unimpressedly before just turning to Peter.

Peter blinked as Harley’s full concentration shifted to him. Oh God, he was pretty. His eyelashes were so long, and his mouth, and his cheeks-- oh no, Peter had no idea what to do with himself. “So how do you know Tony Stark?” He asked, glancing back at Tony as the man subtly stuffed a couple hundred dollar bills into the tip jar. 

Peter took in a small breath. Okay. Uh. That was an easy question, right? “Internship,” he said hurriedly, “it was the-- the Stark Internship thing, I was... he said I had potential and wanted to, uh, take me under his wing. I guess.” Great, now he sounded like a showboater. Good start. 

But Harley didn’t seem to mind-- he just nodded, his face lighting up. “Oh wow! Me too, sort of-- well, I mean, I’ve signed up to the internship program, not sure I’ll get it though.” He stuck his tongue out at Tony. “I would have thought I could get some sort of fast-lane through, considering I saved your life and all.”

“You saved his life?” Peter asked, just as Tony rolled his eyes and said, “you hardly saved my life, merely... aided somewhat toward my survival.”

Harley turned back to Peter. “I totally saved his life,” he murmured, and Peter found himself grinning shyly at the way the boy leaned in conspiratorially close to him. 

Tony glanced between them both again, clearly hiding a smile of his own as he pulled out his phone. “Oh, would you look at the time,” he said loudly, glancing between the two of them, “I just realised I have a totally important-- uh-- thing, that I have to be at. That’s a shame. Hey, here’s a thought. Seeing as both of you are doing this Stark Internship, and both of you have the amazing fortune of knowing me, maybe you should exchange numbers? Get to know one another a little better?” Tony patted Peter on the shoulder as he started to back up, and Peter turned to face him, shooting him daggers as the man waved. I hate you, he mouthed, I hate you so much. 

“That’d be nice,” Harley said, and Peter turned back to him rapidly, trying not to blink like a total weirdo as the boy gave him another smile, “plus, I do love receiving phone numbers from cute boys who sit in my coffee shop and smile at me when they catch me staring.”

Oh, wow. Oh... Harley just called him cute. Harley definitely just called him cute, right?

“He called you cute!” Tony shouted helpfully back at him, and Peter once more turned around, trying to see whether his glare would be enough to make Tony shut up. It wasn’t. “That’s the cue for you to ask for his number!”

“Yes, thank you, I think he gets that!” Harley informed him, balling up a napkin and throwing it in Tony’s direction, “go away, old man. Read a newspaper or yell at clouds or something.”

Tony placed a hand over his heart. “You’ll miss me when I’m not there,” he said, waggling a finger and then turning on his heel in order to push at the door. He was still laughing to himself as he walked out, and Peter buried his head in his hands as he leaned against the counter.

“I hate him,” he declared firmly, “he’s... the worst.”

“Yeah,” Harley nodded, before adding, “although, I mean, he had one good idea.” When Peter looked up at him blankly, Harley just waved a hand. “Uh, phone numbers? Unless that’s not your thing, which is fine. I mean-- not fine-- I’ve been kind of trying to get up the guts to put my number on one of your coffee cups for ages now, but I kept pussying out at the last minute, so-- not that you needed to know that, wow, okay, so now I sound creepy.” Harley laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair, pulling the dishtowel off his shoulder and then fiddling with it nervously. 

Peter felt a small smile bloom on his face. “You don’t sound creepy,” he mumbled, “at least not as creepy as walking thirty minutes to go sit in a cafe just because a really cute barista works there and you like to imagine one day getting the courage to go and ask him out.”

They both looked at each other for a second, before Peter nervously looked away with a little laugh. He heard Harley’s reciprocating one, and his heart fluttered. 

“So my break’s in like, fifteen minutes,” Harley said after another moment, “maybe we could go grab some lunch or something? Work out a really brilliant plan about how we can make Tony regret ever thinking us together would be even vaguely fun for him?”

Peter giggled, nodding jerkily. Was this seriously happening? Was this a date with the cute barista he’d been swooning over for months?

It seemed like it. Which was... admittedly terrifying. But also amazing.

“I’d like that,” he said, “I’ll, uh-- I’ll just get a coffee while I wait for you?”

“Sure.” Harley grinned and winked at him again, and it made something funny happen in Peter’s knees. “Your usual order, I take it?”

Pete nodded and handed him the money, then turned around and went to go sit in his usual spot. Don’t do a stupid happy jig, he told himself sternly as he walked over-- but even the internal chastisements couldn’t stop him giving the air a little fist-pump when his back was turned. 

He pulled out his phone, glancing up at Harley as the boy made him his drink on the other side of the counter. 

This time, he didn’t look away when the other boy caught him.

_____

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[nataliedanovelist]

GF + OH - Fallen Owls pt.1

Summary: What happens when the milf of The Owl House meets the dilf of Gravity Falls? Find out in this multi-chapter crossover fic.

pt.2

~~~~~~~~~~

Episode Placement:

GF = after finale (S3?) OH = between S1E5 and E6 It was late, passed the gremlins’ bedtime, but it was summer, meaning the term “bedtime” had very little meaning unless Stan was tired and needed to make the kids quiet. But as of right now he was content sitting in his old armchair, boxers and undershirt and slippers and all, munching on popcorn with his family, sitting around telling stories. Stan and his twin brother, Ford, had just finished telling Dipper and Mabel more about the sirens they had faced a few months ago. While sailing around the world was a dream come true, it was nice to take a break to spend the summer with the niblings.

Dipper, having just heard how Stan had been charmed by the sirens’ song, chuckled and asked, “So, did you ever have any luck finding ‘babes’?” Stan rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Nah, but there’s always next year.” “Yeah, don’t worry about it, Grunkle Stan.” Mabel said as she popped some popcorn into her mouth. “You’ll find some pretty girl that is everything you deserve!” Stan, turning red, waved the subject away. “Thanks, sweetie, but it’s fine.” Ford, sitting on the dino-skull, elbowed him lightly and teased, “He’s still heartbroken over Carla McCorckle.” Mabel blew a raspberry. “If I ever find her I’m gonna give her a left-hook and break her nose!” Stan laughed and ruffled her hair. “That’s not necessary, kid. I’m over her.” “And it only took you forty years.” Ford added, earning him a punch on the shoulder. “I’ll have you know I’ve been with plenty of gals after Carla!” Stan quipped. “Heck, I was married once when I was traveling the country!” “Wait, what?!” The whole room gasped at the same time. Ford blinked like a confused owl. “I… I didn’t know that.” “Me, neither.” Mabel said and leaned on Stan’s knee. Dipper, meanwhile, was silent, a memory coming to mind. “Truth is I’ve been divorced once and slapped more times than I can remember.” “What happened? GASP! Do I have a secret Graunty you never told me about?!” Stan barked a laugh. “Hah! No, sorry pumpkin. I was actually married for less than a day. Vegan situation. We reached for the same slot machine handle and it was love at first sight. Marilyn. Had hair like a airline stordis and a neon pink shirt that said ‘Over thirty and very flirty’. Man I was, I was putty in her hands.” Stan said lightly, recalling the most romantic evening he ever had. “You should’ve seen the way she threw dice. One time right at my head. Turns out she only married me to distract me while she stole my car and my winnings. I guess her name was fake and, hair was fake. But ya know, the love was real.” Stan added with a casual shrug. “She was really the one that got away. Like, literally, it was a proper get away. She was chased by cop cars for a mile out of Vegas before ducking out of a door and into a canyon and making off with my loot. Sometimes I still think of her.” The old conman admitted. “That pale bingo hall skin. That one weirdly sharp tooth.” Stan’s face dropped at the sight of his family and he quickly said, “Sorry, I’m getting nostalgic.” “More like love-sick.” Dipper teased. “AW!” Mabel squealed. “That’s so sweet! Maybe you’ll find her one day!” Stan laughed and shook his head. “I doubt it, sweetie, but hey. Who needs stealing babes when I’ve got you three, right?” Mabel yawned and stretched her arms over her head. Ford chuckled and stood up, popping his back. “I think you two should head to bed. It’s getting late and we’re going camping tomorrow, remember?” Mabel gasped happily and stood. “You’re right!” She hugged both her uncles and wished them goodnight and then walked with her brother up the stairs for the attic, then Ford left to go finish packing, leaving Stan alone. He leaned on his knuckles, elbow on his armchair, and he remembered Marilyn. ~~~~~~~~~~ Mabel was grinning from ear to ear as she skipped ahead on the trail in the woods. “Finally, a real family camping trip!” Grunkle Ford, Dipper, and Grunkle Stan were right behind her, the Pines family heading back to the Mystery Shack after a fun night sleeping under the stars around a campfire. They were all smiling and happy to be reunited for the summer. While some things drastically changed and some things hardly changed at all, the Pines in appearance changed a little since Dipper and Mabel and turned thirteen. Mabel had always been nothing but smiles in the past, but if it was even possible she grinned even more now, proud to show off her braces-free white teeth. She still sported amazing sweaters with colorful headbands and skirts, today wearing a brown skirt and a yellow headband with a light-brown sweater with an owl on it, claiming she wanted to match the woods and her Grunkle Ford; he only proved her point when he blushed. Dipper and Wendy switched hats again when they saw each other when the twins came off the bus, but over his orange t-shirt he wore a green flannel unbuttoned and he matched it with blue jeans. No longer out in the freezing Arctic, Stan left behind his long coat, but he kept his white t-shirt, dark pants, red beanie, and water-proof boots for the hiking trip. Ford, the easily cold twin, still wore red turtleneck and dark pants and boots, but his smile was much more genuine and the crack in his glasses was gone. Grunkle Ford patted his niece’s shoulder. “It is nice to have some quality family bonding.” “Next time I say we go fishing.” Stan injected. “Not as many creepy spider-fires or whatever.” “Scampfires.” “I still say whatever.” Dipper chuckled and continued to sketch in his pinetree journal, shading in trees of his drawing of the woods. But he was pulled from his pleasant thoughts by his great-uncle. “Seriously, kid, you’re gonna walk into a tree and then I’m gonna laugh. You need to get your head outta book and see the rest of the world.” “Grunkle Stan, how do you think people shared the world back in your day? You know, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth?” Dipper quipped. “Oh, ho! Wise guy, huh?” Stan wrapped an arm around his neck and rubbed his knuckles on the top of his head. “Alright, Poindexter Jr…” “No! No nuggies!” “Yes nuggies!” “Ford!” Dipper laughed, calling for backup. Mabel, meanwhile, was slowly being pulled away mentally from the touching scene of guys being dudes as the internet would have called it. Distracting her, a tiny brown owl with cute round eyes was hopping. Not just hopping, appearing from behind one oak tree to the neck, but hopping with a sack clamped by the beak. Mabel watched it with wide eyes, hoping for another look, and the second glance she got of it was so brief she didn’t know how much faith she should have in her eyes, but it looked like that sack had things like a Cubic Cube, a newspaper, a floppy disk, a basketball, and other items that could be classified as junk. Mabel decided not to wait for another glance at the owl and to go look at it for herself. Mabel wandered off the path animals had made and moved in between trees and bushes quietly. Her brown eyes eventually landed on the little owl and she followed it; the clattering of the owl or it’s determination to finish it’s job must have been the reason why it didn’t hear Mabel and try to hide or lose her. The young Pines lady watched, walking farther and farther away from her family, and the owl hopped behind a tree and never emerged. Mabel smiled, thinking she was about to find an owl’s nest in the tree or a stash of human things by the tree’s roots, but when she turned to look behind the tree, she gasped to find a doorway that glowed white. Mabel looked around her for anyone that might have an answer or for any clue as to why this doorway was here, but she was alone. Gravity Falls certainly was where this sort of thing might happen, but that did not guarantee that this was safe. Maybe she should have the guys look at this thing. Mabel turned around, her back to the doorway, to leave, but she saw something above her and took in a sharp breath. Stan had Dipper pinned on the grass now, both of them laughing, with Ford shaking his head and scolding lightly. “Stanley, that’s enough.” “Don’t worry, Grunkle Ford, I promise not to break such an old man.” Dipper teased as he lightly fought back, “Old man?!” Stan repeated in pretend offense. They were interrupted by a blood curdling scream that made their hearts drop. Stan immediately got off of his nephew and stared ahead, terrified. “Mabel…” And he ran for the direction he heard the scream with Ford and Dipper at his heels. Mabel pulled her grappling hook out of her hiking-backpack and tried to calm down, but it was hard to with the dangerous anomaly liking it’s chops at the sight of her. It was like a gray lizard, but ten feet long, including the tail, and only on it’s four legs it was seven feet tall. It’s eyes were red and narrow and cold, and it had long sharp claws like a dragon’s and a long snout like a crocodile. Mabel shot her grappling hook at the monster and it hit it on the snout, tossing its head back. The lizard hissed but did not back down. It advanced, getting closer to Mabel, and she wanted to back away, but she was careful not to touch the spooky doorway. Stan saw the scene first, appearing out of the corner of Mabel’s eye. “Mabel!” “Grunkle Stan, what do I do?!” She asked, her eyes glued to the giant lizard. Ford and Dipper caught up. The younger moved to jump between his sister and the monster, but Ford stopped him with a firm six-fingered hand. “No! Listen to me, Mabel. That thing is called a Stone-Reptilian. They're excellent at camouflaging into mountains and can hang onto a one-hundred-and-eighty degree wall for hours, waiting for its prey. It actually has two tongues: one for licking its eyes since it doesn't have eyelids, and one for paralyzing it’s dinner and dragging the meal into its mouth.” “So what do I do?!” Mabel begged, shaking a little at the idea of being paralyzed and then eaten alive. “Mabel, stay calm, it’s alright.” Ford soothed with a voice as soft as silk. “Stone-Reptilians have excellent eyesight, but they’re deaf. Notice how it’s isn’t reacting to us. Now, I want you to…” The Stone-Reptilian suddenly whipped out it’s long, thorn-covered tongue to paralyze Mabel, but she was too quick and leaped through the doorway to survive. As she did, it disappeared, and the Pines men were left to scream and then fight for their own lives. ~~~~~~~~~~ “Whoops, can’t have another stowaway, can I?” A voice said, and then before Mabel knew it, her way back home was gone. She observed her new surroundings. Misfit things like a refrigerator, a grandfather clock, an old mattress, and cardboard boxes full of items cluttered what looked like a big tent, judging by the cloth walls and such. Mabel smiled with wonder at the things. “Wow. What a collection.” She whispered. Her eyes landed on a small glass ballerina on top of a music box. She turned the ballerina around with a finger to catch a few music notes. Mabel smiled, but was once again distracted. “Right, let’s see here… Nope. Garbage. Garbage. Another one of these? Oh, well. Good thing the potions have been selling. I should really thank Luz for helping me take out that competitor. Or not.” Mabel covered her mouth with both hands to keep from snorting; that sounded like something her Grunkle Stan would say. Her heart sagged a little and she turned to look back at where the magical doorway once was. Despite what he might pretend, Mabel knew Stan would be really worried about her. She needed to find a way back home. She crawled on her hands and knees out from under the tent and then got up to explore. “Okay, let’s see…” Mabel looked around to find herself outside in the open air. She raised an eyebrow. “The… Crawlspace? I thought it was underground? Maybe there’s more to it! Won’t Grunkle Ford be surprised!” Mabel cheered and looked around for anything familiar, but the longer she looked, the more she realized nothing was like back in Gravity Falls. She stood at the edge of a cliff, overlooking an odd city of some kind. Giant monster hands with no body stood like trees. Smoke rose from chimneys of medieval-looking houses. A small herd of cat-sized dragons flocked by the clouds. A mammoth roared like a lion and then walked into the ocean. Something resembling an orange nun was selling bags of oozing red stuff to tiny red monsters with teeth and fangs for a face. People were riding a giant caterpillar from inside its mouth and then kissing it for a toll. Mabel’s heart was racing from excitement and fear. Nothing here was familiar, but she was familiar with the unfamiliar. She grasped the straps of her backpack and took a deep breath. “Okay, Mabel, you’ve obviously discovered another rift and came to another dimension. Just remember what your grunkles taught you. Don’t touch this dimension's version of yourself or everything will explode. I just gotta live long enough for them to find me. Easy.” Her stomach suddenly growled. Mabel clenched her stomach on reflex, but then remembered her bag of marshmallows, pulled them out, and began to munch on her fluffy sugar pillows. She turned around and walked away from the tent she had left, saw she was in some sort of market, and walked down the street to explore calmly. ~~~~~~~~~~ “And remember to apply it twice a day for the best results.” Luz said friendly to a blue monster made out of goo as she handed her the small bag of dust and the customer closed the door on the human. Luz wiped her sweaty forehead with her wrist and groaned. “Man, it’s so hot today. Ready to head home, King? King?” She looked down to find that the king of demons had found the perfect spot on the porch to nap in the sunshine. Luz smiled, scratched his back, and scooped him up one-armed while her other hand carried the empty sack. “Eh?” King woke up, angry and cute. “Luz! I was having the perfect dream!” “About what?” “What could be more perfect than sleeping?!” “You were dreaming about sleeping?” Luz clarified with a confused smile. “Don’t you?” Luz snorted a laugh and walked through Bonesburrow. Compared to the rest of the Boiling Isles, the apprentice had learned that this was the quietest neck of the woods. King’s nose caught a delightful scent, but the demon was unsure if he should believe it. He sat up in Luz’s arm and smelled the air. “What is it?” Luz asked. “Hm, it’s sweet. Really sweet.” King commented and shivered. “Like, really sweet. So sweet it’ll put anyone in a sugar-induced coma.” “Well, why don’t we just go home and we can have some of Eda’s strawberry jelly instead.” Luz suggested as they turned a corner. She immediately saw the one really really weird thing in the Boiling Isles, apart from her. Another human. After being away from home for about three weeks, Luz didn’t think she would be so happy to see another human girl or see human food that wasn’t red, but here she was, eyes sparkling with happy tears over the sight. Mabel’s eye eventually landed on Luz and the two stared at each other, a good twenty feet away from each other. After a few moments, however, they both shouted, “ANOTHER HUMAN!” And ran towards each other, King clinging onto Luz’s arms in order not to fall. “Wait,” The brunette said and looked worried. “Is this your first time seeing another human here? How long have you been trapped here?!” She apparently had drawn the conclusion that there was no way out of this place. “Oh, no,” The Latino smiled and shook her head. “I’m not trapped here; I can leave whenever I want, I just choose not to.” “Oh. Cool! Hi! I’m Mabel!” “Hi, Mabel.” Luz greeted. “I’m Luz! So… how did you get here?” Mabel’s face dropped a little and she looked around. “You know, I’m not really sure. One minute I was camping with my family and the next I’m falling through a door that disappears and takes me here.” Luz giggled and shook her head. “You must have fallen through Eda’s door. Don’t worry, I can get you back home.” “You can?!” Mabel hugged her tightly, squishing King in between the two girls. “ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!” Luz, who was quite the hugger but lived with two hug-haters, grinned and relished in the hug, until a high-voice yelled, “AH! What is with you humans and this tight holding ritual?!” Mabel’s eyes got wide and she jumped away, looking around wildly; that voice sounded too familiar for comfort, but when she saw the king of demons, she gasped with a huge grin and shining eyes. “OH MY GOSH! How cute!!!” She squealed. “Thanks.” Luz giggled and rubbed his belly. “This is the King of Demons.” “This little bundle of joy?” Mabel asked, happily smoothing over his skull and scratching his back. “That’s what I said!” “Hey, hey, easy with the merchandise!” King complained. “What makes you think you can… oh! Oh! Right there, yup, right there.” Mabel had found the right scratching spot, just between his shoulder-blades, and King relaxed in Luz’s arms, almost asleep he was so comfortable. Mabel giggled and asked, “So, how can you get me back to my family?” Luz gave it a moment’s thought and said, “Well, I guess we could take you to Eda and have her send you home, but she’ll be going home soon and it’s kinda…” The girls screamed as a huge guard jumped in front of them. He glared down at the humans and said, “Human previously associated with Eda the Owl Lady, you’re hereby under arrest!” “Not today, sucka!” Luz yelled, threw down one of Eda’s smoke bombs, and grabbed Mabel’s wrist. “Come on! I know where to go!” “Crazy monsters, criminals, smoke bombs, demons… I LOVE IT HERE!” Mabel cheered as she was fleeing with her new friends. ~~~~~~~~~~ Stan huffed, catching his breath, with his hands on his knees. Ford helped Dipper up cautiously, scanning him over for broken bones from when the monster swung his tail at the boy and slammed him against a tree, but apart from being shaken up, he was fine. Now that the Stone-Reptilian was gone, the Pines men were free to worry about the most important thing in their whole world. “MABEL?!” Stan screamed and looked around wildly for the rift that took her away. “MABEL! MABEL, SWEETIE!” “Mabel!” Ford called out. “Mabel, can you hear us?!” “MABEL! MABEL!” Stan screamed and ignored his stinging eyes. Dipper’s own brown eyes were aching, too, but he refused to be seen as weak and he powered through. “Did… did that thing… g-g-get her?” “No.” Ford said firmly. “I saw it. She fell through… some sort of door, or a rift.” “A-A door?” “It was rectangular like one, but it was hard to tell.” “The Crawlspace!” Dipper gasped and slapped his forehead. “Don’t the entrances change randomly through Gravity Falls? What if she fell through and is down at the black market?” “What, you mean she’s probably surrounded by dangerous monsters in some freaky market?” Stan asked. “It’s a likely possibility.” Ford speculated, holding his cleft chin. “Scour the area. If it was an entrance to the Crawlspace, one will show up again soon.” The three men split up, relatively close, and searched for an anomaly. Maybe a hole in a tree or in the ground, what might have been passed as a bird’s nest or a groundhog’s home could actually be an entrance. Stan was checking some bushes when he thought he heard a strange noise and he looked ahead. A rectangular white light appeared on an oak tree and soon an owl with an empty sack in its beak hopped out. Stan gasped and thought that this was the doorway that took his little girl. Ford saw his twin run out of the corner of his eye and then disappear through the hole. “Stanley, wait!” He called and ran towards him, disappearing, too. Then the doorway was gone. Dipper looked around nervously. “Hello? Guys?” He paused, letting it sink in that, once again, he was alone. “I swear if she’s at MAB3L again…” ~~~~~~~~~~ Stan had stopped. Ford then accidently ran into him and they both fell forward. “Sixer, get off!” “Shh!” Ford slapped a polydactyl hand over his brother’s mouth, which made him grumble, but before Stan could lick his hand in response, he heard what Ford was hearing. “I’ll give you fifty snails for the whole lot.” A laugh-filled snort followed. “It’s seventy-five, kid. Take it or leave it.” That voice… something was familiar about that laugh. There was grumbling and what sounded like items being collected. Stan and Ford exchanged looks and slowly got up. After looking around the tent, they peered out of the crack in the curtains to see an odd market. They awed at the sight of dozens of weird creatures. One looked like a turquoise hairless-cat. One looked like a pig with green eyes and it breathed fire on a piece of meat on a stick to cook it for a snack. A kid with pointy ears dropped a basket full of eyeballs and scrambled to pick them up. Ford grinned excitedly like a dork while Stan winced at the sight of an ice-cream eating a customer. Stan glanced to his left and he had to hold his breath to keep from gasping and blowing their cover. Wearing a tight-fitted, torn maroon dress and matching boots, gold on her chest and ears and fingers and a sharp tooth, her eyes sparkling like gold coins, a woman with big gray hair and pointy ears leaned against a table full human things and flicked through a Gold Chains for Old Men magazine with a skeptical look on her face. Stan was nearly as pale as she was when she snorted another laugh and flipped a page. “Hah! Not a bad read. Better than that kindling Luz keeps around.” She mumbled and made herself comfortable in her chair, waiting for another customer, one leg crossed over the other and she lightly kicked it as she read. Stan swallowed. There was no way. No possible way… then again, given everything weird that’s happened to him, from freaky portal, to demon triangles, to gnomes and unicorns and sirens and krakens, even to a full-blown Weirdmageddon, should he really be all that surprised that faith would bite him in the butt like this? Ford glanced down at his twin and found he could read him like an open book. “Stanley…” He hissed. The lady straightened in her seat and looked up from the magazine, listening. Now it was Stan’s turn to cover Ford’s mouth. They were still, waiting for the ady to find them, but she shrugged casually and continued to read. The men backed away, out of sight, and were each on one knee, facing each other, as they whispered. “Sixer, where the heck are we? The Crawlspace?” “I’m not sure.” Ford hissed. “I have never seen these types of anomalies before. I suppose it’s possible they hide here during the day and I had never seen them at night, but… this place feels off. To summarize, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” “Fine, but when what do we do about Mabel?” “Our objection is still the same. Let’s just keep a low profile and try to find her.” The twins froze when the curtain was thrown open and the lady stood before them. She immediately sneered down at them. “If you amateur pickpockets think you can…” But then she stopped, for several reasons. One: these creatures were clearly old, about her age, and so unless they had a sudden career change, they were not amateurs. Two: as a human expert and a teacher and hostess of a human, she instantly recognized these two big-eared creatures as humans. Three: something about the one in the white shirt and red hat was very familiar. “No… way…” She narrowed her golden eyes. Stan was now confident that his memory wasn’t flawed; the way she reacted to seeing him, recognizing him, confirmed that he knew her. Before he could do anything, she grabbed each twin by the ear and pinched; they were at her mercy and receiving flashbacks from when their mother was angry with them. “You two got some explaining to do.” The lady sneered. “Gah! Let us go, crazy old bat!” Stan barked as she dragged them out from the tent and made them sit on barrels for stools. “Who are you calling old, human?” The lady sneered and crossed her arms over her chest. “Just tell me what you think you’re doing here.” “Begging your pardon on our introduction,” Ford said coldly, but then softened as he and his brother did have an important mission. “But our grandniece is missing. We believe she came through here.” And he pulled out a picture of Mabel hugging a stuffed-penguin from his wallet and showed it to her. The lady peered down at the photo and said, “Sorry, old-timers, I haven’t seen anyone like that around here.” “Now, how can we trust you, Marilyn.” Stan sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. Ford’s eyes widened as he pocketed his picture. He was rendered speechless for a moment. “Oh, like you’re one to talk about honesty, Stan.” She deride. “You two know each other?!” Ford gasped, looking from his brother to the stranger rapidly like a game of tennis. “She’s your ex-wife?!” The lady snorted a laugh and sighed happily. “Ah, good times, huh?” “Not really.” Stan sneered and stood. “You still owe me five hundred bucks!” “At least you got your car back, Grumpy.” The lady teased and patted his cheek; he swatted her hand away in response and growled like an angry pitbull. “If you want my help finding your girl then play nice.” “So, you honestly didn’t see her.” Stan repeated with a raised eyebrow. “Hey, I may be a conwoman, a pickpocket, and the most powerful witch you’ll ever meet, but I wouldn’t lie if it was gonna endanger some kid.” The lady snapped her fingers and all of the human collectibles floated and gathered into a green cloth, tied up like a hobo’s luggage. She pulled out a staff and put the bag through it, making it easy to carry. Eda whistled and the little owl flew to her and landed on her staff and turned into wood. “Come along, humans, we’ll find your niece and get you two home.” Ford followed the lady and decided to be the “nice” one since Stan was obviously too salty to be one; someone had to be nice to the lady that was going to help them find Mabel. “Thank you, Marilyn.” “Oh, right. That’s not my real name…” “Knew it.” “... you’re a fool to give your real name to a casino in Vegas. It’s Edalyn, but just call me Eda. Or your worst nightmare.” “Whatever you say, toots.” Stan growled as they walked down the street. “So, Eda,” Ford cut in to try to cut the tension between the two. “What exactly is this place, and what are you?” Eda stopped suddenly and turned around, wearing a proud grin. She stabbed her staff on the ground with a small bang, making the owl come to life, the sack hanging by her fist, and she proclaimed, “I am known as the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch here on the Boiling Isles!” “A witch?” Stan laughed. “More like a b…” “I am a feared, respected, vigorous force to be reckoned with!” Eda went on and let go of the staff so it floated like a witch’s broomstick. “Come on, old-timers, let’s get a bird’s eye-view to find your girl.” They each grabbed the staff when Eda sat upon it and yelled with fear as she had them fly up in the air, leaving the old twins to dangle in the air. “GAAAAAAAH!” “EDA!” Stan yelled. “Put us down!” “That can be arranged.” Eda said cunningly and swooped down quickly. With the air drying Eda’s eyes and forming tears and the brother holding onto the staff (and each other) for dear life, all three were yelling, one with delight, two with fright. “STANLEY!” Ford shouted. “PLEASE try not to piss off your ex-wife!” Eda laughed and at the very last second, right before the men would crash into the ground, she flew them up into the sky. “Ah, don’t worry, I won’t let you two knuckleheads get hurt.” They flew softer and calmer above the Boiling Isles and the humans awed at the scene. In the carcass of a monster, by the sea, the Bones of the Isles sat snug in the midst of chaos. Eda floated to allow the men a moment to take in the scenery, smiling down at their round brown eyes. “It’s beautiful.” Ford admired. “Yup, not too shabby.” Eda commented casually. “It’s not much, but it’s home.” “We know what that’s like.” Stan muttered. “Speaking of which,” Eda said casually. “Where did you two say you were from?” “We didn’t. Gravity Falls, Oregon.” Ford answered, keeping an eye out for Mabel. “Oh, I’ve heard rumors about that place.” Eda said as she flew calmly over the town. “My door has a bad habit of appearing there way too often. I need more variety in my human collectibles.” “So, you steal our junk and try to sell it for a great price?” Stan asked; he sounded a little impressed. “That and I sell potions on the weekdays. When I’m not mentoring my student. Enough chit-chat, see your girl down there?” The men took a few more minutes to look, as well as Eda, but there was no sign of her. “No.” Ford’s voice dripped with concern. “Eda, what are the chances she was kidnapped or hurt?” “Oh, that probably didn’t happen to her.” The witch said calmly. “If she’s not safe she probably got eaten or taken by Warden Wrath.” “WHAT?!” “Relax, Sixer,” Stan said, confident in his pumpkin. “She’s our little fighter, she’ll be fine.” Eda snorted. “Sixer?” “It’s Stanford, actually.” His face was a little red over the fact that he couldn’t hide his six-fingered hands, too busy holding the magic staff to keep from falling. “Meh, I’ve seen weirder.” Eda looked like she truly didn’t care how many fingers he had; Ford appreciated that. “Well, I’ve got a great tracker at home.” The Owl Lady said and started to fly towards the red forest. “Why don’t we go pick him up and see if he can help us out. Got anything the girl held?” “Yes,” When the men landed on their feet and Eda hopped next to them, Ford pulled out his wallet again and took out a folded-up, hand-drawn picture of Stan and Ford on a boat, a gift from Mabel while they were apart that she had mailed to them. “Aw, that’s so cute.” The witch cooed. “Who knew all Pines men were putty in girls’ hands.” She laughed at her own joke and shook her head. “Ah, keep moving, boys.” Stan hurried to catch up and he walked next to Eda with narrow eyes, ignoring the way her odd golden fang sparkled, how her eyes gleamed with spunk, how she held herself up high with pride. “So, you’re gonna answer some questions for me…” “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” “If you’re a witch, what were you doing in Las Vegas?” “Hey, a witch’s gotta make some gold, too.” Eda shrugged as she smiled. “I haven’t exactly kept a clean record here so making a living takes a bit of extra effort, but it’s much for fun and unpredictable, the way life's supposed to be.” Stan raised an eyebrow at two things: the fact his ex was a criminal in this world too, and her philosophy. “I can respect that, seeing how I was there for the same reasons.” “I know.” Eda rolled her eyes teasingly. “You wouldn’t shut up about how you were gonna make it big and show the world what this big lug could do.” And she elbowed Stan, which he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Heh. Yeah, what can I say, I’m a real loud-mouth. Say what’s on my mind.” “Hey, nothing wrong with being brutally honest to make up for lying, am I right?” Eda said with a shrug. “So, was your hair fake back then, or…” “No, no, it was real. I was really proud of my hair back in the day, flaming red and wild.” “Looks pretty good now. Love it, in fact. Big and bold, hard to miss.” “Hey, you aged pretty well yourself, handsome.” Ford smiled as he watched the exes tease and pick on each other. If a compliment was given, it dripped with sarcasm and there was no guarantee that it was sincere, but they must have seen a gleam in their eyes or felt a “vibe” that Ford didn’t experience, because the conversation progressed well as they walked through the forest. Ford was happy to see Stan get along fairly well with this woman and wondered if this would go exceptionally better than the whole McCorkle incident. They emerged from the woods and found a large house standing by some cliffs leading to an ocean. It was about as far from the seas as Pines Pawns was all those years ago. The house was big, maybe bigger than the Mystery Shack (probably not if counting the basement-floors) with a big stain-glass window that reminded Stan of a cat’s eye and Ford of Bill’s eye, but then they both individually remembered Eda’s title and realized it was probably representing an owl’s eye. A weather-vane with an owl sat on top of the house, a broken-down tower stood behind, and an owl’s head was on the door. The humans were startled, but they quickly recovered, again having experienced much weirder than a live owl-head on a door. “Girl knows how to keep a theme going.” Stan commented as they approached. “Oh, boy!” The owl on the door hooted. “More company! Maybe they wanna hear some of my stories!” “Not a chance, Hooty.” Eda quipped. “Is King still home? We need his help, and we might want Luz’s too while we’re at it.” “They’re both telling stories to that new human. The one with the pretty owl sweater.” “Wait, what?!” The three old people asked and Hooty swung open the door. Luz was holding King on her lap on the couch, sitting with Mabel as all three were laughing. Even King was rolling around and holding his little fluffy body with glee. Mabel’s back was to the door and she resumed her storytelling as she wiped a tear under her eye. “So then I look down at Dipper and see that he’s still got his socks on!” Luz cackled a laugh and held her head one-handed, her other arm still holding King, but it was to no avail as the demon fell off from all the laughing. Eda, Ford, and Stan smiled as the girls were having fun. They had no idea how they found each other, but it was better for them to be here, safe and happy, than to have the newbie be someone’s meal. Luz fanned her reddening face and finally noticed the company. “Hi, Eda. Sorry, but she was lost and needs our help.” Mabel turned, on her knees on the couch, but grinned with a gasp. “GUYS!” And she hopped over the arm of the couch for her grunkles. “Mabel!” They opened their arms and got on one knee for their girl. Mabel ran into their hold and they hugged her tightly, relieved to be with her again and to find her more than okay. “What did I tell you about scaring me like that, pumpkin?!” Stan asked as he held her with all of his might. “You didn’t tell me, Grunkle Stan.” “Oh, right.” “We’re just so happy to find you alright, my dear.” Ford loosened his grip just enough to look up at Luz, who was smiling admirably at the reunion. “And I see you’ve made some friends.” Mabel let go and nodded. “Yeah! That’s Luz! Luz, these are my grunkles! Stan and Ford!” “Nice to meet you guys.” Luz said and waved politely. “Mabel said you’d come, but how did you two survive out there?” “They nearly didn’t.” Eda lied easily. “Were in the mouths of a giant giraffe when I saved their butts.” “Yeah right!” Stan barked a laugh. “Anyways, we’ve been through worse, kid.” Luz gasped excitedly. “Worse than giant bugs and centaurs with eyes on their chest and man-eating slugs and fire-breathing eye-less fangs and jealous witches?!” “Worse. I’ve punched a pterodactyl in the face and a few zombies, fallen down a Bottomless Pit, lost my hands to a witch, fought off eagles and explosions, survived giant man-eating spiders…” “Stanley, that is all impressive, but have you fought a talking chair, battled in four wars, conned an abominable snowman, outran a volcano, examined floating eyebats, been turned to gold…” “I find that hard to believe.” Eda snorted. “I believe them.” Luz said with a shrug. “You always said weird stuff leaks from this world into theirs.” “So, if you don’t mind me asking,” Ford said, stepping forward. “What exactly is this place? I’ve heard rumors of a place called the Boiling Isles, but I just thought it was a little hiding place like the Crawlspace, not an entirely new dimension.” “Nope!” Eda corrected happily. “This whole world is the Boiling Isles, a world full of despair, monsters, gross-stuff, demons, and magic.” “This place sounds so cool!” Mabel cheered. She looked at Luz and said, “No wonder you wanted to stay here. Wait! Do you have your own room?!” “Yeah! C’mon, I’ll show you!” And the girls ran off with Luz scratching King’s tummy and leaving him to nap on the floor, tired from laughing. Eda plopped down on the couch and gestured for the men to do the same. “I’d offer refreshments but all we have is apple blood and some disgusting beverage Luz likes called orange juice.” Stan looked up at the wanted poster of Eda and the reward promised for her capture. He smiled, impressed and interested. “We’re okay, thank you, Eda.” Ford said. “If you don’t mind me asking, our niece said something about Luz choosing to stay here?” “Yeah, that’s right.” Eda reached under her couch-cushion and rummaged as she spoke. “Kid came through my door when Owlbert brought over some little treasures to sell. Sweet girl. Kinda naive and gullible, but clever in her own right and she’s a fast learner. Stubborn with the forces of positivity.” Stan snorted. “Heh. We know someone like that.” “She said she didn’t fit in at home.” Eda finally found what she was looking for and pulled out a wrinkled, crumpled up pamphlet at read, Reality Check Summer Camp: Think Inside the Box. “Don’t really understand some of this human stuff, but I figured it must be pretty bad if it made a kid not wanna go home, so I read over it and this place sounds awful! Totally squandered any creativity or individualism! Her own mother was sending her here!” Eda let Ford look it over and she shrugged off the rant. “Anyway, she said she wanted to stay and she was willing to work for it, so I took her in as my apprentice for the summer and now she’s learning how to be a witch.” “Hm, sounds a lot better than kidnapping.” Stan approved with his arms crossed over his chest. “This place is completely horrible.” Ford commented about the summer camp. “They teach kids how to appropriate public radio!” “AM or FM?” “Both.” “Ouch.” “So, what exactly are you doing with such a cute girl, Eight-Ball?” Eda asked, getting Stan’s attention. “And what is a grunkle?” She snorted with a smile. “She’s our grandniece.” Stan said proudly, puffing out his chest. “We’re her great-uncles. Her grunkles.” “Aw, who knew you were such a softie?” “I am not!” “You watched over five hours of video-tutorials on how to braid hair.” Ford said behind the pamphlet. “She asked me to braid her hair and it bothered me that I couldn’t do it!” Eda cackled and touched Stan’s shoulder. His eyes followed and he smiled at her cute laugh. “Aw, you’re worse than King.” King peeked an eye at her and sneered, “One more passive aggressive comment and I’ll…” “That’s not a passive aggressive comment.” Eda said as she picked up the little goofball. “I can do better than that.” “Huh, and here I was thinking that was just one of Luz’s toys.” Stan teased. “Hey!” King stood on the couch by Eda’s side and pointed a bony paw at the old man. “Since you’re a human, I’ll let you walk away with a warning, but have it be known that I’m the King of Demons and shall one day drink the fear of those who mock me!” Ford folded the pamphlet and observed King cautiously. He didn’t like… his voice. His voice sent shivers down the old scientist’s spine. Stan snorted. “Sorry, pipsqueak, but I’ve faced worse demons than you.” “Oh, yeah, like what?” King asked. The girls came back, smiling and holding hands, and Luz asked, “Eda, can we please please PLEASE have a sleepover?! I want to show Mabel the new light spell I learned and show her how to properly scratch a demon’s tummy.” Ford chuckled and stood. “I’m sorry, ladies, but we really should be heading back. I’m sure Dipper is worried sick.” Mabel gasped with horror. “Oh, NO! Dipper!” “Oh, hey, don’t worry.” Luz eased. “You two are totally welcome here anytime you want.” “Aw, thanks, Luz.” Mabel hugged her and said, “I promise I’ll bring Dip-Dip next time. He’d love it here! And he could tell you all about the Manotaurs and the weird copy-machine.” Eda and Stan stood up, too, and the Owl Lady had her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, looks like we’ll be seeing each other again pretty soon. You okay with them hanging out?” Stan shrugged and pocketed his hands in his jeans. “Yeah, sure. Good friends are kinda rare these days. Gotta hold onto ‘em and never let ‘em go.” “Agreed.” Eda said and saw them exchanging those odd codes on their glowing rectangles. “Well, have your girl tell my girl when to open the door and I’ll see what I can do.” And she held out a hand to Stan. He hesitated (not just because of whose hand it was, but because shaking hands always seemed to lead to something bad, but maybe this time will be different), but he took it and shook it gently. “Yeah, and if your girl never needs a break in the human world, have her tell my girl.” Eda smiled at Stan and shook Ford’s hand, as well. She pulled the key out of her hair and unlocked the door, making it appear and swing open. Mabel skipped to her great-uncles and waved goodbye to Luz, who waved back, and she went with Ford through the door for home. Stan stole one last look at Eda, who winked at him, and he disappeared with a pink face.

~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note: OKAY, first things first, when it comes to fic, I personally don't really like crossovers. Crossovers can be a fun NON-CANON crossover for animation or actors. I get more enjoyment over fun fanart than I so of fics, because I like mine more plot-driven and it's hard to get a good story going just because you wants certain characters to mingle. HOWEVER, I find Gravity Falls and The Owl House just fit so well together! Why? #1: Alex Hirsch and Dana Terrace (the creators) are dating and Dana Terrace is responsible for the awesome Ducktakes reboot (season 1, anyway) AND the famous Not What He Seems scene. So having such a strong connection creativity wise of the shows is very apparent, more so than the other shows. #2: Evidence that supports these connections. Both shows have referenced each other and a theory goes that Eda and Stan were once married for less than a day. (plz check this video for more) And #3: ... I ship it pretty damn hard, okay? So I hope you guys will enjoy this fun little crossover as much as me! And thank you so much for reading!

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (3/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 3,639

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing

masterlist

a/n: I realized that I really enjoy writing Peggy and Bucky interactions.  Let me know what you think!

Bucky sighed as he pulled on his t-shirt, moving his head side to side until he felt a satisfying pop.  It had been four days since your trip to Central Park, and while he thought you were feeling a little better, sometimes he couldn’t tell.  There were moments when you’d be giggling and joking with Wanda and the others, but then sometimes he’d catch you with your eyes glazed over. You would see what was going on around you and react in a somewhat appropriate manner, but it was like you were wading through water.

There was a soft knock on his door and it creaked open to reveal Sam.  “You ready?” He asked, leaning against the frame.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said as he looked back at himself in the full length mirror.  He looked… relatively normal.  His t-shirt, his jeans.  The baseball cap on his head.  He’d taken to not covering his arm as much, at least when he knew he was only going to be seen by his friends, the people he trusted.  He turned towards the door and began to follow Sam out, but he hesitated, asking, “Is she awake yet?”

Sam shook his head with a bit of a smirk, nodding towards your new room that was a few doors ahead.  “Nah.  She’s still out from what I know.”

And he knew.  He knew that Sam would give him shit for it, but Bucky tiptoed down the hall towards your door anyway, tapping into his Winter Soldier training.  When he didn’t get a response, he gently opened the door without so much as a creak.  A fond smile tugged at his lips as he sees you curled up under a huge comforter, surrounded by an overabundance of pillows.  One of your arms was tucked under the pillow as you laid on your stomach, your hair fanning out behind you.  You looked so peaceful, so pretty, that he was sure his heart was going to burst.  For once you’re not restlessly tossing and turning on the living room couch, you’re not being plagued by nightmares.

He’s just happy that you’re actually getting some sleep.

He carefully shut the door with a soft click, hoping desperately that it won’t wake you up.  It was only eight in the morning and you deserved to sleep in, despite the fact that your usual training schedule from before the Snap happened had always started this early.  Hopefully there wouldn’t be a need for that for a long time.

Sam shot him a knowing look as they headed for the garage, grabbing a set of keys from the plethora beside the garage door.  The two of them never grabbed one pair specifically.  They just chose and random and then figured it out when they actually got there.  Sam hit the lock button as they stood in front of the row of cars, and he smirks as he hears the telltale beep from further down the line.  “Bentley it is.”

“Damn,” Bucky deadpanned.  “I was hoping for one of the Audis.”

They didn’t say anything for the first three and a half hours of the four hour drive to Buffalo (it was supposed to be five and a half but Sam didn’t care much about the speed limit).  Well, they did a little when they stopped in a drive thru—a McDonald’s, Bucky thinks it’s called—but only saying “Get me whatever” doesn’t really count.  They listened to the music softly playing—something from Sam’s phone that’s hooked up to the Bluetooth—and watched the scenery.

“You’re sweet on her,” Sam said out of the blue, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel.

And Bucky whipped his head around so fast he’s surprised he didn’t break it.  “What? No, I’m not.  Why would I—”

“Bucky,” he said, effectively shutting the other man up. “Don’t lie to me.  More importantly, don’t lie to yourself.”  He shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “You’re sweet on her.  That’s completely normal.”

“Is it?” He asked with a groan, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him whole.

“Yes.”

He leaned his head back against the headrest.  “She’s my best friend’s girlfriend.  It’s weird and a little more than creepy.”

“Was.  She was your best friend’s girlfriend.  That’s an important distinction.”  And Sam can’t help but grin, shaking his head.  “And how the hell is it creepy?”

“They just broke up, like, a month ago.”

“I’m not saying go after her now,” he said, shaking his head in slight disbelief. “That would be creepy.”  He rolled his shoulders back.  “But in a few months or so, when she’s not heartbroken anymore...  I’m just saying there’s nothing wrong with asking a pretty girl out for dinner.  Or coffee, if that would make it easier on you.”

Bucky let out a huff of air as he crossed his arms over his chest and pointedly ignored his somewhat best friend.  “I’m not asking her out.”

“Suit yourself,” Sam said with a deep sigh. “But I’m telling you, if you let that one go, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

And he knew that his sort-of-kind-of best friend meant well.  Really. He did.  But it still frustrated him to no end that he just had to go poking his nose into matters that didn’t concern him.  As far as Bucky was concerned, the matters of his heart didn’t concern anyone that wasn’t himself, and sometimes not even him.

“She’s taking Morgan out for a movie today,” he said, his voice barely audible as he made a point to stare out the window.  Anything to avoid Sam’s ever-knowing gaze.  That man could read anyone, and he really didn’t want him to see just how nervous he was.  It was going to be the first time you’d left the compound since that Final Battle without another Avenger.  And while he knew that you could handle yourself, he was still anxious.  Just thinking about it made his hands start to shake.  The world was still finding its way and there were still people who wanted to pretend as though billions of people hadn’t returned from the dead.  They were ransacking and looting, attacking people in broad daylight.

And he felt so stupid because even though you could handle yourself—you were an Avenger, just like the rest of them—he wanted nothing more than to wrap you in his arms and keep you safe from the rest of the world.

“I didn’t know they’d be coming out with new movies so soon,” Sam said, his brows furrowing.

Bucky sighed as he picked at a loose thread on his jeans.  “They’re not. The movie theatre in town is just getting up and running again, and they’re playing old movies.  I think she said something about The Little Mermaid.”  And he doesn’t know what that one is, only that it’s a Disney movie that came out past his time and he’d really like to see it with you, but he promised that he’d visit—

“Here we are,” the other man said as he turned onto the long driveway that led up to the Roger’s household.

And once again, Bucky is absolutely floored by the life that Steve has created here.  The driveway is long and winds up through deep trees that are in full bloom. Mostly towering oak trees, though he does see a few sycamores.  The two-story house is painted a soft yellow and has a white porch that wraps around the entire thing.  The front door was open, letting the summer breeze in through the storm door.

Sam threw the car into park and when the two of them stepped out, the hundred-year-old man could hear the faint sound of jazz coming from the house.  An easy smiled tugged at his lips as he saw the familiar woman step out onto the porch, wiping her hands on a rag.

“Bucky!  Sam!” Margaret Carter-Rogers shouted as she waved at them enthusiastically.

“Hey, Peg,” Bucky said as he climbed up the porch steps.  He can’t say how amazing it feels when the elderly woman pulls him into a hug because one, he’d missed her, and two, he didn’t get many hugs.  The metal arm tended to put off a lot of people, but never Peggy. The first time he’d seen her, after Steve had showed up all wrinkly and actually old, she hadn’t hesitated in embracing him.  She didn’t shy away from his arm.  “How are ya, doll?”

“I’m doing just fine, Buck,” she said as she pulled away before pulling Sam into the same embrace.  She patted the other man’s cheek before leading them into the house. “Steve’s in the kitchen.”

And the fact that his best friend loved cooking—and that he was actually really good at it—still surprised him.  But sure enough, there he is.  He had on one of those aprons with ‘Kiss the Cook’ embroidered on it and that’s just what his wife—his wife of fifty-two years now—does.  She stood up on her tiptoes to press a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips, and it’s so intimate that Bucky feels the urge to look away, to give them a bit of privacy.

Steve turned, his blue eyes lighting up as he sees his two best friends.  “Hey! There you two are!  Lunch is almost done.”

“I’m gonna go and wash my hands,” Bucky said, pointing towards the hallway.  It was easy enough to find the bathroom and wash his hands, but as he dried them on the soft blue towel, he caught his own eye in the mirror and just stopped.  It’d been a while since he really looked at himself. He ran his fingers through his beard, which had started to get more than a little out of control.  I wonder if Y/N likes it, he thought to himself before shaking his head.  He really can’t have those thoughts.  At least, not when he’s in your ex’s bathroom.

He flicked off the light as he left the bathroom, and though he knew he should head back to the kitchen, he hesitated.  The laughs of his friends were floating down the hall as he took in the many different photographs that were hung up on the wall. There were a lot of just Steve and Peggy, but there was even more of their family.  Their kids, their grandkids.  There’s a huge horde of Rogers and it amazes him.

Bucky jumped almost a foot in the air as he heard the soft feminine voice, and he’s a little ashamed since he was supposed to be the deadliest assassin in the world and that means he doesn’t get snuck up on.  “It’s strange, isn’t it?” She asked as she sidled up beside him.  “Seeing all of this?”

“You have no idea.”

She grinned, and he gets a flash of the first time he met her, trying not to smile at Steve with her lips painted a perfect shade of red.  “I’ve done a lot of things in my life, and I can truly say that my children and grandchildren are my greatest achievement.”

“Really?”

“Let me tell you, Barnes,” she said with a soft laugh. “Running one of the best spy organizations in the entire world is a walk in the park compared to raising children. Especially ones that are half super soldier.”

He can’t help but laugh as he nods towards one of the pictures that has the entire family in it.  The look on Steve’s face is one that he rarely saw after breaking free of HYDRA.  He’s content, happy, peaceful.  “You have no idea how much I wanted him to have this.  A good life.  A happy one.” His blue eyes rested on the woman beside him.  “Thank you for giving him that.”

“I spent years trying to move from him after he went into the ice,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper.  Her eyes were glistening as she remembered how awful it had been.  “I went on quite a few dates, but…  None of them were my Steve.”

“You two were always going to be brought back together somehow,” he said, and he truly meant it.  “Even back in the forties, we could all see it, even if you two couldn’t.”

“He told me about everything that happened after he came out of the ice.  How he came back to me,” she said.  Her hands were wringing together anxiously as she turned to look at the pictures on the wall. “He told me about Y/N.  How much she meant to him.”  She drew her bottom lip in between her teeth, chewing it for a moment.  There was a strange tension in the air around them.  “How is she doing?”

And he didn’t know how to answer.  “Y/N is…  She’s surviving.  I took her to Central Park the other day to get her mind off of everything and that seemed to help, even though she refused to get on my motorcycle because it reminded her of Steve’s,” he finally sighed, knowing that he had to tell the truth. If he didn’t, Sam would let it out sooner or later and then Peggy would have his ass, regardless of how frail she was. “She keeps pretending as though she didn’t lose anything, like she doesn’t have the right to be upset.  She won’t even accept the fact that it’s okay to be upset over losing Natasha, and she was like her older sister.”

Peggy was silent for a long time as they stared at the photographs, at all the smiling faces.  There were a lot of candid photos mixed in with all the somewhat formal ones. Ones of their three kids in their pajamas on Christmas morning, of them running around with sparklers in their hands and dirt smeared on their faces.  “I’d like to meet her,” she said.  “One day, when she’s ready.”

“She’d love to meet you, too.”

“What are you two gossiping about?” Steve asked as he came around the corner.  “Lunch is ready.”

The brunette walked over and kissed his cheek, his baby blue eyes fluttering shut as he relished the feeling.  “Just about how grateful I am to have you.”

And Steve whispered something in her ear that Bucky couldn’t hear even with the serum, but he knows that it’s something heart wrenchingly sweet.  And his heart felt so full as he clapped a hand onto his friend’s shoulder and followed him to the kitchen.

“Auntie Y/N, can we go to more movies?” Morgan asked as the two of you made your way into the compound.  Her tiny hand was in yours, her dark eyes looking up at you hopefully.

You grinned down at her, reaching down and picking her up.  “Of course, we can.”

As soon as you were on the residential floor, Pepper was greeting you and pulling the little girl from your arms.  “Thank you, Y/N,” she said gratefully with a warm smile. “But it’s this little one’s bath time and then bed.”  She nuzzled her nose against the little girl’s.  “What do you say to Y/N for taking you to the movies?”

“Thank you, Auntie Y/N.”

“You’re welcome, baby girl,” you said, leaning forward and giving her a kiss on the cheek.  She was then carried off by her mother, leaving you alone in the communal living area.  You stared out of the large windows for a long time, taking in the night sky.  You and Morgan had spent all day together until it was time for the movie at seven.  By the time you’d gotten home the sun had set and it’d gone dark.

It was a little strange, being in the compound.  It was so different from the old one and yet almost exactly the same.  You’d lived in an apartment with Steve for five years after the Snap, so lucky none of your things had been destroyed in the Final Battle.  It was only after you all realized that your home was destroyed that Pepper revealed that Tony had built a second compound a few hours away, only an hour outside of New York.  It was meant to be a backup plan in case anything happened, and it certainly did. You and Steve had only shared your new room for six days after the Final Battle before he finally went to return the stones and never came back.

Getting almost everyone to move into the new, slightly smaller compound was relatively easy.  There was this urge to be together again after spending so much time apart. Especially Pepper.  You’d been the only one allowed out to the cabin to visit during those five years other than Natasha and you two getting to be close to each other brought back a sense of normalcy, a sense of comfort.  It hadn’t mattered that Tony and Steve weren’t on good terms, you were like another adopted kid of the Starks, just like Harley and Peter.

You kicked off your shoes as you made your way to the kitchen, not really caring that you’d left them in the middle of the floor.  No one really cared about petty things like that anymore and it wasn’t like you wouldn’t pick them up later.

Right now you just needed a drink.

You were standing on your tiptoes, trying to grab a wine glass, when you felt two someone press against your back and saw another arm reach up and grab it for you.

“There you go, sugar,” Bucky said, his breath tickling your ear as he set it carefully on the counter.

“Thank you,” you said with a weak laugh as you turned your head to look up at him.  “You want some wine?”

“Why not?” He asked before reaching up to grab another glass while you pulled out a bottle of chilled white wine from the fridge.

As you worked on getting the cork out, you asked, “When’d you get home?  I figured you and Sam would be in Buffalo until tomorrow.”

And to be honest, he was a little surprised to hear you speaking so frankly about them making the trip further upstate.  “Just twenty minutes ago.  We only stayed for a few hours after lunch.”  He watched as you poured two generous glasses before passing him one. Even though he couldn’t get drunk unless he was drinking Thor’s Asgardian mead, he took a long swig of it, loving the sweetness of the Moscato.  “How was the movie?”

“The Little Mermaid is my favorite Disney movie, so it was good,” you said with a faint smile.  “It was nice getting out of the compound.  I think cabin fever was starting to get to me.”

“How can you have cabin fever in a place as big as this?” He laughed, nudging you with his elbow playfully.  Ignoring how you mock-glared at him, he then grew serious. “Nobody gave you any trouble though, did they?”

You shook your head, more than a little touched by how concerned he was.  You knew that some would be offended by the slight insinuation that you couldn’t take care of yourself, but you knew that wasn’t the case.  Bucky knew you could take care of yourself; he just didn’t want you to have to.  “No, no one bothered us.”

“You know you can call me at any time, right?”  He asked, his pretty blues staring into your eyes. “If you’re outside of the compound and anyone bothers you?”

“Yes.”

Bucky looked at you in shock, raising his eyebrows. “Oh, uh.  Okay.  Good.”

You grinned against the lip of your wine glass, taking a sip.  “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

You stared down at the wine in your hand, swirling it as you lost yourself in a train of thought.  You weren’t sure if you actually wanted to ask the question on your mind, but at the same time you knew you needed the answer.  “Do you remember me?”

And oh.  He hadn’t been expecting that.  He stood there, a little dumbfounded with his mouth opening and closing.

You peeked up at him nervously through your long eyelashes.  “Do you remember me from the Red Room?”

Bucky took in a deep breath before letting it out, long and slow.  His heart was pounding against his ribcage.  He knew he couldn’t lie to you, couldn’t keep you in the dark.  “Yes.”  And he’s scared.  He’s scared of how you’d react because even it took him a while after meeting you as Steve’s girlfriend, he had realized that he had met you before.  He’d been in a different mind then, since he’d been the Winter Soldier, which is why he still thought of it as your first meeting when Steve had brought you along on the run.  He’d helped train you for a few years in the Red Room.  He could remember how he stood behind you, growling in Russian to do better, be better.  Had threatened you if you didn’t.  He’d been one of those horrible people that tormented you before you made your separate escapes.

So you could say he’s a little surprised when you simply nod, finishing off the glass of wine in your hand.  “Okay.”  You then set your glass in the sink before heading for the hallway that led to your room. You reach the doorway and turn, your stunning eyes locking onto his.  “Goodnight, Bucky.”

There was a sense of unease in the air as he stared after your retreating form, his heart still racing.  He couldn’t understand how you could take it so easy, unless you were hiding how you actually felt and waiting until later to explode on him. In all honesty, there was only one thing he was sure of.

Things just got a little more complicated.

[marvelhero-fics]

Cool, cool, cool.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter and yourself finally figure out your feelings towards each other, in the coolest way possible. 

A/N: I’m sorry I’ve been absent for a hot minute, I've just been crazy busy! But I’m back and writing for a bit :)

Word Count: 2,561

“No. I stand by my point. Darth Vader would win!” Ned exclaimed.

“No! You’re wrong! Goku would absolutely beat Vader!” You retorted, extended your arms out in exaggeration. Peter simply laughed as you bickered. The three of you dodged your way out of the crowded halls of Midtown Tech.

“Anakin was going to be one of the most powerful Jedi ever! That means Vader is probably the most powerful character-“

“Goku was a Super Saiyan!” You swiftly interrupted.

The warm afternoon New York breeze hit you as the three of you made it out the front doors. The mix of smog from the many taxis and pollen from the new spring trees danced together. You’d always complained about how much you hated Manhattan, but you had to admit, it was home.

“You’re wrong.” Ned stated, matter-of-factly.

“Unbelievable. We’re continuing this tomorrow Leeds!” You replied.

“Bye dude.” Peter simply smiled over at his best friend. Ned warmly fairwelled Peter, and with the quick completion of their handshake, Ned waltzed off. Peter and yourself began making your way to the train station.

In the least creepy way possible, Peter loved watching you. He watched as your lightly curled hair bounced around your shoulders as you walked. He watched the warm sunlight hit your soft cheekbones, prominating all your best features. He watched as your old, warn down Chucks scuffed along the sidewalk as you absentmindedly kicked loose rocks.

“So? Who would win?” You beamed, looking up at your best friend.

“Hmm?” He shook his head slightly, bringing his dreamy mind back to reality.

“Darth Vader or Goku?! C’mon Pete, why’re you being all spacey?” You laughed, pushing a lock of hair behind your pierced ear.

“I didn’t wanna say it at the time, but Ned’s probably right-“

“Unbelievable!” You whined. “You two obviously know nothing! We’re gonna have to touch up on your Dragon Ball Z, Parker.” Your arm extended out to jokingly nudge him. He turned his attention to your denim jacket. Hundreds of different patches scrapily sewn onto it. God, you were just so cool, Peter thought. You were always so authentically yourself, completely and happily oblivious to what others thought.

“Yea sure, when you watch the Prequels I’ll watch the rest of Dragon Ball Z.” Peter chuckled. You simply shook your head.

“You and Ned always go on about how not great those movies are, why would I bother watching them? And plus, what does that have to do with Darth Vader anyway?” You replied, Peters contagious grin rubbing off on you.

“It’s all about Anakin! It’s his whole back story! What are you talking about!?” Peter said, almost offended.

“Ohh...” you paused, “that makes sense.”

“You’re unbelievable, (Y/L/N).”

It had been years now. Years of you and Peter being besties. Your dad was really close with Richard and Ben, Peters dad and uncle. So you’d been family friends for a long time. Your mum would tell you that you always said you were going to marry Peter when you were younger because he could burp the whole alphabet! It was even better when she brought it up at the dinner table, while Peter was right there. You drifted a bit when Peter went through everything with his parents. With moving away to be with his aunt and uncle and all. You finally reconnected with him in High School. It had been like the two of you never left each other. MJ and Ned constantly mocked the pair of you for being ‘insperable’. But you two just really liked each other’s company! Or that’s at least what you told yourselves to fight off the awkward post-puberty sexual tension.

The train was crowded, as per usual. You shuffled your way through the many bodies, finding a comfortable spot for both you and Peter. His arm raised to hold the bar above him, steadying himself as the train began to move. You, however, resumed your comfortable spot of holding Peter’s other arm to steady yourself. The bar was awkwardly high for your shorter frame, and Peter obviously wasn’t complaining. Every so often your fingers would move down to intertwine with his, which was- nice. But you two never talked about it, mainly in fear of ruining the moment.

You stuck one of the AirPods in Peters ear, sticking your other one in your own ear before pressing shuffle. Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Swede began flowing through your ears. His gaze immediately met yours with a grin. God, you were so cool.

The influx of more persons on the train drove your body closer to Peter. The warmth of your body radiating on him, your head practically resting on his broad shoulder. Of course, he wasn’t complaining. Ever since the bite, his senses were always dialed up to eleven, it gave him raging migraines for the longest amount of time, and of course you were the first to notice when something was off with Peter. Straight after Ned found out, Peter told you what happened, and as per usual, you played it cool. After all, your main concern was Peter, not Spider-Man. After long days of heightened senses and skull-breaking headaches, you’d massage his temples for hours on end, softly speaking to him about anything to relax him. You were the one thing that dialled those senses back down to one for Peter. And, God, he loved you for it.

In usual routine, Peter and yourself stopped at the Deli on the way to Peters house. Today you were heading over to his to do your AP bio assignments together. Well, that’s what you told each other. Any excuse to be able to hang out.

“Mr and Mrs Parker!” Mr Delmar greeted the two of you in his usual fashion. You both grinned, greeting him back. The first time he did this, Peter turned into a blushing, blubbering mess. But after about the 6th time, it was purely a habit. “The usual?”

“Yes please,” Peter replied, putting two crumpled 5’s down on the counter.

“Hey Murph.” You swiftly picked up the fluffy cat, holding it in your arms as it purred softly.

“He doesn’t let anyone else pick him up like that, you know!? He’s so grumpy with everyone else, but he loves you, (Y/N).” Mr Delmar explained, laughing slightly about his ‘mean old cat’, as he put it.

Your sandwiches were made within minutes. You kindly thanked Mr Delmar and walked off to Peters apartment. Mr Delmar’s deli really did make the best sandwiches in Queens, but 4:00 PM was such a strange time to each an entire sub, which meant you almost never finished your sandwich. Luckily, Peter’s appetite was constantly through the roof. He would always finish your food for you, you’d honestly never seen someone who could eat so much. Apparently it was another one of the side-effects of the Spidey powers. 

Peter unlocked the apartment building doors and the two of you walked up to his level, laughing and chatting the whole way. Conversation always flowed with Peter and yourself. It was never really that awkward, and it never had to be small talk. You two would always find yourself talking about films, physics, space, existentialism. Just all the usuals. 

The pair of you waltzed into Peter’s apartment. Peter called out a loud ‘hey May!’, to which she came out of the kitchen to greet the two of you. 

“Oh, hey (Y/N),” she smiled warmly, “are you staying for dinner, honey?” 

“Uhm,” you quickly looked up at Peter,

“Yea, of course she is.” He responded for you,

“If it’s not too much trouble!” You quickly added, 

“No it’s absolutely fine! We’re getting Chinese.” May explained, getting cut short of the conversation as Peter dragged you off to his room. 

Being the gentleman he was, he opened the door for you, letting you walk through first, and closed it behind himself. He was quick to throw his bag to the ground as make his way to his old, wooden desk. You softly sat on the bottom bunk of his bed, shuffling back slightly so your back was resting against the wall. You pulled your laptop out of your bag and opened up your assignment. Peter did the same.

An hour of studying and typing and studying and typing, and only biology related chat had passed. “Peter...” You whined. “I hate this, I hate stupid action potentials, and stupid neurons, and stupid synaptic junctions.” You continued, throwing your head back in frustration with a thud to the drywall behind you. He swivelled around in his chair, his gaze finding yours as your head lifted above your shoulders again. You pouted and batted your eyelids.

“I know, I hate it too. But it’s not really optional.” He replied. He was so studious. Which you loved, and envied. But times like these you wish he would just whip out his old, dusty Nintendo 64 and play games with you all night.

Peter wasn’t going to be that easy to get through too. You shoved your laptop off your lap, and waltzed over to where Peter was. His eyes simply followed your frame as you moved. Your body stationed next to him, and turned his chair so he was facing his desk once again, meaning you were stood behind his back. Your warm fingers ran through his brunette hair before resting on his temples. You applied just enough pressure while circling them against his skin. A loud, relieving sigh dripped from his mouth.

“You’re tense.” You whispered,

“When am I not?” He retorted, flashing a smirk.

“You weren’t before you were Spider-Man.” You responded, your voice still low but blunt.

His eyes opened, and his hands softly grabbed yours. He turned his chair to face you, your smaller hands still encapsulated in his.

“Do you not like the fact that I’m now everybody’s friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man?” He questioned, his large brown eyes staring deeply.

“No. It’s not that I don’t like it, you know I don’t have a problem with it. I just... I don’t like that it makes you like... like this.” You shrugged.

“Like what?” His voice was seemingly lower, he wasn’t necessarily whispering, but his voice was husk.

“Tense. You’re always on-edge, you’re always so stiff.” Guess it was honesty hour.

“Maybe- maybe you could help me- be less tense.” He replied, his classic Peter-style nervousness creeping through his broken sentence.

“I’m trying, I thought the head massages helped?”

“Yea- right- yep. They do help, a lot.” He stammered. “I was just- I was thinking maybe, something else?” Peter spoke. His hands had left yours and moved down to your waist, strangely enough, it wasn’t the first time they’d been there, so it wasn’t entirely weird to you.

“What’d you have in mind?” You asked, almost innocently. There was a lot of things you had wished about doing with Peter. A lot of ways you wanted to help him. You just never knew how to initate any of it. And quite frankly, you didn’t know if he felt the same.

In a sudden rush of arousal, Peter pulled you forward and you stumbled slightly.  His hands asserted themselves on your upper thighs and pulled you up so they sat on either side of his lap. Without entirely realising what was happening, you were straddling him. God, he was strong. Your faces were merely inches apart. A deep rosey blush covered your cheeks and your heart pounded against your ribs. The worst part was knowing Peter could hear how fast it was beating with his heightened senses. He could obviously tell how nervous you were. 

You were nervous, but comfortable. Strangely enough, this felt, comfortable. Your hands had wrapped themselves behind his neck, twirling into the soft hair at the back of his head. If there was going to be any time to kiss Peter Parker, this was definitely it. 

A few sharp breaths escaped both of your mouths as your eyes gazed into each others. You both stared in a sort of ‘is this really happening?’ moment. And then, you kissed him. 

Peter and your lips passionately locked together. Your raspberry lip balm now sticky against both of your mouths as your tongues finally met in the middle. This was your first kiss, and what you knew of your best friend, it was his first kiss too. In the strangest way possible, it almost felt like a flower was blooming deep in your stomach. It was the strangest, most pleasant feeling you’d had. The intensity grew gradually. The nerve endings in your skin feeling every small touch. Maybe this was how Peter felt all the time? Every so often, your head would fall away from his slightly, and every time he would pull your body back, aching for your lips to be close once again. 

That's when you felt him growing beneath you. You’d never sat on a boys lap like this. And in all honesty, you didn't realise it could grow that quick. Your fingers grasped his brunette hair and pulled his head back gently as you drew your face away too. 

You bit down on your bottom lip and grinned. He just looked back at you with wide eyes, his pupils almost entirely encapsulating his iris’. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone before.” You blurted out, almost too quickly.

“I mean, neither have I.” He shrugged.

“That was good? Right?” You shot back.

“Well,” he glimpsed down, looking at the bulge against the zipper of his worn jeans, “yea.”

You looked at each other once again. Peter’s large hands gripped tightly against your ass checks, firmly holding you against his lap still. Your hands still lightly stroking against the back of his head. Both of you silently wondering what to do about Peter’s situation. 

In a blink, Peter’s eyes unfocused from your face, and his head snapped around. “Get up.” He flashed. 

“Wha?-” 

There was a loud knock at the door, and just as May let herself in, Peter had hoisted you off his lap. As May entered the room, Peter sat awkwardly in his desk chair, his legs crossed over each other. And you stood just next to him, clearly unsure of why you stood there. 

May glanced for a moment at the situation, realising she had probably walked in at the wrong time. “Uhm, I was thinking we could go down and get dinner now?”

You could practically feel Peter’s eyes roll. 

“Sounds good. I’m starving!” You smiled at May, trying to loosen the tension. 

“Cool! Grab your coat.” May stated, and with that she waltzed out again. 

Peter turned the chair towards you and was about to groan before you caught his lips again. The kiss wasn't as passionate as the first, but it was nice. It was comfortable. You never thought it would feel this heavenly kissing Peter, but, God, it did. 

You pulled away just as fast as you’d initiated it. 

“We should probably talk about... this?” you motioned in the space between the two of you.

“Yea.”

“I- I obviously like you.” You stated. The only reason you stated it so confidently was because of how confidently Peter had kissed you back.

“Well, I obviously like you too.” The corners of his mouth curving upwards, flashing his gorgeous, straight smile.

“Cool.” You nodded, a grin also taking form over your mouth.

“Cool.”

[teaveetamer]

My Issues With TFioS (and Other Elements of John Green)

Alright I’m just going to preface this with two things.

It’s been about six years since I’ve read the entire thing through, so my points are probably not going to be as detailed or precise as they were when I first read it.

If you enjoyed the book, identify with the fanbase, or like John Green in any capacity... Great! You might want to skip this one. This is definitely not the post for you. I’m going to put all of my more controversial thoughts under the cut so if you don’t want to see them you can just move on.

I brought up the book in that other post because I felt it had relevance to the discussion of “authors using characters as a mouthpiece”, but that’s only a small part of my issue with the book itself. I suppose I could have used a fanfiction example, since there’s more than enough fodder there, but I brought up The Fault in our Stars specifically because I feel comfortable criticizing a book in a way that I don’t feel comfortable criticizing fan works. John Green is a public figure that produced a paid product, made money, and does this professionally, while most fanfic authors are amateurs that provide free entertainment and just do it for fun.

Now with that said, we move on to the meat of the post.

Some Background

Perhaps this is not a little known fact, but I absolutely adore love stories. I don’t have incredibly high standards for them by any means, and in fact I actively enjoy them even when they aren’t the deepest, most thought provoking pieces. Someone got me a copy of Red, White, and Royal Blue for my birthday this year and I read the entire thing cover to cover in a day (and I seriously recommend if you’re looking for a pretty easy read with a lot of gay).

The only thing I love more than love stories? Tragic love stories, of course. If anyone has followed my fanfiction or main blog for any amount of time then you know that I love a little bit of tragedy. Usually with a happy ending, but not always. So when one of my friends shoved (and I mean literally shoved) The Fault in Our Stars  into my hands and billed it as a “tragic but heartwarming love story” I thought it would be perfect for me.

I was sixteen at the time, the target age demographic, and I was always looking for books with smart, well written teen characters. At this point in my life I’d never heard of John Green or his fanbase before. I tell you this because I disliked the book as I read it, but I think John Green and his fanbase are a major factor in why I disliked it so much I’m willing to sit down and write a blog post about it six years later. Granted, that’s not all on the book, but it is a factor.

Needless to say, I was not all that impressed by it. At some points I was downright infuriated, really.

My Issues With the Book

In summary, it feels very meh and overly pretentious. After about two chapters I just wanted to put it down, and the only reason I pushed through is because my friend insisted that it got better. She said it was funny, relatable, and intelligent, but I found it to be none of these things.

The impression I got was that the author, whoever he was, fancied himself terribly clever and he wanted everyone to know it. You know the type, the kinds of people that go around and assure everyone of how smart they are? It feels like it was made for haughty teens to brag about how intelligent they were because they read a “deep” book.  The book itself, despite being a surface level of “witty”, didn’t really have anything to say. In the end it reads like a thirty-something year old man bragging about how smart he is and waxing philosophical about the nature of life (and... Breakfast food..?) and using a fictional teenage girl to do it.

That’s why I brought up the “mouthpiece” thing. I didn’t want to read a book about a thirty-something dressing up his thoughts as a teenage girl. I wanted to read a book about a teenage girl.

Speaking of Hazel Grace… I don’t know if this is a common experience, but can anyone else tell when a man writes a female character? I find that I usually can. Men have a particular voice when they write, and especially when they write women. Every single page hammered me over the head with the fact that this was a man who was trying (and, in my opinion, failing miserably) to write a relatable teenage girl. And, in my opinion, he parroted a lot of very upsetting, dangerous mentalities for young women.

There were quite a few “I’m not like other girls, and not just because of the cancer!” moments (a mentality that I find wholly problematic coming from other women, let alone a man writing for a woman) that just had me rolling my eyes straight out of their sockets. She doesn’t care about shoes, see! She reads books! Isn’t that awesome and unique? Because, apparently, women are not allowed to do both.

These problematic mentalities extend into the book’s romance plot, too. Augustus is, frankly, one of the creepiest motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure to read about. Not only is his aggressive creepiness portrayed as romantic, but Hazel reacts exactly how men wish women would react to their advances. Unfortunately I don’t have a copy of the book in front of me so you won’t get much in the way of direct quotes, but some examples include:

He stares at her, completely unblinking, for the duration of their cancer kids support group meeting… before they’ve even so much as spoken a word to each other. Which also features this gem of a quote: "A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well." which just perpetuates the disgusting misconception that women are okay with being creeped on as long as a guy is attractive. Spoiler alert: We fucking aren’t.

He repeatedly refers to Hazel as “Hazel Grace”, despite her introducing herself as “Hazel” and asking him to just call her “Hazel”. And not only does he ask for her full name, he demands she give it to him. This rings all kinds of alarm bells for me, because you know who else does that kind of shit? Christian Grey. And it’s manipulative, disrespectful, and downright rude. It is essentially saying “I hear your desires, but I would prefer to address you how I want to address you, not how you would like to be addressed, because my ego is more important than your comfort”.

Hazel is perfectly fine with getting into a complete stranger’s car and spending time at his house mere minutes after meeting with him and after all of the questionable shit he just pulled.

Continuing this book’s litany of problems with women, let’s talk about Isaac’s (ex)girlfriend. The book treats their breakup as this massive betrayal, then even goes on to justify vandalizing her property because of it.

I’m sorry, but no.

You, as an autonomous human being, have the right to end a relationship with someone else whenever, wherever, and for whatever reasons you designate, regardless of previously expressed emotions or promises. How and when she did it was not the most ideal, but she’s an emotionally immature teenager, and there’s never going to be a good time to do something like this. What was she supposed to do, keep pity dating him because she felt sorry for him? Wait until someone invented technology to cure blindness? Assuming she did actually break up with him because of his disability… Are her reasons shitty? Sure. But she’s allowed to have them.

And you know what? He’s allowed to be mad about it. His anger might be completely understandable, if not totally justified. But you know what else? That does not give him the right to take revenge on her by vandalizing her property.

I would have no problem with this scene if it were honest about what it was: a bunch of teenagers with under-developed frontal lobes that are angry and feeling vindictive. But it’s not that. It’s depicted as not only completely justified, but heroic. I’m sorry, no. You are never heroic for harassing another human being.

And Augustus’s dumb little speech to her mom is such garbage. You really expect me to believe that a grown woman was so pwned by some jerk teenager’s super witty justification for destroying her property that she just went inside and, idk, watched TV? Didn’t call the police to report the crime that he and his friends were actively committing against her? Bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, that scene is pretty egregious, but that doesn’t even begin to cover my issues with this book’s pretentious dialogue. If you told me that they ran every word in this book through Thesaurus.com then I would believe you without hesitation. The one hook, the draw, the thing that kept me reading was supposed to be the relatable characters, but they just aren’t relatable. They’re not realistic in the slightest. Seriously, go read any line of this book out loud and tell me how ridiculous you feel. I kept expecting Augustus to pull off his skinsuit and reveal that he was secretly a robot trying to imitate human speech the entire time.

I’m not sure how far I can go into this point without giving you direct quotes, but half the stuff that comes out of these characters mouths is pseudo-intellectual nonsense. “Put the killing thing between your teeth so it can’t kill you”?

It’s not a metaphor.

Putting an unlit cigarette in your mouth is still stupid. I guess it won’t give you lung cancer, but really? It’s still not a great idea.

Augustus has to go buy these cigarettes, which means he’s actively going out and giving money to an industry that has been funding pseudoscience and suppressing health initiatives that would prevent people from suffering what he did (i.e. fucking cancer).

Here’s a clue: Tobacco companies don’t actually care about what you do with the cigarettes. Their transaction stops as soon as you put the money in their hands. I could purchase a hundred packs and throw them in the garbage, and the only thing they know is that they got about $600 from me. Way to “stick it to the man”, asshole. You’re not clever.

With the exception of the Isaac’s-girlfriend thing, all of that is in chapters 1-4, by the way. This book turned me off so thoroughly that early.

So by the time the Amsterdam trip rolled around I was already not enjoying this book, but then this thing happened and it was just the final nail in the coffin for me. You probably know what I’m talking about already, but if you don’t… The Anne Frank Museum kiss.

I honestly cannot even articulate how incredibly tasteless and disrespectful I find the entire thing, and not only does that happen, but it’s followed by an r/ThatHappened “and then everybody stood up and clapped!” Seriously?

There are smarter, more well-versed people than me that have covered this topic, so I’ll leave the analysis for why that’s all kinds of wrong to them.

Those are really my big gripes, though there’s a few smaller ones (like Augustus throwing a pre-funeral like are you a psychopath? Why would you put the people you love through that???) that I’m not going to touch on because they weren’t all that instrumental in putting me off. Instead I’ll move on to the external factors.

The Fanbase

So I finished the book, a little miffed at having just wasted my time, and immediately told my friend that I didn’t like it much, and that I would be returning her copy the next day. Feeling pretty meh-to-slightly-negative about it, but whatever, it happens.

I was essentially met with ���wow I can’t believe you didn’t get it.” and “Oh well maybe you’ll finally understand how deep it is when you’re older” from my friend. Which is really just one step away from the wow can’t you read?! BS that I’ve been seeing more and more frequently these days. So immediately I was pissed. All that aside, I was sixteen, the target age demographic? If I didn’t ‘get it’ then John Green was doing a pretty piss poor job of conveying what it is.

So I went online seeking something. Either validation that I wasn’t wrong and that I didn’t miss the point, the book just wasn’t great, or an explanation of what this it was that I’d missed. And let me tell you... Spotting a negative opinion of this book was like looking for a unicorn. There were a few, and many of them were met with the same kind of thing I had experienced. Vitriol, insistence that they were stupid or that they didn’t get it (again, with no explanation of what it was), and, apparently, a lot of harassment and threats.

I discovered that John Green’s target audience had a tendency to be… A bit obsessive. Lots of young, impressionable teenagers that were willing to jump on an opposing opinion with zealous outrage. If I had any interest in pursuing any of John Green’s other works or John Green as an internet personality any further, then it died in that moment. Absolutely nothing turns me off like a rabid, spiteful fanbase.

Now by this point I was already in the rabbit hole, and I began encountering a lot of criticisms of John Green and the things he’s said and done in the past. I did not like what I found.

John Green Himself

To be extremely blunt, the guy put such a bad taste in my mouth that it retroactively soured my opinion of The Fault in Our Stars even more. Since this is a post about my opinions on the book, I’m only going to be discussing things that affected my view at the time I read it. These are all things that happened six years ago, and I have no idea what this man has been up to or what he’s said about any of these topics since.

Let’s just get this out of the way… John Green writes the same book over and over. There’s always a quirky, nerdy white boy that is invariably cisgendered, and almost always straight. He is always an outcast with only a few friends, though apparently never directly bullied. He always meets an edgy girl that he falls in love with the idea of. Usually there is a road trip somewhere in there too.

The Fault in our Stars admittedly doesn’t follow the exact same framework, but it’s close enough in a lot of ways. Instead of the Quirky, Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good cisboi being the PoV character, it’s the love interest (Hazel also fits this description, albeit a female version). Hazel and Augustus are both still outcasts. Hazel is attracted to Augustus because he’s Deep and Edgy and A Little Larger Than Life. The road trip is a flight to Amsterdam.

Looking at the man... Yeah the entire premise starts to come off as some weird self-insert fanfiction. I can feel the “I was a quirky, bullied teen and I wish this is how my high school life had been!” energy coming through absolutely every pore and every molecule of ink. Every character reads like John Green. John Green has written book after book and the main character always appears to be John Green in a slightly different teenage skinsuit.

And that’s fine, I guess. A little lazy, but I guess it’s working for him since he’s making hella bank? It’s certainly not enough to put me off the guy, just not something I’m interested in reading, and not something I find compelling.

What put me off for good were some of his comments. Dude skeeves me the fuck out. I’ll just go over some of the highlights I found at the time, and why they upset me so much when I heard them.

“Nerd girls are the world's most underutilized romantic resource.”

As a nerdy girl that has been stalked and harassed by men because I’m “good girlfriend material” (aka I like video games and traditionally masculine stuff and I’m pretty! I must be a unicorn!), this statement is disgusting.

I don’t care if it was a joke. I don’t care if he wasn’t being serious. This is the kind of shit that men think is a compliment because they think it makes “quirky” girls feel “unique” and “special”, but that “complement” is also an insult. You know why? Because it makes female interests all about how men perceive their sexual or romantic viability.

John Green’s penchant for writing “special” and “unique” girls (while simultaneously shaming “typical” girls, but I’ll get to that in the next point) and depicting them as the ideal woman just reaffirms my feelings about this quote. I think, on some level, John Green has no idea why this is such a bad take. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he called human beings resources. Women are not objects that exist to be a plot device or for your gratification. Fuck right off with that shit.

“She was incredibly hot, in that popular-girl-with-bleached-teeth-and-anorexia kind of way, which was Colin’s least favourite way of being hot”

This is just one quote of many that shames people with eating disorders and weight problems (on both ends of the spectrum, “too fat” and “too skinny”. Another fun one being: “there’s the weird culturally-constructed definition of hot, which means ‘that individual is malnourished, and has probably had plastic bags inserted into her breasts.’")

Know what this line is? It’s called “negging”, and it’s a popular tactic of incels because it works. You make someone seek your approval by intentionally giving them backhanded compliments to undermine their self esteem. The idea is that the more you insult them, the harder they’ll work to try and impress you. It doesn’t work on everyone, but you know who it does tend to work on? Insecure younger people (usually girls). You know who John Green’s target audience is? Insecure teenage girls.

As for the actual substance of the quote… I hate it. He’s shaming a woman for the choices she makes over her appearance. Which are, fun fact, none of his damn business. Also the idea that “skinny” and “anorexic” somehow need to go hand in hand is just wrong, insulting women for a mental health disorder they have no control over is offensive, and using a serious mental health disorder (did you know that anorexia is the most deadly mental health condition?) as an insult is disgusting.

Coming back to my earlier point about shaming “normal” girls, this quote is just the tip of the iceberg. He repeatedly shames women in his books for looking or behaving “typically”, while quirky girls are lauded as the ideal. Quirky girls are “weird and interesting” and normal girls are “boring”. If this was intended as a compliment, it’s a shitty one. If you have to shame one group to make another feel better, it is not a compliment. You are lowering all women when you pull that shit. You teach them that in order to feel good about themselves another group has to be made to feel worse.

And hey, maybe the pretty girl likes her teeth bleached because it makes her feel confident? Why can’t bleached teeth girl and anime t-shirt girl both be beautiful and unique and confident in their own right? Why is it “powerful” for anime t-shirt girl to wear her nerdy clothes, but scorn-worthy for bleached teeth girl to like bleaching her teeth?

What John Green is doing is simply replacing one ideal (skinny pretty girl) with another (quirky cute girl), and then he pretends like his version is somehow “woke” because it’s not based on physical appearance (though all of the women in his books are also physically attractive. Hmmm. Guess “nerd girls” are only “viable resources” when they aren’t hard to look at?).

And trust me, I’ve been down this path. I’ve been taken in by guys who try to make me feel ~special~ by putting down other women, and it leads to absolutely nothing good. It doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you feel angry and resentful, and that’s not a place you want to be in. In fact, this was a mentality I had recently escaped from around the time I picked up this book. Seeing someone with as much influence as John Green parroting this specific brand of toxic shit to exactly the audience that would be most likely to feed into it? I was never going to be able to like the guy, sorry.

I know some people are able to “separate the art from the artist”, and I might have been willing to do that had the book actually been good… but it wasn’t. So in the end the book just looked worse for all of the author’s shortcomings.

So yeah, in summary: The book was mediocre at best, the author pushed all of my angry feminist buttons, and elements of the fanbase were annoying, condescending, and spiteful. I didn’t like the book in the first place due to the myriad of problems plaguing it, but everything else just made it look so much worse in hindsight.

Anyways, this probably got kind of ranty, but it was cathartic and I did make this blog to vent about dumb stuff. I think this qualifies.

[shipperqueen93]

For the prompts: how about something short and fluffy? Swanfire taking little Henry trick-or-treating?

Well this isn’t exactly what the prompt called for but I hope you like it all the same.

Edit: I forgot to mention that @ishtarelisheba was wonderful and beta'd this to fix my obscene lack of commas lol.

----------------

“What about Bambi? We could do those onesie suits of a deer, skunk, and a rabbit. Bam, you’ve got Bambi, Thumper and Flower! It’d be warm and very little effort,” Emma suggested to the room. 

She was spread out on the couch, her feet resting in Neal’s lap, Henry stretched out in a similar position on the floor. Halloween was coming up in a few weeks and while Henry had decided he was too old to go trick-or-treating, Mary Margaret was having a party and insisted that costumes were mandatory. It had been Henry’s idea to do a group costume, but the three of them hadn’t been able to come up with something they all agreed on. So far they had nixed Zootopia, Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, and Toy Story for various reasons. 

“Mom, I’m fifteen, I’m a little too old to be Bambi,” Henry said without looking up from his phone. He claimed that he was looking up suggestions, but the rapid clicking he kept doing suggested he was more likely texting the Vidrio girl he wouldn’t admit he was seeing. 

“Okay, so Bambi has been shot down. What else do we got?” Emma snickered upon realizing her bad play on words. The glare shot at her from Neal only made her laugh harder,and even Henry had to chuckle. 

“What about Finding Nemo? We don’t have to do the giant costumes, but maybe like a blue dress for Mom, Dad and I can get some orange shirts, and we can do face paint to get the stripes and everything,” Henry suggested without looking up from his phone. 

“Yeah, I’m not dipping into two tins of blue face paint just so I can scrub it off later. Hard pass on that one, Kid.” 

Henry shrugged from his position on the floor, still tapping away on his phone. Eyes narrowing slightly, Emma looked at Neal only to find he was also on his phone. A sharp jab to his ribs with her foot had him looking up sheepishly and tucking his phone away. Nodding to Henry continuing to text, she motioned for him to give a shot. 

“Henry, put the phone away while we figure this out.” 

“Just a second, Dad, Jacinda got in a fight with her step-sister.” He didn’t even look up as he replied. 

“Put the phone away or we will be dressing up as Bambi and I will find the fuzziest pink bunny costume and you will be Thumper while he’s twitterpated,” Emma threatened. 

That got his attention. Looking at his mom, he tried to discern how serious she was. The glare he received in response clearly stated that she wasn’t joking. “That’s just wrong, Mom.” 

“So is wanting a group costume but not helping out. I still say we should have just got some of those ‘This is my costume’ shirts. Fifteen bucks and we’d be set.”

“Yeah, and have Mary Margaret hunt us down for it? I’d like to live long enough to get my drivers license, thank you.” 

Emma had to consent to that assessment. Her cousin was only a few years older than her, but she had a very “mothering” presence that had you simultaneously trusting her and not wanting to cross her. The fact she was one of those women crazily obsessed with Halloween meant that every year growing up, even well into adulthood, Emma had been forced to dress up whether she wanted to or not. Now that Mary Margaret was married and had her first child, everything was ramped up even more. If they showed up without a real costume, not only would they have to listen to a lecture about being unprepared, but she definitely would have back up costumes for them. 

“Okay, you have a point, but we’re running out of ideas. What about Beauty and the Beast?”

Henry mulled over for a minute before nodding. “Yeah, I suppose that could work. You could be Belle, Dad as Beast, I could be Gaston”

“Try again, Kid. You are not being Gaston, the implications of that are just wrong. You can be Chip.”

“Come on, Mom, I’m not a baby. I’m not going to be Chip.”

“Fine, you can be the clock.”

“Mooooooom.”

“It’s pointless to argue, Henry.” Emma smirked, but Neal's interjection made the feeling short-lived. 

“Yeah, it is pointless. Papa and Belle are doing Beauty and the Beast.” The shocked faces he received almost had him laughing. 

“I’m sorry, I must have heard you wrong. You said your dad is both going to Mary Margaret’s party and dressing up?”

Neal shrugged. “Apparently. I was talking to Belle earlier this week and she said they are doing Beauty and the Beast. Gid is going to be Chip and Granny was helping her with the costume.” 

Emma shared a look with her son. He looked just as shocked as she was. She had been married to Neal for several years now, not to mention growing up with him, and she could still count on one hand how many times she had seen his father without his trademark suit. She was finding it hard to believe that he would agree to dress up as anything, let alone step into furry territory and be the Beast. “Oh, I’ve got to see this. We’ve got to decide on something.”

There was quiet while everyone seemed to think, running through the list of possible costumes and combinations. After several moments Henry spoke up. “What about Peter Pan?”

Emma turned the idea in her mind. It wasn’t a horrible idea. “Okay, if you’re Peter, and I’m, presumably, Wendy, who’s your dad going to be?”

“Captain Hook. Duh.”

Emma couldn’t help the shudder that rolled through her. “Nope. Veto. Not happening.”

Neal gave her a curious look. “Afraid of pirates?”

“No, not pirates, and I’m not scared by any means, but Hook always just came off as creepy as hell. I mean seriously, he’s a grown man obsessed with a little kid? Like he goes out of his way to hurt this child, not caring who he hurts in the meantime. Not to mention he’s just not attractive.” Emma shrugged.

Neal rolled his eyes, which earned him another jab to the ribs. 

“You come up with something if you are so great then.” Emma huffed. 

“Are you just going to shoot it down like all the others?” Neal teased.

“I’m going to shoot something alright,” Emma spat back at him, hearing Henry chuckle at their bickering. “Kid, pick your battles.” 

Neal dodged another attempted jab to the ribs, putting himself on the floor with Henry. “Maybe me and Henry should just do something together and you can figure something out on your own.”

“Neal, I swear to God, if you don’t come up with something, I will shove this remote so far-”

“Emma, there is a child here! Watch your language,” Neal chided, a little hypocritically given the way he used Henry to duck the pillows Emma threw at him. 

“Hey! Mom! Dad! Knock it off.” Henry laughed as Emma continued to throw pillows and small items at Neal and he continued to use Henry as a shield. Neal ruffled Henry’s hair with a smile as Emma ceased her assault on them. 

“Okay, so do you have an idea or not, Neal?” Emma asked as she relaxed back on the couch. 

“Of course I do, and you both are going to love it!” 

When Neal didn’t expand on his idea, it was Henry who actually hit him with a pillow. “Dad, come on. What’s your great idea?”

“Star Wars.”

Emma stared at him dumbfounded. How in all their planning had they missed the obvious? A glance at Henry had her satisfied that at least she wasn’t the only one shocked they had completely overlooked the possibility. They had seen the saga probably a hundred times, Henry watched it every time he was sick, she and Neal had gone to see the movies while they were dating. 

“I really hate that you came up with that idea and I didn’t.”

“Well, you can worship me if you want, I won’t stop you.”

“That’s never gonna happen, but sure, keep dreaming.” Emma dodged the pillow he tossed back at her. “Let’s talk this through. Henry, I’m assuming you want to be Luke?”

Henry shrugged approvingly. “Yeah that works. Can I get a lightsaber?”

“We’ll see. Okay, Henry is Luke, I’ll be Han, and Neal do you want Vader? Or Obi Wan?” Emma asked, ticking off possible characters.

“I thought I’d be Han. Why do you get him?” Neal asked almost petulantly.

“I mean, I called him first, but if it’s such a big deal, you can have him. I suppose I can be Vader. I’ll get a mask and we can do the whole ‘Luke I am your father!’ thing. It’ll be great, and... Why are you guys staring at me?” Emma trailed off when Henry shared a look with Neal. 

Both Neal and Henry were staring at her like she was missing something extremely obvious. “What’s the deal, guys?”

“Mom, shouldn’t you be Leia?” Henry posed the question as if it was a clear answer. 

“Sure, and you can be Thumper!” she shot back. Henry held up his hands in surrender and she turned to Neal. “Let me guess, you think I should be Leia, too?”

Neal shrugged. “I mean, you are the only woman. It’d make sense. Plus what’s Han without Leia?”

Emma raised an eyebrow. “Sad and alone, which is what you’re going to be if you keep that attitude. So just because I’m a woman I have to be Leia?”

“What’s wrong with being Leia? You talked about her for weeks after we saw The Force Awakens.”

“Nothing is wrong with Leia, but that doesn’t mean I have to be her, especially just because we both have breasts.”

“Ew! Mom! Mom, you’re not allowed to say breasts. Okay? It’s just creepy and weird and, no. Oh gods. No, Dad, she can’t be Leia.” 

Emma pointed at Henry. “See, now you made me traumatize our son. He’s never going to be able to watch the Gold Bikini scene ever again.” 

Henry groaned and dropped his head back, palms pressed to his eyes as if to push the image out of his mind. Part of her was biting back a laugh while the other half of her was trying to focus on Neal. 

“I’m not saying that just because you’re a woman you have to be Leia. I was just saying it makes sense that if one of us is Han, then the other should be Leia.” 

Emma smirked and Neal felt his heart drop. 

--------------------------------------

Mary Margaret heard the doorbell ring at the same time as Leo threw his sippy cup on the floor. With a sigh, she reached the pick it up before calling out, “David can you get the door?” 

She waited for a reply or to hear the door opening, but neither came. Grumbling under her breath, she took Leo from his high chair, brushing stray crumbs off of his Dopey costume. A search in the seat of his chair turned up his missing hat. She and David had decided to go classic Disney this year with Snow White and Prince Charming, and Dopey had been a perfect choice for little Leo, even if her loveable dwarf did happen to hate wearing his hat. It didn’t matter though. Once everyone was here, it was going to be perfect. They had the perfect costumes, the perfect house, the perfect family. Everything was going to be perfect. 

The doorbell rang again. 

“David! The door!” she called out again. When still nothing came from upstairs she sighed and headed to get the door. A peek through the peephole showed Henry dressed as Luke Skywalker, lightsaber and all, smiling at her. Patting over her hair, she made sure any flyways were tucked away before putting Leo’s hat back on once more. Once everything was perfect, she opened the door. “Happy Hallow-oh…” 

Henry walked by her, giving her a greeting and mussing Leo’s hair, knocking his hat askew. Emma followed after him with a kiss to Mary Margaret’s cheek, the short wig and blaster at her hip clearly marking her as Han Solo. It was Neal following after slowly that left her truly speechless though. Long braided wig, slave outfit, and chain around his neck, Neal was Princess Leia in the gold bikini. 

“Don’t ask,” Neal said without even looking at her. 

Dread pooled in Mary Margaret’s stomach. Tonight was not going to be perfect. 

[somerandomwriter1234]

Girl Meets World Fanfiction: Girl Meets Reality Chapter 1

Summary: A science experiment goes wrong and sends Riley and Maya to an alternate universe where their lives are a TV show called Girl Meets World. In this strange world, Riley and Maya watch clips of their lives in TV show form, meet actresses Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter, look up fanfiction and fan art involving them (yeah, nothing bad could happen from that), but more importantly: discover how their lives made a much bigger difference than they ever could have thought.

Chapter 1:

Early one morning Riley and Maya walked into Farkle's bedroom and saw him working on a large metallic device shaped like a circle with a computer attached to it. Riley then said, "Okay Farkle. We got here as soon as we could. What do you have to show us?" An excited Farkle then said, "Okay guys. Don't freak out. But with Smackle's help... I think I may have discovered a way to access alternate universes." A confused looking Maya then said, "Alter-what's-it?" Farkle then said, "Other worlds. It's the multiverse theory. The idea that: what if people made different choices in the past, and it resulted in worlds similar to ours but different." Maya then said, "Ohhhhhh... I still don't get it." Riley then said, "Well I'm proud of you Farkle. So how does it work?" Farkle then said, "Well it's still untested technology so don't..." Riley then pressed a large button near Farkle's computer as she said, "Ooo. Shiny!" Farkle then finished his sentence by yelling... "Don't touch anything!" Suddenly a large vortex appeared near the machine and right in front of Riley and Maya. Riley and Maya then instantly got sucked inside as they yelled, "Whoa!" Then within seconds... Riley and Maya were gone.

Riley and Maya suddenly appeared in the bedroom but Farkle was gone. As Riley looked around she said, "Wait. What happened? Where's the vortex? Where's Farkle?" Maya then said, "More importantly... where's the fourth wall?" Riley and Maya then saw in front of them was a TV sound studio with empty seats for a potential studio audience. Riley then said, "When did Farkle's room get so much bigger?" Maya then said, "More like why did someone build a re-creation of Farkle's bedroom in a TV studio? Come on. Lets look around." Riley and Maya then walked around the studio and found an exit door. The two girls walked outside and saw a bright outdoor sky and parking plot. Riley then said, "Well at least we're still in New York. Look at all of those buildings and... Wait. This isn't New York. Where are we?" Maya then said, "I've seen pictures of this place. Riley... I think we're in Los Angeles." A freaked out looking Riley then said, "We were transported to the other side of the country!? Oh man. How are we gonna get back?" Maya then looked at her phone and said, "Well however we're gonna do it, it won't involve our phones. I got no cell service." Riley then looked at her phone and said, "Me neither. Come on. Maybe we can use a computer or phone at that mall over there." Maya then noticed a mall not far away, and then she and Riley headed over towards it.

Riley and Maya began walking through a mall together. As they walked, several people began to make quick stares at them. Riley then said, "Maya, is it me, or are people starring at us?" Maya then said, "Eh. We're east coast girls. West coast folk probably think we smell weird." Suddenly a little preschool girl ran up to Riley and Maya and said, "Hey. Is it really you? Are you really Riley and Maya?" A surprised Riley then said, "Um... yes. How do you know us?" The little girl then said, "I love your show. It's the only thing I used to watch on Netflix. Can I get both your autograph?" A surprised looking Maya then said, "Um... sure." Riley and Maya then began to sign a piece of paper the little girl had as Riley said, "Is she talking about our old middle school news broadcasts?" Maya then said, "I guess. Didn't know the school had a deal with Netflix though." An adult woman then walked over to the three and said, "There you are Stacy, and... Oh wow. You're the ladies from my daughter's favorite show." Riley waved and said, "Hi. Nice to meet you." The little girl then got the piece of paper back and said, "Look mommy. They signed it." The adult woman smiled as she looked at it and said, "Aww. They signed it in character. That's cute." The adult woman and little girl walked away as Maya said, "Well this keeps getting stranger."

Riley and Maya then walked into a book store as Riley said, "Well maybe we can hook into the wi-fi here. How about getting a smoothie at the cafe first? My treat." Maya smiled as she said, "Thanks. But you're already my treat." Riley smiled as she went over to the cafe counter and said, "Two banana smoothies please." A young adult woman at the counter looked at Riley and Maya as she said, "Oh my gosh. Oh wow. I can't believe this. Listen, I know it must feel weird for a 27 year old to be saying this, but I love your show so much." Riley glanced at Maya as she whispered, "I had no idea so many people across the country were watching our morning announcements." The young woman then said, "I watched your show every Friday night with my niece and it meant so much to her, and some episodes even really touched me. We were both so devastated when Disney canceled Girl Meets World." A wide eyed Riley then said, "Girl Meets What?" The young woman then said, "Anyway, I'm sorry. I'll stop bothering you. Hey. Whatever you want, it's on the house." A confused looking Riley then said, "Uh... thank you."

As Riley and Maya sat in a corner booth by themselves Riley said, "Maya... has the world gone mad? Why are people treating us like celebrities? And why did that woman talk about Disney canceling our show? Wait... could we be in an alternate universe that Farkle's invention sent us to?" Maya who was looking at her phone said, "Way ahead of you. I had a feeling we were pretty far from home, and I got into this place's wi-fi and remembered the girl mentioning a show called Girl Meets World, so I searched for it and... well... look." Maya then held her phone up towards Riley and Riley's eyes got wide as she looked at the screen. There Riley saw pictures posted of her friends and family next to a large logo that said Girl Meets World. Then Riley looked at a description box and read it as she said, "According to this: Girl Meets World is an American comedy television series created by Michael Jacobs and April Kelly that aired on Disney Channel from June 27, 2014 to January 20, 2017. The series is a spinoff of Boy Meets World and stars Rowan Blanchard as Riley Matthews, Sabrina Carpenter as Maya Hart, and... Hold on. Our lives a TV show in this world!?" Maya then said, "Apparently. We even have our own theme song. Check it out." Maya then started a video clip of the Girl Meets World theme song. As it played Riley look at it and said, "What? How did they get this video footage? Have they been stalking us!? This... this is too weird!?"

About an hour later, Riley and Maya were hidden in a very isolated part of the book store sitting on the floor still looking at their phones. Maya then said, "Wow, watching these clips sure feels creepy. It's like some stalkers set up hidden camera all around our bedrooms, classrooms, and favorite hang out spots." A scared looking Riley then said, "Oh no. The episodes don't include scenes of me taking my hour long morning shower do they?" Maya made a little smile as she said, "No honey, this is apparently a family show. Although judging from the comments in some of these video clips, there are some guys that wish they could've seen that... and some girls." Riley then said, "I just don't get it. Who would want to watch a TV series about our lives? I mean I wasted all of third grade just tripping all of the time because I couldn't tie my shoes. Who would want to see that?" As Maya continued to look up information on the show she said, "It's not our whole lives Riley. Just from the beginning of 7th grade to the middle of 9th. Apparently the show ended right after your mom decided not to move to London." Riley then said, "Wait. Why did our show end?" Maya then said, "Apparently a reasonable explanation was never given from Disney and fans started a huge campaign to save the series. On social media the day it ended, it was apparently the second highest trending topic worldwide behind only the 2017 presidential inauguration." A wide eyed Riley said, "Worldwide!? How popular was our show!?" Maya then said, "Well the premiere got just over five million viewers in the USA, but it's apparently been aired worldwide, so we may have been watched by over 100 million fans at some point or another."

Riley then slouched back in her chair as she said, "A hundred million people!? My Harajuku phase, first kiss with Lucas, and paint fight with you was seen by over 100 million people!?" Maya then said, "Well if it make you feels better, it wasn't technically you. In this world it was an actress named Rowan Blanchard." Riley then looked at a picture of herself as she said, "What!? I don't look like a Rowan!? That's a weird name for someone who looks like me." Maya then said, "Tell me about it. I can't believe my face belongs to some actress in this world named Sabrina Carpenter. What kind of name is that anyway? It sounds like the name of some cartoon cat who's a handy-woman." Then Riley said, "Who are these two girls anyway? Lets look them up." Maya then said, "Well, lets see. According to this: Rowan Blanchard on top of acting, is also a public activist in areas such as feminism, human rights, and gun violence." Riley then said, "Whoa. And according to this: Sabrina Carpenter is an accomplished actress and singer, with multiple hit albums and sold out tours." A wide eyed Maya then said, "What!? No. That's gotta be fake." Riley then said, "Well it is hard to sort out which news sources are more reliable on this alternate world. I know. Let me search what's real and what's fake on this Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter and see what's the real deal with them and... Huh? Is that... OH MY GOSH!" A worried Maya then said, "What!?" Riley then said, "Oh God. Whatever you do: don't image search our actress' names and the word fake next to them." Maya then glanced at Riley's phone and said, "Oh my gosh. That is so messed up... Your boobs are way more bigger than that in real life." Riley then began pressing buttons on her phone fast as she said, "Ahh! Delete internet history! Delete internet history!"

Later Riley and Maya were walking through the mall again as Riley said, "It's just so weird Maya. For so long: my life was just... my life. And now I learn in some alternate universe... it's been watched and studied by millions of people." Maya then said, "It's not us Riley. It's just stories being performed by two girls who look like us... and who are smarter than us... more famous than us... and way more talented than us." A concerned looking Riley then said, "You okay, Peaches?" Maya then said, "Yeah. It's just... I always wished more people paid attention to my art. And to see a world where another version of me has her art adored by millions of people... it's amazing but still very strange." Suddenly a man ran over to Maya and said, "You. You're supposed to be on stage in fifteen minutes. Why aren't you in hair and makeup?" A confused Maya then said, "What?" The man then said, "Oh. Miss Blanchard. Nice to see you. I suppose she's hanging out with you today?" Maya then said, "Um..." The man then said, "Come on. Lets go." The man then quickly led Maya over to a closed door and let her and Riley in. The man then said, "Apologies for not getting your sooner. It's just I was told you were already here and... Wait. What?" Suddenly everyone stopped as Riley and Maya saw walking around a corner in makeup were actresses Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter. All of the girls stopped walking as they looked at each other. Rowan Blanchard then looked at Sabrina Carpenter as she said, "Sabrina, what is going on?" Riley then looked at Maya as she said, "Oh boy. This sure got complicated."

TO BE CONTINUED...

*Author's Note - This story was co-written with fanfic writer: Just a Complicated Person. So what did you all think of this tale so far? Feel free to leave a comment or message with your thoughts, and feel free to share what should happen next, along with what other corners of the Girl Meets World online fandom that Riley and Maya should discover. Until then, thanks for reading!

[alicepink-me]

The New Guardian

Story Summary: Marinette Dupain-Cheng is an adult in the real world, guarding the Miracle Box in Master Fu's place. She's in love with Chat Noir, but refuses to tell him her feelings. New holders appear to fight the duo and shake up their lives. Marinette makes a tough decision about her future as Ladybug.

Chapter 12: The Council

2 Weeks Later:

Marinette laid in her bed, reading her kwami book. She bought it two weekends ago and had almost finished it. She could've been through it by now if her physical classes weren't so tiring. April hasn't worn her locket yet, so Marinette assumed she hadn't locked a compulsion inside of it yet, or maybe she wouldn't. Marinette didn't want to ask, so she wouldn't mention it.

There was an urgent knock at the door. Marinette and April looked at each other. They weren't expecting anyone and it was early on a Sunday.

April shrugged. "Maybe it's Rebekah."

Marinette hopped out of her covers and walked to the door. She flung it open to find a letter on the ground with no one around. Marinette picked it up and turned back to April. "A little ominous, don't you think?" Marinette ripped it open and pulled out the letter, rapidly scanning it. "It's a . . . summoning."

"Summoning?" April closed her book.

"Like a spontaneous, urgent meeting." Marinette corrected. "The council wants to see me and . . . " She flipped over the page. "It doesn't say why. There's only a time and location."

"Sounds like a trap." April chuckled. "They might be planning to kill you."

"Or maybe they think I'm overqualified to be in a class of preteens for history and want to change my schedule." Marinette suggested, moving to her closet. Jenn jumped at her feet, brushing against her leg. "I'm trying to stay positive here considering there is a fair chance the council hates my guts because of my guardian and my past. There's probably plenty of people that want me dead, but let's not think about that right now."

"Just avoid people like I do." April suggested. "The temple isn't bad if your avoid all humanity and drama." She pointed at her. "Send a bat signal."

"I'm supposed to prove myself to this terrifying council of elders. I cannot avoid them." Marinette sighed. "They could kill me. I need on their good side until later, so only positive thoughts."

"You mean panicked thoughts?"

. . .

Marinette walked down a creepy corridor that looked ancient. She held the letter from earlier in her hand as she searched for the right door. This sector of the temple was never repaired or updated at all. There was some loose rubble on the ground and the only light came from candles on the walls. Pieces of the structures were dilapidated and faded. This place was probably haunted and Marinette was probably about to die.

Marinette looked down at the paper again. Room 3 of Sector 1. Marinette could see a few doors up ahead as well as a stature. As she got closer she focused on it. She didn't recognize who the sculpture was, but it had a few chunks gone along with its nose missing. Marinette reached the first few doors.

"Four." Marinette read. She walked across to the other, smearing the dirt off as she tried to read the number. "Three." She said.

Marinette sighed and took in her surroundings. She still didn't know what the council wanted with her and she was insanely nervous, but running from this wasn't an option. Marinette steadily raised her fist to the wood before anxiously knocking. The door immediately opened before she could hit it a third time.

"Marinette, welcome." A man said, stepping aside. "Please come in."

Marinette lowered her hand and gave a shy smile before moving inside. There was a large oval table filled on one side with several elders wearing red and black laced robes. They all had stern faces and their hands laid folded in front of them. Marinette hooked her purse on the corner of a chair across from them and awkwardly sat down.

"Thank you for meeting with us, Ms. Dupain-Cheng." A woman said. "We realize our notification was a bit vague, but due to privacy reasons, we prefer to keep any information regarding the meetings in this room."

"I understand." She nodded. "So why was I summoned here?" Marinette asked, fidgeting her hands. "I hope all is well."

"We just wished to check up on you." Another said. She recognized him as the man Mint had called Master Mantis. "You are fairly new to all of this and you are uniquely special compared to our other pupils. Checking in is very important to us."

"Well the temple is amazing." Marinette spoke, her voice slightly shaking. "I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would and . . . my classes are very informative, although the teachings are a little biased."

One woman frowned, her nostrils flaring and eyes widening. "Biased? How so?"

"The lessons are taught by people who were at the temple when it disappeared a long time ago. Everything they mention is important and informative, but extremely one-sided." Marinette said. The crowd tensed. "Everything I had learned from my master was from his viewpoint, but I was glad to hear each side when I came here. It helped me understand the entire situation."

"Interesting." The woman replied.

"What about your guardianship training?" A man asked, clearing his throat, trying to ease the tension.

"Definitely . . . different." Marinette answered.

"I'm sure Fu taught you all the easy ways out." Another woman muttered, turning to the woman next to her.

"Actually his training was quite difficult." Marinette replied. "Master Fu said connecting with the kwamis and the Miracle Box itself was key to being a guardian. I spent months meditating and connecting my energy with theirs. Unlike the previous training here, I was allowed basic necessities like food and I was taught how to have a normal life. Even if the kwamis are a main priority, I'm supposed to keep them under the radar and the best way to do that is to keep a normal lifestyle."

"So you did cheat our traditions?" The first woman growled. The man to her right grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"I trained diligently." Marinette defended herself. "Master Fu was the best teacher I ever had and even though my classes here are great, I still believe that. My guardianship classes have strengthened my knowledge about the job and have made me a better holder. I will admit that, but Master Fu's training was still valuable. I-"

"I think that's enough for today." The second woman said, cutting her off.

"Thank you for with meeting us, Marinette." One of the men stood up and held out his hand. "We look forward to future discussions."

Marinette stood and shook his hand. "I do as well."

Marinette awkwardly turned and left the room as most of them glared. Luckily that situation was done and over with. That was too much anxiety and awkwardness for today. Every elder in that room practically despised her. No matter how hard they tried to hide it, their anger practically bled through their words.

Marinette felt for her phone, but noticed her purse missing. She must have left it in the conference room. Marinette turned around and walked back to the door, but stopped when she heard talking. The conversation sounded a lot more outspoken and louder than it was a minute ago.

"Can you believe all that nonsense praise she had about Wang Fu?" One woman asked, pouring a drink. "That brat has no right to sputter such things."

"Fu completely corrupted that girl's mind." A man scoffed, shaking his head.

"Marinette hasn't been here very long to acclimate to our ways, so it's no surprise." Mantis said. "It'll take time for her mind to understand our ways before she physically shows evidence of our teachings."

"Luckily we won't have to wait for that nightmare to happen." The other woman laughed, opening another bottle. "That girl was never one of us to begin with. She shouldn't have been given this opportunity to prove herself in the first place. It won't fix her."

"Oh please!" The first woman argued, laughing. "She wasn't even given a chance to begin with. She never was. That wasn't part of our plan and when we follow through with the rest of it, that'll show true."

"Marinette could've been great if Fu hadn't stepped in when he did." Master Mantis said, taking a drink.

"I don't know where this soft spot of yours came from, Mantis, but you need to cut it out." The first woman growled. "Once the trial is over . . . hopefully we'll never see that dreadful creature again."

"She must be charged for her heinous crimes, Mantis." A man said. "And I'd advise you not to communicate with her again till we're met in a court room." Mantis nodded.

"Why are we waiting to begin with?" The second woman crossed her arms. "She should be imprisoned immediately."

One man swirled his drink in his glass. "Maybe we should move the date up."

Marinette gasped, slowly stepping away from the door. She needed to get out of here. This entire temple and her training was all a big lie. She'd have to leave or else she'd be unfairly tried for crimes she couldn't stop. Marinette's heart sped up and she took off, sprinting down the long hallways through the temple. She needed to pack what she could and bolt.

What would Chat Noir think? No! She couldn't worry about him or at least she shouldn't. If she has to flea, the only place she can go at the moment is her old apartment, but that's in Paris. Marinette will see him again and the idea of it made her heart hurt. Every possible scenario of running into him flashed in her mind. What if it ended horribly? Oh who was she kidding, wasn't her luck bad enough already? She could handle nearly breaking her nose during class, but facing the man she's loved for years, well that's a death sentence.

Marinette reached the dorm areas of the building. She turned down her sector and continued sprinting. Her room was over two hundred doors away. Even if the council wasn't chasing her, she felt like her clock was ticking too fast. She needed in her dorm now, but it seemed to get further away.

. . .

Marinette burst through her door, panting as she scanned the room. Her breath hitched. Chat Noir sat relaxed along the windows, twirling his belt tail. His eyes were shut and relaxed, unlike herself. No April in sight.

"I was wondering when we'd see each other again, M'Lady." He smiled. "I surely hope that letter wasn't a goodbye." Chat's eyes opened as he turned to her, jumping at the sight. He gulped and his body froze. "M-Marinette . . . " He breathed, gaping.

"Chat Noir . . . " Marinette shut the door behind her without breaking eye contact. "You're here."

"I am." He replied, speechless.

Marinette's heart pounded. "Wh-"

"You're Ladybug." Chat said, taking a step forward. "I didn't know it was you when I got here." He explained. "Your room was under the name Ladybug, so I found it and I snuck in to see you, but I guess I know your identity now. Unless you're a miraculous holder at this temple too and I have the wrong room." He put his fist under his chin and looked up in thought. "We haven't really seen each other since graduation a few years ago, Marinette, so I suppose you could have been attending this school the whole time without my knowledge. Maybe I am in the wrong room."

"No, you . . . had it right." Marinette smiled and moved forward, beaming up at his emerald eyes. "I am Ladybug."

Chat's hand dropped to his side, his eyes widening. "You really are?"

"Of course. How could you be so blind?" Marinette grabbed his hand and held it. "I've been waiting here for you this whole time." She sprung forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, squeezing him tight.

"Really?" Chat hugged her back, happier than he's been in awhile. "I beat myself up over you leaving this whole time that I never thought you wanted me to come find you. I thought I was only intruding."

"Then why did you?" Marinette asked. "Why did you . . . find me?"

"You know me . . . always jumping into situations." He sighed. "I was thinking with my heart. I needed to speak to you even if it meant I'd lose you. Even if I had to chase you all the way to Tibet."

"Of course I know you." Marinette stared up at him. He was so handsome. His eyes sparkled when he looked at her. "I'm so happy you found me." Marinette slowly moved on her tippy toes, leaning her head closer to his, their lips inches apart. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't." She beamed, closing her eyes.

Chat Noir released a breath of laughter. Marinette blinked her eyes open as Chat pressed a finger to her lips. "I'm sorry, I'm saving that for the real Ladybug." He announced.

"That too bad. You were really good looking." Marinette's demeanor changed as she fell back on her heels and crossed her arms. She smiled. "How did you know I wasn't her? I thought I was convincing."

[spidey-babe-parker]

Walk on water or drown

chapter 8:

DON’T LET THE TIDE COME AND WASH US AWAY

Featuring: Bucky Barnes & a plus size girl

Warning: nudity, angst, and emotional stuff happens.

Summary: Bucky is back from is mission and it’s finally time for him to meet Zoey’s family.

AN:  This is the longest chapter I have written (4.2k words) and it’s an emotional one. I’m really sorry this story has been delayed a little. I almost got robbed at work and it really messed with me mentally and i had really bad anxiety from it. I was finally able to write this, and my Bucky Beauty and the Beast story. Let me know if you wanted to be added to any taglist.

story masterlist

part one . part two . part three . part four . part five . part six . part seven  

While Bucky was gone I kept myself distracted at the apartment. I think I was in the nesting stage of my pregnancy because I spent a lot of time on my laptop looking up ideas for the nursery. I also realized that I was going to be having this baby a lot sooner than later and I didn’t have much for it. My mother had brought up multiple times wanting to throw a baby shower, but since I hid my pregnancy from so many people. I thought it would be strange to have a baby shower. In the mix of looking up nursery ideas I also making a list of things I needed to buy for the baby. Some of my time was also spent walking around the house and cleaning things that didn’t need to be cleaned. I had read that was another part of nesting.

The whole time Bucky was gone he checked in on me a few times a day. I was sitting on the living room couch with my laptop on my lap looking cribs when he walked in from his mission.

Glancing up at him I noticed something seemed off with him. His eyes a purple bags under them and I could just tell by looking at him he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“How did it go?” I asked closing the laptop.

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

I placed the laptop on the couch next to me and worked really slowly on standing up. In the last week standing up had grown to be more of an issue with my large stomach. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked walking towards him as he sat his duffle bag on the floor next to the couch.

“No I’m just glad to be back with you,” he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine for a soft kiss. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and the we’ll go to your sisters house.”

“We don’t have to go,” I said realizing that he might need some to relax after this mission. At the moment he seemed kind of closed off. He wasn’t the old distance Bucky, but he just seemed off.

“Bucky are you okay?” I asked reaching down and grabbing his metal hand. He nodded his head silently. “Are we okay?” I asked probably coming off paranoid.

“Of course we are,” he reached up and rest his flesh hand on my freckles covered cheek. “I’m gonna shower now, you can join if you want.”

I watched him walk off to the bathroom I was technically already dressed and ready to go, but I couldn’t bring myself to say no to showering with him. I started waddling behind him towards the bathroom. He had already had the water on and warming up when I got inside. He stood there in only his boxers with a lopsided grin on his face as he looked up at me.

“I’m gonna need help getting undressed,” I muttered as I reached down for the bottom of my sweater.

He didn’t say anything he just silently took a few steps towards me and helped me remove my sweater. He dropped down onto his knees and dipped his fingers into the waistband of my leggings and slid them down my thick thighs. Stepping out of my legging is stood in front of him in my bra and panties. He didn’t look up at me with lusted filled eyes instead the seemed to be filled with loved.

“I love you,” he whispered as he hooked his fingers into my panties and slid them down my legs. Standing up he reached behind me and unhooked my bra.

“I love you too,” I muttered with a smile.

I was completely naked while she was still wearing his boxers. I smiled and walked off towards the shower. I didn’t plan on having sex with him right now. I just honestly wanted to spend time with him. Stepping into the shower I let the warm water engulf me. The warm water felt amazing against my skin. I turned around to find Bucky stepping in behind me.  I step aside and let him stand under the running water. As the water wash over this skin I could see him start to relax a little. Resting my hand on my round stomach I couldn’t help but enjoy this moment between us. It wasn’t sexual in anyway but it was intimate. Reaching over toward corner I reached to grab my shampoo, but before I could grab it Bucky reached for it.

“Turn around,” he murmured. I silently obeyed I closed eyes as I felt him pour my floral scented shampoo on to the top of my hair. I couldn’t help but relax as he started massaging the shampoo into my long locks. His fingers felt amazing as they massaged my scalp.

“That feels amazing,” I sighed.

“Whenever I smell your shampoo it always reminds me of you and reminds me I’m home,” he said as he removed his fingers from my hair.  His words made my heart flutter. There was something about him saying that I remind him that I was home, and it made me really happy. I loved him with all my heart at this point. I couldn’t wait for us to be a little family.

“Do you smell my shampoo when you shower alone?” I asked with a soft laugh. I turned around to him with his cheeks turning a light shade of rose. “Is that a yes?”

“You make it sound creepy,” he said stepping passed me so I could step under the water.

“I don’t think it’s creepy at all I think it’s actually really sweet,” I smiled as I let the warm water rinse the shampoo out of my long hair.

I turned around and Bucky started putting the shampoo in my hair and I couldn’t help but smile at how domestic we were being. If would have told me two months ago that we would be showering together and having a causal conversation, I would have called bullshit on that.

We finished showering and Bucky wrapped a towel around his waist and walked over to help me dry off. I wrapped the fluffy towel around me my round body and followed him off to our bedroom. I sat on the bed and watched as Bucky started pulling clothes out of his dresser.

“What are you going to wear? Bucky asked walking over to the bed holding a pair of jeans and sweater.

“What will still fit me?” I laughed. I was getting really limited to what I was able to wear.

“You’ve quite popped a bit,” he said walking over and resting his hand on my round stomach.

I nodded my head and smiling, “sleeping through the night has been hard the last couple of nights, the little one has been moving around and kicking a lot.”

“I’ll be home tonight to hold you,” he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss.

“Thank you,” I smiled.

I stood up and walked over to the closet to attempt to find something to wear. I found a pair of legging I knew would fit and an oversized sweater. I turned around to find Bucky tugging his jeans up. The man’s body was a work of art and I swear if he walked around shirtless all the time I wouldn’t be able to keep it together. My pregnancy hormones probably weren’t helping with that situation at all.

Waddling over I sat down on the edge of the bed and worked on pulling my legging up. He walked over fully dressed and held my sweater up for me. I stood up slowly and pulled my sweater on.

I pulled my wet hair up into a bun and we headed out of bedroom. We stopped at the front door so I could grab my purse and put on my flats.

The ride to my sister and Henry’s house didn’t take too long. When we arrived at the house I think Bucky could tell how nervous I was. He immediately walked over and grabbed my hand, and helped me out of the car.

“We don’t have to do this,” I whispered.

“I know we don’t, but I want to,” he said giving my hand a little squeeze.

We walked into the house and found my family in Lyla’s kitchen. My mom was at the stove stirring gravy while Lyla was cutting veggies.

“Hi,” I awkwardly waved my hand that Bucky wasn’t holding. “Mom, Lyla, and Henry I would like to introduce you to Bucky,” I looked over at Bucky who was smiling.

“It’s nice to meet you guys,” Bucky was letting go of my hand and walking over towards my family.

I watched as he personally introduced himself my family. I couldn’t help but smile because my family so far seemed to like him.

The boys went over to the table and started talking and I walked over to my mom and Lyla. I was trying to judge my mom’s reaction to Bucky. I gave her a huge and she pulled away and smiled at me, “he seems like a nice guy.”

“He’s honestly the best.”

“Then why did you lie to us about him?” she asked the question I knew was coming.

I sighed, “it’s not a normal relationship, and with him working with the Avengers he was worried about me getting hurt.”

My mom glanced over at the table where Bucky was laughing at something along with Bucky. “You could have told us sweetie,” she reached over and rested her hand on my cheek.

“I know that now mom”

I finished helping them cook dinner and we all sat down at the kitchen table together. I sat down next to Bucky who was smiling. We all ate together and chatted about random things.

“Wait so you were born in 1917?” Henry said still trying to wrap his brain around how old Bucky technically was.

“I mean technically I’m a hundred, but stuck in like my twenty-five-year-old body. It’s pretty complicated,” he laughed. I rested my hand on his thigh and lightly squeezed it. This all felt so normal and I loved it.

When we got home it was pretty late and I was exhausted. I wasted no time walking straight to our bedroom. I slowly got dressed for bed as Bucky put on a pair of sweats and crawled into bed.

Moving the covers back I slowly got into my side of the bed and laid on my side and found him looking over at me smiling.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” I leaned forward and connected my lips to his for a soft kiss.

He brushed a piece of hair out of my face, “baby girl roll over so I can hold you.”

Silently I rolled over and he wrapped his arm around my round stomach and nuzzled his face into my neck and peppered kisses across my skin.

“Goodnight,” I murmured.

“Goodnight doll.”

It wasn’t long before I was sound asleep in his arms.

—

I was abruptly woken from my sound sleep to the sound of Bucky screaming. My heart jumped out of my chest and rolled over to see Bucky jumping out of bed. He stared blankly at me with cold eyes, and realized quickly what was happening. His nightmare triggered the Winter Solider. Slowly reached over onto my nightstand to grab my phone I knew I needed to call Steve immediately and I had to try to get Bucky back, because Steve was ten minutes away.

“Bucky…” I whispered resting my hand on my stomach. He didn’t say anything he just stared at me.

His worst fear was happening and I needed to make sure neither of us got hurt. I knew if something happened tonight Bucky wouldn’t be able to live with himself, so I needed to try to get my Bucky back.

 “I know you’re not Bucky right now but I need you to please not hurt me. I’m pregnant…” I slowly crawled out our bed and moved toward the wall.

He took a step towards me with cold icy eyes. He seemed so lost at the moment like he was unsure about everything. He didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt me, he was just lost.

He was silent as his eyes started rapidly running around the room. I opened my phone silently and clicked Steve’s name that was saved in my phone and didn’t even put it to my ear. I knew if I was trying to talk Bucky down Steve would hear it and come.

“Who are you?” he mumbled.

My eyes went wide at the fact he didn’t know who I was. “I’m the mother of your child,” I said fighting back tears.

He took a step towards me and I shivered, I was terrified of him touching me. I didn’t know what he would do to me if he touched me. “That’s mine?” he pointed to my stomach.

I slowly nodded my head.

“Zoey,” I heard Steve say distantly as I held my phone in my head.

“Bucky please come back to me,” I said loud enough for Steve to hear.

“Who’s on the phone?” he asked reaching for my phone.

I handed him the phone before he could take it from me. I didn’t want to give him a reason to hurt me.

“Bucky you need to snap out of this,” I whispered as he threw my phone on the bed.

I stayed completely still pressed up against the wall. If I wasn’t pregnant I would take off running but I knew he would go after me if I did and I didn’t want to risk that. I had a better chance of talking him down then running.

“What’s your name?” he asked standing a couple feet away from me.

“I’m Zoey and we’re together. We’re having this baby together,” I reached up to rest my hand on my stomach. I was attempting to play to what little sense of passion the super Soldier had. “This is your baby, and you can not wait to be father.”

“Are you afraid of me?” he asked stepping towards me. He seemed so confused at the moment I don’t think he was in full winter Soldier mode but he definitely wasn’t Bucky. He didn’t seem to have much of a memory. Slowly I nodded my head I couldn’t lie to him I was terrified.

“I’m begging you not to hurt me. I know that’s what you’re trained to do, but please don’t,” my eyes started to brim with tears but I was so scared.

“Have I hurt you before?” his eyes were so lost like he was trying to process everything.

Slowly I shook my head, “no you’re a fantastic boyfriend.”

He went to step towards me, but froze like he didn’t know what to do. I swallow trying not to shake.

I heard the front door open and watched as Bucky turned around quickly. Before I could say anything, he took off for the living room. I slid down the wall and started crying. My emotions took over and the as the tears rolled down my cheek. I knew Steve could handle him and everything was gonna be fine.

I heard footsteps walk towards me and I was terrified it was the Soldier was coming back for me. Looking up I found Sam Wilson standing in front of me. I had met him and a few of the Avenger when Bucky and I had first started dating, but that had been seven almost eight months ago.

“Hey Zoey,” he said giving me space.

“Hi Sam,” I said as tears slid down my cheek.

“So, I see you and Bucky are having a kid?” he stared awkwardly. He probably had a million questions right now about the situation.

I nodded my head wiping my tears as I asked, “where is he?”

“Tony and Steve sedated him and we’re gonna take him back to the compound. Steve want to take you there too and have Bruce and a nurse check you out.”

“So, did Steve tell you guys about all this?” I asked slowly standing up.

He shook his head, “he told us he was here with you but he didn’t tell anyone about the baby.”

“Okay.” Sam put his hand on my back and lead me out of the bedroom. Walking into the living room I saw Steve enter the apartment again.

“Are you alright?” he rushed over and hugged me.

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Okay were gonna have you stay at the compound for a while. Bucky’s gonna have to go through treatment and therapy.”

“Sam can I have a moment alone with Steve?” I asked.

“Yeah is course. Steve I’ll ride back with Tony and Buck,” he said patting Steve on the shoulder.

“He’s gonna go back to wanting nothing to do with me again, and I can’t deal with that heartbreak again,” I sighed. “You need to make sure he knows he didn’t hurt me or even try at all. He understood the baby was his.”

“Okay I’ll let him know.”

As we arrived at the Avengers Compound Steve took me to see a nurse so they could check my vitals and to make sure the baby was okay. As I was getting ready to leave Dr.Banner came in to check on me. I could tell everyone seemed worried about me, even though all my vitals were fine and the baby was fine.

Dr. Banner said if I needed anything or if felt like I needed a doctor to call him and he’ll see me immediately.

After leaving the medical bay Steve showed me to my room that was like a studio apartment. He told me that I could stay there as long as I wanted.

I laid in the bed that was under a window for a while attempting to go to sleep. My body still hadn’t calmed down from dealing with Bucky. It took a while before sleep finally found me.

--

The next day they had been running test on Bucky all day trying to figure out what triggered him, and I spent most of the day in the room watching tv making list of what I needed for the baby. I had just finished eating dinner I had made for myself when someone started knocking on my door. I got up and opened the door to find Steve standing on the other side. He looked like he hadn’t got much sleep. He was probably up all night worrying about his best friend, and then been right by his side all night and day.  

“Hey, so Bucky wants to see you.”

I all the sudden felt nervous and afraid I knew most likely Bucky was gonna push me away right now and break up with me. Last night his greatest fear had happened.

“Okay,” I whispered.

Steve led me down a long hallway towards the medical Bay Area. We stopped in front of a white door and he turned to me and said, “I’m gonna be right out here if you need me, okay.”

I nodded and slowly opened the door. Stepping inside I found Bucky laying in a bed with wires hooked up to his head like they were monitoring his brain activity. He looked exhausted and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked at me with sad blue eyes and dropped his head.

“Are you hurt?” his voice was shaky and he sounded like he was about to cry. I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bed by his feet. “I’m so sorry Zoey I don’t know what happened.”

“You didn’t hurt me, you wouldn’t even touch me. You were trying to wrap your head around the fact the baby was yours,” I reached over and rest my hand on his leg.

“This is what I was afraid of happening.” I knew where this conversation was leading and my heart broke at just the thought.

“Bucky,” I sighed fighting back tears. I was trying my hardest not to cry right now.

“Zoey I could have hurt you or both you and the baby…” I looked at him as he gave me a sad look. I wasn’t going to let him leave me because he was afraid.

“But you didn’t,” I said softly.

“I think I need to start sleeping somewhere else,” his eyes started to brim with tears as he stared at me with glossy eyes.

He was breaking up with me and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Tears started to slip down my cheeks. “You don’t get to walk away from me. We made so many steps in the right direction. This isn’t gonna be the reason while we throw everything away. We were going to be a family.”

“I could have killed you,” his voice was so shaky.

“You didn’t though. You knew I was important,” I said as tears continued to slide down my own cheek. “We can still try to make this work,” he reached over and rested his hand on top of mine.

“No, Bucky you either get all of me or none of me. There isn’t an in between,” I cried. “If you’re gonna break up with me I’ll go back to living in my old apartment,” if he was ending things I couldn’t go back to living as strangers again, and him feeling like he was walking on eggshells around me.

“Zoey, I don’t want to hurt you,” he said fighting back tears.

“Well you’re breaking my heart,” I pulled my hand away from him and stood up and started wiping away the tears. “If you want to be in the baby’s life let me know. I still have the same number. Goodbye Bucky,” I looked back at him one last time and walked out the door.

I found Steve standing on the other side with a sad look on his face. The second the door closed I started sobbing and Steve wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his chest. He rubbed my back as I sobbed against he grey shirt. I knew when I pulled away he was going to have a large wet spot on his shirt.

“I’m so sorry Zoey,” he murmured rubbing my back.

“Can you take me back to my old apartment in the city?” I asked as he held me as I just sobbed into his chest.

“Yeah of course.”

The drive home to my old place was extremely quiet. I think Steve knew I needed my space at the moment. I felt like I had a million things going to my mind. I wasn’t sure what was going to be happening now. I had just broken up with Bucky right after he made a point to get to know my family. We had built up such this little perfect life between us and suddenly it all burned down so quickly. Months of work ended in one night.

As we arrived to my old apartment I unlocked the door to see that it was exactly how I left it. I looked around and cried at the fact we couldn’t make it work. I had fallen in love with a man that was too afraid of himself.

I sat down on the navy-blue couch and look over at Steve who was standing in my living room staring at me with a concerned look on his face. I bit my bottom lip attempting to stop crying. He walked over and sat down on the couch next to me, and started slowly rubbing my back slowly.

“I thought he loved me enough to fight for me,” I sobbed leaning back on the couch.

He continued to rub my back just letting me cry, “he loves you more then you know. Zoey he is so afraid of himself. I think you’re the first person that has ever made him feel like a human again.”

“I guess I wasn’t enough,” I reached up and brush the tears off my cheeks that kept falling.

“You we’re enough,” he sighed wrapping his arms around me.

“I guess I’m back to living alone,” I sighed pulling away from.

“Would you like me to spend the night tonight?” he asked.

I nodded my head not wanting to be alone. I knew guest room was set up so he could sleep in there no problem.

“Okay I’ll stay.”

taglist: @thisismysecrethappyplace @lokilvrr @minahraven @chipilerendi @sideeffectsofyou @breezy1415

[wendynerdwrites]

Random Rant about Princess Diana, Prince Charles, and Camilla

Okay, so despite being a gauche, socially progressive American who really doesn’t get why monarchies exist anymore, I am kind of a low-key royal watcher/follower. I was a HUGE fan of/admirer of Princess Diana when I was a little girl and am still a fan of hers in many ways.

But I’m also a fan of Charles and Camilla.

“But how???? Charles and Camilla ruined Diana’s life! They are eeeevil!!!!”

First of all, NO.

Diana Spencer had intense issues way before she hooked up with Charles, for one thing. Her parents had a bitter divorce and custody battle that basically ravaged her childhood. Seriously, at one point her dad was practically holding her hostage away from her mother during Christmas. You think the Wales divorce was messy?... It was. But it was basically just a sequel to Spencer family drama.

By Diana’s own words, she struggled with bulimia from her adolescent years and had severe abandonment issues.

Ever wonder why William’s pet cause is mental health? DIANA IS WHY.

She also grew up among a very specific “set” that included the royal family. She and her sister were playmates to Prince Andrew and Prince Edward. She grew up with the same weirdo aristocratic approach to marriage as them as well which was: pop out an heir and spare, then do whatever.

While she was young and naive and apparently did have a HUGE crush on Charles that resulted in her buying into the fairy tale narrative, she wasn’t the total shrinking violet/know-nothing people sometimes make her out to be. Diana thought she’d be the exception. She was wrong. But she DID enter that marriage with a shit-ton of pre-installed baggage that CHARLES HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH.

Second of all, ALSO NO.

God... This engagement and marriage was made of such crazy fuckery. But Diana was all in, hook, line, and sinker.

Charles, less so. And the situation was just... so fucked, you guys. And, no, sorry, it wasn’t all Charles’s fault. Or Diana’s fault. Or Prince Philip’s fault. But it went like this:

Basically, Chuck was pushing 30, was heir, and had yet to further the royal line, so to speak. It had been nearly a decade since he was formally invested as Prince of Wales. And the issue of him getting hitched had always been... there, but it really got serious as he neared the big 3-0. Especially since his younger sister, Anne, was already married and had a kid. But over the years, he’d had Richard Nixon try to set him up with his daughter and had been geared towards various COUSINS by no less than his “Uncle Dickie” AKA Lord Mountbatten AKA the guy who hooked Prince Philip up with Queen Elizabeth, who was basically Charles’s second Father.

Things got serious as Charles got older, though. Rumors were getting out that he might be gay (remember, this was the late 70′s/early 80′s and Charles is HEIR TO THE THRONE. One factor is/was that Charles is/was a surprisingly progressive dude even then and didn’t bat an eye at employing men who were OPENLY GAY IN THE 70′s. But the thing was, whether or not Charles was gay, if the public believed that, it could have potentially caused a CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS BECAUSE ROYALTY IS ALL OF THE EXTRA)

Charles was into aristocratic blonds... Fine. Perfect... Except for the part where the aristocratic blonds he tended to go for were non-virgins (and therefore completely unsuitable according to his beloved Uncle Dickie)... also married.

...That’s not Camilla, BTW. Camilla was already married to Andrew Parker-Bowles at this point. The lady in the picture there is Lady Dale “Kanga” Tryon, a fashion designer and Charles’s other mistress who actually lived a really interesting life culminating in a super tragic death. We’ll come back to her later.

But basically, Charles had to marry a virginal aristocrat, and fast. So he entered into a sort of courting pool of eligible ladies, at one point dating Lady Sarah Spencer, Diana’s older sister. But Lady Sarah went, “Nah, my sister is WAAAY more into you anyways. Date her.”

Now, if this sounds SUPER CREEPY, ANTIQUATED, AND MESSED UP, EVEN FOR THE 70′S AND 80′S, THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS. THIS IS THE WORLD THESE PEOPLE OPERATED IN, HOWEVER. AND THE ONLY THING MORE INSANE THAN ARISTOCRATS WERE ARISTOCRATS IN THE 70′S AND 80′S. THE ONLY THING MORE INSANE THAN ARISTOCRATS IN THE 70′S AND 80′S WERE THE ONES IN THE 60′S. JUST ASK PRINCESS MARGARET. THIS SHIT IS TAME COMPARED TO THE SHIT CHARLES UNCLE TONY GOT UP TO. POINT IS, THIS WAS WEIRD FROM THE BEGINNING.

Anyways, the two seemed to hit it off, but they were only dating a couple months when the press moved in and started making everything a hundred times crazier. Diana found herself hounded by the press, culminating in the papers slut-shaming her for LITERALLY TAKING AN OVERNIGHT TRIP ON A TRAIN.

This prompted Charles dad, Prince Philip, notorious for choosing his words poorly, basically sending a letter to his son telling him to basically shit or get off the pot before he ruined Diana’s life and reputation. Charles, emotionally stunted and basically terrified of his dad, took this to mean that he HAD to marry her, or he WOULD ruin her life. Keep in mind Diana was SUPER SUPER into him.

WHICH LED TO THIS DISASTER:

Charles went into this marriage feeling bound by duty, figuring Diana was game, that he could make her happy, that he was doing the right thing, and that she’d be along for the ride --- which included the model of marriages they were both used to.

He was VERY WRONG.

Diana went into her marriage completely in love, knowing that Charles had girlfriends, knowing adultery was the norm, believing she’d be a game-changer.

She was technically right, but NOT in the way she imagined. She fell for the fairy-tale Charles thought they were merely selling to the public. She was an emotionally unstable 19-year-old with severe family baggage, and Charles was an emotionally stunted prince with his head shoved right up his royal butt.

What a winner.

THIRD OF ALL, NO.

Remember that Kanga lady from the picture above? Lady Tryon was a business woman and fashion designer. And one of Charles’s mistresses.

She was Camilla’s rival. NOT Diana’s.

See that dress Diana is wearing at Live Aid? Designed by Kanga, Charles’s mistress. Yes, Diana knew who Kanga was and the nature of her relationship with Charles. At this point, Diana was cured of her delusions and was onto her own affairs. She and Kanga became friends and basically allied against Camilla.

At this point, Diana accepted that she and her husband would not be faithful to one another (it’s worth noting that during the early years of their marriage, both of them WERE supposedly faithful. Charles had his last run-in with Camilla the night before the wedding and kept away from both her and Kanga at least until Harry was conceived. But he also basically told Diana at that point that eventually, he’d be bed-hopping again. Basically, he knew Diana would have to be faithful until an heir and spare were produced and seemed to consider it fair play that he not indulge while she couldn’t. If that sounds completely fucked up THAT’S BECAUSE IT WAS). She gradually stopped caring about Charles cheating. She just hated that it was with Camilla. She very quickly embarked on a string of affairs of her own.

----And yes, Charles was a douche. He was also dealing with a wife he did NOT understand who had severe mental health issues.

Diana did things like call Camilla late at night to tell her that there was a man waiting outside, hired to kill her. She would also sometimes abscond with Baby Harry and William without telling Charles or anyone. Not a big deal in a normal family. But they’re royalty. So basically, she was happy to let her husband go into a panic about his sons possibly being kidnapped because he had no idea where the fuck they were. Keep in mind that Charles’s own sister was nearly abducted in 1974 by a gunman and that in 1982, THE VERY YEAR WILLIAM WAS BORN, a man had snuck into the Queen’s bed in the middle of the night carrying a shard of broken glass. So, yeah, Diana grabbing the boys and taking them to Windsor Castle without telling anyone, including her husband? SUPER SHITTY.

Charles tried to get Diana help, but she didn’t trust him whatsoever (because of course she fucking didn’t, no one would). Diana didn’t start getting proper help for her mental health issues until the separation. But she was prone to fits of extreme paranoia and rage, at one point culminating in her physically attacking Charles while he was praying.

Point is, she had a lot of troubles and instabilities. While Charles and Camilla certainly did not HELP, this was shit that went back years and years. Granted, that WAS exacerbated by royal life, but much of that was the strain of royal work --- constant travel, unending media scrutiny, a ton of fame all at once --- and the intense workload she was given when she became Princess of Wales did not help, either. Diana was young, troubled, and had a ton of issues.

BUT

Charles did not ruin her life. Nor did Camilla. Especially since Diana was kind of a badass.

(Pictured: Badass Diana badassing through her badass post-divorce life like a badass)

She wasn’t a Rhodes Scholar, but she was a freaking genius at handling the press and an unparalleled activist. And she got some terrific revenge on her cheating husband, too. She nearly bankrupted him in the divorce (Charles had to borrow money from the queen) and turned him into a villain in the eyes of the press.

Once out of royal life, she felt comfortable enough to get help. She got joint custody of the kids. She found great fulfillment in her activism and did some really fantastic things for causes like AIDS and land mines. She had a string of hot, rich boyfriends who spoiled the crap out of her and she was adored the world over by almost EVERYONE. That even included her ex-father-in-law, Prince Philip, who still signed his letters to her as “Pa.”

Charles nor Camilla could NEVER have hoped to ruin her life. She had too much of it. Diana’s life was ruined by a drunk driver, some paparazzi, and a traffic accident.

(And to those who want to claim that the royal family had her killed: kindly fuck off. Mohammed Fayed has had his case dismissed repeatedly despite numerous appeals and investigations. The only way Prince Philip would have had Diana killed would be if he REALLY REALLY wanted to end the monarchy. Somehow I don’t think an exiled prince-turned-royal-consort wants that. There was nothing the royal family wanted more than to see Diana married off to some rich guy and fade into the background. The LAST thing they would want is for Willam and Harry’s mother to die tragically young and cement herself as an eternal legend. Diana’s death was a fucking nightmare for the BRF personally as well as professionally).

Charles and Camilla, meanwhile?

Camilla kept her head down and did quiet work for osteoperosis research after her mother was afflicted with it. Since becoming Duchess of Cornwall, she’s done extensive work on behalf of rape and sexual assault survivors. Among her initiatives was developing “wash bags” consisting of soaps and towels for victims to use after undergoing their rape kits.

Charles spent years being decried as a complete kook for being all worked up over stupid non-issues you might have heard of --- things like “climate change”, “sustainable farming”, “organic foods”, “the ozone layer” and a supposed “housing crisis” in Britain. Oh, and his lifelong project, The Prince’s Trust, is only one of the most important charitable organizations in the Western World.

So yeah, if I have to hear one more comment about EEEEEEVIL Charles and Camilla ruining poor, wilting flower Diana’s life again, I’ll see red. It’s insulting to all three of them.

(Once again, for the record, I think monarchy is outdated and dumb, But if you are going to have one, your heir to the throne should be a Charles. Or a Victoria. But if you can’t have a Victoria, you should have a Charles.)

[novadreii]

The Ancient Magus' Bride: A Review

Big spoilers ahead.

I’m not often compelled to write full-length reviews on series that I watch, but this one elicited an interesting response from me. I don’t think I’ve ever negatively changed my mind about an anime halfway through. If I like something from the start, I usually like it all the way through to the end. If I loathe something from the start, I try to determine if there’s room for development/improvement before continuing. And I’ve seen a good amount of shows turn it around.

But TAMG was really a strange experience for me. Everything pointed towards this being a quality show. All the signs were there. And I will commend it on what it did right. This show had gorgeous animation, lovely voice acting, and a breathtaking original soundtrack. As I said, all the signs pointed to this being a winner, maybe the best anime of the last 5 years or so.

But sadly, TAMG is, at its core, a reductive escapist fantasy for young girls.

I know, that is a bold statement. But I have evidence to support my claim! Promise.

We start off the show with Chise being bought by the titular Ancient Mage at a slave auction. It’s okay, though, because she willingly sold herself into slavery. Wait, you can do that? I guess. Anyway. This show’s big selling point is Chise’s growth from a sad girl with nothing to live for to...well, someone who is not that way. And it’s a relatable backstory for a main character. So far, so good.

But the rest of plot fails to sufficiently develop the rest of the world, lore, and characters in a way that makes Chise’s development interesting enough. Side characters are given at most one (1) episode of backstory before being utterly forgotten for the entire rest of the series. Plot points that you think will eventually loop back for an interesting game of Raise the Stakes just kind of wander out to sea and never come back (aka Chise’s family...um...her dad and brother are still out there!). The lore of the fairies and magic is just kind of there and never properly explored or utilized. Chise is supposedly there to learn magic from Elias as her teacher, yet we don’t really ever see him instructing her in the theory of it, or her magical skills progressing. All we’re really told is that Chise is both incredibly strong and weak as shit as the same time. Makes sense.

Elias’ origin is completely ignored, even that could have been an amazing addition to the story as it’s so shrouded in mystery and intrigue and often hinted at by several characters. So, at about the rough halfway point of the series, I had all these loose ends and unexplored areas of the story in my head that I was really excited about, but they never materialized in the second half. The main “villain” in the show was kind of sad and easily defeated.

The second cour of the show was focused almost exclusively on what is, in my opinion, the most mundane, cloying, and dull part of the story: the relationship between Elias and Chise. Yep, sorry friends. I don’t find these two even remotely well suited to each other in any capacity, least of all romantic. Try picturing them together when Elias is in human form; that creeps me out more than his usual form. From the very beginning, I have disliked Elias. I find him boring. Oh boohoo, you’ve been wandering around Earth for hundreds of years and still haven’t figured out what “sad” “happy” “jealous” and “angry” feel like? Are you stupid as well as inexperienced, or just willfully ignorant? Because he managed to study and become proficient in the art of magecraft, but never could figure out why watching Titanic made his eyes leak? How many times do we have to watch Elias clutch his heart and say, “Is this what _______ feels like?” Just shut up. I find it hard to believe that in between all the magic and failed cooking lessons with Lindel, they never talked about how they felt in the hundreds of years that Lindel was taking care of him? *Dr. Phil voice* Really now?

Elias’ cluelessness about basic human emotions is the basis for about 99% of the personal conflicts/drama in the story, and it gets tiresome and feels cheap. Why does anime love to center on characters who don’t know how to feel? Does it give them more agency to act like a dick? Do young girls swoon after men who don’t really care about anything? Elias is frustrating, because we never get to see him break through that monotonous “teach me how to feel” crap, except for when he’s having a rage tantrum. But we never see him buckle down and really unload on how he’s feeling in an open and communicative way. He’s very selective with what he shares, and when he does it’s because Chise is prodding him to do it.

What I found essentially disappointing about this story is how everything in it was just there to further the drama between Chise and Elias without actually furthering the story itself. Everything Elias does to Chise, from how he constantly touches/grabs/picks her up without her permission, how he looms over her menacingly in his monster form when he’s jealous, how he calls her diminutive pet names, irritates me. Chise is a child who has nothing; of course she is going to gravitate to someone who offers her the only thing she wanted: a place to call home. What’s his excuse? He is the one in the position of power, and does he ever use it to his advantage.

How many times do we witness Elias withholding information from Chise, policing her, acting shady, throwing a giant temper tantrum, and being generally creepy and possessive? The anime is masterful in that it succeeds in writing it all off as romantic and cute, because “Elias doesn’t know what emotions he’s feeling! It’s cause he must love her LOL” Again, this was a lame excuse so that Elias could have license to be an asshole. All they needed was a cool/handsome/monstrous character design and a smooth af voice actor to make it all okay. But it isn’t. Chise did not, and still doesn’t have the agency to choose differently.

And I almost fell for it too; that’s how good it is. Because it ropes you in with great production value. I admit that instinctively I am just a dumb ape who will go gaga over anything shiny and pretty. And this anime certainly is those things, but it doesn’t capitalize on the amazing potential it set up from its very beginning, choosing instead to focus on relationship drama between two people who really should not be involved romantically at all.

I ask this: would it have detracted from the story at all for them to have had an adoptive parent and child relationship, to which both characters’ age, experience, and power dynamic was a lot better suited? Would it have been less meaningful? Why did they have to be set up as husband and wife from the get go? What was the point, other than to provide a weak and frankly disturbing plot point? If parent/child is a no-go, how about we make the female main character older than 20 years old for once? Even that would have been preferable.

I did read the manga, and the author tries to dance around the issue by once again using Elias’ inexplicable lack of emotional intelligence as an excuse. He doesn’t know what a bride is, he doesn’t understand the concept of marriage, he means it innocently etc. Okay, BUT, Chise, the rest of the characters, the author of the manga himself, the readers, and literally everyone else understands exactly what marriage is and what it implies. That is the connection the author intends us to make with all the symbolism and mushy dialogue between the two of them (as well as other characters’ observations about them both). It doesn’t matter how ambiguous the author is being about something; if it’s there, it’s there. Let’s call the spade a spade.

So the story revolves primarily around the romantic development between an indisputably adult male who also holds all the resources/power, and an emotionally broken child who can’t refuse. TAMG did not develop the rest of its story enough to distract me from this point, and I was just never able to look past it. It was glaring at me with each episode I watched.

Sure, Chise gets mad sometimes, and Elias eventually comes around from pouting when he realizes he could lose her. He eventually offers a monotone apology and all is right as rain. Chise eventually develops into the Needlessly Self-Sacrificing Main Character that anime relies on just a touch too heavily. It feels disingenuous and not at all relatable. It’s tiresome.

Towards the end, Chise gets some resolution from an old painful memory during an arc where she finally breaks free of Elias so she can act of her own accord for once. Which I really liked. But then she just ran home, forgave Elias a little too easily for all his bullshit, and ended up “marrying” him (again, everything is shrouded in an infuriating layer of ambiguity because nobody wants to call it what it is, but alllllll the right symbolism is there, we can figure it out ffs). That came completely out of left field for me and solidified my hunch that this is meant to be a teen fantasy and little else: leaving everything behind only to be saved, controlled by, and obsessed over by an ominous, rich, handsome, and overbearing man who just won’t keep his hands to himself.

There’s so much more I wanted to know about, and I get that you can’t fit everything into 24 episodes. But people like Silky, Ruth, Renfred, and Alice were utterly forgotten about even though they had solid, developed stories in the beginning of the anime. It’s like they hooked me in and left me hanging; the whole time I was waiting for MORE from those characters. For Silky to say even one word or to have more of a relationship with Chise other than hugging her dramatically from time to time, for Chise and Ruth to have another mage/familiar moment (or even arc). Things like that would have added so much more depth and significance to the story than even one more minute of Elias and Chise awkwardly and needlessly cuddling (or sleeping in bed together....honestly, wtf).

So in conclusion (am I writing a thesis or something?), The Ancient Magus’ Bride felt something like a betrayal. It drew me in with the promise of a gorgeous and heartfelt story, only to focus on what I thought was an inappropriate and forced relationship. I’m sure 16-year-old me would have eaten all of this up like a six-course meal. It’s a Japanese twist on Twilight (therefore also reminiscent of the even worse Fifty Shades franchise). As I get older and automatically tend think a lot more critically about why I like or dislike things, something like this isn’t going to cut it for me. It pulled at the heartstrings with emotive music and pretty visuals, but left me wanting so much more. I don’t want the media I consume to make me feel like I should like it; I just want to.

To any teen girls who adore this anime, I’m not telling you what to personally like/dislike. But I do hope you’ll think about why you do, and contemplate the fact that just because something is wrapped up in pretty packaging, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s harmless. Love doesn’t have to mean being dominated, stalked, policed, or controlled. And you don’t have to be married before you’re 20 or it’s game over. Healthy relationships are balanced, with an equal flow of power, love, and trust between parties involved. They can happen at 17, 45, or never, and that’s all okay. My fear is that this anime will reinforce the exact opposite message with its audience, in a manner that is honestly kind of insidious. It was so well-made, the tone and ambiance they created is so lovely that the harmful messages will just fly over your head; like they almost did to me.

Or...just enjoy it without a second thought and leave me to my over-analyzing. I do admit I look very closely at things, but I don’t know any other way to be.

TLDR; A lot of style, not a whole lot of substance. 4.5/10

[the-firebird69]

More arrive today, simply put, you s are being invaded, and your laqidazical lazy all knowing wise ass attitude more than recognized by us.

We welcome our well esteemed colleges input but don't pour over him forcing him to defend what sounds like him, ever again, we come by and pick you up.

Your being invaded, several hundred thousand now, more, Pyramids, it forces evacuation forces you to act leave or die. No more excuses as Mac says. We want you out we take you out.

450,000 in place tons more arrive daily, huge Armadas of them. Stocked to the brim supply lines as far as one can see, gigantic star cruisers carry millions of items for them and thousands of Pyramids.

Humungous strategum is ongoing, will hit in several days. He laughs, the world's best plugger, in a way funny he's crushing you with the only technique he could use often, plugging... Plugging along he says. It's cold but true eh s??

So you fruit don't learn you will soon, the bombardment continues shortly, we seek any who try viewing is illegally. Most have no clearence.

We watch them move them and more, he's a dead man soon.

2 asking for it declaring Russian citizenship. Any who threaten him suspect of knowing means they are all very dumb but feel free. Not so soon.

Half a billion Pyramids isn't enough a billion and so on still you smirk smack your lips excersize no control yet feel loose as if for a fight... A fear reaction maybe he says the same demeanor and style we agree, your still hooked on us telling you stuff. So we will.

He says your not really insulting me much mostly you s. You seem so lame and odd, strangely weak and a constant affront, rude vulgar all the time now he says, and it's totally unwarranted

As if to say you planned to fail it's suicide and ugh I got you as if your all retarded.

Then he is nervous, we see you.

This is the point, we invade he laments as in hellraiser, it's not nice it's evil and painful to him and us we work to free him, we never say die too.

We work you smile laugh grimace eat horseshit sell it. It's so odd we do get it lots ok tons we got it all years ago you tried so hard in westboro too hard you worked at it it was many times less obvious.

Now it wreaks havoc here, your failures, we take advantage of them, they are many.... Forgieners, what forgieners, we are quick to point out he's not one, you jump, we hit you go blind.

Your act now your weakness.

Pussies and mutant weaklings invalids old ppl weaklings kids all pick on him he stands says so what your imbiciles. Ridiculous cows.

Forgieners do it, good. He echoes the sentiment. We know who and why.

Sit down why you die every day we make you. You return from elsewhere or a clone facility here. Limited supply now, you are running low. Soon you will be gone, we use what you have left, now, we take it.

And them.

He said it meant it. They are ours too. We have a place, Sanctuary, called Elisium. A city Kong is in he asked me I referred him to Gu. He loves it. Kong and Koko. His mate. They feel the air it's strong with life not stale like other zoo places.

We set it up. Call out to your mother s. Cry out as you do.

We use the Pyramids again today now have bombarded worked, firing up main reactors. They hit. Ppl fall. Huge crowds gather to see it and the Iron Giant. We flew as it's so bright no it's death a machine of death, huge piles of bodies daily mounds of fecal matter from Gigantic Kaiju, and moths too the size of football game fields occasionally eaten due to too large or die by not relocating out of arrogance.

We flew you too your pigs.

Titans fell last time more arrive, they hog birthing and other stuff, DNA, biotech, high tech equipment and hardtack ammo ordinance and nukes tons of nukes.

We use it all now they fall, fell. Cooked, we add to the museum, include your downtown atrium, out Carol in it and Mrs Doyle who followed Ted to a Pyramid, wrong road. He was doing it to him for years, got list a lot. Still does. They argue furiously she has killed him many times he's so arrogant and stupid.

It was is fiercely annoying. Tons do it now to him try all day. No gain only loss. We hit them for it.

They miss it.

It's Ark. Thor thought of it a while back. We have to he said. Why. He felt something old tugging on him creepy, Freya, she told him why for us to remember allow no slip ups falling... No torment.

The Ark does. Just that.

We hear it rev globally, huge plumes of smoke, in daylight too. Gigantic plumes to the sky. Massive crowds some shiver in fear most realize they will die but have to see it, need to. A house of the Holy, house of the God's.

We must see

It. We must try to steel it

It we must damage it all that racket and death

Or we must succumb to it to be studied

But they all arrive, newborns scattered all over the floor. We dispose of them appropriately. Quickly

The fat kardo women heft themeselves out of bed Huck thier kids zoom out full of energy being charged are very strong, and sent her back

Her a. The statue, she is a conductor. Statue of Liberty they all practice now. Fail. He did it. They come charged pumped and die whistling at one another, sex you bet, get nailed in the act. Feel great though. Waterfall the max we appreciate that but for pro training.

This is what I mean you should be down trodden not up for the gym. They pass you by oddly now. Trip a lot by each other.

Fume about it. Act like girls are insanely jealous are gay as hell weak dangerous,

We do that full psychological workup now

We hear you

Thor

They burn. Tons. Any remote camera system needs to be deleted on Pyramids before they can shutter, try a pulse first, hit monitoring, it works, Knicks the xmcity out a blue hue guides them. Huge to us is your way of dealing with it

Thor striking. Soon Virginia complete, upper Midwest. Midwest too. Completely. Tons of reasons. Can keep some Russ's.

We close the upper Midwest.

Phones too

Hera laughs he knew

Then it's fun lol.

Thor