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harryskalechips · 4 years ago

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This sucks Part 2

A/N Here is the new part two for this sucks. Thank you for all the feedback and for calling me out for the shitty ending of the last version. I rewrote this part with a mixture of the old one. I’m not sorry about the last version but I did want to rewrite this and give this one-shot some justice. I thought this would be more appropriate for our plot. Lastly, I want to say thank you for your support. Without you, I would not have a place to share my work. Anyways, if you read the last version and is content with that, You don’t need to read this but for my lovely angsty cravers. I serve you a full plate of depression. Enjoy xxx

Word count 3456

Part 1

“Get the fuck out, Mitch.” Harry slurs to his guitarist as he tries his best not to fall back onto his hotel bed. He kept tripping and stumbling onto the mattress and that’s exactly why he doesn’t want it to happen again.

“Dude, you have a show tomorrow. You’ve been getting drunk every night and I don’t think it’s good for your career.” Mitch leans on the side of the wall with his arms crossed. His sarcastic reply just showed how tired he was about Harry acting out. He missed the last tour when everything was good... despite his breakup with Camille in the near end. At least, Harry wasn’t trying to drown himself in alcohol that time.

“You don’t know what’s best for me!” Harry grips onto the desk in front of him and reaches over his bag to grab the beaten journal. “Now leave me alone, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ve never seen you this fucked up before, Harry. You know we’re all here for you.” Mitch shares his disappointment as he watches Harry throw himself on the couch and dive into his journal. When Love on Tour first started, he was very quiet but as the shows progressed, Harry’s frustration began to seep through. Everyone could tell he was angry at himself. Obviously, heartbroken.

As Mitch stood in the corner of Harry’s room observing him, Harry tried his best to write something on the paper. He needed it to seem like he was focused. After a couple minutes, his friend leaves the room making Harry rub his face in relief as he throws his journal on the floor.

Fuck this. fuck this. He repeats in his head as he raises his hips in the air, trying to grab his phone from his back pocket. His eyes are lazily open as he taps on the screen searching for the green phone app. He looks for his favourites and out of fake shock, he stares at the only name on it. Y/N.

Giving a call once a day showed Y/N, he wants her back but calling her multiple times a day? Y/N had to know he was desperate.

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected.

The automated voice he hears every time repeats. It almost felt like she was laughing at him for being so pathetic. Out of anger, he tosses his phone on the floor and lays on his stomach. It felt weird being so angry and sad at the same time about a relationship that only lasted for four months but Harry knew it was the best relationship he has ever had. So maybe everyone can fuck off a bit because he just lost his girlfriend without actually being able to fight for her.

“Harry, you haven’t been answering your sister or your mum. They’ve been calling me to check up on you. Would you like me to schedule a time for you to call them.” Harry’s secretary Andy, asks him as they approach his private jet. They’re on their way back to America since he had just finished the European leg.

“No, but next time they call, tell them I said to fuck off.” Andy nervously swallows the lump in her throat and nods.

It’s been months! Months after Harry and Y/N’s break up but Harry can’t help but still feel anger at his family for being so close-minded. For hurting her.

“Harry, Camile has also been calling. She’s wondering what show would you like to see her at so we can send her y’know… the tickets.” Harry just scoffs at hearing his ex’s name. Of course, he started talking to her again early this year but after realizing he was in the wrong, he wanted nothing to do with her.

“Ignore her. I can’t talk to her.”

“Alright.” Andy types on her phone writing down something on her notes. Harry just takes a big sigh and looks out the window. Tour could’ve been fun this year. He could’ve brought Y/N to France, to Italy, to Brazil! But I mean, he couldn’t even be with her in London after she left his stupid ass. Gosh, he hates it here.

“When I wrote this song, I was in a dark place after a relationship of mine ended.” Harry darkly looks around the arena as he fixes the wire of his mic behind him. “I’m a very private guy but let me share one more thing with you all. I fucked up. This song is not even what I’m talking about but it does make me a bit sadder because I did become that guy I didn’t want to be.” His eyes couldn’t help but tear up as he watches his fans look at him in sadness. Fuck, he’s been drinking all the time and all he feels is guilt because these past shows, he was pretending to be happy. Yet he knew he wasn’t even close to that feeling and so did everyone around him.

As the familiar keys began to play, Harry couldn’t help but not look at any of his fans. He had to close his eyes and feel his pain.

I’m falling again, I’m falling again. I’m falling.

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected.

Harry rolls his eyes and tosses his phone on the couch. Tonight is his last show in North America. After this, he’s going to be heading south although, it already feels like he’s been heading in that direction for a long time.

“Come in,” Harry yells out coldly as he looks at himself dressed and ready to go to perform tonight.

“It’s just me, Jeff.” His manger lets himself in as he looks at the boy. “The Forum. Remember performing here the first time you released the album.” Harry just nods as he plays with the loose thread of his journal.

“She’s here tonight.” Harry chokes on his breath as his heart beats faster.

“Y/N?” He looks up immediately as he watches Jeff very carefully. “She’s here tonight?” He asks again for confirmation. Maybe, he heard him wrong?

“While we were in London and you were ignoring your family, I decided to give her a call.” Harry just scoffs as he glances at the TV of his fans singing to one of his old songs.

“You called her? She probably thinks I’m pathetic.”

“You are pathetic! Do you think I don’t know you call her all the time?”

“Her phone number isn’t even in service.”

“Exactly. Pathetic.”

“Where is she sitting tonight?” Harry decides to change the subject as he glances at his phone on the couch.

“Premium... more on the left side. Look, dude, I gave her an extra ticket to bring a friend but as I was checking in with Mark on visuals, I noticed her with a guy.”

“She brought a guy?” Harry couldn’t help but fist his hands. I mean he’s already had about 60 shows and it’s been 5 months but why did it surprise him, she’s here with another man? Funny to think she claimed she was falling in love with him. Maybe that guy was just a friend but he knew otherwise.

“I’m sorry H. I thought seeing her tonight would fix your relationship but it doesn’t seem like it.”

“I don’t care.” Harry loses his tie. “Maybe, it was a good idea I started talking to Camile again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh but I do.” ~

The show was on full swing now as Harry’s fans were screaming and cheering for him. His hands leave his mouth as he blows kisses to everyone in the room. As he searched the crowd throughout every song, he noticed how some faces were familiar to him. They must’ve been here last night too. After watermelon sugar, Harry turns his back from the crowd to take a drink as Mitch plays his solo for the tour.

He didn’t want his fans to see his frustration but he was losing his mind.

“Where are you going?” Sarah loudly whispers as she watches Harry walk off the stage.

“I’ll be back” He cuts her off and takes his water bottle with him as he quickly walks off the stage, waving to his fans.

“Harry, what’s up?” Jeff exclaims as he rushes to his side. “Do you need anything?”

“Where is she? I can’t find her.”

“Do you expect yourself to catch eyes with her tonight? You know full well that’s not even possible.” Harry rolls his eyes as he watches some of the workers moving around.

“Get someone to lead her backstage after the show.” He instructs Jeff coldly. He needed to make sure that Jeff followed through with this.

“Mr. Styles, we’re going to need you back on stage.” An unknown girl with a headset interrupts their conversation. Harry just nods as he turns away from Jeff.

“I need to talk to her... please.”

***

“You alright babe?” Robbie wraps his arm around Y/N as she smiles back without a response. It was weird being in the presence of another man during Harry’s concert. She always expected to be by herself watching him. To be with him before and after the show but tonight... she’s just another fan.

Y/N met Robbie on her flight back to LA after a dreadful trip to London. It was depressing. Walking in the streets alone. Taking awkward selfies at the big ben. What she hated the most was the sad frown she kept on her face or how her heart grew with anxiety when she asked a stranger to take a picture of her at the tower bridge.

“Sorry everyone, I had to take a wee.” Harry runs back on stage as he gives off a smile to everyone. For some reason, Y/N had a feeling he was lying. Usually, he would run back on stage but it seems like he wasn’t even in a hurry. The wrinkles on his forehead as he stared at the floor made her think there may be more on his mind than what he’s showing.

“So usually in this part of the setlist, I would be singing Cherry but tonight, I wanted it to be a bit more special. I’ll be singing Don’t Let Me Go. A song I wrote back late 2012’s. Luckily, Mitch and Charlotte already know how to play it.” (A/N This makes me sad ugh)

Don't let me

Don't let me go

Cause I'm tired of feeling alone

“Can’t believe you know this guy, babe! He’s amazing!” Robbie crosses his arms as he takes a sip of his beer. Y/N holds onto the rail, trying to not breakdown. “Hey, Are you crying?” Her boyfriend reaches out to her as she watches Harry looking at them. She doesn’t think he can see them but the way he kept glancing at the area she was in, he knows she’s here.

“Yeah, it’s just a really sad song.”

“Ms. L/N?” A woman with a headset approaches the couple.

“Yes.”

“Hi, I’m Amanda, Mr. Styles would like you backstage after the show.” Robbie flashes a big smile as he looks around them hoping no one is noticing their interactions with the lady.

“We’ll be there.” Robbie cuts in as he wraps his arm around his girlfriend. Y/N tenses up as she awkwardly smiles back at him.

“Actually, his instructions were very clear and he only wants Ms. L/N.” Her eyes widened as Robbie pulls away from her.

“Thank you.” She smiles and glances back at Harry.

“I’ll have someone get you during our last song.” and with that, Amanda walks away while Robbie coldly glares at Harry who’s taking a sip of water as the song comes to an end.

“Is there something going on between you guys?”

“No.”

“Why does he only want to see you? You never even told me how you two met!”

“Okay, Robbie. Calm down. I’ll explain later. He and I are just friends.”

Y/N follows the boy down the hallway as she hears Harry’s fans chant out his name. It’s been months since she had seen him and if she was being honest, Y/N never thought she would again. But Jeff sounded so sad and concerned about him that she wanted to see him. Despite breaking all her ties with him, She still thinks about him every day.

Y/N looks at the TV screen and notices the lights were now on and Harry and the rest of his band were off the stage. Robbie is probably sulking as he walks to his car right now. She thinks to herself.

The door harshly opens as Harry comes in all sweaty. “Hey.” Y/N waves at him as she quietly sits on his couch. He takes his jacket off and hugs her without another word. “You’re so sweaty.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she feels his familiar embrace. Maybe, laughing would ease off the awkward tension.

“I missed you Y/N.”

“I missed you too H.”

“I never thought I would see you again.” He sits on the couch beside her and runs his hand through his hair.

“I’ve always been excited to see one of your shows live.” She couldn’t help but brush her hair out of her face. Here is the man she was falling in love with. The man she chose to forget.

“How did Jeff get in contact with you? I tried calling your number a few times and it wasn’t in service.” Harry bit his lip at his question. He knew full well he called her number at least three times a day.

“I keep in touch with Glenne.” She watches Harry scoff. “What?”

“You can keep in touch with her but you can barely talk to me?”

“Our trip to London was a sign that we shouldn’t be together, Harry.” Y/N couldn’t help but get flashbacks from her traumatic trip. She was so excited to meet his family, only to find out they already hated her before she stepped foot inside their house.

“That trip was not how it was supposed to go. I had plans to make you so happy.”

“That’s funny since the only plan that came through was me finding out you started talking to Camile again.”

“Did you mean what you said to my mum?” He ignores her last comment as he watches her carefully. She shrugs her shoulders in confusion then it suddenly hits her… he’s talking about London. “I heard it all.”

“Oh.” She looks away from Harry and stares at the pattern of the rug in his change room. “Yeah, I meant every single word.” Y/N plays with her cuticles trying to keep herself from remembering that sad trip.

“I’m sorry about what happened. Camille was a big part of my life and I wanted to start seeing her again. Not like romantically but the way I still talk with Kendall.”

“It’s okay. I think it needed to happen.” Harry’s eyes flash in confusion. Last time, he spoke to her, they were so sure that this relationship would work out. Now, she’s managed to change her whole idea about them and that hurt a lot. Especially since she’s all he thinks about.

“Why would you say that?” He stands up in anger.

“Harry. Your mom and sister hated me! You clearly have or had feelings for Camille and you were going on tour We wouldn’t have worked out!”

“Are you blaming me?” He crosses his arms. He was offended.

“No.” Y/N rubs her face in frustration. “It was nice what we had, Harry. Believe me but now we can’t be together.”

“What? Why? Because you have that stupid prick as your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Y/N stands up as well, preparing herself to leave. He grabs his journal from his vanity and opens it. He flips the pages as Y/N watches him in confusion.

He rips random pages out and crumples them. He takes her hands and forces her to take them. “I’ve been in love with you! Goddammit, just take me back!”

“Harry…”

“Look, I have more! I’ve been writing about you every day. I’ve been writing songs about you.” He looks at his journal one more time before closing it and throwing it on the floor. “I wrote this whole damn book about you!”

Y/N begins to cry as she watches the strong man she has always known break down in front of her. “I can’t… Harry. Please.” He goes on his knees and takes her hands full of crumpled paper.

“You never even gave us a chance baby. Fuck, I should’ve stopped you the moment you walked out that door. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Y/N couldn’t bare herself to look at him as she feels his hands on her.

“You should have gone with me to the store that day. I should’ve shown you around my town! Now I can barely talk to my family because they remind me of who I lost. What I lost!”

“Harry. I don’t want this anymore. I’ve always been scared of our relationship. I can’t handle this.” It’s true. She watched romantic movies her whole life and the more she admired those types of relationships, the more she didn’t want one herself. Y/N knows her life isn’t a movie but if Rachel McAdams cried her heart out during The Notebook while in character, she can’t imagine what else Harry can throw at her so she can experience that type of heartbreak. She needed a clean break from him. Robbie was her safe choice.

“I love you, please.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I dream about you. I think of you. I need you!”

“I can’t!” She shakes her head as she tries to help him up. She takes the crumpled paper and runs to his vanity as he stands behind her, confused. She eagerly tries to flatten them out. She bends down to grab his journal and tries to place each page back in the book.

“What are you doing?” He approaches her. “Those are for you!”

“No Harry! These are for you. I need you to keep these. I need you to remember us.”

“I need you to remember us.” He whispers and grabs her wrist to stop working. “You forgot about me.”

“I had to. I needed to.” She looks at the mirror and watches his eyes in the mirror.

“I thought we were stronger than this.”

“It’s been five months. You should move on too, H.” She pulls away from Harry and continues to fix his journal. She remembers the nights he would write in the leather book. How calm he looked. How happy he was.

“Just admit it then! You took the first problem that occurred and used that to leave me!”

“Fine! I did! I admit it!”

“You’re just as bad as me then!”

“You were in love with Camille!!”

“Then why do I feel like dying every day ever since you left me!”

The silence makes Y/N’s heart beat faster as Harry finally lets out his last thoughts. He takes hold of her hips and pulls her in close to him. He glances once at her lips then stare at her eyes.

Y/N didn’t know what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away from him and leave but her heart wanted something more. Ironic enough, that familiar thump in her heart has always been present. The guilt she felt when she first started dating Robbie. The ache she felt when she watched Harry’s interviews late at night. Now, it was asking for something different. Something more. She holds onto the back of his neck as she kisses him. Harry pushes her back onto his vanity, helping her sit on it.

Lips so familiar. Taste so heavenly. A scent so intoxicating. He needed more. She missed him.

“I’m sorry fuck I’m sorry.” Y/N pulls away and pushes his chest a bit lightly.

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore. I’ll let you go.” He lets out. He was hoping that it wasn’t true. This would be the only way to trap her into admitting that she wants to be with him again. He’s selfish. It’s true.

“You know that wouldn’t be true.” Harry’s heart skips a beat.

“So, stay with me. I need you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I love you but I can’t.” She moves off a bit and hops off his vanity. She takes a deep breath and looks at him. “I think you’ll find someone for you.”

“Do you love Robbie?” He ignores her last statement. Truth be told, Y/N doesn’t. She began dating him two months ago and all she thinks about is Harry.

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m lying! Harry, please don’t let me go through this again.”

“I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you walk away from me.” She gives him a soft smile as she takes her phone from her pocket.

“I have to go. Robbie just texted me. He’s angry.”

“Will I ever see you again.”

“Probably not.”

“So what? You’re going to keep avoiding me from now on?”

“I think I might have to. Take care H. Take care of yourself, please.”And with that, Harry watches Y/N walk out of his life for the final time.

He takes his journal and walks to the couch. He lazily slouches as he takes a random paper out. It’s about her, of course, it is. He places the sheet on the top of his heart and closes his eyes. “This sucks.”

Maybe, this was the closure Harry needed but for some reason, his heart was hurting more.

part trois

#Harry styles #harry styles one shots #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanifction #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurbs #harry styles angst #one direction #one direction one shots #blurbs

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words-for-holland · 4 years ago

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Happier (4) | T.H.

Summary: Y/N & Tom speak to each other for the first time in 3 weeks! Tom is in talks of doing a new movie. Lots of yelling, painful pictures being sent. Harrison and Harry go on a trip. Does Kate finally tell the truth to Y/N?

A/N: Hmmm....seems like Natalie & Matt is everyone’s favorite/hated suspects. More theories lets hear em!!!

Sanctuary

Its a word often used to protect those within a troubling world. For some it’s a church, a home, sometimes a family and friend. For Y/N and Tom, sanctuaray was no where to be found. Three weeks it’s been since the world felt like it collapsed on Y/N and Tom. Three weeks of feeling left in a troubling space that they could not get out of...until now. As soon as they heard each other’s voices on the phone, it gave them a moment of relief, but only for a moment.

“So...how are you?” Tom asks nervously. He wanted to pick his words out carefully in hopes that he wouldn’t upset her.

“Im okay.” Y/N responds quietly as she looks back at her phone. No message yet, maybe she was in the clear and that gave her a small boost of confidence. It was going to be okay. “How about you?” She asks back, not really sure how to carry the conversation. In any case, how does one continue talking to an ex without making it awkward? Let alone how does one talk to someone without the fear of being blackmailed.

“Yeah Im great...really great.” Tom lies and chuckles nervously.

Y/N could tell by the tone of his voice how nervous he was. A habit she always found to be adorable for him. Y/N rolled her eyes with a slight smile before she questions him in a serious tone “Why did you call Tom?”

Tom closes his eyes, letting out a stressed sigh. “I miss you Y/N and I dont care what you say or what you said to me that night, but this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I miss you too but things happen beyond our control, Tom. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.” Y/N responds nonchalantely, staring at her phone again. No messages still.

“Thats a load of bullshit and you know it. We were supposed to get through anything. Fuck the rumors fuck everything! This isn’t like you Y/N!” Tom vents out every feeling and thought he had since she left. “You say you miss me but then what are we doing? Why are we continuing to hurt ourselves like this?”

Y/N shakes her head, knowing deep down the reason why but could never say. Not unless she wanted to ruin his dream. She could never. “It’s not that simple.” She croaked.

“We would have found a way to get through it, but you gave up so easily. I know for a fact my Y/N never gave up without a fight.”

Y/N looks again at her phone, and no messages were to be found. Maybe she could tell him, and they wouldnt know, but Y/N knew better. Somewhere out there there was someone always watching her every move. “I cant do this right now. Goodbye Tom.” Y/N hangs up as she continues to cry herself to sleep. So much for sanctuary.

Its the morning after, and as Y/N heads downstairs, she hears soft laughter and conversations echoing through the halls. For a second it almost sounded like Tom’s, and she hurried toward the room only to be disappointed. In the living room was Matt and Kate as they made small talk awaiting for Y/N’s arrival.

“Y/N! You’re awake!” Kate exclaims as she gets up from the seat to give her a hug. “Look who decided to drop by!”

Matt looked up at Y/N and gives her a shy smile and wave. He’s dressed in his navy blue LBI shirt and cream colored shorts. It was typical high school Matt...nothing had changed with him.

“Yes I see that....I’m sorry did we have plans and I forgot?” Y/N asked confused.

“No actually uh I invited him over because I knew you wanted to catch up with him after last week..so I pulled some strings.” Kate whispers.

“You..what?” Y/N asked annoyed, her eyes glaring and her brows furrowed. If there was one thing Y/N hated it was blind dates. She had stressed that over and over throughout the years that she hated it, especially with people she used to have romantic feelings for. The keyword..USED.

“Cmon Y/N. Remember this was the time for you to move on and forget. Plus you wouldn’t want to send him away after he came here just to see you!” Kate tries her best to sell it, she had to...there’s wasnt really a choice.

Y/N looked back at Matt and groaned silently to her best friend. “Fine I’ll go, but this is the last blind date you’re ever setting me up on AND you’re doing the dishes.” She emphasized as she got ready and grabbed her purse.

To say Y/N was surprised was an understatment. For sure, she had a feeling this was going to be awkward in so many ways like any other first dates, but this...wasn’t too bad. Though she realized it wasn’t a date this was just two old friends catching up from the past.

She learned a lot about him and how his younger brother Steven was working on becoming an engineer and how his little sister Emily was also grown up and working towards becoming a physical therapist. As for Matt, he was working in the city too as an accountant for a finance firm. While they continued to eat their lunch at Chelsea’s Market, she couldn’t help but make the comparisons.

Matt didn’t dress up like Tom, didnt make her laugh like Tom does, didnt make her blush the way Tom does, didnt smile like Tom, and when he touched her hand...she didnt feel the goosebumps the way Tom would. It was clear. He wasn’t Tom and could never be Tom.

The date came to a close, but Y/N hadn’t really gathered much from it since she was so focused on Tom. Every word Matt had said to her barely made it through. She’d be lying if she didnt say the date was okay but she’d be lying even more if she had said she’d enjoy it.

She looked into his blue eyes as he looked into hers. Matt tried to lean forward to give her a kiss, but Y/N moved away. She couldnt. Not when Tom was still present in her thoughts and her mind. “Im sorry...I just got out of a serious relationship and well —” Y/N whispers feeling guilt in her heart.

“No no. It’s fine really. Maybe I was too forward with this and I had no idea....I’m sorry.” Matt laughs, feeling heavily disappointed. “I’ll uhh I’ll see you around?” Y/N nods as she waves him goodbye.

The next day, Tom wakes up in his bed still praying that this whole phase was just a nightmare he’s still having trouble waking up from. Today was not that day. He got up and dressed appropiately knowing that today would be a meeting for his upcoming project. He had forgotten all about it especially with everything going on. When he arrived and entered the room with Harrison, Natalie also appeared sitting in one of the chairs with a smile and coffee on hand.

“Jesus you’re like everywhere now.” Harrison speaks out taking the seat across from her, while Tom takes the seat next to Harrison.

“Well I mean I do live with you guys temporarily until my flat gets fixed, and I did get cast in the same movie as Tom.” She laughs pointing out the obvious.

Tom looked up, his eye wide open and brows raised. He completely forgot the fact that she was going to be playing his love interest for the film. He tried to recall if he had told Y/N about it before and if maybe that’s why she was also mad. Maybe if he told her now, that would make her feel better? Tom was lost in his thoughts he didnt hear the other publicists in the room calling out to him. “Tom are you listening?”

Harrison quickly hits his best friend to wake him up from his thoughts. “Huh? Uh..no sorry.” Tom confesses, looking down at the table.

The publicists, both roll their eyes in annoyance. “We’re telling you that you need to do a lot of PR for this movie in order to boost the sales, and recoginition for both you and Natalie. This means..you’re going to have to pretend you’re in a relationship for some time.”

Tom and Harrison are now fully attentive and furious. “What?! Im not doing PR for this. That is low for the both of us. We shouldnt have to fake a relationship to get our work across” Tom yells out fury burning in his brown eyes.

“I know Tom, but no one watches it for the films nowadays it’s about the image, and right now we’re trying to help both of yours and Natalie’s. You’ve been looking liek a depressed bloke this past month and Natalie is trying to get some exposure in the business.” The publicists expalin. “Harrison, help us out here.”

“Look mate, Im just his assistant. It’s up to Tom if he wants to do this or not.” Harrison speaks out as he points to his best friend. He faces Tom and whispers, “You don’t have to do this mate, there are other projects out there.”

Tom nods, as he looks at the room of people. He closes his eyes, but all he could see was Y/N. Deep down, Tom knew he couldnt do this to her. “I..I don’t think I can do this.”

Natalie and the publicists’ eyes shot up in fear, unhappy with the response given. They knew there was only one thing they could do now. “Ah I understand. It’s because of a girl isn’t?” Natalie’s publicist speaks out. Tom looks at her and then down at the table, as he slowly nods his head. “Yes well Natalie’s told me all about her. Seems like a bright girl, but believe Tom she doesn’t love you as much as you thought she did.”

Tom’s eyes dart towards the publicist as his eyes continue to stare down in anger. He was angry, pissed off that they could ever make that assumption. “Fuck you! You don’t know anything!” His tone set in anger.

“Oh..but we do. See you think Y/N is remaining as faithful as you after a breakup, but why is she already out with another guy.” The publicist continues. She hands her phone to Tom as he swipes through the pictures of Y/N and Matt’s date. He saw Y/N smile at Matt, laugh with him, and touch his shoulder. Yet, the one picture that broke him the most was the one where Matt almost kissed Y/N. While Tom didn’t know the backstory, he could very well imagine how it went. Everything in him shattered, and his eyes started to well up.

“Mate..there’s gotta be an explanation for all of this. Y/N wouldn’t move on from you that quickly. You know her..she wouldn’t. This is all rubbish.” Harrison tried to reason to his heartbroken best friend. For once, he couldn’t rule out Natalie. She didn’t blackmail Y/N, someone else did.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Tom grumbles as he gets up and walks away.

The world was quiet for the next two days, and it almost seemed like a break from all of it. Back in the New York, Y/N was minding her own business in the apartment with Kate, when she got a text message.

Unknown

Answer the next phone call. ❤️

Y/N’s phone rings and it’s Tom. Her hands are shaking, afraid of what was going to happen. “Y/N.” Tom says shortly, tone filled with disappointment.

“Tom” Y/N replies, her voice shaking.

This wasn’t sanctuary anymore. This was hell.

“Tell me it’s not true.” Tom speaks out, needing to hear the truth. “Did you go out with another guy?”

Y/N hesistated for a moment, unsure of what to say. She could either lie or tell the truth but it didnt matter at this point she was fucked either way. “Yes.” She breathes out. “But — ”

“It’s not what I think? Right?” His tone getting louder. “So it’s okay for you to judge me with Natalie, but not okay for me to judge you with some bloke you’re with?”

“Matt is my friend and I had no choice in that matter!” Y/N yells out, unhappy with how Tom was confronting her.

“Did he threaten you?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, not him but someone was threatening her. “No.”

“Then you did have a choice.”

As soon as Y/N was going to speak, she got a new message. This time it was a picture from Unknown. One of Tom and Natalie getting cozy as they walked out of a building. Natalie was smiling and Tom had his arms wrapped around her shoulder. “Yeah, guess you made yours too with Natalie.”

Tom was in shock, did she know about the him and Natalie. “Y/N it’s not what you —”

“What? What I think? Yeah that makes two of us, but you want to make assumptions? Fine. You look like you already moved on yourself, but moving on with a girl you know I can’t stand...that’s an all time low for you.” Y/N hangs up and throws her phone across the room. Kate quickly comes to comfort her best friend.

“He...he moved on.” She sobbed quietly in Kate’s arms.

“I know...it’s going to be okay.” Kate whispers. Tears started to also fall on Kate’s eyes as she saw how much pain her best friend was in. She looked at her phone and quickly deleted the pictures she had taken of Y/N and Matt. “Im so sorry. I..have to tell you something.”

Y/N had fallen fast asleep, exhausted from crying. Just when Kate was ready to tell the truth...the door rang.

“Kate!” Harrison and Harry said spoke out in relief as they hugged her.

“Hey..what are you guys doing here?” She asked surprised but also relieved.

Harrison and Harry looked at each. “We want to help find out the truth.”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco

#tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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solitvdcs · 4 years ago

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* sofia carson, cis female + she/her | you know raquel morales, right? they’re twenty-five, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, most of her life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to go your own way by fleetwood mac like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole leather jacket and stiletto boots, red painted lips, alphabetized record collection thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is september 20, so they’re a virgo, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

trigger warning: death, drugs, alcohol

basic info

full name: raquel morales giraldo

birth date: september 20, 1995

pronouns: she/her

hometown: irving, north carolina

sexuality: bisexual

height: 5′5″

eye color: hazel

hair color: dark brown

build: slim

tattoos: the letters “crel” along the inside of her middle finger (the initials of each morales sister, including herself), an eighth note behind her ear, blooming flowers going up her left thigh

piercings: many, many ear piercings, formerly pierced nose but the hole has closed up

style: if you see her around and she’s not wearing a leather jacket, that’s not her

favorite color: black

favorite food: torta negra

zodiac: virgo sun, leo moon, scorpio rising

mbti: istj

hogwarts house: slytherin

enneagram: type 3 wing 4

temperament: choleric-melancholy

alignment: true neutral

rocky was born the second oldest out of four sisters, though her younger sisters weren’t that much younger. one of a set of identical triplets, rocky always felt herself taking on the “big sister” role when it came to ellie and lisa, even if they were only a couple hours younger than her. their oldest sister, cassidy, was already ten when the triplets were born, so by the time they were able to remember, cassidy was already off living her own life. there was a distinct separation between the triplets and cassidy, but the triplets were so close knit that none of them really minded.

each triplet seemed to be a prodigy in their own way. ellie moved her way through the ranks of her ballet company faster than any other kid in the studio’s history, lisa could charm just about anyone and was a natural actress, and rocky gravitated towards music. she could pick up just about any instrument and play it, and music became her escape. she shared a face and so much else with two other girls, but music was the thing that was solely hers. but, being the most logical out of the three, she saw music as more of a hobby than a career. when the time came for university, she planned on majoring in business. but - as a nod to her true passion - her concentration was on the music industry.

during undergrad, she met her boys. the four were music majors with different concentrations who’d decided to form a band, but unfortunately were short a guitarist. they held auditions, rocky showed up on a whim, and was promptly welcomed into the band. it was odd, at first, being the only girl when she’d grown up in a household of mainly girls, but she acclimated quickly. it was the first time she’d felt at home since she’d left her sisters back in irving. they became popular on and around campus, and eventually a few other local universities started booking them. after graduation, they got a record deal - rocky led the negotiations, of course - and after that, syndicate took off.

syndicate’s fanbase consisted of people mostly interested in her bandmates, and it didn’t bother her until the fans started targeting her on social media. there were rumors going around that she and the lead singer were “more than friends” (which at the time was not true), and his most extreme fangirls bullied her until she had no choice but to delete her social media accounts. after that she focused on the music and nothing else, until one night at an afterparty, the lead singer made a move. sure, they’d had a weird, jealous flirtationship for most of the time they’d known each other, but nothing had ever happened. they started dating in secret, nobody knowing except the other guys in the band. after a while, rocky reactivated her social media accounts, and hoped the lead singer would have her back now that they were actually together.

long story short, he didn’t.

DRUGS, ALCOHOL, DEATH TW. they started fighting. a lot. and the more they fought, the harder rocky partied. she fell deep into the underground music party scene and started mixing progressively harder drugs with alcohol, until one day she overdosed. she wasn’t supposed to survive, but someone was looking out for her that night. she found out too late that her youngest sister, lisa, had died that same night. she flew home just for the funeral before discreetly checking herself into rehab, though nothing could fix the fact that one whole third of herself was now missing.

after rehab, she made the decision to leave not only syndicate, but the music industry altogether. music had become a gateway drug instead of an escape, and she couldn’t let all of her hard work in rehab go to waste, not to mention it felt like a slap to the face to her dead sister. instead she enrolled in grad school back home, and ultimately syndicate broke up without her. nobody outside of the band and her family know about her rehab stint, nor do they realize that she was the instigator behind the band’s breakup. she carries the guilt around with her still, though.

added bc i c/ped the intro from when i played her before: rocky dated isaac hensely in high school for a couple years, and she started thinking that maybe he was it for her. she’d planned on going to the same school as him instead of her dream school, and when she told him, he broke up with her (right before prom, too). she wasn’t going to go after that, but ellie and lisa convinced her to. she stayed until she saw isaac there with another girl, and promptly left. she didn’t even stay for long enough to see him and his date crowned prom king and queen.

wanted connections (yes these are also c/ped from when i played her before lol)

anybody wanna apply to be one of the band members????

someone who went to rehab with her and knows

a confidant for when she doesn’t have her sisters to talk to

friends i guess??

flirty frenemies?????? that’s clearly her type lol

a fwb thing that’s not serious but just when they both need to blow off some steam

someone who tempts her back into music (slowburn lol)

i am so bad at wanted connections i’m so sorry

#irvingintro #death tw #drugs tw #alchohol tw #jst realized i haven't been actually tagging the triggers in my intros i'm so sry 🥺

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scullysexual · 4 years ago

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Time Can Heal (5/ )

Season 2 | Abduction Arc | Canon Divergence | Angst

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | AO3

Mulder realises his quest for the truth costs too much.

[in which Dana meets her colleagues]

Warning for: more sleep paralysis and asshole colleagues.

Tagging: @bevh78 @mypanicface @weseeusinthefall @today-in-fic

- - -

The key fits into the door as it’s always done. Dana exhales as she turns the key, unlocking the door, and taking a wary glance towards her mother. Maggie smiles at her and with a heavy weight on her chest, forcefully smiles back.

She pushes the front door of her apartment open. All the blinds have been opened, sunlight streaming in. All of Dana’s worries go away for a moment as she surveys the apartment.

“It’s clean,” she says, stepping further into her home.

She expected it to still be a crime scene, for fingerprint dust to be covering the walls, and tape left all around. Instead the apartment is clean. Somebody’s been here regularly, she notices. The air in the place is light, somebody opened the windows, even watered her plants that where already on their last breath, Dana thinks with a smile, looking towards the Weeping Fig. Her fingers gently rub along its leaves, feeling the softness beneath, smiling slightly.

“Who cleaned it?” Dana asks, turning away from the plant.

She hesitates looking down at the area around her couch and coffee table, to the blinds. On the table sits a telephone. Somebody bought her a new one, she thinks as she walks over to it. Barry stood on the last one.

The window and blinds have been fixed, too. Somebody looked after this place for her.

“Uh…Fox did, actually,”

Dana freezes.

“He wanted it to be exactly how before you…” Dana looks over to her mother, wondering what’s caused her to stop talking.

“For when you returned,” Maggie recovers. She was looking for the right word to use.

Dana moves to sit on the couch. Of course Mulder would tidy her apartment up for her, that’s so him.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” she asks.

Maggie shrugs, she doesn’t know.

Probably because you were so adamant you weren’t going back.

She was still apprehensive about living here again. Right now she was fine, listening to her mother pilfer through the cupboards but what about when her mother was gone and it was just Dana?

She goes through her bag and pulls out her gun. Her other one was still in evidence, the chances she would ever get that one back was slim so they gave her another one. It didn’t matter, she liked this one more; it was silver, bigger and heavier than the other one had been. It feels like it can do more.

It felt good to have a gun back. Last year was the first time she ever had one that was hers and having it strapped to her side, it made her feel like she was important, made her more confident or that she had the upper hand.

These weeks had proven she needed it more than ever. Needed the sense that she could defend herself against anything if need be. She was small, a victim without it. With it, now she had the advantage.

But it wasn’t enough.

She had a gun when she was taken and it had done nothing.

Maggie sits beside her, placing the cup of tea down on the coffee table and eyes the gun disapprovingly.

“Sorry,” Dana says, tucking the gun back into the bag and out of her mother’s sight.

Maggie’s dislike of guns wasn’t a secret no matter how many times Bill Jr. or even their father had tried to explain the importance of them to her, she didn’t want to hear it.

They sit in silence but Dana’s mind won’t shut up. She doesn’t feel herself quite fit into this apartment anymore, isn’t as comfortable as she used to be. The pipes make a noise and it sends her eyes darting to the source. It’s daylight outside, her mother is next to her, and yet she’s still so jumpy.

“You don’t have to live here if you don’t want to,” Maggie says. “You can stay a little longer at the house, we can look for somewhere new.”

Dana thought about that but maybe she would feel this way wherever she stayed. In her mother’s house, she was comforted by the noises but she would still wake up in the quiet and be absolutely terrified somebody she didn’t know was downstairs.

So Dana shakes her head. She’ll get used to living her again, she has to.

Maggie sighs. “Fine.” She almost sounds disappointed at Dana’s choice. “But I’m staying tonight.” Relief floods through Dana. As much as she wanted her mother to stay she didn’t want to ask. Thank god for Maggie just knowing.

“That’s fine,” Dana answers.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

It happens again. She doesn’t even know what it is she’s dreaming about but the heaviness is back on her chest. Her eyes open and she can’t move.

Sleep paralysis.

She didn’t know a lot about it just that what she was sensing wasn’t real.

There’s nobody here, there’s nobody here, there’s nobody here.

She focuses on the ceiling, on trying to breath. If she panics it will just feel worse. She just needs to breathe and it will be over.

But something runs past her and her eyes dart from the ceiling to the wall.

In the dark she can see an outline of somebody. She tries to tear her eyes away but she can’t. The figure moves closer, each step has the pressure on her chest pressing heavier, her breathing quickens in panic, her fist trying to clench. The figure just reaches the outskirts of where the streetlight shines in through the gap, she can see his face but not work out who he is.

One more step and everything is gone. The figure, the weight. She can move again.

Dana switches to her side and curls up into a ball.

Why was this happening?

.:.:.:.:.:.

Other agents weren’t happy about having Mrs Spooky in their department. They called her Scully to her face and every other name behind her back, usually when she was right there but not directly talking to them.

They were trying to weed her out, calling her names, giving her the tougher cases to handle. Dana has never felt more belittled or disregarded than she has working in this department. Fuller watches from his office, never stepping in, never saying anything. What they’re doing could be put down as office banter, just giving the new kid the hard time that everyone new to a department goes through. It’s how they know they’ll get away with it. If she went to any higher up with this it would just be tossed aside, she’d be given a flimsy promise of We’ll sort it out soon, and never get around to it.

So Dana puts up with it. She never gives them the satisfaction of seeing her break when the more disturbing photos land on her desk. She kept her face straight, displaying no emotion to the photos in front of her.

Only once did she slip up. A woman was taken hostage and thrown into the trunk of a car. From what Dana could see from the photos, she was bruised, bloodied, and scared out of her mind. That had rehashed some particularly hard memories that had Dana bolting from her desk and out of the room. The time she spent in the bathroom she was anxious as hell to go back up, to face a room full of men who have never had to worry about being kidnapped, about having their homes broken into.

But she had gone back in, her head held high and got back to work, forcing herself to get on with it.

She comforted herself with the knowledge that she was better than all of them.

It’s late, dark outside, pretty much everyone has gone home.

Everyone except the person she hates second after Fuller in this place.

“Don’t you have a home to go to, Davis?”

“Same could be said about you, sweetheart.”

Dana had quickly come to hate Special Agent Joseph Davis. He was infuriating. No older than herself, the desk next to hers, Davis would plonk all his paperwork onto her desk and when she looked towards him wanting to kill him, he would smile at her and walk away.

And if he calls her sweetheart one more time…

“Scully is enough,” she answers back. It felt like Davis’ one purpose in this world was to annoy her.

Davis lingers around her desk, toying with her perfectly stacked post-it notes. Dana sighs audibly, looking up from the mindless paperwork she had found to him.

“Is there something you want?”

“I have a question actually.”

Dana decides to indulge him this one time. The quicker he asks his question the quicker he- or she- can leave.

“Why did ol’ Spooky leave? You two breakup?”

The question has her pen stopping. Dana was aware there were rumours, she knew a room would go quiet the moment she walked in to pick up coffee or whatever but to hear this assumption out loud and to her face takes her back a bit.

It almost makes her angry.

“Me and Agent Mulder were never together,” Dana answers, shifting in her seat and resuming her writing.

“Oh,” Davis says sounding disappointed. “Is that why he left then? You were too cold for him?”

She tries to stop the tears from forming. She will not cry in front of him.

Deciding she’s had enough, Dana closes the file, pops the pen back into the pot, and rises from her chair.

“Goodnight, Davis,” she says to him, grabbing her coat and her bag and heading towards the door.

“Not that I blame him,” Davis continues. “I mean, I’ve been making advances all week and I’ve gotten nowhere.”

She’s walking away, walking out of the room and as far away she can get.

“You might want to work on that!” Davis calls. “You might find yourself more likeable that way!”

Dana doesn’t turn back, she heads to the elevator and punches the button. Nobody in the building it comes fairly quickly. She steps in, pressing the button that takes her to the car park and still refuses to cry, despite the lump forming in her throat.

He’s just an asshole, Dana. They all are.

The elevator doors open and Dana makes the short walk to her car. Once in it and the doors are locked does she allow herself to cry.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

A call at 11pm startles him. Who was calling at 11pm? Usually it was him doing the calling.

Mulder picks it up anyway, pausing the video beforehand, and answers.

“Mulder,”

Wanna go for a drive?

“A drive where?”

Saint Paul, Bocks tells him. Andy spotted some unexplained lights flying around up there.

Mulder leans forward and thinks. A night out watching lights fly around or a night in watching porn?

The turns off the TV, deciding on the latter.

“Sure,” Mulder says. “Give me 5 minutes.”

Waiting for ya outside.

Phone still at his ear Mulder moves over to his blinds, peeking through. Across the way he sees a car and who he can make out is Bocks.

“That you sitting in the car?” Mulder asks.

Yep, that’s me.

Mulder shakes his head, and hangs up. Grabbing his coat and keys, he makes his way out of the apartment.

.:.:.:.:.:.

“So what does Cavanagh think about this?” Mulder asks as he climbs out of the car.

“What we do on our off-time is none of Cavanagh’s business,” answers Bocks.

Mulder laughs. He looks up to the sky then. There are no stars out tonight, too cloudy.

“Where are these lights then, Moe?”

“You’ll see them soon.”

It’s been about twenty minutes and still no lights. Mulder sits on the hood of the car, Bocks stands. He looks pointedly towards the other man, Bocks guiltily looks back at him.

“Guess they went away before we go here.”

“I guess,” Mulder says, giving another glance up towards the sky.

“You ever saw a spacecraft, Mulder?” Bocks asks. “Or mysterious lights in the sky?”

Mulder smiles, remembering the memory. “Once,” he answers. Off of Bocks’ look. “At Ellens Airbase. Me and my partner broke in and we saw them up there.” He would never forget the look on Scully’s face, her awe when she looked towards him. That night had been one of the best nights of his life. Never again would he get another one of those moments with her.

“What about you?” Mulder asks, moving away from that thought. “What got you into little green men.”

Bocks frowns, thinking.

“I once picked up this little girl from the side of the road. She was traumatised, kept saying she had been abducted. We thought she meant kidnapped and we kept asking her who took her, could she give us a description.” He smiles wistfully. “The girl could barely talk so she picked up a pad and a pen and drew her kidnapper.” Bocks looks towards Mulder then and Mulder thinks he knows where this story is going.

“She drew an alien. She had been abducted not kidnapped.” He breathes out heavily. “After that I went looking for all the case files and found some talking about UFO sightings and abductions. I wanted to know everything. After that I was hooked.” Bocks shrugs at the end. “What about you?”

Mulder smiles, looking off to some random patch of grass.

“I’ll tell you another time,” is all he says.

.:.:.:.:.:.

Something goes bump in the night and panic runs through Dana. She clenches her fist a few times, making sure to rule out that.

It’s not. She sits up, listening intensely, her heart pumping in her ears, prominent against her chest, blood rushing all over her body.

She reaches beside her to grab her gun, cocking it, and listens.

Another bump.

She pushes the covers back with one hand and climbs out of the bed. Slowly and quietly she makes her way to the door, gently opening it to look through.

All fingers ready on the trigger, the streetlights shine in through the blinds she refuses to close anymore. She looks for a shadow, another sound of movement. There’s nothing

Maybe their distracted, Dana thinks. She could use this moment.

Leaving her room, she makes her way towards the front room. Gun ready shoot, the knocks on the light and jumps out from behind the doorway.

There’s somebody there.

She does a full check of the room just to make sure and only when she’s completely satisfied that nobody is hiding in her cupboards does she finally put down her gun.

Adrenaline gone, the cold air caresses her skin, causing Goosebumps to appear. Dana shivers. She’s alone. There’s no one here.

#txf #xf fic #time can heal 5 #season 2 fic #i write

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caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma · 5 years ago

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Map of the Soul, Chapter Three

For the @btswritingcafe‘s Map of the Soul: 7 Workshop

Pairings: OT7 x reader (kinda); Taehyung x reader, Yoongi x reader

Series Summary: If you give a piece of yourself to everyone you love, at some point, there will be nothing left for yourself. While feeling lost and alone in your adult life, a strange box falls onto your head in your own closet, and you take an unexpected walk down memory lane wondering where everything went wrong. Was it the romances that fizzled out, the friends & loved ones you left behind, the “what could’ve been” moments, the brush with Fate that never quite connected? Could the strange map you find have the answers you are looking for? Determined to feel complete once again, you embark on a journey to reclaim the missing pieces of your soul.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Just a Smidgen of Smut

Word Count: 6k+

Warnings: cursing & vulgar language, sexual innuendos, mentions of previous sexual encounters, nerdy soulmate things, mentions of suicide, mentions of depression

Chapter Three: The Beautiful Music We Used to Make

March 19th, 6:27pm

“Tae, I need an opinion,” you shouted from the bowels of your closet. “Can you come here a minute?”

You were digging through your unbelievably small collection of cocktail dresses trying to pick out something professional, but still flattering. There was no way you were going to attend this event without looking your absolute best. You already had the most gorgeous plus one ever, but it would take more than the great Kim Taehyung to make you feel confident in the presence of your ex-fiancé.

Min Yoongi.

You tried in vain for many years to forget about your failed engagement to him, but it haunted you nonetheless. Case in point, this fancy university function to honor Min Yoongi for his recent contributions to the Music and Performing Arts Department. Because of his generous donations, they were able to purchase a new grand piano and upgrade the stage and orchestra pit in the auditorium.

I guess becoming a successful musician is worth ending a five year relationship after all.

You swallowed the bitter thoughts and pulled another dress off the rack. Taehyung popped into your closet and actually felt the angst seeping out of your pores, and it aggravated him to no end. The breakup with Yoongi almost broke you, and Taehyung did his best to keep you in one piece. It was difficult from afar, but he managed to keep you focused on school and other things until you were healed enough to move on.

He hated that Yoongi kept slipping back into your life, and he wasn’t about to let this opportunity to confront the guy pass him by. He’d insisted on accompanying you to the event, and he intended to put every other man in the room to shame with his charm and good looks, including Min fucking Yoongi.

Taehyung took in the desperation mounting on your face and he decided to step in and help the damsel in distress before him.

Prince Taehyung to the rescue!

“Ttalgi,” he said softly. “Get your shoes on. We aren’t going to find what you need here. For an event like this, you need something special. Come on, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” you pouted. “It’s already 6:30, Tae. Where could we possibly go at this hour to find clothes?”

“Omela’s, of course,” he grinned. “Where else?”

March 19th, 7:07pm

“That one,” Taehyung breathed out sharply. “It’s perfect.”

You glanced down at the glittering black gown you were wearing and you pursed your lips doubtfully. You’d tried on at least three other dresses, but for some reason, Taehyung was convinced this dress was the winner.

It was beautiful, you had to admit. The slinky material was accented with delicate beadwork and sequined appliques which wrapped up one side of your body and dipped down the other. The slit across your thigh was just revealing enough to still be in good taste. The halter top was a little dated, but Taehyung argued that vintage looks never go out of style.

You turned back around to face the mirror and your gaze met Taehyung’s in the reflection. The confidence etched across his features calmed your anxiety little by little. You twisted back and forth to inspect the different angles of your body and you had to admit, the dress looked pretty good on you.

“Oh, you look gorgeous, honey,” a sweet voice piped up from the racks. “Absolutely beautiful.”

You and Taehyung looked out across the cozy vintage stores and saw a lilac bun of hair bobbing between the aisles of clothing. Omela’s was a jewel of a store located just beyond the hustle and bustle of downtown. The big display windows housed a hodgepodge of mannequins adorned with eclectic vintage clothing from many different decades.

Ms. Omela herself was the very definition of eclectic, always dressed in mismatched clothing from various different styles. She just wore whatever made her happy, and Taehyung absolutely adored her. You stopped in when you could, if only to say hello to the bouncing ball of sweetness that was Ms. Omela. She emerged from between two racks of clothing carrying two more dresses, but when she saw you, she set them aside.

“Now that’s the one, isn’t it?” Ms. Omela sighed happily. “Oh, Taehyungie, isn’t she just a vision?”

“She certainly is, 아줌�� (ajumma/auntie),” Taehyung breathed out, his eyes boring into yours in the reflection.

“Thank you, Ms. Omela,” you replied sweetly. “I’m so glad you were still open. I didn’t realize I needed something this fancy until this afternoon. Bless you.”

“You know I’m always here, honey,” she cooed. “Besides, it’s always a treat when I get to see my favorite customer.”

She leaned over to pinch Taehyung’s cheeks and he blushed under her praise. The old woman had a soft spot for him, and he worshiped her. His love of vintage clothing was kindled in this very store on one of his visits to see you when you were both still in college. He’d seen a shirt in the window and once he got to the second rack in the store, he was hooked. They’d become fast friends and she never hesitated to set items aside for him, knowing that he’d love whatever she found.

“By the way, Taehyungie,” she remembered. “I have a few things you should look at.”

She disappeared through another set of clothing racks and made her way to the back of the store, and Taehyung stepped forward to pull you into a back hug. You both looked at each other in the long mirror and you leaned your head against his broad chest.

“So this dress, huh?” you murmured. “You really think this is the one?”

“Totally,” he replied while placing a kiss on your exposed shoulder. “You look stunning, babe. I can’t wait to see his face when you step in the room.”

“I’m not ready to see him,” you whined slightly. “It’s been almost 10 years, Tae.”

“I’ll be right there with you,” he assured you with a kiss to your temple. “Don’t worry. We just need to figure out which item is his.”

“It’s probably the kazoo,” you scoffed. “You know Yoongi and his musical instruments.”

Ms. Omela waddled back in with a large duffel bag. Taehyung stepped forward to take it from her and she patted his cheek lovingly. You smiled and stepped back into the dressing room to change out of the dress. By the time you exited, Taehyung was already in the room next to yours trying on the clothes she’d brought him.

“I can’t believe you still have this shop open, Ms. Omela,” you grinned. “How do you manage to collect all this amazing clothing?”

“My son, gods bless him, is to thank for my success,” Ms. Omela frowned. “Sometimes I think that he suffers through his terrible corporate job just to keep me happy. Ever since his father died, he’s made every effort to keep the shop open for me. I keep telling him that we should just walk away and let it close, but he refuses to let my utopia die.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” you said. “You’re lucky to have such a devoted son.”

“I really am,” she sighed sadly. “Thank you for saying so, sweetheart. You know, Taehyung reminds me of him so much. Maybe that’s why I love to see his smiling face.”

You smiled earnestly at her and thought of the joy Taehyung brought into other people’s worlds. There really was no limit to the golden effect he had on them.

“Ms. Omela, I think I’m going to take this dress,” you told her. “Do you have any accessories that would go with it?”

“Of course, dear,” she squealed. “I always have accessories for every occasion.”

She wandered off to gather up some items for you to peruse. You could see her small hands reaching up and pulling items from shelves and baskets throughout the store, and you couldn’t resist smiling at her enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Taehyung emerged from the dressing room in a deep green suit with golden accents. The matching silk shirt underneath made his caramel skin glow in the shop’s soft lighting.

“Wow,” you gasped. “You look amazing, Tae.”

Taehyung struck a pose and flipped his hair out of his eyes dramatically. When he shifted his eyes to meet your own, he smirked and lifted a flirty eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes in faux annoyance and smiled at him. The man could probably make an old paper bag look good.

“Oh, Taehyungie,” Ms. Omela cried out from somewhere in the shop. “You look divine, my love.”

“Thank you, ajumma,” he called out. “You always know what will look good on me.”

She emerged from behind a large rack of coats with a small basket full of glittering goodies, which she handed to you before stepping forward to get a better look at Taehyung.

“I knew that suit was for you,” she breathed out happily. “The moment it came in, I set it aside, knowing you’d come back in for it. I’m so happy you like it, sweetheart.”

After selecting a beaded clutch and matching jewelry, you and Taehyung bid Ms. Omela goodbye, promising to stop back into the shop before he left town. You noted that Taehyung was also sporting a few more bracelets on his wrist that weren’t there before. The woman spoiled him rotten.

Spoiled brat. Gotta love him though.

March 20th, 5:47pm

“Stop messing with your dress, ttalgi,” Taehyung commanded. “You’re going to ruin the beading if you keep twisting it like that.”

You couldn’t help it. You’d only been in the university ballroom for ten minutes, and you were already a nervous wreck. Everyone was automatically charmed by Taehyung, and you were happy that the attention was on him and not you. You just couldn’t get your mind off of Yoongi and his imminent arrival.

This was a bad idea.

You had strategically placed the five unclaimed items in your clutch along with your wallet, phone, and lipstick. It was an odd assortment, but you had a feeling that you would be leaving without one of the items tonight. The conversation in the room suddenly rose in volume and your heart dropped in the opposite direction.

“There he is,” you whispered unknowingly at Taehyung, who immediately scowled at the entrance.

“Min fucking Yoongi,” he growled. “I should wipe that fucking smile off his face.”

You released a shaky exhale as you took in the overall appearance of your ex-fiancé. He looked glorious in his crisp black suit and silky ash gray hair. He was accompanied by a bodyguard and his manager, and he made his way through the room shaking hands with the administration and meeting other important figures from the university.

“Damn,” you muttered sharply. “Why does he have to look so good?”

“You look better,” Taehyung insisted. “No one can compare to you right now, babe.”

You nodded at his comment, but it lacked conviction. You were entranced by Yoongi’s subtle grace and the enigmatic smile he gave everyone in the room. It wasn’t a big smile, just a slight pull on the corners of his lips. It was his polite smile, his professional smile. Only a few people ever saw his real smile.

I used to be one of those people.

The president of the university stepped up to the podium and properly introduced Yoongi, citing all of the wonderful contributions he’d made to the university over the years. Yoongi stepped forward and spoke a few words to the crowd, but his composure slipped slightly when he locked eyes with you from across the room. Taehyung must have noticed because he chose that moment to slip his arms around your waist and lean his chin on your bare shoulder.

“Yeah, he saw you,” Taehyung gloated, while kissing your shoulder. “How could he not when you look this incredible, babe?”

“Tae,” you hissed quietly. “Stop.”

“No way, babe,” he chuckled darkly. “If you want to talk to him, this is the best way to get his attention.”

The speech ended, the applause resounded, and everyone was encouraged to enjoy the open bar and hor d’oeuvres.

“I’ll be right back,” Taehyung suddenly announced. “Meet me on the balcony in a few minutes. I want to take in that amazing view with my lovely soulmate before we head out for the night.”

With that, Taehyung wandered off, leaving you alone at the table. You grabbed your drink and made your way onto the large balcony overlooking the city. The twinkling lights were indeed breathtaking, and you released an airy sigh as you focused on the horizon point between the city and the night sky.

You leaned on the ornate metal railing and swept your gaze across the dazzling view. From this perspective, you saw beyond the subdued university buildings and the monotonous drone of academia. The landscape dipped and revealed the lush wooded area surrounding the university grounds. Just past the trees, the horizon was speckled with multicolored lights from the rest of the town. Your entire field of vision was consumed by the twinkling lights, resembling an intricate galaxy of stars.

The gentle breeze whisked across the balcony, ruffling your curls away from your shoulders. You closed your eyes and leaned into the calming zephyr, hoping it would sweep away the anxiety building in your gut. You couldn’t understand how the tension on the balcony felt stifling, but it was steadily growing with each passing moment.

“Hey, stranger,” said a deep voice behind you. “Long time, no see.”

Yoongi.

That voice was unmistakable. The gravelly rumble, the delicate timbre, the playful bounce of his words crushing you under a mountain of anxiety. What exactly do you say to someone you once saw as your happily ever after?

He pulled up on the railing next to you and let out a breath full of an emotion you couldn’t quite place. You turned slightly to look at him and immediately regretted that decision. As soon as his eyes caught your own, he unleashed a devastating gummy smile which made your knees weak.

How does he do that every time?

“Can I just say that you look amazing in that dress?” he grinned. “I don’t know where you got it, but it suits you perfectly.”

“Thanks,” you grumbled. “Taehyung picked it out.”

His expression shifted to annoyed at the mention of your soulmate. The two of them never really got along, but they put up with each other for your sake. Now that you and Yoongi weren’t together, there was no hiding the displeasure in either of their eyes.

“Ah, yes,” Yoongi scoffed, scrunching his nose slightly. “The infamous soulmate. I remember. I guess it makes sense that you ended up together. I never could compete with that asshole.”

“Yoongi,” you admonished. “It was never a competition. Tae and I aren’t together like that. We never have been.”

“So you say,” he muttered coolly. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous right now.”

“Of what?” you snapped. “You have nothing to be jealous of, Yoongi.”

He nodded at that, then turned to look out across the landscape. After a few moments of awkward silence, you decided to broach the topic of the evening.

“So,” you started simply. “How have you been, Yoongi? I know you’re doing well career-wise, obviously. But what about everything else?”

He smiled softly and let out a sigh.

“Always concerned about me,” he chuckled. “I always loved that about you. You never hesitated to think about my well-being.”

“Someone had to,” you challenged. “You were always so focused on music, you would forget to take care of yourself. I worried about you. I still do, if I’m being honest.”

“You do?” quipped playfully. “Why is that, pretty girl?”

You buckled slightly under the pet name he used to call you, but you were determined to address the issue at hand before you lost your nerve.

“Because despite everything that happened between us, I still care about you, Yoongi,” you admitted freely. “I will always care about you, even if you don’t feel the same way.”

His grin evaporated at that, and he furrowed his brows slightly. With a huff, he reached over and put his hand on your waist to pull you closer. Your breath caught in your throat at the proximity, and you released a small gasp as he leaned forward to rub his nose against yours.

“It was never about that,” Yoongi murmured quietly. “I always cared about you. I still do. I just couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you deserved.”

You trembled slightly as his fingertips wandered up and down your sides tracing over the curve of your hip and then up to the swell of your breast. Your resolve was weakening under his expert touch, and why wouldn’t it? The man knew every inch of your body and knew exactly what buttons to push to turn you into a whimpering mess.

“Yoongi,” you whined softly. “Please don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?” he teased lightly. “I’m not doing anything to you...yet.”

You reached up and stopped his hand from moving any further. You couldn’t allow Yoongi to ruin you yet again with his touches. You’d come too far and there was no way you were regressing back into the mess you used to be.

That’s over for me now. I’ve moved on.

“I can’t let you do this to me again, Yoongi,” you explained firmly. “The last time I did, it almost broke me completely. I won’t put myself through that hell again.”

His face softened and he nodded in understanding. He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and noted the glossiness of your eyes. He winced slightly and you saw him gulp in response.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really am. I wish I could be the man you want me to be. I just can’t. Not when I’ve come this far.”

“I know,” you replied softly, reaching out to hold onto one of his belt loops. “I’m really proud of you, you know? You’ve done some amazing things with your music.”

“Thank you,” he smiled genuinely. “That means a lot coming from you.”

You hesitated, but felt like you needed to say one more thing before you lost your nerve.

“He’d be proud too, y’know,” you ventured. “If he was still here, he’d be over the moon for your music.”

Yoongi stiffened against you and let out a huff of warm air. He knew what you were talking about, but you couldn’t tell whether he was comfortable talking about it. He pulled away slightly and your heart broke when you saw his glistening eyes.

Oh no. I’ve gone too far.

While you were both still in college and still figuring out what your futures would be, Yoongi’s best friend was involved in a horrible car accident which left him partially paralyzed from the neck down. They’d both been music performance/production majors: Yoongi, the pianist and his best friend Dae, the percussionist. After the accident, Dae fell into a deep depression knowing he’d never be able to play an instrument properly again. He tried to regain his strength through physical therapy, but in the end, his desire to make music just died along with his desire to live. After a year of despair, frustration, and overwhelming anger, Yoongi found Dae in bed, overdosed on his own sleeping pills.

Needless to say, the whole thing wrecked Yoongi. You stayed by his side, trying to ease the pain of his loss, but it didn’t do any good. Yoongi withdrew into his work, determined to succeed at music, no matter the cost.

You suddenly remembered what Yoongi was always telling you when you begged him to take a break.

I can’t take a break right now, pretty girl. I don’t have a second to waste. I need to do this before I can’t anymore.

Yoongi cleared his throat and shook off the discomfort at the mention of Dae. You thought Yoongi might be retreating again, which you couldn’t blame him for. Dae would always be a tender point of discussion, and you felt bad for even bringing him up. You started to pull away, but he reached forward and grabbed your hand, entwining his fingers with your own. He pulled your hand closer to his lips and placed a gentle kiss against it.

“You’re right,” he sighed heavily. “Dae would probably be talking shit about the stuff I’m writing now, but he’d still like it. He was a bastard sometimes, but a supportive bastard nonetheless.”

You both chuckled at that, and then you settled into another moment of silence. Yoongi was one to break the silence this time.

“I’m sorry,” he pouted. “I was fucking horrible to you after Dae passed. You didn’t deserve that, especially from me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was slipping away from me. There was just this big black shadow following me around and it didn’t matter where I went or who I was with, I couldn’t get rid of it.”

“It’s ok, Yoongi,” you soothed. “You were in a lot of pain. I just wanted to be there for you.”

“I know,” he admitted sheepishly. “But it was definitely not ok. You were so patient and loving and I treated you like shit. I neglected the one person who was trying to make me happy in the midst of all that pain and angst. We just kept going back and forth and I figured it was better to stop everything before I ruined your life completely. It was a shitty thing to do, and I should’ve been a better person for you.”

“You’re better now,” you reminded him. “Are you happy with your life, Yoongi?”

He looked you in the eye and gave you a lopsided smile. You knew that smile. It was the smile he gave people when he wanted them to believe that he was fine when he really wasn’t. You weren’t falling for it, and he knew it. He rolled his eyes at you, knowing that you were calling his bluff.

“I’m not unhappy,” he admitted. “I love my job, and I love the freedom that comes along with it. It does get a little lonely sometimes, but I deal. The hardest part is dealing with writer’s block. I’m actually in the middle of a block right now.”

“You? Blocked?” you teased. “The unstoppable writing machine is blocked? How is that possible?”

“Don’t tease me,” he whined cutely. “It’s a serious condition. I have a deadline coming up and I’m just stuck. Nothing sounds right and my mind just goes blank when I try to put beats together. It’s so frustrating.”

“I know,” you agreed. “Remember what Dae would do when you got stuck? He’d start banging on everything in the studio trying to inspire you. A random smack of a chair or the reverb off of the cabinets would catch your attention and then you were off and running like a madman.”

You both cracked up at the memory. Yoongi flashed another gummy smile at you and you felt blessed to be in its presence.

“I remember,” he chortled. “There was even that stupid purple kazoo he brought in once. He swore that even though he didn’t play a wind instrument, he could still outplay everyone in the building.”

You froze as he guffawed at the ridiculousness.

Purple kazoo!

Yoongi caught on to your sudden stiff posture and the panicked look in your eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong, pretty girl?” he asked, eyes full of concern. “Was it something I said?”

You flashed him a look and tried to swallow, but your throat was inexplicably dry. You gulped down the rest of your drink and set the glass aside on a side table on the patio.

“Stay here,” you pleaded. “I have to show you something, but it’s in my purse. I’ll be right back.”

“Ok, I’ll wait right here,” he agreed, although still concerned about your shift in demeanor. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, I promise,” you replied shakily. “Just wait, give me a minute.”

You rushed back inside and grabbed your clutch. Taehyung was talking up your friend Gina in the corner, so you dashed back to the balcony without a second thought. Once you reached Yoongi, you thought it prudent to explain yourself.

“So, I have absolutely no way of explaining this, so please don’t freak out,” you prompted. “I found this in a box in my apartment, and I didn’t know it belonged to you until just now.”

You opened your purse and pulled out the purple kazoo. Yoongi’s eyes lit up with recognition and his jaw dropped.

“What the,” he sputtered. “Why do you have Dae’s kazoo? Do you have any idea how long I’ve been looking for that?!”

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “Like I said, I have absolutely no idea where it came from or how it came to be in my possession, but here it is.”

You handed him the kazoo and he took it gingerly from your fingers and just held it, his face full of wonder and disbelief. His eyes watered as he looked at it, and you tried to soothe him by rubbing his arms.

“This is the last thing Dae ever gave me,” Yoongi explained. “He’d left it in my studio and I took it to his apartment the night before he...the night before he-”

The words caught in his throat and he took a deep breath to combat the onslaught of tears pushing at the back of his eyes. You pulled him into a gentle hug, hoping to assuage his grief, if even a little.

“We talked for hours that night,” Yoongi croaked into your shoulder. “He even played on this stupid thing for me. Before I left, he handed it over and said I should record some kazoo for my next track. He said it would be the next big thing in hip hop.”

You continued to rub soothing circles on his back, but Yoongi just kept trembling in your arms. If you’d known how emotional this whole thing was going to be, you would’ve waited until you weren’t around crowds of people to unveil this sensitive information. Yoongi took a deep shaking breath and shuddered against you. He clutched at your back briefly and then slowly pulled away from your grasp. He pulled the silver pocket square out of his lapel and wiped the tears from his face.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi,” you murmured softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just realized what it was when you mentioned it, and I thought you would want it.”

“I do,” he sniffled. “I don’t know why you ended up with it, but I’m glad you were able to bring it back to me. Thank you, pretty girl.”

“Don’t mention it,” you smiled. “I’m happy to help.”

“I just wish I had something to give you in return,” he sighed. “But I don’t have any-”

Yoongi suddenly paused and cocked his head sideways at you with a perplexed look on his face. He pulled up his sleeve and undid the cuff links holding his shirt together. He unveiled a bracelet of red silk thread woven around a silver eternity symbol. He pulled the adjustable strings to loosen it and then slid it off his wrist.

“I found this in my accessories collection the other day and I’ve been compelled to wear it every day,” he told you. “I don’t know where it came from, but every time I look at it, I’ve thought about you. It’s the strangest thing.”

He pulled your wrist up and adjusted the strings so the bracelet fit snugly against your wrist. He grinned at the sight and pulled your wrist to his lips.

“It suits you,” he murmured against your wrist. “It’s like it was made for you, pretty girl.”

Your cheeks were dusted pink at his words, but you returned his smile anyway. His eyes traced over your face as though searching for the answer to a question he had yet to ask.

“I can never apologize enough for what happened between us,” he proclaimed. “But just know that there is not one day that goes by where I don’t think about you. I know I made my music career a priority, but that was only because I was afraid of losing it like Dae. If the tables had been turned and I was the one who had ended up in his position, I don’t know if I would’ve survived either. Music is everything to me, and the thought of losing that terrifies me, even now.”

“I understand,” you sighed out sadly. “I just wish that losing me scared you just as much. Our relationship suffered because of that fear. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, Yoongi. It just sucks that you didn’t want the same thing with me.”

His hand twitched against yours and he seemed to hesitate for some reason. He suddenly released a huff of breath and licked his lips.

“Fuck it,” he whispered.

Yoongi leaned forward and captured your lips with his own. The Universe stood still for a moment and you melted against his chest. The kiss wasn’t harsh, but just firm enough to give you butterflies and make your knees weak. You leaned into the kiss and pushed back just enough to elicit a needy hum from Yoongi.

You parted your lips and you felt Yoongi’s tongue sprint forward into your mouth, taking complete control of the kiss. The heat levels increased between you, and your mind flailed uselessly against the magnetic pull of Min Yoongi. Awash in a torrent of longing and nostalgia, the two of you sunk into an all too familiar passionate embrace. He pulled away from your lips, too soon, and leaned his forehead against your own.

“Music may be my first love,” he admitted openly while sinking his fingers into your hair possessively. “But I swear you will always be my last. No one will ever compare to you, pretty girl. Many have tried, but none of them even come close to you. If I couldn’t make a relationship work with you, then there is absolutely no hope for anyone else. I would rather go the rest of my life loving you from afar than trying to fake it with someone else.”

“Yoongi,” you gasped. “Please don’t say that. That sounds so lonely. I don’t want to think about you being all alone. It hurts my heart to hear that.”

“I’m not alone, pretty girl,” he assured you. “I have my music, and let’s be honest. With my busy schedule, a relationship isn’t going to be a real possibility for a very long time. I have no intention of slowing down any time soon. I’ll worry about that when the time comes. Until then, I have my memories of you to keep me smiling every day.”

He reached down and pulled your wrist up to run his fingers across the infinity bracelet. You watched as he traced out the never ending loop over and over again.

“That’s what this is, pretty girl,” Yoongi murmured softly. “Let this be a reminder that no matter what, my love for you is infinite. The memories of what we shared will always be a comfort to me, even when darkness falls.”

“How can that be enough?” you insisted. “They’re just memories, Yoongi.”

“Hey,” he said while reaching up to hold your face between his glorious hands. “Just knowing that you don’t hate me and that you still care about me is more than enough for now. I promise that if I ever need more than that, I will be giving you a call. Not as an ex, but as a friend. Before anything else, we were friends. I’d like that to still be true, if you’re willing.”

“Of course,” you breathed out in relief. “I would love that.”

You wrapped your arms around Yoongi’s neck and he returned your tender embrace. You both sighed out happily, and then you heard approaching footsteps menacing across the balcony.

“Well, well, well,” Taehyung drawled. “If it isn’t Min fucking Yoongi, my old nemesis.”

“Kim Elizabeth Taehyung,” Yoongi gloated cheekily as he turned to face him. “Still with a flair for the dramatic, I see.”

“Hey,” Taehyung shot back angrily as he pointed a long finger at you. “Only she gets to call me by that name. That is a soulmate trademarked nickname.”

“Ah yes, how could I forget?” Yoongi teased. “My pretty girl and her annoying soulmate, always joined at the hip, even from far, far away.”

“She isn’t your pretty girl anymore,” Taehyung reminded him. “You lost those privileges a long time ago, or don’t you remember breaking that pretty girl’s heart into a thousand pieces?”

Yoongi winced at that, but you rubbed his arm reassuringly. You glared at Taehyung who only smirked back at you triumphantly. He noticed your sudden tenderness toward Yoongi and his smirk morphed into a confused pout.

“That’s enough, Tae,” you announced. “Yoongi is not my enemy, nor is he yours. Back off.”

Taehyung recoiled slightly and ruffled his hair, trying to shake the confusion out of his curling tendrils. He shifted his weight to his other leg and looked Yoongi up and down, as if to assess any changes or hidden transformations he’d missed earlier. With narrowed eyes and a brief lift of his chin, Taehyung glanced back to your softened gaze.

“We don’t hate him anymore?” Taehyung questioned carefully. “Are you sure?”

You leaned over to kiss Yoongi on the cheek, drawing a flash of red across his cheeks and ears. You grinned at his embarrassment and shook your head at Taehyung as his jaw literally dropped in astonishment.

“No, we don’t hate him anymore, Tae,” you continued. “We’re good.”

“Oh, thank the gods,” Taehyung breathed. “Finally.”

Much to your surprise, Taehyung stepped forward and took Yoongi’s hand in his own. Taehyung’s boxy grin made an appearance as he shook Yoongi’s hand and started talking a mile a minute. Yoongi went into mini panic mode with Taehyung’s abrupt advance into his personal space and he shot you a questioning look. You just shrugged.

“Can I just say that your last album was fucking incredible?” Taehyung blabbed. “I mean, your beats are fire, man, and don’t even get me started on those lyrics you write.”

“U-umm, thanks, man,” Yoongi stuttered. “I worked really hard on them.”

“We totally need to hang out sometime and just shoot the shit, y’know?” Taehyung persisted. “I would love to sit down and just watch you work. I bet it’s amazing.”

A deep voice broke up the love fest erupting all over Yoongi.

“Mr. Min,” his bodyguard announced unceremoniously. “It’s time to go. We have that flight in the morning, sir.”

“Yeah, ok, I’m going,” Yoongi assured him. “Just give me a second.”

You and Taehyung both looked at Yoongi and giggled at the awkward tension that dispersed now that the guard had intruded on Taehyung's moment of fawning over your ex.

“I gotta go,” Yoongi shrugged, while handing both you and Taehyung his business card. “But let’s catch up when I get back. I have to do a small promo tour over the next few weeks, but I’d love to get dinner with you guys when I get back.”

“Oh, I can’t,” Taehyung pouted. “I don’t actually live here right now. But hey, if you ever need a new marketing guy, let me know. I would quit my job in a second to work with you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Kim,” Yoongi chuckled, shaking Taehyung’s hand again. “Do me a favor and take care of this pretty girl for me. I know she’ll be in good hands if she’s with you.”

“Of course,” Taehyung breathed out. “It’s my mission in life to keep her safe and happy.”

“Then she’s lucky to have you,” Yoongi said with a grin. “Very lucky, indeed.”

He turned to face you and you couldn’t resist the puppy dog look on his face. You leaned over and offered him one last kiss on his pouty lips.

“I’ll be fine,” you told him sweetly. “We’re fine. Go on and break through that mental block of yours. I’m sure you’ll figure it out before you know it.”

He pulled the kazoo out of his pocket and unleashed yet another gummy smile.

“Now that I have this,” he mused. “I’m sure something will come to me. Thank you. I mean it.”

After giving you one last gummy smile, he turned away and walked over to his bodyguard, leaving both you and Taehyung on the balcony. Taehyung put his arm around you and leaned his head on yours, deep in thought.

“Everything went well, I’m assuming,” Taehyung casually commented. “You both seem to be in a good place now, better than you were before at least.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “Better than you anyway. What was with that full blown fanboy you busted out on him? Stan much, Tae-bear?”

“Come on, ttalgi,” he retorted. “The man is a musical genius. You cannot deny the man’s talent. I would be remiss not to recognize and respect the full power of Min fucking Yoongi.”

“Are you ever going to stop calling him that?” you giggled.

“Never,” he proclaimed. “That will always and forever be his name. Now, I say we take this party elsewhere. You look too damn good in that dress to waste away in your apartment.”

“Fine,” you sighed. “What did you have in mind?”

“Bar?” he suggested. “With karaoke? I’m buying.”

“Who could say no to that?” you gushed. “Lead the way, Elizabeth.”

You linked your arm in Taehyung’s and made your way out of the ballroom, your steps a little lighter than they were before.

Another successful exchange, Universe. Keep them coming.

Author’s Note: Man, I love me some Min fucking Yoongi. This was a shorter chapter, but it doesn’t diminish the impact on the rest of the story. We’re getting into the heart of the adventure, y’all. I hope everyone is ready to jump into the next chapter. KARAOKE WITH TAE!! Let me know how you’re liking the story so far. Until next time!

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Chapter Two: Soulmates are a Forever Kind of Thing

NEXT CHAPTER

Chapter Four: Just Filter Out the Bad, Keep the Good

MAP OF THE SOUL MASTERLIST

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#btswritingcafe #map of the soul #bts series #bts fic #bts fanfic #BTS au #bts angst #bts fluff #bts smut #kim taehyung #min yoongi

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toalltheficsivelovedbefore · 5 years ago

Text

Blind Date || johnny

childhood friend!johnny x fem!reader • fluff, tiny angst, friends to strangers to lovers, mention of cheating (not between the characters) • Your best friend sets you up on a blind date, but when the date doesn’t show up, Johnny swoops in to the rescue!

“I already told you no.”

“C’mon, please? It’s just one date!”

“Yeah, you said that last month too. And a couple weeks before that. I’m done meeting strangers.”

Kara, your best friend, pouts, flopping backward onto your bed, so she’s looking straight up at you. Luckily you moved your laptop in time or she would’ve fallen on it.

“Please? I swear this’ll be the last one. Hyuck vouched for him! He’s really nice and super sweet. And he’s not even anyone’s reject as far as I know.”

You quirked an eyebrow up, eyes still focused on the email you’re composing on your screen. “Obviously he is, or he wouldn’t be single. And like I’m gonna trust your boyfriend’s taste in men?”

“Going through a breakup and being rejected on a first date are not the same thing.” She sits up, folding her legs underneath herself so she’s crisscrossed. A hand comes to rest on your knee, finally dragging your eyes away from your work. For the first time, you notice how concerned your best friend looks. Concerned and worried for you, but you honestly don’t know why. “YN, it’s been so long since you broke up with… him. You keep refusing to put yourself out there and let someone love you. And refusing to let yourself fall in love again.” She patted your knee gently before standing from your bed, headed toward the door. “Just one last date, and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll never set you up again.”

————

The date is set for a Saturday, and Kara happily helps you pick out the perfect outfit and decide on makeup. She drops you off at the restaurant and promises to pick you up if you need it. You’d agreed to meet him at the bar, and now you’re wondering why you didn’t push her for more info on the guy. You were going into this practically blind, while he knew your name, face, and occupation. But Kara trusted him, so you just had to trust too.

No one stood out at the bar, no heads wagging around to get a look for any newcomers, so you found two open barstools. Your butt claimed one, and your purse the other.

Ten minutes passed without anyone coming up to you, so you ordered a drink. Maybe the wine would distract you from the fact it looked like you were getting stood up. Or walked out on. That was really the thought weighing on your mind, so of course, you didn’t turn the bartender down when he offered to refill your glass.

“YN?”

Oh, thank god! With a smile plastered to your face, you turned to greet who you assumed could only be your date. But the smile dropped when you saw the tall man occupying space next to you.

He was just as tall as you remembered, maybe taller. And he’d filled out in the shoulders and arms. Even though he wore a dark button-up, you could tell he’d added definition to his upper body over the years. Not that you were checking. And you definitely weren’t totally entranced at the way he had started styling his hair back with gel, a single piece slipped out to rest on his forehead. That one strand of hair calling back memories of being teenagers and carding your hands through his shaggy, overgrown hair while you told him he needed to start using gel to tame it. Oh, and that grin on his face, that caused whisker-like wrinkles that had always made you laugh and poke his cheek.

This could not be happening right now.

“Johnny Suh, I thought you were living in South Korea.”

You didn’t mean for your voice to sound so aggressive, but it did, and that gleam in his eye was disappearing.

“I thought you had moved away too.” He just stood there, looking over you, the grin faded, but still smiling. Always happy. Usually anyway.

“I moved back a few years ago.” Johnny looked at the stool you had your purse on, obviously signaling that he wanted to sit. Your watch told you that you’d been here for 30 minutes and there was no sign of a blind date. So with a sigh, you removed your bag, and let him climb onto it. Or slide onto it rather.

“Were you saving it for someone?” He waved for the bartender, his shirt sleeve slipping down to show he still wore that silver linked bracelet he’d got when you were 15 years old.

“Apparently not.” Your glass was empty again, and you let the bartender fill a third glass while Johnny ordered. “When did you move back here? Or are you just home for a visit?”

A cool, easy smile splashed across his face. “No, I’m here permanently. About a year ago I got offered a job here, so I made the trek home.”

“What kind of job?”

“Photographer for a magazine.”

You nearly spit your wine all over his expensive looking shirt. “P-photography?” He looked over at you confused, handing you a napkin to wipe your chin, a nod in answer. “But you said you were going to school to be a doctor. We argued over that for so long and then you just—” You cut yourself off. No reason to dig back into those old emotions.

He nodded again, understanding perfectly where you’d been going. He’d always been good at that. “No, yeah, I was originally going to school for that. Make the parents proud kind of thing. But once I got there, I realized it didn’t really matter. My parents would be happy as long as I was happy.” You nod. “Yeah, you told me that plenty of times. So I changed to an arts university but stayed in Korea. I liked it there and I’d already started to make friends anyway.”

It’d been too late, but at least he had finally taken your advice.

You looked over at him. He was drinking from his bottle of beer, and for a moment you remembered being 16 and sneaking into your parents’ liquor cabinet to try vodka for the first time. Johnny had nearly thrown up, and you’d told him you loved him for the first time. Your face went red at that memory.

“You should’ve told me. I would’ve been so proud.”

Johnny’s eyes found yours, a sad lift to his lips. “I tried. You blocked me everywhere, remember? Not even your friends would get a message to you from me. I gave up trying after your parents told me you’d left for college.”

You wanted to hang your head in shame. All those years of friendship down the drain because you were too stubborn to unblock him on social media. It occurred to you that he was still blocked, no wonder you hadn’t heard the news he was back.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. You’d never been very good at admitting when you’re wrong.

But his eyes perked up none the less and a grin found its way back to his mouth. “I’m sorry, what was that? What’d you say?”

You rolled your eyes. But a smile had crossed your face too, so you relented, just this once. “I said I’m sorry. For just ditching you back then. I should’ve been okay with the choices you made, even if they took—” You snapped your mouth closed real fast.

His eyes were nearly twinkling. “You’re not gonna finish that either? Nearly 10 years later and you still can’t admit that you cared for me?”

Brows furrowing, you turned to fully face him, a finger coming up to poke his chest. “I couldn’t admit my feelings? Are you actually being serious right now, John Suh?”

“You wouldn’t even tell me why you were so mad that I was leaving, just that it changed the future. What was I supposed to understand from that?”

“Are you saying that if I had told you I was in love with you, you would’ve stayed and gone to Northwestern with me like we planned?”

His face fell a little.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” You turned back to the bar, glad to have the break so you could take another sip of your wine.

You nearly jumped when Johnny’s hand brushed yours on the bartop.

“No, I wouldn’t have stayed. But we could’ve tried to work things out.”

You sighed.

This is not what you had signed on for. This was supposed to be a night out to meet a stranger and have a drink, not to open up wounds from the past. “Johnny,” you hesitated, took a breath. “I did tell you. I told you a lot that last year.”

His eyes went wide, mouth slightly falling open. “What are you talking about? When?”

A blush covered your cheeks. “Every time we got drunk and you kissed me.”

He looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. “What?” He pulled away, trying to think back to being 17 and 18 years old, getting drunk in your basement. Something seemed to click cause his eyes shut and he took a long swig of his beer. “I thought I made that up.” Another drink. “I thought I imagined the kissing and the confessions because I had gotten so drunk.”

You couldn’t help the laugh. With his eyes squeezed so tight, it was like he was trying to prevent them from falling out. “Nope, those were real. I thought you refusing to acknowledge or talk about it meant you didn’t actually feel that way.”

His eyes finally opened and he looked down at you, all soft and open and warm. “That explains why you had as much of a breakdown over it as you did.”

“I did not have a breakdown.” You felt indignant for all of 5 seconds before his eyes were calming you down again. “A tiny one, really. And like you said, totally justified. Mostly.”

He laughed then, and you felt like you could drown in it. You didn’t even know you could miss a sound so much.

Things were smooth from there. Johnny told you all about Korea and school, the friends he’d made, the jobs he’d worked. He told you about his two short, failed relationships, and about how he got the magazine job (“They liked my Instagram more than my portfolio!”). His parents were doing well, nearing retirement, and they were happy he was home (“My mom basically had a party the first night I was back, can you believe that?” Yes, you totally could.).

But then it wound around to you. You talked about school, how you’d decided to try California since you didn’t have a best friend for Northwestern anymore. You shared your horror stories from the part-time jobs you worked, and the excitement when you finally got hired as an intern at a publishing company when you’d moved back home after graduation. You’d worked your way up to assistant editor, and things were looking bright.

And then he asked the question you’d been hoping he wouldn’t know to ask.

“Now, I thought I had heard you were getting married.” You wanted to choke on your water. “But, no ring, you didn’t mention anyone, and you’re sitting at a bar alone on a Saturday night. What gives?”

A big sigh. You hated talking about this. But, maybe it would be nice to get it off your chest to someone who had never even known him and wouldn’t find some way to defend him. You gave Johnny a smile.

“Yes, I was engaged, almost two years ago. Things seemed good.” You shrugged. It wasn’t that you were sad about it, but the sting still felt fresh. “People tell me I worked too much and drove a wedge between us. Some people say they saw it coming a mile away. Which, if someone knows your partner is going to cheat on you, shouldn’t they tell you?” Johnny stiffened at that. You sighed again. “Some combination of us not being right, me working too many hours and not giving him enough attention, and him… not being ready to settle.” You looked over at Johnny, who sported a sweet frown and furrowed brow. “Honestly though, I don’t think we ever really loved each other.”

It felt like a boulder lifted off your shoulders. It was the first time you’d been able to get the words out. And you didn’t worry that Johnny would judge you.

His hand brushed over yours. “Why’d you say yes?”

“Cause I thought I had to. That’s what was expected of me after three years with someone.”

He nodded, but you could tell he didn’t really understand. Not that he needed to.

You let out a big breath and a giggle. The four glasses of wine were maybe starting to hit you now. But not too bad that you would regret your words tomorrow. “I don’t think I’ve loved anyone since you. You were the first boy I ever loved, and I don’t know that I’ll find someone worthy again.”

Johnny bloomed right in front of your eyes. His smile was blinding and his eyes soft, and you just wanted to bask in him for a bit longer.

But the bar was closing, and Johnny was offering you a ride home, and you accepted.

He walked you to your door, exchanged numbers, and promised to message soon so you could maybe have lunch. Before he could leave though, Johnny grabbed your hand.

“You know… I’ve never loved anyone but you either.”

His goodbye was a kiss to your forehead and a shy wave as he headed for the stairs.

————

You hadn’t even unlocked the door yet before Kara was calling. Her voice seemed exceptionally loud after the quiet goodbye from Johnny just a moment before.

“So? How was it? Did you have a good time? He’s cute, right?”

You laughed, sticking your key in your lock, and pushing your door open with your shoulder, just a bit wobbly. “He never showed.”

“What? What are you talking about?” She sounds absolutely scandalized. You’re sorry to ruin your friend’s (and her boyfriend’s) perception of this guy, but you weren’t going to lie to spare her feelings.

“He didn’t show up. I sat at the bar waiting for him until I was joined by an old friend. I kept an eye out, and no one ever came looking for me. Maybe you didn’t show him a good enough picture and he couldn’t recognize me.” You shrug even though she can’t see. Your shoes are kicked off by the door and you reach around to try to wiggle the zipper of your dress down.

“That—that doesn’t make any sense, YN.”

“I’m sorry babe, but that’s the truth.”

“But… YN he just told me he had a really nice time.”

You froze in the middle of your room, dress dropping from your shoulders. “What? But I didn’t talk to anyone else.”

“I swear. He texted me that he’d found you, that you shared drinks, and that you talked for hours.”

The both of you sat in silence for a moment, trying to process exactly what was happening.

“What’s your friend’s name? The guy you set me up with. You never told me his name.”

“His name is Johnny Suh.”

The noise that escaped you was halfway between a laugh and a sob.

“YN? Are you okay?”

“Hah, um…. I don’t know.”

“C’mon, talk to me. What’s going on?”

You ran a hand down your face, feeling hot and cold, and a little bit agitated. It would be just like him to pull something like this. “That’s who I was with. That’s my childhood friend.”

“Really?!” You pulled the phone away at her shrill voice. “Why didn’t he say anything? He recognized you? Why didn’t he say anything to me? I don’t understand...”

You laughed this time, finally moving toward your dresser to pull out pajamas. “Yeah, well that’s John Suh for you. He’s quite the enigma.”

She’s quiet, thinking over something quite hard. “What do you want me to do?”

“What do you mean?” You drop onto your bed, pulling your laptop open to search for his profile on your social media site. You’d got his number tonight, it was probably time to unblock him.

“He messaged me earlier, asking to set the two of you up for another date. What do you want me to do?”

You’d found his account. His profile picture was of him and his mom, and you couldn’t help the little smile that came to your face. After all these years, Johnny had been able to maintain a spot in your heart. Maybe you could give him the second chance you’d both been craving for so many years.

Even though the dork had just promised to set up a date while asking your best friend to do the same thing.

You let yourself smile more widely at the thought. “Yeah,” you said, closing your laptop and shoving it away. “Set us up.”

MASTERLIST

#johnny #nct johnny #nct #nct au #nct fanfic #johnny suh #suh johnny #johnny seo #seo johnny #johnny fluff #johnny drabble #fanfic #au #toalltheficsivelovedbefore

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brokebuckkmountain · 4 years ago

Text

Today was the worst

(long rant ahead, mostly about workplace politics with irl problems sprinkled in for flavor)

So. I’ve already been in my feelings lately due to like: life sucking, it’s the plague times, I am struggling to find a psychiatrist despite being told it was imperative I get help immediately, it’s winter and winter makes me sad, I’m losing friendships left and right thx to Miss Rona, I hate my job, yesterday was the one year anniversary of my breakup, there’s tons of gossip about me at work for things I genuinely did not say, and some of my work buddies are ignoring me for no apparent reason (including my best friend who has been ignoring me since my literal birthday a month ago? It’s all her friends that are ignoring me to it’s hard not to think it’s something related to that). Also, those PMS mood swings are a bitch.

I wanted today to be a good day. I wanted to get up early. I wore my new clothes and new perfume and was excited to train a coworker I genuinely like who was never trained when she was hired a year ago and struggles to get through her shifts. I mean I volunteered to do it for free because she deserves the help. But no no. Today was not a good one.

-I was woken up at 3 am to a litany of text messages from an ex asking to hook up again. Promptly fell back asleep and missed my later alarm, causing me to have to skip my workout this am and rush my shower.

-My boss didn’t assign my trainee online learning or make a schedule, told me I was a “strong enough trainer” to just do what I felt needed to be done. That was all he said to me, no further instruction. This is important later. Trainers and trainees are considered non-coverage and I run into an issue with this everytime I train- shifts want us on the floor doing different tasks than what I’m actually teaching. I personally think being a little backed up for 30 minutes is preferable to new hires not knowing how to do things because they never got one on one time, but most supervisors think otherwise.

-My trainee and I had about 25 minutes until our joint lunch break. She had expressed to me that knowing more about the mechanics of coffee- what is the body of a shot, why does it expire, what’s the difference between blonde and regular- was helping her, so I decided 25 minutes whizzing through that part of training before lunch was fine. I was immediately chastised by someone we’ll call Manager 1 because that “isn’t part of the training”. It very much is, and is available on every training resource, it just never gets taught because of time constraints and corporate not really caring about coffee quality. Manager 1 has consistently made a scene every time I train a new hire over us doing training and not just whatever she wants to get done. Manager 1 is also known for berating almost every one, and has lied about altercations that never happened between me and customers before to our manager. So she’s not exactly a fan favorite of mine. I maintained that the coffee basics was part of training and returned to the back, planning to use that time to do coffee basics and more memory games for drink recipes.

-After about 5 minutes, my coworker came to the back and told me the two managers wanted us out there helping. I went out alone to tell Manager 2 (who was technically in charge and generally less awful) what we were working on and asked if they really needed us or if they’d be okay. She said they needed us and Manager 2 began snapping that we were floor coverage, that my trainee was supposed to be on the floor all day, and that she had no business in the back “staring at a computer screen” (which we were not doing, but I digress). Since this is about the fourth time I’ve had this issue with this particular manager, I responded that we were supposed to be doing whatever I felt needed to be done, not working the floor. When they maintained that they were “under the impression” from our boss that my trainee and I were to remain on the floor all day, and we were coverage, I said “I guess I got confused by the dashed lines on the schedule that signify non-coverage as us being non-coverage” and went to get my trainee.

-My trainee knew the situation because she had overheard, got super nervous, and started making drinks wrong that she had been making correctly all day. During this time I overheard Manager 1 and Manager 2 not-quietly discussing them both texting our boss to complain about me. Fair, I guess, since I planned on doing the same when I was on my lunch. At one point they both left the bar area to send their texts and squat by the safe while waiting for it to unlock (it’s on a timer and beeps when it’s ready, no need to hover) which only infuriated me more- they moved us to bar so they could leave it. When it was finally our lunch time I sent my trainee and was pulled aside by Manager 2. I tried to move the conversation to the break room (something I have always been adamant about- not publicly berating coworkers in front of others) but she stayed on the floor where multiple people were and reprimanded me for my bad attitude. I told her I was never instructed to stay on the floor, had a schedule, and would’ve been more flexible if they had actually spoken to me rather than yelling and demanding. She maintained that I had a bad attitude and needed to follow orders. I said, once again, “mutual respect goes both ways, if you want me to incorporate things into my training schedule then you need to have an actual conversation with me about it and not demand it at random”. She said that as my superior I wasn’t allowed to “talk back” (ignoring my point that they had both, indeed, begun yelling at me) and told me my bad attitude “wasn’t a good look” and that she didn’t feel I was understanding. I said I understood perfectly that I shouldn’t be rude, but that they shouldn’t yell at me either, and I wasn’t going to take unprofessional yelling to pull me off my job as a trainer. Manager 2 didn’t listen to a word I said and kept going “you can’t have an attitude, do you understand?” so after a period of staring at her silently I said “Can I clock out for my lunch now and proceed with training?” and walked away.

-After lunch I was able to continue training, only because that part of the training constituted us being on the floor helping. I apologized profusely to my trainee for putting her in that situation, reassuring her that regardless of who was in the “right” or the personal issues of the people on the floor, my first priority was her being able to successfully learn and feel comfortable. She told me she had a hard time focusing on drinks and was anxious after the scene, and that she felt the public reprimanding I received was far out of line and unprofessional. I told her I knew that, but being as it was two managers against one me, I would probably still receive a write up tomorrow morning and not to let it worry her when it did go down (tomorrow is our final day of training and my last day before a long break from work, so I know it’s going to happen in front of her). She said she would talk to my boss on my behalf and I told her not to worry, I didn’t want her pulled into workplace drama, but she insisted it wasn’t right (she is considerably older than everyone in the workplace and I think a little protective of me since we volunteered together and I’m the only one who doesn’t chastise her for small mistakes). We’ll see if she says anything tomorrow but I don’t want her to feel like she has to “go to bat” for me and involve herself in unnecessary drama against people who will lash out at her.

-While trying to clock out, I overheard Manager 2 trying to get other coworkers of mine to give accounts against our boss to his superior over not liking their scheduling. Perhaps I’m biased, because I am friends with my boss and literally vacationed with him this summer, but he is the type to listen to concerns and always give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve never seen him give a write up and he bends over backwards to accommodate people. So whatever their issues are, something tells me they haven’t brought it up to him. Manager 2 frequently breaks safety protocols because she “doesn’t care if she gets Covid” and has vacationed out of state many times resulting in us not allowing her to come back to work and being short staffed. Despite this, I’ve never given my boss her name when he asks who is breaking safety protocols. Manager 2 is well known for being deeply unpleasant, her and my boss have been at odds for years from working together at another location, and has frequently tried to egg on other employees to get our boss in trouble while refusing to make any formal complaints herself. If you’ve been following for a while, she’s the same ass-kisser who used to say my old boss could break any rules she wanted and allowed herself to be constantly demeaned in hopes of a promotion (10 years without a promotion and she thinks it’s unfair rather than realizing she’s mean and unpleasant, chooses to attack the people who do get the promotions she wants). I know there’s a way to spin those two plotting against my boss as a way to cast some doubt on their accounts of me, but no way to do it without being a blatant shit disturber who’s just retaliating. Which is not how I want to live my life. But he deserves a heads up.

-Now I’m sitting at home with an arts and craft project I came up with to give my coworkers all a gift before the New Year and no desire to do it. Like, fuck these people, why should I do something nice for them? Even though I know the majority are good people, just not the ones in management. No energy, completely lethargic (yay depressive episode and still no antidepressants because I can’t get ahold of a goddamn psychiatrist even though my GP okayed the antidepressants herself), wishing I just could get a better job but I need the insurance at mine. It’s one thing to be constantly belittled and insulted by customers (and a very big thing, at that), but to get it from coworkers too just makes me feel awful, day in and day out. I know I’ve hated my job for the entire 3 and a half years I’ve been there and bemoaned how much less interwork drama I’ve had at every other job I’ve had (so I don’t think it’s all me, many agree it’s a toxic environment likened to a high school), but quitting a job you’re great at, passionate about (at times), live super close to, that gives you insurance, during a pandemic? Harder than it looks.

Life sux. Super anxious for tomorrow. Thanks for reading. Pls don’t reblog.

#i should text my boss since i KNOW he's gonna wanna talk tomorrow and my anxious ass will forget half of what i want to say #but thats also nerve wracking i guess #personal

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 5 years ago

Note

Hey there! :) This is for the OC Ask Game, for Harrison: could you answer questions 1-6, 14 &15? Hope you're doing well!

Oh let’s just expose Harrison *cracks knuckles*

1: List five basic facts about your OC.

He’s turning 22 (just shy of his birthday in Moth Work)

He’s gay as fuuuuuh

He’s from Brooklyn, NY

He’s an only child

If you come for his jacket, he’ll come for your life (a very basic fact)

2: Post a line of dialogue from your OC.

This is dialogue from book 3 that I still can’t get over (for context, Reeve is criticizing Harrison’s choice of Walmart as a gourmet pie shop back when Walmart used to be a big thing in my books lmaooo):

Reeve: “So your gourmet pie shop is Walmart?”

Harrison: “Why yes, actually… Do you have a problem with saving money and living better?”

lmfaoooo

Also an iconic interaction from Moth Work:

Lonan: “You’re patronizing me.”

Harrison: “You’re patronizing yourself.”

3: Post a snippet from your writing that describes your OC.

So this is the first ever description of Harrison from book 1 (I had just turned thirteen when I wrote this):

There’s a faint click somewhere to my right and a soft glow soon illuminatesthe room, shattering the darkness into pieces. I shake off the fact that Ican’t see where the light is coming from, instead pointing the still loaded gunat the first thing I see, a boy who looks a bit older than me with what I makeout to be honey blond hair and the most pissed off expression on his face.

(fun fact I really wrestled with describing the colour of Harrison’s hair at the time and probably changed “honey blonde” from “honey brown” like 5000 times, 13-year-old me had BEEF with his hair colour)

4: Post a snippet from your writing in which another OC describes your OC.

This is a very old description I scavenged to find from book 6 where Reeve vaguely describes Harrison in the first paragraph which is one way to go about it:

Beside me is wood smoke and copper, leather and strong coffee, all strung around human flesh. He moves with precision, like a player focused on a riveting chess match…

And here’s the most recent paragraph (and the last paragraph in Lonan’s POV) of Lonan describing Harrison when they meet up for the first time after brief hiatus (I haven’t shared this yet, so for context, Suzanna is Harrison’s mother):

In the kitchen, Suzanna laughs at Eliza’s joke, something vaguely about Geminis, or maybe she says alibis. He doesn’t quite hear it. He doesn’t mean to drop the rose, but it falls with a muffled thump between them, a floral border. Lonan blinks many times. He breathes many times. He counts many times. But after all the tests—the blinking, the breathing, the counting, the person at the door doesn’t change. Sunshine hair. Concerned mouth. Semi-crooked nose. Butterfly lashes. Eyes the colour of a kingfisher.

5: Describe your OC’s physical appearance.

Harrison’s the cutest guy in town, so cute he managed to convince @sarahkelsiwrites to get me to write book one! Without Harrison’s cuteness, this 8 book series/monstrosity would not exist! As I’ve said, Harrison’s a cutie and should definitely be treated as such (the downfall of Moth Work loool). He’s shorter than Lonan by just a bit tho I really can’t think of how tall my characters are because I am apparently short and can’t imagine anyone a foot taller than me, so all you need to know is he’s tall but still shorter than Lonan lol. He looks a lot like his Portuguese mother and takes on both her “semi-crooked nose, the same mouth, straight and concerned, the same markabove the eyebrow he always thought came from some sort of accident. Eventhough her eyes are brown and his are clearish and teal, it’s like he has hereyes too—soft and rimmed with lashes like butterfly wings” according to Lonan lool. He wears Lonan’s fake mom’s earring which is a pretty dangly blue gem. Though Harrison could look like anything and all he’d need to be Harrison is his leather jacket. In the book cover I designed, Lonan’s wearing it (ROOD) as he unknowingly takes it in chapter 6, but besides that one time, his jacket never comes off! He also wears his mother’s guardian angel necklace which is a newer edition, though a well-liked one as I always pictured him wearing a chain of some sorts! It’s important to note that when I was thirteen, the only way I’d describe Harrison’s eyes were as “burning turquoise” loool.

Here’s how I drew him for the book cover (though I couldn’t really get his eyes right are they burning turquoise-y enough??):

6: Describe your OC’s love life.

Messy! Harrison’s gone through a lot as a hopeless romantic, and has been lead to much heartbreak because of it. If he loves someone, he really loves someone, and this is very much seen in his feelings toward Lonan. Since we’re spilling the tea on Harrison, here’s his relationship with Lonan throughout the books + as Nothing But Thieves songs (because we’re going THERE):

Book 2

When the boys actually meet! Lonan didn’t exist in book 1 and I think Harrison’s sanity benefitted from this but anyway

They’re coworkers (back when this book was a dystopia lmao, Harrison took an open job as a tech analyst in Lonan’s government squad which was his pride and joy and I have since of course axed it)

They don’t like each other but can’t get enough of being enemies if u know what I mean

NBT song: Last Orders

Book 3

This “love being your enemy” thing continues even when Lonan makes his redemption arc and he’s no longer an enemy lmaoo

We get to see their actual friendship develop toward the ¾ mark of the book

“Clearly these people care about each other” kind of vibe!

NBT song: Wake Up Call

Book 4

We see a new level of closeness develop between the boys, and though we’re in Reeve’s head, she def senses some tension mwahaha

NBT song: Afterlife

Book 5

Harrison really steps in as not only a friend for Lonan in this book, but a body of support while his mental health goes through it

NBT song: Reset Me

Book 6

They’re both mad at each other for almost this entire book but this gives us more of that tension we WANT

Reeve really notices this tea develop and she be sippin it the whole book

Toward the midpoint there’s definitely explicit suggestion of their relationship (Reeve can’t fully see this as she’s mostly concerned about herself but there’s definitely an ongoing relationship in this book that’s pretty turbulent):

NBT song: You Know Me Too Well

Moth Work

This relationship sees a lot of bad times

It ain’t a healthy relationship by any means and things start falling apart! Both boys have things they have to work out, that are currently causing lots of conflict!

The TEA I have not shared yet is that I *plan* for them to split up by the end of this book (though they never were really together in this book so it’s not really a breakup lol). Harrison moves to Brooklyn with his mom and Lonan stays in Vegas with Eliza (do with that what you will!!)

NBT song: Hostage (for Harrison) and Take This Lonely Heart (for Lonan)

14: What is one of your OC’s secrets?

That he likes waffles better than he like Lonan? Scandle! Harrison had an affinity for waffles in book one. Here are receipts:

A scene from book 3 (2015) that features a lot of iconic content (Harrison’s waffle kink, Foster being prime-time soft boi, grumpy Lonan, narrated by Reeve who manages to not inject her opinion once, my classic 2015 “witty” YA dialogue):

“Ah, well… your sister [the youngest, not Reeve lol] was talking about people, and how being mean is the only way that they listen… She may or may not have had a run-in with Harrison earlier, which is why the topic was brought up…” From next to him, Ris grunts over his steaming waffles, a full mouth when he turns his face toward Lonan who’s got the same laptop in front of his face, furiously tapping at the keyboard as he concentrates.

Harrison actually reaches over and slams the lid shut.

“Hey asshole,” he says around his mouthful of waffle. “Put the fucking technology away, and be a little social.” Lonan’s dead silent on the receiving end, and when I look closer at him, I realize it’s because his fists are tightly clenched and a vein in his forehead’s bulging.

“That was three full days of work that you might’ve completely ruined!” Lonan hisses, eyes wide and angry as he stares at Harrison who’s scowling around his breakfast.

“Anyway…” Foster continues awkwardly. “Basically, helping people is sometimes–” He’s cut off as a giant waffle is smothered up to his face, Harrison holding it out tauntingly. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You know you want the waffle… Waffles…”

Also to the waitress while he and Reeve bond at a diner:

“Thank you.” Harrison says with a wide smile, staring at the waffles like they’re the love of his life. “Oh my fucking god.” He mumbles, and I assume that I’m not meant to here that.

15: Your OC is given the chance to go back in time. Where do they go and what do they do?

I think there are a lot of things he’d like to change in his past, namely his relationship with his mother who he’s estranged from until the end of Moth Work. I think he would’ve liked to see her more in his teens (despite being a hard ass when she does show up in Moth Work). He’d go back to Brooklyn and like chill in a pizzeria with his mom lol. On a lighter note, I think he’d also like, join ABBA or something.

Thanks for asking!

#writing #amwriting #fostered #asks

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kihyunswrath · 5 years ago

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about monsta x sasaengs

fellow monbebes i just read kimchitokki’s twitter and i’m fucking pissed and there’s just one thing I want to say about it and that’s the tl;dr: i know it upsets you but do not take her words seriously like for real

like. the chances of her having a normal job and then still finding out a PLENTY of private info about several groups at once, following them all around the world and literally breaking into their houses without ending up in jail? slim. sure she might follow the groups around, she might be wasting all her life and money on stalking them, like i don’t doubt it for a second that she pushes her miserable ass wherever she can get and that mx members would like to throw up at the sight of her, but that’s literally why she has turned to all of you guys to fund her lifestyle. that shit’s expensive.

she with 100% certainty pulls stuff out of her ass to make money and continue her abusive behavior. why else would she be so generous sharing them juicy bits about idols’ private “personalities”, their unhealthy habits, fights they’ve had and same-sex relationships, exes and idk, next she probably claims she knows what color their underwear is every given day? think about it. she writes about it in the most public platform possible, both in korean and english? if she has such an easy access to all that and is actually sharing their private info in exchange for profit, starship has been so careless about their privacy that she wouldn’t be the only one knowing about this stuff. meaning none of those things would be secrets at this point. we would all know.

her lack of empathy, kindness, reason, intellect and sanity is one thing, but it’s another thing that people literally fund her because they think they truly need to find out if and who mx members are dating or if they... like, whatever, smoke?

like for real. most of her replies are so dumb, sweeping generalizations that i could also write similar replies. i have common sense, i have been a fan of mx for a long time and i have studied korean ent industry for years. but i’m not asking for money because i’m not a dipshit, so whatever, here’s my helpful replies to the most burning questions we all want to know! for free! so you don’t have to go ask her the same things and pay for lies!

1) are they in a relationship? of course they have or have had relationships, they are people. just most likely less often than people would like to believe, given their lack of time to do fucking anything but dance/practice/perform themselves to early grave. yes, with 99% certainty at least some of them are dating right as we speak. yes, most likely at least one of them is gay/bisexual/etc. because statistically speaking, that’s just plausible. none of us fans will ever end up with them, so we should be happy if they ever get to date anyone - that means they’ll be happier and receive extra energy and inspiration and will be taken care of. if you trust and love mx members, you can also trust the people they have chosen. and in the extremely unlikely case one of you would end up dating one of them: it still doesn’t matter what they are choosing to do with their lives right now.

2) are they dating idols, fans, foreigners? lol who’d be able to provide for them the best? most likely people who they can... like. meet more often than once a year, who understand their daily struggles, who aren’t pisspoor - and given the idol industry standards they’ve gotten used to over the years, they most likely will also be attractive people around their age. so most likely not fans, nor foreigners. and most likely not that random idol you’re thinking of. 99% of the time it’s someone you’ve literally never heard of.

3) do they smoke? do they use drugs? do they drink alcohol? probably, probably, yes. like for real, these people sleep 0-5 hours per night and are constantly expected to look, sound and seem absofuckinglutely stunning and spotless. it shouldn’t be humanly possible, and perhaps it isn’t. they’ll use shortcuts, whatever those might be, and consuming unhealthy stuff is like. one of those.

4) and the previous point includes plastic surgery and other body modifications/injections/meso threads/expensive treatments. mx has money, plastic surgeries are common practice, plastic surgeons are good at what they’re doing, and idols are literal representatives of that whole industry. plastic surgery wouldn’t be nearly as big of a business in korea without hallyu.

5) do they end up fighting sometimes? yes, just like everyone else. could their personal ways of handling arguments get in the way of fixing stuff? obviously. could it sometimes take time for them to recover from fights, breakups, disagreements, leading them to appear unhappy for a period of time? yes, that’s life. could one of the members be less familiar/close with someone else within the group? again, yes, that’s more likely than not. could one of them be somewhat distant with everyone within the group? let’s be real. they have other friends too, life outside of this job. they might grow distant at times and focus on themselves/their other friends more. or they might not want to hang out with each other very often outside of schedules. it also has absolutely nothing to do with us. it doesn’t benefit any of us to learn whether they have been fighting about something. as long as they don’t explicitly express their concerns, we can assume things are going just fine. they don’t need to be absolutely best best friends in order to still enjoy working together - and yet, them fighting and having disagreements is not a sign of them not being best best friends, so there’s that too.

6) could they be sick or having a dangerous diet? yes, probably one of them is sick right now, or recovering. being an idol is a very unhealthy job in itself, plus people do tend to get sick from time to time. we can offer them our constant support, care and love and ask them how they are doing, we can ask them to get more rest and keep eating well. but that’s all. they have their own support network who truly know what’s going on in their lives, and there’s nothing more we could do either way. and despite their unhealthy job, they are all young, physically active and have an access to good medical treatment, so the chances of them dying all of a sudden without us having the slightest clue is like. almost nonexistent.

7) are they different behind cameras? well idk what do you think? do they pick their noses, examine the gunk they found and eat it afterwards when they’re alone? do they have farting competitions? do they scratch their balls and continue their day without washing their hands? do they have explosive diarrhea and pimples they pop in front of the mirror? do you think there would be a horrible stench coming out of their mouths in the morning? yes to all of those questions and all the others i didn’t list but we were all thinking of nonetheless. they are probably much less friendly, considerate, cheerful or tactful in real life. they might be, like, not even the smartest or nicest people you could imagine, because they’re human beings, and that’s ok. they’re already doing more than they ever needed to, and nothing so far has indicated that they are actually evil people in real life.

8) are they going to enlist or disband soon? monsta x is literally doing better than any other group starship ever had. they’re doing better than 90% of other kpop groups. starship staff would probably rather cut their own heads off rather than disband mx (before everything is sucked out of them). having said that, shownu has to enlist next year, and the 93-liners will join the year after, so obviously that means the remaining members will have to focus on solo stuff and such. but that most likely will be a breath of fresh air to them, since they no longer have to be so hyper-focused on those insanely tight world-tour schedules. maybe they’ll finally have more time to be creative, learn new skills and produce more carefully constructed stuff. so even though it’ll be sad for us fans, it also has good consequences.

and like i’ve said 1000 times before: be happy for whatever monsta x or any other kpop group decides to do, because they quite literally did not have to do it. they are full human beings who are doing this because they wanted to. because they decided to see the effort and work through all the hardships. they owe us nothing. they don’t have to do anything for us. their public presence is a bonus, a gift, an additional benefit, an extra perk we have a privilege to see and enjoy. we gave them their success, our money and our time, but that was our own decision. they can decide to quit and walk away whenever, no explanations needed. they can change the course of their careers and do things differently, and there’s nothing we can do about that. we can only be thankful for whatever content, whatever glimpses of their life we could see, and we have absolutely 0 right to ask for more.

__________

so there. everyone buying information from kimchitokki or even considering doing that: please stop. even if she was right about everything, which she obviously isn’t, you’re supporting a psychopath who isn’t capable of loving anyone but herself. she doesn’t support monsta x - she’s the one causing them illnesses, depression and stress. she’s a fucking gross disease and needs to waltz straight into jail.

#monsta x #kihyun #wonho #changkyun #minhyuk #jooheon #hyungwon #shownu #kpop #mine

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glitterandmoondustofficial · 5 years ago

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Side To Side

Chapter 165:I Won't Fight It

Notes: Characters: Law, Ruby, Jean Bart, Bepo Rating: Teen Warnings: Language, Alcohol Notes: ;) Full Story

~~~~~

“You know.” Ikkaku shoved Law playfully. “You should talk to her.”

“Not you too. She’s avoiding me.”

“She not avoiding you, she just doesn’t know how to approach you. She still cares for you and wants to be with you.”

“And how exactly am I supposed to do something about it? Buy her a drink and give her some shitty one-liner like we haven’t dated ever before.”

“It’s a start.”

Law took a deep breath, staring at Ruby’s back as she sat in a bar stool. She waved off another drink being handed to her. Her cheek was in her hand as she was slumped over the bar. It was...not a welcoming sight. Law still had to try, though. He wanted to spend time with her, and he should! She was his brooding partner after all. He walked forward, preparing himself to be social.

“Hey, Law,” she said not looking towards him.

“Hey,” he walked up next to her and sat in the stool to her left side. “Let me get you something to drink.”

“Oh, thanks. You don’t have to, though.”

“It’s fine,” he waved over the bartender. “Cherry cola for her.” Ruby covered her mouth with the palm of her hand as she leaned on it. “Bourbon for me.” The bartender walked off for a moment and Law looked back at Ruby. “I saw the medication you’re on in your file, you’d probably die if you drank alcohol.”

“Oh, then you should’ve ordered alcohol for me.” She said flatly. Law frowned at her. “It’s a joke.”

“I’m aware,” he sighed. He watched her accept the drink from the bartender and give him her old glass. She shoved the straw in her mouth and sipped.

“I don’t drink alcohol that much anyway, you know that.” She said after a moment. “It’s just far less now, because of my meds.”

“So, you don’t really drink at all.”

“Not unless…”

“What?”

“Nothing,” she shrugged. “I guess I don’t drink at all anymore.” She reached for a menu and stared down at it.

“Can I ask you a couple questions?”

“Yeah. What did you want to ask?” She looked over at him and he held back his frown as he looked at the bruising under her eyes.

“Did you stop me from going after Doflamingo?” Ruby’s eyebrows rose quickly and she frowned.

“No, why?”

“I went searching through my desk, to see where I left off. I did find plenty of notes and whatnot but…” he looked at her curious face. “It seemed to have slowed down, I suppose.”

“You could’ve just figured it all out and decided to rest your mind,” she shrugged. “You took a break for my recovery, or at least you stopped your being bent over the desk stuff until I could walk on my own. I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours.”

“That makes two of us,” he grumbled. “I didn’t just find my notes, though.”

“Oh?”

“I found…” he reached into his back pocket before hesitating. He sighed and pulled out an envelope. He handed it to her and she gave him a strange look.

“Is this some weird way of telling me I have an incurable disease?” She opened the envelope and paused. “Oh.” She said softly and pulled a photo out of the envelope. “It’s me.” She stared at the photo for a moment before placing it on the counter. She reached for another photo and pulled one out. She frowned as she stared at it, taking a deep breath. “Stupid.” She sniffed and wiped her eye. “Trying to make me think that…” her lip trembled and she took a steadying breath. “Where did you find this?”

“There were photos throughout the desk, I left most there, but I brought the envelope because it was in the large binder, you’d have to move it in order to read the binder.” Ruby chuckled and wiped a tear from her cheek.

“Oh, gosh. This isn’t exactly what I planned on finding out tonight,” she smiled and caressed the photo she had with her thumb. “Next you’re going to be telling me that you have photos of everyone in your wallet.”

“I don’t.”

Ruby laughed again. “Drinks are on me tonight.” She picked up the picture of herself and placed it back in the envelope. She handed it back to him and sighed. “Thank you for showing me this, it means more than you realize.”

“Well, that was my next question,” he said and holding onto the envelope. “Why do you think I did this?”

“Well,” she grabbed her soda and drank from it. “We had gotten into some...tiffs over you dedicating your whole self to your plotting and planning. You still weren’t used to having a partner and what it all meant,” she smiled softly and leaned on her elbow, her head in her hand. “I had asked you to keep me in mind when you started to spiral and go too hard at it. I suppose this was your way of doing it.”

Law looked down at his bourbon and then back up to her. He took a long sip from his glass and sighed. “I see.” He looked at her soft smile and relaxed.

“Want to share some spicy fries?” She asked as she played with the edge of the menu. Law felt his confidence return as she waited for his answer. “Or-”

“Sure, that sounds good.” Ruby grinned and called over the bartender. She gave her order (she added cheesecake to the order, too) and sipped her drink while they waited. Law smiled at her. He liked that she was smiling again. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be long before she’d be back to her normal self.

~~~~~

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Ruby sighed as she switched her yoga posture. Jean Bart switched at the same time and didn’t say anything.

“Captain wants to talk to you more,” Bepo said and Ruby groaned.

“I thought our yoga time was supposed to be peaceful.”

“We’re just talking about your boyfriend,” Jean Bart said.

“He’s not my boyfriend. At least not anymore.” She sighed and sat down.

“He still has feelings for you. Maybe not quite the unconditional love as before, but he still cares for you.”

“He stares at you all the time.” Bepo sat next to her.

Ruby groaned. “What exactly can I do? He’s the one who needs to be ready, not me. He’s already aware of how I feel about him.” She frowned and laid on her back. “I do want to just walk up to him and kiss him like before, but I can’t. I can’t risk making him uncomfortable or ruining my chance of starting over with him.” She stared up at the ceiling. “There’s not much I can do.”

“Who knows, maybe you could trigger something and have him get his memories back,” Jean Bart said thoughtfully.

“Doubtful, we’re dealing with a devil fruit here.” But she definitely wouldn’t mind kissing him again. She missed kissing him. She ached to kiss him again, it was unfair. This pseudo-breakup was awful. All she wanted was to kiss him again.

“It wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“Honestly, I doubt he’s even thinking about me in that way at the moment. It wasn’t just our relationship he forgot, it was everything. He’s gotta be unbelievably stressed and…”

“And?” They prompted.

“I gotta go.” She shot up. “I’m such an idiot.” She ignored their curious faces as she rushed out the door.

~~~~~

“What?” Law stared at Ruby with a raised brow.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Uh, coffee would be nice.”

“Coff-...that’s not what I meant,” she sighed. “I meant for your, uh, mental health.”

“Coffee.”

“You’re such a jackass,” she groaned. He smirked at her before relaxing in the control room chair.

“Thanks, but I can deal with this on my own.”

“Okay, yes,” she moved in front of him and he raised his brow at her again. “But you shouldn’t have to. And, it may not seem like it, but I’ve gotten pretty good at taking care of you.”

“Why so suddenly?” She looked away.

“You know, I’ve never claimed that I wasn’t selfish,” she started. “And I’ve been focusing so much on what I’ve been going through...that I wasn’t even thinking about what you have to be going through.” She took a deep breath. “Just because you don’t remember me, doesn’t mean I still can’t be there for and take care of you.”

“I still remember you,” he grumbled.

“You don’t even remember what I look like in lingerie, that’s hardly remembering me.” She smiled as he pulled his hat down over his eyes in embarrassment. “Don’t worry, I look amazing.”

“ Thanks .”

“Don’t mention it.” She sat on the control panel. “I have photos over the past year, I can show them to you, if you want.”

“Of?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Well... yes , but the tasteful nude pictures of me won’t be part of the history lesson.”

“Tasteful?”

“A few are.”

“Uh-huh.” Ruby smiled softly at him and felt himself returning it. This felt right. “I guess it won’t hurt to look at the photos.”

“The nudes?”

“No.” Ruby giggled at his distress.

“Give me a moment and I’ll go get them.” He nodded and she left, waiting patiently as he watched her walk into the crew quarters and walk back on the monitors.

“That’s a big box,” he said flatly when she returned. She shoved the box into his hands as she grabbed a chair. She took the box back and placed it on the control panel.

“These are just my nudes.”

“Can’t believe I just put them in a box.”

“No, I took them from where you kept them and put them in a box.” She pulled out a photo of his birthday. “Here’s your birthday.”

“Jun-ya and Erina-ya aren’t there.”

“No, they hadn’t joined yet.” Ruby looked at the photo and smiled at the group.

“Are you sure that you and Ikkaku aren’t dating instead? You two are the ones hanging off each other.”

“I’m sure. Ikkaku and Jun are dating, though.” Ruby pulled out a random photo. “See, here’s one of us.”

“You’re licking my face.”

“Yeah, you were so pissed. It was cute.” He glared at her. “Like that.”

“I hardly think my anger is cute.”

“Oh, it wasn’t actual anger. You wiped my spit off you face while grumbling and then did the same to me when we went to bed.” She handed him the box and he started to rifle through it. He asked questions and she gave him his answers.

“When was this?”

“Oh,” She timidly took the photo from him. “Before my accident. You were so annoyed that night.”

“I’m in a suit,” he said flatly.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Some rich marine guy invited me saying he needed me there. It was an obvious ploy and I made you come with me.”

“I was wondering where that suit came from.”

“Yeah.” She sighed and handed him back the photo. “You’re so willing to do whatever they want for your goal, but you stopped involving your crew after my accident.”

“Can I see it?”

“What?”

“Your foot.”

“Uh, sure.” She shoved her foot in his lap. “It’s not pretty.”

“I’ve seen worse scaring,” he said picking up her foot and rotating it. “I did a good job on the reattachment.” Ruby rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I suppose so. You put me in a coma for a bit, too.”

“Unsurprising.” He let go of her foot. “You seem to be doing well.”

“It’s been three months since the accident. I still have to be careful...but because of your abilities I’ve been doing better than most would in my situation.”

“It’s good that you’re doing alright,” he frowned. “Forgetting everything and learning that you died would’ve been a far worse feeling than forgetting what you look like in lingerie.” Ruby laughed.

“Fair enough.” She relaxed in her chair and looked at the monitor screens with a soft smile. Law felt himself smile at her.

“Will you do me a favor tonight?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“Sleep with me.” Her eyebrows shot up and she stared at him in shock. “Wait, stop. That’s not what I meant.”

“You were just saying you wanted to see my nudes.”

“No I didn’t. I meant…” he hesitated. “I want you to get a full night's rest, sleep in my bed.”

Ruby stared at him for a moment before turning her attention to the monitor. She had a neutral expression on her face as the silence grew. “I appreciate your offer,” she said quietly. “But-”

“I know you have trouble sleeping in beds that you’re not used to. If you were sleeping in my room...then…”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t have to be in there, of course. I can sleep in the crew quarters. You need to rest properly, I need you in top shape.”

Ruby finally smiled. “Yeah, I know.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “You don’t have to sleep in the crew quarters.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s your room, Law. You’re allowed to be in there. And don’t worry about my discomfort, I won’t be uncomfortable.”

He watched her for a moment and sighed. “Alright.”

~~~~~

Law really didn’t expect Ruby to fall asleep immediately, but he wasn’t too surprised, either. He sat in bed and read a book as she snored to his side. It was a deep sleep she was in, he’s sure he could bang pots and pans and she’d sleep through it.

Good.

Her body needs rest. Her mental health needs rest. Once she’s back to being normal, he can truly focus on getting his memories back. His crew must always come first, that’s rule number one of being captain.

“Law,” Ruby groaned from under the blanket. “Quit it.”

“What?”

“Thinking,” she grumbled. She yawned and he was certain she immediately fell back asleep, until she curled up to his chest. He stared at her as he brought his hand up to her hair, moving hair from her closed eyes. Her expression changed to content and a small smile formed on her face. And then she was asleep, snoring on his chest.

Law huffed and closed his eyes with a tired smile. He was a little jealous of himself, if he was able to see her look like this all the time. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and closed his eyes. Maybe he could get a little rest tonight, too.

#one piece #one piece fanfiction #law x oc #lawxoc #trafalgar law #side to side #sela ruby #ruby sela

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 years ago

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July 2019 Book Wrap-up

July was actually a really good month for me! I read a ton of books, and a lot of them were actually pretty good? It’s been a very transitory month for me; and I’m hoping to keep up the momentum as I start a new job. The standouts of the month include War, of my beloved Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse series by Laura Thalassa, and Lock Every Door, a creepy, apartment-centric psychological thriller by Riley Sagers.

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon. 3/5. Heartbroken by the death of her grandfather--the only parent she really knew--Anne Gallagher travels to Ireland. Ireland was her grandfather’s homeland, she she grew up on his stories of a family she has little connection with. Going out on the lake, she suddenly finds herself thrown back into 1921, in an Ireland on the brink of civil war. Taken in by Thomas Smith, a friend of her great-grandfather--who himself died young in the conflict--she finds a young boy who is oddly familiar, and a group of people she can’t help but connect with. As she grows close to Thomas and enveloped in his political struggles, Anne becomes terrified of her lack of control over the time she’s in, or the future she’s facing. This is a time travel romance, as you’d probably guess. And it’s really not super amazing or much to complain about. There is fluff. There are the necessary “out of time” moments, the tension between the hero and the heroine. It does seem that Harmon did her research on the Irish political landscape of the 1920s--but I can’t verify the novel’s accuracy. To be frank, I think that this actually got in the way of the story to an extent. The amount of time Michael Collins took up in this novel, acting as like... the best friend character? Was a bit awkward. Otherwise, it’s a fluffy, nice read.

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren. 3/5. Olive and Ethan hate each other, which is awkward as his brother is marrying her sister. But after the entire wedding party--save Olive and Ethan--end up with food poisoning, they agree to go on the honeymoon trip together, to save it from being completely wasted. The plan on avoiding each other the entire time; but when Olive encounters her future boss at the resort and tells what seems to be a white lie, they end up having to impersonate newlyweds. You can probably guess what happens next! Christina Lauren books usually feature protagonists with a fun, sweet chemistry, and this novel is no exception. The beach setting and Olive and Ethan’s angsty, unresolved sexual tension makes most of this book a super fun read. The only reason why I didn’t give it 4/5 is that the last twenty percent or so really annoyed me. There is a very typical twist, which wasn’t the problem--how our male lead reacted to it was. It didn’t ruin the book, but it did make me much less likely to give it a wholehearted recommendation.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager. 5/5. After losing her job and breaking up with her live-in boyfriend, Jules is desperate for money and a place to stay. As luck would have it, she stumbles upon an opportunity that offers both. The Bartholomew is an old building, populated by the wealthy elite; and Jules has long idolized it as the setting of one of her favorite childhood books. When the apartments are in between owners, their inherent value makes them targets for thieves--which is why the building’s managers employ apartment sitters. Jules is offered $12,000 to live in an apartment for three months; and despite her wariness, she can’t turn that kind of offer down. But when her newfound friend and fellow apartment sitter Ingrid goes missing, Jules sets on to a horrifying search for answers, which yield far more than she’s bargained for. It’s official: I really do love Riley Sager books. He’s 3/3 so far, and this one just may be my favorite. Sager isn’t shy about drawing from classic horror tropes, and this novel is no exception--it owes a good bit to Rosemary’s Baby and The Shining. But of course, another totally out there twist is thrown in, making the story his own. I can’t say much without spoiling it. But if you love thrillers and horror, try it. What pushes the book over the edge for me is that it has a real point about today’s class systems, and the privileges of wealth and the victimization of the poor in America.

The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary. 4/5. Following a disastrous breakup, Tiffy needs a flat, and badly. So when she sees the ad posted by Leon, she’s desperate enough to take it. As Tiffy is an assistant editor and Leon is a night nurse, they have different schedules. They live in the flat together and even share a bed--though they sleep on opposite sides--but never see each other, communicating through notes left about the apartment. At first, it’s stiff--but gradually, as they learn more about one another and their separate troubles (from Tiffy’s obsessive ex to Leon’s incarcerated brother) they begin to rely on each other for more than just room and board... This is a really fucking cute, very sweet romantic comedy that touches on deeper subjects than you might think. The way through which Tiffy and Leon connect is pretty unique, and I felt for both of them. They were pleasant without being annoyingly perfect, and I just had a great time with the novel.

War by Laura Thalassa. 4/5. As the apocalypse rages on, Miriam struggles to live in an Israel ravaged by the literal War--that is, the horseman of the apocalypse. When the supernatural warlord stumbles across her in the battlefield, he’s taken aback by her own fury, and declares that she was sent by God to be his wife. Thrown in with War and his followers, Miriam is exposed to the true horror of the battlefield--while also learning that there may be more to War’s purpose, and her connection with him, than she thought. This is the sequel to Pestilence, and part of a big fat series about women falling in love with the four horsemen of the apocalypse. And I love them. War is a surprisingly endearing hero, though Thalassa never shies away from how brutal the horsemen are--which I so appreciate. You never forget that War isn’t a human, however you may love him. Miriam is another fun heroine, and one of those lovely characters who is honestly quite softhearted but still aggressive and never weak. It’s a cheesy romance novel, and it’s exactly what you should read right now, immediately.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson. 3/5. Elisabeth is a foundling, raised in the Great Library of Austermeer to take care of its magical grimoires. When the library is attacked and its most powerful grimoire unleashed, Elisabeth is implicated in the crime. Sent to the capital to be dealt with, she becomes wrapped up in a conspiracy, with only a suspicious sorcerer to rely upon. I adored Rogerson’s first novel (An Enchantment of Ravens), and I wish I’d loved this one more. It was well-written, and the characters were interesting, but I just found the story a bit hard to get caught up in. Honestly, I think this had less to do with the plot itself and more to do with the pacing and length of the book. It took way too long for things to get started, and things just moved too slowly for my taste. However, I do think that tons of people will LOVE this book--if sorcery and slow burns are up your alley, go for it!

On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. 2/5. Thirty-year-old Anna is happy to take a dream teaching job--she’s tutoring the nearly-seventeen year old T.J. as his family vacations over the summer in the Maldives. Flying separately from the rest of the group, Anna and T.J. are thrown off course when their pilot has a heart attack and crashes into the sea, leaving the two of them trapped on an isolated island. As the years pass and Anna and T.J. survive together, they come to face the reality of a new world--and their changing feelings. I had to read this for the what the fuck factor, basically? To clarify, nothing happens between the leads until the guy is almost nineteen, and by then they’ve been alone for so long that it’s honestly pretty understandable. I feel like this could have been great, trashy fun and it still kind of was, but the writing was so........................................ Not great? It was really clunky and really awkward, and the characters kept repeating things to each other that didn’t need to be repeated. The dialogue took me out more than anything else. But I don’t know, I wasn’t disengaged? It’s a spectacle of a book.

The Royal Secret by Lucinda Riley. 3/5. After the death of acting legend Sir James Harrison, reporter Joanna is set to cover his funeral. There, she meets a mysterious older woman, who sets her on a path to uncover a secret that has been hidden for more than seventy years--connected to the royal family. I don’t have much to say about this one.�� It intrigued me because it was actually published a little over 20 years ago, but due to the timing--it was written when the royal family was at a peak low in terms of popularity, but published right around the time that the popularity took an upswing--it did rather poorly. It was an interesting enough read, but never grabbed me. The characters felt disconnected and bland, and ultimately the thriller aspects were pretty light, or maybe just not the types that I enjoy. It’s not a bad book, but it’s also not for me.

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo. 2/5. This non-fiction book follows three women throughout the years, focusing on their varied sex lives. This just wasn’t for me. Other people will love it, but I was looking for something less... intentionally poetic. I wanted it to be more honest and upfront and analytical.

The Last Leonardo: The Secret Lives of the World’s Most Expensive Painting by Ben Lewis. 4/5. An account of the history of Salvator Mundi, the allegeded Leonardo da Vinci work sold for $450 million. Lewis writes in an engaging manner, revealing both the painting’s history and the case for and against it being a Leonardo--and what I really love too is his examination of the questions surrounding its value even if it is a Leonardo, considering the painting’s extensive restoration (which could have arguably taken away from the artist’s original hand) and its general quality compared to other works by Leonardo. I’m not sure if people who aren’t into art history or at least history would be into this, but I found Lewis’s skepticism and reserve regarding the topic weirdly refreshing. I have a lot of feelings about Salvator Mundi, and I appreciated the way he communicated his.

The Descendant of the Crane by Joan He. 4/5. After the death of her father, Hesina is left as the heir to the throne. The issue? She thinks that her father was murdered--and in her pursuit of the truth, she seeks help from a sooth, one of the magic-users forbidden by the Eleven, the wise people who restructured the kingdom years ago. She is then set to work with Akira, a thief who’s meant to represent her in court as she struggles to find the killer--but ends up on a path that will reveal more than she’d bargained for. It’s hard to not spoil this one? It has many twists and turns, to the point that it did get kind of convoluted (and the ending is far from resolved, though there’s no guarantee of a sequel). But I admire He’s ambition and the scope of the story. I hope we do get a follow-up!

#books #book recs #book roundup

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cookiefonster666 · 5 years ago

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hey it’s time for more homestuck epilogue ramblings, this time about jade

Again basically a mirror of a recent Blogger post. I have quite a few other posts about the epilogues on my blogs, but most of them I don’t quite feel comfortable posting here.

Content warning: This post contains some discussion of sexual content, starting from the header "The Candy (in Candy)". Read at your own discretion.

The Not-So-Wonderful World of Shafted Characters

Enter Jade Harley, the character who's been an odd spot in the comic's sprawling cast since day one. She starts as basically just a plot device but becomes a genuine wonderful character in Act 5. But after that point, she gets an upsettingly small amount of screen time and is rudely stripped from the on-screen dialogue reunions most everyone else gets. And by the time Collide and Act 7 happen, the comic has done away with dialogue. Yeah, that sure is fun.

So obviously, one of my biggest hopes for the epilogue was that Jade would get a full strong resolution, perhaps with dialogue "reunions" she should have gotten or with a major new role in the storyline. Jade did get plenty of dialogue early in Meat and some in Candy and it was pretty great, but what ultimate resolution did her character get? Fucking nothing!!! No resolution in Meat, no resolution in Candy.

The epilogues did a LOT of things right, don't get me wrong. Each of the twelve creators on Earth C gets a good share of screen time and I think the epilogues are reasonably balanced in that regard—far more balanced than late Act 6 was. But the epilogues are incredibly imbalanced in giving characters resolution. Some characters had an astounding resolution arc that far surpassed my already high expectations!!! But for one reason or another, some characters get the opposite of resolution arcs—you probably know who I'm talking about. I'll have to talk about those another time. And as I said before, Jade doesn't even get a resolution. I'll discuss exactly how she doesn't get a resolution, first in Meat and then in Candy.

The Candy (in Meat)

Earth C Jade's first appearance in Meat is a conversation with Dave and Karkat about politics and romance. We quickly learn that she's in an unresolved love triangle with both of them. Continuing the time-honored tradition of Harleyberts not understanding how love works, Jade clumsily tries to set up a three-way romance with Karkat and Dave and misunderstands everything about the quadrants along the way. I found that scene absolutely hilarious and a surprisingly on-point satire of how fans think of character shipping. As per tradition, Jade tries to solve everyone's problems through a shipping grid because obviously that's worked spectacularly in the past. Also, she literally fucking says Dave and Karkat are "kind of like moirails". I don't know about you, but I found that one particular line to be the funniest shit in the world.

It's already apparent that Jade has changed quite a bit from last time we saw her. She's considerably more airheaded and free-flowing, and her most prominent trait now is her severe lack of social skills. This change makes a lot of sense considering Jade's history. She was still almost entirely human after ascending to god tier, but that has changed over the years. Now she has lots of dog hormones, a tail, and you-know-what. Not to mention this is the Jade that spent three years with John and Davesprite dead. It also fits into an interesting pattern I've noticed: generally speaking, the less screen time a character got in late Act 6, the more that character has changed by the start of the epilogues. Think about John and Dave, how much they retain from how they acted in A6A6I5. Now think about Jane Crocker. Jane FUCKING Crocker. I think it's no coincidence that the character fans have always regarded as boring is now basically a full-blown antagonist. Now think about Gamzee MOTHERFUCKING Makara. ... uh, actually no, I don't recommend you think about him. My point is, I'd say the epilogues succeeded at parodying the comic's fans while simultaneously paying tribute to them, and Jade's first dialogue in Meat is no exception.

The Meat

Next up, Jade presents the political situation to Roxy and Calliope and discusses a few more things in her Jade fashion until suddenly she falls into a coma, her soul now possessed by god tier Calliope who herself inhabits a different iteration of Jade. There she goes, that's the end of Meat Jade's character arc. She's now once more a shameless plot device pushed around by the whims of fate—how's that for going full circle? The few times afterwards where Jade speaks, it's only brief intermissions between being possessed by the Dead Cherub or getting knocked out by Dirk so he can have the narration back.

Basically, Jade ends Meat having completed an enormous circle of stupidity: plot device -> good character -> shafted character -> changed character -> plot device. It actually is a fitting ending now that I think of it, especially in the half that's more focused on tying plot threads. But it feels annoying considering what kind of ending Jade gets, or rather doesn't get, in Candy. Let's go over it, shall we?

The Candy (in Candy)

Jade's first appearance in Candy isn't too different from her first appearance in Meat: a conversation about romance and politics with Dave and Karkat, the two roommates who are (not) dating each other and both most certainly (not) dating Jade. A bunch of stuff I already said two headers ago.

... And then things get weird. Really fucking weird. Our heroes get paired into four romantic groups forming basically the Buddy System 2.0, which is even more unnatural and freaky than the first one was. Most of those groups start having kids, but Jade's group—her, Dave, and Karkat—has issues that aren't quite easy to sort out. Now here's where I have to talk about the elephant in the room: Jade's penis. Or as fans call it, "dog dick".

The middle section of Candy all but outright confirms what was once an absurd headcanon. At a glance, it directly contradicts what Hussie himself said about Jade before, that she only has dog ears and the rest is still human. But if you think deeper you can tell that Hussie didn't necessarily change his mind, but decided that Jade would start only with dog ears and then gradually gain more elements of a male dog.

Anyway, Jade's penis is enough of a confounding factor that she, Dave, and Karkat can't agree on a way to have kids. And then a few years later, Karkat becomes the hero he was always meant to be and the tragic breakup happens. Then after even more years of presumably a bunch of hemming and hawing, Dave and Jade FINALLY get married. That's amazing, right???? The ship that's been a fan favorite for longer than probably any other? And they're married after all this time?

Uh, no. Not really at all. Not too long after their overdue wedding, Dave has a touching conversation with his number one hero, Barack Obama. He confesses that he's living a lie and can't get over Karkat, or the long-gone Dirk for that matter. When Obama offers Dave to ascend to his ultimate self, he immediately accepts it over staying on Earth C with his doggy wife and becomes Davebot, now proud and ready to achieve greater things in paradox space.

With Dave having achieved what can only be described as one hell of an ending, what triumphant resolution does Jade get? That's right, fucking nothing! Dave leaving Jade behind to explore the White House is the last we hear from her in Candy.

grrrrrr i want more epilogues (or do i???)

And that, my friends, is one of many reasons one could reasonably hope for a follow-up to the Homestuck Epilogues. I'm too lazy to list all the possible reasons, there's just way too many.

So instead, I'll say the following: despite all the flaws, I'm still more than complacent in rereading the epilogues over and over instead of daydreaming about getting even more. It's just such a mass dump of material that you can't fully process after reading just once, much like Homestuck itself. My prior posts about the epilogues already read like someone that doesn't fully understand them, at least to me. Such is the beauty of Homestuck, it's absurdly fun to think and talk about.

Conclusion

I LOVE HOMESTUCK. I LOVE HOMESTUCK, I LOVE HOMESTUCK, I LOVE HOMESTUCK, I LOVE HOMESTUCK!!!

LOVE

HOMESTUCK

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #epilogues #jade harley #circle of stupidity #lack of resolution #dave strider #karkat vantas #shafted characters

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years ago

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Skam season 3, episode 5 (2/2)

This reaction covers the Pause, Pride, and Bros clips, which are the emotional equivalent of that time Homer Simpson skateboarded over a gorge.

SEASON 3, EPISODE 5

Clip 4 - Locker room turning point

This scene really is the catalyst for much of what happens in the second half of the season. It’s fantastically acted and superbly written. Julie commented on the script that it was one of the hardest scenes of S3 and I believe it, it’s so complex and runs through so many emotions in just a few minutes. And it’s so fraught. One of Skam’s greatest attributes is the ability to portray vulnerability and this scene is full of it. Everything is so delicate, so much remains unspoken.

Been thinking about how we don’t get these wide establishing shots of a lot of locales, like the gym here, for instance. Like a lot of directors would have more of an establishing shot of the gym, they’d show students running and working out, a teacher calling out instructions, etc. before we cut to Isak. Julie doesn’t always do those. I can think of a number of times she does, showing students hanging around and goofing off outside the school, for example, but a lot of times she just cuts straight to the POV character. Maybe just for practical reasons, but it also makes her storytelling feel very very intimate and character-focused with all these tight closeups.

I wonder if Isak is much into sports - like actually playing them, not sticking to FIFA. We don’t see him doing much of them and whenever he’s at some physical activity, he’s on the sidelines (at the skate park or watching basketball or w/e at the start of episode 3). We see him working out in the birthday video so I guess he started exercising regularly. Gotta keep in shape for his man.

Nice double take when you realize Edward Cullen has been watching you, Isak.

No, but imagine Even just watching Isak mess around in gym class for a bit before Isak notices, maybe psyching himself up to talk to him and tell him the important news. Because this season is so confined to Isak’s POV, on first viewing we see so much of Even’s confident, charming side; it’s only after we know the whole story that we realize how he must have been dealing with his own insecurities.

On that note, let’s talk about what’s going on with Even off screen between the cuddle scene and this locker room scene. He took some days off from school - honestly, I feel like he had a depressive crash. At some point he broke up with Sonja. He didn’t talk to Isak much outside of elusive texts. Can you imagine what he was going through? But no matter how hard it was, he made a decision that Isak was worth everything, worth breaking up this safety net of a relationship with Sonja, worth taking a chance on a new person, worth all the risks, because Isak made him that happy.

In the original script, Even grabbed Isak and kissed him when he entered the locker room. Apparently this was changed due to the setup of the locker room, but Julie made the right call in adapting the scene so that Even didn’t start with a kiss. I think that might have been too self-assured of him, though they could have played it as desperation as well. But this scene works fantastically when we see Even is vulnerable, too, that it’s not just Isak who’s been questioning and wondering while Even leaves him hanging. It’s easy (for me at least) to forgive Even for his strange hot and cold behavior when Even is clearly going through something difficult, even if I didn’t know what that is yet.

It also works better with the careful distance between them at the start of the clip. I don’t think either of them know what’s going to happen. From Isak’s POV, is Even going to call it all off, tell him he’s back with Sonja? Give him more vague answers? From Even’s POV, how pissed is Isak? Is Isak going to want to be all in, now that he’s had a few Evenless days to think about everything?

The sound editing in this scene works wonders. I love that we can hear all the gym sounds (people talking, bouncing balls) from outside, but they’re muffled - like they’re in a semi-public, semi-private space. Technically someone can walk in at any time, but it’s also a locker room, not accessible to everyone. It feels fitting that they’re in this kind of in-between place.

Additionally, you can hear every breath and step and nervous swallow from them here. Skam often uses music so perfectly to enhance its characters’ emotions, but there’s also such a thing as using music too much, as a lazy tactic to make the audience emotional without working for it in the acting, writing, or directing. So here’s a scene with no music. Just sounds from the two characters. No additions. And this is what you get, a scene of raw tenderness.

Soooo much subtext in this scene, so much of Isak and Even not asking everything they want or saying everything they mean. Even when the dialogue seems forthright, there’s another layer behind it.

My opinion of Even jumped up a lot when he says he’s talked to Sonja and they’re on a break. He should have done that at the beginning, ideally, but the fact that he did make the move to break up with her counts for something. When I saw this I was so damn relieved that it wasn’t going to be a typical case of “dude with a girlfriend has secret male side piece, strings along girlfriend while keeping boyfriend a secret” which is pretty common in LGBT media, especially coming out stories. I respected that Even was honest with Sonja, even if it was late, and it spoke a lot to Even’s sincerity about Isak.

FUCK, I loooove this moment, where everything hangs between them as Even asks Isak what he thinks about him breaking up with Sonja. Not assuming that Isak will be happy about it, not assuming Isak is going to act any specific way, really. Even is really fucking vulnerable when he asks this! Great acting from Henrik. The fact that Even isn’t sure about Isak’s reaction, that you can tell he’s still nervous about what Isak will think and that maybe he’s jumped the gun or expected more than Isak wants, means so much. Even broke up with Sonja even though he wasn’t 100% sure about Isak wanting to be with him. Because Isak was worth it.

And of course, Sonja has a say in this too, she might not want to be with someone who’s cheated on her. But judging from what we do know about her (and you know, kissing Even two days after this) I think she’d be willing to forgive Even and not break up with him over the Isak incident. She might talk herself into thinking it was just a result of Even’s bipolar disorder. So while I’m sure they hashed stuff out between them, I do think it was Even who wanted the break.

I don’t know Norwegian so I wonder if “we have decided to take a break” has the same connotations in English. Because if Even said, “Sonja and I broke up” it sounds like a permanent thing, they are done. “We have decided to take a break” is less permanent thing that leaves wiggle room for getting back together, or at least is putting off the absolute end of the relationship. In that case, I feel like maybe Sonja does think this is a manic thing and is letting Even go off to do his own thing, expecting that he’ll come back to her. EDIT: @skamenglishsubsclarified: Yes, in the original he uses the word "pause", as in "we've decided to take a pause". I'm not sure if it's good English to use "pause" about a relationship, which is why I used "decided to take a break". Either way, yes, it's absolutely not final, they haven't really broken up. Presumably Sonja views this a some sort of manic fling, and Even isn't quite ready to cast off the safety net that Sonja provides.

Man, I really do wish we could somehow get Even’s POV of that conversation with Sonja, though. I would love to hear what they talked about, in detail, what the atmosphere was like - tearful or resigned or angry or all three. When he told her about Isak, what exactly did he say? “I have told Sonja about you” - I don’t know why that gets to me the way it does since it’s fairly straightforward, but I guess I read it as Even not just telling Sonja the bare facts of what’s going on with Isak (we kissed) but elaborating on his feelings for him.

Also, look at Isak’s stunned reaction to what Even is saying! I don’t think he expected it! Maybe he didn’t think Even was about to dump him in the locker room, but was he expecting Even to open with “I told my girlfriend about you and we broke up”? Like … Even chose Isak over Sonja? His girlfriend of four years? Literally the best thing he could have heard. (Flashbacks to Noora and Eskild’s talk in episode 4 - if he loves you, he’ll choose you.) And ohhhh my god, their reactions when Isak seems satisfied that Even and Sonja broke up. The slow, dawning happiness that Isak is trying to keep under wraps and Even can’t control.

Lol, Isak saying that he hopes it’s not his fault if Even is sad is him trying to fish for how Even feels (as indicated in the script by Julie) but it could also be him downplaying the cartwheels his heart is doing now that Even and Sonja broke up. Or it’s also sincere! I think it’s at least partly sincere. He doesn’t want to make Even sad. Isak messes up but he’s a decent kid at heart, he feels guilt over causing hurt to people.

What a beautiful turnaround from Even from being this fragile-seeming kid in a million protective layers to being utterly joyous when Isak seems pleased about the breakup, like Henrik flipped that switch. And what a beautiful understated way to write it, just “I’m not sad!” Not going too far, like “It’s you I want to be with!” Just making it clear that Even has no regrets about the breakup. That he did it because he wants to be with Isak.

That hesitant “Nei?” from Isak is just. Good work, Tarjei.

The kiss feels much better here than it would have at the start of the scene, after we’ve worked through the hesitation to the happiness. The opening uncertainty is so emotionally rich that a kiss at the beginning would soften it.

If you ever want to demonstrate why Tarjei and Henrik have some first-class chemistry, show them this scene. What’s great about their chemistry is that’s it not just good acting at each other, it’s acting with each other. After Even kisses Isak, listen to Isak’s breathing. Watch Even pull off a little nose rub (their thing now) and how Isak responds to it. Their eye contact follows each other. We get the infamous out-of-frame hand-holding and they look down together. Look at their eyes staying on each other, shooting down to each other’s lips. This is just excellent natural chemistry. It sounds incredibly obvious but on-screen chemistry should be about the actors reacting and Tarjei and Henrik are effortless at playing off each other.

Give Tarjei an award for this look he gives Even after the hand-holding. That is an utterly smitten look right there.

And I think Isak gives Even a little nuzzle/nose rub/forehead touch although it’s hard to tell exactly what because we’re focused on Even. Isak feeling braver and being able to initiate kisses or touches with Even is such a lovely thing to witness over the course of the season.

Damn, Even gathers all his courage to ask Isak the next question. What do you think your parents would say if you started dating me? It’s so loaded. First, he’s asking Isak to date him. Not be his side piece or his dirty little secret or his casual hook-up. He wants Isak to be his boyfriend, he wants to make this thing official. He’s all in. But second, it’s also his way of asking Isak important questions about himself. Is Isak out? Is Isak going to be safe if they start to date? Will he be accepted by his family? See, Even knows a little about Isak’s family situation - just a little. He knows that things were rough at home and Isak’s dad left his mom. So he needs to parse out exactly how bad this’ll be for Isak, and whether any of that rough home life had to do with Isak’s sexuality. Knowing what we do about Even in S4, I think it’s really important that he checks in with Isak about this. He’s careful. He’s considerate. He knows that not all parents are going to be OK with it. When Isak says his dad would probably be fine with it, Even isn’t content with just that; he wants to know about his mom, the one pointedly not mentioned.

Isak is so overwhelmed by both of those implications, too, Even wanting to be his boyfriend and having to deal with potentially coming out to his parents.

And here’s where it all goes downhill, not that Isak knows it’s going downhill.

“My mom is insane.” Isaaaaaak.

That is some damn fine reacting from Henrik, because Even is hyper-attuned to that mention of “insane” and you can feel the mood change immediately, but not so obviously that all the viewers would figure out Even’s deal. Or that Isak would pick up on it.

This scene aired just days before the 2016 US presidential elections, when popular opinion was that HRC had it in the bag, and I remember watching this scene in real time and being like “lol, Trump joke” because fuck that guy, and like a naive asshole I had hope for the future. And then not even a week later the election happened and ohhhhh boy is this part kinda bittersweet now. Emphasis on bitter. But within the context of the scene, it’s a little levity over a very serious topic, with Isak feeling the need to reassure Even that he is not, in fact, related to Donald Trump and Even playing along and laughing before his face kinda falls as they get back to Isak’s mom.

I feel so so so so bad for Even in this scene. He just put everything out on the line for Isak, he was so damn happy just a minute or two ago, things were going to happen between them! And then it comes crashing down in the most painful way possible. And he wants to know, and is trying to get the details about Isak’s mom out of him in a subtle-ish way, that doesn’t let on how fast Even’s heart must be beating and how sick his stomach must feel. The fact that Isak doesn’t talk to his mom is a bad sign. It’s not that they just have a rocky relationship, it’s that they have no relationship.

What gets me about this part is that Isak thinks he is reassuring Even. He is telling Even that his mom won’t get in the way of their relationship. Whatever, she’s crazy and Isak is better off without her. There’s nothing to worry about with her, Even. And instead he’s ripping out Even’s heart.

Also, Isak is trying to reassure himself, that he doesn’t care what his mom thinks. Totally doesn’t care. Nope. It doesn’t hurt that she might not accept him. Not at all.

“I’ve decided my life is better without mentally ill people around me.” Isak, buddy, you’re going to regret that.

A lot of viewers picked up that this line was probably the reason Even broke up with Isak a day after making it clear he wanted to be with him. At the time it certainly seemed like a likely possibility. I’ve watched reaction videos to Skam on YouTube and many of them don’t pick up on this line except in retrospect; Julie bundles the turning point with a relevant discussion, openly addressing Isak’s mother’s mental health which has been an underlying source of anxiety throughout the season. It’s not like Isak randomly started making jokes about mentally ill people or anything that felt shoehorned. The digression feels natural, so I think it doesn’t stand out as much as the reason Even mysteriously calls it off until repeat viewings.

Something to keep in mind that I don’t see people talk about as much is that this scene is coming after the cuddle scene, after Isak told Even about his family problems. In that scene Even listened to Isak talk about how he didn’t want to go home after his dad left his mom (for a then-unexplained reason). Isak didn’t want to go home so much that he went out and got trashed at a bar and got found by someone else (why didn’t he want to go home?). Isak doesn’t want to be at home so much that he moved out (what about his mom?). Even got to witness how much Isak was affected by this incident, got to see Isak open up and be vulnerable about it but try to play it off. And now Even can put the pieces that were missing together. Isak’s dad probably left his mom in part due to her mental illness, Isak probably doesn’t want to go home because of his mom’s mental illness. Because of how this information was doled out to him, Even has been able to witness the toll that mental illness in a loved one has taken on Isak.

And I think that’s part of the reason why Even chooses to cut things off with Isak. It’s both for Even himself and for Isak that he does this. For Even, he realizes that it’s better to cut his losses before things get really serious. Things won’t work out if Isak doesn’t want to be around people like him. It will hurt less now than later. But it’s also for Isak’s sake, because Even doesn’t want to hurt Isak. I mean, Isak is the one who’s (inadvertently) hurt Even here, but Even also sees his bipolar disorder as something that will hurt others, as we know from the minutt for minutt scene. When he sees that mental illness has already caused a lot of hurt for Isak, he doesn’t want to add to that pain. So Even likely would have called off their relationship regardless, but having this extra information probably added to his decision.

And Isak has no idea what he’s just done. He comes across as quite young and innocent asking what Even’s parents would think of him. Like there’s a bit of wanting that approval there, not just because it’s his boyfriend’s parents and clearly he’d rather they like him and not be homophobic assholes, but he’s lacking some parental approval of his own right now, it’s not a stretch to think that maybe he wants the good opinion of some older authority figures.

I really wonder how, if Isak had not run his mouth, their relationship would have progressed. I don’t think you can say it would have definitely worked or not worked out because there are a host of factors to consider, but it’s interesting to think what would have happened if Even hadn’t called it off the next day. How would Isak have come out to his friends in that case? How would Isak have dealt with being outed if he were with Even when it happened? How would Isak have learned about Even having bipolar disorder? For AU purposes, kind of interesting.

This final touch and kiss from Even takes on such a different context when you realize that Even thought this was the last time he would kiss Isak. You can see him memorizing Isak’s face and putting everything into that kiss.

“I think they would have loved you.” Certainly ominous with that past tense, Even. Lmao, I remember watching in real time and being like, “Uhhh, are his parents dead, or is he about to break up with Isak?” But Isak is just too blissed out to think much about the implications. EDIT: @skamenglishsubs had some things to add: “I think they would have loved you" was a very tricky piece of dialogue to translate. Actually, they used the past tense hypothetical throughout the scene. Even asks "What do you think your parents would have said if we got together", and Isak answers "My dad probably wouldn't have had an issue.” And then the whole scene plays out, and Isak asks "What about your parents, what do you think they would have said if we got together?" And Even answers "I think they would have loved you.” The thing is, in English, the past tense hypothetical is pretty definite, it indicates something that hasn't happened or *will not happen*. But this isn't the case in Norwegian, it's more ambiguous, it could mean a regular hypothetical, something that could actually happen. But the original Norwegian script picked that past tense for a reason, and knowing what we know, I think it wanted to plant that little seed of uncertainty there, hinting that Isak and Even actually won't get together. So in the translation, I decided to flip only the last sentence to the past tense hypothetical. It makes it stand out a lot more since there's no subtlety about it in English, so you're almost guaranteed to get a reaction, but I think that's the right choice. It wouldn't be wrong to translate Even's answer as "I think they would love you", but you completely lose the emotional punch of it, and hidden meaning.

But it’s just so sad, because Even’s already made the decision right there, and he knows they would’ve been amazing together. You know he’s probably blaming himself and his mental illness more than being upset with Isak, who I obviously love but is the one in the wrong with his ableist comments. I really, really want to know how Even dealt with everything in the time between leaving the locker room and sending Isak the breakup text. How long his composure lasted after he walked out. How he thought about how he’d call things off, how maybe he waited and put it off because he didn’t really want to end things, he just knew he should.

Isak’s face at the end = awwwwwww. He’s so happy! He has no idea what’s coming.

Clip 5 - Pride

This is one of Skam’s finest moments, IMO, when the show’s educational public service aspirations are in top form. It’s a dramatic moment that works well for Isak’s character development as well as teaching the audience. It could have been overly preachy since Eskild basically delivers a lecture, but it’s so well-written and acted that it works.

But first, let’s talk about the opening of Isak lying on his bed, thinking about Even.

This little moment is one of the sweetest things on the show. Isak - who has presented a typical teenage boy front for a large part of the season, and has kept his sensitive side largely confined to his bedroom - thoroughly indulges in some sappy dreaming about Even. Like, forget him watching the Mikael video and smiling to himself, or watching Romeo + Juliet and shedding a single tear. This is straight-up mush. He fucking clutches his phone to his chest! His phone that is his gateway to Even, you know he’s thinking about calling or texting because, holy shit, Even is his boyfriend now. The slight smile on Isak’s face because he is just that over the moon. Even chose him! Even wants to be with him! Isak can be happy! And Isak has to know that his life is going to change, he’s going to have to do something about the tension with the boy squad, he probably can’t avoid Emma forever, who knows what his parents will think about him dating a boy - holy shit Isak will have to come out of the closet - but for this moment, that’s all somewhere in the future. Right now, he’s just going to be happy. Isak has a boyfriend. (And not just any boyfriend, but the man of his dreams.)

The sly sideways glance that Isak gives his pillow is the funniest shit ever. He’s alone in his bedroom, like, kid, you can huff your Even-scented pillow as much as you want. But it’s like he’s communicating with the damn thing. Hey, pillow. You and me. Cuddle time. Let’s do this.

I hope everyone has read the famous pillow meta. The thing about this scene is that Isak canonically has emotions about the pillow Even used, which makes me think it’s plausible that Julie really did put that much thought into Isak’s pillows.

For real, I gently mock Isak here but my heart melts at this part. It’s just so genuine! There’s no facade with Isak, he’s just letting his guard down, thinking of Even and the time they spent lying together on this bed. If you think back to Isak changing his answers on the gay test to get “less gay” results, or even just look at that female swimsuit model poster above his head, you know Isak sometimes keeps up a lie even in private. Here he’s being honest with himself and sentimental. You know he wishes Even were there right now, which is of course why he writes a text message asking Even to hang out.

Also, a little thing, but Isak seems fairly confident about that text, he doesn’t overthink what he’s writing like he did in the opening ep4 clip (with Noora talking and Isak rewriting his text) which to me is more confirmation of how good a mood Isak is in, and how he thinks this thing with Even is in a solid place.

Eskild’s intro in this scene, popping in the doorway with that mischievous expression, always makes me laugh.

Have I talked about Eskild much? Because I fucking love Eskild. Like, adore him. He makes a lot of sense to me in that his flaws and his virtues come from the same place, which is a strong way to write a character. I think some writers value the importance of giving their characters both positive and negative traits, but don’t realize that they’re often two sides of the same coin rather than completely separate attributes. With Eskild, he can be overly meddlesome, occasionally insensitive in what he says, lack boundaries or personal space, but that comes from the same place as his kindness, sympathy, and helpfulness - he’s highly extroverted and invested in people and wants to take care of them. A lot.

Also, what a fantastic relationship is Isak and Eskild’s, a combination of big bro/little bro and of course guru/apprentice. We so often get the “gay friend who has no life other than to give advice to the straight protagonist” and this is like that trope redone in a more meaningful way (plus, we have the flipped version of that trope in S3 with Jonas and the boy squad being the straight friends who give advice to their gay friend). But it is really great that Isak has this type of relationship with another gay man - one that’s completely platonic but also with so much caring behind it, and with a gay guy who’s very different from him in a lot of ways but is a positive force in his life. And opinions may vary on how well this part is handled, but I also think it’s great that Eskild’s clearly got a sex life and hooks up with dudes on Grindr and this isn’t shown as shameful or judged negatively, other than the occasional “ugh Eskild keep it down, the walls in this apartment are thin.” I mean Isak and Even are this lovey-dovey monogamous couple and that’s wonderful, but it’s also OK to have casual sex! I have some bones to pick with Eskild’s depiction in S4 but in S3, he’s fantastic.

Eskild goes about broaching the subject of Even in a pretty clever, almost parental way by giving Isak a gift and using that as an opening to mention that Even guy Isak had over. Maybe not that subtle but it certainly did get Isak to open up. It’s so thoughtful that Eskild doesn’t specifically push Isak to talk about Even and like, ask him if they’re dating or hooking up, anything like that. He’s clearly prompting him and letting him know that Isak can talk about it if he wants, but giving Isak control over how much he wants to divulge (if anything). He’s even getting up to leave just as Isak decides that yes, he will go ahead and tell Eskild, so it’s not like Eskild was going to sit there and grill Isak until he confessed. Eskild can go OTT nosy for laughs sometimes (”there are shoes in the hallway, Isak, is Even in your bedroom????”) but he knows when to give space. Carl Martin plays this part really well because you can see the question mark at the end of the suggestion about “that Even guy.”

Tarjei does a nice job too, you can see his good mood and how he’s reacting happily to Eskild gently ribbing him about his bedroom odor instead of giving more of Isak’s bratty side, and how when Eskild mentions Even he dims a little. Because oh yeah. This is how it’s going to be. He’ll have to tell people about him and Even eventually. But he must realize that Eskild is probably the best person he knows to come out to, because Eskild is not going to judge him for this. Eskild is gay, like Isak, even if Isak doesn’t want to use that word yet. Eskild is a good trial run for everybody else - good practice for just saying the words. And Eskild is clearly making some sort of offering here and letting him know, without saying it, that Isak is free to talk to him about Even.

Eskild is smiling when Isak tells him about Even, and you know it’s not in a smug “yessss, I knew it!” sort of way. It’s pride that Isak has finally confided in him and is gradually creeping out of his closet and having boys over. He handles this part perfectly. He’s not pressuring Isak to give him all the details, he’s not asking how Isak defines his sexuality or anything. It makes you wonder whether Eskild had an Eskild of his own when he came out, and how much of his treatment of Isak is inspired by how people reacted, for better or worse. What he wished they’d said and done, what he wished they hadn’t.

I think what installs some insecurity in Isak here - or I guess what makes that existing insecurity rise out of Isak and makes him say some unfortunate things - is both that disclosing his thing with Even is a big step that’s scary in itself, but also that Eskild obviously knew what was going on with Isak. He knew something was up with Isak and Even, he set up this moment with the room freshener to bring up the topic. He’s known since he found Isak drunk at a gay bar. And honestly, I think that makes Isak a little defensive, because shit, people knew. I mean, it’s Eskild, another gay man, but someone can tell he likes boys even without Isak telling them, and that probably makes Isak panic a bit. He struggles with the generalizations and the ideas of what it means to be gay. He takes a gay test and he makes a point of calling out a guy who seems “too gay” and I think a lot of it is fear that he will be perceptibly gay to outsiders. Watch how Isak dims a little and gets more serious after he tells Eskild. You’re not surprised? he asks. He’s not totally OK that Eskild is not surprised. He denies that he knew he was at a gay bar. He’s a little rattled by Eskild not feigning surprise and more or less admitting he’s known since he met Isak.

The thing is, Eskild doesn’t assume Isak is gay based on his taste in pop culture or his mannerisms or his grooming habits or anything like was suggested in the gay test - he’s thinking it based on, you know, finding Isak in a gay bar and Isak having a strange boy stay overnight. It’s all based on actions, not inherent qualities. But I don’t think Isak is considering that, really - he’s still deep in internalized homophobia and how people will view him as a person if they know he’s gay.

On that note, let’s talk about how Isak approaches his coming out. Throughout the season, Isak frames his coming out in terms of what (or who) he does rather than who he is. Actions, not inherent characteristics. He's hooking up with Even. He likes someone and it’s not a girl. He has a boyfriend. Never “I’m gay.” We don’t see that until S4. And it makes sense because it’s likely easier for Isak to approach this by not defining himself as a person, but describing his actions, which will perhaps create less judgment. I mean, there’s a difference between saying “I’m a bad person” and “I did a bad thing,” for another example. He doesn’t want that label of gay because he has a specific idea of what gay means and he doesn’t want it to apply to him. He’s not ready for it.

Again, Eskild is really great when Isak says hooking up with Even doesn’t mean he’s gay. He doesn’t argue or laugh at him or be like pfffft, you’re definitely gay, baby Jesus. He’s just happy for Isak, which is why it stings when Isak decides to run his mouth by saying he’s not gay-gay “like you.” Ouch. Isak, for fuck’s sake. Why did you have to go and make it personal? JFC. Carl Martin plays Eskild’s hurt so well, you can see how much this is cutting into some deep wounds.

Again, we don’t know much about Eskild’s backstory, unfortunately, but you know this is all shit he’s heard before in various capacities, and it just sucks to hear it from someone you care about. To get told to your face by someone rushing to assert himself that he’s not like you. Because it doesn’t matter that Isak’s attempting to frame his comment as not being offensive, the thing is that he doesn’t want to be thought of like Eskild.

“I totally respect that you take the whole ‘gay package’ all the way, but I’m not like that.” You know, it didn’t really occur to me until now that when Isak says “gay package” he’s not just describing a set of stereotypically flamboyant characteristics. Like … to a degree he thinks there is an actual “gay package” that comes with a set of interests and mannerisms (gay test, dance instructor, etc.) To be gay you must be X and Y. Isak is not X and Y, therefore he is not gay. That’s why he’s separating himself from the label. Even’s comments about generalizing may have struck a chord with Isak but it’s not like they completely eradicated his internalized homophobia.

This scene just gets more painful as it goes on because Isak is aware that he’s putting his foot in his mouth, but he also just thinks his point is justified, and he doesn’t get the root of what’s offensive about it. He’s trying to act like he doesn’t have a problem with people being too gay, but he does - not so much on a personal judgmental level but mainly as how those Gay-Gays will reflect on himself. And Eskild is so clearly hurt but he’s still being patient with Isak, up until a point.

Also it’s painful because obviously Isak is in the wrong here, but it’s understandable why he says what he says. His insecurities are being laid so bare. Isak’s internalized homophobia really doesn’t have much to do with thinking he’s wrong for liking boys, thinking he’s dirty or broken or anything like that. It’s mainly to do with social perceptions, how people are going to see him or judge him for liking boys, how can Isak identify as gay if he doesn’t feel like he fits the label?

I think a lesser show would address this issue by validating Isak’s insecurities or mollifying them in a surface way like, IDK, having Eskild explain to Isak that just being he likes a boy doesn’t mean Isak has to behave in a certain way, being gay doesn’t mean you have to act like this or dress like that. Which of course is true, but that’s not the root of the problem here, which is that Isak’s thinking itself is flawed and offensive. Giving an answer like “You don’t have to behave a certain way if you’re gay” is like getting a hole in your shirt and holding it together with a safety pin, rather than patching it up.

I don’t blame Eskild at all for getting upset and having to walk out on Isak. He was being quite patient with him until he reached a breaking point, and this is obviously personal. Again, we don’t know Eskild’s backstory, but I would be willing to bet that he has experienced some of that harassment and hate firsthand. His delivery of his pride monologue is emotional but also measured. You know he is genuinely trying to bestow a lesson on Isak despite being upset. Maybe it’s a lesson that took Eskild some time to internalize himself.

Isak knows he messed up, and he feels shame over it. I think it’s good, though, that Eskild says yeah, you did mean to put yourself above it, because no matter how many times Isak was like “I have no problem with you taking the gay package all the way” or asserting that he’s not being negative, he really was.

Well, Isak, your first coming out to anyone would have gone pretty awesome if you had stopped talking at a certain point. Like this is far from the most disastrous it could have been, but I doubt Isak expected to get schooled. He’s not feeling so great, and then he gets the text that pours a truckload of salt in the wound.

This text from Even. Man. First of all, love that Julie shows the text, has Isak put the phone down, then look at it again, showing us the text once more, just to get across how much utter disbelief he is in. Fucking really? After what happened in the locker room, now Even wants to call it off? There are some excellent uses of timing and display of the text messages of Skam; it’s not just that they’re present, it’s that they’re edited into the show for maximum impact. (Another great use of timing with a text message is in episode 9 when Isak gets the text from his mother.)

As for the text itself, I want to mention how polite it is? It’s very carefully worded, you know Even was writing and rewriting this one a million times. Also, Even takes responsibility for the breakup and blames himself and apologizes. Like … as far as breakup texts go, this is about the nicest it could be.

In the script there was more from Even about “not meaning to give (Isak) false hope” and I’m glad they took it out because yeah, that is not really Even’s goal with this text, IMO. I think he’s trying not to hurt Isak as best as he can given the situation. Julie says they discussed in the editing room whether that extra line was too cold, and I think it would have been.

I don’t know how popular this opinion is, but knowing the full story of what’s happening with Even, I don’t think he actually did anything wrong in breaking up with Isak at this point. Isak didn’t leave him with any good options, honestly. Of course I feel awful for Isak, and we’re in his POV so it feels like we just got dumped too, we’re confused and hurt, but let’s look at this from Even’s POV. What are his options?

Stay with Isak while concealing his mental illness. This is what he eventually does, obviously, and it backfires in very drastic way. Hiding his bipolar disorder is going to be immensely stressful for Even, not to mention Even does not want to hurt Isak, which he thinks he will do eventually due to being mentally ill. We know that it’s not that cut-and-dry but Even has a lot of insecurities and a kind heart, and doesn’t want to cause anyone harm.

Tell Isak the truth. This is the ideal choice, perhaps, but can you blame Even for not doing so? He doesn’t want Isak to hate him and Isak has just made his thoughts on mentally ill people quite clear. Additionally, we know that Even was the subject of gossip and called crazy after the manic episode at Elvebakken, an incident that is still being discussed in gossip (as we know from Vilde’s later texts). Who’s to say Isak wouldn’t have told someone, prompting the rumor mill at Nissen, making Even the target of gossip at his new school as well as his old one? I mean I think Isak is better than that, but if you think about it, this is still early in their relationship, Even might like Isak but he can’t be sure that word of crazy-psycho Even will get out. I completely understand why Even would fear telling people.

Cut his losses, break it off with Isak for both their sakes. It will be painful for both of them, but Even probably thinks better now than later, when they’re deeper into a relationship and their feelings.

Clip 6 - Everything comes crashing down

Julie really punches Isak in the balls here, huh? Between this clip and the last, she removes all of Isak’s strongest support systems and makes all of his insecurities and the mounting problems explode. Last clip created a wound between Isak and Eskild and mysteriously ended the Isak/Even relationship just as it was finally getting off the ground. So how can we kick Isak when he’s down today?

This pre-drink happens at Magnus’ place according to the texts, by the way. No sign of his ❤️ mamma ❤️

David made up this wild story about Magnus’ sexcapades and I hope it’s not one of the ones that came from real life, lmao. Also apparently everyone was tired filming this scene because it was very early in the morning until they chugged some Red Bull and it came to life.

Isak just looks broken, man. The way he’s sitting there totally disengaged from this conversation and just drinking. He’s just so heartbroken and he doesn’t understand why Even did what he did. Clearly there had to be something else going on besides his random kinda vague text message.

In the script Julie had Isak reading over his text history with Even, probably searching for some clue as to why things have ended the way they did. (Julie said she didn’t know why this part was cut and maybe they just forgot to film it.) So he was extra checked out, the boys were talking and Isak was not paying attention.

He’s so palpably miserable that it’s kind of hard to buy that none of the other boys notice. I know teenage boys are not supposed to be the most emotionally perceptive, but like … these boys are, sort of! Or at least Jonas is; Jonas has picked up when Isak is having mom problems and he later picks up (in a scene that’s a callback to this one) that Isak is having Even problems without Isak vocalizing any of this. But I think at this point, Jonas is kind of done with Isak’s BS, the boys are still frosty with him because of the “family party” and missing Magnus’ birthday, so they’re just going to let Isak stew even if he seems upset. Which sounds harsh but … I’ve been there, on both sides of it. And Isak has been lying repeatedly, so it’s like, what’s the point? It’s not like he’s going to tell them the truth.

When Magnus was telling the boys about his Vilde S&M dream, Isak and Jonas were on the same page despite arguing just a minute previously, they were looking to each other and laughing over Magnus’ ridiculousness. Here Jonas isn’t trying for that connection with Isak. Not that Isak would reciprocate if he did.

I don’t know why it’s so funny to me that Magnus logic is like “I couldn’t bang this girl in the bathroom because there was no toilet lid” like ??????? Son, can you think of no other ways to proceed with sexual activity? As Mahdi mentions, there are other positions you can do.

I mean this story is 100% fake anyway, so.

I love that completely over-it look Isak gives Magnus when Mags starts talking about escaping through the window. Though you know, Isak and Magnus aren’t all that different in this regard, since Isak also has told his friends fake stories of sexual conquest. It’s just that Magnus goes into excessive TMI detail and Isak keeps his vague enough so that the boys can infer whatever they want from Isak’s tales of straight sex.

But also, Isak is done with this shit because of how Magnus can tell some ridiculous made-up story about hooking up with a girl so easily among friends, and this is all part of straight boy culture or whatever you want to call it - bonding over hetereosexual shenanigans- when Isak is left out of this by not being able to talk about his own romantic adventures. Magnus’ story is bullshit, Isak has a real story about sneaking into someone’s house to use their pool and kissing underwater. But he can’t share it at this time because it was a boy he was kissing. He’s just excluded from his friends again.

Magnus’ laugh is fucking glorious. It’s like a honk.

Nice little moment of Jonas being all “I put on a nice shirt for this” and Mahdi being all “you look good, bro.” Casually supportive bros are the best bros, bro.

Poor Isak. When he hears Emma’s name you can see he’s like, just what I fucking needed right now. And of course his friends start paying attention to him when they think he might be able to get them into this party. He looks so drained at all of this. Either he’s going to be excluded from his friends again or he’s got to endure a party hosted by the girl who hates him.

The subtitles say that Magnus says, “There’s just three of us” and I don’t know if there are any translation differences but like … there are four of you in the room, Magnus. Isak just might as well not be there. He’s as lively as the chair he’s sitting on. (Unless Magnus means “there are three of us” as in “there are three more people besides me” but I can’t tell). EDIT: from @skamenglishsubs: Magnus is just lying, because the larger the group, the less chance they have of getting into the party according to teenage logic

Not that I would have a lot of patience for Isak at this point either, from their POV, but ouch at Mahdi being all “Well, Isak can go to his ‘family dinner’ and the three of us can go to the party.” Mahdi really isn’t hiding that he knows Isak has telling them bullshit. Plus, Magnus being all “I forgive you for forgetting my birthday” is acknowledging that there was something to forgive in the first place, a reminder of Isak fucking up with his friends.

It’s not The Worst Thing Ever buuuuut there is something a bit messed up about how the boys pressure Isak into taking them to this party when he clearly doesn’t want to go. Also with them pressuring him to do the Emma pre-drink. I love the boy squad but you kind of get why, even apart from casually homophobic comments, Isak felt the need to perform with them. Even when he’s trying to say no, they’re goading him into it. They’re not bad people at all but the pressure to participate in all these social activities where the pursuit of girls is a primary objective is really strong.

Lol, I think Mahdi and Magnus just like to rap together, that’s a thing between them, as also seen in the clip where Isak comes out to them.

I have an idea that Emma threw a party as a way to get her mind off that guy who led her on and ditched her and turned out to be gay.

Not gonna lie, as an English speaker it’s pretty jarring to have a song with the N-word so prominently in this context, though I don’t know if it’s as startling for Norwegians.

I do find this a really memorable Skam walking scene, though. I looove the shots of the boys walking down the street, Isak trailing behind the other three, disconnected from the group.

Shout out to Jonas and Mahdi dancing in the streets, though. My boys!

Well, at least Isak wasn’t the only one who had a shit time at the party, judging by the girl who walks out without her shoes and flips off the one dude.

L m a o I fucking love how many people have noticed that this dude acting like a bouncer at Emma’s looks like such a piece of shit, like he time-traveled from the set of an ‘80s teen movie where he’s playing some evil preppie named Chad or Blaine from the rival rich kid summer camp who’s trying to turn the camp for the scrappy underdog heroes into a golf course. I mean this was some shockingly effective casting for a guy who’s on screen for a minute.

Bless Mahdi for calling out that guy for acting like a self-appointed doorman.

Why was Vilde hanging out with Blad, anyway? No wonder she’s happy to see Magnus, he’s at least entertaining compared to these insufferable bores.

You can see Even winding his way through the crowd, by the way, before Isak sees him.

Oh my God, Isak being so out of it and then waking up when he sees Even breaks my heart. You can see his heart jump-start. And then he just has to get into this party. He needs to talk to Even, figure out what went wrong.

Shout out to the bro nod Isak exchanges with Sana on his quest for Even.

If Isak managed to make it to Even without Sonja reappearing, how do you think the exchange would have gone? Fraught, for sure. I feel like we don’t see a lot of confrontation between Isak and Even in canon to know how it would’ve gone, like I think Even would’ve been pretty shook and trying to hide that he was hurting but I’m not sure how it would’ve gone with Isak. I don’t think he’d be as downcast or muted as the cafeteria encounter later - this is a fresh wound and Isak is really confused. I doubt he would’ve been angry and started yelling or confronting Even directly in public, but I think he would’ve tried to be more forceful and upset. And I’m not sure how Even would’ve explained himself; it’s one thing to write a text message that you can word carefully and edit before you send, it’s another to see the boy you’re basically in love with a day after you broke up with him, wanting to know what went wrong. Like Even is smooth but maybe not that smooth. How is he going to tell Isak to his face that he doesn’t want to be with him?

Actually, think about how awkward it would’ve been if Isak and Even were talking and then Sonja showed up.

Even’s up on some kind of platform/elevation with just that one guy, and I kind of wonder if he went up there by himself to get some breathing room or get a minute to think until a guy he knows from class or whoever he is came up and decided to chat. I think Even is really, really good at concealing when he’s hurting or struggling.

Case in point, Even looks really good in this scene. Peak hair, peak attire, seeming happy and healthy. Isak can’t even sit there with his friends without his misery pouring out of him, written all over his face, but Even is apparently doing totally fine a day after breaking up with Isak, and that really has to sting for Isak. Not even just that Even broke up with him, but that he’s not visibly suffering over it.

Tbh, I wondered why Even was at this party considering Emma cannot be a big fan of him right now. IDK, I guess maybe he showed up with some people he knows from class? Or Sonja invited him? Maybe some of it depends on what you think Sonja told Emma about Isak and Even. I doubt Sonja told Emma about Even’s MI but maybe she told Emma something like “Even was confused” and implied she would get back with him. So Emma maybe wanted to help out her cool older friend Sonja by putting Sonja and Even at the same place so they could reunite?

Isak certainly could have apologized to Emma sooner and in a better situation, but it’s nice that he does at least acknowledge he was being shitty and apologizes to her here, even with the little effect it has.

Isak is so stressed over running into Emma, Tarjei does this reaction well. And on man, the way Isak’s face changes when Emma says he’s gay. What a nightmare for him. She knows. He’s too shocked to argue or respond in any way.

“It’s 2016, Isak. Get out of the closet!” lol the moment when a lot of us lost a lot of sympathy for Emma

For what it’s worth, I think this is clearly not an author-endorsed statement considering Emma is pointedly shown to have some ignorant viewpoints about gay people. Plus, the previous clip contained a passionate call for respect of gay pride with acknowledgment of what LGBT people go through (harassment, violence, death) so I think it’s obvious that the show knows it’s difficult to come out even in 2016.

Though this is just making me think of Emma being all “Eskild is hilarious, gay people are so funny” and what his response might be if she said, “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” in front of him. I doubt it would be hilarious.

I don’t think Emma is a terrible person. She’s just very, very uninformed and is unaware of her straight privilege. And while I am sympathetic to her in being led on by Isak, not gonna lie, it’s harder for me to feel sympathy when she has the least stakes out of this love quadrangle? Sonja is losing her boyfriend of several years, who has cheated on her and suddenly left her for someone else. Even is dealing with how his mental illness affects his relationships with Sonja and Isak. Isak is dealing with internal and external homophobia. Emma … made out with a dude twice at parties and he turned out to be gay. It is shitty of him to lead her on but he also was not in any official relationship with her and they didn’t know each other that well. Like. She will get over it.

“Hold My Liquor” was supposed to start playing here, after Emma tells Isak he’s gay, according to the script. I think it’s a good choice to keep the random party music and only start with Kanye toward the very end, when everything has gone to shit. We needed that iconic BITCH I’M BACK OUT MY COMA when Isak is beating up bushes.

Goddamn, Isak looks up at just the worst moment, doesn’t he? You wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t run out of the party, if Even and Sonja kept kissing or Even pulls away or what.

There were SO many theories about what exactly happened with Even, Sonja, and the random blond dude! Straightforward theories that Even was lying about breaking up with Sonja all along. Theories that Even needed to pretend to be in a relationship with Sonja for some reason, like to protect himself against homophobia. Theories that the guy was hitting on Even and Sonja showed up to lay a smooch on Even because she was helping him to deter this random guy. And it’s kind of interesting because we never really get a clear-cut answer as to what happened. I think it’s easy enough to guess from later context, but it’s not like Even ever goes, “Well, actually, Isak, when Sonja kissed me it was because she is an alien from a galaxy far far away where she needs lip-to-lip contact to collect nutrients from human beings.” There is a lot of wiggle room as to what was happening on Even’s side of S3 between the break-up text and the Evak reunion in episode 7.

Because we don’t have clear-cut answers, I guess I’ll do some projection. I like Sonja but I think she didn’t quite buy into Even leaving her at this point, probably because she does chalk up his interest in Isak to Even’s mental illness, or out of denial at her own relationship ending. So when she runs into Even here, she goes in for the kiss because they’re Sonja and Even, that’s what they do, they’re a couple. They were on a break but that’s it, just a break, not permanent. Sonja is the one to initiate the kiss and she seems pretty confident about it. And Even, I think, just goes along because he’s upset over Isak, and because Sonja is comforting, he can depend on their relationship. To me he seems a little resigned, happy to see her (because she is an important person in his life) but not overly enthusiastic to kiss her.

We never get answers as to whether Even and Sonja officially got back together for a time after this, or if this was a one-off kiss, or something in between. Personally I lean toward Even and Sonja not really getting back together all the way or if so, it being fleeting and ending well before Even shows up at Isak’s door in episode 7. Just because I think it makes more sense that Even is not with Sonja at that point.

This Magnus/Vilde scene was improv by the actors according to the script. Vilde didn’t see anyone she wanted to hook up with, and I mean, if her choices were ‘80s teen movie villains I completely understand. Plus Eva is occupied with P-Chris.

Mahdi, you played the “family dinner” joke one too many times, and you happened to catch Isak at a very bad place. One of the boys laughs at the family dinner comment and I think it’s Jonas? Which would suck for Isak since Jonas is usually Team Isak. They’re all just united against Isak’s crap. But Jonas here realizes again that something is really wrong with Isak, it has to be more than just moodiness and snottiness.

I have Opinions on how people bring up this incident in relationship to Isak hitting Mikael in S4 and how it’s not really the same thing, and this scene doesn’t make the one in S4 feel more IC, but maybe I should save those for S4 recaps.

BITCH I’M BACK OUT MY COMA

Let’s recap. Isak inadvertently insulted Eskild, hurting his feelings, and got scolded by him. Emma knows he is gay. The boys are shutting him out and Isak just made things worse by shoving Mahdi. And Even broke up with him and is back to kissing Sonja. It’s all adding up to break Isak, though I do think the situation with Even is what’s causing him the worst pain, because in a way his feelings for Even have been the catalyst for everything else that’s gone wrong and now he doesn’t even have Even. And he can’t talk to anyone about this because he’s either not out to people, or the few people who know he is gay are mad at him or smooching their not-so-ex girlfriends.

This scene of Isak lashing out at bushes could have been overly melodramatic and unintentionally comedic, but Julie knows to keep the editing short and not go over the top. It helps that we see only the back of Isak because that’s really all we need, right? I’m sure Tarjei would knock it out of the park with his facial expressions but we don’t need to see them, Isak’s state of mind is communicated by him lashing out, and the ending cry of frustration and sobs as he falls to his knees. I think shooting him from the back kept it from going too OTT.

And we go silent for the credits just to end on a bleak note. And then we went silent for 10 days.

I mean, except for analyzing moles and areolae.

General Comments

To elaborate on the mole/areolae analysis, I hope everyone has seen the hiatus trailer that aired after this episode. Because oh my God, that hiatus trailer. People were going WILD with the theories. Numerous screencaps were taken and compared to note similarities in nipples and moles among characters. The consensus was that the trailer is definitely two people fucking, but who could it be???? Isak and Even? That totally looked like a girl boob, was that Even and Sonja? Or were Isak and Emma going to hook up? Was it not a girl and Isak going to sleep with another guy? Some rando from Grindr? Eskild? Jonas? Penetrator Chris??? If these ideas seem outlandish, I am telling you the truth, these were all real theories floated about.

And then lol, it turned out to be Isak and Even. Surprise. It’s footage from the end of episode 7.

(I’m just going to throw it out there, not all of the footage from the hiatus trailer made it into the final clip, so somewhere Julie has extra footage of the first Isak/Even sex scene. You’re welcome.)

On the social media front, we see pics of Magnus’ birthday party on Jonas’ IG and Magnus apparently was in some proximity to Vilde.

When Isak texts Even post-cuddle scene, Even texts him back at 21:21, so you know he’s a sappy fucker, but it took him several hours to text back and he dodges any real explanation of what’s up with him (I was at my aunt’s house, swimming! JK btw you’re hot).

Though “You look hot when you’re sleeping” is some Grade-A thirst, yowza.

Also the boys were texting Isak about Magnus’ party but he ignored them. Too loved up in Even’s arms. Then days later (after the “family meeting clip”) he’s like “WHOOPS didn’t see this, I didn’t have 3G.” Jonas doesn’t anything to respond except a thumbs up emoji. Because Isak being all “let’s do it again this weekend” is some BS when he’s probably just going to ditch them again.

We get a Kollektivet text mentioning PK, the caretaker, who apparently Eskild and Linn have a weird relationship with. Tell me more about this, kollektivet family! Who is this mysterious PK? There was an IG story of him with Isak, I believe. EDIT: @skamenglishsubs sent me some links to the PK-and-Isak content. Thank you!

And Eskild drops in a casual “You could’ve met (PK) on Saturday if you didn’t stay in your room all weekend.” HmmmmMMM.

An underrated text: Magnus roasting Jonas about being an anti-capitalist hipster.

There’s a little foreshadowing of sorts in that text: Magnus says his ❤️ mamma ❤️ will find him a job for OD. Tiny thing but it is establishing that Magnus thinks his mother is the best.

#skam reactions #skam season 3 #skam #isak valtersen #evak

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elane-in-the-shadows · 7 years ago

Text

Red Queen Fan Fiction - Blood Curse: Final Chapter

Find this on wattpad and on ao3

chapter 1

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

chapter 6

chapter 7

chapter 8

chapter 9

chapter 10

chapter 11

chapter 12

chapter 13

chapter 14

chapter 15

chapter 16

chapter 17

chapter 18

chapter 19

chapter 20

chapter 21

chapter 22

chapter 23

chapter 24

chapter 25

chapter 26

chapter 27

chapter 28

chapter 29

Final chapter

A/N: Thanks to all who made it to this point. You’re awesome for bearing with me, my silly ideas and my writing for a year. Love you^^

Trigger warning: self harm

Maven POV

I’m drowning in dullness. I’d like to say fighting it is the hardest part but the more it overwhelms me, the more I fight myself instead. It’s the easiest occupation since I’ve been doing that for too long, likely my whole life. Scratching my skin? Done. Ripping my cubicles? Done. Chewing off my fingernails? Done. My newest focus is on the measly beard under my chin, certainly no fashionably full beard, but present enough to be a major nuisance if left untended. Which it is, so I tug at the hairs all the time, sometimes successfully tearing out a few. It can’t look pretty, of course, but I have no mirror no see myself. That’s the problem. Cal’s allowed me an electrical shaver, finally convinced it would’ve no razors to cut myself with, but a mirror is still off-limits. So he took the offer of the shaver back. Oh, great. Instead he shaves me himself on the days he visits me, by my request. It doesn’t make him come more regularly.

To be honest, I hate the way he’s taken it away from me, the possibility to maintain my appearance. It’d mean nothing for anyone to see me here but it’d mean something to me. Yet I receive only the most basic things, as long as they can’t hurt me. In Cal’s perception. What does he know of the ways I hurt myself? It’s ridiculous and delusional, but that’s how he is. He doesn’t want me to harm myself but the way locking me into a cell damages me is a just punishment?

Well, that’s one way of reasoning. I can understand it, in a certain regard. And don’t I deserve it? I don’t even have to live under silent stone as I had Mare do. I know how the stone pained and withered her away yet I either didn’t care or took rejoice in it. It makes her weak, then she needs me, I thought when in truth, I couldn’t bear to look at her half the time.

Now I hide from the world behind a broken frame. The frame is myself, as it is only reasonable to cage me in more than one layer. Yet I hold on to all I have in my little world as it’s my only buoy. It’s why Cal isn’t afraid of my fire. The cell is fireproof, and I won’t destroy my bed, books, clothes or table. Mother had never let me transfer my anger on things, never allowed me to show. It happened still, on occasion, and I still remember her chastisements afterwards, for that and for every other failing.

I cannot not notice the irregularity of Cal’s visits. He likes to bring me breakfast, sometimes he stays for dinner – if I can call it such – in the evenings. Sometimes he doesn’t come for days and I fight the urge to talk to the attendants instead, aware it’d be no joy for them, certainly believing only lies and conspiracies leave my mouth or expecting my frustration to lash out against them. But deep down, I know pride keeps me from interacting with them, the humiliation of having no one to talk to but mere employees who revile me and have no other choice.

Then again, when they leave after bringing whatever I’ve needed and am granted to receive, while I’ve avoided looking at them, I feel ashamed for behaving that way. What was Thomas if not a “mere employee” and yet so much more?

I have too much time at hand, too much time to consider every little choice of mine. First Mother “spared” me such contemplations, then the duties of a king shoved them far away. Now, I suppose, it’s my punishment to spend time with myself. Until Cal arrives in my cell, forcing a smile and talking of all and nothing while setting up the board to play our game.

He remains all I have and that makes me afraid. I can’t deal with that. I never could, and I’ll only drag him into an abyss with me.

Our conversations, including his reports from the outer world, are so casual, you wouldn’t realize we were involved in them, as if lessening our current influence would also affect our former one. It’s so like him, and cute actually. Maybe he thinks it’s easier for me this way since I, in my prison, can’t change anything. Maybe he doesn’t grasp the concept of punishment by captivity after all, though. But it’s new to all of us. He hasn’t spoken a meaningful word to me since he saw me again, just waking from unconsciousness after Iris knocked him out. He was shocked I didn’t killed him, when I was broken down myself, clasped to tightly in my defeat to act. He was thankful for my mercy, believing he found his little brother again. Now it’s only a matter of time until he rues his mercy bitterly.

Today, he shifts in his chair and hesitates to moves his knight until he finally decides on a bad tactic. He’s obvious to read as he frets over how to approach the news he intends to relay to me this time.

I remember a day in spring, when he appeared with his face frozen and hurt and guilt inscribed in his whole demeanour. No, resignation. Based on the feeble joy he’d displayed the days before, I made an educated guess. “Has Mare left you for good now?” I asked and immediately, I knew I was right. Yet I felt no satisfaction, nor residues of envy. Only a hole in my chest, a surge of the same void threatening to swallow me in every moment I can’t avoid to think of it.

“You should’ve treated her better, Cal,” I said.

He scoffed, still wallowing in his own pain. “Strange to hear that from you.”

“Strange it takes me to say that,” I replied.

He lowered his head and turned away yet didn’t leave as I thought he would. I regretted my former words, expecting him to finally show his anger, his hate, towards me. I knew he had to restrain and hide it to do all this for me. To just interact with me. Instead, he laughed out of a sudden. “Believe me Maven, I’ve heard enough of that. Still, I should’ve listened. Much earlier.”

And the following weeks, I could watch him work through this final breakup while he never mentioned Mare again. The frequency of his visits decreased, likely because he preferred a different kind of occupation in Harbor Bay than me, who’s just another reminder of pain.

“Just say what bothers you,” I urge him in the playful manner I’ve perfected. I can’t stop myself from guessing although with my scarce supply of news, it’s a hopeless endeavour. But it’s the thing Mother was most insistent I learned, how to anticipate both people and politics.

He stares at me and I don’t miss the extra dose of pity in his eyes. Then he clears his throat and rolls his shoulders. “The Lakelander Queen has allied with the Scarlet Guard,” he says. “Thanks to Mare and your lovely wife.”

I’m glad I didn’t take a sip from my tea as I would’ve certainly choked on it. Instead I tighten my hold on the cup while my other hand claws into the flesh on my leg. But my fingernails are too short to cause distracting, relieving pain. “So,” I say. “You’ve heard of her?”

He nods. Apparently he notices my irritation. But he doesn’t try to read me as intently as I observe him, searching for any clues. He seems confused, uncomfortable and compassionate, yet not nearly as overwhelmed as he’d be if he knew. I take a breath of relief, only to wonder why he should even show a strong reaction if he knew all this time.

“See, Iris Cygnet contacted me and asked about you and I confirmed your … location,” he says. “And then she sent me this.” He produces a stack of papers and hands it to me.

“Those are forms for a divorce,” he explains. But I’ve figured already. “Well, I’ll leave it here for you to read,” he adds. “I think you’re versed in such legal matters.” He smiles weakly, glad I don’t freak out over the loss of my wife, glad not to be involved in the relationship of Iris and me. He quickly evades my gaze and focuses back on the board as if the forms had no meaning at all.

“No.”

He jerks up, surprised by my firm tone. I pass the papers back to him. “I won’t sign this. If Iris wants something from me, she shall come in person.”

“Maven … “

“I admit this won’t be pleasant for either of us but I insist.”

He clears his throat once more. “I don’t know. There’s this travel planned for us in two weeks – “

“You’re telling me this now?!” I exlaim. “What does this travel mean, Cal?” A travel, planned for me, can only mean my location is known and has to be changed. A change of location means danger. Death. And Iris? Likely wanting a divorce to cleave herself free of me for good, before she’s remembered as the widow of a murderous usurper and not as the Queen of Peace –

“Hey.” Cal bends forward and grabs my shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention the travel earlier but we have to go. Don’t worry too much, please.” He seems so concerned, so full of … affection. And I deserve nothing of that.

I cover his hand with mine and squeeze. “Please arrange her visit,” I say quietly, “I need that, Cal. If she bothers to come, I’ll know that …” I swallow and he’s about to speak again. But I continue. “So I know I won’t die the next day.” I smile cynically, as I’ve trained.

He doesn’t return the smile, stays earnest as always. “You’re the only one who still calls me ‘Cal’,” he says.

I want to meet Iris again. Iris betrayed me. Iris understands me. Iris doesn’t care one bit about me. Iris is just like Cal.

I was envious of her from the moment we exchanged our first words and I didn’t even know why. That conclusion came later, but it’s obvious nonetheless. She’s perfect, how a princess should be. Strong, loved by her family and her country, friendly, devoted, capable, beautiful. I liked spending time with her, even though she reminded me of Cal. Rather I imagined what could’ve been if Mother never ... but no. There was never a pure moment in my life and the Maven that interacted with Iris was just as fake. She was, too. The closer we came, the more I mistrusted her, and wasn’t I right? The day of the attack on Archeon arrived, and she was ready to watch the sentinel she loves kill me.

It could never have worked. The only one who loved me for myself was Thomas and I can’t say I ever really confided in him, as I was busy mending the broken piece of my life before I could present them to him. Cal only cares about his duty to and his image of a brother I’ll never be. Mare I used until I couldn’t decide between dragging her with me like a doll and throwing her away like a rag. I’m not made for love, but to be its antithesis. Mother should be proud of that success.

Cal said it’s two weeks until we have to move and I count every hour of them that brings me closer to my death. Distractions stop to help and it doesn’t take long until my bad habits consume all my time, starting with bleeding fingers and grey scratches on my skin. Cal sees the need to remove more of my things when he thinks I’m not looking but I notice anyway, as patrolling my room is my one other hobby.

It lasts for nine days and 15 hours but at least I made them feel endlessly. What a success, I congratulate myself, I truly make the best of my last days by agonizing. But then it comes, the sound of the unlocking door at an unusual time. I get up, spin around and straighten my posture, once more cursing inwardly at my undignified appearance. How can you seem majestic in fatigues? I wish my executioner will grant me an appropriate outfit to die in, knowing it’s too much to hope for. I smirk, not too extreme in case Cal is with them, but only one person enters. Of course, she of all people doesn’t need back up to face me.

“Dear Iris,” I greet her.

“Good morning, Maven,” she replies. “You’ve asked for me?”

“I’m so glad – honoured – that you’re heeding my request. May I congratulate?”

She raises her eyebrows.

“On your victory, Iris,” I clarify. But she remains a little tenser than before. She moves to the table and looks at me, so I can invite her to sit.

“Can we stop this roleplaying now?” she asks after we’ve taken out seats. “Do you agree to the divorce or not?”

“Do you have an idea how relieved I am you actually came?” I say, again, much more serious.

“Are you?”

“Yes. So you can tell me the truth.” She looks flustered but not surprised. “Iris, that you make efforts to get this done shows me that I can hope my life will last longer than a week.”

“I suppose so.”

“You don’t know more?” I inquire.

She shakes her head. “That depends – “

“Ah.” I stretch my arms. “However, if you want me to sign, I wish for something in return.”

“What is it?”

“The truth, as I said.”

She bites her lip. “Why do you need to know?”

“Don’t I need to know because it won’t matter since I die in a month, a week?” I counter. “How about your friend Sentinel Griffey, does she still serve you?”

She cackles. “Oh, she does, in a way. What a good sense for transitions you have, Maven.”

“Excuse me?”

“I did what I had to. That was the only option open to me, one according to my honour.”

I incline my head, waiting.

“He will never wear a crown and get a mark on his back in return, like we do. Do you understand me?”

I nod, the pen in my hand resting over the paper. He. She stares at me, expectantly, but I hesitate.

“His name is Arthur,” she concedes.

I swallow. It’s clear she won’t give more away, no matter how long I wait. I sign. “So we are divorced people now?” I smile.

She shakes her head ever so slightly. “As if. But our royal days are over, and our words no longer become law. No, this needs an official’s stamp to become legal.”

“How complicated.”

“How reasonable.” She takes the forms and we rise. “Farewell, Maven,” she says, “make the best of it.”

I’ve sunk onto my bed, my face buried in my hands, shutting my eyes from the light. I don’t know what to make if this. I need to think. I knew, didn’t I? But I accepted the uncertainty eagerly as I’ve never been able to grasp the meaning of a child. Iris does, of course, but still I’m clueless and likely, no one will ever care if I stay that way, besides myself –

Steps, loudly. I lift my head, wipe my face, search for the right mask to wear –

And freeze.

“Are you afraid to look at me?” Mare says, her voice full of impatience, disgust, and stress. She looks like a queen, as much as Iris.

I swallow, clear my throat, stretch my fingers, just to let her wait while I gather myself. Has she heard Iris and me? Is she the reason Iris was so hesitant with information? I don’t want her to know, too. Arthur’s not hers to worry about, even if he might not be for me either.

I meet her eyes and smirk. “I don’t have time for you.”

The corners of her mouth twitch, her arms crossed over her chest in self-confidence. “So? Then I won’t waste my time with you again.” Yet she doesn’t just leave. She came here on her own accords, although she might even not know what she wants with me.

“Is this a congregation of my former betrotheds?” I wonder aloud. “Is Evangeline here too?” I look around with affectation.

“No. She’s gained the uncanny ability to appear and disappear at will, like her girlfriend.” She grins weakly. “Last thing I heard, she melted down her collection of crowns and abdicated as Queen of the Rift. So did Iris. And Tiberias.”

I raise an eyebrow at the name. She doesn’t react. “Oh Mare” I say, “you’re such a welcome source of small talk already. You always make good company.”

She takes a step forward in anger. “Yes,” she hisses. “It was unfortunate you were the best entertainment I had while I was in your cage, too.”

I stop smiling. My eyes stay on her. “I shouldn’t have done that. I apologize.”

She scoffs. “You expect that means anything to me?”

“No. But I thought I should say that.”

It makes her cackle. “You ‘thought’, like you don’t know? Oh Maven. Still no part of you is real, is it?”

I flinch, look away. She turns aside. “There’s a trial to come,” she says eventually. “A series of trials.”

“Naturally. A trial just for me would be pointless.”

Her head spins to me in annoyance. “Stop lying, Maven. Or is that too much to ask?”

I chuckle and sigh. “Will you leave now?” I want her to leave. She isn’t good for me, she’s dangerous. She wakes things in my heart that better stay buried and will only hurt both of us, once risen. Beautiful and cruel things, both too extreme for me to maintain my inkling of sanity.

But she only comes closer, reaching out with her hand, setting it on my head and pushing me backwards so I fall on my elbows.

“You don’t have power over me,” she mumbles, getting louder with every word. “You never really had, it was all given to you, no matter none of it was fair.” Her voice is like distant thunder. “That’s why I came here, to tell you that.”

Determination burns in her eyes and in a way, it belies her words. This visit has cost her, and continues to do, maybe for the rest of her life. She had time to prepare for this day, must’ve known long enough about me. Yet she needed every moment of this preparation. Scars don’t vanish from your soul, I know that very well.

Her palm on my brow heats and sizzles, sparks fly by. “Nobody stopped me from entering,” she says. “Despite the planned-for trials. So, do you think anyone cares about what happens to you?”

Cal does, I think. But I remember what he told me, how Mare called him Tiberias. I won’t use him to save myself. I can’t need to. I put my palm on her thigh and summon the fire within me, a flame that went cold for so long that she doesn’t notice immediately, while her electricity continues to crackle over my skin.

She jumps back. “How dare you!” she screams. Her hand goes to her chest, involuntarily, to the place I burned before. Her sight scares me, shames me more than her threat of murder. Nothing is left of the innocence she had when I saw her for the first time. I took it from her. And Mother. Even Cal. And the whole world we live in.

Breathing heavily, she calms herself, staying ready for another charge. I let her. Look down. I don’t move, don’t call an alert, or try for another fire. “If you want to kill me,” I say, “go ahead. But don’t expect me not to defend myself.”

When I look up, her demeanour has relaxed. Although she’s still a warrior. “So you want to live?” she states.

I shrug. “I don’t ask for pity or mercy, but no matter how miserable this is, it is a life.”

At first, I don’t think she deigns to answer. Maybe she’ll come another time, maybe she’ll execute me herself once the trial produced a sentence. Until then, I’ll have something to fear for.

She stops on the threshold. “Once I thought I was born to destroy you,” she says. “But that was wrong to assume. My life is so much more than that. And while you wait out your miserable fate, Maven Calore, you better remember one thing in particular: You lost.

“And we have won.”

Fin

@clarafarleybarrow @mareshmallow @redqueenfandom @lilyharvord @inopinion @wrenskonos @runexandra @hannaharies @samanthaslytherin @redqueenforever @selenbean-beany @kihlorn @scarletguardsource @mareenattitanos @artbooks-trash @marecalrandomstuff @maremollytitanos

#red queen #red queen fanfiction #war storm #maven calore #cal calore #calore brothers #mare barrow #iris cygnet #war storm fan fiction #blood curse #blood curse ch 30 #blood curse final chapter #scarletguardsource

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