#another drawing of my sona talking to some freak i like

[serpentineshine]

i want to be as openly neurodivergent as L when i grow up

[octahyde]

Do you have any original characters for TWST?

(As a preface I do have another OC I ship with Chenya, Beau Rhodes, but… I haven’t done much with him besides conceptualizing him. Maybe I should do more since I don’t talk about it enough but TreyRid really really is my romantic canonxcanon TWST OTP and I love it desperately even if I never talk about it. I’ve also been fucking around lately with middle freak Ortho having a form he can use on the surface but ehhh that’s not really an OC thing.)

Ok here it is… The #yumeshit lore post. I actually wanna start getting into like the yume community on BlueSky or something because it has a lot more male yumes than tumb (or rather twit does but my main is a permalocked personal and they’re all slowly but surely jumping ship to BlueSky LMAO), so I might as well explain The Lore in detail. 

As a preface I spend a LOT more time thinking about them when they’re older, because 1) self actualization and 2) why would I EVER want to willingly think about being a teenager again. I literally describe high school as “a haze of undiagnosed mental illness, and also drama club”. no thanx. It’s just not like… too lore noteworthy vs the stuff that actually happens in canon lol.  Here’s what they look like as adults. I’ve mentioned working on a Shrouds piece that took 2 months I finally finished last week, and this is it:

(Side note- along with being a tgirl I hc Idia is a double below the knee amputee after the incident that killed Ortho)

also feel like I should say… Trix’s views on Rook don’t reflect mine LMAO. I have mixed feelings on Rook, but overall my feelings lean positive towards him. He’s a total freak and it’s funny as fuck and I love it. So if you like him don’t try to take the dynamic too personally, it’s the way it is for a laff more than anything.

Beatrice “Trixie” “Trix” Hart is a catch all self insert of mine; mostly for platonic yume. (She was made as a self insert assistant for Klavier Gavin, hence the name, and is also platonic with syl(gags) sylv(throws up in my mouth a little) Sylvain Jose Gautier. If you wanna know about those you can ask ig, I don’t have a ref for 3H Beatrice but I did draw AA Trixie when I came up with her.) She started out as a girl (and I still view her as such in those universes) but for TWST he’s specifically a guy because. Well. This game made me realize I was a transhet man and especially yume helped me sort that out along with being st4t exclusive LOL

Trix is a Pomefiore second year bnuuy beastman from the Shaftlands, Class C (same class as Azul and Jamil). It just kind of really conveniently worked out that my sonas usually have upright brown bnuuy years like the Snow White bunnies and I’m so artistic Pomefiore was the only dorm that makes sense LOL. His Book 7 cameo on Rook’s shelf…

He’s in Film Research Club, and is unique because he joined specifically for crew work, not acting. He’s very extroverted in club and with people he’s close to, but he can be surprisingly introverted when he’s not comfortable. (Ambivert moment). He specializes in practical magic with his sewing and art, and Hates PE. (He likes flying, though.)

His unique magic is My Sweet Heart, which lets him see memories and emotions from people if he grasps their right hand and puts his hand over their heart. 

Caycay is his Number One BFF. I don’t know how they met his first year, but it was basically an immediate click (#trans recognizes #trans. #real #recognizes #real.). Trix walks to class with him every morning, and they frequently go to cafe collabs on the weekend and after class, being sure to leave some of their food out of their magicam posts lest they earn the wrath of their wardens LMAO. If Trix needs someone, Caycay is There for him.

Him and Vil are also VERY close. During his first year, there was an incident that lead to him being roommates with Vil, despite her being a second year and him being first. Trix Really does not like to talk about it, and while Vil would be fine telling people, she doesn’t out of respect for him. She also appreciates someone around club that’s enthusiastic about crew work, and tends to let him lead costume and prop work.

It’s Very clear he has a huge crush on her and that she doesn’t reciprocate. Sometimes she might throw him a bone and give him a little extra praise though LMAO. They do have a very bad fight toward the end of Vil’s third year though, and they go years without talking after. 

His closeness with Vil leaves him some leverage for defending Epel. (#nonpassing recognizes #nonpassing. #real recognizes #real.) It’s mostly in vain, though, but Epel appreciates being looked out for a LOT. Especially because, despite how artistic and fashionable Trix is, his personality is MUCH more down to earth than other Pomefiore students. He’s the biggest advocate for Epel transferring to Savanaclaw his second year and someone who Epel confides a lot into.

Rook’s nickname for him is Monsieur Lapin (Floyd’s is Sea Bunny. Floyd doesn’t come up so I figure I might as well say it heh.). He hates Rook. He thinks Rook is a freak. Especially as a beastman he thinks Rook is super fucking weird. Rook loves Trix’s artwork and his personal journey with beauty and adores him a lot as his beloved underclassman. He knows Trix hates him. He doesn’t care. Trix hates him So Much.

He doesn’t know Ortho much minus the guy who sits next to Caycay’s companion pre Book 6, but once Ortho joins Film Research Trix gets attached REALLY fast. He’s always wanted a younger sibling so he dotes on Ortho constantly, and they rec each other anime and games all the time. (Trix gets him into Professor Layton and he LOVES it.) He learns… a lot about Idia and Ortho’s relationship through this.

Lilia also got asked to tutor him for history once because Trix can’t do homework For Shit and needs help finishing assignments despite his test scores. This backfires because they don’t get anything done ever, but most importantly for The Lore they trade socials and thus Trix is friends with Muscle Red and knows who he is.

Ok. Now the meat of it. The #yumeshit. 

I think it’s probably obvious, but Trix is a nonpassing trans guy. NRC being an all boys school makes him feel safer, but… when he’s not at NRC, even if it’s just in the foothill town, he girlmodes. Being misgendered hurts a lot less that way. (No this is not projecting. Just kidding it is. Please help me.)

As a way of getting respite from this, he VTubes as a magical boy with a voice changer. I don’t have a proper ref but his sona is like the best design I’ve ever done and I’m lowkey mad about it. Anyways. While his interests aren’t really a secret irl it’s always kind of surprising when someone that doesn’t know him finds out he’s into nerdy things, but he gets REALLY invested in the games he’s playing and he has A Lot of info and interpretations to share. And despite his bright design, he gets most excited from horror. He’s not a huge indie by any means but he has a solid following. 

And when Muscle Red sees there’s a well known horror game Gloomurai likes on the docket, well, he HAS to invite them to watch his friend with him! They’ve been telling him how their favorite speedrunner retired and they need someone new to watch, anyways. 

Idia’s very pensive at first, seeing such a bright and sparkly character playing Resident Evil 7, a horror game with a very disgusting atmosphere and themes to match. Probably going to overreact to everything and pretend to be super scared and upset to look cute for views. But he’s watching with Muscle Red, and he wouldn’t make her watch something cringey like that, would he…?

As the game starts up, he starts gushing about what an amazing atmosphere the game has. The entire thing is filthy, and that leads to an overwhelming feeling of dread and disgust- even moreso with the family. His eyes light up when he points out an early scene is referencing The Blair Witch Project.

When it comes to things outside of gameplay itself, he really knows his stuff. Despite how mad him dying for the hundredth time on an extremely easy stealth section makes her, it’s nice to see such a passionate horror otaku. She almost doesn’t mind it because she likes listening to him talk. (Almost.)

Idia starts watching him with Muscle Red regularly. She’s too shy to talk in chat, so she just gives a lot of questionably large donos when he does things. 

He gives a lot of half joking “thank you for funding my doll collection” responses at first, but then says Gloom should chat if they’re comfortable. He’d love to get to know someone who is giving him all this money, and they’re considered a legend in chat for it. She’s nervous (she has no idea why), but she does slowly start chatting and attaching messages to her donos. Soon, she’s a regular in the chat and community. 

So active, in fact, she finds herself with a dm asking for her discord one day. A message follows shortly after about how he appreciates her involvement and wants to get to know her better- now that she’s more talkative, he thinks she’s really funny. 

From there starts a quickly blooming online friendship. They talk whenever they get the chance, though he strictly has to go to bed early or he’ll get chewed out by his housewarden. (A female housewarden…? Is he even forced into the girl dorms at his school?) Idia’s never forthcoming with private info, though, and he seems pretty hesitant with how feminine he is irl to give much past vague detail, either. 

Meanwhile, Trix has to be incredibly careful when lights out and Rook makes the rounds with how late he’s staying up. He is the number one person Trix would rather Die than see his conversation history when confiscating his phone. Gloom’s rude but funny and he loves hearing about X Obscure Game Yaoi Ship. (Sometimes he becomes a casual fan of the series and ship in question- he has been commissioned a LOT to draw her Star Rogue OTP by her.) (He also gets converted to Luisley probably.)

Offline, though, Idia and Trix’s relationship is… awkward. One time during remedial gym lessons when both of them had to run laps in his first year, Trix started complaining about missing club and how he needed to fix his make up, and Idia, being Idia, made a really snide comment about it. Trix snapped at her, and while to him it was just having a bad day, Idia… never really recovered from it. 

In the next year her only exposure was daily convos that were way too peppy for so early in the morning with the extrovert that sat next to her. (I’ve always hced Idia and Caycay sit next to each other in class and straight up forget this isn’t actually canon on a regular basis.) At some point, he started taking curious glances at Idia, which didn’t help at all.

Trix starts getting suspicions about Idia from the few times he does hear her talk, and how similar it sounds. Has he met her before…? But surely he would remember knowing someone as distinctive as Idia, right? 

He has absolutely zero involvement in Book 6 also. With everything going on (because their vice warden ROOK LITERALLY LEFT WITH NO WARNING OR BACKUP PLAN, BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DID, HE IS THE WORST PERSON ALIVE WHO HAS EVER BEEN BORN), him and his roommate end up being the ones to take charge and keep Pomefiore in order. I feel like with Idia yumes in particular Book 6 is a Big Thing because like, Book 6, so I feel like this is important info.

(He IS in Book 7 though. His dream is in between Epel and Rook’s. It’s about being amab :’( He doesn’t take waking up and being back in his actual body well.)

Her and Ortho coming back clear any doubts in his mind: Gloom suddenly leaving on the night of the incident, with zero word since, only to long back on with a “sry, irl stuff happened,” the day after the Shrouds come back? She’s Gloom. Especially getting to know Ortho in club and listening to him talk about her, there is literally no other option. 

He was planning on confronting her about it… then Book 7 happened. Obviously how it ends could change this, but for now once everything’s settled Idia gets a discord notif saying he has to talk to her, and he wants to in person. She tries to say it would be too hard to arrange, only to get a simple response: “Ignihyde Lounge. One hour. You’ll know when you see me.”

She is, unsurprisingly, horrified. How did he figure out? Does he hate her now that he knows she’s a freak? Is he coming to tell her how he can’t believe he befriended someone so pathetic? He’s going to tell everyone all the things she said in confidence. “Lol, you guys thought Shroud was a freak before? Get a load of this!”

Luckily, Trix told Ortho about it. He’s able to coax Idia out and helps her to the dorm lounge, holding her hand along the way. 

And indeed, the one Pomefiore uniform in Ignihyde’s dorm lounge sticks out like a sore thumb. Her heart rate explodes. He’s who she’s been talking to this entire time?! No. No. Absolutely no way. She’s not doing this. She tries to turn and run away, but her brother’s death grip (why did she give him all that strength?) keeps her in place.

He looks around awkwardly as he walks up. “Hey, uh… sorry about that time I snapped at you. Ortho told me it really freaked you out.” Trying to calm her down would hopefully make this easier.. “Do… you want to go somewhere more private? You’re even paler than normal.”

Yes. I do. Alone. And I want to forget this even happened. Unfortunately for her, the look on her bother’s face told her it was a mandatory quest. Defeated, she leads him back to her room. 

He sits uncomfortably stiff on her bed. Idia hides in her chair, turned away from him. He tells her that he doesn’t hate her, that he doesn’t think she’s pathetic. No response. Luckily, he invited Ortho for backup. 

“He really wants to be your friend, Idia! He’s the still same person you’ve been talking to online. And he’s really nice. He’s the one who recommended those games to me!”

Taking a cue on how exhausted she is mentally, Trix gets up and walks to the door. “Just… think about it, okay?”

Think about what? The fact that this person she got close to was actually a loud extrovert who hung around a bunch of normies? That he knows all of the rumors about her? Forget real life- he could go online and tell everyone what a freak Gloomurai was irl, too. 

They don’t talk anywhere for like a week and Trix doesn’t walk to class with Caycay, but then they do talk it out. It’s really hard and REALLY scary for Idia, but she’s able to accept him into her life as a friend. He ends up being a really big pillar of stability for her, and he already knows about her own transness and boymoding which makes him even safer.

And… that’s how they are to the end of her third year! Friends. And really, not looking for anything past that. 

Idia gets a really REALLY nice condo in the Kingdom of Heroes for her internship. (Which she mostly even only uses the upper half of. Smfh) She also gets two cats; a white one, Clear, and a gray one, Ryoji. I’m sure you can guess who they’re named after. Reminder that Idia is canonically a fujoshi. Anyways.

Trix visits during school breaks with Ortho… he also stays in Ortho’s room with him while he’s there. For the most part it’s a lot of just comfy stuff like gaming and watching movies, Ortho taking Trix out to see things and such. Over Winter break while visiting Trix edits one of the Film Research pieces for the culture fair bc he’s club president now… By the time of said fair with 4th years presentations it’s very obvious to like Everyone how they feel. (And they probably know it themselves but try to ignore it because neither feels ready for a relationship).

A really REALLY big point worth noting during this time period (and this is all I’ll say bc I know it’s a difficult topic) is that they see each others cutting scars for the first time. They never really comment on or talk about it, but there’s a wordless understanding and comfort between them afterwards. 

Idia’s staying on the surface for at least a few years to see if researching with Olympos resources can give any new perspectives on blot or her curse. If Trix wants to stay for his internship, there’s plenty of room. She doesn’t admit it, but she really wants him to stay. Unfortunately, though, he’s always been interested in the Queendom of Roses and opts for an editing internship with a publisher there.

It’s more of the same; he visits her more regularly because he’s not limited to NRC’s schedule, and he still streams and she still watches and talks to him. He also adopts Chunky who LIVES FOREVER AND NEVER DIES, EVER. There’s an undeniable closeness between them but neither are still ready to actually act, even if it’s clear they may as well already be together lol. 

During this time she also starts getting him transformation potions to help with dysphoria from STYX while he transitions.

After his internship, he’s able to get a job at the Kingdom of Heroes office of the publisher he interned for. He may or may not have chosen to transfer on purpose- there’s plenty of space there, anyways, so much so he can have his own room big enough to both sleep and work in. Ortho’s out on his own acting internship with Vil’s agency, so for the most part it’s just them and their cats in this huge place lmao. It’s really easy to coexist because there’s space when they need it and Idia’s like entire gamer zone on the upper level when they wanna do stuff together. It works out really well.

There are a whole bunch of headcanons of mine about STYX and the Shrouds and their relationships that I’m not really comfortable going into. However, when they overblotted together, Idia and Ortho did something… really traumatic unrelated to Middle Freak Ortho’s death that Idia blames herself for. She still has regular nightmares about it, and while Trix usually isn’t around from the breakdowns because he’s in his room when they happen, this time he fell asleep upstairs and heard all of it.

He goes in to check on her, and she’s really closed off. He’s eventually able to get her to tell him what happened and her guilt, but… He already knew. Ortho told him years ago when they were all still at NRC. He was waiting for her to tell him on her own terms.

Idia does uhh not take this being hidden from her well! He rationalizes that knowing it and never judging her and standing by her side this entire time means he truly does care and doesn’t blame her. He holds her hand and for the first time says it:

“I love you.”

Idia looks at him wide eyed for a second before turning away.

“You need to leave.”

He’s allowed to stay- she’s not going to just throw him on the street- but he is not allowed upstairs near her. She needs time to process everything. Especially how he hurt her trust. 

Eventually they are able to talk it out though and end up in a relationship. YIPEE!!!!!! Ortho moves in permanently around this time with his internship over with his 2 dogs to add to the family. :)

There’s a lot of stuff with STYX and Woe I haven’t fuuuuuully sorted out the details of, but Idia does eventually have to go back for a while to put her research to use and put an end to things. I think this period is really tough because she does Not want Trix to see what a horrible place it is and how it’s the source of so many awful things it was so she tries to leave him. She doesn’t obv and she’s able to successfully find a solution to the Phantom problem.

Once she’s back, though, she does have a near immediate breakdown- with it all over, her brain can actually like. Process what her life was up to that point and she just kind of snaps. She ends up hospitalized for a few months to keep her safe from a HORRIFIC schizophrenic break. Trix uses STYX Bux for a place to stay so he can visit her near daily and help her through it. There’s also a REALLY bad incident with Ortho.

Minus that though from there it’s… really just them being happy, healing, and transitioning with each other. Idia becomes an indie game dev and Trix becomes a horror writer. He still streams (she started vtubing somewhere along the way too), but they’ve never publicly posted about their relationship. It’s really funny because it’s like blatant but they just try to act like it isn’t LMAO.

As they get older, they move to a small, quiet place in the Queendom of Roses. They have 3 kids (who I also have ocs for but that’s WAY too cringe) who are very well loved. Ortho also lives with them and they have a very happy family. :)

TL;DR: Idia wins the VTuber Fuck A Fan contest.

[iguessitsaveryswitings]

Peaches - Section 1: Act 1

Peaches is an original work by ‘iguessitsavery’, also known as Avery. All characters and events in this work are fictional, no matter if they may resemble real life people or events. All rights reserved. Copyright 2021

Previous Chapter  -  Next Chapter

Section 1: Act 1

The sound of the school dismissal bell rang through the town, lively children filing out of the old building with joyful yells and chatter. Some kids walked home, kicking up dirt as they left the schoolyard. Others picked up by their parents, tired and worn down from a full day of work. Some kids didn’t leave, staying until the sun had set over the mountains. A stranger cast a glance over to a few of the children playing in the yard, passing a ball back and forth between the four of themselves. They laughed and passed inaudible words back and forth to each other, wide, cheshire-like grins spread out across their faces. 

The stranger scoffed, returning their attention to the market worker that stood in front of them. The stranger passed over a few coins, watching as the worker counted them up greedily, before handing them a few peaches. “Pleasure doing business with you, friend” the worker spoke gruffly as the stranger stuffed the sweet fruits into their bag, nodding. Without a word, the stranger passed to the next stall, and the next, and the next. Down the street of the market they went, spending the few coins they had collected from the week with caution. 

Soon, the sunset over the horizon behind them as they strolled down the path towards the water. “Fruit, bread, poultry, eggs, vegetables, I should be done…” they spoke quietly and to themselves, crossing each item off the list with the swift mark of a pen. They stored the notepad and pen back into their satchel, preparing to walk off before they heard a commotion. 

“Hmm?” They turned to their left, narrowing their eyes as they landed upon a group of four, no, five kids. ‘Must be the ones from the schoolhouse,’ they thought to themselves, quietly ducking behind a wall. They peered over the side and watched the situation play out before their eyes.

A boy laid helplessly on the ground, he looked around 7 or 8 years old. His hair was short and curly, half of his hair a lighter shade than the other. He wore ripped and run-down clothes, either scraps or run-me-downs. Scars littered his body, ranging from minor scrapes to large, white welts. The most interesting thing about the helpless boy, however, were the mutations on him. Two fluffy white, cow resembling ears sprouted from where his normal ears should be. Two horns sprouted from the top of his head, one of them cut up and broken off. 

The four kids from earlier gathered around him, laughing. Two sorted through a bag on the ground, while the other took turns kicking him repeatedly. The ones kicking him howled with laughter, talking amongst themselves as the poor boy screamed. “Gross hybrid!” “Freak!” “Mistake!” 

The stranger sneered as they heard hurtful words pouring from the children’s mouths. They debated whether to interfere, weighing their options. They themselves were only 12, only a few years older than these kids, but they had the advantage of being in a group. They sighed, pushing off the wall of which they laid against, and headed back towards the village, the opposite direction of the group. It wasn’t their problem.

The sun had set completely over the horizon as the stranger slumped against one of the empty market stalls. They checked through their bag once more, pulling out a peach they had bought earlier. They weighed the fuzzy fruit in their hands, tossing it from one to the other. They tilted up the brim of their mask, ready to take a bite, before hearing the shuffling of footsteps. They let the mask fall gently back in place over their face, lowering their hand as their head perked up. 

It was the boy from earlier. 

He walked with a slight limp, passing the few stalls before coming by the one that the stranger sat against. His eyes scanned the stranger, returning their gaze to the ground once more, and continuing to limp towards town. He kicked up dirt as he swayed from side to side, resting clumsily against a stall to catch his breath.

The stranger sat up, tipping their mask back in place, and walking towards the boy. Hearing the patter of footsteps, the boy turned around, greeted by a fuzzy fruit in his face. He stepped back a little, bright yellow eyes contorting in confusion as he looks to the owner of the hand who was offering him the fruit.

The stranger gently took the boy’s soft hand in their calloused one, pushing the fruit into his hand and stepping back. “Wha’s this for,” the boy asked, an almost annoyed expression on his face. The stranger stayed silent, nodding towards the fruit. The boy rolled his eyes, trying to place it back in the stranger’s hand. He turns to leave once again, wobbling from side to side.

The stranger’s eyes turn down to the fruit, their head cocking to the side in a confused state. They walk up to the boy again as the two of them walk into the town. They push the fruit into his chest softly. The boy turns his head sharply towards them, looking down as he grabs the fruit. Without warning, the stranger plops down on the ground, folding their legs as they sit, looking up towards him.

He takes the initiative, sitting down next to them, crossing his legs. His eyes flicker down to the fruit, bringing it up to his teeth, canines showing, as he sinks them into the fruit’s flesh. The sweetness hits his tongue nicely as he chews, swallowing and wiping his mouth with his hand messily. “S’was’ yo’r name?” he asks, turning to the stranger. They sat next to him, staring at the ground silently. The boy furrows his eyebrows, “do ya even hav’ a name?” 

The stranger sits up, their back cracking and turning to the boy. “Shinosu,” they state, voice monotone, but much softer than he expected. The boy hums, taking another bite, his ears twitching. He swallows his mouthful roughly before speaking again. “My name’s Sona, we’s both got S’s in the start of our names!” Shinosu nods, watching as Sona hungrily takes another bite. 

Shinosu sighs deeply, before returning their attention to the dirt-covered ground, drawing patterns with the tip of their finger. “Saw you gettin’ hurt earlier,” he speak quietly, Sona’s attention returning to them. His ears twitch as his eyes narrow. “Why didn’t you stop them then? You coulda’!” His tone was angry, but his voice stayed quiet, considering how late it was. “Wasn’t my business then,” they state simply, head turning towards the boy. “Whad’dya mean ‘then’?” “Is’ my problem now.” Sona’s previously hostile expression turns to understand as he takes in their words. 

He hums, taking another bite before wincing. He bit directly into the pit of the peach. He finishes up his bite before spitting out the seed onto the dirt. Shinosu silently rolls their eyes and Sona’s attention turns to them.

He couldn’t see most of their face because of the mask they wore. It didn’t look like any animal he had seen before. He would have said it could have been a deer, but the odd horns sprouting off of it changed his mind. The mask was fairly large but still fit comfortably around Shinosu’s face. The large horns sprouted from the top, twisting into points at the top. The weirdly shaped skull covered Shinosu’s face near completely, missing out on their fluffy brown locks of hair and the sides of their tan cheeks. 

“Why d’ya wear that mask? It a religion thing or somethin’?” Shinosu blinked. Once, twice, before shrugging contently. “You a witch? I wouldn’ tell if ya’ were though, you’d be a cool witch!” His words pour out of his mouth as Sona finishes his question, not wanting to get on their bad side. The mask was intimidating enough, but if they were a witch, he’s screwed. 

Shinosu turns their face away from his view, moving their hand under their mask to pinch the bridge of their nose. They were annoyed, sure, but he was a curious kid too. They moved the mask back in place, turning back to him, amused by the fearful expression on his face. “More of a religion thing, m’ not a witch.” Sona sighed in relief, making Shinosu smile softly, exhaling a quiet laugh. 

Sona finishes his fruit, licking the juice from his hand as Shinosu places their hands on their knees. They push on them, standing themselves up and dusting themselves off. They spare a glance towards Sona, before turning on their heel out of town. Sona scrambles to get up, running to catch after them. “Hey! Wher’ya goin?” Shinosu stops abruptly, making Sona stop a few feet behind him. They swiftly turn around, looking Sona up and down. He feels goosebumps flower across his skin from the action.

“Home. G’night Sona,” they say, bowing as they turn and leave again. Sona stands dumbfounded in a way. “Will I see you again?” he calls out, louder than he should. They simply raise a hand, ducking behind the trees and out of sight.

Thank you for reading the first installment of Peaches. I’m excited to be able to share this work with you. 

[jeramiahsental2]

Oh hey look it’s another thing.

Ack, I kept forgetting to post this (and then when I remembered, it was either the crack of dawn or the dead of night). I mean, it’s only been (checks calendar) 20 days since I finished it? Oh, feels like it took longer. I mean, that’s a pretty long time between completion and posting, compared to the last two drawings (both posted pretty much same day)... ANYWAY.

Same thing applies as usual: more info on the drawing (and lots of rambling) will be under the "Keep reading”!

Start date: 5/30/19

End date: 8/15/19

Total time taken: 78 days (actually 56, since there were 22 whole days where I either did nothing with it or undid any changes I made after getting some feedback).

This was actually a birthday gift for my friend! That’s why it’s so much more complex than any of the others I’ve drawn... It didn’t have the little watermark at the bottom of course, but I kinda wanted to show it here, too.

Firsts: first time drawing more than one character, first time drawing characters directly interacting with things and each other (does it show?), first time drawing ANYTHING with the perspective Chikorita has, first time drawing that kinda fiery glow that Typhlosion has behind his back, first time giving the character an actual surface to stand/sit/lie on, first time drawing a character looking down, first time drawing a character without complete separation between their head and body...

In all seriousness, Typhlosion was the hardest part of this thing to draw.

Not only because I had to put Cyndaquil and Cubone in before I could draw his arms, and then figure out how to position everything so the arms weren’t super stretched.

Not only because I completely changed the position of his head about 3/4 of the way through, and it took me 1/2 of the remaining time to figure out how to position his body.

But the main reason it was such a pain - and this is the most infuriating part of any drawing I have ever done, to the point that I freaking cried - was because I could not for the life of me figure out how the heck to draw him sitting. I mean, I still don’t think it looks good. There’s just something off about it that I can’t put my finger on. But it wouldn’t look half as good if not for @possiblytracker​‘s help (although, it was... indirect help. I was a bit too cowardly to message them directly or send an ask off anon, so haha anon ask for the win *finger guns*).

(Also can I say holy shit I am really nervous tagging them. Like, FRICK this is the reason that I rarely send asks off anon, because I’m always worried about how people will react. Even when I am 99.57% certain that the interaction won’t be negative in any way, shape, or form.)

(Anyway back to drawing stuff.)

Chikorita! Let’s talk about the cute little bean. She was the last of the four to be drawn, so I guess I’m going in order of difficulty. For the most part, she wasn’t all that hard to draw. Except for the perspective. She has a back leg, I swear.

She technically doesn’t have a definition between her head and neck, which admittedly made it a bit more difficult to draw, but her collar made it a lot easier to differentiate between them. She also has leaf hair, which I love.

Onto Cubone! Technically the most complex of the characters, but the second-easiest to actually draw. Can I just say, holy crap his skull helmet has a lot of damage. Like, I wasn’t intending to put that many cracks and chips into it, but that’s how it ended up! Can’t say I’m unhappy, though.

He’s hugging his bone like a teddy bear. He’s also supposed to be leaning against Typhlosion, but I’m not sure how well that second part came across.

Finally, Cyndaquil! There’s a reason this little guy’s body is mostly concealed behind Typhlosion’s hand, and that’s because I had no idea how to draw his leg from this angle. I’ll figure it out eventually. (Side note, that’s also why Chikorita’s that close to Typhlosion, though she’s supposed to be leaning against him too.)

I’m honestly happy with the glow behind Typhlosion. It’s not supposed to be flames; he had his fire when I was first drawing him, but I figured it would be easier and probably better overall (both in terms of how it looks and because Chikorita’s leaning against him and Cyndaquil’s on his head) if I just made his dorsal vents glow instead of actually have fire come out of them.

Shading was a mixed bag. On the one hand, I had to completely ignore the glow because I tried including shadows from it and it just looked... bad. On the other hand, apart from that, shading was its normal fun self. It didn’t really seem to give the drawing as much depth as on the other drawings I’ve done, though (except maybe the headshot of my sona).

I’m still not 100% happy with it, but at this point I know that I’m not going to be. Better to move on to other projects, look back at this one as progress (and progress it is!), and maybe come back and redraw it in a couple years to see if/how/how much I’ve improved.

Whether you read all of that or skipped to this, I hope you liked the drawing!

[sugarless-suki-writes]

Panic

Rating: T Word Count: 2,998

Read on Ao3

Support me on Ko-Fi!

More vent, yay;;;;

Appearance are based on my sona

CW/TW: Stalking, Identity Crisis

(Left to Right: Suki, Plum & Bug. Art by @bitter-plum-art

As soon as Suki walked through the door, they made direct eye contact with him. They kept their expression stoic, quickly turning into the hallway and walking towards the sever's station. They didn’t know he’d be working tonight. They should’ve. He always worked weekends. Their stomach started to knot, a hard ball forming in the pit of their stomach as their hands began to shake.

The Hanged Man, See No Evil.

Their jaw set as their fangs dug into the skin of their lip. What utter bullshit.... What kind of cryptic bullshit was that? What did he think sending them a weird, cryptic, “poetic” message would do? And to send one to the other two? Suki didn’t care for that, not at all....

With a sigh, they walked up to the front, greeting their friends and coworkers as they set their bag down, then proceeded to head towards the back once more to get dressed.

The uniform was easy to put on, and they did it quickly. They then went into the server’s station to make themselves a drink, a cucumber water; they were trying to get better about drinking water and cut back on their soda/caffeine intake.

Their hands were trembling.

As they plopped the cucumbers in the glass and reached for the ice scoop, they heard the dish bin get slammed down and a chill ran down their spine as they felt eyes on them.

He was there.

They didn’t dare turn around.

Thankfully he didn’t stick around to stare but so long. Once they felt his eyes leave, Suki turned around to fill their glass with water. They almost dropped the glass in the sink.

Their head was pounding, their stomach was doing flips, and they felt like they could puke.

They set the water down on the table in the server’s station and ripped the paper off of a straw, sticking it in and casually tossing the paper to the side, towards the trash can. They took a long sip before reaching for the pill bottle on the counter, pressing down on the cap and unscrewing it. The grabbed two excedrin and then closed the bottle. Taking another sip of water, they popped the pills in their mouth and swallowed. The orthodontist today was rough, they didn’t need creepy stalker man on top of it. At least they could kill their headache.

They took another sip of water, soothing the strange feeling in their throat. It was still new to them to swallow pills; they still had to fight off the innate fear that tried desperately to claw its way to the surface. Why their preschool teachers thought it was a good idea to give four year olds hard candy, they would never understand. But at least now they were working past it.

Suki made their way back up to the front, just in time for their first table to walk in. A 5 top. Great. Seems like this is how their Friday night was going to go.

Once they were seated, Suki greeted them warmly. Two of the five were still on their way, but they all wanted water, and 3 iced coffees. Easy. They went to the back and put in the iced coffee orders and grabbed a tray. They set everything up before making the waters and bringing them out to the table. Once that was done, they went back into the kitchen, walking to the sushi bar and grabbing the three containers that held the coffee grounds.

Eyes.

They made quick work of walking back to the sever’s station. They uncapped the coffee and poured the grounds into the brewer and poured hot water into all three. They then turned around to make three glasses of ice, for the coffee.

Eyes.

Pressure.

Presence.

Stop stop stop stop stop.

Once the glasses were done, Suki turned around and, lo and behold, there he was. He was pretending to look at the coffee they were brewing. Suki slid past him, trying to keep some form of distance from him in the confined space, but he had started to turn around, making the space smaller and almost touching them. They did their best to not grimace, focusing on getting their tray prepped.

They could see him out of the corner of their eyes, taking his time putting ice in his cup, moving so much slower than usual. Standing in front of the soda machine and just staring.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

The Hanged Man, See No Evil.

Suki was quick to walk out of the sever’s station, plastering a warm, welcoming, fake smile on their face.

Their customers were nice. Suki wished they could enjoy them....

It shouldn’t be like this. They shouldn’t have this overwhelming sense of dread coming into their place of work. They felt safer walking the downtown city streets alone at night than in their own workplace.

Every single male/male-presenting person they had interacted with/met lately had just been... awful. Of course, male-presenting people always set off at least one or two red flags, they all did. Every single one of them. That was normal, even though it shouldn’t be. You just have to ignore them before you can properly judge a person. That’s what they did with this guy.

He set off some flags. The three of them thought he might just be weird. Nothing wrong with weird. He barely talked. Could barely make eye contact with them. They talked about DND one night, and so he made a Discord account so he could join in a campaign.

That’s when it started. He friended Suki and Bug, but did absolutely nothing with Plum. He started messaging Suki. Just a sentence a night. Never replied to anything Suki said. One night, he sent them a compliment. Being polite, they thanked him. Then they changed their hair. It was the first time they had ever dyed it. They were so excited.

They came in to do the numbers for the restaurant that night, and as they were leaving, one of the managers walking with them, as he always did. (Previous employees had been attacked at night, so he went out with all the servers to make sure they got to their cars safe). They turned to wish the others a good night. He looked up, said some garbled nonsense, not even really words, something akin to a verbal keysmash, and went back to the dishes. Their manager laughed his fucking ass off. Suki simply raised an eyebrow as they furrowed together and let out a weird chuckle, mostly laughing because their manager was losing his mind and that always made them laugh.

“What was that?” he had asked as they walked out the door, before it had even closed behind them.

“I have no idea.”

That night he sent them a message, saying he was “taken aback”. It had made them slightly uncomfortable but they said thank you anyway. In all honesty, they thought it was kind of funny. Did he have a crush? After only talking to them a grand total of 5 times, each of those times just being one sentence from the both of them? They had to admit, it was a little ridiculous.

Then he had asked them out to lunch, and Suki was just... taken aback. It was unexpected. They... barely knew each other? He couldn’t even look them in the eye. They meant to reply, they really did, but they just kept forgetting, and every way they tried to phrase it in their head just sounded mean so they just.... didn’t.

The bell in the back dinged, drawing Suki out of their thoughts. Their food was ready. They let out a huff and stood up from the server’s table and walked towards the back. One roll combo and four dinner combos, three of which had tempura. This was gonna be fun to bring out...

They grabbed a tray and started to set two of the bento boxes on it, the ones that were ready. They had to finagle with it a bit, trying to find space to put the tempura sauce.

Pressure.

Presence.

Eyes.

He walked up behind them and stood there. They were off to the side, leaving the small walkway clear. He could’ve easily walked by. Out of the corner of their left eyes they could see him flipping the dish bin. Why wasn’t he walking by?

Stop staring stop staring stop staring stop staring stop staring stop staring stop staring stOP STARING STOP STARING STOP STARING!!!!

They finished putting what they could on the tray, picked it up along with another box with their other hand, and walked out of the kitchen.

He followed right behind.

Suki plastered a smile on their face.

It shouldn’t be like this... They shouldn’t feel scared to be in the back, thinking this fucking freak is going to come up and shank them if they weren’t careful. Their chef shouldn’t have to be waiting by the bathroom everytime he goes, holding a knife and waiting for him to come out with a gun. These complete, asinine, awful, insane and downright predatory interactions they’ve been having with men shouldn’t be making them question their sexuality, their gender.

For a while now, a couple months at least, Suki had been questioning their gender. They had never really felt comfortable in their body, and whether that was from all the bullying or the dysphoria.. that was something they figured a therapist could help them with, whenever they had the time to find one. But now.... they weren’t sure.

Maybe I’m not nonbinary.

I don’t want to come across masculine in any way.

I don’t want to be associated with them.

Maybe I’m cis.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.....

They had talked about it recently, on the ride home from work one night with Plum and Bug. Maybe part of the problem was they still thought along the lines of the binary - viewing being nonbinary as some sort of in between of masculine and feminine, male and female. But could they really be blamed? It’s how they were raised to think. It’s what society wanted. It’s how things were and they weren’t going to change so quickly over night, not here, not now, especially not in the south, where they lived.

Either way, all these interactions were making them question everything about themselves. Sure, Suki had never been the fondest of men in the first place; they’d only been in two relationships, both with men, both abusive, one long term and recent and still a very much open, festering wound.

Men made them uncomfortable.

Men pushed their boundaries.

Men hurt them one too many times.

Men were borderline repulsive at this point.

Maybe I’m a lesbian...

Maybe I should start identifying as that.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

The night dragged on. He continued to come to the server’s station. Suki’s trembling never ceased; it slowed, but it never stopped. They came close to dropping glasses and dishes and trays multiple times. They bought food, hoping that would be the solution, but he came back so many times. He checked the dishes more often. He made small, very small trips to return the dishes to their proper places, trips he could’ve easily, and usually would condense, he continued to fill up his drink as slow as possible, and more frequently than normal.

Suki couldn’t eat.

They didn’t feel comfortable.

They didn’t feel safe.

The Hanged Man, See No Evil.

After Suki’s silence, he latched onto Bug. He posted music, raps specifically, in the group chat they had, and he messaged Bug whenever they worked together, just like he had with Suki. It was funny. The raps were terrible; the beats were okay, but his voice and lyrics were just... Let’s just say it sent the trio off to other planes of existence.

As he messaged Bug, he got aspects of the three of them confused, mixing them into one being and projecting them onto Bug. While Bug did take dance classes, they never mentioned them at work, Suki had, multiple times, loudly. Plum plays the cello. Both Plum and Bug draw. He once complimented Bug on how artistic they were, thinking it was crazy that they “dance, play the cello, and draw.” It was hilariously bad. A poor attempt. They laughed about it for days.

Eventually, he asked Bug out as well. Bug, of course, turned them down. They were very polite about it. He sent an odd... poetic message that made no sense. Then, the next day, he posted a new rap in the chat, that had other people in it as well, it was their group’s DnD chat afterall.

It was a diss rap.

He mentioned them by name, twice.

He talked about murder.

It wasn’t so funny anymore.

The red flags grew larger, brighter, blaring.

They laughed nervously and weren’t too eager to go into their next shift after that.

He later sent Bug another song, this time to their DMs. It was their name in all caps. After writing, creating, and posting such an angry, hateful, terrifying track in a public group chat, he made a song about how they were meant to be but there was *~*something*~* between them and keeping them apart. They told him his songs were making them uncomfortable. They weren’t as nice that time. They had to be blunt. They told him to stop.

A couple days later, at 4 a.m., he sent all three of them his final messages and, supposedly, deleted Discord.

They blocked him just to be safe.

They couldn’t take any risks.

They’ve been through this before, multiple times.

They knew what to do.

They knew what needed to be done.

It shouldn’t be like this.

They shouldn’t have to put up with this.

Suki shoved back any feeling of dread, anxiety, panic - they had a job to do. They needed to push through. They couldn’t afford to have a panic attack. They couldn’t show any sign of weakness. Not around him. They’d been through this before. They knew how to deal with stalkers. They’d had three in the past. They just needed to push down the panic. They needed to ignore it. She needed....

The end of the night couldn’t come quickly enough. When it did, Suki was grateful. They sat down with their receipts, doing their readings and chatting idly with Plum, Bug, and Hail. Once all their stuff was done and they were clocked out, they sat at the server’s table. They wanted to speak to their manager, but they needed to wait for him to leave.

They sat there, quietly, on their phones as they waited. It was nice. It was peaceful. It was what they needed after today.

“Alright, hope y’all have a good night.”

His voice made their stomach drop. A pain, sharp like a knife, twisted into Suki’s heart as fear and dread and panic and terror gripped them in an instant. They didn’t look up. They couldn’t. They continued to scroll through Twitter.

When had he walked up?

She didn’t hear him.

She heard him walk away though, his footsteps heavy against the laminate floor. He was probably pissed he got no response.

Drama queen.

He was a big drama queen. He thought he was an important figure in their lives. How could he be though? They only knew him for, cumulatively, 2 days. The only thing he had done was made the three of them nervous around white cars and fill them with dread when they came in to work at night. One could argue that that was an impact, but it was nothing new to the trio. They’d been stalked before, multiple times. They had a restraining order on someone. They knew what needed to be done.

They shouldn’t have to know.

It wasn’t long before their manager was done with his side work and he was joining them at the front of the restaurant. They then proceeded to tell him everything in great detail. He didn’t emote as they talked, voicing their concerns and Suki trying to keep themself calm and in check.

“In his message to me, he told me that he could handle a no, but not silence. Clearly he can’t handle a no, seeing as he wrote a diss track about Bug when they politely, politely, turned him down.”

Once they were all done, he sat there for a moment before shaking his head. “Man, I wish y’all had told me before he left!”

“We wanted to wait until he was gone. This isn’t our first rodeo, we know what we need to do to stay safe.” Plum said.

“Yeah, yeah I know. But man, I wish I had known. I’d’ve went and “talked” to him. You know...” He didn’t use air quotes, but they were implied in his tone. “Y’all... You guys know we’re all like family around here. We’re close. I’m here to look out for ya. I’ll talk with Billiford about it. We’ll take care of this.”

“Yeah, I talked to Billium before he left, but I couldn’t say too much cause he just kept walking by.” Plum said. “He said he was going to talk to you so..”

“Yeah, I’ll remind him. I’ll make sure to remind him. Man... maaan I really wish y’all had told me earlier.”

“We don’t want you killing a man.” Bug said with a laugh.

“I’d bail you out.” Suki said immediately.

“I think we all would.” Timothy replied, taking a pull from his “addiction stick” as he referred to it.

They chatted for a bit longer before they all walked out. The parking lot was desolate and Suki felt themselves breathe a little easier. Their manager walked the three of them to their car and watched as they got in. They then began to make their way home, keeping an eye out for white cars.

The Hanged Man, See No Evil.