#another Anders-like sympathetic 'villain'

[onbanksofadragonriver]

Hey, so I was thinking about this, and then this post crossed my dash again and — bloody hell, Solas, a spirit of pride, ex-wisdom, the guy who refuses to LIE and approves of people looking for TRUTH, called the GOD OF LIES?

* Disclaimer here — I haven't played the game myself, and I can only operate with what information I see on tumblr or youtube so take all this with a grain of salt.

It doesn't make any sense to me, why Solas, the professional rebel leader and trickster (but not exactly a liar!), who had been leading people against the evanuris for centuries, who had elves flocking to him at the end of Trespasser, is suddenly alone. I imagine that whatever the devs tell themselves happened to make Solas alone maybe also kinda broke his dedication to truthfulness, so in Veilguard he's angrily decided to, fine, he'll be the villain, he'll be the liar.

Anger and despair is a disastrous basis for any decision, but, coupled with the fragile state of the Veil and the enormous, debilitating sense of sunken costs, it could narratively explain the change in Solas. Like, he believes he's done such terrible things, he's caused so much pain and misery, he's (potentially) rejected his one chance at personal happiness, he's betrayed and killed his (toxically beloved) friend/mentor/lover? Mythal, so fuck it, why not become the liar and traitor they all expect him to be, as long as it gets the job done.

Rook talking to him, trying to help untangle that huge mess of guilt and despair would have been SO ON POINT in a game that takes its time off from saving the world to sort out the companions' personal issues. In case of Neve they make sense because making sure at least one part of the world is as safe as can be ties in with the larger objective, but picnics in the woods? Dinner with Taash's mum? Standard grave upkeep rituals that, for some reason, haven't been delegated to someone else while Emmrich is away? Not sure.

In DAI random fetch quests or even going out of your way for companion personal quests made more sense, because there's an entire army, a network of agents, a ton of correspondence with nobles doing the work of saving the world in the background, plus, Corypheus is, for long periods of time, working behind the scenes, instead of actively corrupting entire cities with Blight. But Rook has only themselves, and their companions to stop Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan. Everyone else is largely fending for themselves, or their immediate areas. Every day counts!

But they do. The entire message of the game seems to be: the past is the past; what matters is who we are here and now.

So why not LISTEN to Solas? On the one hand, there are Solas' memories and the possibility to get Morrigan's or Mythal's input on why Solas is doing what he does but there is precious little in-depth interaction and actual listening to Solas himself. Finding out what happened, why is he alone, where did all the agents go? Why is no one helping him? What exactly was the plan? What went wrong in the first place, because Mythal didn't want him to put up the Veil, it was a mistake, it was not meant to happen. (I also have a question, who the hell were the Evanuri's fighting and why have the devs forgotten the Forgotten Ones; did their prison in the Void hold better than the one Fen'Harel made for the Evanuris??)

Anyway, imagine if the good and kind person Rook is kinda forced to be due to the game dialogue and choices — someone who didn't know Solas before, someone who knows from the start who Solas is and what he has done; someone who was only meant to stop him, based on Varric's stories and extended friendship — this person STILL listens. This person STILL considers his side of the story. (and maybe then stabs him in the back but - it has been an informed decision, Solas should approve)

I think there are certain parallels with Anders, who tried everything he could to improve the situation of mages, before he ran out of options and blew up the Chantry. So did Solas fight the Evanuris for centuries, before he came to the conclusion that only a Fade prison would stop them. Anders didn't want to get Hawke involved, and Solas didn't want to involve the Inquisitor. The difference is that DA2 clearly showed how the Templars and the Chantry abuse the mages, Kirkwall was a brutal game in that regard, even if it still pretended to play with the idea that maybe Templars/Circles/Chantry are right. The result was the same regardless of how the player went about it and what he believed in — Anders blew up the Chantry and Hawke was banished from Kirkwall.

So I wonder what deliciously disastrous emotional fallout we were robbed of — if Rook could listen to Solas, if they were given an in-game opportunity to believe in his cause, take his side in bringing down the Veil. And THEN (for sake of future games' continuity) Rook finds out the 'safe plan' is not gonna work after all and has the option to either talk down or betray Solas :)))

Something something. Making Solas a liar in Veilguard actively brings back a problem they fixed working on Inquisition.

On December 20 2019 VGS posted an interview with Trick Weekes about their work on Solas. This whole sentence is a link so its large enough for mobile but also disclaimer this is before they changed their name so deadname warning.

Here's a transcription I found here which is where i took the screenshots above. Since I know not everyone has 40 minutes to listen to an online radio interview.

I however highlighted the main point since most of you are not reading the screenshots anyway but skimming through. Rant under Read-more. Also bc i try to not be too negative on people's dashs but also i wanna ramble some more.

"But he lied a lot more. And it really weakened his character."

You can tell this happened during the game. Solas lies only once within Inquisition. He says something he can't be vague about and you push him so he lies, badly. He usually tells the truth vaguely. Typically Solas lies no more than Blackwall.

I fully believe that if in Inquisition your inquisitor figured out that Solas was Fen’harel and asked him bluntly to his face he'd confess. He might even be impressed. But why would you ever start to think that. No one assumes that their coworker is actually Poseidon regardless of how much they love the beach and ocean.

He hides in your expectations.

You can't ask him about being an ancient elf or being Fen'harel of myth because those aren't very probable. They're astronomically low to be truth within that universe. And outside, no one finished DA2 and went i wonder if one of our next companions is the Dread Wolf. Sera said, impossible things can't be surprises. He doesn't have to lie so when the truth comes out it's becomes obvious on a second playthrough.

They then actively bring back a problem they fixed in Inquisitions development. That they were open about fixing. That having a character that outright lies to you makes you have no intention of even hearing out the character. It retroactively undercuts Inquisition bc i see people trying to find Solas' lies in it when they aren't going to find any beyond the court intrigue.

It undercuts any lore we do get from Solas bc people dismiss it outright as being a lie from Mr "I abhor blood magic". I feel like shaking people's shoulders like no, dont do it.

They retconned him guys i have proof from 2019.

And its like if you hate Solas is this even satisfying? Like that's not Solas. His motivations are gone (that's a whole other post) and so is his core personality trait. It's like they went here's the Dreadwolf but during the ten years they replaced the smug asshole who was insufferably right with a 20 yo senior chihuahua that doesnt have any teeth.

My favorite villains are those that tell the truth. Because nothing hurts more than the truth. Can you imagine if he told you the truth. If he told you horrible things that you dismissed as lies to only be true. Wouldn't Varric’s death have more weight if he told you Varric was dead only for you - for everyone - to see him in the Lighthouse. If it was a spirit who took his shape to help you or even because it saw something worth reflecting in your memories.

So you dismiss him until it's revealed near the end oh he was telling the truth and you have an oh shit maybe he was right about other things but its too late to try and stop any of the truths he told you which could be from allies/companions betraying to stuff about Ghilan'nain and Elgarnan.

Like the only way to redeem Solas was to listen to him and by going out of your way to address problems he sees and you can find the alternative to tearing down the Veil by a series a little puzzle pieces throughout the game.

Have it be he will only listen to you if you listen to him. That he'll reject your other solution bc why the hell would he trust you if you couldnt extend the same.

Like Solas couldve been a great villian and he should've been great for both the haters and those that liked him. Not only the romance but for those who became his friend. Like i keep coming back to if i hated Solas would i be satisfied with Veilguard.

And the answer is no because that isnt Solas.

Tricking him has no weight bc he's an idiot in Veilguard like not even in the ending bc doesn't notice you switch the dagger around like right in front of him but none of his actions make sense. Ppl have mentioned the regret prison makes no sense for Elgarnan and Ghilan'nain bc they don't have regrets.

Attacking Solas has no weight because he literally needs the shit kicked out of him by a dragon for it to even begin to work. They literally need him to be at deaths door before its realistic that Rook could take him in a fight.

Redeem has no weight bc of the massive retcons to his motivations. They had to retcon the post credits scene bc even if Flemythal went hey i don't want you to do this Dai Solas wouldve went okay but that doesnt solve my other problems with the veil including the corruption of spirits and the fact its in literal shambles so i guess is still coming down.

I'm just disappointed. By the end of Trespasser they had a great villian and they just tossed it to the side and reverted him and people are arguing about a character who's sole defining trait in Veilguard is a problem they solved before Inquisition launched.

Basically we can sum it up with a screenshot.

[edenaziraphale]

There's a lot to be said about the weaknesses and strengths of the writing in Dragon Age games, but for me there's nothing that trumps the way the writers' implicit biases shine through in their treatment of various characters. Anders and Solas showcase the very worst of this. Functionally Anders and Solas could (and I would go so far as to say should) operate as foils to one another. Anders is a victim of decades of abuse at the hands of both individuals and a system that demonized him from a very young age. We are given information about his childhood and time spent in the circle that makes it explicitly clear that Circles are an unjust and abusive system that traumatized him so much that he fled multiple times regardless of the fact that he knew the abuse would escalate each time he escaped. In the end, he chooses to chance death and lifelong struggle via conscription because it is his only shot at escaping his current reality. After that, in DA2, it's made clear that Kirkwall's circle is even worse. Karl is made tranquil, the templars are mad with power, and it's heavily implied that the tranquil are utilized as sex slaves and that some templars may even be selecting mages for tranquility based on their desire for them alone. In the light of all of that, Anders makes a very desperate and destructive choice. Regardless of how players feel about his actions, it's not really up for debate that the context surrounding them creates mitigating circumstances and a sympathetic backing. He was attempting to affect positive change for a group of people facing fates that the game makes clear are worse than death. Despite this, the game's writing treats him as an unsympathetic villain whose actions are not only reprehensible, but completely beyond the realm of human understanding. That dynamic at the end of DA2 carries into DAI. Solas, on the other hand, is on a quest to undo his own actions. His initial construction of the Veil and the problems that it caused can be viewed with (some) similarity to Anders circumstances in that Solas was attempting to right a wrong done by someone else, but the key difference is that, unlike Anders, who was a powerless victim attempting to free other powerless victims, Solas was on a revenge quest to avenge the death of his friend and had an incredible amount of power within the system that he existed as a part of.

His actions had horrific consequences that birthed what is essentially an entirely new existence for everyone in Thedas eons before the start of any of the games. He finds the outcome of his own actions intolerable, and seeks to reverse them. He harms friends and allies to do so, and makes it explicitly clear that he does not care who he harms or what the consequences are to Thedas or the people who live there in his quest to bring back the version of the world that he liked better. Functionally, Solas makes an excellent villain. He stands out from Anders (who operates in his narrative as a symbol of the rage and disenfranchisement of the powerless) as a representation of power and ego unchecked and the damage that they can cause.

Unfortunately, the writing of the game treats him as though he is the tragically complex victim of forces outside of his control when he is in fact the over-powered puppeteer. He is very much the master of his own destiny and he intends to be the master of everyone else's destiny as well by ripping apart the fabric of reality. No character in the series better demonstrates the writer's biases than Varric, who, as a narrator for DA2, essentially acts as the moral arbiter telling players how they should and should not feel about events, explaining what is and is not moral. His reactions to Anders stand out in sharp relief against what we see of his reaction to Solas in the Veilguard releases so far.

To be clear, I don't hate Solas as a character. I think as a villain, he works very well. His complete and total disregard for the wellbeing of others paired with his affect of wise and gentle mage are compelling to witness. His motivations are understandable from the selfish and self-centered core of us as people. He's a fantastic reminder of what happens when we decide that we know what's best with no input from others, when we pursue our desires above all else beneath the veneer of wisdom. He's fun, well rounded, and interesting. He is not, however, a tragic and morally justified sadboi victim of circumstance, and I resent that the writers treated him as though he was.

[notebooks-and-laptops]

Merrill on Solas’s side: my one fear given nuance

Okay, so, I want to build off the post I made a while ago about my fear of Merrill being on Solas’s side in DA4. Because my feelings about it are mostly NO THANK YOU but also there’s some nuance and hey, I work best through my character feels out loud. So let’s talk about it. I’m gonna put most of this under a cut because oh boy it got a bit long actually.

Because the thing is...it could be good, actually. There’s a very, very specific version of this idea in my head that could be good. Why would it be good? Well. Because Dragon Age hasn’t really had any sympathetic villains yet. And I get that solas is supposed to be our sympathetic villain and if that works for you great! but for me, he wasn’t established well enough as friend before he became enemy. He’s just the weird racist guy who gave me a castle and now wants to fix his mistake by...making the exact same mistake all over again. And while he does have individual moments of banter with the DAI crew that are very fun, he doesn’t actually show up to any of the bonding scenes (wicked grace night for example) nor does he have any cut scenes that develop a particular relationship between him and say...Dorian, who’s also hanging out in the library. 

But Merrill? Merrill has friends. True, proper, established friends. She’s lovable. She loved. Varric, Carver and Isabela in particular, but Bethany, Fenris, Anders, Aveline, Sebastian - they all had positive interactions with her regardless of how they viewed her magic. And she certainly cared about them.

And Merrill’s characterisation could be simplified down to ‘restoring the old ways’ and ‘protecting her people’. In Dai in particular, we hear that she has turned her attention to city elves getting caught in the templar/mage conflict crossfire - her ‘people’ are expanding from the dalish to all elves, and her cause is expanding from ‘history’ to ‘rights’. To the present. To fixing things. So, she still likes the old ways and wants to restore them, and she sees the systematic abuse elves suffer clearer than any other companion in game (apart from maybe Fenris, though Fenris makes comments rather than actionably trying to fix whats going on). 

So Solas comes to Merrill, an incredibly talented mage and historian, who basically rebuilt her own eluvian from scratch, and recruits her. And Merrill goes with him because she can restore the old ways, and protect her people who’s treatment is getting steadily worse and worse (masked empire, but I also imagine by da4 we’ll see that Solas’s prophecy of ‘they’ll blame the elves’ for the dai events will be coming true - especially with them disappearing) - and perhaps the only way she can see it getting better is a complete revolution where the current order is completely overthrown (she had some role models there, after all). And she becomes your sympathetic villain because not only is she doing it for all the right reasons (not for elves long dead, but for elves now) but also because...can you imagine Varric and her seeing one another on opposite sides of a battle? His daisy who wandered into gardens she wasn’t supposed to? Or Isabela? Can you imagine the internal struggle that would play out in Merrill’s mind. She’s a keeper - it’s her job to remember. But does remembering truly equal restoring? Would she convince herself that the collapse of the veil would actually be good for everyone? Would we have scenes where she tries to beg Varric to listen to her? Where she tries to get Fenris to? Hawke? The new protagonist? 

Merrill is kind. Being in that position would tear her apart, and I think it would tear her apart in incredibly interesting ways. 

I also think she’d be a great final act betrayal for Solas. Because she’s clever, so clever, and I think eventually, she’d realise that what Solas was trying to do was probably going to destroy a lot of elves too, let alone humans. And I think she could be a great dagger in the back for Solas, and a great friend for us in the final part of the game if we chose to let her work with us (maybe similar to Loghain? To get her we have to lose a current companion or something?).

BUT there’s also a lot of worry. All of this, if done, would have to be done with such nuance and tact that I’m not entirely sure they can devote to a secondary character who wouldn’t be around the protagonist much. Like, it couldn’t be like Calpernia, it would have to really show an intense internal Merrill struggle to make me enjoy it and to not, ya know, massacre my favourite character in the entire franchise. Also, its impact would be very tied to how many da2 characters are going to be present. There’s literally no point in doing this if Merrill isn’t going to actually be on the opposite side to her friends, if Varric isn’t going to have an absolute break down about his Daisy, if the new protagonist isn’t going to have the perfect moment to kill her and her weapon is knocked out of her hand by Isabela.

And also...Merrill is our ‘good’ blood mage. I deeply, deeply don’t want that to change. Merrill shows a nuance to magic, shows a perspective that is alien to the chantry in a very sympathetic light. And I think it would be too easy to demonise her. Or like...have what Fenris said about her ‘justifying her need for power’ by killing innocents for their blood come true. Which, I think Merrill as our resident sympathetic blood mage needs to stay away from that - she can’t be the person to sacrifice innocents for magic because a) she cares too much and b) then we have no blood mage left in bioware cannon for us to like - we just have confirmed chantry propaganda about why they’re bad. 

And also...I just don’t trust bioware to do it right. Like. I think Merrill cast as bad-guy-on-Solas’s-side would too quickly become someone obsessed with the old order, someone close to Solas. And honestly? Merrill would kick Solas’s ass if she’d been in dai. Like. Solas is incredibly disrespectful to elves! All the time! To the dalish! I couldn’t see Merrill being friends with him at all. She’d find him interesting for about 3 seconds, and then he’d go and say something racist, or something mighter-than-thou and it would totally rub her the wrong way. I think Solas would remind her so much of her Keeper and their circular arguments and the fact that she never listened to Merrill. Which again, could be an interesting dyanamic, but I’m not sure it would have room to breathe that it needed in a video game format. Merrill could reveal how Solas doesn’t actually care about elves, but only about the ghosts of the old elves, and she could do that by being on his side or ours, but the temptation in the writers room to make her Solas’s second in command in an uncomplicated way I think would be pretty high. 

Idk. Like. I think it could be good. I would read a fanfiction with this premise that was Merrill centric and explored all these interesting things. But there’s just so many ways it could go horribly wrong that I just. It is my deepest fear for da4. Because I could handle them butching quite a few of the characters, but Merrill is so important to me if they did it wrong I’d be so fucking sad I’d probably struggle to play the game much. 

[katsidhe]

Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with!

I was tagged by the wonderful @why-this-kolaveri-machi!

Tagging people: if you’re reading this and this interests you, please consider yourself tagged.  

Three Relationships: I’m gonna shake it up with some non-SPN content! wow look at me go, consuming other media. Craaazy. madness. (my SPN answer, of course, is Sam and Everyone He’s Ever Been Onscreen With, with top billing to Sam’n’Dean and Sam’n’Lucifer, natch). 

1) Fenris and Hawke, Dragon Age 2

They’re just so Good for each other, I’m gonna cry: the support, the love, the found family. And also Fenris and Anders, because they’re so Bad for each other. I just have a lot of Fenris-related emotions, and a lot of emotion for how nuanced the intersecting narratives of abuse and power are in DA2, and how the tragedy of the game feels both obscenely avoidable, and completely inevitable. And Fenris is by your side <3

2) Dirk and Dave, Homestuck

Apparently I have a thing for brothers with really complicated history, what surprising news this must be to everyone reading my blog. The lines of blame and responsibility and love and autonomy in Dirk and Dave’s relationship are really fascinating and thorny: what does it mean to know that, in another universe, you were an abusive guardian? what does it mean to meet your dead older brother again, when he’s your age, and find common ground? everything about them is so complex, and I love it. 

3) Frodo and Sam, LOTR

Theeee queer-platonic BroTP/OTP of all time. My ten-year-old heart couldn’t handle them, and I still can’t handle them now. The unashamed, unwavering love that need not be romantic! I blubber at Mount Doom and the Grey Havens like a tiny, tiny child.

Last Song 

Wait For Me, Hadestown, Anais Mitchell. (the original album, NOT the cast recording, I will DIE on this hill.) 

Last Movie

Blade Runner, for the first time. Spent the movie being like, wow, this protag’s just straight up the villain, they aren’t even trying to make him sympathetic, huh. Extremely atmospheric, just like I vaguely remember from 2049. And just like in 2049 I found myself wondering why this movie wasn’t from the perspective of all the generally more interesting female characters. 

Currently Watching

Getting slowly through Hannibal, I’m in the middle of s2. I thought it would be the kind of show I’d be super into, but something about Mads Mikkelson’s... idk, stagnant over-composure? doesn’t really do it for me, I think. I’m gonna finish. At some point. 

Currently Reading

“currently” is quite the misnomer with me: generally speaking, if I like a book, I am damn well consuming it in one sitting if I gotta stay up all night. Most recent books, then: I read the Six of Crows duology, which I thoroughly enjoyed: what every YA fantasy series needs is more murderteens. I gave up on the other Grishaverse books, though: they’re just not nearly as interesting. I also somewhat recently read The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, in the series I affectionately think of as the “lesbian accountant does treasons” books. Baru is a Cas-coded Sam girl, which I very much appreciate in a protagonist. 

[sasskarian]

I know you're not exactly a DA blog anymore... But... I just finished DA2 for the very first time and, and. I got myself Inquisition with all DLCs. I need to know what happens. I want the poor baby Cullen to be happy :(

Nonnie, I am still at my heart very much a DA blog (and Mass Effect; I just tend to smear new obsessions everywhere. Like finger painting). I curate my experience as much as I can due to the fandom being shit, but my love for DA is strong and steady. 

The best thing I can say is, play through the game and DLCs. (Tho suggested order is Jaws > Descent > Trespasser) I promise you, Cullen has the option of being happy. I wouldn’t write about it if I didn’t see those paths, and at least some of them are canon. 

I know what you mean, tho. Cullen is, to some of my friends’ dismay, near and dear to my heart. He’s my canon quiz’s romance, for many reasons. The truth is, I struggle with the fandoms’ interpretations of him and was just talking about this with my DA/FO/ME bestie @asaara-writes the other day. I think a lot of Cullen’s trauma is easily missed or overlooked in favor of louder plots (like Fenris’s, who doesn’t get hated on nearly so much for his hatred and distrust of mages, or Anders who hates Templars and is lauded for it. If I see another ANDERS WAS RIGHT banner, I’m gonna overclock somebody’s capacitors)

(Pardon me, I’ll throw this under a cut because wall of text, but I have some got-damn Opinions on Cullen and how the fandom treats him)

But for me, I’m neither in the “Cullen is poor bab who never did anything wrong uwu” or the “Cullen is a horrible bastard and should be set afire” camp. I walk a more moderate line, and here’s why:

I have a Cullen. 

My fiance, he’s... so much like Cullen that it breaks my heart. Military vet, disillusioned with his desire to do good in the world and the realities of corruption and power abuse. Substance abuse issues, and recovery from addiction. Said some bad things/had bad opinions when he was younger due to abuse by certain groups of people, and has since reformed and is trying to continue changing. Abuse survivor. Blood on his hands from his career. Trying his best to find his way in a world that he doesn’t understand. So I see the similarities, and I live with the reality of what that kind of history and life is like. 

Cullen was a fresh-faced 18 year old in the Kinloch Circle (however old his in-game image looks, he was canon 18-20). Which, by canon, was one of the less problematic, more lenient Circles (though you have to have Mage origin to find that stuff out). I don’t think he’d been a Templar long at that point. And he joined the Templars out of a desire to do good in the world. His examples of Templar behavior were those stationed in a small village, who had more leniency and less lawkeeping duties. Honnleath was tiny, and quiet. I’m going on assumption here, on my own history of small towns vs larger cities, that there wasn’t much evidence of power hunger and abuse an eight year old would notice.

Note that he remains kind and even remorseful at some of his duties (for instance, having to attend Harrowings) even under a hateful man like Greagoir.

When Uldred takes over the Circle and kills everyone, Cullen is the last left. He watches possessed mages and demons run wild in his home, killing and torturing his friends. If you’re a mage origin, he talks about how the demons used his feelings and affection for you, inappropriate though they were, to torment him. It’s implied through dialogue that at least some of those demons sexually abused him. 

Yes, in his panic and fresh trauma, he begs the Warden to kill any mages found left in the Circle. I wonder why. Tumblr at large acts like the only way for PTSD and trauma to be exhibited is through cowering and nightmares, but it’s well known among people who have PTSD (including myself) that outrage, hair trigger tempers, and anger issues are as common as crying jags and insomnia. 

After the resolution of Broken Circle, Cullen is reassigned to Kirkwall. Arguably, this is the worst possible Circle he could have been sent to in the entirety of the goddamn world. Not only is Kirkwall famous for increased blood mage activity (both due to history and also due to Templar behavior), which is one of his trauma-groups, but Meredith hates mages, and rules over them with an iron fist. She is fucking crazy, and whether her past makes her a sympathetic villain or not (ymmv), she downright encouraged the abuse of mages and as she loses her mind, we see her start accusing everyone of blood magic. 

Canon states that there are Templars in Kirkwall who sexually abuse mages, who torture them, and who kill them at will, and these are never dealt with. Meredith has no desire to change the way the Gallows is run, and it’s said or implied that before her reign as the overseer, the Gallows-- while still not great-- was not this bad. 

So, freshly traumatized and young Templar is sent to the worst possible place in Thedas, under the command of a crazed mage hater, surrounded by the very thing that will trigger him nigh constantly. I see a lot of the fandom say “well why didn’t he quit/leave?” And I wonder if those fans understand what indoctrination can do. Specifically, military indoctrination. You’re told that the ranks are your home, your family, the only ones who can or will ever understand you. You’re told this for so long that it becomes a life raft. It becomes your world truth. That’s the nature of emotional abuse that fosters codependency: it literally reshapes your world. 

Added to that, Templars are controlled by the Chantry through lyrium, an addictive drug that quitting is difficult and surviving the withdrawal of is often fatal. (that’s another rant entirely that can be summed up as tl;dr fuck the fucking Chantry)

The Templars were the only thing he knew. After that kind of soul-shaking trauma, do you leave behind everything you ever knew? (Remember, he was 13 when he joined into this kind of brainwashing.) No. You cleave to what you can, to what keeps you getting through the day. 

Cullen spent a further ten years in Kirkwall, watching the city fall apart under Qunari, blood magic, and Meredith’s increasing insanity. There was no reprieve for his PTSD: everywhere he turned, there was Something. And yet, we hear in Inquisition (depending on player choices, ofc) Samson say that Cullen tried to continue to be kind. He didn’t abuse mages, he tried to protect them where and how he could. 

[Samson: He arrived after the trouble at the ferelden circle. Cullen jumped at his shadow in those days, always on the watch for abominations and demons. Did right by the mages, though, never played rough with them. Not like Meredith.]

Was it limited? Yes. Was it hampered by circumstance? Yes. Should he have tried harder? Yes. 

But he still tried. 

Does he say regrettable things? Yes. Does he regret those things later? Yes. 

I had a friend, who I am no longer friends with for various reasons, tell me that “If Cullen was a good person, he wouldn’t need a redemption arc.” And... no, No, that’s not how redemption arcs work. Everyone does problematic things. Everyone who grows up brainwashed has to unlearn shit, and atone for shit. 

Cullen still struggles with mages. He still has a deep fear of them. Partly this is the Templar in him talking, partly this is trauma. And, here’s where we break from canon and go deep into psychology land: I think partly because he’s projecting. Cullen cannot imagine forgiveness for what he’s done. I wonder if part of him fears mages because he expects-- perhaps even some part of him desires-- retribution from them for his actions and past. 

And there’s things that have been retconned or that were misleading in previous games. For example, the rumor that Cullen escaped after Broken Circle and went on a mage murdering spree. That was nothing but a rumor, but the fandom levies it against him as if it happened.

But if Cullen “hated” mages, you wouldn’t be able to romance him as a mage. And honestly, that mage romance in DAI? Is one of the sweetest, most tender things I’ve seen in DA. As a mage, you can choose to help him past his fears, help him with his lyrium addiction. Help him grow as a person, and watch as he becomes a better person. As he learns that mages are more than their magic, and that Templars are so often wrong and awful in their treatment of them. 

I find Cullen to be well written. And believable as hell. The portrayal of him-- from the mood swings, to the trauma, to the shaky but steadying growth-- feels real, and I can back that up with my fiance’s own similar path. 

So. To wrap up because hoooooo, Opinions, play through the game. There’s a lot of gems there. <3 

[steampoweredstrawberry]

Very Descriptive OC Stat Meme: Claudia Hawke

I was tagged by @numphet (thank you! <3)

Feel free to do this meme too!

NAME: Claudia Hawke. No middle names. She was named after a friend of either Malcolm's or Leandra's (haven't decided). Outside of canon, I named her after the villain from The Chipmunk Adventure.

NICKNAME: Hawke. Leandra sometimes calls her 'Claudi' as a cute pet name too. And Anders calls her 'sweetheart' during the mutual pining phase and 'love' once they begin their relationship.

AGE: 24 at the start of Dragon Age 2.

SPECIES: Human.

GENDER: Female.

ORIENTATION: Demisexual and bi romantic. During the course of DA2 and DAI, she's only sexually attracted to Anders, though (she's been sexually attracted to others in the past, but he's her current and probably the only person she will ever feel that attraction for at that point in her life).

INTERESTS, HOBBIES, PASTIMES: In canon: Theivery? Bad jokes. Card games. She's actually surprisingly interested in expanding her education, though that's a side of her that not a lot of people see. Pissing off those she doesn't like. Killing Templars. Animals. Domming her soft feather BF. In Modern AU: Domming her soft feather BF. Pissing people off. Video games, movies, politics, books. Animals.

PROFESSION: Aveline calls her a professional headache. But, by actual profession, she's a mercenary, and then a rebel mage during the war.

BODY TYPE: She’s short (5'3") with average sized breasts, toned arms and stomach, wide hips, big butt for her frame, and thighs that could crush a man's skull.

EYES: Blue. Similar to Carver's.

HAIR: Red, close to burgundy. Wavy, though it poofs up when it's humid and she looks like a pissed off cat.

SKIN: She's not as fair skinned as Anders. Probably somewhere in the golden category. She has some freckles and moles though.

HEIGHT: 5'3". She's small and angry.

COMPANIONS: Anders is her best friend in the world and eventually her lover and husband. Her and Justice are on good terms. Claudia also calls him her lover and husband. Isabela and Merrill are also her best friends. She and Varric used to be close, but they drift apart after Kirkwall. Oddly enough, she becomes closer with Fenris after her time in Kirkwall. They were never on bad terms, but I like to imagine that Anders and Fenris find common ground during this time and start to become friends, which also improves Claudia's relationship with Fenris as well. Aveline is another one who she used to be closer with, but Claudia can't stand to see how complacent Aveline becomes as guard captain. It creates a rift between them, though Claudia knows that Aveline could break her, so she remains amicable when around her. Claudia was never super close with Sebastian. She didn't dislike him, but they didn't really have much in common. Him calling for Anders' death during The Last Straw was a polarizing moment for her. Sebastian was no longer her friend, or even companion.

ANTAGONISTS: Claudia would fight all of Thedas if she had to. But really, she's more likely to fight Meredith, Elthina, Cullen, and Sebastian post-The Last Straw, as well as any Templar sympathetic to the order who refuse to reform their ways and acknowledge the evils they have committed. She also dislikes Bartrand and Corypheus, but they're kind of secondary to her. Also, Darkspawn. She hates them.

COLOURS: Red, black, copper, silver, and purple.

SMELLS: Sweat, steel, iron, with a faint hint of wood and something unrecognizable (Anders calls it magic; he's convinced you can smell magic on people).

FRUITS: Apples. She loves apples. She also likes peaches and pears when she can get them.

DRINKS: Water. Milkshakes in a modern AU (see below)

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES: Claudia is a recovering alcoholic. She relapses throughout canon, which is as difficult thing to overcome yet again. When she drinks, she doesn't care what she's drinking. But, she's frequently seen with rum, brandy, and whiskey. In my modern AU, she switches to milkshakes when she's recovering whenever she feels like she needs a drink.

SMOKES?: Not regularly. She probably tried a couple times and didn't like it.

DRUGS?: Not regularly. Claudia probably tried weed or something as a teenager. She's not a frequent user of it.

DRIVER’S LICENSE: In the modern AU I'm writing, she has her license. She can be responsible with it at times. But if a song she really likes comes on the radio, it becomes a karaoke performance, and then she gets distracted. That's when her friends start to worry about her driving. Also, she has a temper and they're worried she's going to get out of the car to kick out the headlights of the guy who cut her off.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week - 17

I can watch this mesmerizing TED performance by The greatest sleigh of hand magician in the world, Lennart Green, every few months!

✴️               

Mike Leigh’s Secrets and Lies. I didn’t know anything about this film before watching it, so the many emotional twists and turns kept packing unexpected and sentimental punches. It’s surprising to see a cast so un-photogenic - I didn’t even recognize Timothy Spall, whose ‘David Irving’ portrait I saw just a few days ago.

Photos above. 8+/10.

✴️              

Anders Thomas Jensen’s Flickering Lights, considered to be the most popular Danish film ever.

Four small-time gangsters steal 4 million kroner from a rival crime-boss and escape to the countryside. There they hide in an old, wrecked house, but slowly they realize that they would like to stay there, and they start renovating it and turning it into a restaurant.

"Actually Ove Ditlevsen is one of Denmark's finest authors"...

LOVELY!

✴️                 

The Bald Hairdresser is another Danish film, written by ATJ, but directed by Susanne Bier. A fluffy romantic comedy that takes place on the Amalfi Coast in Italy and opens with Dean Martin’s “That’s Amore!”. It struggles to work, especially since Pierce Brosnan had lived in Copenhagen for 20 years, but his dialogue has to be in English.

With Kim Bodina as the asshole husband.

✴️                

I read somewhere that "Flickering Lights" is similar to Sonatine, Takeshi Kitano’s 1993 Japanese yakuza fable, also about a violent gang that escapes to the countryside, and “discovers” themselves in the process. But this is a more opaque, “different” style of story telling, and harder to get into.

The beach scenes, especially the Russian Roulette, the sumo match and the firework fight are stunning, and Joe Hisaishi’s score are wonderful.

I’ll look for more of his movies.

✴️             

Britt-Marie was here, a small, sweet Swedish story about a 63 year old housewife who leaves her husband of 40 years, and escapes to a tiny town to become a soccer coach for a group of young players.

7+ / 10

✴️                        

After reading this long, effusive appreciation of this sweet, optimistic show, I binge-watched all 10 half-hour episodes of Ted Lasso, again. It is an ongoing tear-jerker, maybe because it is, indeed, “the answer to toxic masculinity a whole lot of people have been yearning for"...

I would hate to watch the 2nd season though: I’m sure it will blow.

✴️                  

2 from Errol Morris:

✳️✳️✳️ American Dharma, Morris sympathetic sit down with neo-fascist, white nationalist ideologue and Trump whisperer Steve Bannon. Morris interviewed Robert McNamara and Donald Rumsfeld before, so he is used to world-class war criminals. Here he gives Bannon a similar, semi-friendly, uncritical platform to project himself as an objective, serious thinker.

✳️✳️✳️ My Psychedelic Love Story: Joanna Harcourt-Smith's trippy relationship with Timothy Leary’s as his "common-law wife" between 1972 and 1977 - Made up or a true story?

(I actually met Timothy Leary once, at a 1993 Jerry Rubin’s house party.)

✴️                 

2021 Oscar winners:

✳️✳️✳️ Winner of the short documentary: 90 year old Colette, who was a French resistance fighter during WW2, visits the German concentration camp where her brother died.

✳️✳️✳️ Winner of the short animated film: If anything happens to me I love you: Sad parents who grieve for their dead daughter. Reminiscent of Michaël Dudok de Wit‘s Father and Daughter. Re-watch.

✳️✳️✳️ August Wilson’s “Ma Rainy’s Black Bottom”, best film of the week. Chadwick Boseman’s last role. And Viola Davis is awesome and unrecognizable in it.

✴️                      

The weather is acting strangely in Take Shelter.

Michael Shannon is a construction worker family man in a small Ohio town who starts having vivid nightmares about a coming apocalyptic storm. Not sure if he is psychotic or prophetic until the very end. Very slow and atmospheric.

✴️                     

Re-watches:

✳️✳️✳️ Why do I enjoy coming back to Sorkin’s fascinating Molly’s Game again and again? It’s not only the good story and the intelligent dialogue. Will watch again (and again).

✳️✳️✳️ Widows, a first rate heist thriller with Viola Davis: 4 Chicago women Steal $5M from a crime boss, after their criminal husbands were killed in a botched getaway attempt.

✴️                   

First watch: John Carpenter's 1988 They Live - Consume, Breed, Conform - OBEY! A repressive anti-Reaganomic, Invasion of the Body Snatchers-type,  propaganda.

"I have come here to chew bubble gum, and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum"

✴️                     

Anthony Hopkins latest role as the villain in The Virtuoso, or “The Assassin and the Dog”. Everything but Hopkins was bad, a bad B-movie with bad B-actors in a traditional B-story.

✴️                      

Horrible bosses, even more horrible “comedy”: Sloppy, lazy unfunny retelling of Strangers on a Train.

- - - - -  

Throw-back to the  art project:

Timothy Leary Adora.

- - - - -

(My complete movie list is here)

[demoiselledefortune]

More of my dragon age playthrough!

Last game session was mostly all about Companions quests

I did open up the Western Approach to deal with the small Hawke segment there... and yeah I know see what you guys meant about Hawke being strongly anti blood magic in a weird way (given that some players' Hawke should be chill with it, blood mages themselves or strong supporters of Merril). It was too strong even for my Hawke who is mostly uneasy with it (but did support Merril overall and especially respected her approach by the end so she'd admit exceptions). Inquisition is really good at throwing very hateworthy minor villains at us, though?  Just getting that "what an absolute TWIT" reaction i mean? (which... not my favourite kind of villains but better than totally bland ones i guess) Otherwise I'm in the process of wrapping up the Exalted March (almost done) and also mostly completed Crestwood (which big plot part ended up the way I expected when I first started hearing about the tragic "accidental" death of the Blight refugees :(). OK for more interesting things: Solas asked me to help rescue a friend of his, who turned out to be spirit, who turned out to be a demon. Fairly interesting from a point of view of lore (how many of the demons that just spawn out endlessly in the games are in this sort of situation? Or is it a fairly rare case due to the mishandling of the mage and the binding?); and interesting to see Solas upset and angry to this point. (I feel the most spoilers I have on this game tend to revolve around Solas -- partly because of all the "fucking solas!" asides that can spawn in random discussions even when i try to avert my eyes... or even on reddit threads marked for DA2 spoilers that discuss Fenris vs Anders as potential love interest grrr -- and some of what he said in those tended to confirm the impression I'd gotten from the spoilers...). My character helped him with the spirit then stopped him from killing the merchants. Iron Bull had an alliance mission from the Qun for us. Gatt was a very interesting character to introduce and to interact with Iron Bull (Also taking Dorian with me gave me flashbacks to DA2 - down boys, down!). I got the impression that the Qun tried to entrap Iron Bull deliberately to force him into a loyalty test (and I tested what happens when you do let the Chargers die to see what happens and got the impression IB thought that too.) Anyway, my characters doesn't let members of the Inquisition die when she can avoid it. Great storytelling, and so far my favourite of the personal quests. Sera took us pranking. My character is very indulgent towards Sera as she sees her as something a little sister (my headcanon has her playing adoptive big sisters to a lot of kids, especially her Keepers' children at her clan and she's very used to that role), but also tends to figure out she knows what she's talking about when she makes recommendations (even though I think this one was more about being bored XD). Speaking of Sera, I forgot to say last times, but her Friends of Jenny are starting to really remind me of the Dollars in Durarara!! (but perhaps with a bit more of a mission statement despite still being very anarchic). Which is a funny comparison to make! Josephine asked for help in restoring her family's future which, at first my character wasn't super sympathetic with despite her high respect and fondness for Josephine -- because "but you're not really poor?" -- but got motivated quickly when she learned there'd already been some loss of life. She supported Josephine's slow and diplomatic ways of doing things (my character carries Sylaise's vallaslin, to give context to her respect for Josephine's ways of doing things, she views her as something of a counterparts among the Shems), but was glad of Leliana for putting up bodyguards.... anyway it was handled, and Josephine revealed her backstory of that one time she was a bard and accidentally killed someone which does... make a lot of sense. And last, we found Cassandra liked reading bad erotic literature penned by Varric; and we had to make sure Varric knew it too and wrote a sequel. THAT WAS AWESOME! At this point i'm pretty sure not only do I ship them, but I think my character does too... Also apparently Cassandra loans Dorian smut books? Like how and when and in what circumstances did this loan of book happen, i wanna know. Also I played chess with Cullen and learned a bit about his family (who sound adorb), which was cute. Also, again, Dorian goes around ;p (I love those moments when you see companions having interaction with one another and developing friendships, makes the crew really come alive to see the group dynamics besides just banters). And I think that's it... next time I'll probably finally manage to get to Wicked Eyes Wicked Hearts.

[canonanders]

Anders, Mental Illness and Abuse (from an Abuse Survivor's Perspective)

TW: discussion of suicide, sexual abuse

The whole "magic is an allegory for mental illness" interpretation has always bothered me (as a mentally-ill abuse survivor) deeply, but it bothers me most of all when it comes up in relation to Anders—specifically, excusing or justifying Anders's actions in Dragon Age II.

Like, let's just start with the most obvious thing first, shall we? Anders can be interpreted as mentally ill-coded. But...somehow he's the only mentally ill coded character who gets a free pass to be awful? Like, in DA2 alone, you've got Merrill (coded as autistic), Fenris (has CPTSD/PTSD), Isabela (implied PTSD), and Sebastian Vael (coded as bipolar)...that's just off the top of my head, in DA2 alone, I'm probably missing at least one that I'll think of later and kick myself for forgetting. In the other games, let's seeeee. Oghren is an alcoholic who's implied to struggle with depression. Zevran Arainai has PTSD. Cullen Rutherford has PTSD and struggles with addiction. Sera has a learning disability. Iron Bull is one of the most well-written characters with CPTSD I've seen in...any media, really. Josephine Monteliyet is coded as having an anxiety disorder. Blackwall seems to struggle with depression, even after his "identity crisis" is resolved. Why is it that Anders gets a free pass to be a racist, misogynistic, abusive terrorist, while Sebastian (for example) is TEH WORST for having a justified reaction of rage and horror to violently and suddenly losing his entire family, again? Why is Anders's supposed "mental illness" a valid excuse for a literal act of terrorism but Sebastian, Merrill, Fenris, they can all just go fuck themselves, they've gotta accept RESPONSIBILITY for their own problems?

And then let's get to the bigger thing for me, where it gets really personal: I'm an abuse survivor, and my abuser struggled with mental illness. He had severe depression and psychotic episodes, and neurological damage from a failed suicide attempt. He always told me that I was the only thing that kept him going, that he wouldn't be able to live without me...the whole nine yards. The fact that he was in pain, and that every day was a massive struggle for him...that was real. He never lied about that. 

It took me so fucking long to accept and acknowledge that my abuser's pain didn't justify him beating me, raping me, stealing from me, lying to me, forcing me to lie to my family, emotionally manipulating me...that my pain was real, too, and that I deserved better. I played DA2 for the first time just a couple of months after escaping my abuser, and it was a big part (for me) of learning to live with myself and accept what I'd been through. I went in with a little bit of knowledge of the fanon interpretation of Anders (but no knowledge of the plot of the game), and fully expected to like Anders. I romanced Anders in my first playthrough, in fact. I wound up abandoning it, though, because...Anders reminded me so much of my abuser, in those first few months, before he hit me for the first time—when he was training me to obey him, to feel guilty all the time, to need him, to hold myself responsible for his pain. It was like reliving those months, and I couldn't fucking handle it. I walked away before Act III even really started.

My second attempt I romanced Fenris, who reminded me a lot of myself. And...holy shit, it was actually a really cathartic and healing thing for me, to be playing as a character who was helping someone who was so much like me learn to live with himself and what he'd been through. But I saw Anders in a completely different light. Act III rolled around and...when he fed Hawke that line about "if you ever cared about me" I had to walk away from the game for a little while, again. I was listening to my abuser all over again. "If you really love me, you'll stay." I heard that exact line the first night my abuser raped me. I felt...wrong about the whole thing.

I executed Anders at the end of the game. I make no apologies for that. None. Whatsoever. 

And...you know what? If anything, I think the fact that Anders elicited such a strong emotional response from me, that he felt so real and so close-to-home to me that I had to walk away from the game multiple times to remind myself that he wasn't real, is a sign of a very strongly-written character. People who claim that Anders is some pure little kitten who can do no wrong, in my opinion, have no actual understanding of or appreciation for his character. He's got a righteous cause, and yeah, in the beginning he's even fairly likable and sympathetic. But he's an absolutely immoral person. He's racist, misogynistic, profoundly narcissistic, manipulative, and...just all around a terrible person hiding behind a mask of justice. 

And that is good. He's a well-written, compelling and tragic villain, if not a sympathetic one. But...he is a villain, and to be quite honest...when I see Anders stans defending his emotional abuse of Hawke and the other companions, insisting that he's not a villain, he's just a misunderstood good guy...I feel frustrated, yeah, but I feel scared, too. If they're willing to go this far in defending a fictional abuser's actions, would they recognize a real-life abuser? Would they defend my abuser, tell me that I'm a terrible person for running away from him when he'd told me that he'd kill himself if I left him (another lie of his)? Would they recognize the emotional blackmail if somebody pulled the same shit Anders pulls on Hawke, on them in real life? Or would they fall into that same thought-trap of "it's not abuse if they're hurting, too"? 

Just...if you've read this far, my only message to you: if anyone ever talks to you the way Anders talks to Hawke and the other companions...just get out of there. Run like the fucking wind. It's not romantic. It's emotionally abusive and it's not okay, and it will escalate if you don't run. For your own safety, run.