#annie:eren

[leviplease]

An Unbearable Sight [EreAni] - a (not so) small update post

An Unbearable Sight 

by Ponderess aka leviplease

An alternative take on the developments after Annie's capture by the Scouting Legion with a focus on the relationship between her and Eren. 

Rated M for sexual themes and graphic violence.

Read the entire story up to chapter 35 on: - AO3 - Fanfiction.net

If you're one of my (long-term) readers then I want to say thank you for the support and all the patience. I know updates have become a rarity and the (often) uncertain wait can be frustrating as a reader.

If you're new to this story and don't feel discouraged by the load of already published words and the infrequent updates then welcome aboard. I hope you enjoy your stay.

This update post is for any and all of you.

I confess that chapter 36 has been sitting in my drafts about halfway done for months. So I don't have a full chapter update for you, but I brought a little sneak peak which you can read below. (Somewhere beneath my rambling.)

This story has been a part of my life for over 5 years now. Maybe some of you remember how it started out as a one-shot, but I had more ideas for it so I kept going and now we're here. Sometimes I still cannot believe it.

A lot has happened since I wrote and posted the first part and there are certainly things that I would do differently by now, but it is what it is. My goal is to work with what I have and take it to a satisfying conclusion, regardless of how long it's going to take and how confusing the differences between my story and canon might be now that the manga has revealed so much more than what we knew back in 2013  — the year I laid the groundwork for the lore of this story.

Back then I honestly didn't know where the journey would go and even now I’m not entirely sure. I hope we get to find out together.

PS: I recently remade leviplease for a couple of reasons. Feel free to (re)follow for more infrequent story updates and general SnK content.

Previews for Chapter 36:

(Yes, it's two previews from two different scenes.)

Preview 1:

"Why me?" Eren questioned. "Why do I always have to prove myself?" Though his voice didn't erupt, he felt the spark of anger light up in his stomach. He hadn't even been aware that it was there, but now that it was boiling up he needed to vent. "It's been like this since the battle in Trost. 'Prove that you're not a monster, prove that you're on humanity's side' — I'm sick of it! It's not like I chose to become a shifter."

It wasn't fair. Maybe a part of Eren had always felt that way, but now he felt it as unmistakably as the scorching heat in summer.

"I know you didn't." Armin remained calm, his voice taking on a soothing tone. "I'm just asking you to be honest. Can't you see that you keeping things to yourself is only giving Commander Hange and the other veterans unnecessary reason to worry?"

Eren looked away. "I can't do that."

"Is it because of Annie?" Armin probed and Eren didn't like it at all that she was being brought up again. "You want to protect her, is tha—"

"That's not it!" In all his life Eren would have never thought he'd find himself staring down his childhood friend with so much defiance. Yet here he was, glaring at Armin with more ferocity than during any argument they ever had. It was like a gap had formed between them and it hurt him. He didn't want this, he had never intended to be at odds with Armin — or Mikasa who took a concerned step towards him.

"Eren!"

Closing his eyes, Eren took a deep breath to calm himself down. His gaze was softer when it found Armin's eyes again. Armin looked neither taken aback nor hurt by his behaviour and he could feel a sense of relief in the depths of his stomach.

"I want to protect Annie, that's true, and I'm prepared to bargain for her safety if I must," Eren clarified. "But I'm also doing this for myself — to protect myself."

"Eren…" Now Armin's voice sounded almost weak with his concern. Maybe he feared he had been pushing Eren too much. "What secret could you possibly be keeping? Don't tell me…you have reason to believe that it would make people turn against you?"

"I won't let anyone harm you," Mikasa insisted. "That won't change no matter what."

Eren let his head sink and looked down on his hand which he held up in front of his stomach, folding and unfolding his fingers. It was almost like he could feel the tingling of power in it again and the lightheadedness of pushing himself to his limits. That power he trained so hard these past six months to control, that power which left him uneasy. No one should have this power, is what he had thought when uncovering it — and he still believed as much. Yet it was also his most vital trump card. He had tried to be confident about it when negotiating with Hange, but in truth it unsettled him. How could anyone else trust him with this power if he couldn't even justify it to himself?

Preview 2:

"Considering to make good for yesterday when we got interrupted?" Annie questioned though she would have to inform him that she wasn't in the mood. She pulled up her pants and slipped into her boots.

"What?"

As she looked over her shoulder, she caught sight of the confusion on Eren's face. He blinked as if he'd just emerged from the depths of his own mind.

"What's the matter with you?" Annie prompted him and picked up her sweater.

Eren sighed and it raised her concern. He'd seemed troubled even after Ymir left last night, maybe even more than when he had still thought Ymir was going to kill him for what he'd told Christa — or well, Historia. But she wasn't going to lose her head over it. Considering their current situation it was no surprise he was strained. It looked like neither of them was going to catch a break any time soon.

"Mikasa told me you found my father," Eren claimed and Annie's heart sank in her chest. She had hoped to avoid this, but it was what she got for letting information like that slip when talking to Mikasa of all people. She kept her cool despite it and continued to dress herself.

"Did she tell you that?"

"I'm going to skip waiting for your confirmation and just get right to the part where I ask you this: Why didn't you tell me?" If his voice was anything to go by, Eren wasn't mad. Annie braced herself regardless before she turned around and faced him. The thoughtful look hadn't disappeared from his eyes. She realised now that he was searching her for the answer to the question that was so pressing on his mind. "I just don't get why after six months of being together and opening up to each other you would keep something so important from me — you know how important it is, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Annie stated in a quiet tone, but her calmness was just a front to hide the turmoil inside. "It's because all of the time we spent together and the things we shared that I know how much what your father did to you really troubled you. You only just started putting it behind you." As she continued talking, bits and pieces of her mask started to chip away though she was still able to uphold her composure. "I didn't want to bring that all back, I didn't want you to have another thing to worry about."

"I appreciate your concern, Annie, but it's fi—"

"Shut up!" Annie hissed before Eren could finish that cursed sentence as if the news about his father were nothing to him. "Don't you dare tell me it's fine!" The feelings she had been holding in were pressing to the surface and making her voice shake. "To me it isn't fine! I'm scared of what it means that your father is still alive. I'm scared of the things he might know, the things he could tell you, the things he could ask of you."

She took a breath to calm herself. Her voice was hoarse. "I don't want him anywhere near you."

Eren didn't respond, he just looked at her with eyes so wide and open that she could read all the emotions in them: the surprise, the affection, the heartbreak. His bottom lip quivered until he pressed his mouth closed. Annie almost couldn't bear to watch. Had she hurt him with her words despite not meaning to or was she misreading his expression? He seemed troubled and it pained her to look at him like that.

When Eren stepped towards Annie she didn't know what to expect. Frozen to the spot, she could only wait until he pulled her into a hug. It caught her off guard, yet offered her relief. His arms held her tight and his lips placed several frantic kisses on the top of her head.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he mumbled breathlessly into her hair. "I wish I could say it like you do with all these heartfelt words, but they tend to fail me, so all I have are these three: I love you."

[levipleasearchive]

I talked about writing some EreAni in German and @nakamatoo encouraged me, so here it is. Some vague sci-fi vibes, because I was watching some science fiction, but really, I don't know what I'm doing. Prepare google translate, because I haven’t provided a translation yet and I don’t know when/if I will.

Edit: I provided a translation.

"Fühlt sich nicht wirklich besonders an." Annie steht in der Mitte der Fußgängerbrücke und betrachtet die gelbe Linie, die zwischen ihren Füßen verläuft. "Vielleicht war es früher mal aufregender – oder vielleicht muss man hier aufgewachsen sein."

Eren wirft einen Blick zurück ans Ufer von dem sie gekommen sind. Die Stadt liegt dunkel und verlassen hinter ihnen. Auf dem Weg hierher konnte er die Umrisse der zerfallenen Häuser und wuchernden Pflanzen erkennen. Er vermutet, dass es auf der anderen Seite des Flusses nicht anders aussieht. Vor fünf Jahren wurden die letzten Zivilisten von der Erde evakuiert – er hätte nicht gedacht, dass er diesen Ort jemals wieder sehen würde.

"Nein," meint er mit einem Schulterzucken. "Das war schon nichts besonderes als die Grenzen noch etwas bedeutet haben."

Falls Annie enttäuscht ist, hört sich das nicht anders wie sonst. "Und warum dann diese Sache mit dem 'an zwei Orten gleichzeitig sein'? Das klang nach was Besonderem."

"Nur sowas, dass mir meine Mutter immer erzählt hat," meint Eren und vergräbt die Hände in den Hosentaschen. "Aber als sie jung war gab es noch strenge Kontrollen an den Landesgrenzen."

"Kontrollen…" Annie verlagert ihr gewicht von einem Bein auf das andere. Eren vermisst die nächtliche Beleuchtung der Stadt hinter ihr, die er in seiner Kindheit zum Teil von seinem Elternhaus aus am Horizont sehen konnte. "Wieso wollen Menschen immer alles kontrollieren."

"Keine Ahnung." Es braucht nur ein paar Schritte, um sie zu erreichen, aber er bleibt nach der Hälfte stehen. Noch immer hat sie diese distanzierte Ausstrahlung, als wäre da ein Schutzwall zwischen ihr und dem Rest des Universums. Oder er ist noch immer von ihren ersten Begegnungen eingeschüchtert. "Wenn du jemanden zum Philosophieren haben willst, hättest du mit jemand anderem durchbrennen sollen."

"Wie kommst du denn auf sowas?" Zum ersten Mal seit sie auf die Brücke gekommen sind wendet Annie sich ihm zu. Sie lässt die aufgezeichnete Grenzlinie hinter sich und bleibt vor Eren stehen. Sein Mund fühlt sich trocken an als sie nach seiner Jacke greift und zu ihm aufblickt. "Wie kommst du darauf, dass ich mit irgendjemand anderem hier sein wollte?"

"Weiß nicht. Du sagst mir ja nicht, was du willst."

"Wie wäre es damit?"

Annie geht auf die Zehenspitzen und zieht an Erens Jacke bis er nachgibt und sich ihr entgegen beugt. Ihre Augen wandern über sein Gesicht und bleiben an seinen Lippen hängen. Er sagt und tut gar nichts, er vergisst sogar fast das Atmen. Die warme Luft aus ihrem Mund streift über sein Kinn und dann spürt er ihre Lippen auf seinen. Sie verweilt nur kurz, so dass er in seiner Überraschung nicht einmal dazu kommt, die Augen zu schließen. Während sie sich wieder auf ihre Fußsohlen sinken lässt, starrt er sie nur verwirrt an.

Erens Kopf ist leer, als hätte ein Windstoß alle Gedanken und seinen Verstand verweht. Nur langsam sickert es wieder zurück: die Militärbasis im Asteroidengürtel, auf der sie stationiert waren; den Angriff, den sie mit ihrem Trupp fliegen sollten; die Flucht zur Erde, die sie stattdessen begingen. Bis jetzt war er zu sehr davon eingenommen, bei Annie zu sein, dass ihm die Konsequenzen ihres Handelns nicht so recht dämmern wollten. Aber jetzt trifft es ihn mit voller Klarheit.

"Scheiße." Eren tritt einen Schritt zurück. "Wir sind desertiert."

"Ja, ich dachte, du weißt, worauf du dich einlässt." Annie klingt unbeeindruckt. Jegliche Nähe, die sich zwischen ihnen angedeutet hat, ist wieder verflogen. Aber daran ist Eren selbst Schuld.

"Ja schon, aber irgendwie auch nicht." Er rauft sich die Haare, überwältigt von den Gedanken und Gefühlen, die auf ihn einströmen. Seine Beine sind unruhig und tragen in erst in die eine Richtung, nur um ihn kurz darauf wieder in die entgegengesetzte Richtung zu lenken.

"Noch immer etwas schwer von Begriff, wie ich sehe." Ihre Nüchternheit überträgt sich nicht so leicht. Aber als sie sich ihm in den Weg stellt und in die Augen blickt ist es, als ob all seine nervöse Energie aus ihm heraus gesogen wird und er bleibt stehen. "Bereust du es?"

Eren versteht die Frage nicht. Es gibt in seinem Leben vieles, dass er bereuen könnte. Dass er seine Mutter zurückließ, um sich seinen Traum von der Reise ins All zu erfüllen; dass er es in seiner Selbstsucht zuließ, dass seine besten Freunde mit ihm dem Militär beigetreten sind; dass er sie alle verloren hat, ohne sich richtig verabschieden zu können. Wenn überhaupt, dann ist das hier mit Annie die einzige Sache, die er garantiert nicht bereut.

"Nein, ich bereue es nicht."

Zufriedenheit ist noch so eine Sache, die man Annie kaum ansieht. Eren meint allerdings, dass ihre Mundwinkel nach oben zucken bevor sie sagt: "Gut. Dann hab' ich mich in dir doch nicht getäuscht."

Darauf hat er keine Antwort. Stattdessen wandert sein Blick hoch zu den Sternen im klaren Nachthimmel. Wie oft hat er als Kind nach oben geblickt und davon geträumt, den weiten Raum zwischen ihnen zu bereisen. Wie oft hat er in den letzten Jahren gedacht, was für eine Enttäuschung die Realität ist, während um ihn herum politische Spannungen in Krieg übergingen.

"Meinst du, sie werden uns jagen?" will er wissen. In seinen sieben Jahren im Dienst hat er es ein paar mal mitgekriegt, wie konsequent das Militär bei der Bestrafung von Deserteuren ist.

"Wenn sie überhaupt noch genug Soldaten übrig haben…"

Sie beide wissen, was für ein hoffnungsloser Einsatz angeordnet wurde. Für Eren war das der Grund, warum er mit Annie gekommen ist. Er wollte nicht mehr seiner Kameraden beim Sterben zusehen. Er wollte selbst nicht einer derer sein, die für einen sinnlosen Krieg ihr Leben lassen.

"Warum wurde die Erde nochmal evakuiert?" fragt Annie unvermittelt und Eren wundert sich nur kurz darüber, dass sie das nicht weiß. Dann erinnert er sich, dass sie auf einer Raumstation geboren wurde und vor heute die Erde noch nie betreten hat.

Er selbst erlebte es nicht mit, weil er damals bereits beim Militär war, aber er verfolgte das Geschehen so gut er konnte von seinem Posten aus. Jeder, der Familie auf der Erde hatte – somit die Mehrheit der Rekruten – wollte auf dem Laufenden bleiben. Es war nur Pech, dass die Raumfähre, mit der seine Eltern von ihrem Heimatplaneten weggebracht wurden, aufgrund von technischen Komplikationen mit dem Mond kollidierte. Seine Mutter war unter den Opfern, die geborgen werden konnte; sein Vater gilt noch bis heute als vermisst.

"Irgendwas von wegen mangelnder Sicherheitsgewährleistung," erinnert sich Eren vage an die Begründung der U.N. Regierung. "Angeblich wären die Leute auf Raumstationen sicherer."

"Hört sich wie ein Haufen Scheiße an."

"Das war es ja auch."

Es ist nur noch eine Frage der Zeit, bis das Militär die Stellung am Rande des Sonnensystems gegen die Eindringlinge von Außerhalb nicht mehr halten kann. Wenn erstmal diese Abwehr versagt, dann sind die Zivilisten in ihren Raumstationen den Angriffen der Feinde hilflos ausgeliefert, egal wie dezentriert die Siedlungen sind. Hätte man lieber in unterirdische Bunker und ein besseres Abwehrsystem auf der Erde investiert, anstatt dieses teuren Umsiedlungsprogramms. Hier bedeutet ein Loch in der Außenwand wenigstens nicht den ziemlich sicheren Erstickungstod.

"Was soll's, es ist gelaufen." Eren versucht den bedrückten Ton aus seiner Stimme zu halten, aber es gelingt ihm nicht ganz.

Er will nicht mehr über diesen ganzen Mist nachdenken – über dieses scheiß Programm und wie es ihn zum Waisen gemacht hat, über das scheiß Militär und wie es ihn seine beiden besten Freunde gekostet hat, überhaupt über die scheiß Politik der Vereinigten Nationen der Erde. Es gibt nicht umsonst Gerüchte, dass einige Abgeordneten von den Firmen gekauft wurden, die jetzt die Ressourcen der Erde abbauen und zu hohen Preisen an die Kolonien im All verkaufen.

Annie schlingt ihre Arme um Erens Hüfte und lehnt ihren Kopf an seine Brust. Das ist das zweite Mal heute, dass sie ihn mit Körperkontakt überrascht, aber es hilft ihm, sich abzuregen. Er kennt sie so nicht. Bis jetzt waren die einzigen Male, dass sie sich so nahe gekommen sind, während des Trainings in der Schwerelosigkeit. Als erfahrene Bewohner einer Raumstation hat sie sich aus irgendeinem Grund erweichen lassen, ihm ein paar Tipps und Zusatzunterricht zu geben. Bis jetzt ist er sich nicht sicher, was sie dazu bewegt hat. Er wusste es jedoch zu schätzen.

Es fühlt sich natürlich an, seine Arme um ihre Schultern zu legen – nachdem er sich erstmal überwunden hat. Die Fragen in Erens Kopf lassen sich jedoch nicht so leicht beiseite schieben. "Wieso hast du mich gefragt, mit dir abzuhauen?"

Annie rührt sich nicht. Wie so oft scheint sie ihre Gedanken für sich behalten zu wollen. Dann kann Eren nur Vermutungen anstellen, weil er sich meist nicht zu fragen traut. Sieben Jahre und sie ist immer noch ein Rätsel, das er so gerne lösen würde, wofür ihm jedoch der entscheidende Hinweis fehlt. Vielleicht hat er sich deshalb auch in sie verliebt, weil die Fragen über sie ihn immer wieder beschäftigt haben.

"Weil du der einzige auf der ganzen Station warst, den ich irgendwie leiden konnte," gibt Annie schließlich zu als Eren schon nicht mehr mit einer Antwort rechnet.

Dafür, dass sie ihn vor einer Weile geküsst hat und sich jetzt an in drückt, ist das eine schwache Aussage. Irgendwie ist das aber typisch für sie. Annie tut immer so, als wäre ihr alles egal. Und trotzdem hat sie mit ihm trainiert und ihn gefragt, mit ihr zu kommen. Er weiß bis heute noch nicht, warum sie zum Militär ist, wo ihr die ganzen Pflichten doch nur lästig schienen. Dass sie eine Fassade aufrecht erhält, das hat er wenigstens verstanden. Und in den letzten paar Stunden hat sich mehr getan als in den letzten paar Jahren.

"Ich vermute, das ist ein Anfang," murmelt Eren und zieht Annie noch näher an sich. Als sie ihn fragt, was er gesagt hat, meint er nur: "Ach, nichts."

[leviplease]

New Year’s Blues

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan

Characters: Annie Leonhart, Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman

Pairing: EreMikaAni

Raiting: General Audiences

Other Tags: Alternate Univers - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Relatonship Study, Character Study

Words:  7552

Summary:

Annie doesn't like New Year's parties — or fireworks — and yet she accompanied Eren and Mikasa to one.

Notes:

I wanted to write MikaAni waking up on New Year's, but then things happened and suddenly I was writing the evening instead and Eren got involved.

Happy New Year!

Read also on AO3

The air is chilly, forcing its way through the thick layers of clothes and making her shiver. Annie is standing at the far end of the driveway between the front door and the half-full beer crate. Her arms are crossed before her chest to make up for where her winter coat is starting to fail her.

She's by herself, unless you count Ymir and Historia a few metres over, past the most popular beverage of the evening. They've been busy making out with each other even before midnight though, so Annie wouldn't consider them company. Not that she minds. She arrived at the place Jean and Armin share with little energy to socialise and it's gone downhill since.

The rest of the party guests has formed small groups lingering on the sidewalk from where they're watching Jean and Armin send up one firework after another. Each one howls as it soars into the sky and then breaks into multiple sparks that form patterns. Annie has given up on looking at them after a minute of being unable to concentrate on any of the shapes. She can see the different colours light up the scene playing out before her.

It's too loud, though. Everything is too loud and bothersome and that doesn't even take into account the firecrackers Reiner and Connie are blowing up on top of it all. They send out bangs that echo between the houses.

Annie wants to go home.

A figure approaches; lean and tall, she makes it out as the shape of Bertholdt. He wishes her a happy new year as he heads for the beer crate and Annie doesn't have the courtesy to return the phrase. But they've known each other since primary school and he's somewhat resistant to her lacking social skills. Annie's stuck between appreciating that he bears with her and lamenting that it's harder to get him to leave her be.

"Sorry about Reiner," Bertholdt makes another attempt to talk to her. "He can go overboard sometimes." The statement is underlined by two firecrackers going off in quick succession. Annie flinches.

"I know. We grew up together."

If Annie had ever anything like a regular group of friends she belonged to, Reiner and Bertholdt were that for her even if she didn't want them to be. While she fell out of touch with the few other people who bothered to hang with her as kids due to going to different middle schools, those two remained her classmates till graduation. As much as she insisted on isolating herself, Reiner managed to drag her along for more things than she's willing to admit. And where Reiner went there was Bertholdt.

It still took forever for them to figure out that they had feelings for each other and if Annie ever contributed anything positive to their lives then it was nudging them in that direction. Or rather she sat them down and forced them to talk about things. Depending on who you ask that was either a necessary ass-kick or an uncalled for headbutt.

Be that as it may, Bertholdt gets the cues that Annie isn't up for a conversation and doesn't insist on luring her out of her shell. With his new beer bottle he returns to standing next to Marco who is the most curious addition to the guest list as far as Annie is concerned. After all he used to be Jean's boyfriend until his family moving away broke them up.

She'd expected some tension or awkwardness between him and Armin but maybe he's just too goodnatured to hold any resentment over his ex having a new boyfriend. Besides, as the former class representative he was so popular in their school time that most of tonight's guests were delighted to see him again. Eren himself asked Marco taking the seat next to him during dinner which Annie had a hard time not frowning at. She had to ascribe it to Eren wanting to be a good friend to Armin and preventing Marco from ending up sitting with Jean at the other end of the table, every other explanation she could think of made her feel weird.

Speaking of Eren, Annie wonders if she should worry about his intake of alcohol tonight, given that he stumbles over his feet when coming her way. It's odd because while he doesn't stay away from alcohol like her, he hasn't developed a heavy drinking habit at parties either. If he's drunk it could mean that something's off.

"There you are!" Despite her former impression, Eren doesn't sound drunk. He doesn't slur his speech or draw out syllables. When he wraps his arms around her shoulders, he seems stable on his feet as well. "I've been looking for you."

Annie leans back her head to get an approximate look at his face. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, I wanted to kiss you for the new year." He pauses and she can only guess that he's trying to scan her face for a reaction. "Can I kiss you?"

A whiff of alcohol assaults her nostrils. Annie turns her head to the side in displeasure. "No."

"Aww, two girls and neither wants to kiss me. What a way to start the year," Eren laments though she can tell he's exaggerating. That Mikasa won't kiss anyone is nothing new to either of them. She tried it in high school and it wasn't her thing. She tried it again a couple of years later and confirmed that it still wasn't her thing. She has other ways to express her affection.

Annie's sympathy for Eren's woes is limited. "Maybe when you don't smell of beer of all things."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." As much as Eren can whine, he accepts no for an answer. He doesn't argue that a make-out session would be a romantic way to start the new year. Whether he thinks that or not, he knows Annie isn't much for romance. Instead he pulls her closer and she rests her head against his chest.

"Happy New Year," Eren whispers and places a peck on top of her head.

"Happy New Year," Annie sighs, already tired of the phrase.

Warmth is building up between them and for the first time since stepping outside her body stops shivering. She could last like this against the freezing temperatures of the night, however there are still the sounds of the fireworks near and far. It used to be worth it to her to watch the lights explode in the sky as a kid. Then she got into the habit of ignoring the celebration all together until today. She cannot remember how she could ever enjoy it.

"You doin' okay?" Eren asks as if he could read her thoughts. Or maybe he had his suspicions about her retreating to the edge of the spectacle before joining her.

"It's loud," Annie notes in lack of a adequate response. She cannot settle on either a yes or a no. Sure, it could be worse, but that doesn't mean she wants to keep putting up with it. "I want to go home."

Eren rubs his hand over her back. "We said that you can leave early, you know. If Mikasa and I can't find anyone to give us a ride you can still pick us up."

That had been the plan ever since Annie felt reluctant to go while Mikasa and Eren didn't want to leave her home alone on New Year's Eve. She could say that it was fine, but it wasn't for them. When they considered to cancel the invitation of their best friend for her sake, Annie offered this compromise. Still, she feels like a burden even as the keys of Mikasa's car are in her jacket.

"Yeah, and if I fall asleep on the couch just keep calling until I pick up." Annie pulls back and looks up at Eren. His hands slip from her back onto her shoulders.

"And if all else fails we're gonna sleep over here. Armin said it's alright."

"Okay," Annie confirms even though it doesn't seem okay to her that Eren and Mikasa would have to suffer the consequences for her selfishness. "I should let Mikasa know."

"Yeah."

They don't break apart.

"Are you really okay with this?" Annie's rehashing a conversation they had three times, the last one of which was on the ride here.

"Yeah." Eren laughs and she can picture him rolling her eyes at her though there's no indication of it in the dark. He sounds more serious when he adds: "Thanks for coming along."

Annie cannot think of a response to that. She doesn't even shrink away as he leans in, ignoring the smell of alcohol in his breath. It's Eren who remembers her earlier refusal and breaks off before their lips touch.

"Oh right." He lets his head hang as if in defeat over his own mindlessness. "I'll kiss you tomorrow — or at least after I've slept off some of this alcohol."

In moments like this Annie cannot imagine how she ever considered Eren to be one of the most stubborn and head-through-the-wall people she knows. The amount of consideration he's developed for her in the past three years make her impressions of him as a teenager fade into the background like they belong to different person. Until he gets fixated on another idea or insists that he has to open the jar of pickles himself instead of leaving it to Mikasa.

Annie manages a nod as she turns away to head towards Mikasa. From the corner of her eyes she spots him stroll towards Historia and Ymir and she can sense the disaster even before he shouts "Hello, lesbians!" and causes Ymir to groan. There are fewer fireworks lighting up the night sky as Annie walks through the driveway and Connie and Reiner seem to have run out of crackers. She misses Eren's warmth.

Had Eren been as toned down when they stepped outside in anticipation of midnight as he was just now when checking on her, Annie would've stuck to his arm for the entirety of the fireworks show. But he has this habit talking to almost everyone he knows and getting loud and starting arguments with Jean where no one is sure how serious they are — maybe not even them. So she had enough after dinner which was sprinkled with him getting into conversations with people sitting at the other end of the table. Admittedly that wasn't entirely his fault, but he was laxly wrestling with Reiner for fun shortly after they left the house and she preferred to keep her distance.

Instead Annie opted to stay with Mikasa who is a lot more toned down in her interactions with people. The problem with that though was that aside from Sasha they were joined by the one person that became top of Annie's "want to avoid" list the moment she showed up with Marco.

Mina was always a nice girl and for a time the person Annie opted to hang out with the most. However, it overlapped with the beginning of Annie's questioning phase and while it was easy to kiss her a couple of times behind the school or in the privacy of their rooms, Annie shot her down immediately when she suggested they could try to date fore real. Broke Mina's heart, Annie is sure about that and suspects that it was also the reason Mina transferred schools.

Now that Annie is older and slipped into the terror of a relationship only to find out that it doesn't have to be as bad as she imagined, she's unsure how to face Mina. Or rather, she doesn't know how to handle Mina's curious questions. They could be out of genuine interest, but Annie couldn't help but hear a sharp undertone accompanying that sweet smile. That's why she bailed even before the first firecrackers started to go off. She doesn't like the thought of coming back.

Annie ignores Mina's gaze on her as she approaches and takes the place on Mikasa's left. Their arms press against each other but she doesn't dare to lean in further. Something about Mina's eyes following her every move and the fact that neither her nor Mikasa is big on displaying affection in public holds her back. Mikasa acknowledges her presence in silence and since no one else is talking at the moment, she takes the opportunity.

"Once the firework is over, I'm heading home." Annie stands on tiptoes to speak as closely to Mikasa's ear as possible. She doesn't mention that she'd be leaving right away if it wasn't for the streets being occupied with people celebrating by shooting small rockets with powder into the sky.

There's a nod from Mikasa. "Had enough?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to drive you?" It's an offer Mikasa made before, not because it could be more convenient to her, but because she's aware that Annie isn't too fond of taking the wheel. Annie's an alright driver and has opted to be the one to get them home on several occasions simply because she doesn't drink. Preferably she leaves it to Mikasa though who's the most experienced of them and has a pleasant way of handling the car. Eren has a habit of speeding just a bit and neither Annie nor Mikasa like it.

A smile slips onto Annie's lips and she doesn't try to suppress it. "Thanks, I think I'll manage."

And that's that. Annie stops herself from going over the same things she did with Eren. They agreed in advance on how to resolve the situation and she doesn't need anyone to witness more of their personal matters than is necessary. Besides, as the fireworks of their group seem to draw to a close, laughter and voices have grown louder on the street nearby and it startles her.

Annie looks over to find Reiner give a hug to a young man from a group of new arrivals. In the streetlight it's hard to make out who they could be. Besides, Reiner is one of those people who has a lot of friends and acquaintances that she couldn't possibly know them all.

"Is that you, Annie?" What seems to be the only woman of the group has spotted her and is coming her way. Annie has a vague sense of recognition. Their times at primary school are long gone, but she has seen Pieck at Reiner's birthday parties a couple of time.

Pieck puts an arm around Annie's shoulder without asking. Annie freezes up at the overt familiarity she displays. They haven't had much of a conversation since they were kids and yet she is acting like they're friends. The smell of alcohol in her breath might be an indicator of the cause.

"Hey Porco, look! It's Annie!"

Pieck's voice gets the attention of the young man Reiner was hugging earlier. So it was Porco, Annie thinks that it adds up. In her mind these two go together like a couple, though she doesn't even know if they're dating. They just arrive together at every event she has ever encountered them, tonight being no exception. The third person could be either Colt or Porco's older brother Marcel. Annie has seen either of them hang out with the questionable pair, though judging by his hair which seems about as dark as Pieck's she would guess it's Marcel. That leaves just one — a man with beard who seems older than the rest of the group — that she cannot place.

"Oh hey, princess!" Porco shouts back and holds his hand up in greeting. He doesn't come over, however, and instead turns to continue his conversation with Reiner. Annie is thankful it gets her around having to respond and that Pieck's "Don't call her that!" receives only a dismissive hand motion.

Looking at Mikasa gives Annie some distraction from the scene unfolding around her. She doesn't like being the centre of attention and Pieck put her on the spot with a couple of words. She wants to slip away, get rid off Pieck clinging to her without her consent. Mikasa is the only comfort she has around and she'd rather they were somewhere else, alone.

There's a frown on Mikasa's forehead and her eyes seem transfixed on something in Reiner's direction. Annie follows her gaze and notices in passing that Bertholdt has joined the group, laughing while scratching his head with a sheepish expression. He isn't the one holding Mikasa's attention though. From what Annie can tell it's the guy who she cannot place that has remained just a bit behind Marcel and Porco.

Just then he looks over through glasses he must have put on while Annie wasn't paying attention. She averts her gaze. Beside Annie, Mikasa doesn't move, possibly still keeping her eyes trained on the man. In Annie's mind they're having a staring contest though she cannot guess what that would be about.

"How have you been?" Pieck's voice breaks through Annie's wonder and reminds her of her own situation, hogged by the woman as she is. Annie ignores the question, not feeling up for yet another idle chat. Her half-hearted attempt to shrug off Pieck's arm fails.

"I believe that's my part." Mikasa speaking up is unexpected and Annie looks over at her to find she is staring right at Pieck now. If Pieck's expression and "Huh?" are anything to go by, she's just as surprised as Annie. As if in explanation, Mikasa shoves Pieck's arm away and puts her own around Annie's shoulder. She pulls Annie closer who takes the opportunity to lean into her. "I said this is my part."

"Ohh." Pieck raises her eyebrows. "I didn't know she was taken."

"Annie's so taken, sometimes you wouldn't know she's taken at all," Sasha blurts out and chuckles. The gazes she earns are, for the most part, bewildered — except for Annie who tries to pierce her with glaring eyes. She breaks off, the amusement making way for embarrassment. "That...sounded funnier in my head."

Now it's upon Pieck to laugh and Annie dreads the direction this conversation is taking. If she could she would hide in Mikasa's jacket, melt into one of the two people that she feels comfortable touching. Such a luxury isn't available to neither Annie nor anyone else. But there's Eren, squeezing in between Mikasa and Sasha and putting a hand on Mikasa's shoulder.

"Good, you're still here." He leans around Mikasa to look at Annie. "I'm coming, too."

"What? You're leaving already?" The disappointment in Pieck's voice shows in her eyes as she regards Annie.

"Yeah, sorry, whoever you are." Eren shows no interest in being introduced and turns to Mikasa. "You wanna stay?"

The sigh Mikasa lets out is hard to place. She could be disappointed Eren's ditching her as well or close to reaching her own limit soon. "I might as well come with you."

There's a pout on Sasha's face while Mina keeps her thoughts hidden behind a neutral expression. Pieck gives a shrug and says a quick goodbye before walking off. The cold gets through to Annie as Mikasa lets go of her to give Sasha a farewell hug.

"Don't take too long," Eren urges her, shifting his weight back and forth between his legs. It could be due to the freezing temperatures, though given how he keeps his interactions uncharacteristically short it comes off like he's on edge. "I want to get out of her quickly."

Mikasa regards him with a frown, but keeps her thoughts to herself. She's harder to read than Eren who has a tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve. There's something going on between them that Annie isn't in on, however right now his face doesn't give away enough either for her to tell what it is. She catches Mikasa's gaze who responds with a shrug to her unspoken question. So she files it away as something to ask about later and follows Eren who's already headed towards Jean and Armin.

"Sorry, gotta go. Something came up." Eren overwhelms Armin with a hug the moment he reaches the two. If the look of confusion Armin casts Annie is anything to go by he's taken aback by Eren's behaviour. Her hands deep in her pockets Annie pulls up her shoulders to express that she's clueless herself.

As Eren releases Armin he adds a "Thanks for the invitation." that does nothing to clear up the situation. He's skipping any further explanation and Annie can only guess if it's because he doesn't want to say or because he doesn't want to invest the time.

"What's with you taking flight all of a sudden?" Jean questions instead of his boyfriend.

"It's not about you for once."

"Oh, shut up!"

There's a grin on Eren's face as he gives Jean a nudge to the shoulder. Jean returns a light shove. These two have become like that. Even though they've moved past the hostilities from high school, they still dance around being too familiar or friendly with each other. As if they could only mouth off and a hug might poison them.

Annie probably shouldn't judge, because she dodges around this kind of physical contact whenever she can. Though she could argue that she's doing it on principle, not counting Mikasa or Eren she doesn't like touching people. Eren on the other hand is doing just fine giving out hugs as part of his social interactions, so him avoiding it with Jean leans into the territory of ridiculousness.

"You really can sleep on the couch if Annie doesn't want to pick you up." Armin overcomes his speechlessness to remind his friend of his offer as if he's hoping to make Eren reconsider. It reminds Annie that moments ago leaving seemed the furthest thing from Eren's mind and she wonders if they'd be having this conversation if she didn't want to be home by last year.

Eren isn't the type to just bail on his friends even though it would be for the better sometimes. When he gets cranky he ends up starting arguments and it isn't fun for anyone involved. Considering that he stays beyond his good mood if someone doesn't drag him home, Annie feels responsible that he's opting to go now of all times. Another wave of guilt hits her.

The breath escaping from Eren's lips is short of a sigh. It's just the tip of the iceberg, another cue adding to the pile which tells Annie something's up. He steps up next to Armin and wraps his arms around his friend's shoulders.

"You see that guy over there with Reiner, the blond one with glasses?" Eren's voice is low and his hands remain entwined as he points with one index finger somewhere past Annie.

Despite having a good guess who he means, she peeks over her shoulder to see the recent arrivals grouped around Reiner still. As expected, the one Eren indicates is the man she couldn't place. She gets the feeling whatever Eren's issue is with him is also the reason why Mikasa was staring at him earlier. Things aren't adding up yet, but she's collecting the pieces which should form the bigger picture eventually.

Armin gives a quiet nod to confirm that he can make out who Eren means. When Eren continues there's a frown on his forehead. "His presence just caused my night to go downhill and I don't want to drag everyone down with me."

That's new. Annie stops herself from commenting though. Questioning a decision that seems an improvement to Eren's usual behaviour in a situation like this doesn't seem productive to her. She'll take him home with her and Mikasa and hope that it prevents the party from turning sour for the rest of the guests. As sad as Armin seems about Eren's early departure this might save him from a bigger disaster.

"That guy isn't even invited," Jean chimes in. "I can ask him to leave."

The suggestion is the friendliest Annie has seen him be with Eren as far as she can remember. Though it could be that he's doing it for Armin's sake. He does a lot for Armin's sake, like trying to be civil with Eren until Eren is too much of a shit for him to take it. Eren tries, too, but he hasn't stopped teasing Jean and Jean returns the favour rather sooner than later.

"Nah, it's fine." Eren dismisses the offer with a hand motion after he lets go of Armin. Then he pauses when noticing the cast down eyes and thin lips of his friend. "We'll hang out another time. I'll buy you two dinner."

Armin raises his head and looks at Eren. The tension is falling from his face, but he still doesn't look all too happy. Jean takes it upon himself once again to respond in Armin's stead. "Oh really? Like sushi?"

"If you want sushi you can pay for it yourself," Eren snaps, though his tone lacks actual bite. He probably knows just like Annie that Jean is winding him up. Jean's laugh is confirmation enough as he slips his arms around Armin's middle from behind and places a kiss on Armin's cheek.

The display of affection is too much for Annie. Her passiveness makes her more like an outsider in the situation already, she doesn't need to witness Jean cheering up his boyfriend with kisses and cuddles. Watching Eren and Mikasa getting cozy is one thing, because the three of them live together and are by all means involved with each other — though Annie still sometimes wonders how that happened. When it comes to other people, Annie just doesn't want to see it, like she isn't keen on others witnessing her intimate moments with her partners.

Annie turns away to find Mikasa coming over. It seems she finished her rounds to make her farewells, because unlike Annie she has the courtesy to do that. Despite Mikasa not being very expressive about it, she's on friendly terms with more people than one might think. She's better at socialising than Annie in general.

Though Mikasa came foremost to say goodbye to Armin and Jean, Annie is certain, she stops in front of Annie. "Eren hasn't run away with you yet?"

"We're not just gonna ditch you," Annie points out. She doesn't add that she wouldn't have let Eren bail without Mikasa after he instigated Mikasa to call it a night as well.

Mikasa shrugs. It's hard to tell how serious she was about her suggestion. "He seemed in a hurry."

"Not in enough of a hurry to ignore Armin's disappointment."

Something crosses Mikasa's face — a shadow that Annie's mind would colour in something like guilt or regret. She doesn't say anything further, however, and Annie steps aside to let her pass. Annie catches a glimpse of her giving a long hug to Armin and a shorter one to Jean, a habit she's been growing more comfortable with only around the time she started dating Annie. Her words to them don't register with Annie whose gaze wanders off, across the nearby groups in the streetlight.

There's Pieck, entwined with Porco in a passionate make-out session. So they're dating after all, or at least are involved in some way. Behind them Marcel is keeping the cause for Eren's changed mood company as he's having a smoke. A bit further off Reiner finally seems to have remembered who his boyfriend is and is whispering something in Bertholdt's ear. Connie's distracting Sasha by tickling her and Marco who has moved over to them is laughing at the display. Between them stands Mina, staring right at Annie.

A second of eye contact is enough to singe. Annie turns away. Her gaze falls upon Eren's back who is walking off in the other direction. She checks on Mikasa who is putting a hand on Armin's upper arm, sparking a small smile in him. Then Mikasa turns and exchanges a look with her. That's all the cue she needs to get going. She gives a nod to Armin and Jean in passing and Mikasa joins her side as she heads down the road.

Several steps ahead of them, Eren glances over his shoulder. When he spots them he slows his pace and even opts to walk backwards, maybe to keep better track of their progress. The heels of Mikasa's shoes, which make her almost two heads taller than Annie, clatter on the pavement in a rhythmic pattern. As they walk her elbow occasionally rubs against Annie's upper arm. Annie appreciates the closeness.

"Want me to drive?" Mikasa just has to ask for Annie to dig out the keys.

"Please do."

They both know how Annie feels about driving. That's why Mikasa was willing to drive her home despite leaving the keys with her. That's why she hands them back with relief. She doesn't care if Mikasa's primary concern is the car — Mikasa's car which Mikasa paid for — though something tells her that it's not.

Before Annie can put her hand back into the pocket of her coat, Mikasa's fingers slip between hers. She didn't look so she cannot tell how Mikasa managed to put the keys away in time to grab her hand. The cold reaches through to her skin where Mikasa's hold doesn't reach. She doesn't mind the gesture but she wishes she'd brought thicker gloves.

As if reading Annie's mind — or at least the situation — Mikasa guides their entwined fingers into the pocket of her own coat. Appreciating the warmth, Annie rubs her thumb over the back of Mikasa's hand. She leans into Mikasa, because it makes matching the pace and maintaining her balance easier. Also, she likes the touch now that she feels less scrutinised.

They catch up with Eren who falls in line next to them. He doesn't say anything, just walks with his hands shoved into his jacket. Sometimes he skips his steps like a child. In another situation it could be a sign of his good mood, right now Annie ascribes it to impatience. Although the nervous energy coming from him has toned down, it isn't gone yet. He'd probably walk faster if it wasn't for Annie who would have to run to keep up with him at full stride.

Annie watches him, deliberating whether she should pry. If he was willing to share some information with Armin he might indulge her, too. It seems worth a try and should he deflect her question she can always drop the topic.

"So, who's that dude that ruined your night?"

"You mean Zeke?" Mikasa questions before Eren can say anything. Annie glances at her though it wasn't hard to tell she knows more about what's going on.

"If that's the name of the blond guy with the glasses who showed up with my old classmates from primary school."

"He's my half-brother." Eren doesn't offer much but to Annie it's a crucial piece of the puzzle.

She skips her surprise about there being another relative of Eren's besides his father and moves right to asking Mikasa: "And you knew about this?"

Annie isn't offended that there are things in Eren's life she is ignorant about while Mikasa is aware of them. Mikasa lived with Eren's family for about a year after her parents died, that's why she's bound to have more insight. It was the reason why they were reluctant to date for quite a while as they told Annie, because some peers who knew about it referred to them siblings. The entire thing was awkward to unravel and it took Mikasa going out with Annie and Eren also having a crush on her for them to tackle their feelings. A confusing and turbulent time for the three of them.

One and a half years into the relationship and things have settled down and become more comfortable. Through it all, Annie has stuck to her policy not to pry or over-share. She doesn't need to know the details of everyone's lives, she doesn't like to reveal a lot about herself. Even with the people who are her partners she finds it difficult to open up about certain things. They do it in bits and pieces and if it's a sore topic she can say so and they drop it.

"I only know that they aren't on good terms. Don't ask me why exactly though." Mikasa gives a shrug.

Annie isn't going to ask, because she gets how these things are. The only people who talk about their family life in abundance grew up in a happy home. None of the three were blessed with that per se. Annie knows better than to inquire about how Mikasa became an orphan or how Eren's mother died. Neither does she talk about why she broke off contact with her father and hates New Year's Eve in particular. She still cannot imagine how she ever could.

"I'll tell you another time," Eren promises and it's a compromise that Annie doesn't require.

"You don't have to."

"I might want to."

That's not the kind of response Annie would expect, because it hints at an attitude about sharing such personal matters that is so different from her own. She lets it stand without comment. Just in case. Should Eren want to take it back later he can do so without her having trapped him in a commitment. Besides, she doesn't know what to say.

Their short journey through the cold comes to a close. Mikasa parked the car in a small side street where she found a big enough parking space that's easy to get out of, keeping in mind that Annie might be the one driving back. Now Annie gets to slip into the passenger seat while she takes the wheel. Eren stretches out on the backseat and leans his head against the window frame. By the time she turns onto the main road he appears to be asleep.

"How much did he drink?" Annie wonders as she peeks at him over her shoulder. "He didn't seem tired before and now he's passed out like a drunk."

Mikasa casts a look in the rear-view mirror though Annie isn't sure she's able to catch a glimpse of Eren in it. "I don't think it was more than he can handle. But he's Eren."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Wide awake as long as something's going on but as soon as he winds down he can be gone within minutes."

"Oh." Somehow Annie expected the "he's Eren" part to be related to his alcohol intake. Mikasa's right though, he has the ability to fall asleep faster than Annie takes to wake up.

As Mikasa steers the car along the main road she keeps it below the speed limit. There are barely any other drivers around but plenty of people on the sidewalks. Besides, the temperatures are below the freezing mark and alcohol consumption is high on a night like this. Remembering that, Annie is twice as glad she isn't the one driving.

"You didn't enjoy the party much, did you?" Mikasa questions as she stops at a red traffic light.

Annie puts her winter boots up on the dashboard. Mikasa's eyes linger on them but she doesn't comment. "It was alright."

The traffic light switches to green and Mikasa puts the car into first gear. They crawl forward as the silence stretches out, the speedup is gradual. Annie feels like she's on pins and needles when it should be just the seat heater warming her up from below. Her answer wasn't very convincing and Mikasa is onto her.

"Mina was asking a lot of questions," Annie adds to fill the void the unspoken truth leaves between them.

"You don't have to lie for my sake. I'm not so fragile that you not enjoying the party could hurt my feelings."

Annie adjusts the position of her feet. "Too many people, too much noise, not my thing."

"Did you come along for our sake?"

"I came along because you were about to cancel on Armin and imagine how sad he would've been then."

"I just didn't want you to spend another New Year's Eve home alone like last time."

"I usually spend it like that."

The yellow of the passing street lights falls through the windows and wanders across Annie's legs. The street is lined with shops that have their display windows decorated for the season and bars where the people are mingling out front. They seem to belong to another world separate from Annie and her two partners inside the warm car, the distant voices and occasional leftover fireworks almost drowned out by the air flowing past their vehicle and blowing from the heater.

"I wouldn't mind it being just the three of us," Mikasa begins to muse out loud. "We could hole up on the couch and watch TV until we fall asleep."

"Sure, why not." Annie's mind is going quiet as she watches the houses come and go. She's spacing out, taking in her surroundings but growing limited in her responses. Mikasa's words register and yet she doesn't grasp the full extent of what Mikasa is talking about. Her reply is part of an autopilot system which took charge.

"Let's do that next New Year's Eve then. I could cook."

A blink of her eyes and Annie is fully present again. She turns to look at Mikasa on the driver's seat. "You're making plans for next year already?"

Mikasa maintains her focus on the road. Annie's surprise leaves her unfazed. "Yeah, why not?"

"I mean—" Annie pauses and realises she doesn't know how to argue against it. "I don't plan that far ahead."

A smile forms on Mikasa's lips, distorted only a little by the changing light conditions as the car moves forward. "We don't have to set it in stone. Just keep it in mind as an idea for when that time of year is coming around again."

"Okay," Annie says, because that's all that comes to mind.

The inside of the car has become warm enough to make Annie forget what it was like to stand freezing at the edge of a driveway. With a swift motion of her hand, Mikasa turns down the heater to prevent it from going past that comfortable point where you can almost take off your jacket. It's just how Annie likes it.

"We did that when I lived with the Yeagers." Instead of dropping the topic, Mikasa dives into unexpected territory. "A nice dinner, family games, some TV, fireworks, and then it was bedtime for us kids."

What Mikasa describes is something so far removed, Annie cannot grasp it. She tries to remember a time in her life when things were like that. Briefly, before all the bad memories start floating towards the surface and she puts the lid back on and stores them away.

"That sounds nice." Annie's voice holds little conviction.

"It was before Eren's mother died."

Annie inhales sharply. Mothers dying is going too far down memory lane for her liking. "Let's not...continue this."

"Alright." Mikasa goes quiet. Casts a brief look in Annie's direction. Returns her attention to the street again. "Sorry."

The last word is almost lost in the sound of moving air that envelops them. Mikasa doesn't say it often, only when she feels it's warranted. It surprises Annie that she would use it now. They established that one of them bringing up their boundaries isn't reason for the other to drown in guilt. It's so that they know to back off and can avoid crossing the line in the future.

"I hate New Year's Eve. I hate stories about families." This is as much as Annie is willing to share. Her fingers are at her mouth, the middle finger almost slipping between her lips. She stops herself from chewing on her nail.

Mikasa doesn't respond as she takes a left off the main road and into another housing area. Maybe she's trying to think of what to say. Maybe she knows that there are few words that wouldn't bother Annie now. Annie feels bad that she may have alienated Mikasa.

The car winds through the streets of their neighbourhood. Annie recognises the houses and the supermarket they shop in. She cannot wait to be home, to slip out of her layers of clothes and hide beneath the covers. She might even skip brushing her teeth for that.

When Mikasa parks the car in the usual spot and turns off the engine, Annie doesn't jump out however. She waits for Mikasa who remains behind the wheel without even unfastening the seatbelt. Something's hanging between them in the air, unresolved. It would be like running away if she got out now. She doesn't want to feel like she managed to ruin the night for Mikasa at the last minute.

"Do you want to share a bed tonight?" Mikasa doesn't accuse Annie nor invalidate anything Annie said. She just asks this simple question and yet Annie's brain kicks into gear, starts over-thinking. What if she wants to talk or cuddle before sleep? What if she requires emotional labour that Annie cannot give right now?

"I'm tired. I just want to drop into bed and pass out." Honesty is the only thing Annie has. Honesty and the hope that Mikasa will understand this, too, like she has been considerate so many times before.

There's a fear in the pit of her stomach. That Eren and Mikasa keep putting their own needs second for her sake. That somehow she isn't enough, cannot give enough, no matter how much she tries to. Two years and she still feels inadequate, not made for close relationships like this. The fear is there, often buried but sometimes it sparks up like a little flame upon being provided with oxygen.

And then Mikasa manages to say something to douse it. "Pass out next to me and wake up next to me?"

Annie leans back her head and smiles at her own foolishness. Her mind was running wild with ideas and assumptions that don't reflect reality. "I think romance movies have ruined me. I keep suspecting things to get complicated between us when you make it so simple."

"Romance movies are garbage, didn't we already agree on that?" Mikasa unfastens her seatbelt and gets out of the car. Annie follows suit.

"We did, but looks like I still have some of that stuff ingrained in my brain."

"Tell me about it." Mikasa has moved to the back-seat door and opens it. Annie watches as Eren who was leaned against the window dips towards her. She catches him in a time with a hand on his shoulder and moves in to secure him with her torso. "Hey dream prince, time to wake up."

Eren stirs and mumbles something that Annie cannot make out from the other side of the car. Probably about how Mikasa makes up the weirdest pet names for him in the most random situations. It's an ongoing inside joke between the two. Annie doubts Mikasa would keep it up if Eren didn't respond to it by faking disgruntlement or offence most of the time when actually he's somewhere between being bewildered and amused. His reactions make it all the more fun.

With a little help from Mikasa, Eren rolls out of the seat and manages to stand on both feet. He looks like he's sleepwalking, the way he inches forward with heavy legs and almost misses to turn left at the rear of the car. Mikasa has to hurry with locking it up so she can steer him in the right direction. By the time they reach the sidewalk where Annie is waiting he seems conscious enough to not trip over the small rise.

Annie takes the lead down the short path to the front door of the apartment complex. Following her, Mikasa her arm linked with Eren to make sure he doesn't wander off again.

"Are you okay with sleeping alone tonight?"

Eren doesn't wait for his yawn to finish before answering Mikasa's question. "I was already sleeping alone."

"I suppose that's a yes." Mikasa halts Eren's step while Annie unlocks the door without bothering to turn on the light.

The staircase echoes with every movement they make. Annie is able to prevent the doorknob from bumping into the wall, but Eren stumbles over the threshold in the darkness. The light assaults Annie's eyes when Mikasa hits the switch and Eren groans a complaint. Mikasa tries to sush him, but he keeps mumbling about something as they begin their ascent to the fourth floor. Any other night and Annie would feel bad for the noise, but tonight she can hear laughter coming from one of the apartments even before they reach its door on the third floor.

The upside of New Year's is that almost everyone is up late. The downside is that being among the people who don't party all night sucks more than on weekends. Annie just hopes she can fall asleep despite the faint voices coming from below. She sure could use a break. In the morning she wants to wake up next to Mikasa and give Eren that kiss and maybe she can pretend the fireworks never happened.

[levipleasearchive]

"Wir waren jung und naiv und dachten wir könnten alles erreichen. Aber das Schicksal hat uns ein grausames Schnippchen geschlagen. Wir haben noch nicht gelebt – wussten nicht einmal, was das wirklich bedeutet – bevor es die meisten von uns kalt erwischt hat. Tot oder verkrüppelt – ich weiß nicht, was schlimmer ist." - Eren überlebt den Kampf in Trost nur schwer verwundet.

It's weird and it's up. - Eren is not a titan shifter and survives the battle of Trost only severely wounded. - Enjoy if you decide to check it out.