#animals cant be evil theyre just doing what theyre meant to do they dont give a fuck about morals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

i swear to god if they make one more movie where a shark or wolf is depicted as evil i am seriously going to start killing on their behalf

[tobacconist]

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.  then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.  i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while. 

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

[tumblunni]

Reasoning behind the headcanons:

* Dr maddiman is pansexual because we know in canon he dated a woman but also i like the headcanon of him and mckraken having some mutual crush going on. And i just felt like he would go with pansexual in the broad spectrum of identities for multiple gender attracted people.

* i really have no reason why i see dr nocturne as aro ace...? i mean its not really just because we dont see much of him and romance is never brought up during his short screentime, lots of other characters had equally little screentime and i still headcanoned them as non-ace. So i guess maybe its just because i found his plot very relateable and i'm aro ace myself...?

* trans arachnia = pretty obvious. The game itself is already very vague and confusing over whether this character is meant to be canon trans, a gay man, or merely a 'flambouyant' man. Like thats all we know, that this character is very feminine, fights by seducing people with "femme fatale" techniques, has "maximum girl power" and is part of an all girls club of yokai. In that context the use of male pronouns in the english dialogue seems to be more of a transphobic "trans women are really men" sort of thing rather than a confirmation that the character was not meant to be even slightly associated with transgender people. But we have no real confirmation aside from the english dub flip-flopping over to "she" in certain spinoffs, and then in shadowside this character has a more feminine appearance BUT fans are debating whether its a different individual of the same species because her personality seems a lot more evil. So yeah its all convoluted and whatever i still wanna hold onyo the headcanon of one trans character at least existing maybe :/

* nonbinary casanono/casanuva because this design has a very nice sort of androgenous aesthetic i wish i could achieve in real life, also like i mentioned before casanono's colourscheme is already super close to the enby flag

* lesbian hailey: SHE HAS SO MANY LINES OF DIALOGUE THAT SOUND FLIRTY WITH EVERY OTHER FEMALE CHARACTER she's the embodiment of Big Gay Mood and i cant believe its not canon already

* Genderfluid Hoaxy-Coaxy makes more sense with how he's written in japanese. He has a very silly, flambouyant, singsong kind of voice and seems obsessed with being cute at all costs. Its uhh..very resembelant of the kinds of ways that negative stereotypes of trans women/gay men/any DMAB person who defies gender roles ("okama") are written in japanese. So yeah i just wanted to try and take that and rework it into a more positive portrayal. I would have preferred we got that in the dub instead of losing his entire speech pattern and giving him nothing equally unique to replace it. And i dont really know why i ended up getting more of a genderfluid vibe rather than trans woman or gay man, but there you go. *shrug* (Also incidentally i see Whisper as genderfluid too since well he does canonically crossdress often. I know the intent is just to be "funny" but my dumbass queer heart is like BUT WHAT IF CANON GENDERFLUID THO)

* Ben Tover and Herbiboy are gay and dating: i dont even know. They are green boys who are cute. What if they were cute togetherrrr~

* also incidentally i headcanon that LGBTQ+ minorities are generally more accepted in the yokai world. Theyre all magic ghost dudes who can do whatever they want, and if anyone wants to have kids theyre not really limited by the physical bodies they dont have. So the whole idea of rigid biologically-determined gender and sexuality seems nonsensical to them. Every time the anime does some stereotypical heteronormative homophobic bullshit im like UR A GODDAMN SENTIENT FIREBALL WHY WOULD YOU CARE ABOUT HUMAN STEREOTYPES Its silly, yo...

[alternativeproject]

this blog is a journal

and a boring one at that. 

I ended up really enjoying Ever After High so I tried watching monster high cause i like monsters and EAH got my hopes up. The only movie up on netflix that wasn’t cg was Fright on so i ended up trying to watch that and I think I made it to the end but i was too worked up to really pay attention. 

I wasn’t really expecting much from a mattel show meant to sell toys but the wimpy segregation narrative was terrible. Just to start it presents the issue of vampires and werewolves hating eachother as a both sided thing. Obviously an oversimplification but one i could maybe put up with since its yknow a show for young kids to sell dolls. But things got worse and i couldnt just brush it off. 

I think what made this particularly difficult is that its clearly a racial segregation narrative. There’s a werepride group and a vamp power group (meant to parody black pride groups and paint them as intentionally divisive). They teach about the nasty vampire/werewolf wars in history class, which is perfectly reasonable, it’s important to acknowledge the terrible things people did to eachother in history you dont just ignore it, but of course this is painted as stirring up bad blood between the two groups. yeah, teaching people about messy history is bad now. when werewolves bring up the terrible things vampires have done in the past, the audience is supposed to see this as stirring up trouble. The audience is supposed to side with neutral Frankie who thinks they should leave the past in the past and be friends. 

look friendship is great, and building a better future is great, but its not actually alll in the past. Vampires to the present time are still manipulating zombies into serving them. In fact although the movie tries to say its “bad on both sides” it’s mostly just bad on the vampire side. The vampires were more aggresively claiming hallways as exclusively theirs and excluding werewolves or calling them disease ridden and dirty. The vampires were more blatantly anti werewolf while the wolves were mostly distrustful of the vampires (for obvious reasons at his point ). I could’ve maybe cut this movie a little slack if the past had actually been in the past, then all i would’ve had to deal with was the oversimplified allegory, but the “bad on both sides” mess doesn’t even really apply in the silly movie! it’s inaccurate in the movie (that they wrote??) and inaccurate in the real world.

look i get that this is a feel good holding hands and uniting kind of kids movie but i cant get behind this mess. Racism isnt both sided. Segregation isnt both sided. Lets not present these dumbass narratives to kids without any nuance. kids are smart, give them more to work with. This movie couldve still wrapped itself up in a cute little feel good hand holding bow if it had just given the sides more nuance. The werewolves couldve explained their feelings to Frankie thru Clawd. “the vampires have a long history of exploiting other monsters and treating us like second class citizens” (which they are learning about in history class and are reasonably upset about). The vampires can idk talk about their parents or something, pin the racism on the older generation, humanize them a little. Evil human guy could tell some lies to stoke tensions but NOT create the pride groups because that was terrible.

Some cartoon hijinks ensue and the movie ends with the groups acknowledging that they have a lot of work to do and things to unlearn but they are essentially all deserving of respect  and can work together to create a better future. Trying to wrap up centuries of animosity and segregation in one hour long flash animated mess was the big mistake. everything else just added to that dumpster fire

as long as i’m talking, it’s so ignorant to act like the werewolves wouldn’t be mad about segregation if we just withheld information about a brutal history from them. Theyre not stupid, and since in this allegory werewolves are black people, black people aren’t stupid either. People are perfectly capable of coming to their own conclusions about oppression when they have access to accurate information. Not telling the werewolves about the bloody history between them and the vamps isn’t doing them a favor.

[tumblunni]

Wow i had such a weird dream?? The story itself wasnt too unusual, just an emotional moment of an anime that doesnt exist, but the way the dream delivered it was really confusing!

The plot of this apparant anime was that there was some sort of ragtag group of monster people wandering the earth looking for a place they could belong without being hated. And i got the feeling here that they'd just found a place where things were going good, but the show's recurring villains appeared and revealed their secret to the town and now they had to flee again as everyone they thought was a friend took up pitchforks against them.

And the main focus character was really interesting? I dont think he was actually the protagonist but he got the focal role in this episode. Cos the monsters had to disguise themselves as humans to live in this town, and this was the youngest monster who didnt know how to do that yet. He had a really emotional struggle of pushing himself so hard to try and master this skill, because he was actually unique amoung the group for being a monster that was actually once human. So it was a combination of frustration at being a burden to his new friends, with desperation to finally see his own face in the mirror again.

And I feel like maybe before he became a monster he was bigoted against them and scared of them? Within the dream i recalled watching that other episode some other day, and apparantly it was super emotional. It started off just seeming like another 'we find the town of the day along our journey and meet some friends and/or solve a conflict' type thing. And this kid was mostly antagonistic through the episode, a dumb naive kid who believed everything negative about monsters and now struggled with the situation of being the only one who knew the truth that these guys are monsters but also now theyre doubting whether they should reveal it because these people seem so..normal?? And scared?? Starts to doubt whether all the other monsters executed by the corrupt church in their town were fully sentient too, and every time the 'nice' priest was teaching them how to spot liars he was really teaching them how to kill innocent monster people who were just as scared as the humans are of them. But the roots of gaslighting and abuse from this priest ran deep, so the kid struggled with the choice and ultimately made the wrong decision. Also i think maybe theres a reveal that the priest was actually their biological dad too, just for even more levels of why theyd make that wrong decision. And more reasons why its horrifying that the priest dad just treats his kid like shit once they outlived their usefulness. Im thinking something like the kid tries to make up for their mistake and save the protagonists but they get captured by their dad and like.. Ok holy fuck this dude is outright willing to murder his son and he's eminantly aware that these monster people are 100% sentiebt because he's using the threat of killing his son as a way to get them to lay down their weapons and agree to be recaptured. And then i think there was something super messed up when it was revealed all the monster attacks that happened to the town to get them so scared and paranoid were actually orchestrated by the priest as a form of control over his citizens. He had some sort of Ominous Doom Science to both turn people into monsters and control them to do his bidding. And like the predictable asshole he is, even after the protagonists gave up in order to save the kid he still killed him anyway. And after snapping his neck he threw him down into the prison cell with the protagonists and was like 'lets torment them by making them fight the kid they wanted to save'. Because it turned out he'd been doping the kid with a special dose of the monster formula ever since birth, and he was his 'secret weapon' all along without knowing it. Ultra super mega concentrated doom form of the artifical monsters he uses in his army, activated upon the moment of the kid's death. But then it turns out the ultimate experiment was too much for him to control and the kid was able to keep their mind in their new form, and turn against him to save their new friends. But when they realized what had happened to them, they broke down in fear. And everything was super depressing cos the protagonists knew this poor kid was now doomed to share their fate as monsters, and theyd have to take them away fron everythung theyd ever known in order to keep them safe. But also heartwarming at the same time because the kid had never known a truly loving family before, and as they passed out in the arms of main protagonist mom friend werewolf they felt like maybe this is what having a real family is like...

So anyway that led to a bit of an angsty team dynamic with this new recruit? The kid was obviously all new to monsterness and terrified of everything. But also even now they were struggling with that 'what if my abusive dad is right' instinct drilled into them from all those years. They still struggled with really believing that monsters arent evil, and like 'no i must have only disobeyed him because i was infected and i didnt know it, monsters are evil and i became one because i'm evil too'. Unwilling to believe that their dad did that to them and trying to find excuses where it would be their own fault. Maybe the kid was even tricked by another villain at some point who lied about having a cure? Like even whenthey became more able to trust their new monster friends they were still like 'theyd be happier if they became normal right?' Lots of angst and messing up and this poor kid feeling not only weak and useless to the team but also outright toxic to them.

So all of this led to this situation where disguising yourself as a human is a skill all the other team members already mastered and this kid is struggling real hard to accomplish it in order to save the day. Ans its extra depressing cos they havent seen their original human face in months, and theyre trying to cling onto the memories but scared they migjt forget what it was like to be human. And then i cant really recall all the details but i feel like the writing and cinematography were just super amazing emotional on this scene of the kid struggling to Do The Thing in time to save their friends, and like.. Atone for all their mistakes.

Also i think like the kid had this big super kaiju ultimate chimera form which was what their dad designed them to be, but also most of the time they were poofed into a tiny mascot sized version of that. And theycd never actually managed to control their powers enough to turn into their battle form willingly until now. Just this super depressing and also uplifting scene of this fuckin tiny monster kid being pinned to the ground underneath the villain's heel, trying desperately to turn human again to save their friends. And i think it was an awesome moment where they did manage to regain their old face for just a few seconds, but instead of actually learning to master the human transformation they learned to master their battle form instead. Like, accepting that that old face isnt who they are anymore, and it wont help like they thought it would. What they really need now is their REAL face! Some sort of dramatic badass speech about this that cuts the villain's philosophy right in half, and then a badass scene of tiny kid finally being able to control (and not be scared of!) their beast form, and fight the whole damn army singlehandedly to save their friends!

Also i think there was an extra emotional moment somewhere along the way where one of yhe villain generals was like 'no, stop, i want to see if they can do this', and actually started motivating the kid. Like i think they were a brainwashed soldier of the old priest bastatd who was sent to kill these monsters supposedly to avenge the priest's dead kid but they were actually starting to have doubts when this terrifying monster that 'killed them' seemed to act so much like a child. So this was the big moment of them finall believing the kid, and getting to see proof it really was them and the priest really was a manipulative evil bastard all along. So i think they switched sides and joined super powered up kiddo in fighting their fellow knights, giving them the keys to go free their friends. And possibly this knight person also joined the team after this and was the first proper human ally theyd ever had? And probably had loads of emotional plots of atoning

ANYWAY that was the cool really engaging story of my dream that i wish i could watch a real anime about!

But the weird part was that this was all delivered really fragmented cos of how little sleep ive had lately. I was seeing it in the form of (for some reason) laying down on the stairs at my abusive father's old house, listening to it playing on the tiny tv he had in his room. And you may have noticed i kept mixing up the kid's pronouns, thats because everyone in the dream was represented visually by a character from some other franchise and it was REALLY confusing! The kid was like an amalgamation of all the dudes from Wolf's Rain which i guess is where the concept of wandering monsters in human illusion came from. (Tho they werent all reverse werewolves like in that show) It was weird cos i knew this character was meant to be a child but they looked like five ripped teenagers smooshed together? Cos i havent seen that show in ages and couldnt even remember the protagonist's name. (Was someone called Hide or is that a guy from tokyo ghoul? I think they had the outfit of the tokyo ghoul guy.) And then predictably the evil priest dad was cornello from full metal alchemist mixed with my old doctor who had the same name. But less predictably the redeemed villain holy paladin knight guy was replica riku from kingdom hearts?? Ans specifically his medal from the app game, like he came with a floating medal attatched to his waist like a mermaid who was also a coffee table.

Also it just ended with a floating box of hair dye that turned to face the camera and it was actually coffee in a hair dye package. Like an exact replica of the blonding bleach i usually use, right down to every detail, but all the text was replaced with coffee info. I..i dont know what that has to do with anything else that just happened...

Oh also i think maybe one of the other teammates was a big cuddly 50-something circus ringleader type guy? He was the friendly comic relief but actually deep downn the most tormented of all of them. He'd been imprisoned as a circus attraction for most of his entire life and dressing up like a ringleader now he was free was kinda a way of coping? But yeh i think he bonded well with the kid cos they both didnt have much experience with being free and everything seemed new and scary. This guy also didnt have much experience of monster society either cos he'd been enslaved since he was a child. Man this anime sounds so fuckin intense and dark and emotional but also full of powerful friendship!! Why cant i watch any more episodes!! give me a sequel dream!!

[tumblunni]

Also yeah while im on the subject

I really hate fantasy settings where magic is limited by biological sex. Because usually its used to enforce some sort of stupid gender stereotype that the writer believes is "biologically innate" rather than predjudice, by making up a world where it actually is biologically innate. Or its like "oh but women cant do those jobs" but again, a made up excuse for it to be LITERALLY TRUE. And usually they either dont even touch on the subject of trans and gay people (since it often conflates heterosexuality with gender...) or else it actually does bring it up and just creates a cavalcade of even more everything-ism...

Like i mean i love the game Jade Coccoon and considering it came out in the early 2000s i can understand it being more sexist, and its supossed to be a dark game anyway and a lot of the societal structures in Syrus Village are meant to be wrong and evil even if the characters act like its the way the world should be. The villain of the game is basically the toxic atmosphere of your shitty town and their paranoia of things they don't understand. Tho that means the player kinda has no motivation to finish it cos the main conflict is also saving those same villagers from dying and theyre all fucks. Anyway i'm going offtopic! What i mena is that i dont think it was a particularly sexist example of the inexplicable gender segregated magic trope. But just cos its a fave game of mine im gonna pick it to talk about anyway. Hope i dont sound too negative on it, cos seriously i love it loads!

Ok so to use Jade Cocoon as an example, here its a thing that only men can be cocoon masters and only women can be nagi. Tho it also gets a bit complicated because nagi is also an ethnicity as well? Its kinda like being romani, they're a race of displaced people who travel the world giving their magical services to other countries while searching for their lost homeland, which you end up finding at the end of the game. So yeah its extra weird cos male children of the nagi race are born with no powers whatsoever and cant even become cocoon masters, yet they get the ruling position in this homeland place? Like thats a better metaphor for how christian societies work, honestly!

Anyway im going offtopic again!

Basically, cocoon master = adventurer dude who catches monsters, nagi = magician who purifies those monsters so you can use them in battle. So when you catch stuff it becomes an inventory item rather than being able to use it on your team right away. And also nagi women can fuse monsters together to make super badass new ones and basically the gameplay system works really well to make you believe your wife is absolutely necessary to your quest and you would die without her, even if she cant fight. And honestly its actually kinda romantic! I just wish it wasnt presented as this weird sacred heterosexuality arranged marriage nonsense where all women are physically unable to go to a dungeon and all men are physically unable to not fight every day. Or at least thats how the powers work and if you try and step out of that role you fuckin die. Like it would be romantic to have a couple of a battle partner and a supporter magician if they actually chose it, yknow?

And whats annoying is that they actually do bring up the subject of people defying gender roles and canonically state that you not omly die but bring a curse upon everyone and are hated forever. They dont mention trans or gay people, instead the excuse is that a man loved his wife so much that he tried to learn nagi magic to lift the burden from her. Cos oh yeaj women get 'punished' by god for doing this magic?? Cursed tattoos all over their body the more they use it, and everyone hates them and eventually they turn into a fairy and forget they were ever human. And in the japanese version you can actually fight other nagi women who met this fate, theyre just another monster that you can fight and capture. They were censored in english cos they looked like really racist stereotypes of black women! Ugh! So yeah anyway nice straight husband is punished by the magic straightness enforcing rules of the universe for loving his straight wife too much. So what is the even point? If a man tries to use nagi magic it creates the "black cocoon" of cursed doomness and blah. Literal punishment for not conforming to gender. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Anyway this setting always made me wonder about all the stuff it just glosses over with this implication that every one of these relationships worked out fine. Like even before we rub lgbtq topics all over a retro videogame, there's a lot of logical holes! Like seriously how many of these arranged marriages ended up loveless or abusive? How many women just didnt want to stay confined to one room forever and not even have anyone look at them because their magic markings are shameful yet its also shameful not to want to do it?? How many men were terrified of going out on this advebture fighting literal demigods sent by heaven to punish humans? How many of them just had no ability to fight and died immediately because of shitty traditions, while perfectly qualified women had to sit there and watch it happen? What if there werent enough straight men and women of the same age and people were forced into gross pedophilic shit or other horror scenarios just cos there has to be this one magical straight couple or the village dies? Whenever theres this stupid gender magic its ALWAYS portrayed as idyllic and never failing ever, unless *gasp* people dont follow the gendrules...

And then SERIOUSLY do no queer people exist in this universe?? Man i'd be so interested in their stories! I actually had an oc idea of a self insert version of me as a travelling merchant. Because maybe what if nonbinary people could do both sides of the magic at once and thus adventure alone without being tied to a village's straight marriage system? So i'd just go around purifying monsters and then be a place you could buy new and rare mons from other villages without having to catch them. Maybe an easier way to get the super rare drop fusion materials for tiger pattern and stuff? And like seriously itd be good to have a character to talk to who agrees that your village is made of assholes. I cant say its bad writing cos it was clearly intentional, but they shoulda at least put a bit more incentive to keep playing even if you didnt care about these people. Also it would help plug the plothole of how a village even survives if it doesnt have the required people to form this magical straight marriage. Have some mysterious enby avengers who travel all across the world and save everyone regardless of country! All we ask is you buy some of our lovely souveniers! Maybe a pet patalchu for your family? Seripusly why dont they ever show anyone using the purified monsters for anything other than fighting the unpurified ones? You'd think they'd be really useful in repairing the village and guarding the walls and like..regular industrial jobs. Help the place actually advance and not have to live day to day on scraps,bickering amoungst themselves as the monsters grow ever closer to breaking through. Hell, you could even have them help spin the cocoons for other monsters! If this magic only depends on having a dick or not, then cant we just dress up some animals in the magic straight marriage outfits? XD

And like aaaa man im getting so emotional just imagining a trans woman who's constabtly told she will literally bring about the apocolypse if she tries to fill the female role in this ritual. And then one day she tries to spin the magic silk and she thinks she's committing the ultimate sin and they were all right. But the magic responds to her touch, and she makes a spell more beautiful than any other woman in the village! It would probably be harder for a trans man cos the magic doesnt have so much of an immediate proof like that. Just going out and winning a fight with a monster can be called "dumb luck", and knowing these assholes they'd probably keep calling it dumb luck even after the thousandth time you save their life!

And man, i wonder how gay relationships would work in such an annoyingly strict system of enforced heterosexuality? Would it be like the magic isnt REALLY gender locked at all, and it can just be any couple with either partner taking either role? Or would it be that it is one magic per gender but the bigoted villagers were wrong about it being impossible to do things without both? Like maybe when you're going into battle alone as a single cocoon master you cant fight without catching other monsters. But when two cocoon masters love each other their magic is amplified and they become able to like.. I dunno.. Imbue each other with elemental strength so they can fight the monsters hand to hand? Cos really the elemental system is the only reason you cant do a no monsters run of the game as it is. Maybe since they cant purify monsters but they can still catch them, they equip the monsters as sort of a power rangers transformation? Or socket them like materia on their weapons? Or just if the world was less segregated into tiny sexist racist villages they could simply buy the purification coccoons from another local nagi, and villages without a coccoon master could buy the services of travelling ones. Oh, and maybe two nagi lesbians could be even more badass! Cos if they can only purify and not fight, maybe their double purification is so strong that they can just straight up walk into the forest and monsters don't attack them. They dont even need to do the full spell, they can calm a beastie's rage just by holding out their hand and patting it on the head. So they coukd be infinately more effective and not have to just tenporarily clear single travelling routes of a few monsters, but actually work towards slowly purifying the entire forest and creating a peaceful land again. Tho i mean the game did have a unique atmosphere with the whole 'no hope of ever beating them' aspect. It was unique to see a society formed around the idea of never going into forests or you Die. But magical lesbians and their family of a million pet dragons is honestly better!

And uhhhh ive gone all offtopic now and i camt stop thinking about how much i love magical lesbians with a million pet dragons

The End

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aaaaaugh that was a weird adventure of a normal thing seriously wtf how did I Almost Die from just trying to pay my electricity bills?? the electricity went out at midnight and I was having a WHOPPING GIANT MIGRAINE and seriously i suck at talking to cashiers on the best of days but now i have to call a taxi at midnight and sit there feeling awkward for like half an hour while the guy drives me several miles away to the only electricity place thats open 24/7 and like five minutes in i realized OH SHIT THIS MIGRAINE IS MORE SERIOUS THAN I EXPECTED but like i was trapped in a car and trapped in an awkward social situation! so i was here all dizzy and disassociating and like it felt like the window was a computer screen?? cos im nearsighted a lot and of course its gonna get even worse when i have a dizzy migraine of death doom. i was just so out of it with pain and tiredness and the car shaking me about and just it felt like i wasnt really there but i was still in my house just watching all this on the tv or something. i had to look down at my hands cos they were the only non blurry thing, i had to remind myself that i actually existed and wasnt somehow being erased from the world and replaced by a film reel of some guy sitting in a car?? So I am like Absolutely Fucking Nonfunctional here, and being acutely aware of how i forgot to wear my glasses and apparantly also my socks. Tho in my defense it would have been hard to put them on in the dark anyway! and seriously THIS POOR CAB GUY! like it seemed english wasnt his first language and i felt so bad cos like how can i make it clear that I am the one messing up here?? dude you didnt mishear me i really am slurring everything i say and forgetting half the dictionary. HE WAS SO NICE! I wish i could have like.. been able to register any of his individual faceparts as a coherant whole. I have problems with prosopagnosia even on a good day, but like whoa man i did not have the energy left to concentrate on what this guy even looked like. i feel bad cos i dont know his name either, im gonna remember him as just this big helpful shadow void with a nice accent. HOW DID YOU PUT UP WITH ME EMBARASSING MYSELF SO MUCH, YOU WONDERFUL CABMAN actaully wait do you call them cabs in america aa im sorry this post isnt very america translated i try and generally self-correct to america english cos i know like 90% of my followers seems to be america for some reason i do not understand HELLO AMERICDA FRIENDS TODAY okay so i was Dying in a taxi which is also called a cab, and the company was Capital Cabs which is very good and i love them and they have an automated system so you dont have to talk on the phone and seriously that cut like 50% of terror from this terror day SO ANYWAY I WAS DYING we go all over the place looking for the 24 hours electric place, and then for some reason they are closed?? there was a line outside and i think actually the doors got stuck and the cashiers couldnt get out??? what happened?? i guess i will never know cos i had to leave that mini story behind and find another electric hilariously we found one LITERALLY ACROSS THE ROAD there was THE SAME SHOP ACROSS THE ROAD FACING EACH OTHER MIRROR IMAGE WHAT like seriously fuck im already in a dizzy daze floating halfway out my own body like i didnt need any more evidence im currently in wonderland i want to know this story too, dammit! are those rival stores?? of the same brand?? somehow?? or are they owned by the same person?? because why?? is it like the area was so in-demand of small 24/7 shops that they had to make two within five metres of each other? or is it like they’re the same shop but they didnt have enough space to build the full size they wanted so they purchased two smaller land plots? or something? DID IT JUST EXIST FOR THIS SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF ME NEEDING THE SHOP WHEN THE SHOP IS CLOSED “tumblr blogger tumblunni will show up fuckin migraine stoned on the 9th of november, as the prophecy foretold” omg i just mispelled prophecy as prophey and that sounds like a cute ass oc name holy shit ANYWAY im here dissacoiating my ass off and trying and failing to stick my debit card in the card machine and all the time im like FUCKIN OBSESSING over how sauboh is a really better name. Like faba is still a cute name but sauboh is a COOL name! no name is better than sauboh! and why u wanna this evil man have a cute name anyway?? when u be all cruel in the anime and sand off even the slightest non horrible edges he ever had, like seriously im unreasonably upset that everyone hates faba even more now. when will i get my sneaky science grandpa guy who is not evil for once but merely misunderstood and then i adopt him and hug him many and the all is resolved so yeah im fuckin haviung trouble focusing on what im actually doing jesus christ then i stumble into the store and i pay for my electric and im like ‘no no no fucking shit this migraine is WAY worse than i expected, im going to fucking die’ so i ask if they have any paracetamol but i cant remember the word for paracetamol and its all super embarassing. and like THE GUY LOOKS AT ME AS IF IM CRAZY. He’s all ‘ugh why would we have that, geez’. like wtf?? i mean i know i couldnt remember the name of it but i said ‘headache medicine’ so im sure he understood what i meant. i had a long rambling discussion with the taxi man about how weird that was, he was like ‘no, seriously EVERY 24 hour newsagent sells that stuff’ and i was like ‘no seriously he was rude to me for asking, like wtf’ and then i repeated the story about three more times cos i was currently in the throes of brain death in retrospect maybe the cashier thought i was drunk or something?? or high? i mean you cant get high from headache pills but i dunno maybe they mix badly with booze and he thought he was saving my life. i like to think the best of people! i wish i hadnt jumped to the grumpy conclusion during that moment and then whined like a lil bitch to this poor cab man and seriously he was SO NICE! he was like ‘dude seriously we’d have to drive anothr five miles to find another newsagent shop, im trying to save you money’ and he tried to give me some of the paracetamol he had in his wallet and i was like YOURE SO FUCKIN NICE IM DYING, I COULD NEVER ACCEPT THAT but also in retrospect probably that was a good decision cos even if the guy seemed super nice and trustable its like Good Life Policy to not take medicine from people you don’t know. I am 100% sure tho that he actually was genuine and wasnt gonna fuckin murder me with fakeacetamol HE WAS SO NICE! HIM AND HIS NONDESCRIPT FACIAL REGION! why cant i remember ANYTHING about this man oh and also I was able to give some money to a lady on the street!! i don’t know if she was actually homeless, she said that she had some trouble with a hotel booking or something so she was just stuck sleeping outside for the night. i cant remember if she had any luggage so i cant verify if the story is true, it just made me really sad wondering if it WASNT true and its like she needed to lie or people wouldnt give her money?? like seriously homeless people are the most vunerable yet theyre the ones people have the least sympathy for! wtf having to like like ‘i need the money less’... anyway i also couldnt remember her face and was kinda slurring my words to death and i didnt have much money to give but aaaa i hope i helped!! so yeah fuckin SMASH CUT to the next newsagent place and seriously i swear i blacked out for a minute cos it was just like wow we’re there in 48 seconds yet the clock says a bunch more miles and THEY HAD PARACETALMOL AND I WAS FUCKIN CRYING IN A SPAR MART thenk u cashier man who was probablyh very confused at this guy with no socks also for some reason my mind was wandering to the topic of what i’d do if i got misgendered in a cinema, like holding this fuckin entire fictional argument with this manifestation of my own self doubt WHAT EVEN INSPIRED THAT THOUGHT PROCESS so i’m nigh passing out and the nice cab man takes me home and he tries to make me pay less than the fee on the clock and im like NO DUDE IT WAS MY OWN CHOICE TO GO 2 PARACETAMOL SHOP seriously he was SO NICE why cant i remember his faaaaaace and i usually like to give a tip to the taxi guy even though tipping isnt really a thing in my country cos just i feel like Being Nice Is Nice and i want to thank them for their nice but i DIDNT HAVE ANY MORE MONEY LEFT so aaaa i was only able to give him an extra £0.50 but thank you taxi man i hope you have a good night and good life and the universe rewards you for helping a migraine fucked bunbun this eve and now ive shoved medicines in my fave and im just waiting for them to kick in and i know i should eat something but i feel so nauseous aaarglefargle also nice taxi man told me a story about how the same thing happened to him once except the electric went out while he was in the shower. So he just got blasted by cold water AND had to stumble down the stairs in the dark, and then friggin buy electric while his ears were still fulla soap. Whoa dude your bravery in face of embarassment exceeds my own! i love you platonically mr cab man thanks for making me feel less nervous and such while i was Die so yeah hopefully i will be less die soon ok bye also sauboh is a best name and i need to steal it for an oc or something NINTEND U LET IT SLIP AWAY

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BUNNI WATCHES RANDOM OUT OF ORDER SINNOH EPISODES THAT WERE LEFT ON THIS HARD DRIVE I GUESS

Today is diamond and pearl season one episode 28 "Drifloon On The Wind!"

Huh this one had a cold open showing the climactic moment from the end of the episode before it actually happened. Thats the first time i recall the anime doing that? I thougjt initially it was a flashback and i missed the first of a two parter.

Such a cool neat weird premise! A traditional pokemon centre out in the countryside! That adds so much worldbuilding to the setting! They never state it in the english dub but it seems to be a joke on a japanese onsen? (An inn built around hot springs) the archetecture just seems to be very similar, and from what i've seen in anime the "my mum and my mum's mum and my mum's mum's mum worked here" thing is a common trope. The nurse joy family is probably a joke to exaggerate it? Also i loved the scene where Brock is like "wait what the fuck this identical nurse joy is actually old enough to have a daughter ash's age and also OH NO A WEDDING RIIIIIING" And then he thankfully,blissfully GAVE UP and we had one nurse joy centric episode without him being a fuckboi. Seriously, the older you get the less funny you find brock, it sucks that the stuff that's meant to be over the top jokes is now barely more exaggerated than how some dudes act in real life. All you real life brocks, nobody finds you as charming as a fictional goofball! You're just rude! AND REAL BROCKS DONT HAVE A CROAGUNK TO STOP THEM

Anyway i LOVE the cute cottagey aesthetic pokemon center/hotel place! It seems the family mostly treats wild pokemon in the forest and they were actually so surprised to see customers that they thought they were burglars at first! And then daww ash and co help out doing chores to pay them back for the meal and bed even though the family is like 'no dude thats the duty of a pokemon centre'. I think that was a really mature moment for ash? He realized that this pokemon center gets less business than usual ones and figured he should give them a hand. And its so nice to see him being so super excited and wowed by the chores?? Like i mean its CHORES but for him its all so new cos its learning how to work in a pokemon center. Ash's best characrer trait is how his enthusiasm really has no limits, he'll go 100% be the best choremon master ever! Or maybe he was intentionalky being all THIS IS SO FUN because the joy daughters were fighting and he wanted to help cheer them up? In a lot of ways i prefer season 1's bratty egotistical sarcasm ash just cos he had more of a visible personality and you didnt have to sorta sleuth it out like this and always be left wondering whether they really meant to write nice-Ash this way or you're just imagining it. But when nice-Ash has monents like this he's way better and i just wish it hapoened more often and was 100% confirmed, yknow? Most of the time in sinnoh he feels less like nice-ash and more like nothing-ash or changes-every-day-into-whatever-the-plot-requires-him-to-be-ash. But in sun and moon season they have all those more slice of lifey and emltional plots and he's the more nicer ash that i always wanted, and i love it!

Anyway lol im going wildly off topic. Also fun fact i spell "the" wrong so much that "tge" is the first result in my autocorrect now...

Another thing i like is that these Joys seem to be a ghost type specialist family? The kids have a big pile of drifloon cuties and when the gang first arrived they saw a bunch of happy gastlys enjoying their stay at the inn. I like to think maybe all the ghosts they have are "drifty" types like that? I feel that the writers ppicked gastly cos the pokedex entry saying they blow away on the wind like drifloon. Cos this is actually the valley windworks adaptation episode! That was such a nice surprise when it turned out momma joy's husband was the windmill electrician guy!! He looks SO cute in the anime too! He's really chubby and has such a nice round face with a button nose and big anime eyes and a cute turquoise jacket electrician uniforn thing. And he's funny and goofy with his kids and very caribg and cautious about letting them ride home alone in the bad weather, and also he's a GIANT BADASS with an ampharos that thunderpunches the shit out of team rocket and defeats them before ash can even get there lol! Actually they never show what momma joy's main pokemon is? I like to think maybe its a gengar cos thats the most chansey-ish ghost type. And also itd mean the chubby guy has a tall and thin pokemon and his tall and thin wife has a chubby pokemon. Theyre such a cute couple so itd be even cuter!

Oh and i forgot to mention that everyone travels around via drifloon??? Thats so surreal when you consider their pokedex entries saying them carrying children is a bad thing that means theyre kidnapoing them. Like, they domesticated a very dangerous pokemon and now it uses its dangerousness for the powers of good instead! Maybe its just the anime censoring a scary thing or maybe it was intentional to show how badass this momma joy is that she could tame so many spoopy ghosts that everyone thinks are pure evil? Seriously i LOVE how they show this family working to protect and heal the local wild pokemon and them all being super friendly to humans because of it. And it makes sense theyd be ghost tyoe trainers cos if youre befriending all the pokemon in a forest youre bound to find a few lost souls. Mountains and forests are like the deadliest areas for travellers so mountain forests especially so! Everyone's lucky they have this badass family team watching over the area like guardian spirits~

OH SPEAKING OF WHICH

I forgot to mention that the main conflict of the episode is that the joy sisters have a fight because the older sister is a bit overprotective and dismissive of her little sister, causing her to be reckless and get lost trying to "be grown up and help mommy". And in the end the big sister rescues her with the help of the guardian spirit of the hot springs and they reconcile their differences and have big cute hugs! Its all very well written and dramatic actually.i really felt for the older sister's determination to save her, and i felt it was a good case of a conflict where both of them were wrong and both made mistakes and it was just like they coulda avoided those mistakes if they talked it out better. And both of them had a point at the same time, yknow? So it didnt end with either of them losing the argument or anything, it was more like the lesson is just to appreciate your siblings while theyre there and also talk about your problems in clear language with younger kids instead of using excuses like "you just cant, cos im older and i said so".

Oh also SUICUNE!

The super onsen spirit is suicune?? The little sister just casually mentions her biggest best friend in the forest is suicune and is surprised when ash says its a legendary! Wow thats actually a really cool idea? You wouldnt necessarily think of it cos you kinda think of hot springs for the hot part but theyre also a sort of super clean water like how suicune is meant to be able to purify polluted lakes. Maybe it came here to make its nest cos places that are already purified are comforting to someone who wanders the earth blasting stinky water with its powers every day. I like to think maybe this is the same suicune from Generations where they said the legendary beasts are roaming legendaries because humans treated them as demons when they first walked out of the ashes, and now theyre still scared of us even centuries later. Itd be sad if they literally kept running forever, so i like to think they all have a comforting spot to sleep in, somewhere. And for suicune its this little isolated lake in the sinnoh region which used to be super far away from human civilization. But then this family's ancestors built this hospital here and suicune was initially like "oh no my house is ruined" but then it saw that these humans were helping protect tge forest pokemon too. So its like "ah fellow coworkers" and theyre the only humans it trusts. And whenever theyre in trouble it sneakily helps them and dashes away before it can be seen, but one day it got unlucky and the kids saw it and now OH NO it is stuck havibg CUTE TINY FRIENDS! I bet the littlest joy just treats suicune like a big puppy, and this great noble beast of legend plays along because it loves her so much. But if anyone else sees it demeaning itself with a game of fetch, it would be Total Social Death In The Legendaries Club

Anyway there's some cute moments of Emotionally Wise Kind Ash The Best Of All Ashes where he finds the lost little-joy and he tries to cheer her up when she's scared by the storm and keep her dry from the rain. And he has absolute faith that his friends will come to save them both! The only thing i think coukd have maybe made it better is if the big sister joy didnt beleive in suicune? Cos it just ends with her going to ask suicune for help and then suicune helps. There's a lack of tension cos you know suicune could easily resolve all this and you already know suicune is real cos the lil sis says that big sis told her to keep it a secret cos its a Big Deal and Bad People Could Take Suicune Away and stuff. Like it might have worked better if the big sis thought that little sis was just making up rumours to be all boastful, or playing with an imaginary friend. Then her going to ask suicune for help would have symbolized something, yknow? And the audience might have been tense about whether it was real or not.

But even without that added suggestion it was still a great episode! Lots of cuteness, emotionalness, familyness and a few great jokes along the way! Also i just loved them giving unique character designs and a full backstory to these minor npcs from the game. Whenever i play it now i'm totally gonna headcanon this all as true! I mean all we know about the daughter character in the game is that she says "papa youre stinky but i still love you" and that feels very in character for the slightly mischievious little sis joy that we meet in this episode. Though you only see the one daughter and she acts like she hasnt caught a drifloon yet and dreams of seeing it if you can fix the windmill problems so it'll come back. So maybe the game version takes place a little before the anime? Like, that daughter is the engineer dad's daughter from a previous relationship and the older daughter is joy's daughter from a previous relationship. And i dunno maybe lil daughter's hair colour actually is the generic npc brown from the games but she begged her momma to dye it so she could match. Like she just loves her new momma and sister so much!! And now the struggling mountain poke-center is doing better because both parents work difderent jobs now and have enough money combined to be able to keep the family in a better quality of life. And maybe the team galactic incident at the valley windworks got it a bit of publicity as a tourist destination? and after the daughter caught that drifloon everyone who visited was like GOSH ITS SO CUTIE and the dad was like "yes our special windmill attracts these pokemon that are normally only found high up on the mountains, speaking of which my wife runs an inn up there and you can go on pokemon wildlife tours to see them in their natural habitat!" And just I LOVE THESE GUYS AND I WANT THEM TO HAVE ALL THE SUCCESS IN THEIR LIFE!! There is NOTHING better than "hey we're adapting this gane what should we do?" "Add MORE FAMBLY" Like oh my god whoever had that wonderful idea should be promoted!

Thus ends bunni's disjointed review of FAMBLY EPISODE

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OH MAN Why Am I Dead At Sea is SO FUCKIN GOOD

god I’m full of FEEEELS and THEORIES and GAHHHH I cant talk about ANYTHING about this game without spoiling stuff!! So I’m gonna make a spoilery ramble post woo! I havent actually finished it yet so this is spoils for like... up to the very last bit before the start of the final chapter. And I’ll try and talk about stuff in order so like, if you dont mind seeing a few spoils then you can read halfway thru i guess?? I just really wanna be able to reccommend this game and gush about characters without having to talk spoils!! GAHHH!!

ANYWAY U CAN BUY IT HERE Its really cheap and really worth it! Its even on sale right now so its £1.50 instead of £3! DOUBLE CHEAP!! But absolutely remember to backup your savefiles frequently, there’s a pathfinding glitch that can make the game unwinnable. And its a damn shame cos that nearly made me stop playing before I got to any of the good bits! Its easy to avoid once you know about it, at least.

Man, I’m so sad the gameplay has that one big glitch cos its really cool aside from that?? Its super basic and probably not everyone’s cup of tea though, this is a game that you’d only enjoy if you’re the sort of people who like when a game has like.. a codex of extra info you can collect.  There’s not as much ‘control people to affect the world’ as you’d expect, its 99% controlling people to unlock different dialogue options. All word puzzles and stuff! And the easiest way to get out of being stuck is just to methodically possess everyone you havent possessed yet, and talk to everyone and click on everything using them. I can imagine that’d be frustrating for people who like.. weren’t already doing that anyway. I Wanted to do that instantly cos I wanna find all the optional insights into everyone’s character! And some funny moments and sweetheart moments and AAAA I care about these people too much already... Oh, and its even more reason to love Paulo cos he gives you tips if you chat to him, and can even outright tell you the solution if you get really stuck. So for players who dont like being all completionist on the dialogue, he’s a very useful helper! I just wish that the ‘outright give you the solution’ option was better labelled so you dont click it by accident. Its just ‘tell me more’, I didnt know itd ruin the current puzzle for me :P

And MAAAAAN this game gets really trancey and atmospheric and I cant even really explain why?? You spend the whole game within this one small area but stuff gets opened up over time and things are revealed about seemingly innocent areas when you gain the new abilities of different people you possess. And how the player character is just this ethereal floaty flame, and how you get used to all the rules of how it works, and how neat the lil animations are. And how you start memorizing the place and all the details about everyone and getting REALLY DETERMINED to protect them GAHHH And the soundtrack is REALLY GOOD

PAULO IS MY SMALL SON PLEASE TELL ME I CAN PROTECT HIM FOREVER tiny necromancer boy aaaaaa he’s so lonely aaaaa he’s on this ship cos he has to ride it all the time on his own to get back from boarding school, his parents cant be bothered to pick him up and he’s just SO YOUNGGGG aaaa he’s like a child prodigy, he’s going to this big scary boarding school several grades above him and his parents are so distant and everyone thinks he can just handle everything because he’s smart and on top of all that he has to keep the secret that he can see ghosts, and theyre like his ONLY FRIENDS even though he only gets to talk to them for a little while before they pass on. YET HE STILL KEEPS HELPING THEM! He says all ‘oh im only summoning you for selfish reasons, I want you to save everyone else on the ship’ but he still helps you resolve your own death even when he knows it means he’ll never see you again. He has to mourn his best friend every damn time he makes one! Aside from that all he has is his teddy bear, showing just how young he really is and how much he FUCKING NEEDS GOOD PARENTS no matter how damn smart the poor kid is and AAAAA... And when you start getting clues about who you maybe are, it gets even sadder cos he’s like... “I didnt know her well but... I liked her. She helped me with my geometry homework.” God he had just ONE MOMENT of incredibly ordinary minimal friendship with this lady and then as soon as he’d got his hopes up THIS SHIT HAD TO HAPPEN! No wonder he locked his door for the entire cruise and refused to be near anyone except his new ghost friend. And gahhh he must have had his suspicions from the start about who it was that died, as soon as she didn’t come back to help with his homework. From his perspective this was just like an inevitable conclusion and he was begging you to find any other answer...

MORE SPOILERY SPOILER I was so fucking terrified when his door finally opened, and all you see inside is empty space. I mean it was a punch to the gut indeed that someone else died that we only really just met, but I’m WAY more terrified that the main sidekick for the whole game is potentially gonna die! He’s just vanished though, so I’m hoping that whether you save him or not is what determines the bad endings? So it IS possible to save him right?? SPOILER ENDDDDDDD

I’m still really confused how to feel about Xu though. I mean she’s such a huge jerk but I still cant help but feel sympathy for her?? And I feel like.. if I am supposed to hate her then its kinda annoying that the game brings up all these sympathetic concepts just to sorta discard them, they only exist to be her failed excuses for her actions. I dunno, its just sorta messed up. But it also means that if I AM supposed to agree with her actions then its messed up too?? And either way its frustrating cos she’s the only chinese character in the cast and her plot is so... gah. She’s this jerkass to everybody and she steals from the customers and then her excuse is ‘but I’m so poor and I’m a minority, how dare you yell at me for stealing’ and then she NEVER GIVES THE STUFF BACK and you never have any option to tell anyone?? And its so messed up cos like.. Anton actually IS a privilaged guy and I can see why she’d be mad that he’s in this job because he ‘wants to travel’ whereas she has to take it because she’s literally homeless. I mean if they actually discussed that then it’d be a good plot. And its a shame you cant bring up the secrets you find about Anton even when you get full possession of him, you find out he also had a meltdown and flunked out of college cos he just couldnt handle it, they could have been able to bond over that and realise they were both having misconceptions about each other’s motives for things. Like, she saw him as some guy who just chose to drop out of the education she wishes she could go back to, because he’s soooo rich and he can do whatever he wants. And he’d never considered how good he’s got it, and how other people are denied the same opportunities, and how he can use his privilage to help make the world fairer for these other people! Its just.. like.. you dont even find out that Anton IS rich until AFTER the conversation about Xu stealing his stuff, so it comes out of nowhere and feels like the game is saying privilage is a stupid concept thats not real and its being used as an excuse for her to be horrid. Either that or its on Xu’s side and its saying shoplifting is fine as long as you steal from white people?? And like.. Anton didnt do ANYTHING to make it seem like he deserved it, as far as we see. He’s never even rude to her?? He doesnt seem to do anything racist or classist. Its just like she assumes he;s that way because he’s a rich white guy but the game shows him to be Super Innocent so is it saying that everyone who ever accuses anyone of racism is always lying or.. gahhh?? It just feels like its trying to make a statement but I have no clue what it is! And this is the only time racism is ever discussed so it kinda stands out?? Also.. like.. NOBODY ever discusses the name issue?? Its really confusing, cos even her steam trading card calls her ‘Xu/Sue’. Ingame EVERYONE calls her Sue except herself and the interface. But its never drawn attention to, or explained?? So like, am I actually meant to assume that everyone is mispronouncing her name? But there’s no option to not do it! Or to bring up the subject! Anyway I just CANNOT stop feeling sympathy for her every time I see the damn wrong name in all these text boxes. Even if she’s an abrasive asshole half the time she feels like she has some sense of morality deep down, and that she’s been pushed to this extent by a terrible life rather than just choosing to become this sort of person. She’s just kinda like the ‘token evil good guy’ on the team. Even though she’s committing petty crimes it pales in comparison to the bigger horror that’s going on here :P

MAN it felt so damn good to finally get the reveal on Donavan and play as him for the first time! I mean whoa what a good climactic moment! What an uplifting! And what a downlifting when it gets cut short by tragedy, lol I TOTALLY KNEW IT that he was a cop! I mean seriously he was such a clear red herring, he was being pushed so heavily as the killer and we never got to know anything actually about him. And when you read his mind the ‘I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU.’ struck me as something that could easily have a double meaning if he was a detective looking for the real killer! It was just SO BADASS when you finally get to control him and you have the power to enter every room and find clues that were locked off for ages! And it feels like you’re finally making progress so it was such a great story decision that the killer gets him immediately afterwards. And how their last taunt to him is that he was NO WHERE NEAR solving the mystery! Its just a taste of power and then its all thrown away and it makes you SO FUCKING DETERMINED to finish what donovan started with your weak lil protagonist hands NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES GAHHHHH

And then finally regaining a humanoid ghost form and being able to unlock the last two people’s tragic backstories by visiting their dreams!! And gahhh it was so interesting and sad that you have to lie and pretend to be the ghost of someone else they care about, in order to get through to them and say what that person would have said if they had got the chance to be the protagonist instead of you. It was actually a genuine huge surprise to learn that Gwen wasnt remotely involved with the murder! Like, she spent the whole game being paranoid that someone is coming after her, and everyone was saying she’s JUST paranoid, and then it turns out she WAS just paranoid! But I love that the game is actually sympathetic to her paranoia and shows how it’s a legitimate mental illness. Its left more mysterious than a lot of the other backstories, but it seems that her father or uncle or someone abused her and her sister when she was a child, and her sister was killed while she escaped. And even though its over she’s been haunted by the belief he’ll find her any second now, causing her to destroy her own life through reckless decisions, jumping up and running away every time things start getting good in her life. She doesnt even know where she’s running to! And GOD I really liked how you resolve it, you dont just cure people’s mental illnesses by giving them a  motivational speech. But you help them feel like they’re able to endure it, that they’ll get better someday and that they should accept help from therapists. And NOT BLAME THEMSELVES for being sick! I just really liked the line “yes, this is a living nightmare, but if you’re awake you can change things”.

And when you do the similar dream sequence for Darryl there’s an even better climactic line! Its like, after a whole game of him blaming himself for his wife’s suicide, going over a bazillion different scenarios of how he could have prevented it, you just say... “I was sick, there was nothing you could do.” There isnt some magical REASON why she became depressed, her life with him was as happy as he could have given her. It wouldnt have just stopped if her life was perfect, she had to get treatment, its an illness. It wasnt anyone’s fault, it was just a bad stroke of chance that she never told anyone about it and never got a chance to be treated, or even to talk it through with her husband at all. Her diary is just full of her feeling guilty that she must be making it up because she loves her husband so much and it’d be like insulting him to admit she isnt happy within her own skin, when he does everything to be the best husband he can. Goddd.... its so sad that its BECAUSE THEY WERE HAPPY that she was in this position where she never sought help! Where she just shouldered it herself and hoped it would go away on its own! And god, you get to see that Darryl does indeed have antidepressants in his room, unlike her he did seek therapy and its just because of his guilt that he isnt fully accessing that help. And he’s taking these drugs instead of his proper medication, and he’s planning his own suicide at the end of the trip. And god, you get to talk him down from it and say what his wife wanted to say, and save him from meeting the same fate as her! You’re just sick, Darryl. She was sick too. Its not anyone’s fault that someone stays depressed, nothing can magically make depression go away, you have to see a doctor like with any other illness. You cant just talk it away by telling yourself that you ‘should’ be happy and youre somehow choosing to feel this way...

GODDDD I hope poor mr stubble grandpa is okay after the end of the game And I hope him and Quella stay in touch as friends! Her backstory made me cry too, goddddd She’s been diagnosed with cancer and has anywhere between three and seven months to live, because she was too poor to afford treatment until it was already too late. And she’s just so positive and okay with it?? Everyone else are the only ones crying for her.. She just wants to finish her final novel before she runs out of time, she’s crying more about not having enough inspiration for this. She just wants to be remembered, she knows she cant change her own death and this is the only thing she CAN change... I want Darryl to be her friend and help beta read her novel aaaa And dear god can everyone please be okay and stick together and GOD why can’t protagonist stay T_T I want you all to be safe when I’m gone, my friends. God I get to know them so closely yet never be able to really even talk to them, they’ll just remember me as someone they talked to only once before I died... And DEAR GOD let me rescue Paulo please!!!! everyone be safe please I don’t want to be able to hug Paulo and stay with him forever There is no way this can happen unless the worst possible thing happened I have to say goodbye okay i HAVE TO SAVE EVERYONE if all goes well I’ll never see any of you in person, okay? just let me be a shadow on this boat and pass away with no regrets knowing all of you will live a lot longer than me THIS GAME GETS ME SO EMOTIONALLLLL

[tumblunni]

Alright I guess I’m watching the two-parter first cos lol I cant just let that spoiler stew in my head for half an hour. Bunni’s commentary below the cut, woooo!!

* I love steven’s postman song * Oh so maybe this is the thing we saw in the mysterious promos where the human characters suddenly go missing for some reason? But i’d think if Jamie didnt show up to work then they’d just send a different postman to deliver steven’s route, I mean we’ve seen that sadie’s mom sometimes delivers instead of him. * where did amethyst even get soda can beans * damn i hate beans and i still really want soda can beans now * PEARL AND GARNET MADE A SANDCASTLE HOUSE FOR CRABS, THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST ADORABLE SCENE IN THIS WHOLE SHOW GODDAMMIT * THEYRE JUST SO HAPPY ABOUT IT * AAAAAAAAAAA * anyway, continuing on... * or not, here have a pic first

* NOW, CONTINUING ON! * OH NOOOOO. man, that scene with sour cream putting up missing posters for his brother is so sad! I’m not a massive onion fan but still, he’s just a lil kid T_T * Okay, i do like that they did actually bring back sadie’s mom the postman, even if it was in a different way than I expected. I dont like the joke about her making secret copies of sadie’s keys though, thats just not funny when we had a whole episode about her being an abusive mother and now its like we’re saying she didnt actually learn her lesson after all. I know it was meant to be a joke tho, but it wasnt very funny so its easy to take it as serious... * I also liked that they brought up the island adventure episode as an idea for where sadie might be. Man that thing was still one of the darkest things ever, yikes... * Tho I do like that sadie’s mom is the first one to take steven’s concerns seriously, and she clearly has changed a bit cos she’s so fired up to save her daughter now. I hope you continue appearing more and continue with this good character development, sadie’s mom! Less dumb abusive parent jokes plz! * I really like aquamarine’s design, yo! She seems kinda like onion’s unique art style? and its cool to see that she’s clearly of the same kind of ‘caste’ as lapis and even shares the same colourscheme but she’s also a very unique variation. Its a shame that the ‘my dad’ thing was what got spoiled for me tho, cos I could imagine I woulda got attatched to her and assumed she was a lil kid if I hadnt seen that part first. * HAPPY MUSHY STEVEN AND CONNIE FRIENDSHIP TIME! while surrounded by the growing dread of all their friends potentially being dead! HOORAY? * okay i laughed way too much at Connie: *crumples up a leaf and watches it blow away* well, we know there’s wind just the overdramatic way it was animated, lol these two really arent very good at detectiving, this episode probably aint gonna end well.. * I also like how much empathy they both had for aquamarine even though they know nothing about her. and the various silly theories of how she has a dad, I totes agree that I’d wanna see a movie about aquamarine as batman! * Steven: *leaning into a tree* JAMIE! You in here delivering packages to some peat moss? WHY AM I LAUGHING SO MUCH * Also a bit late but let me say I loved everyone’s bad attempts at drawing aquamarine. Connie’s super anime version was ADORABLE, and omg pearl doing this uber complex Mucha style thing and going ‘oh im so bad at drawing lol’ * CONNIE YOU ARE MAYBE NOT HOLDING THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF SUSPICION HERE. “Jump down and I’ll shield your fall with my body!” connie please stop being so kind and perfect for once in your life * also its a bit silly that connie is the one who starts to cotton on that this is a tad confusing and suspicious, when steven just had the whole episode with Ruby. You’d think he’d know now not to assume that childlike gems are all instantly good :P * okay NOW he gets suspicious! after he somehow got himself stuck in a tree and connie is right in the grasp of this potentially evil gem. BAD SENSE OF TIMING, DUDE * I know she’s kinda meant to be terrifying but I LOVE TOPAZ ALREADY. Can we plz get like.. a large buff gem who isnt evil for once? Its starting to become an odd pattern. But yeah topaz/topazes hasnt even got a line yet and we dont know anything about her or how that weaponized fusion thing works but its just REALLY COOL and she looks really cute and I would love to hug her if she didnt absorb me into her skin like a horrifying death monster. That SLIGHTLY lowers the huggability factor! Slightly! But seriously she’s like a silent mook to a boss thats really rude to her, so i can totally see a big opportunity for her joining the hero side, yo. * also i like that aquamarine’s weapon is a magical wand that can turn into a hair ribbon. thats just very neat! also reminds me of syndrome from the incredibles * SO YEAH! DAT TWIST! Its cook that they made a callback AAAAAALLLL the way to a stray line of dialogue in peridot’s very first episode! Apparantly steven accidentally caused them to target his friends, cos he talked about them once and homeworld was receiving peridot’s logs back then. And the whole ‘are you my dad’ thing was just because they literally thought greg’s name was ‘my dad’. * Topaz using the captured friends as shields against the heroes = further proof that topaz is more smart than her jerk boss gives her credit for. But also a total dick move, yo! It was funny having the callback to jamie’s crush on garnet tho * same as I said with Navy-ruby, I LOVE that we’re getting more actually detestable villains to root for our heroes to defeat and all. the show was slowing down for a bit when we didnt have any villains or any threats left for like half a whole season. Aquamarine is SO SCARY! ‘they didnt specify the humans have to be alive~ hee hee~’ Yes I am 100% for cliche ‘innocent’ looking characters being evil villains, now can we please have the cliche ‘barbarian mook’ ones be good guys too. PLEASE GIV ME TOPAZ REDEMPTION. I dont know why i want this so much when she’s only been onscreen for 4 dialogueless minutes!!! * okay she’s kinda gonna crush jamie’s skull in the palm of her hand but im still gonna hope for dat redemption yo *STUBBORN TIL THE DAY I DIE* *PROBABLY BY ALSO BEING CRUSHED BY TOPAZ* *BUT WHATEVER* * I cant believe ‘her body is so thicc’ was actually said. Wonder how long until people take that out of context, lol? * I love that the bigger threat than topaz is apparantly jamie’s poetry about being killed by topaz. HURRY UP STEVEN!! * LARS U PIECE OF SHIT! can we just fuckin kill him off already? i’ve had SO much patience for this guy, I just hate how they keep cockteasing us with him learning a lesson or being sympathetic in some way and then keep taking it back and making him EVEN WORSE. Now he’s literally running off and leaving sadie to die! JUST STOP, SHOW. Or at least stop giving him so much screentime if NOTHING IS EVER GONNA HAPPEN IN IT. I started off amoungst the people who thought he was potentially redeemable, yo! >_< * Okay, very good cliffhanger that everyone else escapes but they take steven back to homeworld. Again. Well, hopefully this time will be quite different to the zoo episode? Also it seems lars running away was just a plot device to get lars stuck on the ship too in the end, which *UGH* means he’ll probably get more screentime next episode :P fuckin hell ive given up all hope you’re gonna make him an interesting, fully rounded character ever :P * still hoping for topaz redemption arc * seriously kill lars and bring her back in his place * or just give me a whole episode of topaz slapping him til he becomes a better person * same for aquamarine * everything is solved by topaz’s backhand