#angst? in my 18+ alt account? its more likely than you think

[plants-and-the-bees]

Now just thinking so much about nbr and safe words. Like we can ALL agree that theyd be into a lot of kinky bdsm stuff and cnc and such, so theyd definitely need one, but just. God im imagining how rough it might be at first.

Because Kian definitely has sexual trauma, and I feel like he’s absolutely been in situations with partners who’ve either treated safe words like they were stupid and unnecessary or who’ve agreed to them and then ignored them when Kian used them and just… he’d have such a hard time with it.

And I feel like Rolan would be the one to actually bring the topic up, he’s had past relationships that were actually healthy so he’d make sure they were doing everything safely while Rand would kinda just be learning shit for the first time and Kian… wouldn’t even realize how fucked his past really is until he has Rand and Rolan to put things into perspective.

Like he wouldn’t really get that he’s allowed to say no. He’s allowed to say stop, he’s allowed to change his mind, he doesn’t have to just let things happen and go along with stuff. And it’d be such a struggle for him to really get all of that especially since doing so would require kind of… admitting that there’s something wrong with what he’s used to. There’s something wrong with HIM. The things he’s gone through arent fine, arent normal, arent acceptable. And he doesn’t want to admit that.

And he’d definitely also be just like… scared of using their safeword even after it’s set. Mostly because he’d be scared that he’ll use it and they won’t listen. That they’ll just keep going anyways. And he’s fucking TERRIFIED of things ending up just like they always have before.

I feel like the first time he’d use it it wouldn’t even be because he like genuinely needs to or wants to, but because he’d just need to see. Like they’d be having sex, it’d be nothing special, and he wouldn’t really want it to stop, but he’d use the safe word just to see how they’d react. When it won’t be as bad if they don’t stop because at least he doesn’t like fully want them to.

But they obviously do. They stop immediately, check on him to make sure he’s okay, they don’t complain or get upset or just ignore him, they’re so gentle and careful and Kian doesn’t know how to handle it. And so he kind of just… cries. He just bursts out sobbing and Rolan and Rand are apologizing and asking what they did and how they can help and Kian’s just crying, shaking his head, he doesn’t know how to explain that he’s just so relieved and confused and so he ends up just hugging them and crying against them…

They’d end up having a long talk about everything afterwards, and Kian would try to explain everything to them and they’d just be so horrified for him… they’d promise and reassure him that they’d never do anything to him that he wouldn’t want them to, and that he can always, ALWAYS tell them if he doesn’t want something and they’ll listen, and Kian just ends up crying again while they comfort him…