#ang sakit mo na naman sa puso jusko enjel marie

[thesecoldfeet]

i was told by our friend that angel visited her in her dreams. ang sabi daw eh pakisabi naman sakin na miss na niya ako. that girl.

hindi talaga nagpapakabog si ante. alam ko na agad yung reason bakit siya bumisita sa dream ng friend namin. nung una iniisip ko, was it because napag-usapan namin siya ni nem? until i realized, probably being the girl that she was, nagtampo na yon when i told a good friend of mine na para siyang si angel na sobrang daming energy. damot yon eh.

and also, i've been quiet for quite some time. trying to hold space for myself and deal all my shit privately so somehow i was thinking, maybe she's also worried because before when she was still here and my heart is completely shattered, she's literally my one call away friend. isang tawag ko lang don parang split ring palang sinasagot na nya agad tapos iiyak lang ako nang sobra. makikinig lang siya hanggang sa kusa na ako titigil sa pag-iyak, saka siya kukuda ng wala nang bukas. reminding me of how strong i am.

gelibean, kung may tumblr man dyan sa heaven (kung andyan ka nga juk onleh) at mababasa mo 'to, please know that i am okay. not okay, okay, but you know, we'll get there naman eventually. ang dami nang nangyari since we lost you. sa 22o lang talaga, may mga times pa din na hindi ko matanggap na nauna ka sakin. totoo. malalim yung bubog ng pagkawala mo. sometimes iniisip ko nalang din na while nakikita mo naman kami from there, okay na din na andyan ka kasi wala ng pain dyan. wala ng confusion. makakapagpahinga ka na at isa pa, hindi mo na ako ulit maririnig na umaatungal over the phone kasi baka mapalipad ka pa ng cavite kung maririnig mo kong umiyak ngayon. chz.

i have 9 tattoos now. napanood ko na din yung kodaline this year. it got me so sentimental because i remembered na it was one of your dreams din to see them live. i broke down when they played "high hopes", gellow. i screamed and sang my heart out when it played as if aabot naman ang sigaw ko sa langit. sana narinig mo. narinig ko na din ng live yung umaapaw at spaces na shuta ka. tinanong pa ako ng kapatid ko paano ko nadiscover si martti franca aba may gaga ba namang nagdedicate sakin ng spaces nung na fall siya? hahahahaha

i'm almost done with my mba, too. sana kayanin. manifesting but syempre kinakabahan pa din because grabe ang twists and turns ng buhay ko ngayon.

while it's true na i've met people who has the same energy as you, you know very well na they're not like you because you're different. you're the first person who helped me to be more patient and understanding to people, especially to the people who's not mentally okay. you became one of my inspiration on how to be a good ate.

you always tell me that you love to leave traces to the people you value. may you always be reminded that the traces you left for me is always here. it will never fade.

kung close man kayo ni susej dyan, bulungan mo nalang na sana tama na ang power tripping. joke. huhu.

i miss you terribly. wag mo na kami gabayan dito. magpahinga ka nalang dyan.

the grief never goes away, gel. but thank you for always looking out for me.