#andrew gadflies x reader

[buckyseddie]

if only

pairings — tasm!peter parker x bff!fem!reader, featuring bff!gwen stacy x bff!fem!reader

summary — in which, she’s been second to gwen her entire life, so, naturally, it comes to a shock to her when peter picks her.

word count — 4.8k.

warnings — angst, fluff, best friends to lovers trope, protective/soft!peter, reader and peter equally pining after each other, reader being extremely insecure about herself because of always being a last choice, mentions of anxiety and o.c.d., reader being self-loathing towards herself, also slight mentions of reader having an abusive parent and hints of an actual abusive situation near the end (i feel like that needs to be a warning because i know how it feels to be in an abusive situation, so yeah), use of pet-names [baby], confessions, kisses, gwen being a supportive best friend.

notes — first off, i just want to say, this isn’t a fic that will spoil nwh. yes, i’ve watched it, but i don’t want to ruin that for anyone else, so i’m not going to spoil the movie!! anyways, after watching the movie, though, [THIS MAY BE A SPOILER THO->] my obsession over andrew as spider-man has come back, so here i am, writing about him because he’s one of my biggest comfort characters from that fictional world, etc. anyways, i hope you enjoy <3. also, i want to clarify that i have nothing against gwen. in fact, i love her with my entire heart. the narration is just based on how the reader was treated throughout her and gwen’s friendship. another quick thing, if i mess up any details from the movies, please, don’t come for me :/. i haven’t watched the movies in years and i can’t figure out where to watch it for free, so please forgive me for any errors, etc! gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

main masterlist

IT’S A GIVEN THAT SHE constantly feels like gwen is much more important than her.

it’s understandable that she has never felt like she matters just as much as gwen does. that’s just how it’s always been for [y/n].

why, you ask? it’s quite simple; gwen is kind and caring and beautiful — tons of people like her and crush on her.

and no, that’s not gwen’s fault.

in fact, she always tried so much to make [y/n] feel included and like she’s good enough because she hates the way her best friend feels about herself — she hates that people make her feel like that when she sees her as so much more.

but, no matter how much gwen tried — and failed — she just couldn’t get her best friend to see how important she is.

and that certainly isn’t [y/n]’s fault, either.

you see, not only, is it because she feels like a last choice when it comes to her friendship with gwen, but she also doesn’t have such a great home life — her father is extremely abusive, and her mother is never home to give her the love she deserves.

it had been like that for so long that [y/n] usually crashes at gwen’s house on most nights that she possibly can — she’ll do just about anything to avoid her father and his angry actions.

and it doesn’t help that it’s quite obvious that the one person she cares about the most, only has eyes for her best friend.

i mean, talk about heartbreak, right?

[y/n] and peter — just like herself and gwen — have been close friends since middle school.

of course, they’re not as close as gwen and [y/n] are, but still.

and it really didn’t take that long for her to grow intense feelings for her good friend, peter parker.

so, when the moment came where she catches the two talking, smiling and laughing with each other, she stops from where she had recently been walking out of from one of her classes.

her heart nearly stops, her blood running cold as the tears begins to blur her vision.

the small little wheezes of laughter of peter’s finally dies in his throat when he notices [y/n] stood behind him and gwen, watching them with an unreadable look in her eyes.

then, a shuddering breath escapes out of her slightly chapped lips as their eyes finally meet.

with another hallow breath leaving her, [y/n] shakes her head and keeps repeating to herself that she has no right to be heartbroken — or hurt — over both of her best friend’s hitting it off with each other as she forces herself to walk down the hall, over to her locker.

as she hurries past them, not giving either of them the time of day during her emotional mood, she tries to ignore their gazes burning into her side.

peter watches her longingly, frowning as she finally makes it to her locker, twisting the lock and unlocking it with her passcode.

“you know… you could just tell her how you feel, right?” gwen asks from her place behind him, raising a questioning eyebrow at him as he continues to watch his best friend numbly grab her backpack from inside of her locker.

with a sigh, peter shakes his head.

“i—i can’t.” he mumbles, feeling the multiplied amount of anxiety beginning to fill him at the thought of ruining his friendship with his very best friend.

“why not?” she asks in a soft voice, tilting her head to the side in confusion.

but, just as he opens his mouth to explain what he’s thinking, she rolls her eyes and groans, before swiftly interrupting him. “—and don’t you dare say it’s because she doesn’t feel the same. because she does, trust me. she does.”

peter sputters, brows knitting together in confusion as he turns back to face gwen. “w—what? no, sh—she doesn’t. of course she doesn’t. why would she?” he rambles, causing gwen to become irritated with him and lightly slap him in the arm.

“idiot, parker! you literally are so clueless that it’s embarrassing to witness firsthand. she obviously was jealous when she saw us talking because she likes you. and obviously, she thinks something’s going on between us,” she chastises him, before explaining more. “it’s so obvious how she feels about you. and although she’s never told me how she feels about you, it’s quite clear she does feel that way. she just never told me because i think she thinks that i like you and that you like me — she probably thinks that she doesn’t have a chance with you. she’s always felt like she wasn’t enough through the entire time i’ve been friends with her because of how people treated me compared to her.”

as he hears more of what she says, peter’s heart cracks in half at the thought of [y/n] thinking she’s not enough.

i mean… sure, he always knew that she was quiet and kept to herself. but, he just thought that that was who she was, not that it had to do with her insecurities.

“peter, you need to tell her how you feel before you lose her. because, trust me, you will, if you don’t talk to her. it’s a miracle her and i are still best friends — when things get too intense or scary for her, or if she thinks someone’s going to hurt or leave her, she self-sabotages the relationship and pushes the person away before they can do it to her.”

she raises a brow at him, waiting for him to agree with her.

but, it’s almost as if he’s stuck in his own world — in his own head. he’s still frozen in shock, finding it completely hard to believe that his best friend reciprocates the same feelings he has for her.

with a groan, gwen mumbles, “just tell her,” before she’s walking off, leaving him still in an equal amount of shock and confusion.

—————

WITH A HEAVY SIGH, [Y/N] lets herself fall onto her bed, in which, is made neatly, due to her crippling anxiety.

although, she’s absolutely sure that it has more to do with her o.c.d. than anything else.

after a few moments of feeling the most uncomfortable pain ever, from lying directly on top of her heavy backpack, she sighs and moves to sit up to take the straps off of her shoulders.

but, something in particular causes her to stop her actions completely; a door slamming shut causes her head to snap up with fear beginning to swirl deeply in her [y/e/c] eyes.

a deep intake of shaky breaths later, [y/n] tries to calm herself as her father’s footsteps carry on and edge closer to the top of the steps that leads directly to her bedroom door.

although, before she can fully process this fact and prepare for a conversation that may or may not end in violence, her eyes catch a silhouette climbing up to her window.

as he climbs up nervously to his best friend’s bedroom window — not knowing of her biggest secret — peter freezes when he sees the panicked look on [y/n]’s face.

[y/n] freezes, before snapping her head back towards her bedroom door, trying to figure out how much closer her father is.

although, she impulsively decides that telling peter to leave before he finds out the truth, is totally worth the risk of getting caught by her father and getting an even worse punishment than she’d normally get whenever she was home — the times where she wasn’t crashing at gwen’s, which was usually extremely rare.

peter’s brows knit together in confusion as [y/n] slowly and quietly flips the latch and lifts up the window as much as she possibly can.

“peter! what are you doing here?”

before he can actually answer her, a loud booming voice yells, “[y/n]! open this door, right now!” her father violently jiggles the door knob, confirming that it is indeed locked.

she snaps her head to the direction of her door, a gasp leaving her lips and a fearful expression quickly taking over her face.

then, she turns back to peter, her tearful gaze and petrified expression completely visible to him now as she stutters in a whisper, “y—you have to go, peter. please.”

still in shock from how violent the man on the other side of the door is acting, peter snaps out of his confused daze and shakes his head.

“[y/n], something’s obviously going on. just talk to me.”

a loud and violent pound on the door later and tears start to spill from her eyes to her cheeks in fear of her father hurting her best friend.

“p—peter… please. i’m begging you, just go. you can’t be here for what happens next. i… i—i need you safe. so, please… just go.” she cries out, trembling as she reaches over the windowsill and grabs onto one of his hands and squeezes it.

peter shakes his head once more, about to say more.

but, he’s interrupted when [y/n]’s father slams the door against the lock, causing it to open just a fraction, bringing his daughter to the realization that he’d be inside her room any second.

[y/n] anxiously turns back to peter.

“please. just leave, hide, whatever. just… please, don’t let him see or hear you.” she whispers shakily, pulling her hand away from his and backing up as she hopes to god peter will be gone long before her father finally breaks through her bedroom door.

peter opens his mouth to say more, not ready to leave her alone in this situation — whatever this situation means — when she nods to him, tears resurfacing.

“i—it’s okay. i’ll come find you — w—we’ll talk, okay? just go. i’ll… i’ll be okay. i promise.” her voice cracks.

with another hesitant glance at her, peter finally sighs in defeat and begins to climb back down the side of the apartment building.

the moment he’s far enough away, [y/n] heaves in a sigh of relief and races over to the window, taking no pauses and quietly shuts the window, just as her father finally breaks through, a look of pure rage in his eyes.

“d—dad, please—” she begins in a tone mixed with both pleading and trembles in it.

“what did i say about locking your door, [y/n]?” he questions in a voice of so much calmness throughout the anger he obviously feels, causing a chill to run through her spine as she knows all to well of what’s to come next.

—————

“OH MY GOD. [Y/N]!” GWEN gasps the second she opens up her front door to see her best friend with bruises surrounding her entire face, including a black eye.

[y/n] frowns, hating that she had to come to her best friend and be babied and treated like a fragile piece of glass, but allows gwen to guide her into the living room and over to the couch anyways, knowing that her best friend is just concerned and worried for her.

“what happened?” gwen questions her, after grabbing her a frozen bag of peas from her parent’s freezer and gently pressing it to one of her cheeks.

[y/n] sighs, before whispering low enough for gwen to hear, “who do you think?”

she doesn’t need to look up at her best friend to know that both the protective and sad expression — the one that gwen wore when she had first found out the truth behind [y/n]’s family — is forming on her face.

“again? oh my god, honey. i—i’m so sorry.” she murmurs, frowning as she moves to sit beside her best friend and places an arm around her shoulder, careful not to put any pressure on any of the injured areas of her body.

[y/n] simply sighs and allows herself to hide her head in gwen’s chest, zoning out numbly for god know’s how long.

several minutes later, a knock is heard on the door, knocking both [y/n] and gwen out of their own thoughts.

when [y/n] lifts up her head from gwen’s chest and gwen herself opens the door and it’s revealed to be peter, asking if [y/n] is there, she jumps up off of the couch so fast — despite her many injuries.

she winces because of this.

but, all she knows in that moment, is that she hopes that she can keep peter from seeing her face.

god, how will she be able to explain that?

but, it’s too late.

because gwen has already stepped aside for peter to walk inside, who’s eyes instantly catching [y/n]’s bloodied and bruised face.

peter’s jaw drops, mouth gaping open at her as he stares at her in utter shock and concern.

although, his worry for her is multiplied by the fact that he knows how painful bruises can be because of his secret identity as the neighborhood’s friendly spider-man.

but, before peter can even begin to question her, [y/n] races down the hall to gwen’s bedroom, hurries inside, and slams the door shut with her back against it, breaths coming out in uneven pants.

what was she supposed to do now? there was no way that he didn’t see it.

back in the living room, peter turns back to gwen, the worry clear on his face.

“what the hell happened to her? i—is she okay?” he questions, brows knitted together in an alarmed tone of voice.

“peter…” gwen hesitates, not wanting to betray her best friend’s trust, but also knowing deep down that peter has every right to know what happened.

as if understanding what she’s thinking, peter sighs.

“please. just… please, just tell me what happened. if i’m going to talk to her, i need to know what’s going on.” he gently pushes, the instinctive feeling of the protectiveness he feels over [y/n] consuming him, still.

gwen still hesitates.

“gwen, you and i both know that she won’t tell me, no matter what happens. you know how she is when she goes through stuff — she never wants to tell anyone because she thinks that she would be burdening them.”

gwen caves after a few seconds of silence. deep down, she knows he’s right.

i mean, it’s literally a miracle that [y/n] even showed up to seek comfort from gwen in the first place — she never depends on others, always only dealing with it on her own. it’s the only way she knows how to survive.

“her dad.” she murmurs so quietly that peter almost thinks he misheard her.

“excuse me? it sounded like you just said her dad did that to her.” he questions, raising his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for her to correct him.

but, she doesn’t.

she just sighs and gives him a look that clearly suggests that she’s not lying.

“gwen,” he suddenly says, voice cracking. “i—please. please, just tell me it wasn’t her fucking dad.”

upon noticing the silence and the way gwen stays quiet, he flinches, tears beginning to cloud his eyes as the truth finally sinks in and the denial dissipates.

“oh man…” he mumbles, his hands going into his hair, tugging at the brown strands in stress as he mentally lectures himself for not seeing it.

“peter, i’m sorry. i know you deserve to know, but i just didn’t want to betray her trust. she’s been through a lot. and this is one of the biggest situations that’s affected her the most, y’know?” she sighs and places a comforting hand on his shoulder, relating to the emotions that he’s feeling now — the simplest emotions known as shock and anxiety, but still the most consuming ones to feel.

in a fit of hurt over not knowing the truth — especially, when it was quite literally right in front of him — peter shrugs off her hand and turns around.

then, he starts walking down the hallway to gwen’s bedroom, where his best friend is currently hiding in.

“peter, wait!” gwen whispers, worrying that he may say something he doesn’t mean during his frustration over [y/n] not telling him the truth.

with a groan, he reluctantly turns to face her. “what?”

“y—you can’t just march in there. she’s hurting.” she whisper-yells back, raising a brow when he throws his hands up in the air in further frustration.

“well, what am i supposed to do, then, gwen? like you said, she’s hurting. and i wasn’t there to protect her.” he grumbles, wanting to just hurry into the room and comfort [y/n].

when she doesn’t say anything else, he turns back to the door of gwen’s bedroom and knocks on it. “[y/n]? it’s peter. can… can i come in?”

peter’s soft and gentle voice — despite being worried and upset — is heard through the door, after his gently hesitant knock on it, bringing [y/n]’s breath to easily hitch in her throat, anxiety quickly consuming her.

so many nervous thoughts swirl around in her head, causing her to completely get lost in them and forget about opening the door, once she backs away from it.

when silence is the only response peter gets, gwen sighs as he turns to her with a defeated look in his eyes.

after seeing the hurt look in her friend’s eyes, gwen sighs and walks over to the door, knocking on it as soft as possible, before speaking, “[y/n]? hun, i know you’re scared and hurting. and we’re both here for you. always. but…” she trails off, looking back over at peter, who’s no longer paying attention to the conversation as he moves to sit down and lean against the door with his head in hands.

[y/n]’s head snaps up in surprise as she waits for best friend to finish what she’s saying, already having forgotten the internal battle in her mind about letting in the boy she loves, or not.

“look, it’s understandable to be scared. i get that. but, peter cares about you, just as much as you care for him. and he’s worried sick about you. he has been for awhile. so, please, just talk to him when you’re ready. i’ll be in the living room, if you need anything.” hearing her words, [y/n] anxiously gnaws on her bottom lip, trying to come up with a decision.

she does want to tell peter the truth. she knows that if she does, he’d give her all the comfort that she desperately needs.

but, there’s another part of her that’s scared that he’s just using the time to comfort her as an advantage to get more time with gwen, even though they carry no romantic feelings for each other, whatsoever.

of course, she knows that peter would never use her like that, but she just can’t help but think it.

just as she inches towards gwen’s bedroom door, hand just inches away from the doorknob as she has finally come to a decision, her heart stops when she hears what peter does and says next.

with a heavy sigh, he moves to stand up and faces gwen with a look of acceptance placed on his face.

“y—you know what, gwen? maybe… maybe i should just go. i should just respect [y/n]’s decision — i don’t want to push her to talk to me, if she’s not ready.”

gwen hesitates, feeling bad for both of her friends, and wishing that she could do something — anything — to get them to just admit how they feel.

she just wants them to be happy.

“i—i’m just gonna get out of here. text me if anything happens.” he murmurs, trying to ignore the crack in his voice as gwen sighs and wordlessly nods, before he’s walking down the hall.

in the next moment, [y/n] doesn’t hesitate, instantly losing the fear that was holding her back from opening up to peter as a new fear of losing him tonight replaces it.

in just seconds, she’s twisting the knob and throwing the door open hurriedly, surprising gwen.

but, [y/n] doesn’t pay any attention to this as she races after peter.

“p—peter! wait!” she calls after him, rushing towards him, until she’s stood right behind him as he stops.

once he turns to face her, she immediately notices his tearful gaze.

they’re both quiet for a moment, just staring at each other.

but, as if she catches herself, she clears her throat and shakes her head abruptly, knocking peter himself out of his own longing daze towards her.

“peter… i—i’m sorry.” she whispers, tears of her own now surfacing to her eyes.

his brows furrow together in confusion.

“you’re sorry? f—for what? you didn’t do anything wrong.” he murmurs, still very much confused.

[y/n]’s own eyebrows knit together, finding it hard to believe that he thinks she did nothing wrong.

“i did nothing wrong? peter, i have a lot to be sorry for,” she mumbles, shaking her head when his confused expression stays placed on his face. “i didn’t tell you about my dad… and my… well, my feelings for you.”

it’s hard to get the words out.

because as much as she’s not sure what gwen meant when she’d said that peter cared about her just as much she did him, she needs to admit it.

it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t feel the same.

she just can’t bare to lie to him anymore.

it had been beyond exhausting, pretending to be just friends and acting as if she only sees him as that, when she feels so much more for him.

peter’s brows raise in shock as he sputters. “s—so, it’s true? you have feelings for me?” he questions.

he scoffs when she nods.

“i… i never thought… i mean, gwen said that you obviously did, but i just couldn’t believe that someone as incredibly amazing as you could ever carry those type of feelings for someone like me…” he trails his statement off, not even paying attention to [y/n]’s reaction to his words.

she flinches in shock.

“w—what? peter… what do you mean, ‘someone like you’?” she questions, titling her head to the side in further confusion.

as peter stutters once more, gwen takes the private moment between her friends as the opportunity to sneak into her bedroom, desperately hoping that giving them the privacy will finally give them the chance to not only admit how they feel towards each other, but to also just make things official.

“i—i mean, you’re such a good person and i’m not that special. i can’t really grasp the thought of you actually feeling that way about me.” he explains, barely noticing gwen slipping away from the hall and into her bedroom.

now, it’s [y/n]’s turn to scoff.

“are you actually kidding me, parker? have you met you?” she questions him in disbelief, shaking her head at him as he shrugs, obviously trying to pretend that he isn’t making a big deal out of this, even though, he very much is.

“peter parker, do you have any idea how special and important you are? how much i value you… and who you are to me?” she asks, her eyes sparkling with absolute adoration for the dorky boy standing in front of her.

he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, as he notices the love and adoration for him in her eyes.

“god, parker…” she mumbles, still in shock of his answers.

without another thought of the memory of her having a super swollen face of bruises from her father, or the thought of her insecurities over gwen being the one everyone went for, instead of her, [y/n] impulsively places her hands on his cheeks and pulls him down to her height, placing her lips onto his in a soft and urgent kiss, showing him just how much he means to her.

a strangled sound of shock leaves his lips, causing him to instantly freeze in place.

but, once he realizes what’s going on, he immediately melts into her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

when she pulls away, [y/n] rests her forehead against his and breathes heavily, desperately gasping for air, before eventually whispering, “i know there’s a chance that you may not feel the same… and i’ll still always be here for you, even if it’s just as friends. but, i really needed to do that, at least once.”

she giggles as he laughs with her, gently placing his hands on her cheeks, careful to not put too much pressure on her bruises.

as the moment passes, and their temples are still pressed together, peter sighs, his eyes softening as concern fills him.

“i cannot believe your dad did this to you. what kind of man puts his hands on his own blood? his own daughter?” his voice comes out rough, something very unlikely of peter parker.

she sighs, looking up at him as she quickly becomes shocked at the anger in his voice.

of course, it’s not at her, but at her father.

she gulps, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

“a man who’s unsatisfied with his life does. but… it’s okay.”

he scoffs once more. “how is that okay? he could’ve really hurt you, [y/n]. i hate that i wasn’t there to protect you… i should’ve been there — i should’ve stayed.”

he fully pulls away from her as she opens her eyes with a soft smile placed on her lips, despite all that she’s been through.

“because i’m okay. besides, he doesn’t get to hurt me that much — i’m usually at gwen’s, or hanging out with you. so, i barely am at home.” she explains, but hesitates with her words when she sees the frown placed on his face.

“peter?” she whispers, cupping his cheeks in worry.

he lets out a gruff, “yes?”

“you know it’s not your fault, right? you… you couldn’t have known. and besides, it doesn’t matter that you weren’t there before — you’re here now.” she whispers, frowning at him.

he sighs, but nods.

“i’m just glad that you’re okay.” he mumbles.

“i—i really don’t know what i’d do, if you didn’t survive that. i would literally lose my mind without you in my life.”

[y/n] tilts her head in confusion.

“but… what about gwen? surely, she’d help you move on, right? you… you’d be happy with her.” she whispers, despite the fact that saying those words hurt her on a whole other level — she still isn’t sure where they stand, and whether he loves her or gwen.

and despite her insecurities, if he does love gwen the way she wishes he’d love her, she wouldn’t be bitter and she’d try to move on.

because no matter how bad being a last choice compared to gwen makes her feel, gwen is still like a sister to her, and she wants happiness for her just as much as she wants her own.

peter growls at her statement. “why do you talk like that?”

her eyes widen in shock for a split second, before she responds, “l—like what? what do you mean?”

“like you’re expendable… and like you don’t matter just as much as her! i know you’ve had self-confidence issues throughout the past few years, but you’re not a last choice. do you not get that?”

her brows knit together and tears cloud her vision.

“i—i don’t mean it like that. i just… i can’t see a world where you pick me, when she exists right in front of you. you’d be a fool not to pick her…” she whispers, voice raspy and croaking as the tears fall to her cheeks.

noticing this, peter sighs, rolling his eyes at her not seeing what he sees her as.

“because i love you. i don’t love her — she’s like a sister to me, and besides,” he pauses to wipe away her tears carefully. “you better get used to disappointment because i’m going pick you every damn time, baby.”

then, a shaky breath leaves her lips as they tremble.

“r—really? you… do you mean that, peter?”

without a second’s hesitation he nods. “yes. i’ve always loved you. and i’m not going to stop now.”

and with that, he pulls her in for a careful, but passionate kiss, both of them losing themselves in each other.

they’re both too distracted to notice their very best friend, gwen stacy, who had stepped back out into the hall to get a snack, standing with the biggest, happiest smile on her lips as she watches them finally get their happy ending — that’s what she always wanted for them.

and now? peter had finally gotten the one person he could show all his love and adoration to, and [y/n] finally got the boy of her dreams, who could show her what being loved is like, and how she could grow to love herself again.