#andjkfkgk GJ
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It’s 3am and I want to stand on the roof and scream into this absolutely disgustingly pinkish/greyish sky that I want to be loved but alas, I live in a city and not the woods.
#d0 stuff#personal#ajsjdkfkgkk#do you ever realize late into the night that the reason you keep holding on to some relationships is because you were never really loved#and you just want something Anything to fill that emptiness you feel inside ajskkdkf#like when I say it I mean that I know I had to win most of the affection I’ve ever received and hnggggg horrible#can I give my best and not get fucked over at least once please Please PLEASE???#andjkfkgk GJ#I’m dramatic I have a few very good friends but#I think I’m trying to get a fill of sth else huh#whenever I look back at the broad picture of my life I just realise how much I’ve based myself on like#giving in hopes of getting literal crumbs of love and that’s so terrifying#eh#there are days when I remember the few instances I broke down and my teachers witnessed it and how their faces would twist in panic/worry#and yeah... jeez. If I found a 15yo barely being able to breathe through tears I would immediately lose my composure#idk just... fuck huh. I’m always like ‘yeah it wasn’t great but not that bad too right?’ and oh dear NO it was awful#where was I going with this... nowhere probably#also wow my previous art teacher trauma cut deep I woke up yesterday in like absolute panic because of a nightmare involving her and YIKES#the way I’d punch her if I only could be that brave#she scarred me for Years and turns out that even now I’m not really over it#don’t reblog huh
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