#andihadtoforcemyselftostopthinkingaboutthememe

[my-headspacee]

Today I had to say no

Today I had to say no to someone and it made me feel very guilty. I realized that I was putting my boundaries and feelings first which resulted in saying no to this person. Generally speaking, everything I did was correct.. I put my feelings first because my feelings are important and I shouldn’t do something I don’t want to do just to please someone else. I guess I used to do that a lot? I realized that I’m feeling extremely guilty for saying no even though I know I did the right thing.

The thing is now, that I hate feeling this way. Why do I feel guilty when I’m just doing what’s best for me? I was thinking if that’s maybe because my mother used to make me feel guilty whenever I didn’t want to do things she’d want me to do for her. If that’s the case then I really hate it and I don’t want to feel guilty when I’m just taking care of myself and my own needs. I want to stop feeling this way just because I do something that’s good for me.

How do I stop this? Why can’t I just feel confident and happy that I know which decision is the right one to take and that I took it? I have really strong stomach aches now. I’m just angry that my body and mind is trying to punish me for doing what’s good for me. It’s not supposed to be like that! And it’s not fair! Stop feeling guilty, you don’t deserve to feel this way for taking care of yourself. You deserve to feel happy and proud for doing that. Why can’t you feel this way? I really hate it..