#and you feel like you can trust them because it's not ingrained in the same way

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

.

[hsnlv]

lean on me | y.jw

pairing: bf!jungwon x reader

synopsis: you’ve always been independent, never needing anyone’s help. but jungwon makes you see that letting someone in doesn’t make you weaker—it just means you don’t have to face everything alone.

wc: 1.6k

here’s my masterlist!

you had always been independent. it wasn’t something you chose—it was ingrained in you from childhood. your parents weren’t neglectful, but they believed it was important for you to know how to handle things on your own. “it’ll be easier for you in the future,” they said.

and they were right. you grew up mastering the art of self-sufficiency, from fixing broken appliances to managing life’s curveballs. but this independence wasn’t always welcomed, especially in relationships. most of your ex-boyfriends had found it off-putting. they wanted to feel needed, to swoop in as the “man of the house.” but you hated that mindset.

so when you met jungwon, you thought it would be the same. but jungwon? he was different.

“babe.”

his voice startled you out of your focused trance. you glanced up to see him crouching next to you, his curious eyes scanning the scattered pieces of wood and screws on the floor.

“what are you doing?” he asked, though it was clear.

“building a bookshelf,” you replied casually, flipping through the manual perched on your lap.

jungwon reached over and took the manual from you, his eyes skimming over the instructions. then he plopped down beside you, sitting cross-legged like a mirror image.

“you could’ve asked me for help, y’know,” he said, looking at you pointedly.

you shook your head, brushing him off. “it’s fine, uwon. i’ve got it.”

but truthfully, the bookshelf was turning out to be a bigger challenge than you anticipated. the pieces were awkward to fit, and the instructions might as well have been written in hieroglyphics. you didn’t want to admit it, but you were struggling.

jungwon noticed, of course. setting the manual down, he cupped your cheeks with both hands, gently squishing them so your gaze was locked on his. his thumbs rubbed soft circles against your skin, his dimples making a brief but stern appearance.

“angel,” he started, his voice calm yet firm. “can you, for once, just lean on me?”

your lips parted, but no words came out.

“i love that you’re independent,” he continued, his tone softening. “it’s one of the things i admire most about you. but sometimes… i want to take care of you too. not because i think you need me to. but because i want to.”

you blinked, feeling a lump form in your throat. you weren’t used to this—someone asking to share your burdens instead of trying to take control.

“you know what would be even more attractive than your independence?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

you shook your head, playing dumb even though you knew what he was getting at.

“if you let me be your boyfriend instead of just some random guy you live with,” he teased, his voice laced with warmth and just a hint of desperation.

his words struck a chord deep inside you. it wasn’t that you didn’t trust jungwon—you did, with all your heart. but letting someone help you, letting someone in, wasn’t something that came easily after years of being your own rock.

“baby,” he called again, softer this time. “let’s try this together, hm?”

he dropped his hands and picked up the manual, his fingers tracing the steps with deliberate care. you watched as he began organizing the pieces, his focus steady yet unhurried.

“fine,” you muttered, a small smile tugging at your lips. “but only because this bookshelf is impossible.”

jungwon glanced up, grinning like he’d won the lottery. “impossible for you, maybe. not for us.”

and just like that, the two of you worked side by side.

——————————

later that evening, the bookshelf stood proudly in the corner of your room, and you found yourself curled up on the couch with jungwon. your head rested on his chest, his steady heartbeat soothing you as his fingers lazily played with your hair.

“see? this isn’t so bad, is it?” he asked, tilting his head to look at you.

you traced little shapes on his shirt with your finger, a soft smile forming on your lips. “no. it’s… nice, actually.”

he chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest. “told you. letting me help doesn’t make you any less strong. it just makes me feel like your actual boyfriend instead of your roommate-slash-cheerleader.”

you rolled your eyes, nudging him lightly. “you’re so dramatic.”

“oh, i’m dramatic?” he feigned offense, his dimples peeking out as he grinned. “this coming from the girl who wrestled a bookshelf just to prove a point.”

“hey, that bookshelf was—” you started to argue, but jungwon cut you off by leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

“shh, angel,” he whispered, his forehead resting against yours. “you’re cute when you’re flustered, but you’re even cuter when you admit I’m right.”

you groaned, hiding your face in his chest, but he only laughed, wrapping his arms around you tighter.

“thank you, uwon,” you murmured, your voice muffled against him.

“for what?” he asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

“for being patient with me. and… for building the bookshelf.”

jungwon grinned, pulling you back just enough to cup your cheeks. “you’re welcome. but, angel?”

“yeah?”

“next time you need to build something—or anything, really—just call me, okay? i’ll be your knight in shining armor, or at least a guy with a really good screwdriver.”

you laughed, your heart feeling light in a way it hadn’t in a long time. “deal. but don’t let it go to your head.”

“too late,” he teased, leaning down to steal another kiss. “you already think I’m the best.”

and honestly? you kind of did. because with jungwon, you didn’t just feel cared for—you felt loved, completely and utterly. and that was better than anything you’d ever built on your own.

© all rights reserved | hsnlv 2024

[thefrogman]

Back in the olden days, if you used the "keep reading" function on a Tumblr-dot-com post, it would

not get very many notes.

At all.

I am not sure exactly why.

I think people hated pressing an extra thing.

But maybe it was also a psychological phenomenon where, given the choice, they were unwilling to trust me with their time.

But if I sucked them in with a good story or a compelling image, they would get serious FOMO.

When I created a super high effort post-of-length I would get comments like, "This was way too long but before I realized it I was reading the last sentence."

That was a really good feeling.

I used to do tests to figure out the best posting strategies and I think I figured out you'd lose about 90% of your notes if you did a "keep reading" post.

So that notion was ingrained in my brain again and again from when I was very note-obsessed and I have since avoided the "keep reading" option almost like a conditioned response.

Just seeing that squiggly line appear still induces a Pavlovian fear.

But that was probably a decade ago and I did a new experiment. My story about replacing my mailbox did reasonably well with a strategically clickbaity "keep reading."

This was a promising result due to the fact that some people like to send me hate for writing a lengthy post.

I recently got a death threat for writing too much, which was a fun reminder of my M&M days (I melted men's rights activists' brains with a poorly worded analogy and they launched a years long harassment campaign).

It seems in present-era-Tumblr-dot-com many more people prefer pressing an extra thing rather than scrolling a bunch on their smartphone. The collective behavior has changed. And maybe I don't need to use tricks and running gags in order to get folks to "keep reading".

Unfortunately I started writing that ring light post a few months ago so I wasn't able to include that in the experiment. But I am going to try using the keep reading function in the future and as long as the average number of folks that usually read my longer posts continue to read my posts, that will be the standard approach.

I also tag these posts with "long post" so you can flag that if you wish.

While I am no longer in the audience-building phase of my Tumblr career, these essays and stories and educational posts take a considerable amount of time and effort to create, so I do want to make sure everyone who wants to read them is able to. But posts without hearts and reblogs can quickly die a gruesome algorithmic death. Even my most ardent followers would tell me things were not showing up on their dash. (I think replies help mitigate that, so if you like a long post, you can help with engagement.)

The collective noun is a "business" of ferrets.

Do you want to see a business of ferrets ready to do some business?

KEEP READING

I love writing and it is a huge catharsis for me. And I love sharing any knowledge I feel like I have the earned expertise to speak on with authority (technology, photography, light, fun ferret facts, etc). I wish I had the energy to be a photography teacher, but long posts on Tumblr are probably the best I can do for now.

I know my posts are super long, but I try to make them as fun and informationally dense as I possibly can. I don't like wasting people's time if I can avoid it. Though maybe I should trust my follower's attention span a bit more. I have this fear that if I am not constantly entertaining, people will click away or unfollow.

I think a good business for a business of ferrets would be selling pool noodles that look like ferrets.

So as long as I get roughly the same amount of notes I will do the keep reading. And then maybe people can lay off on the mean comments and occasional requests to end my own life because I bloviated about soft light.

100% true ferret fact..

If you ask a ferret what their business is, they will crawl on your shoulder and whisper in your ear...

[loveemagicpeace]

🍯Astrology Notes🍯

🪴Virgo rising- are very caring people. They take great care to ensure that you have everything you need, especially for your health. They will be able to tell you a lot about various medicines.

🌱Gemini rising- funny as fuck sometimes. They are people who talk and don't stop. You can discuss all possible topics with them if you want. They have a very open mind. But when it comes to being able to do something, sometimes they are not so open to new things. Let's say one difference between them and Sagittarius is that they are not traveling types and they don't like to travel that much.

💫You will feel most comfortable talking to people with whom you have the same compatible moon and mercury in your house. for example: mercury in the 9th house and the other person has mercury in the 1st house. With this you can see what topics you can discuss with others.

🪐People who has saturn in 1st house looks better when they are skinnier. Because their bones and body structure are more beautifully emphasized. Many times they can have weight problems(they can quickly lose weight from worry).

🍀Earth signs look very down to earth even when they are joking around. Even when they make a crazy joke, they still look down to earth.

🐚Scorpios quickly stop trusting you. You just have to do one thing and they are done trusting you. When they see that you are dishonest to them in any kind of way, they will not trust you anymore. Especially when they get to know someone from the beginning and notice that they didn't tell them something or hid something from them, and as I said, it could be just one small thing like say you're going to say you're eating pizza, but in reality you're eating hamburger. It is small lie. But this is sometimes also one of the reasons why pisces and scorpio don't go so well together. Because pisces tend not to say everything while scorpios are. Many times, pisces swim off into their fantasy world and sometimes get lost in it. Scorpios are always looking for the truth in everything. I have seen successful Scorpio/Capricorn couples many times.

🍁Fire signs are actually very active people. So you have to prove them love with actions. They want to see how much you are willing to do for them and how much you are willing to risk. When you go beyond your limits and do something really crazy for them, they will really appreciate it.

💷2nd house represents your money & 8th house where you invest money. The 2nd house reflects your underlying relationship to money and patterns around money are often deeply ingrained. With the Moon in Cancer here, your emotional wellbeing rises and falls with your bank balance, both of which may be subject to flux. You can be a rags-to-riches success, but with Saturn in the 2nd you might always feel poor, the millionaire who still buys the budget range at the supermarket. The 8th house is concerned with debt and our relationship to institutions which provide loans, mortgages, and overdrafts. Capricorn on the cusp of the 8th suggests paying your dues and insisting on a proper contract, Sagittarius here you can invest a lot in travel or even illegal things.

☀️The Sun is the central flame of our vitality. Acting according to your Sun sign and engaging in activities denoted by the house it occupies are important ways to increase your energy and vigour. For instance, with Sun in the 1st, you might need time alone in order to recoup your energies - the presence of others can drain you, Or with Sun in the 6th, maybe you like to spend spare time working in the garden or catching up on DIY. The Sun in Sagittarius might mean you like to explore far afield; if in Aquarius maybe you like to holiday with a group of friends. Sun in Scorpio- working in the shadows or researching something no one knows about is best for you. Sun in 7th house you like to devote a lot of your time to your partner.

🧸Some signs are naturally more work-oriented and some more suggestive of needing a slower pace. Capricorn (or its ruler Saturn) is often highlighted in the charts of anyone with a strong work ethic - by contrast, Leo, Libra, or Pisces might engender a bit more need for time off, to play, relax, or dream. Each Zodiac sign has its ideal gap year or holiday. The fire signs might favour adventure breaks, the air signs a chance to meet new faces, the earth signs maybe an eco-trip; and the water signs a sojourn by the sea or in quiet, restful places.

🩰The IC and the 4th house describe home, both as a physical place and as an inner sense of roots, safety, and foundation. If you have Jupiter in the 4th, it might feel natural to you to travel around or you might even choose to live abroad - or with Uranus here, you may experience many changes of home(many unexpected moves). With the Sun or Moon in the 4th, you might be so strongly connected to home and homeland that uprooting yourself will not be easy - your Sun here suggests your life revolves around home in some way, the Moon that your emotional wellbeing is closely tied to it. With Pluto you can feel that your home is intense and that you are always transforming through it (but it can also leave bad memories). With Mercury can mean that you change your home a lot. With Mars you may feel that your home is often chaotic or aggressive and you are looking for a home where you can become independent. With Neptune many times your home is confusing, strange. Many times you find your ideal place somewhere by the ocean. With Venus your home is loving, genuine and you have loving parents to whom you love to return. But it can involve a lot of money or love based on it. So you can feel that your parents never really appreciated you if you didn't have money.

🧚🏼‍♀️About Aquarius: I want to say one thing about them. I would say that if they really really want they will do it. But most likely they are independent people & lost souls sometimes. I think that they are scared of attachment. So that's why they are rather alone. They are looking for someone. Who will be goofy as they are.

💌I think Valentine's Day is for Libras. Libra is a sign of love, romance,beautiful things. And if any sign is inclined to & like to celebrate this day, it's definitely the Libra. But I find it a little strange that it is in Aquarius season.

💘Cupido is definitely a Sagittarius sign. Although people don't believe that Sagittarians are so loving and romantic, but they really are. Cupido shoots into the hearts of people who are meant to be together. If you hit a sagittarius deep in the heart with your love, then you can see the true side of them. Then you can see how loving they are.

🌅The people you attract into your life are usually connected to your North Node.For ex.: North node in Virgo in your 8th house- you will mostly be attracted to people who have a virgo placements, scoprpio placements, or pisces/ taurus placements.

🌊Pluto symbolizes power in whatever house it is. The power you feel in yourself and the people around you. Strong experience of feelings. For ex.: 5th house - privacy, romance, jealousy, strong emotions, strong happiness, attitude towards the things you do, you feel strong love, devotion. Obsession with changing partners maybe or affairs idk. 6th house - obsessed with perfection, control, work, high expectations. 7th house - you attract a lot of possessive partners, obsession with your partner, but at the same time you can be afraid to get into a relationship, mistrust. 8th house rulership- curious, constant control, secrets, power over your secrets, emotional transformations, many dark things, connection with birth and death, great interest in hidden things. 10th house - people can see you as a strong opponent, driven for a career, they can see you as a person who has a lot of secrets, you can present people with challenges. Big influence.

-Rebekah🧚🏼‍♀️🩰🌙

[absolute-decay]

Do you think in the most twisted, misguided, disgusting, and almost idiotic way, Chisaki saw his young self in Eri, and thought he would be to her what the boss was to him. Like. This lost young orphaned child with nothing but the clothes on their back taken in by a Yakuza. That's literally their only similarities but do you think Chisaki decided that was enough? That he should be the one to "save" her?

I know it sounds ridiculous but just stick with me here.

This single image from chapter 136 screams so fucking much about Kai's brain and his relationship with Eri to me. Because ask yourself. "Why doesn't Kai just put Eri into a coma like he did The Boss?" Because that would solve so many of his problems. No chance of Eri escaping. No chance of any Heroes finding out about her. There'd be minimal resources spent on her since all he needs is to keep her alive regardless of physical condition. It literally solves everything, it almost feels like a plot hole. But then you remember the fact that Eri was entrusted to Kai by The Boss, and then you take another look at the image above, and it kinda clicks, doesn't it?

He doesn't do that because he genuinely, truly wants to take care of Eri. He might even really see himself as her father figure. And I think that makes so much sense, especially with his other relationships. Case in point, Shin Nemoto.

We saw the results of Shin using his Quirk on Kai, and he says straight up, "I like you, I trust you, your presence makes me feel at ease." And he didn't even seem shocked or upset after saying it, so it wasn't a truth he was unaware of or didn't want Shin to know. That's simply how he felt, cut and dry. But, with that being the truth, he was more than willing to use him as an expendable asset, have him be a fall guy after the raid with the other Bullets, and fuse with him, which he seems to believe will fucking kill him. That's not Kai using a pawn: That's just how Kai is with someone he cares about.

So, it wouldn't be far fetched to say, the same applies to Eri, and that really does recontextualize every one of their scenes, huh?

"You're the centerpiece of my plan."

"To this girl, you're no hero."

"You're cursed, every action you take kills someone."

"Someone else is going to die because of you!"

"She doesn't want you."

None of this is manipulation or scare tactics or anything like that. This is just what Kai thinks of humans. That he can hurt and pull and abuse them in the worst ways possible, and do it over and over again, and not understand when they want to run away. And I feel like him being raised in one of Garaki's "orphanages" just rubs salt into this wound.

Because, he takes care of Eri, doesn't he? He gets her toys and a pretty room and a soft bed, and he's nice and calm with her, doesn't even use his quirk to kill her and bring her back to life painfully as punishment! He doesn't seem to be physical with her at all, outside of the blood extractions. She has everything a girl could ask for, and she spurns him? Runs from him? Well, no matter. That's just how children are. Ignorant, illogical, they just don't make sense.

...It's such an incredibly fucked up way of thinking. And I think it's ingrained so deeply in Kai's mind because it's what he thinks he never had.

I think the way he treats Eri is how he thinks loving parents would have treated him. Pretty toys and nice clothes and good food and absolutely nowhere in his mind does any genuine relationship dynamics or aspects of unique personality come into play because after years and years of not having it he just. Doesn't. Get it.

So that's why it's lacking in his relationship with Eri. In all of his relationships, really. Because The Boss took him in and loved him and cared for him and Kai knows that but he doesn't understand that. So he's trying his best to "love" and "raise" Eri by being an empty photocopy of a parent at his best, because that's all he is. That's what defines Kai, till the very end.

He's empty. And so is his love. So Eri's room will always be full.

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

I think the longer a vampire has been alive, the less easily human affection should come to them.

Really play into them being a different species, you know? Vampires should show affection to other vampires in a way that alienates them from humanity. It's not uncommon for humans and vampires to catch feelings, it's how most new vampires are made of course. But the difference in affection can cause problems between the two, which is another driving force in vampires turning human partners.

Vampires mimicking human affection can set off a deeply ingrained fear response in humans. Handshakes that go on too long and too strong. Hugs that feel like being trapped. Kissing a vampire should feel like they're trying to bite you. They have to be so careful with humans, constantly reminding themselves that humans require a tender hand.

Vampires tend to be more... rough with each other. They're hardy creatures. They fight, roughhousing and biting, showing off their strength. It's good bonding and in a group helps keep the social structure sound. They can still be quite tender and sweet with each other, of course, but there's just no reason not to dig your claws into your friend when you can both heal super fast and can't die you know?

Feeding is also very important to vampire bonding. You see it with vampires biting their human partners, a huge show of trust on both sides, but sharing a victim is very intimate. Vampires are territorial, after all. Feeding from the same human is a big deal- vampires so rarely form groups or packs or covens.

So you'll forgive them if their hugs are a bit stiff and make you feel like a cornered animal. They're trying very hard not to playfully sink teeth into you in greeting because they're pretty sure that's rude in human society??

[amethystina]

So my brain is at it again...

And this time it wanted to inform me that it would be very interesting with an amnesia fic where Ga On loses his memories but can still detect emotions related to those memories. Just imagine the possibilities.

Quick disclaimer: I'm sure there are several amnesia fics in the fandom already — maybe even one exactly like this — but I haven't read them so I'm just going to tell you all about it anyway because, to me, it's a new idea xD

Anyhow.

Imagine him waking up at the hospital, sometime during the later half of the drama (maybe he got shot instead of Soo Hyun and complications led to him getting memory loss — idk, let's handwave it for the sake of the scenario), and he's met by Soo Hyun and Professor Min. And while Ga On can't say what their names are, he can tell that he knows them. He can't access the memories but he feels the affection and the trust and accepts that they must have been a part of his life previously. And, understandably, they become the rocks he clings to because everything is new and confusing. He can still remember how to do basic things — he could probably even drive if they put him inside a car — but not who he is.

And Soo Hyun and Professor Min are going to have a rough time explaining some of it, no doubt.

Like, imagine the pain when Ga On asks where his parents are and even before Soo Hyun or Professor Min say anything, Ga On feels a rush of grief and anger. Because he doesn't remember them dying, but his body remembers the anguish of that tragedy all the same.

Some things are more humourous, though. Like: "... why is my face plastered all over the city? Am I famous?" Ga On would be so confused because the emotions he feels as he sees billboards with his own face aren't necessarily good ones. He mostly feels embarrassed and self-conscious. But he is kind of proud when he hears that he's a judge. It must mean he's smart.

Anyhow. The real fun part begins when Soo Hyun brings Ga On back to his apartment and Ga On is like: "Yeah, this is familiar." But he can also tell that, no, it's not right. It's not home. It feels cold and stale, as if he's not really living there anymore. And he doesn't understand why. Because, according to Soo Hyun, he's been doing so since he was a kid. But Ga On just shrugs his confusion off because, all things considered, he trusts Soo Hyun more than his own memory.

Also, imagine when he asks Soo Hyun if he has a girlfriend and she looks stunned, then awkward, then shy, and starts giving some mumbled response that no, he doesn't — at least not that she knows of. And Ga On has an "oh" moment because her behaviour makes it very clear that she'd want to be that girlfriend. But then he'd get confused because what he feels when he looks at her is a lot of warmth and love, sure, but not that kind of love.

Because this Ga On doesn't have years of memories to confuse him and muddle their relationship — he just feels the emotions. And, from his currently pretty objective point of view, it doesn't seem like romantic love.

He may love Yoon Soo Hyun very much, but he's not in love with her.

He doesn't tell her that, of course, because that would be rude, but he definitely makes a mental note to be careful with how he acts around her because he doesn't want to accidentally lead her on.

And it continues like that, with Ga On trying to navigate the world with nothing but emotions to go on. Which, obviously, will sometimes become very overwhelming for him, but he's stubborn so he'd still try and, of course, do his best to recover his memories. And some start to trickle in eventually, but it mostly old ones that are very deeply ingrained in his psyche.

Eventually, Professor Min decides to bring Ga On to the Supreme Court. Not to make him go back to work or anything — that would probably be disastrous considering the state Ga On is in — but to see if any of it can jog Ga On's memory. And sure, Ga On can tell that he's been in his office before and he can tell that he's met Jin Joo before — he feels both intimidated and bewildered by her — but nothing really stands out. All of it is just like ghostly silhouettes of a former life he knows he must have had but can't see clearly.

And then he meets Yo Han.

Just sees him from afar at first — Yo Han isn't even looking in Ga On's direction — but the familiarity still hits Ga On like a freight train. That is someone he knows as instinctively as he knew Soo Hyun and Professor Min. And before Ga On can really think things through, he just walks up to Yo Han because, clearly, this man is important. Ga On can tell that this man is important because his heart starts racing, his breaths go shallow, and he's suddenly overwhelmed by such a myriad of confusing and conflicting emotions he can't even sort them out. Some are negative — even outright alarming — but there's also joy and fondness and longing.

Which just makes him even more confused when Professor Min catches up and explains that this is Ga On's boss. And said boss looks at Ga On with what he first thinks is bland indifference. But the longer he stands there — and listens to Professor Min tersely explaining what they're doing there to Yo Han with half an ear — Ga On realises that, no, that's not indifference. There's something underneath it — a spark of something else he can't name but can definitely tell means something. And he desperately wants to know what that something is. He wants to scratch at it until he can peel away the layer of indifference hiding it from sight.

He needs to know.

But then, not long after that thought has crossed his mind, Ga On is reminded of the fact that this is, apparently, his boss. His male boss. And Ga On really shouldn't be feeling any of the things he's feeling. But, at the same time, he can't just ignore it. Because this is what a connection should feel like.

He might not have a girlfriend but, clearly, he has someone he's in love with.

And that's a little daunting, not to mention disorienting. Because Yo Han doesn't look approachable at all, and there is also a lot of frustration and anger mixed in with the much happier emotions when Ga On looks at Yo Han. There's just so much. And Ga On is confused because he can't really see himself falling in love with the man in front of him. Yo Han doesn't look like a very kind man.

And then, suddenly, Ga On realises that he has no idea if Yo Han knows that Ga On is in love with him. Maybe they're even a couple? It sure seems like they could be considering the attachment Ga On feels. He gets impulses to be physical in a way he hasn't with anyone else he's met thus far. He felt comfort hugging Soo Hyun, sure, but this is something else entirely. This is a need burning inside of him, urging him to draw closer to Yo Han.

He kind of wants to kiss Yo Han, right there in the corridors of the Supreme Court.

But Ga On can't be sure because Yo Han isn't exactly easy to read and aside from that spark of something when he looks at Ga On, Yo Han is impenetrable. And, if they were a couple, wouldn't Yo Han have insisted on finding Ga On earlier? Even if they have some sort of secret relationship that Soo Hyun clearly isn't aware of? Shouldn't Yo Han look more worried?

So maybe they're not together? And Ga On is just hopelessly in love with his boss? A boss who, judging by the way he looks at Ga On, might not even like Ga On.

Whichever it might be, Ga On realises he has to find out. His old memories are already trickling in, slowly but surely, but they're all of Soo Hyun and Ga On's parents and stuff that happened ages ago. And Ga On wants to know more about his life now. He wants to know more about Yo Han.

And he desperately needs to know if his feelings are reciprocated.

Even if it will definitely break his heart if he finds out that they're not.

...

SO YEAH.

It would be quite fun, wouldn't it? If I can find a way to make the story relatively short, I might just write it. Because I'm really intrigued by the concept of Ga On still having the emotions attached to the memories, but not the memories themselves. So he'll remember being both frustrated by and attracted to Yo Han. But without all the memories and years of influence from Professor Min and Soo Hyun fresh in mind, he wouldn't understand the negative emotions as much, nor put as much weight on them.

And it would be interesting to see how that would change their dynamic.

Because some of Ga On's behaviour would still be the same — he'd still be stubborn, righteous, a bit awkward etc. — but he'd also be freer. And a lot freer to act.

So that would be interesting, I think?

And now my brain will hopefully let go of this story and let me focus on other things for a while

[chronicdisasterwrites]

these morons of jujutsu high

pairing: gojo satoru, geto suguru, shoko ieiri and fem!reader

genre + warnings: - this is NOT a poly fic. they’re all just vvv good friends. nanami and haibara were mentioned. mentions of blood, death and general jujutsu kaisen TW stuff. smoking, the word “goddamned” is mentioned. gojo being an idiot lmfao.

overall FLUFF !!

word count: 1219

authors note: so this is just a cute, heartfelt piece about the jjk troublemakers including and reader. i was thinking of making this the intro of a potential series but ✨ let’s see ✨

enjoyyyy <3

Is this really my life?

A question that always lingers in your mind.

Being a jujutsu sorcerer was no walk in the park. Death was a regular occurrence in your line of work. Deaths you anticipated, deaths you caused, deaths of friends, and even deaths of curses. None of them are ever easy to deal with. Nothing about this goddamned job is easy.

The smell of blood is as common to you as the smell of antiseptics is to a doctor. The sound of a curse evaporating into nothingness is ingrained in your brain as the sound of a child's first laughter is ingrained in the minds of their parents. Your hands are used to the touch of the cold steel of your weapons as a guitarist is used to the wood of their guitar.

This is your life. Your weapons are your instruments and the world is your stage. The only difference is, you have the blood of the crowd on your hands every. single. day. The blood of curses, the blood of humans, the blood of your comrades, and the blood of your own body.

How could it be that this life; so full of hurt, pain, despair, regret, fear, loneliness, anxiety, and depression, can also have so much happiness, love, excitement, companionship, adventure, humor, and serenity? That’s life, you suppose. But how can a life like yours have so much love alongside such hatred?

Your friends are the reason, you suppose.

These morons of Jujutsu High.

They feel the same emotions as deeply as you do. They have all felt loss, betrayal, grief, and death as much as you have.

Gojo Satoru had basically been raised as a trophy or a high-value product kept in perfect condition for the world to gawk at with wide eyes and ulterior motives. With the weight of the responsibility of being ‘Strongest’ hanging over his shoulders and daggers and spears pointed at him from every direction, he never had the chance to be a mere child. Which is what he was. Just a child. From birth to the present day, he has had eyes on him with the neon sign labeled ‘Strongest Sorcerer Ever’ blinking over his head. Always on his guard, being wary of who to trust. Not a moment to be a child. Not a moment to be a teenager and certainly not a moment to be an independent adult, free to choose who to love or what to do in life. He only has one thing to do. One obligation he has had since birth. Be the strongest. Throughout the heavens and the earth, he alone is the honored one.

It's a pretty lonely role for one person to bear.

Geto Suguru has kind eyes, a simple smile, and an extremely feared cursed technique; but what that smile and easygoing personality covers is his heart burdened with the horrors he has had to face in his life. He too, was born with the responsibility of using his cursed technique to help people. Born with the ability to absorb curses and later use them as he so desires. Living every day just killing and absorbing something that tastes like a rag covered in vomit and shit. Having to force your oesophagus to open up and force your mind to think of something more delicious whilst absorbing the thing you killed a few minutes ago is all second nature to Geto Suguru. Doesn’t mean it ever gets easier. But the smile comes easily to him and his voice stays soft and stable as his words soothe even those who hate him.

Because Geto Suguru wants to help those who are weak, and he would swallow all the curses necessary in order to do so.

Shoko Ieiri is the epitome of genius. Since she was a child she knew fully how to use the reversed curse technique; the ability to heal oneself and others, a technique even the strongest and most experienced jujutsu sorcerers have trouble mastering. Being so valuable means she has to stay in a lot, or go to missions alone a lot. She doesn’t get to choose missions, doesn’t get to accompany her friends to even ‘potentially’ dangerous locations. Being so valuable, she is the first person every jujutsu sorcerer goes to for healing and rejuvenation. Which also means she has to see a lot of her comrades lie on the steel bed, lifeless and cold and limp. She is the one who has to patch them up and she is the one who has to cut them open. Dealing with death and the aftermath is her job.

That's a lot of death for two eyes to see and two hands to explore.

Meeting them, knowing them, and growing to love them is the most rewarding experience your roller coaster of a life has had to offer by far. Checking out every single cafe Japan has to offer, milking Satoru of all his wealth by going out to eat and Satoru eating the most (ironically), pissing off Yaga-Sensei, celebrating birthdays, arguing and then making up with actions instead of verbal apologies, being the loudest group in every train station, smoke breaks with Shoko and Suguru while hiding away from Satoru, spending sleepless nights under the stars with Satoru, teasing Nanami and Haibara for acting like a 50-year-old married couple, fighting curses and always having each other’s backs. This was your family. However dysfunctional and however small.

So now, sitting in the classroom watching Suguru and Satoru bicker about who knows what this time, with Shoko sitting next to you fiddling around with Satoru’s sunglasses making faces and terrible impressions, bathed in the golden rays flooding the room through the windows as the sun goes down, you ponder the question; is this really your life?

You hear your name being called and the train of thought comes to a halt, as you look up to find honey-gold eyes staring back at you.

“What’re you thinking about so hard?” Suguru asks with his soft eyes and an even softer smile.

“She’s obviously thinking about how right I am and how wrong you are, Suguru,” Satoru interjects with his usual cocky smile and teasing lilt to his voice.

“Yeah, she definitely thinks a seal can beat a hippo in a fight to the death,” Shoko quips with unimpressed eyes and an obviously sarcastic smile.

Satoru slaps his hand on the desk so loudly that the sound reverberates throughout the entire floor you’re on, “HAH! Thank you Shoko, exactly what I’m saying. Of course I’m right.”

He wears an accomplished smile as the sarcasm completely flies over his stupid head.

“Gojo… I was joking. You’re obviously wrong.”

You can almost hear something crack in his head. The sound of disappointment.

“HEY just think about it okay? So a seal-“

As a new chapter of bickering begins between Shoko and Satoru, Suguru nudges your shoulder with a quirk of his eyebrows, silently repeating his previous question.

You look at him, look back at Satoru and Shoko and shake your head with a content smile and a huff of laughter, “Just thinking about life, I guess.”

With a hum and a smile Suguru relaxes on your other side as you both turn your attention to the ongoing argument unravelling before you.

Yeah. This really is my life.

[bunnyinfoxclothing]

Obedient Exorcists Part 2

Part 1 | (you are here) | Coming soon eventually!

Vaggie is happy with who she has become. She genuinely likes the push and pull relationship that she and Charlie have. Except the extermination days still get in the way.

Old orders are hard to disregard. She sits there and pretends the sounds don't bother her. Except that's not true. They bother her. And Charlie knows they bother her. And Charlie wraps her in a blanket and holds her, whispering sweet nothings.

Charlie remembers the day she found Vaggie. And knows the trauma is still real, but Vaggie does so well, despite the trauma. She goes outside all the time. Has no issues with the location of her injury, both on her body and in the alleyway. Charlie will ask if she wants to go on a walk and Vaggie can't say yes fast enough.

Vaggie is still obedient.

And on extermination day when she is shivering in Charlie's arms. It's not fear, but in innate need, she wants to go outside. Wants to see her sisters, show she can still do her job, but Charlie says stay inside. And against her oldest orders. Against the actions ingrained into her very creation. She listens. Charlie says let me hold you. So she does. Charlie says it's going to be okay. But she doesn't believe her.

When the truth of her angelic heritage comes to pass. Charlie makes a mistake. She doesn't realize the creature of obedience and the chains that Vaggie has tied between them, born of pain and self blame. She doesn't realize that she holds the very leash that holds Vaggie down. The leash that Vaggie handed over the same day she found the moth sinner left for dead in the alley. Before any true trust could be formed.

Charlie tells Vaggie she doesn't want to see her.

It's a moment of high emotion. Charlie is crying and trying to run to their room as Vaggie struggles to explain. Stuttering over herself, looking for the right answer. The right order of things to say to Charlie. What Charlie wants her to say. Anything.

And like a switch was flipped, she just stops. She lets Charlie go. Her jaw snaps shut with an audible click at Charlie's words and she watches as Charlie escapes, not moving until the audible slam of their shared door.

Vaggie doesn't do anything. She decides she has put her emotions too far into things. Just like with the boy. She let her heart rule over her obedience and it has messed everything up. So she decides orders are the only thing that matter from here on out.

She doesn't eat until the other residents knock on her door telling her they made food.

Her door because she no longer shares on with Charlie. Her door, because she had to go to Husk to get a new room key. Her door, because after a single night, she opens the door to find Dazzle with a suitcase full of clothes and basic hygiene products.

She doesn't sleep until someone points out her eye bags. She doesn't shower until Angel practically drags her into the nearest bathroom.

Look Vagina, if you're going to go through a fuckin' depressive episode with your girlfriend, promise me you will at least shower twice a week. And I swear to fuck if at any point I can smell you, I'm grabbing the kitchen scrub and i'm going to see how long it takes to skin an angel.

Showering becomes her only constant.

Then there's the deal.

Vaggie watches as green cracks form in the walls. Her heart sinks as she watches strange sigils appear in the air. She feels Husk stiffen next to her and hears the string of curses that leave Angel's lips.

Vaggie has failed totally and completely in every way.

Every vow she had made to protect Charlie, both physically and emotionally. Everything. Her smiles. Her dreams. Their relationship. She had vowed to protect Charlie in her purest form, her soul.

Vaggie runs in. Because despite everything. Despite every vow she's made, despite what the very fibers of what her soul is made of. She still isn't good at obeying.

Charlie and her lock eyes.

She's prepared to face Alastor. Her spear is light in her hands and righteous fury burns in her chest. One more kill means nothing in that moment.

But Charlie stops her.

And the look Charlie gives her changes everything.

Charlie has always been taller than her, but Vaggie knows this is the first time Charlie has ever looked down at her. She is left rooted in place as Charlie follows after Alastor. And for once, she keeps her mouth shut as to how much she distrusts him.

___

Charlie has sent her to the angel killer. Carmilla Carmine.

Charlie has judged her. And just like Lute. Just Like Adam. Just like all of Heaven. They all agreed. Vaggie is not enough.

So Vaggie walks her death march across the pentagon. She spends her time looking back on her whole life. Every mistake she's ever made. And by the time she gets to Carmine Industries she feels calm about her own death.

She has a soft smile as she knocks on the door with all the gusto that Charlie has grown to love. Demanding an audience with Carmilla. If she is going to die, she wants to go with a smirk on her face. If she has to face judgement again, she wants to have this very same courage again. Courage to give them the middle finger and walk backwards into hell. So she could continue to serve Charlie as a sinner. So she can continue to serve Charlie in a body that is more appealing.

Except she doesn't die. And Vaggie is almost offended. Almost angry. She is beaten and knocked around and she can feel the laughter of people she can't see. People that she's not sure are even real.

She takes the bruises. And is gifted her wings. She feels the weight of them on her back and can only feel disgust. Carmilla invites her back for another lesson, whenever she is free. Vaggie accepts, though in her head, there is nowhere else she would rather not be.

With the knowledge of how to kill angels and with Carmilla filling out the paperwork for their order, Vaggie considers using the solitude to ground herself permanently.

All it would take was a quick slice and nobody would know. Charlie would never know. All she would have to do is lie to her.

Guilt twists in her heart, screaming at herself for the thought ever crossing her mind.

Carmilla's daughters and a few of their workers help to bring all of the weapons to the Hotel.

She tucks her wings as far into her back as she can, she feels a slight tension at the action. Then it feels like a pulled muscle. Then like a bone on the verge of being snapped. Then it feels all too familiar and her wings spread to a more comfortable position.

She hopes she has enough time, to get back to the hotel.

As she reaches the entrance, she knows she's not so lucky.

[pdriesta]

CHAPTER ONE

“how can i move on when i’m still in love with you”

genres — angst, angst, and more angst. suggestive.

word count — 2k

summary — two years ago, pedri shattered his childhood best friend's heart by ending their relationship. he was her first kiss, first boyfriend, and first love. now, as she prepares to start fresh while pursuing her master's degree, pedri reappears with a single mission: to mend the heart he once broke. can she trust him again, or will their past define their future?

an — repost! i accidentally deleted my blog so before i release anything new, i’m gonna repost my series’s. if this is your first time reading, let me know if you’re interested in a taglist!

masterlist

as soon as pedri made it back into the locker room after the win over espanyol, he showered quickly, his thoughts already racing ahead. the celebrations disrupted his usual routine, but that didn’t stop him from meeting his family in the corridor outside the visitors' room.

“pedrito!” his mother’s voice was a balm to his buzzing nerves. he found his little family draped in his jerseys and entered his mom’s loving embrace. his father and brother, fernando, joined in shortly after. the adrenaline was still rushing through his veins, and he could not shake the happiness of achieving one of his dreams.

“congratulations, my boy,” his father said, kissing the top of his head. fer squeezed the back of his neck lovingly, the familiar touch grounding him.

the embrace was interrupted by his mother’s ringtone blaring from her phone.

“one second.” she pulled away and kissed his cheek before pulling her phone out. her lips broke into a smile seeing who was calling. “it’s lucia. she texted me earlier asking you to call her so she can congratulate you and make you some goxua when you come home.” his mom rattled off about her best friend before walking away to answer her phone.

pedri was unfazed at the mention of his mother’s best friend but couldn’t help his mind wandering to her daughter once again.

fer is pedri’s best friend; of course, he knew his brother wasn’t over her. however, he gave up on meddling because both of you failed to bite the bucket and tell each other that even after all this time, you’re still deeply in love with each other.

“i need to do some marketing and campaigns for next season, so maybe in a week? you could stay until then if you want,” pedri tried to offer nonchalantly, but he didn’t want to admit how lonely his apartment feels without his family and you.

“fer, you can’t. remember you promised tía that you would help y/n move,” their father spoke up before grabbing his wife’s hand as she re-approached them.

pedri’s eyes widened at his father’s words. “move? where? since when?”

fer looked at his dad with eyes mirroring pedri’s. no one was supposed to know, especially not pedri.

“cariño,” their mom squeezed her husband’s arm before clearing her throat, “yes, but she told us not to tell you. she’s moving to start her master’s degree on the mainland.”

wow, was all pedri thought. he always knew you wanted to further your learning with a master’s degree, but he couldn’t believe time had flown by so quickly. it seemed like just yesterday he held you while you cried, waiting for university acceptances. it broke him when his family attended your graduation and forwarded photos with you. that smile, one that was permanently ingrained in his memory, even though the last time he saw you, that same smile was absent from your face.

“that’s amazing. i always knew she could do it,” his head dropped with a smile.

“she’s actually—” his mom started before thinking over her decision to mention this information. seeing the love that’s ever so present in his eyes, she knew what she had to do. “she’s going to school here in barcelona. she got accepted to the computer engineering program at uab.”

his family could practically see a light bulb brighten over his head. he remembered his words from two years ago and the reason he made the decision to break up with you: the distance. even after all that, he felt the thousands of miles slowly vanish at the idea of you being in the same city as him.

maybe, just maybe, he can allow himself to indulge in the idea of being close to you again. that idea he has had almost every day and night since breaking your heart.

his heart is racing like it’s a game day and the ref is about to blow the whistle.

he finds himself thinking of your time together. you were always so gentle with him, caring for him when he was exhausted from games and training. he was so willing to ruin that, thinking it was the best for both of you.

“everybody keep it down,” pedri said over the voices of his teammates, his closest friends since he moved to barcelona.

“can you hurry? today’s training killed me,” alejandro groaned while slumping onto the already crowded couch.

“hermano, what could be so urgent that you sent an SOS to the group chat?” it was gavi’s turn to speak up.

pedri groaned. if they would stop their questions, maybe he could get there. he looked to his brother for help. fer chuckled before standing on the other side of his brother’s tv.

“okay everybody listen up before my brother bursts a blood vessel,” fer said. pedri rolled his eyes at his brother’s words. he knew what the impromptu meeting was for and was truly just there for moral support.

“i brought you guys here for some advice. you might remember my girl—” he stopped himself. “my ex-girlfriend from two years ago,” he started.

“the one you horribly messed up with?” ansu spoke up.

“the one you have moped over for the past two years,” fermin chimed in.

“the one we thought you’d never get over?” ferran added with a teasing smile.

“thank you for that,” pedri said sarcastically. “yes, my y/n. she has moved to barcelona from tenerife for her master’s degree, and seeing as we broke up because of distance, i think now would be the best time to reach out to her and maybe see if there is hope for us,” he finished and looked down at his friends’ smiles from the couch.

“which leads me to,” he continued and turned his attention to his tv, where he connected his phone.

operation: get y/n back

laughter erupted throughout the room, but not out of judgment; they all knew pedri would be the type of person to create a thorough presentation on how to get the love of his life back.

“you actually made a presentation?” gavi asked, still chuckling.

“of course he did,” fer said, shaking his head with a smile. “pedri, always the planner.”

pedri ignored his friends and puffed his chest while continuing the plan he had turned over in his head for days since he found out his girl was in the same city as him.

“listen, i need all of your help. i’ve mapped out the best places to take her, the right things to say, and even backup plans in case things go wrong.”

“wow, you really went all out,” alejandro said, impressed.

“this is serious, guys. she’s the one. i know it,” pedri said, determination clear in his voice.

“we’re with you, hermano,” ferran said, clapping him on the shoulder. “let’s get her back.”

“first things first,” pedri said, clicking to the next slide on his presentation. “we need to start with a casual meetup. something that doesn’t scream ‘i’m still in love with you’ but more ‘i’m happy you’re here.’”

“a coffee shop,” ansu suggested. “neutral ground, easy conversation.”

“and then what?” fermin asked.

“then, i remind her of the good times we had, but without making it seem like i’m living in the past,” pedri replied. “and i show her that i’m serious about making things work this time.”

“and if she’s moved on?” gavi asked.

pedri paused for a moment, then shook his head. “i don’t think she has. i saw the way she looked at me the last time we spoke. there’s still something there. i just need to show her that i’ve grown and that we can make it work.”

“you’ve got our support, pedri,” ferran said. “let’s make this happen.”

“thanks, guys,” pedri said, feeling a surge of confidence. “i will get her back, even if it’s the last thing i do.”

“did you leave anything? any books? some vitamins? any medicines?” your mom bombarded you with questions, the same ones she has asked every day in the past week you’ve been in your dorm at UAB.

“mami, i am okay. stop worrying. i just got out of a lecture. i was planning to get something to eat.” you could not be bothered to make yourself anything to eat. your dorm has a shared kitchen in the lobby, but you hated going down there midday while everyone was there.

UAB was nothing like your old campus. it doubled in size to compensate for the doubled population as well. you’re not sure you would ever get used to your new environment.

this wasn’t your first time in barcelona, but being here for a week was nothing like your visit from years ago when you came to his games.

nope. don’t think of him. you vowed to yourself the day after the league title you were done mourning your first relationship. you got accepted to your dream school and program. you had your family, and you would get friends. barcelona would have new memories attached to it, and the boy that broke your heart would not be a part of it.

“okay, make sure you eat a good meal, mi amor. don’t stay up again studying, please. your father and i love you,” your mom kissed through the phone as you said your goodbyes.

you loved your mom, but you inherited her tendency to worry. no matter how much you prepared for your test, you still found yourself studying for hours into the night.

you dropped your bag at the front of your room and looked into the mirror. after one week of schooling, you felt drained. you knew how vigorous your program would be but never imagined not having even a moment to breathe. you closed your eyes and took a moment to yourself before hearing a knock at your door.

you furrowed your eyes. you didn’t know anyone in barcelona yet and did not order food, so who could be knocking at your door? you decided to ignore the knocks and continued to take off your flannel, leaving you in your tank top.

that was until the knocking continued. you huffed, it must be a neighbor. there was no one else who would be knocking.

you grew annoyed at the knocking and quickly grabbed the knob without looking at the peephole.

your mistake.

you never imagined the person in front of you. the familiar brown eyes that looked at you. the boy who broke your heart, the one you haven’t seen since the day he shattered your heart on your doorstep.

next

© PDRIESTA 2024

[grapejuicestyless]

hi, hope you're well! i was wondering if you could write something for conrad based on the song my love mine all mine by mitski? i've been obsessed with it lately and it reminds me off him 💖

My Love, Mine All Mine.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

summery: Y/n has always gave too much. She always loved, believed too easily. She can’t control what others will do with that, but she can control how she loves.

Sorting through the shiny papers, the corners cut into my skin with each photo I crumpled up, tossing it into the shadows. Each memory ingrained forever on a film that would only taunt me with the past.

I hate the way the sun shined through the leaves in each one. How the sand looked so soft under our feet, the ocean bluer than any summer sky could every paint it now. I am reminded of how vibrant the world became with him in my life, when he was mine.

I say that he was mine loosely. I am unsure if I even have the ability to own something so pretty, so precious. If I ever even did. I remember the way my hands would run through his salty curls after a beach day. How he would hold me extra tight, we’d only bring one towel to share. His lap was soft, shorts scrunched up and dripping still.

I think of his lips on mine. How perfectly they fit on mine. I remember how desperate each kiss was. Not once had he ever made it seem like if it were to go no further we would cease to exist, but he was feverish enough with each lick into my mouth where I knew no matter what, he would never be satisfied. He always wanted more, more, more. How foolish of me to believe it was because he could simply not get enough of me, not because I was not enough.

He was kind, showing me affection in ways he swore would only ever be for me. He decorated his walls with love letters and Polaroids of us, of me. He had stacks of our adventures in an old shoebox under his bed for when I was away and he was missing me. He reminded me everyday how much he adored me. Counting down the seconds until he could hold me in his arms. He promised me it was a feeling that nobody else could ever give him. A heart rush that only ever came over him when my name was involved.

So why does he look at her that way? Why must his eyes carry the same shimmer of lust in them that he once held for me? I see the way his hands grip at her hips, her thighs. It’s animalistic in a way, primal. He wants her, needs her. He’s hers.

I remember the night I discovered their secret. My lover and my sister hand in hand one late June night. I stood still on the grass watching over them. My tears came out dry. I couldn’t even try and sob, let myself break. With his leaving just months ago, I’d already rung myself dry of any tears I had left.

It’s funny how something that once made you feel special can make you feel so sick so suddenly. What once gave me a reason for my living killed me so suddenly.

I knew I was always destined to die, to burn out and disappear. I never imagined how it would’ve happened at the hands of the two I trusted the most in my life. Looking up at the moon that night, I prayed to forget, to heal so suddenly. Rid me of the ache in my heart and replace it with a cold emptiness.

He holds her while she sits in my spot on the couch. She laughs at the jokes I told him that now spew from his lips. Her hands find home in his hair and the towel we once shared as become theirs. It’s all reused, it’s the same. He makes her feel special, wanted, lusted after. He’s a damn good actor, he fools the whole damn world with his cruel games.

Now I know better than anyone that when calling him mine, I must use it loosely. At some time, he might have been. The photos I tear up in my room are only proof of our years spent together. Two summers spent doting on each other. He was with me, but could I call him mine? If he left so easily, did he ever even need me? Want me?

I hold the final photo in my hands, the moon shines down on us. We’re only young in the photograph. His cheek is pressed to mine, our smiles touch. We look so free, so happy. I feel guilty if I were to rip it up when it still feels so happy.

Grabbing a pin from the bedside table, I poke it into the wall beside my mountains of other places and people I’ve seen. It sticks out, like it’s been highlighted in bright red. It stings to look at, but it reminds me of a better time, a time when I believed I had the ability to have good things.

Now I know, nothing in this world belongs to me. Not my baby, not my sister’s loyalty. Not my mother, not my brother. I have no control over anything. Yet, each time I allow myself to believe that I do. That I mean something. I pay a price for the immaturity of my heart. I act a fool over the smallest affections, the most discrete love. And I watch as each time it is taken away, leaving me with a heavy chest and a heart far too full for my body. Nothing in this world is mine for free. Nothing in this world belongs to me but my love, mine all mine.

[foundnthestars]

For the things we lost au, has there ever been times where Stan tells stories to Dipper to calm him down after a traumatic experience or just before bed or just in general?

I know currently Dipper’s and Stan’s relationship hasn’t gotten to that point yet but I’m curious!

Also what other tricks besides teaching Dipper how to use a gun and stealing does Stan ingrain in Dipper? Does he teach him all the tricks he knew from his days of the street?

And since Dipper’s still growing does Stan teach Dipper how to conserve their money, how to shave, how to barter with people/ being okay with talking with crowds or how to do certain math problems (because Stan has worked on the portal for a long time you can’t tell me that he didn’t pick up some things even if begrudgingly)

Does Stan teach Dipper all of his best Uncle Jokes/funny stories, and despite saying he (Dipper) hates all of them does Dipper secretly appreciate them ever once in a while?

Does Dipper help Stan with stuff too? Like does Dipper learn to read different Alien languages just so he can help Stan read stuff or does he steal a little bit of extra food because he knows if Stan doesn’t get enough for the both of them, all that food will be put towards him sl Dipper gets more to help Stan?

I know that Dipper had helped Stan with his hearing aids but what other things does he do for Stan?

DO DIPPER AND STANLEY EVENTUALLY GET A PIRATE ADVENTURE?! Please say they get a space pirate adventure!!!

Also do both Stan and Dipper pick on some alien languages because with Stanley picking up Spanish and Dipper’s interest in learning new languages I don’t think it would be too much of a stretch for them to learn

wow, HELLO! :) you literally made my entire morning when i had to peel myself out of bed at 5am to make it to my shift, and i've been thinking about these asks like all day. thank you anon!!! thank you for giving me an opportunity to rant about this wonderful, beautiful, tragic au. i'm so glad you're enjoying it!!

first off, yes, 100%. there's actually quite a bit of that in the next chapter. as dipper's walls begin to come down and his anger toward stan slowly but surely ebbs away, so too will stan's walls. in canon, stan doesn't share really any of his childhood (at least from what we see) with the kids until atots. in ttwl, it's implied that stan tells dipper more or less the same story we got in that episode (just minus ford's perspective/part of the story), but he will be sharing a lot more of his backstory, life advice, and stories with dipper as the fic progresses. this will help dipper understand stan's motives and will help move the healing process along for them. a lot, if not most, of dipper's anger toward stan is just resentment for being left in the dark (dipper famously hates not knowing stuff). and stan wants so badly to regain dipper's trust. he also wants to protect him from the things he feels he's failed him on this summer already (read: bill). 100% we will see stan rambling about this or that or this to a traumatized and or terrified dipper just to keep him out of his own head and to reinforce in the kid's head that he has someone beside him that he can trust.

side note: stan (and ford's) struggle will be in trying to maintain the kids' childhood and trying not too force them to grow up too fast. but they aren't perfect people and the circumstances are obviously awful and not conducive to helping maintain the kids' innocence. they'll fail and fuck up and they'll get some things right, too. but i can definitely see stan trying to lighten the mood/share stories as i can see ford taking mabel on light-hearted, low stakes adventures when things with the portal become too intense and her mental health begins to fall by the wayside.

SECOND, there's so many things stan will teach dipper! but, i'm willing to bet that stan didn't exactly take the best care of himself during those years he spent on the road. so there will be a lot of things he will have to learn himself! like, where stan spent weeks and weeks skipping meals because he had to, he can't stand seeing dipper do the same. he won't allow it. he'll have to push himself even harder to make ends meet than he did during those years. he wants better for dipper.

as for the things he teaches dip, i'll just list some of them out. you'll definitely see these things play out in ttwl but this question is fun and it's a fun sneak-peak:

stealing (pickpocketing and petty theft both)

how to put on a half-way decent con (in journal 3, ford mentions having to talk his way into food and shelter, and stan and dipper will 100% have to do the same. i imagine he'll actually catch on pretty quick but he'll absolutely hate doing it.)

how to read a face (i.e. is this person full of shit. everyone knows a good con man can spot a con right back)

how to drive (later)

how to shave DEFINITELY. dipper will start growing a little stache or goatee and stan will practically shove a razor in his direction the second it starts coming in.

how to be a ladies man (they'd have their roadside attraction arc and dip would learn basically that confidence is in himself and not in stan's fake womanizing "skills")

things dipper should be learning in school. stan clearly wasn't at the top of his class but you're right in saying that he learned a lot of things when he was building the portal. and dipper's a curious kid, they'll both seek out ways to help him keep on his education in some shape or form.

life experience/advice/etc. stan has 58 some years of life under his belt and he'll share whatever wisdom he has. can't promise all of it will be good lol

there's definitely more that's slipping my mind at the moment, but yes to all of these. and yes to the horrible uncle jokes. none of that stops. and once dipper starts being able to bear him a bit more, he'll secretly love hearing them. he'll love them for the normalcy they help him feel and because if stan is able to laugh and make jokes then maybe everything will be okay. maybe it's okay for him to laugh too, even if everything is so shitty.

as for reading alien languages, there's actually some plot explanations regarding translators that will be explored next chapter. as a resident guardians of the galaxy fic writer, i know all about writing about sci-fi translators and the like. i'm keeping the same explanation for how translators work in this fic too. meaning, dipper and stan will be able to read most alien languages really soon. though, because i like the idea of stan and dipper being able to speak some of the languages they learned during their time across the portal when they get home, they'll probably still try learning some alien languages without the need for translators. i imagine they'll get home and just start speaking, i don't know, like Galactic Standard with each other and ford will pop in and chime into the conversation without missing a beat and mabel will just be standing there wide-eyed and entirely lost for words.

AND YEAH. dipper will do lots of things for stan! besides the unintentional things that dipper does that he doesn't know about — like giving stan a reason to get up in the morning and filling him with happiness and purpose — he'll do his best to reciprocate favors! like, 100% if dipper noticed stan was skipping meals so he could eat more he'd steal something on the side for stan or lie and say he isn't hungry. they'd also both do little things for each other like steal or buy little trinkets or items the other person might like. stan'll buy dipper a notebook to chronicle their adventures and dipper will steal these chocolates he knows stan likes or a funny little doodad or whatever. maybe a gun or a knife if he's feeling crazy.

dipper will also sacrifice his own sleep a lot in order to take watch. the kid's an insomniac already, and stan is older and needs more sleep to recover from brawls with giant alien creatures or running from the law, so dip will do a lot of selfless things like that for stan. both of these guys tend not to think of themselves much so they'll probably both try to sacrifice stuff equally as much. of course, stan wont really let dipper most of the time.

and, i'm not opposed to a space pirate adventure. inquiring minds want to know more.

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant

I feel like the Acotar series would be so much better if Rhys and Tam was just a little over a hundred.

Assuming the age gaps and century year old fae in SJM books are there so we can have complex characters and not just to fulfill her weird sexual fantasies I think it would be better if instead of these people being like five-six centuries old, where they should have fully developed characters and should be better equipped to handle the situations, they're in. Because trust me, none of them are.

They were like just a little over a hundred. Tamlin and Rhysand might have been twenty-thirty years old when they're families were killed, and they were put on thrones. And keeping to the fact that they are immortal, all of a sudden, to have the equivalent of baby Fae ruling Courts, the actions or lack of actions taken in their Courts makes a ton of sense.

Tamlin, who has said many, many times he would always fight for freedom and defend people who couldn't defend himself, following in his tyrant father's footsteps makes sense because he was so young and probably had no one and nothing to his name. Rhysand not doing anything for the Hewn City or Illyria also makes sense because he was just a couple of decades old and same thing as Tamlin, had nothing and no one to his name.

Then only like twenty-thirty years pass, which even for humans is not nearly enough time for massive changes like completely eliminating wing clipping, an ingrained tradition in society, to take place, Amarantha comes. Her being able to trick a literal daemati also makes sense because Rhysand wouldn't really have the experience needed to sniff out when someone is up to something fishy.

Then fifty years pass, fifty years Under the Mountain which is even longer than either Rhys or Tamlin had been ruling. Then their desperation makes more sense. Tamlin clinging onto Feyre like she's some fallen saint that he desperately needs to protect makes even more sense. At that point neither of them would really know much more than Under the Mountain or the curse.

It's still a gross age gape, but it adds more nuance to the story, it's also why I think it's stupid when Feyre says Tarquin wouldn't understand her darkness, like no sweetie, you wouldn't understand his darkness.

I just think we need younger Fae. Fae that are inexperienced and don't know better than the bad cards they've been dealt. Rhysand who is still new to this whole ruling thing and know only knows Amarantha's way of ruling. Same thing with Tamlin. Both of them still locked in the memories of the night they became High lords, unable to let go.

It's also a good way to comment on how Fae mentally age, because, immortal or not, time changes people. Fae mentally age slowly, because their bodies don't at all, so for only like seventy or eighty years to have passed since they witnessed the death of their families, for Tamlin to have been like fifty-sixty when he was forced to send his sentries, his friends, to their deaths in vain. For Rhysand to have been a child king trying to eliminate wing-clipping and darkness in the Hewn City while men centuries older than him scoffed and laughed.

It just adds a whole new level of complexity. I hate the idea that these characters need to be like 500+ to have any level of personality in these series'.

[monstercampus]

Ellie help I have werewolf brain rot and Kirk has been living in my mind rent free the past few nights 😩 please tell me more about him, does he have a secret soft side or is being mean his love language and you know he cares about you if he's giving you a hard time? Why does he live in a dorm by himself? Where is he on the possessive scale? Honestly just tell me everything you know about him so I can simp to the best of my ability 🥺😫🙏

And actually while I'm here, anything about Elliott or Julian would also be tasty 👀👀👀 forgive me for the werewolf team fic altered my brain chemistry and I may never be the same

absolutely !! !!!!! i am at your mercy uwu <33 (this is mostly stream of consciousness so if u want more i am READY)

(cws: kirk being a sap + lore)

Kirk is very much that way--giving you a hard time is generally how he shows he cares about you. He's only truly mean to those he doesn't care about, and trust that there is a difference even when you get frustrated over his attitude in the beginning. He didn't grow up with a lot of love in his household so it's really not his area of expertise, he never really learned how to show it and only started experiencing affection when he joined the pack and made friends with all the other werewolves. Being snuggled, having his hair stroked instead of pulled, listening to his friends talk about him being handsome and smart even if he's got a shitty attitude.....it's weird to him. He doesn't hate it deep down, but he hates how it makes him feel vulnerable when he doesn't want to be.

'Vulnerable' is barely even in his vocabulary, which is why he comes at you with so much heat at first. He'd been hoping and praying that you two could boink, have a good time, and then you would pretend like it never happened so he wouldn't have to face any of those feelings he has when he looks at you. But when you don't, and when you're just so sweet, Kirk can't handle it and has to revert to what he knows: being a dick. Not nearly to the extent of how he is with other people, but just enough to keep you at arm's length in his constant fear that you're gonna end up making him feel like he isn't totally worthless. Because what would he do then? He's accepted the role of being an irredeemable, raging douchebag for pretty much all his life. He's got an attitude, his temper is awful, he doesn't consider himself that good-looking, he's got some of the worst grades out of the whole pack, he fixates on things and lets them consume all his thoughts, and he hasn't even got any palate to boot and will eat just about anything, even if it's on the verge of spoiling. He's total garbage and he's friends with a pack of people that couldn't be more perfect; Julian is incredibly charming, Portia's practically a genius, Nick is insanely handsome, Elliott is so gentle and really funny, Priam is a total sweetheart and Athos is the pinnacle of cool in his eyes. How could he even think of measuring up to all that, much less stick out among the rest and prove he's worth even a little bit of your love?

That may be the most frustrating part about Kirk--he can be the prickliest guy you know and he would die before he ever says those things out loud, but he seriously admires his friends and you yet he has little to no belief in himself. Granted, growing up he would've gotten his ass beat for showing that kind of weakness, so it's still deeply ingrained in him as an adult--especially since the pack are pretty much the first friends he's ever made on his own. And at his core, he's jealous. Jealous of them and their nice families, jealous of how well they all turned out despite going through their own struggles, jealous of how easy it is for them to be open when he's terrified of people finding out he's bi, jealous of you for being so brave and so beautiful in equal measure....so that's why the best thing he can do--in his own opinion of course--is to be your collective guard dog.

After all, Kirk isn't afraid to bite. His instincts are hard to control in his human form, could you even imagine how feral he can get when he's full wolf, or even just close to the full moon? If anything it's what he's good at; hunting, beating ass, and taking a punch. If he can't be as good as you and the others deserve, the least he can do is make sure that sweetness and the goodness of your souls isn't ever dominated by someone else. He'll spill blood, he doesn't care. He would even get suspended if it came to that, expelled, arrested, whatever it takes and he'll let the chips fall where they may. You'll know his love for you is real when he starts acting protective over you, not only when other people try to bother you but as far as your daily needs as well. Have you eaten properly? Are you thirsty? Do you need to sleep? When's the last time you stretched? He acts like it's a favour he's doing for you, like you're a little wolf that needs caring after, but in truth it settles his own self-doubts and makes him happier knowing that he's doing something for you--that he's taking care of you like a mate would, and when you smile at him or thank him for his help he just melts. He would do anything to keep hold of that smile.

.....Which is why he's got a plan in his head for after graduation. He and Nick are the oldest and thus are going to graduate first of all of you, so once that's over and done with he's got plans to start building a place for you all to properly call 'home'. It's nothing crazy--just a cabin in the woods--but if there's one thing he can confidently say he's good at it's woodworking, and he's sketched out the designs to make it everything you could ever want.

Personal rooms for you, him, and Portia who has trouble falling asleep when it's noisy. A big living room with enough sofas to fit you all. Polished oak walls like Julian grew up with and always wanted to see again. A bathtub big enough to fit Nicky's giant, muscly legs without spilling over. Tables and chairs to fit everyone and more, to fit all the family gatherings and maybe even the pups you might have one day. A garden out back where he'll plant those ugly little flowers Elliott loves. Trees and greenery around where they can run and hunt and play during the full moon, totally obscured by the rest of the world. A big fucking chandelier in the dining room to intimidate any friends you bring over that think they're hot enough shit to snatch you. It's gonna be perfect, it's gonna be the one thing he can say he's proud of in practically his whole life. It'll be a gift to all of you for putting up with his assholery for so damn long, for sticking with him even when he couldn't find a single reason why you should.

That's the kind of love Kirk shows. Words don't mean much to him--actions and acts of service are how he expresses his affections, because it's much simpler for him to put work into something he can touch and measure and paint rather than throw some flimsy words around and call it love. Plus, one of the reasons why he lives in his own dorm is because his downtime is incredibly important to him. Usually he would request a private one-bedroom apartment, but this year he was assigned roommates that he very quickly drove away with his annoying habits almost entirely on purpose. If he's not comfortable with someone, then like hell is he going to share an intimate living space with them--and after a long day he just needs time to be completely alone. He has to think, work on his projects, exercise, chew on something, and have no prying eyes around that will impede his progress in trying to figure out how the hell he can try to make himself worthy of being loved by you. A dumb, violent wolf reaching to grab the very moon from the sky.

[diagonal-queen]

Dazai, chuuya, fyodor n sigma with their teenage daughter coming in their and s/o's and saying that she has a boyfriend and they (bsd characters) literally scream with a "WHAT". 💀

i've prepared for this exact scenario (i watched buddy daddies and cried a lot)

When their daughter tells them she has a boyfriend

♡ characters: Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Sigma (+ gn!Reader and their daughter)

♡ synopsis: How do these men react upon learning that their teenage daughter has a boyfriend?

♡ cw: Protective dad moments, swearing, mentions of sex and religion, Fyodor is kinda toxic (damn...even dad!Fyo is toxic, friggin' oof)

note: I didn't wanna fall into the overly protective dad trope because it's pretty toxic but...I think I kinda did T-T Apologies for errors and I hope you still enjoy x

Dazai:

He calms down after a second and asks her when she started dating her boyfriend lmao

Dazai is a bit hypocritical. He was a playboy once upon a time himself, but he lowkey isn't too thrilled with the idea of his daughter dating yet

He's just not really looking forward to possibly having to tolerate any rebelliousness that comes from his daughter (especially in favour of some random teenager)

He tells your daughter that she needs to be very careful with dating at her age because teenage boys can be cruel and whatever. But he also gives some good advice about infatuation and romance, and how if it doesn't last then it's not her fault, and stuff like that.

He promises to be nice if she decides to introduce him to her boyfriend one day (she had to nag him a little first lmao)

He also promises to deal with her boyfriend accordingly if he ever breaks her heart, which he'd play off as a joke afterwards but like...c'mon.

He'd be alright though, like he'd ask her (nice) questions about him, how did they meet, what's he like etc. because he does actually feel better when he sees that his daughter is happy :)

Dazai is honestly surprisingly chill about the whole thing despite his initial reaction, but he's ready to be less so if necessary

Chuuya:

This man trusts his daughter to carry out assassinations and infiltrate enemy gangs and shit, but teenage boys are different because they're far more evil

He lowkey starts interrogating her about him ("What's his name? Where does he live? What's he like? When did you start dating? What do his parents do?" and so on)

You have to tell him to give her the benefit of the doubt and that he can't just assume her boyfriend is a prick without any evidence

It's not that he thinks that at all, he's just super protective of her (it's ingrained in him, being a mafioso and all) and he knows teenage boys can be wicked sometimes

It's not like he's gonna kill your daughter's boyfriend if he breaks her heart or anything like that, but he'll definitely have a talk with him (talk = like, screaming at him probably)

You'd need to ease his nerves and remind him that you guys were also in the same spot as your daughter and her boyfriend once. When Chuuya thinks of it that way he's more alright with it

He does apologise to her eventually for kinda freaking out at first and reminds her that he respects her autonomy and stuff, but he also says to come straight to him if her boyfriend even looks at her the wrong way lmao

Chuuya was just surprised is all, but he's doing his best <3

Fyodor:

After his outburst, you and your daughter are just looking at him like...this is the first time you've yelled in your whole life

He apologises for it, and tells her that her news just caught him off-guard (and she's just as surprised as you are), and that he's actually happy for her.

He immediately starts looking into this guy and he'll find out everything about him (including blackmail) to make sure he's good enough for his daughter (Fyodor honesty seems to me the type to protect and spoil his kids a ton)

Fyodor is religious, but he's not like 'no premarital sex' religious, so he's not super strict about her dating boys as a teenager on its own

THAT BEING SAID he is so cautious and will definitely be the father who threatens their daughter's girlfriend. You have to tell him that uhh...it's not cool to threaten a teenager

Her boyfriend would probably honestly be too worried to hurt your daughter after meeting Fyodor because...holy shit, imagine having Fyodor as a father-in-law.

If Fyodor does end up approving of her boyfriend, his mind probably immediately goes to the future and grandchildren and stuff omg (he momentarily forgets that they've been dating for what, like a week? AND THEY'RE KIDS FYODOR)

Overall, he's...exactly how you might expect him to be. Calm on the surface but secretly freaking the fuck out about it.

Sigma:

He's SO worried oh my god. He couldn't handle it if some stupid boy broke his daughter's heart

Like he's actually really happy for his girl because she seems to really like her boyfriend, but he can't shake off his worry. He's not necessarily the most trusting person, y'know?

He kinda forgot that yeah, his child would eventually get to the age where she'd start dating too. He's not ready for it at all and that's why he kinda panicked T-T

It's not really the dating part itself that he minds, it's more a question of who she's dating. He'd be open to meeting his daughter's boyfriend and getting to know him, but if he doesn't like him he probably still wouldn't say anything lol

However, if this boy hurt her, then...ohhhhhh no. We've seen how protective Sigma is of his casino- imagine him having a whole ass kid. He'd let the world burn for her!

Would he kill the boyfriend? ...I honestly don't know man. It's not like Sigma's well-adjusted and knows how to deal with these things

You'd need to remind him that even if she and her boyfriend do break up then it's not the end of the world, and she'll be fine if she has him around when that happens

Sigma's main priority is his daughter's happiness, but he needs a minute to process this news is all

my back hurts so much please manifest my back pain away friends

[sloppyneedybmxboy]

why supernatural 4x16 is the best episode (so farrr in my rewatch)

sickly&tired, pale looking cas concerned and covered in raindrops at the beginning "goodbye sister", he looks heavy, i feel so sorry for him

dean "im tired of burying friends sam" he's so done with angels and demons and walking into yet another crappy motel they'll have to leave in the morning someone needs to give this man a break! someone give him a break!

"cas you remember pamela right? you burned her eyes out?" cas looking horrified and concerned 4 dean's sake is so sweet like my human seems to be having a mental break down ….. what do I do in this situation …. dean … dean please …..

HE LOOKS SO TORN between his duty as an angel and dean winchester oh my god I forgot the homosexuality of this show truly it's rewiring my synpases

everytime cas and dean speak or even look at each other or are in the same room there's like there's this unspoken push and pull going on between them with cas torn between his father/faith and .. homosexuality and dean torn between obeying the angels aka being daddy's good little soldier again/breaking free like a spooked wild HORSE

Like dean is noting that cas has been demoted/punished/answers to uriel now and of course he is, he's daddy's perfect little soldier hasn't he had this all so deeply ingrained in him since he was just a child, he sees cas being put down and he doesn't like it one bit u can see him champing the bit and looking concerned for cas. Like even though dean outwardly is pissed off by cas' inconsistency and lack of answers and um soldier-like mentality at this point in their story and is quite often hostile adjacent towards him, you can tell he has a soft spot for cas already and is like eyeing him up like bbz you ok, bbz who got you down. bbz do you need me to step in and save u

like you have cas' struggle with faith, cas having been punished for his developing feelings for dean, cas taking orders (sexy), dean angsting, dean having to torture his torture-daddy from hell, deans daddy issues and machismo exposed, the beginning whispers of cas' fall from heaven foreshadowed because of all the sillly obsessed feelings he's started to develop towards an actual human, all the intricate power struggles going on in this episode and it's so cas centred that it's really sexy and hot. so much angst. cas hasn't had a feeling in millions of years and now he's starting to feel and he's terrified

ahh what I find so hot and gleeful is how you can see dean absorbing the whole situation. and castiel's position. castiel compromised in his position (as an angel and a soldier of god) because of his feelings for DEAN WINCHESTER. everytime the angels are in the room (ie uriel and cas, and sam and dean) there's this power struggle going on between the secret intimacy/sleep paralysis demon/night visits weird boy bestfriends shit those two got going on between them contrasted with cas' position as an actual ANGEL and it's like deans seeming him erring and questioning his orders and having DOUBTS and he's absorbing it ALL and it's like a blast from the past in a way for dean because wasn't god and castiel like him and John? didn't he follow daddy's every order without a thought of his own? didn't he try so hard to bend himself into whatever shape john needed him to be? and he can see castiel going thru the same motions and having the same problems and deans like how can I exploit this situation. and make you my boyfriend at the same time.

"you can't ask me to do this cas. not this" UHHHHMMMMMM the hitch in his voice, the rage in his eyes, the angstttt. his trust in cas hurting dean so bad. he would do a lot for castiel already and they've only met 7 times. but not this. this is too far. the sexiness of saying no to the angel that pulled you out of hell idk

the framing of the shots between them and when they are both in frame is really interesting too, like cas positioned just behind dean, almost like he's sitting on his shoulder or whispering into his ear, positioning cas as his guide, his confidante,

they're still figuring out the dynamic between the two, who calls the shots, he orders who around, who can say no and when

"you can't make me do this" dean saying NO to heaven the loudest he ever has . why should he retraumatise himself for heaven. why should he step into that room. dean ANGST

something like a plea in castiel's eyes the whole episode, torn between his orders and his feelings for dean, hesitant about the whole thing like no he doesn't want his poor human going in there and torturing alistair actually because it will put him in harms way and the lack of agency cas has over their orders now and the struggle ooo the struggle ! "this is too much to ask. I know. but we have to ask it" AND THEN LOOKING SO FRIGHTENED, looking frightened that they have to ask it. I castiel have to ask this of you, not because I want to but because I've been ordered to by my father god and I have never questioned him not once in millions of years. And now you. And now this. And now this opening to fear, doubt

and DEAN seeing through the facade and being like. I need to talk to castiel alone actually. like he's confused and he can't completely read cas but he sees that he's frightened, like his angel is actually frightened by what he's been asked to do and he can recognise that

as soon as uriel leaves and its just the two of them alone dean is completely different with cas, so much more personal

"uriels the funniest angel in the garrison. ask anyone" dean looking like he's reconsidering all his feelings for cas like why this angel . why him. jesus christ

his slutty little walk up to castiel why does he always do that flirty walk towards him! what hte fuck is up with that!

I think cas is pleasantly surprised at how quickly dean can see through the shitshow that is going on in heaven (and also himself) rn, like oh. yes. I chose him for a reason. He's shocked that dean has seen thru him just like cas has seen right through dean's facade in the past, but also proud. "Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" OKKKKK PUPPY CAS

"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies - I was getting too close to the humans in my charge" looks down, looks up "- you." SCREAMINGGGG why does he say it like that? only he could say it like that I swear tofuck. dean not quite believing his ears or knowing what to make of it all. he's looking at cas' lips AGAIN and seems amused for the first time the whole episode. Personally I think he's blushing inside.

is this the moment when dean starts to accept that he will torture alistair? he seems to start softening from this convo with cas onwards, is he doing this FOR cas????! does he think it will help cas? or is he just like buttered up by this whole speech because tbh it is really so sweet it hurts and I think the autistic rizz is really starting to work its wonders on him . like how many times has dean been told that someone cares about him without an ulterior motive (maybe just by sam, and even then)? cas has no ulterior motive, no manipulation under what he's saying, he's just saying it bluntly like. yeah. they've begun to have doubts about me in general even though I've been in this position since the beginning of creation and whatnot. because I have begun to develop feelings for the first time ever. for YOU specifically. HELLO????? Who wouldn't be charmed by that? Oh dean u eternal 14 year old who just wants someone to love him

I think he's too scared it might disappear or not turn out to be true so he doesn't push it, he just absorbs everything cas is saying and is like. ok, time to cover that one moment of exposed vulnerability back up with XTRA machismo now.oh dean.

"You ask me to walk through that door and do this, you will not like who walks back out" "For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this". CUT TO DEAN CLOSING HIS EYES. TAKING IT IN. UGHH

ok so why was this whole scene like so sweet and angsty. gosh these two. dean knows now that he's cared for, and by all people, an ANGEL. his angel, the one who pulled him out of hell and who has seen right through his facade since the very beginning. and in the same moment that care does come with a price, whether cas means it to or not, because in accepting cas' care he also has to accept what cas wants him to do, right?? right? I feel like love for dean has always come with price, could he ever get any care from john without having to sacrifice ridiculous things to earn it? so it hurts because. Dean you should really say no to this actually. You should trust your gut. But he trusts castiel instead and it hurtsssss. Because cas doesn't know any better at this point, and hasn't started to act for himself. I think it would've benefited castiel too if dean had said NO WAY because cas doesn't want this to happen either, he senses it is all wrong, and in the end we find out the orders were made up by uriel or whatever so weren't even legit orders from heaven. idk its all a mess up there rn. oh baby dean. oh baby cas. dean sees love as coming with the price of pain cut to roman roy having his stitches burst open by kendall when they hug each other so its totally natural he would accept that he has to torture alistair now after cas reveals his emotions? for dean? JESUS

castiel (Angel of the lord) (didn't feel anything for 4 billion years) (feels things now)

castiel this whole ep is just like 🕴️ dean … I am conflicted ….

anna has cas' feelings for dean so clocked she's just like "cas baby, the father you love would never ask this if YOU specifically" specifically you. he would never put u through watching the man u have feelings for hurting like this! Cas is just like .. oh….

cas closing his eyes because he can hear alistair screaming and he knows dean is hurting and he cant take it my poor baby

cas looking like a lost little boy in his sad man trenchcoat. there's something so fragile about him this episode

bloody resigned dean getting beaten within an inch of is life by alistair is so inexplicably hot

YES castiel stepping in and saving him just in time, his dean's in danger radar was going off!

cas' little cunty walk in the hospital when he's talking to sam lmao he's so overdramatic no one's doing it like him

cas realising the whole thing was POINTLESS & the fact that dean of all people was so endangered by his 'orders' …. he's having feelings ….. waging a war against god in his head …. oh poor cas

cas being like 🧎 ANNA? ANNA!!! HELP "I'm considering -disobedience" hahahahaha

I don't think even cas knows exactly what he feels, just that he does feel and it terrifies him

YES anna my queen, force him to think for himself for once YESSS

Uriel made such a huge mistake when he told cas his plan was for alistair to escape and KILL dean like that's cas' baby. That was the last straw for cas I think this episode no wonder he went at uriel like that

BLOODY CAS ON HIS KNEES BLOODY CAS ON HIS KNEES. DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?

Anna's so iconic for killing Uriel when he says there's no god left and saying "maybe. maybe not. but there's still ME" such a queen

CASTIEL AT DEANS BEDSIDE OH LORD. "Are you alright?" He cares so deeply. "No thanks to you", he feels the weight of letting Dean down so heavily on his shouldersss. Why does Cas tell him he needs to be more careful here, I never really got that? What's he trying to warn him about?

Dean asking Cas if it's true what alistair said, was dean responsible for breaking the first seal, and Cas saying yes and dean breaking down and Cas looking upwards because god help him what can he say to this man he feels so strongly about who is so broken and beat up and tired. yes, you started the apocalypse dean. he just looks so regretful that this ever happened to him, that he was too late to save dean, he looks repentent for so much that he's got wrong this ep at the cost of dean. oh cas. oh cas. you can tell her bares the weight of being too late to save dean on his shoulders.

Cas telling dean he is also the one who will be responsabile for stopping the apocalypse like leave this damn man alone he has enough on his plate. "Don't you go disappearing on me you son of a bitch, what does that mean?" dean still sounding like he's going to SOB and telling cas dont u dare abandon me you bitch

"I can't do it Cas, it's too big" Cas chewing his lip and looking so upset that dean has to take this all on himself like yes, it is too much, he knows it

"I'm not strong enough" whispering it his voice breaking oh my god dean :( Cas looking at him with such concern it's making my heart hurt ache. Dean looking away as he cries because he can't bare to show weakness infront of another man even his angel

"I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be" IT HURTS BECAUSE he believes he's letting castiel down somehow in this moment by not being strong enough but castiel also believes he's letting dean down by placing this burden on him when's he's clearly broken THEY BOTH THINK THEY'RE LETTING THE OTHER ONE DOWN (miscommunication between super masc human and autistic angel)

dean thinks he has to WORK to be worthy of Cas, worthy of love and care, and he can't work right now, he's too beat up and tired and he's in hospital and he can't move and he's worn down, he can't take anymore, and that is so deeply shameful to him. He hates to feel helpless but it's all he's ever felt. Little does he know cas is head over heels for him anyway and doesn't give af what he can or can't do.