#and you are neglecting to realize the uncertainty is there regardless

[eruhamster]

Evil hot take is that if we're talking in terms of 'harm reduction' between the dude that pussied out of a coup because he doesn't actually want real power and the dude actively funding genocide and getting into a war with one of the world's poorest countries to continue to fund that genocide, there's something to be said that while their actions are largely the same, only one of these individuals make people think critically about the government. only one of these individuals is hated by the news enough that his actions are reported on as the terrible things they are

like we know what 4 years of both biden and trump are and we are not all dead in the streets. like people act like will happen if the 'wrong guy' wins. i'm not voting for war mongers but if you really want to talk harm reduction, given that there's no true reduction of harm on a governmental level from either of these individuals, there is an argument you can make if you wanna really piss people off that a trump presidency ensures that people stay informed on matters that they'd normally turn a blind eye to

literally everything awful that you can think of that trump enacted either was happening or has continued to happen under democratic presidencies, just with less air time. the only separate thing is... The Obvious. The capitol riot. And he pussied out of it, which I feel like... Is proof that the dude is all talk and no bite and does not want actual power. He got scared when it became a potential reality and told everyone to go home. I don't think that he'll be a considerable threat going forward, I'm more concerned of any republicans that do want power (and thank god Ron DeSantis dropped out). But also if he does become more of a threat, my more evil hot take is that you can look at it from an accelerationist perspective, and... "Biden is the harm reduction" still isn't set in stone, US collapse from Trump holding onto power could feasibly be a better outcome than Biden kicking the can down the road until we end up with a real dictator who can install fascism in a way that would unify both parties and not just splinter the country.

[thecherrytarot]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

what do you need to let go of?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!!

listen to: chamber of reflection by Mac DeMarco.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

"No use looking out, it's within that brings that lonely feeling. understand that when you leave here, you'll be clear among the better men"

You need to let go of your fear of failure and accept the fact that mistakes are meant to teach you lessons the hard way. You need to let go of your limiting beliefs that were actually set by others for you. I'm getting the message that some of you want to move out of your house because you want to explore and learn more about this world but feel like your potential is being wasted by being stuck in your known surroundings. For some of you, this could be an overly protective parent figure who refuses to let you grow up (I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too weird) and because of this you are stuck in a dilemma where you feel suffocated by the lack of freedom but at the same time, you doubt if you could achieve your dreams. Going back to the "being stuck in your surroundings" part, some of you might have even pretended to someone else to fit in just so you don't feel lonely and left out but I feel like the majority of you stopped this cause you realized that you were losing your true self to fit in with people who don't really care that much about you, just the person you pretended to be.

You need to let go of your habit of procrastination because you are afraid of the result. You are not only afraid of failing but also afraid of succeding and dealing with new, unknown experiences. You may feel like you are trapped in a situation which is beyond your control but deep down within you, you do know that you have the freedom to do what you want to do you just don't want to take the effort for it. You are holding yourself back from being the best version of yourself. Set boundaries and stand up for yourself assertively instead of stalling confrontations against the 'higher authority" who tells you that you can't do it.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

"Spend some time away, getting ready for the day you're born again. spend some time alone, understand that soon you'll run with better men"

You need to let go of your habit of neglecting yourself for the sake of helping others, to please them so that they do not feel disappointed in you. You need to protect yourself and take care of yourself first and then think about others. Many of you might be the eldest (or have to act like the eldest) children who have a lot of responsibilities and do not have enough time to focus on yourself. I heard someone defending themselves by saying "But I do skin care" this is more than that. many of you could also put all your focus on how you look but neglect other areas such as your diet, mental and physical health etc. Regardless of what it is, the message is to prioritise yourself and give others the space and the freedom to grow on their own.

You need to let go of your habit of building up walls that separate you from the actual reality. You may have felt like you were born and raised in hell and now your feelings and emotions have altered your viewpoint of the world that you see. You may feel like numbing your emotions and desires you are keeping yourself safe. Many of you could use this as a defence mechanism because you were hurt in your past and are now afraid of the present uncertainties. You may feel like "if I don't bring in any change, I'll be safe" but the universe is telling you to bring in the change that a tiny part of you wants. It is asking you to stop denying and avoid changes because you are afraid that it might break the facade of your strength. Let go of the things that no longer benefit you.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

"alone again"

(it was so difficult for me to get the messages cause the energy felt all over the place but the first message came out strong even though I feel like it is only for a certain number. i know the song is something else but I kept hearing Swing Lynn by Harmless so take however that resonates.)

You need to let go of your obsession with love/ future spouse readings. Sometimes you do not need to know every single detail about your future to feel a sense of control over the situation, confirmation of the future that you obsessively desire or whatever the reason is. There is no harm in reading them but there should be a limit, there are times when we are not meant to know something until it has happened and the best way to manifest something is the law of detachment.

You need to let go of your habit of struggling to say "no" even in situations you do not feel comfortable (like there are two cards indicating this) You need to assert your boundaries, needs and wants with confidence. You need to be honest with yourself and focus on prioritising your actual needs. Bringing discipline and action into your life will help you achieve your manifestation a lot faster than just simply waiting for it to arrive at your doorstep. This will help you bring the balance that you have always wanted. The other side of this is, that you need to let go of your fear of consequences, you may (sometimes unintentionally) give the 'decision-making' responsibilities to someone else so that if and when things go wrong you can blame someone else instead of yourself. It is important for you to take responsibility for your own actions and use them as opportunities to grow instead of feeling stuck in your self doubt.

You need to let go of numbing yourself from the discomfort and confront it. The wisdom, freedom and power that you search in others is already in you, just have to trust yourself and listen to it and give yourself an opportunity to grow. Reflect on your shadow self and learn to face your fears.

Please give feedback <3

[nectardaddy]

'88 Ford | Kita Shinsuke

chapter four | rattled

masterlist

note: no smau parts in this one, a bit short but trust

track four . . . if I had a lover

"Fuck it," he heard her grumble, voice holding an annoyance that was easily apparent. Quickly hearing the passenger door swing open and close just as fast; leaving the man in the truck with a loss for words. Whisking herself out in the elements like a bat out of hell, seemingly, without a second thought. I'm so in over my head.

The pair had sat in the truck for over twenty minutes, rain still beating down with no end in sight as it continued on; even through heavy rain hitting the windshield, he knew the gravel road was filled with puddles by now. But those twenty minutes were spent in brief conversation, the eb and flow choppy and inconsistent as both parties weren't entirely sure of what to say - until a match was lit to the fire under her.

So he watched in confusion, a bit too awestruck to move, as the woman passed in front of his truck to the old one. Stubborn as a mule and running off of sheer spite of the day, but finding himself completely enthralled regardless by her. Looking at her in uncertainty before it quickly turned to concern, what on earth is she doing? Grabbing the handle of his door, and pushing, he was met with the onslaught of rain, hitting him hard as he got out, neglecting his hat and all else.

Grey hairs stuck to his face almost immediately, forcing him to rake a hand through his hair as so prevent it from falling in his eyes. And he pulled at his sleeves more, putting a stop to, even a bit of, the feeling of fabric glued to skin. "Ma'am?" Confusion intertwined within the timbre of his voice.

But she ignored him, or rather didn't hear him over the shower from above; as she decided that now was the perfect time to fix the, god forsaken, tire. So as he neared her, boots stepping in puddles and mud, making a mess of himself, he called her name. A name he barely used with her as he thought it was too informal. Too caught up in concern to even realize until it left his lips, rolling off his tongue far too easy than he would have liked it to. That got her attention.

"I'm gonna' lose it if I sit in that truck any longer, Shinsuke," groaning loudly within her words as she picked up the wrench from the old truck's bed. "And there's no time like the present, that way no one has t'come back for this piece of shit." I didn't need your dad's luck for ripping into me, I needed it for this.

"But it's stormin'," he reasoned, his voice holding a twang more than before, but still calm and gentle. "You're getting soaked." She'll be the death of me. But, god, he couldn't lie to himself knowing there was a part of him that liked it; craved it, even, a determination that was fiery and loud - completely unswaying.

"As if I wasn't drenched to begin with," countering with a hum. "And so are you, if you haven't noticed," and he watched her eyes drag down him before returning to his face. Her glances weren't unusual to the man, often brushing them off resiliently as to not rile his conscience. But, good lord, his, normally, collected self felt rattled at her look alone.

You're too pretty to be looking at me like that. Thinking to himself as he then turned his eyes to the tire she wished to fix. If he didn't look at her then, possibly, the feelings would go away. It felt wrong, sinful, out right irresponsible, to look at her in the moment; clothes clinging to her from the weather, and water hitting her only to drip down. "Then at least let me help you, ma'am" he offered, knowing damn well her mind was set; and to further his mind as far away as he could from the latter thought. "I don't want t'see you get hurt."

"Then get over here," an exasperated resonance leaving her in a sigh. "If you just stood there and watched, I woulda' kicked your ass myself."

taglist under cut

@wyrcan @chizunata @seroh @chemiru @froyaoya

@h3xi2g0n3 @localgaytrainwreck @mollyrolls @causenessus @diorzs

@rory-cakes @phoenix-eclipses @pattys-got-cakes @girlkissersco

@jaynawayna

[canis-or-cannotis-lycaon]

TIMING: About four days after ‘Pulled from the Edge’ LOCATION: Gael’s House PARTIES: Ren [@ironheartedfae] and Gael [@lithium-argon-wo-l-f] WARNINGS: Child Abuse/neglect (past) 

SUMMARY: After a week of resting up at Gael’s house, Ren has a crucial decision she needs to make

Had it been four days or five? Gael wanted to say he lost track since the altercation with the mutated turtle Ren insisted was called a ‘Vodnik’ but it was difficult for him to lose track of time unless it was ripped from him during one of his sleepwalking ventures. It had been four days. The rain, while still persisting, had lightened up but that meant that regardless of how long she wanted to stay, he had come to an agreement with the girl who took up residence in his spare room until it was gone at least. He occupied his kitchen now, having texted her when he was out and about picking up some groceries - Gael didn’t know what she meant by ‘creamy with potatoes but not chunky’ but after doing a little bit of research he figured she was talking about… cream of potato soup. Somehow he didn’t think she would object even if it wasn’t the right dish but he couldn’t say he wasn’t about to try to make it for her. “I’m home!” He called through the house, leaving his shoes in the entryway next to the wall behind the door as he carried his couple bags of groceries in. The past week had seen him being more domestic than he had been in a while between gently tending to her if she needed it (though she was very independent) and Elias coming and going with his job and other activities, but he realized that he didn’t really mind it - he still had his own job and things to do, he just came to the conclusion that he didn’t like living alone. He felt… vulnerable when he was alone. Loosely speaking of, as he set the bags down and put the cold items in the fridge, he tilted his head as he heard a rhythmic pattern coming from the spare room - he was used to Ren not greeting him even if he announced his arrival and departure but he could hear something unusual this time. Licking his lips and looking at the wall as though he could see through it for a moment, Gael left the rest of the groceries where they were and he made his way around until he stood in front of her closed door where he knocked thrice gently. “Ren?” He called through the door gently. “Are you alright?” He asked, wondering if it was something he said in their messages to each other - she had abruptly stopped responding and he hoped he hadn’t said the wrong thing.

____________ Panicky pacing back and forth did not actually seem to help with the situation brewing inside Ren’s mind. The tidal shift of a pleasant conversation to one that sent the young fae into a tizzy about being fae (again) was making more than just waves. The nymph had been too wrapped up in her own thoughts to realize that she’d been verbalizing some of them aloud. In a way that was fine to do when she lived on her own, far removed from other people who might see or hear. She kept reading and re-reading the conversations. Trying to parse through what was right, what was dismissable, and what that meant she should do now. 

Did he know? Should she tell him if he didn’t? More and more queries swirled into the storm, a rising tempest of endless questions that spiraled and fractaled out into more and more uncertainty. Distrust in herself, in all the things she was taught growing up, and how little they seemed to fit into the real world. One thing was persistent, above all else. Darya had never accounted for the kindness of strangers. Never thought or maybe realized that those who were not wardens would just see Ren as a young human girl. It felt like lying. Is a lie of omission still big enough of a lie that it counted? Whether it was binding fae magic, or just the after effects of panic, Ren was feeling sick to her stomach.

A voice called out. Not just any, Gael’s. The source of both so much comfort and on the equal and opposite side, stress. Not directly anything that he did, just… Potential energy. Right now (if Ren were any type of physicist) she’d say felt like she was sitting at the apex. The highest part of the parabolic swing. A dizzying view of every possible horizon. Hazily laid out before her through a deep fog of context she just did not have. She trusted Gael. It’d only been a few days, weeks verging on months if you counted his online council as well. But there was something to it. 

Are you alright? 

Simple enough question. Simple enough answer. Ren didn’t know where to stand, mentally or physically. Feeling at odds with herself in any position she found herself stepping to. So she retreated to the bed. Buried her face in her hands, and her hands in her knees, only then answering with a ragged; “No.”  ____________

The chemist remained silent, lowering his head as one of his ears faced the door in anticipation for the response. In the few short days Ren had spent at his house, he felt as though he had learned a few crucial things about her, even if they were from his own interpretation and experiences in life so he wasn’t surprised when she answered with an honest and simple ‘no’. It was obvious when Gael thought about it - even if she wasn’t just pacing, he could hear her muttering to herself, possibly either engaging in a hypothetical, using herself as a soundboard or a mantra she used as a coping mechanism. “Okay,” He said just as gently and he turned to look at the door this time, dancing over its features as he mind wondered which scenario this was. “May I come in?” Gael asked slowly. “Or would you rather have some space?” There were too many variables in his mind and while he didn’t know what was going on, he was also unwilling to make the wrong call based on what little information he had. He also wasn’t even sure if he should be asking but having grown up with four sisters, he certainly knew better than to open a door on an unexpected female. He could figure out where to go from there but as of right now, he still patiently waited on the other side of the door, her muffled response sticking onto his mind.

____________ Shivers sang sweet siren songs of silence beneath her skin. Beckoning the nymph to remain in comfortable distance, to ignore the stirring in her heart and not admit her sins. Because that’s what she believed it to be. Ren was born fae. Born wrong. Born evil. There was no baptism of light or healing that could stop that. She’d been raised as a shield and a sword, but now she was being grafted into a position of personhood. Being asked to think of herself as more than just her mission. It was a fine, fine line to tread. One she was not so sure she wouldn’t fall from. 

Accept help, betray her mother. 

Deny it, lose whatever this was. 

A group of friends, marked and bound by death, fire, and an oath that Ren had escaped from sharing. A detective who’d seen past the girl’s inability to take anything on principal and gave her a job to earn food and respite. So many people online and around town who’d offered a helping hand, a bit of advice, jokes and information she’d never even hoped to learn before. 

A man who, without asking or wanting anything in return. Tended wounds, made food, gave her shelter, clothes, and a bed. A real fucking proper comfy cozy bed. Said she could stay as long as she liked. 

He wanted to know what was wrong, and she did not want to lie. Ren felt sick at the thought alone. Her heart heaved with the heaviness of it all. It was a marathon to lift her head to the back of the door. To the strange scratches and where she couldn’t see beyond it, Gael. 

“You can… come in. There is… talk we must have. Before you… make dumb decisions without knowing full consequences.”  ____________ More pause lent itself to the breath Gael hadn’t realize he was holding until she gave him a response through the wood. Granted, the ‘yes’ was followed by a vague utterance that he wasn’t sure what to make of but that wasn’t on the forefront of his mind. “Okay, I’m coming in,” He announced as he slowly, gently opened the door to see her curled into herself on the bed, her freckled face regarding him as he crossed the threshold. She was upset, that much was clear but Gael wanted to figure out why. And if she wanted to talk, regardless of whether or not it was to keep him from ‘making dumb decisions without knowing the consequences’, then he was more than willing to talk though part of his mind started racing - did she get some idea that he was keeping her with an ulterior motive? Did someone else tell her about his brain injury, about the sleepwalking? “Talk to me, little fern,” He closed the door though it didn’t latch, letting her know that while they had privacy he wasn’t creating an obstacle to make it more difficult for her to disengage. “What’s going on?” He opted to sit on the bed near her, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees as he kept his dark gaze on her young face, the face that he’d seen gripped by animal instinct, the face that expressed curiosity and confusion, the face that he’d seen smile and heard laugh. 

____________ Once again her skittishness, her inability to interact with things in a normal way was only greeted with compassion. And god, didn’t that make it so much worse? Ren screwed her eyes shut. Knowing the next part was going to be too much for her to see. Was there a limit to his kindness? To the way he ‘liked to view things from other perspectives’ or however he’d phrased it? Her throat was tight. Dry. She’d barely said anything and she wanted to stop already. 

The bed bent with the new weight, not by much, but enough to tilt her small frame slightly toward him. Enough that her shoulder brushed against his and added another thing she felt bad about how nice it was. To have someone nearby. Someone who cared. Probably too much. 

“There are–” A start. Hoarse. Ragged. “Things you do not know about me. I am not–” Not human, not good. “I am not who you think I am, not what you think I am.” Did she even know what that might be? Ren swallowed again, but it did nothing for the lump still sitting heavy at the base of her neck. The way Emilio reacted was different. He was different, he was a hunter. He knew about the supernatural world, and Gael was still calling the vodnik a mutated turtle. Made it all the more difficult to discern where this all could land. 

There was a voice in her head shouting that he should be disgusted, and another quieter one that knew it would break her if he was scared. But she couldn’t just… not. Ren knew that she couldn’t keep accepting warm rooms and freshly made food if it meant keeping something this big from him. Not if she was going to freak out every time something brought it up. It was better to rip off the bandaid. Sear the wound tight. At least she’d know where she could stand. 

____________ Her skin touched his and while her body temperature was still lower than what he was expecting, it was certainly better than the first day he brought her in from the situation outside in the rain. She was so light. Gael looked at her with earnesty, managing to soften his expression as much as he possibly could as whatever was burning her mind obviously had trouble getting to her mouth. When she did though, mentioning that she was neither what nor who he thought she was, his brow furrowed ever-so-slightly. He admitted that he didn’t understand what this meant - was she going by an alias? Had she taken someone else’s name that she assumed for herself?  …Was she actually a 40-year-old man with a condition that made her look like a young girl? That last one was obtuse but not… entirely outside the realm of reality, as unlikely as it was. However, as Gael asked himself these questions, rhetorical what-ifs, a new question formed inside and it wanted to stop all the other inquiries. What did it matter? It was a big enough deal to Ren to work her nerves up but honestly, it didn’t sit right for Gael to suddenly change everything he knew about her, everything he learned and adapted about himself for his temporary guest because of some information or a liar revealed. He had enough of an idea to know that she had killed before, though he couldn’t be sure if they were animals or people. HE’D killed animals… so she wasn’t the only one hiding a facet of who she was. How could he be such a hypocrite? Gael opened his mouth to say something but he was having trouble coming up with something sufficient enough, something to assuage the turmoil she might’ve been experiencing. “I can’t… pretend to understand what you’re thinking right now,” He said slowly, making sure his voice was calm and even. “But I’d like to help if I can.” He blinked and turned to look at her. “I’m not here to judge you or throw you out.” He rubbed his hands together, leaning slightly to give her a very light nudge. “I promise.”

____________ With substantial effort, Ren had almost brought her breathing to a steady tempo. There was even a moment of warmth and light as he nudged up against her. Right up until those words came out. If she were more like her kin, she could have twisted those words to make him keep her around. Force him into something he might not choose himself and that terrified her. 

The nymph loosed a bark of air that almost sounded like a desperate laugh. Tears began to prickle at her eyes and her cheeks turned red. “No. No-no-no, you cannot promise this. Please. There are things about this world you do not understand.” She was sinking further into herself. Probably making a mess of how coherent and audible her words were. Which was not great considering the potentially earth shattering news she had to break.  

“That creature was not a turtle because it was a thing called a fae. It is magic. I am–” There was a long, long pause before she next spoke up. “I am not human, Gael.” Confession out in the air, she dug her head down further between her knees. A stone to weather whatever would come next. Against everything, she found herself wishing his reaction would be negative. It’d be so much easier to navigate. She could leave. Escape. Never let him see her face again. 

And it hurt. These last few months had been the best she’d ever lived. This last week had some of the most comfort she’d ever allowed herself to enjoy. Ren didn’t know how to give that up. But she would. In a heartbeat, she would. More than anything else in the entire world, she did not want to hurt good people. People like Gael didn’t deserve to have monsters like her in their life. Problems waiting to happen. She’d wrestled enough with it when Emilio had so firmly set his opinion down. But she still couldn’t escape the idea that the fae inherently were bad. Something to be exterminated. And that meant her too.  ____________

Right as he thought he had more of this figured out, Gael found himself wishing he could go back to a few moments before, when he hadn’t said those words - ‘thank you’ and ‘promise’ were off the table. He didn’t– He didn’t understand. And evidently Gael didn’t know how true this was as he saw Ren’s emotions breaking the surface and the words that she said didn’t quite register with him at first. She had him until she mentioned magic, something called ‘fae’ (even though he heard Beau making comments about that before, as well) and that she wasn’t human. Not human, what did that mean? What was she talking about? He managed to keep the confusion off his face but he couldn’t keep his thoughts from starting to swirl around in his head. Alan had spoken about something like this, too. Beau, Alan, Emilio had mentioned things not as they seemed, Regan. Monty, Ariadne, even Ren’s lowered body temperatures… Maybe his face wasn’t as well-hidden as he thought as he thought more about everything that piled up with this supposed revelation that Ren wasn’t human. Gael blinked and swallowed a knot that had formed in his throat without him even being aware. He could rationalize this. She was… delusional. HE was delusional. But also… even if she didn’t accept his promise, he told her that he wasn’t going to judge or cast her out despite the doubts that suddenly pulsed through him about her, everyone else that he’d met that seemed abnormal… himself. And for a moment, his mind switched the two of them. Gael WAS human but he had this… condition and for that same moment, he pretended that he was telling someone else who had no idea that this was part of him what he did. That he killed animals in his sleep, that he stripped down and wandered around who knew where, that every once in a while with zero explanation or ability to change it, something ruptured from within him and made him do things. His gaze flickered to the deep gashes on the back of the door. How terrified he would be of the rejection, the experience so strong that he HADN’T told anyone about it. His was just a brain injury, a neurological rewiring that had him say and do things that he didn’t mean to. And maybe… maybe the things Ren was saying were similar. Gael exhaled and looked to Ren for a moment, softly, his brow knitted in empathy, and he reached up to wipe one of the tears from her face gently. “It’ll be okay.” He offered quietly, not sure how true that was but for the purposes of right now, with the two of them on the bed and neither of them quite sure how to traverse this sea that they found themselves in, he gave her his word. “Magic or no magic, I said I wasn’t here to judge you.” He followed up. “Human, not human… The rain will stop eventually but you can stay as long as you want.” ____________

Waves of heightened emotion crashed around her. As the only thing worse than rejection settled in, Gael did what he always had done. He was kind. A gentle thumb found her cheek, stopped the silent stream of tears and wiped them away as she flinched. God she wished she hadn’t. Gael didn’t deserve that. Didn’t need a problem like Ren in his life. He didn’t understand, not really. He was still saying it was okay. Still saying she could stay, for who knows how long. If he really meant it, if he really would be alright with it, she’d stay forever. She knew that. But it wasn’t that easy. 

If this had been an easier world, this conversation wouldn’t even be happening. Ren would be able to grapple with the fact that despite the image of her mother in her head, despite the fact that she so desperately wanted to believe that Darya had been a hero, she might not have been. Or she was, and that was worse. If she had the capability of compassion and care like Gael did, but she chose not to give it to Ren anyway. Because of who she was, because of who Ren was. Wardens couldn’t care for fae. 

So why did she take her in? 

Would Ren really have turned out to be a monster if someone like Gael had been there from the start? Someone who could teach her the right things to say, the right way to feel. Or at least someone who had even half a chart on navigating all these foreign emotions that came on so quickly, so intensely. A blade didn’t need to feel. Didn’t need to think. Didn’t need to question anything and everything the way Ren wanted to now. The way that each new unanswered query stretched out in front of her like a million fractals, each splitting off into more and more. All of them doubling down and forcing her to interrogate every bit of information she’d been fed her whole life. 

“You do not get it.” The words were unintentional. But they came out anyway. In the same way Ren’s mind refused to let Emilio in, let him just be okay with her as she was, she was doing it now too. Defensive. Anger was easier because it meant she didn’t have to sit in the chaos of the unknown. The unsorted. Her past was too messy for the future to hold anything good. She was not good. Gael had to see. Had to know. 

In her mind, there was only one way to do that. Something she hadn’t done on purpose pretty much ever in her life. Slip away the glamour, the fake facade that made her appear as something other than the monstrous thing she truly was. A horrible little bug, a pest. Skin shimmered away, replaced with a smooth green carapace, dotted with red splotches that almost resembled the freckles on her ‘human’ cheeks. Horns, antennae, segmented body parts and wings. Somehow even smaller than the form she paraded around in. Especially all curled up like this. 

“This. This is what I am. And it is not a good thing. This is why it is dangerous to say Thank You, to say that you promise to do something. When I say I am not human, I– I am a monster.” The last and only other person to see this shape had said so, but in a much kinder affectation than Ren used. To Nora, it meant companionship in their shared oddness. To Ren it meant she’d never be something worthy of trust. 

____________ She flinched, which Gael sort of expected though he kept his hand up for a moment before lowering it. The two were silent for a long moment before she said the simple phrase. ‘You do not get it’. His expression faltered slightly and he wondered what she would do if he told her that they might’ve been more similar than she thought. And then… Ren’s visage started to shift, shimmering, altering as though she were covered in glitter again. Gael subconsciously scooted away as the human he sat next to was slowly and effortlessly replaced by… what he could only describe incredulously as an insectoid with horns, wings, antennae. No longer was he sitting next to Ren the human, he now found himself beside a small… he didn’t even know what to call her. At first, Gael thought he must’ve been losing his mind though he couldn’t possibly explain what had happened, what was going on to betray his vision and a small, primal part of him wanted to escape, leap off the bed and out of the room so fast even he wouldn’t be able to process what was going through his mind. And yet… She spoke to him somehow, in some way, through her inhuman mandibles, and without thinking he snapped his eyes shut - his vision wasn’t reliable, he needed to hear her. Hear how she sounded regardless of manipulating him or what had happened to make him lose his mind. She sounded… “It’s still Ren.” Gael breathed. And he took another breath. Eyes still closed, he lifted his head and took another breath. Leaned into where Ren was sitting. Grass, earth… smoke. The scent on the sheets, in the room. Ren’s voice. “You’re still… Ren.” With his head turned to face her, he opened his eyes again and they rested on the small, insect-like form on the bed. “I… don’t get it.” He repeated her earlier sentiment. “But I also can’t… accept that you’re a monster.” He sighed.

____________ Well what the hell was she supposed to do now? Ren had laid out all her cards, played the final ace and– There was some fear. Perhaps it was just hesitation. So brief the young fae had not properly been able to catch, so brief compared to how it should have been, how it– No. No he wasn’t like that. Ren was starting to see the patterns. While sticking to everything she knew might have been the more comfortable path internally, even her stubborn mind could see that Gael was just… just too good of a person to reject her just like that. When a world altering revelation had been dropped in his lap he just… adapted. Took a few seconds to stop and think, then continued on the gentle path he was coaxing Ren ever closer to. 

The few moments where he had closed his eyes were easier, now he was just… staring. Not the intense way that Ren tended to adopt. No, it was soft. Confused maybe, but earnest. She didn’t know what to do with that. Nora had seen her, and said she was cool for being a monster. Gael was seeing her, and was confirming that she was still a person. Still Ren. The nymph’s shaking body was just about anything but still though. It was like the thoughts inside had physical weight, each pushing and prodding and wanting to be the first to break out. All of it together nearly short circuited the already overloaded mind. What was once a confident attempt to scare him off in some childish way, turned quickly to a horrid shame. 

The glamour returned. Just as quick as it had gone. Zipping up tight and locking away the parts of herself that she hated. Ren’s head turned too, looking away. Staring at the frayed edges of the rug, of where they met the hardwood flooring. Where she could trace the lines in the woodgrain and not think for just a split second of reprieve. 

“This is because you do not truly know.” Distant and choked up, all her teachings came bubbling to the surface and spewed out of her mouth. “Fae are terrible manipulative creatures. They kill humans for fun. They take your words and use them against you. If you say thank you to one they will bind you to servitude. If you say you promise to do something they can make you do it literally and forever. Fae are monsters.” 

____________ As effortlessly as it had appeared to his unreliable eyes, she had glittered back to her small, light, human form. He didn’t take his eyes off her as she did, instead trying to scrape his brain, to figure out how she had and what she did to get that effect; she wasn’t wearing a watch that projected holograms, she smelled and sounded the same in both forms, it didn’t look… uncomfortable. Well– Gael wondered if he said something wrong again, if he was just being foolish and trying to muscle past something that was intrinsically wrong. She avoided his gaze this time, looking at the ground and if he followed the path himself he could see a different set of scratches, the ever-present reminder of something inside him that he pushed down and hid, though he didn’t need to… fool anyone into accepting it. “But…” Gael swallowed again as his brow furrowed and he thought on everything she said. Monsters, manipulative like how she tricked him into seeing a different version of her even if everything else was the same down to the withdrawn behavior, word games. “But you haven’t done that.” He remarked slowly, lowering his head and though he didn’t search for her eyes again, he did scoot towards her, returning to where he was. He leaned forward once more - it was literally impossible for him to wrap his brain around everything that he saw so he was relegating himself to clawing at the parts that he could, about Ren’s tearful insistence that she was a monster. “You told me about the pitfalls,” He continued. “You helped my neighborhood. You’ve taken great care to make sure I haven’t… that you haven’t used any of my words against me.” He placed his hands together once more as his elbows returned to his knees. “So even if you are a fae, I can’t very well judge you as a monster like the ones you describe.” He licked his lower lip with a small nod. “So… not all fae are monsters.” Gael did look at her this time. “You’re Ren. You hate being told thank you because it means they owe you something and you don’t want that to happen. You like salami and cream of potato soup. You fought a vodnik and almost died just because it was the right thing to do and your laugh that day made me forget that it was raining outside. You can look like a human or an insect and you might be a fae but that’s not who you are because you’re Ren.”

____________ Each and every person who chipped away at the massive wall surrounding Ren’s heart had their own methods. Some worked really well, others not so much. Each made an impact though. Carved at the layers and layers of self hatred, of time spent digging herself deeper into an isolation so thorough that even on a good day Ren barely recognized herself outside of what she was ‘supposed to do’. 

Somehow though, he did. Gael saw the bits that surfaced. Saw her and not what she was. Ren’s brows knit together, slowly slowly turning to face him as he went on. All the things he’d noticed. All the things he kept. Parts of her she didn’t show anyone. Parts of her that her ‘mother’ never recognized. Even with years under her belt she’d never come close to this level of understanding. With a millennia of practice she might never be able to have this amount of compassion. 

“And that’s okay?” Tearful, barely audible. A second confirmation of things others in town had tried to impart. Her breath shuddered and slowed the hyperventilation she’d just come down from. Big green eyes looked into his, and for maybe the first time in her life, she felt like she was home.  ____________

He breathed evenly though he knew his body wanted to react to everything that had transpired in that bedroom. He breathed evenly because he knew just enough about psychology to know that someone else breathing in close proximity helped others. He didn’t know anything about fae psychology but she clearly experienced emotion like a human, ate like a human and feared like a human so how different was she really? In, out. In, out. Her eyes found Gael’s this time, sparkling with tears, emeralds on a face wide with so much emotion and a burden. A voice telling her that she was a monster. Someone had to have instilled this into her from a very young age. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, hold her and let her feel his warmth and heart but this was delicate, as was she so instead he gave her another little nudge as he sat back, the arm closest to her moving so that his torso was exposed to her. Gael blinked slowly, a smile widening on his angled features. “Of course it is, little fern.” 

____________ A foreign instinct wormed its way into her brain and pushed Ren forward. She found her head buried against his chest and her arms wrapping around. No more words, no more fighting. Tears flowed freely, but not necessarily out of sadness or anger. The world had spun on its axis, and the nymph was allowing herself to be held truly and wholly for the first time in her life. Darya would never, she could never do this. And she’d just as quickly kill Ren for being this soft. For going against her directive. For being a person instead of a thing. 

There was relief to it. The hug. The way she could hear the man’s heart beating, feel the vibrations echo from his chest into hers. Slowing down her heartbeat until the two of them were at least in the same range. There, Ren sobbed. For grief of time that could have been spent like this. A quiet somber moment, still filled with more happiness than she could even describe. It was hard to say how long she sat like that for. Just letting the worst of it rush out of her like a dam being released. Harder to say how long she would have stayed if she let herself. 

For now, it was over. The sudden break in facade patched up and died down. Ren shuffled back, still unsure of how this was supposed to go. She’d never cried in front of someone, not like this. Not this close, not this much. Tears were a weakness she couldn’t usually afford. It wasn’t like that here. She knew that now.  ____________

The older man was glad he had positioned himself in the way he did because while he wasn’t expecting it at all, one moment had flashed into the next and her arms were around him, feeling her face pressing into his chest, her body trembling with an overflow of emotions Gael wasn’t sure she’d felt in a long while. After an initial pause, he placed his hands on her in turn, feeling large compared to her small frame, one gently on her head and the other on her shoulder. Gael felt a pulse through him, a warmth that he hadn’t felt in a long time - when he held his sister’s child, comforting her as she cried from an injury. So inconsolable but he kept breathing, as he did now with a different child in his arms. Bug, human, fae, not, the limited time they spent together, his damned attachments that he formed way too quickly and without anyone’s permission including his own but he grasped these feelings, ephemeral though they felt sometimes. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there and honestly it was as long as she needed. He kept his embrace strong but loose for when she would want to disengage and as she did, he obliged. Gael’s shirt was soaked with tears but he didn’t even notice - what he did notice was her regulated breathing, her exhaust, the relief of having released everything she had, even if only for a moment. She pulled away and he offered her a gentle smile, the same one he’d given her from the beginning and the same one he had when he talked to her online as an anonymous individual online.  “I needed that.” He said after a small pause, not untruthfully. “...It’ll be okay.” And it would; she had his word, an unspoken promise.

[sigmadolos]

@guiltscorched​​​​ said: [ DISCOVER ]  for sender to see receiver’s scars for the first time  / fyodor!

extensive scar related prompts [ DISCOVER ]  for sender to see receiver’s scars for the first time

   “  I didn’t realize you were coming. Give me a moment. “  Sigma offers a welcoming smile from where he rests against the side of his own private pool when he sees Fyodor appear like a phantom in the doorway of the room. He’s never minded when one of the others comes to visit without a warning - certainly not Fyodor. At least here there’s no suffocating smell of chlorine - he’s always preferred saltwater pools. Though the chlorine was better for the public pools in the casino given the number of people. He hoists himself up out of the water in one graceful motion before fetching his waiting towel to dry off.

   “  Мне жаль , if I’d known you were coming, I would have come to greet you.  “  Apologies slip easily from his lips, though always genuine in nature for those close to him. Had Fyodor messaged him? Either way, Sigma hadn’t been aware. He’d been swimming for the better part of near two hours. His lips part to continue, only to pause when he feels Fyodor’s eyes staring at him with unusual fixation. There was no escape from magnetic eyes, and silver checks violet to see what has the god’s attention. 

   Oh.

   It isn’t hard to figure out when Fyodor’s all-seeing gaze seems to shift between his arms and his ankles. His scars. Sigma pauses, towel in hands as he contemplates what he should say. It isn’t technically the first time Fyodor has seen them. He’d at least seen the ones on his forearms when he’d met him all that time ago in the desert. They’d been bloody thing, dried and fresh from the metal of the high security handcuffs digging into old wounds and receiving no care as he stumbled around the desert heat till he found refuge in that abandoned church and found God there. Without knowledge, the bloodied arms and ankles could have been dismissed as merely brief injuries obtained in his desperate escape. Maybe when they’d been cleaned up the truth had been suspected. But Sigma supposes this IS the first time that Fyodor’s seen them healed and as they truly were.

   On an otherwise graceful and nearly otherworldly figure, something more like the fae or nymphs of old, they stood out as pale flaws. Proof of the cruelty and damage the world had inflicted on him. Sigma shifts his weight slightly, self conscious under the eyes of another. Despite how skilled he is at reading people, Sigma isn’t entirely sure WHAT Fyodor is thinking even as he tries to study his face. Is he repulsed? Is he unsurprised? He can’t tell and that makes the uncertainty writhe in his chest.

   Lips part but words struggle to form. In failing that, Sigma offers a rueful smile.  “  I suppose this is the first time you’ve gotten to seem them like this. “  He lowers the towel  a moment, saltwater dripping from his hair.  “  They’ve healed as best as they could though thanks to your advice on cleaning the wounds.  “  Maybe he should have seen Fyodor more - he seemed to have some level of medical knowledge. But in the first few weeks following his rescuing, Sigma had been timid and afraid to ask or disturb his savior.  Even with that though, the months of neglect when he was trafficked would have ensured he’d carried the scars regardless. 

   “  Sorry if they bother you.  “  Belatedly he realizes how silly that likely sounds, but it’s too late to cage the escaped words. Instead he offers a lighter smile.  “  But I’m glad to see you.  “

[christ2525]

1111 Angel Numbers

Holy messenger Number 1111 Significance - Imagery and Profound Significance 1111 Angel Numbers - We are constantly encircled by mysterious images, otherworldly signs, and numbers that convey deeper implications. We get a few heavenly messages from the Universe, and the number 1111 is one such strong image that has an especially huge profound undertone.

The presence of the heavenly messenger number 1111 is an indication that everything is continuing as per the heavenly plans that have been laid forward. You are prevailing in your undertakings and will keep on doing so in the event that you keep an uplifting outlook and remain fixed on what makes the biggest difference to you. This strong radiant numeral has a few distinct implications relying upon the setting of how it shows up yet its center message is one of inspiration and individual achievement.

In the event that you've seen 1111 today, realize that it's a heavenly sign demonstrating that there are endless gifts pointed your direction - you should simply trust it and get it. The motivation behind this post is to assist you with studying the importance, imagery, and profound meaning of 1111.

Toward the finish of this post, you ought to have a strong comprehension of this radiant sign's profound importance and its connection to the heavenly domain.

Holy messenger Number 1111 Importance and Otherworldly Importance Holy messenger number 1111 implies that your prosperity is inside sight, yet you should propel yourself out of your usual range of familiarity to accomplish it. Each time you do, it'll turn into somewhat simpler and somewhat less alarming until one day, going past your abilities doesn't upset you any longer.

You've been obliging the stream and permitting others to pursue significant choices for you, yet right now is an ideal opportunity to speak out.

Heavenly messenger Number 1111 Importance This number likewise brings a message of energy and support as it advises you that you have every one of the assets and capacities you want inside yourself to achieve anything it is you believe should do throughout everyday life.

Your heavenly messengers are empowering you to stand tall, be glad for what your identity is, and consistently recall that there isn't anything holding you up with the exception of your own "Self!"

Heavenly messenger number 1111 is firmly connected with excitement, enthusiasm, business, efficiency, and positive energy. Your divine messengers are sending you this significant message to tell you that every one of your requests will be addressed very soon.

It is additionally connected with your "balance" as far as feelings in light of the fact that occasionally when things don't appear to be turning out well for you, it tends to be not difficult to become overpowered and settle on unfortunate choices.

It addresses a message of consolation from inconspicuous other-worldly powers and regardless of how troublesome your difficulties might appear, realize that the heavenly messengers have you covered.

1111 urges you to relinquish gloomy feelings like trepidation and uncertainty, which upset you from accomplishing your objectives. Whenever you discover yourself feeling worried or restless in light of the fact that you haven't accomplished what you'd expected, this number helps you to remember the way that you can pick how you answer this profound battle.

You have the decision to either answer by surrendering trust or by persisting with persistence and assurance until you succeed.

Number 1111 additionally advises us that when things are not helping you out, it's not difficult to get deterred and neglect to focus on our greatest objectives and dreams.

However, on the off chance that we can maintain our attention on the main thing to us, similar to adore, graciousness, sympathy, or self-development, then, at that point, in any event, when things don't work out as expected, we will in any case feel like achievement is reachable.

The following are a couple of different translations of this radiant image,

Correspondence from a departed individual Much of the time seeing 1111 could be an indication that somebody who has died needs to tell you that they are considering you and that you are rarely alone in this world.

Directly following the passing of a friend or family member, this saintly sign could give you a gleam of hopefulness that things will ultimately get to the next level.

Make your fantasies a reality! If you have any desire to carry on with a blissful and significant existence, you should have a few aspirations and dreams to direct you. It doesn't make any difference how troublesome or improbable your objectives might appear - you should seek after them with everything that is in you.

Try not to allow anybody to discourage you from your fantasies, as that could annihilate your self-assurance and inspiration.

At the point when you think decidedly, you'll see ideal outcomes The consequences of your activities are straightforwardly connected to your reasoning and thus seeing this other-worldly 1111 is a suggestion to remain hopeful.

However long you keep your contemplations zeroed in on the upside, you'll diminish the probability of awful things occurring.

Number 1111 Imagery 1111 holy messenger number's emblematic significance is for the most part associated with the possibility of profound change that you are going through and the new encounters that you are experiencing. The holy messengers believe you should realize that your life is loaded up with potential outcomes, if you will take on new difficulties.

Moreover, this number represents a feeling of local area and fellowship as well as a hopeful viewpoint to find success. Your life will work on in direct extent to how much sure energy and excitement that you bring into it.

It urges you to articulate your thoughts genuinely and transparently, regardless of whether it implies conflicting with the group. It fills in as an update that upholding for ourselves doesn't make you look horrendous, rather, it makes you more grounded. You want self-conviction and a readiness to face challenges if you have any desire to completely change yourself to improve things.

Heavenly messenger number 1111 likewise represents a feeling that all is well with the world, energy, and progress in accomplishing your objectives. It fills in as an update that we are meriting bliss, regardless of what our conditions might be.

You should never, under any circumstance, quit having faith in yourselves, regardless of how troublesome things get or how frequently you are wrecked. You shouldn't allow your concerns to keep you from getting the things done in your life that will give you the most pleasure.

The accompanying three understandings could make sense of the implications and imagery of this number,

New Undertakings and Conceivable outcomes The presence of 11:11 represents fresh starts and vast potential outcomes in your otherworldly excursion. Your life is going to change in various ways, so be ready to embrace each of the additional opportunities that come your direction.

Furthermore, soon you will get the opportunity to encounter an entire host of new sensations and feelings.

Your capacity to bring your inward strength By conveying this heavenly image, your holy messengers are empowering you to uncover your inward strength and secret potential. You have been relegated a profound mission throughout everyday life, and the best way to satisfy it is by taking advantage of the secret stores of your own true capacity.

They likewise believe you should foster a faith in your own solidarity so you can be more sure about yourself and your capacities.

Finding your Otherworldliness Regularly seeing 1111 fills in as a delicate update that your profound illumination and scholarly improvement are occurring. As you develop and develop, you'll end up in a superior situation to immediately jump all over new chances throughout everyday life.

Each time you experience a significant progress in your life, it's normal to expect that this change will prompt vulnerability and precariousness. But, incidentally, you're additionally getting more ready to deal with these difficulties with each new illustration you learn and each achievement you procure.

What does 1111 Mean In a profound way Profoundly talking, 1111 is a portrayal of your otherworldly insight, strength, and a positive mentality. Regularly seeing this number signals that the opportunity has arrived for you to start another stage in your life. This is likewise an incredible chance for otherworldly development as well concerning interfacing with the heavenly domain.

The presence of this number is a message from your divine messengers and soul directs that they need to help you in achieving useful changes in your day to day existence. Developing your ability for otherworldliness through the development of self esteem and dignity is quite possibly of the best method for doing as such.

You really want to have the ability to cherish and acknowledge yourself precisely as you are at this moment. Really at that time can you mend your profound injuries and push ahead in existence with certainty and idealism.

Holy messenger numbers are an image of heavenly and ubiquitous cognizance that is consistently there to shield you from any risk or hindrance in your life.

The psyche mind is continuously attempting to show the examples and frequencies exemplified by each number, and expanding your familiarity with these examples can assist you with directing yourself toward the objectives that are generally valuable for your otherworldly development.

1111 is empowering you to trust in yourself and keep up with energy by remaining fixed on making progress for yourself as well concerning others around you.

It urges you to perceive your motivation and power, remain cool-headed even in fierce circumstances, trust your instinct, watch out for the skyline regardless of how dim it looks, and forever be thankful.

Is seeing 11:11 Best of Luck? As indicated by the Chinese, 11:11 is accepted to be a fortunate number since it represents flourishing, riches, fruitfulness, and overflow.

Be that as it may, your perspective about this number relies totally upon the setting of your circumstance and your outlook right now.

Your riches, success, and joy are completely predicated on your capacity to resist the urge to panic, cool, and gathered despite difficulty. Thus, whenever you're feeling baffled or restless, pause for a minute to focus yourself and recall that the main thing that really matters is your capacity to remain composed even with misfortune and disorder.

[melissasnax]

On "dissonance" by Isabel (Mind Mine)

As this blog continues to evolve and take shape, I realize that a lot of my ideas, reflections, and introspection overall derives from what I read and consume. My thinking is comprised of ideas from articles friends write to my everyday thoughts to flourishing ideas on are.na-- my ideas don't simply fall from the sky. That's why this blog is a medium to connect my patterns of thinking. I can retrace my steps to where an idea started and where an idea is beginning to form-- almost like tracking down the sources(s) of my thoughts that inspire reflections on life.

So here it is...this is one of the first articles that speaks to me on many levels-- who i am becoming, how my identity is evolving, and patterns of change in my life.

This blog lacks a bit of structure which resembles a lot of my thinking-- scattered, not coherent, messy. When thinking of connecting my thoughts to the words in this essay..I begin by collecting the following quotes that resonated the most with me.

"changes brew before they erupt- we're just rarely told about that brewing period. when people (especially successful people) tell us about their lives, we hear about discrete points on their journey"

"i was A, then I became B, then I did C..."

The brewing period-- often characterized as being slow, painful, boring phase of life. that phase between one stage of life and the next either rife with chaos or simply just slow. I've noticed that when we tell the stories of our life and who we are, we often only cover the most essential important points of our life that we think matter the most to people. But in reducing ourselves and our life to discrete points of journey, we neglect the details and the invisible transformations we were undergoing as we attempted to get one from one thing to the next-- shedding parts of our present identity to construct a future identity. I want to be this person who is transparent about a lot of things in my life and shares life as a continuous rather than discrete journey. Which has me thinking...this translates a lot to the way we interact with friends and build relationships. We have different ways of how we communicate the changes in our life with people depending on the degree of closeness. For example, with some friends you don't see often but occasionally catch up with-- do you share your life as a continuous journey or only talk about the discrete points of your life? I imagine this would look different with closer friends who you talk to daily-- sharing intimate details, mundane moments, everyday occurrences...these all shape who you are and your journey because they are micro-moments that build up over time and lead to A NEW CHANGE. Not an abrupt one, but rather one that resulted from micro-moments and micro-interactions.

"we hear about people's lives as though they are discrete, when really they're continuous."

"chaos is part of the order-- it's just hard to see at the moment".

I want you..MY FRIENDS...to see my life as continuous...not discrete. This blog captures life as i am living it-- it captures the tiny moments, thoughts and occurrences that happen in the present because we both don't know the outcome of my journey and where in life i will be in the next month or so. But at least, this blog captures the essence of who I am now. Present-day Melissa.

Steve jobs-- "you can't connect dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future"

Oh my god yes. The only way I've been able to make sense of why things happen the way they do has been after those things have actually happened. Looking forward all you can do is make little moves gradually and with uncertainty because you don't know what is going to happen until it happens. Regardless, i continue to always trust that these dots will connect and will lead to something beautiful.

"we rarely reflect on the slow brooding process of change, though. once we get to the next thing, we're focusing on the next thing, not on the journey we just went on to get to where we are."

FOR REAL THOUGH. we're always so hungry for what's next, what's to come, how to get to that next big thing. Okay side note. when i think of this quote, the following comes to mind...

LOL. okay the reason i say this even comes to mind is because always craving to know what's next or how to get to the next big thing seems a lot like the concept of the remote control and skipping to the big things in life (promotions, new jobs, a better time in life, etc.)-- but all at the cost of micro-moments that could've lead to a completely different outcome and maybe a different you. When Adam Sandler starts skipping things like family dinners, mundane things like family chaos or arguments, and even sex with his wife all hell breaks loose. It's like he only wanted to experience the good things and skip the boring unnecessary moments. BUT THAT'S THE THING. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO HIIM IN THE END. He wanted his promotion so badly and he skipped a whole year's worth of life moments to simply get to the promotion. And what happened in that one year-- most of his dogs died, his wife got a boyfriend, his kids grew up, and then...

"we're all just walking contradictions intrinsically: physically here, mentally elsewhere, wanting to be something that we aren't yet."

So what does all of this boil down to??? The fact that we're living a life of contradictions. We've decided that who we are is not who we want to be and so here we are...trying to becoming someone else. Physically we exist in the present but mentally we're thinking of other kinds of lives we could be living and other versions of ourselves we have yet to be. And because of that...we lose sight of the present day version of who we are. We're so focusing on who we want to be that we don't realize the things we're doing right now are shaping our present day us to ultimately become future us.

"there's comfort in that, i think-- to know we're always transitioning from one thing to another. Performing, becoming, introspecting, all at once."

[vidaslimusa]

Easy Steps to Lose Weight Quickly and Permanently in Three

Three Moves toward Long haul Weight reduction

There aren't any enchanted drugs or mystery carb-cutting eating regimens that can assist you with arriving at your weight reduction objectives with regards to getting thinner. Notwithstanding, by rolling out these 3 improvements to assist you with getting in shape, you can accomplish your objectives.

Like most things throughout everyday life, losing a great deal of weight and becoming in shape need cognizant exertion, discipline, confirmation, and persistence.

In any case, on the uncommon event that you overlook any expected dangers and neglect to go about as you ought to, then it's conceivable that your expectations of shedding pounds might very well never materialized. This, old buddy, is the most discouraging situation there is.

What's more, right away, here are the three fundamental stages to shedding pounds:

EAT LESS

EAT BETTER

Work out

They can without much of a stretch be seen. What is your take? A remarkable inverse of climactic, huh? Maybe you had various assumptions... As a matter of fact, endeavor to cling to the prospect that in the event that you can oversee and do this very much safeguarded weight reduction approach, you will not at any point in the future need to spend any additional cash on ineffectual weight reduction items.

Your body is an unequivocally tuned weight-decrease machine. On the off chance that you adhere to the painstakingly thought-out methodology and give your body its expectation to persist, it will complete the vidaslim work concentrated work for you.

On those days, you may effortlessly surrender to major areas of strength for you and go totally crazy at the all-you-can-eat buffet in your area. Regardless, that is fine. You're an individual. You every so often need to blow a gasket to pull together.

By and by, on the off chance that you are genuinely dedicated to accomplishing even your most apparently unfavorable weight reduction objectives, you can and will prevail by as per the arrangement above. For your advantage, we ought to now dive somewhat more profound into each step of the arrangement.

1. LESS FOOD

In reality, there isn't the slightest bit of uncertainty. You should begin eating less to turn out to be more fit. For your body to begin getting thinner, you want to make a calorie shortfall.

No measure of activity will assist you with accomplishing your objectives in the event that you don't begin restricting how much food you eat. The fastest procedure to lose profound weight will be to eat less of your number one greasy, sleek food varieties.

Whether you want to drop a ton or a little weight has no genuine bearing. You will not have the option to drop even one pound except if you assume command over your cognizant and oblivious dietary patterns.

2. EAT WELL

We are what we eat, as the maxim goes. Figure out how to expect the startling assuming that we eat poo. In any case, assuming we figure out how to eat strongly, not exclusively will our waistlines say thanks to us, yet we'll likewise have the option to rest better around evening time realizing that we're dealing with ourselves.

While attempting to get thinner, removing every one of the handled food varieties you might be accustomed to eating (chips, pop, pizza, doughnuts, treats, and so forth) and beginning to eat more veggies is one of the speediest changes you can make to your dietary patterns.

3. WORK OUT

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[roo-bastmoon]

Part of me thinks Jimin had a real tough time we didn't know about other than going solo and this is why he was in tears in the dinner announcing the break, and saying things like "we can't tell you some things" and JK seemed to not wanting him to break down, going from light mood to mature prespective of don't cry who made you cry and teasing him about music. I feel like things with JK were good and stable as always so it could have been a combination of stuff and stress over the unknown and career but he seems so much more talktive and chill and fun and as if he's feeling loved and relaxed nowdays ..

Dear Nowdays,

I agree with you. I think a LOT has happened in 2022 behind the scenes that would raise the hair off the back of Armys necks, to be honest. Which is probably why BTS couldn't talk about it.

I mean think about all the chaos. Tampered mail. Doxxing addresses. Possibly blackmail attempts. Serious illness. Insane schedules around two 4-day concerts. Grammys during quarantine craziness. Solo era uncertainties. Military enlistment conversations. Stocks crashing. Pressure to make perfect individual albums. ANYONE would have their mental health taxed from all that stress, but someone as empathetic and sincere as Jimin?

Yeah. He had a tough time.

And I will be honest and say I still haven't seen much evidence of caretaking (what I would consider caretaking) from JK toward Jimin. I haven't SEEN back hugs and compliments and massages and quiet encouragement YET. Watch Memories 2022 come out and bitch-slap my doubts into a far-left field. But I HAVE seen him stare, seek out, tease, and do his best to bolster Jimin's spirits.

Nowadays, Jimin seems creatively engaged, giggly, more relaxed. Jikook feel more "settled." They may not look at each other with butterflies in the tummy or find every excuse in the book to touch or stand next to each other, but there's still comfort, playfulness, affection, and concern for each other and it's becoming very much evident. I think they are dating, though I'm not sure about sharing residences right now. They do, as you say, seem good and stable.

The point is: Jimin and Jungkook seem happy and literally that's all I need.

I realize I'm treading parasocial relationship waters here, but when I see Jimin or Jungkook muted, sad, angry, frustrated, or nervous, then I feel upset. When I see them happy (regardless of relationship status), I feel like life is going pretty fair. *shrug* For better or worse, that's my truth.

I'm a happy Jikook fan.

Now, as an Army, I'm a bit worried about issues like artists' privacy and certain solo efforts being neglected, so I do my best to report invasive material and stream the hell out of everything possible (I got two computers and a phone going!). But as a Jikooker, I feel much more secure these days. I WISH I had daily Jikook content, but I'm learning to be really patient and let more of the picture be revealed over time.

In this moment in time, Jimin seems happy.

Yours,

Roo

[theawakenedstate]

When it comes to making your life easier, what we are actually talking about is Alignment. Alignment is quite literally the moment we activate the path of least resistance and enter a place of flow or effortless ease in our lives. There’s a moment in our journey when we start to realize when were not in alignment we often are going against ourselves. It can usually feel like we are pushing against ourselves, perhaps even our own values, personal sense of integrity, or even our intuition. This can mean we may find ourselves in an Integrity breach with ourselves where we are dismissing our own values. If we look at this from a manifesting standpoint, if we are in an integrity breach with our values, we will usually block our own receiving because it goes against who we are as a person. Misalignment is something that feels like overly complicating things, making them harder in our minds, and usually, in this space, we overcompensate ourselves. Then strangely as we are in misalignment, depending on the DEGREE to which we are in misalignment this overcompensated energy will start displaying itself in all areas of our lives, including our relationships. It’s bizarre how our body is frequently telling us how to make things easier but we’re too stubborn to listen, usually because we need to prove something to ourselves.

Our body is naturally intuitive. This means the more we tune inward by listening to our intuition and our body, we begin to naturally hear our own alignment.

However what happens instead is a mind-body disconnect happening in the body, where we focus stronger on the misalignment and start to give that a solid momentum. The misalignment grows and grows and grows, then we start attracting really bizarre things that often cause us to WAKE UP to who we truly are. Sometimes misalignment when held to a certain degree, can lead us down dark paths of self-neglect, eating disorders, illness, and cause the body to be screaming for us to get back into alignment. Other times misalignment is more mental and subtle, where we are dealing with negative self-talk, criticism, judgment, and cause cycles of self-sabotage. Regardless of what is going on is misalignment will often highlight and strengthen the illusion of separation keeping us replaying a loop in our nervous system that is justifying the beliefs of “let’s make it hard and complicated”. Rather than making it simple, we’re going to exaggerate it. Because when we bring more emphasis to the pain – the body says I must continue to push away from that fear. I must push away from that anticipation of pain so therefore I RESIST

more and more and more,

and in the resistance the degree strengthens and grows deeper still, then in the momentum grows, building the lack, building the separation, building the doubt, strengthening the uncertainty, trapping our minds in how we’re actually seeing the world – through the lens of duality, through the lens of giving pain a purpose.

And that misalignment is now so big – we unconsciously purposely make things hard, we overdo things, we over-give, we over-complicate the issue, we DRAMATIZE the problem, we give it more weight in our minds, than necessary, we make it grow bigger inside of our minds than our actual desires and dreams. Then as it grows stronger – our minds say…Well, this is OBVIOUSLY impossible now. This is obviously just not happening for me. This feels completely impossible —-

So we overcomplicate it, we listen to the noise. We stay in our heads and REFUSE to hear the alignment that was guiding us the entire time.

Instead, we decided to give pain a purpose even strongly, and in doing so – we overcompensate the energy, we turn it over in our minds, we allow the justification of why we can’t have it begin to grow bigger. and then we wonder why it’s so hard to believe otherwise.

Resistance has a momentum. The reason why it’s hard for it to be easier is because you have built too much evidence in the opposite direction – so you’re walking around feeling like a broken compass, not knowing if you should turn right or left anymore.

But that momentum can dissipate, that lack can grow smaller and smaller, the more you stop feeding it.

And begin to Listen to your own Alignment.

And stop going against yourself.

In today’s vlog, I share a quote that has been on my mind this week “Unclear boundaries are simply unclear decisions”

Let’s unpack what this actually means in terms of understanding Alignment and the ways we overcomplicate things for ourselves.

Let me know what thoughts this brings up for you below or subscribe for more Tips on youtube

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https://theawakenedstate.net/what-happens-when-we-go-against-our-own-alignment/

What Happens When We Go Against Our Own Alignment

When it comes to making your life easier, what we are actually talking about is Alignment. Alignment is quite literally the moment we activate the path of least resistance and enter a place of flow or effortless ease in our lives. There’s a moment in our journey when we start to realize when were not in alignment we often are […]

[brandmentalist]

2021 Life Lessons

If there is one word I could use to describe 2021 for me, it is “unpredictable”. 2021 was unpredictable.

Everything that happened wasn’t planned. Everything that happened I couldn’t have planned. The pandemic has changed life paths and goals for a lot of people. Routines were interrupted. Relationships either ended or became stronger and reached new heights. Career choices were evaluated. Families became closer and either grew more acceptance of one another or fell apart. You either fall more in love with your city or realize that it’s time to leave.

For me, 2021 was unplanned. I never planned on living in Paris. I never planned on being here and feeling settled & loved in a city where I don’t speak the language. I never planned on stopping being a nomad. I never planned on being home for so long and to grew so much bond with my parents and sister once again. I never planned on getting back in touch with music so much so that I now regularly host jam nights at my flat. I never thought I would have so many friends within a few months after moving to a new city - more friends I’ve ever had in my entire life and feel so loved and welcomed. 

So cheers to the first lesson that I learned in 2021: 

1) You can plan your life but life rarely goes as planned. And that is not always a bad thing.

It’s only a bad thing when you keep focusing on how it doesn’t go the way you had hoped. When you do this, you keep dwelling on feelings of disappointments. But, if you could simply change your perspective,

“Hey, things don’t go the way I had hoped but I believe I am being led to something better, more compatible, more suitable, and more enjoyable for me.”

Then change of plans feels exciting, instead of disappointing. The unknown feels like endless possibilities, instead of scary uncertainty. 

At the end of the day, the challenges we have to overcome are our own minds. How can we train our mind to not over-worry? How can we train our mind to live in the moment and focus on making today a good day because the present moment is the only moment we can control? How can we train our mind to spot opportunities instead of fears?

2) No matter what happens you will be okay - even if it doesn’t feel like that in the moment. 

The pandemic has brought about many changes and challenges to many people. Some of us hit the lowest point we ever thought we could possibly face in life. Some had to go through extreme challenges they never thought they’d have to learn to overcome. No matter what those challenges were that you had to go through, if you’re here reading this, you got through them. I got through them. We all got through them. Through difficulties, we discovered our strengths. We learned to look at things, patterns, and flaws we used to neglect and fix them. We learned to cope. We learned to enjoy our solitude. We learned to adapt. We learned that we are able to change and adapt when we have to. We learned to care and be cared for. 

3) We are all more or less the same.

No matter what one does for a living, where they’re from, and what their personalities are, we’re all more or less the same. At the core, we all want to live. We all want to be free. We all want love. We all want to feel safe and secure. We all want to connect with other human beings. We don’t want to feel all alone.

Regardless of what we do on the outside, what we show to the world, our egos, and our upbringings  - on the inside, we are still the little girls and boys that want love and acceptance more than anything else who have been conditioned differently by our past experiences, conditionings, and upbringings. 

Once you understand this, you can look through all the bullshit, realizing that everyone is just trying their best to feel more whole, happier, and more fulfilled - no matter what that looks like to them. 

4) You can never get what you want until you’re “ready” to receive what you want.

There are things we think we want but somehow we never seem to get - like meeting the love of your life, getting your dream career, encountering people you’ve always wanted to encounter, coming across opportunities and offers that you’ve dreamed of receiving. We will never get what we think we want until we are ready for them; until our subconscious mind believes that we deserve them; until other aspects of our lives make sense and the timing is right.

Sometimes we think we want what we want “now” and think we’re ready for it, but that’s not always the case. Things cannot be rushed. And you may never spot the blindspot in your subconscious beliefs until you go through the process and actually “grow to be ready” for what you want.

When that happens, it will all make sense why you never got what you want before. But until then, keep going. I’ll explain in the next point.

5) Everything is a process.

You can’t go from A to E. You have to go from A to B to C, D, and then E. Although when you’re at point A, you might keep dreaming of getting to E, but you can never get there until you go through the other steps prior.

And sometimes, you might not even realize that you want C until you’ve experienced B. And you don’t even realize that you want E until you've experienced D. 

There is simply no shortcut. You may think there is, but not if you want it to last. Everything that lasts needs a strong core and a strong core is built overtime. 

There were so many things that I dreamed of achieving and doing. At the time, those goals seemed far-fetched. I often forgot that I had those goals as I had to shift my focus to the day-to-day tasks. For example, in the first year of business, I dreamed of having products available based on different topics and themes. At the time, we only had the 100-Day Planner. It was just something I put on my vision board and forgot about. Fast forward to today, we have over 18 themed guided journals and 60 themed printables/worksheets. There are still many things I dream of seeing happening. I don’t know how I’m going to make them come true at the moment. But I know that they will, one day, when the timing is right; when I’ve gone through the other steps that make me ready for them.

Another funny thing is: when I was a teenager, I used to dream of owning a music bar. That dream was put aside as I started embarking on another career path. Little did I know that one day I’d be living in a musical city where I would feel inspired to open a music bar once again every time I go to a really cool music bar or host jam nights at my flat!

What I’m saying is sometimes our dreams may seem so far fetched. But things just cannot be rushed. We cannot be ready overnight. We cannot force our destiny. So you just have to trust that no matter the journey, you will be led to something that aligns with your soul; you will be led back to your nature; you will be inspired to make your childhood dreams come true however late that might be if possible. You just have to trust the process.

When you climb 300 steps to the top of Montmartre to see Sacré-Coeur; when you hike up a beautiful trial, you only focus on the steps in front of you and you keep walking until you reach your destination. That’s how life is. 

Life is like a beautiful hike. You have to go one step at a time. 

And don’t stress too much about reaching your goals. Focus on the journey, on the everyday journey. Because that’s where the fun is and that’s how you live a rich, fulfilling life.  

__

I hope you’re having a wonderful last day of 2021.

May your new year be blessed with abundance, love, and joy.

[callboxkat]

A Little Nightmare (part 5)

Author’s note: Somebody predicted what was going to happen at the start of this part. You know who you are. This was already planned, I swear! XD 

Anyway, thank you to everyone for your patience! I hope this part is worth the wait.

As always, reblogs are very much appreciated!

Warnings: fear, paranoia, some passive aggression, injuries, death mention, drowning mention, hypothermia mention, lying, censored swearing, food mention, and a dog

Word Count: 3855

Infinitesimal Masterpost!

...

Remy slowly shuffled across the floor once she was sure Joan was gone. She kept her eyes on the door, still wary of the human making a reappearance while she was out in the open. Getting stepped on wasn’t exactly part of her plans, even if at this point it wouldn’t be all that surprising, given how well her life had been going as of late.

Did she really want to stay, she considered, here with the human? Here in their house?

Remy hadn’t been able to find any signs that they were lying to her about anything. Joan had seemed completely genuine so far, explaining their actions in a way that made sense, and hadn’t done anything obviously malicious so far. Yes, they had basically kidnapped her; yes, they had hurt her; and, yes, they had undressed her (gross). But she had just almost drowned, and all of those things did make sense with their story that they’d tried to help her. Joan had apparently saved her, dried her off and warmed her up, and had given her food and water. It didn’t match up at all with how Remy would have expected an encounter with a human to go; and she wasn’t dumb enough to just go along with that without a second thought; but even as she looked for signs of dishonesty, she couldn’t smell any bullsh*t.

While Joan was away doing whatever humans did, and once she’d felt up to it, Remy had gone exploring. She’d wanted to check out the room where she was supposed to stay for the next day-and-a-half, to make sure there weren’t any nasty surprises waiting for her. There were only so many places she could look, her mobility limited as it was and with less time than she might have preferred; but, still, it was reassuring that she hadn’t found any red flags. No dark secrets in the closet. No traps waiting to snap her up. No secret collection of little-sized torture devices.

She did have to concede that a human would probably not have kept her in a room where she was likely to find any secrets like that. All the same, the fact remained that she was still alive, not drowned in a freaking bucket (what an embarrassing way to die, by the way); she wasn’t in a cage; and it seemed that the human hadn’t told anyone else about her. Those were all good signs.

She still wanted to do some more exploring of this room, later, assuming she stayed long enough. And she wasn’t completely sold on trusting Joan. But she was very tired, and her options were limited, and the blanket by the heating vent was calling her name in a siren song. So she decided to shelve her plans for later, shuffled her way back over to the blanket, and lay down on the soft fabric. She was asleep between one breath and the next.

…

“You’re back.”

The soft, stunned words prompted Remy to crack open one eye. She turned her head slightly and looked up to see the human, who stood just within the doorway to the room, watching her with their mouth agape. They were holding the baggie of peas that they had rudely neglected to leave behind the last time they barged in.

Remy was silent for a long moment.

“Back?” she echoed at last, frowning up at them. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes with one hand.

“You—you weren’t here. Where were you?” Joan took a step forward.

“…Yes I was,” Remy said slowly, a bewildered expression crossing her face. “I’ve been right here this whole time, girl; I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Joan opened their mouth and shut it again. They looked like they wanted to argue; but mostly, they just looked massively confused. “No,” they said more quietly. “I came in here before, and you weren’t here. I looked in the blanket and everything.”

Remy blinked up at them, feigning ignorance.

Joan sighed through their nose, and shook their shoulders minutely, apparently deciding to drop the topic. Probably because, regardless of whatever her earlier whereabouts might or might not have been, Remy was there now.

“I brought this,” they said, holding up the baggie of frozen peas. “I, um, I realized I didn’t leave it earlier. So I thought I’d bring it, in case you came back… which I guess you did.” They laughed awkwardly. “Or—you didn’t leave. Apparently.” They slowly walked closer, then set the baggie on the ground and nudged it the rest of the way to her side. Remy waited for them to draw back before she reached for it, grumbling when she had to uncurl from her nest to snatch it.

“Anyway. Um. I’m going to bed soon. Do you need anything else tonight?”

Remy pulled the baggie up and let it rest on her chest, sighing softly. “Nah,” she mumbled.

Joan nodded and made as if to leave, then paused. They sighed, rubbing the back of their head. “Look,” they said, avoiding eye contact, “I know you don’t want to be here. And I know you might have some reservations about our deal. But I promise, I promise, I will hold up my end. Just, please, don’t go disappearing on me.”

Remy shifted, not looking at them.

“Honestly, if you’re not going to stay the two days, I’d really rather you just told me,” Joan continued. “I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be upset, but I won’t be mad. The thing is, I know you don’t know how to get home from where we are, and the last thing I want is for you to get lost and probably hurt because of that. So if you're going to ditch me, please tell me, so I can make sure you actually make it home.”

Remy frowned and looked up at them, squinting. “Wait, what?”

“What?” Joan echoed.

“Like… If you’ll take me back right now, why the heck would I stay for the rest of your dumb deal? What’s my motivation? Where’s your, like, leverage or whatever?”

“I mean, I guess your motivation would be, like… not dying? That seems pretty motivating to me. But leverage?” Joan looked up, staring towards a wall for a second or two. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t have any.”

Remy wanted to call them out on what garbage that statement was, to point out that she truly only had any say here until Joan decided to take it away; but Joan had such a genuinely defeated look on their face, like they actually felt that they felt they had no power over what she did. Remy pursed her lips, watching them, but there was nothing disingenuous in their expression or tone of voice. She was inclined to believe them.

They looked back at her. “Will you still be here in the morning?” they asked, their voice soft with uncertainty.

There was a long pause in which Remy glanced around the room, thinking.

“I’ll be here,” she reluctantly promised. She wasn’t a morning person, anyway. Bonus, maybe she could needle some coffee out of Joan, assuming the human had some. They seemed to really want her to like them, and she wasn’t above that sort of manipulation.

Joan looked surprised. “You will?”

“Girl, learn how to take a ‘yes’.”

The corner of Joan’s mouth quirked up. “Okay, cool. See you tomorrow, then.”

Remy hummed, closing her eyes. She heard them getting to their feet and walking to the door. The light flicked off, and then the door closed behind them. She was left in semi-darkness, the only light coming in from under the door.

She could have run. But she just adjusted the bag of frozen peas to cover her sore hip as well as her chest, and she closed her eyes.

This wasn’t so bad, she thought, despite how absolutely garbage her day—no, her entire week—had been. She was cozied up in a warm blanket, she’d been given food and water, and she had a big bag of ice numbing her bruises. She had to admit that none of that made her want to take off running and never look back.

Except… there was one huge factor she still had to take into consideration, one fact that marred what otherwise might have been an almost pleasant experience: the dog.

It was true that Remy hadn’t seen him once, and Joan seemed to be genuinely trying to keep them separated, but Remy couldn’t help but worry. Sure, he wouldn’t be a problem, so long as Joan was careful to keep him away from her. And as long as they did, presumably, she’d be safe. But that could change very fast. All it would take was one underestimation of the dog, one lapse of judgement, one single second. She’d be lying if she said that didn’t scare her.

…

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Remy opened her eyes. She turned her head, watching the sliver of yellowish light coming in at the base of the door.

There was a snuffling noise following the bottom of the door, the shadow moving along with it, then a soft thump.

Remy held her breath. Was the dog loose? Remy had thought that the human was keeping it locked up in their room. Why had they let it out?

Although, now that she thought about it, had the human actually promised to keep the dog in their room? Or just out of the room Remy was in?

“Marco,” a voice called, muffled with distance and the walls separating them. “Get away from there. Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The noise faded away as the dog trotted back down the hall. The light flicked off outside, and she heard a door close. They were gone. Remy slowly released her breath. She knew that the dog couldn’t open the door—the knob was almost certainly out of the animal’s reach—but she couldn’t help how it made her nervous. Animals’ reactions to littles could be hard to predict. Some of them were completely safe to be around, as long as you used common sense. Others, well… you get the idea. Even the friendly ones could be dangerous, if they got careless or overexcited.

Remy wasn’t sure how to feel about the mutt. Marco. She felt uneasy that he had been able to get so close to her, even if they were still separated by the closed door. At least he was gone, now.

Still, if Remy really was going to stay longer—even if only for the morning—she wanted to have a talk with the human. She’d like to at least have some warning if the dog was going to be wandering around right outside her door. Although, she’d definitely prefer if that didn’t happen at all. The unseen threat made her undeniably nervous, despite their separation. And the human wanted to be on her good side, right? So they would listen to her. She hoped.

…

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Remy bolted upright fast enough to make herself dizzy, the bag of peas sliding off of her chest. She pushed it away, staring at the crack under the door and blinking away spots. It was dark, but she swore she could see something there, shifting, a shadow in the hall.

She watched for a long moment, but she couldn’t hear anything. Had she imagined it? Those claws on the hardwood, drawing closer? The movement beyond the door?

She waited for several long moments, straining her ears; but she heard nothing. Slowly, slowly, she lay back down. She’d imagined the whole thing. At least she hadn’t aggravated her bruises too much, since they were mostly numb from the ice.

Just go to sleep, dummy, she told herself, trying to relax. There’s no dog. You’re just imagining things because you’re tired.

She closed her eyes, but sleep still didn’t come.

…

An exhale of hot breath, right in her face.

Startled out of her attempt to sleep, Remy let out a tiny shriek and scrambled backwards, her eyes wide. She stared around into the dark, gasping.

The room was empty. The blinds were shut over the window, and the closet and bedroom doors were shut. She was alone. No dog or any other predator in sight

As her heart rate gradually returned to a more normal pace, it dawned on her that the heater had turned off at some point. All she had felt was it coming back on.

Ugh, now you’re just being paranoid, and it is not a good look on you.

She eased herself back down into the blankets, wincing at the throb of her bruised chest. Perhaps it would have been best to put the bag of frozen peas back over them, even if it was probably mostly thawed by now, but the thought of that weight lying over her seemed stifling at that moment.

She gazed up at the ceiling, just breathing, or trying to; but she was unable to get the image of the dog, the one she knew was just in the neighboring room, out of her head. The huge, hulking form, the drool dripping from its jowls, the large clawed paws that could squash her flat, the hungry eyes. She could picture it all, far too clearly.

She knew she was overreacting. She knew all of this paranoia was just because of how helpless she felt, stuck with a human. It wasn’t as if she had never been near a dog before. But since when did fear listen to reason?

Sleep took a long time to come to her, but eventually, Remy succumbed to her exhaustion.

…

Joan woke up the next morning to a dog in their face. Marco’s hot, smelly breath made them pull away with a grossed-out noise. The dog often wanted to sleep in the same bed as Joan, and Joan always had to lift him up because he was too short to get up himself. So, currently, he was curled up right in front of Joan, still fast asleep, his little paws sticking up in the air.

Joan shook their head fondly and reached for their phone to check the time, then froze, remembering what had happened the day before. They blinked, their gaze flicking to the wall their bedroom shared with the guest room.

Had all of that actually happened? Or had it just been a weird dream?

Probably a dream. It had to be. It couldn’t possibly have been real.

Right?

They had to check.

Careful not to disturb their dog, they pushed back the blankets and got out of bed. Barefoot, they padded out to the hall, shutting the door behind them in case Marco woke up and tried to follow, and went down to the guest room. They hesitated a moment, then silently turned the door knob and pushed the door open with their fingertips.

They could see the blanket from where they stood, lying folded on the floor about six inches away from the air vent at the base of the wall. They couldn’t see anything within the folds of the dark blue fabric at this distance; so they cautiously drew nearer; and there she was: the impossibly small girl who perfectly resembled the borrowers they’d grown up reading about, except for her mouse-like tail. The girl they’d saved from drowning or dying of hypothermia by just happening to be in the right place at the right time. The girl they knew only as “Nunya Business,” an obvious pseudonym. The girl whose existence shouldn’t have been possible.

She was very much real, as it turned out. Of course, this was assuming that Joan wasn’t still asleep, or somehow hallucinating; but as unbelievable as it was, they were sure. The girl was real. At that moment, she appeared to be dead to the world, mouth slightly ajar, snoring quietly. The bag of peas they’d left the night before was lying next to her on the blanket, long since thawed.

Joan reached down and retrieved the little bag, intending to put it back in the freezer. The girl didn’t even stir. Joan stood there for a moment, watching her impossibly tiny form, before they retreated to the hallway and shut the door without waking her.

…

“Okay, shh, good boy,” Joan murmured, opening the door to their first-floor apartment. They winced at the jangle of tags, the tapping of excited paws on the floor. “Shh, shh, stay quiet.”

Marco, the ball of orange and white fluff at their feet, wagged his tail before squeezing through the partially-open door. Joan followed after, then stooped to unclip the leash from the dog’s collar. They set that down on the counter, then scooped up their dog. He put his paws on Joan’s shoulders and pressed his wet nose against their neck. His tail wagged harder as Joan scratched at his back.

Joan smiled. “Okay, Marcaroni, let’s go to my room,” they murmured, already carrying the dog there. They set him down on his dog bed, then moved towards the door, beginning to close it. “Be right back.”

They still had their hand on the doorknob as they looked down the hall, towards the other bedroom.

About an hour had passed since they’d gone to check on their guest that morning. They debated poking their head in again, just for a second, but eventually turned away and headed towards the kitchen. They’d go back to look in on her when breakfast was ready.

…

Remy jolted awake, and immediately groaned at the throb of pain this caused.

It took her a moment to remember where she was and why she was there. When she did, she wasn’t exactly happy. Who could blame her, really? This sucked.

At least she didn’t seem to have been eaten by a dog overnight, so that was nice.

She was still in Joan’s guest room, lying on top of a blanket, alone. Her chest felt like it had been hit with a battering ram, and she had a killer headache. And she was still stuck here with a human and their dog. So, in short, everything was great. So, so great.

Remy pushed herself to sit more upright and look around. Light filtered in through the gaps in the blinds over the window, and she could hear movement elsewhere in the building. The baggie of peas was missing, she couldn’t help but notice. So Joan had been here at some point.

She groaned again and let herself fall back against the blanket.

She didn’t have long to dwell on her sucky situation before she heard the door quietly opening, and she quickly scrambled to sit up, stiffening.

Joan stood there, of course. They gave her an awkward, lopsided smile when they saw her.

“Hey, you’re awake,” they commented.

Remy didn’t dignify that obvious comment with a response.

They stepped closer, and Remy saw that they held a small plate and the bag of peas. They left the door open behind them, and she couldn’t help how her gaze flicked between them and the hall, wary of the dog running in.

“I brought you some food,” they offered. “And more ice, if you want it?”

Remy stayed put as they came closer and put the plate and ice at her side. The plate held some crackers, peanuts, and strawberries. Once Joan moved away, she picked up one of the strawberries on the plate and took a few bites, staring at the human contemplatively.

“Where’s the dog?” she asked, swallowing. She set the strawberry back on the plate.

“Hm? Oh, Marco’s still in my room,” Joan said. “He’ll be fine in there.”

“He wasn’t in there last night,” Remy pointed out, folding her arms despite how her chest complained. “That mutt kept me up half the night.”

“What? Yes he—oh. Yeah, I let him out for about five minutes, just for some water. But it was only like five minutes. He spent the night with me.”

 Remy frowned. “He tried to get in here!”

Joan paused, then winced. “I’m sorry, he got past me when I was cleaning out his bowl. I’m sorry if he scared you. He must’ve smelled you and got curious. He wouldn’t hurt you or anything.”

“Oh, if you say so, it must be true,” Remy said in a bitter voice. She wiped her hands off on her pants, then started combing her tangled hair with her fingers, working out the hair tie as she did. “I’m sure I’ll have an amazing time staying here with him breathing curiously down my neck and trying to curiously eat me. But it’ll be fine, he’s just curious.”

Joan looked dismayed. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Really. I should have realized.”

Remy looked up at them, then pointedly away, still combing through her hair. She hit a particularly stubborn knot and yanked her fingers through it about as passive-aggressively as a five-inch tall girl who’d almost died the day before was capable of.

The human shifted on their feet. “Can I… I don’t know, like, make it up to you somehow? It’s not like I can get rid of him—he’s my dog—and I can’t really keep him cooped up all the time, but I really want you to be comfortable here.”

“A little warning would be nice, to start,” Remy snipped. “If he’s going to be up in my business, I’d like to know. I don���t want to wake up in his mouth.”

Joan looked like they wanted to argue about the probability of that, but in the end they simply nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’ll tell you if he’s coming out of my room. But what if you’re asleep or something?”

“What did I just say? You do it anyway!” Remy wasn’t in the mood to coddle a human, of all things. Her headache and ribs were not playing nice, and she was still exhausted. Not. In. The. Mood.

The human sighed and pressed a hand briefly against their face. “Right. Yeah. Sure.”

Remy coughed, winced, and rubbed at her eyes.

“How are you doing today?” Joan ventured after a pause. Judging by the tone of their voice, they’d guessed she wasn’t feeling well.

“You know how you can make it up to me?” Remy said. “Get me some coffee. The good kind.” She didn’t know what humans considered the good kind, but she knew that not all coffee was brewed equal.

“Coffee?” Joan repeated, clearly surprised. “You want coffee?”

“Yes, girl, coffee. The good kind.”

“Oh. Um, sure, I think I have some in the cabinet. Do you… um, do you want, like, sugar in it? Or milk? I only have almond milk, though, if that’s okay.”

Remy hesitated, honestly a bit thrown by the question. She didn’t usually have options for how she had her coffee.

“…How about I just bring everything, and you can see what you like?”

Remy glanced them up and down before nodding.

With that, Joan left to fetch the apology coffee; and Remy went back to picking at her strawberry.

[yogaadvise]

Answering The Unanswered !

Preface: 

While on the spiritual trip, our mind or mind maintains on increasing different concerns or questions. For those, who regardless of all these distractions as well as play of mind continue to get on the path of Dhyan, many (otherwise all) of these uncertainties get removed on their own in due course. However, for many, these questions, these confusions and misconceptions elevated by the mind finish up being the reasons to drift or to totally turn back from meditation.

The very function of creating this blog site is to answer, based on my own experience, some of the standard questions/doubts which usually trouble the beginners. Further, by the title ' Answering the unanswered', what I suggest is that these inquiries were essentially unanswered or at best unconvincingly answered for me till couple of months back as I was mostly depending on what I had checked out in numerous spiritual books or what I had actually seen in YouTube videos.

The Matter

# Q 1. Many people continue saying that Meditation is terrific for peace of mind, it does marvels, all should do it etc. When one states begin practicing meditation, what precisely has to be done?

My View: See, the most significant trouble/ roadblock for novices in the path of Reflection is that they believe of Reflection as a procedure, a technique which will certainly help them achieve benefits - tranquility of mind, joy etc. and for this reason they want to discover it rapidly for fast outcomes as well as that's why they are bound to face failing. I remained in this classification when I started off as well.

Don't seek anything. Do not try to find results. Meditation is not a magic stick. We need to understand the reality that meditation is not a method, it is not a process. Rather, introspective state is our fundamental natural state to be in.

As for just what needs to be done for meditation, well the amusing component is that you do not need to do anything. Just sit and do nothing for couple of minutes, with your eyes shut or open whatever means it fits you (however originally I would certainly advise with closed eyes).

Stop attempting to concentrate at the centre of forehead or in between eyebrows or at the pointer of nose etc. Originally, simply sit quietly, allow itching on temple or the arm happen, allow there be a variety of sounds entering your ears, allow hundreds of thoughts jump and also dance, don't ever before try to stop them or suppress them. Simply observe every little thing with complete recognition for couple of mins. At some point you will discover every little thing settling. Ideas will never ever be absolutely no yet jugglery of mind progressively decreases. For the very first couple of days or months, it will take a little bit much longer for this clearing up to occur but as you progress on this path, ideas begin decreasing within few minutes.

So, bear in mind the thumb guideline for meditation - daily just rest and also do nothing for couple of minutes - morning, mid-day, evening and even in the evening. It is typically said that early morning or nights are the ideal time to practice meditation.

# 2. I have been attempting to do meditation however nothing is occurring in spite of my genuine efforts.

My View : Nothing will certainly occur. No magic is going to take place. The extremely purpose of meditation is to merge towards this nothingness (Shunya/ No). Do not anticipate anything.

Always remember the standard rule of meditation - Don't look for anything, just be! Simply keep meditating, approving it as an obligatory routine like brushing the teeth etc., without thinking about what you will obtain in return.

Besides quit 'attempting' to meditate, daily simply sit as well as do nothing for few minutes, reflection will automatically begin happening when over a time period you on your own begin understanding what all this is about!

# 3. I rest silently in the lotus pose for long period of time still I am not getting the tranquility of mind.

My View :  

Well that's due to the fact that you are doing a type of profession here by looking for the peace in return of doing meditation. It resembles you are making a mindful initiative to attain something while making believe to be seated and also not doing anything. It doesn't work like that. This subconscious and desperate desire to be peaceful is specifically what is quiting you from being one.

Keep on resting in Dhyan, as the self-enlightenment slowly permeates in, the sensation of tranquility, pleasure and blissfulness will certainly prevail.But don't make this tranquility or happy state as your goal.

# 4. I meditate consistently yet I am unable to handle my anger.

My View :  

It made use of to be my favorite concern considering that I was (or possibly I still am) labelled as a brief tempered and spontaneous person.

I would say, initially of all, stop managing your temper as all the same. It's simply difficult to handle it from outside. You may reduce your rage for 20 days by specifying to yourself that 'oh, because I am doing meditation so I don't have the right to be mad any longer', yet it will eventually appear as a volcano on the 21st day for certain. In the last couple of years I have directly experienced that on greater than one celebration, before I lastly recognized that the only escape is in as well as not otherwise.

Also, you will certainly be continuously evaluated by people around that will certainly maintain poking you claiming that 'hi there, you do meditation yet you simply lost your temper, you just over reacted, you appear to be under anxiousness strike' and so on. Never mind. These points will certainly occur, however simply neglect them. You don't require a certification from anybody after all.

So simply keep meditating. In due training course of time, as your inner world start making you understand the reality, all these strong feelings of disgust, anger, anxiousness, severe add-on and so on will instantly disappear.

# 5. Do we actually need a Guru on the course of Meditation?

My View :  

That's a private choice. Some find that being under the darkness of a Guru works as catalyst in elevating their spiritual energy. It could be true for them and I appreciate their devotion, nevertheless I personally don't have a particular Expert, though originally I was affected or say influenced by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, Osho as well as Ramana Maharshi.

Even currently, on days when I don't feel like practicing meditation, I check out a book or watch You tube videos of these informed people nevertheless none of them is or will be my Expert. That's because as you advance on this course, you start realizing the power of the Master that's staying inside you. Those who enjoy reflection will quickly comprehend why I am claiming what I am saying. After a few months, you recognize one fact. Plainly, paying attention to or checking out an informed individual can at ideal inspire you to commence your spiritual journey.

# 6 Some great publications to review/ persons to follow to get started?

My View : ' To get going' is the crucial word below as once you start realizing things you no much longer need any kind of publication or person to inspire you.

Having stated that, there is no refuting the reality that a great spiritual publication can surely obtain you began or obtain you back on track if you go crazy on the way.

So here are a couple of individuals whose publications/ videos have actually assisted me up until now in my spiritual trip: Osho, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, Ramana Maharshi, Thich nhat hanh, BK Shivani, Sandeep Maheswari, Rumi and also ofcourse, Jiddu Krishnamurti.

If I were to highly advise a solitary certain reference, then that would certainly be Ashtavakra Gita as well as hence an attractive book on the mystic Ashtavakra -Enlightenment- The Only Revolution ! 

P.S. - I would happily call myself a candidate, a novice on the spiritual course, that has (by divine's grace) most likely found out as well as experienced a thing or 2. That's it. Nothing more than that.

Would love to hear your ideas as well as feedback.

Namaste and also goodbye till my next create up!

Rahul is a civil designer by career however a traveling fanatic, an ardent wanderer, a family traveler and a blogger!!

[lichbarry]

Top three dnd classes?

I’m Tipsy, AMA!   // 

Oof that’s hard. Assuming it’s just the vanilla 5e classes then (in no actual order cause I do not have an all-time top class) 

1. Bard

I know I know there’s the whole “the bard fucks everything” stereotype but listen I’m not talking about what Scanlan Shorthalt has done to the D&D community at large. I’m talking about the appreciation of a diverse art form and how overwhelmingly distinctive each bard build can be. Everyone always jumps to musical performance which is fine but my favorite bard characters were an anthropologist/folklorist and a minister of propaganda. The anthropologist did sing and play instruments but her entire motivation is to travel the world and memorialize local legends and stories in poems & songs so those parts of those cultures will never be forgotten. And I didn’t get to play as my minister of propaganda much but their concept was sexy in an intriguing evil way and made me realize that we really don’t have enough evil bards. I will singlehandedly introduce evil bards into the world and you cann’t stop me. 

2. Sorcerer  Am I saying this because one of my favorite OCs ever is a sorcerer? Maybe. But also the concept of a font of magic existing naturally within you when the entire rest of the world has to pull it from somewhere else is so delightful. And don’t even get me started on the rich opportunities provided by sorcerous origins. Sure they all seem a little self-explanatory but there’s a lot you can do with it, and there’s a lot you can do regarding how the sorcerer feels about their magic. I’ve seen a lot of great sorcerers who try to neglect their magic/hide the fact that they’re a sorcerer (including my OC) and I’m so weak for the kind of character journey that mindset can provide.  3. Paladin

Remember what I said about magic coming from within you? Paladins don’t have it come as naturally as sorcerers (having to work for it is kind of their whole thing) but it also doesn’t necessarily come from anything else. The flavor of vanilla paladins implies that the oath was taken in service to a god, but it doesn’t have to be. The oath is a personal ambition, it is someone’s own customized belief system, their own cultural lens. A paladin is going to be a strong character regardless of backstory details because you cannot be a passive force-- you have to be certain of some part of yourself, even if that part is your uncertainty (oathbreakers). I didn’t really know a lot about paladins as far as what it was like to play as them until I watched CR and whoo boy did CR change some things.

Also like, mechanically, they’re so good to choose if you don’t know what you want to play as. You have cleric mechanics, you have a little bit of barbarian decoration, you have fighter zest, you could have warlock devotion. Every party needs a paladin and it’s so easy to be one. It’s fucking amazing. Being a paladin is like a free hero’s journey. It’s great. 

[joyinthemidst]

a thankful heart is a hopeful one

As a part of a Christian business women’s group called 4word that I’ve been a part of now for a couple of years, I recently was given the opportunity to reflect on gratitude and positivity. This is what I wrote for their blog, which was published today. 

The silence in my empty condo was crushing. Buses had been running with barely any passengers for days, downtown Seattle was eerily quiet. I returned home from work with an unsettledness that felt foreign and unwelcome. I scurried to Trader Joe’s and came back with more frozen foods than I’d purchased in a year’s time. I felt really alone. Fear can make uncertainty feel exponentially more weighty, and combined with an isolation that you didn’t ask for (or plan for), this evening in mid-March had me asking what to do and where God was in the onset of COVID-19 in the U.S.. In the next 24 hours, I packed things up and left, fleeing the city to find comfort and safety in the arms of my parents and in a state less populated.

I never thought I’d be back living with Mom and Dad in my mid-thirties. The shift in location, pace, even in my daily interactions was significant. The first month home certainly wasn’t easy for any of us, but I responded in a way that was completely opposite to how I’d been raised and how I’d been functioning up to that point, foregoing a thankful heart, opting to shrink inward rather than look out and notice all that I’d been blessed with, despite the state of the world around us. I tried to fend for myself, like I was trying to do when I was back in Washington, and it served no one well.  

Looking back, this reaction was human, it was natural, but it’s not what we’re called to as believers. We serve a Savior who died for us to give us freedom, a hope, and a joy in knowing the battle is already won and we are called to be lights in this world.

A thankful heart gives us that hope, and fuels us with that message.

Within a couple of months of adjusting to life with my parents, I began recognizing that there was something missing—my propensity to notice God’s hand in little and big things had faded. In what had become rare moment in Scripture, I was struck with Paul’s words for the Colossians: “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” I was neglecting my Lord, my Savior, and there was no overflow of anything, much less thankfulness. I decided something needed to change. Following a clarifying conversation with a friend who had been searching for a job for a long time who was living in uncertainty, far from her family, and in the world’s estimation, adrift, she mentioned to me she had been taking time daily to record what she was thankful for.

My first response was, ‘I’ve done those gratitude journals before, I don’t need to do that.’ She challenged me to think about how I could begin being more deliberate in noticing the bright spots and the reasons to celebrate and express gratefulness, regardless of whether it was in a journal or not. I’m thankful for her persistence; the return to a rhythm of grace and a thankful heart has changed my attitude drastically.

Now, months later, I’m realizing a couple of things about a positive attitude and how that deeply correlates with a thankful heart:

Thankfulness takes us on a journey of awareness. Expressing gratitude demands we step back, see with a new lens. We must slow down enough to notice what is worth celebrating, recognizing, praising our Father for. If we’ve created a world where we’re in control of every aspect, not asking for direction from others, for discernment from God, ‘thank you’ fades from our vernacular. We risk assuming that we don’t need others and we deny that every good and perfect gift is from Heaven.

When things get difficult, gratefulness becomes even more important, and counter cultural too – why lift your hands in thankfulness when things aren’t going your way, or life is hard? Because we serve a God who will never abandon us, gives us everything we need, and knows the long game. A thankful heart is a hopeful heart. In the same way that a prayerful posture welcomes God to take control (or more realistically, return to the position He already is sitting in), thankfulness is an active acknowledgement that any provision we receive is from God – not of our own doing, but out of his great love and care for us.

Thankfulness transforms relationships. When Paul wrote to the many churches he visited in Asia Minor, he spoke of his constant prayer for them, and mentioned time and time again how crucial it was to surrender his fellow believers to God. How can we use thankfulness and the hope in God’s ever present provision and protection to undergird our friendships, relationships with coworkers, and with family members?

Is the ‘be thankful and joyful no matter the circumstance’ conundrum solved with a single moment of clarity? By no means. But in recognizing this important reminder that we have control over how we respond to what happens in life, we have a responsibility to see the good around us. What are you thankful for today?

[bonjourmoncher]

Twin Peaks Lawsuits Proceed 

Who will be considered responsible for the passings of nine individuals during a biker-club shootout in a Twin Peaks café parking garage with no attempt at being subtle in 2015?

Nobody, the  Hamilton Philip Lindley prosecutor's office declared Tuesday.

Barry Johnson, the area's head prosecutor, said his office would drop every outstanding charge against the bikers, bringing the years-long adventure to a surprisingly disappointing end without acquiring a solitary conviction against any of the famous fight's members.

The declaration comes almost four years after about 200 individuals from adversary cruiser clubs slid on the Waco strip shopping center parking area, supposedly to settle a regional question. A little while later, it regressed into a grisly scuffle. Alarmed coffee shops getting a charge out of a late morning lunch sought shelter in the café as many Bandidos and Cossacks bikers traded gunfire and waved blades. Overpowered police neglected to stop the brutality, rather adding to it with more gunfire. In not more than minutes, nine individuals kicked the bucket, making it the deadliest biker shootout in U.S. history. In any event 20 were fundamentally harmed. Many weapons and blades were deserted as swarms of inked men dispersed.

The  Hamilton P Lindley thanks its supporters. Become one.

Almost everybody at the scene — 177 individuals — was captured.

What pursued was a prosecutorial disaster as individually, the criminal cases crumbled under a previous head prosecutor's authority. During the four years of indictment against many affirmed group individuals, just a solitary case went to preliminary, bringing about a legal blunder. Most by far of the first 177 cases were expelled.

For Johnson, who took office Jan. 1, the wreckage he acquired was too miserable to even consider cleaning up. He associated further indictment with the staying 24 people would come up short, much the same as the rest. The time had come to release it, he said.

"I don't accept that it is a legitimate exercise of my judgment ... to continue with the further arraignment of what I accept to have been a half-baked way that this District Attorney's Office was set upon very nearly four years prior," Johnson wrote in his announcement, "and I don't accept that way should keep on being sought after."

The Bandidos and the Cossacks both follow their underlying foundations in Texas to the 1960s, and for a considerable length of time, the Lone Star State biker groups remained rivals. The trigger of the May 17, 2015, fight, be that as it may, has to a great extent stayed puzzling, even as examiners talked with many bikers during the years-long examination. Specialists said the shootout was the consequence of a turf war, contending that the Bandidos were irate when the a lot littler Cossacks club started wearing Texas fixes on their coats. Bikers who were available at the shooting have questioned this, with some maxim that it started when one biker kept running over another's foot.

In any case, issues tormented the case from the earliest starting point. Inside hours of the shootout, previous  Hamilton Lindley issued 177 cover capture warrants for those found at the scene. Regardless of their associated degree with inclusion, all confronted indistinguishable lawful offense accusations: taking part in sorted out crime, bringing about homicide and bothered attack.

A few, be that as it may, were not by any means associated with the fight and coincidentally was wearing biker-like dress while feasting at Twin Peaks, where the Bandidos were facilitating a get-together. Various wrong captures brought about multimillion-dollar claims that are as yet pending, the Austin American-Statesman detailed. In any event 130 of the bikers have documented social liberties claims against the police and DA's office, irate they had been named "pack individuals" while demanding they were honest of any posse intrigue.

Barrier lawyers for the men weren't the main ones who slammed Reyna for the sweeping allegations. As previous Harris County lead prosecutor Johnny Holmes told the Houston Chronicle in 2018, "You got the chance to demonstrate who the rotten one is. You can't simply say, 'I'm going to place every one of the chickens in prison.' "

At last, 155 cruiser club individuals were arraigned by a fabulous jury on the indistinguishable charges. Johnson wrote in his letter that he was confounded why Reyna didn't all the more intently look at each biker's activities so he could bring increasingly explicit charges against every one. Had he done as such, Johnson composed, Reyna could have had a superior chance to present proof that would "bolster a decision of blame past a sensible uncertainty."

"As I would like to think," Johnson expressed, "had this move been made in a convenient way, it would have, and ought to have, brought about various feelings and jail sentences against a large number of the individuals who took an interest in the Twin Peaks fight. Throughout the following three years the earlier District Attorney neglected to make that move, for reasons that I don't know right up 'til today."

Reyna said in an announcement to the Waco Tribune-Herald that he couldn't help contradicting Johnson's choice and with a portion of the "allegations" Johnson owned in his expression yet said he would "regard the way that voters of McLennan County picked Mr. Johnson to settle on these kinds of choices."

The main individual to go to preliminary was Christopher "Jake" Carrizal, leader of the Dallas Bandidos part. The district spent an aggregate of $1.3 million getting ready for Carrizal's preliminary and researching all the Twin Peaks cases, WAFB-TV detailed.

Carrizal was blamed by examiners for sorting out the fight, situated to a limited extent on instant messages in which he taught Bandidos individuals to bring their "apparatuses" to the Twin Peaks meeting, which investigators asserted implied weapons, and to "leave your ladies at home."

Carrizal, in any case, kept up on the testimony box that the Cossacks gathering trapped them at Twin Peaks, appearing with impenetrable vests and searching for a battle.

Addressing the jury, the thick-unshaven biker cleaned tears through his dark encircled glasses as he related being encompassed by Cossacks, "simply lying there, holding back to be cut or shot," as the Waco Tribune-Herald revealed. Carrizal conceded he discharged his weapon however guaranteed it was in self-protection.

"I realize you're reprimanding us for this occasion, however I don't accuse us," he stated, as per the news station KWTX-TV. "I don't censure the cops for it."

He accused just the Cossacks, he said.

Of the dead, six were Cossacks, one was a Bandido, one had a place with another bike club and another man was not subsidiary with any club, as indicated by KVUE. Ballistics proof later demonstrated that four of the men who kicked the bucket had projectile injuries from a similar gauge rifles shot by police, the Associated Press revealed. A terrific jury declined to arraign three of the Waco officials who were included.

In November 2017, the jury for Carrizal's situation casted a ballot 10-2 for absolution, causing the legal blunder.

Johnson told the Tribune-Herald on Tuesday that he didn't need a rehash of that "bad dream."

"To open that Pandora's case back up and start down that street again — when we don't feel that, in the wake of taking a gander at the realities and the proof, that we would almost certainly meet our weight of past a sensible uncertainty — would be untrustworthy, as I would see it," Johnson said. "Thusly, I am settling on the choice currently to end this bad dream we have been managing in this province since May 17, 2015."

Before being casted a ballot out of office — generally over the treatment of this case — Reyna rejected everything except 24 of the cases. He downsized the charges from taking part in sorted out crime to revolting, a Class B offense.

Johnson could have still updated those mob charges to crimes dependent on the vicious demonstrations in the parking garage. In any case, the new head prosecutor said he didn't accept this would be effective in light of the fact that the unsafe lawful move probably won't withstand an intrigue. He said he dreaded squandering more citizen cash and legal and law implementation assets.

Safeguard lawyers for the bikers were excited, telling the Tribune-Herald they had known since the beginning that their customers would win.

"They pulverized this case quite a while prior," Houston lawyer Paul Looney told the paper. "They were somewhat similar to a chicken that had its neck wrung. They went around the yard for a piece, however in the end they fall over dead. That is the thing that occurred here."