#and yet we love him so wholeheartedly that the thought of harming him would sicken us

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

furrifies them

i haven't drawn anthro in a while so this was fun af. i also keep reassigning them different beasts. a symptom of my whimsical heart

blood below

[moonraccoon-exe]

(4) And thank you for still being here despite the technical problems atm. I can hug you right? *snuggels you* -Peridot

Heya Peridot, my dear friend. Sorry I answered in this strange order of the last being the first, but I thought you’d be more comfortable if I hid the raw parts of this, as obvious as they may be, because one thing is to come rant to me and let the words flow in your moment of sadness and another thing is re Reading when you’re more calm. So I hope it’s okay that I answered this way and that it’s okay to have hid those bits? 

*hugs*

Dear Peridot. Many times you leave me not knowing what to say, both for the good and bad things. And it’s not that this is bad as in “this made me feel bad” sort of thing, no. It’s bad in the sense of, it makes you feel bad, and that doesn’t make me happy. But it makes me glad that you decided to share this with me. Venting is always important, very useful, and very much needed at times. Taking something like this out of your chest usually Works to take at least a Little bit of the weight off it.

Lemme add a keep Reading, aye, buddy?

Again, sorry for any tipos that may come up, as this computer is much bigger than what I had and hence what I’m used to and it still Will try to correct a lot of words.

Thank you for having the courage to tell me you haven’t been alright lately. It takes a lot to do that, sometimes. It’s very important and very good that you acknowledge that you’re not quite alright, and better that you tell someone of your trust. It seems like such a Little thing but it really is a big important first step to recovery.

Don’t worry about sounding repetitive. You’re not. Indeed, it would be strange that you didn’t talk a lot about this. Something like what happened is not something anyone experiences, and it’s not easy in any way. No matter how strong, patient, or anything else, it’s still a huge impact that leaves a giant mark. It’s not easy. Not the tiniest bit. And it’s no something you get over with. Something like this…sometimes, you don’t. Sometimes, you don’t get over this scenario.

And that’s okay. That’s valid, it’s normal, more common than it seems, and it’s okay. Maybe it won’t ever stop hurting. Most times, in these cases, the best we can get is that it hurts less with time, but no matter how Little it hurts, it still hurts. Because that’s how tough and big this is. It’s something crude and raw and it leaves a huge impact. It doesn’t matter that he wasn’t family or an intimate friend, you had a link, a bond with him, and no matter how weak or strong or close or distant, it was connected to you. And it broke, still beign part of you. Of course you can’t and won’t get over it. You can’t think that. You won’t. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t heal or that you’re doing bad or that you’re weak or that you’re being repetitive, because you’re not. You’re just hurt in a way that not many get hurt, and the scar Will always ache, and you can’t blame anyone and nothing for that.

And it’s sad? Yes. And horrible, because what you would give to stop thinking about it and stop aching. But still crying over it is okay, too. You’re a beautiful human being with a giant heart that feels. You can’t expect to not experience pain with such a big heart. 

I’m so, so, so wholeheartedly, immensely, and terribly sorry that the guy came out of the trials ‘clean’. Reading that made my heart weigh and drop, and it felt…like a punch in the guts. I can’t imagine how you felt. If there’s things I can’t handle and that I despise with every pore of my existence, that’s lies and unjustice. I can’t believe people are willing to let a culprit walk out with no consequences through the open doors. Someone that everyone knows is guilty, that did wrong, that should be punished….allowed out. On his own feet, clean, free, victorious. Getting away with such horrible crime…daring to take someone’s life, and be told ‘you can go home and continue your daily life’ as if…as if a human life didn’t matter. 

It gets on me. I’m disgusted, angry. I have this horrible taste in my tongue and this horrible sensation of a black hole behind the stomach. It sickens me. All the pain he caused…the wrong and bad he did, the blood he spilled, and the pain to dozens, hundreds of people that were taken from a loved one so unexpectedly. All that pain that he caused…taking a good life while his, bad and rotten, remains…it Angers me so much. He’s lucky I’m not personally involved, or I’d have probably paid someone to go get his head. I can’t stand this. I can’t believe it.

I’m so, so sorry Peridot. If I feel like this…so impotent, so powerless, so angry, so fucking angry and so frustrated…I can’t imagine what you’re going through. It must be the same, but a thousand, a million times worse. To know that that fuckface is in his house right now, free to live his life as if he didn’t take another one that was a million times brighter and more beautiful than his…gods fuck me, I’m so, so upset. My stomach is a mess right now.

Lack of witnesses or proof. What a fucking lie. There are a thousand methods to catch the culprit. My biology teacher (who has a doctorate) said it, there’s no perfect crime because there Will lways, always be something that points to the truth. What happens is that your friend wasn’t someone rich or famous, that’s what happens. Because when the rich are involved, they catch the criminal within a few days and sentence him immediately. But because the rest of us, middle and low class, don’t matter, so don’t our deaths and crimes. So they get lazy in investigation, and hence, lazy in trials, and hence, every criminal walks out through the fucking doors, free and victorious, knowing they can do it again and again and again because there Will be no consequences. Because we don’t matter. That’s how the law Works in almost every fucking country of this planet. Because we’ve normalized death so much, investigating death is someone’s ‘job’ only, because ‘this happens every day’. Yes, well, maybe if we actually investigated as if every life matteres, then maybe we’d catch all the criminals, and if they were all properly reprimanded, then maybe I DON’T KNOW, THERE WOULDN’T BE MORE CRIMINALS TO DO THE SAME????

Fuck me. I’m…so upset. So angry, so…unbelievably frustrated and impotent.

I’m so sorry, Peridot. I didn’t mean to rant to you. It’s just that I really can’t believe that he came out of that completely clean when everyone knows he’s not. Laws anger me sometimes because…sometimes it’s the laws what are an obstacle to justice. Everyone knows it was him, but because some stupid paper says ‘okay we know it was him but we need some material proof that shows he did it’, just because of that stupid concept…just because of that, despite everyone knowing he did it, you can’t jail him. 

I do would have liked him to stay in prison all life. You can’t take someone’s life like it’s nothing. Maybe he was nothing to him, but he was the whole world to his family and Friends. He was himself and that’s enough to deserve to live. I get that you’d have liked a Little it of justice. Even if it had been just communitary service, I’d have liked it. But to let him walk out of this entirely unharmed and untouched, like he’s some…privilaged untouchable Monster that can come and go as he pleases doing whatever he pleases with no consequences? Fuck. We can’t do that. I can’t believe this…

It’s okay and really reasonable that you’re angry, and sad, and disappointed. You must also feel frustrated, impotent, and so desperate in some way. Feel all that. Let it out somehow, so long it does no harm to neither you or anyone else. VEnt it and let it free, get angry and destroy something and kick something and be sad and cry and be frustrated and roar into your pillow, and idsappointed and talk shit about the laws and the trials, be desperate and stubborn and upset and don’t talk to anyone for a day and then cry more and then Yell and do anything you need to do to let it all out, ebcause if what I?m feeling is at least 1/50 part of what you’re feeling, fuck, you need it. Let it out. Feel it and let it burn. Because it’s a horrible, horrible, terrible, horrendous disaster and a chaotic experience, and you’ve got all the reason to be feeling as you’re feeling.

Oh, Peridot. I’m so, so sorry, my dear Peridot…I don’t know what to say or do. This experience is horrible and I’m so sorry you’ve got to go through all this unfair mess…I’m so sorry…

As about the job interview, I’m so sorry that they denied you, and I’m sorry that it felt like such a generic response. But don’t feel like it was personal and that you weren’t worth a proper response. It’s not that, Darling. Remember that the people that interview you are not always those sending the emails of rejection or approval. It’s a job, and Jobs usually go from those that interview you, and sometimes those choosing you are some other people, and sometimes, it’s also a third round of different people who send the responses. And they receive many applications…it’s not that you weren’t worth a proper response, it’s that they work that way with everyone.

And do remember what I told you when you came out of the interview and you told me how it went. IT’s not that you’re not good enough. They don’t discard you for being bad. They don’t choose the best, they choose the best suited for the job, and the fact that someone is better suited than you for THAT job doesn’t make you any less good or anything. We’re all good for different things in different measures, and I don’t doubt that you were qualified and a really good option for this job…so that you weren’t the best suited for it doesn’t mean you’re not qualified for it. Just, someone else suited their needs better, but that doesn’t mean you were bad or wrong. 

You did fantastic, and they were so nice to you, and that is not a lie. To them, you should be no one, so they have no reasons to be nice. And yet, they were. And if they were, that’s because they naturally felt and act that way. So it wasn’t fake, they were nice to you because they liked you. 

Please, don’t feel too bad about this. I know that it must have been very, very disappointing, but please don’t take it personal and don’t let it make you have bad thoughts about yourself. You’re excellent, you give your best, and you’re really well suited for anything you want to do. Feel bad about being rejected, yes, but know that applications for a job is like exams: they don’t determine how good you are or how worth it you are. They’re a general test, not one suited personally for you, and we’re all different with different abilities. A exam, a title, or a job application, none of that defines how good you are. They may be hints of what you need to get better at, but they never, memorize it, they never define you or your abilities or your worth. You know what you’re good at, you know what you can get better at, a piece of paper or an email or the judge or the employer don’t. You. 

So remember what I told you; Kuzco-fy yourself. Remember you’re fantastic, and amazing, and a deity. It’s them who are missing out their chance with you. And don’t take it in a bad way, try to see it in a good way. Being denied doesn’t mean you’re not qualified. J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter was denied by 12 different editorials. And that doesn’t mean that it was bad, or that she wasn’t qualified. Being rejected is normal, okay, and it doesn’t mean you won’t make it. You know what means you won’t make it? Giving up. Not moving on. Not trying again. IMagine if she hadn’t tried all those 13 times, that she had given up after being denied for a 7th time. Imagine not having discovered how huge of a thing HP would become.

Just recently I saw a video of an actress from Friends (I’ve never watched it so I can’t say who it was, but I do know of the huge impact Friends was), and she was rejected, too. Fired, actually, before starting the filming of another show, and it was BECAUSE she was fired from that one that she found her place in Friends. And the point of the video was her saying that, that sometimes being fired or rejected is what is meant to happen and it Will lead you to something way, way better. That it feels HORRIBLE at first, yes, but that’s just because you haven’t found that other door that wouldn’t have opened had you been accepted in that first one.

What I mean to say is, dear Peridot, that this isn’t personal, and that you’re going to find something better if you keep pushing forwards. And that you’re fantastic, and great, and you give so much good to the world, it’s only by nature going to come back to you, and that althought being rejected feels terrible, it’s sometimes only the process to get somewhere brighter and better.

I’m glad that you’re aware that I won’t get mad at your or anything. You know you can always drop by to tell me what’s in your mind and how I can help. Also, don’t refrain from talking to me despite my technical problems; my computer can’t be repaired. Or, well, it can, but it’s rather senseless because it was ‘old’ (seen from the perspective of how fast technology moves), and I had dropped it so many times before, the hardware is damaged and it isn’t very worth it.

I’m going to get a new one, but we’re very tight on money right now, so I’ll keep using my papa’s computer for a very long while. But don’t you worry and don’t let any of that refrain you from writing to me. Papa is out most of the day so I can use it then. I just gotta get used to the keyboard :)

And of course you can hug me. I’m already hugging you, you sweet muffin. That’s what I do best, right? Offer confort hugs and warm snuggles. I’m not a squishy ball of fluff just for no reason, squeeze and hug all you need and want, dear Peridot. You certainly can use a hug. Maybe it wont’ fix anything or make anything better, but it’s always a good confort that does well to the heart.

*snuggles back*

I’m going to stay curled up right next to you all the time you need. Or clingignt o your head and not letting go. Or hugged to you and snuggling. Anything and everything for the good warm huggles, all the time you need. That’s what I do best, even if it’s just virtually.

Dear Peridot, I feel frustrated because I don’t know how to confort you. I wish I was there to be able to physically do something, even ifjust stroke your hair. IT pains me to know you in pain, and experiencing such a crude thing. I’m so, so profoundly sorry that all this mess happened, and that you’re having such a rough time. I’m profoundly sorry for everything and for the way you’re feeling, my dear friend. 

Know that I’m with you, as are my best wishes and vibes. I’ll be asking mommy moon to try to do something to ease those horrible feelings invading you. And I’ll be thinking about you, wishing you the best, and hoping for you to find peace of mind soon. You’ve got me virtually to snuggle you, and across the ocean to keep supporting you and sending you the best vibes I have.

Dear Peridot, I wish I had more to say but...I’m rather speechless, and only able to share my empathy with you. I’m sorry all this is happening. You deserve much better.

Have a good night, Peridot, and sleep well. I love you.