#and yet my body still reacts with desire for those old memories even as I feel so nauseous

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[r3starttt]

OBLIVIATE | 02

ellabs x reader | series m.list | > 01 > 03

CW: modern!au. +18 content. poly relationship. POC friendly. ellabs x reader. | hate sex (AxE). thigh riding (E). hair pulling (E). fingering. edging. orgasm denial. mean Abby.

SUMMARY: Yearning for warmth and protection, you find yourself tangled in complicated relationships. Abby's charm wins your parents' favor, overshadowing everything else, while Ellie's struggle for independence clashes with your own expectations.

PRELUDE TO ECSTASY

Those portraits of women who have huge animals on their laps- your parents had several of them in their summer house. You always wondered if they were real; at seven years old, they seemed quite convincing.

They instilled in you a longing for the warmth that came with holding the weight of those beasts on your lap, a craving for the love and protection they symbolized. You imagined the comfort and guardianship they could provide, yearning to feel that unconditional affection, to be seen without fear, to not be bitten.

It was scary to see them when it was night and you had to walk from your room to the bathroom and vice versa. Yet, something within you reminded you that behind those eyes was no mere beast—they weren't real. Under the warm daylight steaming through the windows, your fear transformed into a desire for their presence, and perhaps that was your issue—logic.

It it was scary, even if it was only during nights, why couldn't you allow the fear within your childish brain.

In the bathroom you once shared with your cousins, there was a large mirror. It was funny to brush your teeth with them, making weird faces, playing with the loud water that ran down the sink. It was funny to look at yourself while your mother brushed your hair, or pretend you were disgusted whenever your dad came to kiss your mom and say goodnight to you.

You would look at your reflection during those nights, admiring your tidy hair now braided by your mother. Your eyes would naturally look at the door, imagining if maybe there was something behind it that you didn't see before you closed it.

Now it's only memories, a mirror no longer shared, barely used. A mirror that pictures you being held by heavy hands, a mirror that reflects the bruises on your neck drawn by hungry lips.

"Ellie's still sleeping" a voice brought you back to the present, the beginning. blonde hair appearing in your peripheral vision. The sunlight from the bathroom skylight gave it an ethereal glow. "I can still smell the alcohol," you said, your voice sharper than intended. Abby just laughed

-

One thing is certain: you didn't forget what you learnt during study session. Neither did Ellie, and well, Abby didn't have to do much.

Blabber over blabber praised by their tongues, their wet lips on your body. If you somehow forgot a term, a name, a date, they had you waiting, forcing you to study again and see- hear them instead.

Ellie's tattoo on full display, hugging the warmth of Abby's flesh, right in front of you. Hungry tongues dancing against each other, soft and quiet whines brushing Abby's lips.

Perhaps there is truth in the saying that discipline and determination pay off, and that studying with others enhance your efficiency.

After great notes and a few self made parties to celebrate, you had only one request to make before Abby graduated.

"My parents have this religious summer vacation routine... I uhm- I'd really like to spend more time together before you leave." Her fingers intertwined with yours, ocean-blue eyes fixed on your puppy-like gaze. With a soft nod, she made you feel secure, safe, and tranquil.

"Yeah?" red puffy lips pressing against yours for what felt like the millionth time that hour. "Sure, why not? It'll be fun." she inquired.

You wondered if you should have ignored how your body reacted to her, if things would have ended differently had you not been blinded by your parents' respect and collage girl's admiration.

If maybe avoiding drinking on the first day Ellie met your parents would have revealed the truth before you gave in temptation.

-

"Hey, gotta get ready, yeah?" careful fingers brushed the auburn messy hair of an unconscious Ellie laying on your childhood bed. Groans and mumbles escaped from her lips, weak eyes being hit by the sun that entered with no warning through the room's windows.

"Abby" the stern of your tone elicting a weak laugh from her, whose hands shifted from the courtains to the bed you've shared with the auburn. Her eyes fixated on Ellies body too, half covered by a white blanket.

"Wanna marry her and can't even make it to have breakfast with her parents" Abbys muscles embraced William's hips over the blanket. "Fuck off Abigail" You slapped the hand in front of Ellie's sleepy face, her palm joilting at it.

Ellie stirred, pushing Abby's body off as she sat up in bed, her eyes flickering open. She looked at your still-pajama-clad body, confused. Her eyes glanced to Abby's. "The fuck are you so mad about, I thought you were dressed already"

Her sock-covered feet hitting the cold floor with each weak mad step as she headed to the shared bathroom.

"Don't even have shit to put on" muffled vocals hitting your ears the moment you stepped in the bathroom too. Hazel eyes glancing back at your reflection. "Dress however you feel more comfortable and... yeah. It'll be fine, promise" nails digged at your clavicle, walking across the bathroom to meet the hall that leaded to Abby's room, to change into more suitable clothes.

Ellie walked back to the room, toothbrush being held by her lips. Her eyes met Abby's.

"You make me look like a fucking loser" Anderson's body straightened to sit on the bed, her elbows resting on her knees as she spoke through her eyes. "You are one" she retorted, almost receiving a slap on the face by a towel on Ellie's hand "I don't wanna marry her"

-

"God, look at these beautiful young ladies," your mother's sharp voice pierced the air, making you almost want to cover your ears. She planted kisses on Abby's and Ellie's cheeks, her eyes scanning them up and down. Your father, much quieter, greeted them both with a nod.

Abby took it all in stride, reminding you of the first day you met her. Ellie, however, seemed uncomfortable with your mother's loudness and constant scrutiny. You stood behind your mom, making small gestures to calm her down and ease her discomfort.

it was evident who your parents favored. Your mother immediately asked Abby to sit beside her, leaving you to find a seat elsewhere. Despite the sting of this obvious preference, you found solace in Ellie's hands resting gently on your thighs and knees throughout the long, tedious hour. You were expected to sit there, look presentable, and talk about your long nights of drinking before classes as if they were accomplishments.

No matter what you said, the conversation inevitably shifted back to Abby and her magnetic presence. "Anderson," your dad mumbled, looking to your mother for any hint of approval before attempting to speak. "Did your father—" he began, but Abby cut him off. "You knew him?" she asked, instantly brightening the room. Your dad's face lit up as he heard Abby's father's name. "He was... admirable, always so responsible. He must be proud of you."

The scene before you, the warmth and approval you had longed for, was now lavished on a blonde girl who embodied everything your parents claimed to disdain—the epitome of the perfect, responsible rich.

The irony was almost too much to bear, yet you reminded yourself that this was exactly why you wanted her, despite the pain.

"Is that so? I remember you—" you started, but your mother cut you off with a sharp look that spoke volumes. "Don't say nonsense," she snapped. Your father gently murmured your name, a quiet plea for you to behave.

"You're identical to him," your dad continued, his voice pulling you out of your thoughts. Abby's voice filled the silence, her grateful and flawless demeanor captivating everyone.

Ellie, on the other hand, focused on her food, her hazel eyes occasionally meeting yours with a subtle smile. Her demeanor remained unreadable until your mother finally acknowledged her. "Ellie, what about your family?" she asked. "We've heard you're quite smart. You also have a band, don't you?" your dad added, trying to ease the tension.

Ellie brushed off their questions with a dismissive "Nothing serious," before answering the barrage of inquiries about boyfriends, families, and finances—anything superficial that your mother could use to critique her or Abby, or both.

Your earlier words echoed in your mind: "Don't take it personally." This was the price of having people serve you warm eggs, fresh orange juice, and the most exquisite bread you had ever tasted.

-

The sun's warmth enveloped your bare back, a towel beneath you, your head resting on your crossed arms, and your chin nestled in your hands. Ellie lay beside you, her thumb incessantly scrolling through her phone, the sound loud and persistent.

You could hear Abby's lively conversation with your parents, despite the distance. Though you couldn’t see them, your mother's laughter and Ellie's focused eyes indicated that everyone was enjoying themselves.

"Is she always like this?" William's voice cut through, perhaps more sharply than intended. The loud thud of Ellie's phone landing on the grass beneath your sunbeds followed her words. "Yeah... they're born and raised rich, y'know?"

Ellie mimicked your position, her freckled face and reddened cheeks resting on her arms. She seemed hesitant, her tongue flicking across her lips before speaking. "I know what it's like... to beg for everything?"

You frowned at her comment. "What?" It might have been obvious that you weren’t the most cherished child, and maybe she sensed you sought your parents' approval to stave off loneliness. But begging? You didn’t beg. You planned and made things work.

"Your parents... I saw you looking at Abby earlier," Ellie said with a sheepish smile, her cheeks pressing against her arm, making her lips look puffy. "Hey, it's okay. I hate her too." you could tell she'd intended to make it hurt less.

You playfully shushed her with an outstretched arm. "I don't hate her." You shook your head slightly and adjusted yourself for a better view of her.

"Yeah, well your eyes said something else," she teased, the warmth between your bodies giving way to a silence filled only with birds chirping and distant chatter.

Taking a deep breath, you turned to gaze at the pool, where sunrays glinted off the water and leaves drifted lazily. "Why did you say that? Begging for everything?" you murmured, your voice muffled by your chin pressed against your arms.

"I- uhm" she paused a bit "Abby's helping me with money," Ellie admitted, her messy bun bobbing hesitantly to look at you, cherry cheeks shining on your direction. "Sometimes it feels like she enjoys it, like it makes her feel humble."

A simple hum of agreement seemed sufficient, but you felt the need to say more. "Well, my parents would be more than glad to help... if necessary."

Ellie had grown closer to you than she anticipated, seeing herself in you in ways Abby never could. Before her, she was just like you. And hearing that had stung her, made her physically weak.

Sometimes she wondered if being friends with Abby had brought her problems—the greed, the endless desire for more, the physical need for more, the hunger to prove herself.

You were the only relationship she believed could flourish without needing anything more than mutual attention. But when she saw who you were under your parents' eyes, things changed for her.

When Abby first pointed you out, Ellie hoped for another chance to meet you. If given the chance to start over, she would take it. Abby would leave soon, and she refused to be left alone with the life built for her. Meeting you at the library erased that fear. Even though you needed both Abby and her, Ellie knew she couldn't offer you the world, which maybe is and will always be what you need.

Coming here felt like voicing an uncomfortable truth aloud. You know it could cause problems, so you swallow the feelings until someone forces you to spit them out, and then the humiliation and messiness spills out with the words. And it's disgusting.

"That's the fucking problem," Ellie muttered.

Your gaze followed her as she hurriedly gathered her shirt and phone, her movements urgent and tense. Seated on the sunbed, you shielded your eyes from the glaring sun with one hand. You knew that any attempt to argue, reason, or even touch her would be futile, so you let her go, confident that you’d see her again eventually.

Abby grabbed her shoulders, her brow furrowing as she took in the sight of the auburn-haired girl’s distressed face. Her eyes flicked over to you and then back to her until Ellie pushed her away.

You shifted on the sunbed, crossing your legs and letting your arms dangle loosely over the sides, your hands lightly slapping against your thighs. You waited for Abby to approach.

"Why's she mad? What did you do?" Abby's voice sounded genuinely concerned, though her tone had a nonchalant, even mocking edge.

"Nothing," you murmured.

Abby removed her shirt and tossed it onto the sunbed Ellie had vacated moments ago. "What did she say?" you asked, referring to your mother, as you glanced back at Abby struggling with her shoes.

"Uh, nothing," she groaned, settling onto the unused sunbed. "Something about her being hot when she was younger and successful and whatever." You furrowed your brows, a weak smile playing on your lips in confusion. "Bet you've heard it a lot."

"So, she was actually serious. She wants to meet my dad, that's all," you nodded, quietly lying back before Abby stopped you with a click of her tongue.

She extended her hand towards you, tilting her head towards the pool. With a reluctant look, you moved towards her and took her hand, standing up.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened?" Abby’s hands rested on your hips, the warmth of the water surrounding your bodies comfortably as the sun began to lose its intensity.

"I offered to help with the money but—" Abby cut you off, taking your hands and guiding you as she swam beneath a tree, the shade allowing her to see your troubled face more clearly.

"I'll talk to her later, yeah? It'll pass," you shook your head.

Ellie wasn’t known for her patience, but she had her reasons for being upset. You had noticed that she was generally tolerant when it came to Abby, but her vulnerability increased when others were involved.

"Hey, I mean it," Abby interrupted your thoughts again. "You know she doesn’t like help"

-

You couldn’t help but steal a glance through the window, curiosity piquing as you crept closer to the wall, the tall grass scratching at your legs.

The curtain covered most of the room, allowing only the smallest glimpse inside.

Their voices were audible, they had locked themselves in a few minutes ago. However the sudden quietness was unsettling.

You knew they wouldn't resort to physical violence, at least not to the extent of actually hurting each other. But with a few weeks left until the end of summer, you desperately needed them to get along.

The thought of your parents mocking you for inviting problematic strangers into their home was unbearable. Being stuck with them in the middle of nowhere for the next few weeks was even worse.

"I guess you're right. We've done more than we should've" Abby's voice cut through the silence as the couch creaked beneath her shifting weight. She smoothed her shirt, her hands tracing down her sides to rest in the pockets of her shorts. "You're on your own after this."

From your limited perspective, you could only glimpse Ellie's legs, clad in baggy jeans that trembled with the rhythm of her incessantly tapping foot. Abby's voice, soft but stern, cut through the tension, "I don't want to see you again," she repeated, each shaky step bringing her closer to the door.

Ellie stood abruptly, closing the distance between them. The silence that followed was thick, almost suffocating.

"You're not leaving," Ellie declared, her head shaking in denial. Her fingers fidgeted nervously, tracing invisible patterns on her palms. Though her voice wavered, betraying her anger and hurt.

"I'm not doing this," Abby retorted. Ellie's hands quickly latched onto Abby's, gripping with a force that promised bruises. "No, no, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to fight you," Abby insisted, her hands weakly attempting to push Ellie away.

"Yes, you will." Books cascaded off the bookshelf as Abby's body collided with it, eliciting a pained hiss. Abby’s fingers found Ellie's short auburn hair, tugging with palpable frustration. "Motherfucker," Ellie spat back.

Their breaths mingled, heavy and hot, each exhale hitting the other's face. Their expressions were a mix of frowns and quivering lips, their grips weakening with each passing second. Their eyes flickered with a mix of hate, pain, and regret.

Abby braced herself for cutting words or another bruising touch, but it didn't come, not how she expected.

Ellie's lips brushed against Abby's, a contact filled with irritation and even disgust. And then it hit them, the realization that, despite any mutual hatred, they were irresistibly drawn to each other.

Their bond was unavoidable—an intense mix of purity and violence that kept them intertwined in most intimate ways. A bond you had messed.

Abby’s fingers yanked Ellie's hair again in frustration. Ellie's lips, still connected by a trail of saliva, sought more, but the tight grip on her hair kept her at bay.

You could barely see, a sense of wrongness, shock and a morbid fascination rooting you to the spot you've been standing on for a few minutes now.

It was loud and messy. Abby's hands and body guiding Ellie who could only moan and groan in response. Sitting on a couch almost for you to see, which you didn't giving hurried steps against the grass to lead yourself to the back of the house and search for your parents.

Ellie's tattoo hiding underneath Abby's clothes, calloused fingers savoring every muscle, every inch of skin. Legs intertwined, Abby's hands gripping and slapping William's ass. "Fucking grind on 'em" she ordered.

And Ellie didn't hesitate. her proud getting hurt at each whimper she pressed against Abby's flesh, leaving open mouthed kisses. saliva wetting Abby's neck, jaw and chin.

Anderson's fingers gripping at Ellie's ass, guiding each movement on her own lap. thumb gripping the back belt loops of the auburn's jeans.

"Look at you..." Abby mocked Ellie’s current state. Half-lided eyes, mad and pained looking straight at her, flushed cheeks and plump lips letting out quiet groans. her hands making circles along the fat of Ellie's ass, leading her up her thigh, then down her knee. Ellie let out small whimpers, already pooling Abby's leg, clenching at the emptiness.

Abby bounced her leg. the vibrations hitting Ellie's already wet pussy. "What would she say if she saw this? mhm? if she really knew?" Ellie shocked her head, the humiliation blinding the pleasure briefly. "No?" Abby laughed. The plush of Ellie's thighs harshly gripped by Abby's fingers.

Abby leaned closer, her hands cupping Ellie's face, slowly moving behind her neck.

"Fucking slut you are Williams" she murmured. Her fingers now gripping at Ellie's hair once again. "Fuck- I'm sorry!" Ellie hissed, the grip on her hair tightening at her apologize.

"Shut up" She purposely lifted her leg again, bouncing it just to feel her knee against Ellie's cunt, eliciting a silent plead.

"Told you to shut up" Abby hissed. her hands leaving the auburn's ass, slapping it just a few seconds later. pleasure and pain starting to mix just right near Ellie's cunt.

Anderson's fingers trapped ellies cheeks. a tight grip on her hair to pull her face back so she could take a proper look of it. Puffy lips on a forced pout, eyebrows furrowed and nose slightky srunched.

She let go of Ellie's hair. Hands running hungrily to the zipper of her jeans, making enough space for her hand to fit in. "You make a fucking sound and I leave"

The moment Abby's fingers touched Ellie's puffy clit, all that annoyance she'd been kipping on her transformed into weakness, a disgusting need for being seen and touched by Abby.

William's lips giving Abby the privilege of hearing her quiet agitated breathing, whines and pleads over and over again.

"So wet mhm? Like it when I do that?" Abby mocked. her fingers rubbing painfully slow circles over Ellie's clit. legs open enough so the callouses of her hands could rub against her clit and eventually down her clothet folds.

The wet in Ellie's hole spreading all over boxers. Abby's leg bouncing felt like hell, yet she couldn't help but rub herself on it, riding the blonde's fingers.

Calloused digits moving underneath the auburn's boxers, hand lingering on the mound of her pussy, cupping it. Ellie's drool escaping her pressed lips, covering Abby's hand each second that went by.

Abby took her time, scissoring Ellie's folds, feeling the wet mess she'd made on her.

Eventually feeding her ego at each thrust. sticky arousal connecting her hand to Ellie's cunt, hitting and rubbing her clit coincidentally.

"like that? yeah?," Ellie didn't bother in letting out more than muffled whines against her hand. "you're so wet, aren't you ashamed?" Her mocking replied by Ellie's fingers toying with the hem of Abby's shirt.

Until Abby stopped, abruptly. "You wanted this" she hissed, her hands smoothly leaving William's body. "And I'll make sure she knows"

Reblogs and Comments very much appreciated!!!

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[daistea]

Hello dais! I’ve been binge reading all of your content recently and first of all I have to say I’m obsessed with all of your writing, it has changed how I look at character from Dungeon Meshi entirely. and second of all, I’ve been thinking about Mithrun with a tall-man reader, or just any short-lived race really and how he would react after they had passed away? I don’t know how you feel about angst really but I’m a sucker for pain and can’t stop thinking about this. Sorry if this seems messy, I’m just thinking too many thoughts about Mithrun right now.

Thank you so much friend!!! Sorry for the late response! This was a good prompt, something close to my heart.

Mithrun x gn, short-lived Reader

tw death, loss, angst

»»-------¤-------««

Mithrun would not do well. 

When he loves, he loves deeply. He wasn’t always so loyal, but after the demon and after working so hard to cultivate desires, Mithrun would attach himself to those he cares about. He isn’t clingy in a traditional sense, but he’s intense. To you, even more so. 

He’d always known it would happen; you started moving slower. You started aging. He didn’t care how you looked. He was aging as well, though at a different rate. Mithrun had never cared for the sentiment of ‘growing old’ with someone. He didn’t understand it, mainly because he truly believed he’d die once the demon was gone. 

Yet, there he was, in his mid-200s. He had you. He couldn’t let you go. When you slowed down, complained of joint pain and laughed at your gray hairs, he’d always brush you off. There was time. There was always time. 

 Awareness did not equal acceptance. Simply because something was a fact of life did not mean it deserved to exist in peace. Most facts of life had negative contexts, but people spoke of them as if they expected Mithrun to be content, to lower his fists, to stop fighting. 

 He knew the day would come. No amount of preparation made it easier. 

 “You’re 252 years old, Captain,” Lycion murmured. 

 Mithrun wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything. He glanced up at the ex-Canary, though the look in Lycion’s eyes immediately made his blood run hot. He forced himself to look away simply to keep from breaking something. 

 “And?”

 “You still have around half your life left,” Lycion continued with that tone that had become all too familiar— insistent, worried, pitying. He should’ve known better than to use it on Mithrun. 

 “And?” “And you still have time to move on.”

 Unacceptable. There was anger, of course, there was always anger swirling within him. But lately, Mithrun had become more sensitive to dread. His stomach churned and sickness crawled up his throat. Move on? As if that was an option. 

The sight of your body haunts him. 

Your skin was cold. Everything was wrong. He couldn’t stop feeling, so much more than he’d felt in ages. All he wanted was for it to stop. When he closed his eyes, he saw you. When he tried to sleep, he heard you. He recalled the lilt of your voice and it refused to leave his brain. Despite how desperately he craved peace, he didn’t want to forget you. He held onto the memories for as long as his imperfect brain would allow. 

Mithrun doesn’t leave his house. 

He only eats because he knows you’d be mad at him if he didn’t. 

He changes nothing about the decor. If you left a sweater on the floor before you died, it will stay there for years. 

Things start changing. If you caught bugs and released them, he’d start doing that as well, despite how he just squished them in the past. If you seasoned food a certain way, he’d do it too, no matter how salty or spicy it is. 

Truly, Mithrun hangs onto every tiny detail of you. He’s never been a detail oriented person, but he knows you. Perhaps now, he knows you better than ever. 

At first, he’ll be doing a chore and, without a second thought, call out for you. He needs your opinion on how to separate this laundry. There’s a sale on veggies he knows you’d be interested in. But right as he says your name, he realizes the truth. You’re not there. He won’t hear your footsteps cross the house, or see your smile as you ask him to repeat himself, or see you roll your eyes at the dumb laundry question. 

It’s a huge change. Mithrun can’t sleep for a bit. His body eventually forces him to sleep. 

He’s lost people before. He’s lost friends, people who helped build Melini. It’s different with you. He isn’t quite sure what to do with himself. 

Mithrun returns to what he did when first regaining his desires— he busies himself with hobbies and work. His universe is falling apart, but he’s getting very good at making noodles. (He’d like you to try them.)

 “I’m not moving on,” Mithrun says. 

 “They were just a—”

 “And you’re just an idiot,” he retorts. 

 Cithis’s jaw sets, tense. She looks at the wall over Mithrun’s shoulder instead, as if looking him in the eye was too tempting, as if she was ready to strangle him. “You know what I mean.”

 He didn’t. He didn’t know much of anything these days. 

 “You’re not usually this concerned,” Mithrun mused as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. “Bored of your own problems?”

 It was cruel, he had enough wherewithal to know that. Cithis may have lacked general empathy, though she cared about her friends to a certain extent. If only she was better at comfort. If only Mithrun wanted comfort. 

 Her gaze finally shifted to land on him, “You’ll have to start living again at some point.”

It takes Mithrun around 50 years to realize that life continues. Your death felt like the end of a world— in a way, it was the end of a world. He can’t forget you. He won’t ever stop grieving. He’s so angry sometimes because you dared to leave him, even though it wasn’t your fault. 

Yet, Mithrun is an expert at restarting. 

 “I know,” Marcille murmured. Her voice was thick with emotions Mithrun didn’t bother to identify. He simply glanced at her, his good eye wide. 

 “What?” He asked. 

 “I know how it is,” she explained. She had her hands behind her back as she rocked on her heels in an almost childish manner, despite her age. He supposed that for her, the early 100’s was still shockingly young. He’d never understand how a half-elf’s mindset worked. But he knew she’d lost someone. Everyone. 

 “You couldn’t possibly,” Mithrun told her despite how much of a blatant lie his words were. 

 Marcille rolled her eyes. She looked nearly done with him, and he wouldn’t blame her for that. Still, she managed to send him a half-glare, “It gets slightly easier. You’ll still do stuff and think ‘wow, I wish they were here to see this.’ You’ll still crave their company and attention and touch. You’ll still dream of them.”

 He knew that. “What part of this is supposed to be comforting?”

 Marcille scoffed, “I’m not trying to be comforting. I’m just telling you the truth, as someone who's gone through it too. They’re still there, with you. But life gets easier.”

 What a simple phrase. It wasn’t as if everyone in Melini hadn’t already told him that a hundred times over. 

 Mithrun looked away. Marcille grumbled to herself about useless attempts and arrogant Canaries.

 Perhaps he was arrogant. Perhaps he was angry. Perhaps he wanted to sink his fingers into the fabric of the universe and tear it to shreds for daring to take you. 

 But there was no time for that. He had laundry to do.

[fafefae]

idk if anyone's made this connection yet. but. i told one of my friends about the alterna logs and the alterna crystals and how they shaped sealife into more humanoid forms and kry IMMEDIATELY made a connection between why the calamari inkantation is so powerful and these crystals that hold ambient desires

because as it turns out, the calamari inkantation is a cover of the "chorus of calamari county", an old traditional folk song that, like most stories and songs, was (probably) passed down orally. meaning that the chorus of calamari county, as well as calamari inkantation, might be an old human melody.

"The Chorus of Calamari County, also referred to as the Calamari Shanty in the European release of Splatoon, is a folk rendition of the song, with few instruments used. It is meant to depict a recording of various Inklings singing along together, presumably by the beach. The beginning and end include ambient noise of Inklings talking and waves splashing nearby. In-universe, this version is not a remix, but rather the original version before the Squid Sisters made their cover. However, the ambience suggests that the chorus is not the original song either, as the song could be so old and traditional that no original recording exists, similar to various real-life traditional songs."

and if that's the case, it means that the crystal shards and crystal dust that reformed the very DNA of sealife react positively to that song because its a human song, and the sealife of this game is literally full of human desires (literally so much to the point that they evolved because of it).

Alterna Log005: As these crystals washed to and fro among the flotsam and jetsam of humanity's former colony, they broke into microscopic fragments. Because they had repeatedly absorbed and reflected humanity's wishes over so many years, the crystals now retained those…feelings. Little by little, the squids, octopuses, and assorted sea creatures that thrived in the waters of Alterna absorbed these crystals into their bodies. This process continued until, one day, the marine organisms began to feel something. Something…fresh. These fresh impulses bore a striking resemblance to humanity's passive desire to return to the Earth's surface.

also of note: if you stand still for long enough in alterna, little buddy apparently starts humming the calamari inkantation, even before you face off against the final boss! which means that even salmonids innately know this song too. (after you beat the final boss, he sometimes starts humming a different song in place of calamari inkantation, but i wont say which bc spoilers, just read the wiki page if u wanna know)

direct friend quote below vvv

@jawbone-xylophone: I have a possibly crack theory. So the wiki mentioned something about the inkantation being etched in everyone’s DNA. And these crystals full of wishes impacted DNA. What if the song had such a deep effect because it lines up with what the humans were feeling? They all had to work together to leave (Alterna). Octarians start leaving their side of the war. Song that activates the human dreams and desires in all crystal-touched beings like sleeper agents. Like all of these species are wildly different but there’s these crystals full of ideas that act like some kind of genetic memory.

so the theory, in basic words: the calamari inkantation causes such a powerful reaction in sealife because it is literally etched into the DNA of all inklings, octarians, salmonids, all sealife that evolved to become the dominant specieses of earth after the extinction of humanity, because it used to be an old human melody that, likely, brought humanity together when they were trapped in the cave of alterna.

[randomingoftherandomness]

Prompt! WKX is an omega who's been suppressing his heats for years with the help of Aunt Luo. When he leaves the Ghost Valley, his heat comes unexpectedly because of prolonged suppressant use. Alpha!ZZS helps. Smut or not, up to you.

A/N: I see Omega WKX and just like that it’s on like donkey kong 😝 No smut for this one though I may revisit this. I had to take a pause in writing the Smut Dialogue Prompts because I had to work for my Taobao WoH merch money. But keep sending them in!

I place this fic as taking place somewhere on the journey to the Longyue Cabinet.

This fic is longer than I had anticipated...

—

It hits him that he’s out of tea three days into the constant discomfort of aches on the base of his spine, the almost debilitating need to scent Chengling as if he was his young, and the embarrassing urge to bare his neck to the Old Toad Monster whenever they argue. But above all that, the most mortifying thing of all is the distracting awareness of where his Ah Xu was at every given moment and the insanity that rages through him to kneel and submit to him even when the man still looks at him with nothing but a suspicion that makes him want to keen and whine.

Wen Kexing is supposed to be above all this, not just as the Lord of the Ghost Valley, but as someone who is trying to prove to this Alpha that he was the right--

He perishes the thought before it can even finish.

The nondescript brocade pouch is empty save for a few remnant leaves that would barely be enough to tide him through even the first hour of what’s coming next. It’s fine, he tries to reason through the rising panic in his mind that this was missing the mark of ‘fine’ and hitting the bullseye of ‘you’re completely fucked’. This blend is unique to Aunt Luo’s stores and if Ah Xiang was still by his side, she would have a backup pouch for him. As a Beta, she would have no need for it herself.

Unbidden, the memories of the scant few times he had let his Heats run their course comes flooding through him; the pain and ache of being untouched, unfulfilled, the taste of blood and sweat as he rides through the terror of his heart burning through the fever, the fear of that lone door being broken down by some crazed Alpha and being mated against his will. He remembers the rawness of his throat for weeks after, screaming and crying for that boy who balanced a cricket on his head and promised him good food when he could come home with him.

Wen Kexing swallows tightly around the knot of emotions drumming thick in his throat. It’s an old fear and it is the nightmare that he has survived and lived through by the grace of Aunt Luo’s protection. He’d presented early; far too early by the sounds of Aunt Luo’s recollections and the theory was that the trauma of his parent’s deaths coupled with the Mengpo Soup being administered to someone so young, was the cause of things.

“Lao Wen?”

“Hm?” He quickly plasters on a smile, blinking up at his Ah Xu before darting his gaze somewhere over his shoulder instead. This is dangerous. 

He’s sweating through his inner robes and it won’t be long now before his scent draws every Alpha in the 15 mile radius from where they are in the forest. He finds himself simultaneously surprised and disappointed that Ah Xu has barely reacted to his scent when the Old Toad Monster had taken a sniff at him this morning and declared that he was taking Chengling along with that strange child-man off their hands for a few days. 

It’s ridiculous and he reminds himself that he has nothing to fear when Ah Xu has been nothing but courteous this entire time even when knowing from the beginning that he was an Omega with a bloodlust that could fill entire oceans. 

“Lao Wen, are you alright?” Ah Xu asks. Wen Kexing looks at him then; meets his gaze and decides it is all or nothing at this point. Should Ah Xu say no, he won’t press, he won’t push and he won’t beg. His heart will break but that wouldn’t be anything new. 

He has survived worse things than a broken heart.

“I’m going into Heat,” He admits, eyes fixed on Ah Xu, gaze strong and unwavering. “It’s going to be bad because I’ve been on suppressants and I need you to know this.”

Ah Xu remains impassive, quiet and still, before he asks gently, “So what are your plans?”

The words twinge something awful in his chest and he forces himself to keep smiling. “Find an Alpha. Pay for one if I must. The last Heat I went through was horrible and I nearly died. I’m not keen to repeat the experience,” He inhales and finds himself stuttering on the sour scent of... Anger? Jealousy?

Ah Xu’s tells are still things he is learning but even with this shallow pool of knowledge, Wen Kexing can tell that he is displeased. 

His immediate instinct is to go on his knees, wrap his arms around that slender waist and rub his cheek to his belly until that cold, unhappy scent sweetens into something warm again. But he restrains himself, tries to stand his ground even when he can feel the quickening of his heart demanding that he submit, he surrender, he give himself over to his Alpha; to just reach out and touch and kiss and love and be loved--

“Am I not enough?”

The slow enunciation of the syllables breaks through the cacophony in his mind. Wen Kexing thinks he must be dreaming and half convinces himself that this is some Heat wrought dream, and that there is no way that Zhou Zishu would ever--

Careful hands hold him by the cheeks, wrists placed close to the corners of his lips and he can almost taste the way he can be owned and marked and belong to this Alpha. This same Alpha who is looking at him with eyes of liquid gold and is saying, “Lao Wen, please let me share your Heat with you.”

“But you...” He trails off.

“Me?”

“You haven't even reacted to me,” Wen Kexing says a little dumbly, body swaying into the promise of an embrace.

On that, Ah Xu smiles a little wryly. His hands move, trailing fingers southwards to rest right against Wen Kexing’s nape. The heat of his palm, right over where a Bond Mark should be shouldn’t be this thrilling, but the promise that is etched in the heady weight of his gaze is enough to steal a soft whine from the cages of his ribs. 

“It’s the Nails. I’m slowly losing my senses. I can’t smell much anymore,” Ah Xu admits with a gentle press of his fingers to sweat slick skin for the briefest of a moment, before pulling away, huffing with fondness. “Was that what worried you? That I wasn’t reacting to you? I thought I’d held your hands enough times and touched you more than was appropriate. Even Senior Ye could tell.” 

The gentle whining that comes from within him builds into something needy that bellies the spreading damp on his inner clothes. 

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Ah Xu says, leaning in to press their cheeks together. When he speaks again, his words come on heated breath that has Wen Kexing spreading his legs, letting him occupy the space between them. “But I can say this. If you spend your Heat with me, I won’t hurt you, I’ll make it so good for you. I promise you won’t remember all the Alphas you’ve shared them with before.”

Wen Kexing bites down on his lip and ducks his eyes. Ah Xu has never been so forward and yet, with just these few sentences, he has turned his entire world axis on its head. “There weren’t ever any other Alphas,” He confesses in a quiet rush. “I...”

“You’ve never...?” Ah Xu’s eyes widen.

“Never. I’ve never trusted anyone enough.”

Ah Xu seems to ponder on this. “And now?”

Wen Kexing closes his eyes, surrendering to the need to press his brow to Ah Xu’s strong shoulder. The need prickles deep in his groin and he knows Ah Xu can feel it even through the folds of his robes. There is no mistaking where this will go and Wen Kexing finds that there is no fear in this desire.

Here was his Alpha, the one who will catch him when he falls. Here is the one he had chosen as a child when the world was bright. Here he is for him to love, to hold, to cherish. 

Beyond any measure of rhyme and reason, Wen Kexing knows that even if this is the only Heat he ever gets to share with him, it will be enough. “You’re it for me,” He says softly, pouring every bit of sincerity and honesty into those words. Even if Ah Xu still suspects him, even if he never loves him the way Wen Kexing has loved him for a lifetime, he has been Zhou Zishu’s Omega from the very beginning.

Whatever Ah Xu finds on his face must be enough, because their lips meet, at first, in an inelegant kiss that was too much teeth that clacked and bump, and then again, in a kiss that was half-laughter and many parts delight.

“Then, let me take care of you,” Ah Xu says, thumb tracking the curve of his jaw, pressing his body close.

Wen Kexing shudders, hands moving to hold him by the waist. 

“Alright.”

[semischarmed]

Mine

Many coaches have come and taught the many iterations of our university team. Over the years, these coaches, like players, come and go. Good ones are hard to come by. Great ones are once in a lifetime. That was our Coach James.

He had a fatherly quality to him. There was a warmth in his training, a brightness when he would teach us. When we succeeded, he helped bring us up further and when we failed he softened the blow with his wisdom. Coach was great like that. Strictly professional, of course, but with a layer of genuine friendliness and a desire to watch us all succeed. He really was the perfect coach and we were blessed to have him. Still, in my lust, in my pure selfishness, I knew I had to have him- all of him to me and me alone. One long summer day, I ask for some one-on-one training. Never one to turn down a teaching opportunity, he complies. Like I said, he was a great coach.

I decide this would be the day. I run, but not too well. I throw, but haphazardly. That’s all it took for him to lean in. That’s all it took to get him close. Of course, he came with pure intentions- I did not. 

When he is right above me, when I feel the vibration in the air from his chest, when I feel his raw power and vitality. That is when I strike. I fuck up my throwing position a little more, and he guides it proper. Fuck yeah. Jesus, I could stay like this forever. I feel the resonance of his deep voice within my very soul. Beckoning to me. “Become me. You want this. You deserve this,” it taunts. He was still coaching me, sure, but my mind is preoccupied with dark intent. 

These gentle breaths as he speaks- these steady hands guiding mine to a better position. These would be my truths now. A most intimate of trainings. Coach James would be training me-sure- he would be training me to use that bod. I stare at him with longing. He would never look at me that way. God, I wanted him so bad. We glisten with the sweat of the midday sun. I could melt just like this. And in fact, I do.

In that grasp, in that teaching moment, I decide to teach coach a couple tricks myself. I look up at his face. Earnest. Strong. Patient. I watch his lips- they’re still moving- he’s still guiding me. Good. He hasn’t noticed my body begin liquifying. He continues on, unfazed. Unconcerned. He always did have that humble strength about him. 

I am drawn to those plump lips, to his perfect smile and the void behind them, to the force of his breath over me, and to the very vibration that created them. I am drawn to that body which I would make mine. I wrap his thick arms around me. Those goddamn arms. They pulse and tense in surprise. He finally catches on. “- Hey. What are you doing? What.. What is this?” I pay no mind. A breeze picks up and his scent fills me. I wrap myself in it. Old spice deodorant layered over the pungent, musk of a man. My man. My scent, soon enough. The air was ripe in pheromones. Testosterone. James. I inhale deeply, trying to catch as much of him as I could. His skin is nice, too. It’s a bit damp, a bit hot from the heat, but nice. I feel them stretch taught, struggling to contain the mass of muscle beneath. I draw his shocked embrace even closer, uncomfortably close. I feel him between concern over my melting form and a need to push me away. Works for me. I continue to liquify further. Faster. You will be mine, Coach.

The world stops for a moment- at least for me. Maybe adrenaline, maybe my imagination. I commit this scene to memory, the scene where I become something greater. The scene where the real Coach James is born.

I shoot up his nose and flood his mouth. His body is forced to gorge itself with my mass. With every breath he attempts to draw, he pulls the liquid me instead. He retches, attempting to vomit me out, but I just draw myself further in. Flooding and flooding, I saturate coach with myself. When all but the last of me is a dribbling of slime upon his cheek, I disperse inside him. I drill into his every crevice, swim through his bloodstream, bond with his ever piece. I settle deeper and deeper inside my coach. Until his body no longer recognizes my presence as foreign. Until I am coach. I incubate into him, my pieces dormant. 

Coach James awakes in the grass to the odd sight of a star-filled sky and a cold night breeze. “What the fuck...” he ponders, rubbing his head in confusion. He aches all over, yet he isn’t hungry. He digs into his memory, attempting to piece together the past few hours. I just spent them digesting this afternoon so he would have no success. 

Unclear on the past events, yet unfazed, he walks back to his car and heads home.

———

That first night was magical-for me. As for coach, I’m not quite sure. I am ever present in his dreams. Pleasure, I think, is how I’d describe what being inside James was like. In his dreams, in his deepest thoughts, I lay there to witness them. These were thoughts, these were ideas, these were emotions that only I would be sole witness to, along coach. Ecstasy. This was a piece of him we would share alone. I was like a part of him, and only I would know him fully to this extent. 

In the next few days after the events of that afternoon, Coach appeared a little more vain, a little more irritable. To my teammates he just seemed off. They catch glimpses of him checking himself out. They hear the barely audible moans from his office as he delicately feels his every part. 

“What the fuck was up with coach” They say. Little did they know the real question to ask was ‘what was up’ IN their coach. Little did they know it was the influence of their missing teammate, ingraining himself deeper and deeper into his beloved James.

Despite the changes, my coach resists me. The further I try to bond, the more his body rejects me. It is a 3 day affair. A push and pull. With every push, I gain momentary connection to that bod, only to have that fulfillment ripped from my now non-existent hands. He was a coach, after all. I should have known it would be a battle of wills. Still, there was someone I had that coach didn’t have-yet. My mind. I had a cleverness match-made for that hot bod. A cleverness he deserved. A cleverness that I would utilize to the fullest to make that match a reality. Coach was a happy, content man. I was not. He needed my ambition, my cleverness, my lust. That body deserved better.

I let up the assault on his mind. He feels himself winning, backing my parts into a corner. It’s here where I apologize profusely inside him. He accepts because, James was the kind of guy to pick someone up when they’re down. He accepts my apology foolishly as we decide upon the best way I may leave him. A chance. We decide to do so in the privacy of his home- for my sake, of course. Little did he know, I felt his resistance weakest there. He readies himself for my exit, relaxing so I may flow out of him. I ready myself for one final push. It was in that moment that I surround coach with my psyche, encapsulate his very soul.

 Coach James wakes up making an odd face his body has never made. It was a lustful, sinful grin. It was my grin. I start chuckling. My voice is deep, booming. We moan together as my dormant parts stir. We moan as it starts convulsing. The shaking was harsh. I puppet this body still and eager to accept more of me. It takes some resistance but it finally yields. Nothing good comes easy, after all. I stick my parts take their rightful places. Those bulging, slick arms? Mine. Powerful, vascular legs? Also mine. That thick, veiny cock? Fucking. Mine. I feel them inside me- I alight as his energy becomes mine. We tickle. We feel great. At long last, this body was mine. 

No. Further. I want everything he ever is, ever was. James was gonna give me that. I wanted permanence. No one would ever tear us apart. I decide on his soul. I decide on becoming that as well. I string his soul up, prisoner in its own body, unable to do much of anything until transformed by the poison of my very being. In the meantime, I pleasure my new self to grant him a taste of what we could have, what we could be, once he yielded. I use those thick python arms as my own. I gingerly trace my a newly muscular inner thigh. I shiver in delight. Fuck. We were sensitive. Who knew?

I stare at myself in the mirror. Oh god, oh god this was real, he was truly mine. “Here’s how to use this bod correctly” I mock in that gentle, instructive tone he had. I rush up to the mirror and start making out with myself. It’s cold. It warms up as I continue to lap at it with my tongue, as I continue to smear with these new plump lips of mine. “Fuck yeah, that’s the stuff, coach” I moan as him. The room is humid, dripping with pheromone, hot from the heat I am emanating in wearing my beloved coach. I touch my new dick for the first time, feeling his soul rile up. I feel his teaching sensibilities corrupt with my desire. As any good coach knows, never let them have a chance to fight back. Before he has a chance to react to my newfound control or my actions, I pump quickly, determinedly. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Coach’s body was fucking hot. This was a fucking dream- Oh My god. “Oh. Oh. oh” Our moans ring like music to my new ears. And in that final resonance, I release with only one thought: “I’m Coach James”. His hand shakes in resistance. This was it. I force the hand still. Command it. It was my hand after-all. I scoop our cum in my hand. I give my hot new reflection a playful wink. “Bottoms up” I say to us both. Sweet Nectar. My Nectar. With every taste and of his own milk, he perverts own senses, dilutes his very self. He has obviously never tasted himself to this capacity- because I finally feel his soul reflexively bond to mine. He tries to pull back. Like I’d let him. I greedily keep us tethered together. Then, he relents. There’s my James. 

When he finally yields I feel his memories, his feelings, hopes open up. I take them all. Distort them. I take all of him into me, meld them with myself until we were but one soul. They were me, now. My memories, sure. My senses. My feelings- fuck yeah, but inundated, saturated with my lust. Hopes- not a fucking chance. My hopes and dreams for this body are far greater. Coach James was greater that that. I was greater than that. I am the James the world deserves. 

I am left panting by the end of it. Ecstasy reverberates. It’s all me in here, baby. My coach- I was reborn. Tears stream down my cheeks. “Call me James” I say with newfound truth and intent. That name came naturally to me. I was fully him, after all.

———

‘New James’ is fucking kinky. Dirty. Narcissistic. As much as I love bossing around the kids, I love playing with myself even more. I got some great parts. Look at this fucking bicep. Teaching? Fuck that. Fuck the team. New James is ripe with ambition and power. “James Harrison got better fucking things to do that teach some stupid fucking kids,” I spit in the mirror as caress myself. Yeah. This bod’s a fucking power trip. So much more New James can do with his time. 

“New” might be a bit of a misnomer. I am James, in body mind and soul. I am James, in past-present and future. All he ever was? All he ever will be? Me. I am James, forever. And I aint no fucking coach.

-End-

Just a quick one.

[the-redacted-line]

Accidentally jumped into a rabbit-hole looking for CR:OB lore, and I hate it...

Why is Gigawatt Cube combi'd with Avocado? I don't like the update for many reasons, but wasn't the system renewal for treasures is about being paired for the respected Cookies? Gigawatt Cube was released with Cyborg... (Beware long theory/rant ahead!)

So there is a little theory that Gigawatt Cube came after Cyborg's creation, and how it becomes a catalyst to power them despite possibly being the cause of the incident. That Cyborg's story is about the pain and confusion of being in a body that doesn't feel right, including losing their memories of who they were before. Destruction and chaos was the only option to get to Aloe's head that experimenting on them without considering how the former would react is terrible. Yet, it was those augments keeping Cyborg alive, even if it was out of desperation to not lose the only friend/love she has in the world. Over-protectiveness and grief are Aloe's biggest flaws that she still struggles with; It shows to the point that the fandom mistaken their relationship as abusive! Although it does mostly focus on Aloe's side of the story, post-AI Run to mend her mistakes, and rebuilding the trust with Cyborg; It works because of communication, healthy boundaries, and being able to accept the past and future on their own terms. Neo Augment is proof of that trust: Aloe designed a new suit to help relief the pain from the malfunction and memories, and Cyborg calls the shots on what augments or improvements and able to have the freedom they wanted. Unconditional love, pain, destruction, grief, and acceptance...Where have I heard this theme before?

It's Aloe and Cyborg's relationship pre-AI Run to a T, plus the added factor that destruction and love goes hand in hand. Except, Avocado's Pet is unable to accept the possibility of losing the one dear to it, that it stuns its true purpose and only focuses on the past until everything is "back to normal". Consider CR:OB lore that Pets are reflected of a Cookie's personality or made out of desire of something they love; Something traumatic must've happened to have Avocado use humor and smiting as a coping mechanism - She worked as Dark Choco blacksmith after all.

A mysterious Cookie that worked alongside Avocado, an apprentice most likely, that writes all of her jokes with such care despite them being bad ones for almost everyone involved. It's said in a way that she knows it's true, yet doesn't want to talk about who it is, as it's in the past. Like Aloe's research notes...

And there is interesting note on one thing Avocado doesn't like: "This isn’t a place for small leaves like this!" (Given: Pale Leaf) Pale Leaf is an A-tier ingredient and only able to get in a few places, shops, and rainbow bags. And the description?

"Now lost its life and energy?" One of many, yet noticed by Avocado to care about in her workshop, which is too hot to sustain life. Considering how she mentions it as little could mean that the Cookie was young, but died with no warning. But, Cyborg can handle heat no problem! So what's stopping them from eating a burning sweet potato when electricity's already on the menu?

It has to be useful for something! Right?

Plus the color green is a reoccurring color in Cyborg's Neo Augment to the point that it's suspicious: "A green suit for Cyborg Cookie made by a certain scientist. Was it designed with a lingering memory in mind?" A lingering memory: "An old memory..? Was I sweet and crispy?" -This cool suit? My friend’s work! -Check out this shade of green! -This suit...Feels familiar! -No more nightmares! -I feel whole again. -Was green my favorite color? The memory is incomplete, it brings Cyborg relief to be able to feel joy without being in pain or frustrated all the time; Yet there's still something missing that they refer to in past-tense. Then out of nowhere, the sound of an old hammer brings unmistakable familiarity that Cyborg didn't question at all; "Nothing like the sound of a hammer!" (Given: Bronze Hammer) It didn't seem that it's talking about the augments, so who knows if Aloe really know about Cyborg's past when she was trying so hard to them recognize her after the transformation. Cyborg hates secrets, but Aloe is the only one who really knows about the incident, to the point of distancing herself from the trauma during flashbacks. But, it's better to leave the past as it is without dwelling in the misery for too long...

[toniaandhercats]

Brothers at Arms

Yet another NOT WORKSAFE Doc Ock fanfic. A lot of folks are writing him sweet and I love it! I, however, chose a different path and wrote a more aggressive version. Lots of inner brooding and such.

Summary: Set just after the end of Spider-Man 2, Doc Ock crawls from the riverbed with a new kind of hunger.

⚠️SMUT AHEAD ⚠️

18+ only, minors DNI

Warnings: aggressive rough stuff, a little non reluctance toward the end

This is my first time posting fan fic here. Well anywhere to be honest. I've shared with others in the past but this is my first public "look at what I done with someone else's characters" post. I am not new to criticism, lord knows I've gotten enough over years of writing. I hope I've followed all of the appropriate rules and suggestions for warnings and such.

Brothers at Arms

A Doc Ock Sexy Fan Fiction

(set just after Spider Man 2 in 2004)

My own arms were busy. My own hands full of sticky sweating flesh. Full of thigh. Full of breast. Full of ass. They wandered the landscape of her body with fevered delight. Tracing every delicious curve, every swollen crest and every moist juncture. My other four arms were acting of their own accord, as usual. The two lower offshoots grappled the floor, providing a fulcrum upon which our bodies rocked and writhed. The other two, lighter and more prehensile that their bothers, were flailing about wildly, reacting to each thrust with impish flicks. They paused occasionally to caress, grasp, and stroke. Sometimes to smack, pinch, and slap. My pleasure was approaching full satisfaction when I was struck with the memory of how I met her, this young thing who writhed beneath me, or above me, depending on the moment.

I was once her instructor, and suppose I still am in many ways. Our original paths were a lifetime ago and very different from our current union. I used to be a scientist, working in a lab of my own construct, using my wisdom for the betterment of mankind.

The betterment of mankind.

How those mocking words rot in my busy mind. But such offenses are of no matter now. She was an assistant. I hand picked her for her intelligence and I suppose now I understand it was for her beauty as well. I remember she did not work for us long; we had to let her go due to 'inappropriate' behavior. The ‘we’ I’m referring to was my wife and I. Like many things, that is no more, long before the incident, long before I understood how to think properly and long before my comrades joined me.

My wife is a subject I do not wish to discuss.

I don’t remember much more before the incident. The one thing that stands out to me was how foolish I was to believe the higher brain was better. Better suited to be in charge, to think the important thoughts and to lead the mind in action and deed. If I had only known, only understood these thoughts the lower mind contained, I would have unleashed it years before.

Now… now I understand.

Now that my once servants have fused to become my companions, my brothers, I understand what really matters. Desire is king. Wants outweigh needs. Desire is the all-consuming flame, that which burns me now from beginning to end. Desire is the Master that now rules the Lady. The cock that drives the cunt. Desire is why she has buckled beneath me in exhaustion, and desire is why I ride on, rising in my pitch and thinking.

Always thinking.

Always thinking.

I turn my mind back again. To the river. To my supposed tomb. As I lay lifeless in the water, my brothers awoke and shook off the facade of death they embraced to fool the enemy. They dragged me from the water and worked me into life, whispering to me all the while.

We cheated death, they said. We are immortal.

They told me it was time to move on, to let the old projects go and seek new desires. At first I did not understand. Then one of my upper friends gracefully arched through the evening air and lowered itself to my lifeless groin. It grasped my crotch and gently squeezed. My past life had not cared much for the base needs of the flesh, only enjoying brief loving unions with...

As I stood remembering her my cock sprang to life and a fire ignited inside of me. The love we made burned brighter than the sun. I now burned with that same desire and want. The irony of this juxtaposition was not lost upon me. I who spent my entire life dedicated to finding a clean renewable source of energy, this same source that took my life and love from me, this same flame I had grasped so many times outside of myself, now burned within my own loins.

I surged, and as I surged I grew. Hard and sleek, larger than I had ever been or imagined becoming. This new feeling, this new passion consumed me with a thirst I had never known. I touched myself through my pants, grabbing at the aching need that thumped in time to my own heartbeat. Yet, this new power, this new feeling would have to wait a little while until I could collect myself and regroup.

After they pulled me from the river my companions dragged me to the inner workings of the city. What better place to hide than in plain view? My brothers agreed the old grounds would be best for our needs. I needed things, objects to stay alive. I couldn't steal from the open again, not when my enemy thought me dead. This time had to be different, my comrades whispered. They suggested we try the old lab, that it still existed and no one would suspect me of returning there. I allowed them to carry me there.

We sped through the shadows of the night, slipping from building to building. Not the gallant parade of before, no more strutting across the sprawling asphalt with garish disregard. I was reduced to slinking in the dark like an animal. How appropriate since I now think like one. A lowly, horny animal, rutting in the dirt. My thoughts spun around these new desires.

Always thinking.

Always thinking.

As I moved along, my cock stiffened again at the prospect of a nice tight, wet orifice. A glistening chasm of sweet nectar and ecstasy became the focus of my base imagination. That image sent me over the edge and my cock began to harden into a mammoth vein of pulsating energy. I toyed with it, caressing my length through the fabric, using the rough texture to stimulate myself harder and harder, almost to a painful stiffness. These filthy thoughts came to a sudden stop as we did. We had arrived at the lab. I looked up to see the arched words “Nosce Te Ipsum” above my laboratory door.

Know thyself, indeed.

I squeezed myself again. I had a feeling I would get to know myself in a whole new way in the coming days. Again the irony washed over me, but so did a subtle noise in the silence of the night. Sobbing. A woman's crying to be exact. I peered into the archway of the door and saw a young lady of exquisite build leaning against the framework.

“What are you crying about?” I said.

My brothers hissed in reproach for exposing myself. I shrugged them away.

“An old friend,” she answered, sinking further along the frame. “I knew Doctor Octavius from years ago.”

“He must have been more than a friend,” I said.

“Oh he could have been so... much... more...” Her words faded into the night as she raised her head to greet me. She paused, her eyes narrowing as she peered into the shadows, seeking me. “Where are you?”

It was then I remembered her. The lab assistant I had to fire because my wife didn’t like how she paid attention to me. Now that I saw this woman with these new thoughts, I could finally understand why. She was astonishing in her beauty. Her face a flawless brush of natural colors. Her brown eyes, dark auburn hair and a beautiful smile. Her body was a testament to the female form. Svelte and trim, her clothes hugging her tightly in all the important places. Each breath shifted her breasts in a most provocative way. Her skirt rode high on her toned thighs, barely covering the curve of her tight ass.

The feeling of hunger returned. I could almost smell her cunt through her clothes. I could picture it spread wide for me to touch. To taste. To fuck. This thirst, this desire over took me in a wave I had to fight to control. My comrades begged for her body.

Use her, they said. Consume her.

I could smell her flesh almost as though it was right under my nose. The scent of her sex filled my nostrils and drove my senses insane with compulsion.

“What are you doing here?” she asked in a timid voice.

“I am here to collect things,” I said, forcing myself back into the moment. My mind searched for a plausible lie. “I know the good doctor and am here on an errand for him.”

“Then he’s alive?” Her eyes flew open in surprise as she rushed towards me. “Please, you must take me to him!”

I took a step back into the darkness. “Don't come any closer.”

She stopped cold in her tracks and stared into she shadows, searching for me.

“Why do you want him?” I said.

“I have something I want to give him,” she said, then moved slowly toward me.

“Leave it with me. I’ll make sure he gets it.”

“I need to see him.”

“He isn’t taking visitors. He’s… not well.”

“Oh I know all about him. I know what he has become. I know about the accident. I know what he did and how he threatened the lives of our fair city. But I don't care.” She smiled, wide and seductive, continuing in her journey to my side of the alley.

“What do you mean you don’t care?” I said.

“I mean I love him and I want to see him, now.”

Love? Me? That made no sense. My heart raced at the impossible idea. No one had loved me for a long time. My brothers whispered in vicious mockery.

No one loves you. No one could ever love you.

They weren’t wrong. I knew it in my black heart.

“Stay back,” I said.

She ignored me, continuing across the alleyway, and right into my brother’s reach.

“No!” I warned, but it was too late.

They had already darted forward and snatched her up, dragging her to me. To us. One arm flicked on a glowing light, shining it on the truth of my grotesque form. Her mouth opened in shock. She let out a half scream before she went limp, dangling from one metal arm. For a moment, I thought my brothers had killed her, but no, she had merely fainted. They placed her with surprising gentleness in my own arms. As I held her, I stared at her warm body. Her firm breasts. Her round ass. Her smell almost overwhelmed me. She was mine for the taking. She pledged herself to me, didn’t she? Oh the thoughts that raced through me from brain to groin!

Always thinking.

Always thinking.

Blood engorged my member yet again as it began to grow and swell. I leaned in closer for a deeper smell. I ran a trembling hand down the curve of her breast, past her slender waist, to the join of her thighs. I hesitated, unsure for one brief moment if this was even real. One metal brother grabbed the hem of her short skirt and lifted it for me, as another took me by the wrist and guided my hand to her panties. I squeezed what I found there, wet and inviting, then smiled almost as wide as she had only moments before.

I had to have her, to use her for my own needs.

Take her, they whispered. Take her, now!

I clasped her limp body to my own while my brothers to pick the lock and opened the door to the old lab. Closing the door behind me they raced along to the main testing area, where a skylight was still in place, allowing the moon to shine down on us. I laid her body gently on the ground and towered over her.

Where I would begin? How would I violate her first? Oh but the combinations of lust and sin seemed endless as she lay dazed before me. As I wasted time in useless thought, she woke and slowly opened her eyes. I stood above her in the moonlight, hard and ready. Each mechanical limb acted on its own, waving about in the stale air of the laboratory. They chastised me for hesitating again. They wanted me to leap upon her.

Take her now and break her.

Yet I had not lost all human thought or compassion. I remember how delicate the human body was and how careful I had to be to make it work for me. Memories of making love to my wife filled my broken mind.

“Well Doctor Octavius,” she said with a smirk on her lips, “it’s been a long time.”

“Too long,” I said, half commenting on the situation, half speaking of my own pressing need. It had been ages since I had a woman, since I had experienced anything besides the mind numbing pain of these mechanical monstrosities that controlled me.

“I heard what happened to you. I saw the photographs. I knew what to expect, but to see it in person. It is just…” She paused searching for the words.

I finished her thought for her. “Monstrous? Horrible? Disgusting-”

“Not at all,” she said, cutting me off with raised voice. “Oh no, Doctor, you mistake me. I do not find it repulsive in the least.”

“Then why did you faint? Why did you scream?”

“Because it's overwhelming, that’s all. You're an eyeful Doctor Octavius. You always were so majestic, but now you are even more commanding.” She stood and stepped toward me, hypnotically swaying her hips as she walked. “My dear Doctor, how I have always wanted to get you alone. How I dreamed of you, and even more so after your accident.”

My brothers lowered me down to her level. I stared her in the eye with that thirst burning my throat, my hands, and my groin. She drew closer until I could feel her breath upon me. Her lips parted inches from my face as she spoke.

“You are breath taking,” she said, then paused to lightly kiss my right eyelid. Her hand reached forward to stroke a metal arm.

My brothers shuddered with excitement.

“Awe inspiring,” she said then she lightly brushed my left eyelid with her lips. Another hand grabbed a second metal friend.

They buzzed inside my mind, heavy and lustful.

“Sensual,” she said, then added, “And sexual.”

With that said she pressed her lips to mine. I took her with mouth full and open, inviting her inside. Her tongue stirred back and forth, swirling wildly. I was sure this kiss would kill us both as I began to struggle for air. It seemed to last a lifetime. I pulled her away when I finally noticed, for in my distraction I focus on them less, my tentacles were raising and lowering gently by my sides. Their response was a surprise to me as I thought they would rush in for the feast. They spoke in whispers again.

Shall we take her now? She wants you to use her.

I realized they were waiting for my command. Although they had minds of their own, they were lost without my body to use. They felt what I felt, my pain and my passion. I was the only one with the tool needed to get us all to the point we wanted to achieve. They needed my co-operation. They waited. Satisfaction pulsed in their minds. It was all we could think about.

Always thinking.

Always thinking.

“It’s only fair to warn you,” I said as my brothers began to move in, “I don’t always have full control over what they may do.”

“I don't care what happens to me,” she said. “I only want to satisfy you.” She nodded to my brothers. “All of you.”

Take her now! they shouted in my mind, then snaked past me to where she stood helpless to resist.

“No!” I screamed at them.

My brothers backed away slowly, almost shamefully.

“Me first,” I said. “She is mine, you can have what's left.”

I smiled a wide and evil grin, sure that the reality of the thing finally settled upon her. But no, she only grinned in return, even wider.

“Then have me,” she said and began to unbutton her blouse.

My lightest and most delicate appendage darted forward again, slapped her hands away, then began to undo the buttons itself. I laughed as she giggled under its touch. The heaviest of my additions were less patient than his brother and reached from behind her, grasping her collar and ripping off her blouse, spraying buttons across the dusty floor. Her look never changed, as though she expected this treatment.

“Don’t worry,” she said as if reading my thoughts. “I like it rough.”

“That’s fortunate,” I said. “Because it’s about to get a whole lot rougher.”

She quickly undid my trousers and slipped them down past my hips. My erection was enormous, at least nine inches of hard pulsing flesh. It poked through my briefs in a comical way, but nonetheless was something to behold. She gasped at the sight, then lowered onto her knees and kissed it gently with her lips.

“Your mouth is too beautiful to put that there,” I said in false resistance, but quietly they whispered to me.

Let her! Let her suck us. Fuck her face. Fuck her hard! No need to be gallant. No need to withhold.

She ignored me as she licked and sucked the head and shaft. She moistened her lips and wrapped them around me firm. She then took in as much as she could without gagging and began to bob her head up and down. I reacted to this with quick and steady thrusts, filling her mouth and throat with more flesh that she could possibly ever handle. The feeling was ethereal. She paused occasionally to fondle my burning scrotum. I swear she was licking and sucking everywhere at once. Her tongue masterfully racing back and forth from sac to staff. She grasped my ass with both hands as I grabbed handfuls of hair and pumped away.

I grunted guttural phrases in a language I would have once blushed to use.

“Yes, you bitch,” I growled. “Suck my cock! Take it all!”

My metal members slipped around her and removed the rest of her clothing, tearing and tossing them aside like tissue paper. Then they relived me of mine, more gingerly than hers, folding each piece and placing them far from our area of play. I continued to pump her hungry mouth. Each thrust brought me close to the edge. Every movement was answered with her slurps and slops. I began to waver, knees going week and I almost fell back. That's when my two lower tentacles grasped the floorboards and gave me the support I needed to keep going. My passion boiled hotter and hotter andI knew I was about to cum. I knew it would be a phenomenal display of fireworks and semen.

But I wanted more. This was too soon.

“Stop...” I begged weakly “I'm going to cum.”

She slipped my rod from her lips and worked it expertly with her delicate hands. “I think that was the idea.” She laughed.

“No,” I insisted. I pulled away from her and I caught her up into my own arms.

“Yes,” she said, “yes, do what you want with me!”

So we did.

I motioned forward for help and my upper companions responded with glee. They pulled a table from across the room towards us. Cleaning it free of debris in one swift motion they moved aside and allowed me to lay down her now naked form. I stood at the edge of the table, erection tall and proud. She moaned for me to fuck her. Oh I would but not yet. Not until I had exposed every one of my senses to her sex.

I leaned down and lowered my face to smell her rich dripping aroma. My upper tentacles reached above her to the top of the table and latched on. They shifted my weight until I was practically hovering over her. There I began my mapping of her pleasure with my mouth. Touch is the sense we are born with, but taste, ah taste is its own special magic. I began to lick in short strokes across her neck, across her shoulders, pausing at each full breast to take in between my lips. I sucked and nibbled my way across her soft body down to her thighs. She still had them clamped together in some mockery of modesty. I slid my hand between her knees and she opened them with ease.

She spread her legs like the wings of an exotic butterfly, slowly revealing herself to me as a soft moan escaped her beautiful lips. I followed her thighs with my tongue, tracing figure eight's on her porcelain skin. After all this teasing and tasting I finally came to rest at her cunt. Again I filled my nostrils with the scent. How had I passed so many years on this earth without such experiences? I had loved and been loved, but this was different. This is raw passion and raw power. I had made love many times. I had almost never just fucked. I stroked her inner thighs from knee to crevice in long slow drags.

She moaned and begged aloud. “Oh my Doctor, yes, Yes! Please touch me.”

“If you insist,” I answered. I ran my hand across her cunt, barely touching it, and barely able to contain my own impulse to take it all. No, this required finesse, this was a moment I wanted to savor and make last. “Do you like that?”

“Touch me deeper,” she commanded.

I made another pass, only this time I let my fingers quickly slip inside, sliding along the outer lips of her sinfully wet box. “Like that?”

“Deeper,” she moaned again.

I touched her again, this time bringing my fingers to rest on her pulsing flesh. I separated the slick lips of her cunt and peeked inside. Her pussy was swollen and hot, wet with desire and desperately in need of attention. I ran my fingers back and forth across her as she wiggled and writhed beneath me.

“Oh god yes!” she shouted, he teasing and tension creating a heightened experience for her.

How she would scream when I finally entered her.

My brothers whispered to me from their voyeuristic vantage points.

She will not just scream, soon she will beg for mercy. She will beg for compassion before we are done with her. She will beg for her very life.

I brushed their sadistic thoughts out of my clouded mind and went back to the task at hand. I drew a deep breath of the night air and blew gently on her hot sex. She shivered and continued to moan. I then darted my tongue out across her labia causing her to shriek in pleasure.

“Doctor Octavius!” she shouted. “I bet your wife never had it-”

I cut her short with the back of my hand.

Her head recoiled away from me in reaction to the sharp slap.

I grabbed her by the hair and leaned close to her ear, forcing angry words through gritted teeth.

“You are to never mention her in my presence do you understand? I am no longer that man in that life. I am what they have labeled me. I am this monster! I am Doctor Octopus!” I quickly released her and returned my attention to feasting on her seething cunt, not pausing to gauge her reaction to my outburst. I felt her hand reach out to touch my hair.

At first she seemed timid, as if unsure of what just happened, but soon the desire returned to her as she began to moan once more. In time, she grabbed a hand full of my hair and pressed my face to her wetness. Apparently she held no ill about my hatred for my past and the subject did not arise again. But she did. She rose and fell in great crescendos as I licked and sucked my way around her juice and heat. I tripped back and forth along her clit as she bucked and heaved against me, burying my face into her thighs and screaming over and over.

I was nose deep in her nest when she blurted out, “Doc Ock! I want you inside of me now!”

I was only too happy to oblige her when my tentacles took it upon themselves to translate this meaning. What proceeded was an acrobatic feat beyond what I had ever imagined my friends were capable of.

Let's give her what she wants. Hold on!

I lifted my face from her to see my brothers reposition themselves on opposite ends of the table. Upper reached for lower spots and vice-versa. I soon was spun clockwise, where I still had a full view of her throbbing cunt, only now it was upside down. She gasped under me at the display of tumbling and smiled at the change of scenery. What next I thought to myself. I was gently lowered onto her, hoping the ensuing weight would not smother her, but this in itself did not last long. In another spirited act of gymnastics they entwined us over and flipped us both, her now on top and myself on the bottom.

“Not exactly what I meant,” she said, “but this will do just fine.” She laughed again as she sat up, straddling my chest. She then at once lowered her hungry mouth onto my cock. I grabbed her about the waist and drew her hips down upon my face. We both made sloppy noises in between pauses to moan or breath. This seemed to last forever. My comrades watched with glee in silence as we ate our fill of each other. I began to get that feeling again. The same as before, that I was going to come, but I wanted to wait. I pushed her away from me and slipped out of her mouth.

“What now, sir?” she asked almost out of breath.

“Now I will have you,” I commanded

“Yes sir. As you wish.”

She climbed down from my frame and then the table. I sat up and watched her as she leaned over a chair and again spread her legs, inviting me inside. I paused to admire the view. It reminded me of younger days, a college haze. Late nights in strip clubs, peering at strutting sex-kittens between pages of biology and physics.

Always thinking.

Always thinking.

My comrades had enough of my thinking, and took action on their own. They raised me up and before I knew it I was upon her, then inside her. Her cunt at first resisted the full length of my cock, the pain surely brought on by its enormous size made her cry out. She turned her head to one side and I could just see tears rolling down her face as it twisted in an expression of ache and need. Those tears pleased me in a most odd and satisfying way. She resisted, oh she resisted, until all at once, she was able to accommodate me, opening up to what seemed endless, swallowing me to the hilt of my blade in a velvet sheath of pure lust.

The feeling was immaculate.

Time stood still as we found the right rhythm between us. I rocked behind her, penetrating her deeper and deeper. My pelvis slapped against her plump ass and she screamed aloud at each invasion. She met me stroke for stroke, pushing back to envelope me inside of her tightly gripping cunt. I vanished there, inside the feeling of desire and need and want, my mind lost, wrapped between her slick pussy lips, sucking the life from me through my aching cock. With my mind truly occupied my brothers had the chance to finally join in. They began to alternate between the two of us, stroking and fondling as they went. All four tentacles roamed our bodies as we fucked like wild animals. They pulled at her nipples and grabbed at her hair. They stroked my scrotum and teased my body as I slipped in and out of hers. Occasionally they would give me a chance to pace myself, as they would take over for me and violate her from all angles.

She never lost her stride, even when the cold metal had her on all fours like a dog. A lower arm pushed and pressed itself into her pussy, sloppily fucking her while I watched on. At the same time an upper arm thrust a single digit deep into her ass, pumping it in and out of her tight back door in rhythmic time to the violation of her cunt. She bucked against the monstrosities, never pausing for breath, never begging for mercy and screaming obscenities I had never known existed, all as I watched with glee. I sat back, relaxing as my other friends teased and worked my cock, the cold metal running the length of my shaft as I watched her take such abuse from bothers in arms. And I remained hard the whole time, only waiting in line for my turn at her body.

Eventually they relinquished control of her and pushed us back together, an agile member guiding my stiff rod into her tight ass while the other remained deep inside of her willing cunt. We fucked her in tandem, I occasionally shifting from ass to cunt, as the metal offenders took whatever orifice was left. She loved every moment of it. At one point she even took charge, somehow rolling us over as she sat astride me in the moonlight. She grabbed my throbbing cock and ran it along her dripping hole until the fit was made. As she sank onto my member and rode me, the arms flitted over her glistening flesh, teasing every inch of her, and again spearing her ass while I filled her cunt. I pumped and pushed, the arms groped and grabbed, and she moaned and squealed all the while. I had lost count of her orgasms. They were signaled the same each time; a tightening grip, a passionate scream and then a sudden collapse, only to have her rise to begin again.

She was incredible. She had more energy than I thought humanly possible.

Only once did I look away from this writhing beauty, only once did I dare to turn my focus to a place other than my own need. As I threw my glances around the room, at the shattered remains of my own life, I boiled and seethed with anger and fury. My body responded the only way it could. I began to fuck her with abandon, as if I could fuck away the pain and memories of a lifetimes work destroyed. But again she was not put off by this sudden fury, no. Instead of wilting under the onslaught of my demands she met me push for push, bite for bite, and cunt for cock.

But this enthusiasm was about to end as I approached my own orgasm. I signaled my brothers to the need for dominance and they obliged me, slowly lowering her below me as I continued to fuck her. Face to face I took her hard and fast, thrusting quickly in hard bursts, driving my heated rod deeper and deeper into her swollen pussy. Without warning, her eyes rolled to whites as she seized beneath me, her boundless energy at last reaching its limit. She buckled in exhaustion, tightening her slick cunt one last time in orgasm, and then collapsed into the embrace of my metal friends. They held her limp body in an offering to my majesty as I rode on. My rod pulsating. My loins burning. My brain was screaming now!

Now, they were screaming. Now! Now! Now!

And so I came.

The result was unrepeatable. The effect, indefinable. A thousand suns went nova, exploding my monstrous body and my broken mind. I rose to another plane of existence. I catapulted back and forth through time itself. I could see all and I knew all!

It was glorious.

I was glorious.

Then as suddenly as it came, it went. Gone was the knowledge, the power, that godlike feeling. I opened my eyes to nothing but disappointment. I was earthbound, pulling limp from a passed out whore, tethered to this body and slave to these metal things. I was a flurry of mixed emotions. This was the single greatest experience I had ever had. Yet at the same time the prime disappointment. How could such euphoria be so short, end so soon? The disappointment dominated my mind.

Always thinking.

Always thinking.

My brothers whispers cut through this fog of frustration, telling me how I could attain godhood again.

She can take us there once more.

“She isn’t ready for more,” I said. Even I could see the poor girl was worn beyond words.

She is ready. She is willing.

“I could break her,” I said.

Then break her. She wants to serve us.

“I said no,” I said, even though my cock twitched, belying my self control.

She wants to satisfy us. Are you satisfied?

“No,” I said.

Surprisingly I grew hard at the idea of having her again. I swelled with desire at the notion that I could achieve that feeling again. A feat that would’ve taken me hours in another life, I managed in mere moments. They were right, I was ready for more. We were ready. I prodded her sleeping frame. She stirred with an almost sweet sigh.

“Again,” I said.

“What?” she said.

“Again,” I demanded.

She glanced down with widened eyes at my swelling cock. “So soon?”

“Again,” I repeated. My brothers hissed in agreement.

“I'm sorry but I need to rest,” she said almost laughing at me.

She’s mocking you.

“Again,” I growled.

She shook her head. “I need sleep, hon. Please wait a little while. Just a few hours. It will always be here for you, baby. But you gotta wait till it’s ready.” She motioned to her dripping and surely exhausted cunt.

My brothers grew more agitated and louder.

She does not need to agree, just take it. Take her when you want, not when she is ready. Take her because she belongs to you now. She belongs to us. Take her!

So we did.

Again.

And again.

And again.

[shoutoismybaby]

Omega Shame Part 1

Summary: After spending most of your life on suppressants and ignoring your second gender, you finally decide to embrace who you are with your alphas support. But what happens when your alpha Bakugou walks in on you nesting and sparks memories of your past trauma?

warnings: ABO, Nesting, ANGST ending with fluff,

***

Nesting. This was something you hadn't even attempted since you were but a small pup. Both suppressants and fear had kept any desire for this activity far away from you, until a couple months ago. That was when you got a courting proposal, your first ever.

It was a necklace, and not just your typical alphas 'just learned how to make jewelry with string'. No. This necklace required welding, a skill you had no idea about, but that just made sense for your alpha to poses. The chain was a simple silver, leading down to a locket with intricate holes on its top layer, creating an almost explosive like design. The cloth that sat inside was a ruby red color that matched the alphas eyes, and the scent it held was strong of caramel and ash.

Of course if Bakugou was to make a courting gift, his was going to be the best you had ever seen.

You had wasted no time in placing the necklace around your neck, relaxing as his scent filled your nose. It was from this point that you knew Bakugou would make an amazing alpha for you. After all, if he put so much effort into the courting gift, you could only imagine the effort he would put into courting you. Even then in typical Bakugou fashion, he passed all expectations.

It started with the way he would make you lunches, walk you to wherever you needed to go, and made sure to give you a thorough scenting only after he got permission. He always showed concern for your physical and mental wellbeing, stopping you from pushing yourself too hard in training and even scolding you for your self deprecating jokes.

“No one gets to talk down about my omega. Especially not my omega.” He had growled at you once. Again Bakugou did something unexpected, making your omega purr at a growl.

It felt so nice to have someone who cared about you. Someone who encouraged you to stop hiding your second gender from everyone but those in your own class. Not that you had even let your class discover on purpose, but the stressful situations class A had gotten in over the years did wonders for wearing off suppressants and scent blockers. 

He, along with your other classmates, had been building up your confidence in your secondary sex for years now. Bringing you to the realization that being an omega didn't mean that you were weak or any less than betas or alphas. Momo and Ochako were omegas after all, and they were some of the strongest people you knew. So once you had gotten an alpha your omega was basically begging to be set free, and you didn't feel like you had to deny it anymore.

So here you were, after 3 months of being off of the medications your hormones and instincts were finally leveling back to normal. It was something you had never experienced before, but you had Bakugou to help support you along the way. That's why you needed his scent in your nest. No matter how nauseous you felt walking into the young alphas room while you knew he was training, your omega refused to continue the day without at least one peice of his clothing. More than that and you were sure you would be sent into a panic attack. You had no idea how he would react to you doing this. Would he be disgusted? Angry?

Ironically the only thing calming your thoughts was to continue building the nest. Pillows upon pillows methodically shoved between various stuffed animals and blankets became nest shaped as the time passed. Soon enough you were left with just one item left, one of his favorite skull shirts. You had wanted to take something he would miss less, but they weren’t drowned in his scent like this one was. You sat back into the middle of your nest to take a thorough look around. You didn’t want to take too long to decide a place for it by now as you were getting tired. Not to mention you were going to go out on a movie date with Bakugou so you also needed to get ready for that. You would have checked the time if you weren’t so fixated on your task, and that would turn out to be a huge mistake.

You had finally found the perfect place for his shirt when you heard your door open from behind you. In the middle of slipping the clothing item over your pillow you froze as your heart began to race. Your omega knew it was an alpha before you knew who it was and she let out a chirp before you could stop it.

All you could remember was the first time this had happened, an Alpha walking in on your nest. You were seven, not old enough to even present as an omega but tendencies could show early in childhood. You were excited and happily humming as you arranged your blankets, stuffed animals, and your parents best smelling clothes into small yet sturdy walls in the shape of an oval on your bed. You couldn’t help but feel safe, like you would no longer fall off your bed in the middle of the night, or that monsters or other intruders would quickly avoid hurting you once they got just a single sniff of your parents alpha scents. You were proud when you were finished and immediately snuggled into it for a nap, only to wake up to the scent of rotting eggs. A clear indicator your father was both near and very angry. All the yelling and trashing of your hard work that happened next was just a blur. But you could remember how you felt the entire time so vividly. The way your lungs seemed incapable of taking in air, the trembling of your hands and especially the weakness in your knees. Most of all, you remembered the absolute terror as your safe space was invaded. Adrenaline pumped through your veins as fast as your heart would allow it, and you could only sit back and watch.

It was that day that you first became aware that there was something wrong with you. Something gross, weak, and worth hating.

That’s why even when the scent of Bakugou filled your nose, your heart still didn’t slow down. In fact, it only sped up when you finally turned around to look at him, all of the hope you had gotten by convincing yourself he would be happy you were embracing yourself quickly diminishing. His brows furrowed more than normal and his mouth was set in a deep scowl, slightly open just enough that his naturally large canines poked out.

He was angry.

“Do you not know how to answer your fucking phone?! You were so eager to force me to agree to this date and then you don't even respond when I-” Your thoughts were racing far too fast to actually hear what he was saying. Your omega could only think of one thing, your alpha was angry with you. You messed up and now he was angry with you. It was just like your parents, you should have listened to them when they told you it was stupid to nest.

But you had worked so hard on it, and it made you feel so good. You didn’t want your nest to be torn apart again. The smell of smoke wafted from the alphas' palms as you were too caught up in your memories to really hear him. Hear how he was angry with you for forgetting about your date, angry that you had stood him up and too busy being upset to even notice that you were sitting in a nest. The smell of smoke invoked just another event in your mind, one that happened when you had first presented as an omega at 13. Something that caused the damn behind your eyes to finally break.

“PLEASE DON’T DESTROY MY NEST” You Omega sobbed, distressed chips flooding from your chest like air. “Please, please!”

Your outburst startled the Alpha into silence. He could only stand there and watch as his omegas scent was filled with fear as she wiped at her eyes aggressively. A first he was confused, letting his body pump out comfort pheromones instinctually as he let himself observe the situation. You were dressed only in your school uniform, clearly having been building the nest that surrounded you from the time you entered the dorm room to when he had burst into your room, now far past dark. You were trembling too, body curled up in on itself as you hiccupped and begged.

“Please, I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy! Just please dont destroy my nest.” Your voice cracked and it resonated painfully in his ear and his heart dropped. Why did you think he would destroy your nest? Sure he wasn't the best alpha but he wasn’t a monster. Did you really think he would destroy the one place where you felt safest? A weight grew in his chest that left as a deep growl,

“Here.” He growled, “Probably best if we just end this bullshit.”

This was all your fault. If you hadnt built this stupid nest in the first place, or even started crying like a fucking baby then this wouldnt have happened. But you were a weak omega, and just like your parents said, no one can love someone so weak. Especially not someone as powerful as Katsuki. You shouldn’t have let yourself believe that they were wrong for even a second. You had thought that Bakugou would be the one who would love you for who you truly were. But that was naive. No one could love such a burden. No one could love you.

The drop of the crafted bracelet to the ground seconds before your door slammed, leaving you alone once more in your room, proof enough of that.

Your parents were right.

A flame of anger lit in your chest. Why were you so unloveable just the way you were? Why couldn’t you just be different? Why couldn’t you be an alpha like your parents had wanted?

You could feel your nails extend into claws as the hair on your body raised. You glared at the soft material weaved together around you as hot tears built up behind your eyes. This time instead of being fueled by fear they were fueled by rage and resentment.

You were so angry. So angry at youself, at your weak omega, and especially at your stupid nest. You couldn't help but let a couple tears fall as you let your anger get the best of you, and you didn't stop it until you were heaving in the middle of your disaster of a room. Surrounded by torn pieces of fabric and the other contents of your room scattered by your tantrum, you finally let yourself breath. 

You turned around to see the item you had been avoiding, your pillow with bakugou's shirt. With a deep breath you grabbed a hold of the object, digging your claws into its plush softness. The caramel ash smell that permeated the air only helped to break down the remaining bits of your anger. And you didn’t want to be left alone with your despair just yet.

With the release of your breath a ripping sound could be heard. The shirt split and cotton popped out from the opening like popcorn. Once you had successfully dissected what had been a comfort item you threw it somewhere away from you and took another deep breath.

Now you were finally alone. Just you and your reality. You could really feel how much pain your omega was in as your hair began to lower and your normal nails returned. You had heard about this pain before. A deep one in your chest, heartbreak. Your omega seemed to curl around that feeling. Of rejection. Self hatred. That no one would ever need you, let alone want you. You could feel yourself start to slip into the limbo of numbness and searing pain.

An Omega Depression.

You remembered learning about it back when you were in middle school, most people were beginning to present as their second sex. Your teachers had emphasized how important it was to get medical attention at the first signs, you knew how dangerous it was, but all you wanted to do was lay there on the floor. You were tired, and what was the point? No one cared about you, not your parents… not Bakugou. Your throat strained painfully at that thought. Bakugou didn’t want you, and it was your fault.

[buckyownsmylife]

Moral Insanity - Andy Barber smut

The one where you’re Jacob’s friend and Andy fucks you on a balcony.

Warnings: this is divorced! Andy and college! Jacob, so while there’s a definite age gap there, reader is legal. So other warnings go: semi-public sex, a lot of dirty talking, no daddy kink on this one, which came as a surprise even to me, curse words and really rough sex. p in v, porn with little plot, masturbation (f). A/N: Kinktober Day 27 prompts were sex on a balcony or window + “Don’t cum yet”. Hope you guys like this one, I feel like it was a good one, but if I had more time, I could probably make it better. I think that’s kind of the sentiment behind the whole kinktober, actually.

Andy’s P.O.V.

Even the strongest of wills caved when faced with a sweet enough temptation. All it took was one look and I knew she was mine.

Perhaps I should have known better than to let Jacob invite his friends to our beach house, but I was recently divorced and in desperate need to feel cool again, even if I knew that trying to be seen like that by my own kid would only lead me to the opposite direction. And maybe I also forgot just how old he was, ignored that he was now in college and saw the image of his teenage years when I looked at him, because the truth was, when I saw her walking in, I was frozen in my spot. 

I didn’t even consider that my son was old enough to have sleepovers with girls now. And when I had to confront my own desire for the much younger girl who he introduced as a friend, in my own eyes, he grew up too.

But I still had to face the reality that she was undeniably young enough to be my daughter.

“Good morning, Mr. B.” My head automatically whipped around to look at the ray of sunshine personified in the body of Jacob’s college best friend. I’d heard about her before, obviously, and even teased him about being embarrassed to admit that he was dating her, but now that I knew the girl I could only acknowledge the fact that she was way out of his league.

Maybe I shouldn’t retroactively feel relieved about their relationship being so innocent, but I was way past denying the attraction I felt for her. My goal now was to keep it hidden, despite just how enticing she was.

“Good morning, Y/N. You do know you’re on spring break, right? There’s no need to keep waking up so early.” I chanced a glance up at her, to find her looking out at the balcony, towards the sea. 

“I know,” she nodded, her eyes still focused on a distant point before they suddenly met mine. “I just like to keep you company.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just resumed my previous activity of frying bacon, letting the silence of the morning fill the space between us. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Maybe because in the last few days I’d had the chance of striking up many conversations with her - which only added to my attraction, since she was an incredibly intelligent woman - so I felt like I knew her enough, by now. Enough for what, I didn’t know.

“Well, the eggs are ready. Will you accompany me to breakfast?” We made idle chit chat before two of her friends made their way downstairs, my signal to leave them alone. As much as I liked to view myself as young at heart, I remembered just how weird it was when adults tried to force their presence into a group, and I wasn’t about to do that.

Just before I left, her eyes met mine in a longing stare, and it felt like she wanted to say something, but refrained from doing so. But perhaps it was just my hopeful imagination, wanting her to like my company as much as I enjoyed hers.

The next time I saw her, it was lunch already. Jacob and his friends had spent the day between the beach and the pool, while I remained in the bedroom returning some calls from the office. When I finally joined them downstairs, I was once again shocked by the view of her glistening wet body in what could only be described as a barely there bikini.

She caught me staring, that much I knew and I couldn’t really admonish myself for my lack of restraint, not when I hadn’t seen that much of her body yet and it was driving me crazy. Besides, I definitely wasn’t the only one staring, perhaps just the only who really shouldn’t be doing it.

“Why are you pouting?” Was the first thing I asked her when she approached the kitchen island where I fixed myself a sandwich, making sure to keep my eyes on the bread slices in my hands, instead of on her chest.

“You left me alone with dumb and dumber! In the middle of a conversation about the Supreme Court! You really know how to make a girl feel interesting, Mr. B.” My heartbeat sped up in my chest, my mind racing with the possibility that she was flirting with me. Was she? How could I know? 

From my experience being single, I knew the only way was to slowly reciprocate it and hope for the best. Hopefully I’d be able to get out of it if she ever called me out on it. “You are interesting, Y/N. I’m the one who’s a boring old man. Say, what happened to the bathing suits you were wearing until today?”

My question made her look down to her own body, like she didn’t remember what she was wearing until I asked. When she did return her eyes to mine, she was biting her lip, though it was hard to assess if it was due to embarrassment or excitement for my acknowledgement.

“I lost a bet to the other girls. They gave me one of their bikinis to wear for the day, knowing I don’t usually wear them because they make me uncomfortable.” She looked downright adorable, the pout back on her lips at the memory, and I had to shake my head to swipe away the thought of leaning over and kissing it away.

“Well, I think you look great.” That was all I considered safe to say, but I did throw a wink in her direction before picking up my plate and moving to my bedroom, where I still had some work to go through while I ate. I didn’t look back to witness her reaction, but hoped she’d be at least a little intrigued by my sudden expression of interest.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“You sure you don’t wanna go with us?” I nodded patiently, confirming for the upteenth time that I did in fact desired to stay back at Jacob’s huge beach house instead of following my friends to a noisy, sweaty club. I’d never really liked those environments, so it wasn’t that weird that I ditched them for whatever crime show was on tv for tonight, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was more than that. 

I wanted to see Andy again. I wanted to have the opportunity to talk to him without the fear of being interrupted or judged. So really, it wasn’t any surprise to me that after everyone left for the night, I could barely sit still in front of the television, quickly deciding to turn it off and go look for the man that had been plaguing my thoughts for the last few days.

I paced in front of the door to his room for a while before finally gathering the courage to knock, expecting him to open it and follow me downstairs so we could talk. So I was beyond surprised when he simply ordered me to get in without even asking who was there, but I hesitated only for a few seconds before complying.

It was clear by Andy’s expression that he wasn’t expecting to see me, and all at once I realized he must have thought it was Jacob that wanted to speak with him, after all, no one else had probably ventured to this part of the house besides his son and himself. So I was beyond sheepish as I remained by the door when he lifted an eyebrow to ask me what I was doing there. “I thought you guys had gone out to a club or something.”

“I-I decided to stay back here and I was wondering if you wanted to chat.” Now both of his eyebrows were lifted, like he couldn’t believe what he had heard. In the seconds of silence that followed, my mind finally processed the fact that what Andy was wearing weren’t swimsuits, but boxers, and there wasn’t anything else covering his body from my wandering gaze. His hair was wet, too, like he’d just gotten out of a shower, but none of that distracted me from the fact that in those few seconds of silence, his expression changed from incredulous to something entirely different, something I couldn’t really pinpoint, but made my body feel hotter than the sun.

“You wanted to chat?” The question sounded more like an accusation and I found myself giving a step back when I realized that Andy had crossed the room to stand right in front of me, his eyes taking in every inch of skin the bikini exposed. “You wanted to chat,” he repeated, and I gulped before opening my mouth to explain myself, even though I wasn’t entirely sure of what I should be explaining, when his hands found their way to the door behind me and he closed it before settling them in the dark wood, caging me between my escape and himself. “You come into my room when your friends are out and we’re the only two people in the house, dressed like that after spending the last few days driving me absolutely insane, and you tell me you want to chat?”

Andy’s P.O.V.

God fucking damn. This girl had to be completely unaware of her effect over me or absolutely intent on having me going crazy over how badly I wanted her, because it was impossible for her to have waltzed into my room without knowing that this was how I would react.

Still, I had to admit it came half as a surprise even to myself, so maybe I shouldn’t judge her too harshly. Maybe if I hadn’t just tugged one out to the thoughts of her and spilled over myself so badly I had to take a shower, I would be able to ignore the temptation. But as it were, she’d just incited the beast within me, and all I needed was the confirmation that she wanted this just as badly as I did so I could take her exactly like I’d been dreaming about for the last few days.

She heaved as she looked up at me with unmistakable lust-filled eyes, and I felt an insurmountable amount of pride spread through my chest at the knowledge that this desirable young woman was affected by me.

“Well, now that you’re offering me an option, I’ve been wanting your cock in my mouth.” The surprise that hit me over hearing those words fall out of her innocent lips was soon overtook by my desperate need to have her, and with a growl, I pulled her by the back of her head to meet my lips in a furious kiss.

Completely immersed in the taste of cinnamon on her lips, I bit on the lower one to beg her for entrance so I could graze my tongue on hers, taking up the opportunity to finally feel her body against mine. I pressed her up against the door, running my hands over her body before I reached the back of her thighs, pulling her to wrap her legs around my body.

In a few quick strides, we were through the open doors that led to the balcony from where I had a perfect view of the sea, and when I let her go to stand on her own legs, she looked around, clearly confused about my choice of place.

“Did you think you could tease me like that and not get punished? Oh no, you tempted me publicly, I’ll fuck you right here.” It was easy to see that the shiver that ran through her body wasn’t completely due to the wind that was caressing our bodies, she was aroused by the idea. Still, I knew she had a fight in her, so the second she opened her mouth to argue, I lunged at her, capturing her lips with mine again.

The beauty of a bikini. One simple movement and the top piece was on the floor and my hands were full with her breasts, my fingers occupied with circling her hardened nipples as I kept kissing her with all that I had.

“Now, princess…” Leaving her lips to kiss down her jaw, my fingers found their way inside her little bottom piece before they teased her, testing her wetness to find her dripping for me. “I know you said you wanted my cock in your mouth, but I think we can leave that for later, huh? Right now, I really need to have you. So you’re gonna cum real quick, with my fingers deep inside this tight pussy, before I bend you over the rail and rail you.”

I fucked her quickly and harshly, making sure to hit her sweet spot every time when I managed to find her, while I distracted myself from my throbbing cock by nibbling on her earlobe and imprinting her scent in my memory. When she did cum, it was with a breathless gasp as she held tightly onto my biceps, and I groaned just from the feeling of her tightness squeezing my digits.

“I gotta have you now.” That was all the warning I gave before I did just what I promised, bending her over before pushing her bikini bottoms and sliding home. Our moans echoed each other, only fueling my arousal to a point where I couldn’t really wait for her to adjust to my size. So I just started pounding into her, keeping a grip on her hip and another on her hair as I watched her ass slap back against me, her breasts bouncing with the force of my thrusts.

“So fucking tight.” I bit my lip so hard I tasted metal in an effort not to cum too quickly, but it only made me hornier. “C’mon, sweetheart. Tell me how much you love being ruined by me. Don’t you wish your friends would get back sooner, so they’d see just how great you are at taking my cock?”

She cried out at my words, her legs shaking with the effort to keep herself up, but the sight before me was too fucking pretty to let her go. “Been dreaming about my cock deep inside this pretty pussy, haven’t you? Just like I’ve been jerking off to the thought of these pretty little lips wrapped around it.” Having pulled her against my chest by her hair, I rubbed her lower lip before pushing my thumb inside her mouth, where she eagerly started to suck just like I imagined. 

“Won’t have to think about it anymore, will I? Because you’ll let me fuck you any time I want. Every time I get hard thinking about you, you’ll bend over for me to take you and I won’t have to say a single word.” I could feel her pussy clenching periodically because of my words, but I wasn’t quite there yet. I still needed a few more minutes of fucking this tight young pussy and I wanted her to cum with me, so I ordered, “Don’t cum yet,” giving a quick slap over her clit before holding her by her throat so I could kiss her cheek.

“Tell me, baby. Tell me how badly you wanted my cock, how much you want my cum and I’ll let you have it. I’ll let you milk me dry inside this pretty little pussy until it’s dripping out of you.” 

I knew she was having a hard time trying to contain her orgasm, but she still managed to beg me while holding the hand that was pawing at her breast. “Please, Andy, Mr. Barber. I need your cum inside of me, sir. ‘Ve been thinking about it for so long. Please, let me cum with you.”

The sir did it for me. With one last command for her to cum, I allowed myself to release deep inside of her, sliding my hand to her lower stomach so I could feel myself and making her clench again at the feeling.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, catching our breath while staring out into the ocean, until my softened cock slipped out of her, and I gave her a quick kiss on the shoulder. “It’s a pretty view,” she murmured, and I chuckled before turning her to look at me.

“Not as pretty as you. And hey, as great as this was, I want you to know that I really want to get to know you better, Y/N. Talking to you every morning has been the highlight of my day and I’m in desperate need of something like that.”

She smiled before standing up on her tiptoes to deposit a quick kiss on my lips. “Sounds good to me, Mr. Barber. Now, have you ever gone skinny dipping?”

[proxylynn]

Your Boyfriend: Stalk-home Syndrome (Day 5)

Chapter #5: WEDNESDAY MORNING ATONEMENT

[WARNING: Because the internet needs more romantic visual novels where you try to win the hearts of your senpai, right? WRONG! Your Boyfriend is a visual novel, yes. But this is anything but a love story. Your Boyfriend is a game where you deal with a man's unhealthy desire to have you, no matter who gets hurt. And he's not afraid to leave the body lying around for you to find either. Imagine a cat bringing you dead mice or birds to your doorstep, except he had brought the corpse of the person you talked to the other day. It's a choose your own adventure story, so be careful with how you react to those around you, especially towards him. This game deals with themes that might be disturbing for some audiences, such as murder, gore, drug use, kidnapping, non-consensual intimacy, strong language, and nudity.]

So what better thing to do than write fanfiction about it?! Enjoy my descent into madness. I regret nothing!! Sincerely with crazy sleepless love, your friendly neighborhood author, Lynn~♥

———————————————————————

[Well? Do you see now, Lynsie? You can't escape the rules of my world. Nothing you do can change my destined narrative. Now...Stick to the script and choose your route carefully. You wouldn't want to make a certain someone angry. It wouldn't be good for your health. Have fun.]

"*sharp gasp* Ahh!!"

I bolt upright and instantly regret it. My body is so very sore and I hiss at the sting. Despite the pain, my body curls on itself and my muscles try to lock up. I seethe like this for a good long while. Taking in the awareness of being in my room. I don't remember being in here. I try to think yet doing so hurts my head.

Hurts my head...Headache...I...I was looking for aspirin...But I...

A flash of memory breaks free of the pain suppressing it...Peter.

Oh god, that's right. I wasn't alone. It feels like a dream that became a nightmare with no warning. Regaining movement out of fear, I wriggle out of my clothes and look over my body.

Horror. That's all I feel. Bruises and bite marks. The bites and hickeys that I can see are from my shoulders down to my breasts. Hand gripping bruises are sparse yet sporadically placed. And the worse bruises are on my inner-thighs, they're so bad that they're red, blue, or even purple in color...which means some of these are a day or two old. How...How did I not notice some of these?

Yet...surprisingly...Even with all this marking, when I check for the most damning possible outcome...nothing. I search the bed and my clothes for any evidence of rape...but there's nothing. No blood or strange bodily fluids. Nothing.

As crazy as it is to think this, I can't help it...He had a chance...Why didn't he do it? Not saying I wanted him to...But with all his talk of wanting to fuck me...Why didn't he?

A thought comes to me as I take all this in...Where Peter is now?

*BONK*

A random bird hits my window and, after laughing at the poor thing, I realize it's still closed. That's weird as of late but reminds me I need to inspect it. Checking the window, now that I'm more on alert, I see the faint scratches near the lock. I was never sleepwalking and opening this damn thing...someone's been opening it from the outside. But how the fuck are they doing it? I'm on the second floor!

With one mystery solved I move on to the real one...Peter. I'm not about to shout out for him. There's no need to draw attention in case he's still here or bring Lucy into this. The only means of contact I have for him is his number and the last time I saw my phone in the living room. I calm down and I put my clothes back on, can't make it seem like something's wrong if anyone's out there. Heading into the living room I find the only thing active is the coffee maker, so Lucy came home last night. Looking around the couch and coffee table, I find my phone wedged in the cushions. Screw texting, this isn't a texting thing, I'm dialing him. I want to hear this from the man himself. The dial tone goes a few times.

*ring...ring...ring*

...That's coming from my room.

I bolt for my room as the sound is silenced on the third ring. I fling open my door and the sight I see is shocking. Peter is there, he's mid-way in opening the window and my closet is open. He was in there? Peter and I just stare at each other, a tense standoff with both of us not about to move unless the other does. How am I just standing here? How am I looking at him and not at his throat or swearing him to the depths of hell? He moves a hand away from the window to wave weakly, clearly guilty.

"H-Hey there, darling."

I don't say anything. I'm in no mood for pleasantries. My lack of response doesn't help him to feel good about how things will go. And he's right about that. The tension gets to be too much and he tries to finish opening the window to flee. I don't let him escape. I bound over the bed and grab him before he gets too far out.

"You're not going anywhere!"

He claws the frame to keep from being pulled in, but I'm not drugged and I'm stronger than I look when pissed off. His grip falters and I toss his ass on the bed, pinning him down before he can get his bearings. The look on his face is a strange mix of worry, concern, fear, and if the blush means anything...arousal.

"D-Darling..."

"Don't!"

I snap and bare my teeth in frustrated snarling, he gulps.

"You don't get to call me 'darling'. Not now. Not after you lied to me."

"But I didn't..."

"You told me you'd cut your dick off before ever breaking my trust...Last night, you broke it."

He frowns as I get in his face.

"So let me make this clear...YOU have seriously fucked up. I let you in. I gave you my trust. I loved you and this is how I'm repaid? With you drugging me and taking advantage of me? I have never felt such betrayal in my life!"

"To be fair...I didn't mean to drug you. I just gave you the wrong tablets."

I look at him funny.

"The wrong tablets? Are you telling me you just happen to carry roofies on you?"

"What? No. Roofies are a powder or liquid. Rohypnol is a tablet."

"Not helping your case here."

"I carry Rohypnol because I've been putting them in with your sleeping pills."

"...What?"

"I shape and color them to match the ones you take."

"Wha...Why?!"

"Because you were going to die!"

Okay, wasn't expecting that.

"I watched you take more and more because they weren't working like before. I couldn't just remain idle and find you dead from an overdose because you just wanted to get a night's rest. I...I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost you and I knew I could've helped."

His eyes water slightly and I soften up a bit.

"I don't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, that's kind of sweet. And on the other hand, kinda scary because you're solution was to give me date-rape drugs."

"I know my methods aren't what most would call 'normal' or 'sane', but it's the truth. The moment I knew I gave you the wrong pills I was freaking out. I didn't want to panic and make you panic more, so I forced myself to remain calm. I tried to speak softly, tell you nice things, hold you so you'd know you were safe...But you still freaked out. I'm sorry."

Damn it...I'm hurt, but...No! Don't fall for his charm!

"If it was just an accident then why hide in my closet? You could've just laid here with me and we could've talked. Huge guilty move, dude."

He gets nervous.

"Uh...I was kind of hoping you wouldn't remember last night. I was trying to avoid something like this from happening, but I couldn't just leave. I wanted to see if you'd be better when you woke up."

I look at him flatly.

"I'd have an easier time believing that if it weren't for all the marks currently mapping my body."

Sweat begins to form across his brow. My eyes narrow.

"You better say something or I'm done with you. I don't need another person that hurts me in my life."

His eyes widen in panic.

"Please don't! I-I'm sorry! Just let me explain! Please!"

"Then talk to me, Peter."

He looks downward.

"I was weak. I brought you to bed so you could rest. But with how our time together was and seeing you so peaceful like that...I didn't mean to get so carried away."

"What the hell did you even do? These bruises are huge."

"I...I may have gotten lost in sexual a fantasy of mine and done it to you. Not the sex part! That didn't happen, I swear on my mom's grave! If she was dead I mean. Sure would be nice if she was. But I mean it, clothing stayed on the whole time."

"What about the bite marks?"

His cheeks redden.

"I lifted up your shirt. God, your tits made me so hard."

I crack his forehead with my own. He gets the message.

"Sorry. I'm really digging my grave deeper, aren't I?"

"You have no idea. I am bordering on whether I should beat you till you have the same bruises I do or if I should rip your dick off and make you fuck yourself."

Peter's face loses the fear it once held and replaces it with something that pisses me off more...a smirk.

"Who are you kidding? You won't hurt me."

Son of a bitch!

"The hell I won't!"

"You don't have a violent or mean bone in that loving body of yours. That's why you only play pacifist in games unless it can't be helped."

My eyes widen and glare.

"How do you know that? I never told you my channel name."

He flinches. I'm done messing around.

"Here's what we're gonna do, you and me are going to make a deal. I'm not gonna call the cops, IF, you quit bull shitting me and tell me everything. And I do mean...EVERYTHING! We clear?"

He nods.

"Good."

I get off of him, shutting the window and closet as he sits up on the bed.

"So...How long have you been doing this?"

"That depends. Could you be more specific?"

I don't like that response. But I need to calm down. I can't spook him into running without answers. I go to his side and sit down.

"All of it. When did all THIS begin?"

He leans back on his hands.

"You want me to be completely honest?"

I beg him with my eyes.

"Please? I never asked you for much. The least you can do is be real with me."

He sighs.

"I wasn't lying when I said before I met you I felt empty. I've always had difficulties managing emotions. At least...positive ones. What with my shitty family and all. A lot of it just got bottled up or ignored. And my psychiatrist isn't helping matters either. I swear that bitch is making me worse..."

He's getting emotional...I put my hand over his to keep him calm. It works as he smiles at me.

"Then I saw you. I think it was your first day at the diner. You were outside cleaning the windows 'cause someone chucked rotten fruit or something. You were clearly annoyed that you had to deal with the mess but were humming this song that made you smile and sway your hips. It was for a brief moment we locked eyes. You greeted me and it was like being struck by lightning. I panicked and ran, but I knew nothing like that feeling before yet I know it was love."

Now I see why he's a sucker for the hopeless romantic characters. He is one.

"Sounds a little like infatuation."

"Oh no. This is love. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

He moves his hand to lace his fingers with mine.

"You are the first to ever make me feel this way. My first and only love. If love is a sickness then you are what's wrong with me. You're the one that keeps me awake at night. You're the one who is always on my mind, the one who makes my heart beat out of my chest each time I see you, smell you..."

Come on, man, don't go where I think you're headed.

"You want the truth? The truth is I'm mad, mad to the point where I caressed your skin while you sleep soundly each night. Wanting, needing to feel you from the inside and fill you. Grinding against you isn't enough anymore..."

You mean to tell me those bruises are just from him grinding into me? Talk about being rock hard.

"You're a smart girl, Lynsie. You probably could tell I was a tad off here or there. The moment we met at the park, those times I saw you at the diner, how you always closed your window no matter how many times I'd opened it in the night, your perfectly sized closet..."

So many dots are connecting now.

"But still, you gave me a chance. Even now, you're willing to hear me out and let me open my heart to you. I love that about you. You're so understanding. Which is why I'll be completely honest with you. I'm tired of keeping things from you."

I'm going to regret this.

"What kind of things are you keeping me from?"

His hand hold tightens.

"I was always too shy to ask you out while at work. And looking like a creepy jackass isn't a proper way to approach such a wonderful soul. So, I had to follow you instead. Study your pattern, memorize your schedule, practice what to say when you were finally alone and not working. The park was perfect to finally approach you. It may not have gone as planned, but I could finally introduce myself."

All the pieces begin coming together and the picture it makes is clear now. Peter isn't just a nervous guy that has a hard time dealing with things...He's that and also a stalker that's utterly obsessed with me!

"You're upset with me for last night. Sure. But you and I can make this work now..."

He faces me, taking both my hands in his with a desperately sincere grin.

"No more hiding, no more secrets. Just us."

No more secrets huh? I can maybe use this. There are things I want to know, things I need to know.

"So...If I ask you anything, you'll tell me the truth now?"

"Absolutely. It's like I said last night...Trust matters in a relationship. I owe you the same trust that you've given me. I owe you my love in all its glory. Even if it's just me telling you about it. So go on. Ask me anything. I won't hold back anymore."

I think for a bit.

"What are some of the things you've told me that were lies?"

He pauses, taking time to think for himself.

"I can't think of anything other than that time I said I do neighborhood watch as my night hobby. My real night hobby is being here with you while you sleep."

That's...That's both assuring because he's been honest and also unsettling because of obvious reasons.

"Then you really are a product reviewer?"

"Oh yeah. Wanna see my channel?"

I nod.

"Let me see your phone for a sec."

I do so without thinking...thankfully, he just uses it to open YouTube and types in his handle.

"I know it's not your usual video taste. But I'd be ecstatic if you subbed me. I'm already one of your 'lovelies'."

Hearing him use the nickname for my subs makes me snicker.

"I swear it sounded less dumb at the time I coined it."

"No no. It's cute."

Looking at his channel I feel a tad jealous. Peter's doing so much better than me in subs and views. No doubt he's monetized. Lucky.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

I tap the screen to sub him.

"Promise you won't lose me in all those followers?"

"Please. You're going to be the only one that gets my private content."

My brain goes to the gutter in a nanosecond and I change the subject.

"What do you do when you come here and I'm sleeping?"

He smiles.

"Nothing too crazy. Most of the time I lay next to you. I like watching you sleep. You're so serene looking. Heh...Sometimes you do snore. And even rarer are the moments where you almost wake up and you talk before sleeping again. Those moments concern me. You always say things that sound like something's wrong."

I look off.

"I know what you're talking about. Those tend to be dreams about my family. I always get so pissed in those dreams, mainly at my sister."

"Did she really get all your photos burned?"

"Yeah. Though...I do have some yearbooks. Those are the only pics of me left."

His eyes light up.

"Can I see them?!"

I shake my head much to his confusion.

"You show me yours and I'll show you mine."

He pouts.

"Ah come on. Please?"

"Dude, I haven't shown anyone my school photos. Not even TK. You want to see young me? You gotta let me see the same of you."

He folds his arms and shuts his eyes.

"You ask a tall order of me, dar...Lynsie."

Good. He remembered not to say it.

"You're overthinking it. No way it's as bad as you're making. Plus...You owe me."

He peeks one eye at me.

"How?"

"Mother ducker, you used my breasts as chew toys in my sleep! The least you can do is show me photos."

He sighs.

"I did burn them all...All the ones I owned. Mom and Sarah probably still have some. Getting them is gonna be a bitch. But for you..."

He looks at me, the conviction in his eyes is stun educing.

"I'll see what I can do."

I give an understanding nod.

"Anything else you want to know?"

I mean...I do have a few more questions.

"How do you know when I fall asleep?"

He merely points up at the ceiling. I'm confused for a bit before it clicks.

"The upper level?"

He nods.

"The room above yours is complete. So I've been staying there for the last month and a half. It's much nicer than the back of my van. The air mattress doesn't compare to your bed though."

"But I thought you had your own place? *gasp* Is Rat up there?"

"No, I have my own house. But it's a good three-hour drive from here. I live rather far away from here, just as I like it. But oh, so far away from you. That's okay, the gas money is worth seeing you every day. Heh...Don't worry about our baby girl. I always go back and check on her. I talk to her about us. I really think she'll like you."

"You're really that attached to me, huh?"

"That's how love works, love."

"But that only kinda answers it."

"I may have used a drill the workers left to make a little hole to see through."

I look at him funny.

"Okay..."

Me and my curious thoughts just had to ask. Here's hoping there are no cameras.

"How are you able to move around unnoticed? For that matter, how do you get in my window?"

"I'm a flexible guy. It comes in handy when following you around. As for your window, I drop down from the room above and push the lock back with my butterfly knife. Simple, but effective."

I don't know if I should be impressed or terrified.

"You're taking this all much better than I thought you would. I figured you would be wigging out and calling me a psycho or something."

I lay back against the headboard.

"You know me well enough to know that isn't how I am. I'm not about to pass judgment on you without getting the full story."

He scoots closer and puts a hand on my knee.

"I'm sorry for lying to you. You wouldn't have given me a chance if I confessed to doing such terrible things when we first met. Unless you're as messed up as I am."

I avert my eyes from him. Maybe I am. I woke up pissed at this man and yet my feelings haven't changed. Hell, it's taking so much to not call him "sweetie" or hug him. My heart hurts.

"Lynsie?"

My gut sinks into oblivion for one last question.

"Why didn't you do it?"

He tilts his head.

"Do what?"

"You had prime opportunity to do it...What stopped you from doing more to me?"

The second it comes to him of what I mean by that his eyes widen and hurt claims his face.

"Darling..."

"I told you not to call...!"

He moves fast and cuts me off with an embrace. I can't move.

"I will never take advantage of you. I don't know what put that awful thought in your head, but it hurts knowing you think I'd do something so sick."

I bite my lip as I begin to tremble.

"I know I can be needy. I can't help it sometimes. But I will never force it on you. I can take care of my needs on my own. So please, don't think I'll ever take you like that. I'm not like those bastards that tried to steal you. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being."

I can feel the tears stream down my cheeks.

"I want our first time to be special. Where we give ourselves to each other willingly. Completely and utterly. I dream of that moment. I long for it with a burning passion. Nothing would make me happier. But I can wait. I swear I can."

I break, holding him close and clinging harshly.

"Darling?"

"*whimpering* I was so scared..."

His hold shifts, gripping my shoulders from behind and pulling himself to be more on me so he can rest his face in my neck.

"Shhhhh...I'm so sorry. Please don't fear me. I'll do better. I promise. Everything's going to be better from now on."

Everything hurts. My body, my mind, and my heart. Nothing about any of this is right. He's not right. He's a stalker. He's obsessed. He's possibly dangerous. He's...He's...the only one to make me feel something. He's the one that makes me smile. He's the one that brightens my day and makes the night worthwhile. He's the one that cares the most for me out of all that I know. He's the one I love. But still...

"*sniffle* Peter..."

He looks up at me.

"Yes, darling?"

I nuzzle his head.

"Thank you for telling me. I know it had to be a little scary for you to open up. But it helped me to feel better."

He smiles.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"I'm willing to forgive you."

"Really?"

"But..."

Come on, be a big girl. You can be nice but don't let him get away with this. He still did you wrong.

"I think we were moving just a little too fast into level three. Maybe we can stay in level two for a wee bit longer?"

He frowns.

"I understand. I messed up and deserve to be punished."

...Is he guilt-tripping me?

"I'm not punishing you. Putting us back at level one would be a punishment. You're just lucky I still love your dorky ass."

I look away bashfully but I know damn well what face he's making based on his purrs.

"Heh...This dork loves you too, darling."

He moves to sit up on me but his weight on my thighs has me whimpering. He backs up off me and I pull my legs to my chest.

"*wince* Tender..."

Guilt claims him. He cautiously touches my leg, eyeing me as he moves the end of my shorts down just enough to see the discolored skin.

"I really overdid it, didn't I?"

I nod.

"Sorry, darling."

He leans down and kisses the skin. The scene has my face burning with the fire of a thousand suns.

"I'll be more gentle next time."

Next time? There's gonna be a next time?!

*buzz-buzz...buzz-buzz*

My phone breaks my thoughts and I check it out. Whoa! That's the time? Half-past noon. I flip to my texts...It's TK.

{TK-oh-snap: I hope you're feeling better. Alisha isn't as fun as you to work with.}

"Who is it?"

Peter's voice reminds me of the situation. Stalkers tend to be easy to trigger with jealousy and possession. I'll have to be careful.

"It's TK. They says they hope I'm feeling better and that Alisha is boring to work with. She doesn't share our humor. Jokes fly over her head sometimes."

"What are you going to reply with?"

"Something simple. I'm not going in today. Not like this. That and I'll be getting an earful from the boss if I clock in with no early notice."

He nods.

{I'm doing better. I'm sure my fever is about gone. Everyone has been pitching in to keep me from dropping dead. Peter's with me. The dude has great taste in movies. We should totally hang again, the three of us.}

I don't know if Peter goes through my phone. But the odds are high that he does. So I figure if he sees I add him in the conversation then he won't think something negative.

*buzz*

{TK-oh-snap: That's great! Hanging out sounds cool. Anything in mind? We have another half-day coming up.}

Another half-day huh? Hmmm...

"Hey, Peter, you wanna hang out with me and TK on my next half-day?"

I don't miss the cut in his eyes at the mention of me spending time with TK.

"Of course, dear. What did you have in mind?"

"There's this bar we chill at sometimes..."

"AFKB, right?"

I almost forgot that he mentioned learning my every move. Of course, he knew about the bar.

"Yeah. You in then? We don't go for drinks. At least, I don't. They have a decent arcade and trivia contest for free food or cash."

"If that is something you want to do, I'll be more than happy to join."

Good. Then that’s something.

{Game night at the bar cool with you?}

{TK-oh-snap: Oh my god, yes! It's been ages since we did that. We are so doing karaoke.}

{Only if the bar is near empty. You know how shy I get.}

{TK-oh-snap: LoL I know. Take care, Lynn. Tell your boy he's in for a good time. As long as he's not a lightweight.}

I snicker to myself. TK is definitely in a good mood now. They don’t drink all that much because they tend to get goof drunk and has no memory the next morning. It's pretty funny sometimes.

"Sweet! This is gonna be fun. Game night with my best dudes!."

Peter chuckles and leans on my knees, his hand gently stroking my outer thigh.

"I'm glad to see you in such a good mood."

I take his hand off me and hold it, interlocking our fingers. I don't want to be caressed but I will still give him contact. I mean, it's not like I don't like it. Holding his hands gives me warm fuzzies.

"I'm just happy to get things back to normal. Well...As normal as things are with you in my life."

"You make it sound like I make things any different from what you're used to. I mean, I've been with you for months. The only difference now is that you know it."

"...Fair point. I guess that means nothing truly changes. Yet, maybe we can alter something."

"Like what?"

"Well...It's a little odd for a boyfriend to have to break into the bedroom of their girlfriend. I'm not saying you have to stop. But maybe we can set something up so you don't have to sneak around and break into the apartment. Make it less likely for someone to think you're up to no good. You know?"

He mulls this over.

"That would be easier for us. I do like that you're okay with my visits."

At this point, I'm not entirely sure if I am or I'm going with it just to keep him from going to new levels of possible crazy. Between my past experiences, his confession of stalker behavior, my paranoia, and what he admits to doing in my sleep...I should be WAY more uncomfortable than this. Yet here I am. Holding his hand, letting him stay close, and contributing to help him continue being in my life. The fuck is going on in my head right now? Why was some of this flattering to me? I'm so messed up.

"I'll be honest...I...I kinda am and not at the same time. Part of me is still bugged you've been doing this. But...*sigh* I do kind of like the idea of you being around."

This gets to him as I continue.

"Sometimes things get to me. Things that not even Cuddles can make better. And when that happens, I really want to be held but there's no one I trust to see me so broken...*sniffle*"

Damn it...I'm making myself cry. I hide in my hands feeling shame for being weak enough to bawl from just explaining this.

"Damn it! I'm so sick of crying!"

He goes into comfort mode. He moves my legs and pulls me into his arms, stroking the back of my head to soothe me. I know he's talking to me. Probably muttering sweet nothings to make me feel better. But I can't hear it. I'm too lost in my self-loathing.

*BANG*

"Guess who got a job!"

"This bitch!"

The calamity of Lucy and Vio busting through the front door freaked me out enough to grip Peter, finally I can hear him.

"Breathe, darling, it's okay. Breathe in, count to five, then breathe out and count again."

I try doing this. My lungs make it hard to do so as they shake in my chest. After a couple of attempts, I regain some form of calm...only to be reminded that my door is open when the bad boy himself comes by to see his "beasty". Peter is focused on me, but I know he knows someone is there by the slight change in his petting. He's just standing there and watching us. No one says anything till Lucy comes over to see what's up.

"Shit! Hun, are you okay? What happened?"

Lucy joins us on the bed and Peter's grip tightens.

"She's fine. Had a bad sad moment is all."

Lucy feels my forehead.

"At least the fever's gone."

She pats Peter's back.

"Good on you, twig. Maybe you're not such an ass after all."

Peter growls a little till I nuzzle him. Lucy goes to the confused Vio.

"This the guy?"

"Yep. That's Lynn's boyfriend."

Lucy heads out but not before slapping Vio's ass.

"Sucks to be you, huh?"

Vio and I just exchange looks. I'm grateful that Peter is facing the window yet nervous that he might still get a glimpse in the reflection. Vio is a dangerous punk-looking man. Long wild hair, darkened eyes, pale grey skin, torn clothing, leather, piercings, finger-less gloves, spiked collar and other accessories. Not to mention the full-body snake tattoo and matching forked pierced tongue. He's the kind of guy you'd be told to stay away from but be drawn to. But that's only on that outside. He's far deeper than he seems. There's a reason you don't judge a book by its cover.

"It's good to see you again, beasty."

He walks off and I feel bad that I forgot him. Stress really did a number on my mind. A cold shiver racks my core.

"You okay, darling? You're trembling again."

"Cold."

"Let's get you something warm to wear."

His consideration has me kiss his cheek without thinking. He smiles and gets up to fetch me something to wear as I shut my door. Of course, he knows where my clothes are. I'm not surprised by his choice either as it's my comfy outfit, a long-sleeved yin yang shirt and matching sweats with opposite-colored sides. Much like the other day, he turns around and allows me to change without the feel of his eyes. Realizing something about me is off I come up to him and tug on his hood for his attention. He turns and I point to my hair. He chuckles and pulls my scrunchie from his pocket, letting me tie my locks up.

"Feeling better?"

I nod.

"Thank you, sweetie."

He cups my face and kisses my forehead.

"I was beginning to miss you calling me that."

I smile shyly.

"Shall we go out there? I bet you're hungry after such a deep sleep."

"Sure. But no smack talk with Lucy, please?"

"I'll try."

"Or Vio?"

He cocks his eyes.

"Who is that guy to you?"

"A bro-friend. I get along with guys better than girls and he's like a wild brother to me."

"That's all?"

I nod with a pout.

"I trust you, sun spot. But I won't hold back if he tries anything."

"Believe me, he's tamer than he looks. Lucy is more likely to say something slap-worthy than him."

I hold his hand and it seems to assure him. We head into the living room, Lucy is at the coffee pot and Vio's lounging on the couch like he lives here. I move from Peter to the fridge for an energy drink and something for him.

"You okay, girl?"

I nod at Lucy and give her a smile.

"Congratulations on the hire."

She sighs with relief.

"Heh, thanks. I hope you'll show me the ropes. The chick that was there seemed uptight."

"Alisha is probably ticked that she's working my shifts. My hours are insane. But with you there helping, things might be so much smoother."

I crack the can open and partake in the strawberry kiwi flavoring. Mmmm...That's the good stuff. Lucy gets a little close to me and keeps her voice down.

"So..."

Her tone kills my good mood. She's about to say something stupid.

"You lose your V-card yet?"

I knew something stupid was coming. I just wasn't expecting that. The shock has the bubbly caffeine come out of my nose much to the amused laughter of a few. On the plus side, my sinuses are clear...but burning like the fires of hell!

"The fuck, Lulu?!"

"I'll take that as a no."

"You do understand there's more to being with someone than having sex right?"

"Hun, you have a man and he's clearly into you. It's a waste not to get the most out of him."

"How many times must I say this? I'm Ace. My sex drive is as dead as the dinosaurs."

She shakes her head.

"Girl, it's one thing to deny yourself. But it's just wrong to lead someone else along."

I...I'm about to slap this bitch.

"I'm gonna walk away before something regretful happens."

"Don't be that way."

"Silence wench! Speak no more nonsense to thee. Lest thou incur the wrath of they who shall not be named."

Snickering is coming from the guys while Lucy rolls her eyes at me.

"Are you seriously using Harry Potter on me?"

"Are you admitting to knowing what Harry Potter is?"

"...Well played, nerd."

I take my victory and drinks to the couch, aiming to sit between the guys but Peter swipes my side as I sit so I end up in his lap. He looks at me innocently and I roll my eyes at him while giving him a soda.

"You're such a dork."

"You love this dork."

"True."

Peter smirks as he drinks and I playfully punch his shoulder.

"Cute."

Vio's voice chimes in. Gaining our attention.

"You look cute."

"Thanks."

This feels awkward.

"Vio, this is Peter. Peter, this is Vio."

Vio shoots a finger gun and Peter nods. A great start to match the one TK experienced.

"So, beasty, how ya been?"

"Been good. You?"

"Can't complain. It's nice being with good company again."

"I can imagine. Do you plan on staying out of trouble this time?"

He chuckles while combing a hand through his hair.

"Ya make it sound like I go looking for it."

I shoot him a look and he smirks.

"Yeah, beasty, I'm gonna be a good boy from now on. My ass is staying as far away from a cell as possible."

"What even were you in for in the first place?"

"An overdue library book."

He says that with such a straight face I honestly can't tell if it's a joke.

"...Are you serious?"

He snickers.

"Dude, are you for real?"

"I'll never tell~."

"Fucking tease!"

Vio cracks up as Lucy joins us, sitting at Vio's side and gives him some dirty bean water of his own.

"So you know what a tease is? Funny."

Why you gotta be such a buzzkill, Lucy?

"Don't start, Lucy. The day is good so far. Leave it like that."

Lucy looks at Peter, ignoring me and my warning.

"Don't let her fool you. God knows Lynsie needs a good fuck with some nice passionate man meat, but I prefer my roommates being able to walk afterward. So go easy on her, m'kay? Don't rough her up, she doesn't need a bruised body."

I am livid. Seeing red. I'm not embarrassed, far from it, I'm honestly pissed off! The lion, the witch, and the sheer audacity of this fucking bitch! My grip on the rockstar is mixed between crushing the can and locking my fingers in restrained rage. Peter himself is glaring daggers at her, his free hand trying to hold my now shaking arms still. I'm on the edge, all I need is the tiniest push and I'll either go off on her or leave to vent.

"Fuck's wrong with ya?"

Vio asks and takes the words out of my mouth before I can utter a swear. Lucy looks at him weirdly.

"What?"

"You know she isn't active. Why ya gotta always bust her balls 'cause she's a virgin?"

I remember now why I liked Vio. He'd call Lucy out when she'd be stupid. And for some fucking reason, she'll listen to him and not me.

"It's just a joke."

"Does it sound like anyone's laughing?"

She is oddly stubborn today.

"You can't really believe her BS? Everybody fucks."

I can't bring myself to laugh at the possibility of that being a parody book that I'd so want to get for the funny. I get off Peter and stand up. My limit is reached. If I hear more I might actually snap.

"Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow."

The red flags are my exaggerated smile and far too sweet tone. DO NOT SPEAK OR YOU WILL DIE! I turn on my heel and stiffly stroll away for my room. As soon as I round the corner I hear speedy footfalls and by the time I'm at my door, Peter is by my side. He's about to speak but the intense glare I'm drilling into the door and my death grip on the knob zips his lip shut.

"No, Peter..."

I try to keep the snarl out of my words. I don't want my rage on him. It's not meant for him.

"Give me a few minutes. Then you can come in."

He reluctantly nods.

I go into my room and, once the door is shut, roar out loud. I don't care how bad it scrapes my throat. I want the sound out. I want the feeling out. I want it to be heard. I only stop when I have to chug my drink to soothe the burn doing such a sound makes. Still...I'm in a shit mood. Turning to my laptop, I set it up to play some tunes I keep in a list for certain moods and flop onto the bed to face the ceiling. It's time to lose myself. It's how I reset after super bad moods.

The music kicks on...Numb by Linkin Park.

"♪I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. Don't know what you're expecting of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you...(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) I've become so numb! I can't feel you there! Become so tired! So much more aware! I'm becoming this! All I want to do! Is be more like me! And be less like you!♫"

I mouth the lyrics. I know them by heart. Linkin Park was the jam of any teen that felt like shit.

"♪Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control. 'Cause everything that you thought I would be. Has fallen apart right in front of you...(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you...(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take! I've become so numb! I can't feel you there! Become so tired! So much more aware! I'm becoming this! All I want to do! Is be more like me! And be less like you! And I know...I may end up failing too! But I know...You were just like me with someone disappointed in you...!♫"

Man, they still rock after so long. We miss you, Chester. You were great.

"♪I've become so numb! I can't feel you there! Become so tired! So much more aware! I'm becoming this! All I want to do! Is be more like me! And be less like you! I've become so numb...I can't feel you there! (I'm tired of being what you want me to be) I've become so numb...I can't feel you there! (I'm tired of being what you want me to be)♫"

The next song begins to play as I hear my door open and the stomping of panicked steps rush to catch up. I don't look at who it is, keeping my stare at the ceiling till they enter my view. Vio just stares down at me till Peter yanks him. I end the possible war about to start by snapping my fingers and motioning them to hush.

The song this time is Just Stop by Disturbed.

"♪Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life. Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life. Step back a moment, and look at the miracle starting in our life. Don't stop the moment, and let the incredible happen knowing that. All that you want is to criticize. Something for nothing. And all that I want is forgiveness one more time. To be the best in the world...♫"

Peter makes the first move, joining me on the bed and pulling me to his chest. I can only guess the exchange of looks the guys have because I just hear Vio scoff a laugh before feeling him lounge beside me against the headboard and begin petting my head, making Peter growl. The hell happened out there?

"♪Just stop with all of your little deliberate problems with my life. Enough of all the crippling, terrible pain we feel inside. Step back a moment, remember how the miracle started in our life. Take back the torment; I won't be enjoying this moment knowing that. All that you want is to criticize. Something for nothing. And all that I want is forgiveness one more time. I know that. All that we want is to feel inside. Some kind of comfort. And all that we've done. We can hide. We'll be the best in the world...♫"

I'm still trying to mentally unwind the "go rip Lucy's tits off" spring in my brain so I'm just a rag-doll lost to the music. Peter keeps his growl low but moves his hands to more possessive spots, the one arm that rested under my neck has its hand nearly cupping my breast and his other hand grabs a palm-full of my ass. All this does is get a chuckle from the punk behind me as he merely retorts by taking hold of my ponytail and burying his face in it. Peter flinches hard and his grip tightens. I'm sandwiched between two dorks that are having an annoying dominance contest with me and I have no fucks to give.

"♪All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion. From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in. All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion. From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in. All that you want is to criticize. Something for nothing. And all that I want is forgiveness one more time. I know that. All that we want is to feel inside. Some kind of comfort. And all that we've done. We can hide. We'll be the best in the world...! We'll be the best in the world...! Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life! Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life!♫"

Another song ends to let another begin and at the second I hear the piano keys play three things happen. One, Peter has a visceral reaction to the music as if he's got a bad memory connected to it. Two, I know it's going to be a long song since it's Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. And three...Vio starts singing.

"♪When I was a young boy. My father took me into the city. To see a marching band. He said, 'Son, when you grow up. Would you be the savior of the broken. The beaten and the damned?' He said, 'Will you defeat them? Your demons, and all the non-believers. The plans that they have made? Because one day, I'll leave you a phantom. To lead you in the summer. To join the black parade'.♫"

Feeling a bit better and hearing someone going with it, I get the nerve to join in.

"♪When I was a young boy! My father took me into the city! To see a marching band! He said, 'Son, when you grow up! Would you be the savior of the broken! The beaten and the damned?!♫"

Peter's hold loosens so I move to get away from them both and sit at the end of the bed, facing them. Peter's uncomfortably confused but Vio smirks and continues to harmonize with me.

"♪Sometimes I get the feelin'. She's watchin' over me. And other times I feel like I should go. And through it all, the rise and fall. The bodies in the streets. And when you're gone, we want you all to know...We'll carry on, we'll carry on! And though you're dead and gone, believe me. Your memory will carry on! We'll carry on! And in my heart, I can't contain it. The anthem won't explain it. A world that sends you reelin'. From decimated dreams. Your misery and hate will kill us all. So paint it black and take it back. Let's shout it loud and clear! Defiant to the end, we hear the call...To carry on, we'll carry on! And though you're dead and gone, believe me. Your memory will carry on! We'll carry on! And though you're broken and defeated. Your weary widow marches...♫"

Suddenly Peter joins in and the two of us shut up as he goes hard, I guess doing so to not be shown up by Vio.

"♪On and on, we carry through the fears. Oh, oh, oh! Disappointed faces of your peers. Oh, oh, oh! Take a look at me, 'cause I could not care at all! Do or die, you'll never make me! Because the world will never take my heart! Go and try, you'll never break me! We want it all, we wanna play this part! I won't explain or say I'm sorry! I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars! Give a cheer for all the broken! Listen here, because it's who we are! I'm just a man, I'm not a hero! Just a boy, who had to sing this song! I'm just a man, I'm not a hero! I don't care...!♫"

I join him in the finish to carry the longer notes much to his delight.

"♪We'll carry on, we'll carry on! And though you're dead and gone, believe me. Your memory will carry on! You'll carry on! And though you're broken and defeated. Your weary widow marches on...! Do or die, you'll never make me! Because the world will never take my heart! Go and try, you'll never break me! We want it all, we wanna play this part! We'll carry on...! Do or die, you'll never make me! Because the world will never take my heart! Go and try, you'll never break me! We want it all, we wanna play this part! We'll carry on...!♫"

I'm out of breath after that, panting a bit to keep from getting lightheaded as Vio gets up and shuts the music off. Thank god, some of those other songs can get long and singing death-metal like Rammstein in German can get crazy.

"Feeling better, beasty?"

I hold a thumbs up to respond as I hit my chest.

"Easy, darling. Don't push it. You just got over being sick."

"*cough* I'm good. No worries, sweetie."

Peter beams a smile before it dies as Vio comes up behind me and grabs my head, tilting it back to look up at him.

"Don't let Lucy get to ya. A chick that's had so much cock can't remember what it was like to be an empty shell."

And I thought I needed a filter?

"I suppose. But that's not really the issue."

He cocks his eyes.

"What? You actually banging 'sweetie' over there?"

I glare as Peter growls loudly.

"Irrelevant. Don't get on my shit list by saying crap like that."

He lets my face go, hands up in defense with a playful grin.

"Wouldn't dream of it, beasty. Was just asking 'cause you never struck me as the kind of gal to change her ways. Especially for someone else. The whole 'you with a boyfriend' is a little tough to grasp."

My stare is less annoyed but Peter is still on edge. I move to his side and wrap my arms around him, ending the hostel sounds.

"I didn't realize it was so weird for someone to want companionship. Ace people can be lonely too."

That seems to cut Vio's cool and he shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah...That's true. Sorry if I was an ass. We still cool?"

I can't be mad at the guy.

"We cool, V. Hell, at least you have the balls to apologize."

I sigh and lean on Peter more. He gets the hint and puts an arm around me in comfort.

"Lulu just pisses me off. Like, even my family understood me for being this way...Even if the question of 'are you ever gonna date' popped up every now and then."

I feel myself getting bummed again.

"I don't tell her she has to stop having sex. So why does she mock me just 'cause I don't screw?"

Peter cups my chin and gets me to look at him as he makes our brows touch.

"Darling, are you happy with me?"

The question is like a gut punch.

"Y-Yes."

"Then does it matter what she says?"

This...This is the man that I fell for. The reason I'm not freaking out that he's been stalking me. I smile and give him a bit of shock with a sudden kiss.

"I love you."

A sweet yet smug smirk graces Peter.

"I love you too."

Vio rolls his eyes and puts his hands behind his head.

"Gross. You two keep your sickly sweetness in here before you give the whole building diabetes."

He starts to leave.

"You sticking around, V?"

He pauses at the door.

"Yeah, no worries, beasty. Daddy's just gonna bitch at mommy to make her say sorry to baby girl."

I cringe.

"Ew. Dude, just no. Never say that shit again."

Vio laughs as he leaves and Peter leans into my neck.

"I don't like him."

A chill hits me.

"W-Why?"

"He likes you."

"At this point, doesn't everybody?"

His grip tightens.

"Darling, this isn't something to joke about. This is OUR relationship. WE are in this together. YOU are MINE. And I am YOURS. Other people don't need to be so close."

I'm walking a dangerous line here.

"I understand. But you really don't have to worry about others. I am loyal to YOU. My eyes will never stray. My heart is in your hands. And it is by my will who I let be close..."

I put a hand to his cheek, my thumb rubbing small gentle circles.

"Only you, Peter...Only you can be this close to me. No one else."

He holds my hand, nuzzling the palm and giving it tiny kisses.

"I have complete faith in you, my love. It's the others...They will try to steal you from me."

"Not gonna happen."

"How do you know?"

"Because I won't let it."

"But..."

"Peter..."

I pull him into a kiss and it takes him a moment to melt into it.

"I can't be stolen. I am YOURS."

I have to ease him. I don't want him to see threats. Nothing good will come of that.

A blissful look comes to him as he purrs a coo.

"YOU are MINE~."

I inwardly rejoice at defusing that meltdown and nuzzle his nose.

"You are mine, sweetie."

"I am yours, darling~."

Keep him happy. Just keep him happy and he'll stay the guy that makes you happy. You can totally do this. All you need to do is some research. Learn what to do and how to fix things if he's triggered. No one has to know or get hurt. ...Wait...Oh, fuck! He's been crashing on the upper level! Mr. Williams!

I break away from Peter much to his confusion and try to keep calm despite the overwhelming panic.

"Darling? What's wrong?"

Shit! How do I explain this? Default! Always default!

"Urgent high-level boss event! Must fortify or all is lost!"

The stress in my voice doesn't help either.

"Calm down. It can't be that bad."

I just nod rapidly.

"I gotta go or all the progress will be for nothing."

"Just tell me and I can..."

"I don't want to lose you!"

I blurt it out and run. I don't know if he's following, I pray he's not. The living room is a blur as I flee the apartment and gun it to the ground floor...completely missing the wet floor sign and cracking my head on the floor when I try to stop. The sound has my ears ringing. I don't move. Knowing my luck, I've made a crimson mess on the once clean tile.

A sudden rustling of multiple locks gets my attention. Door 001 opens and Don nearly steps on me.

"...Do I even want to know?"

I wave stupidly.

"Hi, Mr. Williams. Did you recently mop? Great job."

He palms his face with one hand and reaches down with the other, helping me off my ass. Thankfully, no red stain is left where I was.

"I take it something happened. Brenda called me saying she heard depressing music."

Brenda needs to mind her business sometimes.

"That's kinda part of why I was rushing over."

He huffs, placing his hands on his hips and glaring slightly.

"Did Lucy do something? Did she bring that riffraff back to this place again? I swear to God, any more damage to this place and she's gone. I caught her trying to smoke weed the other day for fuck's sake. I know she did! Scented candle, my ass."

And he wonders why hardly anyone comes to him if there's a problem. The dude will chew you out even if it's not you that he's pissed at. My shrinking snaps him out of his huffing and puffing.

"Anyways, you wanted to talk to me about something?"

I nod.

"Yes, sir."

He motions me inside. Now, while he does hassle tenants about keeping rooms clean, Don doesn't really practice what he preaches. His place is what I'd call an organized mess. It's cluttered but everything is in a place that can be found with ease. Boxes, bags, and even a bike are stacked around to just allow the most simple of movements. But it's not like I can fault him, he's the one paying for the whole building so others can live in better units. He makes his way into one of the rooms, leaving the door open so that I can follow him in. It's not any better. The small space is worse than out there. Piles upon piles of paperwork are stacked on his desk and floor, filing cabinets overflowing with more paperwork for God knows how long. Coffee stains and various bottle caps from beer bottles scattered all over his desk, and cigarette butts littered the window seal as though he would smoke with the window open. That explains the smell...Well, at least his wall decals are nice with classic tin posters of old diners and soda companies. I catch a glimpse of a picture frame he had on his desk. The frame itself looks rather old, like those 1960's frames you'd find in a thrift store nowadays. But the photo inside is very recent looking, it shows Don with a young man in a police uniform. Is...Is that his son? Don has a son and they're a cop?! Fuck my luck. Sitting himself at his desk, Don lets out a long sigh and rocks for a moment.

"Okay, kid...Spill it. What's up?"

"Well, for one, Lucy has managed to snag a job...At the diner I'm working at."

That nearly has him smile...nearly.

"Let me guess...They don't piss test?"

I shake my head.

"Figures. But at least she'll be making payments...Right?"

I nod.

"Yes, sir."

"Good...Good. I guess I can extend the deadline an extra week. Allow her to make a decent paycheck."

I nod again in thanks for that.

"What else did you want to tell me?"

Okay...Time to begin operation cover Peter's ass or die trying.

"Well...With Lucy bringing in a check, my hours at the diner will be cut. So...I was wondering...Maybe you could use some help around the building?"

He runs a hand through his hair.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I look at him funny.

"Look, I appreciate that you're willing to kill yourself to stay here and keep Lucy...for some reason. But don't you think you need a break? Sure, she's working now, but you've been working triple shifts for the last three months. I admire a hard-working responsible person. I do. And you being so nice and trying so hard not to be mean...It's refreshing."

Did...Did his voice suddenly get softer or am I just having mental damage from the fall?

"But think about yourself for once. You push yourself too hard. Take the time off and enjoy it. Get a hobby or something."

I can't accept this. I need to sway him. I need to protect Peter.

"Sir, it's fine. I already have hobbies and they don't take much time. I don't get out much, so I'm always in the building. I really don't mind helping you. Especially since you've been so kind to me and understanding with my situation."

Okay...Time to bring it home.

"Please, Don? Even if it's just minor things, like changing light bulbs or mopping the floors. Hell, I'll pick up the trash around the building. Just...Let me help you."

Too much. Dial back some of that. Don't sound desperate or pushy.

He looks off awkwardly.

"You don't have to do this. You're a good kid. Don't feel obligated to help just 'cause I threw you a bone here or there."

"N-No! That's not it all. Sure, you've been good to me. That much is true. But I'm asking not out of some feeling that I owe you. I'm asking as a friend to help a friend who's been there for me even when I didn't ask."

My natural sheepishness has my hands coming together and playing with themselves to distract the nervous part of my brain. He picks up on this.

"Why are you so keen on this?"

Think you idiot!

"Is Lucy getting to you?"

...Perfect!

"*sigh* She's being mean to me."

"Kid, you're an adult. Sound like it."

"Fine. She's being a cunt nugget."

"Better."

"She keeps mocking my asexuality. Like, so what if I don't fuck every guy that looks my way? I don't degrade you for every dick you suck."

The look on his face tells me I might have gone a tad too far.

"Sorry. But you see where I'm coming from, right? She's even doing it in front of Peter. Accusing me of using him. Bad enough I have to deal with that at home but now she'll be around me at work. So...Maybe doing things around the building will keep some distance between us."

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

I shake my head and he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"*huff* That girl, I swear..."

He leans back in thought.

"...If you're that desperate to avoid her, I suppose I could hire you to do some odd jobs around here."

My eyes light up.

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

He's caught off guard by my sudden and eager hug.

"Thank you, Don!"

This hug is made short when he pushes me a bit so I'll back off.

"Sorry. I got a little carried away there. My bad."

He avoids eye contact, his face a little flush.

"It's fine. Don't mention it."

He gets up from his desk and guides me out of his office space.

"Listen...Just 'cause I'm doing this, it doesn't mean you'll get any special treatment. You're a hard worker and you always stay on top of your rent, so I expect you to keep that up for me. I won't let you skirt by if I catch you slacking off while working for me. And hey, you might make more helping out this dump than you do at that greasy spoon diner."

I'm taken aback by that last part.

"Wait...You'll pay me?"

He just stares.

"Were you honestly going to work for me for free?"

I shrug.

"Well, yeah. I was asking as a good friend. Not a tenant. I'm fine with just doing things for you for the sake of helping."

His face burns red and he slaps his palm there to hide it.

"*mumble* Fuck me..."

I'm getting concerned for this guy.

"Don?"

He drags said hand across his face.

"*cough* Uh...No. I'm going to pay you."

"But..."

"No buts. Take it or leave it."

I merely nod with a small smile.

"Understood, sir. Thank you for this. It means a lot."

He rolls his eyes as he opens his front door for me, leaning on the frame.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a saint and all that shit. Just be at my door when you come home tomorrow, we'll work out a schedule as I give you the rundown for what you need to do and how. Now head back and try not to run this time. I don't want you getting hurt."

I can't help the faint blush or stupid giggle that gave me.

"Will do. Have a good day, Don. And thanks again."

With that, he closes the door behind me as I take my leave. I can't believe it! It fucking worked! With my new position as Don's aid, I can keep him out of the upper level and keep Peter from being found out. I head up back to my unit but stop at the top of the stairs...Peter's waiting there with folded arms.

"Urgent high-level boss event, huh?"

I come to him and keep a hushed voice.

"Don't give me attitude. I just gave up free time to cover for you."

He eyes me so I point upwards. His eyes narrow.

"Does he know?"

I shake my head.

"I'm going to keep it that way."

He sighs and puts an arm around my shoulders, walking us to my apartment.

"Thank you, darling."

"No thanks are needed. I meant what I said...I don't want to lose you."

He grins, leaning on me.

"Not gonna lie...Knowing you'll do so much for me is turning me on~."

I smirk.

"From what you've told me, everything I do turns you on."

He purrs in my ear.

"What are you gonna do about it, darling~?"

He nips my ear and I pull away much to his shock.

"Me? I'm not gonna do a damn thing. That's level three stuff. And if you recall..."

I poke his forehead.

"We're back at level two thanks to last night's 'accident'."

He pouts as I open the door and head inside.

"But it was an accident. Can't we just go back to level three?"

"No. Accident or not, it still wasn't okay."

"Trouble in paradise?"

Vio remarks while flipping through TV channels, not looking our way.

"Just a small marital thing. No rough seas rocking this love boat."

Peter hugs me tight from behind.

"Marital? Oh, darling, I knew you'd want to marry me!"

Vio drops the remote in disbelief and I try to hide my embarrassment.

"Do not read into that! He did not propose!"

"I can if you want me to."

I am both surprised and not at the same time.

"Stop trying to skip levels while all party members aren't properly prepared."

"But, darling, we don't need to slog through tutorials or grind for XP. Our stats are in perfect sync."

Vio busts a gut laughing as I finally surrender to Peter's hold, him nuzzling my hair.

"Holy shit...*guffawing* You guys are the biggest fucking nerds...*cackling* It's too rich..."

He's not wrong. Still, he doesn't have to nearly scream it.

"Shall we go to the bedroom, my love~?"

Peter's husky whisper sends shivers through me that I have no doubt he can feel. My protests fall on deaf ears, mainly cause Vio is too fucking loud! Peter drags me to my room and...we find Lucy waiting.

"H-Hey...Got a minute?"

Peter rumbles lowly and I sigh.

"Sweetie, give us a sec."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. This will be quick. Then maybe we can finally eat."

He smacks his forehead.

"I knew I forgot something. Fear not..."

He kisses my cheek.

"I'll be back soon, dear."

He leaves and I close the door, looking at Lucy blankly.

"What do you want?"

She pats the bed, wanting me to sit with her. I don't move. She feels awkward now.

"Look, I want to apologize."

"Because you were told to. Do you even understand why I'm upset?"

She waves her hand around.

"Yeah yeah, I've heard it from you and him. You're Ace so you don't fuck and all that shit. It's still wrong for you to string your boyfriend along."

I rub my face.

"I'm not stringing Peter along. He is 100% aware of how things are and committed to a level system designed around easing me into being comfortable with intimacy. No one is being 'strung along'."

"So you're saying you WILL fuck him?"

I want to yell so bad. I lock the door much to her worry.

"Wait...Why are you...?"

"I'm gonna say this as simply as I can because you seem to not understand the difference between someone that is Ace and someone that is abstaining or celibate. Asexuality is when someone experiences little to no sexual attraction toward others. They might also have little to no desire to have sexual encounters, in general. That said, every asexual person is different in the way they approach sexual intimacy. Consider it more of a spectrum versus a concrete set of rules. Abstinence and celibacy are choices. Asexuality isn't!"

"Then why do you even have a boyfriend?"

"Oh gee, I dunno, maybe because I like the guy and companionship is still a thing. He makes me happy. Is that really so odd?"

"So you're not even attracted to him?"

I rub my brow to soothe a headache forming.

"I am in a different way than what you know. Let me give an example...Vio. You like him, right?"

"Yeah."

"And, take the friendship out of this for a moment, would you say he's attractive?"

"Well duh."

"But why do you think that? How is he attractive to you?"

"...You've seen him, right?"

"So his appearance. Anything else?"

"Well, have you seen the outline he's got? He's packing quite the prize down there."

"Is that all?"

She looks at me with slight confusion.

"Where are you going with this?"

"You basically described yourself as someone that is inclined to be aesthetically attracted to someone. Looks factor heavily in your choice of partner."

"I mean, do you wanna fuck a guy that looks like a dumpster fire?"

"No, but looks aren't my top priorities when being pulled to someone. I seek personality first. I don't care if you look like an Adonis, if you act like shit, I'm not interested. For me..."

I think of Peter and smile.

"I want to know the guy first. I want something that makes me feel things that I can't otherwise. I want to know my partner will be there for me if I need them. The deepest of intimate moments for me is just laying in each other's arms and listening to their heartbeat. *sigh* That's bliss to me."

"But what about sex?"

"What? Sexual attraction?"

I just shrug.

"Really? You want all that from someone but not the main event?"

"Wanting to have sex with someone is different from wanting a romantic relationship with them. Sexual attraction isn't the same as romantic attraction. Sexual desire is also different from romantic desire. One is the desire to have sex, while the other is about desiring a romantic relationship. I like to think of it like cake. Sexual desire is wanting to eat it. Romantic love is just enjoying how beautiful it looks."

She is trying to absorb all this but it really is difficult for most to grasp.

"So...You feel nothing down there? Not even a little?"

I look at her funny.

"Do you mean do I get horny?"

"Um...Yeah?"

"Eh, sometimes. Not much but it happens."

That gets her attention.

"What?!"

"Yeah. I said being Ace was little to no sexual attraction toward others and little to no desire to have sexual encounters. I never said Ace people can't get aroused."

She has a look of "just fucking shoot me" on her face. I sigh and lean on the door.

"There's a difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction. Libido, also known as your sex drive, is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it's a little like wanting to scratch an itch. Sexual desire is the desire to have sex, whether it's for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else. Sexual attraction involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them. Plenty of people who aren't asexual have a low libido, or they might not desire sex. Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex. Again, asexuality doesn't always mean someone doesn't enjoy sex. It just means they don't experience sexual attraction. There are many reasons why an asexual person might want to have sex. To satisfy their libido. To conceive children. To make their partner happy. To experience the physical pleasure of sex. To show and receive affection. For the sensual pleasure of sex, including touching and cuddling. But you get my point. Of course, some asexual people have little to no sex drive or sexual desire and that's also okay! Asexuality means different things to different people."

"...So Ace's can have sex?"

"Yes. As mentioned, some asexual people do have sex, because sexual desire is different from sexual attraction. In other words, you might not look at someone and feel the need to have sex with them, but you might still want to have sex. Every asexual person is different. Some might be repulsed by sex, some might feel nonchalant about it, and some might enjoy it. It all depends on the person and situation."

"Then...Even you might have sex?"

I shrug again.

"I dunno. I'm pretty indifferent to the idea. Might make it a marriage thing. Like...I guess if Peter and I really hit it off...Maybe? I mean, what kind of partner would that make me if I didn't help him out of I did something to get him all worked up?"

She gets up and comes over to me, giving me a weird vibe.

"Don't do that."

"...Do what?"

"Feel like you'll have to give sex out of obligation. If I can give you any advice, it's that. He can take care of his own hard-ons."

"Yeah, I know. We talk about this stuff. It's called healthy communication."

It's pretty much one of the few things healthy in our relationship.

She suddenly hugs me and I feel so uncomfortable. I'm usually the one that's physically expressive, not her. Hell, she didn't even shake my hand when we first met.

"Lulu? You okay?"

"My little Lynsie is growing up so fast!"

And just like that, I'm disliking being hugged.

*knock-knock*

"Everything okay, darling?"

"Did you guys have a catfight and leave us out of it? Not cool."

"What is wrong with you?"

"Don't lie. Two babes wrestling around, pulling hair, tearing clothes, biting and drawing blood...That shit is fucking hot."

The lack of response from Peter has me snickering. Naughty boy is thinking about it. Probably not in the same way as Vio but naughty nonetheless.

"You guys are dorks!"

Lucy lets me go and I unlock the door. Peter practically rushes in, tackling me to the ground while Vio chills in the hall with an amused smirk.

"You two finally get things settled?"

Lucy gives the punk a thumbs up.

"Good. I like my ladies to get along."

Peter flinches hearing that, picking me up along with him from the floor as my stomach growls.

"Is it lunchtime now?"

This is enough of a distraction.

"Forgive me, darling."

Peter takes off and I plop onto my bed.

"Are you two going to loom like vultures or what?"

"I might."

Vio speaks.

"I got a blunt with your name on it if you're up for it?"

Lucy tempts.

"Deal. Later, beasty."

"Have fun you two. And remember to use the air freshener. Don is not falling for the scented candle excuse."

I sigh with relief as I'm left alone for a moment. My body is happy to not be doing anything. It's been tense since waking up because of the bruising. If I can keep still for the rest of the day, that would be amazing.

"Here we go, darling..."

Of course with Peter practically attached to me, that's going to be nearly impossible.

"Is everything alright?"

He shuts the door as I take a moment to just breathe.

"Yeah. Just trying to take it easy."

He sits beside me, something making a light clattering sound.

"Are you still tender?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to feed you?"

I chuckle and sit up. Noting the bowel of stew in his hands.

"You don't have to do that."

"But I will if you want."

Awww...Sweet Peter melts my heart.

"How about this..."

I move to the other side of the bed and remove the warm layers I'm wearing before laying flat on my stomach when done.

"I feed myself while you be a sweetheart and try to make my boo-boos hurt less. Deal?"

His eyes are wide before partly lidding in a soft expression.

"I would be delighted to care for you, darling."

He scoots closer and hands me the bowel, letting me prop myself comfortably before putting his hands on me.

"You'll tell me if it hurts, right?"

I nod and start eating. He slowly begins messaging my legs, working his way from the calve to the thigh.

"My poor, darling...So tense."

*pop*

My knee is moved just right and I sigh in content from the pop.

"That felt good?"

"So good. You're doing wonderfully, sweetie."

He repeats the motion on my other leg and after a few tries...

*pop*

"Mmmm~..."

This is a good way to relax. A warm stew and gentle hands to make all the worries go away.

"*wince*"

"Sorry! Sorry...You're still really sensitive here."

His hands move away from my inner thighs and roam to my hips.

"I'm sorry I was so rough."

"I've already forgiven you."

"You're letting me off easy. I need to make it up to you."

He's being more careful with his touching. I purr while sipping broth.

"I wronged you and you not only forgive me, but you then make sure I don't get in trouble. My darling deserves a proper show of gratitude."

"It was nothing, dear. We're a couple. It's only right that I look out for you. Mr. Williams won't be troubling us, I'll see to it."

"*scoff* I think he should mind his own business. Just because he's lonely and bitter doesn't mean the rest of us have to be."

His fingers tread lightly along my sides and I squirm.

"Does it hurt?"

"N-No...Tickles a little."

He smirks and I show the bowel to end any tickle thoughts.

"Don't even think about it."

"Fair enough."

He returns to rub along my back and I savor it all. The peace, the warmth, the care, it's all so calming.

"*wince*"

"I think it's a stress knot. You need to be flat for this. It's right on the curve."

With not much left to feed on, I gulp the rest down and let him take it so I can lay down. With that taken care of, he adds some pressure to the knot and I'm clawing the bed in whimpers.

"I know, darling, I know it hurts. But it'll get better. You just gotta take it for a little longer. I know you can."

I nod and bite my tongue when he pushes hard into it. A sudden shift in the muscle gives and the flood of stars that fills my eyes is obscene...as is the sound that escapes my lips.

"Oh, darling..."

His weight is on top of me and his hands over mine, mouth practically panting by my ear.

"How am I supposed to hold myself back when you make such lewd sounds for me~?"

That ravenous tongue of his laps my nape, moving hair away till there's enough skin to clasp his mouth down on. My body reacts to the sensitive sensation, fingers lacing with his as I quiver against him and sigh his name. That's when the hickey becomes a full-on bite. I moan much to his growing enjoyment.

"You're so sensitive...Fuck, you drive me crazy..."

"Peter, please..."

He moves to bring my arms together and holds them by the wrists with one hand, his free hand snakes around my middle to keep me closer to him.

"I heard what you told Lucy..."

Oh...fuck...

"You truly meant it that night, didn't you? That you would try for me. You would try to be more okay with us making love if we reached that point. You meant it because you love me and you'll only be with the one you love, isn't that right?"

His tongue trails my jawline as his hips start moving. My face is turning all shades of red.

"I...I mean..."

"No lies, darling..."

He kisses my cheek.

"No more hiding or secrets. Remember?"

The look in his eyes, dark with loving lust, a weird mix but it makes me shudder.

"I...I would for you."

His mouth curves in hunger, a toothy grin of satisfaction. The motion of his hips pressing harder into grinding against my ass.

"Mmmmmm...I knew it...*groan* I knew you were perfect...I couldn't ask for a more perfect partner. And now that we're open...*shudder* I don't have to hold back in letting you know just how much I need you..."

His hand moves from my waist to hold my breast and I fight to suppress the unladylike feelings he's giving me.

"Your nipple's hard. *chuckle* My darling is being so naughty~."

Says the guy pawing me and driving me insane. I'd say something but if I were to open my mouth I don't think I could stop what comes out and that would likely only make him do more.

"I love how soft you are…And how your body reacts to me…Like it was meant solely for me and my touch…*moan* Fuck, I need more!"

He sits up, pulling me along to be on his lap, and keeps the hold as the grinding intensifies.

"Sing for me, darling..."

His hand pinches the hardened bud and I bite my lip hard.

"Let me hear your love for me~."

Between the grinding, the fondling, and the return of his biting at my neck...I come undone. His name rolling out of me in a shameful moan that gets me to smile a little seeing the look on his face from it.

"Heh...A b-bit more than what you b-bargained for there, huh sweetie?"

He shudders hard before stealing a deep passionate kiss that has me breathless. Fuck, this man leaves me utterly weak. The hand holding my wrists lets go, allowing me to grip his legs for support as his now free hand cups over my heated core.

"So warm...You're so fucking hot for me...*growl* God, I want to tear your pants off and shove my cock so deep inside you'll feel me in the back of your throat."

My mood turns and I stop everything.

"What did you just say?"

My sour tone catches him by surprise.

"Um...It was just dirty talk, darling. I can't really do that."

"No, dirty talk is fine. That word...I don't like that word."

He looks at me funny.

"...Cock?"

I groan and move away from him.

"Yeah, that one."

"Wait, what's wrong?"

I look at him blankly.

"*sigh* As much as I'm digging my own grave telling you this...I've learned there are a few choice words that completely turn me off. Cock is one."

His heart sinks.

"I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the mood."

"I know you didn't."

He hugs me apologetically.

"What are the other words? I don't want to do that again."

"Pretty much there's five and only if they're used in a sexual way does it bother me. Cock, pussy, daddy, mommy, and baby. Any of that said in a sexy way to me is like nails on a chalkboard my head."

He cringes and then looks puzzled.

"How did you learn those things turned you off?"

"Smutty fanfics. Really kills my buzz even in the best of stories."

The gears turn in his head.

"Did you write stuff like that in your stories?"

I pale a little.

"...Are those what the binders under the bed are?"

We stare at each other before he makes a break for it and I try to stop him...I fail. Years of writings hardly contained in six overstuffed binders that all started way back in middle school. Some I've rewritten out of displeasure of my skill at the time. Very few are complete. The ones that are, have pages that number in the hundreds. But there's so much content to look through that Peter isn't going to be done anytime soon, at least not by nightfall. I take this as the break I've needed and crash while he reads, answering questions when he has any. It's kinda nice actually. As nerve-wracking as it is to hear each piece of paper being flipped to the next one, it's nice that he's reviewing it. Granted he's probably stealing ideas to use on me but the feedback is sweet enough to let that slide. Eventually, I start to feel sleepy. Peter's still on the floor and reading his heart out. I can't help the smile I get as I join him, lying beside him with my head on his leg which earns me petting. Slowly I drift off. This was a strange day.

…

I stir from slumber shivering and now finding myself in bed. The lights are out, the window open, and Peter is gone. Maybe he had to go check on Rat? Or had to get something? Ugh...I shouldn't think so much. It'll wake my brain and I'll never get back to sleep. He'll be back. He always comes back. The clock is barely visible and reads one something. I gotta wake up in a few hours. I at the most get up to close the curtains and something outside moves. Trying to focus does little to nothing as whatever it was doesn't do anything to catch my sight again. Weird. Almost looked like something ducked into shrubbery across the way.

"Spooky."

The curtains get shut and I tuck myself back into bed. I'm not worried about it. With how Peter described his stalking, I don't have to worry about anything. Heh, he's like a guard dog. It's assuring. With a long cat-like yawn I let myself crash once more. Hoping to wake up to cuddling Peter.

…

(A figure emerges from the bushes)

(They seem too inquisitive for their own good)

(Scribbling notes in an old hardcover journal)

(Seems they are looking for clues, to what, who knows)

(Some secrets are best left unknown for reasons)

(They could be a problem)

[thanekrios]

A desert of his own

Summary: Shepard dreams of a dead planet. Irikah tells Kolyat a myth of creation. And Thane sees a desert.

Note: I wrote this many years ago. Posted it here when I was galifreyas, so the original post is lost. This is still up @ my much abandoned AO3.

Let us start with a planet that has been dead for centuries. Let us tell some fictions and some realities about it. It is up to you to believe which ones are true.

What about a woman who dreams of the deserts of Rakhana? Deserts carpeted with purple weeds that are inhabited by silvery lizards she has named the afa’el. In her dreams, the afa’el sing – no, that’s not what they do, the old melodies once sung by burning stars echo in them. Sometimes it sounds like they are humming and others, they appear to be reproducing three songs at once. She watches the ira, cactus-like succulents, glowing in announcement of the dawn of a new season as the cavernous voices of an ancient creature or a sinking sun make their way across the planet, from afa’el to afa’el and finally they reach her. She hears and understands their wordless mellow stories.

They tell her of the Endu, the biggest flower to ever exist in any world, which according to legend had bloomed in an unforgiving desert and was encountered by a group of nomads who sought it as a symbol of Arashu and built the biggest civilization around it.

She learns of how Rakhana came to be. How it was once a frozen egg, drifting away in the Sea of Stars, and how a maiden made of gold nourished it back to life.

The woman, whose name is Shepard, visits the great desert of Alasere religiously. She enjoys standing there, sinking her feet in a golden ocean, listening to the afa’el murmur words in Rakhani long forgotten.

She learns of fihanda, which roughly translates to the guilt a child feels when they recognize dishonesty in their parents or in an older authority figure. There is amuefto, the gift of finding beauty in a person and seeing it reflected in their faces, regardless of their looks. Taverena, an expression of gratitude only used when someone has made a true impact one’s life, making it out of the ordinary. And then, tah-sehe.

“I will miss you, Shepard. Tah-sehe,” had been the last thing she heard from Thane’s lips before he left the Normandy. For a while, she whispered tah-sehe to herself while embracing the mundane. It would fill the room in the form of a silly melody muttered while she watched the rain pour; or as a gurgling sound while she took a shower. It was imprinted on her mind. It isn’t until the afa’el sing morosely about the last chapter in their planet’s history, that she discovers tah-sehe is not a word to be said lightly.

She comes to understand why Thane, who turns the simplest of sentences into splendid verses, had felt it necessary to utter that word – because I will miss you was but a fragment of what he wished to convey. Tah-sehe meant more than to miss someone; it was a profound emotional state of infinite yearning, of not being able to experience life to the fullest, of having lost the most significant part of oneself. The concept originated during the great exodus of the 1980s, as the first generations of drell settled in Kahje carried the name of the tah’sehen, the ones who dwell in what’s lost.

It didn’t matter whether those were dreams weaved by longing. Tah’sehe migrated from her head to her heart.

During the days, as the Vancouver rain attempts to wash away her dreams, she convinces herself that if she can capture at least a fraction of the beauty of the deserts she wanders in and if she can translate it into a form, any form, the dormant planet of Rakhana will be awaken.

For a while, Shepard considers writing about every beast, plant and insect she has come across in her journeys but she has never been one to confuse her desires with her abilities. Writing, just like dancing, does not come naturally to her. And while she is a gifted saxophone player, she was never much of a composer. Yet, she tries.

Thane had caught her once practicing one of her unpolished pieces, one she referred to as “if calluses were a song, this would be it.” He had asked her to play it for him. She knew he’d listen, he’d truly listen, and not just that…he’d remember.

“Ugliness is abundant in this galaxy. Let’s not add up to it.” She said, putting down her sax.

“When you play, I hear a reminder of beauty and laughter and life. What you do is extraordinary, siha. To transform the dreadful slices of the universe, its eruptions and its vast darkness into a stream of ecstatic sounds, a blast of playful rhythms. You create things when there is but destruction around you. There is value in that. I hope you see it someday.”

Encouraged by his words, she composes a few songs that don’t come to even faintly remind her of the fierce and dry winds scattered across the planet. She can’t feel its vibrant colors in her slow and melancholic tunes, as they are permeated by the city she sees through her window and a sky that won’t stop weeping.

That is when she starts making terrariums resembling the deserts she visits. She thinks, if she is ever lucky enough to see Thane again, she’ll hand him a desert of his own. She can still hear him:

“I would much like to see a desert.”

* * *

After Kolyat leaves Huerta Memorial, so does Thane. He sees him walk away in a pristine white hallway and at the same time, a young Kolyat attempts to step on his father’s footprints. He can smell salt and iron and antiseptics and detergent, and hear machines beeping and waves crashing. Kolyat is saying something, he wants to be heard, but what might have been the most important words ever spoken are drowned by the roaring of the sea. He just stares at him and waits for his father to react and after a pause, disappointment is written all over his face. Thane asks him to hurry up and a young Kolyat walks reluctantly towards him, this time ignoring the trail of footprints left by his father.

He wishes his recollections were malleable, he often hears of humans enriching their past with fictions; or of conflicts among them springing from a poor recollection of events. But a drell’s memories are unforgiving –they can, on occasion, overlap with reality–but never be rewritten.

His mind takes him to that same evening, after Kolyat asked him to dance with him but he refused, as he was getting ready to go to work. He doesn’t see blighted hope but despondency in his child. Kolyat still wishes him a pleasant journey, as he always does, and runs to his room. He should have kissed his forehead. He should have made him feel like he was the brightest sun in the Zahel Sea cluster, the most vital spring of energy in his life.

As he is lacing up his shoes, he hears Irikah’s voice. Whenever she puts Kolyat to bed, her voice is soft and gentle. Like most nights, she is telling him a story. Irikah was always the better storyteller. Irikah was always the better everything.

“Now as everybody knows, the Land of Whistling Dunes was the child of a maiden made of gold, whose heart’s one desire was to drink from the Sea of Stars” says Irikah.

“The Milky Way” Kolyat mouths the words as his mother speaks them.

Irikah nods gently before continuing her story:

“The maiden, who shoned in silence in the skies, knew her womb was barren for a blazing flame lived inside of her. She watched the ages pass and her younger sisters descend to the Sea and drink from its starry tides; and one by one, they all bore and gave birth to the Sea’s children. And as eons passed, the children danced around their mothers; and the mothers swayed gently in the Sea.

The maiden, lonely and scorching, continued to long for the Sea’s kiss, until the day all eyes turned to the death of her older sister, whose cries of pain were carried by the waves, scattering them across the galaxy. And with her passing, her children came to perish too. It was then the maiden dove into the Sea of Stars and gulped its darkness greedily, for she desired children of her own.

The waves whipped her mercilessly as punishment for her insolence, tearing her flesh open. But the maiden didn’t yield; she drank until no more fire dripped from her mouth, she drank until the tides had dragged her sisters and nieces and she had swallowed them whole, she drank until the radiant sea was almost pitch-black.”

Irikah pauses. Something is happening.

Thane hears a gasp that doesn’t fit in their house, it doesn’t belong in the past. A horrified gasp. He recognizes the padding of shoe soles brushing against the floor and the sharp rhythmic piercing sounds of heels. There are many of them. Nurses, patients, visitors, doctors. They’re gathering near him. A man raises his voice, demanding everyone to be quiet. Another voice protests, only to be followed by Doctor Michel shushing the crowd and asking someone to turn down their hand terminal’s sound, so everyone can listen to the same thing.

Then, Irikah’s narration comes to him in long, heavy echoes.

He wants to be home as much as he wants to discover what is happening around his body. He can feel reality piercing its way through, the white pristine light of Huerta Memorial filtering through a crack in the wall he always meant to fix. Another voice slides in, distant and resonant, and he can’t make out what it says. He ignores it. He needs to hear the end of Irikah’s tale. That memory must remain unspoiled, uninterrupted. It’s the last story he ever hears her tell.

He hangs onto it; everything else must wait just a little longer.

“The Sea, heartbroken after witnessing the death of so many of his kin, felt conflicted as he desired retribution but didn’t wish to feel emptiness any further. He then presented the maiden with a choice: he would spare her life if she looked after an egg that had lost its guardian centuries ago; and if she was able to give life to a daughter who existed suspended in a shell of ice and yearned to see the light, her crimes would be forgiven. As the maiden accepted his offer, the pale egg rose up out of the sea. She held it tight, keeping it warm until the day it hatched and came to love it. And so, a winged silvery lizard was born. Her name was Rakhana.”

“Reports are coming in from the cities of London, Seoul and Vancouv—“

She is almost done. Let her finish.

“It’s said that Rakhana’s mother could not stand her daughter flying far away from her, for she was terrified that her only companion would abandon her. So Rakhana, who very much loved her mother and wished to make her proud, danced near her despite the sultriness she felt around her. Eventually, her entire body blushed with red desert flowers and her skin blistered and turned hot and dry. The lizard curled up and fell into a deep slumber as her skin turned to soil; and her breath became wind; and from her backbone a mountain range was born; and while she gave life to many, she failed to save them from the maiden’s fire. And so, Rakhana’s body continued dancing around her mother and her mother swayed gen...”

He sees a large group of people gathered a few feet away from where he is sitting. It takes him a moment to put together the pieces of the situation, of what it is being broadcasted through every terminal, of why Doctor Michel is shaking while she buries her face in her hands.

A myth of creation is replaced by news of destruction.

* * *

Thane always enjoyed looking at her fish. Once more, he sees them travel with glee from one side of the tank to the other. He used to feed them whenever she forgot, which was more often than she would care to admit. Half a lifetime ago.

He presses one of his fingertips against the fish tank’s glass and draws small invisible circles. A Thessian Sunfish follows his finger, even when he begins to trace unpredictable shapes. Shepard can’t see his face but she likes to think he’s grinning, greeting his old friends.

From all the stories and words that spun inside her head, tah-sehe is the only one she has felt pounding violently inside her. She wonders, even if she doesn’t know its true meaning, if perhaps there’s a word that encases an opposite feeling, the sensation of her chest being cluttered with emotions; and the impulse she is struggling to oppress, of talking about everything at once, the things she has seen and done and felt. And on the same time, she doesn’t want to talk at all, she wants to reach out and touch and caress and experience.

So, she asks.

“Is there a word in Rakhani for…this? Say…what you feel when you are reunited with someone? Like you with the fish right now.”

Thane turns around slowly; his hands are behind his back. The hint of a smile turns the corners of his mouth.

“I believe the closest word is sehifa. Even though I wouldn’t use it to describe my reunion with the fish. Is there a similar word in human language?”

“I don’t know if there’s a word for it in one of the human languages, but there isn’t one in English. At least the translator didn’t find an equivalent.”

“Ah. I see. Sehifa is a hard concept to condense into a single word. Perhaps it can be defined as the dusk of missing someone. Although it means more than that. It also refers to what you feel and what you do when you are reunited. The emotional closeness that is rekindled. Perhaps even physical intimacy. The warmth you feel in your chest. And what is exchanged. A memento or a present perhaps. Even the stories that your loved one wished to tell you for a long time, when they are finally said out loud and heard by the person who was meant to hear them. How each action or touch is meaningful.”

The dusk of missing someone. That’s it. That’s what it is.

Her cheeks feel warm and her heart full. She smiles the brightest of smiles and starts to laugh. It is a deep, explosive burst of laughter. The sort that seems to pour out like liquid gold to illuminate an entire room.

When Shepard runs out of laughter, she holds his gaze:

“I have something for you. A memento or a present or something of sorts.” She disappears for a couple of seconds and emerges from the bathroom holding something round made of crystal, around the same size as a fishbowl. “Remember what you told me? About creating? It’s funny. All this time I believed all I could ever make were bad songs. But in truth, there were worlds I could create. I can’t really share them with you, not with words at least, so I made a thing. It’s not really finished and it’s not as pretty as what it looked in my dreams but reality rarely pairs up with your expectations, right? I wanted to work on it for a while longer but, after what you just said, I just can’t wait anymore. Here.”

She shakes her head and hands it to him.

Thane holds it up.

It’s a terrarium.

She had created a harmonic ecosystem, filled with lively-colored succulents and cacti, each of them she handpicked herself to resemble the desert of Alasere. She knows that Rakhana will remain arid and dormant; and the worlds that live inside of her aren’t supposed to be more than just dreams. Yet, somehow, Thane is holding a slice of one of them between his hands. One of the things he wished he could see with his own eyes has come to him. In a way, a dream they dreamt of together became real.

He puts the terrarium down with care, next to her terminal, and he reaches over and cups her cheeks with both hands. He calls her by her first name, as he rarely does. He leans down and presses his forehead against hers. He smiles a very rare smile. He is somehow doing it with his entire face. His eyes are deep pools of bliss and warmth and tenderness.

“A desert” he says. She can even hear the smile in his voice.

She nods calmly. He knows Shepard is good at locking her nostalgia away behind more curtains than just her eyelids, but right then, her voice breaks.

“I really wanted you to see that desert, Thane.”

He utters a word in Rakhani used to convey a specific form of gratitude. And while taverena escapes from his lips, Shepard hears him say:

“Thank you for giving me the extraordinary.”

[mannien]

Mornings in Sheffield Park | TH - PROLOGUE

The one with graduation, daisies and carnations, and a hopeless emotional addiction.

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: some stress and anxiety here and there

Some feelings are addictive. It’s easy to get used to the way something tingles with excitement, warms up with passion, or stings with powerful adrenaline rush. People get comfortable with feelings known and desired and more often than not, they turn them into coping mechanisms. Whatever sticks their wobbly pieces together the longest, is the ultimate solution. Feelings don’t need to be entirely positive or with pure intentions behind them. As long as they cover up the shattered pieces, they stay. They may enhance some experiences, especially when someone decides to stick with something as simple as joy. But some make life more difficult than it seems; they mess up the timeline and allow people to feel so many wrong things before reaching the truth.

An array of emotions weaves through fresh university graduates. A sense of freedom and relief is somewhat clouded by fear or excitement. Someone has an internship lined up, their friends take a year to travel across Europe, a roommate has an apprenticeship at their next job. Others might take things slow and see what the future holds, while some students get prepared to have a fresh start. The overall unknown seems to be the underlying tone in the speeches during the graduation ceremony, but each person in polished shoes and with a rapid heartbeat subconsciously sticks to a feeling that makes them feel more at ease.

Students of each program are called on stage. Every little success along the way is cradled into slippery hats and fitted gowns with the university’s subtle emblem on the front. The audience is sitting on the large balcony above the graduates. People clap with appreciation at each young person walking across the wooden floor and shaking the chancellor’s hand. Some receive a more enthusiastic applause, sometimes even a roar of cheers. As the long queue of journalism graduates makes its way through the hall, the names are listed rapidly. Students walk as if they were a part of an assembly line, trying their best not to delay the process of the nerve-wracking hand-shaking and walking without tripping. The last are always graduates with exceptional results, so the crowds are encouraged to clap vigorously. And that’s what’s heard when the eyes of two women in the audience are focused on the proud figure walking on stage: the loudest cheers of the afternoon so far.

“Remind me, why aren’t we screaming for your boyfriend, and the whole department of journalism is?” A questioning voice surprised Millie so much that she jumped in her seat.

“I’m nervous, Thea. That’s why.”

She stated the obvious. Millie Beaver was the one to frantically fix the sleeves of her gown as a nervous tick. She got up early that morning, dreading the day full of polished festivities and exaggerated elegance requested upon a bunch of tired, educated enough people. The pride in successfully finishing her studies was yet to come; her body was rather keen on reacting dramatically to the large crowds of scholars, pupils and their families. The dread of participating in an unrehearsed event like this clouded her brain and made her focus solely on not loosing it. Though she wouldn’t dare admit it to the smiling man, who was just about to shake some hands on stage. The confidence he wore on his face was something she was used to seeing, even in the least favourable scenarios.

“I still don’t get it, how some people are born so talented that they don’t need to work their asses off to get somewhere,” she shrugged, making her tight black curls shake with her head, “I mean, the hours we spent on reading and researching…”

“I guess we’re just different.”

“Different? It’s not fair, that’s what it is. Patriarchy at its finest.”

The comment made Millie laugh and release some of the tension. Her eyes followed Franklin into the side corridor, where a little crowd of his friends formed a circle around him – the star of the department - before continuing into their seats. His cheerful stance made her bit her lip in excitement; for a moment, she tried to forget about whatever was said through the speakers. She genuinely wanted to be feel happy for him and his academic achievements. After all, she spent previous months on watching him get to the top of their classes almost effortlessly, as if he was born to be talked about by the teachers.

Millie felt her heart speed up at the thought that he might start searching for her for a little cheer, or even a tiny wave of support. But Frank sat down and continued to enjoy his fame, and Thea started to pull her up from the wooden chair.

“Come on, it’s our turn.”

She followed her friend and attempted to smooth out the heavy gown. Her light brown hair flowed as she walked, making her nervously fix it every now and then. She turned to the very end of the queue to find Jane, who wore a wide smile. They made eye contact and the blonde sent her a half-smile, knowing that they are almost through the tough part. It calmed Millie to know that she had her support system, not only up in the balcony, but also somewhere among the students of literary and media studies. At one point she feared that her nightmare of falling off the stage will become reality, but as a surprise to her and her close ones, clumsy Millie walked gracefully and with pride painted across her face.

Mission accomplished: she made it through college without falling.

The main floor of the event hall once again filled with students, their peers, and families. Loud chatter was heard across the building as people were celebrating the achievements of the year’s graduates. Some of the groups moved outside and took in the chilly London air. It smelled of rain and freedom, clouded with light grey pillows in the sky.

The three girls tried to make it through the crowds of chatting people in search for the perfect spot to take pictures together. Jane wore the highest heels of them all, so she was designated to lead them to the wall with the logo of the university. In a tight weave of pinkie fingers, they rushed through the hall just as they would through a college party. Millie felt dizzy from the sea of the same black gowns surrounding them from every angle. Some people waved at them, so she kept her smile wide and left Thea – with her one hand free – to the waving back duty. Their secure escape led them safely to the back wall on the side of the entrance, where some of the students usually found peace between classes and sat down on the floor, watching over the busy entrance to the building during the semester. The carpet remembered a lot of spilled coffees and teas in the wobbly little cups purchased from the cafeteria inside. Millie let out a breath of relief, seeing that only a couple of students found this spot perfect for keeping the memories.

“Hey, congrats! We’re graduates!” Jane welcomed the group that was finishing their poses in front of the wall.

Thea laughed with them, but desperately waved her hand in front of her reddening face to cool off.

“I hate your speed in heels. That was too fast!”

“Don’t worry, at least you don’t have to run to the Linguistics ever again.” Millie pulled her little bag from underneath the gown and looked for a sheet of paper with old notes. As long as Jane was busy chatting up other students, the other two tackled the makeshift air conditioning to prevent Thea’s makeup from running.

“Okay, are we ready for some iPhone memories?” The sound of a snapshot stopped Millie from frantically fanning their friend’s face.

“You sound ready. Do you have a tripod or a selfie stick, though? I want to have a picture with all of you.”

“We could still catch that group and ask someone to snap a few?”

“I’m not running anywhere, I’ve just fixed my face!” Thea puffed her cheeks and did a few more waves around them, certainly for an enhanced dramatic effect.

“Then don’t run anywhere, I’ll call my mom to come here, she’s probably out for a smoke anyway.”

“You really want to have your graduation pictures taken by your mom?” Thea and Millie chuckled at Jane’s resigned sigh. “Maybe Frank could come here? I trust his steady hands more.”

“He was supposed to go to the student’s office after the ceremony. Honours and stuff.” Millie pursed her lips.

“Right when we need him! What a boyfriend.”

“Jane!”

“Do you need a hand, girls?”

A sudden male voice stopped the rising argument and made the three of them look into the corridor. He welcomed them with a warm smile and soft wrinkles by his eyes. With a small bunch of colourful flowers, he stood out in casual, non-graduate clothes, yet with similar youthfulness to him.

“I’m not my brother but I can take a straight picture in focus.”

“What the fuck?” Millie covered her mouth in shock. Hesitantly, she took one step away from Jane and Thea, afraid of her next reaction. “What the actual fuck are you doing here?”

“I came to my friend’s graduation, fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m serious!” She raised her voice and made her way over to him, meeting his steps somewhere in the middle of the distance. He was smiling at her stupidly and she couldn’t stop herself from mirroring his reaction.

“I’m serious too, you made it! That’s so cool!” He opened his arms and invited her in, with a small encouragement of his waving hand.

One of the most addictive feelings are those of an utter comfort and safety. This teasing sparkle making your insides warm up and encouraging you to be a little more positive. That’s precisely what Millie felt when she was engulfed in a tight hug by her childhood best friend. Tom held her tightly across her back and swayed them side to side, earning a hearty laugh from the girl who was now, shining. She felt a sense of genuine relief once he squeezed her in reassurance; her brotherly figure showed up, so she was finally able to relax. Suddenly everything felt easy and perfect. All of the stress, fear of the unknown, anxiety about the grand event of the day, and the rest of damaging emotions slowed down their tempo in her veins, simply because she was home. Her smile swiftly changed into more prominent and definitely brighter by a shade or two. As he held her close, he could feel Millie’s warmth suddenly radiate through his body, making his eyes twinkle with joy because of this very girl.

“Congratulations, Minnie Mouse, I’m so proud of you,” he whispered next to her ear, cautious of what others may hear from their little exchange. She did not need any more nerves weighting her down, so he decided not to make a big scene – even though he definitely wanted to tease her worrying head and make sure she’s having a good time. “you’re all grown up now, so I got you flowers.”

“Oh, so otherwise you wouldn’t?” Millie shook his head, but accepted a small bouquet of carnations and daisies.

“Nah, I know you hate flowers.” He winked at her and put his arm around Millie’s arms, tucking her into his side a little too tightly.

“Absolutely. Thanks Tom, I’ll throw them out after the pictures.”

“Go ahead,” He tucked her in even more, making her squirm in discomfort. It was one of their things, to squeeze one another too tight. It made them feel connected as if they were siblings. They knew how sibling love worked, Tom having three younger brothers and Millie being the youngest of three sisters, but it was refreshing to have it a little spiced up. She let out a shy laugh and pushed him away before taking the delicate bunch from him. She lost the smell of his familiar perfume and took a breath. Once he extended his hand to Millie’s friends, he was back to his public confidence and charm. “Hey! Thea and Jane, right?”

They took an intimidating number of pictures; some of them good enough to share with people, other more fitting into a private photo album filled with silly, heart-warming memories. The group shared a lot of easy laughs together; Millie’s girlfriends eased into the lightly flowing chatter with Tom in no time. It made her sink into the bubble of comfort and light; she was smiling brightly when they reached the entrance to the building. Tom opened the glass door for all of them. A slightly chilly air hit Millie in her blushing cheeks and slowed down the pinky glow spreading across her cheekbones. Somewhere in the distance she noticed her parents lurking excitedly at the group and waving them over expectantly.

There was this heaviness slowing her down and taking up an excess of space in the back of her mind. As they were making their way across the university’s main square, Millie slowly turned her head to the side. She perked up at the sound of loud cheers and noticed a familiar group of students. Among them, there was Frank—laughing and hugging people from his department—and he definitely enjoyed being in the centre of attention. She was sure he didn’t even notice her walking by, but she didn’t want it to affect her as much as it was going to.

In turn, what she didn’t think of was the attention someone would give to her best friend: the smiling, cheerful young man, who was shamelessly chatting up Millie, Thea and Jane.

“Oh my God, is that Tom Holland?”

This simple question, raised somewhere from the group of journalism graduates, didn’t surprise Tom. However, it definitely rose the hairs on the back of Millie’s neck. Though he brushed it off and sent her a reassuring smile, Millie felt panic flowing through her veins. They both knew it could happen, but Tom seemed to be focused more on making her a priority, rather than fearing being recognized as the famous actor. He watched her reaction, now fully aware of her boyfriend emerging from the crowd and skipping towards them.

“Hey, I was trying to find you earlier,” he brushed his hand through his dark blonde hair and gave her a brief smile, before turning excitedly to Tom. “Hey man, I didn’t know you were coming!”

“We just went to…” she paused, seeing as he was already extending his hand towards her friend. “…take pictures.”

“The girls had a nice little photoshoot back inside.” Tom cut short his smile, raising the side of his mouth only to her. He accepted Frank’s handshake but didn’t allow it to turn into a bro-hug. It was fairly easy to read their body language; Franklin tried his best to seem friendly with his girlfriend’s celebrity friend, but the said celebrity was too kind to allow his cheekiness outshine Millie’s comfort zone. Jane and Thea turned their heads away at the sight of palms squeezing a little too tight for a friendly greeting. Frank’s friends and a couple other bystanders watched the exchange with prying eyes, and Millie let out a frustrated groan at the unnecessary tension.

“Cool, cool. Can I steal my girl for a moment?”

Frank didn’t wait for an answer, but rather just took her hand and pulled her to the side, hiding slightly behind the group of people. He fixed the tinsel attached to her hat and winked at her, giving her his full attention. He looked at her with his gleaming blue eyes and made her smile at the intimate moment.

“You good, sweetie?”

“Yeah, just fine.”

“Good. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Are your parents here? I haven’t seen them.” She looked around, trying to find his mom’s flowing blonde hair.

“They went to get the table at the restaurant nearby. Wanna join us?” He searched her face and leaned in closer, brushing his nose against hers. Millie laid her hand on his shoulder and allowed him into her little space.

“Why are you asking me to choose between our parents?” She chuckled, but patiently waited for his reaction. “Could we all spend time together, at least once?”

“I told you, it’s not a good idea,” Frank brushed his lips against Millie’s, slowly easing her into him and making her return the kiss. “you can ask Tom to come to the party tonight, it’ll be fun.”

“No promises.”

They shared a few more kisses that left Millie breathless - Franklin wasn’t usually the one to publicly show his affection, so she craved anything he willing to give her. She smiled up at him and let him go, happy that he took the minute to catch up with her.

With one last wave of his hand, Frank joined his party. Although he was instantly pulled into celebratory pictures, he couldn’t help but watch Millie walk away; she joined Jane and Thea in a heart-warming group hug. She was just sweet like this: sticking to her people, making sure everyone’s happy, and embracing all the kindness in the simplest actions. Franklin smiled to himself at the sound of her cheerful laugh and turned back to his friends, but then he noticed the source of her laugh. Her and Tom did a barely-there joyful dance, raising their hands and curtseying to her parents. Alfred, her dad, patted him on the back and shook his hand vigorously, while Millie was being squeezed by her mom.

People from Frank’s department praised him for having any kind of relationship with Tom Holland. Frank watched Tom’s joyous exchange with his girlfriend. Tom was proudly paying attention to his best friend, and Millie’s cheeks were hurting from the smiles. She was content and felt at ease. She was sure that her heart was filled to the brim with love and comfort.

Yes, being addicted to feelings is difficult. It holds people hostage in the arms of the sole premise of positive emotional experiences. It’s also blinding for the addicts, making the loss of certain feelings hurt more than it should. Addiction feeds off the weak, the confused, and the uncertain. It eats them up alive and strives to receive more and more satisfaction. It allows for the illusion of reality, so that the addicts can project certain feelings onto their consciousness. They live in their bubbles of unruly contentment and often forget to look into their souls and perform a regular check-up.

Millie was an addict.

***

Please let me know what you think!

tagged: @peeterparkr @katieraven @kozybear @sunsetholland @hey-marlie @lauras-collection @cunaeparker @constellationsv @heyhihellowhatsup0

[emma-nation]

The Devil In I - Bela x OC (Resident Evil Village AU) - Chapter 7

“Step inside, see the Devil in I”

Summary: Aleena Novak is a 19 years old orphan who desired more than living in a village in the middle of nowhere. A talented artist with a big future ahead, she gets the scholarship of her dreams in United States. But everything changes when her twin brother, Auryk, steals an important artifact from Castle Dimitrescu.

In this adventure, Aleena will find way more than she expected.

“You’ll realize I’m not your Devil anymore”

Pairing: Bela Dimitrescu x f!OC

Genre: Between T and M (Trigger warning for violence, blood, abuse and eventual smut)

Tag List: @nydeiri

Notes: Thank you for all the reviews, follows and likes! It means a lot to me.

Trigger Warning: Language, abuse, blood and violence.

Castle Dimitrescu, Guest Room - Present Days

Two days had passed and I was still trying to process what was happening. How could my life change so drastically again? I could no longer count on my twin brother, who I considered to be my best friend, the person I trusted the most in the entire world. I was filled by the same emptiness, the same sorrow I felt when my mother died. My life was in the palm of his hands and he was letting me go.

"Relax your shoulders, love," Bela whispered softly in my ear. "You're so tense."

Bela was the only person who still made me smile in the middle of all that chaos. She was helping me to find any clues in the diaries, about Miranda and about Auryk too. But for that, we had to work really fast.

We were sneaking back in the village everyday, it wasn't safe to bring those notes to the castle where Bela's mother and sisters could easily find. I prayed the weather wouldn't change and temperatures remained high. In another case, we wouldn't be able to go to my house again and my time with Lady Dimitrescu was running out.

Meanwhile, we were also working on overcoming my intimacy issues. Being intimate without having sex yet. First, we undressed each other completely. I had to know her body and allow her to know mine. I looked at the perfection of Bela's features for a second, before I was invaded by a mix of embarrassment and discomfort. It was the first time I was seeing a woman, completely naked, in front of me.

When I looked at her again, she was gazing at my body like if she was admiring a masterpiece in an art exhibit. At first, I was shy. I blushed and crossed my arms, as if I had any reasons to hide myself. Bela smiled. In that moment I knew she was appreciating me and that made me feel better.

"You're gorgeous, aren't you?" Bela lifted up my chin, forcing me to look at her, to see it in her eyes she was being truthful on her words.

"No more than you," I gathered some courage to move forward and extend my hand, touching a little bit of her soft skin, her arms, her chest, her stomach... then I stopped.

"This is okay," she assured me. But she understood that, in that moment, it was enough for me.

We both entered the bathtub, where I positioned myself in front of Bela and allowed her to take care of me. She gently rubbed my body with a sponge, starting by my back. Then, she moved to my front, rubbing my breasts, my stomach, my tights. Though we were in silence, she seemed to understand my limits, my barriers. Noticing how stressed I looked, she decided to give me a massage. I relaxed my shoulders as she told, focusing myself completely on our moment together.

"It's my turn," I told her. "Let me take care of you?"

Bela nodded and switched positions with me. I offered her the same treatment she gave me, but I wasn't so confident, so precise. My shaking hands would often betray me and I was unsure if I was being too gentle or too rough. Yet, she seemed to be enjoying it. I gave a special attention on washing her hair, it was so beautiful, so soft. The way it barely grew on the spot around her scar was a sin. I hated Miranda even more for that.

She rested her head against my chest as I continued to massage her scalp.

"Does it hurt?" I softly traced her scar with my finger.

"It stings sometimes," she sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"Does it hurt?" Bela repeated my gesture, tracing the scar on my forearm.

"No," she never asked, yet I felt I should tell her how it happened. "Adrian told me he found me in the basement cutting myself, right after my mom died. But I don't remember."

"Trauma can block some painful memories."

I knew that very well. I realized how little I remembered the days after my mother's death. My last memory was seeing her mangled body being carried inside our house. Nothing else. I didn't remember her burial or if I managed to say goodbye. I couldn't remember if we had people visiting us or if I was alone with my father. Everything about those terrible days was a blur.

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Office - Present Days

When Lady Dimitrescu called her daughters for a private meeting that morning, Bela couldn't help feeling anxious and scared. Her mother was usually a woman of her word, but when it came to her reputation with Mother Miranda, she'd become completely blind by rage. Alcina really believed her when she suggested Aleena's brother could be responsible for stealing the Lords and also for the attack to the castle, even when the evidences pointed to the opposite.

"I told you so," while they waited outside, Cassandra was smirking deviously. She was determined to do anything to annoy Bela right in the morning. "It won't well for you. Our mother can't betray Mother Miranda and the other Lords because you've fallen in love with a stupid human girl."

"Shut up," Bela decided she wouldn't give in to her provocations. It was Cassandra's favorite manner to extract information from her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think we're stupid?" Still, her sister wouldn't stop. "Everyone, except for our mother, has noticed already. Me, Daniela, even Mrs. Volkov. Tell me, Bela. Will you keep pretending when we serve her on a silver plate tonight?"

Bela advanced in her sister's direction. Cassandra quickly dissolved into flies, she did the same. The corridor was a mess of flying insects and buzzing for a few minutes, before they had to shape back into their bodies. Now, she'd finally have the chance to inflict her sister some pain. She pinned Cassandra against the wall.

"Stop, you two," Daniela tried to intervene. "What the hell are you doing?"

Cassandra tried to throw a punch, but Bela was a little faster on her reflects, she grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm.

"What's your problem, Cassandra?" Bela angered. "You can't stand the idea she wasn't one of your trophy maidens, isn't it? Just leave me alone. Leave her alone too."

In that moment, they heard the door opening. Lady Dimitrescu appeared in the corridor, with an ugly snarl on her face.

"What the hell is going on here?" She yelled. "I thought I had daughters, but then I come here and you two are fighting like animals."

Daniela sighed relieved. This time, she wasn't included.

"I'm sorry, mother," Cassandra straightened her dress. "It's Bela who's being a bitch."

"You started it," Bela tried to grab her hair, but she deflected. "You're insulting me from the moment I arrived."

"The three of you! In my office, now!"

Bela couldn't feel guilty this time. Something inside her had changed. She didn't care if her mother was disappointed at her behavior, absolutely no one would touch Aleena. Especially Cassandra.

"It's all about that girl, mother," the middle sister proceeded to tell Alcina. "Bela is in love with her. They've been making out around the castle all the time."

"And this is none of your goddamn business!"

"It is, when your actions are putting us all in danger! Her brother..."

"Stop!" Lady Dimitrescu shouted, making they both go silent. "Is it going to be like this anytime a new woman steps inside this castle?"

No. Not for Bela. She didn't care about other women. Cassandra could have them if she wanted, as long as she stayed away from her girlfriend.

"I agree," Cassandra continued. "It has to end. I vote that we drain her tonight."

"CASSANDRA!" Alcina punched the desk, making her stop instantly. "I didn't call you here to talk about this girl."

A part of Bela was relieved, but she when her eyes crossed with her mother's, the feeling of anxiety started growing inside her. Now she knew about her relationship with Aleena. And her sisters too. She couldn't predict how they'd react.

"I'm going to another meeting with Mother Miranda tonight. I expect to find this castle intact when I return. If I discover my daughters are fighting in my absence, I'll be truly disappointed."

"Yes, mother," Daniela said. "No one is going to fight anymore. Right?"

Cassandra rolled her eyes at the youngest sister. Bela only gave her an annoyed look.

So that was the reason of their visit to Lady Dimitrescu's office. For now, Aleena was safe. They still had a few days to gather information about Mother Miranda and whatever she was planning. Bela was about to leave after her sisters when her mother called her back. She froze.

"Bela, you stay. We need to talk."

"Yes, mother?" She sat in front of her mother again.

"What were you and Cassandra fighting about?"

"I-I... uh, it's true. I'm in love with Aleena."

Bela decided it was time to stop lying. After all her mother was the person she trusted the most in this world, besides Aleena. Lady Dimitrescu stared at her face emotionless. Bela couldn't figure out what she could be thinking. She looked down, avoiding her mother's intense gaze.

"It's different this time," she explained. Although Alcina never bothered when they got involved with women, she hated the mess it usually caused. Sometimes Cassandra would slaughter her partners in her bedroom or some other place too hard to be cleaned. Daniela fell in love too easily, always having her heart broken when she discovered the subject of her affection was only using her to escape the castle and the fate every servant usually had. In this process, a lot of other things would break too. Such as the castle's furniture and the servant's bones. "I'm doing things right. I even asked her to be my girlfriend."

Bela wouldn't get involved with women so often as her sisters, but when she did, it surely never ended well. They'd become disappointed when they found out she didn't reciprocate their feelings. There would be a lot of arguing, tears and some of them would even dare to call her mother for a talk. In the end, they always died anyways.

She had never been in love before. Until now.

"Girlfriend?!" Lady Dimitrescu eyes widened in surprise and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. Bela finally knew what what her mother should be thinking about. The woman she once loved. "Oh Bela..."

"She makes me happy, mother. Like I've never been before."

"And this is exactly what concerns me, daughter. You know how it ends."

"It doesn't have to end that way. I'm controlling my instincts very well and..."

"But she's human and young. She's going to study abroad, meet new people who are just like her. Then, she'll forget you ever existed."

That was the one thing Bela had accepted since the moment she decided to kiss Aleena. Soon, they'd be saying goodbye and there would be nothing left for her, only the memories. Yet, it was worthy. Every moment by Aleena's side was precious.

"I know that," she assured Lady Dimitrescu. "Mother, the only thing I want is your word you're letting her go by the end of this week. Whatever her brother did, Aleena's innocent."

"Okay, daughter," her mother's hand touched hers. The corners of her mouth curled up in a small smile. "I promise you. As long as you promise me you and Cassandra will stop fighting."

"Okay, I'll ignore her provocations. I promise."

"You know your sister, Bela. Cassandra is very attached to our family. She's only jealous most of your attention is being dedicated to Aleena."

"Yeah, I know."

Bela held her mother's hand and smiled back at her.

"Girlfriend..." she was still muttering to herself and shaking her head in denial as Bela stood up and started to walk away. "Well, I suppose there were worse options."

As she opened the office's door, ready to leave, Alcina spoke:

"Bela, take care."

"I will."

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Guest Room - Present Days

I asked my breakfast to be served in my room. Going to the dining room all by myself was pointless, as Bela and her sisters were reunited with their mother in her office. I wondered what they could be discussing. Was it about me or Auryk?

Anyways, our time was running out. I only had until the end of the week to prove my brother's innocence and expose Miranda's betrayal against the Four Lords. There was only one problem, if Auryk wasn't stealing from the Lords, he wasn't involved in something good either. The manner he spoke to me on the phone, it seemed dangerous and secretive.

And there was Bela. Everytime I remembered the page I ripped off from those diaries I'd feel my chest tightening a little bit. I wouldn't let my brother, and whoever he was working for, lay a finger on her. From the moment I arrived, she was nothing but sweet to me. She always did everything to protect me and I was willing to do the same.

Mrs. Volkov entered the room, bringing a tray of food. She locked the door behind her.

"Ms. Novak, I'd like to speak to you in private for a moment," she asked.

I nodded in agreement.

"I couldn't help noticing Ms. Bela coming and leaving this room very often lately."

"Yes," now I could understand why Cassandra was always threatening the staff with her knifes. Even if Mrs. Volkov was trying to protect me, what I did inside my room was none of her business. I feared she'd tell Alcina. "We're working on a personal issue of mine. And I'd appreciate if this information stays between us only."

"My mouth is shut, Ms. Novak. I only beg you to be careful, I've seen many girls like you going missing or being dragged to the dungeons after getting involved with the mistress' daughters."

Of course she had to remind me of the fact my girlfriend probably has had enough partners to fill both sides of a book page.

"Thank you for your concern."

And of course she had to run right into 'Ms. Bela' as she opened the door to leave.

"Mrs. Volkov," she greeted, polite as she always was. Sometimes I wondered if Bela was so well mannered even when she was killing her victims. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Everything's fine, Ms. Bela. I was only serving Ms. Novak her breakfast."

"Thank you. I suppose we're good for now. I call you if we need anything else."

Bela shut the door, immediately forcing the woman to go away. I asked her to lock it, just in case.

"Good morning, love," she sat by my side at the table and pressed a kiss on my cheek. "I hope you saved me some because I'm starving."

"Hey, didn't you just have breakfast with your mom?"

"Not actually, I refused it. I was waiting to have breakfast with you, like we do every morning."

She smiled, causing butterflies in my stomach.

"Aren't you sweet?" I was kinda expecting her to come. I even asked Mrs. Volkov for an extra cup and plate. I passed it to Bela. "I was hoping you'd come."

I retributed her kiss.

"So, what are doing today?" She wanted to know. "Are we coming back to your house? Or would you like to do something different?"

"I wish, but we have to finish reading the diaries. I only have a few days left before your mom decides what she wants to do to me."

"I spoke to her. She's letting you go by the end of the week."

"Is she?" I asked, to be sure.

Bela nodded in response.

I should be happy with the information, Lady Dimitrescu wasn't going to kill me after all. But I wasn't. I was expecting her to protest and keep me as a prisoner for weeks, months, maybe years as it seemed Auryk wasn't coming back. I wanted to be stuck in that castle for the rest of my life, as long as I had Bela by my side.

"She has a meeting with Mother Miranda tonight," she added. "She usually doesn't come back until the morning. We should do something special."

"Like what?"

"Like a date?"

The concept of having a date was a little bit difficult when you lived in a village that wasn't even in the maps Your options were very limited: going to the nearest town, going to the pub or do something at home. The first two options could not end well as we'd be going too far from the castle or if any villagers recognized Bela.

We could stay in my house and order some food, there was this restaurant in town that would deliver even in that hellhole of a place. We could also watch movies and make out on the couch.

Maybe more. I was desperate for more. Especially now I knew we'd be separated soon. I wanted to enjoy every second of your moments together. Yet, I was insecure. I couldn't help thinking of Mrs. Volkov comment regarding Bela's level of experience.

"I think I have something in mind," I grabbed Bela's hand. "Ready?"

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's House - Present Days

We rod to the village as were doing every day. I was always concerned some other villager could see me and recognize me. At this point, everybody should know about what happened to me. They'd instantly connect the dots if they saw Bela. When we arrived to my house again, I was relieved. Almost. Until I saw the front door had been forced open.

"Oh fuck," I quickly took my daggers before taking another step into the house. "Somebody broke into my house. They may still be in there."

Bela took some kind of blade from her boots too.

"What? I have my tricks too, love." She asked, noticing I was surprised. "Cassandra isn't the only good hunter."

We carefully opened the door. Before I could even do anything, Bela grabbed me and covered my mouth. Her senses were probably detecting something nearby.

"Shhhh," she pointed to her ears. "I can hear something... in the basement."

"But not all of us are vampires," I muttered. When I noticed, Bela had already vanished, turning into flies. I followed her to the basement, after grabbing a rifle. Before I even got there, I already heard a male voice screaming.

"What the fuck?! What are you freaks even doing here?!"

I recognized it before I could even see the figure. But I waited until I was downstairs to confront him.

"Heisenberg. I could ask you the same," I spoke, pointing the rifle at him even if I knew it was useless. "What are you doing here?"

"You," he turned around from the hidden cabinet where the weapons were stored. "Weren't you trapped at Lady Super Sized Bitch's castle?"

"Have some respect talking about my mother," Bela shaped back into her body. "Not that she has any talking about you. So I guess you both are even."

"Oh great, and you brought one of the daughters with you. At least it's the decent one."

"Are you going to explain what you're doing in my house?" I angered. There was a good reason of why that man was there again. Coincidentally when he had a meeting with Miranda later that day. "Let me guess. You're searching for something to take to the Highest Bitch In Charge tonight. Am I right?"

"Wait, wait..." Heisenberg showed his hand as a sign of truce. I lowered the rifle. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Are you searching for something to take to Mother Miranda in the meeting tonight? Because many things are going missing, under mysterious circumstances that are strangely connected to her."

"Do you think Mother Miranda is the one stealing from the Lords?"

I told him about my conversation with Auryk and his suspicions about Miranda's involvement in the situation.

"I knew it!" Heisenberg kicked away an old wooden chair, shattering it to pieces. I shot Bela a confused glance but she also had no idea of what was going on. "I fucking knew it! She's been plotting against us. I always warned my siblings this day would come but they never believed me."

"We're searching for evidence against her," I explained. "To find out what's her plan. Do you have any ideas?"

"Are you sure you can trust her?" He pointed at Bela. "Her mother is the one who kisses Miranda's ass the most. After Moreau, of course."

"Absolutely," I told. "Bela's with me on the matter."

"Sit down, the two of you, and I'll tell you what I know."

We sat on the armchairs we had down the basement. Heisenberg pulled a bottle of whiskey from one of Adrian's secret hideouts. He was about to take a sip directly from the bottle, but I made him serve all of us. Something told me I'd need alcohol to deal with that conversation.

"All these years serving her and we're only her tests subjects, girl. We were all declared a failure upon bitch Miranda's eyes. Me, Lady Super Sized Bitch, the Moronic Freak, the Ugly-Ass Psycho Doll and even this..." Bela scowled at him, letting him know she wouldn't appreciate any offensive nicknames he could have for her, "this girl and her sisters. We're trapped in this village, being forced to decades of humiliation and servitude."

"Are you telling me you don't worship Miranda like your siblings and the villagers?" I tried to understand.

"No!" Heisenberg shouted. "Can't you see? She has taken everything from me. My humanity, my dignity! And now she has found the perfect vessel for her experiments, she's planning to get rid of us."

I drank the entire cup of whiskey in one sip. I looked at Bela, I could see that deep down she shared the same feelings for Miranda as Heisenberg. She tried to follow me, but judging by her face, she wasn't used to that kind of drink.

"I know what it feels like," she took off her helmet, showing the scar on her head and also the tattoo. "I also hate how she treats my mother and she's always too blind to see it. Whenever she returns from a meeting, I can read it on her face. She's disappointed at herself. She's miserable. She's always feeling she isn't enough for Mother Miranda's purposes."

"Fuck! This is what I'm talking about! Look what she's done to you. Don't you think it's time we end this?"

"Okay," I interrupted their moment of mutual pain. "She really fucked up with you guys, so we need to find a manner to stop whatever she's planning."

"Your father," Heisenberg pointed to me. "That bastard also shared my feelings of revenge and hate against that bitch, but for some reason he never accepted to join forces. I knew he had some diaries that contained some important information, do you happen to know where they are?"

Before I could answer, Bela stepped in and spoke for me.

"This is what we've been searching for," she lied. She looked at me, giving me a signal we shouldn't trust Heisenberg completely yet. "Apparently, Aleena's brother has taken it with him."

"And where's the little criminal?"

"I don't know," I said. "Last time we spoke he was acting shady as fuck. Whatever he's involved with, it's not good."

"Hmmm, drugs probably."

"No! I'm pretty sure my brother isn't... what's a vessel, by the way? You said Miranda has found a perfect one for her experiments."

"A person who can achieve a perfect mutation," it was Bela who answered my question. "One without any flaws, any side effects. Unlike me, the Lords or any person that has turned into a Lycan."

"Exactly," Heisenberg added. "One with a body that will be able to revive her daughter."

"What the fuck..." I always knew Miranda was crazy, but not at that point. All those years, she had been misleading the villagers, the Lords only for her personal uses. "And who's this person? Where are they?"

"I don't know, kid. This is what I'm trying to find. If I destroy the vessel, there will be no ritual. And with the right proof in hands I can lead a rebellion against Miranda."

"You can count on me," I extended my hand to Heisenberg. "If I discover anything, I let you know."

"Smart girl," he shook my hand. "You'll have my full support if you need to escape that demonic castle."

"She doesn't!" Bela angered. "Mother is letting her go."

"Okay. If you need anything else then..." Heisenberg shrugged. Then he looked at Bela. "What about you, little Dimitrescu girl? Can we count on you?"

"Of course," she also extended her hand. "But you can't comment a word about this meeting with my mother tonight. She trusts Miranda above anything, she's going to blow up our plans."

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Bedroom - Present Days

While Aleena was taking a shower, Bela caught herself reading the diaries they found. Such a skilled predator should be proud of her achievements. The reports about her family were gruesome, terrifying, tragic. They were called many things, 'witches', 'monsters', 'abominations'...

"Psychotic bitches," definitely the most creative, a name given by Adrian Novak. Bela never had a personal encounter with Aleena's father, but she had definitely heard nasty stories about him, through Lady Dimitrescu and through Aleena herself. She thought of an appropriate nickname for him too and smirked. "Stupid manthing."

She closed the diary and walked to the mirror. Aleena told her to wear one of her clothes. She looked like a normal girl, one of Aleena's age, maybe two or three years older.

If it wasn't for that scar. That damn scar. When she woke up after the transformation, one of the first things she did was asking her mother how she had gotten it. Was it the reason she died? Later, she found out it was the reason why she was still alive. Something had been implanted in her brain, to transform her into... that. What about that tattoo? Young people had tattoos everywhere but certainly not on their foreheads. She was marked as one of the Dimitrescu daughters. Wherever she went, people would recognize her by that. Especially in the village. Countless times she and her sisters had caused panic among those people.

This was why Aleena couldn't take her out for a date. She couldn't take her to the pub, to meet her friends and do other things couples usually did. Bela clenched her fists in rage and frustration.

"Hey," Aleena left the bathroom, wrapped around a towel. "Sorry for taking so long. You look amazing, by the way."

Before heading to her wardrobe, she passed through Bela and planted a small kiss on her lips. She could live like that forever.

In fact, if the weather suddenly changed and the temperature dropped by the next day, she'd be stuck with Aleena in that house for days, months or even years. She could cook and clean the house while she was out for work. She could even find a manner to earn some money herself. She could be an artist and sell paintings. Or maybe a writer, she was a good one. Maybe she even had money already, after all she was the Countess' eldest daughter.

The idea excited Bela a lot... until she looked at Aleena's desk. If she was stuck in that house with her, she'd be giving up on her dreams of living in California and study in that Art Institute. And Aleena deserved that. More than any person she ever met.

It wouldn't last and she knew it. She always knew it.

"Selfish psychotic bitch," she muttered to herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Living Room - Present Days

I couldn't take my mind off my conversation with Heisenberg. I didn't even know how I was supposed to feel. I already hated Miranda before, but now I got the confirmation of the things Bela told me. She was nothing more than an experiment gone wrong and that woman was about to get rid of her and the others. I also thought about Alcina and Donna, who had no idea of what she was planning and trusted her blindly.

I also wondered, who was her perfect vessel? Was it someone from the village? Was it someone she had kidnapped? A million questions were going through my mind.

As soon as I finished getting dressed, Bela had sunk into one of her bad moods, where she became quiet and introspective, after acting normal all day. I already knew her enough to know something happened while I was in the shower and it was consuming her inside. Because as her own mother described, Bela felt everything very intensely.

"Would you like to go back to the castle?" We were in the living room, waiting for our dinner to be delivered. "We can go after dinner if you want."

"No," she said. I had turned on Auryk's video game console. Bela was quite curious about the game I was playing. Her eyes moved quickly as she observed every detail on the screen. "Not yet."

"Do you need to feed?"

"No, I'm okay."

I paused the game. Whatever happened, nothing seemed to distract Bela from it. She was quiet as in the morning she fought her mom or that night in her bedroom, before we kissed for the first time.

"Okay... why don't you tell me what happened? I left you alone in my room for some minutes and now you're upset."

Bela took a deep breath, as if she was trying to recompose herself and leave her emotions aside for the night.

"I'm not upset, love," she told me. "I'm focused."

"On what?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"If you don't move to the left side, like this," Bela took the controller from my hands, unpausing the game and making a move herself. "You're going to get yourself killed."

And she was right. Apparently her vampire senses worked for literally anything.

"Know what?" I turned off the console. "I'm done with this for the night. I already know I wouldn't be able to beat you if we played against each other anyways."

"What a sore loser," Bela finally let out a laugh. Mission accomplished, I was able to get her out of her bad mood.

"We'll see about that later."

"Will we?"

She lay on top of me, staring deeply into my eyes in an attempt to look dangerous. She pressed her lips against mine and I wrapped my arms around her body pulling her as closer as possible. Bela deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue inside my mouth. The way her tongue massaged mine, the way our bodies were moving together, the way my hands were exploring every inch of her perfect body... I was feeling things I had never experienced before. A heat that spread through every part of me. She finished her kiss biting my lower lip, leaving me stunned, breathless.

"I'm sorry, I got too carried away," she said, when we stopped. "We're almost setting ourselves on fire here."

"No, I want more," as I gazed into her beautiful golden yellow eyes, I couldn't be more sure. "I want us to burn."

Bela raised one eyebrow suggestively, as if she was trying to confirm what I had just told her. I let out a small laugh and nodded in confirmation.

"Then..." she pressed another kiss on my lips, "we should head back to your bedroom. Don't you think?"

I was about to give her an answer when the door bell rang. It was the delivery service bringing our dinner.

"Fuck, I had totally forgotten," I took a deep breath, trying to recompose myself.

"We can resume from where stopped later, if you want."

----------

I wanted it. I definitely wanted it, but I was too nervous for my own sake. If I didn't calm down, I'd end up ruining things. I remembered the night I invited a girl I was dating to my house. Even after having a lot of alcohol to calm my nerves and get me in the mood, I panicked. I panicked and locked myself in the bathroom until she went away. Needless to say she never wanted to see me again.

To try to distract myself, after dinner I sat down on my desk, reading carefully a page of the diary in front of me. The calligraphy was barely readable. Apparently that one belonged to my grandfather, Erik Novak, during his teenage years.

"March 13, 1962

The Lycan attacks have intensified during these days. It's almost impossible to even leave the house. My poor sister, Astrid, has been attacked while she was outside tending for the animals. We don't expect her to survive. The infection has spread to her whole body. Father suggested we put an end to her misery. Mother is still hoping for a miracle. We called Mother Miranda for guidance."

I felt a shiver going down my spine. It was almost like I could watch that scene playing in my mind, like a movie. I held the picture of Astrid, her beautiful dark hair and soft facial features. Such a terrible fate she was victim of. Why did my family still insisted on living in that goddamn place for generations after such a tragedy?

"Okay, I finally picked one," Bela emerged in my bedroom. She was in the living room, too amazed by my Netflix account. With so many movie options in front of her, she didn't know where to start. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I closed the diary. "I was just reading an entry while you chose. My grandfather's sister, she was bitten by a Lycan."

"It seems to happen quite often in your family. One of the diaries I read also reported a Lycan attack."

"It's like a family curse. In my generation, it was my mom. But in her case, there was not even time to develop an infection."

Family drama. Nothing related to the clues we were searching for. I decided to not think about anything else related to that village, Auryk or even Miranda for the next few hours. I wanted to enjoy my time with Bela, exclusively.

"So, let's see what you chose, Ms. Dimitrescu."

For my surprise, Bela had picked a Disney movie. I thought it was extremely cute, I was kinda expecting her to choose something classical or even an horror movie.

"Do you like this one?" She asked.

"I love it," I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as we sat down on the couch. "And I'll love it even more now it's the first movie we watch together."

I didn't make any interruptions as we watched the movie. Bela seemed so entertained, so genuinely happy. I remembered she probably had never seen a movie before. I didn't see any TVs inside the castle. If they even had one, they didn't have access to Netflix or any other modern features. I simply enjoyed the sensation of having her in my arms or the sensation of caressing her hair. I learned to appreciate the sound of her laugh more than anything in this world. When we met, I'd rarely hear it and now it was something she did often.

The world was easier when we were alone, just the two of us. Two lonely, misfit and traumatized individuals. Bela seemed to be the only person who understood my feelings, and I was this person for her too.

When the first movie ended, I asked if she wanted to see another one. She told me to choose this time and I picked a romance. With a happy ending.

God, we deserved to have a happy ending too. We both had gone through so much already. I had to stop Miranda. I couldn't let her take Bela from me.

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Bedroom - Present Days

It was already two in the morning when we returned to my bedroom.

"Are you sure your mother isn't going to freak out or anything?" I asked as we prepared the bed. "Cassandra is definitely going to tell her. If she gets mad the claws will come out to play and it's kinda scary."

"As long as the dragon remains inside, we're okay," the corners of Bela's mouth curled up in a smile.

"Dragon?!"

"Nevermind, it's a joke. A myth the villagers invented. Don't worry, I don't think she's going to mind. I told her about us this morning and she took it very well."

"This is quite a surprise."

We lay on the bed and my heart started thundering inside my chest. I wasn't sure if she remembered what we started before dinner and that I had intentions of resuming later.

"I wish we could have this everyday," she spoke softly, when we were face to face. "This is the reason why I was upset."

"Why does it upsets you?" I asked.

"While I was here alone, I kinda wished the temperature would drop and I'd be stuck here with you for a while. Then I realized I was being selfish."

"You're not selfish. To be honest, I kinda wished the same. I don't wanna go away. I want to stay with you, forever."

Bela took my hand, holding it very tightly for a few seconds and then, she released.

"You can't, Aleena. You don't deserve this life, in this place. You deserve more. You deserve to go after your dreams, move to California, go to college, be with a girl that actually deserves you."

"I don't want another girl, Bela. I want you. I want you the way you are, with your virtues and also your flaws. That's what made me fall in love with you."

I'd usually let her take the lead, but this time I kissed her, hard and desperate. I didn't want to think about the idea of being away from her. Or being with somebody else. Even if we couldn't be outside most of the time. Even if I had to work on the pub for the rest of my life. Even if she needed to drink human blood. I didn't mind if my friends or my brother never accepted my relationship with her. In that moment, I had everything I ever wanted and I wouldn't waste it. I couldn't wish for anything else.

When I realized, I felt her hand going down my shirt, caressing my stomach.

"Do you still want to do this?" She asked.

"More than anything."

I knew Bela had probably done that a thousand times before, but I wondered if she was always so tender, so careful. She knew that was an important moment to me, I was letting down the last of my emotional barriers for her, so she acted cautiously on every move she made next.

First, she kissed me again for a very long time. I assumed she was giving me enough time to think if I was truly prepared. Then, her mouth placed a trail of kisses for all the way down to my neck.

We undressed each other, Bela lay on top of me and as she kissed me again, I couldn't stop thinking how good it was the feeling of having her naked body so close to mine. This time, I felt confident enough to explore parts of her I wasn't prepared the last time.

"What?" I asked when we parted and she gazed deeply into my eyes. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"I have something to confess, love," she opened a beautiful smile. "I'm a little nervous too."

"Come on. Mrs. Volkov was scolding me this morning, telling me I was only one of the many women she saw leaving your bedroom."

"Yes, but it's the first time I do it with a woman I'm in love with."

It was my turn to smile. With my hand on her chest, I sensed how quick her heart was beating too.

"Well," I whispered seductively in her ear, "she's very in love with you too. So you don't have to be nervous."

"Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"

I nodded in agreement and pulled her face for another kiss. As Bela's hands traveled through my body, caressing my inner tights, I was shivering in anticipation. By the time she touched me where I wanted her the most, my first reaction was to shudder.

"How does that feel?" She wanted to know. "Do you like it, love?"

"Yes!" I threw my head back as her fingers continued to stroke my center. "Oh my god, yes. Please don't stop."

"I don't plan to. We're only getting started."

I was still nervous. I didn't know how I was supposed to act. Should I do something to please her too? Should I be silent? Because I was fighting so hard against the wild impulses inside of me, that wanted to moan and scream Bela's name as loud as I could. I buried my mouth on her collarbone trying to muffle a moan.

"This is okay," she stopped for a second, looking at me with those gorgeous eyes. "Just relax. You're being perfect."

I simply nodded in agreement. I just wanted her to continue what she was doing, but she had other plans in mind...

"What about now?" Bela inserted one finger inside me and started to move, slow and gentle. "Does it hurt?"

"N-No... this feels great..." I could barely form a coherent sentence anymore. In fact, I noticed I had stopped breathing. Yes, I could die right now and I'd die a happy woman. Was that what my father was trying to protect me from with his sick ritual? I couldn't be more happier to have broken his rules. I couldn't be more happier I waited and did exactly I was told to stay away from.

My heart was racing really fast. I felt all my muscles were starting to become tense. Bela inserted another finger inside me, moving a little bit faster and harder, but still making sure she wasn't causing me any pain.

And in that moment, I completely lost myself. My back arched and my whole body started to tremble under her body. Bela held me tightly. I relaxed too, wrapping my arms around her.

"Are you okay, love?"

"More than okay," I answered between pants. "To be honest, I think I've never felt so great before."

"Is there anything else you want me to do?"

"Yes, you can now show me how I can please you."

We switched positions and Bela guided my hand as I tried to follow the same path as she did. She also rocked her hips to meet my rhythm. I wasn't so confident as she was. I was afraid I could do anything that could hurt her. But she was a patient teacher and I was a quick learner. Soon, she was already trembling in my arms too and I knew I had done it right.

I thought we were done with the best part, but I was wrong. After pressing one final kiss on my lips, Bela rested her head on my chest and said words I'd never forget.

"I love you."

[demoiselledefortune]

Post canon sangcheng fic recs for @runespoor7

(wooohoo that’s only 25 fics haha)

Silence by inberin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441771

a conversation in the snow.

Wonderfully nuanced characterisation. It hints at whole relationship and dynamic with a lot of delicacy.

Windrose by offlight

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18997546

Nie Huaisang is forced into a coma to stop his qi deviation. Jiang Cheng is tasked with waking him up.

There’s a lot of intriguing dreamscapes in this one, and I love Jiang Cheng (and in the background Wei Wuxian)’s desperation and obstinacy.

All the innocence we give by shamiran

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864910

Learning to renavigate the ground between them is easier than Nie HuaiSang expects. It's also harder than he could have imagined.

Just a sweet story.

Taste the wine off your lips by ExNihiIo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129245

A light pat lands against his back, and a cup of water is pushed in front of his face. “Not even Zi Shi, and you’re already tipsy?,” asks a teasing voice, while a thin hand puts down the cup. Jiang Cheng coughs a little more, shaking his head, and sends a dirty look at his host. “I am not tipsy.” “Hm, and yet your cheeks are all red. What would your disciples think, if they saw you in this state?” “They’d think about running away while they can. I can break legs more easily than I can drink alcohol.” A smile curves the edges of Nie Huaisang’s mouth, and he closes his fan with a curt jerk, sitting across the table. He’s wearing lighter clothes, Jiang Cheng notices, compared to the ones he had during the Discussion Conference. Where those had been tight and rigid against his body, these now fall softly on him, the large sleeves sweeping delicately as Nie Huaisang moves to pour himself a cup.

I like the melancholy tone of this one.

The light of autumn: you will not be spared by crooows

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901467/chapters/47138221

Nie Huaisang arrives a week early for the conference which will be held in Yunmeng to discuss the position of chief cultivator.

[Title is from a poem called "October" by Louise Glück!]

A bit funny, a bit melancholy

You can run but you can’t hide by ThirtySixSaveFiles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119297

Nie Huaisang has noticed something about the way Jiang Cheng takes compliments; Nie Huaisang has a theory, and he intends to test it out.

Just Huaisang figuring out Jiang Cheng has a praise kink. Established pairing.

Evening Bloom by dragonofeternal

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20958518

Jiang Cheng is spry and lithe well into his twilight years, living well off Wei Wuxian's stolen youth; Nie Huaisang's golden core, on the other hand, has always been poor- he blacks his hair with ink and dyes, hides the pudge of indolence and the wrinkles of age behind the latest fashions and the finest fans. Perhaps for their peers, finding the space to be vulnerable came easy, but for them it's taken this long to maybe think of letting someone in.

I have a big weakness for stories about old people falling in love and this is one delivers very sweetly.

Four Days in Lanling by Halotolerant

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722695/chapters/51817036

Nie Huaisang looks at him. ‘You are confusing me, Clan Leader Jiang, perhaps I misunderstand, but…’

‘You didn’t misunderstand. You don’t misunderstand. You understand all of it.’ For six months Jiang Cheng has been mulling this over, and now with Nie Huaisang in front of him he can’t figure out if he most wants to knock him down or kneel at his feet. What he does is try and breathe. Clench his hands at his sides. ‘And now I am going to ask you to do something for me. You have to do something for me. You have to help Jin Ling.’

Ok so perhaps it’s misrepresentating to call this a post canon fic  since most of the action is mid-13-years-of-WWX-death but the fairly important framing part is post canon. Also it’s one of the best sangcheng fic out there and a must read.

Shadow eternal by rynleaf

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162944/chapters/55439032

“You want me to distract the Chief Cultivator from the Annual Cultivation Conference, so you and other sect leaders can… what. Sign contracts without adult supervision?”

“If Jiang-zongzhu is amenable,” Sect Leader Ouyang repeats with a nod.

Jiang Cheng pinches the bridge of his nose. The pressure he felt building behind his eyes all morning is swiftly coalescing into a bitch of a headache. “Just what do you all think I’m capable of?”

Sect Leader Ouyang bows with a cheerful smile. “We have utmost faith in Sandu Shengshou’s abilities.”

-

In which a night hunt ends in disaster, Jiang Cheng catches a glimpse of Nie Huaisang's heart, and feelings are discussed after a certain fashion.

One that’s between sweet and angsty.

The way is shut, and we cannot go back by saltedpin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23592523

One month since Guanyin Temple, and some people are coping better than others (or not).

This one is a mostly sad and bitter take on Jiang Cheng reacting to Nie Huaisang’s plot (and being very drunk).

Living memory by ghosthouses

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24827980

Once Jin Guangyao has left, he gives himself two indulgences. The first, a day to scream in his rooms made soundproof with a talisman. The second, a physical list written in code, to keep his older self, who will have let the pain dull with time, accountable for what must be done.

It has only two commandments:

He will die.  

and 

He will know.

Nie Huaisang puts it in his sleeve with the intention of keeping it with him at all times, to be added to but never reduced, a living memory of his task.

This and its prequel which you should also read is quite short but probably one of my favorite depictions of their dynamic (and probably one I find most plausible).

What’s Left of us by cangse-sanren

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24979081

“Well,” Huaisang tries hesitantly, “both of us seem to have a rather fraught relationship with things like older brothers and the concept of betrayal. And regret,” he adds as an afterthought. "Perhaps you just understand me more than most."

Yet another that dwells into Jiang Cheng reacting to Nie Huaisang’s plan. I really like that take although it’s barely shippy (and quite short).

Descending by lightningwaltz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25296595

“I want to… to not be embarrassed.”

“To not be embarrassed during what?”

“During sex.” There. Jiang Cheng can say it. “In general. Also with you right now.”

“Very good.”

“When did you become so authoritative?” Jiang Cheng wants to sound irked, but can’t quite manage anything beyond nervous curiosity.

Very interesting fic and in many ways unusual. I’d say it’s hypnosis kink, but it’s much more character driven than that. With a context of established FWB arrangement between Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang.

Tell him that I miss our little talks by xiaolongbaobei

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232023

the post-canon fic where Jiang Cheng becomes the Chief Cultivator, realizes that it's not too late to fall in love and learns to ask for what he wants

Longish fic exploring Jiang Cheng as Chief cultivator working with Nie Huaisang and slowly falling in love with him. I adore this one, and not only because I love fics that explore the idea of Jiang Cheng as chief cultivator.

Blind for Love by manamune

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760272

Jiang Cheng is poisoned with an aphrodisiac and needs to orgasm repeatedly in order to flush it from his system.

The first person he thinks of going to for help is Nie Huaisang, who does what any good friend would do: he shoves his three decades worth of feelings for Jiang Cheng deep into the recesses of his mind, locks them up so he can pretend they don’t exist, and then fucks him so hard that he passes out.

Mostly a long smutty piece, but with a lot of fun character bits along the way.

A Tight-Knit Family by aldalin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25500481/chapters/61862899

“Jing Ling, we need to talk.”

Jin Ling has too many uncles, and he’s about to get another.

Sect Leader Jiang announces his marriage to Sect Leader Nie.

A fairly different take, more focused on Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian reacting to Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang’s relationship.

A trip to Qinghe by Scorpiwriting

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974741

An unexpected hunt forces Jiang Cheng to leave the Lotus Pier a bit earlier than he had anticipated, so he decides to send Jin Ling to Qinghe, for the sake of not sending him back to Lanling so soon: it turns into a learning experience for the young sect leader, who gets to peek into the life of the Headshaker.

or.

Jin Ling learns that not everything people say is true and that perhaps there is some merit to art. He also learns that loneliness is a dark beast and that his uncle should definitely do something about it.

Another one more focused on Jin Ling’s reaction to it. Honestly more of a gen piece about Jin Ling and Nie Huaisang, but an interesting one.

Silver bracelets on their wrists by mercurious

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25797715

“Can’t I find excuses to visit an old friend?”

Ok so this one is a bit fucked up in interesting ways. It combines Chief Cultivator Jiang Cheng and explicit longing about Wei Wuxian, and BDSM as catharsis. It’s a fascinating piece.

Welcome to love by amphigoric

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412866/chapters/53549794

Desire, Jiang Cheng learned, flourished even in love’s absence. It surged hot and fast through his veins at the sight of Nie Huaisang’s spread thighs, marks still lingering from the last rendezvous they had. He felt it burning through his chest as Huaisang raked lines down his back, breaths coming in short, desperate gasps: “Jiang Wanyin, Jiang Wanyin, please, please.”

It’s a little bit clumsy at times, but also very passionate and intense in a way I still find compelling. Featuring a lot of self sabotaging Jiang Cheng.

When your stitch comes loose by heyninja

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27868454/chapters/68234434

Sometimes people see you for who you really are. Sometimes because you let them. Sometimes whether you like it or not.

A triptych of collisions between Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng.

Only the last part is post canon but it’s the most important part, isn’t it?

Peel your heart like a pomegranate by Izumi_silverleaf

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29458974

"It's an extraordinary feeling when parts of your body are touched for the first time. I'm thinking of the sensations from sex and surgery."

Sometimes you just need to read a very hot guro fic. It’s a weird fic but it’s a cool one.

If you give a Nie a cushion by LesbianLazerOwl

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470236

Prompt: Long enough After Canon that everyone's mostly okay these days, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang get drunk and wind up comparing masturbation habits; each is aghast at how the other spends their personal time.

Funny and hot

To Distraction by isozyme

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27763816

It’s the third night of Yunmeng’s kite festival celebrations. Nie Huaisang has come visiting, eager to partake in the food, the arts, and Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng wants to forget. Nie Huaisang has some new lube and wants to see if he can put his whole fist in somebody’s ass.

Established pairing in which Nie Huaisang fists Jiang Cheng. It’s hot.

Safe in Your arms by Dragon_scribe

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070503/chapters/74058315

In the aftermath of a night hunt gone (very) wrong, Jiang Cheng wakes up to find himself in the Unclean Realm. As he recovers from his injuries, he and Nie Huaisang grow closer and as time passes, their friendship begins to shift to something more.

Very sweet/sappy and hurt/comfort orientated, with a small bit of reconciliation dimension too.

[cottoncandyjester]

Day seven- somnophilia with sugawara koushi

I know I still haven't done day six but that one is under construction, changing that kinkmas to something else since I just can't figure anything out for it weirdly.

This story contains: somnophilia, light degrading, yandere behavior, male reader, sweat kink

Suga usually wasn't the type to expose his dark side to you, it was something he kept hidden and under wraps mostly cause he got you to love him by being sweet and angelic so those dark desires has to be pushed down to prevent you from being scared off.

He just couldn't stop himself anymore, as his eyes landed on your sleeping form he couldn't help but pull his old high school team sweater that you were wearing his eyes landing on your slightly sweaty chest. He made sure to keep the room hot since he liked seeing and tasting your sweat

"your body is so sweaty, your pure taste is simply delicious baby"

He spoke in a hushed tone now leaning down to press his warm tongue up your stomach and chest your sweat coating his tongue into a salty sweet fever dream. You were so helpless here for him that the only thought he had in his mind was to absolutely ravage you and make you his sweet and delectable bitch boy.

"baby, you're so damn cute"

His words came out as a short growl as he yanked your underwear down only to see your half hard cock twitching slightly, with a small pleased sigh suga leaned down taking you in his mouth watching as you moaned in your sleep.

You were so cute like this, suga couldn't help but be a little rough on you wanting to see your reaction. He hungrily sucked you off watching as you moaned and whined lightly all while being asleep, you were blissfully unaware of his antics though you were starting to stir awake

When suga pulled back your cock was covered in his saliva and he licked his lips hungrily before kissing the tip having a new area to focus his attention on.

He began to move you slowly now turning you on your stomach before seeing you shift starting to wake up before melting back into a dream like relaxation now hugging your pillow as you snored lightly.

Suga simply spread your asscheeks before pressing his tongue against your hole pushing his tongue inside you watching as you squirmed lightly while he flicked his tongue while it was inside your tight hole. He felt nothing but lust as he heard his name escape your lips

"k-koushi..Mmm"

even when asleep you thought about him, that single thought made him break all mental restrictions and he pulled back now taking his cock out and pressing it against your hole.

"pretty baby loves my cock hmm? You aren't even awake and you're spilling precum all over the bed. Your body is slutty for me"

Suga pushed himself inside only to shudder at the tightness of you, absolutely beautiful. You were his beautiful boy who he loved and cared for but at this moment all he was thinking about was making you sob and cry while fucking you til you broke

Suga couldn't be gentle anymore so as he roughly shoved himself inside he heard you starting to wake with a dazed confusion clear in your tone of voice.

"k-koushi..?"

Suga simply chuckled as he gripped your hips now starting to harshly move from inside of you watching as your body reacted against his automatically, you pressed your ass against him so well as he slammed in and out of you again and again.

"ngh- k-koushi w-wa-"

"hell no. There's no way I can slow down or wait! I need you now! I need to devour you now before I lose my mind"

There was a clear unsteadiness in suga's voice that sent you chills but you simply buried your head into the pillows muffling your already loud noises of bliss as he stretched your hole out pounding you again and again to the point where you were seeing nothing but stars.

"[y/n], [y/n]..fuck. you feel so damn good baby boy I'm the only one who can fuck you good like this, you know that yeah"

his jealous tone was followed by him leaning down pressing his chest against your back as he thrusts deep inside of you his tongue trailing your neck and tasting your sweat.

"is baby gonna cum? You better do it now if you are cause I won't be so sweet and let you do so before me next time"

You were drooling and practially foaming at the mouth from how rough he was fucking you that cumming came quite easily yet hard, when you cummed it was messy and thick your load spilling onto the bed and into yourself as you twitched and moaned like crazy

Just the sight of you breaking was enough to make suga cum himself, he filled your hole up to the point where it was starting to spill out leaving such a pretty image in his head that he was sure to remember for a long time.

As he pulled out, he watched you flip onto your bed now trying to catch your breath before you felt suga lay next to you his arms wrapping around you tightly while his nose was buried into your neck taking in your smell

"koushi?"

"hmmmm?"

"what the hell just happened"

Suga sat up now looking at you with a large grin as he simply kissing your lips quickly before laying back down his fingers playing with your hair

"sorry, couldn't help it. You look so cute when you sleep"

As you shook it off to him being horny you felt his arms tighten around you now crushing you almost and you felt a hot breathing on your neck

"so cute, after all who needs sleep when you have sex?"

With that suga moved ontop of you with a devilish grin clearly not finished with you yet

"let's make some good memories together hmm?"

Taglist

@may-machin

@jennasquishy8