#and yes yes obviously there are many pro-sex aces

[bananonbinary]

i understand that the bots do not know or care what tags they spam, but there is something particularly heinous about a porn bot tagged "aspec"

[pickle-the-lad]

Sooo... I think I'm aroace, I have a lot of info I want to share.

CW: I touch on sexual topics, my intrusive thoughts, and purely internalized aphobia. So if any of that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to not read💖

So, I've been questioning my orientation for a bit and I think I might be aroace. But because back when me and my siblings were still figuring out what Ace was: they said it would be impossible for me to be ace cuz of my fascination with sex. Although they no longer have that standpoint, the ones of the past put me in a similar situation like when my trans-egg started hatching.

"There's no way so many siblings would be the same way."

"I'm just overthinking things, I'm obviously not."

"I just need therapy to be comfortable with [insult current cause of discomfort]"

So I made a list, and shared it to reddit:

I find the most everyone attractive, and a lot of people I want to touch, but tbh I wouldn't want to have sex with them.

I have fetishes and kinks, and although I seem interested in actually acting upon these fantasies, when it becomes an actual possibility I get very uncomfortable…

I've dated five people and every sexual act I did with them either traumatized me and/or was purely out of fascination. I found it interesting how people reacted to sorten scenarios, and tbh fascinated that they enjoyed it. And in the situations I've always felt like a robot or an alien observing human mating rituals.

The only person I thought I fell in love with, was actually the first person I could be myself around so I could learn to love myself. I like who I was with them.

When I first started dating I would be lying if I said I fully understood that it was more than extra ✨friendly friends✨…

I like the idea of all the couple things, but wish but it didn't seem to acquire a more intimate connection.

When I think of having a polyamorous relationship, it's more of a group of very close and cuddly friends.

I love writing and reading romances. I write and read erotica. But 9 times out of 10 if I'm writing a story I either the main character or the romantic interest is asexual, and if it's not a romance: the main character is aromantic too. And those are the stories I get the most excited about!

I've always waide the pros and cons of romantic relationships, being purely analytical. Only weighing in emotion when I remembered, then it was "I find them aesthetically pleasing and I enjoyed the company and cuddles."

I wanted someone to call me the boyfriend, I'm not sure if I want the indications behind such a statement.

I don't want to feel like I have to be in love to hold someone in a non-sexual way. I don't want being close to someone to automatically mean "sexual tension" (Yes, I've been called a tease because I only like foreplay.)

And a nice redditer sent this

(there is a romantic vorien of all of these)

They said I sound black stripes ace and I agree ✨ and I think I specifically fluctuate between apothisexual and ilculasexual under that umbrella.

And I'm possibly cupioromantic too.

So yeah! Aroace 🖤💜🤍💚

Thank you, reddit ✨💕

[asexual-society]

Am I crazy or are the whole pro "kink at Pride" AND the whole anti "sex scenes don't help the plot" arguments aphobic?

hooo this is going to be a long answer. I'm doing this in two parts.

(link to part 2 here)

While I see where you're coming from, I'd have to disagree on both points. It is true that many aces (myself included) are likely on the "sex scenes are mostly unnecessary in fiction" side, but that doesn't make the reverse argument is inherently aphobic. Likewise, having kink present at pride is not aphobic (for several reasons I'll get into in part 2).

I'll start with the "sex scenes in media" arguments first, because it's less thorny overall. To lay ground, the debate (as I have seen it) is between a few different opinions:

Sex scenes in fiction are fine (the assumed default opinion)

Sex scenes in fiction are not fine, and often contribute nothing or actively detract from the narrative, particularly in horror

Sex scenes in fiction are sometimes important to the narrative, but outside of those cases, could/should be removed

Sex scenes in fiction shouldn't be rated by whether or not they're "plot important", because sex is part of everyday life

(For reference, I personally lay between #2 and #3, in the sense that I hate watching sex scenes in movies or TV, but I also recognize that sometimes it's there for good reason, like in the opening scenes with Biliquis in American Gods, or at the narrative climax in Midsommar, and removing those scenes would require drastic restructuring or re-characterization.)

Now, you'll notice that none of these statements involve or are related to aces in particular, and for that reason, it is by default a bit of a stretch to call any of these opinions (pro- or anti-sex scene) to be aphobic. Having a preference that might be different from an asexual person's is not aphobia. That's like saying "I think pepperoni on pizza sucks, so you're not allowed to like it either." But for the sake of this conversation, let's dig further, because unfortunately, discourse of Tumblr can never be quite so simple.

In your message, you specifically allude to people who are 'anti "sex scenes don't help the plot",' which is a bit difficult to resolve, so I will assume you mean people whose opinions fall into #4 above.

(If you have something more specific in mind, or an example, feel free to send a link to it as a response to this post and I'll look at it!)

So, the question becomes: is it aphobic to say "Sex scenes in fiction shouldn't be rated as either 'bad' or 'allowed' by whether or not they're 'plot important', because sex is part of everyday life" ?

There are a couple parts to this statement: (1) 'plot relevance' is irrelevant; (2) sex is an everyday part of life; (3) deeming only some sex scenes as 'okay' and some as 'not okay' is a bad idea. Of these three elements, the second one can seem at a glance to be aphobic, as it assumes that sex is a universal in life, when that is obviously not true for many asexuals (and even many allosexuals).

And, if that were the end of that, maybe that would be a fair allegation! But the thing is, this is still about fiction. Which (unfortunately) often follows allosexual people.

Should we push for more asexual representation or ace inclusivity, even if just tacitly? Yes! By all means! But at the end of the day, it is not aphobic for creators to depict sexual life, or for viewers to like sexual scenes. We might say that this is allonormative, and protest that often, sex is inserted into movies where it is thematically or narratively unfitting. I would certainly say so. Please let me watch shows with adult themes without having to watch graphic sex.

It sucks. I wish directors were more thoughtful than just "it's hot! put it in!"

It's not aphobia.

As for the online "should there be kink at pride?" debate—to be continued.

-- mod banshee

[leahclearwaterdefensesquad]

about this blog

Or all the things I can’t really fit into my bio so I put them here

🐺 About This Blog / Fandom Stances

Obviously a Twilight Renaissance blog

Leah icon by the wonderful Elaine aka @bellas-dumptruck-ass

Am more than happy to boost gofundmes and petitions

If you send me an ask that spews a bigotry (e.g. terf ideology/anti-BLM bs), it will not get posted, as that does not deserve a platform to be aired.

Speaking of asks, if you air an accusation about someone, I always look up further evidence. It's not that I disbelieve you, it's that I want the full picture and further context to properly understand the situation.

Discussions surrounding the problematic aspects of the saga/author criticism is not just "negativity", it is required when indulging in this series, and if you can’t handle that, you’ll get blocked. This goes especially if you criticize those who call out racism - then you're just fragile (and most probably racist). You can literally think critically and criticize a piece of work and also enjoy it to a degree, so fuck on outta here if you're a crybaby because we said that Carlisle's a colonizer or that Jasper is a racist.

Yes, calling the Indigenous characters “dogs” is racist, even though they are werewolves (not to mention there are racist tones to M*yer doing that too). No, those dog jokes are not funny. Yes that means your fav characters like Alice and Rose are racist.

If you honestly think that Edward is unproblematic and not abusive/misogynistic to any extent... Idk what to tell you other than to reiterate critical thinking and that you will not be pleased with my opinion of him. also you have brainworms

🧛🏻‍♀️  DNI / I will block you on sight list

Stephenie Meyer

Smeyer-apologists

Confederate apologists (*cough* Jasper apologists *cough*)

Anti-Leah (this should go w/out saying)

Anti-Maria

The "criticism of twilight's racism = fandom negativity that ruins my fun 😫" crowd

Anti-Jacob (ESPECIALLY if you stan/excuse Jasper or Edward's actions)

MAGA/Trump-supporters

Pro-Israel / If you are against the liberation of the Palestinian people

All Lives Matter / Blue Lives Matter

Pro-life folk

Anti-feminists/sexists/misogynists

TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists)/ Radfems (radical feminists) / Truscum (aka transmedicalists) / Transphobes period

SWERFs (sex worker exclusionary radical feminists)

Pedophiles / MAPs (this is just a name that pedos like to call themselves) / pedophilic shippers (same goes for incest shippers)

Ace/aro exclusionists

The ‘anti-queer’/'queer is a slur' crowd - the majority of ppl who support this rhetoric are against LGBTQ ppl using "queer" bc they don't like that it's inclusive of so many identities (ace/aro ppl, ppl w nonbinary identities), and I don't tolerate gatekeepers here. I will not use this word for someone if they have a bad history with it/don't identify with it, but I will NOT tolerate those who police others using it. Believe it or not, ppl of a marginalized group can reclaim the slurs used against them. Kiss my ass.

Those who use the "i can tell fiction from reality" argument to excuse shipping incest ships, pedophilic ships, or straight women who ship fetishistic mlm ships. -> they typically call themselves “anti antis” or some dumbass shit like that. 

🌲 Other platforms

Main blog (follows back from/url used for asks):��glockpaperscissors

[dweebgf]

What are ur opinions on these things? Are aces lgbt? Neopronouns valid? More than 2 genders? Transmed or tucute? He him lesbians? Ace spectrum? Self diagnosing? Pan = bi? Pan is transphobic? How many sexualities? Lgbt or lgbtq? Pro mogai? Genitalia preferences transphobic? Does dating trans ppl make u gay or bi? Do aces face oppression? Neurogenders? Can children b ace? Are MAPs and pedos valid and good? Is queer a slur? Are trans men real men?

ok i know this is like a troll/trap anon being sent around but tbh if ur gonna unfollow me for my opinions i don’t,,, really care

are aces LGBT: sure why not, as long as you don’t insert yourself into conversations that aren’t about you or talk over others (usually lesbians) i have no qualms with you being in the community and also like. its not my call whether or not someone is inherently LGBT

neopronouns valid: there is no scientific backing for them and therefore i will respect them but do not necessarily believe in them 

more than 2 genders: nah i don’t think so? nonbinary people are valid, but they are outside the gender binary, therefore don’t fit into a construct of one or the other; not a third, but outside.

transmed or tucute: i guess people would consider me a transmed, but most people don’t know what that means??? like we don’t think you need to loathe yourself to be trans, or be cisnormaitve. the only requirement is dysphoria, mild or otherwise. dysphoria does not mean hating yourself; it is a disconnect. this is my personal opinion for the sake of this post, but i would not speak over members of the trans community. 

he/him lesbians: i don’t really get it, tbh. like. if you’re more comfortable using masculine pronouns, wouldn’t you rather be perceived as masculine or masc-aligned? like. lesbian means women who love women, and he/him women doesn’t rly make sense to me? if ur a he/him lesbian and wanna explain to me id be willing to understand though!

ace spectrum: ??? i mean. what does this mean?? it’s real if thats what ur asking??

self diagnosis: yes. many people cannot get a diagnosis, due to health, safety, or financial issues, and these people deserve to be able to find a label and community to help them deal with their mental illnesses. as long as it is an informed, researched, thought out diagnosis, i see no issue. self diagnosis often leads to professional diagnosis.

pan = bi: i think they are similar, and can be used interchangeably, but if the distinction is significant to you, that’s valid.

pan is transphobic: what?? ive literally never heard this but it sounds dumb

how many sexualities? sexuality is fluid, but if you find a label that works for you, go for it.

Lgbt or lgbtq? interchangeable. same thing. queer is an umbrella term.

pro mogai? no.

genitalia preferences transphobic: not inherently. if you say ‘i won’t have sex with you because you’re trans’ then yeah, but if you say ‘im sorry but it would cause me significant trauma/distress/etc. to have sex w a penis’ then no?? no one should expect that of you either.

does dating trans ppl make u gay or bi: only if you’re a man dating a trans man / woman dating a trans woman (gay) or mlm/wlw who also dates the opposite gender (bi), no, dating trans people has no bearing on your sexuality. trans men are men, trans women are women. full stop. 

do aces face oppression: i would say so, but definitely not to the degree of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and trans people. i am however speaking in broad terms of the majority, there’s obviously gonna be some shitty cases no matter your orientation

neurogenders: fuck not that shit is so offensive

can children b ace: depends on what you mean by children. literal children? don’t have a sexuality, full stop. younger teens coming into puberty, hormonal changes, etc? sure! and if that changes when you get older, thats fine too.

are MAPs and pedos valid and good:��ahahahhahahhahahahahhahah fUCK NO, AND IF YOU THINK THEY ARE IN ANY CAPACITY, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. 

is queer a slur: in my opinion, no, its a scientific term, as well as a term we fought to be able to use. if its used in a derogatory way against us by someone who isnt LGBT then yeah its a slur, but in the same way lesbians can say dyke but men cannot call us that, we as queer people can choose whether or not we want to say it, and cannot police others who disagree.

are trans men real men: yes?? next question??

[clichesadmusic]

It Doesn’t Care

Summary:Jugheads life had been slowly falling apart for as long as he could remember, but it all really went downhill one July 4th.

Trigger Warning: Self Harm,  Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse,  Alcoholism,  Drugs,  Attempted Suicide.

Ship(s): Jarchie, maybe Beronica

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10

Archie Andrews, First Year Musician.....And of Being a Huge Dick

~

Pro-tip, don’t fail at killing yourself in your room if you don’t want dried blood everywhere because cleaning it out is the worst.

That was how Jughead had spent his day, cleaning his failure from his house. ‘Can’t even kill myself right,’ he thought bitterly as he scrubbed at the carpet with an extra flannel that had gotten too big for him. Jughead knew he should be worried about that because just 2 months ago it had fit him perfectly but he couldn't bring himself to care that much. Instead, he grabbed one of the last things from his old life that he still had, his phone and headphone, placed the headphones over his ears and blasted the music as loud as it would go. He groaned as the most cliche song possible started playing, Boulevard of Broken Dream but as had become the usual, he didn’t care enough to change it.

Throughout the rest of the weekend, Jughead didn’t leave the drive in, he spent his day's cleaning and his night staring at the ceiling wishing the world would stop for just one second so he could get his life together. But such was the theme was his life, the world would not stop for him because it just didn’t care about a boy born on the wrong side of the tracks.

Monday came with a strange amount of courage thrumming through his veins, so when he got to school he walked straight up to Archie Andrews and started talking as if nothing had happened over the summer.

“Hey,” he called as he got close. “Do you think I could use Jason’s death to get out of PE? ‘Sorry, Coach, I’m just too depressed and freaked out right now to do pull-ups’. Which wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the whole truth.

“Don’t joke about Jason Blossom,” Archie said, obviously annoyed.

Jughead was confused, had it only taken two months for Archie to forget how Jughead dealt with tragedy. “What? Sardonic humour is just my way of relating to the world.” Archie looked away wearing the particular face he had when he wanted to get mad at someone but couldn’t because he’s too nice for that. Jughead scoffed as he saw Reggie and his crew walking down the hallways. “Look, it’s the rich kids from The Goonies. Alright, I’m out.” With that, he walked away from Archie and down the corridor.

Part way down he bumped into Reggie. “Watch it, Wednesday Addams,” the jock snarked as Jughead just kept walking absentmindedly scratching at his arm where the cuts crisscrossed as he went.

~*~

Just when he thought nothing else could go wrong, life threw another curve ball at him. After Mr Weatherbee’s announcement, he was just walking around the school when he saw Archie in the music room. He peered through the window and what he saw made him want to puke. Archie and Mr, Grundy were...god he couldn’t even think about it, they were kissing. So this is why Archie had skipped out on him during the summer. Jughead knew the ginger would never love him the way he did, but he never thought seeing him with another person would hurt like this and he all but sprinted out of the school. He barely made it outside before the vomit climbed up his throat, puking the little food he had eaten into the bushes beside the school. It was then he decided he had to do something, this relationship would destroy Archie in the end and no matter how much Archie may hate him, he would never let anything bad happen if he could help it.

~*~

Jughead waited on Archie's porch for him to get home, planning out everything he would say as to hurt the other boy as little as possible. He perked up as he heard the ginger speak. “Jug. What’s up?” Oh, how Jughead had missed the nicknames, something so small but so important.

“What’s up is I saw you, Archie,” Jughead exclaimed standing up and moving towards his former best friend. “In the music room. With Ms Grundy.”

Archie moved closer, closing the distance between the two boys and responded frantically. “Keep your voice down, my dad’s inside.”

“I’m trying to help you,” Jughead replied, exasperated. “Dude. I’m trying to be your friend here. Even though we’re not anymore. How long?” He paused. “You and Grundy?”

“Since the summer,” Archie replied before looking off into the distance as if what he was about to admit was the biggest secret he had ever told. “I like her.”

Jughead scoffed, so he was right, this lady had taken precedence over him this summer. “So I’m guessing she's the reason you’ve been acting weird since summer?”

“One of them,” Archie said cryptically.

“‘One of them,’ there's more?” Maybe there was a real reason Archie had abandoned him, one that mattered.

“We were at Sweetwater River on July 4th,” Oh, so he was right, he ditched their road trip plans for a girl. “We heard a gunshot, the gunshot.”

“Dude, you have to tell somebody,” Jughead called.

“I can’t. Neither can you. If people find out about Grundy…”

“A kid is dead Archie,” Jughead cried at the other. “And you’re worried about...some cougar?”

“Don’t call her that,” Archie defended. “Okay, she’s not like that, she cares about me.”

“Stab in the dark,” Jughead shrugged, exasperated. “I’m guessing she cares more about herself. She’s the one who told you not to say anything, right? Look, I saw you guys. She’s messing with you, man. And she’s messing with your mind…”

Archie got visibly angry and Jughead flinched back when he started talking. “What the hell do you even know about it, Jughead. Or about me, even?”

Tears burned the back of his eyes and he looks away. “Nothing. But I used to know this guy once. Archie Andrews.He wasn’t perfect but...” He began to walk down the driveway as he sighed and continued speaking. “He always tried to do the right thing, at least.

“Jug,” Archie sighed and turned around. Jughead had a flash of hope, maybe he’s going to apologise for what happened but that hope drained as he saw the hard look in Archie's eyes. “If you tell anyone about this…”

Was Archie...threatening him? “What? What are you gonna do.” Any pain Archie could think of to put him through would never be worse that what he’d already experienced.

The front door opened and Fred Andrews stood in the doorway. “Hey, Jug. Coming in? We got take-out from Pop’s.” Oh god yes please, Jughead hadn’t had anything that resembled a full meal for longer than he could remember.

“He was just leaving,” Archie responded his eyes challenging Jughead to refuse. His stomach cramped as he thought of the food and the comfort that came with the thought of the Andrews household.

Jughead turned around to hide the hurt look that he knew marred his features and walked away with his head down.

~*~

At school the following day Jughead was in the student lounge thinking everything over in the corner, half listening to the conversations panning out in front of him. Until he heard Reggie talking about the murder of Jason Blossom.

“If a kid at Riverdale killed Jason, it’s not gonna be a jock, right? Now lets be honest. Isn’t it always some spooky, scrawny, pathetic Internet troll, too busy writing his manifestos to get laid.”

‘Ah yes because the ace of spades, Forsythe Pendleton Jones, is so focused on having the sex’ Jughead thought.

“Some smug, moody, serial killer fanboy freak, like Jughead?” Reggie continued turning towards the boy. “What was it like, Suicide Squad? When you shot Jason? You didn’t do stuff to the body, did you? Like...after?”

Jughead rolled his eyes before responding “It’s called necrophilia, Reggie. Can you spell it?”

“Come here, you little…” Reggie vaulted over the couch and Jughead pressed himself against the wall, memories of his father flashing through his mind.

Suddenly Archie stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Reggie. “Hey shut the hell up, Reggie.”

“What do you care, Andrews,” Reggie demanded stepping closer to the ginger.

“Nothing, leave him alone.”

“Holy crap,” Reggie stepped back as if he had just learned the secrets to the universe. “Did you and Donnie Darko kill him together? Was it some sort of pervy, blood brother thing?”

Archie lost his temper and lunged at Reggie. Jughead surged forward as Archie got pushed into the vending machine, Jugheads heart dropped when the glass shattered and Archie took a fist to the face. As was a recurring moment in his life recently, Jughead felt his throat closing up and bolted out the room before anyone could notice his oncoming panic attack.

~*~

The next day at the football game, Jughead saw Archie talking to Ms Grundy looking determined, after speaking he stormed away toward the blue eyed boy.

“Girl trouble? You?” Jughead questioned when Archie reached him, glancing toward the music teacher.

“We’re telling Weatherbee,” Archie declared. “At least, I am.” He paused. “And also, I didn’t mean all that crap I said to you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool,” Jughead said with a smirk. They paused for a couple of seconds smiling, for a second he had an uncontrollable urge to kiss the ginger but decided against it. “We’re not gonna hug in front of this whole town.” They both laughed and Jughead continued. “So why don’t we both just do that bro thing where we nod like douches and mutually suppress out emotions?”

Archie smiled. “Yeah, but as friends, right?” He looked nervous, did he really think Jughead would reject him?

“To be discussed, over many burgers, and many days,” at this Jughead smiled. Finally, something had gone right for him.

Archie took a step forward so he was close enough for Jughead to see the light stubble covering his face. Slowly Archie leant forward and placed his mouth on Jugheads. The hand not holding onto his helmet travelled up to cup Jugheads cheek and the brunette's arms moved to wrap around his neck. Jughead felt as if he had died and gone to his own heaven, sure the kiss wasn’t perfect, far from it in fact but it was perfect to him. He knew Archie would be more experienced so the writer just went along with what he did, when they broke away he blinked a few times, trying to decide if this was real life.

“One of those days is gonna be a date,” Archie all but demanded.

Jughead nodded still dazed from the kiss as Archie began walking away. “Wait!” He called, Archie sauntered back over. The other boy blushed and looked away, then quickly placed a kiss on the football players cheek. “For good luck,” he whispered. Archie beamed at him before jogging away to the field.

~*~

After the game, the two boys began walking toward Pop’s, halfway there Archie intertwined their fingers, if anyone had asked Jughead would deny the fact that he had blushed and he held on tighter as if afraid Archie would suddenly let go.

When they reached the diner Jughead saw Betty and who he believed to be Veronica.

“Do you want to join us?” Betty asked.

“Yes, but only if you’re treating,” Jughead called, chuckling.

“Veronica Lodge,” the raven hair girl offered.

Jughead climbed over the seats to sit down beside the window on the other side of the girl. “Jughead Jones, the third.” The rest of the night was spent with laughter and fleeting glances to the boy he now had a true chance with. That night he had two things he had not experienced in a while, a full meal and true happiness.

[surveysonfleek]

109.

About You & Your Background Do you know where you were conceived?:: no idea. australia i’m assuming How old were your parents when they had you?:: my mum was 25, dad 32. Were your parents married?:: yes. What is the meaning of your name?:: the goddess of wine. Did your parents have any other names picked out?:: yeah. the only one i know of is erica.

Do you share a birthday with anyone?:: bek and my mum’s friend, jane. Do you look more like your mom or dad?:: i’m a perfect mix of both tbh. What is your heritage(s)?:: filipino. Can you speak any of those languages?:: i can fully understand. i’m a bit rusty when i speak it, but it’s possible. Do you consider yourself “normal”?:: normal enough. How do people usually spell your name?:: wrong. especially since my name is spelt differently to the usual way. Have you always lived where you live now?:: no. since ‘99. Do you wish you were taller, shorter, or the height you are?:: a little taller. Do you have a religion?:: i do, but i don’t practice it much. Were you raised as a certain religion?:: catholic. Do you have any relatives of other races?:: hmmm i gues. Do you have any step-relatives?:: nope. Do you have any pets?:: a dog. Do you go to school?:: not anymore. Have you ever considered dropping out of school?:: nope. Do you ever talk to yourself?:: only in my head. If you were an animal, which would you be?:: a panda. Do you have siblings?:: one sister. How old are they?:: 19. Are any married / have kids?:: nope. Where do you like to hang out?:: home, mall, friend’s houses etc. Who do you hang out with the most?:: my boyfriend. What do you like to do in your free time?:: sleep, eat, cook, shop.

Relationships & Friends

Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend?:: yes. What is their name?::   dwayne. What is their age?:: 26. Where did you meet them?:: through friends. When did you start dating?:: back in 2009 lol. Do you have any mutual friends?:: yes. plenty. How do your parents feel about him / her?:: they like him. How do your friends feel about him / her?:: they like him too. How do YOU feel about him / her?:: i love him. just going through a bit of a rough patch. Do your friends have a lot of influence on who you date?:: no. How many exes do you have?:: wouldn’t really count any. Are you friends with any of them?:: - What was your longest relationship?:: my one now. nearly eight years. Why did it end?:: it hasn’t. Which friends can you tell almost anything to?:: probably irene. Do you have friends that you just can’t talk about certain things with?:: yes, definitely. i’ve learnt my lessons. Are your friends virgins?:: tbh i can’t think of anyone who is. Do your friends drink or do drugs?:: all my friends drink. some have/do drugs but nothing serious. Would you say you have a lot of acquaintances or a few very close friends?:: few close friends. Do you consider your parents your friends?:: no lol. Do you have any furry friends?:: like a pet? haha.

Sex

Are you a virgin?:: no. Do you believe in waiting until marriage?:: in this day and age, not really. i feel like you should know each other in and out before committing.  Have you / would you ever have casual sex?:: never have. not sure if i would. Do you need to love someone to have sex?:: for me, yes. What do you feel is the appropriate age to have sex?:: whenever the person is ready i guess. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?:: i have. Do you think you make the right choices when it comes to sex?:: yes. Have you ever “sexted” someone?:: i have, years ago. i don’t do that shit anymore. Have you had sex under the age of 18?:: yes. Do you feel awkward buying condoms?:: i would but there’s no reason to. Are you on the birth control pill?:: yes. Is having sex against your religion?:: before marriage, yes. Does the amount of sexual partners someone has had, matter?:: to a certain extent only for like disease purposes.  Have you ever been tested for STD’s?:: no. Do you ever lie about how many people you’ve been with?:: no. Do you have any sexual fetishes that you’d like to share?:: i don’t think i even have any. Foreplay: Yay or Nay?:: yay. Drugs & Alcohol Have you ever drank alcohol?:: yes. Have you drank to the point of being drunk?:: yes. Have you / do you smoke cigarettes?:: yes. Have you done any inhalants? (Pot, cocaine, meth, other inhalants):: yes. pot and coke. Have you done any intravenous drugs? (Heroin, morphine, other opiates):: nope. Have you / do you do drugs regularly?:: no. Have you drank more than 3 shots in a row?:: three was my limit lol. Do you feel that some drugs are more dangerous than others?:: definitely. Should any drugs be legal?:: idk. Why do you feel that way?:: haven’t given it much thought.  Have you ever sold drugs?:: no. Have you ever bought drugs?:: yes. Ever watered down your parents’ alcohol so you could drink it?:: no. Are you straight edge?:: no. Are drugs more helpful or hurtful in your opinion?:: hurtful. except weed. Did your parents used to drink or do drugs?:: tbh my parents weren’t drinkers and never did drugs after they had me. they were smokers though. Does that affect your choice in doing / not doing them?:: no. Have you ever tripped on acid?:: no, don’t think i’d ever try acid. Do you take prescription drugs when you don’t need them?:: no. Do you take OTC drugs when you don’t need them?:: no.

Politics, Religion, & Philosophy Do you have a political affiliation?:: no. Are you more liberal or conservative?:: liberal. Does the government have too much power?:: obviously. Is America too intrusive in other countries?:: i don’t know much about this shit seeing as i’m not american, but seeing shit on the news makes me think yes. Is the Iraq War a war on terrorism?:: to some extent. Do you support the troops?:: well yeah. How would you feel if the draft was reinstated?: i’d feel pretty sad for the men around me. Should ANY country be allowed to have WMD’s?:: sorry to say, idk what that stands for. How do you feel about biological warfare?::   pretty fucked up tbh. Is war necessary to solve conflicts?:: at this rate i don’t think it’ll ever solve any conflicts. Have you / would you consider joining the military?:: no. Do you think gay people should be allowed to join the military?:: of course. Should gay marriage be legal?:: yes. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?:: pro choice ultimately. If a woman is raped, should she be forced to have the child anyways?:: no. Should there be an age limit on birth control?:: no. but obviously a 9yo shouldn’t be taking it. Should schools give out condoms?:: yeah but knowing the idiots in my high school there would’ve been a shitload of condom balloons flying around everywhere. Should creationism and evolution be taught side by side in schools?:: well both were taught in my school. Should there be harsher laws for drunk drivers?:: yes. Should all people have access to medical marijuana?:: if it’s needed. Is there such a thing as “God-given” rights?:: i guess. Is marriage an outdated concept in today’s society?:: yes and no. Is statutory rape really rape?:: this is a bit of a grey area. if one is 16 and the other is 17 i don’t think it’s much of a difference. in cases where the minor was clearly taken advantage of, then yeah i’d consider it stat rape. Do you agree with age of consent laws?:: yeah i guess. Do you believe there is a meaning to life?:: hopefully! Do you believe there is an after-life?::   we’ll all end up finding out someday. Do you believe in karma?:: sorta. Do you believe in any forms of magic / witchcraft?:: nah. What religion BEST fits your beliefs?:: i don’t really know. i was raised catholic and believe certain values but i don’t really practice it. Is the bible complete bullshit?:: i don’t think so. Are some things simply unexplainable?:: yes. Do you believe in the supernatural? (ghosts, etc.):: shit creeps me out but nah. Should the drinking age be raised, lowered, or kept the same?: in australia it’s 18. i think that’s fair. Does the government have the right to intervene gangs and cults?:: yes. Should health care be universal?:: yes. Could peace on Earth ever be achievable?:: haha not while i’m alive. Do you believe there is life on other planets?:: maybe not in our solar system but probably in the universe. Does astrology hold some truth to it or is it just nonsense?:: haha i don’t get astrology. Can someone really be psychic?:: i don’t think so.

Have You Ever…. kissed on the first date?:: hallucinated?:: baked a cake?:: dated someone 5 or more years older than you?:: dated someone 5 or more years younger than you?:: seriously considered marriage?:: seriously been engaged?:: witnessed a crime?:: fallen asleep in a pool?:: found an error on a receipt?:: been on a cruise?:: been to Disneyworld or Disneyland?:: ate squid?:: played strip poker?:: sent someone a naughty photo?:: talked to a celebrity?:: lied about your age?:: been to a bar?:: been bought a drink?:: been recognized from online?:: had sex with the window shades open?:: had sex in a place other than a bed?:: made out for more than 1 hour?:: failed a midterm or final exam?:: flirted with a teacher?:: wore your boyfriend / girlfriend’s clothing?:: talked your way out of something?::

The Last Time You… ate a snack?:: today. met someone new?:: a couple days ago. talked on the phone?:: today. went to a store?:: today. went to school?:: years ago. kissed someone?:: two days ago. crossed a street?:: yesterday. had sex?:: a week ago. watched a movie?:: right now. ate a popsicle?:: hmm maybe a month ago. went to the beach?:: start of the year. went to a concert?:: april. went for a walk?:: today. held someone’s hand?:: i forgot. aced a test?:: years ago. updated your facebook status?:: years ago lol. smoked a cigarette?:: a couple hours ago. saw your boyfriend / girlfriend?:: two days ago. went out to dinner?:: last night. checked your email?:: today.

[kanaevonroswag]

Common Pro-Demisexuality Arguments, Debunked

Kindly consult AVENwiki for the definition of "demisexuality" before reading the rest of the post, just for context, because this post is already long enough as it is.

1. "Demisexuality is real because people say so."

People can be wrong. People might just be echoing somebody's wrong belief because demisexuality is seen frequently on many social media platforms that they don't even question the validity of the concept anymore because of argumentum ad populum.

Sexual orientations are based on the GENDER(s) one can feel sexually attracted to (e.g. no gender for asexuals, same gender for gays/lesbians, two or more genders for bisexuals/pansexuals/polysexuals (not to be confused with polyamory)), and not based on HOW or WHEN one feels sexual attraction for another person (e.g. demisexuals who feel sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection with someone). Demisexuality etymologically makes no sense, trying to be a sexual orientation.

And let's look at demisexuality as a label in practice. By asserting that demisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation, there is an implication that allosexuals (1) experience sexual attraction all the time, 24/7, when that is untrue for many of them, and (2) do not try to get to know someone at all before feeling anything for them. By asserting that demisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation, there is an implication that asexual spaces are not even exclusive anymore to people who do not feel sexual attraction at all, when there is a reason they are separate from allosexuals. More on this in #2.

1.1 "I resonated with this label so it must be real." or "It's real because I say so."

Maybe you resonated with demisexuality because it's actually VERY COMMON. The experience is real but the label "demisexuality" is bullshit. And because it's a common experience, it doesn't need a sexual orientation label. Isn't it common sense that non-asexuals can start to feel sexual attraction after getting very emotionally-invested in someone? It's pretty normal for non-asexuals to want to get to know someone before the thought of sex with that person even occurs to them; this is especially normal behavior for those not interested in one-night stands.

Maybe you resonated with it because your libido is low. But having low libido is not a sexuality. What defines sexual orientation is (or are) the gender(s) one is (or is not) sexually attracted to. High-libido asexuals exist, too, so even associating low libido with asexuality isn't logical.

2. "Sexuality is a spectrum.", "Demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum."

Looking at the definition of demisexuality, it doesn't make sense to be halfway between asexual and sexual/allosexual. Because it's either you feel sexual attraction (allosexuality) or you don't (asexuality). There is no in-between so there is no asexuality spectrum* that dictates when the asexual feels sexual attraction.

Demisexuals FEEL sexual attraction. It doesn't matter that they attach "after forming an emotional bond" after that part of the definition because, in the end, demisexuals DO feel sexual attraction as allosexuals do. Sexual orientations don't deal with the matter of WHEN/HOW sexual attraction is felt by the person, as demisexuality does.

So WHY are demisexuals wedging themselves in the asexual community when they feel what asexuals don't? There is no spectrum because it's either you feel sexual attraction or you don't. I am tired of seeing demisexuals be in asexual spaces because (1) their narratives block out the asexual narratives I'd like to see, i.e. they are seen in asexual spaces so much that asexuality is drowned out by the discussion of demisexual experiences within that space, and (2) I don't understand how someone who CAN feel sexual attraction is in the space that's supposed to be reserved for people LIKE me, who cannot.

I've seen asexuals who share my thoughts on demisexuality. Demisexuality makes it harder for asexuals to be taken seriously. It's annoying how demisexual voices are louder than actual asexual voices on social media.

*The only thing remotely close to a spectrum for asexuals is their level of aversion to sexual activity. There are sex-repulsed aces, sex-indifferent aces, and sex-favorable aces. Having safe, sane and consensual sex does not require one to be sexually attracted to the person(s) involved, because the latter two types of asexuals can engage in sexual activity for any of the ff. reasons: (1) for pregnancy, (2) as one of many optional tools to strengthen a relationship, (3) as a method of achieving emotional satisfaction from the act or the effects of the act, (4) for satisfying their libido even if they feel no sexual attraction for their partner(s), and so on.

RE: Sexuality as fluid. -Yes. Of course it is fluid. An ace may find themself feeling sexual attraction for somebody after all, so they can discard the "asexual" label and then adopt the label conforming to the gender of the target of their sexual attraction with regards to their own gender (het, gay, lesbian, bi, pan). Similarly, a straight person or a LGBTQ person may find themselves not feeling sexual attraction for anybody after all, so they can adopt the asexual label for themselves. There would be no need to adopt demisexuality as a label at all in either example, considering the criticisms of said label in this post.

3. "You're not demisexual, you don't know how it feels, and so you can't tell me demisexuality isn't real or tell me how to feel about my orientation."

This is the go-to argument from what I've seen on some Tumblr posts on demisexuality as a sexual orientation. It's not only fallacious, but also baseless. I've seen people who have admitted to formerly adopting the demisexuality label saying that, after thinking about it and/or growing older, they come to see the concept of demisexuality as a sexual orientation as unnecessary or ridiculous (see spookyfeminist-nature-blog's response in this post). Ex-demisexuals obviously have claimed to know how demisexuals feel at one point in their life.

And that includes me. I used to call myself demisexual because I confused my high libido for a capacity to feel sexual attraction. But libido has a biological basis and it is not equal to feeling sexual attraction. Not once have I considered scratching that itch with the involvement of another person, no matter how much I loved them, and so I do not feel sexual attraction towards anyone of any gender regardless of how strong my emotional bond is with them. I'm asexual and I think that this third argument is fallacious because it's like demisexuals only want to talk to demisexuals about the validity of their "orientation". What kind of sexuality-related discourse happens only within your ingroup? Y'all would just be reaffirming your held beliefs if you don't talk to people in the outgroup, almost like locking yourselves in a demisexuality echo chamber.

4. "You're just an aphobe.", or any death threats or insults aimed at the critic of demisexuality

The first argument is resorting to ad hominem. This and the latter two do not add any substance to the topic at hand, and you're not going to change any minds if you attack their person. And "aphobe" isn't even the right term considering that an "aphobe" is a bigot to asexuals. Demisexuals definitely aren't asexual and shouldn't be part of the asexual community for feeling the sexual attraction asexuals do not. Actually deliver counterarguments to prove that demisexuality is a valid sexual orientation if you really think these criticisms are wrong.

P.S. Death threats and the like aren't cool in any context, and I have seen people passionate enough to send these if they disagree strongly with an opinion or with a person for what they did/said. Whether you're for or against something doesn't justify sending someone a death threat or telling them to kill themselves. Communicate, educate, and agree to disagree instead of wanting the other person dead if the former two actions do not work.

4.1 "Nobody needs to see [these criticisms of demisexuality]." or "Stop telling me my orientation is fake or snowflake-y."

You're also not addressing the topic at hand by resorting to these arguments. Criticism of demisexuality exists for a reason. Maybe take a look at these criticisms and reflect upon the label.

5. "People find comfort in this label so don't criticize the label."

Any label undergoes criticism. Stop to think about WHY the criticism exists and WHAT part(s) of the concept of demisexuality is (are) being criticized. Read all of these points carefully, and engage in meaningful discourse. The burden of proof is on people who believe demisexuality is a valid sexual orientation.