#and yes this is also the reason for his forced removal from instagram last year

[daesungindistress]

Reminder that Seungri is a sex offender. Convicted and registered.

As some of you may be aware, Seungri was recently released from prison after serving a criminally short sentence of just 18 months for the commission of 9 crimes ranging from economic (financial) crimes, crimes of violence, and sex crimes.

That's right. Sex crimes.

In his sentencing hearing in August 2021, at the conclusion of the first trial in the Lower Military Court, just before he was whisked away to prison, the judge explained to Seungri that he would be subject to "registration of personal information related to sex crimes." See below:

This was not widely reported, or even given much attention, with most of the media's focus being on the 3-year prison term and accompanying fine related to gambling. (Surprisingly, it did make it into Soompi's coverage, but I've reached my image limit on this post so here's a link to the report instead.)

Side note: as expected, his stans did not discuss this openly (or at all), and even their big "trusted translator" accounts either glossed over it or omitted it from their translations altogether, so many of his international supporters were unaware.

In the second trial with the High Court (first appeal), in which Seungri pleaded guilty to all charges (except for habitual gambling which he appealed again, hoping to lower it to "occasional" gambling, a lesser charge... he was unsuccessful with that, by the way), the court granted him leniency, cutting his prison term in half and forgiving the nearly $1 million fine. A generous reduction in punishment simply for saying, "I'm guilty, I'm sorry, go easy on me."

At the time, I couldn't find any information on whether or not the registration requirement for sex crimes remained in place. Even after the Supreme Court finalized everything in May of last year, there seemed to be no mention of it.

Now, however, days after his release from prison and return to society, we finally have confirmation:

Required to register but exempted from disclosure. More on that below:

In short, Seungri is a registered sex offender required by law to submit (and keep current) his personal information to the authorities. He must also return each year to the local police station having jurisdiction over his home address and have updated mugshots photos taken -- once a year, every year, for the next 15 years. To put this into perspective, they'll be keeping tabs on him until he's in his late 40s.

So, yes, his information is registered. However, at the judge's discretion he was exempted from disclosure. This means his personal information (such as home address) will not be available, i.e., publicly searchable, on South Korea's online sex offender registry. Police will have access to this info. The public will not.

What was his violation of the Act on Special Cases Concerning the Punishment of Sexual Crimes? Well, we knew he had been charged with distributing some form of illegally filmed sexual material, also known as hidden camera footage or molka. It was described as being a photo of women, in bed, naked -- and, importantly, photographed from behind, which raises the question of consent.

Seungri admitted in 2019 to sharing something in a group chatroom, as there was chat evidence of this that could not be disputed. However, he challenged the notion that he'd taken the photo himself, claiming he'd received it from someone else. He later took it a step further and disputed the nature of the photo altogether by trying to pass it off as a "business advertisement" sent to him in a "spam text message" from an employee of an adult entertainment business. For publicity purposes.

The court rejected his excuse explanation for the photo and deemed him guilty of distributing illegally filmed footage. But as for who took the photo, whether it was Seungri or someone else, the court's decision didn't seem especially clear to me... until now, thanks to JTBC recently reporting details from the ruling:

The KKT chat log, made public in 2019, did not support Seungri's claim. The testimony of other members of the chat, when questioned in court about the photo they received from Seungri, did not support it either.

So much for his fans' stubborn insistence that he "wasn't in the molka chats." Thanks to the chat evidence, court docs from Jung Joonyoung's ruling, and Seungri's own admission in an interview with Chosun Ilbo, we've known for years that Seungri not only knew about his friends' molka habits but received such things from them directly and even reacted to them with amusement (laughter). Now, with the detailed results of Seungri's court proceedings before us, we can be certain that he took part in the practice too.

[hwangsbbg]

Just a kiss - Yangyang

Synopsis : Yangyang and reader are best friends and they end up going further than just kissing in an attempt to check their kissing skills

--------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm not watching that movie another time" Yangyang complained as the two of you made your way to your house. It was a tradition for him to sleep over every Friday night and for you guys to do a movie marathon.

"But its a classic" You whined as you saw you were a couple steps away from reaching the front door.

"A classic we've watched literally a hundred times. Can't we watch one of my movies instead" He replied watching you open your front door.

"We can watch one of your movies, and one of mine. And if we can't get along on the last movie we can just play video games" You walked in your house, immediately making your way to your room.

"Are your parents not home?" He asked considering we'd always be greeted by them as soon as we entered the house.

"My dad travelled for work yesterday and my mom is visiting her parents. I told you this like ten minutes ago" You rolled your eyes.

"I forgot to listen" He grinned at you, following you into your room where both of you set your bags on the side of your room.

"Did you finish your homework for the weekend or are you gonna end up copying on me" He practically jumped next to you on the bed as he watched you remove your shoes, doing the same.

"I finished it during my free period this time" you replied, proudly, as you removed your cardigan, throwing it to the other side of the room.

"Wow! For once! You deserve an applause" He dramatically clapped for you. You rolled your eyes playfully.

"I'm gonna take a shower, you can go in after if you'd like" You walked towards the door that connected your room to your bathroom.

"Or I could always join you" He laughed making you laugh as well. You shook your head at him playfully before finally going in.

You finished rather quickly and when you were out you realized Yangyang was missing. You called his name while putting on a new pair of underwear and an oversized shirt he had actually given you.

"I'm coming! I'm grabbing some snacks" He replied from the kitchen as you set up the movie you wanted to watch on Netflix.

Yangyang walked in with a tray full of snack and grinned as soon as he saw the shirt you were wearing.

"You're wearing the shirt you stole from me" "You gave it to me" "Yeah after you wouldn't stop stealing it" He laughed, setting the tray on the table next to your bed and jumping in the bed next to you.

"Aren't you gonna take a shower" you questioned.

"Oh yeah" He remembered. You laughed as he stood up making his way to the bathroom. A few seconds later he walked out, shirtless.

"Can I use your shampoo" You definitely heard him, but your eyes were more focused on his bare upper body that was displayed before you and you couldn't think of anything else.

"Wh-What" "can I use the shampoo" he repeated his question, smirking at you.

"Y-Yeah of course" You finally managed to look up at him. He laughed at your reaction before walking back into the bathroom.

You laid down on the bed, quite embarrassed, making yourself comfortable as you scrolled through Instagram, waiting for him to come out and start the movie.

You were so focused on your phone however, you completely forgot about Yangyang who walked out of the bathroom and walked in on you laying down on your phone with half of your ass exposed by your shirt that had been lifted up.

He coughed a little trying to get your attention, and it worked, however you had no idea about your situation and you simply looked at him smiling.

The thoughts that crossed his head at that moment were far from innocent, certainly not the kind of thoughts you would have about your best friend.

When you turned your head, you noticed he was only wearing a new pair of pants but his abs were once again on full display and it was turning you on in ways you couldn't imagine.

You hadn't had sex ever since you broke up with your boyfriend last year and to say you were beyond sexually frustrated is an understatement. To add on to that you have an incredibly good looking man standing shitless in front of you. What would you expect.

Your eyes trailed up from his abs to his eyes to see he was staring at your ass and you quickly sat up, laughing nervously as he copied your actions, laughing as well.

"where's your shirt" You asked him as he took a seat next to you on the bed.

"I tried to put the AC on when you were showering and it isn't working, it's way too hot inside for the shirt I brought" He explained making you nod in understanding.

"I bet Talia would love to see you like this" You Spoke after a while, remembering the quirky girl who dared come up to you and tell you to back off of Yangyang.

"What do you mean" He looked genuinely confused which made the situation quite comic for you.

"You know Talia right?" "Which one" "The skinny brunette one with the green eyes" You explained and he instantly understood who he was.

"High heels Talia? The one who tried failing maths so I could tutor her" "Yeah! That one! She told me to back off her man because she thought we were dating"

"What did you say" He was almost dead laughing. "I told her I've done some things with her 'man' she couldn't even think of" You laughed seeing him become all read and remembering how she stormed off after hearing that.

"Why would you say it like that" He laughed even harder. "Because I was tired of her always thinking I'm 'stealing you away from her' and I mean we have done some pretty crazy things.. just not what she's probably thinking" you explained.

Yangyang shook his head at you playfully making you give him a suspicious look. You wouldn't dare believe it but you had to ask him.

"Why.. are you like into her" you didn't mean to make it sound so mean but it just came out that way.

"Why are you jealous" he teased you, laughing at your reaction. You frowned in response.

"Come on! You're the only girl in my life! You know that" He tackled you into a bear hug, holding you tightly before letting go. During those few seconds you managed to catch a strong whiff of your shampoo and body wash and you realized how he was shirtless and had to force your mind away from inappropriate thoughts.

"Ok but I also have a confession" He spoke up after a couple of seconds of silence. "What did you do" knowing Yangyang, he was capable of the craziest of things and him saying that scared you.

"I kinda did the same thing you did with him" Yangyang admitted, shocking you.

"What!? When? How? Where? Why?" you had so many questions. He gave a nervous laugh before explaining.

"So I was walking to my locker and he came over to me and asked if I had seen you. I told him yeah but I wasn't going to tell him where you were. Then he told me he just wants to explain himself"

You shook your head. He had cheated on you. What was there to explain. You stayed quiet however and let Yangyang continue his story.

"I told him there was nothing to explain and he said I had no business in this and asked me why I was even putting myself in you guys' business. So I told him I have my reasons. And he asked me if we were dating or fucking and that it had to be one of those" he paused.

"What did you say" you asked. You were aching to know the rest.

"I told him why not both and he got super pissed and left" Yangyang admitted making you burst out in laughter.

"You told him we were sleeping together and dating" You couldn't believe what you had just heard.

"Yeah. I mean I thought he would have realized I was lying considering you could sense my sexual frustration from miles away"

"Not at all Yangyang, if anything you give off playboy vibes" you replied making him blush a slight red color.

"No but seriously I mean with that smile and those abs, you have like half of the girls at school chasing after you" You didn't even realize your hand was on his thigh until you met his eyes and saw him looking at it.

"Sorry" You bashfully apologized. "It's okay" He breathed out.

"Anyways, why would you give off sexually frustrated vibes. Don't you like.. touch yourself"

Yes, it was quite an awkward conversation but you guys didn't mind talking about things like this and that was a great thing in your friendship.

"I mean yeah, but it's not the same thing as having sex" he replied as if it were something you should have known.

"But didn't you hook up with Violet at the party last week" "She tried to hook up with me but I didn't want to"

You were quite confused considering Violet was considered one of the hottest girls at school and he was sexually frustrated.

"So I haven't had sex in like five months" "I haven't had sex in like a year! I don't know why you're complaining" you rolled your eyes at him.

"That's cause you didn't want to. Every guy at school tried hooking up with you as well. Your ex boyfriend spread the rumor that you were a great kisser but even better in bed"

"Yeah I heard the rumor. It's not false so I didn't bother saying anything" you shrugged.

"So you're saying you're a great kisser" "Well I'm not denying it" "I bet your not as great of a kisser as I am" Yangyang teased you making you laugh.

"I could show you" You spoke jokingly but noticed the serious look on his face.

"I was joking" You made it clear before you saw him smirk and speak up.

"I bet you I'm a better kisser than you" he challenged you. Only he knew his true intentions and how competitive you could be.

"Bet on what Yangyang. Twenty bucks" You sparked up at he thought of the new challenge.

"Ok but if I win you have to grant my three wishes" he replied. You nodded, sure you weren't going to lose.

"But how do we test this, do I have to kiss one of the girls you kissed because they all suck to be honest" you spoke making him chuckle before replying.

"I mean it's just kissing we could just do it together and see for ourselves". You raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged.

You obviously wanted to kiss him, all betting aside, so it didn't take much for you to agree. As soon as you replied with a 'yes', he moved his hand to rest on the bed, at your side and leaned in to kiss you.

It was a really soft kiss and it made your head dizzy. You hadn't been kissed like this in so long. Your lips moved together softly before he pulled away.

"I don't think we can determine who's the better kisser from just that" you used that as an excuse to continue doing what you were doing previously.

Yangyang smirked, kissing you once again, this time more passionately. You changed position, both kneeling on the bed without breaking the kiss.You could feel his hands, one of the back of your neck and the other around your waist.

He licked the bottom of your lip, asking for entrance. You teased him, denying it to him, wondering what he would do next.

He completely surprised you when he let his hand trail from your waist to one of your ass cheeks and squeezed it making you yelp and allowing him to enter his tongue.

He grinned into the kiss as your two tongues danced together, Yangyang taking the lead and dominating over you. You didn't mind his dominance though, you found it hot. Hot to the point where you could feel your underwear slowly getting soaked.

You let your hands rest on his abs as the kiss continued on for a while longer before you pulled away.

"Wow, the rumors are soo true" He let out, quite out of breath making you giggle.

"I didn't even show you half of what I know" You smirked, proudly, as you saw him bite his lip. He definitely wanted you as much as you wanted him.

"Can you show me more in that case" He asked. You smirked.

"Only if you admit I won the bet" "Who the fuck cares about the bet at this point" He replied. You couldn't agree more. Things were definitely not going to be the same after tonight.

You pushed him back so he was sitting on the bed before climbing up onto him, straddling him. Without wasting any time, you reattached your lips to his, instantly inserting your tongue in his mouth and letting it be guided by his tongue.

After a few seconds you pulled away, stared at him and reattached your lips to him, only this time to his neck. He let out a clearly involuntary moan as you sucked all over his neck and softly grinded on him.

You could clearly feel his member growing in his pants, right under you ass. You felt bad for the poor thing that wanted to break free from the clothes he was locked in. He grabbed your ass with both hands and began rubbing on it making you curse in pleasure.

You looked up to see Yangyang biting in his lip hard as you continued sucking on his neck. You moved your ass a little to grind into him again, making the both of you moan out of pleasure.

You made your way back to his mouth, reattaching your lips as you felt his hands trail under your shirt. You felt him smirk into the kiss as he discovered you weren't wearing a bra.

"Were you expecting this" He pulled away, biting his lip. "No, I just don't see the point in wearing a bra in my own house. Don't feel too special" You giggled, reconnecting your lips.

He let his hands play with your breasts under your shirts, squeezing on them before taking both nipples and squeezing those too.

You let out a rather loud moan, not really caring considering nobody else was home at this time.

He pulled away, tugging at your shirt and within a few seconds it was on the other side of the room. You watched him lick his lips before flipping you over so that you were laying in the bed with him on top of you.

"Fuck.. you're fucking hot" he praised you, attaching his lips to your neck this time as he grinded his erected member right on your core that was only covered by your panties.

"Fuckkk" you both moaned as he continued kissing all over your neck and collarbone before he began moving down, grabbing one of your nipples with his hand and taking the other in his mouth.

He sucked and licked around you, enjoying the sounds of your moans before moving to the next one. He reveled in the fact that he was the one making you feel this way as he continued kissing your lower stomach all the way to your panties.

"You might be the better kisser but you've never seen what I can do with my mouth" He smirked as he pulled away.

You looked at him in shock. Was he seriously talking about what you were thinking.

"Please show me" You weren't going to bother lying, you were desperate to see what he could do with his mouth beside speak a ton of language and say the weirdest shit.

"You don't even have to ask" he kissed between your thighs making you shiver in excitement as he neared closer and closer to you.

He reached towards the waistbands of your panties, using only a few fingers to pull them off and toss them next to him.

"Holy fuck" He groaned, wasting no in attaching his mouth to your core. He first kissed it, sending an intense feeling all through your body before he licked between your folds.

"Oh fuckkk Yangyang" you moaned as he continued licking up and down before he thrust his tongue in your hole making your knees buckle in pleasure.

He reached up and began rubbing on your clit as he continued thrusting in and out with his tongue. Your loud moans only further encouraging him.

You felt heat pool up in your stomach as he used his other hand to play with one of your nipples.

"Ah.. fuck.. I think I'm gonna come" you let out in short breaths and he sped up his actions. He removed his hand that was rubbing on your clit but it didn't matter as he went deeper with his tongue making his nose rub against your clit.

You reached your first orgasm and it was nothing less than pure bliss and your entire body shook.

You watched him smirk in satisfaction, admiring your naked body and replaying the orgasm he caused in his head.

"Can you take anymore babe" You don't know where the nickname came from nor did you care. It sounded so fucking hot and you felt so desperate for him. And you knew how he felt too.

He stood up, giving you he perfect few of his member that was clearly very hard inside his sweatpants.

You licked your lips, making your way over to him and helping him remove his sweatpants along with his boxers, finally freeing his hard on from the prison it was stuck in.

You stared at his impressive size before slowly grabbing hold of it. He let out a small groan at the feeling as you began to pump on it.

"I would return the favor but I really want you inside of me right now" You loved hearing his moans but you couldn't wait any longer.

"Fuck- if you keep saying things like that I won't be able to control myself" "I don't want you to" you replied making him chuckle in response.

"Shit- I don't have a condom" he groaned in frustration before you spoke up, announcing you had one.

"For surprises like this" you spoke once again after seeing the eyebrow raise he gave you. He opened your bedside drawer and was surprised to see all the different types of condoms you had stored in there.

"You just keep them in here knowing your parents could see them" he looked at you in confusion.

"My dad never comes into my room and my mom gave me these" You watched as he scanned over the different sizes before picking up a large one. Seeing his size, it didn't surprise you.

He ripped it open using his teeth and easily rolled it on before positioning himself at your entrance. You moaned, feeling only the tip enter you as your whole body was once again overwhelmed with pleasure.

"Fuck babygirl" he unconsciously let the pet name slip as he grabbed on to your waist, pushing further inside of you until he was fully in.

"Fuck Yangyang" you moaned loudly as he began moving slowly inside of you before he started picking up his pace.

"F-faster.. please" you managed to let out as he went even faster than before and your moans became more high pitched and frequent. You were already nearing your orgasm.

Your hands went to his back, before the rested in his shoulders and he hit your gspot with each and every thrust.

"Ugh.. I'm close babygirl" you could feel him twitching inside of you as your walls clenched around him and, like he had announced, he came.

He continued thrusting though until the pool of heat in your stomach spread to your entire body as you also released for the second time.

He rolled over, laying on the other side of the bed as he tried regaining his breath while you did the same.

"I can't believe that just happened" You would have never guessed your weekly sleepover would turn into probably the best sex you'd ever experienced.

"I'm so happy it did" he replied, finally free of the sexual frustration that was bothering him.

"I mean it was only a matter a time considering the way you stared at my abs earlier" He teased you making you laugh.

"It wasn't as bad as how you were staring at my ass" you replied, returning the favor.

"You got me on that one. Remember the favor you owe me" he reminded you of the amazing job he had done to you with his mouth.

"How can I forget. Remember the three wishes you have to grant me" you also reminded him of the bet he lost.

"I just made all your wishes come true but if you need me to show you again I will" He replied cheekily, making you giggle.

[btsslowburnfic]

Body Insecurities Series

Rated: T for implied sexy times and language

Members: Jin and Yoongi

Body struggle: Your breasts

Jin

Today was a day full of mistakes. Mistake #1: You scrolled through Instagram for the 50th time today. You knew better. But the photo of Jin and that model now had 2.1 million likes. Htf was that even possible? You thought. I mean, you knew the two fan bases were huge, but jeez. 

Mistake #2: You read the comments section. The one talking about how your boyfriend was so hot and so was the model and that they were probably dating and how she had the perfect body and “wow most Korean girls aren’t that curvy,” “Damn, I bet Jin couldn’t keep his eyes or hands off that.”

You were petite. You did not have an hourglass figure. In a world of alleged hourglasses, apples, and pears, you were a carrot. Or a french fry. A very straight french fry. You had gone through your middle school phase of super padded bras. Your high school phase of little silicone cutlets. And even your twenty-something phase where you looked into cosmetic surgery. But you thought you had come to terms with your aerodynamic figure by this point in your life.

You sighed. You had promised yourself you would not be this kind of girlfriend. You knew you were dating a celebrity. You knew what you were getting into. It still sucked though. You heard the door to your apartment unlock.��

[Y/N]?” You heard Jin yell from the foyer.

“I’m in here,” you responded, getting up and walking over to him. 

“Hey beautiful,” he said as he exited the foyer and reached down for a hug. You smiled as he always hooked his arms under yours even though he was taller. Weirdo. I wonder if he hugged that model. You found yourself thinking. Goddammit brain. Stop. 

“Hey! Did you have a good day today? You’re home so early.” You said as you walked into the kitchen.

He followed you, opening up the refrigerator and grabbing a drink. “Yeah. We filmed an episode of Run today and we actually completed our missions early so here I am,” he smiled while taking a swig of the drink.

You looked over at him, “I thought you were doing shots with that model today?” You said without thinking.

He thought for a minute, trying to remember what you were talking about.  He pulled some chicken out of the refrigerator, “That was last week. You know the content creators hold on to photos for months at a time. Today’s Run episode won’t even air for like 8 months.” He said nonchalantly. Like it was no big deal. Because to him, it wasn’t. 

“Oh.” You said as you prepared the rice maker. “Was she nice?”

Jin rolled his eyes. “Since when do you take an interest in who I work with? Other than when it’s an artist or actor you’re a fan of.” He could guess where this conversation was headed. He sat the chicken down on the counter.

“No reason,” you responded.

“She was fine. We didn’t really talk, but she was polite to her stylists and stuff I guess.” He said as he began to marinate the chicken.

The rest of the evening passed as normal as possible with the two of you cooking and eating dinner. You tried hard not to be an insecure weirdo but it was difficult. You left your phone in the bedroom to resist the urge to check insta again. 

“What do you want to do tonight?” you asked him since he rarely had a free evening. 

He had changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Netflix and Chill. Is that what the kids call it?”

You laughed, “Yeah like 5 years ago old man,” you teased him as you joined him on the couch. 

“You pick, I don’t care.” He said, handing you the remote. You scrolled through mindlessly before deciding on something. 

You tried to focus on the movie but all you could focus on was the actress’s perfect bodies. You didn’t even notice how much you were zoning out until the movie abruptly stopped. Jin had paused it. You looked over at him.

“What’s bothering you?” 

“Nothing.” you said, feeling your face flush. You had said it too quickly though and Jin noticed.

“Jagiya. Talk to me.” Jin said wrapping his arm around you.

“I just...I’m feeling really awkward after seeing the picture of you with that model and reading all those comments about how perfect she is and how you two look so good together and how she has perfect tits and I have zero tits and I just feel really bad about myself now.” You stumbled through your confession all at once.

“Oh Jagi...There’s so much going on up there,” he ran his hand down the side of your face. “Yes. She is very pretty. And so are most of the people I work with. And so are you. I’m not going to lie about that. And her boobs are fake.”

You looked at him incredulously, “How do you know?”

He rolled his eyes at you and raised his eyebrows. “Really? You really think those are real?”

You scoffed, “No but I….”

“[Y/N] If you want fake boobs, we can buy them, but I love you and your body just the way you are.”

You looked away. “You’re just saying that.”

Jin sighed, “I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but I’m Worldwide Handsome. If I wanted to date a supermodel or someone with huge boobs, I would have done it. I’m with you because I want to be. Because I like you. I’ve liked you since I met you and I think you are beautiful just the way you are.”

You didn’t have a counter argument for that. It’s not like he didn’t have women throwing themselves at him all the time. You nestled back into his side. 

“Thanks Jin.” you said.

“No need to thank me. I have clearly been lacking in telling you how beautiful you are and I shall remedy it immediately.” He kissed the top of your head.  

Yoongi/Suga

It was time for bed and you had just finished brushing your teeth. You took off your dress and looked in the mirror. You frowned. You grabbed your boobs in your hands and pushed them up, back to where they used to be. Ah much better. You sighed as you let go and watched them sag back down to their now natural state. You groaned and put a bralette on and then put on Yoongi’s black hoody as well. 

You walked back out of the bedroom and were surprised to see Yoongi had wandered into the bedroom. You always went to bed way earlier than him; your office job required a much earlier morning than his job. He turned and looked over at you and then opened his arms. You smirked and walked over, lying down on top of him and greeting him with a kiss. “Coming to bed early tonight?”

“No...Just visiting the bedroom in hopes of some other bedroom activities.” he ran a hand through your hair and gave you a suggestive look. 

“Oh really?” you said before pressing your lips against his. His hands moved down feeling around your underwear and pulled at the fabric to lift up your shirt. Well, his shirt. You sat up and finished pulling it over your head before settling back down on top of him. The two of you continued to make out for several minutes, slowly losing more and more bits of clothing until all that remained on was your bra. 

You hoped Yoongi wouldn’t notice, but as he laid on top of you, he started to rub a hand under your bra band. “I think you’re forgetting something.” he commented playfully. 

You tried to ignore it, putting on a sexy voice, “I just want to get to the main event.”

“All right then, let’s do it,” he said and started to pull on the band to help you remove your bralette.

You froze up. “No. I want to keep it on.”

Yoongi gave you a perplexed look and rested down on one elbow, running the other one along your collarbone. “Ok. It’s not a big deal. Is there any reason?”

You looked away, not really wanting to answer. You were usually very confident but lately this had really been bothering you.

“I thought you were just really into borrowing my hoodies, but I’m guessing something else is bothering you.” He said as he gently touched your face, forcing you to look at him.

“I just...I just hate my saggy boobs ok? They’re gross and I don’t want to see them.” You blurted out. 

Yoongi looked a little surprised for a minute. “That’s what you’re worried about? But they’re so cute. And I love them.” He said and you actually believed him. 

“It’s your body, I’m not going to make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. And I can’t tell you how to feel. But you should know that I really like them. I like how they feel in my hands.”  He gently rubbed the outside material of your bra, “and how they feel in my mouth,” he leaned down to kiss you, “And how they feel against my body.” You felt him gently pushing himself against you beneath the sheets and a quiet moan escaped your lips.

“How? They fall into my armpits when I lay on my back.” you whined. You were also half laughing at how ridiculous you sounded.

He smirked. “That’s gravity. You want me to tell you what my balls do when I lay down?”

“No. Definitely not,” you laughed as you raised your head up to kiss him. 

“Alright, we’ll work on helping you feel better about this, ok?” He kissed you again. 

[ichorizaki]

truth or dare! ━ b.k.

꒰ ❛ genre ❜ ꒱  — fluff, crack-ish

꒰ ❛ pairing ❜ ꒱ — bokutō kōtarō x gn!reader

꒰ ❛ warnings ❜ ꒱ — vulgar language, mentions of alcohol, drunk!reader, bo being a lovely dumbass<3

꒰ ❛ word count ❜ ꒱ —  1.8k

˚ ༘ˀˀ  ꒰‧⁺ a text from sol —  ✎ˀ my first fic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! no thoughts, head empty, just exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy bornday to my bobo bb<33 + mia [ @samuthots​ ] wanted me to tag her so i am doing so   n e r v ou s l y-

-`,✎ synopsis!  ; ♡ drunken confessions of love aren’t always received well, which was why bokutō kōtarō was surprised that his crush had reciprocated his feelings.

Bokutō Kōtarō knew how to handle his liquor well. He was an athlete after all, so it was only natural to be one of the few somewhat sober people among a sea of absolutely shit-faced college students. He didn’t know why Kuroo invited him to this godforsaken party. It was something along the lines of someone knowing somebody who knew somebody. Though he may be a little slow in certain areas, he wasn’t dumb enough to not realise that it was just an invitation to another frat party.

He would much rather be somewhere else at that moment. Maybe somewhere with his best of friends where he could get absolutely hammered and let loose with no inhibitions at all. Sure, he loved crowds but not ones that were too drunk to even hold a proper sentence. His wish was granted by none other than the same person who invited him to the party and also left him on his own (on accident or not, he didn’t know).

So there he sat in a circle, playing a mashup game of Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle with his beloved friends and a very, very attractive you. There were several drunken people in the circle, some that he didn’t recognise, but he didn’t need to complain when he was sitting right across you.

Your name is the only name that set his heart on fire and made his stomach perform weird flips. Your smile is the only smile that made his face flush pink and stumble over his sentences. You were the only one who could make him nervous just by being there because you were just that stunning to him.

Akaashi always had the prettiest friends, but you were the one that stood out to him. Finding out that you were an angel both inside and out was pretty much one of his greatest accomplishments in the history of everything.

Everyone in his inner circle was well acquainted with his hopeless crush on you. New Instagram post? Screenshotted and sent to his group chat to fawn over you. Double-taps the picture countless of times like as if he could give more than one like. But comment? Oh, he could never. You smiled at him in the hallway on the way to your class in the next building over? Screams at his group chat over how adorable you are with his heart ramming dangerously against his rib cage. You guys bumped into one another on campus? He’s never going to wash that shirt because it made contact with you.

He knew next to nothing about you besides your major and that you were Akaashi’s friend. He should probably ask you on a date, but he was too scared because you two were practically strangers. But then again, he wouldn’t know if he didn’t try, but–⁠

“Earth to Bo!”

He forced himself out of his little reverie and stared back at an even more flushed you. How many drinks have you had?

“Dude, did you not hear Y/N?” Kuroo snickered teasingly. “Too busy daydreaming about them when they’re literally right in front of you? C’mon, dude.”

“Kuroo, shut your whore mouth.” He flipped the bedheaded male off.

“Bo! Eyes on me, I asked you truth or dare!” Your words, albeit slightly slurred, came out as a cute little whine that sent his heart pacing at an alarming rate. Wait, you asked him? His eyes looked down at the unopened bottle of Coke with the tab pointed at him. “Bo. Truth or dare?” You repeated once again.

“Uh . . truth!” He stammered, which garnered giggles from a slightly drunken Akaashi and the rest of the group.

“Okay!” You exclaimed cheerfully with a childlike grin on your face. How could you be so cute? “Truth—do you wanna kiss me?” Does he want to WHAT?!

“Wait– dare.”

“Eh . . then . . then . . I dare you to kiss me!”

“You– huh!?” His brows furrowed, lips jutting outward in a confused pout as he tilted his head to the right ever so slightly. Of course he wanted to kiss you. Of course he wanted to hold your smaller frame in his arms and literally steal your breath away but you were drunk. You were drunk! He couldn’t do that to you; you probably didn’t know what you were doing or saying.

“Kiss! Gimme– gimme k—iss, Bo.” Your whines were louder and they were a melody against the jarring harmony of Kuroo’s dying hyena laughter.

“Y/N, I can’t possibly do that when you’re this drunk,” he sullenly sighed. A loudly whimpered a “Why not?” with those damned puppy eyes of yours and he almost felt compelled to pull you into his laps and make out with you.

“Bokutō-san,” Akaashi, the graceful voice of reason, shifted in his spot next to him, “Isn’t this clear indication that your feelings for Y/N are reciprocated?”

“Akaashi!” It was then his turn to whine out in protest. He could still hear your drunken pleas to want to be kissed by him and how he was cheating by flouting the game. “I mean, yeah, but I’m not gonna kiss them when they’re that drunk. I want our first kiss to be memorable.”

“Bobo, that’s sweet, so let’s go on a date right now!” You cheered happily, catching him off guard as you threw your body onto him.

“Sweetheart, it’s two in the morning.”

“Time is a concept and you’re so cuddly,” you swooned, shamelessly burying your face deeper into his chest. God, you were too cute. He felt his neck burn up as Kuroo’s ridiculous laughter began to envelope the whole group in a heavy blanket.

So the both of you stayed like that for the rest of the game; him, not moving an inch so you could feel comfortable, and you, who had peacefully dozed off halfway through the game in his arms without a kiss from him.

People began to leave after lounging for a while at Kuroo’s dorm. Bokuto lived in the same building, just a few floors down, so it wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the sleeping you in his arms. If he were brave enough, he would bring you to his dorm knowing that Akaashi would offer his bed for your sake. He wanted to do the responsible thing and tuck you into your bed in your dorm, knowing that you’ll be safe there, but the problem lies therein: he hadn’t an inkling of an idea where your dorm was.

You looked so peaceful in his arms that it almost felt painful for him to let you go. He couldn’t stop staring at your sleeping face, your lush lips parted the slightest bit and he could tell that you were dreaming from the way your eyeballs shifted beneath the soft skin of your eyelids. Were you dreaming of something nice? Were you dreaming of him and you, living a fantasy that would make you forget the realities of the embarrassing scene from earlier? With you sound asleep in his arms, he felt like sleeping too.

“Bokutō-san.” He looked up to see Akaashi squatting before him with all of you three’s belongings on his person. “Their dorm access card is in their bag. Their dorm is near ours’.”

It took everything in him to not scream out loud. Instead, he chose to muffle his screams and all that came out were confused, strangled noises from his throat begging for the younger male to elaborate further. All this while, you were so close within his grasp but like sand you just fell between his fingers! Well, it kinda made sense since your classes took place all the way across the campus. But still!

When Bokutō lifted you in a bridal carry as he stood up, he had his eyes on you the whole time, praying to whatever gods who would heed his call to not let you wake up. The last thing he wanted to do was interrupt your sleep.

True enough (not that he doubted Akaashi’s words in the slightest in the first place) you resided close to the both of them. You were living four doors down to them, closer to the lift lobby. Akaashi knocked on the door experimentally to see if your roommate was awake before doing anything else. Thankfully, your roommate was awake.

“No wonder Y/N wasn’t picking up any of my calls,” they heaved a sigh of relief, slicking their short dyed hair back. The tattoos that adorned their pale skin and piercings on their ears and lip would have thrown Bokutō off if it wasn’t for the Cinnamoroll pyjama top they sported. “Thanks for bringing them back. I was dead worried.”

“It’s no problem,” Akaashi answered for the both of them. Your roommate led them in and directed the two to your room, and Bokutō tenderly tucked you into bed. He went through the trouble of asking your roommate to fluff up your pillows and opening up the windows for fresh air while he removed your socks and any outer layer of clothes. He was ready to leave until he heard you mumble his name in the midst of your dreamlike state.

“Oh, so you’re Bokutō.” He turned to your roommate, unable to say anything but choke out a strangled “Yes?” On their way out, your roommate told them that you wouldn’t stop talking about him whenever you could. He would respond under normal circumstances, but he didn’t want to risk you waking up. It would be a lie if he admitted that it didn’t inflate his ego. When Bokutō and Akaashi arrived at their shared dorm, the former was able to sleep with a peaceful smile on his face knowing that his crush liked him back.

Bokutō thought he wouldn’t see you for another two days at least, so when you were so enthusiastically running towards him while he was on the way to practice the afternoon after, he couldn’t help but run towards you like a puppy reuniting with his owner after years of separation.

“Y/N!” His voice boomed like thunder in the open grounds of campus as he met you halfway.

“Bokutō-kun!” You mimicked his tone, slowing to a stop just an arm’s reach away from him. You had that energetic smile and the sparkle in your eyes that made his stomach flutter. If he was making you smile like that, he would quite literally pass out that moment. “Bokutō-kun, truth or dare?” His smile would’ve dropped to morph into an expression of pure confusion but your smile was just so addicting that his face was just mirroring yours.

“Hmm . . . let’s go with dare.”

“M’kay!” He thought it was impossible for your smile to get any wider, but he was proven wrong. “I dare you to go out on a date with me.” Now he was grinning ear to ear like a lovestruck fool.

“How does this Friday at seven sound?”

“It’s a date!”

[whenihaveyouromione]

When I Have You - Chapter 24

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A/N: The wiggentree is believed to protect from dark magical creatures, which I thought fit perfectly in an office that — despite Hermione’s efforts — are not yet accustomed to treating creatures as equals. I thought it was ironic and fitting for this chapter. 

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Chapter 24

“Are you sure you don’t want to take this mission?” Harry asked, waving the sign up sheet in front of Ron. “It’ll be the easiest one, because there’ll be no one about to cause too much trouble.”

“Not likely,” Ron said, pushing the sheet away. “I’ll wait for the one that comes after Christmas. I’d much rather spend Christmas at the Burrow, and with Hermione, than in some run down inn in the middle of who knows where. Ginny won’t be happy when she finds out you’ve signed up to be away for Christmas, by the way.”

“Ginny will be away for Christmas,” Harry said. “Which is why I thought I’d do it.”

“Where will Ginny be?” Ron asked, surprised, as that was the first he’d heard of it.

“Training,” Harry said, shrugging. “Apparently all the new Harpies recruits are being put to the test over the Christmas break. She couldn’t even get the day off to Apparate home.”

“Huh,” Ron said, “life of a professional Quidditch player.”

“So it seems,” Harry said. “Though, thankfully, not quite professional yet.”

Ron, who had felt mildly put out when Ginny had told him she’d been offered a spot in the squad of the Holyhead Harpies, had taken some time to get used to the idea of his sister potentially becoming a professional Quidditch player in the next few months. He was proud of her, of course, but also, he wouldn’t have minded such a job — though, in reality, if he couldn’t perform well in front of the Hogwarts students, he doubted a larger crowd of fans would be any better. 

But being in the team had come at a price of being forced to stay in Holyhead more than she could be at home. Sometimes, she’d be away for a week at a time, a fate which Ron sympathised with Harry over from when Hermione had gone to Australia.

“She’s home tonight, though?” Ron asked.

“Yeah, for the next few days,” Harry said. “Then she’s gone again.”

“Honestly, I thought that if Ginny wasn’t going to be home, you might want to spend some time with Teddy — and Andromeda. Mum would still love to have you, too, you know.”

Harry grimaced. 

“Yeah… I’ll be seeing Teddy a little before Christmas. Spending a day with him… on my own this time. Completely on my own.”

“You’ll be fine,” Ron said. “He loves you.”

Harry laughed. “I wouldn’t say that, but it’s getting easier each time.”

“Except for the time he completely destroyed your living room, right?”

On one of the times Teddy had visited Harry — the now walking and running small child had gotten into everything that was in the Grimmauld place sitting room. He’d tore out books from bookshelves and ripped up some pages, knocked off empty vases and pulled down the few photos Harry had put up. Ron, who’d witnessed the event, had called Teddy a terror. Hermione had said it was normal for that age.

Harry shook his head at the memory. He’d had all visits with Teddy under the supervision of Andromeda since then. 

Ron nodded. “Well, speaking of homes, I better go and drag Hermione from the office to make sure she actually leaves it today. Did you know she didn’t get home until one this morning? Apparently she was working so intently on one of these laws she’s been tasked to write that she lost track of time. She’s not eating properly either, forgoing meals to continue working.”

Harry gave a short laugh. “Well, that’s Hermione, isn’t it? Prioritising work above all else. Do you not remember exam time?”

“Yeah,” Ron said, “but she’s going to wear herself out if she keeps going. We haven’t had a proper conversation in about a week, because she gets home, goes straight to bed, then gets up at a ridiculous hour to head back in. Then, she skips her lunch breaks. She’s mad.”

Harry smiled. “Ah well, good luck tonight then. See you on Monday. Hopefully Hermione has a good rest over the weekend.”

“Ha!” Ron said. “Try telling her that.”

He gave Harry another wave, who’d just finished packing up his own stuff, and headed down the corridor from the Auror office. 

The first missions for the trainees were coming up — experiencing time away, on a job. It wasn’t a planned job, and they didn’t yet know where they’d be going, as the Aurors were hoping something would eventuate in that time frame. 

There would be one over Christmas (good character building, they said, for when they actually become Aurors and get unexpectedly called away from their loved ones) or one just after New Years. 

Ron had chosen the one after New Years, with Neville, while Harry had elected for the Christmas one. He was mad, Ron reasoned. Who would willingly go away for Christmas?

He reached the lift, and instead of going to the atrium and to the fireplaces, he went to the level that the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was on. Most people headed in the opposite direction to him, with it being slightly after five and keen to get home. But Ron knew that he’d find Hermione hunched over at her desk still, scribbling away at the SPEW law she was working on. 

Honestly, he didn’t know why she needed to do so much work for it. She had done much of the research back in her fourth year, but apparently much more than her fifteen year old had managed now needed to be done. Apparently, the long term goal was to banish house-elf enslavement altogether, but for the time being, the law was to have better control over the families house-elves were assigned to. And in the case of generational ownership, she sought to abolish that immediately. 

Since August, when she’d started her job, Ron had spent countless evenings listening to her talk about it over dinner, and weekends sitting with her as she pored over books to gather her information. He’d been keen to begin with, but the novelty of it had soon worn off — especially when his own workload increased as he reached the halfway point of his second year of training. 

Now, he just wanted her to come home and eat something with him — or, as things currently were, eat anything at all. 

He pushed open the Magical Being office, unsurprised to see most desks empty. But over in the corner, by a wiggentree (the irony, Ron thought with a smile), sat Hermione. She didn’t even look up as Ron approached, but continued to scribble on a lengthy roll of parchment, her hand darting backwards and forwards quickly. 

“Hey,” Ron said, drawing up a chair to sit opposite her. “It’s past five. You’ve got to come home.”

“I’ve just got to finish this,” Hermione said, not looking up from her work. “You can go. I may be a while.”

“Yeah, you said that last night,” Ron said, “and remind me again when you got home.”

“I lost track of time,” Hermione told him absently. She paused, her brows knitting together for a moment, and then started writing again, just as quick as before. 

“Did you eat today?” Ron asked.

“I don’t remember.”

“So, no.” 

“I’m far too busy. The workload is increasing each day. But I promise that once I get home, I’ll eat enough to make up for the meals I skipped today.” She paused, still not looking at him. “You can go,” she said again.

“Nope,” Ron said, “I won’t leave until you’re done, which is now.” He removed the quill from her grasp, but she’d not been expecting it, and the ink dragged across her page, leaving a smear across her freshly written notes. 

“Ron!” Hermione cried, taking out her wand to remove the smudge. “Can you not do that?” She snatched the quill back, finally looking up at him. 

“I want you to come home,” Ron said, a little defensive now. “You can’t stay here all night again. It isn’t healthy.”

“I’ve got so much to do, and it won’t get done —”

“You’re always going to have work to do,” Ron told her as she returned her gaze to the parchment. “And you’re the most organised person I know, so if I can balance my workload each day, then you can, too.”

“Yes, but I have far more than you do, Ron. You’re just a trainee, so you have the qualified —”

“Just a trainee?” Ron asked, a pang of something unpleasant creeping up on him now. “Is that how you see what I do, is it?”

Sighing, Hermione placed her quill down and looked up. She looked so tired, a little stressed — Ron had a feeling that not all of it was caused by her work. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, though she didn’t sound all that apologetic. “I just meant… well, an Auror — qualified or in training — is a lot more physical. You do more hands-on things, you’re out and about, so you’re not going to have as much desk work to do. It’s the nature of the job.”

Ron stared at her for a moment, not quite sure he was hearing what she was saying. It wasn’t even what she was saying, but how. She spoke as if what she was doing was far more important — something that had never happened before. She’d always encouraged him, supported him in his journey to become an Auror. 

“An Auror is one of the most skilled positions in the magical world —”

“Ron, I know that —”

“Some didn’t even make it to the second year of training —”

“Ron, I didn’t mean… listen, I’m just really tired, and I really need to get this done. Can you just… leave me alone so I can finish it? I’ll be home as soon as I do, but the longer you’re here, the less I get finished.”

“Last week you were asking for my help,” Ron told her, unable to keep the hurt from his voice. 

Hermione said nothing. For a moment, they looked at each other, then another moment later, Hermione looked back down at her work. 

Ron waited a little longer, watching from the other side of her desk, but it became clear very quickly that she had no intention in having a change of heart. 

Annoyed, upset, and a little angry, Ron jumped to his feet, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He watched her for a moment longer before saying, “I’ll see you at home, then. Whenever that will be.”

He marched to the door, but just as he went to swing it open, the magically coloured work timetable that appeared in every office, caught his eye. As they drew to the end of October, offices were beginning to plan for the holiday period. 

He paused, reading through the timetable. “I see you’re working Christmas,” he said, not at all kindly.

Hermione gave a start, apparently having not realised he was still there.

“Oh, yes… they needed someone for a few hours in the evening. I said I could do it.”

Ron glared at the timetable for another moment, and then without a word to Hermione, he left. He didn’t go to the atrium, though, but returned to the Auror office, which was now empty. 

Locating the sign-up sheets for the missions pinned on the noticeboard, Ron erased his name from the New Years one with his wand and scribbled his name on the Christmas one instead. 

If Hermione didn’t think it important enough to take the Christmas break off, then neither did he. If she thought working during a time they were supposed to spend together was a better option, then he’d do the same. He didn’t care. It was only Christmas. 

But even as he left, this time definitely returning to the atrium, a feeling of regret began to creep over him. They’d fought last Christmas because of something very similar, and he’d vowed to make sure it never happened again. But they were two months away from their second Christmas together, and already he was consumed with bitterness.

And now he’d just signed the holidays away to boot. 

[solange-lol]

who is he (and what is he to you?) - ch. 1/3

words: 1,720

solangeloweek day 1: fathers day

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Will Solace has never been nervous to travel. 

He used to go on vacations with his mom when they could afford it, although most of those were road trips. Then, when he got older and started working for the magazine company he currently works for, he was sent on all sorts of business trips. Will got used to traveling; used to flying and being in different places every couple of nights.

It’s less the plane ride that he’s nervous for and more the actual reason why he’s going. Yes, it is technically a business trip, but its a business trip to Texas and Will thinks he’s found his father. The one that walked out of their house when he was barely a year old and never looked back. The one that never sent birthday cards or went to Will’s graduation, who didn’t even attempt to contact Will once he was older. 

It was an accident, really, that he found his father. 

Of all things it was an ad on his Instagram feed that popped up, promoting a touring band called Apollo with lead singer Lester Papadopoulos. Seeing his father’s name not spoken from his mother for the first time was a bit of a shock.

The universe had a cruel sense of humor though, or so it seemed, as their gig in Austin, Texas lined up right as Will was headed there for a business trip slash unplanned reunion with his mom. 

The opportunity was at Will’s feet, practically begging him to finally find out what kind of man his father really is. Or more likely, have Will give him a piece of his mind.

“You good?” A voice from behind him came. His coworker and best friend Nico was also assigned this trip with him (like usual, and thank god for that). 

Nico bumps their shoulders together as the two of them board. “Usually I’m the one with plane anxiety.”

Will pushes back his thoughts and replaces them with a smile. “It’s not that. Can’t say I’m completely looking forward to three days of conferencing, though.”

“Tell me about it!” Nico groans, practically throwing back his head as the two of them settled in their seats, preparing for the four-hour flight from New York to Austin. “Last time we were stuck in one of those, I pretended to be taking so many notes but I was just doodling!”

Will laughs. “I remember that one. We played hangman at one point,” he reminds Nico, which just causes him to go onto retelling many stories about conference days. It was one of Nico’s ways of calming down before the plane took off, but also gave Will time to zone off again about his father.

He has the date, location, and time of the bar that Lester and his band were playing at just in case. The thought was burning in the back of his mind just like it had been ever since Will first saw the ad, and he imagines it wasn’t going to leave until Will just sucked it up and faced his deadbeat of a dad. 

“Is your mom still upset that we aren’t staying with her?” Nico asks, pulling Will from his thoughts once again. (Though not completely. Like he said, burning in the back of his mind.)

“I think right now she is, but once we take over her house during the day, demanding food and laundry, she’ll be glad to have the space to herself at night.”

“We are not demanding anything from your mother,” Nico replies indignantly.

“You might change your mind about that once you taste her cookies.”

They’re cut off as the engine begins to roar, and Nico squeezes his eyes shut, grabbing Will’s hand. Even after a few years of working together, he’s still scared of planes. He has the same reaction to every flight. 

Will had offered his hand on their second flight ever together, and every flight since then, to the point in which he just takes it when he feels they’re about to take off. It’s one of their weird business trip traditions.

Will notices an older man eyeing their hands from across the aisle, making him nearly roll his eyes at the guy. For one, they’re not even dating. And if they were, what was the big whoop? Were people still sensitive to two guys holding hands in this day and age? 

It didn’t matter, he supposes, because there was no way Nico was letting go until they reached a level relationship to the ground.

���—

Naomi Solace was waiting for them as soon as they got their bags. She had insisted that even while they weren’t staying with her for the trip, the least she could do was provide them some transportation so they wouldn’t have to rent a car.

Nico was visibly uncomfortable, Will could tell. He’s tried explaining multiple times that his mother is the last person to be afraid of as long as you don’t hurt Will or mention his father, neither of which Nico had done. It didn’t help to calm him down though. 

That worry seemed to melt the moment Naomi catches their eyes, immediately waving them over with the brightest smile on her face.

She hugs Will first, of course, who could feel relief spreading through his body when she wraps his arms around him. Even with all the crazy going on around them, it was comforting to know that his mom was there for him. (Not that she knew Will’s other reason for the trip, nor would she. It would crush her, and he can’t handle that right now.)

After she finally lets go of Will, she immediately goes to Nico. Will winces, cursing at himself internally that he hadn’t told his mom that Nico didn’t like to be touched without warning until he realized that he can’t even help but to relax into one of Naomi’s hugs.

The tension had completely dissolved by the time they got to the car, leaving Will to excitedly tell Nico all about the area that he had grown up in.

“Schlitterbahn!” he cries excitedly, causing Nico to give him a confused look.

“Bless you?” he says, more like a question than a statement, causing both Will and Naomi to laugh.

“Not a sneeze,” Will says giddily. “Just the best waterpark ever!”

Nico still looks confused (has he never been to a waterpark?) but he seems content with letting will rediscover his past. Will’s grateful for it, especially considering it takes his mind off his father.

It also makes Will realize something. Something huge, unknown to Nico, and only a select part of the southern experience. He turns to Nico with a near-crazed grin. “Have you ever had Whataburger?”

“Had a what-a-what?” 

“We have to take him there for dinner, mom!” Will’s voice is pitched higher than normal, dripping with pure childlike excitement. Next to him, Naomi’s smile was much more calm, only laughing at her son’s antics

 Meanwhile, Nico looks like he’s almost expecting Naomi to say know. Lord knows how many times Will has refused to go to McDonald’s with Nico for dinner on business trips. That changes as soon as Naomi takes a quick turn into a parking lot. 

Will nearly pulls Nico out of the car as she parks, dragging him towards the bright orange and white doors of the restaurant. 

“I know you’re a devoted McDonald’s fan, but at least give this a try,” he says, walking Nico up to the counter. “I think we might be able to change your mind.”

Once the three order their food, they sit down together at a booth. Will ends up sliding next to his mom rather than Nico, which is a force of habit after many restaurant trips spent sitting across from each other. 

Both Naomi and Will eagerly watched as Nico took the first bite of his burger. He chewed comically slow, making vague facial expressions before swallowing. He pauses, then decides “It’s alright.”

“Alright?” Will nearly yells, trying not to laugh through his words.

Nico’s face breaks out in a grin. “Okay, maybe it’s better than alright. I still think McDonald’s is my number one, though.”

Will rolls his eyes. “We need to get you some new taste buds.”

⁠—

Later, Will flops back happily on the hotel bed. He sighs contentedly as several joints in his back pop, savoring the feeling of resting for the first since they got off the plane. 

After dinner, they gave Nico a quick car tour of the city of Austin before Naomi dropped them off at the hotel they’re staying at. They’ll have plenty of time to explore the city tomorrow after some much needed rest. 

Will hears a soft laugh coming from next to him. He rolls to his side to face Nico, who’s sitting cross-legged on the bed across from him as he bemusedly watches Will stretches.

“Comfortable?” Nico asks, grinning. Will’s taken aback for a moment by how soft his best friend looks at that moment in black sweatpants and a soft gray-green t-shirt. He’s actually very pretty, and for a moment Will wonders what it would be like to cuddle with him.

He shakes that thought away with a smile, dramatically stretching his arms above his head. “Very.”

Nico laughs again, uncrossing his legs and scooching up to the headboard of the bed. “Not quite like my bed at home-”

“But better than some of the others we’ve had,�� Will finished, nodding. He mirrors Nico’s actions, sliding under the covers of his own bed and reaching to plug his phone in. He's not really that tired, but he doesn’t want to think about the day ahead of him tomorrow anymore.

“Hope you’re ready for some epic rounds of hangman tomorrow,” Nico says as Will reaches to turn off the lamp next to him. 

He grins in response. “It’s the highlight of these conferences.”

Nico rolls his eyes. “We need to stop agreeing to these trips.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he laughs. “Goodnight, Nico.”

“Goodnight, Will.”

He rolls over, facing away from Nico as he tries to force himself to fall asleep. His mind is still racing, though, overlapping thoughts about his mother and his father, and even Nico himself. 

All he could do was close his eyes until he fitfully fell asleep.

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[sserpente]

Book review: “LOKI - Where Mischief lies”

Alright, my lovelies. I read it. I read this marvellous book called “LOKI – Where Mischief Lies” by Mackenzi Lee and I loved every single page. It made me cry and scream and gasp and squeal, and I have to talk about it with you guys. Before you read on, beware of spoilers though.

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I thought that reading this novel was like reading a fanfiction. When Odin banished Amora to Earth in Chapter 6, I swear to Loki, it was exactly like a fanfiction I once read.

There is so much canon information to work with. Seriously; that was my first thought. This novel confirmed Loki is pansexual because on Asgard, just like we thought, it doesn’t matter whom you love as long as you’re being genuine about it. And Loki is genderfluid. Canonically now. He literally said ”I don’t change my gender. I exist as both.” and the fact that in the novel, he is not willing to accept the concept of being feminine as a man or masculine as a woman being allegedly bad within society, or that certain things like painting your nails and wearing high shoes is something only the female gender should do, is prodigious. Guys. Loki painted his nails black when he was young. I’m in love.

This novel gave us such a perfect insight as to what Loki was like when he was young. The novel takes places roughly two centuries before the first Thor movie (as Odin declares Thor would become his heir in the end) and it proved singlehandedly that Loki (surprise surprise) was never evil has always been misunderstood. It literally states that Thor’s “warrior friends” (e.g. Fandral, Volstagg and Sif, etc.) didn’t want anything to do with him and that out of the two, Thor was the spineless one for the most part. I mean… blaming Loki alone for their failure in Alfheim? Buh, you whore. And Odin… well, Odin has always been a jerk but that’s been canon for a while anyway.

And then all the little details! The concept of there being little to no magic on Earth and your powers being drained from you if you spend too much time there is fascinating and it raises a particularly important question—with Asgard destroyed, what will Loki do? But then again, he has the Tesseract. He can go anywhere he pleases.

Did you notice Mackenzi mentioned more than once that Loki never freezes? That the amount of that blackout powder Theo had to use on him to render him unconscious when he arrived on Earth was strong enough to knock out a Frost Giant?

Oh and now we know that up until the 19th century, at the very least, Loki didn’t know who Shakespeare was. He didn’t know what dogs are, he’s a sweet tooth (though we already knew that thanks to the Junior Novelisation of Thor Ragnarok) and he likes coffee! For some peculiar reason, I’ve always wondered if Loki would like the black brew. He’d either love or loathe it. Now I’m glad I finally know the answer.

Back when he was young, Loki was pretty shy when in love. He did not dare kiss Amora for a long time and rest assured I screamed when he asked her. Loki was soft. He didn’t understand why the nine realms were so against him and why there is “something about him that makes people not trust him”. I dare say that the softness which we see glimpses of in the first Thor movie is not gone. Loki is still soft, especially when in love. I do think he is more farouche now, though. More dominant and hence even more restrained than he already was. Amora ceased to be Loki’s true friend when she turned hysterical and tried to kill him for her own benefit. As for Theo… he had already made up his mind about Loki when he read the myths which Loki wasn’t even aware of until he grabbed that book himself but at least Theo came round. Oh and Loki did like him. Because of his past, which this novel confirms, I think it’d be hard for him to believe that somebody would truly accept, like or love him just the way he is and I love how this plays right into my own Imagines which I’ve written in the past.

Anyway, my personal theory is that Amora is not truly dead. She was swept away by the force of the strong airflow more dead than alive when she let go (writing this I realised Loki attempted the same kind of suicide Amora did… oh my God…) but I highly doubt she died. Mind you she was strong enough to destroy the Godseye Mirror with Loki and drew life force from humans to survive on Earth. What does that mean? Could she possibly make an appearance in the Loki series? In the next novel? At this point, anything is possible. And what about Theo? I remember Loki’s “This day, the next, a hundred years, it’s nothing. It’s a heartbeat. You’ll never be ready.” Loki lied to him because he had to. He couldn’t have brought him to Asgard if he wanted to and he also couldn’t stay on Midgard with him. He knew it’d be so damn hard for him, an Asgardian (since he didn’t know he was a Frost Giant) and a human to be in love. Loki knew that when he told Thor to say goodbye in TDW. Odin would not have allowed Theo on Asgard, especially not if Loki asked. He even compared Thor’s (ex-)girlfriend Jane to a goat when he brought her.

So what did Theo do after? If you read the book, you’ll know that Loki discussed the SHARP Society’s name with him and Loki… Loki suggested SHIELD. I mean…?! Did Loki influence the foundation of SHIELD? Is that what Theo did with his life after Loki had gone?

Last but not least, Odin’s and Loki’s conversation at the end broke my heart. I thought having to witness Odin telling Loki that his birth right was to die was bad but apparently, there is worse:

“The only truth with which you need concern yourself,” Odin said, “is that any man who sticks his hand into a fire will be burned. You have disappointed me greatly today, my son.”

“As opposed to what, exactly?” The vehemence of his own voice surprised him. Before he knew what he was doing, before he had truly considered it, he mounted the stairs and walked up to the throne, uninvited, and faced his father. “You have never given me a reason to believe you were anything but disappointed with me since the day I was born.”

Odin shook his head. “You do not give me reason to show you anything but that.”

“I have done terrible things, but you let me be nothing but those things. Tell me, Father, do you think me evil? Do you think me monstrous?” He spread his arms. “Did you need a villain and I was available? Someone to make Thor look prettier than he is so that when you give him the throne, everyone will be willing to overlook the thousands he’s slaughtered in the name of peace and Asgard?”

“Enough!” Odin roared, […].

I was a sobbing mess. Now tell me if Loki ever had a choice not to be selfish. Who else is going to think about him, consider his opinion and take care of him if he doesn’t do it himself? That he decides to “become the witch and know everything”? And in spite of it all… I am soft for how much he still loves his brother. Mind you, the (actually deleted) scene from the first Thor movie in which Loki tells Thor that he’s looked forward to this day as long as he had, is yet to come. “My brother. My friend. Sometimes I’m envious… but never doubt I love you.” or what he told the Warriors Three after his banishment: “I love Thor more dearly than any of you but you know what he is.” Yes, he led some Frost Giants the way into Asgard to “protect the realm from his idiotic rule for a while longer” (thank God he did, Loki was right, Asgard would have drowned in chaos—not Loki’s kind of chaos but bad chaos) but I don’t doubt the sincerity of his words to Thor before his almost-coronation.

Yet to come is also the revelation that he’s a Frost Giant, for him to find out why he never stood a chance against Odin’s constant disappointment. I should have known from the beginning it was him who took the Norn Stones. For himself. Loki is so relatable it physically hurts.

He didn’t just snap when his whole world fell apart that day. This novel proved that it was only the tip of the iceberg; like a tiny pebble removed from a mountain made of rocks, causing it to collapse.

I am definitely going to read this novel again. It’s incredibly inspiring for Imagines (I’ve already got a pretty angsty Imagine planned based on Loki’s adventures and I’ll make sure to work that in between all the Halloween requests I received) and I am desperate for more details. Mackenzi has to write the next one ASAP.

[side-shawty]

Burn II (Stark!Reader)

II: Elastic Heart

Fandom: Marvel (MCU)

Type: series (?)

Prompt/Summary: Tony Stark’s daughter gets cheated on

Pairing(s): Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Avengers X Reader

Requested? Yes

I was listening to In My Life by The Beatles when I wrote a lot of this. Hope you guys enjoy it!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER 

•

Y/N spent two full hours releasing everything she had been holding in since that phone call with Harley. Her father received a temperature alert from FRIDAY while he was in the lab and waited until Y/N cooled down before he went in.

On his way there he passed the Avengers sitting solemnly in the common room.

“This is bullshit,” he heard Bucky exclaim from now slightly down the hallway, “I say we go teach the kid a lesson,” despite the situation Tony felt the smallest of smiles tug as his lips. Much to his dismay you and Bucky had gotten rather close because you had been assigned to lead the upgrades on the super soldier's arm.

The Avengers all loved and looked out for you. None of them had ever seen you like this. So … broken. You were a light in the tower, both literally and figuratively. They hated seeing you in a state that they didn’t know how to fix.

The door was unlocked when he got to the room. He approached his daughter dressed in his black fireproof suit. The girl's body was still glowing a faint red. Better safe than sorry, he thought.

Tony ignored the ashes surrounding her — he knew exactly what they were from — and sat down next to his daughter, tugging her curled up form into his arms. They sat there in silence for a few moments, Anyone Who Knows What Love Is by Irma Thomas was playing quietly. It was Tony and Y/N’s feel-good song when either of them was sad.

Y/N remembered when she first got her powers and she used to have nightmares. She thought she was dangerous and that she would hurt the people she loved. Her father would come in and sing it to her each and every time and she would always feel better. She had asked her father why he picked that song that night and he told her that was all he could think of.

The two of them had no idea how long they sat there but Y/N was no longer glowing and Tony let his helmet retract into his suit. Y/N let her legs stretch out straight in front of her, turned her body, and held her father’s middle for dear life.

“Is it my fault?” Y/N asked, her voice slightly hoarse, she only cried since she had been in here.

Tony felt his blood boil and had a fleeting thought that maybe he did have something to do with his daughter’s abilities.

“Absolutely not. You did everything you could. But things were … limited for you guys. I’m not saying the kid made the right decision and the last thing he should have done was cheat on you.”

Y/N only nodded before asking, “Will it always hurt this much?”

“No, sweetheart, but the first heartbreak is always the worst. And yours is still fresh,” Tony said and placed a kiss on her head.

“Now how about we get you cleaned up and fed, and we can watch a movie or something, yeah?”

Y/N nodded and Tony stood before helping her up and they walked to her room.

•••

It took another few days of quiet family time with Tony, Pepper, and an occasional appearance by Rhodey and Happy before Y/N left her room. The Avengers were family too but they kept their distance. Each of them did visit at least once, though. Meanwhile, she did she spend a lot of her time in her private lab.

Something she didn’t do before.

Y/N liked to be around people when she worked, always said it made her creativity flow. Her father’s lab was the biggest and became the main lab for her, Tony, and Bruce. Bruce also had his own lab but had come to really enjoy working with the father-daughter duo.

Y/N was on her tenth straight hour in her lab when she got an unexpected visit.

“Mr. Parker is on his way in Miss Stark,” FRIDAY said but Y/N barely registered what the AI had said until the automatic door opened and Peter walked in.

“Hey Y/N,” Peter said walking up to the lab table she was working at. She quickly shut down all of her monitors and holograms and turned around to look at him.

“Hey Peter,” Y/N replied, moving to give him a friendly hug. He had clearly just come from school, he still had a bag from Mr. Delmar’s place in his hand.

When they pulled back Peter shook off the odd feeling he got from her turning off the monitors so fast. It wasn’t his business but that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned and curious.

“How long have you been in here?” He asked setting the bag down.

“What time is it?”

Peter looked at his phone, “Like 3,” he told her.

Y/N sighed and rubbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her Guns ’n Roses sweatshirt, “Coming up on hour eleven,” she said and sat down.

“I brought your favorites,” Peter said pushing the bag towards her. 

When she looked inside it was filled with assorted Swedish Fish and Sour Patch Kids, “You’re an angel,” She told him.

The blush that dusted his cheeks was drowned out by look Peter was giving her, one she had become accustomed to since the article released. It was poorly masked pity. But unlike the others Peter’s didn’t stay, he shook it off in an instant.

“What are you working on?” Peter asked, b-lining into a new conversation.

“Little things and an adjustment to my suit. I’m thinking of changing the color, maybe orange or hot rod red like my dad’s first suit. But I found some nice blues, a few that match pretty well for when my fire goes blue. But then there’s this—“

“Y/N you’re rambling,” Peter cut her off.

“Sorry,” she said and looked down, playing with her fingers.

“Don’t apologize, Y/N, and don’t feel like you have to be strong around me or something. We’re friends, and it’s barely been a week since everything happened,” Peter touched her shoulder and she looked up at him, she looked into his eyes instead of just glancing at them for what felt like the first time in years.

They were silent for a moment. That was all it took for every single one of her carefully built walls to fall.

“Peter I don’t know what to do,” Y/N told him, her voice laced with emotion. “My parents, the team, they tell me it’ll get better but every time I look at my phone and open any kind of social media. I see him…I see them,” She hadn’t even been this honest with her dad. But there was always something about Peter that made her feel like she could tell him anything and he would never pity her the way her family did.

“Give me your phone,” Peter said, holding out his hand.

“Why?” Y/N asked, genuinely confused but unlocks it and puts it in his awaiting palm anyway.

“It’s time for some revenge posts,” he says and Y/N quickly stands up.

“No. The internet already knows more than enough about me. No need to tell them he broke my heart too,” Y/N says and attempts to reach for it but Peter holds it out of her reach.

“This isn’t about them. This is about showing him what he lost,” Peter said scrolling through her pictures, jeez did she take a lot of selfies. He was fending her off with one hand now.

“Peter, no. Bad idea, there’s no reason for all that,” She said, trying to move the hand on her abdomen that was forcing her away.

“Yes, there is. You didn’t block him on anything, right?” Peter asked and shifted in the blink of an eye. Removing his hand but shooting a web at one of her feet.Y/N would’ve fallen forward if not for her reflexes. He smugly walked away with her phone in his hand, still scrolling.

“No, Peter get your stupid web off of me,” Y/N said struggling to release her sneaker-clad foot.

“Perfect. So he’ll see it directly and not through one of his friends. And it’s almost 4, so I know he’s not busy.” Peter was still walking around her lab, tinkering with things with one hand while messing with Y/N’s phone with the other.

“Peter!” She called.

“Y/N, you take a lot of pictures. Nice ones too,” he said, ignoring her. She felt her cheeks heat up ever so slightly at the compliment.

“Take this off of me, I like these shoes. I don’t wanna burn them,” she said.

“I’m almost done, just gotta add a caption.”

“Ugh,” Y/N exclaimed and decided to give up. She pushed her seat over and laid on the lab floor.

Peter walked back over, “Don’t move,” he said, “This is perfect for Snapchat.”

Y/N covered her face frustrated with her hands and heard the camera click.

“All done,” he said and shot something from his wrist. The webs dissolved.

He laid down on the floor next to Y/N and she held her hand out for the phone.

She sighed, “Let me see the damage.”

He rolled his eyes and handed it over, “You’re being dramatic.”

“Mhm,” Y/N hummed as she opened up Instagram.

The first post was from about two months ago. The sun was shining through her window perfectly and Y/N couldn’t resist a quick selfie, the caption was simply “Sunkissed” with a little sun emoji.

“Gosh you’re cheesy,” She told him with a light laugh, smiling slightly.

“That’s a great caption,” he laughed with her.

“Sure, sure,” Y/N said before looking to the second post. It was of the two of them on some random day they had in the city, a candid that Steve took. They were walking down an abnormally empty street and decided to mess around. Y/N had her hands above her head, laughing, while Peter did a handstand in the middle of the road. 

It was lovely but she never posted it because, though he never said it, Harley didn’t particularly like “cute” photos of her and Peter together. The caption for this read “If the Captain ever quit his day job he could be a photographer.” Peter, of course, tagged himself and gave photo credits to Steve.

“Nice shout out Spider-Boy,” Y/N said with an eye roll before opening up Snapchat.

There were also two posts on there, the first was from her camera roll, a picture that Nat took of her laughing in the common room at one of Rhodey’s awful standard dad jokes that uncles end up using. She had a soft spot for bad jokes, this one had no caption but her happiness in that photo was palpable.

The second was her on the floor, hands covering her face and a blue heart over her webbed foot, her hair sprawled out nicely. The caption said, “Genius. Billionaire. Scientist. Area Rug?” And Y/N had no idea why this made her laugh so hard but it did.

Peter joined in on her laughing fit and as they laid on the lab floor Y/N finally felt like everything would be okay. This was the start of feeling like herself again.

When their laughter finally died down they looked at each other. Their shoulders were touching and Y/N thought that Peter had the most stunning brown eyes she had ever seen. Unbeknownst to the girl, he was thinking the same thing about her Y/E/C ones.

“Thank you, Peter,” Y/N said quietly.

“There’s no need to thank me, Y/N. We’re friends,” he says and immediately regrets it because something flashed in her eyes that he didn’t like. It sent a pang through his heart.

“Yeah,” she said and blindly grabbed his hand to give it a warm squeeze before turning her gaze up to the ceiling, but he kept his eyes on her.

They stayed there talking about nothing and everything. She told him a bit more about how she felt about everything with Harley. He told her about the Millennium Falcon that he and Ned were building out of Legos.

“So you’re saying that Nat would beat Clint in a fight even if he had his arrows?” Peter asked.

“I’m saying that she has. They never told you the Budapest story?” Y/N asked.

“I didn’t know there was a Budapest story,” he said, curiosity increasing by the second.

“Well—“Y/N began but was cut off by the alarm alerting all of the Avengers to suit up and head to the briefing room.

“Another time,” Peter said as the two of them shot up.

•

 NEXT CHAPTER 

[bananashemmo]

Divorced For A Reason

Pairing: Y/N/Luke

Rating: PG-All

Request: Yes 

Words: 3.000+

Summary: Being famous and going through a divorce after marrying young isn’t the easy life of Luke. But he’s never afraid to tell at interviews how much he loves you even though you aren’t together anymore. 

“Ten minutes boys.” Ten fingers were lifted in the air from the massive crowd of crew people.

Luke, with his tall hovering height, nodded his head in agreement and looked back at the boys.

“Ten minutes,” Luke repeated, his mouth finding the straw of his Joe & The Juice shake, his long fingers wrapped around the large cup.

He used the other hand to make sure he hadn’t dropped a bit of the liquid on his denim jacket. He knew there would be taken pictures during the interview and it wouldn’t give the best impression if he had strawberry shake all over his clothes.

“You look great pretty boy,” Michael commented, noticing the glares Luke was giving his body, “Don’t you worry about that.”

Luke scolded away from Michael’s tattoed hand when he tried to ruffle through his curls. One of the cons about suddenly having long hair. It was like there was a sign hovering over his head stating “Come and touch, it won’t bother.”.

It did, in fact, get annoying at times but with the boys, he had grown used to it. Imagine how Ashton had been feeling the past few years.

They were walking down the hallway, having just arrived from the makeup. They could see crew lining up at the end of the hallway where there was a large room with floor to ceiling windows. The interview place was placed at one of Sydney’s highest buildings.

“What do you think they’ll talk about today?” Calum asked, still smelling like cigarettes from just having a smoke, “I mean, it’s been a while since we’ve been at an interview. The break has been going on for months. What’s interesting to ask about?”

“I think it’s just an update, you know?” Ashton replied, “Wanting to catch up with us, needing to know what’s going on. Not just for the magazine in general but also for the fans. They’re probably dying to know what we’re up to besides the updates from social media.”

Luke nodded his head in agreement, it was indeed true. They weren’t even close to finishing the new album they had coming up. It was like writing Youngblood. It took time, and time was needed to make perfection.

“I’d bet they’ll ask us about the same tattoos as they usually do.” Michael commented with a smirk and Calum leaned over to grab his hand, “That’s a bet I’d like to be in.”

Luke rolled his head silently and stopped when the others did, not wanting to walk into the room before everything was ready. He was looking at the three with their backs facing the end of the hallway.

“You know maybe I should get a tattoo, just to actually be a part of the conversation.” He knew it sounded weird when it was said out loud.

Michael and Calum couldn’t help but laugh by the sudden words.

“You know man, it’s okay you’re the naked one of us.” Michael smiled with a wink and Calum nodded his head in agreement. Ashton continued to be passive in the conversation.

“What interview are we set up for? I’m referring to the magazine.” Ashton changed the subject.

“I think it’s Vogue, for sure.” Calum laughed and Ashton rolled his eyes.

“The seriousness is as dry as your dick, Cal.” Ashton mumbled but smiled at Luke as he caught up with the insult.

Ashton shook his head in disbelief, his curls bouncing and he took a sip of his own juice. They continued to goof while Luke looked down at his feet.

“You think they’ll ask the usual question?”

Ashton looked at Luke with soft eyes, shaking his head. “I hope not so. I mean, it’s been over a year… It isn’t like it’s a headline anymore.”

Luke nodded his head in agreement but he wasn’t convinced. But he trusted Ashton because that was what kept him going but when Ashton’s face fell, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?” Luke asked in confusion, looking between the boys since Calum and Michael weren’t goofing around anymore.

They all looked at the same direction, not really knowing what was the proper thing to say so Luke turned around wanting an explanation to his curiosity.

His eyes widened in surprise and he almost whined out loud when you nearly knocked yourself into him, coming from his behind.

His juice was nearly forced into your chest but you were quick to react. You grabbed onto the juice and the head of it falling off. Just a bit of shake smeared on your fingers and you looked up at him pretty surprised.

You looked at each other as you had been stung. Luke’s mouth closed from being open agape, looking at you with soft eyes and he could feel his cheeks become a dark shade of red.

Your finger came up to remove the liquid, your mouth twisting when you noticed the taste. He was still drinking the same juice from Joe as he did back in the days. The classic Powershake with strawberry and banana.

He sighed carefully when he looked at you. You didn’t need to say anything to understand what was going on in each other’s minds.

Leaning down to embrace you in his arms, he held you tight and leaned his head into your neck. He knew the smell hadn’t changed, it was still a mix of your favourite shampoo and your fragrance.

You looked over his shoulder since he had kneeled down for you, looking at the boys with a small smile.

They didn’t say anything, simply nodding. They understood, they always had and respected your difficulties.

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked when you finally broke free from each other.

He took a look down your body, you were still wearing the same denim jacket he had bought for you a few Christmas years back. Together with your black thighs and your boots, it was like he had never left in the first place.

You gently ran a hand through your hair and looked down at your feet, “I’m supposed to be interviewed right after you.”

Luke’s eyebrows lifted and he could faintly hear Ashton coughing, “What a coincidence.”, from his behind.

“Missed your sarcasm, Ash.” You looked over Luke to smile at Ashton, watching him blush a little bit and he smiled back at you. “Missed your face too, Y/N.”

You looked at Luke who still didn’t seem to put the pieces together.

“I didn’t know anything.” You shrugged your shoulder, being honest.

Luke sighed with a nod, looking down at you for long he didn’t want to remove his gaze. But he had to because he knew the ten minutes were up and they had to sit in the four white chairs within seconds.

You nodded your head understanding they had to leave and Luke turned around with almost a white face.

“You swear you didn’t know anything?” He looked between the boys and they all raised their hands in surrender.

“No clue at all.” Ashton swore under his breath, putting on a smiling face once they arrived in front of the chairs.

It was time for the game face.

“Hello boys, I’ve been looking forward to this. I’m Veronica James.” She introduced after shaking each of their hands, nodding for them to sit down.

“Pleasure to be here,” Ashton commented, already having the microphone in his hand. “I’m sure fans are excited to hear a little bit about us.”

“Oh yes, trust me they have,” She nodded her head in agreement, “They’ve been spamming our Instagram since they heard you were supposed to do an interview with us.”

They nodded their head in agreement in a row.

Luke looked down at his fiddled fingers. He knew it was going to be one of those really boring interviews. Where there was no content to ask about, it was just done for their reputation and to get some money in the business.

He loved those interviews where he could just laugh. It was the ones that were funny, where they could it in between and have intern jokes because the interviewer was actually great at their job.

He wouldn’t say that she was bad. He was just prepared for the basic questions and those were the ones asked.

It was mostly Ashton running the interview which was pretty nice. Luke didn’t like answering if he didn’t feel like it, and happily enough Michael was also on the road, wanting to answer something here and there.

Sometimes he would grab himself from zoning out completely. Looking at some sort of random object in the room and focusing on that.

His thoughts were somewhere else. They were focused on Petunia, what he was going to have for dinner tonight and the most obvious - the meeting with you.

It was the last thing he had expected and predicted. But of course, since you were a musician in the same industry like him, it wasn’t rare that they would take multiple people a day to interview.

He just couldn’t help but feel gutted. He knew the questions would be the same for you, you could basically just sit right next to him and answer the same thing as Ashton.

“How’s it going with you, Luke?”

It was like he faintly heard his name being called because it took him a few seconds before he even registered it was for him.

He looked between the others who had already asked the question. He had heard nothing, he didn’t even know what she was referring to.

He looked down at his fingers again, his mouth open hesitantly trying to come with an answer.

“I uh-,” He looked over at her desperate eyes, “It’s going well.”

He nodded his head in agreement and made a small sound in confirm that what was he wanted to answer. His dimple was showing because he knew it was the worst answer to a question. So pointless and without content.

“Going well?” She repeated his answer, wanting him to continue.

“Yeah, I’ve just bought a new couch. Creme color. Hopefully, I won’t spill food in it.” Luke didn’t know what else to say and he knew it sounded so weird.

This was what it felt like being empty for words.

"Well, that's definitely something the fans will want to know." She shrugged her shoulder, not wanting to sound pissed at him but he could tell that she was.

After being in the industry for so long, they knew how to read the interviewers. Tell when they were starting to get annoyed, when they were actually happy about the content they were giving and how much they aspired for the interview to be great. They weren't great at keeping secrets and were open like books. Ready to be read.

Well, the most common question then," She smiled a bit, wanting to seem sweet, "I know you've probably heard this a couple of times before."

"Shoot." Luke nodded her head, wanting her to continue. He couldn't just roll his eyes in front of her.

"You recently announced your divorcement with Y/N Y/L/N, as far as I've understood."

There it was. Luke could feel that the other boys tensed in the chairs and he wanted to lean back and disappear. It was his most HATED topic.

"Yes, that is indeed correct." Luke folded his hands together, "We've been divorced for over a year, starting out with being separated for three months. Recently just wanted to announce it because... We wanted to be respected for going each our ways."

"And I totally respect that." She looked at him sincerely, not wanting to get on his nerves or make him feel uncomfortable in any sort of way.

"Was it a sad or a happy ending?" She tried to slip the question in without sounding rude.

"It was a mutual decision if that's what your hinting towards. I'd never say a failed marriage is sad or happy." He shook his head in disagreement."

Out of a coincidence he looked towards the entrance for a second. He watched as you suddenly came in and stood with the crew, watching him with a worried but soft expression. You could tell he was feeling uncomfortable.

You could always read him like a book. Knew when something wrong was up because he would continue to lick his lips even though he had already done it five times. It wasn't like the interviewer could catch up with it because she didn't seem as the questions were disturbing.

No one would ever want to talk about their marriage that had suddenly ended.

"That's only amazing that you both wanted to end it on great terms." She said impressed, "So you're still friends today?"

"Of course." Luke was quick to answer without hesitation.

"That's great." She was scrippling it down onto her paper as well, probably wanting to come up with more questions.

"Would you like to share the reason why you broke up?"

By this question, Luke could start to feel his cheeks burn. He settled with just shaking his head, not feeling that he needed to answer that question with words. She continued from his body language and looked over at the crew shortly.

“Would you ever feel regret marrying young? I mean, I think we can agree when society says it takes away freedom.”

“I uh,” Luke couldn’t help but let out a dry laugh innocently. What a question to ask from someone who aspired to be professional.

He looked down at his fingers fiddling with the fabric of his black jeans. His mouth was curving over the microphone with lips parted.

“I think we’d like the next question, please.” Ashton broke into the conversation. He didn’t want to sound rude, but the question was indeed something that made Luke uncomfortable.

“No, I’d actually like to answer that,” Luke said honestly, surprising the others.

At every other moment, he would want them to have his back, tell off the interviewers when a question like this wasn’t okay. Ashton would always have his back, and so would he if Calum needed the help or Michael.

Ashton nodded his head with a small smile playing on his lips. It was a hint of being proud but Luke had to shrug it off with his serious expression.

“Marrying young was never the end of my freedom. It meant that I could travel the world with her by my side. It meant I could enjoy drinking at bars and dancing at clubs, but stumbling home at 2 AM and eating pizza with her in our underwear.”

He licked his lips because of his fast pace, noticing your expression in the background but he wasn’t glancing towards your direction.

“It meant that I got the chance to kiss those soft lips every single morning and before I went to sleep. If you see a young marriage as the end of your freedom, you’re doing it wrong.”

The interviewer looked at Luke with wide eyes. When she had prepared the questions, she didn’t expect the tables to be turned.

“And I know,” Luke wasn’t finished, “The question is easy. The question is the most common and if I had to pay a cent for every time I asked, I could feed entire Australia.”

The interviewer’s mouth twisted, looking between the boys instead by Luke’s sudden defense.

Ashton sat with a satisfied smile on his face. It wasn’t often the boys told an interviewer off but when they did, it felt so good. Calum was having a secret smile on his face, enjoying this.

“Y/N and I divorced for a reason. You assume it’s because of us marrying young.”

Michael cracked a smile by this, his hands rubbing together. He knew how much Luke hated that question because people assumed everything and nothing. It was just never the right answer.

“Let me tell you, Veronica James.” He leaned forward in his seat, “Our divorced marriage is our privacy. So why don’t you just respect that just like I don’t ask you why you just got a child with your third ex.”

Luke sat in silence for a moment, he knew she was too stunned to say a thing.

“It wasn’t because we suddenly stopped liking each other. Do you know just how amazing Y/N is?” His tone had calmed down and he looked over at you with a small smile. “Because I do.”

I’ve been living with her for many years and just because we aren’t together anymore, it doesn’t mean she lets go of that personality I love.” He glanced towards your direction, watching you look at him with soft eyes.

“And before you twist my words into something it’s not. Yes, I do love Y/N and I always will. I didn’t spend many years for her if she wasn’t lovable. I love her as my ex-wife, and I love her as a friend.”

You looked at him with shiny eyes, blinking them to try not to look like you were about to break down.

“She’s amazing, she’s caring and she’s respectful. Not only towards me but what we have had together.”

He looked at you with his lips in a line, taking one large breath and smiled carefully at you.

“Thank you…” You mouthed and leaned your head to the side, clutching your papers closer to your body.

He nodded his head by your words and looked back at the interviewer. She looked pretty confused, to the point where she was lost for words.

“Commercial breaks?” She looked pleading towards the crew behind the camera, “I mean this is only for a magazine… Can we get some water?”

The boys only nodded their heads in agreement and watched the crew put their equipment down, wanting to take a needed break.

Luke stood up from his chair and placed his hands into his pockets, looking over at you again who had gotten blushed cheeks.

You smiled carefully at him and he smiled back. He always had your back and you had his.

You continued to look at each other until your name was yelled, wanting you to meet at the makeup before it was your turn to be interviewed.

You looked back at Luke who gave you a nod confirming, his dimple showing before he headed with the boys towards the small buffet of mini snacks.

Always.

[uncultureddirt]

Beneath Your Hate (Part 1/2) - Lee Donghyuck (Haechan)

~REQUESTED~

Warnings: Language, underage drinking/alcohol, potentially triggering car accident event, angst  

“Can you give it up already? It’s the same damn thing every day.”

You watched your friend shovel food in her mouth as she sat across from you. You made eye contact for a moment, just to find your attention drift to the boy sitting a couple tables away.

“Hey,” she snapped in your face, “y/n, I'm right here.”

“Sorry, he's doing it again,” you replied while locking eyes with the boy. You tried to glare, but he only furrowed his brow and looked away.

‘Asshole. Stop looking at me.’

“How are you even phased at this point?” She dropped her plastic fork on the lunch tray and shook her head.

“I don’t know. Maybe if he gave me a reason or- I don’t know.” You looked back over to find his gaze fixed on you again.

“Still staring?” She snorted

“Yup.”

You picked up your tray and walked to the garbage can to throw it out. You could feel his eyes burning holes on the back of your skull. He always did this, your friend was right, it truly was nothing new. That being so, it still did not make you hate it any less. Donghyuck has known you for years and has consistently chosen to despise you. You often find yourself believing there was a time you two were friends, but reality always sets back in and reminds you where you two really stand, at opposite ends. You never could answer the question of why he held onto those cold feelings for you, but he did, and there was nothing you could do about it.

“What is wrong with me y/bf/n?”

“You care too much. He’s a dick, and that's that.”

~

‘How am I getting out of here?’

Those seven words seemed to find their way into your brain every time you prepared to exit the student parking lot. Leaving your school was a skill you had still yet to master, and one of the hardest tasks you had to endure each day. You sank your back into the old leather seat as you sat in the never-ending line of traffic. The windows were rolled down, letting the cool afternoon air spill in. You almost felt yourself relax, that is until your eyes met a familiar face as you turned towards your left.

Donghyuck.

He sat with his hand draped over the wheel. His head rested back on his seat as the wind lightly played with his hair. You liked the way the idiot looked, and you hated that you did.

The traffic began to loosen and finally, your cars began moving at the same pace next to each other. Though your eyes were fixed on the road, you could feel his gaze fall over you every once in a while.

At last, you felt a wave of relief wash over you; you were able to merge onto the exit ramp. But right as you began to move, you were forced to jam on your breaks because the car next to you aggressively decided to cut you off. Your heart jumped into your throat as you watched Donghyuck’s car nearly graze your own.

“YOU ASSHOLE!” You screamed at his open window after instinctively pressing your horn.

Unbothered. That's how he was. He kept his eyes glued to the road and smiled lightly to himself, feeling satisfied after pissing you off. It's a game he seems to play with you. But it felt unfair, because you never knew when it was your move.

Once you were on the main road, you lost sight of him and found yourself wondering yet once again.

‘Why?’

Really, that's all you could think.

‘Why?’

The confusion was routine, to the point that there was comfort in the pain of not knowing.

~

The bell rang before you could make it to class, but that was normal. The teacher nodded at you as you walked in, well accustomed to your timing. While you sat down and got out your books you began thinking about the boy behind you. Sometimes you tried to see if he would even try to be civil or how you liked putting it, “testing the waters.”

‘How far can I go before he’ll shut me down?’

You abandoned your notebook filled with messy scribbles of flowers and turned around to face him. He lifted his eyes to meet yours and sighed heavily as you tried to smile at him.

“Hey, did we have an assignment las-”

“Y/n.”

“Yes?”

“Turn around.” His face remained still as he spoke to you. His words were cold and cut through you like a blade.

‘What was I expecting to happen?’

Still, it hurt.

You furrowed your brow and turned back to your notebook and suddenly flowers didn’t seem so appealing anymore. You began drawing weeds.

Mind you, there are two sides to everything. Often times one side is unfathomable to the other. As you sat there scribbling angrily, Donghyuck shook his head. His stomach burned at the sight of your face. He was sickened by the feelings you gave him.

The feelings of those same flowers growing in his lungs, stopping him from being able to say the things he wants to say.

~

“It's like a really bad carnival ride,” you said looking up at your friend. She sat across from you on your bed, mindlessly scrolling through her phone. You figured she was too kept up in her Instagram feed to pay attention to you, but you continued anyway. “And they won’t let me off. Or more like I can’t get off. It’s one of the really spinny ones that you want to go on, but they also make you feel really sick and-”

“Okay, okay,” she cut you off, “You're talking at a faster rate than you run. Try to relax, alright? I want you to stop worrying, because we're going out in an hour to have fun, and I want you to enjoy yourself too. Okay? We’re leaving at 9.” She stood up and left your room, heading towards the bathroom.

You sighed and turned to face your window. He occupied so much space in your brain. You hated that he hated you. And it just didn’t make-

“And don’t even think about Donghyuck y/n.” She yelled from down the hall.

~

Basement parties. How is it possible that such a small space can house so much alcohol and so many people? You found yourself wondering that every time you made your way into one. The smell was always terrible, and the noise was quite ear-invasive, yet somehow you found yourself usually having some sort of fun, despite the uncomfortable conditions.

“Y/n! You made it!” One of your friends said as she came forward to hug you.

“Yeah, my week kinda sucked, I was looking forward to this” You smiled while grabbing a cup. You began to fill it with Sprite. As the designated driver tonight, you were obligated to be responsible and clean. You didn’t mind too much, you were a puker anyways. You searched around through the herd of teenagers, your eyes scanning the place. The room was dim despite the abundance of holiday lights strung on each wall. Empty solo cups polluted the ping-pong table and almost all other surfaces. But your visual survey was put on a sudden halt as he came into your vision.

‘No.’ You thought to yourself.

In a clump of laughing boys, there he was, the sweet fluffy-haired sunshine who loved to brighten your day, Lee Donghyuck. He stood with a beer in his hands and was visibly quite drunk. You hated when he was drunk. He was always too loud and even more of an ass than usual. You rolled your eyes at the sight and turned to walk towards your friends.

‘Don’t think about him. Don’t think about him.’

As the party progressed, you felt yourself feeling good. A weight had been removed from the pit of your stomach. His name failed to enter your mind, and you truly felt like yourself again. But for some reason, you had a faint sense that your pleasant state was too dreamlike to be true. And as you were laughing with all of your friends over something you probably didn’t need to laugh that hard about, you noticed something stir in your peripheral vision.

“Hey, y/l/n.” The voice that hit you was slurred and messy. You stiffened, keeping your face forward to try and ignore the body approaching you. “Hey, look at me when I’m talking to you,” it demanded. You turned to view him. His hair fell in front of his eyes and his mouth was fixed in a smug grin.

“I don’t remember hearing you were coming,” he started, “I wouldn’t have shown up if I knew.” His voice failed to remain consistent and audible, it was loud, but it was scattered. He inched towards your face until you could smell the alcohol fumes on his breath.

“Can you just leave me alone?” You replied back, keeping your eyes locked on his. You were all too sick of his shit. Your anger was peaking at this moment and you were struggling to restrain yourself from causing a scene.

“Can you just go home?”

“No.” You stood there breathing heavily. The music around you seemed to smudge into a noise similar to static. Your face twitched as you remained face to face with him. The next couple of seconds occurred in a fashion you could never fully comprehend. It was as if he moved in slow motion, but yet at a pace so quick you couldn’t react. Donghyuck’s arm raised and titled his half-full beer bottle over your head. The cold liquid poured down your face and back, soaking you entirely. You felt the confusion rise in the room and the attention fall on the two of you.

Should we laugh? What just happened?

Your eyes began to glass over. You hated him. You hated every part of him. You no longer wondered why things were the way they were because it didn’t matter anymore. You didn’t want to fix things. The only thing you wanted was to leave. And with that, you pushed past him and headed out of the house, sprinting once you were outside.

~

What the fuck just happened in there?

You were in disbelief. You stood in front of your car door shaking and fumbling with your keys. You placed the key in the door to unlock it but froze before you could move any further. Squinting slightly, you looked in the window and stared at the girl looking back at you. Her hair was soaked and matted to her head. Her mascara dripped in streaks down her cheeks. Her eyes looked sad and broken. You hated how she looked, you hated how she felt. You hated that he could do this to you.

Once you got into the car, you slammed your door shut. Maybe internally, you felt it would help to relieve some of your pent up frustration. Sadly, you felt the same.

You sat in the car and began to loudly sob while pulling out of the driveway. Your chest ached as tears poured down your face. You sat drowning in the smell of beer, and the feeling of disgust.

‘How could one night go so wrong?’

“WHY?” You screamed to no one in particular, slamming your hands on the wheel. The outside world began to fly by you. You were breaking fifty miles on the empty back roads of a neighborhood you barely recognized and dark streets began to wind as your vision clogged. Though through the pain you failed to recognize your mistakes. His stupid face flashed through your brain and you yelled aloud over and over again, almost as if he could hear you.

With each cry, you sank your foot further into the gas and before you could control it, the car began to drive itself. You became a passenger in this vehicle. You weren’t the one driving it.

‘Fuck.’

Reality found you, and you began to panic. You glanced at the dashboard reading the red numbers. How had you managed to reach that speed? Since when were you going that fast? You quickly tried to press your foot on to the brakes, but nothing happened. It was as if all your knowledge on driving was lost, your brain empty from the existential dread that began to wash over you.

Your car hurdled itself forward into the night, completely on its own terms. Your mind was racing and you felt your heartbeat match the speed of your car as you helplessly flailed, trying to regain control of the car. Tears dripped down even faster as you continued to press on the failing brake pedal.

‘How do you use the emergency brake in this car?’

“Please. Come on. Please” you began to speak aloud to yourself, your voice shaking.

‘I'm going to die tonight.’

Those words plagued your mind.

‘I'm going to die tonight.’

You pressed even harder on the break, but nothing happened.

Slowly you saw light drape along your face. And then you felt it. You were thrown entirely from your seat and hit the side window, feeling glass break around you. It all became black. And at first, you felt everything, everything you hit, every piece of glass breaking into your skin, but then, you felt nothing.

Your body lay lifeless under a flipped car and in your final conscious moments, you found yourself breathing out the one name your brain wanted to blame.

“Donghyuck.” Your inaudible voice tried to say.

How can an event happen in the blink of an eye, but leave enough pain to last a lifetime? One can’t measure pain by time, but only how deep it cuts.

Your life was in strobe lights for the next hours. Every now and then, you would break into reality, hearing sirens, and seeing light, but within seconds you would fall back into a silent void, vacant of life.

To be continued...

Part 2

[richrubies]

The Worst (Simon D x Reader)

You knew that technically you and Kiseok weren’t a couple. You were one another’s non-secretive secrets; or in simpler terms, everyone in AOMG knew you were sleeping together, but weren’t actually together. And for a while, it worked for you – you had a busy career that made it hard to give your partner the time and attention they deserved. But there had come a moment where you had started to catch yourself looking at Kiseok in a different light…a loving one.

But it wasn’t reciprocated – or more so, Kiseok just didn’t bother to really acknowledge what was obvious to him. He was rather good at burying his head in the sand at moments like this. Just thinking about what label you would put on yours and Kiseok’s relationship, gave you a headache.

You’d met Kiseok through Ju-kyung. You were into underground rapping and by chance had met Duck years ago at one of the scenes and had been good friends ever since. He was the one who had encouraged you to get your degree in music, specializing in composing.

You’d moved up in the world since then and had seen some of your best work become real songs sung to sold-out stadiums through a variety of artists. Kiseok wasn’t one of those artists.

He was always determined to write his own lyrics and musical sheets which was something you had admired – loved, even. Hell, there were a lot of things you loved about Kiseok.

The way he said your name in his deep tone, accompanied by his Busan accent; the way he was surprisingly soft when it came to his parents; his determination and talent. Yes. There were a lot of things to love about Kiseok.

But as you watched from the V.I.P section of the club as Kiseok made out with another girl – a junior of yours, no less – you really couldn’t find anything admirable about Jung Kiseok in that moment.

But what could you do?

You weren’t a couple.

You were just friends with benefits – despite the fact that you wanted more; despite the fact that Kiseok knew you wanted more .

‘Aish,’ you scowl before tossing back another shot whilst Ju-kyung threw his arm over your shoulder and pulled you back into the moment having also witnessed the scene.

‘You good?’

You gave him a small smile and nodded, pushing away the hurt, ‘I’m good.’

Sunghwa took the empty space beside you, sandwiching you between the two men and blocking your view, ‘Yah, yah, yah. Let’s just drink huh?’

You laughed slightly, embarrassed at their efforts, ‘You guys don’t have to go this far…I’m fine…really.’

The two did their best to keep you entertained, both of the men with their arms around you as if holding you together while you did your best to engage with the remainder of the group; still, you couldn’t help but send a text to Kiseok, forcing yourself to hold back and delete your original message before you caused a scene in the club.

Fueled by anger at his response, your shots became double as you drank into the night with the encouragement of Sunghwa and Ju-kyung.

It was almost four in the morning by time you had gotten back to your apartment – you stumbled into the house only to be followed by Kiseok who had drunken just as much as you had. Despite the alcohol, you still hadn’t forgotten his actions and the fact that he’d gone off with another girl, and because of the liquid courage, you had the guts to actually confront him on it as you took off your shoes, ‘Don’t you have somewhere better to be?’

Kiseok was in the middle of removing his boots as you said it, groaning as he sat back, ‘Yah, drop it already!’

‘—I don’t want too,’ you mumble as you move toward the kitchen and pour yourself a glass of water.

You couldn’t let it drop – not the fact that he had ignored your feelings for him, nor the fact that he was willing to throw it back in your face by kissing one of the junior composers who’d just joined your team. You were tired of it all.

‘Why’d you even follow me home Kiseok?’ you ask him tiredly, ‘What are we even doing?’

‘Are you seriously starting this up again?’ he asks with a huff as he grabbed his own glass and turned on the tap while you watched him with crossed arms.

‘Again?’ you say incredulous, ‘Yah, since when have we ever had this conversation huh? You always run away when it gets too serious!’

Kiseok rolled his eyes as he left the kitchen and walked through the apartment, unbuttoning his shirt as he went – he had become so accustomed to your place that he knew it almost better than yourself. You followed him as he removed the shirt and laid it out nicely on the chair in your room, ‘What are you doing Kiseok, I’m talking to you,’ you say with annoyance.

‘Look, Y/N. I told you before we started this – I’m not ready for a relationship, and that still stands to this day. And newsflash, Y/N, our relationship isn’t exactly about talking, now is it?’

You knew he was saying it because he had drunken enough to do so, but even so, it still hurt. As tears welled in your eyes, you tell him shakily, ‘Just get out Kiseok. Even if you don’t see me as more than what we are now, the least you could do is respect me.’

Your words must have sobered Kiseok up as you threw him his shirt, ‘Y/N…’

‘Just go Kiseok…I’m tired of this. I don’t want this anymore.’

His eyes flashed with an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher as he asked half angrily and half surprised, ‘Are you saying you don’t want to do this,’ he waved his hand between the two of you and your neatly made bed, ‘anymore, or argue right now?’

‘Both,’ you tell him honestly, your shoulders sagging as you sat on the edge of your bed now with the realization that loving him as you were, just wasn’t going to work anymore.

Kiseok swore under his breath, a hand running through his hair with agitation. Huffing with annoyance, he paced for a moment or two before asking you once more, ‘Are you being serious right now?’

You’d had a fight similar to this last month, but you’d given in to him and done the same thing you’d always done – but this time was different, and Kiseok didn’t know how to handle it other than to scoff and mutter, ‘Whatever. You’ll cave eventually, Y/N, you always do,’

As the front door closed shut, you murmured to the empty apartment, ‘I hope not…’

Ju-kyung sat leisurely on the couch of Kiseok’s studio while scrolling through his Instagram, waiting for him to wrap up so that they could follow their scouting schedule. The men of the label had been taking turns in watching over him for the last few weeks out of worry for him – he could deny it all he wanted, but the moment Kiseok was blocked from all your social media pages and he realized you were really done with him, he’d become increasingly agitated and angry.

Even with Dark Room having been released for two weeks, the strange break-up of something that wasn’t originally together, had Kiseok writing non-stop, practically preparing himself for another album release.

‘I don’t get it 형,’ Duck draws, ‘I thought you liked Y/N.’

‘I do like her.’

‘So why won’t you date her?’ Duck further questions, looking up from his phone to Kiseok who was hunched over his desk, his hand going crazy as he scribbled out lyrics. From what Ju-kyung had seen earlier, it mentioned all sorts of metaphors that described you.

A sun so bright, can’t love a void like me,

But the truth came out through naked curiosity.

‘I…’ Kiseok began.

Why didn’t he date you? Why was he so afraid? Had his previous girlfriends fucked him up that much that he was scared to go through it again? Was he scared that having something so good would come unraveling as soon as he got too greedy?

He couldn’t answer; instead he shrugged his shoulders with a heavy sigh while Ju-kyung rolled his own eyes and went back to scrolling through Instagram. It was there that he saw your latest story post on your private page – the video caused him to gasp out loud.

You were dressed completely opposite to your normal get-up; your face was fully done, your hair was put up in a do that made you look…Ju-kyung hated to say it, but you looked sexy. Even the low-cut jumpsuit you wore had Ju-kyung curse out loud as you mouthed the lyrics to the song playing in the background of whatever club you were in. Even more reason for him to curse was the man who was dancing behind you, his chin on your shoulder, staring directly at the camera as you both grinned, ‘Oh shit!’

The last time Ju-kyung had seen you dressed like that, you were at your cousin’s wedding and trying to upstage her out of pettiness. He couldn’t help but play the video over and over, each time letting out a curse.

‘Yah, Ju-kyung, you’re being too loud, turn it down,’ Kiseok scolded, ‘I’m nearly done, so just make sure you know the rappers Jay wants us to find are still performing at Club 88 tonight.’

Fumbling to turn down the sound, Ju-kyung nodded with wide eyes, looking between his phone screen and Kiseok, and then back down to the video where the clear sign from behind you in the club read ‘88’.

Well. This ought to be good.

Taking a break from the dancing, you sat at the table talking happily over the music – your childhood friend, Sun-kyu sat across from you with his permanent smile etched on his face.

‘I’m so sad that you’re leaving so soon!’ you tell him with a pout. He’d been crashing with you for the last two days and was due to fly down to Jeju tomorrow to visit his parents for their anniversary. You’d been grateful for his company – if it wasn’t for him staying at your place, you probably would have caved and called Kiseok by now.

Your mind had given you every reason not to call, but your heart…well…You couldn’t help but be attracted to the guy despite him being a bit of an ass sometimes.

Okay. Maybe a giant ass.

‘You’ll just have to visit me in the States,’ Kyu tells you with a grin, before looking around the club, ‘Didn’t you say that some U.G. rappers were going to be playing here?’

You nodded – after the breakup you’d thrown yourself into doing more work to keep your mind occupied, only slowing down when you’d heard that new artists were going to be performing. None of the names were familiar to you, but you wanted to check it out anyway. You never knew what talent you’d run into; you informed Kyu by shouting over the music, ‘Club 88 is one of the few places that lets U.G. artists play without restriction. That’s why you never know what you’re going to get here. Bar fights, horny crowds, it’s always a surprise and it’s rarely the same.’

As soon as you heard one of your favourite tracks come on, you threw back your drink and took Kyu’s hand, leading him to the corner of the dance floor not too far from your table, ‘Yah! Dance with me!’

He obliged, though you should have known that being a pro dancer meant he would go way harder than you could ever have hoped to keep up with. Forced together due to the crowd, you danced in sync to the dance-hall playing throughout the club with Kyu’s hands on your hips for balance.

You were enjoying the moment when you suddenly felt Kyu being shoved away, nearly taking you with him if it weren’t for the arm that was wrapped around your waist.

You looked at Kyu in surprise as he picked himself up off the floor, still surprised at someone pushing at him. After doing a quick check that he was okay, you began to struggle against the hold the person had on you. Instinctively, your fists clenched as you turned, and your arms swung in the direction of whoever had a hold of you, ‘What the fuc—Kiseok?!’

‘What the fuck are you doing here, Y/N?’ Kiseok growls, ignoring Kyu who Ju-kyung had appeared out of nowhere to help.

‘What are you doing?’ you yell at him, attempting to pull away, only for him to hold you tighter, ‘Yah! Let me go!’

Kiseok refused, glaring down at you with cold eyes, his mouth turned into a frown. He was so handsome, but that didn’t matter right now. Right now, all you wanted to do was hit him.

‘Let me go!’

‘형,’ Ju-kyung says as he grabs at Kiseok’s arm gently, urging him to take it somewhere private, ‘형, come on, people are watching.’

Without a second’s notice, Kiseok turned and pulled you back up to the VIP section, bypassing your table all together as he dragged you through the crowds.

‘Kiseok!’

‘Yah!’

‘Jung Kiseok!’

He ignored you completely as you yelled his name until you finally snapped, ‘Yah, Simon! What do you think you’re doing?’

Pushing you into the private room that over-looked the dance floor through tinted glass, Kiseok said nothing as you stumbled in.

Before you could even speak, Kiseok had pushed you against the wall, his mouth instantly seeking yours as he kissed you with every ounce of anger and love he had in him.

You were out with another man? While he sat in a studio writing fucking love songs about missing you?

For a moment, you let him kiss you; you enjoyed the way his hands cupped your cheeks and the soft and familiar feeling of him took over. But it quickly shattered as you realized what was going on.

Pushing at his chest, you managed to shove him away now that he had his guard down, ‘What the hell is going on Kiseok!’

His chest heaving, he glared at you and asked with that thick accent you loved so much, ‘I could ask you the same thing, who the fuck is that guy?’

‘He’s a friend!’ you throw at him, ‘and it doesn’t matter who he is, why would you shove him like that?’

‘A friend?’ Kiseok scoffs, ‘Friends don’t grind on each other, Y/N!’

‘Well we were friends and we did much more than grind,’ you bite back at him spitefully.

Kiseok turned away from you and let out a laugh. Not the happy kind – the kind you do when you hear something you can’t quite believe. You let out a squeak as his hand swiped at the glass tumblers sitting on the table near the booth, smashing them against the wall and floor.

‘So, what?’ he asks quietly after a moment, still facing away from you as he lifted his hands to run them through his hair, ‘Are you sleeping with him? Did all your ‘emotions’ for me suddenly just drop once you found another guy?’

‘Are you seriously asking me that Kiseok?’ you ask angrily, ‘I’m not like you. I don’t divert any emotion I have for someone, onto the next best thing!’

‘Then why the hell did you let him touch you like that?’ Kiseok seethes, turning to look at you, this time with tears in his eyes. You faltered in surprise, but before you could say anything, Kiseok continued, ‘Why haven’t you called me? Why am I the only one who’s locked up in a room filled with regrets?’

Kiseok sat on the edge of the couch, his elbows on his thighs as he rubbed at his face and the tears that threatened to fall, ‘Why do I feel like you’ve already left me before I had even let you in?’

You remained where you stood no matter how much you wanted to hold and comfort him. Your chest was filled with a range of emotions, and you knew that if you didn’t get it out of the way now, you’d regret it forever. So, you did the next best thing .

You let it out.

‘Yah, 개새끼, are you seriously going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself? I told you three weeks ago that I had feelings for you and you rejected me! Now you suddenly want to act like this?’

Your reaction surprised Kiseok as he looked up to see you glaring at him, ‘You just assaulted my friend, who by the way, is just a friend, and dragged me through a club in front of a lot of people, to act like this?’

‘I…’

‘You what?’ you ask, ‘You thought that I wanted to be rag-dolled?’

‘No, I just got angr—,’

‘Why do you get to be angry, Kiseok? I’m the one who should be angry! We were sleeping together for ten months! I’ve seen you make out with numerous girls! But the second I dance with someone, you appear out of nowhere and hit him? You act like a juvenile? You’re thirty-four years old! Grow up!’

Kiseok blinked as you schooled him – the way you counted off the terrible things that he’d done that had hurt you, the way you jabbed your finger at him from across the room and the way you stood your ground, not daring to back down. Of all the times he’d seen you, both naked, clothed and doing something you were passionate about, he’d never seen you look as good as you did now.

You turned your back to Kiseok and looked down at the crowds who were now cheering for a rapper that had come on to the stage. You could see everything from up there, including Kyu who was sitting in the both with Ju-kyung, smiling once more. Bless him.

With your throat sore from the yelling, you said quietly, ‘This isn’t fair, Kiseok.’

‘I’m sorry…’

‘You can’t just swoop in and act like a boyfriend after all that’s happened. It’s not fair to me,’ you continued to look out the window as you mutter, ‘You’re not ready for a relationship and I don’t want to wait anymore…So please just leave me alone if you’re not serious about us. I don’t want to be given false hope. Just tell me straight whether you want this or not…’

You hadn’t heard him move from the couch, but as soon as his arms wrapped around your torso and his chin rested on your shoulder, he muttered tiredly, now able to answer the question Ju-kyung had asked earlier, ‘I’m not ready for a relationship because I’m the worst boyfriend you could have, Y/N. I forget dates, anniversaries and birthdays. I sometimes work more than I should. I disappear in to my studio for days on-end. I don’t make a lot of money, and I travel all the time. I can’t be a good man to you, Y/N.’

Leaning into his embrace, you refused to let your tears fall as you stared out over the crowd, asking him the ultimate question – the make or break of this relationship for real this time, ‘So what will you do?’

‘I’ll be the worst man you’ve ever known and stick to you like glue,’ he replies quietly, a hint of nervousness in his tone, ‘I’ll be the worst, most loving boyfriend you’ve ever had, because I really don’t think I can let you leave my side again, Y/N.’

Unwillingly, you let the tears slide down your cheeks as you nodded in acceptance, your hand slowly moving to cover his entwined ones resting on your stomach. Letting out the breath you’d been holding, you tell him with a sniff, ‘I’m okay with that…’

[taylorsmiththeauthor]

An Empath, A Psychic, & A Human; first chapter

I’ve decided to take some advice from the tumblr writing community and build my empire, so to speak. So here is my first post about writing, despite the fact that I’ve been on this website for over a year lol. Feel free to check out my wattpad, @Real_Taylor_Smith. I’ve also just put up instagram where I’ll be posting news, extra content, and excerpts as well as here! It’s @real.tay.smith and soon I’ll have a website up. A little heads up, this story has a fair amount of foul language, so be warned. Until then, happy reading!

HUMAN

The air in the truck was tense.

No one had really been sure of what we were supposed to fight. The best that had been offered to us were a few blurry pictures of a massive scaly beast with wings, and audio of a terrible scream that seemed to come from the beast. The world quickly claimed that a dragon had somehow come to be – and we were supposed to fight it.

I glanced around me at the faces. They were all of my friends who had signed up to be in reserves, which was part-time military. We all had our reasons; money, benefits, looking good on applications, or whatever. We wanted to serve from the comfort of our homeland, not fight dragons in downtown Toronto, the biggest city in Canada and seventh most populated in the continent.

I took out a picture I always kept in my pocket near my heart; a photo of my girlfriend. It was one of my favourite photos of her, because it captured her almost completely. She was standing on top of a crazy old Mayan ruin, overlooking an ancient plaza, the jungle, and a large river. She grinned at the camera, hands on her hips, smile lines crinkled around her blue eyes, blonde hair escaping from her bun pinned back with a hairpin made by locals. She looked incredibly happy and in awe of the place she was standing on. That had been taken about two years ago on her last March break trip of high school when she went to Belize with the school. I liked to carry the photo in my uniform, remember that she was waiting for me back home.

“Alright pansies, listen up!”

The sharp command from our sergeant had me scrambling to put the photo away as he stood up and handed out new pictures.

“Now I can’t say that I’ve ever fought dragons before, nor have I been taught the protocol, so I don’t really know what to do. But that’s fine because there is one thing I do know – it is our duty to keep this place safe. Toronto has yet to be fully evacuated and the beast is not contained. We still have no idea where the hell it came from or what the hell it is, but we gotta stop it.”

A photo came around to me and I looked at it, my heart plunging into my feet. The thing gripped the top of the CN Tower, green leathery wings spread wide, head open in a snarl, mouth full of jagged teeth. The thing looked huge, at least the size of a T-Rex. I passed the picture.

“Because we have no idea where this fucker is going to go, we’ve set up a perimeter along the Harbour Front, Bloor St, Bathurst, and Don Valley. We’ve got about fifty platoons stationed around to stop wherever this thing decides to go. We’ll be down on King, by the Princess of Wales Theatre. We’ll be there soon so start your praying, because we’ve got a one in fifty chance of being stuck with this beast.”

I looked over to my left and met eyes with one of my oldest friends, Donovan. He, another friend of ours, and myself all joined together. The other friend, Kaiah, was exceedingly lucky as her family had all gone to another city for a funeral. So, Donovan and I were about to face a dragon.

“What’re the odds it has a video-game weak spot?” Donovan asked quietly, “Like, a soft spot on its belly?”

I shrugged, “With your luck, no.”

“Don’t speak of my bad luck, because then we will have to face the damn thing.”

“Knock on wood I guess.”

“Everything near is us metal, so we’re all fucked then.”

We laughed quietly, the impending doom still very much a real threat. We talked for a little bit but soon fell silent and felt the seconds tick past. Far too soon, the sergeant stood up.

“File out in formation!”

We followed, hopping out of the truck and getting into two straight lines, facing east where the monster would be. To my left was the theatre, and I vaguely remembered going to see a play with Hazel. The Curious Incident of the Dog in The Nighttime, I think. Now, all the signs read Hamilton, which I knew Hazel had been dying to see. She said I would like it, but she felt bad because she had already promised Mackenzie she would take her because she was already a huge fan. I smiled, grateful for the memory.

However, I was violently ripped back to reality when I heard a screech. The videos didn’t capture it. Nothing could.

It was as if a T-Rex and a lion roared while someone scraped their nails against a chalkboard and it shook us to our core. I didn’t pray nor did I believe in a god, but I found myself asking that it wouldn’t be us, please let it not be us.

“And just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

My back straightened automatically and I opened my mouth to make an explanation, but it wasn’t me the sergeant was talking to – two weird civilians had wandered into the area.

One of them was Hazel.

She wore a long white dress with bronze breastplates, shoulder pads, arm guards, and gladiator boots. Her dress was styled like an Ancient Greek chiton,  and the blonde hair piled up on her head sported a style from the same period. From her back sprouted a massive pair of dove wings, the feathers an opal-esque shade, shining dozens of colours, the edges of the wings covered in bronze. At her hip was a woven belt on which hung several drawstring pouches and a dagger.

The person beside her was dressed just as weirdly, but very differently. Their entire outfit was made of brown leather and bronze plates, and it kind of looked like a rogue from D&D. Like, 90% of the pants were extremely tall leather boots with straps and holsters for knives and other things. The top was a green tunic that went just above their elbows and brushed the top of the boots, under which seemed to be brown hide. They had a brown cloak on top with a hood, a green cloth pulled up over their nose, the same pine green as their eyes. They had a mask on their face seemed to be made of moss, covering the area around their eyes. Little flowers sprouted from it as well as small branches with blossoms out the top, making it look like they had antlers. From what little I could see of them, I could tell they had dark brown skin and a very thick afro. I had no clue whether it was a guy or a girl.

“We’re ordering you to evacuate the area,” Hazel said calmly, arms crossed and hip out to the side. That meant she didn’t want any fooling around.

“Except for you, there aren’t any civilians downtown.”

“As far as we’re concerned, you are civilians.”

“Hey, Crybaby, aren’t they militia?” The other asked.

Hazel looked at them and then at the platoon before turning back to her partner, “No, this is the reserve force, it’s part-time military. Civilians, technically.”

“Oh shit, right. Is that thing you were worried about…?”

“Yes.” Hazel spoke curtly and it seemed like she glanced at me, but it was so fast I couldn’t tell.

“We are official military,” the sergeant said angrily, “and you’re civilians! You need to leave immediately, or I will remove you by force, which I do not wish to do.”

“Just try it,” the partner scoffed, but Hazel shot them a look and they rolled their eyes, maintaining quiet.

“I apologize, but you are unfit to deal with this problem,” Hazel said cooly, “We are, however, very well-versed in dealing with wyverns.”

“And just what the fuck is a wyvern?” The sergeant spat.

“What you’re planning to fight,” the partner said, “and my pal here knows that it’s going to be coming this way, so you better get a fucking move on.”

“How in the hell do you know this?” The sergeant asked, seeming to be unsure.

“Classified.” They spoke in unison.

“So please just leave it to us and get your soldiers out of here,” Hazel said, seeming to be losing her patience.

“I can’t do that!” The sergeant was losing his too, “You’re just a couple of wackos who’ll get yourselves killed and land me in a world of trouble.”

“Quite the opposite, I assure you.” Hazel glared at the sergeant and her partner narrowed their eyes, which made him apprehensive.

“Who the fuck are these people?” Donovan asked beside me.

“You serious?” I said, turning to him, “That’s Hazel, I can’t tell who the other is though because of the mask.”

“What?” Donovan asked, looking at them, “How do you know it’s Hazel? She’s wearing a mask too. And what’s with the wings?”

I opened my mouth when another screech ripped through the air.

“You have three minutes before the wyvern gets here,” Hazel warned, danger in her tone, “So either you let us do our jobs or you die and make it a lot harder for us. But one thing is for sure, we will do what we need to do to take this thing down.”

The sergeant shifted, “Well just because you wear weird clothes and know what this is doesn’t mean that you can defeat it.”

“Look, man,” the partner spoke, “we can’t do anymore than is allowed for the situation so how about this – let me fight your best fighter. Whomever wins can kill the beast, old honour style.”

“That’s ridiculous,” the sergeant scoffed.

“Well, your attitude calls for it.”

“Appy,” Hazel warned, “be careful.”

“But you’ll ref, right?” The partner asked, “Fae rules and all?”

Hazel sighed, “Yes, I’ll ref.”

“Great. So good sir, get your best fighter.”

The sergeant scowled but turned to us, “Jackson! Front and centre!”

We all watched as Tyler Jackson, a big muscular prick of a guy, stepped forward with a grin. He was proud and self-centred, and by far the best fighter we had. He had yet to be beaten in hand-to-hand, even from the sergeant. The small person didn’t stand a chance.

“What’re the rules?” Tyler asked, “And do I get a prize?”

“If you lose, you live. If you win, you die with honour. Pick a blade.” The small person didn’t seem to give a shit that Tyler was twice their size.

Tyler grinned and pulled a knife from his pocket. He was deadly with it, and everyone had at least one scar from it.

“Let no blood be spilled,” Hazel said as she and the sergeant stepped back to give the pair space, “Appy, I’m serious.”

“You’re no fun,” the partner complained.

“Where’s your blade?” Tyler teased.

The partner, evidently called Appy for some reason, reached for a bronze armband on their upper arm and pulled it off, glowing as it extended into a massive broadsword. Appy grinned like a maniac and Tyler looked scared shitless.

“Appy,” Hazel warned.

Appy sighed and the sword shrank down to a dagger, “Just wanted to scare the guy,” they complained.

“Make it quick, let no blood be spilled, and may the winner have the honour of defeating the Wyvern. It hath been spoken, thus let it be.” Hazel raised her arms as she spoke, saying it like a chant. A heavy weight settled in, as if the words themselves really carried a spell.

As soon as Hazel finished speaking, Appy lunged for Tyler, but he saw it and dodged. Yet Appy was too fast. They caught him by the middle and flipped him over, causing the blade to fly from his hand. He made an oof as he hit the ground, the wind knocked from him. Appy sat on his chest and pinned his arms with one hand, the other holding a knife to his throat.

“One...two...three. And that’s match. We shall fight the wyvern,” Hazel announced, glancing at the street beyond them, “and just in time. You need to take your soldiers and leave, get as far away from here as possible. But if you see the wyvern, freeze – they like a moving target.”

“What the hell is that?” The sergeant barked, “There had to be some trick!”

“No, trick, I assure you,” Appy said as they got off of Tyler, turning their back to him, “I just guess that military training doesn’t match up to a Knight’s.”

Tyler was enraged, and it was obvious. He had never lost a fight, especially not to someone so weird and small. He snatched his blade from the ground and thrust up on his knees, aiming for Appy’s side.

Appy sidestepped easily and sliced their blade across Tyler’s arm, causing him to cry out in pain and drop his blade.

“That’s one angry dude,” Appy said as they slid their dagger, now an armband, back into place.

“I said no bloodshed,” Hazel huffed as she knelt down next to Tyler and pulled out a roll of gauze.

“The fight was over!” Appy argued, “Besides, he was wanting to give me a scar, everyone in this damn platoon has one from him. Thought I would return the favour.”

“God, you’re like a dumbass Batman villain,” Hazel complained to Tyler as she bandaged his wound, “With less honour than the Joker, you piece of shit.”

“How did you know I was thinking that?” Tyler asked, scared, “You psychic?”

“Term is telepathic,” Hazel said matter-of-factly, “I’m psychic, Appy’s an empath. Now that that’s cleared up, leave.”

The sergeant bristled at the last word as he had watched everything unfold.

“Just because you won one fight-”

“I’m sorry,” Appy snarled, suddenly rounding on the sergeant, pulling their blade out and holding it dangerously close to his face, “Do you not understand basic combat rules, let alone fae? I won, so you leave. You can’t break a deal, or the fae will fuck you up, if I don’t get to you first. Feel fear.”

At this, the sergeant scrambled back, visibly shaken and sweating.

“Appy!” Hazel scolded harshly, “Fear won’t help this, only make him worse. Besides, it’s too late now.”

“Too late?” Someone asked.

“Yeah,” Appy said coolly, “blame these two assholes.” Their head jutted towards the sergeant and Tyler, “If they had only let us do their jobs then y’all’ight’ve lived.”

“No one is going to die,” Hazel assured, taking the sergeant by the arm and picking Tyler up, leading them to where the rest of us were standing. She pushed Tyler off on someone and sharply told the sergeant; “Stay behind this line.” Then she produced a piece of blue chalk from her belt and drew a curved line in front of all of us, chanting quitely all the time. Once she finished, she bent down and kissed it, making the line glow a faint blue. A shimmering wall formed in front of us, Hazel standing on the other side. Then she turned to us, “Don’t move, don’t make a noise, only breathe if you need to. Disobeying any of these will get you and everyone else killed.”

“Crybaby, E.T.A.?” Appy called, a longsword suddenly in their hand as a shriek cut through the air.

“Five. Four. Three. Two. One.”

As soon as Hazel finished saying ‘one’, she pulled something from her pocket, watched by the wyvern as it rounded the corner.

“Oh, we are so fucked.”

[chiefbuttons]

Happy New Year! Books are the Best!

In 2018 I went to Japan, filled some bookshelves, and read more than the usual amount of literary biographies. In Japan, we navigated the bookstore in which Haruki Murakimi apparently bought his first fountain pen. While there, I bought copies of two of my favourite Japanese books: Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto, and Book 1 (of 6) of 1Q84.

Japanese books are very beautiful, and all very uniform. There were hundreds of book protectors on sale in every bookshop and stationery shop (we went to a lot of those – the Iroshizuku ink was soooo cheap!), I had to remind myself that books in the UK don’t fit into them to stop myself from bringing them all home. Now that I have at least one  Banana Yoshimoto book in Japanese, there’s more incentive than ever to try and learn the language. I’ve been thinking a lot this year about how much is lost or gained in translation and what that does to a book depending on the language you read. This Little Art by Kate Briggs is a novel-length essay on exactly this topic, and I read it not long after The Idiot in which the protagonist has a crisis about language and how words can lose their meaning. They fit together very well in my head – both asked and tried to provide answers to questions about translation, like why even do it at all if meaning is going to be lost? Having read Murakami’s most recent book, Killing Commendatore, I’m still not sure if the absence of Jay Rubin as translator is responsible for my disappointment with it, or if it was just a bad book, or if Haruki Murakami has never been that great and it was all Jay Rubin all along.

This Little Art, The Idiot, Shirley and Romantic Outlaws are probably my favourites from this year. Also Daphne du Maurier’s short story The Breakthrough, from Don’t Look Now. Sinister, terrifying, haunting, all words that fall short of describing the atmosphere of that one short story.

I read Shirley after reading Outsiders by Lyndall Gordon. I had tried to read it before and had never been able to get past the first chapter, but something about Outsiders made me want to try again. Reading Outsiders made me realise in a way that I hadn’t before that books written in the last couple of centuries aren’t as far removed from us as I had thought. Previously, when reading books from different time periods, I had become as detached as if I was reading fantasy; I forgot that the stories being told were often very firmly set in social, political and cultural climates that had once existed. It helped me to find ways to empathise with the narrators and the characters, and make them much more human and relatable. While reading Shirley, instead of feeling like the characters and situations were a million miles away, I forced myself to remember that Charlotte Brontë was writing about events that were important to the people in the time she was writing about. Her father witnessed Luddite uprisings. The setting of Shirley with its discussions of workers’ rights and its attacks on mills was as real for Charlotte and her father as Brexit and Trump are for us now.

Turtles All The Way Down – John Green

My Twentieth Century Evening and Other Small Breakthroughs – Kazuo Ishiguro

Manderley Forever: Daphne du Maurier, A Life – Tatiana de Rosnay

Don’t Look Now & other short stories – Daphne du Maurier

Outsiders: Five Women Writers who Changed the World – Lyndall Gordon

Shirley – Charlotte Brontë

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The first time I tried to read Shirley, I struggled to get past the first three chapters. "This is not as good as Jane Eyre or Villette," I thought. And, of course, I was wrong. How did I come to change my mind and try again? It was because I read Outsiders by Lyndall Gordon. It was sometimes difficult to read; lots of what felt like fact-listing, and the events of the five lives studied are not always in chronological order, which would not be a problem if it was made clearer. This made it difficult to get through but did not affect my ability to be grateful for all the new information and the future reading list (I have a charity shop copy of Middlemarch now sitting on top of a book pile, and am searching for some Olive Schreiner). It also provided me with new reasons to persevere with Shirley. Though the Brontë sister included in this book is Emily, not Charlotte, it is impossible to talk about one without mentioning the other. Especially when Charlotte included a characters based on Emily in a novel: Shirley Keeldar and Caroline Helstone. To read someone's fictionalised perception of her sisters' characters, I thought, would be a very strange experience. And it is, it sometimes feels weirdly voyeuristic. In the future we are all in on the secret. A huge theme throughout Outsiders is the rights of women and how their role has changed over time; Shirley is referred to as an incredibly feminist book. And it is. Jane Eyre has nothing on it. Still feminist, but this is in-your-face "what are we supposed to do all day, cook and sew??" "…yes. I hate womenites." So I decided to read it again but placing it as contemporary, rather than viewing it as a relic of the past which I should accept that I can't always understand or relate to. Putting these new perspectives on it has really helped me to get into the book. This is a huge post. Shirley is great. (Also the first time Shirley was used as a female name!) #bookstagram #Shirley #charlottebrontë #outsiders #lyndallgordon #brontë #nowreading

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Feb 22, 2018 at 1:34pm PST

In Search of Anne Brontë – Nick Holland

Moshi Moshi – Banana Yoshimoto

Asleep – Banana Yoshimoto

Valley of the Dolls – Jacqueline Susan

Eleanor and Park – Rainbow Rowell

Winter – Ali Smith

Banshee, Volumes 2 & 5

My Uncle Oswald – Roald Dahl

Young Hearts Crying – Richard Yates

The White Book – Han Kang

Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë

The Idiot – Elif Batuman

Emily Brontë Reappraised: A View from the 21st Century – Claire O’Callaghan

A Cup Of Sake Beneath The Cherry Trees – Yoshida Kenko

This Little Art – Kate Briggs

The Lonely City – Olivia Laing

The Diary of a Bookseller – Shaun Bythell

Sputnik Sweetheart – Haruki Murakami

A Cat, A Man and Two Women – Junichiro Tanazaki

N. P. – Banana Yoshimoto

Romantic Outlaws – Charlotte Gordon

The Pilgrims – Mary Shelley

Bartleby The Scrivener – Herman Melville

Behind A Wardrobe In Atlantis – Emma J. Lannie

The Hatred of Poetry – Ben Lerner

Convenience Store Woman – Sayuka Murata

Demian – Herman Hesse

Revolutionary Girl Utena 20th Anniversary companion book

The Penguin Book of Japanese Short Stories – Edited by Jay Rubin, Introduction by Haruki Murakami

The Beginning of the World in the Middle of the Night – Jen Campbell

The Tales of Beedle the Bard – J.K. Rowling, Illustrated by Chris Riddell

We went to a talk given by Chris Riddell at Nottingham Trent University. He was answering questions about his work on the newly illustrated Beedle the Bard while drawing for us live. He signed my copy of The Edge Chronicles Maps, and was generally very lovely.

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Tonight we went to see Chris Riddell speaking with Dr Sarah McConnell at Nottingham Trent University. There were live illustrations, and Shauna Shim did dramatic readings from The Tales of Beedle The Bard. I've been reading The Edge Chronicles since I picked up a copy of Beyond The Deepwoods AT THE LIBRARY (libraries, man!), aged 11, and thought it had the best front cover I had ever seen. Now that I'm older, if Chris Riddell has illustrated something I assume it's good and read it. Thank-you @chris_riddell for staying super late after your talk to speak to everyone and sign everything! @ntucreated #nottinghamtrent #illustration #theedgechronicles #beyondthedeepwoods

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Oct 3, 2018 at 2:26pm PDT

Ariel – Sylvia Plath

Charlotte Brontë Revisited: A View from the 21st Century – Sophie Franklin

Killing Commendatore – Haruki Murakami

By The Light of My Father’s Smile – Alice Walker

Agnes Grey – Anne Brontë

Rough Magic – Paul Alexander

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HAPPY FRIDAY GUYS

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Dec 21, 2018 at 1:55pm PST

How To Be Invisible – Kate Bush

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Merry Kate-mas =D

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Dec 25, 2018 at 9:34am PST

Mary Ventura and the Ninth Kingdom – Sylvia Plath

This year I would like to write more about the books I am reading – this blog has been very neglected for the past couple of years! I’ve been occasionally taking part in the Are You Book Enough bookbinding challenge on instagram again. This time last year I was working on the January 2018 theme Darkness. I wrote and illustrated a story called The Black Ribbon. It was inspired by the Tatiana de Rosnay biography of Daphne du Maurier, in which de Rosnay refers to Daphne du Maurier’s depressive episodes as her “black ribbon.” It’s also a tribute to Edward Gorey. I thought his style of illustration would be best suited to the story I was telling, so I had a go at reproducing his style.

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Part 2 of my #AreYouBookEnough January book. Here are all the illustrations and the story I wrote inspired by Edward Gorey, Daphne du Maurier and Tatiana de Rosnay. Please see my previous post for the explanation! #bookart #bookstagram #handmadebooks #illustration #edwardgorey

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Jan 30, 2018 at 1:43pm PST

Another of the books I made this year was a book in a box for the theme Listen. I chose to bind a book of Kate Bush’s Fifty Words For Snow from her song and album of the same name.

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This is my contribution to the August #AreYouBookEnough bookbinding challenge, #listen . I love to listen to music, and Kate Bush is one of my favourites. Why choose Fifty Words For Snow when I could choose any of her songs? Why does it fit the theme best? The song is a list. It's Stephen Fry reciting fifty words for snow – some made up by Kate Bush, some real. She wanted him to be the narrator because people believe the words he says, he is intelligent and speaks with a quiet authority.  Hearing him speak her fictional words for snow makes them sound real. Snow itself deadens sound but has sounds of its own; one of the words is "creaky-creaky." I hope whoever looks at my book can hear the snow behind the words. This is the first time I've made this kind of box, and my measurements are a bit off (the lid is loose!) but overall I'm pleased and know what to do better next time! The paper is very fibrous, I wanted something that looked and felt like snow. Both the front cover of the book and the lid of the box are padded. The ink I used to write the fifty words is a mixture of two different inks – white calligraphy ink and a Grey Plum Kwiz ink. I'm going to have to find a way to photograph it properly because it is almost pearlescent! If you hold the paper a certain way it disappears. Hold it to the light and it looks like it is glowing. I'll try and get some video footage of it. #AreYouBookEnough #bookart #handmade #katebush #fiftywordsforsnow #50wordsforsnow #listen #books #snow #music

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Aug 30, 2018 at 12:36am PDT

I will leave you with a picture of the new bookcase. I hope you have an excellent 2019!

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Got a new phone. The cats ran away so I took a picture of one of the bookcases. It's so shiny

A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Dec 6, 2018 at 1:28pm PST

  Books I read in 2018 Happy New Year! Books are the Best! In 2018 I went to Japan, filled some bookshelves, and read more than the usual amount of literary biographies.

[lilimembers]

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The Bold Type 2x08 "Plan B" Review

Hello friends, and welcome to another week of me reviewing The Bold Type. Let’s dive right into it by starting with Jane.

Plan? I Don’t Even Have a “Pla”

As you can guess by the title, Jane and Ben suffer a “mishap”  while having sex. Jane postmates Plan B (yes, you can do that) and all's well that ends well, right? For Jane, however, a visit to her doctor about some side effects of the pill spark a much deeper conversation.

We learned in Season 1 that Jane’s mother died of breast cancer when she was very young. We also learned that Jane is positive for the BRCA1 gene. Long story short, this means that she has a much higher risk for developing breast or ovarian cancer than someone who doesn’t possess the gene mutation. A positive result doesn’t mean that cancer is inevitable for Jane, but it does mean that she has to take pretty drastic preventative measures that most people don’t have to worry about.

Because of this, Jane’s doctor tells her she needs to think about her fertility options right away. One part of Jane’s preventative options, and a common one, is a total removal of her ovaries. Jane is faced with a very serious and time sensitive issue. She could commit to not having children, freezing her eggs, or having them right away, either with Ben or a sperm donor.

Jane struggles a great deal throughout the episode with this dilemma, something that 25-year-olds don’t usually have to worry about. Luckily the nature of her job at Scarlet is asking people questions about things she wants to know, so she pitches an article about how being a mom affects 20-somethings in the modern age. Instead of helping Jane make a decision this actually complicated the issue, forcing Jane to consider things she wouldn’t have before.

Motherhood for Jane is complicated. To put it simply, it's just too early for Jane to know what she could possibly want. There’s also the worry that if she decides to have kids now, she’ll lose out on parts of her life. That’s not to say that moms don’t have full lives, but having a child is a monumental life change that requires time and energy. Her life wouldn't just be about journalism and friendships. At a time when she just got her job back at Scarlet and is starting to fully grow into her career, having children wouldn’t necessarily be ideal.

Jane’s situation is also complicated because of her own mother. Because her mother died young, Jane doesn’t have any real memories of her that don’t take place in a hospital. She never really got to see her mom being a mom, so motherhood is especially foreign to her. She also doesn’t have her mother around to be a source of advice or help, something that almost all of the moms she interviewed mentioned as being their saving grace.

Jane, Sutton and Kat have a conversation about motherhood while at a playground, after Jane had interviewed some of the moms. This conversation is one of my favorite parts of the episode. It definitely sounds like a conversation I’ve had with my own friends, and it was refreshing to see a show portray a typical millennial conversation so accurately. Kat doesn’t feel the need to have kids; there are enough people in the world as it is, resources are drained, and everything generally sucks. I have to agree with her here, and when she says she doesn’t feel the allure of “being a human kleenex,” it was like she read my mind. Kids are great and all, but I’d love to be able to give them back when they get antsy.

Sutton, on the other hand, is a little more open to having kids than Kat. Like Jane, if kids are in the picture, she always assumed it wouldn’t be for a while. The Bold Type has already established Sutton as career driven first and foremost, so this definitely fits. She’s also not shy in naming her mother as a reason she might want kids. As briefly discussed in last week’s episode, Sutton basically served as a parent to her alcoholic, hard partying mom. It’s very common for people from situations like this to want kids just so they can do better than their parents did.

Later on in the episode Jane tells Ben what’s been going on, both about her BRCA status and the complex decision she’s facing about having or not having children. This is the first sign of Ben being a little less than perfect: he’s way too much of a doctor about Jane’s BRCA gene and not enough of a boyfriend. He immediately starts asking medical questions involving the type of cancer Jane’s mom had, which is definitely not the best (or most comforting) response. They end the episode on a strained note, the future definitely not looking bright for these two.

#GIRLBOSS  

Ah, Sutton. Everyone seems to be having a time of it this episode, and she is no exception. Oliver is in Paris for fashion week, so Sutton serves as his replacement in a Scarlet budget meeting. They’re cutting every department budget to allocate some funds, and Sutton took Oliver’s advice to “smile and nod” as permission to authorize a 10% cut to the fashion department. I really doubt that Sutton would be given power over the fashion department budget, but hey, it’s a plot device so I’ll let it go.

In a story that they’ve given Sutton about a million times, she faces a dilemma at her job that could possibly be career threatening, tries to fix it the traditional way, and ends the episode excelling at resolving the problem in a method that’s usually a little out of left field. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to see Sutton kicking ass left and right, but at this point in the season I would expect something a little more substantial for her. Sure, her relationship with Richard was a plot point for a while, but as for now that’s been pushed to the back burner.

The most we’ve learned about Sutton was actually in last week’s episode, “Betsy,” when we learn more about her childhood in rural Pennsylvania and where her need for control comes from. We also know that Sutton grew up poor. She had to be extremely resourceful, sewing all her own clothes and retreating to the pages of fashion magazines when things got tough.

Despite how small of a view we’ve gotten into what makes Sutton tick, her backstory is actually one of my favorite parts of the show. Aside from her affinity for guns (you guys know how I feel about that), I’m super impressed with just how perfectly her life before and during Scarlet fits together. It makes sense: her love of fashion and her ability to be creative and resourceful with almost nothing make her a perfect fit for her job, bringing skills to the table that people who simply went to fashion school wouldn’t have. I’m so glad that this episode provides her with some much needed traction: she’s going to Paris for fashion week! This is obviously a huge step in her career, and something that indicates real change for her. I can’t wait to see what she excels at next.

Make America Black and Queer Again

Kat, meanwhile, is facing her own dilemma. She’s approached by Cleo, the newest board member at Scarlet’s parent company, Safford. Ah, Cleo. Love to hate you. See, with Cleo, I enjoy her time on the show because it’s usually accompanied by Jacqueline putting her in her place. It’s pretty satisfying to watch, and this episode doesn’t disappoint in that regard.

Cleo has been in talks with a skin care company called Whole Spa, and they want Kat to be the face of their new campaign. At first Kat is flattered, and at her meeting with their brand rep it all sounds great: the company aims to be all inclusive, the packaging is eco-friendly, and they want to work with Kat because of her unique story. She is, after all, a queer black woman who happens to be the first person of color department head at Scarlet. Who better to represent your company, right?

Turns out, Whole Spa chose Kat very, very carefully. In a casual run in with Pinstripe in the lobby at Safford (he’s freelancing for a garden magazine now: hemp is the new corn!), he notices the Whole Spa products that Kat is carrying and asks about them, so she tells him about the sponsorship. Unfortunately for Kat, Pinstripe has a reporter friend that is in the middle of a story about Whole Spa’s CEO donating to some prolific hate groups, specifically anti-black and anti-LGBTQ.

Now Kat realizes why Whole Spa wanted her in the first place: to be their “one black friend” when this news hits the public. As Sutton puts it, they want her to be their “black, bi bandaid.” She’s stuck now, since she already signed the contract and would almost definitely be sued if she didn’t follow through with the terms of it. Saying positive things about a company that disagrees with your very existence is not something that Kat’s comfortable with, so in typical Kat fashion she finds a way to speak her mind.

She does everything she’s contractually obligated to: she tries the products, posts about them on Instagram, and lists three things she likes about them. She also just so happens to sneak in a bit at the end of one particular Instagram story that the Whole Spa CEO is corrupt and using her to cover up their bigotry, but hey, no problem right?

Wrong. Actually, the only ones mad about it are Cleo and Whole Spa themselves. Cleo drags Kat to a private meeting with Jacqueline, playing Kat’s instastory for her and waiting for Jacqueline to enact some kind of fury on Kat.

Sorry, Cleo!

Jacqueline staunchly defends Kat and ridicules Cleo for rushing into this partnership without doing her full research. Jacqueline isn’t upset about the possibility of bad press or a reaction from Whole Spa. Instead she’s angry that Cleo would compromise the integrity of both Kat and Scarlet. Cleo isn’t as phased by Whole Spa’s bigotry, saying that there are members of Safford that have been known to sport MAGA hats on the weekends.

Jacqueline then calmly informs Cleo that maybe next time, she should choose one of them to be a brand rep for Whole Spa.

YAS, JACQUELINE!

For me, Jacqueline is the true highlight of this episode. We don’t get enough of her in most episodes, so her constant support of both Jane and Kat this week was great to watch.

From the beginning of the show, Jacqueline served to be the polar opposite of Miranda Priestly a la The Devil Wears Prada. She’s kind and supportive of her staff, destroying the domineering and intimidating female boss trope.

While Jane is struggling with her article, Jacqueline is understanding. She recognizes that this might not be one of those times that Jane needs to be pushed, so instead she gives her support. After the incident with Whole Spa, she also encourages Kat to seek out progressive companies that she would feel good about supporting. She easily could have banned all future sponsorships or endorsements, but didn’t let this particular debacle ruin anything. Also, getting her eyebrows threaded in her office? Goals.

This was a fantastic, solid episode. I’m truly excited to see how this season wraps up Jane, Sutton and Kat’s journeys. The Season 1 finale was so great that I cried, so I’m looking forward for the last few episodes of this season to really pack a punch. With Kat struggling with her relationship with Adena, Jane dealing with her medical dilemma, and Sutton visiting her hometown next episode, I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.

The Bold Type airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Freeform.

Alyssa’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝

[pogueman]

What I learned from my first total solar eclipse

I’ve always thought eclipse chasers—these people who spend thousands of dollars flying around the world to spend two minutes looking at a solar eclipse—were a little nutty. I mean, that’s a little extreme, right? If you want to see what a solar eclipse looks like, type solar eclipse into Google.

Of course, I get that an eclipse is supposed to be better experienced live, in the same way that seeing a band perform live is more exciting than listening to a recording. But the way these people talk? “Life-changing?” “Addicting?” “Spiritual?” That, I’ve always thought, was a little much.

A total eclipse of the sun is when the earth, moon, and sun are all lined up perfectly, so that the moon precisely blocks the sun for couple of minutes. (How come its silhouette is exactly the right size to block the more distant sun? Pure coincidence.)

That’s the moment of totality—where the moon is positioned fully between you and the sun, so that all you see of the sun is a ring of fire around a jet-black circle. It supposedly looks like this:

Here’s the kind of eclipse photo we usually see. It’s not accurate. (nasa.gov)

Getting to see a total eclipse is relatively hard. There were just 62 total eclipses during the 20th century. Even then, the moon’s shadow carves out a narrow path, only 70 miles wide, where you can experience totality. (Outside that band, you see a partial eclipse, where you see the sun with a rounded bite taken out of it—kind of like the Apple logo.)

So to experience totality, you have to be in the right place in the right time—and have the right weather.

Experts were raving about how rare and special this week’s eclipse would be. They called it the “Great American Eclipse,” because (a) its path would cross this entire country, for the first time in 99 years, and (b) the total eclipse would be visible only from this country. Totality would pass through 14 states, passing over the home of 12.2 million Americans.

The “path of totality” during this week’s solar eclipse crossed the entire United States. (NASA.gov)

It would also fall during the final days of school summer vacation. In other words, all the planets were aligned for me to make my own first trip to see a total solar eclipse.

Not for my benefit. For my kids. Obviously.

Where to go

NASA’s websites featured some great tools for planning a visit. Almost every state in the U.S. would be able to see some of the eclipse. But we wanted to experience totality if we could.

NASA’s interactive map made it clear that, for us, the closest spot would be South Carolina. So I booked plane, car, and a cheap hotel, and started getting my kids excited.

Three days before the eclipse, though, it became clear that South Carolina was not the place to be this time; almost the entire state would be covered by clouds on the big day!

Of course, a total solar eclipse is very cool even if it’s cloudy. You still feel a crazy rapid temperature drop, see the day rapidly turning into temporary night, and hear animals and bugs going crazy. But you miss the grand prize: Looking into the sky and seeing the eclipse itself.

Well, dangit. Now what?

Well, I’d come this far. I bit the bullet and canceled our reservations.

The next closest spot on the eclipse’s path of totality seemed to be Nashville, Tennessee—a great place for a family trip even without an eclipse. Better yet, the weather was supposed to be clear! Nashville was hosting all kinds of special events. At their science museum, for example, there would be talks and booths and exhibits. At the baseball stadium, the mayor was hosting a massive viewing party.

All the flights to Nashville were sold out. So we flew to Memphis instead, and drove the 3.5 hours to Nashville.

The night before, in our hotel room, my sons (ages 20 and 12) and I planned our strategy. Nashville would experience 1 minute, 55 seconds of totality; but smaller towns 30 miles away were closer to the eclipse’s center line. Gallatin, Tennessee, for example, would have 2 minutes, 40 seconds of totality. Jeffrey, my seventh grader, insisted that we skip the festivities of Nashville and go for the longer eclipse experience.

The closer to the center line, the longer the moment of totality. Gallatin was looking good. (greatamericaneclipse.com)

“You realize that, with all the traffic, we’ll have to sit in the car for two extra hours to get to Gallatin—for 45 seconds more eclipse?” said Kell, his older brother. But Jeffrey was adamant.

The big morning

We arrived at Triple Creek Park in Gallatin two hours before the start of the eclipse. This is a vast public park—acres and acres of soccer fields, baseball fields, field fields. There were lots of people there for the eclipse, but the park wasn’t what you’d call crowded in any sense; finding places to park our car and ourselves was easy.

Here and there, we saw people with telescopes or huge telephoto camera lenses. Everyone was incredibly friendly; there was a sense of shared excitement. The day was blistering hot, so most people found shady trees for waiting.

It was a hot August day in Tennessee, so most of us waited under the trees until the big moment.

The eclipse began at 11:28 a.m. For an hour, it was OK. You could wear your cardboard eclipse glasses, look up at the sun, and see the growing rounded bite taken out of its side. “It’s a Pac-Man,” said almost everyone. Interesting, but slow.

But then, as 12:29 p.m. approached, things began to get wild. We could feel the heat ease off fast, as more and more of the sun got blocked. The cicadas that had produced a loud, steady background rattle all morning suddenly went quiet.

My sons and I, moments before the totality that blew us away.

And then, with a minute to go, the magic began. The whole world began to dim. But here’s the thing—it wasn’t dark like nightfall. This darkness had a silvery-grey tint to it. It was as though someone had put a giant Instagram dimming filter on everything you could see. Completely otherworldly and strange and beautiful.

And then, suddenly, the eclipse hit totality: The sun was completely blocked by the moon. All around us, we could hear people crying out. These weren’t crowd noises like you’d hear at a circus, baseball game, or theater—it was gasps of awe and emotion, a collective sound I’d never heard from a crowd before.

My eclipse app’s guide voice announced that it was now safe to remove our glasses and look directly up at the sun.

Oh, my, god.

While we’d had the glasses on, all we could see was the bright yellow crescent of the sun—and around it, blankness. No color, no detail.

But with the glasses off…!!

Where there should have been the sun, there was a jet-black perfect circle, sharp and laser-cut. Around it was the corona—a blazing intense spill of the sun’s atmosphere. All of it was suspended against a deep blue sky. That’s what I remember: Intense black circle, intense ring of white, intense glowing blue.

Yes, there is color in an eclipse—vivid, iridescent, alien. Almost every solar-eclipse photo lies. All of those Google image searches? They’re baloney. They show a black ball against a black sky, and that is not what it looks like.

I’ve tried to Photoshop the right color scheme into this photo:

This is my Photoshop hack trying to show the blue sky.

We could see some stars—against blue, not black.

Here’s another reason why no photo can ever represent a total eclipse: Because a photo can show the corona only as bright as your screen (or piece of paper)! You don’t get any sense of how stunningly bright and pure and intense that fire is. It’s hundreds of times brighter than your screen.

Our eyes can detect a much greater dynamic range (the scale of brights and darks) than any camera can. What I learned that day is that a total solar eclipse is almost alone among the things we experience, in that you can’t photograph it. To see what it looks like, you have to be there.

When I looked around us, I saw a strange, gorgeous fake twilight. There was what looked like a 360-degrees “sunrise” around the entire horizon, and the sky ranged from dusky blue to deep violet.

When I looked up, though, my heart raced. The intensity, the dazzling colors, the freakishness of that sight—a jet-black hole where the sun should be! I’m not a touchy-feely person by any stretch, but this was a spiritual experience; I was so moved, and I could tell that my sons were, too. I could easily see why ancient civilizations assumed that some god or mystic force was responsible for total eclipses.

(I love this description by retired NASA astrophysicist Fred Espenak, who’s witnessed 27 solar eclipses: “You feel something in the pit of your stomach like something is wrong in the day, something is not right,” he told Time. “As totality begins, and the shadow sweeps over you, the hairs on the back of your neck and arms stand up.”)

I’d been warned not to try to take pictures of my first eclipse; the last thing you want is to miss the magic while you’re futzing with your gear. So during the 160 seconds of totality, I allowed myself about 10 seconds to snap pictures (Sony a6000 SLR, solar filter, 210mm lens). They’re not great pictures—you really need much more zoom—but here’s the idea:

Even my SLR with a solar filter captured only the roughest idea of the eclipse. Remember: The sky was deep blue, not black.

As the moon began to edge out of the sun’s way, we were treated to a moment of the “diamond ring” effect as the sun breaks past the right edge of the moon:

The “diamond ring” moment, where the sun begins to peek out again as the moon moves on. And again: Imagine the sky deep blue, not black. (abcnews.com)

And then, as quickly as it had begun, the process reversed itself. Daylight returned, and the world’s colors faded back in. The temperature shot back up. The crowd cheered. People ran to check their cameras, or babble with their families, or wipe tears from their eyes.

The first-timers, in particular, had been somehow changed. We’d all seen something freakish, rare, beautiful, shocking, historic—and much, much bigger than ourselves.

I had set up a GoPro on a tripod to film the whole scene, hoping to capture the fading light and the sounds of the event. Unfortunately, I was too wrapped up in the event to notice that another guy set up his camera and tripod right in front of mine, partially blocking the shot. Sorry about that, but you still get the idea—you can see the light fall, and hear the crowds and the confused cicadas—in this time-lapse video:

The modern-age eclipse

Actually, this wasn’t my first solar eclipse. I can still remember my parents showing me one in the backyard in Cleveland when I was 7 years old—and using a stack of color film negatives to protect my eyes! (A little research reveals that, first of all, that’s not a safe way to view an eclipse—and second, we weren’t in the path of totality. But I remember everybody being pretty excited anyway.)

What’s different, of course, is time and technology. The internet made planning our eclipse trip a snap—we could see the path of totality and observe the weather. Phone apps guided us through the experience. Those cheap cardboard eclipse glasses made it safe to look up with confidence. Social media made it possible to share the experience around the world in real time—both the exhilaration of seeing the eclipse, and, for some, the heartbreak of being thwarted by unexpected clouds (as Nashville viewers ultimately were).

The next total eclipse will come to the Earth in July 2019, but most of it will be wasted on empty ocean. (You’ll be able to see it in Chile and Argentina, but it’ll be winter time, and therefore possibly cloudy.)

The next one to come to the U.S. will occur in April, 2024—seven years from now. It’ll fly up from Texas to Maine, like this:

nasa.gov

Take it from a guy with a changed attitude: You should try to be there.

I’ll be joining you.

More from David Pogue:

Samsung’s Bixby voice assistant is ambitious, powerful, and half-baked

Is through-the-air charging a hoax?

Electrify your existing bike in 2 minutes with these ingenious wheels

Marty Cooper, inventor of the cellphone: The next step is implantables 

The David Pogue Review: Windows 10 Creators Update

Now I get it: Bitcoin

David Pogue’s search for the world’s best air-travel app

The little-known iPhone feature that lets blind people see with their fingers

David Pogue, tech columnist for Yahoo Finance, welcomes nontoxic comments in the comments section below. On the web, he’s davidpogue.com. On Twitter, he’s @pogue. On email, he’s poguester@yahoo.com. You can read all his articles here, or you can sign up to get his columns by email.