#and yes the quotes are all things that characters have said about Amarantha

[praetorqueenreyna]

The highest commander of the King of Hybern. She’d slaughtered human armies centuries ago, had murdered her slaves rather than free them. And she’d captured all of Prythian in a matter of days.

A birthday present for @copypastus! Her favorite ACOTAR character is Amarantha, Prythian's best worst girl! Love her or hate her, she sure has everyone talking.

[yabai-korra]

Rhysand's "problematic" behavior towards Feyre in ACOTAR

I have just finished reading A Court of Thorns and Roses. I have been in book fandom for a while so I've heard criticism towards this particular relationship and author, so here I am debunking/explaining why that criticism isn't justified. Not saying you can't dislike the book obviously, but a lot of bad things said about this came from a place of ignorance and not reading in between the lines nor with full attention.

Now, if you're a passionate anti with no chance for changing your opinion, please do turn around and look at posts about something you enjoy :) Let's all stay in line and be civil, I am merely going to explain something a lot of people seemed to have missed in this book.

Words in blue are quotes.

First of all, lemme say that I totally understand why someone would think this book is "problematic", it seemed that way to me as well at first but when you read carefully and in between the lines it's not problematic, dark yes, hence why it's new adult and not young adult, but not problematic.

Rhys definitely does bad things to Feyre and comes off as an asshole at first, which is why I hated him, but if you approach it more carefully you'll see that there is a lot more beneath the surface.

Feyre has two moods while Under the Mountain - depressed and angry at Rhys. Rhys, as he states himself, is on Feyre's side, because he, much like everyone, hates Amarantha and wants Feyre to succeed in freeing them.

Something I haven't noticed immediately is how Feyre is sinking deeper and deeper into depression and some dark corner of her mind, and every time she bounces back is with Rhysand. He makes her angry, because that is the only emotion he is capable to provoke in her and the only one that would keep her from falling apart. Being lovey-dovey or friendly or sad, as we have seen Tam and Lucian were with her, didn't help, it just made her more depressed.

By keeping her angry he is keeping her alive: "It took me a long while to realize that Rhysand, whether he knew it or not, had effectively kept me from shattering completely."

To be fair I gotta add that it wasn't his only way of keeping her alive; he healed her arm, did one of the tasks for her to keep her from being roasted, and led her to the correct answer on her second trial.

Also, something really important, he forcefully kissed her. When I read that I was furious and wanted to kick him honestly and I am not excusing him whatsoever, and imo he could have been a little more gentle, but he did that in order for Amarantha to believe it was him who kissed her, not Tamlin who was kissing her before. If Amarantha saw Feyre and Tamlin together, which is something Rhys interrupted, she would have gone wild because she is obsessed with Tamlin. Not only did Rhys save both of them (and Lucien, for that matter, because Amarantha kept pushing him in Tamlin's place) through his shady method I in no way approve of, immediately after his mood shifts. He knows Amarantha for 50 years, and he knew he'd take the punishment for kissing Feyre, which was, sadly the thing Amarantha is doing to him all the time, r*pe, which was obviously worse than usual because he was in a very mental state afterward: His tunic was unbuttoned at the top, and he ran a hand through his blue-black hair before he wordlessly slumped against the wall across from me and slid to the floor. “What do you want?” I demanded. “A moment of peace and quiet,” he snapped, rubbing his temples. I paused. “From what?” He massaged his pale skin, making the corners of his eyes go up and down, out and in. He sighed. “From this mess.” I sat up farther on my pallet of hay. I’d never seen him so candid. “That damned bitch is running me ragged,” he went on, and dropped his hands from his temples to lean his head against the wall. “You hate me. Imagine how you’d feel if I made you serve in my bedroom. I’m High Lord of the Night Court—not her harlot.”

Again, I am not excusing his actions because it was not okay, but he took r*pe as a punishment for the forcful kiss so Feyre and Tamlin wouldn't get something worse, which was probably death. He, once again, did a bad thing to prevent a horrible thing, but this time suffered himself as well. I personally, as a reader, can get over that, if you can't that's totally fine.

"If he hadn’t been kissing me, if he hadn’t shown up and interrupted us, I would have gone out into that throne room covered in smudged paint. And everyone—especially Amarantha—would have known what I’d been up to. It wouldn’t have taken much to figure out whom I’d been with, especially not once they saw the paint on Tamlin. I didn’t want to consider what the punishment might have been."

Feyre herself at one point starts looking forward to seeing Rhys and going to the parties with him and drinking glamoured wine, because it is the only rest her tortured mind can get: "A permanent darkness settled over me, and I began to look forward to the moment when Rhysand gave me that goblet of faerie wine and I could lose myself for a few hours. I stopped contemplating Amarantha’s riddle—it was impossible. Especially for an illiterate, ignorant human. Thinking of Tamlin made everything worse."

All he is doing, whether good or bad, is to help her succeed. I am not saying his actions are to be excused, but they are definitely reasoned. He isn't an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. His way of helping Feyre was a messed up one, but it was the only way. He was doing bad things (while also keeping certain boundaries) to prevent a horrible thing, which would be Feyre mentally shattering.

Feyre herself is in a similar situation at the end of the book, the only way to free everyone from Amarantha was to finish the final trial, which was to kill three (actually two) faeries. Murder is obviously wrong and something that can't be excused (except for Amarantha she deserved it), but taking two lives to save thousands was the only reasonable thing to do, and that's why Feyre did it even though she was disgusted by the deed. The same thing happened with Rhys, it just wasn't as clear and simple.

"Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain."

It is definitely DARK, and definitely not something that could be applied to a real-life situation.

I hope it helped clear that up, I'm not saying you should like Rhys or the series, I personally do enjoy a more dark and complicated story and characters, I hope if you're not a fan that you have plenty of other books to enjoy :)

[sassycassie-s-writing]

Darker Shadows

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): A Court of Thorns and Roses Series/Azriel

Rating: PG-11/T-

Original Idea: Nothing in particular. Finished the first 4 books. Dunno if I can stand Nesta long enough to read ACOSF, so I wrote this with no information from ACOSF. Have fun.

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) Whaaaaa...? I break my ongoing hiatus for this? Yep. I did. I hope a few more one-shots join this one, but I am making no promises. This one just came to me for about an hour so surprise! Happy August.

^^^^^ 

“Darker Shadows”

Azriel said nothing as he slipped through the door to our apartment, quiet and soft as the shadows surrounding him. I watched from the sitting room adjacent to the foyer. He must have known I was there—the shadows must have informed him—but he didn’t so much as look at me. Just rested his forehead on the door and sighed.

“Long day?” I asked.

He blinked his eyes open and turned. “Incredibly,” he replied.

I patted the sofa next to me, indicating he come sit.

Azriel’s shadows seemed to grow more numerous around him as he crossed to me. I realized why as his leathers thumped to the floor in his wake, leaving him in a light undershirt and undershorts.

No matter how long we lived together, he was always so modest.

Part of me wondered if it was more insecurity than modesty; but I would never invade his privacy that much to ask. He’d tell me when he was comfortable.

He hit the sofa cushion next to me hard. His wings barely missed getting caught behind him. Ever the precise, too. One arm and one wing wrapped over my shoulders. He was warm, even if his underclothes were cold from his sweat. I snuggled into his side. We both stared at the fire for a while.

“Did you eat up at the House?” I asked.

The shadows shrouding him retreated a little, going back to their usual shades. He glanced at me with those sharp hazel eyes before returning his gaze to the fire. “Yes. Rhys and Feyre were hosting a dinner for the Palace governors. A private celebration of rebuilding the city so quickly before the grand, public celebration in three days.”

I snorted. “Bet they loved that,” I said sarcastically. Among the family, it was well-known that Rhys and Feyre both hated formal parties and dinners with a fiery passion.

A glimmer of amusement joined the reflection of the flames in Azriel’s eyes. “Oh, they slipped out an hour in. I heard them in the library… having fun amongst the stacks. I left them to it and didn’t interrupt.”

I couldn’t stop the laughter that burst from my throat, but clamped it down hard to not disturb the neighbors.

Azriel held me tighter. “Would have been more enjoyable if you were there,” he said. His voice was soft, almost as though he didn’t actually want to admit it.

Reaching up, I cupped the side of his face. “Sorry I couldn’t go. I’d have liked to have been there.” I gestured to my wrapped leg. “I just don’t think I could handle a party today. If Rhysand had decided to host it three days from now with the rest of the celebrations, I would have been able to make it.” I made a face. “Sorry I missed it.”

“It’s alright. I understand.”

I reached around his wing to the end table, picking up my glass and handing it to him. He downed the rest and handed it back to me. I chuckled and set the glass on the coffee table instead.

After shuddering at the freezing chill of the water from my glass, Azriel turned to me. “How’s the pain?”

I shrugged. “Better than it was,” I said.

“At least you’re healing quickly.”

“Mmhmm.”

“How did you spend your night?”

I waved a vague hand to the small pile of books on the coffee table. “Just decided to read a little.”

“A little?” Azriel quoted. “You read five novels in four hours.”

“Oh, no. I didn’t finish them all. When I got bored I’d switch between them.”

“None of them holding your attention?”

“Not like they used to. Not since—”

The War with Hybern. Azriel knew. We all broke in some way over the course of it. I hadn’t had the attention span I used to since.

Azriel smiled at me. “Bathe, then bed?”

“Sounds great,” I replied.

He scooped me into his lap and stood up. I yelped at the sensation. My bad leg dangled looser than my good leg. My yelp earned me a twitched smile from my spymaster.

He carried me into the bathing room and sat me on the edge of the tub before turning it on. As it began to warm up and fill, he helped me unwrap my splint and undress. I returned the favor as best I could.

We bathed quickly and then got in our sleep clothes after drying off. After carrying me to bed, Azriel poked the point of my ear. “Goodnight,” he said softly.

I smiled, never able to contain my affection. “Sleep well,” I replied.

He doused the faelights and climbed under the covers.

We snuggled against each other. One of his wings draped over the both of us, keeping us warmer than the covers could. That warmth, his scent… it helped lull me to sleep. I could fall fast asleep on stone if Azriel was beside me.

—

Azriel watched his own scarred hand brush her nightshirt away from the skin of her back, revealing two sharp scars and an elaborate tattoo. Another rare Illyrian/High Fae hybrid, she’d been born with wings. Unlike Rhys, who could summon and desummon his wings at will, hers had been permanent.

Until her High Fae mother ordered her wings removed when she was still a child. Barely more than a toddler.

Azriel hadn’t met her until Rhys disappeared Under the Mountain. She’d been fifty-seven-years-old at the time. He’d seen her in the Rainbow, in one of the pottery studios, on a hot summer day. Her clothing revealed her back. The deep, disgustingly neat scars that made it clear how her wings had been taken from her, and the deep blue-black ink covering most of the exposed skin. She’d told him once she got it to both hide and show off the scars. When he’d asked why, she’d simply replied, “I’m stronger than the people who tried to hurt me.”

She hadn’t told him it was her mother—who’d wanted her to be a normal High Fae—for another decade.

He hadn’t been in love with her at the time. But during those fifty years everyone was stuck in Velaris, they became good friends. Azriel found her company much more peaceful than the other members of the Inner Circle. He loved them all—his family—but there was no harm, or shame, in being around someone who was quiet.

Then, a human girl broke Tamlin’s curse and Amarantha was dead. The High Lords and the members of their courts were released from Under the Mountain. And Rhys came home. And Azriel was both busier and freer than ever to spend time with his new friend.

He’d been so quietly pining for Morrigan for so long that, at first, he hadn’t realized the subject of his affections had changed.

During that final battle, when Prythian’s forces were spread so thin and even every reinforcement that came didn’t seem to make a dent… she’d taken a hit. A bad slash across the lower back.

And Azriel had seen red. His powers had already been mostly used up, his Siphons dim, and his wings badly injured.

But he’d gone to rescue her anyway.

His wings had screamed at him the entire flight back to a healer’s tent and then back to the battle. But during those moments, as she bled in his arms, he knew his feelings had transcended just friendship. “If we get out of this alive,” he’d said, “I’d like to treat you to dinner.”

She’d hummed, her side vibrating against his torso. “Mmm… dinner sounds nice. Afterwards, I can buy dessert.”

“We’ll see,” Azriel had said, smiling.

After they’d both healed and returned to Velaris, they’d done just that.

They’d been together ever since.

Azriel smiled at the memories.

—

“You’re staring,” I said quietly. His staring and touching had woken me.

“You’re incredible,” Azriel replied. “Have I told you that?”

“Today? No. This week? Many times.”

A soft chuckle. “So long as you know it.”

I rolled over so I was facing him. With his wing bent over both of us, I felt like I was in a sheet fort.

His eyes harbored a small glint in the half-light. I stared at him. “What is it?” His question was gentle.

I shrugged, feeling my scars pulling on my skin. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you,” he said.

“Charmer,” I teased.

That earned me a chuckle. Though his smile dropped after a moment. “Does it bother you?” He asked.

“What?”

“That you can’t fly?”

My humor disappeared. The phantom wings I still felt sometimes shivered in the back of my mind. “Sort of,” I replied. “I’d only barely taught myself how when Mother forced me to get them removed. It’s hard to miss what I didn’t really know. But I remember the wind over my scalp. My entire body fighting desperately to keep me aloft. I loved it. But now… now I get to fly with you and remember what it felt like. It’s not quite the same, but it’s enough for me.”

Azriel kissed my forehead. “Sorry I woke you,” he said.

“It’s okay. Any extra time I get to spend with you is worth it,” I replied with a smile.

[booksatm]

here’s my personal opinion on #elriel vs #gwynriel. (not that it matters to everyone, but imma state it anyway)

was the gwynriel scene touching? for sure. could she be azriel’s mate? quite possibly, i don’t see why not.

does that mean they have to end up together? NO. keep in mind, gwyn is JUST overcoming being around the opposite gender...like even at the end of ACOSF she kinda went back into her shell & had to think about attending #nessian ‘s mating ceremony cause the Rite messed her up again. she has personal growing to do, so do i think SJM is gonna toss her a man to help her get through her trauma WITH MEN...no...no, i do not. could azriel be gwyn’s mate — of course, but why can’t he just be the kind of mate who’s there for her? SJM has been laying too many clues for us regarding this mate thing; “it can be rejected”, “there can be more than one”; “it doesn’t have to result in a romantic relationship”, for y’all to believe every mating couple is going to end up together within the inner circle.

now, onto my girl elain. SHE HAD FAR TOO MUCH BUILDUP FOR THE NEXT BOOK NOT TO BE ABOUT HER. elain had so much, legitimately, so much buildup from ACOSF & all the previous books. AND IF YALL WANNA RECOGNIZE ONE POV, LETS RECOGNIZE THEM BOTH. why in the hickity heck would SJM have Rhys and Feyre talk about Elain “showing a different side to herself” for half of their POV chapter, if the next book wasn’t gonna be about her? SJM said that who the next book is about will be obvious....are we gonna ignore the elain sized elephant in the room where BOTH POVs spoke about her, and that throughout the book Elain was a quite frequent ‘mysterious’ figure that everyone was shook was finally standing up for herself? gwyn was only mentioned in azriel’s...soooo... & since we know each new books surrounds a pair that’ll become a couple; 1+1=elriel. & tbh y’all not liking the 3 brothers w/ the 3 sisters is kinda ehh cause who wouldn’t want to give the Bat Bois a chance to actually be brothers if they could??? like, i cannot think of anything more heartwarming. & let’s also not forget we had this same arguement at the end of ACOFAS with Cassian and Emerie...like y’all were so against Nesta that you really thought Cassian was going to end up with someone else, even though we’d had book after book of buildup. do we not see a pattern here? i’m just glad we’ve given up on #elucian, which was also held onto for quite a while even though we’d had book after book of evidence against that too...hmmm...another pattern. let’s not ignore evidence & SJM’s writing style.

in the end, gwyn is an amazing character, but if you came away from ACOSF thinking “oh yeah, and next she should get a romantic interest”, you got the wrong message from her story. she deserves love, of course, but not after the trauma she still needs to find her own way to overcome. & the love between her, Emerie, & Nesta was, very evidently, enough for her. and for y’all about to say “what about Nesta & Cassian, she just overcame trauma too and they got together”, THEYRE NOT THE SAME. nesta held no trauma that made her fearful of the opposite sex. trauma is different, and people have different ways of coping with it. what works for nesta is not guaranteed to work for Gwyn. most importantly, SJM is really setting us up for a powerful “choice” romance. i say that to mean, a major theme between Az & Elain is that their choices were being taken away from them. Elain hasn’t been able to make her own choices because of her sisters or Lucien, and now she can’t even decide to kiss a man she likes. Az has always been the ‘good soldier’ and wasn’t able to have Mor, a happy upbringing, and now Elain. he’s always been the “yes man”. like, i’m expecting Az to pop off and tell everyone “No, i’m doing what is going to make me happy”. he did that once when he went to save Elain in ACOWAR & i can’t wait to see him fight for who/what he wants once more (&i think being around elain makes him feel as though he can). think about it...now, why would SJM give us so much information about the “Blood Duel” & rejecting the bond if we weren’t going to see it at all...??? she wouldn’t do that. uh-uh. & for y’all who are referencing the shadows or the fact that Elain can’t give Az a baby...imma only say this once & hopefully we don’t have to address the latter ever again; the shadows leave when Az is safe & happy. so many quotes from the previous books showcase this. not saying that them dancing with gwyn means that he’s in danger, but the shadows have been shown to gravitate toward those with trauma, so they recognize gwyn’s pain & surround her. Elain allows Az to finally be at rest...his shadows can finally leave him. just think, would you really want the darkness surrounding you 24/7? no. the shadows are practically his job, so ofc he would want to be around someone who has them go away. he wants, craves some light. and with the freaking baby thing. women are not only used for procreation, but since y’all wanna keep bringing it up, technically Gwyn doesn’t have wings either, last i checked, so she wouldn’t be able to deliver the same way Elain isn’t able to. but that’s so legitimately disgusting to even argue about so, there. you can ship who you wanna ship or not, because personally, i find this all very entertaining. but if we wanna get into “whose right” or “the facts lead to gwyn”, i just wanted to present my own case for #elriel. if you simply don’t like elain with azriel because “elain is boring” “he deserves better” then please keep your misogynistic tendencies to yourself cause we stan all women in ACOTAR over here (with the exception of Amarantha). elain deserves happiness just like azriel does, so if her happiness lies with him or with a literal tree, she deserves whatever she wants just as much as any other character in this world.

[feysandfeels]

Sometimes I think of the trigger Lucien must have gotten when he saw Feyre die and Tamlin holding her crying. He probably made a parallel about what happened to him and Jesminda. I believe that's why he didn't help Feyre so hard in relation to Tamlin in the second book, because Tamlin got the opportunity he didn't get.

Of course there's every part of Tamlin being his High Lord and he owes him allegiance, but I believe his trauma has been addressed.

Of course, that's not an excuse, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Hiya Sugar, I know you asked me this like three weeks ago, sorry I'm just getting around to it.

So this mainly has two sides to understand first is what was happening to Lucien. Here we need to take into account his history of abuse at the hands of his family and Tamlin. The second is clearly how Feyre understood the situation from her own place of enunciation. Still I think this is one of those discussions in the fandom where you should tread lightly because I don't think either side is entirely wrong to feel what they felt and every argument has a well crafted response that is enlightening.

Lucien.

I think by this point denying that Lucien is a victim of abusive relationships that showcased their abuse not only physically but mentally and emotionally is just irresponsable and willful blindness. Lucien's family dynamic speaks of a toxic environment if I ever saw one. The Jesminda's death at the hands of his brothers and father is something that has left a scar as visible as the one across his eye. This is an experience that molds how he interacts with other people as friends, as romantic partners, and also how he understands romantic relationships that he is not involved in (Feyre and T*mlin).

From this angle, yes, UtM was extremely triggering for him because yet again he was placed in a situation where the loved one is killed and the other person "can't do much" about it (the quotation thingies are because T*mlin was being useless af here and he should have done more than just beg, Lucien's situation he was magically and physically restrained). He understands T*mlin's nightmares better than almost anyone, and as he told Feyre, T*mlin will never not hear the sound of her neck breaking. I do believe that if T*mlin had talked about this with Lucien, he might have dealt with the whole thing better.

We can't also ignore that Lucien carries a lot of guilt regarding Jesminda. He couldn't save her and seeing his friend die in a similar manner must have brought up his own traumas so its understandable that his full on attention might not have been spent towards understanding what Feyre was going through. We all are dealing with things and it's fair when you don't have the mental space to see what is happening to those around you, even when you are as observant as Lucien is. If your mind is not seeing, it doesn't matter if your golden eye sees it all. This guilt of not being there for the ones he loves (in any capacity) is also shown in WAR when he realizes better what happened to Feyre and he says something about being the villain in her story. As much of an Elucien fan that I am I do think that part of his reasoning for going to fetch the army was to make amends with Feyre. He felt guilty for not being there for her friend. (Yes he had a lot more to address on his plate, there's no doubt of that). In a way I do think he recognized that he could have done more.

On top of this we add that Lucien's relationship with T*mlin is based on a partly on the loyalty earned from saving him from his brothers. I think that it is not for nothing that in ACOSF Eris says that he's the one that sent word to T*mlin about what was happening to Lucien, which implies the existence of a friendship that predates the murder of Jesminda. This means that along with that loyalty there must be some old fashion good hearted feelings that nourish what we see as the friendship these two have. What I mean is that probably Lucien's vision of T*mlin is the friend he used to be way back when and the loyalty for offering a "home".

We don't know when exactly T*mlin started being abusive towards Lucien, but at least we can all agree that during ACOMAF he was. It wouldn't also be a stretch to think that in the pre-acotar days there might have been incidents of physical abuse, but so far we don't know for sure. There is a missing piece of information that we don't have yet because Lucien was more feisty during UtM when his life was at risk, than he was during MAF... this tells us a lot of how T*mlin was handling things with him.

There's also something to be said with how Lucien understood abuse. It's a heavy possibility that he perceived abuse like he saw it in the AC. He had a naturalized version of what abuse is, that for him w abuse looked like and felt like what he lived in the AC, so what he experienced with T*mlin pre-acotar did not seem to him as abuse (even when it was). And after Amarantha he began to understand the multiple faces of abuse and thus started to being afraid of T*mlin. Lucien could have also been dealing with the realization that a centuries old relationship had be tainted with abusive behaviors.

I do think that Lucien thought that he tried as hard as he could with the tools he had. But that does not mean that he shouldn't have done more. The problem is that Lucien didn't know he could. Like if he had fought with Tamlin for Feyre's sake where would he go then? Feyre had the option to go to the Night Court, Lucien did not. I like to believe that if he had known the truth about the NC before and had him and Feyre talked about it they would have said fuck you Tamlin, bye, black is the new spring. But he did not know. So he stayed on the comfortable zone of pushing but not jeopardizing his "home". You can hardly blame him for how he played the game when he did not know he was playing with one hand tied to his back.

I will not excuse though when he tried to grab her against her will during the woods. I understand that he was scared and desperate, but I still think that it was not right.

Feyre.

When I stand from a Feyre point of view there are two things that speak to me above all others. First she died for Tamlin and she bargained her life for his court -Lucien included- so I understand the she expected him to push and fight hard for her too. I know there's a quote about her recognizing that T*mlin had fought for her but that she had fought harder for him, and I think that can also suit her relationship with Lucien to an extend. I'm not saying that Lucien is like T*mlin, because no, not at all, not even in the least; but I do think she would have liked for her friend to fight for her well being like she fought for his during UtM.

Second it is hard to be see your friends still be friends with your abuser. Yes Feyre doesn't know all the variables that affect their relationship, the toxic loyalty that T*mlin saving Lucien created, the genuine friendship that was there before her and before Jesminda... but I understand the pain to see your friend not draw the lines for your sake.

This offers a beautiful arc for Lucien in the sense that only recently there has been a movement of "tell me if I'm friends with your abuser", and this awakening is a reality that a lot of people are facing. Is hard to untangle yourself from a person you have known for x amount of time, because you are trying to see the abusive person in the face you related to kindness or something not abusive. Again, we don't know how their relationship was pre-Feyre, perhaps Tamlin had been nothing but a sugary cupcake with Lucien and it's hard to associate that version of his friend to the version he is post Amarantha, the version that will physically abuse them; perhaps T*mlin had always been an ass but "the good outweighed those few instances of abusive behavior". What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is hard to make a clean cut when the abuser turns out to be the person who saved you (from an even worse abuser but like you get what I mean).

I will not do him the disservice to say that he might not have connected the dots and thought that T*mlin's behavior was abusive towards Feyre. Even if he was just understanding how abuse can look like and even if he was reliving Jesminda's death I do think he could see that T*mlin's behavior was abusive towards Feyre (here I am making the distinction between reliving the trauma of having his love murdered and him recognizing abuse). Lucien is clever and intelligent. I think he did see what was happening, but that implied also a massive shift of reality for him that he was not prepared to see and did not have the tools to deal with, he was also struggling there.

Final thoughts.

I think Feyre is not wrong to feel a tad of distaste against Lucien through ACOMAF. Speaking from a personal experience it is quite sad and tough to see people who you conceived as friends not stand up to you when you are suffering at the hand of your S.O who happens to be their friend. It sucks a lot because you truly feel alone and you feel that at the end of the day they did not take care of you at the expense of taking care or helping or remaining on the good graces of your abuser.

But I think that simply condemning Lucien's actions during MAF without understanding the complicated history of abuse he has, is irresponsable. You are of course allowed to say that he is not fave and that it left a bad taste in your mouth, that's fair, but to condemn him the way I've seen this fandom do without an ounce of empathy or critical reading is just baffling (which to be quite frankly is also something I saw everybody after ACOSF with Rhysand, they condemned his actions without truly taking five second to understand the historical context of them).

Characters are allowed to make mistakes and are allowed to fall short in any given situation, because we as living creatures sometimes fall short in life. What's important to me is that Lucien is learning and when Feyre returned to the SC in WAR we could all see that he changed his approached towards the situation and was there for her. And also you will pry this off my hands but the fact that he is invited to their Solstice celebrations speaks of the state of their relationship right now, they are understanding of what the other is going through and I do think they are making amends and creating a friendship that acknowledges the mistakes they have both made towards the other one.

Yeah this was a long ramble.

Again, apologies it took me so long to answer

Long live Lucien and Feyre. I can't wait for them to grow closer.

[cinaja]

Rhys as a High Lord

So, I'd like to say a few things on the way Rhys runs his court. As always, with these posts where I analyse things, I'm not hating on anyone.

Okay, let's start with the positive:

I think that Rhys only ever had the best intentions. There is this quote that, in my opinion,really shows it.

I had contemplated the next sentence, then written, Did you always want to be High Lord?

A lengthy pause again. Yes. And no. I saw how my father ruled and knew from a young age that I did not want to be like him. I wanted to protect my people, change the perception of the Illyrians, and eliminate the corruption that plagued this land.

(Acomaf, chapter 39)

That, to me, makes it pretty clear where his goals were. For getting there, I think two factors heavily influenced him:

First, his mother. She purposefully removed him from his father's reach, at least for the formative phase of his life. It was her who oversaw his education and encouraged him to reach out to others (like Cassian and Azriel) and show compassion.

Second, the War. I think before it began, Rhys didn't really have any solid ideas. Sure, he knew Velaris and likely had a few basic ideas of what kind of person he wanted to be. But what really made him grow up, I think, was the War. And he got his ideas of equality and how a court should be run from Miryam and Drakon (who must have had some kind of plan at this point already, or else they would never have managed to get things working after the War). It's even said in canon:

[After Mor tells the human queens about Cretea]

A secret that had fueled the dreams of Rhysand, of his court. A land where two dreamers had found peace between their peoples.

(Acomaf chapter 40)

Now, this is only Feyre's guess, but this time, I'm inclined to agree, because it actually makes lots of sense. So I think after the War, Rhys started to really think about what he wanted to do as a High Lord.

Which worked just fine, until he actually became High Lord.

The thing about good ideas is, they aren't all that uselful unless you can actually get them to work.

Rhys, I think, had an incredibly rough start. It is always brushed off, but here's what happened when he took office:

[Rhys said,] "Once I became High Lord, I appointed these four as my Inner Circle and told the rest of my father's old court that if they had a problem with my friends, they could leave. They all did.[...] The nobility of the Night Court fall into thre categories. [...] those who hated me enough to try to overthrow me and faced the consequences [...]"

(Acomaf, cjapter 16)

This sounds a whole lot like civil war if you ask me. So yes, Rhys' reign didn't begin well. But what of the rest?

Here's what Feyre says on it:

Rhysand, with a vision, with the will and passion to do it... He'd built something.

(Acomaf, chapter 39)

But (as much as it pains me to say this) Rhys didn't really built much, did he? Velaris isn't his doing, it existed for thousands of years already. I'm not saying that Rhys is a horrible High Lord - he did, apparently, create a fairer ruling system for the Night Court (gave official positions to people for ability, not power, made it possible for females to have jobs...), he did his best to stop wing-clipping and tries to listen to his subjects.

But he didn't really do anything major in the 300 years (estimated, according to canon information) he was in office before Amarantha took over. The Court of Nightmares still exists, undisturbed. Rhys doesn't interfere, in my opinion, because he doesn't DARE. He tried at the beginning of his rule and failed, so he just leaves them be. With the Illyrians, he tries a little harder, but still doesn't have much to show for by way of actual development. He stopped wing-clipping, but as soon as he looks away for .5 seconds, they start again.

And yes, the reader knows that Rhys only plays the cruel High Lord and it pains him. But the thing is, when you're at the receiving end, it doesn't really matter if the cruelity is real of acted. Of course, Keir and the others are horrible people. But what about the females, or the children born there? They don't really get a chance, right?

Rhys, in a way, choose the easy path. He settled for building the world he dreamed of in the parts of his territory where it was easy. He does his best to change things with the Illyrians (without risking conflict) and sacrifices the Hewn City for a distraction.

I think that there is no way it can be argued that the Night Court or the way it is run is perfect. We, as the readers, are led to believe that by Feyre, who sees Velaris and falls in love with both the city and its ruler, but the fact that Feyre doesn't see it doesn't make Rhys any less of a grey character. And I think, at least in acomaf, Rhys is very aware of his shortcomings. When they visit Tarquin, he is deeply jealous that it's easier for Tarquin.

[Rhys said, "...] I spared Tarquin's life because I heard how he wanted to even the playing field between High Fae and lesser faeries. I've been trying to do that for years. Unsuccessfully, but..."

(Acomaf chapter 34)

Rhys KNOWS that he failed. He may not always openly admit it at all times, but deep down, I think he knows. (My theory, by the way, is that that's also the reason why he didn't visit Miryam and Drakon for centuries, which obviously was not agreed upon. Because he didn't want them to know that he hadn't managed to change his court in many ways, he stayed away.)

I'm not saying this to hate on Rhys in any way. Like I said, he has the best intentions. He wants to change things. It's also clear that he loves his people and is willing to do anything for them. But the harsh truth is that he really didn't accomplish all that much as a High Lord.

In that way, I guess, the name Court of Dreams is really fitting. Because the thing about dreams is - they don't always come true.

Tags: @sjm-things

[shyvioletcat]

Kingdom of Ash Tour Sydney

Oh my gosh, I’m sorry this took so long. My notes were much more extensive than I thought and then just a lot of poor time management. Anyway, here it is.

A few choice bits of information/quotes:

“Being a dork pays off you guys. Who knew?”

Says Melbourne like a local

Loves our coffee. Says she’s moving here because of it.

Advice to aspiring writers: find someone to share your work with. Giving and getting feedback teaches you so much. Gives you a form of community.

Got into writing because it’s what she loves and it makes her come alive like nothing else does.

Music plays a Huge part in her creative process

Daily writing schedule. Plays with Taran then about 930/10 she starts. Gets admin stuff done first 9-8 job.

Nothing compares to sitting down and writing a scene she’s wanted to write for years and years. Describes it as time stopping and the closest thing to magic, at least for her.

Had a question about her creative circle for bouncing ideas around and talking about her stories. Sarah didn’t talk to her family about her stories at all when she was younger. Doesn’t like her parents reading her books. She referred back to writing ACOTAR and she asked the audience “do you know what it’s like to write an on the page sex scene knowing my father was going to read this?” Said it took her about three glasses of wine to deal with it.

About her dad reading said scenes: He said “I just skip those scenes.” Sarah’s reply “I’ll do you one better. I’ll just rip those pages out.” Then she talked how it was much worse when ACOMAF came out the next year.

Josh has become her creative sounding board over the last few years. He reads the early drafts of Crescent City and lets Sarah ramble to him for hours. She thinks it’s really cute they get to do that.

He thinks he’s every love interest in all her books. At events people ask if he’s what Rhys was modelled from. Josh will say yes. Sarah was very adamantly said it was a no.

Fellow writers help her from looking like a complete idiot. In particular Lynette Noni. Calls her a secret Disney Princess. Has become her can’t live without critique partner.

She said don’t listen to the people who say writing is a dumb dream. But said it’s a long long road to getting published but not impossible. “Don’t ever listen to the haters man.”

Her parents were always incredibly supportive. Her mum would leave snacks outside her door so she wouldn’t disturb her while she wrote

When her parents told her that she needed a job to support herself Sarah didn’t want to listen. But she said they were ultimately right because there are no guarantees in publishing. One of her favourite moments is when she became a New York Times best seller and she got to call and tell her parents. The first thing her mum said was she regretted telling Sarah to be realistic about the expectations of yourself. But Sarah was adamant they were right.

She thanked us and got quite emotional. Thanked us for supporting her books, she was walking around Sydney harbour and thought to herself how lucky I am to do this for a living.

Someone from the audience screamed “I love you” she said “I love you too, I love you all so much” (insert my hysterical tears). She couldn’t express how much she appreciates everything we all have done for her and her family, the fact we have allowed her to live out her dreams. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this being the loveliest group of people I’ve ever had the honour to meet”. SHE LOVES US.

Crescent city

Doesn’t think her parents can read a single page of crescent city. Joking, it’s every other page. Started as excess creative energy, a real passion project. 

Describes it as taking the ToG/ACOTAR worlds and jumping ahead over 3000 years to where they have modern technologies and comforts. Magical creatures living together in complex hierarchies. Feels different because of the modern setting but has familiar aspects, e.g. snarky sassy heroines and brooding sexy muscled men. Says there are so many. So many.

Josh: “why are there so many attractive men in this book?” Sarah “because it’s a fantasy. FAN-TA-SY.”

No real defined plot yet.

Knew it was the story she wanted to tell because of an experience on a plane. Sarah was listening to a piece of music and saw a scene play out and she burst into tears. She didn’t know the characters or how they got there. The scene will be in the first book and is like THE MAJOR BIG SCENE. Kept thinking of that moment of creation and how much it overwhelmed her and that was the deciding factor that that was the next story she needed to tell.

World of Throne of Glass

World of Throne of Glass. Started off as an encyclopaedia. It will be a chronicle that exists in world and Sarah describes it like going into the library of Orynth and pulling it off the shelf. The premise of the book is that Aelin has hired this cranky old scholar to travel around all the kingdoms/continents and includes the travel logs, transcripts from interviews with the characters, insight into how they felt, letters between characters. The book itself is like the the Terrasen courts private copy so it has letters between characters. Glimpses into the future.

BUT THIS MEANS IT WILL COME OUT LATER

ALSO SAID THERE ARE POCKETS OF HISTORY SHE REALLY WANTS TO FILL IN AND THERE’S ALSO LOTS OF STORIES THAT MAYBE ONE DAY SHE MIGHT WANT TO TELL SHE JUST NEEDS TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. SORRY I’M JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

Throne of Glass/ACOTAR

The idea of Throne of Glass came to her when she was 15/16 years old. Gripped her like no other story had. Throne of glass has a special place in her heart because it’s what started her on this journey.

Sarah was changing Kingdom of Ash right up the very last minute.

Mystery questions from the lobby:

What would happen if all your villains met?

The thought of Maeve and Amarantha gave her chills to think about. Would they rip each other to shreds or form and unholy alliance? Undecided.

Did you cry during the writing of the final book? If so which moments?

Number one scene. The Thirteen. 

Gave lots of details about when Manon first appeared, a piece of music from the Fright Night remake was playing and she saw the cottage scene play out. She saw Manon disembowel the farmers and how her teeth and claws came out and just thought “I love you”.

Loved witches since she was little because she realised witches were often women with power when women weren’t allowed to have power.

Sarah went to the mat for Manon. She hadn’t sold the rest of the books, only up to Heir of Fire. Writing about Manon gave Sarah her courage and came into her life when she needed her attitude. She said “Over my dead effing body” when editor said to cut Manon.

Sarah listened to a song from the original star wars and that was when she saw the sacrifice of the Thirteen. She needed to have Manon start where she did in Heir of Fire so when we all got to the scene in Kingdom of Ash is would really hit us strongly as it had hit Sarah for the first time. Sarah was sobbing at her desk when she saw them making their final run. She saw then Manon screaming and begging them to to stop because she realised she had a heart and loved them.

Sarah said she needed to lie down afterwards, she considered a happy ending for a moment, but then she thought about how the ladies never get to make the big heroic sacrifice and she really wanted the Thirteen to make the badass sacrifice and she wanted to make that moment when their exploding with light and not darkness absolutely destroyed Sarah.

Happier scene is the last goodbye between the main three, sobbing so hard. Really ugly crying not Frodo crying nicely at the end of The Return of the King, but bodily fluids spraying everywhere. So many tears.

Sarah would also get super amped up. Example: When Elide saves Lorcan she got so amped up she literally straddled her chair like she was riding a horse. (She re-enacted it on stage too). Then it was just more ladies were doing their badass thing like:

as Aelin flies down on the bird and explodes and destroys the wave and then Rowan is like that steam is going to boil every one like lobsters, got to get rid of that.

When Aelin makes her run and Lorcan sees her and he’s crying, you know if Lorcan’s crying some intense shit is going down

Then when Aelin is trying to get the mask off. That hit Sarah hit her so hard, didn’t expect it. Felt physically ill writing it. It was one of the few times Aelin was unhinged and in a panic. Seeing Aelin in a panic out Sarah in a panic.

Aelin has been like a person to Sarah and has carried Sarah through a lot of hard stuff. Sarah has said to herself “my name is Sarah J Maas and I will not be afraid”

Would say “What would Aelin do?” to give herself that swagger. Any time Aelin is in pain Sarah was in pain and would be like “My baby my baby! Let me help you”. 

Such a joy to write. Aelin was telling her and showing Sarah where to go.

ABOUT THE ENDING OF KINGDOM OF ASH: Travelling in Costa Rico to a rainforest exists at cloud level. (Side note from Sarah: Vote for the environment! Do it for the golden toad). One of the most beautiful places she has ever been. Sitting in the backseat listening to music from John Carter of Mars. Sun broke through the clouds and lit up the mountains and Sarah heard the last line of Kingdom of Ash about the kingsflame blooming and she knew what the last line was and that’s what she wanted to get to. She starting crying (surprise surprise) didn’t want to tell her travelling companions so she lied and said she was crying because the view was so beautiful. Writing with Aelin at the helm guaranteed her nothing. Aelin did it though, she stuck to Sarah’s plans and Sarah got the ending she wanted.

Call out from the audience about Gavriel. Uproar from the audience. “Why did you do that!?” “Why would I do that? Because I’m a horrible person.” Any time a hot guy full of muscles dies it’s a sad day. Poor Aedion. “It would have been so hot! Not in a weird way! The two of them hanging out, the lion and the wolf and oh my heart... you mean I have no heart, that’s what you’re thinking.” Evil cackle.

Who of all your characters do you see sitting in a rocking chair and knitting and telling their grandchildren the wildest stories in their old age?

Throne of Glass. Dorian. Don’t know why.

ACOTAR world would 1000% be Cassian. Nessian book will come out after Crescent City. She started it just for fun, hadn’t planned to write last ACOWAR. Sarah was out to lunch with her editor and got a little drunk and pitched her other books, but then forgot. Agent called a few weeks later telling her the editor wants to buy these books.

She literally doesn’t have the time to get all the stories she wants out of her. Wishes she had Hermione’s time turner.

So that’s it. Again, sorry it took me so long. Sarah was so lovely and I still can’t believe I got to see her in person. There’s a lot I took away from her talk for myself, mainly just how adamant she was about being yourself is the way to go. We’re better off when we’re true to ourselves and love the tings we love without feeling bad for it. 

[glassandroses]

acotar tag yay

thanks @polaroidwonderland for tagging me 💗

(spoilers for all 3 books)

1) Out of the 3 ACOTAR books, which one is your favourite?

A Court of Mist and Fury

2) Who is your favourite character and why?

Oh God no um either Rhys, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Amren or Feyre. I literally can’t choose I love them all so much AAAAA

3) Who is your least favourite character and why?

IANTHE. And Amarantha. I hope they’re burning in hell.

4) Top 3 favorite pairings?

Feyre & Rhys, Nesta & Cassian, and... uh. I don’t have a third I guess?

5) To what Prythian court do you belong?

Day or Summer because I can’t seem to choose anything.

6) One Unpopular Opinion about ACOTAR

Ummmm idk I don’t think I have any.

7) Place the Inner Circle into the Hogwarts Houses

Okay so I unashamedly never read past book three of Harry Potter so I’m sorry if these seem inaccurate.

Feyre: Gryffindor

Rhys: Gryffindor

Mor: Hufflepuff or Gryffindor

Cassian: Gryffindor

Azriel: Gryffindor or Ravenclaw

Amren: Slytherin or Gryffindor

8) Favorite quote?

“There are good days and hard days for me- even now. Don’t let the hard days win.” I use this in my daily life to get through each shitty day.

9) What are you hoping will happen in ACOFAS?

Nobody dies. Please God we’ve had enough.

10) If you had to share a room with The Bone Carver, Stryga, or Bryaxis; which would you choose?

Bryaxis because he’s lonely poor thing

11) Favourite Scene?

Oh Lord there are so many... Starfall, the inn, ACOMAF chapters 54-56, Feyre coming home from Spring, the High Lord meeting, Rhys coming back to life, and ACOWAR chapters 81 & 82.

12) Least Favourite Scene?

Hybern (especially when Feyre said “break the bond” and Rhys was like “nononono please”) and when Rhys died in ACOWAR.

13) Did you read Wings and Embers?

Yeah, on Pinterest.

14) If there was a court spinoff, which one would you like to read more about?

Ummm... I don’t really care about which “court” but I would love to find out more about Briar (the girl Feyre and Az saved from Hybern)

15) If you could change one thing about the series what would it be?

More POC, I would have Beron’s wife kill him and somehow she inherently becomes High Lady, and I would give Mor and Az mates because yessss.

16) Does Tamlin deserve a good redemption arc?

Yes, I’d at least like to see him and Feyre learn to forgive each other.

18) If you could take the place of any character in the series, whose place would you take and why?

The thing is I don’t want to take anyone’s place but I would love to be Feyre and Rhys’ daughter or something.

19) If you had to kill a member of the inner circle who would it be and why?

Right that’s it from me thank you.

I’m not tagging anyone but if you want to do this go ahead and you can say I tagged you I won’t mind.

[illyrianwingspans]

The House of Beasts, Part 3

Another update. I felt inspired today, and it actually came out really well! Here’s part 3. Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it, and happy sunday to those who don’t! Have a lovely day, nonetheless ;-)

Summary: Prythian University, the grounds where frat houses wage wars and throw the best parties yet. Feyre, an art student and girlfriend to the Head of House of the Spring House, discovers secrets everyone’s been keeping from her for the last year and a half. An ACOTAR/ACOMAF AU, which begins as Feylin then evolves into Feysand. Begins as ACOTAR, includes AU of Under the Mountain, but will focus more on Acomaf.

Word Count: 2555 words

Once again, thank you all for withholding any hate and supplying only constructive criticism (I really need it!) and sending any requests, suggestions, etc.  Disclaimer: All characters and some direct and or modified quotes belong to Sarah J Maas, as well as some of the plot points. I take no credit for them whatsoever

Part 3: Secrets

Once the weekend had blown over, a quiet Sunday spent with my music and my paints in the study room, school came back full swing on Monday. I’d planned my schedule so I had all my harder courses packed early in the week, so Thursday and Friday were much more relaxed and spaced out. Sometimes it was a blessing: lazy Friday mornings when all I wanted to do was get out of school and spend the night with Tamlin, and some days, like today, it was hell, and I had no motivation whatsoever to step foot into a single classroom. I stopped by the Good Bean, ordered a double shot of espresso, and hurried my way over to psych, planting myself in the back of the room with my laptop and my coffee, my fingers hovering over the overpriced keyboard of my Mac Book that Tamlin had bought me at the beginning of the year. A good start to the year, he’d called it.

Today we were discussing Stockholm syndrome. How it was named Stockholm syndrome, in 1973 when two gun men in Stockholm held two hostages as prisoner for almost a week, and by the end of it, the hostages were in complete agreement with their captors, approving of the choice they’d made to hold them captive. The syndrome affects people with any kind of abusive relationship, whether it be child abuse, abusive relationships or even some prisoners of war have fallen in love with their captors. I found it fascinating, really, and kind of disheveling.

Nevertheless, the day went on, and I stopped to have my weekly lunch with Lucien, seeing as though for some reason our schedules seemed to coordinate on Mondays. We were sitting near the window, looking over the quad, seeing everyone passing by.

“I want to know, Lucien,” I said lowly, somehow paranoid that people were listening in. “I need to know who she is. If she’s really harmless, then you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about her.”

Lucien shot me a helpless look, then breathed a sigh of submission. “Amarantha is the owner of a club on the outskirts of campus. The building looks small from above, but it’s underground. They call it Under the Mountain.”

It was fitting, the name. Prythian University was built on a hill, I guess, the highest building pretty far up, yet it was an easily walkable incline. The view from the top was glorious, though, spreading across the whole city. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was a mountain, but dramatics, I suppose.

“She’s ruthless. A lot of underground dealings go on, whether it be drugs or any of the sort. But she’s cruel. And horrible. And she’s done many, many bad things to many people. Including all the Heads of Houses.” His tone was filled with disgust.

“Has she done anything to Tamlin?” now all I felt was concern, concern for the people of this campus, for the other Heads of Houses. I hadn’t met any of them yet, but nevertheless, a life was a life, and it should not be dimmed of happiness due to the doings of one messed up person.

“I…” he trailed off. “That’s for Tamlin to say. When he’s ready.”

I rolled my eyes, and balled the wrapping of my lunch with my fists, slinging my bag over my shoulder. “You know, I’m not an idiot. I can tell something’s wrong, and the more you assholes are going to be cryptic about it, the more I’m going to push to find out.” I stormed away, leaving him there on his own, and blasted the angriest song I could find on my phone as I stomped to art class.

Today, my fingers itched to paint flames. Destruction. Something dark and gruelling and awful, anything to rid myself of the anger that consumed me. But, instead, when I walked into class, a model was standing there, his back to me as he discussed quietly with Ms. Smith. He was dressed in dark, casual clothes, and his black—more navy blue in the sunlight—hair was familiar for some reason. I sighed. No flames today.

I set up shop with my regular spot near the side of the wide, beautifully lit classroom (thanks to the almost floor to ceiling windows) and readied my palette and my brushes. By the time class started, my sketch book was ready on my lap, my slender fingers wrapped around my favourite pencil. I’d been doodling on one of the pages, waiting for the model to step onto the tiny elevated surface, when the teacher addressed the class. I snapped the book shut and tucked it away.

“Good afternoon, everyone. Today we have a model, and though I know some of you were hoping to work on your own personal creations, I thought it’d be a nice change to have someone come in as inspiration. Some of you may be asking yourselves: is it going to be another nude?” the class chuckled along with her, and I gave a small smile. “Not today, folks. Today we’re concentrating on portraits…” she trailed off, and I scanned the room, looking for where the model had gone, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I flinched in my stool and turned around—to see Rhysand leaning against the wall, a smirk on his face, his arms crossed and looking absolutely smug. I couldn’t help but fight a grin.

“I didn’t know that you painted, darling” he murmured, a caress to my ears. My toes curled within my slip-on vans. This man. I should not be having these reactions for anyone who wasn’t my boyfriend, but I guess Rhysand Orpheus was the glorious exception.

“I’m here on an art scholarship,” I supplied lowly, trying to focus (yet failing miserably) on Ms. Smith’s words. “You’re the intruder in this classroom.”

“Yes, well, Ms. Smith is an old friend of mine and she happens to love my face,” he gave me a wink, and I rolled my eyes. “But you see, darling, my best feature is really my body. Especially one part of it, right below—”

“Oh, keep your mouth shut before I barf all over my canvas, you prick,” I said it with good humour, but I was truly embarrassed when my cheeks heated.

“Feyre? Are you alright?” demanded Ms. Smith from the front of the classroom, a displeased frown upon her face.

“Yes, fine,” I squeaked the reply. Shooting Rhysand a look that could kill, I kept my focus at the front.

“Well now, Feyre,” the way my name rolled off his tongue had my toes curling all over again. it hadn’t even occurred to me that he had no clue what my name was. He’d been calling me darling all this time. “I wish you luck. Not many can capture all this beauty onto a canvas.” With another wink, he walked away to the front of the classroom, sat upon the lip of the upraised surface, and forced his features into neutrality. Before I even realized, my fingers were already at work.

The first things that showed up on the canvas were his eyes. Only a brief outline, of course, but out of all the features that danced across his face, those were the ones that demanded attention. Then came his nose, his lips, eyebrows and jaw. And finally, that gorgeous sweep of hair, perfectly tousled yet somehow, every strand was exactly where it was supposed to be.

I ditched my pencil once I was satisfied with all the outlines, then brought out the paints.

I wasn’t even thinking straight. All I could see was his face and his features and his damn eyes, those beautiful eyes, and he may or may not have stared at me every once in a while. I didn’t notice. I was too caught up in my work, in the colours and the features, I was too caught up in him. My blood rushed and my heart soared, and I thought to myself how long it’d been since I felt like this. Like everything in my life could be accomplished if I gave myself to it.

Even once the class was over and people began to file out, I was still painting. Finishing his features, adding touch ups or shading here and there. Filling out the background, though, that was key. Finally, when I stepped away, there he was. Rhysand Orpheus, against the backdrop of a dark night sky.

I don’t know why the night was just so fascinating and comforting for me, but it was. It was infinitely dark and that may scare people, but I somehow felt…comfort. Amongst the darkness.

“It’s extraordinary,” the whisper was breathy against my ear and I jumped, dropping my paintbrush.

“Jesus Christ,” I swore, picking up the brush and dousing it in water. “Can you not?”

But Rhysand just stood there, chuckling to his heart’s content, leaning back against the wall as he was moments? No, almost two hours ago. I hadn’t even realized we were the only ones left in the classroom. This happened often, though, me being the last straggler. Ms. Smith found it charming, actually, that I poured that much time into my work, and she trusted me to lock the place up after I left.

“But it’s just so fun to see you jump in your skin,” he teased. “But of course, Feyre, in all honesty, I believe this is the best depiction I’ve ever seen of myself. And there have been many, believe me.”

I rolled my eyes. “My God, if you love yourself that much, you can keep the damned thing if you like. You probably wouldn’t be able to stop staring at it.”

“Well, of course! How could anyone take their eyes of this?” he gestured to his face.

“I can quite easily, thank you very much. Now leave. I’ve had enough of you for one day.” I shooed him away but he stayed put. Even while I boringly packed my things and put the canvas on a drying rack, carrying it as gently as I would carry a child. Once I was done, I slung my canvas bag over my shoulder, and stared at him.

“Well?” I said. “You going to walk me home?”

This time, a true smile, I think the first time he’d given me one, lit up his face. “Of course darling.”

+ + +

“As you said so many times, a handsome man like you must have a girlfriend, right?” I raised my eyebrows at him, and he shook his head, laughing.

“Not quite, darling. Women may be attracted to me, but they don’t stick around.”

“What does that mean?”

His eyes had a far off look to them, and he frowned a little when he said, “I’m not a good person, Feyre. Unfortunate as it is.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” I scoffed. “From what I’ve seen so far, Rhysand, you’re very kind. A goddamn prick,” we both chuckled, “But you’re kind.”

“Thank you,” he stared at his shoes for a moment while we walked, “That means a lot, Feyre. For what it’s worth, you’re extraordinary.”

I blushed, and before I even knew it, we were at the Spring House.

“I’m afraid this is about as far as I can go,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, staring up at the white brick of the House.

“What are you saying? Come in. They won’t kill you.”

“Well…” he trailed off, but feeling bold, I grabbed his hand and dragged him up the stairs.

“Come on. Just a few minutes. I want to show you something.” He sighed dramatically and I rolled my eyes.

Many heads turned once we entered, and I ignored them all, heading straight to the stairs that lead to my room, up on the third floor. And we were almost there, stumbling and laughing, when we ran into someone.

That someone being Tamlin.

The three of us paused on the landing of the second floor, each looking to the other, and I spotted Lucien in the background, whose eyes widened as he quickly approached us. The tension was fathomable in the air, and it seemed as though Tamlin was about to burst at the seams with rage.

“Tamlin Atwell,” Rhysand said with ease, ever so graceful, hands in his pockets. “It’s been a while. Amarantha sends her regards. And reminds you that time’s almost up.”

My head whipped to Rhys. Amarantha. This woman seemed to be intertwined with all their lives, and I was getting to the limit of being in the dark on all this information. And what did he mean that time’s almost up? What the fuck was going on? I stayed quiet though, knowing if I snapped at them, I would only make things worse.

“Rhysand. What are you doing with my girlfriend?” distaste dripped from every syllable that Tamlin uttered, and I winced.

“Girlfriend?” Rhys laughed, looking between the two of us. “The beast finally found someone to love him.” He laughed again, looking incredulous. This wasn’t the person I knew. This wasn’t the kind, albeit cocky prick that’d gotten past my walls of adamant within the past few days.

“Yes, girlfriend,” Tamlin growled. “Tell Amarantha that I haven’t forgotten. I will be there.”

Rhys chuckled, then suddenly turned and gripped both of my shoulders. Not enough to hurt, but just enough that I couldn’t move. This person, who I’d been laughing with only moments ago, now set fear chilling through my bones. Would he hurt me? I had no clue. Maybe that whole nice act had been a façade to keep me from seeing this side of him. His true side.

“Let her go,” Tamlini barked, striding quickly towards Rhysand to tear him off, but he didn’t move an inch. He only stared into my frightened eyes and said, “I wish you the best of luck, Feyre, because once Amarantha is done with you and your boyfriend…” Rhysand shook his head and loosened his grip, true sadness filling his features.

He stepped away, wiped invisible dust off his clothes, and faced Tamlin. “Always a pleasure, Tamlin. Lucien.” He gave them each a nod, held my gaze one last time, then vanished down the stairs without another word.

Instantly, Tamlin was by my side, an arm around my shoulder, and I could feel my hands shaking. Why would he do that? Why would he ever hurt me? He’d been so sweet and kind…I shook my head.

“I’m so sorry Feyre,” he pressed a kiss to my forehead, leading me to my room, but all I could do was stare straight ahead, still shell-shocked. “Rhysand Orpheus is a dangerous man. He’s Head of the Night House. It’s a sick place. Taunting people is a sport for him.” He spat each word. “You should’ve told me about him, Feyre. I would’ve dealt with it.”

I nodded, and he extracted my bag off my shoulder, then led me to the bed, where we both curled into the sheets. I couldn’t speak. I knew that I was overdoing it a little, but I really did like Rhysand. He’d been so kind. Why…? I couldn’t even form a single thought.

So I welcomed the aching darkness when sleep greeted me, and prayed that I could erase any thoughts of him from memory. He was gone.

[a-readers-blog]

A Court of Queens and Lords: Part 13

Part 1-10 Part 11 Part 12

Sidenote: This is so long and I am sorry.

Part 13:

On the carriage ride over towards the Summer Court border, Feyre couldn’t help worrying.

Tarquin had a price over her head, as well as Rhysand’s and Amren’s. It was absurd that they’d actually chosen to meet there. Feyre almost turned the carriage back, not just because of that reason, but because Aedion was insufferable. Where is my Queen? And is she safe? I will kill you all if she’s not- throughout the whole ride. Feyre might have slipped into his mind to silence him. Possibly.

But he had woken up from the forced slumber, dazed and confused.

“Where are we?” He asked.

“In a carriage, headed to the Summer Court where you will then be transported to the Night Court.” She explained. For the hundredth time.

“I know that. But are we close. How long was I asleep?” He asked, his voice rough.

“Actually, we’re pretty close,” she said, observing the area. She felt the carriage stop and rose her brows at Aedion. “See, I told you.”

As they got out of the carriage, she felt herself preparing for something. She knew Rhysand’s presence would put them both in danger and so he wouldn’t be there. But she was dying to see him. Him and her family. Would only Mor be there? Maybe Amren would go as well. Or Cassian or Az.

But when she stepped out of the carriage, she did not see Rhys or Cass or even Mor. She saw the High Lord of the Summer Court. No, she was not prepared for this. She was also not prepared for Aedion to run towards a brunette that was standing near Tarquin and to embrace her. Or for the man standing on Tarquin’s other side to pat Aedion on the back, with a friendly smile on his face. Tarquin observed the reunion and then turned to Feyre.

“Feyre,” he said, with a grave voice. “I’m glad you’re here. We have plenty to talk about.”                                            ~ ~ ~

Rhysand knew he should’ve  given that hawk cry a second thought. But Aelin didn’t, so he didn’t either.

They were in the woods with Cassian and Az. Aelin and Cassian were arguing about a last piece of chocolate, and about who had eaten it. Rhysand laughed at the fact that their love for chocolate had bonded them and now it was tearing them apart. But Rhysand could’ve sworn he’d seen Azriel eating chocolate that morning, and when he turned his head towards Az and saw that he was grinning, his suspicions were confirmed. They had heard a bird cry and Rhysand hadn’t thought much of it until Aelin started sprinting towards it. She had turned into her Fae form, and the trained Illyrian warriors could barely keep up with a 19-year-old woman. She reminded Rhysand of Feyre. How she had surprised him in the littlest and biggest ways. She reminded him of someone else too.

Before they left, they had planned a route they’d follow in his study. Azriel walked in and stopped in his tracks, suddenly looking over the Queen. He had not seen her since the Court of Nightmares, when she was dirty and bloody. His gaze moved toward Rhysand as they shared a look of understanding. As they left the room Azriel  inched closer to Rhysand and whispered in his ear.

"She looks just like-"

"I know" he said. "I know."

Everyone knew Rhysand’s little sister. She was the spark of light in the darkness of the family. She was blonde and blue-eyed and curious. She was loved dearly by all of Velaris and mourned terribly with her passing. Everyone had loved her, but Rhysand felt as though he had loved Alina the most.

With Aelin’s presence, he felt as though Alina were here with him again. That was why when Aelin wanted something from Rhys, he felt a sort of obligation to give it to her. And so when she undoubtedly started chasing the sound, he sprinted after her. And now they were the source of entertainment at a feast that reminded him of being Under the Mountain, which he might have preferred.

The hawk was locked in a cage above them, with Aelin, Cassian, Azriel and him tied to pillars beneath it. Rhysand should have known it was a trap. Things are never that easy. Especially his life. They searched for Aelin’s mate in the forest and found him, along with a hundred Hybern soldiers. The Fae soldiers had a mechanism that made them all pass out. Now they were in a large ballroom, food piled on two tables with demons and soldiers lurking around it.

They had been winnowed to the King’s castle and tied up with mountain ash, which weakened and burned them with every second that passed. Rhysand could have gotten out of there easily, if not for the threat that was given. If they intended to flee, then they’d kill the bird. Aelin’s glare told them enough. They would not move until they could come up with a sure plan. He knew Aelin wouldn’t risk hurting her mate. But it was too late now, and the mountain ash seeped through their skin.

Rhys observed the King and was glad to see that the dancers had their faces covered with decorative masks. That way they wouldn’t have to see the King gawking at them. They wore the same costumes that Rhys had dressed Feyre in. The whole place reminded him of Amarantha’s hellhole, and Rhys had the feeling that that was the intention. He saw the King raise his hand, cueing the dancers to stop. He stood up and walked off the dais, standing right in front of his prisoners.

“Well, well, well. What an interesting display of characters. I must say, Jurian, I am quite impressed. Especially with that little blonde one.” He turned as Aelin seethed at the King.

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Jurian said, with a smirk on his face. Rhysand rolled his eyes. If they wanted to kill him, he wished they’d just do it already.

“Rhysand.” The King said. “High Lord of the Night Court.” He paused.

“Is there something you’d like me to say?” His voice full of annoyance and boredom.

“Your last words would be rather appropriate, but I’d rather guess what they’d be. Let’s see.” He said, walking back and forth between them. “Maybe it’ll be a quote, but I’d love to see you begging for mercy. Yes, I’ll pick that one.”

“Eat me.” Rhysand said simply.

“Maybe later, if any of the people here like eating remains.” he replied. Rhysand actually chuckled. This was such a waste of time. “But I’ll stick with my choice, especially when I tell you some news about your wife.”

It took Rhys everything he had inside of him to keep his face steady. “You’re delusional.” He said, trying his hardest to sound bored. But the mountain ash had seeped through into his veins like poison, and his voice cracked. The King gave a sly grin.

“She’s actually on her way here now, but I’m afraid you two won’t meet, seeing as though you’ll be dead by then. You see, I’ve made a new friend. You might know him as Tarquin, although he knows you as thief. He’s on his way with your mate right as we speak. You think I couldn’t smell the bond on you two? Your precious mate thought she could outsmart me, but she’ll learn her lesson today.” He said, his eyes calculating. “She’ll learn her lesson when she sees you lifeless.” And with that, Jurian grabbed a crossbow and prepared an arrow. A simple arrow wouldn’t kill him, but an arrow with mountain ash and iron would. He made himself look bored, but inside he was raging. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing him squirm, especially if these were his last moments.  

“Feyre can outsmart you, and so much more.” He grinned for the last time. The mountain ash gave him a sort of fever which took his ability to lift his head to see his brothers for the last time. In his last moments, he prayed for his brothers and Aelin. He prayed for Mor and Amren and his court. He prayed for his mate, who had gave him unending love and hope for a better world.

The King chuckled and Jurian raised his bow, ready to take aim into Rhys’s heart. “Where is she then, Rhysand?” He looked around the room, pretending to look for her. “Where are you Feyre?” He laughed. “Shoot him.”

The arrow flew and Rhys closed his eyes as he heard his brothers cry out for him. He heard Aelin’s small whimper. And he heard the clang of arrow meeting metal. He opened his eyes to find the arrow at his feet, with a dagger beside it.

“I’m right here,” barked Feyre, as she took off her mask and revealed another hidden dagger from her dancing costume. She was standing right next to the King, smirking. “And I think you’ll learn the lesson today.”

[emthinks]

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Honestly speaking, I feel like I expected too much from this book. I don’t say this to be mean. Far from it: I think it was 100% my fault. I’d just finished Empire of Storms and was desperate to get more of Sarah (especially after having binged all of the currently published ToG in like three weeks) and I’d put all my hopes and dreams onACoTaR. And while this book delivered for the most part, it’s still Book One and I’m not used to a new heroine.

Rating: 9/10

Warning: Throne of Glass spoilers up to (and including) Queen of Shadows

My notes (as condensed from my iPad)

Feyre’s family is shit. They just let her go out to hunt by herself all day and provide for them and chop wood and do all the dirty work and don’t even care about her dirty clothes or worn shoes. You gotta leave girl. They ain’t worth your time

Ooh. Warnings about faeries from mercenary. Not good

Damn Feyre. You skinned this guy’s friend. No wonder he’s pissed

Okay. Live in faerie world. Prythian. You can do that. At least you’ll survive

The Spring Court. Nice. Empty, but nice. Ish.

Hey! Lucien reminds me of Mad Eyed Moody. One eye that swivels around and all.

Okay, Feyre, you need to get one thing into your thick skull: stop trying to plead your case to Tamlin. I hate how she’s so one-track minded and so focused on getting back to her shittyass family. Yes, you made a vow to your mom, but how hard are you going to try to keep it? They’re fine. Stop asking Lucien. Stop.

Oh, are you still not listening? The puca was going to fucking devour you because you wanted to see your father. Jfc. I can’t deal with this right now, Feyre.

And then she goes and catches a Suriel to demand answers. Yay, you’re strong, but seriously, Lucien? You’re just going to let her do this?

And this is why. The gods damned naga are here.

And Tamlin had to save you. Feyre, you’re so useless

Ooh, finally, a lighthearted bit: Tamlin writing limericks to Feyre’s words. Hysterical

And then, in the middle of the night, a faerie comes stumbling in. Torn of his wings. Damn

To counteract that, the next chapter, we go on a picnic with Tamlin and Lucien. And this scene spawns my favorite quote: “He also said you like being brushed, and if I’m a clever girl I might train you with treats.”

And we also go swimming in starlight. Which is always a nice plus

And then it’s Calanmai. Fire Night. Feyre, why don’t you listen for once? There’s a reason Lucien and Tamlin insisted you lock yourself up. Yes, Mr. McHotty saved you (which I totally think is going to come into play later) but seriously. Tamlin was a fucking savage animal

The next party is the Summer Solstice. Which Feyre is apparently allowed to attend

And this just snowballs into a Tamlin/Feyre romance, mushy gooey-eyed shit

Oh wait. No more fluff. Apparently, Mr. McHotty is named Rhysand. And he’s the High Lord of the Night Court. Oh shit

And Tamlin sends her away. What. Feyre, why are you agreeing to this? Feyre, stand up for yourself. Feyre!

Feyre goes back to the mortal world. Where her family is now living in a manor and Elain and her father are happy as happy can be. But Nesta. Nesta remembers. Nesta was the worst, yet Nesta remembers. Nesta is automatically my favorite now

Thankfully, Feyre doesn’t stay long. Clare Beddor. Her family was murdered. Feyre goes back.

And learns the truth: that the blight is not so much a blight as a faerie. The general Amarantha to the King of Hybern. She’s been ruling Prythian for over forty-nine years and has subjected all the High Lords. She wants Tamlin, though, and made a bargain. For all these years, Tamlin has sent his sentries and friends out to get slaughtered by a human girl so she can then fall in love with him. Wow. Sadistic.

So Feyre goes to find this Amarantha. Because it’s all her damn fault that she didn’t say I love you.

Under the Mountain is shit. She’s given three tasks and a riddle. The tasks nearly kill her each time. (Is it just me, or is this very Harry Potter-esque?)

Lucien can’t heal her after the giant worm debacle, so she makes a bargain with Rhysand for her beloved. Thank God, because she can’t read and would’ve been severely fucked for the second task if not for Rhysand’s bond.

The third task broke me. She has to kill three faeries. She gets through one and two – barely – by holding onto the thread of hope that this was for the greater good. And to free Tamlin. And then number three is Tamlin. Because the Tamlin beside Amarantha is the Attor in disguise. Fuck.

Fortunately, Feyre figures out the riddle: Love.

Unfortunately, Feyre is fucked anyways because while Tamlin and the Spring Court are released of their bonds, in the ensuing fight, Feyre – get this – dies

She is then resurrected as Fae by the Seven High Lords. Which. Okay good, because otherwise the story can’t continue

And then they all go home. Happy ever after?

I don’t think so.

“But I gave myself again to that fire, threw myself into it, into him, and let myself burn.” – Feyre

The Characters:

Feyre. Feyre, I must admire. Feyre, unlike most of Sarah’s characters, is not a warrior, but she can hold her own and she will go down swinging. I think Feyre’s strongest skill set is her determination and strength, how she doesn’t back down from a challenge. Unfortunately, this admiration of mine does not stop me from continuously comparing her with Aelin. Which is bad. Because even if they are both the main characters to Sarah’s books, their situations are vastly different. First off, Feyre is a mere peasant and mortal, while Aelin is half-Fae and the rightful Queen of Terrasen. Like, their situations are so far off, and yet, sometimes, I think I forgot that. I forget that Feyre, despite knowing how to hunt, was not trained in the deadly arts of assassination and politics. I forget that Feyre does not know how to charm and scheme her way out of things. And this temporary lapse of confusion, I must admit, is especially common when Feyre was struggling or near death. I was always expecting her to suddenly come up with a plan (especially with the first task and the worm, which actually only served to reinforce that expectation) that during her second task I was wondering how she was going to do this. That’s another thing: Feyre is (basically) illiterate. And Aelin is, obviously, not. And while I love Feyre’s paintings, I kept on waiting for her to learn to read. I nearly wanted to hit her upside the head when she refused Tamlin’s offer to teach her.

Speaking of Tamlin, what do we think of him? All the members of the Spring Court wore masks for the most of the book, so we couldn’t get a good gauge on his appearances. Still, he was pretty enough and he seemed seriously nice. Like, awkwardly nice. It was adorable how Tamlin is like “you look…better than before” and Feyre is wondering if that was a compliment. Lol.

If you could read all my notes/commentary throughout the book about Rhysand, it would literally just be (in chronological order): “ooooh hottie”, “oh wait what he’s a High Lord? Damn. Like Tamlin”, “oh hell no he ain’t like Tamilin at all what a bastard”, “wait he’s fucking Aedion, whore and all. Maybe he’s actually good?”; “wait he actually is! He’s just hiding it really well. Like Aedion”; “and he has a tragic backstory too”; “he’s doing all of this for his people”; “and he actually helped Feyre”; “Rhysand is our friend!”

Alis is another character who reminds me of someone in ToG: Celaena’s servant. Philippa, I think was her name. One of my favorite quotes is for her: “Dead chickens, my sagging ass. All you needed to do was offer it a nice robe.”

Lucien was an asshole. Until he wasn’t. I don’t remember the particular moment he became my favorite character, but it definitely happened at some point. Perhaps around the same time Feyre and Tamlin kept on making gooey eyes at each other and Lucien just couldn’t stand it anymore. Granted, neither could I so I totally feel you bro. He’s like muttering to the Cauldron to spare him and saying he’s trying to eat and just being a great annoying best friend who’s cockblocking you.

Is it just me or does Amarantha remind you a hell lot of the King of Adarlan? Now here is s parallel I can draw to ToG with no regrets. Okay, a lot, but at least she’s dead in book one instead of book four. It could’ve been a lot worse. But seriously. The whole attempting to take over the continent but in reality is just doing it because of some twisted reasoning that actually kinda makes sense is so last year. Also, picking a “champion” to complete tasks is just not cool anymore.

Lucien’s fam is shit. Especially his brothers. Omg. I hate them with a passion, even before I actually met them. Lucien’s life was shit. I’m so sorry bro. And then I met them. And my opinion didn’t waver in the least. His father didn’t even really bother to make an appearance. His mother though. His mother at least tried.

“Don’t feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy.” – Tamlin

Questions:

So Feyre is now a Fae. A High Fae? Does that mean she has powers? Like fire like Aelin?

Because that would be super cool. Like, really badass. And while I love Feyre (and trust me: I do) I can’t really stand her being basically powerless, especially when she’s surrounded by such über-powerful people. Feyre, imo, doesn’t need others to save her ass. She shouldn’t need others. But she does because the power discrepancy is too great. So now that she isn’t a mortal, I hope to gods she can actually defend and fight for herself now.

So, um, are we ever gonna acknowledge the actual looming problem in the not-so-far distance?

The High King of the other gods damned continent wants to invade Prythian and kill all the mortals. I feel like we should get on that. Chop chop?

What was that shit that Rhysand realized just before he flew off?

Like, Sarah described it as his eyes had widened and he had looked so stunned and flew away as soon as Feyre tried to question him. Like, what? Wait. WAIT A SECOND. HOLD UP A GODDAMN SECOND. Are they…is it possible…could it really be…..they’re MATES???!!! Cuz we’ve learned from ToG that the first (few) love interests are not necessarily endgame. And. And. Oh poor Tamlin! Oh I hope this isn’t what happened but now I can’t get the idea out of my head. JFC. Tamlin better still be friends. Like Dorian and Chaol. Amicable exes and all.

“I felt as unburdened as a price of dandelion fluff, and he was that wind that stirred me about the world.” – Feyre

Hopes/Predictions for the future

Um, I don’t have much, really. We weren’t given much to work with

The King of Hybern is invading. I think? We should probably fix that.

I actually do want to see Feyre visit the Night Court to fulfill her bargain. Because we haven’t been outside the Spring Court and Tamlin is hella nice and peaceful. We need something to stop making us think all Fae (besides bitch queen Amarantha) are semi-decent

Rhysand being (more) nicer. Continuously. Rhysand being a friend! Feyre should start accumulating friends. Friends are good. Aelin has many. Then again, Aelin needs a court. Maybe Feyre will need one, too?

“Be glad of your human heart, Feyre. Pity those who don’t feel anything at all.” – Rhysand